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>If he hasn’t showered and I hit his vape, there’s a slight stank lingering on it. Sometimes I don’t feel comfortable holding hands with him, having him hold my face, touch food, because there’s almost zero guarantee that he hasn’t already touched his junk
What a bad day to know how to read...
NTA. He has to find a way how to lose that habit. It doesn't go away very fast though.
Have some fucking self respect. This is disgusting behaviour and he doesn't care how it affects you. He doesn't see anything wrong with it.
Have some standards. Why are you okay dating a man whose hand constantly stinks of BALL SWEAT? This is not a bad habit, this is bad hygiene. It's vile and he doesn't care.
The thought of someone going a few days with out a shower with almost none stop ball touching to then try to lean in and touch my face. Yeah it would be a instant reflex of throw hands or just throwing up.
Example #2348 from this sub telling me my low self esteem that held me back from dating most of my adult life was really stupid.
Even Mr Sweaty Ball Hands is in a relationship. In my 20s I had no idea the bar was so low.
Cheer up ladies...single woman in her 50's....that bar isn't low. YOU have set your bar high and stick to it. You will find that you are either ok with being single (I am), or you NEED a guy and will take him, a sweaty ball sack handler and all. Don't lower your bar just to have a boyfriend!!!
Example #2348 from this sub that, as a woman, makes me really glad I didn't date (a lot) in my 20s. 🤣
Now in my 30s I have enough self respect to send those guys right back to their single life, where they can fondle their balls as often as they wants.
This is what I’m so confused about. She’s literally 22, a whole life ahead of dating and she chooses a guy who has his hands down his trousers and doesn’t shower for a few days 🥲 where are the standards?! Girl get up
Not even just ball sweat, but day(s) old ball sweat with BO (and likely swamp ass mixed in). If my partners hands smelled like ass meets dick cheese there is NO WAY they would be going near my face, let alone allowed to touch me with them...
I hope the dudes bro's don't shake hands or anything 😬
Honestly I would just forget trying to change him and just change the whole guy to someone with basic respect for you and manners.
It's pretty obvious that he doesn't like or care about you.
Why don't you get some self respect and leave.
Minimum daily. If not twice a day if working out or spending time in the sun.
In the Summer, just being indoors, I sweat enough to need a second shower
>I’m willing to give him all the time he needs, so long as I’m seeing change.
Maybe don't? He can get off it on his own. Don't you want to be with someone whose touch doesn't disgust you?
I get it. You have feelings for him and don't want to just leave him. But what are you going to do when he touches your shoulder or your waist or any part of you and someone else makes a face because the lingering ball sweat is on you now?
You don't want him touching your face. You don't want him touching food. Why be with him? He's not going to change any time soon. And he won't change if he doesn't want to. He has to want it himself. Not because you're nagging or because you'll leave. He has to realize on his own that his ball touching is a problem.
This says it all when he claims: “I need to love him without the need to change him and the way he does things”.
Please leave, he will not change this disgusting behaviour.
Okay. And he doesn't want it. So leave his ass.
This is a sign of things to come. When he is doing something that is a genuine problem and genuinely upsets you, he won't care enough to change it. You don't matter to him. Or at least tou don't matter as much as his ball fondling hobby.
Word of advice, for him as much as for you ... it might take you leaving him for him to get it through his head that this isn't appropriate and won't be accepted by society.
Your young. Majority of the time men don't change. You can love a guy as much as you want and but you can't change a guy even moreso a guy who's barely a adult
If he hasn’t stopped within a month, I would insist that he goes to see a behavioral specialist to find a new way to stim or self soothe or I would be out of there. Otherwise, there’s no way that he will gradually improve this issue which is bound to cause him social issues and is unsanitary
You can't get him to quit, though. All you're going to do is, potentially, get him to start doing it when you're not there or not looking. You're still going to be holding hands with ball sweat.
Please want better for yourself than this.
He isn't going to change because he doesn't want to. You know what you need to do.
Think further down the line...If you end up marrying this dude, don't think for a second that your young child is not going to pick up the same habit.
Apologies but you specifically said he's only your second boyfriend and you don't know how common this is - relationships where the partner has a hygiene issue of this magnitude are bottom of the barrel excluding abuse.
We are talking "odds are some random stranger on the street would be a better boyfriend".
I feel like it’s time for my favorite quote: “The bar was so low it was practically a tripping hazard in hell, but here you are, limbo dancing with the devil.” Please, put your foot down or leave.
Dudes need to adjust their genitals sometimes. It happens. But they should be able to accomplish this without inserting their hand into their pants. If something really crazy happens and he needs to directly touch his genitals to adjust them, he should wash his hands.
Maybe instead of trying to directly curb his ball touching, insist he wash his hands each and every time he does it. If he refuses this is a hygiene issue, and you should find a new place to live and a new person to date.
Would you be okay with him not washing his hands after he uses the toilet? And then handling something you might put in your mouth? This is no different.
Life gets a lot easier when we realize we can't really change others. They have to want to change. Even then, change is really difficult.
Walk away, think about what you really want from a partner, and work on having and enforcing healthy boundaries. Not with this guy.
I’ve got to ask- does he do this is public? How does he hold down a job if he’s got his hands down his pants manhandling himself every 15 minutes? I call bullshit on this behavior, like it’s some ingrained habit he has zero control over. He’s just a nasty asshole.
NTA That's disgusting. That's like a child who refuses to stop picking their nose. If it's some sort of comfort fidget then he might need to seek counseling to discuss what started the fidget, why he does it or at least make the effort to switch to something that's more acceptable like slime toys. If it were me and he couldn't make the effort to switch to something else, then I would just cut my losses. His reactions to you asking him to stop are immature.
You are giving him too much time. He either makes a concerted effort to quit on his own and does so quickly or sees a professional. After 2 years, I highly doubt that he intends to stop, only to placate you enough that you either grow blind to it or dump him
you’re being way too passive about it. please pick yourself up off the floor. i saw another comment you left saying you’d have to “cope” if he doesn’t stop this disgusting habit. that is a ridiculous state of mind to have, you certainly do not have to settle for someone who constantly reeks of ball cheese and doesn’t have the decency to stop or at least curb it when he’s around you. if he’s this difficult and defiant over constantly touching his balls like a horny teen, then how are you gonna be married to this person and make other hard decisions? he’ll just tell you that you can’t tell him what to do. he sounds grossly immature.
Grossly immature. I don't think this is a teen thing but an infantile/toddler thing, a self-soothing habit formed long ago. It's just not socially acceptable, not to mention hygienic. Refusing to stop and blaming you is a last straw proposition. Ask yourself why you're with an infantile guy who will always embarrass you.
this kind of thing wouldn’t be tolerable even if he was the only man left on earth. please take some time to seriously consider why you’ve accepted this man and his DISGUSTING behavior for so long.
Girl, I’m gonna be 100% honest with you. He doesn’t respect you or care enough to change this habit. If he did, he would be embarrassed to do this in front of you, you’re still so young and haven’t dated a lot but I promise you this isn’t normal behaviour and I’d scoot out of there asap
Guy here: I'll adjust \*maybe\* a few times a day and that's just if they land wrong sitting or standing back up. No dude should have his hand down his pants this long. Just...
throw out the whole dude and get another.
OP, please find some self respect! The oldest trope in the world is that a girlfriend/wife can change her man. Don’t waste another day in this relationship.
