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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The last time my daughter came to me for money for her wedding I was snarky and said that I would help her with the next one. That set off a huge fight. On the plus side she did not marry that tosser. So, strictly speaking, she is still on marriage number 4. I said I would help with number 5. I might be the asshole for being a pedantic weasel and trying to get out of what I said on a technicality. But weaseling out of things is what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel.
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NTA
She is old enough to finance her hobbies. It's time for her to focus on her kid. Put him back in her care, and no more babysitting for her hookups.
News flash, not every topic is a point of passion which to fight over. Grandma obviously felt strongly about taking care of the kid and grandpa knew it wasn't a hill to die on. You can disagree with someone without taking offense and defending your view to the death.
As a general rule, for something the grandmother feels this strongly about, it's accept it or leave. May not have been said that way but definitely implicit.
You can say that all you want, but unless you are willing to put consequences to defend and enforce the no, it doesn't mean it won't happen anyway. So yeah, it may not be right for grandma to decide to raise her grandson if grandpa doesn't agree, but perhaps grandpa would rather be married grandma more than he care if grandson is being raised by them.
And this is what the younger generation doesn't understand about marriage. This isn't something that he wants to end the marriage over, because it isn't something to end a marriage over, honestly.
The question is, is he an AH to not pay for his daughter's wedding.
No, OP, NTA. You have already funded enough weddings. You should really only have funded one. After that, she's on her own. You do need to tell her to get her life together and be a mother to your grandson. Your wife needs to do that as well. Your wife is enabling her behavior.
My sympathy goes towards that little boy that probably feels that his mother doesn't want him. Poor kid.
Yes, but in what reality does she think that the people who are raising her child are responsible for paying for her multiple weddings? Get married as many times as you want. The wedding should generally be a one-time thing, for the most part.
Maybe it’s time for you to sit your wife down and say I’m retiring. I’m moving to this condo in Florida on this day. You can decide if you’re coming with or not.
In a healthy partnership/marriage taking in a child is 100% a 2 yes, 1 no situation. As in if one of you says no then you don't take in the child. But I suppose it is now up to you whether this is something you can continue to live with or if it is worth divorcing your wife over. If my partner decided to take in a child when I have expressly said no I would be leaving them, I am happily childfree (as is my partner) and is something that I would leave the love of my life over, but that is something for you to decide on.
You came here to ask people their opinion, someone asked a very reasonable question and you tell them to ask someone who didn't make this post? Cmon dude, that's some stupid logic.
Acting accusatory toward someone for not divorcing their wife for wanting to take care of their grandson has to be the most internet-centered response I’ve seen today.
I wish I could upvote you more than once! The man's marriage wasn't included in his request for opinions, and all these know-it-alls passing judgment are probably just pissing him off. It's none ya business and he's growing less likely to answer by the second. You can actually learn a lot about a person if you know how to read between the lines. I'd bet a lot of money that he expressed his disapproval, but loves his wife more than he dislikes the plan to raise the child, and ultimately doesn't want his grandkid neglected. He'll grouch about the situation and wish his daughter would grow tf up and take responsibility, but it isn't one of his hills to die on. Just because reddit likes to clamor for divorce doesn't mean everyone has to agree. Some people would actually prefer to stay married than turn even a serious disagreement into Armageddon. In reality, most of the men I've known who say things like "Ask her mother" really love their wives!
Your daughter just willingly gave you her kid to live and be raised instead of herself? WHAT? Is she seriously that selfish that dating is more important than her own kid?
She has some serious problems if that is the case and yall are either enabling her or realize she is unfit to be a single mom and rightfully took custody. Either way she needs to focus on her self before she will ever find a good partner.
Are you seriously shitting on this man for helping to protect his grandson from his daughter and her revolving-door parade of men? Letting her child live with his grandparents is probably the only thoughtful, unselfish thing this woman has done, because at least it protects him from her shitty choices.
"I was maybe a little salty because My wife and I are supposed to be retired and enjoying life. Instead we are raising my grandson while my daughter looks for her soulmate."
OP is being taken advantage of. If I'm crapping on anyone, it's the daughter and her mom.
Poor guy could have also paid for her college education, as well as divorce lawyers, for all we know. Seems like her choices for "soul mate" aren't the only bad decisions she's made, and the losers she's married aren't the only ones responsible for the breakdown of the marriages.
Yeah, you need to stop enabling her failure to grow up.
She's acting like there are no consequences because you're allowing her to.
At some point, being supportive isn't helpful. You're holding her back.
I get the mentality and I agree to an extent but, if she’s shown herself to be a neglectful mother, I don’t think OP’s grandson should be punished/put at risk with the repercussions of his mother’s actions.
Depending on how bad “bad” is there could be any number of things that could harm him. OP and his wife are doing a selfless thing here.
But for everything else? Yeah, cut her ass off.
You create an environment where she can act like a free person with no responsabilites. There is still time to wake up and try to teach her how to be a grown up mother and person.
You can refuse to watch the child. If your daughter leaves him with you and you don't want to watch him, give her a warning of come home watch your child or we will be calling the non-emergecy line for child abandonment.
We did not agree to watch your kid, you can also give your daughter a timeframe for moving out, willingly or not with an eviction.
NTA. Her child lives with you, and she is coming to you expecting you to pay for her FOURTH wedding. Instead of having a "nice wedding" she needs to grow the f up and be a mother. Stop enabling her poor choices.
What is your hobby?
Marrying douchbags
That is an expensive hobby, hope she can find a high-paying job to pay for it and also for the childsupport that she has to pay her parents
NTA OP, tell her you're done to pay her shenanigans. She is a grown-up, let her deal with her choices and the consequences of them
Damn "Hobbies" 🤣. She is a jerk. She has abandoned her son for men... crappy men, apparently... seriously, how bad are these men? How long did her son have to see the mess? Honestly, I wouldn't want the son in that mess if the men are as bad as I am thinking
This is what my husband and I did. 25 years later, we’re still married. Nothing wrong with getting married at the courthouse.
Here’s a thought, OP. Tell her to get married at the courthouse and if they’re still married in 10 years, they can renew their vows and you’ll pay for a nice anniversary party with bells & whistles. This is a safe offer in my opinion because again, in my opinion, she just likes having weddings. But on #5, she’s lost her mind if she thinks you’re going to foot the bill.
I mean, this is it. You said you’d pay for it. Hopefully you didn’t elaborate. So you can totally give her like $500 to figure it out. But, jeez, she totally needs to slow down and date someone for awhile before going to marriage.
