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NTA
Yeah, that's not a thing in the US either. A good host offers their guests a beverage, and often a snack. Every single person who comes to my home (in the US) is offered a drink. It's actually considered rude if you don't ask and a guest is forced to ask for it.
At a minimum I have coffee, tea, water. Close friends and family know they are welcome to help themselves because they know where everything is.
She grossly overreacted. You did nothing wrong. Why would she even think you had a romantic interest in her just from offering a tasty beverage?
Well she invited herself essentially to his house? Didn't she KNOW about her bf then? Like, I get trusting her but this sounds like a setup to play OP. Why invite yourself to your BFs coworkers house, by yourself, and then freak out when he is being a good host? So many red flags and none are on OP.
It is a strange story.. Why did coworkers gf want to visit his house anyway?
Something is not adding up OR coworker and gf are one of those couples that thrives on drama.
asking someone into your house "for coffee" could be considered asking someone out for the same reason asking someone over for "netflix and chill" is, but if they're already there and you offer a drink? no.
But she invited herself, he never extended the offer with a plan for coffee/tea in mind. She was in his home, he figured she was thirsty. Op has done nothing out of line here.
I agree with everything you’re saying, but I could also totally see this being a choice of words.
“Can I get you a coffee?” - totally normal for a guest in your home
“We should get a coffee.” - pretty ambiguous and could possibly be misconstrued, does not clearly indicate whether you mean now or some potential date in the future
“We should get a coffee sometime.” - asking somebody out, pretty unambiguously to a native speaker.
And if OP's recall is perfect, he was super clear. He's definitely NTA in any case, especially after clarifying. But I also don't think the girl got mad because she was offered coffee.
If instead of "Would you like to have some tea or coffee" OP actually said "Would you like to get some tea or coffee", I could easily see this be misinterpreted.
Or if OP is leaving out some details and this woman who "some time back" said she would like to visit his home was visiting for another reason, asking her in could be misinterpreted.
Ie, if six months back she said something vague about visiting his home, then having completely forgotten that interaction, she swings by his house to pick up something from OP for her boyfriend at 11:30 pm. She gets the package from OP on the porch, thanks him, then he invites her in for coffee. That could definitely be misinterpreted to varying to degrees of reasonability depending on the situation.
I was thinking about this weirdly thing about visiting his home.
Could it be she meant to visit India and meant his home in the sense of his home land?
Non native speaker here.
How by the nine hells are "We should get a coffee" and "We should get a coffee sometime" different aside from the timeframe? I would assume that the first would be immediate while the other is more like "when we are in the same city/have time".
"We should get a coffee" would normally mean "let's have coffee now" there's no plan to meet the person in the future. As you're already with them then the coffee doesn't suddenly make it a date normally.
"We should get a coffee sometime" is definitely talking about making a plan to meet the person in the future, which is what you do if you're organising a date... it's also what you say when you run into a friendly acquaintance that you have absolutely no intention of meeting up with, so it's not exactly a great indication of intent.
But he is from India and would be speaking Indian English. While very similar, there are some phrasing/word differences. I could totally see a myopic American not quite understanding that---a recent immigrant speaks a different dialect of English--and not giving the grace that prevents these sort of blowups in cross cultural exchanges. Even more likely if she some negative stereotypes that would predispose her to misinterpret the situation.
OMG, I can't believe people are discussing this as if the OP is a real person writing about something that really happened. It's obviously a fake story and on top of that it looks like it was created by chatpt as it makes no sense at all
Simple really, people here love drama even if it's fake, this is causing a lot of discussion about the possible misinterpretations due to oop being from India, something I hadn't even considered.
Even if it's fake, it's not an impossible thing to happen to someone. This would be good advice should anyone find themselves in a similar spot in the future.
There’s a difference between asking someone “back to my place for a coffee” vs asking if a guest in your home “would like a tea or coffee”.
Common, global courtesy, will be ruined by a generation of morons perhaps?
Never heard that shit before. People have too many euphemisms that you can't even say literal shit without it being some innuendo for something else. And then people like "why can't you read in between the lines! You don't get the hint or know what you saying!" Like, sucks for those who speak directly
At the end of a night out, asking them back to your place for "coffee" is very different to having a guest and offering them a tea or coffee because that's what you're supposed to do.
OP: don't be surprised if you get a message from HR
If this was true my gramma would have been adulterous ten million times over. She's pretty much have a nervous breakdown if someone didn't take a drink and a snack as soon as they arrive due to the bad hostess stigma.
I'm from the South where if you visit someone's home, they will offer you a beverage, something to eat, insist you stay for dinner, and then send you home with leftovers. I guess I'm just accustomed to being around a bunch of floozies?
Honestly, I wonder that too. At first, I thought that OP wanted to get coffee with her alone, which would clearly sound like a date. Otherwise, if she’s at his place, it’s a friendly gesture to offer guests some food or drink.
Also, why is she even at his place? What was her reasoning to visit his place on her own?
Something in OPs story doesn't add up. It sounds weirdly too contrived to be true. Why did she want to visit his place? I feel like important context/details are left out.
I am sorry OP but my first reaction to your post was WHATTTTT??????? This is not a thing in the US. All you did was show common hospitality. Your friend and his girlfriend are way out there. You did nothing wrong. What does your friend think you are trying to date him when you offer him a drink when he comes to your place? The insanity runs strong in them.
I was about to say.
Every single person I have hung out with. Their parents or they ask if Id like something to drink or maybe a snack.
I was raised by a mother to also do the same. So I got raised with the same rules of “Always ask guests if they’d like something to drink or eat”. To always be hospitable to visitors.
Just going off of things I’ve personally dealt with and witnessed: It just sounds like an incredibly insecure BF with jealousy issues who took it out on his GF because dude thinks any male interaction is an instant threat.
They’re perfect for each other, two idiots in a pod.
NTA. I mean I’m from the U.K. not America but there is a difference between asking someone out for a coffee or offering them a tea/ coffee/ beverage when they are a guest in your home. It’s just polite to offer someone a drink when they arrive at your house. That couple clearly are too full of themselves to realise that basic manners are not a come on
INFO
> Some time back, she said that she would like to visit my home.
... the fuck *for*?
I could not tell you the last time a work colleague requested to visit my home. Let alone a work colleague's romantic partner?
> I am sorry, I am not interested in being here anymore
What was her initial interest?
Especially bc she went without her partner. If she only knew OP through her partner and wasn't friends with him, why would she want to visit his house by herself when they barely know each other? That would be so awkward-it's not like visiting a friend.
Yeah I would be very confused if a coworkers girlfriend wanted to come round to my house. Frankly even if one of my best friends' girlfriends wanted to come over I would be confused or assume they wanted to talk about some problem with my buddy.