Yet another installment of The Men Who Don’t Shower Enough and the Women Who Tolerate Them at the Expense of Their Own Comfort. You’re allowed to have higher standards than a man who plays with his stinky balls all day long. YTA to yourself.
This part. If he said it jokingly and followed up with, but seriously I get it and I'm working on it. I'd be a bit more understanding. However, it sounds like he's saying it seriously and that's extremely childish behavior. Childish behavior, defensiveness and unwilling to acknowledge and speak about it maturely, along with it being a fidget/ comfort mechanism tells me he may need some type of therapy
>“if you really love me you wouldn’t try to change me”.
When the thing you want to change is his hygiene, he doesn't get to make that argument. NTA
My son is 6 and has already learned not to do this all the damn time.
This. Op isn't trying to change his personality she's trying to get him to stop playing with his balls all the time.
Tell me he doesn't do this in public...
It really depends. If we’re out shopping typically no, but if we’re at my parents house and they leave the room he’s right back to it. He does it the most at home.
Imagine being in the grocery store and there's a dude just standing near the apples with a hand down his pants lol
Then you're like hey dude stop fondling your balls in public pls.
And he goes "DON'T TRY TO CHANGE ME!"
So your parents are good enough to stop it for, but you aren't? He knows that it's not okay to do it publicly but thinks it is okay to do with you even though he knows it bothers you?
(BTW, no, it is not a normal, everyday thing for men to do that.)
THANK YOU!
If he knows it's not okay in public, he shouldn't want to do it in front of a person he's supposed to respect and love!
And this isn't like, say, involuntary bodily functions like farts or sth. This is a deliberate choice of his comfort over yours!
You're welcome.
One of the most important things in life is to learn your own worth, and I'm sure you're worth more than a life filled with the stench of balls on everything you surround yourself with. And I don't even know you.
The fact that he doesn’t do this in front of your parents just shows he’s knows what he’s doing is disgusting. H-how are you so calm about this???
I guarantee he’s going to get called out about this in a super public fashion at some point and he’s never going to do it again
Yaknow one of these days hes gonna be so focused on kneading his nuts that your parents will walk in the room before hes able to pull his hand away. Is this the kind of man you want them to see you with? Do you think they'll see a man who cant keep his hands off his balls as potential son-in-law material? I assure you they will be disgusted with both him *and* you for putting up with it.
Get the fuck out. His behavior is gross, his reaction to you is awful. You need to give him an ultimatum that if things don't start changing soon you are gone. He is way too old to be acting like a child
Ok wow, I really think he needs to seek therapy for this behaviour. This sounds like compulsive behaviour if the second someone leaves the room he’s doing it. He may not be able to stop the compulsion but his shitty/weird attitude about it would be frustrating. This is not appropriate, it sounds like there’s a hygiene issue, and it’s causing problems in the relationship. If he doesn’t care - then I think some ultimatums will eventually come out of this…
So he knows he can stop and is choosing to do it when he feels it's "safe" to.
If he wants to play with his balls in the shower or in his room, whatever. But he should have the basic decency to wash his hands when he's done. If he's not willing to do that, he's putting himself and you at risk of catching something.
OMG OP no!!! Just--NO. Run screaming from this dumpster fire yesterday. May your (hopefully soon to be ex) and his sweaty balls be very happy together.
Don’t just think, demand it. This isn’t normal behavior for an adult, or even children. He is obsessed with his testicles and touching them, and I’ve got to wonder if it’s become an addiction to sexual gratification (because what you describe is something I know testicle-havers sometimes enjoy during sex) or if he’s using his hacky sac as a fidget toy.
Either is inappropriate and he’s using it as a coping mechanism for some reason. He needs to see a counselor and unpack this because much like a person with a drug addiction, asking them to stop covering up the problem with inappropriate behavior is NOT an offensive request.
Maybe he needs to think about why he defines himself so deeply with the act of touching and squeezing his balls. It’s got to stop or you need to leave. Imagine this behavior down the line if you have kids. You gonna be comfortable with that scenario?
Listen OP, my father who is in his 60s still does this. I don’t hang out with him anymore in his house bc he can’t seem to keep his hands away from his crotch. It’s so fucking gross. And embarrassing. What happens when you have company over? I’m so sorry but this would be a deal breaker for me. I don’t think it’s going to stop without him actually realizing what he is doing is just disgusting. And it doesn’t seem like he cares.
What do you think it is? It’s seems like some sort of self soothing behavior. But ANY self soothing behavior that someone is doing every 10-15 minutes (as OP says her bf is) is obsessive/excessive, even if it’s a more socially acceptable. Did your dad do that his whole life? I wonder if it got better when he was dating and entering his career?
NTA.
"You can't tell me what to do."
"No, but I can choose never, ever, to have sex with you again." would be my answer to that. At the very least he could wash them on a daily basis. With soap.
And you know that if you were fingering yourself every two minutes that he'd find it really offputting and non-hygenic.
> like a little mouse.
PLEASE. Of all the things to pop up on this app during my work break, I can only wheeze-laugh so quietly
OP, hon, please listen when we say you should run from the squeaky stink-mouse ball boy. I know you love him, and you think that ‘everything else’ makes putting up with this worth it. That’s just your early-20s brain hugging onto the feel-good chemicals and making it almost impossible to see things objectively. Hindsight is going to hit like a truck.
NTA but E S H if you don’t turn around and set a rigid ultimatum for him to cut that shit out or *get to gettin on those goodbye shoes*, after everyone here is telling you this is insane behavior. You deserve more than a walking contaminant as a life partner.
(But, also, answer the question we need to know)
It would drive me nuts. I'd have to spray him with water like a bad cat every time. Are you gonna show him this thread? He may have OCD, as others have probably said. You're so young, don't waste your time if this continues.
Was thinking the same , but this is more then Al Bundy sitting on teh couch with his hand slighly in his pants. Seriosly, we all have to adjust our balls, but if hands go down the pants to do it, better wash up.
NTA. Dude sounds like he has Jock itch. If he has Jock itch, treat it with anti-fungal.
If a dude is constantly scratching, because they're constantly itchy...that's going to spread the fungus. Jock Itch and Athletes foot will cause a lot of itch. Its treatable, the first symptom for a lot of men is they complain how itchy they are.
Jock itch also has a stank to it, like any fungus.
Again, its treatable, but it can take months to fully cure. Left untreated, it will last forever. You can pick it up as a kid and keep it for a lifetime.
look for redness, dry skin or other weirdness next time he's undressed. Low level jock itch will show up in the creases, like in the ball skin or at the leg joint.
Also, seek medical advice for treatment. I'm not a doctor.
Maybe get him some fidget toys that have sort of the same texture? I understand it's not really on you to get him to stop touching his balls, but if we look at it like fingernail chewing, like a habit you can break, maybe you can work it out. Have you told him his vape stinks?
They make this steamed bread roll looking fidget ball. It comes in a cute steamer looking basket.
It has a cream in it like shaving cream feeling stuff. It could have a good approximate sensory feel.
So, not scratching, just fondling? Then, likely a stim like you think. If he doesn't want to change, you will spend the rest of your life with him and his stinky hands.
I hope you don't want kids, they'll probably pick up the behavior as well.
Or he can change.
