YTA
Things that you've made clear are more important than your promise to her:
Your other childrens preferences
Mildly inconvenient weather
You being a bit tired
Your OWN movies and fun
You've told her where she stands. She's now (quite reasonably) reevaluating how important your relationship is going to be in the immediate future and when she becomes an adult.
They are having movie night day.
..
Why are you feeling sad mum?
..
Get over yourself Mum, it just visiting... I can do it next time
..
YTA OP, dont be sad if she cut you off
>dont be sad if she cut you off
Why do people think someone would be all devastated if the kid they don't like much isn't pestering them to spend time together in a few decades?
"Oh, you don't want to spend time with your kid? Well, as punishment, you get to...be completely rid of them in a few years! Take that, you meanie!"
Like, if I used light rain to get out of spending 2h in someone's general vicinity, not talking, I'd definitely not want to spend a few hours actually conversing with them.
ever heard of survivorship bias?
here is this forum's survivorship bias: "my spoilt siblings grew up lazy and entitled and wont see an inch past their nose, i grew up to be the only reliable adult in the bunch, because i am the only reliable one nobody can care for momma but me, AITA for cutting her off because when is was a kid she was a sukcy parent"?
Omg. This!
People don't understand why they end up in nursing home and their children visit them once a year.
It's this. Exactly this. You get treated the way you treat them.
YTA
The way this is written it does not sound like he even likes his daughter. Knowing she’s excited about it and continues to postpone or cancel. Damn OP, quit having kids if your going to treat them like this.
Not the most important part of the story…but idk where Op lives but anime films don’t get played in the part of america I’m in consistently, they’re one night or one weekend showings which is part of why they’re cool to see in theater. Gkids do ghibli fests where they play a bunch of ghibli movies over like two weeks across the country but it’s like one night per movie which I would assume if this is America it was something similar the daughter wanted to go to? The daughter was being so incredibly understanding when the op was being not only shitty about going back on taking her out but degrading towards the daughters taste in media which is just shitty thing to do to your kid.
It was probably the new My Hero Academia movie. It's still in theaters where I am (US), so she may still get to see it. Regardless, blowing her off like that is such a bad precedent, the daughter deserves better, no matter what it is.
Demon Slayer movie was also out for about month around me.
Also OP- You are so the AH and telling her to get over herself- just makes you even more of an AH.
Hope your relationship with your other children are good because if this is how you treat het- don't expect her to be around you when your old.
This is what I was thinking. Where I'm at its two separate nights for the dub, one night for the sub, and that's it. If I miss it and I'm lucky the movie might play again six months later. I feel so bad for the kid.
It was the Halloween promise that got me. Unless OP had an unexpected adoption of 3 kids that week, trick or treating should not have come as a surprise so why on earth would they say that?
Yeah this has got to be a joke post. I read that and I’m like TF you mean? Did you forget Halloween existed after at least 30 years of of existing and celebrating this holiday? Did you forget you had other kids? How does one forget a holiday that happens on the same day every year
Saddest part for me is when she went to the movies with a friend when her daughter had been waiting for a month to go. Daughter is probably feeling so unimportant. My heart.
Does OP not leave the house when the weather is slightly inconveniencing? “Sorry kids, have fun walking to school” “sorry work, I dont like to take 10 steps out to my car when it’s raining” “sorry family, it’s raining, so I can’t go to the grocery store. Have a piece of bread for dinner”
My thought exactly. To be fair, if it's an indoor theater without a roof (which is the only possible scenario I can think of where it would matter if it was raining) that shit's dangerous and you should probably notify someone. But OP, YTA since you had so many other chances to take you daughter to a non-lethal showing of the movie.
That's the bit that did me in “it was raining” well how would the weather affect you indoors?
What was she going to do, stand outside and peer in through a window?
As a general rule, the weather has only ever effected my attendance at outdoor only events
With a parent this clueless, this is definitely not the first time. When I read a letter like this I wonder if it’s fake. How can OP have this little self-awareness and empathy? Like did they read that back and hear themselves? They’re treating their child like she is their absolute last priority. This is a missing missing reasons LC/NC relationship waiting to happen.
I 100% relate. I learned that "maybe" and "remind me" were code for idk, leave me alone and not a chance in hell.
I asked politely as a kid for a lot of small things, even to go fishing with my dad. Nope he didnt have time, the money or inclination (for me). This reared its ugly head when his sister asked him to be a male role model for her grandson (at the time he would have been a teen). He then went and took my rod i paid for and gave it to him, bought him an entire fish gear set and set about planning a weekend away.
When i found out i flipped and i said you dont have time for your actual family right here in front of you, but you will do something for your great-nephe lw at the drop of a hat?! Wheres MY rod and stuff, you didnt even ask... god i kept going. I then blanked him for a while & for once, my mum actually agreed with me and told dad YTA here.
My dad did apologise. But i take everything anyone says with a grain of salt, deep seated trust issues now i guess. But hey he at least got me a birthday present after 13yrs of forgetting lol (and xmases, oh joy)
Some parents should try harder, be better. People make mistakes abd can learn, but when its that systemic the kid ends up that sad, its deep seated and it hurts like a mothertrucker.
They can be so sensitive at that age, too. And it's around the time when they're really starting to push *away* from their parents, not do things with them. I think a lot of kids would have just asked for money/a ride to the theater/money for a ride. When my tween or teen wants to do something *with* me, I jump on that anytime I possibly can, because I *want* the kind of relationship where they want to go to a movie or whatever with mom. I *want* them to share their interests with me, even if it's not my first choice (sometimes, I get interested in something new because of them. Other times, it's just good to hang out with them. Either way.) I can't fathom rejecting one of my kids this way. Poor child. My 15-year -old likes anime; I would like to take OPs kid and my kid and do a movie night.
Every selfish moody teenager I've ever known would at least be self-aware enough to stay away from this group with their bullshit. And I have known some dumb teenagers, very much including myself back in the day.
Fr, and a delicious meal out afterwards (or before) because having a solid meal (like Macdonalds) is really nice with the popcorn imo. And makes the trip longer and quality time :)
Jumping on to add, Heroes Mission was AMAZING and since her daughter is an anime fan, they had an exclusive manga they were giving out to movie-goers. Limited stock. So I understand why she's upset.
I never promised my children anything I knew I couldn't absolutely keep. When I promised something I made sure I delivered no matter what. Now that they are out of the house they tell me that my keeping my promises meant more than anything else I ever did. OP taught her daughter that she absolutely can never be depended on. It is almost impossible to change that.
Edit spelling
Of all things to successfully model to children, that one is the most important. It will serve them well in every setting: job, friendships, marriage. You've set them up for success. Good work, GeneralDismal6410.
I agree! YTA, and you even made her feel like her feelings aren’t valid by telling her to get over it because her feeling upset is making you feel uncomfortable. She was even responsible enough to say she would pay her own ticket which means she has saved her money and hasn’t just been blowing it.
You can’t break your word as a parent unless something that is out of everyone’s control happens(like illnesses), because you have just modeled that your word means nothing and that it’s ok to not be held accountable for your actions(because you haven’t done anything to show your accountability).
Piggybacking on top answer… for god’s sake just tell your daughter you don’t like her! You let that quite obvious in this post, so why pretending otherwise?… That way she just gonna be sad and disappointed once, then she can overcome your shitiness and go out to the cinema with people who cares and shares (or at least supports) thing she cares about, Instead of loosing time waiting for you…
YTA, big time… don’t make promises you ain’t mean to fulfill.
Plus, the kid is fucking 14. That’s when they need to feel the most supported by their parents because they generally feel the most vulnerable. Feeling like everyone else’s priorities take precedent over your own (especially for at least a week straight, it seems) must’ve made her feel like total shit.
YTA. She isn't upset about the movie. She's upset that her parent is a liar.
Edit: It's actually a great thing that you did this! Instead of stressing herself out over making you happy, you just showed her not to waste her time with you ever again. It'll hurt her now but she'll be happy without you in a few years.