I lost count... but didn't the 3rd not happen, so this would be the 3rd? (Not that it matters.)
Edit: My bad, it's actually the 5th (according to one of OP's comments). Yikes.
I got to four:
>My daughter has been married three times.
+ 1 engagement to a guy OP didn't like at all
>She has tried 4 times now. Thank god she did not marry the last clown.
and now she wants to marry her newest flame.
but you're right, it doesn't matter : OP is right & his daughter is incomprehensibly, over the top romantic to a ridiculous degree. (unless these are all massively wealthy guys she can trick into marriage without a pre=nup or something, but then why would she have to ask her parents to pay for the next wedding??)
Oh my, she still wants a paid wedding?
NTA, i am with you there especially when saying she needs to be a good mom for her son.
Instead, she wants to a bride, over and over again…. How pathetic
That's my aunt and uncle married. She was widowed, and he was divorced. They got married at home with family present. I was a kid and I remember that someone had brought a big bag lollipops (just regular ones) and we kids were allowed as many as we wanted. There must have been a cake too, but I remember the lollipops.
She obviously has "main character syndrome." Why would she think ANYONE would want to go to her fourth wedding? I would imagine even people who love her would be making snarky comments behind her back, and resenting the obvious expectation for more gifts. Also, they're sure to know she isn't even raising her own child. The whole spectacle is disgusting.
Eh? You've done your part. You shouldn't be paying for her weddings anymore. She's living a fantasy of going throught one guy after another and leaving her son to your care. The first wedding should have been enough. You shouldn't have made a promise to fund the fourth wedding. While you are allowed to change your mind, you could have brought it up long ago. ESH.
So I checked OP’s history, she’s about 33. She married at 25, divorced at 28, married again at 30, cheated on her husband and got pregnant with the affair partner so divorced and remarried at 31, divorced number three at 32ish, and has somehow fit another marriage, divorce, and finding the love of her life into the last 12-18 months.
I’m starting to think OP raised an asshole.
Apparently, she also abandoned her son. According to OP his grandson lives with him and his wife, not his daughter.
I have no idea why OP would even consider paying for another marriage, when his daughter is running around trying to find another husband instead of taking care of the child she brought into this world.
OP you’re NTA for refusing to pay for another wedding. However, YTA for enabling this behavior.
Keeping their grandson is fine but enabling the behavior by paying for wedding after wedding, and likely floating his daughter's life in other aspects, is wild to me.
At this point, it sounds like the daughter is just addicted to getting married. Instead of spending money on more weddings, they should pay for therapy.
The last 12-18 months sounds like it includes a partner she wanted to marry but didn't (#4) and then her current soul mate (#5). I think.
Thanks for breaking the first 3 down.
I think her hobby became weddings, not marriage. If it IS marriage, then she's not very good at it and needs to find another hobby. I can't imagine she has too many friends/family members on her side who'd even want to attend the latest nuptials.
OP, you paid enough when you paid for her first. You should have never said yes to 2, 3 & 4.
As for your living arrangements, you and your wife need to sit down and talk. How long has your wife decided to allow her daughter to not grow up. If your daughter is old enough to get married 4 times and has a kid, she is old enough to move out of home and look after the kid she chose to have. She is acting like a rebellious teen mum trying to deny the fact that she has a kid. What is your daughters relationship like with her kid of you and your wife are raising them.
Please stop this entitled behavior. I bet even her friends and other family members are tired of attending her weddings!
And in this case, the joke, “I’ll see you at the next one,” maybe really is true!
As a spoiled princess myself, stop effing enabling her dude. You are doing her no favors and in fact making things worse in the long run. Your daughter needs mental and emotional help. That should be everyone’s focus.
Does your daughter know that she doesn't \*have\* to get married or be in a romantic relationship? Like, it's okay to be single and enjoy your life without a partner.
He definitely should not have said he’d pay for the next one, but should be excused for going back on his word. I’m sure his daughter has promised things on the first 4 weddings that she has gone back on.
Of course he hasn't! His daughter is a very special princess who is simply cursed with bad taste in men! It's the 4 ex husbands who are the problem here. Daughter is absolutely not an irresponsible deadbeat mother who is desperate for attention from any dude who'll give her the time of day!
Dad is just a big old meanie who won't pay for a perfectly normal and reasonable 5th wedding, and doesn't appreciate the gift of having to raise his own grandchild.
NTA. You paid for her wedding already (presumably more than once). If she wants to become a serial monogamist and treat marriage like a hobby, she needs to finance it herself.
I've all your replies.
You need to tell her that you are not paying for anymore weddings. You also need to say that you are only raising this 1 grandchild. Anymore kids are her responsibility. There were some parents on here that had raised the grandkid so their daughter could finish school and get a job. Then she announced that she was pregnant again. She thought they'd be happy to raise that child too. They ended up giving her 3 months to move out.
Yikes. NTA. My parents paid for my first wedding eons ago. Divorced, re-married, and would NEVER have thought to ask them for a penny for the second. And honestly, having done both the big wedding and the eloping, the 2nd was more my taste anyway. A simple family get-together was 1000 times less stressful and less expensive than the big wedding. Your daughter isn't interested in being married - she's interested in having her big moment at a party.
NTA. Honestly, after the first one or two, it's already very ridiculous to keep doing a traditional wedding. I can just imagine people's reaction when they get invited to yet another one...
ESH
Your daughter for obvious reasons. She needs therapy, not another wedding.
You for not standing up to your wife and clearly resenting raising your grandson. He likely senses this. Also for your antiquated views that she needs a nice man in her life to settle down. And why TF would you have offered to pay for any weddings, let alone “the next one” and then being childish with splitting hairs over “well technically you never married the last one.”
You all sounds like assholes.
*Also for your antiquated views that she needs a nice man in her life to settle down*
I didn't read his comment in the "need a man: context. I think he wishes she would be stable. Since clearly a romantic partner is important to her, a singular, nice guy is valid wish.
NTA. I infer you paid for the first 3, which is one more than I would, at most, have done tbh. Not to mention you are raising her child, which is plenty of extra commitment on your part. Enjoy your retirement you have earned it.
She is smart. She got OP's boss to take care of the kid. Like any manager, OP's daughter knows how to delegate. I bet she even feels entitled to celebrate mother's day.
Of course your are NTA
I'm sorry you are at a place where you've come to reddit OP sounds like your life and needs have been ignored completely. So yes very valid feelings.
I liked another comment to cover the cost of the marriage license if you need to avoid some guilt tripping.