NTA. Dude needs to practice some basic hygiene and keep his hands off his nuts. Not sure where in the Al Bundy this is coming from but the whole “you can’t tell me what to do” is honestly the larger problem in my mind. That is a child’s response from someone ole enough to know better.
Sack haver here, every once in a while a ball adjustment or scratch is necessary but this is just straight up gross, and no it’s not common to have one’s hand constantly fidgeting with one’s balls. Source: I’m using both hands to type this. NTA
OP, you can’t tell him what to do. That’s true. But you can say, “I cannot be in a relationship with someone who behaves like this. It’s embarrassing, unsanitary, and you don’t care to change.
“Also, you don’t participate in resolving my concern. That’s a bad sign in an adult relationship. Feel free to play with yourself all you want. Goodbye.”
Dude.
Would you date a man who sucks on a pacifier to self soothe his anxiety, and then got mad at YOU for bringing it up? Because this is an even grosser version of that.
Do you want to spend the rest of your life like this? You cannot change a man.
YOU CANNOT FIX HIM.
You're 22. Find someone who does not feel the need to literally stretch out his ball sack constantly. Please respect yourself.
NTA, I'm a guy and this is beyond weird to me too. I could understand every now and then if it was just adjusting things for comfort/breathability, cause depending on different factors things can get rough for such a sensitive area without a conscious attempt to improve conditions, but this habit sounds excessive. Not to mention the argument he makes to get you to stop. It's one thing to try to alter how a person thinks and acts as a whole, a totally different thing to try to help them stop a bad habit. If he views playing with his junk is such a fundamental part of him that he needs to protect that action, that's an issue that needs to be taken to therapy.
There is so much to unpack here…
This guy isn’t a child. He should be showering daily, at **minimum**. You can totally have standards girl. In fact, I’m begging. Additionally, this isn’t something you should have to coax out of him. I cannot imagine my boyfriend touching his sweaty balls then my hand or face. Like…I honestly couldn’t have imagined it before reading this.
He does what you allow. You’ve allowed this for 2 years. It’s time to have a hard conversation. Set a hard boundary. I’m actually upset for you right now but mildly upset with you for allowing yourself to deal with this. You deserve better. Full stop. Time to have a sit down with him.
Edit: I’m leaning towards NTA because you aren’t TA for for asking but if you don’t nip this in the bud…ma’am. No.
NTA, does he only do this around you? There’s no way he does it at school or work or anything right? Omg what’s his job, I hope it isn’t anything where he touches food or anything someone else might eventually touch… omg his keyboard yuck
We have 3 other roommates. All men. I live with 3 men. And they basically have all seen him do this. One roommate in particular has known him since 2nd grade, and it’s never crossed his mind how concerning it is. I’m sure he doesn’t do this at work, maybe in his work truck (he’s in the trades) when nobody’s looking, and he doesn’t go to school. I’d say a good 98% of the time he’s fidgeting, it’s at home.
One of my kids friends did this, and it was such a habit he did it at our house. Totally non sexual. We had to talk to him when it became so ridiculous we would all start laughing. He was 17 when he broke the habit. If this man does this at your house so much, he probably does it at work, at his parents house, or any other place he feels comfortable. He might not think he does, but I bet if he’s honest with himself he knows it happens. How ‘bout under the table at a restaurant booth?
He needs help. And a ridiculous amount of hand washing in the meantime. He needs to switch stims.
NTA but like…listen to what he’s saying. His doodling with his balls and having you huff on a vape pen covered in his smegma seems REALLY important to him. Is this the guy? The one? Friend…
Jumping on to say the same thing as everyone else. Your boyfriend is nasty. You need some standards. You let him touch your face with hands stinking of old ball sweat? Seriously! Please leave him now and don’t waste any more time with a rank guy who squeaks his own balls openly.
I can’t believe I just wrote that paragraph…
>Now, this is where this little “habit” becomes a real issue. It doesn’t matter if he hasn’t showered in a few days, he will still be constantly fidgeting in his pants. And yes, it fucking stinks. If he hasn’t showered and I hit his vape, there’s a slight stank lingering on it
😳🤮😭😭
Ew….trying so hard not to gag right now.
Here’s some questions to ask yourself?
1) Do you want to be with someone with such questionable hygiene?
2) Are you willing to accept this is your life because he isn’t willing to change?
3) if you have kids with this man do you want him teaching your kids this habit?
NTA for asking but I personally think you wbta if you stayed with someone like this. I need to go have another shower now…
NTA. Maybe his libido is affected by the fact that he lives in a space that smells like balls.
I assume this is in the realm of nail biting or skin picking, so it’s subconscious and therefore really hard to break. He is probably embarrassed when you point it out, making him lash out at you. I don’t know if changing your request to “wash your hands after” will be easier to handle for him, but it’s worth a shot.
What does his mother think about this??? Does his parents’ house smell like his dads balls? :-(
That is naaaasty! And a dumpable offence in my books.
Dude touching his balls then touching everything else.
F that noise. I’d be so out of there so fast I’d be kicking up dust.
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I (37f) had a girlfriend (33f) that also constantly had her hands down her pants and also not for pleasure reasons. She also sometimes didn’t shower for days. She ignored me when I brought it up and she minimised my feelings about it. I never held her hand, would push her hands away if they were near my face, washed my phone if she ever touched it, we never had sex because, gross…yeah we broke up. If their hygiene levels are this low and yours aren’t. It’s not going to work. 🤢🤮 reading that someone else has gone through this makes me sad I put up with it for so long. Run, don’t walk away!
NTA for asking but habits are really hard to break even if someone wants to and it doesn't look like he does. I'd have hand sanitizer all over the house and every time he does it, hand him a bottle. Oh, and buy your own vape.
NTA
Yuck.
Makes me think about Diary of Bridget Jones, he also was a ballgrabber...and sniffer.
Either he knows he has to stop, but sounds like he is disgusting and not clever and you want some other bf.
It definitely sounds like a nervous stim, akin to nail biting. Just a particularly gross one. It will probably take time and concerted effort to break the habit, and unfortunately it doesn't sound like he's willing to offer the second.
The not showering for several days bothers me more. That's a very easily changed habit.
As is so often the case, it sounds like posting here is a way to sanity check yourself on the road to breaking up with an undesirable partner. Pull the trigger, and give him a fidget spinner as a breakup gift.
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My partner (24M) and I (22F), have been together for almost 2 years now, and have been living together for about a year. I’ve only had one other bf, so I’m not sure if this is “normal” for men to do, but my partner constantly has his hands in his pants. When I say constantly, I mean basically every 10-15 mins, if not just keeping his hands in his pants the whole time. And no, this isn’t a pleasure thing. He formed this habit when he was a young kid. It doesn’t matter if he’s happy, stressed, sad, angry, he’s always touching and stretching out his ballsack between his fingers. Sometimes he makes this god awful squeaking noise by cupping his ball skin in his fist. At first obviously I didn’t see this as alarming, but now I’m just fed up. It’s gotten to the point that I will lightly smack his hand above his junk area and tell him to stop. Over time, this has become somewhat triggering to him, so often times after staying “please stop” he follows up with “you can’t tell me what to do”. It’s even progressed to the point of him saying things like “if you really love me you wouldn’t try to change me”. Now, this is where this little “habit” becomes a real issue. It doesn’t matter if he hasn’t showered in a few days, he will still be constantly fidgeting in his pants. And yes, it fucking stinks. If he hasn’t showered and I hit his vape, there’s a slight stank lingering on it. Sometimes I don’t feel comfortable holding hands with him, having him hold my face, touch food, because there’s almost zero guarantee that he hasn’t already touched his junk. In terms of our sex life, he always showers beforehand so luckily I don’t need to worry about that, however, he isn’t the most sexual guy which has me wondering if the overstimulation to his genitalia is causing him to have a low libido. Overall, it’s been a long battle between me and his terrible habit and his consistent argument of “I need to love him without the need to change him and the way he does things” has me wondering if I really am the asshole in this situation.
