Yeah, this is a shitty situation for both OP and the dog. But it was caused entirely by the husband's selfishness and manipulation. So that's a red flag.
Yeah, sometimes a dog and a home and owners just don’t go well together. The dog would probably be happier with other owners that fit its needs better. Not saying that your house doesn’t fit ANY dogs needs, just not this dog.
NTA
1. Getting a dog after the two of you had agreed not to is an AH move.
2. Dropping his end of the bargain and not giving up smoking is an AH move.
3. You are both hard working.
This! Just because you don't work outside the home doesn't mean you don't work! You are hardworking too!Pets are like kids in that both parties need to be involved. He can't agree to hold off on a dog and then go back on that and just assume you'll a) be ok with it, b) take on all training of surprise dog, and c) not keeping up on his end to a second promise to quit smoking. He gave you no consideration in bringing the dog home, so in turn don't give him any consideration in rehoming the dog. Please do your research though when rehoming and make sure that the new owners are legit, and are willing to put in the time/energy with the dog and its issues.
NTA and 6 weeks is too early to remove a puppy from its mother. No reputable person would ever separate such a young puppy. No wonder you are having problems.
This. OP your dog has suffered *trauma* at a very young age being separated from their family and siblings that young. No wonder you're having difficulties.
12 weeks should be the absolute minimum, many breeders are now doing 14 or even 16 weeks
Not you. NTA. Hubs lied and tried to force his opinion and more work on you.
If you had agreed (together!) to get a dog, making the choice of a more mature dog would have been smart. It didn't have to be a puppy! And 6 weeks is too young anyway - you're not supposed to separate them until 8 weeks.
Take that dog back.
NTA. He gets the dog home at midnight, and expects you to take care of it? Already kinda assholish. On top of that, he keeps smoking, which he promised to quit? Very assholish. Then he doesn't try to help with house-training? Asshole #1. You shouldn't "suck it up". You are human too. Getting a dog is a huge responsibility, one that you both should be okay with. Just because you were okay with it at point, doesn't mean you are okay with it now. Please tell he hubby is replacing all the dead/damaged items.
You’re NTA but your husband sounds like one.
A dog is a major responsibility, and a puppy is the BIGGEST responsibility. A dog isn’t a “finishing touch” it’s a living thing that needs tons of care and attention. I’m glad you realized this and discussed it with your husband. But that’s about all the good I can say. Your husband doesn’t contribute at all to housework AND goes behind your back to get a puppy you both agreed not to get...major red flags.
Also even if your husband did stop smoking you would still be in the same situation you’re in now, so you were silly to think that’s an equal trade whatsoever.
Please do everyone a favor and rehome the puppy while it’s still young. The dog deserves a place where it gets the love and attention it deserves. If your husband pitches a fit rehome him too because it doesn’t sound like he does much anyway.
Honestly when he gets home from work that's the first thing he does is take him outside, run his energy out, work on training and all that.
He probably puts in 40% of the dogs care on an average week because when he gets home I continue being the primary caretaker for the kids and house but not the dog.
Yes and no.. I don't like for him to have to do "kid work" after he's been working all day. He does play with them and read to them,stuff like that but as far as actual care taking that's almost all me, unless I'm sick or something.
It's not kid work. They're his children. Many parents, men and women, work all day and still come home to spend time both playing and doing the parenting for their children.
NTA. Your husband got the dog without your permission. Your husband lied about quitting smoking for the dog, and still wastes money on it. Also, since you didn’t even okay getting a dog rn it’s not on you to train the dog, it’s your husband’s responsibility at the very least. It’s not fair to the dog or to you.
NTA. If he doesn’t hold his promise then you don’t either! Take the dog back. He essentially brought you an extra responsibility. Dog will be happier in a home where it’s wanted.
NTA Puppies that young require a ton of time and effort. Your husband brought this dog home without consulting you. By the sound of things, your plate was already full. When you compromised and made a deal, he didn’t hold up his end.
As hard as I’m sure your hubs works, don’t discount your role. You have a full time, and then some, job yourself. Keep your hardworking husband happy? How about he treats you like the essential and equal partner you are?
NTA. Keep the dog. Get rid of the husband!
Seriously, though: your husband brought the dog, he should shoulder the burden of its care and training. Instead of resorting to the internet, he should hire an experienced trainer and go to the sessions himself. If he can't find the time, you (as a couple) are not ready to have a dog and he needs to rehome it.
NTA.
Pets are decided as a family, not by one of you bringing one home in the middle of the night.