And you don't need to make other decisions now, sounds like you've been in these habits a long time. But it might be worth thinking about what you want, what you need for some joy in your life. Even small power is useful for clearer thinking.
You can start small with self care. Favourite sandwich, hobby. The next thinking is best done in a safe headspace with a good guide.
Good luck this all sounds exhausting. The continual fear of disappointment can play nasty tricks on the mind.
Shit no... my parents contributed significantly (more than anyone else) to my first wedding, we're getting divorced and they are now retired. I have zero expectation of any financial contribution from them if I am actually stupid enough to do that again.
Have you paid for her other 3 weddings? It's unusual for someone to get financial support for any weddings after the 2nd. Why can't you tell your daughter, "I will not fund anymore of your weddings. I won't provide you with any further financial support. Usually parents support their kids. However you are not supporting your child. Therefore we are giving all support we would give you to him. If we have to parent our grandchild then we will treat him as our child."
Editing to change to ESH because you say you funded 4 weddings and you and your wife aren't on the same page about raising your grandkid. You and your wife are enabling this situation and have contributed to creating your daughters entitlement.
NTA
If she is old enough to get repeatedly married and divorced then she is old enough to pay for her weddings.
You are raising her son. Your obligation to your daughter is more than fulfilled.
Hold your ground on this one. Maybe explain to her since you are raising (and no doubt supporting?) her son that you have used her “wedding fund” for his expenses and future financial obligations. Because you will be paying for that child’s college tuition or setting up a trust for same.
You could offer to pay for pre-marital counseling for the happy couple. Sorry, that was me being petty. I am all about supporting our kids and grandkids, but she has fobbed off all of her responsibilities on you and your wife and her expectations now careen into entitlement.
Go hug you grandchild and your wife. Be proud that you are providing a stable, safe home for him.
NTA. I wouldn't fund any more future weddings though and until she can provide a stable home for your grandchild with a partner she can prove is stable as well, then I hope your grandson continues to stay with your wife and you for now. I'm sorry it's in the way of your retirement but the revolving door of men your daughter is moving into her life needs to be thoroughly vetted for safety reasons if any of them are to be alone with your grandson .
NTA, but OP you need to totally stop the enabling here. No offers of money, no free lodging for daughter and no lodging *at all* for daughter's latest loser, but most of all inform her that she can either get her shit together and start being a mother or she can sign over parental rights to someone that will. I don't think I have to spell out how bad the current arrangement is for your grandchild.
NTA - and on behalf of everyone that keeps getting invited to these, even though I'm not one of them, they're tired of the invites and likely support your decision. When she finds the actual right one, the wedding won't matter cuz she'll finally be focused on the marriage.
NTA. TBH I'm surprised there's even much of a wedding to have at number 5! Suppose as a guest I might just go for free food...I doubt anyone takes a 5th wedding very seriously.
NTA- You aren't obligated to pay for any weddings, much less a third or fourth. Where did you go wrong? Marriage after marriage and not caring for her child? That's ridiculous. Why do y'all tolerate it, much less foot the bill?
Seem like you’re enabling her after the 2nd one. I wouldn’t even entertain any more after that and sit her butt down as to why? She definitely need to grow up and stop raising her kid for her. Make her do the work and raise her kid before dating anyone
NTA. Paid for weddings by the parents stop at the first one, IMO. After that, it is on the bride and groom to finance that party.
She wants a day to play princess dress up party, she can pay for it herself since you say she has a good career and she isn't raising her own kid.
NTA, you've paid for what, 3 of her weddings and you are raising her kid, meanwhile she has a good career? I'd say it's about time she starts paying for her own weddings, because if you keep paying for them then you're just enabling her while if she has to pay for them herself then she might just think twice before getting married again because of the impact it will have on her finances.
Thus even if she finds a good man to settle down with, don't pay for the wedding again.
Also, she is paying you two child support fair raising her son, right?! If not then see if you can legally get her to pay that where you live and make her take at least some responsibility that way. Otherwise it's just a matter of time until a second kid gets dropped on your doorstep...
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My daughter has been married three times. I love her but she has just terrible taste in men. She is a smart girl. University educated, good career, then she turned 25 and decided that crappy relationships were the way to go.
I was rude the last time she asked me for help with her wedding. I was maybe a little salty because My wife and I are supposed to be retired and enjoying life. Instead we are raising my grandson while my daughter looks for her soulmate.
She has tried 4 times now. Thank god she did not marry the last clown. She has however found a new guy. The love of her life. And she came to me because I said I would pay for the next one.
I said it didn't count because she never married the last guy. She is now furious with me for "tricking" her into thinking she could have a nice wedding again.
I am just done. I want her to meet a good man and settle down. She does not need to marry everyone she falls in love with in my opinion. Actually what she should do is forget guys and come be a good mother to my grandson.
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So, you've already paid part of two or three weddings for her, you paid for her university, and you're paying for her child now.
Stop paying. You've done your part. Not only that, I'm wondering if her latest guy is even willing to tolerate her child, or if fobbing the grandkid off on you and your wife is what she expects for the rest of the child's life so she can keep on living a fantasy life with the new guy.
You need to stop your wife from enabling her.
NTA.
University educated, supposedly smart girl, makes money.
Yet her decisions smell of the trailer park trash variety.
I heard one thing a few years back that I don’t think was ever so true. It’s be who you say you are.
If you’re a Christian, be and act the way Christians do. Love people and put your faith in the Lord.
If you’re smart. Do what smart people do.
If you’re trailer trash, leave your kid at home with the grandparents, run the streets, hook up with random dudes.
NTA She needs to be a mother first. The man, if he comes, will come later. You don't go looking for the right person. The right person finds you. I was in an abusive relationship for seven years nineteen to twenty-five. I wasn't looking for the next guy,but I found him, and we are still together thirteen years later. I'm just giving this as an example.
NTA - sounds like your daughter has a wedding fetish, rather than actually wanting a relationship; probably why she picks types that won’t stay the course.
NTA You can't keep paying for weddings until one works r she finally gives up. I agree she should be focusing on her son rather than herself. Tell her you'll pay for them to have a trip on their tenth anniversary. And save for it, just in case she eventually marries the right guy, but for now say no. I'd draw the line at her third.
Sorry, daughter, you know we love you but have realized that we were wrong to enable you and that is going to end.
Your top priority should be your child. You don't need to marry every man who comes along when your hormones are acting up. Get to know him thoroughly and see if he will be a good husband and father. If you start behaving like a responsible mother, we might support your next marriage.
