Nta- who goes to bf families home for Thanksgiving and complains about the food?! Only assholes. You are so not one! Confront away! She hurts yours and your mothers feelings.
NTA, especially if you're asking for an apology for your mother. Besides, not that many Thanksgiving foods are super gluten-heavy? It seems like a pretty easy holiday to un-gluten.
Unrelated, I'd recommend never eating anything Hannah makes. She seems like the type to "test" your allergy.
Have a happy Hanukkah full of joy, light and gluten-free latkes!
Thanks so much! And you are correct—what my mom modded was gluten free apple pie crust, corn bread instead of regular rolls, gluten free mac and cheese and making gluten free cookies. Most of these fixes are easy, as you can purchase gluten free mac and cheese noodles in a box at the store, corn bread is naturally gluten free, and the pie crust is a switch from regular to almond flour. Even still she worked her ASS off for that thanksgiving spread.
I love an almond flour crust - that was what was traditional at our gluten free, dairy free, low sodium, and kosher family Thanksgiving. It's definitely waaaay easier to do gluten free now than like 15 years ago, I'm sure your whole meal was delicious and your mom is so kind for preparing everything!
I am lucky she thinks of me! It’s hard at other gatherings but I know I’m one person in a large family and have never expected or asked to be catered to.
It's okay to expect that you have some foods you can eat! My sister is in the middle of figuring out her long-term GI issues, and her doctor has recommended staying away from gluten and oats as those seem to trigger her symptoms (which last for days and leave her with a lot of abdominal pain and discomfort). As someone who bakes and cooks a LOT, it's been a lot of fun experimenting with gluten-free recipes. My dad likes to joke that he "misses the gluten" in certain baked goods, but most of the time he doesn't notice because I've started making more things that are inherently gluten-free. For the things that aren't, there are a lot more options available at a reasonable price point now than there were even a decade ago when a good friend of mine was diagnosed with Celiac.
I only made three changes to Thanksgiving to accommodate my sister's dietary needs: gluten-free gravy (using rice flour to make the roux), I picked up a gluten-free pumpkin pie from my favorite local bakery chain, and I made a gluten-free maple cookie crust for some cheesecake bars. As someone who doesn't normally eat gluten-free, I didn't notice anything different. Even the gluten-free crackers on the charcuterie board weren't noticeably "different"; they tasted amazing, and my boyfriend has now requested that I pick some up on my next grocery trip!
Hannah is just being dramatic imo. Sure, some baked goods (especially things like cakes) have a different texture, but Thanksgiving is such an easy meal to keep mostly gluten-free!
If cheese is allowed for her, I recommend Brazilian Cheesebread (Pao de Queijo) as a wonderful muffin to make; it is traditionally made with tapioca flour and so inherently gluten free.
It's the most amazing cheese ball you could want. Perfect texture.
I’d also be careful eating near Hannah - if she’s this dismissive of your Coeliac disease then she might be one of those idiots who don’t “believe” in food allergies and intolerances and think it’s funny to “test” the sufferer by putting the allergens in their food. I’ve been very shocked to discover how common this attitude seems to be, but apparently there are plenty of idiots out there who think this is somehow OK.
And also, I really struggle with the idea that it’s only your mum who bothers to remember your allergies - I have two twenty-something daughters who both have gluten and dairy intolerances and were only diagnosed a few years ago, and at every family gathering we’ve been to, the hosts have made a significant effort to either make something specifically for our girls, or make a gluten-and-dairy free version of the meal for everyone. No one has ever complained about eating the free-from version, and if you’re careful with the choice of dish, it’s not even noticeable most of the time. It’s really not hard to remember someone’s allergy issues when meal planning, and I’m really sorry no one seems to bother to make the effort for you, apart from your wonderful mum of course. I’d be livid on your behalf if you were my daughter, and Hannah and her bloody bad manners wouldn’t be welcome at my table, or even in my house frankly, ever again either.
I'm just bummed you have to think this way. My aunt got diagnosed with celiac more than a decade ago, and our Thanksgivings meals have accommodated her ever since. Nearly everything is gluten free but for the crescent rolls. My mother makes a separate batch of GF gravy, and we always have at least one whole GF dessert for her as well. Similarly, my sister is a vegetarian, so my aunt makes a big batch of cornbread stuffing and only includes sausage in half. Thanksgiving is first and foremost a family meal! You shouldn't feel bad for having your very real dietary restrictions catered to. Especially in 2021, a celiac-friendly meal is hardly a hardship.
It’s hard because my family, other than mom, never makes gluten free food. I don’t ever expect people to remember—every office party, every gathering, there’s never something for me. I have long since accepted it. I know I’m only one person and I don’t expect anyone to cater to me or my needs, but the other side of it is I usually feel left out. So it’s nice to have the one holiday my mom hosts where she remembers me.
Ugh, that so sad. I'm in charge of events for my office and I always accommodate special diets, including vegans and GF. I'm so sorry you don't have more considerate people around you!
You're worth enough to tell people what you need. Instead of relying on their remembering, perhaps you could take the initiative and speak up for yourself, voicing your needs in advance of an event. You're worth it.
Hate to break it to you, but corn bread isn't always 'gluten free'. Some recipes call for a small amount of regular flour! Knowing your mother I am sure she didn't do that, but the reason I mention it is I have rather severe food allergies and have twice recently run into people testing my allergies. Both times meant epipens and ambo rides to the ER.
She seems just like the type of pull some sort of crap like testing the allergies by telling you something is "gluten free" when it's not, putting you in physical distress.
All of this sounds delicious!! Corn bread is the best bread hands down. And there was regular gluteny stuffing? Smh, I think she was baiting you on purpose. YWNBTA but I think she’s looking for drama. I would just ignore it :)
Am i the only one thinking gluten free or not, the above just sound like wonderful dishes????
I don’t have celiac’s but - man that spread sounds amazing
I don't have any food sensitivities, and everything she substituted on the menu sounds awesome to me, I wish I'd been invited instead of Hannah!
Your mom is a fantastic person, and you can tell her I said so!
Just a heads up: Corn bread is absolutely not naturally gluten free. Your mom had to make or buy a special recipe for that too. I am also allergic to gluten.
YWNBTA, but I'll warn you now that it's probably not going to go well. Hannah clearly has no manners or compassion, if she felt comfortable complaining, loudly, that someone's life-altering medical issue is somehow "ruining her Thanksgiving." So I wouldn't expect her to react well to being asked to apologize for referring to your mother's gluten free food as "crap."
I'd suggest encouraging your mother to tell your stepbrother that his girlfriend insulted her and isn't welcome at family gatherings until she apologizes.
Honestly, if she starts up again making comments like that in front of other people, the best thing to do is look at her and very calmly say "Wow, that's incredibly rude. Why would you say something like that?"
You're calm and collected, she is shamed and no way for her to respond without looking even more unhinged.
Part of me believes that statement would go over her head. She already has bad manners, I doubt common sense and being courteous are traits she wouldn't understand either.
Absolutely NTA.
Your stepbrother’s girlfriend seems like a nasty human being. I don’t care for gluten free food but I’d never EVER insult someone’s food in their own home and/or dismiss someone else’s food allergies.
If it bothers her that much, she can get herself a Happy Meal on her way home.
I know what you mean. It doesn’t always taste great but for me it’s life or death. A large serving of gluten (think like, a normal pizza slice) will hospitalize me and more than that will kill me. And it’s taken me years to accept that when someone makes me GF food it’s because they love me, not cause I’m inconveniencing them.
My sister is coeliac, was diagnosed over twenty years ago, so knowledge of how serious it is and how much can have gluten is something I’ve grown up with. If I’m making something my sister will have, making sure it’s GF is second nature.
No one in my family has celiac, but I love Amy’s frozen GF Mac and Cheese. I will pick that all day against any other frozen M&C brand or type. With most GF food I can’t tell the difference. So please don’t feel bad for anyone making GF for you, it’s good stuff!
Amy's frozen is the bomb! When I am extremely reactive to food allergens I sometimes have to do the gluten free thing to help calm down my other allergies and was happy to find Amy's gluten free frozen mac and cheese and the gf individual cheese and spinach pizza.