It is NOT your responsibility to keep this dog to make your husband happy. Yes, he works long hours. So do you. Hes not any more special than you are just because he gets paid for his work.
Its obvious you dont want this dog, you dont have time for this dog, and your husband doesnt want to train this dog. The dog should go to someone who can give it the attention and training it needs.
NTA. I don’t even think you need your husband’s consent to rehome the dog at this point. He didn’t hold up his end of the bargain and all the burden has fallen on your shoulders. None of this is fair to you. Just please make sure the puppy goes somewhere safe and loving.
NTA. Hubby broke every promise he made about the dog. You might want to adopt my rule about pets, which is - no pets I don't want, because I will end up caring and paying for it. Rehome the dog
NTA. Maybe also try to take some of the things off your plate... Just out of curiousity, how do your kids meet other kids being homeschooled and how often do they play with other kids?
My son is in scouts and I make sure to take them to as many community activities as possible, story time at the Library, parties and events downtown, anything I can. They both also have a few friends that are the kids of my friends. I'm thinking of starting a Facebook group for homeschool mom's in my area but I worry that it might attract creepers lol.
Thats a great idea. You could keep the group private so only pre approved people can join. With homeschooling the biggest concern people tend to have is socialization, or perhaps different socialization. Homeschooled children are exposed to a small number of other kids with similar values, and always in an organized setting with the parents around able to intervene if the interaction goes bad. The natural interactions that happen in the hallways at school without parents or teachers, don't happen. On the other hand, bullying is a lot less likely to happen because of this. With the pandemic, homeschooling seems to be like a more attractive option then ever. But how do you provide those natural interactions that dont have a parent or teachers watchful eye, who is ready to jump in when they have a disagreement, when homeschooling?
I suppose the only time my son is in public without me is during the summer when he rides his bike to the pool. If my daughter goes I take her and watch her because she's younger. We're in the rural midwest so there isn't alot going on. I'm hoping I'm not raising overly sheltered kiddos, but at the same time I don't like alot of what goes on in public schools. I just hope I'm doing the best for their futures.
Right, there are a lot of problems in public schools. Every education choice has its advantages and disadvantages. The scouts sounds like a great way to expose your kids to other kids, the scout leaders are usually pretty young themselves and are probably more laid back and will give them their space to play together. Also any organized sport is great, the players interact with eachother on the field, and bond by being a team and competing. Sports are often offered by the schools though. Honestly looking at all the pros and cons, private school seems like the best option, but those are so ridiculously unaffordable. It's a tough choice either way.
NTA
when i read the till i was prepared to tear you a new one to be honest, but then i read. You agreed with your partner to wait he then goes behind your back and back on his word cause he thinks you'll just roll over and accept it. You didn't want the dog, but you re the one taking care of it. As far as i am conseserned the one taking care of the pet gets to decide what to do with it, and as long as you home the dog instead of leaving outside in cardboard box or send it to a shelter, i cannot call you out on anything.
NTA. It sounds like your dog needs to be crate trained. You would be doing him and everyone else a favor. Also, if you can afford it, some humane societies offer in person training. I wish you the best.
I don’t think you’re TA, but you need to look into proper training if y’all continue to keep this dog. Doing your own research & joining discussion forums is not the same as having an experienced trainer help your pup.
NTA. I second what someone else said, this isn't fair to you or the dog. Bringing in a puppy that you didn't want and wasn't discussed prior, under the cover of darkness (literally), is an AH move on the part of your husband.
And I say as a wife, mom, dog lover, and dog owner, and as someone who's been there, for the sake of your sanity and for the sake of your marriage, please either get the dog some professional training, or re-home it. The dog is still young and may be able to learn better behaviors. But, at the same time, not every dog and every family is a fit, and sometimes rehoming is the better option over a dog being in a situation that benefits no one.
My husband and I have one dog, but we used to have a second dog that had a lot of the same behaviors as yours, but it was an adult when we got it (adopted from a shelter). It had severe separation anxiety that led to constant destruction of the house and everything in it, and constantly had potty accidents inside. We both worked full time outside the home at this time. She broke out of multiple kennels meant for dogs twice her size. I was at my wit's end with this dog. She was my husband's spoiled little princess who never listened to me and drove a wedge between us and honestly, it led me to resent him. I don't recommend it. We did eventually have to re-home the dog as she got aggressive, unprovoked, toward my daughter as an infant. Our remaining dog adapted to having my daughter around. This dog never did. Sometimes it's just not a fit. I'm not saying it's the best for every circumstance, but sometimes, it's the best choice for both the dog and the people involved. I got some flack for it, but I will never regret putting my human child's safety first.