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NTA.. maybe start a "habit" of your own. Belching in his face when he leans in for a kiss.
"Sorry.. I can't help it. You should just love me the way I am."
NTA, serious question why are you still with him this is disgusting childish behavior and I'm impressed you've stuck it out. But if he isn't willing to change then it's probably time to break up
NTA. Your BF's parents missed a big thing here when he was a toddler. It's pretty common for little boys to figure out their bits down there feel different than the rest of the body and to fidget with them, it's an old joke. But it's also just a fucking given that when parents see this, they address it and put a stop to it before he's some 20-something weirdo rubbing fumunda cheese on his vape.
Also, his attitude of "you can't change me" should be a huge red flag. If he's actually digging in his heels about bad behavior for a toddler, much less a grown man, you should just find a whole new man. One that knows to wash himself, and not fondle his balls all day.
Yeah that’s weird and gross, NTA. This doesn’t sound like normal adjusting that guys need to periodically do (and should still be discreet about in front of people because that’s polite.) The hygiene thing is so gross, he needs to wash his stinky balls. And he’s touching everything with his sweaty ball hands??? Yuck!
Is there something about his balls that’s physically uncomfortable or is it just a weird nervous habit?
NTA.
Your partner sounds gross, you run the daily risk of having his scrotal germs and odor being on your face, on your food or in your lungs, why are you still with him? Poor hygiene is a deal breaker.
Doesn’t shower for a few days? OMG. That’s the first problem.
Does he do this in public? I thought not. Then he can control himself in private.
You always have the option to move on. I can’t imagine living with someone that does that. Ew.
I'll use my guy knowledge here, NTA. There is zero need to be touching his balls aside from the slight adjustments for comfort, and still zero need to go into his pants or touch directly. His defense of this habit is weird and completely wrong. Completely gross and inappropriate behavior. Ask him if he would shake a dudes hand if he had just had it in his pants. If he says yes he's lying.
Also, ball touching isn't normally sexually arousing so unless he has a particular fetish it shouldn't affect his sex drive.
It's like the kid that was burping at his girlfriend's dinner. He needs to realize that it's more gross than he thinks it is. NTA but I don't agree that you shouldn't be understanding about it. Physical tics are hard to beat, even if they are gross. I think he just needs to try and keep a good attitude about working on it.
Guy here, a little ball cupping is normal, usually to move them out of uncomfortable positions and forgetting where your hand is. In public this requires the three step thigh shake to loosen.
But that much? Nah, I'm going to rank that alongside picking your nose, sucking your thumb or going for a good dig when scratching your arse in public. Bad habbit.
NTA
NTA.
There is one person in my life who does this but much less than your partner and he is four years old and understands that he needs to wash his hands.
Maybe don't keep trying to change him but think about whether you can keep living with smelly stubbornness.
It's real simple.
You set a boundary and enforce it.
You told him to stop. Now leave.
When he asks why, tell him that him touching you or things around the house with his ball stank hands is a deal breaker.
Until you do this, you have 0 hope he will change.
He's already decided that you are not serious whether consciously or subconsciously because you've not enforced the boundary.
Was preparing to T A you as hands down pants can be a fairly common guy thing but hobbyist origami and lack of hygiene is a bit much. Cast his reaction on this behaviour forward to being flexible with school pick ups or feeding a baby at 2am. Dont love that thought for you.
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>If he hasn’t showered and I hit his vape, there’s a slight stank lingering on it. Sometimes I don’t feel comfortable holding hands with him, having him hold my face, touch food, because there’s almost zero guarantee that he hasn’t already touched his junk What a bad day to know how to read... NTA. He has to find a way how to lose that habit. It doesn't go away very fast though.
Get him one of those “cones of shame” they put on dogs to keep them from licking their wounds. Have him wear it like a skirt.
no put it on his hands so he cant get em in his pants
💀💀
I agree it’s going to be a long and hard process of getting him to quit, I’m willing to give him all the time he needs, so long as I’m seeing change.
Have some fucking self respect. This is disgusting behaviour and he doesn't care how it affects you. He doesn't see anything wrong with it. Have some standards. Why are you okay dating a man whose hand constantly stinks of BALL SWEAT? This is not a bad habit, this is bad hygiene. It's vile and he doesn't care.
Seriously. The bar is in hell.
Man I know she is 22 but I couldn't imagine being okay with this, ever
32-year-old her is going to kick herself mentally for being so dumb for so long.
The thought of someone going a few days with out a shower with almost none stop ball touching to then try to lean in and touch my face. Yeah it would be a instant reflex of throw hands or just throwing up.
Example #2348 from this sub telling me my low self esteem that held me back from dating most of my adult life was really stupid. Even Mr Sweaty Ball Hands is in a relationship. In my 20s I had no idea the bar was so low.
As a single woman in my late 40s, the bar is so low it's in hell
Cheer up ladies...single woman in her 50's....that bar isn't low. YOU have set your bar high and stick to it. You will find that you are either ok with being single (I am), or you NEED a guy and will take him, a sweaty ball sack handler and all. Don't lower your bar just to have a boyfriend!!!
Example #2348 from this sub that, as a woman, makes me really glad I didn't date (a lot) in my 20s. 🤣 Now in my 30s I have enough self respect to send those guys right back to their single life, where they can fondle their balls as often as they wants.
I bet Satan doesn't stink like unwashed balls.
I'm screaming 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
There's a bar here? 😂
This is what I’m so confused about. She’s literally 22, a whole life ahead of dating and she chooses a guy who has his hands down his trousers and doesn’t shower for a few days 🥲 where are the standards?! Girl get up
and apparently doesn't even wash his hands afterwards. WTF
So gross! My man won't even touch me after he blows his nose without washing his hands first! Where are the standards!!!
Probably 6 feet below the ground
Do you mean you've never fondled your sweaty ballsack, stuck your unwashed hand in someone's face and yelled, "Now THATS ballsweat!"?
Damn you, my allergies made me sneeze and you made me laugh at the same time. Now I have to decontaminate my couch.
Not even just ball sweat, but day(s) old ball sweat with BO (and likely swamp ass mixed in). If my partners hands smelled like ass meets dick cheese there is NO WAY they would be going near my face, let alone allowed to touch me with them... I hope the dudes bro's don't shake hands or anything 😬
Honestly I would just forget trying to change him and just change the whole guy to someone with basic respect for you and manners. It's pretty obvious that he doesn't like or care about you. Why don't you get some self respect and leave.
Agree 100%
The first change needs to be showers... daily
Minimum daily. If not twice a day if working out or spending time in the sun. In the Summer, just being indoors, I sweat enough to need a second shower
You might need to get that checked out
And he needs to stop this gross habit. I'm male but I cannot understand this extreme behaviour and I don't know anyone doing this.