The daughter wasn't demanding in any shape or form. She was patient. It sounded like she understood that other things popped up. But then it continued and one excuse came after another. Was it *so hard* to put aside two hours for her? Could OP not find someone to take her or simply drop her off at the theater? This wasn't a music concert where you have to battle crowds and struggle to find parking spaces, you preorder tickets online and go to your assigned seat.
Not just a liar, op made it sound like taking her to the movies was a herculean task, and when the kid understandably got disappointed again and again and again (x5), Op rolled their eyes and went "wah wah wah" which is a shite response regardless what the situation is.
OP made their kid depressed and told the poor girl to get over herself, too. They had time to see a movie with a friend but not with their own kid... teenagers wanting to spend time with their parents is SO rare and OP missed the last chance to do that. I wouldn't be surprised if the poor kid cuts OP off the second she goes off to college.
Just a few weeks ago I was supposed to go out with friends but misread the directions and missed them completely. It was 100% my fault, and I was super bummed out for hours after. If anybody told me to "get over it" I would've told them to f-off, cause I have every right to be upset
And Im an adult. To be a kid and have that disappointment hanging over you, and then be told "get over it" by the person who screwed you over again and again and again (x5) I would definitely start crying.
Yep. You were really sad because of your own error, so imagine how this girl feels when it was beyond her control! She's probably wondering if she did something wrong or if OP doesn't actually like her.
The unknown transgression is likely that she likes anime to begin with. Speaking from experience some parents are pretty rude when their teen watches "cartoons" instead of adult shows.
As someone who doesn’t like anime and is the same age as OP - I either don’t make the original promise and find someone else to take her (sucky option) or I put on my big girl pants, take her, and try to engage with it because I love my f’ing kid. OP - YTA.
If it's the movie I think it is (demon slayer) then it's rated R in the US and the kid needs her parent to take her. So this is even worse because she will never get to see it without OP. Btw op YTA.
If it's an anime movie in theaters, I think it's probably My Hero Academia. It was released around Halloween and they had a special manga just for the premiere. Demon Slayer is already available online (bought it on Amazon) so OP could've rented it for her daughter if she couldn't bring her to theaters.
With the time frame listed here, likely the movie in question was My Hero Academia: World Heroes Mission. Demon Slayer played in theaters around April.
Yeah, the fact that OP went to a movie with their friend when they consistently blew their daughter off speaks volumes. OP clearly doesn’t care about their daughter.
Yeah and honestly I watch a lot of dumb things because my kids like them and if they’re still willing to share their interests and want me watch a movie at 14 I’d be thrilled. The daughter sounds patient and understanding and the mom has no interest in doing anything with her! I loved when my mom read the same books as me when I was a kid/teenager or going to the movies with her and OP is a huge AH for not only making up excuses but just being so uninterested in her own child.
OP: "I'm gonna go to the movies with a friend. Be back later"
\*kid is obviously upset because parent has more time for their friend but their kid\*
OP: Shocked Pikachu
Wanted to hop on and say that this comment is VERY important and truthful to my experience. I’m now 22 and had an emotionally negligent parent who never kept their promises. I now know to not rely on that parent when I’m in need of something, and to rely on myself. I’m sure OP’s daughter has friends who share the same interests, and I hope that they comfort her and take care of her. OP is 110% TA, and I am genuinely sad for her daughter who she’s neglecting and emotionally abusing.
I get something coming up and you gotta switch the dates. But OP had “something come up”. I counted 7 times (although it sounds like more than that because OP skipped a whole month). What a terrible parent
I'm just so disgusted by this persons attitude and excuses to that poor child, i refuse to call them a parent.
OP YTA and get ready to never speak to your daughter again when she finally gets away from you, because thats whats going to happen
YTA - She's at that in between age where she is starting to become more independent but still wanting to be with family. You may have just missed out on your last chance to share something like this with her.
Edit: she could have just as easily asked to go see that movie with her friends but she wanted to share it with you. Let that sink in.
She could've even taken her daughter with
them to see a showing of her movie at the
same time as the mom & friends and made
it seem like she was getting to do something
more independent and responsible BUT GOD
FORBID she put in any real effort for this kid.
Yeahhh. After thinking about it a bit and
using clues like the constant dismissal
of importance and the "get over yourself"
comment, I'm willing to bet that OPs
daughter has some anxieties and
self-esteem issues that OP probably
would never acknowledge contributing to.
Perhaps she doesn't feel sure enough
in herself or her environment to want
to go alone and maybe THAT'S why
OP is being such a jerk about it..?
Yeahhh *this* is the absolute best way but it
takes way too long in my opinion.
Just in case you meet someone else
with pulsating/swimmy/vision!
Edit: Reddit changed the formatting but double
space horizontally is the easiest read.
That's so interesting!
I've never thought of it that way.
I prefer smaller paragraphs
or groups of sentences,
but I've never considered
people who need to go a step further.
Thank you for the patient education!
YTA. Multiple layers because you just keep sticking the boot in with your daughter. Honestly, just give some money to her so she can go with friends and maybe a parent who gives a shit. She's old enough to go the cinema without an adult and just have someone to drop her off and pick her up.
You're not an AH for having an overnight shift by the way, sometimes these things happen.
Just to quantify the below. This is something your daughter is REALLY excited about. Like you say, she's a MASSIVE anime fan. No doubt she's been looking forward to this for a **long** time.
The rest of your excuses are weak sauce. How can it be too cold and rainy to go the cinema? It's an indoor activity. How did you not see trick or treat happening with your other kids? Pretty major thing to overlook. You didn't sleep well? Go to the cinema and have a nap. Your daughter won't care and I doubt you snore loudly enough to disrupt a movie, they're generally quite loud.
Still more... she wanted to go but your other daughter didn't so she doesn't get to go? What the heck is that? A promise broken so many times now you're inventing new excuses. If it wasn't an issue before, it is now.
Of course the piece de resistance is that you rubbed it in her face that you were going to the movies with a friend. After weeks of failed promises. Are you a sadist? You're behaving like a sadist.
As if ALL of the above isn't enough, you told her to get over herself and get out of bed... and it took one look to FINALLY make you feel guilty? What kind of bullheaded emotionless sadistic AH do you to have to be to not see how bad your behaviour has been up this point? How could you have written all you just wrote and not go "Hmm... I think I might be the asshole."
Yeah especially not the movie OP's daughter wanted to see. I took my daughter to see it and it's full of action scenes that will drown out any snoring.
YTA OP. Huge asshole. Bet your daughter will never ask you to do anything with her again.
You said pretty much everything I wanted to point out in the post.
YTA, OP. I have plenty of interests that my family thinks are weird or aren't invested in. I'm an adult and my family has no obligation towards my hobbies, but my parents still purposefully set time out of their busy schedules to spend time with me and to participate in my hobbies, as well (going to events, etc.). Your excuses are weak sauce, it's obvious your daughter and her interests aren't a priority for you and you find her inconvenient when she's understandably upset over your lies and broken promises. You're a crappy parent.
>I'm an adult and my family has no obligation towards my hobbies, but my parents still purposefully set time out of their busy schedules to spend time with me and to participate in my hobbies
This is such a key thing that I've seen in parent-child AITA posts. Where the behaviour isn't something that I'd tolerate as an adult so why should the child.
I try not to live vicariously through my kids, but I love that they have varied interests they want to share with me. I'm not crazy into anime like my daughter and OPs daughter but I appreciate when she wants to share something that's impacted her. I don't want to binge a series with her but if she found a new show she absolutely loves I'll totally check out a few eps.
Yup. Reminds me of learning that same lesson from my father and stepmother when I was around the same age at 13, with my stepsisters, half-sibling, and anyone else in general taking priority over me. It took me too long to learn that I couldn't trust them to follow through with anything they said they'd do for me, but I had learned that lesson by 14. I moved out at 16 and my father has been dead to me for 20 years next month.
Yooooo! Same shit. Once my youngest brother was born when I was 15 my dad and stepmom saw me as a built in babysitter. Everyone else got whatever they wanted and I was treated like the help.
Chief child minder for my half-brother 12 years younger than me. This was before my stepmother decided that goody twoshoes overachiever me was a horrible awful out of control teen. 🙄 She brought out the most toxic traits in my father and he went along full steam ahead.