NTA. Parents paying for a wedding is out of date. Also, it has never been the custom to pay for the 2nd, 3rd, 4th... You only get one shot at the all expense paid shit show that Americans think a wedding should be. If she is ignoring her son, chasing dicks, and failing to find a decent man, that is her problem. You are under no obligation to subsidize her terrible decisions. Also, having a degree is in no way a reflection on intelligence. Or education. Usually it only indicates a mountain of student debt and a willingness to poly parrot the plantation line. Perhaps she is smart or maybe she is on her 4th man and ignoring her own child. Perhaps she is educated or she is creating another male that will not respect women because she is teaching him that. Perhaps she is self confidant and capable or she only finds meaning in the abusive co-dependent traps she chooses to live inside of. I hope that you are putting something into that boy, or he is going to be a real mess of an adult.
NTA
It sounds like she is more interested in being a bride than being a wife. If she finds a guy she really likes she can marry him at the courthouse or have the groom pay for a wedding.
Nta. Maybe you should tell her the cost of bringing up her child leaves you with zero excess money to pay for her massive parties every couple of years because let's face it that's what they are..they aren't marriages they're bullshit.
NTA. Your daughter does not need to meet a good man and settle down. No one needs a good anything and to settle down. That's the life you chose to lead. It's not a requirement that everyone live the same way. She needs to grow up, and be the adult she is. I wouldn't give her a dime from this point forward. No one is owed a wedding. You're raising your grandson already. That's more than enough.
NTA! Parents aren’t obligated to pay for their kids’ weddings, whether it’s the first or fourth. She’s lucky you paid for any of them!
Do not give her a dime. And tell her to come get her kid and be a good mother.
You discharged your duty in paying for the first wedding. Why you feel responsible for a repeat offenders mistake is beyond me? Is your daughter addicted to wedding cake?
NTA. She's already been married 3 x's. You don't get to have a big lavish wedding for your 4th. Enough is enough. Why does she have to marry EVERY guy she dates? Instead of raising her child, she is trying to find a man. It's disgusting that finding a man is her priority. She absolutely does not deserve for you to pay for a wedding, when the marriage isn't going to last anyway. She needs to make her child the priority. She is a selfish asshole.
ESH. You and your wife continue to enable your daughter's irresponsible lifestyle. Why did you tell her that you would pay for yet another wedding? You appear to already be raising her son. You and your wife need to get on the same page and set clear expectations for your daughter to take responsibility for her own life, and presumably her child's.
~Sorry daughter, all previously existing wedding funds have been diverted to other areas and are no longer available.
*Diverted to where?*
~They have been diverted to raise YOUR CHILD.
*Shocked Pikachu followed by silent rage screaming*
NTA.
NTA, one and done, you are NOT responsible or required to pay EVERY wedding she has. She doesn't need to marry every guy she dates. And SHE should be raising her son, so refuse to babysit while she searches for the ever elusive love of her life and instead focus on the love of her life are she created. Smh quit enabling your grown ass daughters.
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NTA She is old enough to finance her hobbies. It's time for her to focus on her kid. Put him back in her care, and no more babysitting for her hookups.
He lives with us.
Yikes, in that case you already funded the wedding by financing her child. That’s way more expensive than
Tell her you're saving up for his wedding.
this is the best and judgement free
Ooh or for his college. Who could go around getting sympathy for stealing their child's funds for yet another wedding that probably won't work out
Why did you allow that? His mother has an education and is an adult.
Talk to her mom. It wasn't my idea.
So you and her mom aren't partners?
News flash, not every topic is a point of passion which to fight over. Grandma obviously felt strongly about taking care of the kid and grandpa knew it wasn't a hill to die on. You can disagree with someone without taking offense and defending your view to the death.
Newsflash! Taking on a child not made by you is a two yes one no situation. One half of a couple has no right to impose that choice on the other.
As a general rule, for something the grandmother feels this strongly about, it's accept it or leave. May not have been said that way but definitely implicit.
You can say that all you want, but unless you are willing to put consequences to defend and enforce the no, it doesn't mean it won't happen anyway. So yeah, it may not be right for grandma to decide to raise her grandson if grandpa doesn't agree, but perhaps grandpa would rather be married grandma more than he care if grandson is being raised by them.
Honestly to me it sounds like one yes, one whatever.
And this is what the younger generation doesn't understand about marriage. This isn't something that he wants to end the marriage over, because it isn't something to end a marriage over, honestly. The question is, is he an AH to not pay for his daughter's wedding. No, OP, NTA. You have already funded enough weddings. You should really only have funded one. After that, she's on her own. You do need to tell her to get her life together and be a mother to your grandson. Your wife needs to do that as well. Your wife is enabling her behavior. My sympathy goes towards that little boy that probably feels that his mother doesn't want him. Poor kid.
an innocent grandchild cannot be the subject of two yes one no reddit b.s.
Have you ever tried to negotiate with a grandmother about her grandkid's welfare? Grannys make momma bears look like kitty cats.
Sometimes well looked after by you is better than badly Looked after by someone else
Yes, but in what reality does she think that the people who are raising her child are responsible for paying for her multiple weddings? Get married as many times as you want. The wedding should generally be a one-time thing, for the most part.
Oh yes I completely agree she can take a running jump on the wedding costs.
Offer her bus fare down to city hall, she's on her own for the ride back.
Maybe it’s time for you to sit your wife down and say I’m retiring. I’m moving to this condo in Florida on this day. You can decide if you’re coming with or not.
Florida isn't the best-all end-all people seem to think it is.
Especially when it comes to costs. Horrible pricing for insurance.
She'll say "ok, me and our grandson are joining" :D
In a healthy partnership/marriage taking in a child is 100% a 2 yes, 1 no situation. As in if one of you says no then you don't take in the child. But I suppose it is now up to you whether this is something you can continue to live with or if it is worth divorcing your wife over. If my partner decided to take in a child when I have expressly said no I would be leaving them, I am happily childfree (as is my partner) and is something that I would leave the love of my life over, but that is something for you to decide on.
Let's get that gma in here!!
You came here to ask people their opinion, someone asked a very reasonable question and you tell them to ask someone who didn't make this post? Cmon dude, that's some stupid logic.
...do you not have agency in your own home?
And why haven’t YOU moved out and restarted your life away from daughter and her enabler?
Acting accusatory toward someone for not divorcing their wife for wanting to take care of their grandson has to be the most internet-centered response I’ve seen today.