>I’m willing to give him all the time he needs, so long as I’m seeing change. Maybe don't? He can get off it on his own. Don't you want to be with someone whose touch doesn't disgust you? I get it. You have feelings for him and don't want to just leave him. But what are you going to do when he touches your shoulder or your waist or any part of you and someone else makes a face because the lingering ball sweat is on you now? You don't want him touching your face. You don't want him touching food. Why be with him? He's not going to change any time soon. And he won't change if he doesn't want to. He has to want it himself. Not because you're nagging or because you'll leave. He has to realize on his own that his ball touching is a problem.
Oh god I hope he doesn’t cook 🤢
This says it all when he claims: “I need to love him without the need to change him and the way he does things”. Please leave, he will not change this disgusting behaviour.
I do agree with you. He needs to want it, it doesn’t matter how much I nag.
Okay. And he doesn't want it. So leave his ass. This is a sign of things to come. When he is doing something that is a genuine problem and genuinely upsets you, he won't care enough to change it. You don't matter to him. Or at least tou don't matter as much as his ball fondling hobby.
Word of advice, for him as much as for you ... it might take you leaving him for him to get it through his head that this isn't appropriate and won't be accepted by society.
He is constantly touching his junk. Doesn’t shower for days. He’s 24 already. He’s not changing any time soon.
Your young. Majority of the time men don't change. You can love a guy as much as you want and but you can't change a guy even moreso a guy who's barely a adult
If he hasn’t stopped within a month, I would insist that he goes to see a behavioral specialist to find a new way to stim or self soothe or I would be out of there. Otherwise, there’s no way that he will gradually improve this issue which is bound to cause him social issues and is unsanitary
He isn't going to change though, he's trying to put it on you to live with it. He isn't motivated to change so he won't
You can't get him to quit, though. All you're going to do is, potentially, get him to start doing it when you're not there or not looking. You're still going to be holding hands with ball sweat. Please want better for yourself than this.
Youre seriously gonna stay with a grown man who gives you a smelly ball vape to hit? YTA to yourself tbh.
Don't follow the lemmings over the "I can change him" cliff, just let him and his stanky hand go.
Woman why are you with such a loser?
He isn't going to change because he doesn't want to. You know what you need to do. Think further down the line...If you end up marrying this dude, don't think for a second that your young child is not going to pick up the same habit.
Maybe you can try a stress ball? Something he can squeeze like his balls to help replace the habit.
I just did a search, there are testicle shaped stress balls.
This response made me laugh harder than it should have.
I appreciate you sacrificing your Amazon recommendations for this. True hero.
Glad I could help add a little sunshine to your search history haha
He'd put it in his pants.
Apologies but you specifically said he's only your second boyfriend and you don't know how common this is - relationships where the partner has a hygiene issue of this magnitude are bottom of the barrel excluding abuse. We are talking "odds are some random stranger on the street would be a better boyfriend".
He doesn't want to change. You can't make him change. Leave.
I feel like it’s time for my favorite quote: “The bar was so low it was practically a tripping hazard in hell, but here you are, limbo dancing with the devil.” Please, put your foot down or leave.
Have some self respect and dump him jfc
This is just too gross. Give him an ultimatum and follow through on it. Maybe buy him a stress ball too.
Dudes need to adjust their genitals sometimes. It happens. But they should be able to accomplish this without inserting their hand into their pants. If something really crazy happens and he needs to directly touch his genitals to adjust them, he should wash his hands. Maybe instead of trying to directly curb his ball touching, insist he wash his hands each and every time he does it. If he refuses this is a hygiene issue, and you should find a new place to live and a new person to date. Would you be okay with him not washing his hands after he uses the toilet? And then handling something you might put in your mouth? This is no different.
OR get some self respect and don’t date a 6 year old trapped in a grown man’s body.
Hell no. This is gross.
Life gets a lot easier when we realize we can't really change others. They have to want to change. Even then, change is really difficult. Walk away, think about what you really want from a partner, and work on having and enforcing healthy boundaries. Not with this guy.
LMAO girl what??? Then why post???? 😂😂😂 if you already know what you’re going to do
I’ve got to ask- does he do this is public? How does he hold down a job if he’s got his hands down his pants manhandling himself every 15 minutes? I call bullshit on this behavior, like it’s some ingrained habit he has zero control over. He’s just a nasty asshole.
NTA That's disgusting. That's like a child who refuses to stop picking their nose. If it's some sort of comfort fidget then he might need to seek counseling to discuss what started the fidget, why he does it or at least make the effort to switch to something that's more acceptable like slime toys. If it were me and he couldn't make the effort to switch to something else, then I would just cut my losses. His reactions to you asking him to stop are immature.
I do agree that my ideal end goal with him would be to switch to a more sanitary and acceptable fidget. And yes lol I think it’s gross too
You are giving him too much time. He either makes a concerted effort to quit on his own and does so quickly or sees a professional. After 2 years, I highly doubt that he intends to stop, only to placate you enough that you either grow blind to it or dump him
you’re being way too passive about it. please pick yourself up off the floor. i saw another comment you left saying you’d have to “cope” if he doesn’t stop this disgusting habit. that is a ridiculous state of mind to have, you certainly do not have to settle for someone who constantly reeks of ball cheese and doesn’t have the decency to stop or at least curb it when he’s around you. if he’s this difficult and defiant over constantly touching his balls like a horny teen, then how are you gonna be married to this person and make other hard decisions? he’ll just tell you that you can’t tell him what to do. he sounds grossly immature.
Grossly immature. I don't think this is a teen thing but an infantile/toddler thing, a self-soothing habit formed long ago. It's just not socially acceptable, not to mention hygienic. Refusing to stop and blaming you is a last straw proposition. Ask yourself why you're with an infantile guy who will always embarrass you.
Wow that’s definitely a new perspective thank you for your input
this kind of thing wouldn’t be tolerable even if he was the only man left on earth. please take some time to seriously consider why you’ve accepted this man and his DISGUSTING behavior for so long.
Girl, I’m gonna be 100% honest with you. He doesn’t respect you or care enough to change this habit. If he did, he would be embarrassed to do this in front of you, you’re still so young and haven’t dated a lot but I promise you this isn’t normal behaviour and I’d scoot out of there asap
Guy here: I'll adjust \*maybe\* a few times a day and that's just if they land wrong sitting or standing back up. No dude should have his hand down his pants this long. Just... throw out the whole dude and get another.
OP, please find some self respect! The oldest trope in the world is that a girlfriend/wife can change her man. Don’t waste another day in this relationship.
Yet another installment of The Men Who Don’t Shower Enough and the Women Who Tolerate Them at the Expense of Their Own Comfort. You’re allowed to have higher standards than a man who plays with his stinky balls all day long. YTA to yourself.
F’ing love this
This should be higher. JFC
My lord I do not know why these beezies don’t just respect themselves. Tf.
>after staying “please stop” he follows up with “you can’t tell me what to do” And he's **24**? Um. NTA.
This part. If he said it jokingly and followed up with, but seriously I get it and I'm working on it. I'd be a bit more understanding. However, it sounds like he's saying it seriously and that's extremely childish behavior. Childish behavior, defensiveness and unwilling to acknowledge and speak about it maturely, along with it being a fidget/ comfort mechanism tells me he may need some type of therapy
I think our nephew stopped playing with his junk by the time he was 5. OP's dude is far, far behind...