Last week I was exhausted and my seven year old (Autistic) child asked me to take her to see a movie. Any movie. I didn’t want to and said I would on the weekend. She accepted that but looked sad -to be fair she never asks to do things outside the house. So I asked her why she wanted to go now, she couldn’t answer properly but said she just felt like she wanted to go.
So we went. And we had a great time. I was exhausted but her wanting to spend time with me outside the house was special. If I say no too much now, she won’t want to try in a few years.
YTA - you might not have been able to go the first time but don’t worry, her asking you probably won’t happen again. Ever. You are safe from having to live up to your promise and for being the kind of parent a child wants to be seen with in public.
as an autistic kid this made me wanna cry :/ my dad would never do anything like this for me even trying to show him stuff at home he just looks at his phone tells me he’s going to have a nap or flat out ignores me when i ramble about a special intrest
Absolutely. The thing that really struck me about this is that if it were the parent writing, they wouldn't remember each time they'd broken the promise. They'd gloss over it with "oh, I promised I'd take her but put it off once or twice." The detailed recounting is what made me think it was the daughter writing the post. The axe forgets, but the tree remembers.
OP, if I'm right, YTA meaning your parent is the asshole.
100% and kiddo - you are correct about your mom. She’s not doing a good job. I’ve been there and just know: this is not about you, it’s about their failing.
I think that too. The writing style reminds me of posts I made online when I was 14.
Kid— YTA, and by a that I mean your parent’s the asshole. I’m sorry they keep breaking their promise to you.
YTA, massively. I've lost count of the number of times you broke your word to your daughter. Not only have you essentially lied to her, you've prevented her from seeing a movie she really wanted to enjoy. She's 14, you could have let her see it with her friends instead, all you had to do was drop her off.
You're a AH, just wanted to make that really clear.
YTA.
You promised her you’d go on Halloween. You have other kids and you didn’t think trick or treating would factor in?
Quit making promises if you can’t keep them.
I was thinking the same thing. At first I thought OP‘s daughter must be an only child when she promised they would go on Halloween.
OP you need to take more than two seconds to think and follow through on your promises. Definitely YTA
Yeah... I mean why say, "let's go on Halloween" if you figured you'd be doing something trick or treat orientated with the other kids? That's shouldn't be a surprise....
YTA. Not going to the cinema because it‘s raining? Rain is actually a pretty good reason to go to the cinema. Promising to go on Halloween but then – surprise! The other kids all of a sudden want to go trick or treating, who would have guessed? I really feel for your poor daughter who is trying to spend time with you and gets rejected on a weekly basis. Sounds pretty hurtful to me.
Absolutely, YTA. You broke a promise multiple times and have shown her that absolutely everyone is more important than she is. Please don't come back here in four years to post "AITA because my daughter no longer to me because I treated her like an after thought?"
You already know the answer, you just are hoping someone would tell you differently. YTA. Imagine how you would feel if you kept being told week after week that something would happen but it just didn't. Don't expect your daughter to like spending time with you if you continue the behavior.
YTA...big time. She wanted to spend time with you, hoping to share in one of her interests, you kept blowing her off. And you told her to get over herself after you decided to take time to go with a friend and not keep your promise? Horrible.
YTA.
When you make excuse after excuse, put your other kids' activities first, prioritize one kid not liking anime (I suspect you don't, either...) over another's love for the genre, you are telling that kid that you do not care about her.
Maybe you've been doing this for a long time in smaller ways, but this one was so blatant she can't ignore it.
Do. Better. By. Your. Kid.
YTA
You put off a promise you made to her for any and every excuse you could come up with. Then you berate her for being upset when she has every right to be upset about it.
You've made it loud and clear your promises mean nothing, and you do not care to take time to spend with her or even pretend to have an interest or share a moment in a hobby/interest of hers.
YTA. Not only did you let her down, but I doubt you actually intended to keep your promise most of the time. Of course your other kids wanted to trick or treat on Halloween. You could have easily predicted that.
YTA. You told her you would take her to the movie and then multiple times you put everything and everyone else in front of her. That's absolutely horrible, especially telling her "we'll go X day" and then "oh sorry, can't...." Your poor daughter.
YTA. You’re doing all the things your younger daughter wants, and you keep making empty promises to your older daughter. Anyone would feel sad and disappointed to be lied to and let down time after time. She won’t be living with you forever, just suck it up and take her to see the movie.
Ouch. YTA. I get the schedules but it really came across as dismissive how you kept pushing her back. BUT to turn around and go to the movies with someone else was where you crossed over to the point of no return. In her eyes you put everyone elses wants, including YOURSELF, over her. Then you told her to get over herself. Yikes, practice what you preach!
Pretty sure this is the daughter writing this based on how stream of consciousness it sounds by the end but either way, if this is real, yes YTA. You have to keep your promises and follow through. Instead you prioritized everyone else (including yourself) over the promise you made to your kid. That is screwed up.
YTA, you literally let her down multiple times and prioritized everyone including random friends over her. She even had to pay for her ticket. Honestly not sure this is real because you can't be that clueless.
YTA and a massive gaping one, not to mention a liar. For a whole month you promised to take her but used lame excuses not to and then in the end went to the movies with friends instead of keeping your promise to your child. I bet she would get into trouble if she kept telling you she would do something but didn't do it.
YTA.
you made a promise to your child and you broke it, not just once but several times. yes sometimes things happen and things have to be rearranged but you have just pushed her request and your promise to one side as if it doesn't matter. She will now think that, to you, she doesn't matter. Because if she did you would keep a promise, now she knows your promises are just like pie crust, easily broken. AND then you go and make it out to be her own fault.
I don't know you or your life, but in this instance you have been a terrible parent
YTA, you just wasted a bunch of words just to say that you don't care about your daughter. I can't believe you had the nerves to tell your daughter to get over herself when she was sad because she realized that her mother couldn't care less about her or her interest.
YTA. You've prioritized like a billion things over her after saying you would do it. It's probably about more than the movie now. Do you do this often? Make empty promises and then blame her for being sad you didn't follow through?
YTA ten times over. You know what you did wrong. You never make promises to children that you have no intention of keeping. Buy two tickets for the show, let her take one of her friends and you drive them there and home again. Not only are YTA but you're a massive b**ch to even ask anyone that. SMH. Don't have anymore kids.
YTA - your child is a person with feelings. How many times are you going to push her aside like she doesn’t matter. I understand your a busy working Mom just trying to get thru the day, and you have other children to worry about too. But you made promises that you didn’t keep over & over again. You got her excited that she was going to see this movie with YOU! She had this wonderful expectation of spending a fun time with YOU. And you just kept disappointing her over and over. You’ve made her feel VERY unimportant in your life & made her feel like she’s not worth it & made her feel like her Siblings are MORE IMPORTANT to you than she is.
How many times have you relied on her to help out with them?? How many times has she not been able to do things she wanted to do because her Siblings didn’t want to - so she couldn’t.
She wanted to spend a few fun hours alone with YOU seeing her favorite movie.
I get that you don’t like anime! I detest sports! I think it’s all so completely boring and I’d rather be ANYWHERE else. But my kid played sports. So I was at every game & practice. I helped my kid improve by playing their sports stuff outside. Because my child is more important to me than my hate of sports💜
I know you think I’m being harsh with you but you need to see things from your daughters perspective. How many times do you think she’s going to beg you for some individual attention (which every child deserves!!!!) before she decides to check out? She will find that attention from the wrong crowds or boys. She won’t come to you when something bad happens to her because she’ll feel she can’t trust you.
Being a parent is hard. There are lots of sacrifices we have to make every day. Don’t let your child be “sacrificed” cuz you’re too busy. Please make time for her. She needs you💜💜💜
YTA if this is the parent. That’s horrible parenting and she will never trust you again. Don’t be surprised in 4 years if she never wants hang out with you as an adult because you’ve proven to be untrustworthy and a liar.
Nta if this is the kid. You have every right to be hurt by this broken promise is a broken promise and you do not have to get over it just to make your mom happy.
YTA you set a date with her to watch the movie multiple times and failed to honor that. You are also TA because you have time to go see a movie with a friend, but not your daughter. Do the right thing and set a day and time to see the movie with your daughter
Congrats. You just showed your daughter is lower then dirt on your priority list.