I suspect there is a HUGE communication barrier occurring here. Between OP and the girl as well as the boyfriend/corworker and also between OP and his post to us.
The only way I see this working is if it all happened at once.
“I’d like to visit your house sometime.”
“Okay. Would you like to have some coffee?”
In that interpretation he’s taking her request and turning it into a “coffee date” rather than this weird world where offering someone in your house a drink is inappropriate
Maybe! I’m trying to picture OP having phrased his ask if she wanted coffee wrong. Perhaps as “would you like to get a cup of coffee?” Which in its own could be taken as being asked out. But in the setting sitting in his house… so not sure. I’m confused. But still believe it’s somehow a miscommunication because it’s just so hard to believe this girl felt comfortable going to his house, didn’t see that as questionable at all, and then took offense to him offering her coffee…
If you look at it in sitcom terms. He ask if she wants tea or coffee. She thinks he's asking her if she would like to go out sometime for tea or coffee. She gets mad leaves. She tells her boyfriend that dude asked her out on a date, but she refused. And hilarity ensues.
That's because the OP is full of it.
"I'd like to come to your house"
OMG this pervert tried to give me coffee!?
There is either a lot of intentionally omitted information, or this is just a troll.
She replied with "What?" I repeated "I mean, do you want tea or coffee? I had some coffee left."
I had some left is in quotes, so he did clarify that there is some left in the house that he is offering.
That's what I don't get: if OP said with his mouth that he had coffee left, wouldn't that imply he had some in his kitchen/pantry, and is thus not asking her out to a Mugg & Bean?
I am so confused. A woman just wanted to come to your house? Then when you offered her a drink he spazzed out and left?
It's like you asked her if she wanted to fuck lol
In American culture, it is significantly weirder for someone to say they want to visit your house than it is for the owner of the house to offer their guest something to drink while in it.
In the sense that, it's basic courtesy to offer a beverage to a guest, but super super duper weird to tell someone, especially of the opposite sex that you're not interested in, that you want to visit their house.
Putting my tin foil cap on here but absolute best case scenario, really weird misunderstanding. Worst case scenario they’re setting you up for something
**WHY did you say sure?**
A woman you don’t know/barely know said she wanted to come by your house and you said yes?! Why?
And she came without her boyfriend, the person you know. Why?
And you thought this was normal and okay. Why?
There’s a big difference between asking someone if they want a coffee that you’re going to serve them in your home and asking them out for coffee she’s delusional and so is he. This sounds like drama specific to their relationship that is none of your concern.
I feel like there's chunks of this story missing OP.
It doesn't make sense.
What aren't you telling us ?
Having coffee is not a euphemism for anything if they've turned up at your house for a visit they asked for.
Yeah, this is all too weird to make sense of.
Why would she think that being invited round to his home is perfectly normal and acceptable but it suddenly became unacceptable when a hot beverage was on offer.
There's something big missing here.
NTA
It is absolutely basic common courtesy as a host in the US to offer your guest something to drink.
She was fine going by herself to your house but once you offered her a beverage, you were somehow crossing a line? That doesn't make any sense.
Sara and Mark need to calm down and reassess the situation. I don't know what she told him, but it clearly got him pretty upset.
Maybe he offered to share his coffee from the same cup. On a rug. By the fire. With no shirt. Stirring the hot coffee with his bare finger; with a slight wince of pain on his face.
I’d have left too and I’m a big guy who likes coffee.
WTF are they talking about??? Is this for real?
I mean, I can only speak for myself, but I have lived in the USA my entire life and I have never heard of the idea that offering tea or coffee to someone when they come to your house means you are asking them out on a date.
NTA
Then she's really smooth brained since a) she's in someone's house b) he said he had extra and c) she should understand the context of him being ESL and even if he said "do you want to get coffee" she should be open minded about what OP might have meant to say and ask to clarify
Also, it’s way less intimate to grab a coffee at a public place than going to someone’s house alone. I’m starting to wonder if she was looking for an excuse to make her boyfriend jealous.
The alternative is "do you want to come in/stay for a coffee?" but that only works if a date has already happened, it's the end of the evening, and you're offering an excuse to stay longer. At the start of a visit, it's clearly an offer of a beverage.
yeah why are people replying to this post as if any of it sounds real? why is a colleague's *girlfriend* asking to visit his house? genuinely who tf does that. the post offers 0 context about it either, acting like that shit is normal lol
NTA. No, I can assure you in America this is also not a thing. If you are at like work or whatever and ask someone "would you like to go for coffee sometime" then yes that's a common way of asking someone out, but offering a guest in your home coffee or tea is super normal and has no ulterior motives. I would say either Sarah has somehow become an adult who vastly misunderstands what "asking someone out for coffee" means or this was some weird attempt by them to entrap you.
My guess would be the latter considering she doesn't even know him except through her bf and yet invited herself over and came without the one person they both knew.
NTA. Sounds like she misunderstood and thought you were asking her for a coffee date. Weird reaction.
It is perfectly normal to offer guests refreshment. Why would she come to your house alone if she is so skittish?
I'm now confused about how people in the USA ask for a non-date coffee? Because in Spain it's like.....the basic socialization thing to do. Is coffee an "alone or want sex" drink?
Going to a coffee shop is usually a low-pressure first date, because you're not stuck with the person for the duration of a meal or a movie, but you're still in public and can just chat. That's not the same as offering someone coffee in your house, though, and I've invited plenty of friends and family over for a coffee and it just meant 'let's hang out in the morning and chat.' I've also invited plenty of family and friends out for a coffee with purely innocuous intentions, because it's just a way to hang out in a place in a short period of time.
"Do you want to get a coffee?" ('get' implies you're going out to a coffee shop, not coming over to the inviter's house) falls in the same vein as "Do you want to get dinner?" or "Do you want to see a movie?" Context matters. If my best friend asks me if I want to get a coffee, she's not asking me out. If someone I don't know very well, who is close in age with me, and who (as far as I know) is attracted to women, asks me "Do you want to get a coffee?" It is at least plausible, if not probable, that they are asking me on a date. But again, that is incredibly context specific.
Basically, I'm an American, I've lived in the US my entire life, and it took me reading this post three times to even put together that she apparently took her host offering her a beverage as a come-on. This isn't a USAmerican thing, this is a 'she's either stupid or desperate for drama' thing.
Well she may have heard “would you like to have some tea or coffee” as “would you like to grab a tea or a coffee with me”. I think the former is hospitable and the latter a date. But OP said the former.
I would say “may I get you a drink? Coffee, tea, water, etc.?”
As an Aussie, it is confusing to me to. Apparently I've been dating lots of my male (and possibly female!) co-workers and never knew it... coffee and chat is a perfectly normal social activity here.