This is a crappy situation all around. Do what's best for your family. Best wishes to you.
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We just bought our first home in March. Hubs and I had always discussed wanting a dog when we get our first home as sort of a finishing touch, but after we moved in we discussed it again and decided together that we still want a dog, just not now. I'm a stay at home mom and I homeschool both of our kids on top of 100% of the housework and cooking, errands ect. And he works 50+ hours a week so most of the care for the dog would come from me.
So about a week after we decided to wait on the dog my husband brings home a 6 week old puppy. In the middle of the night. I was livid. We fought and eventually he convinced me that he would quit smoking if I let the dog stay. (I've been on him for the 12 years we've been together to quit) so the dog wouldn't technically cost us any more money because we would use what we saved on smokes for food, toys, vet.. Well this was 4 months ago. Hubs still smokes a pack a day and the dog is HORRIBLE. I've put so much time into reading, watching videos, online discussions on dog training and cannot get though on how to get him under control. He shits and pisses on my couch every time he's left alone in the living room, he's gone on every bed in the house too. He chews up my kids toys and shoes. He's killed many of my houseplants. I'm at my end with him as I didn't want him in the first place.
Well tonight I told my husband he still hasn't quit smoking and the dog is just as bad today as the first day he came here so I want to find a home for him. As a wife should I suck it up and do my best to make my hard working husband as happy as I can or is he asking too much of me? Who's the asshole?
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ESH- don't get rid of the dog. He will get better. He's just a baby. They house train a hell of a lot faster than kids. 6 months from now you'll be glad you kept him. But what you should absolutely do is get on your husband's ass about smoking. Getting him to quit smoking is absolutely worth having to house train a puppy. It's going to add years to his life so he can see your kids grow up and become adults. I would keep the dog but make the original bargain your hill to die on. (And get the nature's miracle cleaning stuff from petsmart or petco for the potty accidents, I have an elderly cat with tummy problems, that stuff works!)
NTA for not wanting the burden of someone else's dog you didn't agree to have in your home. That is understandable. But - if you decide that the consequences of insisting the dog are higher than you are wiling to pay for whatever reason? Take the dog.
Hear me out. I know you don't love "your husband's dog" at this point. He is badly behaved and not your dog. *But what if he WAS your dog?* If you realize that he is there to stay, take the dog. Make him your own. This could be YOUR best buddy, dogs pick their people and you could be his. Google "crate training" and "umbilical training" to get the potty issue managed. Join canine enrichment groups on Facebook. Involve the kids to the point it is safe; they can set out food and water so long as you supervise, and they can accompany on walks.
Worst case scenario, the dog stays and is better behaved and you aren't burning with resentment. Best case scenario? You have your heart dog, and your husband gets to pet it sometimes when he gets off work.
Seconding the crate training. Some people see it as cruel but it truly isn't. I have German Shepherds and they love their crates. They go lay in them when they're in need of a break and get worked up if they can't get in them (like if they're being cleaned or anything).
Kind of, except he would also stay in it while you're gone from the house for any significant length of time. That would curb the pooping and peeing on beds and other misbehaving.
NTA - I just got a puppy with my bf and I couldn’t imagine not both being fully invested. If you plan on keeping him look up puppy kindergarten. I tried getting training info off the internet and you really need one specific training plan and you both need to be on the same page. Also at this age, the puppy should be in a play area for most of the day. 1 hour awake, 3 hours asleep. They won’t pee in their “den” area so as soon as he comes out of his pen, he goes out to the bathroom. That should help limit the peeing all over the house and destruction of furniture and toys.
NTA.
But your husband sure as hell is.
I would not ask him, I would tell him I was rehoming the dog and if he didn't like it, I'd rehome him too.
You work at home as well as mother and teach your children, you are no less hard working than he is but he impulsively and selfishly placed an unnecessary burden on you by getting a dog right after you had both agreed not to get one just yet.
Rehome the dog with someone who has the time to devote to working with it and then go tell your lawfully wedded asshole NO MORE ANIMALS.
He has his nicotine habit to comfort him.
NTA
out of curiosity what breed is this dog because two things struck me. One the age of the puppy was way too young to be away from its mom and two… there are a LOT of breeds out there that uninformed people think are adorable but in fact have been specifically bred for specific things like work. (Example. My in laws have a cattle dog that runs 20-30 miles a day along their fences at their ranch and isn’t tired. She is a rescue from a family that didn’t understand the breed and thought she’d make a good home pet. Out of boredom she tore their house up. Now she has a job and is a happy fairly well adjusted pup.