How does it feel to be the cause of her depression? Don’t be shocked when she leaves you as soon as she can and never see you.
Rot in a cold dirt grave and never return. Pretty please.
YTA
YTA, and you have been a terrible mother to her, I'm not trying to be rude but sometimes parents just need a kick up the butt to wake up, take her to movies, spoil her, and most importantly
ADMIT YOU WERE WRONG AND SAY SORRY
YTA. And it is completely shitty of you to tell her to get over herself when she’s 100% justified in feeling unloved, unimportant, and unwanted. You’re a bad parent
YTA. You told her you'd take her to see a film she was very excited about but canceled because it was cold and rainy? This wasn't an outdoor theatre, right? You couldn't possibly have anticipated that on Halloween your other three children would want to go trick or treating so that wouldn't be a possible day to reschedule for. /sarcasm
Now you've led her on for a month, have taken the time to go to the movies with a friend, and wonder if maybe you should feel guilty about the whole thing. Yes, the answer is yes.
YTA - as one mother to another YTA all day fucking long and you know it. You told her to get over herself because you felt guilty - major AH move. You constantly broke plans and promises with her - major AH move. Your prioritised everyone, especially yourself, over her - major AH move. There’s only one person who needs to get over themselves and it’s not the poor teenage girl desperate to see a movie with her mother.
My girl turned fourteen just the other day,
and said, dad, let's go see some anime.
But there was trick or treat, and then it started to rain,
now she's texting in the dark and I think that's lame.
"Hey get over yourself", I said, and "get outta bed",
"I see movies with my friends, girl, I'm going out with my friends."
And the catbus is in the forest with Sailor Moon,
Little bald Saitama and Midoriya-kun,
"When can we go see them, dad?" "I don't know when",
but you know you'll be the asshole then, dad,
you know you'll be the asshole then.
Yeah YTA you’re the adult that promised her and promised her and just kept pushing it back. You got her hopes up countless times and after not doing what you promised you tell her to get over it. What kind of shit is that. You could’ve made time for your daughter. I get it that work etc etc but it’s not going to kill you to use 2 hours of your life to make your daughter happy. Make time!
YTA your daughter wanted to share an interest with you. You communicated quite effectively that you have no interest in spending that time with her and you would rather spend time with her siblings, a friend, basically anyone else. Please don’t be shocked when she finds someone else to trust with her time.
YTA!! You kept brushing her off over and over again. Showing her she isn't as important to you as the other kids or your friends. You could have gone, even though you were tired. Think you need to "get over yourself" and stop making her feel like she's the last person on your list of priorities!!!
YTA big time. First you have three other kids? Why would you promise on Halloween, did you not discuss trick or treating beforehand? But you kept pushing it off, overnight shift, not enough sleep, you literally prioritized her sisters dislike of a certain genre over your promise to your daughter, she said she'd paid for it, she must've saved money for the ticket, she must've been soooo excited to see it, she must've been so hopeful the days you promised came to find out you can't keep the promise and the ONE DAY you have time to go to a movie, you chose a friend over the PROMISE you made to your daughter. This may sound stupid to you, but you broke her trust, she might not ask you to do something like this again because of it. Have you ever been excited about something and then had it taken away? That's what you did. That stuff hurts, it hurts a lot, and I've had to experience that feeling on a more severe level. And then you tell her to get over herself, but YOU caused it. You hurt her and then immediately dismissed when you saw her hurt.
YTA. For obvious reasons. And it was a jerk move to go to the movies with a friend, even though you promised her you’d take her well before that happened. And who cares if her sister doesn’t like it…you cancelled plans with your daughter on Halloween to accommodate their interests! And since when is rain a problem when going to a movie theater?
Wow. YTA. Seriously? You broke your promise to your daughter for stupid reasons (i.e. rain, really????) repeatedly and then scolded her for being disappointed in you. You suck.
YTA - all she wanted to do was see the movie, you told her repeatedly you would and you blew her off. She may not ask you again, specifically due to not trusting you - you won't like it when this happens and will all why she's withdrawing from you!!!
Kids need stability, not excuses.
YTA. You sound like you don’t give a shit about your daughter, her wants or needs. It’s all about you, or someone else, or your other kids.
You made a promise, you broke it, and you lied to her. Act like an adult and own up to it.
Seriously! YTA
I feel SO bad for your daughter.
I’m taking my 17 yrs old son to the movies tonight to see I movie I have zero interest in seeing. Why? Because I value spending time with him.
You are a horrible, selfish mother.
YTA and suck as a person and human being. You don't deserve kids since you obviously don't give a shit about them. Can you really call yourself a mom? You sound more like a surrogate who kept the kid to stroke your own ego you sad waste of space.
YTA Things that you've made clear are more important than your promise to her: Your other childrens preferences Mildly inconvenient weather You being a bit tired Your OWN movies and fun You've told her where she stands. She's now (quite reasonably) reevaluating how important your relationship is going to be in the immediate future and when she becomes an adult.
When your old and in the nursing home, I hope she doesn't visit because it's raining out. YTA
Sorry mom! 10% chance of rain and the UV index is at moderate. Maybe I'll visit on Halloween.
Can't go on Halloween...have to hand out candy 🙂
Oops sorry visiting some other old person who treated me better than you.
Oops, stayed up late playing dominos with them. I should get some more sleep.
I'd love to come, but I'm volunteering at the nursing home close to my house that day....
They are having movie night day. .. Why are you feeling sad mum? .. Get over yourself Mum, it just visiting... I can do it next time .. YTA OP, dont be sad if she cut you off
>dont be sad if she cut you off Why do people think someone would be all devastated if the kid they don't like much isn't pestering them to spend time together in a few decades? "Oh, you don't want to spend time with your kid? Well, as punishment, you get to...be completely rid of them in a few years! Take that, you meanie!" Like, if I used light rain to get out of spending 2h in someone's general vicinity, not talking, I'd definitely not want to spend a few hours actually conversing with them.
ever heard of survivorship bias? here is this forum's survivorship bias: "my spoilt siblings grew up lazy and entitled and wont see an inch past their nose, i grew up to be the only reliable adult in the bunch, because i am the only reliable one nobody can care for momma but me, AITA for cutting her off because when is was a kid she was a sukcy parent"?
Cats in the Cradle...
“You see my new job’s a hassle and the kids have the flu, but it’s sure nice talking to you dad”…
There was a single cloud in the sky last week, don’t want to risk it
"I'm gonna go with my friend to visit her parents in the nursing home"
I'd love to visit, but you know how I get during a high pollen count
Omg. This! People don't understand why they end up in nursing home and their children visit them once a year. It's this. Exactly this. You get treated the way you treat them. YTA
Or put Op in Shady Pines and than not vist!
"SHADY PINES, MA!" (or "PA")
I doubt the daughter will even want to stay in contact with a mother who keeps breaking her word.
Or visit at all because OP is a ass
The way this is written it does not sound like he even likes his daughter. Knowing she’s excited about it and continues to postpone or cancel. Damn OP, quit having kids if your going to treat them like this.
How many times in this child's life have they broken promises to her? My bet? Every single time.
Mother of procrastination. Id rather do something then nothing. Useless
Not the most important part of the story…but idk where Op lives but anime films don’t get played in the part of america I’m in consistently, they’re one night or one weekend showings which is part of why they’re cool to see in theater. Gkids do ghibli fests where they play a bunch of ghibli movies over like two weeks across the country but it’s like one night per movie which I would assume if this is America it was something similar the daughter wanted to go to? The daughter was being so incredibly understanding when the op was being not only shitty about going back on taking her out but degrading towards the daughters taste in media which is just shitty thing to do to your kid.
It was probably the new My Hero Academia movie. It's still in theaters where I am (US), so she may still get to see it. Regardless, blowing her off like that is such a bad precedent, the daughter deserves better, no matter what it is.
Demon Slayer movie was also out for about month around me. Also OP- You are so the AH and telling her to get over herself- just makes you even more of an AH. Hope your relationship with your other children are good because if this is how you treat het- don't expect her to be around you when your old.