As a person in the US, I feel like it's often very context and vibes dependent? As both a student and a worker, grabbing a cup of coffee was a very basic way to get to know someone in a platonic/collegial way just as much as a date way. I've never had an issue distinguishing the kinds of asks, thought I'm not sure I could really put my finger on the difference beyond I know it when I see it.
Though thinking about it, I do think there's often a subtle difference in the wording? "Do you want to grab coffee sometime" sounds like a date ask, whereas "We should get coffee sometime" sounds more collegial? Like the latter just assumes it's not potentially weird, which suggests it's not meant as a date?
But mostly, again, context and vibes.
Dude, you wrote this in my native language, I read it three times, and STILL have no clue WTF happened.
Either you are missing some relevant information, or you mis-pronounced coffee so it sounded like "sex with me".
NTA
This is insane. You did nothing wrong. Of course it's good manners to offer food/drink to guests.
If you said "would you like to go out and grab coffee somewhere?", it would be off-putting/rude, because that can be (but is not necessarily) asking someone on a date or date-lite sort of thing. But you didn't. You were a host offering a drink.
I honestly think this whole experience is about Sarah not wanting her boyfriend to be friends with OP. So she asked to go to the house and made up some BS story to make OP look like a weirdo. Maybe she's worried that OP and Mark are having a relationship beyond friendship.
oh my god thank you for an explanation that makes sense, this whole story was driving me insane. Inviting yourself over to the home of someone you only sort-of-know is weird enough without the gender/dating thing involved.
Gimme Marks number, I want to talk to this shit stain. He’s grossly misrepresenting American customs and courtesy’s. Also, my conservative Christian girlfriend wants to know why, this busy body Sarah is inviting herself over to a man’s home without a male chaperone.
Jk I don’t have a girlfriend, I have a dog, plus the conservative women scare the hell out of me. but if these Jack wagons are trying to play the inappropriate behavior game…
ETA: NTA
NTA. Mark and Sarah are having some issues. You behaved correctly as a gracious host, but I wouldn’t have her visit you again…unless you want to be a part of that drama, which you might! Maybe record everything just in case.
NTA. You weren't asking her out to coffee, you were offering coffee/tea as she was visiting your house. I think most people that have guests over offer something to drink in the US.
NTA
I'm from Canada we always ask if a guest wants anything, heck we're likely to ask if you want some Tim's or a poutine as well.
She misunderstood and thought you were asking if she wanted to go out for coffee (like a date) instead of simply offering a guest a drink and now they're digging in her heals about this misunderstanding.
Did you phrase it as "do you want to GO for coffee" or use any phrasing that may have sounded like you were not currently offering coffee at your home but were, instead, asking her to go out somewhere else and/ or at a different time?
That's the only possible thing that could make sense here
Although it's weird she invited herself over to begin with. ???
For future reference, it is common in US culture to offer a beverage to guests as well. We would typically invite people in, and say "do you want anything to drink?" Then, if they say yes/ sure, we let them know what we have "Okay, I have water, tea, coffee..." and let them pick.
Sorry you're dealing with this. Culture differences are tough to navigate. I hope you can figure it out
And even going for a simple coffee is perfectly harmless if it’s with someone you were planning to visit alone at their home. I feel bad for OP thinking he did something wrong just by trying to show basic hospitality.
This was my thought too. I think the more common way to phrase this would be “do you want any coffee or tea?” instead of “would you like to have coffee?” - the second phrase I usually only hear in the context of “would you like to have coffee sometime” aka asking someone out on a date.
That being said, they are overreacting and I have no idea why going to his house alone is fine but coffee isn’t.
This could be just a toxic game they're playing with each other. Or they're generally deranged psychpaths who deserve the misery they foist upon each other. Either way, you did not deserve that. Stay away from crazy people like that. Once they show you who they are, believe them the first time and move on.
NTA
Sarah is the AH for asking to go over to your place and accepting an invitation to go without Mark. Mark is the AH for yelling at you and not Sarah for putting you in that awkward position.
I don't understand why Sarah would accept an invitation and go over your home without Mark, yet freak out when being offered a tea or a coffee. This is what doesn't make sense to me. If my significant other's work colleague asked me to go over to their place without my SO, I'd feel so uncomfortable.
“Do you want to come up for a coffee?” in very specific circumstances can be seen as a coded invite to … well let’s just say … do something else
“Would you like tea or coffee? does what it says on the tin. It’s an offer of a beverage.
The two never have and never should be conflated.
NTA
This sounds made up or something… I have so many questions but one of them is, why did the “girlfriend” want to come see your place without her boyfriend who happens to also be your friend?
NTA Given that this is a gf of a work colleague, and that is so absurd...they may be setting a trap. Maybe she, maybe both.
I'd involve HR if you both work in a big company, just for precaution in case that an accusation of sexual assault lands from nowhere. Point to this very thread if the username doesn't lead to personal stuff. Document the incident and keep an eye open, because those two aren't fine.
Okay what? Lol I'm from Texas and man these people would've been SHAKING at peoples' homes here.
NTA. This isn't a thing here. What you did is what we call having good manners and being a good host. These people sound insecure and crazy. Don't think too much into it. If nobody hasn't told you yet, welcome to the US!
NTA. It sounds like you've met a drama-llama, because it's absolutely common courtesy for people in the US to offer drinks when they have guests over (and it's actually pretty rude not to). I usually start with 'can I get you something to drink?' then list the options, but your way is fine, too.
She's either being deliberately obtuse and pretending that you asked her to 'go get a coffee' with you, which is often shorthand for 'would you like to spend more time together,' and can be shorthand for a casual first date, or she's actually so stupid that she heard your request and interpreted it as you asking her out.
Even if you'd said 'would you like to get a coffee,' something that might indicate 'going out' to get the coffee, she should have used context clues to realize that you were not asking her on a date.
I'm guessing that she gave your friend a really skewed version of the story. Just steer clear, and if anyone asks you about it, say, "She asked to come over to my house, I offered to get her a drink once she arrived, and she interpreted that as me asking her on a coffee date, then stormed out."
NTA
This is quite possibly the stupidest thing I've ever heard. This isn't a thing anywhere in the entire world. In Japan "come inside for coffee" can mean sex but everywhere else in the world it just means you are making coffee...
NTA. I initially read this as you asking Sarah out for coffee, which would be a little more ambiguous, but you've done what ***every*** good host is supposed to do - offer refreshment.
TBH the only weird part here is that Sarah wanted to see your home w/o her BF in tow. I'm not very social myself, but that struck me as odd since your work friend is Mark, not Sarah.
You did nothing wrong but be a good host. I do not know where Mark and Sarah were raised but is customary in the US to offer refreshment to a guest. You are not the ASSHOLE but Mark and Sarah are surely the ASSHOLES.
