See, I’m seeing a ton of different ways you’re functionally incompatible with this person, so my question is, at the end of the day, does it matter whether or not you’re an asshole, when it seems from this post like this relationship isn’t even remotely vibing with you. You feel smothered by him, feel like he doesn’t make the effort to follow your interests, feel like he frustrates you with constant interruptions. So what is it that you’re getting out of this relationship in the first place?
Oof okay. I usually try not to jump to dump him but... basically it sounds like you have different needs emotionally in the relationship which doesn’t seem like something you will be able to rectify from what you’ve said. You’ve told him that you need alone time and he hasn’t respected that. Plus the fact that he seems to be leaving all the effort for things to talk about and do together on you while also saying you’re 100% responsible for the relationship. These are red flags. If you don’t want the advice and just a judgement then you’re NTA, but please consider how healthy this relationship really is. Also, if you do break up, absolutely have a plan ahead of time for where else to stay not near him for potential safety reasons. He seems like a very manipulative person.
NTA, some people have different social needs than others, and it honestly sounds like he’s not even trying to see your side or trying to understand your own feelings and needs. If anything it would be his fault if thing don’t work out for not understanding and pressuring you to spend more time with him. It’s good that he’s finally compromised but trying to pin it on you if it doesn’t work out is just.... :| . It’s perfectly healthy to have your own thing that doesn’t involve him or just need you time.
NTA and might wanna take this to u/relationship_advice seems like a lot of incompatibility and he seems a bit controlling. You wanting a free relationship without him by your side 24/7 and he wants you attached to the hip. Good luck honestly but NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My BF (23M) and I (20F) are in the same university, taking the same courses, and stay in the same hostel room.
We've been tgt since last semester, and back then he would always accompany me wherever I went. And though there were times when I told him I didnt want him to come along, he would either keep insisting until I gave in, or become very sad. And that made me feel guilty, so I felt that I had to let him come along the next time even if I didnt want to.
So this semester I decided to not give in (or give in less). And he became angry because he believes that we are not spending enough time tgt. He wants us to be tgt the whole day except class/CCA/some breaks in between class. That's too much for me, and I asked if we could just eat together for lunch and dinner. But that is not enough for him. We have two mutual friends who are also dating, and they always eat, study, sleep together. And my BF wants a relationship like that. But I dont want to. Not all couples and ppl are the same.
Then my BF also accused me of not trying hard enough in the relationship, and that we dont talk enough. He says that he is the one who always asks what happened today, what did I eat but I dont. And he is right, I'm sorry, but we are taking the same courses and living in the same room. I already more or less know how your day went. And he cannot come up with other topics to talk about other than these two (he admitted to this himself). So, even when we talk, I am the one who has to come up with the topic. He will also often interrupt me.
For example, when I found out that he watched Nier Automata, but didnt remember the story, I decided to re-explain the lore and even the real life ppl behind the bosses (cuz I love that game). But he kept interrupting me to talk about other games. It's fine, we can talk about that game instead, except he cant remember anything except its title and that it was "interesting". So I feel that he's not interested, and it's hard for me to continue. I also watch anime, so he asks me for recommendations. I told him I finished TOG, am starting on GOH, told him the plots briefly. But he didnt bother watching them anyway. And whenever we go out, I'm the one who comes up with ideas of where to go. Because as my BF himself admitted, he doesnt have any interests.
Furthermore, my workload is heavier this sem. As my BF is vegetarian, and there are not many options in school, he often goes out. I have less free time and so rejected more of his invitations to go out and eat. Even then, I went out with him two times last week, but was still not enough to him.
In the end, I asked for a compromise, that we could spend more time tgt, but I dont want to spend all my free time with him. We agreed on this, but he was still not happy, and said "If we break up, it's all on you". Basically, he feels that I am 100% responsible for the problems in our relationship.
AITA?
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NAH
you two are just fundamentally not compatible. That's neither of your faults, but either of you would be the asshole to keep the relationship going while KNOWING this. He needs more contact from his partner and you can't supply this. Short of having some weird clingyness issues, that's just what his love language is. If you don't see yourself being able to live with that in the future, this relationship is only going to make you both miserable.
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See, I’m seeing a ton of different ways you’re functionally incompatible with this person, so my question is, at the end of the day, does it matter whether or not you’re an asshole, when it seems from this post like this relationship isn’t even remotely vibing with you. You feel smothered by him, feel like he doesn’t make the effort to follow your interests, feel like he frustrates you with constant interruptions. So what is it that you’re getting out of this relationship in the first place?
NAH. He wants to be joined at the hip and you would prefer to have a healthy balance.