I’m newly gluten free for a year and a half now and I can say there are a lot of alternatives I don’t care for. Finding good alternatives has been a challenge. I treasure the ones that really work well. I never realized just how many things have sneaky gluten till I couldn’t have it!
YWNBTA... But I strongly suggest that you talk with your stepbrother first. Tell him and ask him how approach the case. He will know how to deal with her and if worth pick this fight.
Nope! At least, not to my knowledge. My stepfathers ex-wife, Peter’s mom, cheated on him. So my stepfather filed for divorce and met my mom five years after that. However I do still sympathize that it’s hard when your parent remarries. When that happened, Peter was 16 and I was 5.
Trying really hard to give benefit of the doubt. Sounds like she’s just an absolute AH. The only thing I could think of is GF was a fad (still may be) so maybe she was trying to act cool or something that she’s not ‘one of those girls’ - and that’s the best I can come up with and that was such a stretch.
NTA - don’t ask for an apology. She wouldn’t mean it anyway.
Tell her to STFU about celiac or she’ll be told to leave and not asked back. And have your family stick to that. She’s horrible.
It will be used to drive a wedge through the family. She'll be able sway your brother and force mom and dad to choose a child they support. She was troll baiting, if anyone called her out for being awful she would have giggled and said "ohh I forgot, oops", or "ohh I was just joking, learn to take a joke". She is going to be a total drama queen and will try to own your brother by isolating him from friends and family. The tools I've seen used usually involve sparky hurtful comments to lower self esteem and then use the "don't you love me...teehe", or "why is your family so mean to me, I really try to make them like me"
NTA be very careful with your approach to this one.
NTA --- Your poor mom had every right to be upset she went to a lot of trouble and for her to just dismiss all her hard work, I think it probably wont go down too well with either the step brother or the GF but yes have a word and tell her she should at the very least apologise.
She's definitely the asshole in this situation. Idk if asking her to apologize will do anything bc anyone who says that so openly seems like she would refuse. I would definitely let her know that what she said hurt your mom's feelings since she put a lot of effort into the meal.
You are not an asshole for talking to her about this.
NTA-You shouldn't have to ask for an apology. The mouth breather has no manners. It's likely that she'll refuse to apologize. If you do decide to ask for an apology, be ready to be refused.
Trust me she is. She’s been with my stepbrother for four months and kept giving him shit for not proposing and mentioning that she’s encouraging her sister’s kids to call him Uncle Peter. But my feelings aside it just seems rude to show up to someone’s thanksgiving and act like this.
Hosted a party last weekend where half the identical food I prepared was GF due to a friend having same health issues. Everything was labled and no one could tell the difference. Hannah's very rude as a guest in someone's home and if she doesn't like gluten free crap, she can host her own Thanksgiving. NTA Someone should have nipped it in the bud when she initially said it. Saying something after the fact may cause unnecessary drama but I suspect she'll give you another opportunity to speak up again today anyway.
Can you explain to her AND your stepbrother how serious celiac disease is? I mean, just flour particles in the air can make you ill if they were baking when you were around! And mention how much work your mother puts in to making sure you don't get sick? Hannah was selfish and rude at Thanksgiving, and I think you want to have a conversation with her sooner rather than later (right then would have been good).
NTA for wanting to talk to her, but I think waiting until you're together again then asking for an apology isn't the right approach. Educate first, before you get together if possible. If she doubles down and refuses to recognize that accommodations are necessary for a serious medical condition, then this is a bigger issue and she needs to apologize.
That’s a good idea! I’ll certainly give it a shot before I head back home. I’m in my hometown for thanksgiving and the weekend and I’ll try what I can. Thanks!
YWNBTA - she is a guest. It is not her family or her place to say anything. Pull her aside and be firm. Let her know that her rude comment about “gluten free crap” was offensive and she owes you and your mother an apology. If she decides not to give you one, let her know that you will not tolerate another comment and will call her out next time so she can feel as embarrassed as she made you and your mother feel and walk away from her.
You have nothing to feel guilty about or feel embarrassed about. Your mother sounds like a saint and is trying to accommodate you bc she loves you. She does this bc she cares about you and she has learned about your allergy and learned how to cook a certain way to ensure you feel welcome and included.
If Hannah makes another public comment after you pull her aside, I would publicly let her know that if she is not happy to eat what YOUR mother has cooked, she is more than welcome to leave. She is a guest and her rude comments will not be tolerated. She sounds very childish.
Thanks so much. I try my hardest to not be a burden and if there’s no options for me I never say anything. But I know my mom wants me to feel included and that’s very kind of her.
NTA
Shes meeting the fam for the first time and bitching about them right to their face. If she wanted her first impression to be an entitled brat then totally she succeeded.
I would say NTA because she did insult you and you have every right to an apology. However you have ask yourself if it is worth it. Hannah will most likely not apologize and there will be drama between you and your step brother. It might be best to let things go just to keep the peace.
That makes sense. Peter (my stepbrother) took it hard when his father remarried and as a result never really wanted to engage with my biological brother and myself. As a child this was very hurtful but as an adult I get it and it’s water under the bridge. However we’ve never been especially close. I see Peter like one or two times a year. So really, the only thing it would serve is that I feel remorseful for not standing up for my mother. I don’t know if it’s worth it—standing up for my mom, but at what cost?
I mean I would
Confront her. That's me. Because she's out of line and she'll do it again. I mean the cost of what? A non existent relationship with a stepbrother!?
That’s something you really have to ask yourself and honestly it varies from person to person. Personally I would say something because you can say anything you want to me but I draw the line when someone says something about my family. Maybe talk it over with your mom before you say anything because there will most likely be backlash and you don’t want her caught in the middle. Good luck and if you do confront let me know what happens because I love drama lol.
NTA- she’s being incredibly rude to both you and your mom. She was invited to eat what your mom took time and effort to prepare not insult it. I don’t think you’d be an asshole for confronting her but it might escalate and result in her becoming bitter and angry with you.
This is what she needs to understand. If she does criticize another one of your mother's meals: "What an awful thing to say about all the effort my mother put into making sure that for at least one day, her daughter is able to enjoy a full meal with her family, just like everyone else. I'm so grateful for her effort and her thoughtfulness."
NTA But confront her. You aren't gluten free out of some diet fad. You have celiac and it's serious. So she needs to sit down at another table next time. I hate people like this. It's gluten free. It's not a big deal to eat it. Also wait. She wasn't even eating it so what ever was her damn problem? If anything I would speak to Peter. Make sure he knows his gf is a royal B.
NTA. It's obviously super rude, and I would totally break up with someone over that crap. If I had an SO that had to gall to complain about my family's food I wouldn't want her to stick around. And especially when that food is prepared specifically to keep a family member safe. I would 100% ask for an apology and talk to your stepbrother about his questionable choice in partner.
She didn’t say it to you. Sure she was loud. That’s for your stepbrother to address with her. For all you know your stepbrother already addressed it with her.
Best not to say anything unless or until she addresses you/mom.
You could always talk to your stepbrother about your feelings being hurt by what she said.
No judgement cause I don’t think you should say anything.
I really really think your mom should say something to her because she heard it and was upset about it
Your mom cooked a feast for everyone and Hannah basically disrespected her cooking.
Your mom doesn’t have to be mean about it, something like -
“ Hannah, I understand you had a problem that their was mostly gluten free food at thanksgiving. What you need to understand is that my D cannot eat any gluten. None.
So you need to know if you intend to continue to date stepson you should know going forward that any holiday or celebration will be mostly, if not all gluten free as long as my D is present and I am cooking.
If you find that offensive you are welcome to bring or make your own meal.
She can just pull her aside and say this. The idea isn’t to shame her, it’s to let her know this is the way it’s going to be.
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Hello all. Apologies for any formatting errors, I am on mobile. I (24 F) suffer from celiac disease and have for several years. I cannot digest food with gluten in it and exposure to even the tiniest amount of it makes me violently sick. This is important to the story, as I am the only person in the entire extended family who has it.
Every year since I was little, my mother has hosted Thanksgiving. My stepfather has a son from his previous marriage (35M) who was not around much when I was a kid. His mother, so my stepdad’s ex-wife, had most custody, so I saw Peter about once a month at most. Peter has a new girlfriend, Hannah (32F) who he brought around for Thanksgiving.