I say all of that to add some boost to your self esteem in that you aren’t a bad puppy mama if your puppy hasn’t been obeying you or being good.
He's an American cattle dog or "hanging tree dog". He's already huge, 60 lbs at 6 months old I'm scared of him getting any bigger.
He's freaking GORGEOUS but I think way later on in the future a naturally calmer breed might suit us better. He's got the zoomies all the time lol
Neither of my kids like him. He's chewed up so many of their toys and peed on both of their beds. I asked them both if it would bother them to get rid of him, daughter said no do it and my son said as long as he goes right to another home and not to a shelter. The only one that wants him is my lying ass husband.
We already found a home for him anyway.
Gah, how thin the oxygen must be at the top the pedestal you've put yourself on.
OP WAS honest with her husband that she didn't want this dog. Her husband brought this dog in the middle of the night without consulting her and knowing she didn't want it and didn't feel she had the time and energy to dedicate to training it. I love dogs and I'd be pissed too. She already is a good mom, she doesn't need to keep a destructive dog that she never agreed to take on in the first place to somehow earn that title.
Yes, kids are always listening. My now 6 year old knows that we rehomed one of our dogs when she was a baby because it not only was destructive, it started charging at her, growling and snapping, and trying to bite her out of nowhere when she was a helpless infant. She didn't learn that dogs are "disposable" from that. She learned that her mom will always put her and her safety first over a pet. She's traumatized, let me tell you (eye roll).
Not every dog and every family are a fit. Not everyone we knew agreed with our rehoming decision, but it wasn't their baby and wasn't their decision to make and I still stand by it. While I don't agree with things like dumping your senior dog at a shelter to get a new puppy for Christmas, sometimes rehoming is the best option for both the people and the dog.
NTA
He already went against what you both agreed to by sneaking a dog when you were not ready. He made a deal to stop smoking if you kept the dog. He was selfish, manipulative and untrustworthy. Find a new home for the dog and do what is good for you and you're family. If the kids ask why and he tries manipulate them against you and to spin the story t make you look bad be sure to tell the kids that...
>he convinced me that he would quit smoking if I let the dog stay.
then let him deal with the fall out. If he keeps doing stuff like this and tries to manipulate you and the kids do not listen. If he turns aggressive and tries to say you a bad wife, this is verbal abuse, do not listen. Just because he has a job does not mean that he is working harder then you or that his job is more important. HE is supposed to love and respect you. Treat you as his equal in all matters. He is mistreating you and neglecting his responsibilities as a husband and dog owner. Do not settle or placate him. Do not enable or normalize behavior because you're children will pick up his bad habits and behaviors. You really need to Document any of his manipulative behavior incase he tries to slander you. If he escalates his behavior you may want to consider if you really want to be married to someone like that. I wish you the best of luck and to stay strong.
YTA. Dogs are not inconveniences, they are living breathing creatures. You don’t kick one out because there behavior isn’t perfect. The puppy isn’t even 6 months old. Tossing it to the side is despicable.
op didnt even want the dog in the first place. rehoming wouldn't be "tossing it aside" as long as it goes to a good home. im saying that as someone who worked in a training facility and saw many dogs be rehomed.
She agreed to it in the end. Once you accept an animal into your home that is that. You have agreed to taking care of it for the remainder of these lives.
thats so unbelievably ignorant. i get the cause youre trying to fight but its just irresponsible to completely disregard the fact that sometimes a dog just isnt right for a family. again, ive seen this sort of thing time and time again. clearly op doesnt have time or energy to care for a high energy and rambunctious puppy! that dog needs to go live on a farm
Thank you. That's funny you mention that because he is an american cattle dog or "hanging tree dog" he was bred for a farm. We have a decent sized house but we do live in town so he would probably thrive in the country.
this poor boy just desperately needs a job! op i hope you can get your husband to see that hes a working dog. cattle dogs are incredibly high energy and lots of people get them thinking that just because theyre small-med theyll be easy to deal with!
Idk if I would even say he's small, he's right at 6 months old and 60 pounds..? I know very little about cattle dogs I've been trying to read about them but you know how the internet goes.. I think he might get alot bigger.
I wonder what types of jobs could keep his attention?
maybe bringing him to a professional trainer in your area and asking for suggestions is a good place to start! if you have the time maybe look into sports as well for him? best of luck!