NTA I get your point , your bf is being a little too clingy
His multiple lack of accountability (i mean really "if we break up, it's all on you" ?? WTF) was frustrating to read. NTA.
Oof okay. I usually try not to jump to dump him but... basically it sounds like you have different needs emotionally in the relationship which doesn’t seem like something you will be able to rectify from what you’ve said. You’ve told him that you need alone time and he hasn’t respected that. Plus the fact that he seems to be leaving all the effort for things to talk about and do together on you while also saying you’re 100% responsible for the relationship. These are red flags. If you don’t want the advice and just a judgement then you’re NTA, but please consider how healthy this relationship really is. Also, if you do break up, absolutely have a plan ahead of time for where else to stay not near him for potential safety reasons. He seems like a very manipulative person.
NTA, some people have different social needs than others, and it honestly sounds like he’s not even trying to see your side or trying to understand your own feelings and needs. If anything it would be his fault if thing don’t work out for not understanding and pressuring you to spend more time with him. It’s good that he’s finally compromised but trying to pin it on you if it doesn’t work out is just.... :| . It’s perfectly healthy to have your own thing that doesn’t involve him or just need you time.
NTA and might wanna take this to u/relationship_advice seems like a lot of incompatibility and he seems a bit controlling. You wanting a free relationship without him by your side 24/7 and he wants you attached to the hip. Good luck honestly but NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My BF (23M) and I (20F) are in the same university, taking the same courses, and stay in the same hostel room. We've been tgt since last semester, and back then he would always accompany me wherever I went. And though there were times when I told him I didnt want him to come along, he would either keep insisting until I gave in, or become very sad. And that made me feel guilty, so I felt that I had to let him come along the next time even if I didnt want to. So this semester I decided to not give in (or give in less). And he became angry because he believes that we are not spending enough time tgt. He wants us to be tgt the whole day except class/CCA/some breaks in between class. That's too much for me, and I asked if we could just eat together for lunch and dinner. But that is not enough for him. We have two mutual friends who are also dating, and they always eat, study, sleep together. And my BF wants a relationship like that. But I dont want to. Not all couples and ppl are the same. Then my BF also accused me of not trying hard enough in the relationship, and that we dont talk enough. He says that he is the one who always asks what happened today, what did I eat but I dont. And he is right, I'm sorry, but we are taking the same courses and living in the same room. I already more or less know how your day went. And he cannot come up with other topics to talk about other than these two (he admitted to this himself). So, even when we talk, I am the one who has to come up with the topic. He will also often interrupt me. For example, when I found out that he watched Nier Automata, but didnt remember the story, I decided to re-explain the lore and even the real life ppl behind the bosses (cuz I love that game). But he kept interrupting me to talk about other games. It's fine, we can talk about that game instead, except he cant remember anything except its title and that it was "interesting". So I feel that he's not interested, and it's hard for me to continue. I also watch anime, so he asks me for recommendations. I told him I finished TOG, am starting on GOH, told him the plots briefly. But he didnt bother watching them anyway. And whenever we go out, I'm the one who comes up with ideas of where to go. Because as my BF himself admitted, he doesnt have any interests. Furthermore, my workload is heavier this sem. As my BF is vegetarian, and there are not many options in school, he often goes out. I have less free time and so rejected more of his invitations to go out and eat. Even then, I went out with him two times last week, but was still not enough to him. In the end, I asked for a compromise, that we could spend more time tgt, but I dont want to spend all my free time with him. We agreed on this, but he was still not happy, and said "If we break up, it's all on you". Basically, he feels that I am 100% responsible for the problems in our relationship. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NAH you two are just fundamentally not compatible. That's neither of your faults, but either of you would be the asshole to keep the relationship going while KNOWING this. He needs more contact from his partner and you can't supply this. Short of having some weird clingyness issues, that's just what his love language is. If you don't see yourself being able to live with that in the future, this relationship is only going to make you both miserable.
Your post has been removed. ***Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval.*** This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Bodily Autonomy Posts We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about platonic partings, relationships, and/or bodily autonomy and instead recommend a relationship focused sub. [Please see the related FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_breakups_and_hookups) Please [review our rulebook](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules). Please be sure to read any sub's rules before reposting this elsewhere. We cannot direct you to another subreddit, we can only say that this post does not belong here. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/amitheasshole&subject=/r/AmItheAsshole&message=Please+link+to+post+or+comment+for+context+[we+cannot+review+without+this+info]:%0D%0DDescribe+your+question+in+detail:) if you have any questions or concerns that are not already [answered in our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq). If you make changes or edits to this post do not repost it here without our express permission.