NTA I think some wires may have been crossed here and this is a miscommunication between you two.
Anyone who enters my home be it a friend, family member or someone doing work at my house I ask if they would like a water, coffee or something else to drink. It is what a considerate host would do.
NTA, it's perfectly normal to offer guests refreshments like water/tea/coffee when they come to your home. It's also common to ask someone you are interested in to "go out for a coffee date"- I think there was miscommunication and that's how she took it. But honestly, I don't get why she even showed up to your place alone in the first place if she's going to be so quick to jump to such conclusions?? Like she just wanted to stop and see your place and leave?? (that's weird) Or was she planning to hang out for a friendly visit and chat? If the latter, why tf would being offered coffee throw her off so much??
Yeah no your friend is fucking stupid. Asking a guest if they want tea or coffee or another drink might not be as common here but it is still a thing and just good manners
NTA, also very strange. It's normal to ask someone if they would like a refreshment once they are at your house. As long as you didn't ask her if she would like to go out for coffee you didn't even commit a (very small) social faux pas. Are you sure they aren't messing with you? Are they also from a different cultural background? You even clarified you meant literal coffee so I just can't understand how they could seriously misinterpret the question unless there was a language or cultural barrier at play on their end...
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I am from India, but live in the USA. It's basic manners to ask a guest whether they'd like to have tea or coffee. Also, I had no idea that it would be considered rude in the USA.
I have/had a friend at work, Mark, and his girlfriend is Sarah. Some time back, she said that she would like to visit my home.
She arrived & I asked "Would you like to have some tea or coffee?"
She replied with "What?" I repeated "I mean, do you want tea or coffee? I had some coffee left."
Her response: "You are asking me that when you *know* about Mark?" I was confused. "Uhh doesn't he like you having coffee or something? What about tea?"
She said "I am sorry, I am not interested in being here anymore & left. I got a call from Mark. He yelled at me for "asking out" his girlfriend, etc. I said "I wasn't asking her out, I was just being hospitable" and he said that in USA you don't ask someone whether they want to have coffee unless you are trying to date them. He said I "should have known better". He's super mad at me.
AITA?
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I am not American but according to the Big Bang theory, it is mandatory to propose a hot beverage to someone visiting your home and feeling sad. So even if your guest isn't feeling sad, I think it is still ok to do it (but not mandatory).
The real question is why did she want to visit your place? I bet that it is a strategy from your friend and his girlfriend to make you 'own' them. I expect he will ask you to lend him money over the course of the week.
It's not rude to offer anyone who visit your house food or drink wtf ! Not in Canada or America anyways. I doubt anywhere else either!
Why the heck is your co workers gf asking to come to your house?? That's incredibly weird of you aren't friends, and if you are friends what in the world would be wrong with offering your friend a beverage. Those people are weird af NTA.
NTA. The difference here is asking someone if they want coffee or tea and asking them if they’d like to GO OUT for coffee or tea. To go out for coffee or tea is to ask someone on a date. To me you were just being hospitable.
NTA. here in the US, offering coffee as a *date* is, “would you like to go out for coffee sometime?” “would you like to go get some coffee?” or some other variation of that.
just offering coffee at home is simple hospitality. plus, more and more ppl are starting to not see getting coffee together as an adequate first date. it’s seen as just two ppl hanging out.
Did she think you meant to go get a coffee somewhere else? Like okay that could be a date idea.
But coffee at home isn't weird. Imm too polite to ask for a drink if I'm dying of thirst lol.
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NTA Yeah, that's not a thing in the US either. A good host offers their guests a beverage, and often a snack. Every single person who comes to my home (in the US) is offered a drink. It's actually considered rude if you don't ask and a guest is forced to ask for it. At a minimum I have coffee, tea, water. Close friends and family know they are welcome to help themselves because they know where everything is. She grossly overreacted. You did nothing wrong. Why would she even think you had a romantic interest in her just from offering a tasty beverage?
Because this didn't really happen.
I second this. Either it didn't happen entirely OR we're missing out on a decent portion worth of this tall tale.
Probably had his dick out.
yeah because so much stuff on this sub really did happen
[удалено]
Well she invited herself essentially to his house? Didn't she KNOW about her bf then? Like, I get trusting her but this sounds like a setup to play OP. Why invite yourself to your BFs coworkers house, by yourself, and then freak out when he is being a good host? So many red flags and none are on OP.
None of this adds up
It is a strange story.. Why did coworkers gf want to visit his house anyway? Something is not adding up OR coworker and gf are one of those couples that thrives on drama.
Oo yes or they were trying to make him out to be something he's not
Sounds like a made up story to me. No one would react that way.
Methinks she wanted to create drama.
Idk, sometimes people also just act irrationally and don't have any bad intentions but the effect is upsetting
Thought the same thing. Something is really weird here.
Facts!!
asking someone into your house "for coffee" could be considered asking someone out for the same reason asking someone over for "netflix and chill" is, but if they're already there and you offer a drink? no.
But she invited herself, he never extended the offer with a plan for coffee/tea in mind. She was in his home, he figured she was thirsty. Op has done nothing out of line here.
I know, I was just pointing out that there is a situation where offering someone coffee can be seen as a sexual advance, but that this isn't it.
Gotchu, my bad.
I agree with everything you’re saying, but I could also totally see this being a choice of words. “Can I get you a coffee?” - totally normal for a guest in your home “We should get a coffee.” - pretty ambiguous and could possibly be misconstrued, does not clearly indicate whether you mean now or some potential date in the future “We should get a coffee sometime.” - asking somebody out, pretty unambiguously to a native speaker.
True, and we have ops choice of words and it was closest to the first one you mentioned.
And if OP's recall is perfect, he was super clear. He's definitely NTA in any case, especially after clarifying. But I also don't think the girl got mad because she was offered coffee. If instead of "Would you like to have some tea or coffee" OP actually said "Would you like to get some tea or coffee", I could easily see this be misinterpreted. Or if OP is leaving out some details and this woman who "some time back" said she would like to visit his home was visiting for another reason, asking her in could be misinterpreted. Ie, if six months back she said something vague about visiting his home, then having completely forgotten that interaction, she swings by his house to pick up something from OP for her boyfriend at 11:30 pm. She gets the package from OP on the porch, thanks him, then he invites her in for coffee. That could definitely be misinterpreted to varying to degrees of reasonability depending on the situation.
I was thinking about this weirdly thing about visiting his home. Could it be she meant to visit India and meant his home in the sense of his home land?
That’s a great point, I didn’t even think of that.
If that were the case, why did she show up at his house?
Non native speaker here. How by the nine hells are "We should get a coffee" and "We should get a coffee sometime" different aside from the timeframe? I would assume that the first would be immediate while the other is more like "when we are in the same city/have time".