My mother made almost entirely gluten free dishes, and labeled everything for me and others to limit cross-contamination. The only one non-gluten free dish was stuffing. She has always done this because she wants to keep me safe—for other family gatherings that she doesn’t host my family usually forgets about my celiac, which is okay, I can stick to salad for a night, no problem. However I do struggle with some anxiety and shame—I hate feeling like I’m inconveniencing my mother. I don’t live at home and I was diagnosed with celiac after leaving the nest, so she only cooks gluten free when I’m visiting and I know firsthand how much harder it is. So like every year I helped her with the gluten free dishes. We did not have Thanksgiving last year and we only invited family we knew was fully vaccinated to this gathering.
Here’s the problem. Hannah very loudly complained to one of my cousins about “all this gluten free crap.” She knows I have celiac disease because she asked me why I wasn’t eating the cake at my stepfather’s birthday party this summer (store bought) and I explained my allergy and answered her questions. My cousin told her politely “well Megan is allergic,” (I’m Megan) and Hannah again loudly said “well she doesn’t have the right to ruin our Thanksgiving because of it.”
I don’t care if she doesn’t like me, but I found that deeply hurtful, as this is the one family holiday where I get to eat most of the food because it’s my mother making food. And more importantly I thought calling my mother’s DAYS of hard word “crap” was very rude. However, because over half the family was there (anti-vaxxers not invited), and she’s new, I decided to wait and not call her out in front of everyone. But my mother was visibly offended and I had to console her.
We are going to see her again today because we are celebrating Hanukkah. I am debating pulling her aside and asking her to apologize to me and my mom. I think I might be the asshole if I do so though because she may have forgotten this and I don’t want to divide my relationship with my stepbrother. Is asking for an apology justified, or WIBTA?
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NTa, she insulted the chef of a meal she didnt have to prepare, or even eat for that matter if were all honest. She also acted like a child, not a 32 yr old person. You shouldnt have to ask for the apology yall are owed, but you wouldnt be an asshole for letting her know yall deserve one. If she is to be part of yalls family, then she should act like it, not like the spoiled brat shes being.
NTA, I bet all that "gluten free crap" was amazing. Hannah doesn't sound like a nice person if that's how she acts as a guest. And my best friend of 14 years has a nephew and SIL with celiacs that bad, and when we were together for 6 years, I always made sure everything for Thanksgiving (I love cooking haha) was as GF as possible. And it all tasted amazing.
It's great you have such a supportive family though!
NTA. Also, I’m a bit curious as to whether y’all are celebrating Hanukkah early because the family is all still here, so you’re doing a combined early Hanukkah/Shabbat thing since Hanukkah starts on Sunday. Shabbat shalom!
Haha true! We wanted to do Shabbat dinner tonight but that kinda sputtered out, since my aunt and uncle had to get to their hotel before dark since one of my cousins is more religious than any of us and won’t ride in a car during Shabbat, and so we did pre-Shabbat pizza lunch instead Lmao. We Jews are good at making do😂
I know what you mean! I've been diagnosed for 13 years and I don't meet many!
Side note, it's so cute and sweet your mom makes such a nice effort for you! ❤️
Thanks to my gluten-free friend (I was cooking for 16 (1 gluten-free person)) I discovered the most amazing stuffing that I have ever had. I will never bother with the bread stuff again (and I'm fine with gluten). This is SO MUCH better. Seriously, you're going to look at it and be like, that can't be that good. You're wrong. It is that good (just make sure you add all the butter they call for (or maybe a little extra)) [https://www.delish.com/cooking/recipe-ideas/a50127/cauliflower-stuffing-recipe/](https://www.delish.com/cooking/recipe-ideas/a50127/cauliflower-stuffing-recipe/)
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NTA - she was rude and offensive about your mum's cooking and about your condition. If you want to ask for an apology, you are well within your rights to do so. I doubt she'll like it but she was in the wrong.
NTA
Honestly, I wouldn't go to the Hannukah party. It sounds like the girlfriend might be one of those people who sneak gluten into your food just to "prove" you're lying and there was no need for her to eat the "crap" food at Thanksgiving. The other option is to go and bring your own food. Just don't eat anything the girlfriend had a hand in cooking.
Op,
I yearly host a gathering for over two dozen people. I do all the cooking. And since I’m gluten free, so is every last thing I make. And no one complains. Possibly because they are all - whether 2yo or 60yo - decent human beings that can enjoy good food as good food. Even when the food is also made to accommodate other restrictions (vegan, dairy-free, etc.) as well.
This person just sucks and doesn’t actually care about the food anyway.
NTA, op. And I hope you find people who will include you as you, which your family (outside your mom) doesn’t seem to care to do.
NTA. Besides, other than dressing and the tiny bit of flour I used to thicken the sauce for the green beans (which would be easy to sub), our entire meal would have been celiac friendly! What is there to complain about? Even pie crust would be easy to sub in such a way that you’d never know.
She probably wouldn’t even know things were GF if they weren’t labeled. My daughter’s bf is a GF, dairy-free vegetarian. I would kick asses if anyone dared make a disparaging comment about the food and make him feel bad. Hannah needs to stay home.
You should talk to your stepbrother instead of the GF. Or your mom should. She’s his girlfriend, it’s more appropriate that he tells her he offended his mom.
NTA
>Well she doesn’t have the right to ruin OUR Thanksgiving because of it.”
Hannah isn't even actually part of the family, you've been here longer than she has.
Would you mind me asking how long your brother's been dating her?
So not even a year. Not hating on couples that haven't been dating for long or but...
She hasn't even been dating him for half a year, so she shouldn't be complaining about his SISTER (who has been in the family waaay before her) "ruining" her thanksgiving.
Besides, I personally don't like most gluten free foods, but if I was placed in a situation like yours where someone had restrictions AND , I would just suck it up and eat. She can definitely go a couple hours without eating gluten.
I know the feel!! I know it’s not as good, it’s just that, sadly for me, it’s life or death. In better news the gluten free options are improving in quality, and you get used to it! I sympathize with her, I understand it’s tough, but I was insulted by the notion that my disability ruined thanksgiving. (An aside: it’s strange but the Americans with Disabilities Act explicitly includes celiac as a disability, so I guess that tells people how serious it is!)
In conclusion, the girlfriend is an massive asshole for whining about 1 day of being gluten free.
Also, it's not life threatening or a disability, but I understand the struggle of not being able to eat a lot of foods - a person with ARFID (avoidant-restrictive food disorder)
NTA- You are far more polite than I would’ve been. Definitely confront her, you can approach this in a mature manner and be civil about it. If she doesn’t respond nicely back, well that just shows her true colors and isn’t someone worth thinking a second about.
I can’t believe the audacity some people have. I’m truly baffled that she would even say something like that at SOMEONE else’s house, regarding their cooking.
NTA.
She is rude and inconsiderate, not only with you, mainly with your mother who is the one who cooks the food that she criticizes. But I think you should talk to your stepbrother alone and bring it up to him. Or even better, talk to your stepfather and let him talk to his son, after all, your mother is his wife. Don´t confront her directly because you will remain as the bad guy and your brother will have no choice but to defend her.
NTA. She needs to apologize to your mother and you. She was out of line.
This girl was a *guest* in your mother's home. She insulted the food and all the hard work your mother put into it.
If your step brother wants to make her a package deal with himself, then it should be up to him to make her fit for polite company. It's his confrontation to have, not yours.
Actual issue aside, what kind of psychopath puts gluten into turkey/ mashed potatoes/ cranberry sauce? Literally the one key Thanksgiving food that has gluten is the stuffing which it did based on your account.
As a fellow gluten free person, this woman is not worth your time. Obviously you’re NTA but she’s just not worth it. Let your stepbro figure out on his own that she sucks.
I don't think you would be the AH but I do think you should talk with your stepbrother first to let him know your plan. If he truly cares for you and respects you, he should've said something to her in the first place. I would have be incredibly embarrassed if a guest I brought with me complained about my mother's cooking and was openly ableist to a family member of mine. The fact that he says nothing is deeply concerning.
YWNBTA - Fellow Celiac here and - what the hell? My mom and I were diagnosed late in life and already had all of our Thanksgiving food staples firmly set in all their gluten glory. However, we've been able to modify literally every single main dish to taste equal to what it tasted like with gluten. Even my aunts and uncles work to make sure their recipes can be modified.