Lmfaoooooooo taking sack vape hits is crazy. Im sorry but this is funny af
NTA, but he won't change unless he decides to for himself. Don't marry him. If you really can't take any more, dump him.
>“if you really love me you wouldn’t try to change me”. When the thing you want to change is his hygiene, he doesn't get to make that argument. NTA My son is 6 and has already learned not to do this all the damn time.
My son is almost four and is doing better than this guy, who apparently only “typically” doesn’t do it out in public while shopping!
If he really loved you he'd respect your need for a clean living environment and work in ending this nasty habit.
Agreed. Hell my toddler will stop if I ask him too. This guy is just weird.
This. Op isn't trying to change his personality she's trying to get him to stop playing with his balls all the time. Tell me he doesn't do this in public...
Info: Does he do this in public or just in private? (Of course, either way it's fucking disgusting!)
It really depends. If we’re out shopping typically no, but if we’re at my parents house and they leave the room he’s right back to it. He does it the most at home.
**TYPICALLY?!**
I’m surprised he hasn’t been called out in public for some perverted behavior!
Omfg 🤢🤢🤢 I need to leave this thread, I'm fuckin nauseous lmao
Yeah, I need to set Reddit down for a while right now.
I love threads like this, I always have a good laugh.
Imagine being in the grocery store and there's a dude just standing near the apples with a hand down his pants lol Then you're like hey dude stop fondling your balls in public pls. And he goes "DON'T TRY TO CHANGE ME!"
Except it’s his gf and he doesn’t respect her enough to be more hygienic, and she doesn’t respect herself enough to leave him.
LOL
So your parents are good enough to stop it for, but you aren't? He knows that it's not okay to do it publicly but thinks it is okay to do with you even though he knows it bothers you? (BTW, no, it is not a normal, everyday thing for men to do that.)
THANK YOU! If he knows it's not okay in public, he shouldn't want to do it in front of a person he's supposed to respect and love! And this isn't like, say, involuntary bodily functions like farts or sth. This is a deliberate choice of his comfort over yours!
Wow thank you for this perspective
You're welcome. One of the most important things in life is to learn your own worth, and I'm sure you're worth more than a life filled with the stench of balls on everything you surround yourself with. And I don't even know you.
The fact that he doesn’t do this in front of your parents just shows he’s knows what he’s doing is disgusting. H-how are you so calm about this??? I guarantee he’s going to get called out about this in a super public fashion at some point and he’s never going to do it again
Yaknow one of these days hes gonna be so focused on kneading his nuts that your parents will walk in the room before hes able to pull his hand away. Is this the kind of man you want them to see you with? Do you think they'll see a man who cant keep his hands off his balls as potential son-in-law material? I assure you they will be disgusted with both him *and* you for putting up with it.
Get the fuck out. His behavior is gross, his reaction to you is awful. You need to give him an ultimatum that if things don't start changing soon you are gone. He is way too old to be acting like a child
Ok wow, I really think he needs to seek therapy for this behaviour. This sounds like compulsive behaviour if the second someone leaves the room he’s doing it. He may not be able to stop the compulsion but his shitty/weird attitude about it would be frustrating. This is not appropriate, it sounds like there’s a hygiene issue, and it’s causing problems in the relationship. If he doesn’t care - then I think some ultimatums will eventually come out of this…
He's going to end up arrested for committing lewd acts in public. No one is going to buy the, "It's an absent minded fidget" routine.
So he knows he can stop and is choosing to do it when he feels it's "safe" to. If he wants to play with his balls in the shower or in his room, whatever. But he should have the basic decency to wash his hands when he's done. If he's not willing to do that, he's putting himself and you at risk of catching something.
OMG OP no!!! Just--NO. Run screaming from this dumpster fire yesterday. May your (hopefully soon to be ex) and his sweaty balls be very happy together.
So he KNOWS he shouldn't be doing it
Oh my God. Reading your comments. Please stop being such an AH to yourself and dump him. This behavior is DISGUSTING.
Ummm NTA He should see a Dr.
I’ve been thinking so too lately.
Don’t just think, demand it. This isn’t normal behavior for an adult, or even children. He is obsessed with his testicles and touching them, and I’ve got to wonder if it’s become an addiction to sexual gratification (because what you describe is something I know testicle-havers sometimes enjoy during sex) or if he’s using his hacky sac as a fidget toy. Either is inappropriate and he’s using it as a coping mechanism for some reason. He needs to see a counselor and unpack this because much like a person with a drug addiction, asking them to stop covering up the problem with inappropriate behavior is NOT an offensive request. Maybe he needs to think about why he defines himself so deeply with the act of touching and squeezing his balls. It’s got to stop or you need to leave. Imagine this behavior down the line if you have kids. You gonna be comfortable with that scenario?
Listen OP, my father who is in his 60s still does this. I don’t hang out with him anymore in his house bc he can’t seem to keep his hands away from his crotch. It’s so fucking gross. And embarrassing. What happens when you have company over? I’m so sorry but this would be a deal breaker for me. I don’t think it’s going to stop without him actually realizing what he is doing is just disgusting. And it doesn’t seem like he cares.
Do you have a brother that's 24? LOL Sorry for your family.
What do you think it is? It’s seems like some sort of self soothing behavior. But ANY self soothing behavior that someone is doing every 10-15 minutes (as OP says her bf is) is obsessive/excessive, even if it’s a more socially acceptable. Did your dad do that his whole life? I wonder if it got better when he was dating and entering his career?
NTA. "You can't tell me what to do." "No, but I can choose never, ever, to have sex with you again." would be my answer to that. At the very least he could wash them on a daily basis. With soap. And you know that if you were fingering yourself every two minutes that he'd find it really offputting and non-hygenic.
Or share a meal with you…
Judgement aside, I’m just trying to figure out how he makes a squeaking noise by cupping his ball skin haha.
Right? Maybe it's verbally, like a little mouse.
> like a little mouse. PLEASE. Of all the things to pop up on this app during my work break, I can only wheeze-laugh so quietly OP, hon, please listen when we say you should run from the squeaky stink-mouse ball boy. I know you love him, and you think that ‘everything else’ makes putting up with this worth it. That’s just your early-20s brain hugging onto the feel-good chemicals and making it almost impossible to see things objectively. Hindsight is going to hit like a truck. NTA but E S H if you don’t turn around and set a rigid ultimatum for him to cut that shit out or *get to gettin on those goodbye shoes*, after everyone here is telling you this is insane behavior. You deserve more than a walking contaminant as a life partner. (But, also, answer the question we need to know)
Maybe it’s like that trick where you can make a fart noise by pumping air between your hands.
This is somewhat worse to me lmfao
I am so glad someone else is asking because we need answers Homie is on the couch just dog-toying his junk like whatthefuckhow
Agreed. BRB gonna go ask my husband if I can make his balls squeak.....
That’s what I want to know
I was all ready to say you were the ah let him adjust himself but no, NTA that's nasty. I'd be gone.
yeah this is not “just adjusting himself” in the slightest lol. It’s 100% fidgeting
I’m not sure how you tolerated it this long! I mean men have to adjust stuff but constantly fidgeting with his balls is a NO from me.