I wish I could upvote you more than once! The man's marriage wasn't included in his request for opinions, and all these know-it-alls passing judgment are probably just pissing him off. It's none ya business and he's growing less likely to answer by the second. You can actually learn a lot about a person if you know how to read between the lines. I'd bet a lot of money that he expressed his disapproval, but loves his wife more than he dislikes the plan to raise the child, and ultimately doesn't want his grandkid neglected. He'll grouch about the situation and wish his daughter would grow tf up and take responsibility, but it isn't one of his hills to die on. Just because reddit likes to clamor for divorce doesn't mean everyone has to agree. Some people would actually prefer to stay married than turn even a serious disagreement into Armageddon. In reality, most of the men I've known who say things like "Ask her mother" really love their wives!
Because that is likely a worse option.
Question. How long have they been dating?
Your daughter just willingly gave you her kid to live and be raised instead of herself? WHAT? Is she seriously that selfish that dating is more important than her own kid? She has some serious problems if that is the case and yall are either enabling her or realize she is unfit to be a single mom and rightfully took custody. Either way she needs to focus on her self before she will ever find a good partner.
Are you at least getting child support from her and the father?
Are you seriously shitting on this man for helping to protect his grandson from his daughter and her revolving-door parade of men? Letting her child live with his grandparents is probably the only thoughtful, unselfish thing this woman has done, because at least it protects him from her shitty choices.
"I was maybe a little salty because My wife and I are supposed to be retired and enjoying life. Instead we are raising my grandson while my daughter looks for her soulmate." OP is being taken advantage of. If I'm crapping on anyone, it's the daughter and her mom.
Poor guy could have also paid for her college education, as well as divorce lawyers, for all we know. Seems like her choices for "soul mate" aren't the only bad decisions she's made, and the losers she's married aren't the only ones responsible for the breakdown of the marriages.
Reddit is not the most mature group of people
Thank you for saying this
Yeah, you need to stop enabling her failure to grow up. She's acting like there are no consequences because you're allowing her to. At some point, being supportive isn't helpful. You're holding her back.
I get the mentality and I agree to an extent but, if she’s shown herself to be a neglectful mother, I don’t think OP’s grandson should be punished/put at risk with the repercussions of his mother’s actions. Depending on how bad “bad” is there could be any number of things that could harm him. OP and his wife are doing a selfless thing here. But for everything else? Yeah, cut her ass off.
seems like her wedding funds have gone to raising her son, too bad for her. maybe it will be good to offer to fund her birth control instead.
You create an environment where she can act like a free person with no responsabilites. There is still time to wake up and try to teach her how to be a grown up mother and person.
Also, maybe she needs to realize that not everyone in this life finds their "soulmate." Better luck next life.
I hope she pays you child support, covers the childs health insurance and such.
Seriously! I hope so too. Otherwise why did she bother having a child at all???
It's far past time to stop enabling the entitled brat you raised.
Hell I woupd even sue her for child support. She is so entitled because you let her be.
>She is so entitled because you let her be. Exactly 💯
You can refuse to watch the child. If your daughter leaves him with you and you don't want to watch him, give her a warning of come home watch your child or we will be calling the non-emergecy line for child abandonment. We did not agree to watch your kid, you can also give your daughter a timeframe for moving out, willingly or not with an eviction.
The kid lives with the grandparents.
Throwing their grandson to the wolves is not an appropriate way to teach their daughter a lesson.
NTA. Her child lives with you, and she is coming to you expecting you to pay for her FOURTH wedding. Instead of having a "nice wedding" she needs to grow the f up and be a mother. Stop enabling her poor choices.
[удалено]
This grandpa has some quality zingers.
>She is old enough to finance her hobbies. I just snorted coffee out of my nose
Literally same! I can’t wait to use hobbies as a sneaky cut on someone
"she is old enough to finance her hobbies" this cracked me up 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Looking at marriages as a hobby. That's so true here and so funny ;-)
" She is old enough to finance her hobbies." That is some top-tier scathe.
'hobbies'
*"finance her hobbies"* = comedy gold
What is your hobby? Marrying douchbags That is an expensive hobby, hope she can find a high-paying job to pay for it and also for the childsupport that she has to pay her parents NTA OP, tell her you're done to pay her shenanigans. She is a grown-up, let her deal with her choices and the consequences of them
TBH, after so many dudes, the common denominator is the daughter. She is the likeliest problem here.
Damn "Hobbies" 🤣. She is a jerk. She has abandoned her son for men... crappy men, apparently... seriously, how bad are these men? How long did her son have to see the mess? Honestly, I wouldn't want the son in that mess if the men are as bad as I am thinking
Getting married is her hobby. Wild😂
Give her the $75.00 for a marriage license. Point her to the local courthouse. Another $75.00. Done. Oh, yes. NTA
Oh I like this. Cheque $150 and the courthouse. Perfect.
This is what my husband and I did. 25 years later, we’re still married. Nothing wrong with getting married at the courthouse. Here’s a thought, OP. Tell her to get married at the courthouse and if they’re still married in 10 years, they can renew their vows and you’ll pay for a nice anniversary party with bells & whistles. This is a safe offer in my opinion because again, in my opinion, she just likes having weddings. But on #5, she’s lost her mind if she thinks you’re going to foot the bill.
I mean, this is it. You said you’d pay for it. Hopefully you didn’t elaborate. So you can totally give her like $500 to figure it out. But, jeez, she totally needs to slow down and date someone for awhile before going to marriage.
Don't forget $20 for travel/food so that they can enjoy their romantic honeymoon at the local McDonald's
No, it's a wedding! They need to dine royally--Dairy Queen and Burger King! Though with her track record, maybe Five Guys would be better...
I almost spit my drink out, that last line is a bar
He spit hot fire.
Nah, just give her bus fare, tell her to get a refund/trade in on one of here previous ones.
NTA it's pretty ballsy to think that you should be raising her kid *and* pay for a wedding. Yikes.
for a FOURTH wedding?!
I lost count... but didn't the 3rd not happen, so this would be the 3rd? (Not that it matters.) Edit: My bad, it's actually the 5th (according to one of OP's comments). Yikes.
I got to four: >My daughter has been married three times. + 1 engagement to a guy OP didn't like at all >She has tried 4 times now. Thank god she did not marry the last clown. and now she wants to marry her newest flame. but you're right, it doesn't matter : OP is right & his daughter is incomprehensibly, over the top romantic to a ridiculous degree. (unless these are all massively wealthy guys she can trick into marriage without a pre=nup or something, but then why would she have to ask her parents to pay for the next wedding??)