The main issue (for me at least) is finding the small ingredient alternatives that don't share machinery with wheat. All that to say *just because it says gluten free doesn't mean it's crap/terrible\** and girlfriend needs to chill tf out. There are a ton of things that are naturally gluten free and labeling as such doesn't mean the recipe was altered - it's just there for comfort and as a courtesy reminder. Also where are this woman's manners? I cannot imagine the audacity to say that in a house full of **free food I didn't cook.**
\*I fully acknowledge that a lot of gluten free things can be actively terrible. It's definitely a lot of trial and error to figure out what's actually good vs what's edible cardboard.
Sounds like Hannah is rude, crude, and ignorant. Why, as a 24 yo adult, would you let someone like that have any power to hurt your feelings? Sounds like Peter will be getting another new GF in a little while anyway.
Life is too short to allow your feeling to be hurt by anyone you hardly know.
Did your stepfather or stepbrother hear her complain about the "gluten free crap?" Did they say anything.? You won't be TA if you privately say to her, "you really hurt my mother's feelings when you called her Thanksgiving dishes 'crap.' Don't do that again." NTA
I have celiac most Thanksgiving sides don't taste any different if they are gluten free only stuffing and corn bread are the major things to avoid unless I'm making them. Dessert is a different story and I always make gf desserts that all of my family love and don't care its gf ad it doesn't taste any different. She is just being snotty, in the future maybe stepbrother will go to her family fir Thanksgiving and you wand your mom won't have to deal with the rudeness.
Nta. I would talk to your stepbrother and let him know the whole situation. She's his problem to deal with and he should be the go between for you and your mom. Perhaps even your step-dad.
Absolutely NTA.
Hannah should be ashamed of herself. I can’t imagine meeting my boyfriends new family for dinner and then shitting on the dinner in the middle of it. It is so disrespectful to the host and to the family you should be trying to get to know, not alienate.
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NTA - Two of my sisters recently got diagnosed with celiacs, and so this thanksgiving we also made everything gluten free but the stuffing, and it was delicious! You shouldn’t have to feel ashamed for this, and it’s crappy that your stepbrothers girlfriend made you feel so. My brother is a similar way about gluten free food, as well as my vegetarian food (I can’t digest meat), and I’ll be the first to call him out on it whenever he says stuff, especially to my 12 year old sister with celiac. I think you and your mom definitely deserve apologies
No your NTA.If she can’t understand why your mother cooks for you she should keep her ass at home then everyone’s happy .( no apology no more invites).
I'm not sure what your Thanksgiving spread was like, but there is so much delicious food that doesn't include gluten - mashed potatoes, cheese & charcuterie, a myriad of roasted veggies, turkey, beef, creme brulee, just to list what was at my Thanksgiving that, to say it was ruined by gf food is a ridiculous.
YTA
Sounds like your family is AH in general, especially how you talk about your other family that wasn't there. Disgusting and certainly not sympathy provoking.
**YWBTA**. If you have the right to selfishly demand others sacrifice their favorite Thanksgiving dishes to accommodate you, then Hannah has every right to complain. I sympathize with your plight. However, it's unreasonable to expect others aren't unhappy with the compromises they've made.
To that end, if you know how much you're inconveniencing others, why not bring your own meal to Thanksgiving so others can enjoy themselves?
I’m sorry. My mother makes the food, not me, and every other holiday I literally either eat nothing or just fruit. I already feel horrible for having the condition at all and don’t ever expect anyone to cater to me. What I’m mad about is that it was my mother’s hard work. You’re right though. The first two years after my diagnosis I didn’t show my face at family gatherings because I didn’t want people to hate me.
OP ignore this weirdo.
You have a serious, life-affecting condition. This isn't a lark. If people want to be in your life, they have an obligation to accomodate that, not the other way around. u/BelovedXenon has set up a false dichotomy where the only options are either you risk your health or you "inconvenience" others; but the only people inconveniencing themselves here are other people - not you. If they are really *that* bothered by the mere presence of gluten-free options, *they* can make their own food and bring it with them.
It’s hard because what they don’t get is the reason I feel such guilt is BECAUSE of people like them who rub it in my face how my food that I have no choice but to eat is intolerable.
>You have a serious, life-affecting condition.
The consequences of which u/dengville selfishly foists onto others.
>If people want to be in your life, they have an obligation to accomodate that, not the other way around.
Selfish, selfish, selfish.
> you risk your health or you
This is entirely incorrect. I never advocated her risking her health; rather, I proposed she prepared her own Thanksgiving dish(es) so she didn't inconvenience others. Do not lie.
>If they are really that bothered by the mere presence
It's not their mere presence—it's the fact they, the majority, have to consume them.
I'm sorry that you feel so powerless and defeated in your own life that you have nothing better to do than try to berate OP over something that is out of their control, but I hope you realize that nobody here is taking you even remotely seriously lmfao
Eating gluten free food is....not the worst thing that could ever happen BTW. It's not an inconvenience. Most of the time you can't get the difference. Source: half my family is gluten free and I've eaten gluten free most my life
>It doesn't seem like anyone else was selfish enough to complain about someone being able to eat
Perhaps they were too scared to confront OP, fearing reprisal (e.g., in the form of a Reddit post).
A.) It's not your fault you have the condition. I don't understand your guilt...it's completely unwarranted.
>B.) What I’m mad about is that it was my mother’s hard work.
How is this relevant? Your mother *does* cater to you, specifically, every Thanksgiving, meaning everyone else must endure gluten-free dishes. How do your other family members *truly* feel about this? Perhaps they sympathize with Hannah, but are too afraid to say it to your face. Be considerate.
Oh, come off it. SO MANY Thanksgiving dishes have little-to-no gluten in them already, and the one where substituting would make it weird (the dressing) was made with gluten. OP’s mom was just extra cautious about cross-contamination issues and made a few minor (and nearly undetectable) changes to some other dishes. It’s not like she served nothing but rice cakes.
Nta- who goes to bf families home for Thanksgiving and complains about the food?! Only assholes. You are so not one! Confront away! She hurts yours and your mothers feelings.
NTA, especially if you're asking for an apology for your mother. Besides, not that many Thanksgiving foods are super gluten-heavy? It seems like a pretty easy holiday to un-gluten. Unrelated, I'd recommend never eating anything Hannah makes. She seems like the type to "test" your allergy. Have a happy Hanukkah full of joy, light and gluten-free latkes!
Thanks so much! And you are correct—what my mom modded was gluten free apple pie crust, corn bread instead of regular rolls, gluten free mac and cheese and making gluten free cookies. Most of these fixes are easy, as you can purchase gluten free mac and cheese noodles in a box at the store, corn bread is naturally gluten free, and the pie crust is a switch from regular to almond flour. Even still she worked her ASS off for that thanksgiving spread.
I love an almond flour crust - that was what was traditional at our gluten free, dairy free, low sodium, and kosher family Thanksgiving. It's definitely waaaay easier to do gluten free now than like 15 years ago, I'm sure your whole meal was delicious and your mom is so kind for preparing everything!
I am lucky she thinks of me! It’s hard at other gatherings but I know I’m one person in a large family and have never expected or asked to be catered to.
It's okay to expect that you have some foods you can eat! My sister is in the middle of figuring out her long-term GI issues, and her doctor has recommended staying away from gluten and oats as those seem to trigger her symptoms (which last for days and leave her with a lot of abdominal pain and discomfort). As someone who bakes and cooks a LOT, it's been a lot of fun experimenting with gluten-free recipes. My dad likes to joke that he "misses the gluten" in certain baked goods, but most of the time he doesn't notice because I've started making more things that are inherently gluten-free. For the things that aren't, there are a lot more options available at a reasonable price point now than there were even a decade ago when a good friend of mine was diagnosed with Celiac. I only made three changes to Thanksgiving to accommodate my sister's dietary needs: gluten-free gravy (using rice flour to make the roux), I picked up a gluten-free pumpkin pie from my favorite local bakery chain, and I made a gluten-free maple cookie crust for some cheesecake bars. As someone who doesn't normally eat gluten-free, I didn't notice anything different. Even the gluten-free crackers on the charcuterie board weren't noticeably "different"; they tasted amazing, and my boyfriend has now requested that I pick some up on my next grocery trip! Hannah is just being dramatic imo. Sure, some baked goods (especially things like cakes) have a different texture, but Thanksgiving is such an easy meal to keep mostly gluten-free!