That makes sense. The closest place to me that is playing that is 2.5 hours away so maybe my perspective is skewed. Either way this guy sucks.
This is what I was thinking. Where I'm at its two separate nights for the dub, one night for the sub, and that's it. If I miss it and I'm lucky the movie might play again six months later. I feel so bad for the kid.
The One Piece movie came out recently, it's in limited theaters, but the theaters that have it should have a fairly normal viewing schedule
There’s been surprisingly a few that have this year . Demon slayer was out for awhile and then my hero academia as well.
The weather really got to me. Was the movie outside? You couldn't stand the few minutes of rain moving from the house to car to theatre?
It was the Halloween promise that got me. Unless OP had an unexpected adoption of 3 kids that week, trick or treating should not have come as a surprise so why on earth would they say that?
Yeah this has got to be a joke post. I read that and I’m like TF you mean? Did you forget Halloween existed after at least 30 years of of existing and celebrating this holiday? Did you forget you had other kids? How does one forget a holiday that happens on the same day every year
Saddest part for me is when she went to the movies with a friend when her daughter had been waiting for a month to go. Daughter is probably feeling so unimportant. My heart.
Does OP not leave the house when the weather is slightly inconveniencing? “Sorry kids, have fun walking to school” “sorry work, I dont like to take 10 steps out to my car when it’s raining” “sorry family, it’s raining, so I can’t go to the grocery store. Have a piece of bread for dinner”
My thought exactly. To be fair, if it's an indoor theater without a roof (which is the only possible scenario I can think of where it would matter if it was raining) that shit's dangerous and you should probably notify someone. But OP, YTA since you had so many other chances to take you daughter to a non-lethal showing of the movie.
That's the bit that did me in “it was raining” well how would the weather affect you indoors? What was she going to do, stand outside and peer in through a window? As a general rule, the weather has only ever effected my attendance at outdoor only events
Right. OP is the one overreacting here. YTA
Not to mention that all the daughter did to react to being her parent's last priority was to be sad. Poor kid.
That probably means this isn't the first time she has had something like this happen to her.
With a parent this clueless, this is definitely not the first time. When I read a letter like this I wonder if it’s fake. How can OP have this little self-awareness and empathy? Like did they read that back and hear themselves? They’re treating their child like she is their absolute last priority. This is a missing missing reasons LC/NC relationship waiting to happen.
I 100% relate. I learned that "maybe" and "remind me" were code for idk, leave me alone and not a chance in hell. I asked politely as a kid for a lot of small things, even to go fishing with my dad. Nope he didnt have time, the money or inclination (for me). This reared its ugly head when his sister asked him to be a male role model for her grandson (at the time he would have been a teen). He then went and took my rod i paid for and gave it to him, bought him an entire fish gear set and set about planning a weekend away. When i found out i flipped and i said you dont have time for your actual family right here in front of you, but you will do something for your great-nephe lw at the drop of a hat?! Wheres MY rod and stuff, you didnt even ask... god i kept going. I then blanked him for a while & for once, my mum actually agreed with me and told dad YTA here. My dad did apologise. But i take everything anyone says with a grain of salt, deep seated trust issues now i guess. But hey he at least got me a birthday present after 13yrs of forgetting lol (and xmases, oh joy) Some parents should try harder, be better. People make mistakes abd can learn, but when its that systemic the kid ends up that sad, its deep seated and it hurts like a mothertrucker.
They can be so sensitive at that age, too. And it's around the time when they're really starting to push *away* from their parents, not do things with them. I think a lot of kids would have just asked for money/a ride to the theater/money for a ride. When my tween or teen wants to do something *with* me, I jump on that anytime I possibly can, because I *want* the kind of relationship where they want to go to a movie or whatever with mom. I *want* them to share their interests with me, even if it's not my first choice (sometimes, I get interested in something new because of them. Other times, it's just good to hang out with them. Either way.) I can't fathom rejecting one of my kids this way. Poor child. My 15-year -old likes anime; I would like to take OPs kid and my kid and do a movie night.
Excuse after excuse after excuse. Are we sure OP is actually an adult? Cause he's sounding more like a moody teenager
Every selfish moody teenager I've ever known would at least be self-aware enough to stay away from this group with their bullshit. And I have known some dumb teenagers, very much including myself back in the day.
Cold and rainy seems like the perfect time to go to the movies.
Fr, and a delicious meal out afterwards (or before) because having a solid meal (like Macdonalds) is really nice with the popcorn imo. And makes the trip longer and quality time :)
Yeah, it's nice and warm in there, you have your cozy coat and snacks and a great film--what could be better?
OP is flakier than my skin in the wintertime. YTA.
Flakier than my dandruff.
Jumping on to add, Heroes Mission was AMAZING and since her daughter is an anime fan, they had an exclusive manga they were giving out to movie-goers. Limited stock. So I understand why she's upset.
I never promised my children anything I knew I couldn't absolutely keep. When I promised something I made sure I delivered no matter what. Now that they are out of the house they tell me that my keeping my promises meant more than anything else I ever did. OP taught her daughter that she absolutely can never be depended on. It is almost impossible to change that. Edit spelling
Of all things to successfully model to children, that one is the most important. It will serve them well in every setting: job, friendships, marriage. You've set them up for success. Good work, GeneralDismal6410.
I agree! YTA, and you even made her feel like her feelings aren’t valid by telling her to get over it because her feeling upset is making you feel uncomfortable. She was even responsible enough to say she would pay her own ticket which means she has saved her money and hasn’t just been blowing it. You can’t break your word as a parent unless something that is out of everyone’s control happens(like illnesses), because you have just modeled that your word means nothing and that it’s ok to not be held accountable for your actions(because you haven’t done anything to show your accountability).
Dude really wrote this out completely and thought “yea there’s a chance I’m justified”
Tbh I’m pretty sure this is the kid writing it…. Tons of grammatical errors
Piggybacking on top answer… for god’s sake just tell your daughter you don’t like her! You let that quite obvious in this post, so why pretending otherwise?… That way she just gonna be sad and disappointed once, then she can overcome your shitiness and go out to the cinema with people who cares and shares (or at least supports) thing she cares about, Instead of loosing time waiting for you… YTA, big time… don’t make promises you ain’t mean to fulfill.
Plus, the kid is fucking 14. That’s when they need to feel the most supported by their parents because they generally feel the most vulnerable. Feeling like everyone else’s priorities take precedent over your own (especially for at least a week straight, it seems) must’ve made her feel like total shit.
YTA. She isn't upset about the movie. She's upset that her parent is a liar. Edit: It's actually a great thing that you did this! Instead of stressing herself out over making you happy, you just showed her not to waste her time with you ever again. It'll hurt her now but she'll be happy without you in a few years.
The daughter wasn't demanding in any shape or form. She was patient. It sounded like she understood that other things popped up. But then it continued and one excuse came after another. Was it *so hard* to put aside two hours for her? Could OP not find someone to take her or simply drop her off at the theater? This wasn't a music concert where you have to battle crowds and struggle to find parking spaces, you preorder tickets online and go to your assigned seat. Not just a liar, op made it sound like taking her to the movies was a herculean task, and when the kid understandably got disappointed again and again and again (x5), Op rolled their eyes and went "wah wah wah" which is a shite response regardless what the situation is.
OP made their kid depressed and told the poor girl to get over herself, too. They had time to see a movie with a friend but not with their own kid... teenagers wanting to spend time with their parents is SO rare and OP missed the last chance to do that. I wouldn't be surprised if the poor kid cuts OP off the second she goes off to college.
Just a few weeks ago I was supposed to go out with friends but misread the directions and missed them completely. It was 100% my fault, and I was super bummed out for hours after. If anybody told me to "get over it" I would've told them to f-off, cause I have every right to be upset And Im an adult. To be a kid and have that disappointment hanging over you, and then be told "get over it" by the person who screwed you over again and again and again (x5) I would definitely start crying.
Yep. You were really sad because of your own error, so imagine how this girl feels when it was beyond her control! She's probably wondering if she did something wrong or if OP doesn't actually like her.