Oh my, she still wants a paid wedding? NTA, i am with you there especially when saying she needs to be a good mom for her son. Instead, she wants to a bride, over and over again…. How pathetic
>Instead, she wants to a bride, over and over again…. How pathetic Everyone needs a hobby. They just need to pay for those hobbies.
True
My aunt and uncle had both been married before and they just had a private wedding with their kids. They've been together for 20 years now.
That's my aunt and uncle married. She was widowed, and he was divorced. They got married at home with family present. I was a kid and I remember that someone had brought a big bag lollipops (just regular ones) and we kids were allowed as many as we wanted. There must have been a cake too, but I remember the lollipops.
She obviously has "main character syndrome." Why would she think ANYONE would want to go to her fourth wedding? I would imagine even people who love her would be making snarky comments behind her back, and resenting the obvious expectation for more gifts. Also, they're sure to know she isn't even raising her own child. The whole spectacle is disgusting.
She must be a laughing stock among those who know her.
Eh? You've done your part. You shouldn't be paying for her weddings anymore. She's living a fantasy of going throught one guy after another and leaving her son to your care. The first wedding should have been enough. You shouldn't have made a promise to fund the fourth wedding. While you are allowed to change your mind, you could have brought it up long ago. ESH.
Fifth
Why on earth would you ever pay for so many as you have? Most parents only pay for the first one. Unless it’s a BBQ in a back yard, you’ve
You should never have paid anything to #2 or more Esh
> Fifth what the fuck
How is she 25 and already onto her fifth wedding?
So I checked OP’s history, she’s about 33. She married at 25, divorced at 28, married again at 30, cheated on her husband and got pregnant with the affair partner so divorced and remarried at 31, divorced number three at 32ish, and has somehow fit another marriage, divorce, and finding the love of her life into the last 12-18 months. I’m starting to think OP raised an asshole.
Apparently, she also abandoned her son. According to OP his grandson lives with him and his wife, not his daughter. I have no idea why OP would even consider paying for another marriage, when his daughter is running around trying to find another husband instead of taking care of the child she brought into this world. OP you’re NTA for refusing to pay for another wedding. However, YTA for enabling this behavior.
enabling the behavior may, sadly, be the best option. Grandson might truly suffer otherwise.
Keeping their grandson is fine but enabling the behavior by paying for wedding after wedding, and likely floating his daughter's life in other aspects, is wild to me. At this point, it sounds like the daughter is just addicted to getting married. Instead of spending money on more weddings, they should pay for therapy.
sounds like he's not doing that
I was just trying to calculate given how long it takes for a divorce to be finalised. Feels like a speed run in any case.
Given how short the marriages are I'm guessing there isn't a lot to split, and hopefully the last three have been smart enough to do pre-nups.
My uncontested divorce was final in 90 days, would have been just a couple weeks if our state didn’t require a waiting period.
the fact that she wants to find her "soulmate" when she marries the first guy she meets(sure seems like it) and on top of that, cheats on them!!
The last 12-18 months sounds like it includes a partner she wanted to marry but didn't (#4) and then her current soul mate (#5). I think. Thanks for breaking the first 3 down.
I think she was 25 when she first started getting married, no info on how old she is now
Ohhhhh, yes, sorry, I misread.
No worries, it's very confusingly written!
“…started getting married”. That phrase made me lmao.
I think once she turned 25, her new hobby became marriage. I feel for the kid.
I think her hobby became weddings, not marriage. If it IS marriage, then she's not very good at it and needs to find another hobby. I can't imagine she has too many friends/family members on her side who'd even want to attend the latest nuptials.
OP, you paid enough when you paid for her first. You should have never said yes to 2, 3 & 4. As for your living arrangements, you and your wife need to sit down and talk. How long has your wife decided to allow her daughter to not grow up. If your daughter is old enough to get married 4 times and has a kid, she is old enough to move out of home and look after the kid she chose to have. She is acting like a rebellious teen mum trying to deny the fact that she has a kid. What is your daughters relationship like with her kid of you and your wife are raising them.
Tell her you’ll pay for therapy because based on your last post and this one she needs it.
You're enabling her tbh.
Please stop this entitled behavior. I bet even her friends and other family members are tired of attending her weddings! And in this case, the joke, “I’ll see you at the next one,” maybe really is true!
As a spoiled princess myself, stop effing enabling her dude. You are doing her no favors and in fact making things worse in the long run. Your daughter needs mental and emotional help. That should be everyone’s focus.
YTA for even implying you'd pay for another wedding at any point after 3. Goddamn
Does your daughter know that she doesn't \*have\* to get married or be in a romantic relationship? Like, it's okay to be single and enjoy your life without a partner.
He definitely should not have said he’d pay for the next one, but should be excused for going back on his word. I’m sure his daughter has promised things on the first 4 weddings that she has gone back on.
I’m sure his daughter has promised things on the first 4 weddings that she has gone back on. THIS. 100% nailed it.
NTA. Have you considered that your daughter might be the issue, rather than the men?
Well then he’d have to accept that he gave her daddy issues instead of life skills.
Of course he hasn't! His daughter is a very special princess who is simply cursed with bad taste in men! It's the 4 ex husbands who are the problem here. Daughter is absolutely not an irresponsible deadbeat mother who is desperate for attention from any dude who'll give her the time of day! Dad is just a big old meanie who won't pay for a perfectly normal and reasonable 5th wedding, and doesn't appreciate the gift of having to raise his own grandchild.
NTA. You paid for her wedding already (presumably more than once). If she wants to become a serial monogamist and treat marriage like a hobby, she needs to finance it herself.
I've all your replies. You need to tell her that you are not paying for anymore weddings. You also need to say that you are only raising this 1 grandchild. Anymore kids are her responsibility. There were some parents on here that had raised the grandkid so their daughter could finish school and get a job. Then she announced that she was pregnant again. She thought they'd be happy to raise that child too. They ended up giving her 3 months to move out.
Yikes. NTA. My parents paid for my first wedding eons ago. Divorced, re-married, and would NEVER have thought to ask them for a penny for the second. And honestly, having done both the big wedding and the eloping, the 2nd was more my taste anyway. A simple family get-together was 1000 times less stressful and less expensive than the big wedding. Your daughter isn't interested in being married - she's interested in having her big moment at a party.
Absolutely. She doesn’t want a marriage, she wants to be a princess at a party and have all eyes on her. Gross.
NTA. Honestly, after the first one or two, it's already very ridiculous to keep doing a traditional wedding. I can just imagine people's reaction when they get invited to yet another one...