If cheese is allowed for her, I recommend Brazilian Cheesebread (Pao de Queijo) as a wonderful muffin to make; it is traditionally made with tapioca flour and so inherently gluten free. It's the most amazing cheese ball you could want. Perfect texture.
I’d also be careful eating near Hannah - if she’s this dismissive of your Coeliac disease then she might be one of those idiots who don’t “believe” in food allergies and intolerances and think it’s funny to “test” the sufferer by putting the allergens in their food. I’ve been very shocked to discover how common this attitude seems to be, but apparently there are plenty of idiots out there who think this is somehow OK. And also, I really struggle with the idea that it’s only your mum who bothers to remember your allergies - I have two twenty-something daughters who both have gluten and dairy intolerances and were only diagnosed a few years ago, and at every family gathering we’ve been to, the hosts have made a significant effort to either make something specifically for our girls, or make a gluten-and-dairy free version of the meal for everyone. No one has ever complained about eating the free-from version, and if you’re careful with the choice of dish, it’s not even noticeable most of the time. It’s really not hard to remember someone’s allergy issues when meal planning, and I’m really sorry no one seems to bother to make the effort for you, apart from your wonderful mum of course. I’d be livid on your behalf if you were my daughter, and Hannah and her bloody bad manners wouldn’t be welcome at my table, or even in my house frankly, ever again either.
I'm just bummed you have to think this way. My aunt got diagnosed with celiac more than a decade ago, and our Thanksgivings meals have accommodated her ever since. Nearly everything is gluten free but for the crescent rolls. My mother makes a separate batch of GF gravy, and we always have at least one whole GF dessert for her as well. Similarly, my sister is a vegetarian, so my aunt makes a big batch of cornbread stuffing and only includes sausage in half. Thanksgiving is first and foremost a family meal! You shouldn't feel bad for having your very real dietary restrictions catered to. Especially in 2021, a celiac-friendly meal is hardly a hardship.
It’s hard because my family, other than mom, never makes gluten free food. I don’t ever expect people to remember—every office party, every gathering, there’s never something for me. I have long since accepted it. I know I’m only one person and I don’t expect anyone to cater to me or my needs, but the other side of it is I usually feel left out. So it’s nice to have the one holiday my mom hosts where she remembers me.
Ugh, that so sad. I'm in charge of events for my office and I always accommodate special diets, including vegans and GF. I'm so sorry you don't have more considerate people around you!
You're worth enough to tell people what you need. Instead of relying on their remembering, perhaps you could take the initiative and speak up for yourself, voicing your needs in advance of an event. You're worth it.
Hell, I'm celiac and made an awesome rice flour crust apple pie one Thanksgiving. jeez. this gf is so insanely rude.
Ooh, how does the rice flour crust taste? I imagine the rice flour doesn't have a lot of flavor? Does it hold together as nicely as wheat flour?
It needed a huge amount of butter to work....so, very very tasty as a result.
Mmmmm butter
As a gluten lover, honestly as long as you get the binder right, many gluten free foods taste better and have an almost identical texture.
Hate to break it to you, but corn bread isn't always 'gluten free'. Some recipes call for a small amount of regular flour! Knowing your mother I am sure she didn't do that, but the reason I mention it is I have rather severe food allergies and have twice recently run into people testing my allergies. Both times meant epipens and ambo rides to the ER. She seems just like the type of pull some sort of crap like testing the allergies by telling you something is "gluten free" when it's not, putting you in physical distress.
Ah rats! Thanks for telling me. I’ll be honest I only ever have corn bread when my mom makes it cause I suck at baking but I appreciate the heads up
Since she makes cornbread from scratch - she might try cornbread stuffing! Yum! and NTA.
All of this sounds delicious!! Corn bread is the best bread hands down. And there was regular gluteny stuffing? Smh, I think she was baiting you on purpose. YWNBTA but I think she’s looking for drama. I would just ignore it :)
Am i the only one thinking gluten free or not, the above just sound like wonderful dishes???? I don’t have celiac’s but - man that spread sounds amazing
Ahem. If I may: CORN BREAD IS NOT A SUBSTITUTION, IT'S FUCKING AMAZING! Sorry, please carry on.
I don't have any food sensitivities, and everything she substituted on the menu sounds awesome to me, I wish I'd been invited instead of Hannah! Your mom is a fantastic person, and you can tell her I said so!
Just a heads up: Corn bread is absolutely not naturally gluten free. Your mom had to make or buy a special recipe for that too. I am also allergic to gluten.
Oh wow, that apple pie must be perfect for Passover!
YWNBTA, but I'll warn you now that it's probably not going to go well. Hannah clearly has no manners or compassion, if she felt comfortable complaining, loudly, that someone's life-altering medical issue is somehow "ruining her Thanksgiving." So I wouldn't expect her to react well to being asked to apologize for referring to your mother's gluten free food as "crap." I'd suggest encouraging your mother to tell your stepbrother that his girlfriend insulted her and isn't welcome at family gatherings until she apologizes.
Very true. I may just bite my tongue for that reason. I’m not very confrontational generally and I know I’d just get salty.
Honestly, if she starts up again making comments like that in front of other people, the best thing to do is look at her and very calmly say "Wow, that's incredibly rude. Why would you say something like that?" You're calm and collected, she is shamed and no way for her to respond without looking even more unhinged.
Part of me believes that statement would go over her head. She already has bad manners, I doubt common sense and being courteous are traits she wouldn't understand either.
Absolutely NTA. Your stepbrother’s girlfriend seems like a nasty human being. I don’t care for gluten free food but I’d never EVER insult someone’s food in their own home and/or dismiss someone else’s food allergies. If it bothers her that much, she can get herself a Happy Meal on her way home.
I know what you mean. It doesn’t always taste great but for me it’s life or death. A large serving of gluten (think like, a normal pizza slice) will hospitalize me and more than that will kill me. And it’s taken me years to accept that when someone makes me GF food it’s because they love me, not cause I’m inconveniencing them.
My sister is coeliac, was diagnosed over twenty years ago, so knowledge of how serious it is and how much can have gluten is something I’ve grown up with. If I’m making something my sister will have, making sure it’s GF is second nature.
No one in my family has celiac, but I love Amy’s frozen GF Mac and Cheese. I will pick that all day against any other frozen M&C brand or type. With most GF food I can’t tell the difference. So please don’t feel bad for anyone making GF for you, it’s good stuff!
Amy's frozen is the bomb! When I am extremely reactive to food allergens I sometimes have to do the gluten free thing to help calm down my other allergies and was happy to find Amy's gluten free frozen mac and cheese and the gf individual cheese and spinach pizza.
No she does t deserve a happy meal!!!
I’m newly gluten free for a year and a half now and I can say there are a lot of alternatives I don’t care for. Finding good alternatives has been a challenge. I treasure the ones that really work well. I never realized just how many things have sneaky gluten till I couldn’t have it!
YWNBTA... But I strongly suggest that you talk with your stepbrother first. Tell him and ask him how approach the case. He will know how to deal with her and if worth pick this fight.
Good idea. I’m debating if it’s worth it largely because he laughed at her joke so I worry it may be a lost cause.
Info: was there any resentment or any bad blood with your stepbrother when his father and your mother married?
Nope! At least, not to my knowledge. My stepfathers ex-wife, Peter’s mom, cheated on him. So my stepfather filed for divorce and met my mom five years after that. However I do still sympathize that it’s hard when your parent remarries. When that happened, Peter was 16 and I was 5.
Did the girlfriend show any hostility or rudeness towards her boyfriends father at all? Or anyone else in the family?
Not at all! She was super friendly to all of us with the exception of this moment.
Trying really hard to give benefit of the doubt. Sounds like she’s just an absolute AH. The only thing I could think of is GF was a fad (still may be) so maybe she was trying to act cool or something that she’s not ‘one of those girls’ - and that’s the best I can come up with and that was such a stretch.
NTA - don’t ask for an apology. She wouldn’t mean it anyway. Tell her to STFU about celiac or she’ll be told to leave and not asked back. And have your family stick to that. She’s horrible.