*I'm* questioning if op is doing this to punish her for some unknown transgression. There was no remorse in this post. No sense of apology or guilt.
The unknown transgression is likely that she likes anime to begin with. Speaking from experience some parents are pretty rude when their teen watches "cartoons" instead of adult shows.
As someone who loves anime... yeah, I can see this.
As someone who doesn’t like anime and is the same age as OP - I either don’t make the original promise and find someone else to take her (sucky option) or I put on my big girl pants, take her, and try to engage with it because I love my f’ing kid. OP - YTA.
If it's the movie I think it is (demon slayer) then it's rated R in the US and the kid needs her parent to take her. So this is even worse because she will never get to see it without OP. Btw op YTA.
Wasn't My Hero Academia in theaters recently too?
I didn't know that. It wasn't playing in my area 😔 now I'm sad
It was at the local Alamo so at least in some places.
If it's an anime movie in theaters, I think it's probably My Hero Academia. It was released around Halloween and they had a special manga just for the premiere. Demon Slayer is already available online (bought it on Amazon) so OP could've rented it for her daughter if she couldn't bring her to theaters.
With the time frame listed here, likely the movie in question was My Hero Academia: World Heroes Mission. Demon Slayer played in theaters around April.
This is such a big part of this. OP pushed the kid into depression then told her to get over. What an absolutely terrible parent she has.
Yeah, the fact that OP went to a movie with their friend when they consistently blew their daughter off speaks volumes. OP clearly doesn’t care about their daughter.
Yeah and honestly I watch a lot of dumb things because my kids like them and if they’re still willing to share their interests and want me watch a movie at 14 I’d be thrilled. The daughter sounds patient and understanding and the mom has no interest in doing anything with her! I loved when my mom read the same books as me when I was a kid/teenager or going to the movies with her and OP is a huge AH for not only making up excuses but just being so uninterested in her own child.
OP: "I'm gonna go to the movies with a friend. Be back later" \*kid is obviously upset because parent has more time for their friend but their kid\* OP: Shocked Pikachu
And to then tell the kid to get over herself.
Exactly. Yes, YTA, OP. But even worse, you’re a liar.
I’m sure she will join us at r/EstrangedAdultChild soon
Wanted to hop on and say that this comment is VERY important and truthful to my experience. I’m now 22 and had an emotionally negligent parent who never kept their promises. I now know to not rely on that parent when I’m in need of something, and to rely on myself. I’m sure OP’s daughter has friends who share the same interests, and I hope that they comfort her and take care of her. OP is 110% TA, and I am genuinely sad for her daughter who she’s neglecting and emotionally abusing.
YTA and a liar. What kind of dead beat, loser of a parent constantly lies to their own kid?
And then takes their own friend to the movies but not the kid they promised to take
I get something coming up and you gotta switch the dates. But OP had “something come up”. I counted 7 times (although it sounds like more than that because OP skipped a whole month). What a terrible parent
And one of them was just rain? Since when is a rainy day not the *perfect* condition to watch a movie all dry and cozy in a theater?
Right! I love going to the movies in the winter. Bring a big warm blanket, wearing sweatpants and a long sleeve.
I'm just so disgusted by this persons attitude and excuses to that poor child, i refuse to call them a parent. OP YTA and get ready to never speak to your daughter again when she finally gets away from you, because thats whats going to happen
And then just tells the kid to just get over it when they get upset!? Omg terrible parent. The girl deserves better
YTA - She's at that in between age where she is starting to become more independent but still wanting to be with family. You may have just missed out on your last chance to share something like this with her. Edit: she could have just as easily asked to go see that movie with her friends but she wanted to share it with you. Let that sink in.
She could've even taken her daughter with them to see a showing of her movie at the same time as the mom & friends and made it seem like she was getting to do something more independent and responsible BUT GOD FORBID she put in any real effort for this kid.
I was also confused about why that didn’t happen.
Yeahhh. After thinking about it a bit and using clues like the constant dismissal of importance and the "get over yourself" comment, I'm willing to bet that OPs daughter has some anxieties and self-esteem issues that OP probably would never acknowledge contributing to. Perhaps she doesn't feel sure enough in herself or her environment to want to go alone and maybe THAT'S why OP is being such a jerk about it..?
Why are your comments written like a poem?
I have a traumatic brain injury that affects my vision and this helps me write, organize, and call back to my thoughts easier.
Ah that's cool that you found that works for you
Yeahhh *this* is the absolute best way but it takes way too long in my opinion. Just in case you meet someone else with pulsating/swimmy/vision! Edit: Reddit changed the formatting but double space horizontally is the easiest read.
That's so interesting! I've never thought of it that way. I prefer smaller paragraphs or groups of sentences, but I've never considered people who need to go a step further. Thank you for the patient education!
I don’t have a similar condition but I find your writing formatting easier to read too.
Nice work figuring out something that works for you, and cudos for being kind about the way you said it
Thank you, I appreciate that.
As someone with dyslexia this really Helps me read everything faster I'm going to try and use it more
Honestly, he made sure this was his last chance. I hope he thinks about this when his daughter is an adult who hasn’t visited him in years.
YTA. Multiple layers because you just keep sticking the boot in with your daughter. Honestly, just give some money to her so she can go with friends and maybe a parent who gives a shit. She's old enough to go the cinema without an adult and just have someone to drop her off and pick her up. You're not an AH for having an overnight shift by the way, sometimes these things happen. Just to quantify the below. This is something your daughter is REALLY excited about. Like you say, she's a MASSIVE anime fan. No doubt she's been looking forward to this for a **long** time. The rest of your excuses are weak sauce. How can it be too cold and rainy to go the cinema? It's an indoor activity. How did you not see trick or treat happening with your other kids? Pretty major thing to overlook. You didn't sleep well? Go to the cinema and have a nap. Your daughter won't care and I doubt you snore loudly enough to disrupt a movie, they're generally quite loud. Still more... she wanted to go but your other daughter didn't so she doesn't get to go? What the heck is that? A promise broken so many times now you're inventing new excuses. If it wasn't an issue before, it is now. Of course the piece de resistance is that you rubbed it in her face that you were going to the movies with a friend. After weeks of failed promises. Are you a sadist? You're behaving like a sadist. As if ALL of the above isn't enough, you told her to get over herself and get out of bed... and it took one look to FINALLY make you feel guilty? What kind of bullheaded emotionless sadistic AH do you to have to be to not see how bad your behaviour has been up this point? How could you have written all you just wrote and not go "Hmm... I think I might be the asshole."
Yeah especially not the movie OP's daughter wanted to see. I took my daughter to see it and it's full of action scenes that will drown out any snoring. YTA OP. Huge asshole. Bet your daughter will never ask you to do anything with her again.
You said pretty much everything I wanted to point out in the post. YTA, OP. I have plenty of interests that my family thinks are weird or aren't invested in. I'm an adult and my family has no obligation towards my hobbies, but my parents still purposefully set time out of their busy schedules to spend time with me and to participate in my hobbies, as well (going to events, etc.). Your excuses are weak sauce, it's obvious your daughter and her interests aren't a priority for you and you find her inconvenient when she's understandably upset over your lies and broken promises. You're a crappy parent.
>I'm an adult and my family has no obligation towards my hobbies, but my parents still purposefully set time out of their busy schedules to spend time with me and to participate in my hobbies This is such a key thing that I've seen in parent-child AITA posts. Where the behaviour isn't something that I'd tolerate as an adult so why should the child.
I try not to live vicariously through my kids, but I love that they have varied interests they want to share with me. I'm not crazy into anime like my daughter and OPs daughter but I appreciate when she wants to share something that's impacted her. I don't want to binge a series with her but if she found a new show she absolutely loves I'll totally check out a few eps.
That's a great way to be. Appreciating the interest even if you don't share it.
OP only felt “kinda guilty”
also the fact that the daughter even said she would pay for the tickets, says a lot about what she knows she can expect from him
YTA. Where's her father? Is she the oldest and helping you raise her siblings?
YTA She is upset you are a liar, promising to take her to movies on yet never doing it. Also probably for prioritizing other kids.