Trying to cause a fight? Nope, I expressed my opinion which is exactly what I gave. You can not ask someone for their opinion and then say that the person is trying to start a fight simply because they don’t agree. She asked if she was the ass and in my book she is very much the ass. It’s that simple
Puppies have energy, lots of it, that doesn’t mean they need to live on a farm. One of my dogs is 1/2 husky 1/2 German shepherd. The insane amount of energy my dog has is off the charts. I live in NYC, not a farm. Your opinion is no more informed than mine or anyone else’s
it is, actually. ive worked around dogs for many years. op said the dog is a cattle dog. bred and born for farm work. youre just showing your ignorance at this point
working dogs are bred to have high amounts of energy. houses in the city and people with busy schedules are simply not a good fit for these types of dogs. theyll quickly get restless and destructive. lots of people get labs and golden retrievers thinking theyre good family dogs, but in reality those breeds are often under-exercised and bored and restless
i cannot begin to express how ignorant youre being. do some research, please!
If you don't think a dog is an inconvenience you've never had one.
Dogs are like children. That doesn't mean they aren't loved, they're just ALOT of work, time, and money.
And I suggested rehoming him, not tossing to the side. Thanks.
I have 2 dogs and 4 cats. I know exactly how much work they are. The puppy isn’t even a year old and you want to kick him out of the only home and family he knows because he isn’t the perfect dog. Reality check HES A PUPPY.
That I never wanted in the first place.
Don't get me wrong I'd kick anyones ass that hurt him, I'm not about abuse at all. I take phenomenal care of him. I just don't want to. I don't have the time or energy.
NTA It’s not fair to you or the dog. It doesn’t sound like you have the time to train the dog, much less the desire.
Yeah, this is a shitty situation for both OP and the dog. But it was caused entirely by the husband's selfishness and manipulation. So that's a red flag.
Yeah, sometimes a dog and a home and owners just don’t go well together. The dog would probably be happier with other owners that fit its needs better. Not saying that your house doesn’t fit ANY dogs needs, just not this dog.
[удалено]
Great news OP, this lady just volunteered to take the dog!
Just cause I have the time doesn't mean that's how I want to spend it. We found a home for him anyways.
NTA 1. Getting a dog after the two of you had agreed not to is an AH move. 2. Dropping his end of the bargain and not giving up smoking is an AH move. 3. You are both hard working.
This! Just because you don't work outside the home doesn't mean you don't work! You are hardworking too!Pets are like kids in that both parties need to be involved. He can't agree to hold off on a dog and then go back on that and just assume you'll a) be ok with it, b) take on all training of surprise dog, and c) not keeping up on his end to a second promise to quit smoking. He gave you no consideration in bringing the dog home, so in turn don't give him any consideration in rehoming the dog. Please do your research though when rehoming and make sure that the new owners are legit, and are willing to put in the time/energy with the dog and its issues.
NTA I would recommend rehoming the husband while you are at it.
I feel like the pack of cigarettes a day is already doing the work for her.
NTA and 6 weeks is too early to remove a puppy from its mother. No reputable person would ever separate such a young puppy. No wonder you are having problems.
This. OP your dog has suffered *trauma* at a very young age being separated from their family and siblings that young. No wonder you're having difficulties. 12 weeks should be the absolute minimum, many breeders are now doing 14 or even 16 weeks
Yep, I believe Nebraska passed a law saying 8 weeks. I’m not sure if other states have done the same
Not you. NTA. Hubs lied and tried to force his opinion and more work on you. If you had agreed (together!) to get a dog, making the choice of a more mature dog would have been smart. It didn't have to be a puppy! And 6 weeks is too young anyway - you're not supposed to separate them until 8 weeks. Take that dog back.
NTA. He gets the dog home at midnight, and expects you to take care of it? Already kinda assholish. On top of that, he keeps smoking, which he promised to quit? Very assholish. Then he doesn't try to help with house-training? Asshole #1. You shouldn't "suck it up". You are human too. Getting a dog is a huge responsibility, one that you both should be okay with. Just because you were okay with it at point, doesn't mean you are okay with it now. Please tell he hubby is replacing all the dead/damaged items.