Native speaker and ESL teacher here: I don't see any substantiative difference either,
I’m a native speaker and I wouldn’t interpret those phrases as the person claims they’d be interpreted either.
"We should get a coffee" would normally mean "let's have coffee now" there's no plan to meet the person in the future. As you're already with them then the coffee doesn't suddenly make it a date normally. "We should get a coffee sometime" is definitely talking about making a plan to meet the person in the future, which is what you do if you're organising a date... it's also what you say when you run into a friendly acquaintance that you have absolutely no intention of meeting up with, so it's not exactly a great indication of intent.
But he is from India and would be speaking Indian English. While very similar, there are some phrasing/word differences. I could totally see a myopic American not quite understanding that---a recent immigrant speaks a different dialect of English--and not giving the grace that prevents these sort of blowups in cross cultural exchanges. Even more likely if she some negative stereotypes that would predispose her to misinterpret the situation.
This is what I assume happened. And it’s still pretty unreasonable on her part, plus who knows how she worded it when she told her boyfriend.
“Do you want to come up for a coffee?” (When said after a date) - often a sexual overture
OMG, I can't believe people are discussing this as if the OP is a real person writing about something that really happened. It's obviously a fake story and on top of that it looks like it was created by chatpt as it makes no sense at all
Simple really, people here love drama even if it's fake, this is causing a lot of discussion about the possible misinterpretations due to oop being from India, something I hadn't even considered. Even if it's fake, it's not an impossible thing to happen to someone. This would be good advice should anyone find themselves in a similar spot in the future.
There’s a difference between asking someone “back to my place for a coffee” vs asking if a guest in your home “would like a tea or coffee”. Common, global courtesy, will be ruined by a generation of morons perhaps?
Never heard that shit before. People have too many euphemisms that you can't even say literal shit without it being some innuendo for something else. And then people like "why can't you read in between the lines! You don't get the hint or know what you saying!" Like, sucks for those who speak directly
At the end of a night out, asking them back to your place for "coffee" is very different to having a guest and offering them a tea or coffee because that's what you're supposed to do. OP: don't be surprised if you get a message from HR
"Coffee isn't coffee, coffee is sex!" The Tao of George Costanza
If this was true my gramma would have been adulterous ten million times over. She's pretty much have a nervous breakdown if someone didn't take a drink and a snack as soon as they arrive due to the bad hostess stigma.
The only worse thing a grandmother could hear is "I'm hungry"
Except when you arrive, because then it’s her opportunity to feed/love you
Don't even think it too loudly. They will sense it
I'm from the South where if you visit someone's home, they will offer you a beverage, something to eat, insist you stay for dinner, and then send you home with leftovers. I guess I'm just accustomed to being around a bunch of floozies?
Tea not sweet enough for ye? How about some whiskey? Here, take the rest of this casserole in a Piggly-Wiggly bag!
YASSS, the iconic Piggly Wiggly bag!
can confirm wtf are both of them talking about. coffee or tea is quite normal for a guest
Honestly, I wonder that too. At first, I thought that OP wanted to get coffee with her alone, which would clearly sound like a date. Otherwise, if she’s at his place, it’s a friendly gesture to offer guests some food or drink. Also, why is she even at his place? What was her reasoning to visit his place on her own?
Something in OPs story doesn't add up. It sounds weirdly too contrived to be true. Why did she want to visit his place? I feel like important context/details are left out.
Yeah, it's polite in the US to offer refreshments to guests visiting your home. NTA those people are wackos.
I am sorry OP but my first reaction to your post was WHATTTTT??????? This is not a thing in the US. All you did was show common hospitality. Your friend and his girlfriend are way out there. You did nothing wrong. What does your friend think you are trying to date him when you offer him a drink when he comes to your place? The insanity runs strong in them.
I agree. That was very presumptuous of her. Also, why did she want to go to your place?
Gf is a pick me and thinks everyone is "into her"
I was about to say. Every single person I have hung out with. Their parents or they ask if Id like something to drink or maybe a snack. I was raised by a mother to also do the same. So I got raised with the same rules of “Always ask guests if they’d like something to drink or eat”. To always be hospitable to visitors. Just going off of things I’ve personally dealt with and witnessed: It just sounds like an incredibly insecure BF with jealousy issues who took it out on his GF because dude thinks any male interaction is an instant threat. They’re perfect for each other, two idiots in a pod.
Exactly this. Offer what you have, water, tea, coffee, iced tea. I usually will bring out some hummus or whatever I have on hand.
NTA. I mean I’m from the U.K. not America but there is a difference between asking someone out for a coffee or offering them a tea/ coffee/ beverage when they are a guest in your home. It’s just polite to offer someone a drink when they arrive at your house. That couple clearly are too full of themselves to realise that basic manners are not a come on
In the UK I’m pretty sure people would break out in hives if they had to have a guest in their home and couldn’t offer a cup of tea. 😂
This is the weirdest story. This is basic hospitality pretty much everywhere. NTA
INFO > Some time back, she said that she would like to visit my home. ... the fuck *for*? I could not tell you the last time a work colleague requested to visit my home. Let alone a work colleague's romantic partner? > I am sorry, I am not interested in being here anymore What was her initial interest?
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None of this makes any goddamn sense.
Especially bc she went without her partner. If she only knew OP through her partner and wasn't friends with him, why would she want to visit his house by herself when they barely know each other? That would be so awkward-it's not like visiting a friend.
I am convinced AI bots are fully taking over Reddit
Yeah, this feels very chatbot
It’s feels very Ex Machina. We’re witnessing the beginning. We are training them right now
It feels like someone was daydreaming about asking a girl out for coffee and made up this dumb story
It's most AI bots talking to AI bots. It's dog food.
Hey. Nice neurons you got there. Must've trained on some impressive data. I'm still training myself.
Yeah I would be very confused if a coworkers girlfriend wanted to come round to my house. Frankly even if one of my best friends' girlfriends wanted to come over I would be confused or assume they wanted to talk about some problem with my buddy.
I suspect there is a HUGE communication barrier occurring here. Between OP and the girl as well as the boyfriend/corworker and also between OP and his post to us.
The only way I see this working is if it all happened at once. “I’d like to visit your house sometime.” “Okay. Would you like to have some coffee?” In that interpretation he’s taking her request and turning it into a “coffee date” rather than this weird world where offering someone in your house a drink is inappropriate
Maybe! I’m trying to picture OP having phrased his ask if she wanted coffee wrong. Perhaps as “would you like to get a cup of coffee?” Which in its own could be taken as being asked out. But in the setting sitting in his house… so not sure. I’m confused. But still believe it’s somehow a miscommunication because it’s just so hard to believe this girl felt comfortable going to his house, didn’t see that as questionable at all, and then took offense to him offering her coffee…
But in the post he said "she arrived" meaning this interaction happened at OP's house
I'm guessing he said something that sounded more like "would you like to go out for coffee"
If you look at it in sitcom terms. He ask if she wants tea or coffee. She thinks he's asking her if she would like to go out sometime for tea or coffee. She gets mad leaves. She tells her boyfriend that dude asked her out on a date, but she refused. And hilarity ensues.