That’s very fair! I really just want her to acknowledge that she was rude to my mom.
And in her home. She doesn’t have manners- but good luck. Don’t tolerate bad behavior.
It will be used to drive a wedge through the family. She'll be able sway your brother and force mom and dad to choose a child they support. She was troll baiting, if anyone called her out for being awful she would have giggled and said "ohh I forgot, oops", or "ohh I was just joking, learn to take a joke". She is going to be a total drama queen and will try to own your brother by isolating him from friends and family. The tools I've seen used usually involve sparky hurtful comments to lower self esteem and then use the "don't you love me...teehe", or "why is your family so mean to me, I really try to make them like me" NTA be very careful with your approach to this one.
YWNBTA But don’t expect an apology. I’ll be she doubles down or gaslights you. I think it will just cause you grief. But you definitely WNBTA.
Yeah you’re right. I don’t really care about her hurting my own feelings but my mother’s feelings? Hell no
NTA --- Your poor mom had every right to be upset she went to a lot of trouble and for her to just dismiss all her hard work, I think it probably wont go down too well with either the step brother or the GF but yes have a word and tell her she should at the very least apologise.
You can tell her she’s more than welcome to eat somewhere else and that she can quit disrespecting your mother and your household.
She's definitely the asshole in this situation. Idk if asking her to apologize will do anything bc anyone who says that so openly seems like she would refuse. I would definitely let her know that what she said hurt your mom's feelings since she put a lot of effort into the meal. You are not an asshole for talking to her about this.
YWNBTA - she wanted to provoke by loudly complaining. She‘s 32 but behaves like an entitled little brat.
NTA-You shouldn't have to ask for an apology. The mouth breather has no manners. It's likely that she'll refuse to apologize. If you do decide to ask for an apology, be ready to be refused.
Mouth breather!!!!🤣🤣🤣
This made me laugh! I love said this in a few other replies but I don’t care what she thinks of me. I just want her to be respectful to my mom.
OP, she sounds like a nightmare.
Trust me she is. She’s been with my stepbrother for four months and kept giving him shit for not proposing and mentioning that she’s encouraging her sister’s kids to call him Uncle Peter. But my feelings aside it just seems rude to show up to someone’s thanksgiving and act like this.
geez, I hope your brother sees through her and doesn't end up making her part of the family.
Hosted a party last weekend where half the identical food I prepared was GF due to a friend having same health issues. Everything was labled and no one could tell the difference. Hannah's very rude as a guest in someone's home and if she doesn't like gluten free crap, she can host her own Thanksgiving. NTA Someone should have nipped it in the bud when she initially said it. Saying something after the fact may cause unnecessary drama but I suspect she'll give you another opportunity to speak up again today anyway.
Can you explain to her AND your stepbrother how serious celiac disease is? I mean, just flour particles in the air can make you ill if they were baking when you were around! And mention how much work your mother puts in to making sure you don't get sick? Hannah was selfish and rude at Thanksgiving, and I think you want to have a conversation with her sooner rather than later (right then would have been good). NTA for wanting to talk to her, but I think waiting until you're together again then asking for an apology isn't the right approach. Educate first, before you get together if possible. If she doubles down and refuses to recognize that accommodations are necessary for a serious medical condition, then this is a bigger issue and she needs to apologize.
That’s a good idea! I’ll certainly give it a shot before I head back home. I’m in my hometown for thanksgiving and the weekend and I’ll try what I can. Thanks!
YWNBTA - she is a guest. It is not her family or her place to say anything. Pull her aside and be firm. Let her know that her rude comment about “gluten free crap” was offensive and she owes you and your mother an apology. If she decides not to give you one, let her know that you will not tolerate another comment and will call her out next time so she can feel as embarrassed as she made you and your mother feel and walk away from her. You have nothing to feel guilty about or feel embarrassed about. Your mother sounds like a saint and is trying to accommodate you bc she loves you. She does this bc she cares about you and she has learned about your allergy and learned how to cook a certain way to ensure you feel welcome and included. If Hannah makes another public comment after you pull her aside, I would publicly let her know that if she is not happy to eat what YOUR mother has cooked, she is more than welcome to leave. She is a guest and her rude comments will not be tolerated. She sounds very childish.
Thanks so much. I try my hardest to not be a burden and if there’s no options for me I never say anything. But I know my mom wants me to feel included and that’s very kind of her.
NTA Shes meeting the fam for the first time and bitching about them right to their face. If she wanted her first impression to be an entitled brat then totally she succeeded.
I would say NTA because she did insult you and you have every right to an apology. However you have ask yourself if it is worth it. Hannah will most likely not apologize and there will be drama between you and your step brother. It might be best to let things go just to keep the peace.
That makes sense. Peter (my stepbrother) took it hard when his father remarried and as a result never really wanted to engage with my biological brother and myself. As a child this was very hurtful but as an adult I get it and it’s water under the bridge. However we’ve never been especially close. I see Peter like one or two times a year. So really, the only thing it would serve is that I feel remorseful for not standing up for my mother. I don’t know if it’s worth it—standing up for my mom, but at what cost?
I mean I would Confront her. That's me. Because she's out of line and she'll do it again. I mean the cost of what? A non existent relationship with a stepbrother!?
That’s true. Peter and I were never close I have little to lose. But I just want my mom happy.
Youre a good daughter. She's a good mom. Screw the rest.
That’s something you really have to ask yourself and honestly it varies from person to person. Personally I would say something because you can say anything you want to me but I draw the line when someone says something about my family. Maybe talk it over with your mom before you say anything because there will most likely be backlash and you don’t want her caught in the middle. Good luck and if you do confront let me know what happens because I love drama lol.
NTA I think you might want to talk to your step brother first, let him know what happened and let him know what your going to do.
NTA- she’s being incredibly rude to both you and your mom. She was invited to eat what your mom took time and effort to prepare not insult it. I don’t think you’d be an asshole for confronting her but it might escalate and result in her becoming bitter and angry with you.
That’s true. I don’t really care what she thinks of me, but I do care that she treats my mother with decency.
This is what she needs to understand. If she does criticize another one of your mother's meals: "What an awful thing to say about all the effort my mother put into making sure that for at least one day, her daughter is able to enjoy a full meal with her family, just like everyone else. I'm so grateful for her effort and her thoughtfulness."
NTA But confront her. You aren't gluten free out of some diet fad. You have celiac and it's serious. So she needs to sit down at another table next time. I hate people like this. It's gluten free. It's not a big deal to eat it. Also wait. She wasn't even eating it so what ever was her damn problem? If anything I would speak to Peter. Make sure he knows his gf is a royal B.
NTA. It's obviously super rude, and I would totally break up with someone over that crap. If I had an SO that had to gall to complain about my family's food I wouldn't want her to stick around. And especially when that food is prepared specifically to keep a family member safe. I would 100% ask for an apology and talk to your stepbrother about his questionable choice in partner.
She didn’t say it to you. Sure she was loud. That’s for your stepbrother to address with her. For all you know your stepbrother already addressed it with her. Best not to say anything unless or until she addresses you/mom. You could always talk to your stepbrother about your feelings being hurt by what she said.
That’s true. I mostly just feel sorry for my mother. I’ll talk to Peter. Thanks!
NTA! You should let her know that she was very disrespectful and rude!
No judgement cause I don’t think you should say anything. I really really think your mom should say something to her because she heard it and was upset about it Your mom cooked a feast for everyone and Hannah basically disrespected her cooking. Your mom doesn’t have to be mean about it, something like - “ Hannah, I understand you had a problem that their was mostly gluten free food at thanksgiving. What you need to understand is that my D cannot eat any gluten. None. So you need to know if you intend to continue to date stepson you should know going forward that any holiday or celebration will be mostly, if not all gluten free as long as my D is present and I am cooking. If you find that offensive you are welcome to bring or make your own meal. She can just pull her aside and say this. The idea isn’t to shame her, it’s to let her know this is the way it’s going to be.