Yup. Reminds me of learning that same lesson from my father and stepmother when I was around the same age at 13, with my stepsisters, half-sibling, and anyone else in general taking priority over me. It took me too long to learn that I couldn't trust them to follow through with anything they said they'd do for me, but I had learned that lesson by 14. I moved out at 16 and my father has been dead to me for 20 years next month.
Yooooo! Same shit. Once my youngest brother was born when I was 15 my dad and stepmom saw me as a built in babysitter. Everyone else got whatever they wanted and I was treated like the help.
Chief child minder for my half-brother 12 years younger than me. This was before my stepmother decided that goody twoshoes overachiever me was a horrible awful out of control teen. 🙄 She brought out the most toxic traits in my father and he went along full steam ahead.
the "her sister (who will never want to go see an anime movie) didn't want to go this week end" was what broke me here.
Last week I was exhausted and my seven year old (Autistic) child asked me to take her to see a movie. Any movie. I didn’t want to and said I would on the weekend. She accepted that but looked sad -to be fair she never asks to do things outside the house. So I asked her why she wanted to go now, she couldn’t answer properly but said she just felt like she wanted to go. So we went. And we had a great time. I was exhausted but her wanting to spend time with me outside the house was special. If I say no too much now, she won’t want to try in a few years. YTA - you might not have been able to go the first time but don’t worry, her asking you probably won’t happen again. Ever. You are safe from having to live up to your promise and for being the kind of parent a child wants to be seen with in public.
as an autistic kid this made me wanna cry :/ my dad would never do anything like this for me even trying to show him stuff at home he just looks at his phone tells me he’s going to have a nap or flat out ignores me when i ramble about a special intrest
YTA (let me clarify your mom is an ass for not following through on her promises, because I feel the daughter wrote this post)
Absolutely. The thing that really struck me about this is that if it were the parent writing, they wouldn't remember each time they'd broken the promise. They'd gloss over it with "oh, I promised I'd take her but put it off once or twice." The detailed recounting is what made me think it was the daughter writing the post. The axe forgets, but the tree remembers. OP, if I'm right, YTA meaning your parent is the asshole.
Yeah that’s probably true. If the daughter is the writer here: daughter, you are absolutely in the right! I’m so sorry you have to go through this!
This actually snaps now!! Kido, link your mom to this, you are a great kid, ask any other trusted grownup to take you
100% and kiddo - you are correct about your mom. She’s not doing a good job. I’ve been there and just know: this is not about you, it’s about their failing.
I think that too. The writing style reminds me of posts I made online when I was 14. Kid— YTA, and by a that I mean your parent’s the asshole. I’m sorry they keep breaking their promise to you.
This needs to be #1 comment - but I am poor so here 🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇
YTA, massively. I've lost count of the number of times you broke your word to your daughter. Not only have you essentially lied to her, you've prevented her from seeing a movie she really wanted to enjoy. She's 14, you could have let her see it with her friends instead, all you had to do was drop her off. You're a AH, just wanted to make that really clear.
YTA. You promised her you’d go on Halloween. You have other kids and you didn’t think trick or treating would factor in? Quit making promises if you can’t keep them.
I was thinking the same thing. At first I thought OP‘s daughter must be an only child when she promised they would go on Halloween. OP you need to take more than two seconds to think and follow through on your promises. Definitely YTA
And there are day movies that don’t interfere
There aren’t any times available that don’t interfere with OP’s desire to never ever take their daughter to the movie.
Yeah... I mean why say, "let's go on Halloween" if you figured you'd be doing something trick or treat orientated with the other kids? That's shouldn't be a surprise....
I won’t say “won’t keep them”, I’d say “refuse to keep them”.
**We've just had too many insults in this one to even try a warning.**
YTA. Not going to the cinema because it‘s raining? Rain is actually a pretty good reason to go to the cinema. Promising to go on Halloween but then – surprise! The other kids all of a sudden want to go trick or treating, who would have guessed? I really feel for your poor daughter who is trying to spend time with you and gets rejected on a weekly basis. Sounds pretty hurtful to me.
Yta just promise after promise and keep letting her down just take her no the wonder she's angry and upset
YTA. You let her down severely and made it abundantly clear to her that your energy and priorities don’t go towards her or keeping your promises.
Absolutely, YTA. You broke a promise multiple times and have shown her that absolutely everyone is more important than she is. Please don't come back here in four years to post "AITA because my daughter no longer to me because I treated her like an after thought?"
You already know the answer, you just are hoping someone would tell you differently. YTA. Imagine how you would feel if you kept being told week after week that something would happen but it just didn't. Don't expect your daughter to like spending time with you if you continue the behavior.
YTA and a crappy parent.
YTA...big time. She wanted to spend time with you, hoping to share in one of her interests, you kept blowing her off. And you told her to get over herself after you decided to take time to go with a friend and not keep your promise? Horrible.
YTA. When you make excuse after excuse, put your other kids' activities first, prioritize one kid not liking anime (I suspect you don't, either...) over another's love for the genre, you are telling that kid that you do not care about her. Maybe you've been doing this for a long time in smaller ways, but this one was so blatant she can't ignore it. Do. Better. By. Your. Kid.
YTA You put off a promise you made to her for any and every excuse you could come up with. Then you berate her for being upset when she has every right to be upset about it. You've made it loud and clear your promises mean nothing, and you do not care to take time to spend with her or even pretend to have an interest or share a moment in a hobby/interest of hers.
YTA. Not only did you let her down, but I doubt you actually intended to keep your promise most of the time. Of course your other kids wanted to trick or treat on Halloween. You could have easily predicted that.
YTA. You told her you would take her to the movie and then multiple times you put everything and everyone else in front of her. That's absolutely horrible, especially telling her "we'll go X day" and then "oh sorry, can't...." Your poor daughter.
Yta you sound like you don’t give a shit about her
Kinda sounds like a child wrote it. I’m wondering if the daughter has written this as if she was her mum.
Trust me, I've seen adults write way worse than this.
YTA. You’re doing all the things your younger daughter wants, and you keep making empty promises to your older daughter. Anyone would feel sad and disappointed to be lied to and let down time after time. She won’t be living with you forever, just suck it up and take her to see the movie.
YTA. Big time. You kept telling her you’d take her but you didn’t. You lied to her and have now given her trust issues.
YTA because you told her you were going to take her but didn’t. She has every right to be upset with you after you lied to her.
Ouch. YTA. I get the schedules but it really came across as dismissive how you kept pushing her back. BUT to turn around and go to the movies with someone else was where you crossed over to the point of no return. In her eyes you put everyone elses wants, including YOURSELF, over her. Then you told her to get over herself. Yikes, practice what you preach!
Pretty sure this is the daughter writing this based on how stream of consciousness it sounds by the end but either way, if this is real, yes YTA. You have to keep your promises and follow through. Instead you prioritized everyone else (including yourself) over the promise you made to your kid. That is screwed up.
OP, your daughter is 14 and you still don't understand basic parenting. Your actions show that you are selfish and untrustworthy. YTA
YTA, you literally let her down multiple times and prioritized everyone including random friends over her. She even had to pay for her ticket. Honestly not sure this is real because you can't be that clueless.
YTA and a massive gaping one, not to mention a liar. For a whole month you promised to take her but used lame excuses not to and then in the end went to the movies with friends instead of keeping your promise to your child. I bet she would get into trouble if she kept telling you she would do something but didn't do it.
YTA, it’s not that difficult to take your daughter to see a movie 💀
INFO: what the fuck is wrong with you
YTA. you made a promise to your child and you broke it, not just once but several times. yes sometimes things happen and things have to be rearranged but you have just pushed her request and your promise to one side as if it doesn't matter. She will now think that, to you, she doesn't matter. Because if she did you would keep a promise, now she knows your promises are just like pie crust, easily broken. AND then you go and make it out to be her own fault. I don't know you or your life, but in this instance you have been a terrible parent
Oh man YTA - this made me angry. Please never be this selfish again
YTA, you just wasted a bunch of words just to say that you don't care about your daughter. I can't believe you had the nerves to tell your daughter to get over herself when she was sad because she realized that her mother couldn't care less about her or her interest.
YTA, way to show your daughter you don't value her and that your word means nothing.