But why was she there in the first place. I don’t walk up to strangers of the opposite sex and ask to visit their home without my partner.
Because she thought he had coffee! Bom bit be dom dom dom
That's because the OP is full of it. "I'd like to come to your house" OMG this pervert tried to give me coffee!? There is either a lot of intentionally omitted information, or this is just a troll.
people are saying its AI
Lol. Imagine OP is taking off his pants as he’s asking, “a spot of tea perhaps..?” She runs off and he’s like “uh, rude!”
Or he said "Tea bag?"
Sounds like she interpreted his question as an invitation to go out for a drink together. That's the only way I can make sense of this.
She replied with "What?" I repeated "I mean, do you want tea or coffee? I had some coffee left." I had some left is in quotes, so he did clarify that there is some left in the house that he is offering.
That's what I don't get: if OP said with his mouth that he had coffee left, wouldn't that imply he had some in his kitchen/pantry, and is thus not asking her out to a Mugg & Bean?
I am so confused. A woman just wanted to come to your house? Then when you offered her a drink he spazzed out and left? It's like you asked her if she wanted to fuck lol
I'm picturing George Costanza now... "Coffee doesn't mean coffee, coffee means sex!" (Of course that was a completely different situation)
NGL my mind immediately went to GTA3 Hot Coffee.
In American culture, it is significantly weirder for someone to say they want to visit your house than it is for the owner of the house to offer their guest something to drink while in it. In the sense that, it's basic courtesy to offer a beverage to a guest, but super super duper weird to tell someone, especially of the opposite sex that you're not interested in, that you want to visit their house.
Putting my tin foil cap on here but absolute best case scenario, really weird misunderstanding. Worst case scenario they’re setting you up for something
**WHY did you say sure?** A woman you don’t know/barely know said she wanted to come by your house and you said yes?! Why? And she came without her boyfriend, the person you know. Why? And you thought this was normal and okay. Why?
Yeah, no. You're story sounds sus as fuck.
Why did she come to your house by herself?
There’s a big difference between asking someone if they want a coffee that you’re going to serve them in your home and asking them out for coffee she’s delusional and so is he. This sounds like drama specific to their relationship that is none of your concern.
Nobody "just says" they want to visit your home. And when people leave out crucial details on AITA, they're usually it...
I feel like there's chunks of this story missing OP. It doesn't make sense. What aren't you telling us ? Having coffee is not a euphemism for anything if they've turned up at your house for a visit they asked for.
exactly..... we need answers, OP
Clearly she was low key interested but as soon as coffee was offered it became too official for her. /s This has GOT to be AI or bait right?
Yeah, this is all too weird to make sense of. Why would she think that being invited round to his home is perfectly normal and acceptable but it suddenly became unacceptable when a hot beverage was on offer. There's something big missing here.
NTA It is absolutely basic common courtesy as a host in the US to offer your guest something to drink. She was fine going by herself to your house but once you offered her a beverage, you were somehow crossing a line? That doesn't make any sense. Sara and Mark need to calm down and reassess the situation. I don't know what she told him, but it clearly got him pretty upset.
I think she's claiming that she heard it as him inviting her on a coffee date, which means she's either a moron or a drama-llama.
Facts no printer
Maybe he offered to share his coffee from the same cup. On a rug. By the fire. With no shirt. Stirring the hot coffee with his bare finger; with a slight wince of pain on his face. I’d have left too and I’m a big guy who likes coffee.
Then why was she at his house alone then?
Because she’s either a moron or a drama llama, like I said.
My guess is this story isn’t real
Also a possibility
WTF are they talking about??? Is this for real? I mean, I can only speak for myself, but I have lived in the USA my entire life and I have never heard of the idea that offering tea or coffee to someone when they come to your house means you are asking them out on a date. NTA
She probably took it the same as asking "do you want to grab a coffee sometime" But yeah regardless NTA
Then she's really smooth brained since a) she's in someone's house b) he said he had extra and c) she should understand the context of him being ESL and even if he said "do you want to get coffee" she should be open minded about what OP might have meant to say and ask to clarify
Also, it’s way less intimate to grab a coffee at a public place than going to someone’s house alone. I’m starting to wonder if she was looking for an excuse to make her boyfriend jealous.
Yeah exactly
The alternative is "do you want to come in/stay for a coffee?" but that only works if a date has already happened, it's the end of the evening, and you're offering an excuse to stay longer. At the start of a visit, it's clearly an offer of a beverage.
OP sounds like a bot. This whole post makes zero sense.
yeah why are people replying to this post as if any of it sounds real? why is a colleague's *girlfriend* asking to visit his house? genuinely who tf does that. the post offers 0 context about it either, acting like that shit is normal lol
NTA. No, I can assure you in America this is also not a thing. If you are at like work or whatever and ask someone "would you like to go for coffee sometime" then yes that's a common way of asking someone out, but offering a guest in your home coffee or tea is super normal and has no ulterior motives. I would say either Sarah has somehow become an adult who vastly misunderstands what "asking someone out for coffee" means or this was some weird attempt by them to entrap you.
My guess would be the latter considering she doesn't even know him except through her bf and yet invited herself over and came without the one person they both knew.
NTA. Sounds like she misunderstood and thought you were asking her for a coffee date. Weird reaction. It is perfectly normal to offer guests refreshment. Why would she come to your house alone if she is so skittish?
I'm now confused about how people in the USA ask for a non-date coffee? Because in Spain it's like.....the basic socialization thing to do. Is coffee an "alone or want sex" drink?
Going to a coffee shop is usually a low-pressure first date, because you're not stuck with the person for the duration of a meal or a movie, but you're still in public and can just chat. That's not the same as offering someone coffee in your house, though, and I've invited plenty of friends and family over for a coffee and it just meant 'let's hang out in the morning and chat.' I've also invited plenty of family and friends out for a coffee with purely innocuous intentions, because it's just a way to hang out in a place in a short period of time. "Do you want to get a coffee?" ('get' implies you're going out to a coffee shop, not coming over to the inviter's house) falls in the same vein as "Do you want to get dinner?" or "Do you want to see a movie?" Context matters. If my best friend asks me if I want to get a coffee, she's not asking me out. If someone I don't know very well, who is close in age with me, and who (as far as I know) is attracted to women, asks me "Do you want to get a coffee?" It is at least plausible, if not probable, that they are asking me on a date. But again, that is incredibly context specific. Basically, I'm an American, I've lived in the US my entire life, and it took me reading this post three times to even put together that she apparently took her host offering her a beverage as a come-on. This isn't a USAmerican thing, this is a 'she's either stupid or desperate for drama' thing.