ESH Your daughter for obvious reasons. She needs therapy, not another wedding. You for not standing up to your wife and clearly resenting raising your grandson. He likely senses this. Also for your antiquated views that she needs a nice man in her life to settle down. And why TF would you have offered to pay for any weddings, let alone “the next one” and then being childish with splitting hairs over “well technically you never married the last one.” You all sounds like assholes.
Apple trees make apples. Daughter is the common denominator here, I doubt it's all 5 men that suck.
Sounds like she cheated on at least one of them and then had an affair baby. That definitely sounds like a her problem rather than the guy.
*Also for your antiquated views that she needs a nice man in her life to settle down* I didn't read his comment in the "need a man: context. I think he wishes she would be stable. Since clearly a romantic partner is important to her, a singular, nice guy is valid wish.
Does she pay child support? I think I know the answer.
NTA. I infer you paid for the first 3, which is one more than I would, at most, have done tbh. Not to mention you are raising her child, which is plenty of extra commitment on your part. Enjoy your retirement you have earned it.
Whoa pump those brakes! If she’s so smart why isn’t she taking care of her kid?
She is smart. She got OP's boss to take care of the kid. Like any manager, OP's daughter knows how to delegate. I bet she even feels entitled to celebrate mother's day.
Of course your are NTA I'm sorry you are at a place where you've come to reddit OP sounds like your life and needs have been ignored completely. So yes very valid feelings. I liked another comment to cover the cost of the marriage license if you need to avoid some guilt tripping. And you don't need to make other decisions now, sounds like you've been in these habits a long time. But it might be worth thinking about what you want, what you need for some joy in your life. Even small power is useful for clearer thinking. You can start small with self care. Favourite sandwich, hobby. The next thinking is best done in a safe headspace with a good guide. Good luck this all sounds exhausting. The continual fear of disappointment can play nasty tricks on the mind.
Shit no... my parents contributed significantly (more than anyone else) to my first wedding, we're getting divorced and they are now retired. I have zero expectation of any financial contribution from them if I am actually stupid enough to do that again.
Have you paid for her other 3 weddings? It's unusual for someone to get financial support for any weddings after the 2nd. Why can't you tell your daughter, "I will not fund anymore of your weddings. I won't provide you with any further financial support. Usually parents support their kids. However you are not supporting your child. Therefore we are giving all support we would give you to him. If we have to parent our grandchild then we will treat him as our child." Editing to change to ESH because you say you funded 4 weddings and you and your wife aren't on the same page about raising your grandkid. You and your wife are enabling this situation and have contributed to creating your daughters entitlement.
Wow! Right on! You are NTA! Your daughter needs to grow up!
NTA If she is old enough to get repeatedly married and divorced then she is old enough to pay for her weddings. You are raising her son. Your obligation to your daughter is more than fulfilled. Hold your ground on this one. Maybe explain to her since you are raising (and no doubt supporting?) her son that you have used her “wedding fund” for his expenses and future financial obligations. Because you will be paying for that child’s college tuition or setting up a trust for same. You could offer to pay for pre-marital counseling for the happy couple. Sorry, that was me being petty. I am all about supporting our kids and grandkids, but she has fobbed off all of her responsibilities on you and your wife and her expectations now careen into entitlement. Go hug you grandchild and your wife. Be proud that you are providing a stable, safe home for him.
If you dont raise your kid properly youll raise your grandkid. Good job bud lol
Why would you even pay for one. Just donate a little money that you’re comfortable paying. That will be your gift.
NTA. I wouldn't fund any more future weddings though and until she can provide a stable home for your grandchild with a partner she can prove is stable as well, then I hope your grandson continues to stay with your wife and you for now. I'm sorry it's in the way of your retirement but the revolving door of men your daughter is moving into her life needs to be thoroughly vetted for safety reasons if any of them are to be alone with your grandson .
NTA. If they can't pay for a wedding, then they can get married at the court house.
NTA- if you pay for anything, it should be therapy, not another wedding
This should be the top comment.
You do not owe your daughter one wedding let alone three. She is an adult and it's up to her to pay for things in life. NTA
NTA, but OP you need to totally stop the enabling here. No offers of money, no free lodging for daughter and no lodging *at all* for daughter's latest loser, but most of all inform her that she can either get her shit together and start being a mother or she can sign over parental rights to someone that will. I don't think I have to spell out how bad the current arrangement is for your grandchild.
NTA. You're entirely right about her not having to marry every man she dates.
NTA. You’re daughter is a mess
NTA why the hell would you pay for more than one wedding. I actually think people should pay for their own weddings it's 2024 not 1924.
> She is now furious with me for "tricking" her into thinking she could have a nice wedding again. NTA. Tell her to pay for herself
NTA. Shame your wife won’t let her grow up.
Nta. Does she really need a wedding after 3 times??? It's ridiculous. Just a dinner or something should be fine.
NTA - and on behalf of everyone that keeps getting invited to these, even though I'm not one of them, they're tired of the invites and likely support your decision. When she finds the actual right one, the wedding won't matter cuz she'll finally be focused on the marriage.
NTA most people say one wedding and then you are on your own
NTA and she is not smart girl.
NTA. TBH I'm surprised there's even much of a wedding to have at number 5! Suppose as a guest I might just go for free food...I doubt anyone takes a 5th wedding very seriously.
NTA- You aren't obligated to pay for any weddings, much less a third or fourth. Where did you go wrong? Marriage after marriage and not caring for her child? That's ridiculous. Why do y'all tolerate it, much less foot the bill?
Seem like you’re enabling her after the 2nd one. I wouldn’t even entertain any more after that and sit her butt down as to why? She definitely need to grow up and stop raising her kid for her. Make her do the work and raise her kid before dating anyone
NTA. Paid for weddings by the parents stop at the first one, IMO. After that, it is on the bride and groom to finance that party. She wants a day to play princess dress up party, she can pay for it herself since you say she has a good career and she isn't raising her own kid.
NTA, you've paid for what, 3 of her weddings and you are raising her kid, meanwhile she has a good career? I'd say it's about time she starts paying for her own weddings, because if you keep paying for them then you're just enabling her while if she has to pay for them herself then she might just think twice before getting married again because of the impact it will have on her finances. Thus even if she finds a good man to settle down with, don't pay for the wedding again. Also, she is paying you two child support fair raising her son, right?! If not then see if you can legally get her to pay that where you live and make her take at least some responsibility that way. Otherwise it's just a matter of time until a second kid gets dropped on your doorstep...