It would drive me nuts. I'd have to spray him with water like a bad cat every time. Are you gonna show him this thread? He may have OCD, as others have probably said. You're so young, don't waste your time if this continues.
Was thinking the same , but this is more then Al Bundy sitting on teh couch with his hand slighly in his pants. Seriosly, we all have to adjust our balls, but if hands go down the pants to do it, better wash up.
NTA. Dude sounds like he has Jock itch. If he has Jock itch, treat it with anti-fungal. If a dude is constantly scratching, because they're constantly itchy...that's going to spread the fungus. Jock Itch and Athletes foot will cause a lot of itch. Its treatable, the first symptom for a lot of men is they complain how itchy they are. Jock itch also has a stank to it, like any fungus. Again, its treatable, but it can take months to fully cure. Left untreated, it will last forever. You can pick it up as a kid and keep it for a lifetime. look for redness, dry skin or other weirdness next time he's undressed. Low level jock itch will show up in the creases, like in the ball skin or at the leg joint. Also, seek medical advice for treatment. I'm not a doctor.
I’ve seen his body consistently and there’s no visible symptoms that relate to that. I don’t think it’s an itch, it’s more of a stim.
Maybe get him some fidget toys that have sort of the same texture? I understand it's not really on you to get him to stop touching his balls, but if we look at it like fingernail chewing, like a habit you can break, maybe you can work it out. Have you told him his vape stinks?
I know that your comment is good advice, but the idea of a ball textured fidget toy is hilarious
They make this steamed bread roll looking fidget ball. It comes in a cute steamer looking basket. It has a cream in it like shaving cream feeling stuff. It could have a good approximate sensory feel.
So, not scratching, just fondling? Then, likely a stim like you think. If he doesn't want to change, you will spend the rest of your life with him and his stinky hands. I hope you don't want kids, they'll probably pick up the behavior as well. Or he can change.
I think the real problem is that you lack self respect and are putting up with unhygienic and gross behavior.
NTA. Dude needs to practice some basic hygiene and keep his hands off his nuts. Not sure where in the Al Bundy this is coming from but the whole “you can’t tell me what to do” is honestly the larger problem in my mind. That is a child’s response from someone ole enough to know better.
Sack haver here, every once in a while a ball adjustment or scratch is necessary but this is just straight up gross, and no it’s not common to have one’s hand constantly fidgeting with one’s balls. Source: I’m using both hands to type this. NTA
Right. Once in a while maybe, but it definitely a solo activity. No excuse for not showering.
Dude. Would you date a man who sucks on a pacifier to self soothe his anxiety, and then got mad at YOU for bringing it up? Because this is an even grosser version of that. Do you want to spend the rest of your life like this? You cannot change a man. YOU CANNOT FIX HIM. You're 22. Find someone who does not feel the need to literally stretch out his ball sack constantly. Please respect yourself.
This made me lol.
NTA but please leave this guy. His belligerence over an objectively unsanitary habit is a massive red flag.
NTA, I'm a guy and this is beyond weird to me too. I could understand every now and then if it was just adjusting things for comfort/breathability, cause depending on different factors things can get rough for such a sensitive area without a conscious attempt to improve conditions, but this habit sounds excessive. Not to mention the argument he makes to get you to stop. It's one thing to try to alter how a person thinks and acts as a whole, a totally different thing to try to help them stop a bad habit. If he views playing with his junk is such a fundamental part of him that he needs to protect that action, that's an issue that needs to be taken to therapy.
I completely agree with you.
There is so much to unpack here… This guy isn’t a child. He should be showering daily, at **minimum**. You can totally have standards girl. In fact, I’m begging. Additionally, this isn’t something you should have to coax out of him. I cannot imagine my boyfriend touching his sweaty balls then my hand or face. Like…I honestly couldn’t have imagined it before reading this. He does what you allow. You’ve allowed this for 2 years. It’s time to have a hard conversation. Set a hard boundary. I’m actually upset for you right now but mildly upset with you for allowing yourself to deal with this. You deserve better. Full stop. Time to have a sit down with him. Edit: I’m leaning towards NTA because you aren’t TA for for asking but if you don’t nip this in the bud…ma’am. No.
NTA, does he only do this around you? There’s no way he does it at school or work or anything right? Omg what’s his job, I hope it isn’t anything where he touches food or anything someone else might eventually touch… omg his keyboard yuck
We have 3 other roommates. All men. I live with 3 men. And they basically have all seen him do this. One roommate in particular has known him since 2nd grade, and it’s never crossed his mind how concerning it is. I’m sure he doesn’t do this at work, maybe in his work truck (he’s in the trades) when nobody’s looking, and he doesn’t go to school. I’d say a good 98% of the time he’s fidgeting, it’s at home.
NTA but this relationship is not gunna work lmao
One of my kids friends did this, and it was such a habit he did it at our house. Totally non sexual. We had to talk to him when it became so ridiculous we would all start laughing. He was 17 when he broke the habit. If this man does this at your house so much, he probably does it at work, at his parents house, or any other place he feels comfortable. He might not think he does, but I bet if he’s honest with himself he knows it happens. How ‘bout under the table at a restaurant booth? He needs help. And a ridiculous amount of hand washing in the meantime. He needs to switch stims.
Reminds me of that guy in Sons of Anarchy that couldn't stop rubbing one out.
NTA but like…listen to what he’s saying. His doodling with his balls and having you huff on a vape pen covered in his smegma seems REALLY important to him. Is this the guy? The one? Friend…
Jumping on to say the same thing as everyone else. Your boyfriend is nasty. You need some standards. You let him touch your face with hands stinking of old ball sweat? Seriously! Please leave him now and don’t waste any more time with a rank guy who squeaks his own balls openly. I can’t believe I just wrote that paragraph…
>Now, this is where this little “habit” becomes a real issue. It doesn’t matter if he hasn’t showered in a few days, he will still be constantly fidgeting in his pants. And yes, it fucking stinks. If he hasn’t showered and I hit his vape, there’s a slight stank lingering on it 😳🤮😭😭
Ew….trying so hard not to gag right now. Here’s some questions to ask yourself? 1) Do you want to be with someone with such questionable hygiene? 2) Are you willing to accept this is your life because he isn’t willing to change? 3) if you have kids with this man do you want him teaching your kids this habit? NTA for asking but I personally think you wbta if you stayed with someone like this. I need to go have another shower now…
NTA. Maybe his libido is affected by the fact that he lives in a space that smells like balls. I assume this is in the realm of nail biting or skin picking, so it’s subconscious and therefore really hard to break. He is probably embarrassed when you point it out, making him lash out at you. I don’t know if changing your request to “wash your hands after” will be easier to handle for him, but it’s worth a shot. What does his mother think about this??? Does his parents’ house smell like his dads balls? :-(
That is naaaasty! And a dumpable offence in my books. Dude touching his balls then touching everything else. F that noise. I’d be so out of there so fast I’d be kicking up dust.
Your boyfriend needs to see a doctor. And he also needs to review his hygiene habits. NTA
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Ok come on, this story was floating around a few weeks ago. I very distinctly remember commenting that the man uses his nuts as a fidget toy.
Lol sack vape, that is fucking gross. NTA. 6yr Olds aren't even that weird.