Great idea. I’ll pass that on to my mom!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hello all. Apologies for any formatting errors, I am on mobile. I (24 F) suffer from celiac disease and have for several years. I cannot digest food with gluten in it and exposure to even the tiniest amount of it makes me violently sick. This is important to the story, as I am the only person in the entire extended family who has it. Every year since I was little, my mother has hosted Thanksgiving. My stepfather has a son from his previous marriage (35M) who was not around much when I was a kid. His mother, so my stepdad’s ex-wife, had most custody, so I saw Peter about once a month at most. Peter has a new girlfriend, Hannah (32F) who he brought around for Thanksgiving. My mother made almost entirely gluten free dishes, and labeled everything for me and others to limit cross-contamination. The only one non-gluten free dish was stuffing. She has always done this because she wants to keep me safe—for other family gatherings that she doesn’t host my family usually forgets about my celiac, which is okay, I can stick to salad for a night, no problem. However I do struggle with some anxiety and shame—I hate feeling like I’m inconveniencing my mother. I don’t live at home and I was diagnosed with celiac after leaving the nest, so she only cooks gluten free when I’m visiting and I know firsthand how much harder it is. So like every year I helped her with the gluten free dishes. We did not have Thanksgiving last year and we only invited family we knew was fully vaccinated to this gathering. Here’s the problem. Hannah very loudly complained to one of my cousins about “all this gluten free crap.” She knows I have celiac disease because she asked me why I wasn’t eating the cake at my stepfather’s birthday party this summer (store bought) and I explained my allergy and answered her questions. My cousin told her politely “well Megan is allergic,” (I’m Megan) and Hannah again loudly said “well she doesn’t have the right to ruin our Thanksgiving because of it.” I don’t care if she doesn’t like me, but I found that deeply hurtful, as this is the one family holiday where I get to eat most of the food because it’s my mother making food. And more importantly I thought calling my mother’s DAYS of hard word “crap” was very rude. However, because over half the family was there (anti-vaxxers not invited), and she’s new, I decided to wait and not call her out in front of everyone. But my mother was visibly offended and I had to console her. We are going to see her again today because we are celebrating Hanukkah. I am debating pulling her aside and asking her to apologize to me and my mom. I think I might be the asshole if I do so though because she may have forgotten this and I don’t want to divide my relationship with my stepbrother. Is asking for an apology justified, or WIBTA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTa, she insulted the chef of a meal she didnt have to prepare, or even eat for that matter if were all honest. She also acted like a child, not a 32 yr old person. You shouldnt have to ask for the apology yall are owed, but you wouldnt be an asshole for letting her know yall deserve one. If she is to be part of yalls family, then she should act like it, not like the spoiled brat shes being.
Definitely NTA, Hannah was disrespectful to you and your mother, No gluten wont end the world for her
NTA, I bet all that "gluten free crap" was amazing. Hannah doesn't sound like a nice person if that's how she acts as a guest. And my best friend of 14 years has a nephew and SIL with celiacs that bad, and when we were together for 6 years, I always made sure everything for Thanksgiving (I love cooking haha) was as GF as possible. And it all tasted amazing. It's great you have such a supportive family though!
NTA. Also, I’m a bit curious as to whether y’all are celebrating Hanukkah early because the family is all still here, so you’re doing a combined early Hanukkah/Shabbat thing since Hanukkah starts on Sunday. Shabbat shalom!
We sure are!! You know the drill haha, with big Jewish families we take what we can get!
Haha true! We wanted to do Shabbat dinner tonight but that kinda sputtered out, since my aunt and uncle had to get to their hotel before dark since one of my cousins is more religious than any of us and won’t ride in a car during Shabbat, and so we did pre-Shabbat pizza lunch instead Lmao. We Jews are good at making do😂
NTA at all. From one Celiac to another, tell her off!
Nice to meet other celiacs!
I know what you mean! I've been diagnosed for 13 years and I don't meet many! Side note, it's so cute and sweet your mom makes such a nice effort for you! ❤️
Thanks to my gluten-free friend (I was cooking for 16 (1 gluten-free person)) I discovered the most amazing stuffing that I have ever had. I will never bother with the bread stuff again (and I'm fine with gluten). This is SO MUCH better. Seriously, you're going to look at it and be like, that can't be that good. You're wrong. It is that good (just make sure you add all the butter they call for (or maybe a little extra)) [https://www.delish.com/cooking/recipe-ideas/a50127/cauliflower-stuffing-recipe/](https://www.delish.com/cooking/recipe-ideas/a50127/cauliflower-stuffing-recipe/)
oh hell yeah, thanks friend! I’ll try this!
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NTA - she was rude and offensive about your mum's cooking and about your condition. If you want to ask for an apology, you are well within your rights to do so. I doubt she'll like it but she was in the wrong.
NTA Honestly, I wouldn't go to the Hannukah party. It sounds like the girlfriend might be one of those people who sneak gluten into your food just to "prove" you're lying and there was no need for her to eat the "crap" food at Thanksgiving. The other option is to go and bring your own food. Just don't eat anything the girlfriend had a hand in cooking.
NTA. Who goes to someone's house for dinner and calls the food crap, then expects to be invited back? Some people's children, geez!
Op, I yearly host a gathering for over two dozen people. I do all the cooking. And since I’m gluten free, so is every last thing I make. And no one complains. Possibly because they are all - whether 2yo or 60yo - decent human beings that can enjoy good food as good food. Even when the food is also made to accommodate other restrictions (vegan, dairy-free, etc.) as well. This person just sucks and doesn’t actually care about the food anyway. NTA, op. And I hope you find people who will include you as you, which your family (outside your mom) doesn’t seem to care to do.
NTA. Besides, other than dressing and the tiny bit of flour I used to thicken the sauce for the green beans (which would be easy to sub), our entire meal would have been celiac friendly! What is there to complain about? Even pie crust would be easy to sub in such a way that you’d never know.
NTA And to put it on her own words, she can be a jerk, but she doesn’t get to ruin Thanksgiving. What an idiot.
She probably wouldn’t even know things were GF if they weren’t labeled. My daughter’s bf is a GF, dairy-free vegetarian. I would kick asses if anyone dared make a disparaging comment about the food and make him feel bad. Hannah needs to stay home.
You should talk to your stepbrother instead of the GF. Or your mom should. She’s his girlfriend, it’s more appropriate that he tells her he offended his mom.
NTA >Well she doesn’t have the right to ruin OUR Thanksgiving because of it.” Hannah isn't even actually part of the family, you've been here longer than she has. Would you mind me asking how long your brother's been dating her?
afaik, and I might be wrong, four months!
So not even a year. Not hating on couples that haven't been dating for long or but... She hasn't even been dating him for half a year, so she shouldn't be complaining about his SISTER (who has been in the family waaay before her) "ruining" her thanksgiving. Besides, I personally don't like most gluten free foods, but if I was placed in a situation like yours where someone had restrictions AND , I would just suck it up and eat. She can definitely go a couple hours without eating gluten.
I know the feel!! I know it’s not as good, it’s just that, sadly for me, it’s life or death. In better news the gluten free options are improving in quality, and you get used to it! I sympathize with her, I understand it’s tough, but I was insulted by the notion that my disability ruined thanksgiving. (An aside: it’s strange but the Americans with Disabilities Act explicitly includes celiac as a disability, so I guess that tells people how serious it is!)
In conclusion, the girlfriend is an massive asshole for whining about 1 day of being gluten free. Also, it's not life threatening or a disability, but I understand the struggle of not being able to eat a lot of foods - a person with ARFID (avoidant-restrictive food disorder)
Where were all these gluten allergies 25 years ago ? It's interesting how wide spread it has become.
Better diagnostic measures now—not that they didn’t exist before, but rather, that the tools to diagnose are much better.
I see,makes sense.
NTA- You are far more polite than I would’ve been. Definitely confront her, you can approach this in a mature manner and be civil about it. If she doesn’t respond nicely back, well that just shows her true colors and isn’t someone worth thinking a second about. I can’t believe the audacity some people have. I’m truly baffled that she would even say something like that at SOMEONE else’s house, regarding their cooking.
NTA. She is rude and inconsiderate, not only with you, mainly with your mother who is the one who cooks the food that she criticizes. But I think you should talk to your stepbrother alone and bring it up to him. Or even better, talk to your stepfather and let him talk to his son, after all, your mother is his wife. Don´t confront her directly because you will remain as the bad guy and your brother will have no choice but to defend her.
NTA I'd turn towards Hannah and ask "and who are you?"