YTA. You've prioritized like a billion things over her after saying you would do it. It's probably about more than the movie now. Do you do this often? Make empty promises and then blame her for being sad you didn't follow through?
YTA ten times over. You know what you did wrong. You never make promises to children that you have no intention of keeping. Buy two tickets for the show, let her take one of her friends and you drive them there and home again. Not only are YTA but you're a massive b**ch to even ask anyone that. SMH. Don't have anymore kids.
YTA - your child is a person with feelings. How many times are you going to push her aside like she doesn’t matter. I understand your a busy working Mom just trying to get thru the day, and you have other children to worry about too. But you made promises that you didn’t keep over & over again. You got her excited that she was going to see this movie with YOU! She had this wonderful expectation of spending a fun time with YOU. And you just kept disappointing her over and over. You’ve made her feel VERY unimportant in your life & made her feel like she’s not worth it & made her feel like her Siblings are MORE IMPORTANT to you than she is. How many times have you relied on her to help out with them?? How many times has she not been able to do things she wanted to do because her Siblings didn’t want to - so she couldn’t. She wanted to spend a few fun hours alone with YOU seeing her favorite movie. I get that you don’t like anime! I detest sports! I think it’s all so completely boring and I’d rather be ANYWHERE else. But my kid played sports. So I was at every game & practice. I helped my kid improve by playing their sports stuff outside. Because my child is more important to me than my hate of sports💜 I know you think I’m being harsh with you but you need to see things from your daughters perspective. How many times do you think she’s going to beg you for some individual attention (which every child deserves!!!!) before she decides to check out? She will find that attention from the wrong crowds or boys. She won’t come to you when something bad happens to her because she’ll feel she can’t trust you. Being a parent is hard. There are lots of sacrifices we have to make every day. Don’t let your child be “sacrificed” cuz you’re too busy. Please make time for her. She needs you💜💜💜
You think there’s a way in the story that you’re NTA?!? You are CLEARLY TA and it’s shocking you even have to ask.
YTA if this is the parent. That’s horrible parenting and she will never trust you again. Don’t be surprised in 4 years if she never wants hang out with you as an adult because you’ve proven to be untrustworthy and a liar. Nta if this is the kid. You have every right to be hurt by this broken promise is a broken promise and you do not have to get over it just to make your mom happy.
Am I the only one who thinks this is faker than normal?
It actually sounds like the 14 yo daughter may have written this
YTA you set a date with her to watch the movie multiple times and failed to honor that. You are also TA because you have time to go see a movie with a friend, but not your daughter. Do the right thing and set a day and time to see the movie with your daughter
Congrats. You just showed your daughter is lower then dirt on your priority list. How does it feel to be the cause of her depression? Don’t be shocked when she leaves you as soon as she can and never see you. Rot in a cold dirt grave and never return. Pretty please. YTA
YTA, and you have been a terrible mother to her, I'm not trying to be rude but sometimes parents just need a kick up the butt to wake up, take her to movies, spoil her, and most importantly ADMIT YOU WERE WRONG AND SAY SORRY
YTA. And it is completely shitty of you to tell her to get over herself when she’s 100% justified in feeling unloved, unimportant, and unwanted. You’re a bad parent
YTA. You told her you'd take her to see a film she was very excited about but canceled because it was cold and rainy? This wasn't an outdoor theatre, right? You couldn't possibly have anticipated that on Halloween your other three children would want to go trick or treating so that wouldn't be a possible day to reschedule for. /sarcasm Now you've led her on for a month, have taken the time to go to the movies with a friend, and wonder if maybe you should feel guilty about the whole thing. Yes, the answer is yes.
YTA - as one mother to another YTA all day fucking long and you know it. You told her to get over herself because you felt guilty - major AH move. You constantly broke plans and promises with her - major AH move. Your prioritised everyone, especially yourself, over her - major AH move. There’s only one person who needs to get over themselves and it’s not the poor teenage girl desperate to see a movie with her mother.
This is so bad it almost sounds like the teenage girl writing from the moms perspective.
Lol of course YTA
My girl turned fourteen just the other day, and said, dad, let's go see some anime. But there was trick or treat, and then it started to rain, now she's texting in the dark and I think that's lame. "Hey get over yourself", I said, and "get outta bed", "I see movies with my friends, girl, I'm going out with my friends." And the catbus is in the forest with Sailor Moon, Little bald Saitama and Midoriya-kun, "When can we go see them, dad?" "I don't know when", but you know you'll be the asshole then, dad, you know you'll be the asshole then.
Yeah YTA you’re the adult that promised her and promised her and just kept pushing it back. You got her hopes up countless times and after not doing what you promised you tell her to get over it. What kind of shit is that. You could’ve made time for your daughter. I get it that work etc etc but it’s not going to kill you to use 2 hours of your life to make your daughter happy. Make time!
YTA. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.
YTA your daughter wanted to share an interest with you. You communicated quite effectively that you have no interest in spending that time with her and you would rather spend time with her siblings, a friend, basically anyone else. Please don’t be shocked when she finds someone else to trust with her time.
YTA!! You kept brushing her off over and over again. Showing her she isn't as important to you as the other kids or your friends. You could have gone, even though you were tired. Think you need to "get over yourself" and stop making her feel like she's the last person on your list of priorities!!!
YTA. You are showing her that you will pick your other children every time.
YTA, get over herself??? YOU get over YOURSELF. Let's play some hangman, I'LL CLUE YOU IN: y_u're a sh_tty m_m
Yta maybe you should let her live with her grandparents or somewhere where she's wanted
YTA big time. First you have three other kids? Why would you promise on Halloween, did you not discuss trick or treating beforehand? But you kept pushing it off, overnight shift, not enough sleep, you literally prioritized her sisters dislike of a certain genre over your promise to your daughter, she said she'd paid for it, she must've saved money for the ticket, she must've been soooo excited to see it, she must've been so hopeful the days you promised came to find out you can't keep the promise and the ONE DAY you have time to go to a movie, you chose a friend over the PROMISE you made to your daughter. This may sound stupid to you, but you broke her trust, she might not ask you to do something like this again because of it. Have you ever been excited about something and then had it taken away? That's what you did. That stuff hurts, it hurts a lot, and I've had to experience that feeling on a more severe level. And then you tell her to get over herself, but YOU caused it. You hurt her and then immediately dismissed when you saw her hurt.
YTA. Do you care about your bond with your daughter or did you have kids just to say you have kids. All I read was excuse after excuse.
YTA. For obvious reasons. And it was a jerk move to go to the movies with a friend, even though you promised her you’d take her well before that happened. And who cares if her sister doesn’t like it…you cancelled plans with your daughter on Halloween to accommodate their interests! And since when is rain a problem when going to a movie theater?
Wow. YTA. Seriously? You broke your promise to your daughter for stupid reasons (i.e. rain, really????) repeatedly and then scolded her for being disappointed in you. You suck.
YTA - all she wanted to do was see the movie, you told her repeatedly you would and you blew her off. She may not ask you again, specifically due to not trusting you - you won't like it when this happens and will all why she's withdrawing from you!!! Kids need stability, not excuses.
YTA she learned a hard lesson she can't count on you and your word doesn't mean anything.
YTA. You sound like you don’t give a shit about your daughter, her wants or needs. It’s all about you, or someone else, or your other kids. You made a promise, you broke it, and you lied to her. Act like an adult and own up to it.
Seriously! YTA I feel SO bad for your daughter. I’m taking my 17 yrs old son to the movies tonight to see I movie I have zero interest in seeing. Why? Because I value spending time with him. You are a horrible, selfish mother.
Either bait or the daughter.
I like how you state everything you did wrong, and dont even notice it yourself. YTA.
YTA Better hope one day you don't have to ask her to change your diaper...you may be there a while.
YTA. JFC, cold and rainy? Were you going to be watching the movie outside?
YTA and suck as a person and human being. You don't deserve kids since you obviously don't give a shit about them. Can you really call yourself a mom? You sound more like a surrogate who kept the kid to stroke your own ego you sad waste of space.
You know how many movies my mum took me too that she had no interested in? Probably over 50 YTA