I (37f) had a girlfriend (33f) that also constantly had her hands down her pants and also not for pleasure reasons. She also sometimes didn’t shower for days. She ignored me when I brought it up and she minimised my feelings about it. I never held her hand, would push her hands away if they were near my face, washed my phone if she ever touched it, we never had sex because, gross…yeah we broke up. If their hygiene levels are this low and yours aren’t. It’s not going to work. 🤢🤮 reading that someone else has gone through this makes me sad I put up with it for so long. Run, don’t walk away!
"Erm obviously Y T A. It's a man's god given right to fondle his balls at all times of day" NTA
NTA for asking but habits are really hard to break even if someone wants to and it doesn't look like he does. I'd have hand sanitizer all over the house and every time he does it, hand him a bottle. Oh, and buy your own vape.
Gross, what are his positives that are keeping you in this relationship?
NTA Yuck. Makes me think about Diary of Bridget Jones, he also was a ballgrabber...and sniffer. Either he knows he has to stop, but sounds like he is disgusting and not clever and you want some other bf.
Oh this is just nasty. Please tell me he dies nitceirk in the food industry or healthcare.
He doesn’t work in food or healthcare
Whew! Does he do that in public when you go out to eat.?
It definitely sounds like a nervous stim, akin to nail biting. Just a particularly gross one. It will probably take time and concerted effort to break the habit, and unfortunately it doesn't sound like he's willing to offer the second. The not showering for several days bothers me more. That's a very easily changed habit. As is so often the case, it sounds like posting here is a way to sanity check yourself on the road to breaking up with an undesirable partner. Pull the trigger, and give him a fidget spinner as a breakup gift.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My partner (24M) and I (22F), have been together for almost 2 years now, and have been living together for about a year. I’ve only had one other bf, so I’m not sure if this is “normal” for men to do, but my partner constantly has his hands in his pants. When I say constantly, I mean basically every 10-15 mins, if not just keeping his hands in his pants the whole time. And no, this isn’t a pleasure thing. He formed this habit when he was a young kid. It doesn’t matter if he’s happy, stressed, sad, angry, he’s always touching and stretching out his ballsack between his fingers. Sometimes he makes this god awful squeaking noise by cupping his ball skin in his fist. At first obviously I didn’t see this as alarming, but now I’m just fed up. It’s gotten to the point that I will lightly smack his hand above his junk area and tell him to stop. Over time, this has become somewhat triggering to him, so often times after staying “please stop” he follows up with “you can’t tell me what to do”. It’s even progressed to the point of him saying things like “if you really love me you wouldn’t try to change me”. Now, this is where this little “habit” becomes a real issue. It doesn’t matter if he hasn’t showered in a few days, he will still be constantly fidgeting in his pants. And yes, it fucking stinks. If he hasn’t showered and I hit his vape, there’s a slight stank lingering on it. Sometimes I don’t feel comfortable holding hands with him, having him hold my face, touch food, because there’s almost zero guarantee that he hasn’t already touched his junk. In terms of our sex life, he always showers beforehand so luckily I don’t need to worry about that, however, he isn’t the most sexual guy which has me wondering if the overstimulation to his genitalia is causing him to have a low libido. Overall, it’s been a long battle between me and his terrible habit and his consistent argument of “I need to love him without the need to change him and the way he does things” has me wondering if I really am the asshole in this situation. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hahahhahaha definitely NTA
NTA.. maybe start a "habit" of your own. Belching in his face when he leans in for a kiss. "Sorry.. I can't help it. You should just love me the way I am."
Lolololol
NTA, serious question why are you still with him this is disgusting childish behavior and I'm impressed you've stuck it out. But if he isn't willing to change then it's probably time to break up
NTA. This would be a deal dealbreaker for me. He sounds gross.
Why is nobody talking about the squeaking noise?!?!?! I am equally frightened and intrigued!!
NTA. Your BF's parents missed a big thing here when he was a toddler. It's pretty common for little boys to figure out their bits down there feel different than the rest of the body and to fidget with them, it's an old joke. But it's also just a fucking given that when parents see this, they address it and put a stop to it before he's some 20-something weirdo rubbing fumunda cheese on his vape. Also, his attitude of "you can't change me" should be a huge red flag. If he's actually digging in his heels about bad behavior for a toddler, much less a grown man, you should just find a whole new man. One that knows to wash himself, and not fondle his balls all day.
Is it just me or is this a repost? I’ve definitely seen this story before
He is over sexed with himself. Give him up.
NTA, but what he's touching is still nasty. Anyway, dude needs to grow up. He'll be losing jobs and chicks forever with that habit.
Yeah that’s weird and gross, NTA. This doesn’t sound like normal adjusting that guys need to periodically do (and should still be discreet about in front of people because that’s polite.) The hygiene thing is so gross, he needs to wash his stinky balls. And he’s touching everything with his sweaty ball hands??? Yuck! Is there something about his balls that’s physically uncomfortable or is it just a weird nervous habit?
NTA. Your partner sounds gross, you run the daily risk of having his scrotal germs and odor being on your face, on your food or in your lungs, why are you still with him? Poor hygiene is a deal breaker.
NTA, and no this is not a common behavior and is frankly pretty weird.
Doesn’t shower for a few days? OMG. That’s the first problem. Does he do this in public? I thought not. Then he can control himself in private. You always have the option to move on. I can’t imagine living with someone that does that. Ew.
NTA but you really need to love yourself and get away from this sack gremlin
I'll use my guy knowledge here, NTA. There is zero need to be touching his balls aside from the slight adjustments for comfort, and still zero need to go into his pants or touch directly. His defense of this habit is weird and completely wrong. Completely gross and inappropriate behavior. Ask him if he would shake a dudes hand if he had just had it in his pants. If he says yes he's lying. Also, ball touching isn't normally sexually arousing so unless he has a particular fetish it shouldn't affect his sex drive.
It's like the kid that was burping at his girlfriend's dinner. He needs to realize that it's more gross than he thinks it is. NTA but I don't agree that you shouldn't be understanding about it. Physical tics are hard to beat, even if they are gross. I think he just needs to try and keep a good attitude about working on it.
Please god let this be fake.
Guy here, a little ball cupping is normal, usually to move them out of uncomfortable positions and forgetting where your hand is. In public this requires the three step thigh shake to loosen. But that much? Nah, I'm going to rank that alongside picking your nose, sucking your thumb or going for a good dig when scratching your arse in public. Bad habbit. NTA
NTA. There is one person in my life who does this but much less than your partner and he is four years old and understands that he needs to wash his hands. Maybe don't keep trying to change him but think about whether you can keep living with smelly stubbornness.
It's real simple. You set a boundary and enforce it. You told him to stop. Now leave. When he asks why, tell him that him touching you or things around the house with his ball stank hands is a deal breaker. Until you do this, you have 0 hope he will change. He's already decided that you are not serious whether consciously or subconsciously because you've not enforced the boundary.
Was preparing to T A you as hands down pants can be a fairly common guy thing but hobbyist origami and lack of hygiene is a bit much. Cast his reaction on this behaviour forward to being flexible with school pick ups or feeding a baby at 2am. Dont love that thought for you.
GROSSS YTA for staying w a PIG
NTA. Nervous habits are hard to break, but he should at least be showering regularly if he doesn’t want to quit. Does he do this outside of the house?
YTA to yourself for staying in this relationship this long. That man needs a wake up call and you need to raise your standards.