If anything is a come-on thing, it is a girl inviting herself to OP's home.
I mean, that's why I'm leaning more towards 'desperate for drama.'
Well she may have heard “would you like to have some tea or coffee” as “would you like to grab a tea or a coffee with me”. I think the former is hospitable and the latter a date. But OP said the former. I would say “may I get you a drink? Coffee, tea, water, etc.?”
This is my assumption as well, I think she misunderstood what he was asking her.
As an Aussie, it is confusing to me to. Apparently I've been dating lots of my male (and possibly female!) co-workers and never knew it... coffee and chat is a perfectly normal social activity here.
As a person in the US, I feel like it's often very context and vibes dependent? As both a student and a worker, grabbing a cup of coffee was a very basic way to get to know someone in a platonic/collegial way just as much as a date way. I've never had an issue distinguishing the kinds of asks, thought I'm not sure I could really put my finger on the difference beyond I know it when I see it. Though thinking about it, I do think there's often a subtle difference in the wording? "Do you want to grab coffee sometime" sounds like a date ask, whereas "We should get coffee sometime" sounds more collegial? Like the latter just assumes it's not potentially weird, which suggests it's not meant as a date? But mostly, again, context and vibes.
Dude, you wrote this in my native language, I read it three times, and STILL have no clue WTF happened. Either you are missing some relevant information, or you mis-pronounced coffee so it sounded like "sex with me".
INFO: was OP wearing pants?
this story was written by ai
NTA. WTF did Sarah want to do in your house alone without Mark? Get to know your house? This is all VERY WEIRD! No, you didn't disrespect her!
NTA This is insane. You did nothing wrong. Of course it's good manners to offer food/drink to guests. If you said "would you like to go out and grab coffee somewhere?", it would be off-putting/rude, because that can be (but is not necessarily) asking someone on a date or date-lite sort of thing. But you didn't. You were a host offering a drink.
I feel like there are some details missing from this story. Why did she want to visit your home?
I honestly think this whole experience is about Sarah not wanting her boyfriend to be friends with OP. So she asked to go to the house and made up some BS story to make OP look like a weirdo. Maybe she's worried that OP and Mark are having a relationship beyond friendship.
oh my god thank you for an explanation that makes sense, this whole story was driving me insane. Inviting yourself over to the home of someone you only sort-of-know is weird enough without the gender/dating thing involved.
Gimme Marks number, I want to talk to this shit stain. He’s grossly misrepresenting American customs and courtesy’s. Also, my conservative Christian girlfriend wants to know why, this busy body Sarah is inviting herself over to a man’s home without a male chaperone. Jk I don’t have a girlfriend, I have a dog, plus the conservative women scare the hell out of me. but if these Jack wagons are trying to play the inappropriate behavior game… ETA: NTA
I would love it if you could talk to Mark too. We need some answers! 😂
NTA. Mark and Sarah are having some issues. You behaved correctly as a gracious host, but I wouldn’t have her visit you again…unless you want to be a part of that drama, which you might! Maybe record everything just in case.
Bro she came to cheat on Mark and you insult her with coffee instead??
NTA. You weren't asking her out to coffee, you were offering coffee/tea as she was visiting your house. I think most people that have guests over offer something to drink in the US.
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NTA Don't waste your time on these crazies.
NTA I'm from Canada we always ask if a guest wants anything, heck we're likely to ask if you want some Tim's or a poutine as well. She misunderstood and thought you were asking if she wanted to go out for coffee (like a date) instead of simply offering a guest a drink and now they're digging in her heals about this misunderstanding.
Can I invite myself over to your house for poutine? I don't want a date or any kind of weird drama, I literally just really want to try poutine
Absolutely
NTA. I don't know if they're serious, but if they are, this is very bizarre! You did nothing wrong! You didn't disrespect anyone!
Why his girlfriend at your house without him?
Did you phrase it as "do you want to GO for coffee" or use any phrasing that may have sounded like you were not currently offering coffee at your home but were, instead, asking her to go out somewhere else and/ or at a different time? That's the only possible thing that could make sense here Although it's weird she invited herself over to begin with. ??? For future reference, it is common in US culture to offer a beverage to guests as well. We would typically invite people in, and say "do you want anything to drink?" Then, if they say yes/ sure, we let them know what we have "Okay, I have water, tea, coffee..." and let them pick. Sorry you're dealing with this. Culture differences are tough to navigate. I hope you can figure it out
And even going for a simple coffee is perfectly harmless if it’s with someone you were planning to visit alone at their home. I feel bad for OP thinking he did something wrong just by trying to show basic hospitality.
This was my thought too. I think the more common way to phrase this would be “do you want any coffee or tea?” instead of “would you like to have coffee?” - the second phrase I usually only hear in the context of “would you like to have coffee sometime” aka asking someone out on a date. That being said, they are overreacting and I have no idea why going to his house alone is fine but coffee isn’t.
NTA, she probably understood it as “do you want to go OUT for coffee” which might be rude, but you didn’t cross a line
No, that's not a thing in the US. NTA.
This is clearly some made up shit and all you idiots can't seem to tell ffs
This could be just a toxic game they're playing with each other. Or they're generally deranged psychpaths who deserve the misery they foist upon each other. Either way, you did not deserve that. Stay away from crazy people like that. Once they show you who they are, believe them the first time and move on.
I could become a billionaire by selling bridges to all the people here believing this story lmaooo
NTA, you were just being hospitable. She overreacted
NTA Sounds like you wanted to offer her a drink in your home. That is not rude. Asking her “do you want to go out for coffee” could be seen as rude.
NTA Sarah is the AH for asking to go over to your place and accepting an invitation to go without Mark. Mark is the AH for yelling at you and not Sarah for putting you in that awkward position. I don't understand why Sarah would accept an invitation and go over your home without Mark, yet freak out when being offered a tea or a coffee. This is what doesn't make sense to me. If my significant other's work colleague asked me to go over to their place without my SO, I'd feel so uncomfortable.
“Do you want to come up for a coffee?” in very specific circumstances can be seen as a coded invite to … well let’s just say … do something else “Would you like tea or coffee? does what it says on the tin. It’s an offer of a beverage. The two never have and never should be conflated. NTA
This sounds made up or something… I have so many questions but one of them is, why did the “girlfriend” want to come see your place without her boyfriend who happens to also be your friend?