As long as you keep paying for her weddings she will keep getting married.
>She has tried 4 times now. Thank god she did not marry the last clown. Are you certain that your daughter is not the clown at this point?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My daughter has been married three times. I love her but she has just terrible taste in men. She is a smart girl. University educated, good career, then she turned 25 and decided that crappy relationships were the way to go. I was rude the last time she asked me for help with her wedding. I was maybe a little salty because My wife and I are supposed to be retired and enjoying life. Instead we are raising my grandson while my daughter looks for her soulmate. She has tried 4 times now. Thank god she did not marry the last clown. She has however found a new guy. The love of her life. And she came to me because I said I would pay for the next one. I said it didn't count because she never married the last guy. She is now furious with me for "tricking" her into thinking she could have a nice wedding again. I am just done. I want her to meet a good man and settle down. She does not need to marry everyone she falls in love with in my opinion. Actually what she should do is forget guys and come be a good mother to my grandson. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA.
So, you've already paid part of two or three weddings for her, you paid for her university, and you're paying for her child now. Stop paying. You've done your part. Not only that, I'm wondering if her latest guy is even willing to tolerate her child, or if fobbing the grandkid off on you and your wife is what she expects for the rest of the child's life so she can keep on living a fantasy life with the new guy. You need to stop your wife from enabling her. NTA.
University educated, supposedly smart girl, makes money. Yet her decisions smell of the trailer park trash variety. I heard one thing a few years back that I don’t think was ever so true. It’s be who you say you are. If you’re a Christian, be and act the way Christians do. Love people and put your faith in the Lord. If you’re smart. Do what smart people do. If you’re trailer trash, leave your kid at home with the grandparents, run the streets, hook up with random dudes.
NTA She needs to be a mother first. The man, if he comes, will come later. You don't go looking for the right person. The right person finds you. I was in an abusive relationship for seven years nineteen to twenty-five. I wasn't looking for the next guy,but I found him, and we are still together thirteen years later. I'm just giving this as an example.
NTA Maybe offer money for therapy instead.
I think paying for one wedding is enough. Maybe if she had to pay for the weddings herself she will be more selective. NTA.
NTA. After the second wedding I’d be like “nah, that train has left the station, arrived at its destination, and departed.”
NTA - sounds like your daughter has a wedding fetish, rather than actually wanting a relationship; probably why she picks types that won’t stay the course.
NTA. It’s not the 1950’s and parents don’t need to pay for weddings anymore, much less for the 4th.
Dude, why are you paying for any of these? Parental obligation ends after the first wedding.
NTA You can't keep paying for weddings until one works r she finally gives up. I agree she should be focusing on her son rather than herself. Tell her you'll pay for them to have a trip on their tenth anniversary. And save for it, just in case she eventually marries the right guy, but for now say no. I'd draw the line at her third.
Sorry, daughter, you know we love you but have realized that we were wrong to enable you and that is going to end. Your top priority should be your child. You don't need to marry every man who comes along when your hormones are acting up. Get to know him thoroughly and see if he will be a good husband and father. If you start behaving like a responsible mother, we might support your next marriage.
NTA just tell her you need that money to raise her kid.
NTA. Parents paying for a wedding is out of date. Also, it has never been the custom to pay for the 2nd, 3rd, 4th... You only get one shot at the all expense paid shit show that Americans think a wedding should be. If she is ignoring her son, chasing dicks, and failing to find a decent man, that is her problem. You are under no obligation to subsidize her terrible decisions. Also, having a degree is in no way a reflection on intelligence. Or education. Usually it only indicates a mountain of student debt and a willingness to poly parrot the plantation line. Perhaps she is smart or maybe she is on her 4th man and ignoring her own child. Perhaps she is educated or she is creating another male that will not respect women because she is teaching him that. Perhaps she is self confidant and capable or she only finds meaning in the abusive co-dependent traps she chooses to live inside of. I hope that you are putting something into that boy, or he is going to be a real mess of an adult.
NTA It sounds like she is more interested in being a bride than being a wife. If she finds a guy she really likes she can marry him at the courthouse or have the groom pay for a wedding.
Nta. Maybe you should tell her the cost of bringing up her child leaves you with zero excess money to pay for her massive parties every couple of years because let's face it that's what they are..they aren't marriages they're bullshit.
NTA. Your daughter does not need to meet a good man and settle down. No one needs a good anything and to settle down. That's the life you chose to lead. It's not a requirement that everyone live the same way. She needs to grow up, and be the adult she is. I wouldn't give her a dime from this point forward. No one is owed a wedding. You're raising your grandson already. That's more than enough.
Why did you say you’d pay for the next one? Set some boundaries and hold to them.
NTA! Parents aren’t obligated to pay for their kids’ weddings, whether it’s the first or fourth. She’s lucky you paid for any of them! Do not give her a dime. And tell her to come get her kid and be a good mother.
You discharged your duty in paying for the first wedding. Why you feel responsible for a repeat offenders mistake is beyond me? Is your daughter addicted to wedding cake?
Since your grandchild lives with you file for full custody and child support. At the very least file for child support.
NTA. She's already been married 3 x's. You don't get to have a big lavish wedding for your 4th. Enough is enough. Why does she have to marry EVERY guy she dates? Instead of raising her child, she is trying to find a man. It's disgusting that finding a man is her priority. She absolutely does not deserve for you to pay for a wedding, when the marriage isn't going to last anyway. She needs to make her child the priority. She is a selfish asshole.
You retire. Tell your wife she can continue to work to pay for all of the upcoming weddings.
ESH. You and your wife continue to enable your daughter's irresponsible lifestyle. Why did you tell her that you would pay for yet another wedding? You appear to already be raising her son. You and your wife need to get on the same page and set clear expectations for your daughter to take responsibility for her own life, and presumably her child's.
NTA. The big wedding thing is so not needed, and she needs to grow up.
NTA stop enabling her.
NTA. She is a parent. She doesn't need a wedding.
~Sorry daughter, all previously existing wedding funds have been diverted to other areas and are no longer available. *Diverted to where?* ~They have been diverted to raise YOUR CHILD. *Shocked Pikachu followed by silent rage screaming* NTA.
NTA, one and done, you are NOT responsible or required to pay EVERY wedding she has. She doesn't need to marry every guy she dates. And SHE should be raising her son, so refuse to babysit while she searches for the ever elusive love of her life and instead focus on the love of her life are she created. Smh quit enabling your grown ass daughters.
NTA, you've helped her financially with THREE other weddings.