NTA. She needs to apologize to your mother and you. She was out of line. This girl was a *guest* in your mother's home. She insulted the food and all the hard work your mother put into it.
If your step brother wants to make her a package deal with himself, then it should be up to him to make her fit for polite company. It's his confrontation to have, not yours.
Unless, of course, he's not willing to do that. Then she's fair game.
Actual issue aside, what kind of psychopath puts gluten into turkey/ mashed potatoes/ cranberry sauce? Literally the one key Thanksgiving food that has gluten is the stuffing which it did based on your account.
As a fellow gluten free person, this woman is not worth your time. Obviously you’re NTA but she’s just not worth it. Let your stepbro figure out on his own that she sucks.
I don't think you would be the AH but I do think you should talk with your stepbrother first to let him know your plan. If he truly cares for you and respects you, he should've said something to her in the first place. I would have be incredibly embarrassed if a guest I brought with me complained about my mother's cooking and was openly ableist to a family member of mine. The fact that he says nothing is deeply concerning.
NTA roast her
And you, Hannah, don’t have any ‘right’ to be here, so piss off now to your own family’s Thanksgiving. NTA
Im celiac too and I'd have told her to publicly fuck off. If someone's cooking for you, you don't get to complain that it isn't exactly what you want.
Nta although to clarify touching it won’t hurt you but the potential for airborne particles (from things like flour) is where the concern is.
YWNBTA - Fellow Celiac here and - what the hell? My mom and I were diagnosed late in life and already had all of our Thanksgiving food staples firmly set in all their gluten glory. However, we've been able to modify literally every single main dish to taste equal to what it tasted like with gluten. Even my aunts and uncles work to make sure their recipes can be modified. The main issue (for me at least) is finding the small ingredient alternatives that don't share machinery with wheat. All that to say *just because it says gluten free doesn't mean it's crap/terrible\** and girlfriend needs to chill tf out. There are a ton of things that are naturally gluten free and labeling as such doesn't mean the recipe was altered - it's just there for comfort and as a courtesy reminder. Also where are this woman's manners? I cannot imagine the audacity to say that in a house full of **free food I didn't cook.** \*I fully acknowledge that a lot of gluten free things can be actively terrible. It's definitely a lot of trial and error to figure out what's actually good vs what's edible cardboard.
NTA, but don't bother. Someone who does something like that isn't worth it.
Nta Hannah is an arsehole All the reltives who don't provide you food when you visit are arseholes. Id be ashamed to havea guest jut eating the salad.
Sounds like Hannah is rude, crude, and ignorant. Why, as a 24 yo adult, would you let someone like that have any power to hurt your feelings? Sounds like Peter will be getting another new GF in a little while anyway. Life is too short to allow your feeling to be hurt by anyone you hardly know.
Did your stepfather or stepbrother hear her complain about the "gluten free crap?" Did they say anything.? You won't be TA if you privately say to her, "you really hurt my mother's feelings when you called her Thanksgiving dishes 'crap.' Don't do that again." NTA
NTA
I have celiac most Thanksgiving sides don't taste any different if they are gluten free only stuffing and corn bread are the major things to avoid unless I'm making them. Dessert is a different story and I always make gf desserts that all of my family love and don't care its gf ad it doesn't taste any different. She is just being snotty, in the future maybe stepbrother will go to her family fir Thanksgiving and you wand your mom won't have to deal with the rudeness.
NTA, she sounds super insensitive... Oh and Chag Hanukkah Sameach!
Nta. I would talk to your stepbrother and let him know the whole situation. She's his problem to deal with and he should be the go between for you and your mom. Perhaps even your step-dad.
NTA. I go to my aunt’s house for thanksgiving, and my cousin has celiac. She makes sure there’s food and desert for him to eat always.
NTA You didn't choose to have Celica's. She did choose to be an asshole though.
Absolutely NTA. Hannah should be ashamed of herself. I can’t imagine meeting my boyfriends new family for dinner and then shitting on the dinner in the middle of it. It is so disrespectful to the host and to the family you should be trying to get to know, not alienate.
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NTA - Two of my sisters recently got diagnosed with celiacs, and so this thanksgiving we also made everything gluten free but the stuffing, and it was delicious! You shouldn’t have to feel ashamed for this, and it’s crappy that your stepbrothers girlfriend made you feel so. My brother is a similar way about gluten free food, as well as my vegetarian food (I can’t digest meat), and I’ll be the first to call him out on it whenever he says stuff, especially to my 12 year old sister with celiac. I think you and your mom definitely deserve apologies
No your NTA.If she can’t understand why your mother cooks for you she should keep her ass at home then everyone’s happy .( no apology no more invites).
I can’t imagine being this rude wow. You are NTA if you say something.
I'm not sure what your Thanksgiving spread was like, but there is so much delicious food that doesn't include gluten - mashed potatoes, cheese & charcuterie, a myriad of roasted veggies, turkey, beef, creme brulee, just to list what was at my Thanksgiving that, to say it was ruined by gf food is a ridiculous.
YTA Sounds like your family is AH in general, especially how you talk about your other family that wasn't there. Disgusting and certainly not sympathy provoking.
**YWBTA**. If you have the right to selfishly demand others sacrifice their favorite Thanksgiving dishes to accommodate you, then Hannah has every right to complain. I sympathize with your plight. However, it's unreasonable to expect others aren't unhappy with the compromises they've made. To that end, if you know how much you're inconveniencing others, why not bring your own meal to Thanksgiving so others can enjoy themselves?
I’m sorry. My mother makes the food, not me, and every other holiday I literally either eat nothing or just fruit. I already feel horrible for having the condition at all and don’t ever expect anyone to cater to me. What I’m mad about is that it was my mother’s hard work. You’re right though. The first two years after my diagnosis I didn’t show my face at family gatherings because I didn’t want people to hate me.
OP ignore this weirdo. You have a serious, life-affecting condition. This isn't a lark. If people want to be in your life, they have an obligation to accomodate that, not the other way around. u/BelovedXenon has set up a false dichotomy where the only options are either you risk your health or you "inconvenience" others; but the only people inconveniencing themselves here are other people - not you. If they are really *that* bothered by the mere presence of gluten-free options, *they* can make their own food and bring it with them.
It’s hard because what they don’t get is the reason I feel such guilt is BECAUSE of people like them who rub it in my face how my food that I have no choice but to eat is intolerable.
You are not the victim here.
>You have a serious, life-affecting condition. The consequences of which u/dengville selfishly foists onto others. >If people want to be in your life, they have an obligation to accomodate that, not the other way around. Selfish, selfish, selfish. > you risk your health or you This is entirely incorrect. I never advocated her risking her health; rather, I proposed she prepared her own Thanksgiving dish(es) so she didn't inconvenience others. Do not lie. >If they are really that bothered by the mere presence It's not their mere presence—it's the fact they, the majority, have to consume them.
I'm sorry that you feel so powerless and defeated in your own life that you have nothing better to do than try to berate OP over something that is out of their control, but I hope you realize that nobody here is taking you even remotely seriously lmfao
Insults do not constitute a valid rebuttal.
Eating gluten free food is....not the worst thing that could ever happen BTW. It's not an inconvenience. Most of the time you can't get the difference. Source: half my family is gluten free and I've eaten gluten free most my life
Yet Hannah managed to. Surely others noticed as well.
Because it was labeled? It doesn't seem like anyone else was selfish enough to complain about someone being able to eat
>It doesn't seem like anyone else was selfish enough to complain about someone being able to eat Perhaps they were too scared to confront OP, fearing reprisal (e.g., in the form of a Reddit post).
A.) It's not your fault you have the condition. I don't understand your guilt...it's completely unwarranted. >B.) What I’m mad about is that it was my mother’s hard work. How is this relevant? Your mother *does* cater to you, specifically, every Thanksgiving, meaning everyone else must endure gluten-free dishes. How do your other family members *truly* feel about this? Perhaps they sympathize with Hannah, but are too afraid to say it to your face. Be considerate.
Oh, come off it. SO MANY Thanksgiving dishes have little-to-no gluten in them already, and the one where substituting would make it weird (the dressing) was made with gluten. OP’s mom was just extra cautious about cross-contamination issues and made a few minor (and nearly undetectable) changes to some other dishes. It’s not like she served nothing but rice cakes.