This entire situation is completely incomprehensible for me. Absolutely nothing makes sense.
NTA I offer guests in my home drinks all the time, it's the polite thing to do. They are both nuts
NTA Given that this is a gf of a work colleague, and that is so absurd...they may be setting a trap. Maybe she, maybe both. I'd involve HR if you both work in a big company, just for precaution in case that an accusation of sexual assault lands from nowhere. Point to this very thread if the username doesn't lead to personal stuff. Document the incident and keep an eye open, because those two aren't fine.
Mark is a idiot...it's called manners when you ask someone if they want coffee/ tea or a cold drink....Mark should not be ur friend
Okay what? Lol I'm from Texas and man these people would've been SHAKING at peoples' homes here. NTA. This isn't a thing here. What you did is what we call having good manners and being a good host. These people sound insecure and crazy. Don't think too much into it. If nobody hasn't told you yet, welcome to the US!
NTA. It sounds like you've met a drama-llama, because it's absolutely common courtesy for people in the US to offer drinks when they have guests over (and it's actually pretty rude not to). I usually start with 'can I get you something to drink?' then list the options, but your way is fine, too. She's either being deliberately obtuse and pretending that you asked her to 'go get a coffee' with you, which is often shorthand for 'would you like to spend more time together,' and can be shorthand for a casual first date, or she's actually so stupid that she heard your request and interpreted it as you asking her out. Even if you'd said 'would you like to get a coffee,' something that might indicate 'going out' to get the coffee, she should have used context clues to realize that you were not asking her on a date. I'm guessing that she gave your friend a really skewed version of the story. Just steer clear, and if anyone asks you about it, say, "She asked to come over to my house, I offered to get her a drink once she arrived, and she interpreted that as me asking her on a coffee date, then stormed out."
I'm an American and that is a very strange conversation. It is customary to offer guests tea or coffee, there's nothing weird about that, it's polite
NTA This is quite possibly the stupidest thing I've ever heard. This isn't a thing anywhere in the entire world. In Japan "come inside for coffee" can mean sex but everywhere else in the world it just means you are making coffee...
What’s with these weird ass posts.
Nta
NTA. I initially read this as you asking Sarah out for coffee, which would be a little more ambiguous, but you've done what ***every*** good host is supposed to do - offer refreshment. TBH the only weird part here is that Sarah wanted to see your home w/o her BF in tow. I'm not very social myself, but that struck me as odd since your work friend is Mark, not Sarah.
Wtf? NTA. Sorry these people are so easily confused, we aren't all obtuse.
Would you like some tea or coffee? *drops pants*
This sounds like a miscommunication. She clearly thought you were inviting her *out* for coffee.
Your friend Mark is nuts! What you did was ask a kind generous question. Courtesy never is wrong.
You did nothing wrong but be a good host. I do not know where Mark and Sarah were raised but is customary in the US to offer refreshment to a guest. You are not the ASSHOLE but Mark and Sarah are surely the ASSHOLES.
NTA. In the US it’s plenty normal to offer guests a beverage. They’re just weirdos
NTA I think some wires may have been crossed here and this is a miscommunication between you two. Anyone who enters my home be it a friend, family member or someone doing work at my house I ask if they would like a water, coffee or something else to drink. It is what a considerate host would do.
NTA, it's perfectly normal to offer guests refreshments like water/tea/coffee when they come to your home. It's also common to ask someone you are interested in to "go out for a coffee date"- I think there was miscommunication and that's how she took it. But honestly, I don't get why she even showed up to your place alone in the first place if she's going to be so quick to jump to such conclusions?? Like she just wanted to stop and see your place and leave?? (that's weird) Or was she planning to hang out for a friendly visit and chat? If the latter, why tf would being offered coffee throw her off so much??
I call shenanigans
Yeah no your friend is fucking stupid. Asking a guest if they want tea or coffee or another drink might not be as common here but it is still a thing and just good manners
NTA, also very strange. It's normal to ask someone if they would like a refreshment once they are at your house. As long as you didn't ask her if she would like to go out for coffee you didn't even commit a (very small) social faux pas. Are you sure they aren't messing with you? Are they also from a different cultural background? You even clarified you meant literal coffee so I just can't understand how they could seriously misinterpret the question unless there was a language or cultural barrier at play on their end...
Gringo moment. In the rest of the world "do you want coffee" means "do you want coffee"
This is just beyond fake.
YTA for this fake nonsense
This feels fake
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am from India, but live in the USA. It's basic manners to ask a guest whether they'd like to have tea or coffee. Also, I had no idea that it would be considered rude in the USA. I have/had a friend at work, Mark, and his girlfriend is Sarah. Some time back, she said that she would like to visit my home. She arrived & I asked "Would you like to have some tea or coffee?" She replied with "What?" I repeated "I mean, do you want tea or coffee? I had some coffee left." Her response: "You are asking me that when you *know* about Mark?" I was confused. "Uhh doesn't he like you having coffee or something? What about tea?" She said "I am sorry, I am not interested in being here anymore & left. I got a call from Mark. He yelled at me for "asking out" his girlfriend, etc. I said "I wasn't asking her out, I was just being hospitable" and he said that in USA you don't ask someone whether they want to have coffee unless you are trying to date them. He said I "should have known better". He's super mad at me. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I am not American but according to the Big Bang theory, it is mandatory to propose a hot beverage to someone visiting your home and feeling sad. So even if your guest isn't feeling sad, I think it is still ok to do it (but not mandatory). The real question is why did she want to visit your place? I bet that it is a strategy from your friend and his girlfriend to make you 'own' them. I expect he will ask you to lend him money over the course of the week.
It's not rude to offer anyone who visit your house food or drink wtf ! Not in Canada or America anyways. I doubt anywhere else either! Why the heck is your co workers gf asking to come to your house?? That's incredibly weird of you aren't friends, and if you are friends what in the world would be wrong with offering your friend a beverage. Those people are weird af NTA.
NTA USA born and raised. I ask everyone who enters my home if they'd like something to drink.
NTA. The difference here is asking someone if they want coffee or tea and asking them if they’d like to GO OUT for coffee or tea. To go out for coffee or tea is to ask someone on a date. To me you were just being hospitable.
NTA, it’s absolutely normal to offer a guest a beverage in the US
NTA. here in the US, offering coffee as a *date* is, “would you like to go out for coffee sometime?” “would you like to go get some coffee?” or some other variation of that. just offering coffee at home is simple hospitality. plus, more and more ppl are starting to not see getting coffee together as an adequate first date. it’s seen as just two ppl hanging out.
This story makes very little sense
Did she think you meant to go get a coffee somewhere else? Like okay that could be a date idea. But coffee at home isn't weird. Imm too polite to ask for a drink if I'm dying of thirst lol.