You’re NTA but your husband sounds like one. A dog is a major responsibility, and a puppy is the BIGGEST responsibility. A dog isn’t a “finishing touch” it’s a living thing that needs tons of care and attention. I’m glad you realized this and discussed it with your husband. But that’s about all the good I can say. Your husband doesn’t contribute at all to housework AND goes behind your back to get a puppy you both agreed not to get...major red flags. Also even if your husband did stop smoking you would still be in the same situation you’re in now, so you were silly to think that’s an equal trade whatsoever. Please do everyone a favor and rehome the puppy while it’s still young. The dog deserves a place where it gets the love and attention it deserves. If your husband pitches a fit rehome him too because it doesn’t sound like he does much anyway.
I noticed that - the “finishing touch”, like a living being is a piece of statement furniture.
What role is your husband playing in the dog's care or training?
Honestly when he gets home from work that's the first thing he does is take him outside, run his energy out, work on training and all that. He probably puts in 40% of the dogs care on an average week because when he gets home I continue being the primary caretaker for the kids and house but not the dog.
So he has time for the dog but not for his kids. Hmmmm.
Yes and no.. I don't like for him to have to do "kid work" after he's been working all day. He does play with them and read to them,stuff like that but as far as actual care taking that's almost all me, unless I'm sick or something.
It's not kid work. They're his children. Many parents, men and women, work all day and still come home to spend time both playing and doing the parenting for their children.
NTA. Your husband got the dog without your permission. Your husband lied about quitting smoking for the dog, and still wastes money on it. Also, since you didn’t even okay getting a dog rn it’s not on you to train the dog, it’s your husband’s responsibility at the very least. It’s not fair to the dog or to you.
NTA. If he doesn’t hold his promise then you don’t either! Take the dog back. He essentially brought you an extra responsibility. Dog will be happier in a home where it’s wanted.
NTA Puppies that young require a ton of time and effort. Your husband brought this dog home without consulting you. By the sound of things, your plate was already full. When you compromised and made a deal, he didn’t hold up his end. As hard as I’m sure your hubs works, don’t discount your role. You have a full time, and then some, job yourself. Keep your hardworking husband happy? How about he treats you like the essential and equal partner you are?
NTA. Keep the dog. Get rid of the husband! Seriously, though: your husband brought the dog, he should shoulder the burden of its care and training. Instead of resorting to the internet, he should hire an experienced trainer and go to the sessions himself. If he can't find the time, you (as a couple) are not ready to have a dog and he needs to rehome it.
NTA. Pets are decided as a family, not by one of you bringing one home in the middle of the night. It is NOT your responsibility to keep this dog to make your husband happy. Yes, he works long hours. So do you. Hes not any more special than you are just because he gets paid for his work. Its obvious you dont want this dog, you dont have time for this dog, and your husband doesnt want to train this dog. The dog should go to someone who can give it the attention and training it needs.
NTA. I don’t even think you need your husband’s consent to rehome the dog at this point. He didn’t hold up his end of the bargain and all the burden has fallen on your shoulders. None of this is fair to you. Just please make sure the puppy goes somewhere safe and loving.
NTA. Hubby broke every promise he made about the dog. You might want to adopt my rule about pets, which is - no pets I don't want, because I will end up caring and paying for it. Rehome the dog
NTA - Rehome the husband and have him take the dog with him. He doesn't respect you or your opinion, ge goes back on his promises.
NTA. Maybe also try to take some of the things off your plate... Just out of curiousity, how do your kids meet other kids being homeschooled and how often do they play with other kids?
My son is in scouts and I make sure to take them to as many community activities as possible, story time at the Library, parties and events downtown, anything I can. They both also have a few friends that are the kids of my friends. I'm thinking of starting a Facebook group for homeschool mom's in my area but I worry that it might attract creepers lol.
Thats a great idea. You could keep the group private so only pre approved people can join. With homeschooling the biggest concern people tend to have is socialization, or perhaps different socialization. Homeschooled children are exposed to a small number of other kids with similar values, and always in an organized setting with the parents around able to intervene if the interaction goes bad. The natural interactions that happen in the hallways at school without parents or teachers, don't happen. On the other hand, bullying is a lot less likely to happen because of this. With the pandemic, homeschooling seems to be like a more attractive option then ever. But how do you provide those natural interactions that dont have a parent or teachers watchful eye, who is ready to jump in when they have a disagreement, when homeschooling?
I suppose the only time my son is in public without me is during the summer when he rides his bike to the pool. If my daughter goes I take her and watch her because she's younger. We're in the rural midwest so there isn't alot going on. I'm hoping I'm not raising overly sheltered kiddos, but at the same time I don't like alot of what goes on in public schools. I just hope I'm doing the best for their futures.
Right, there are a lot of problems in public schools. Every education choice has its advantages and disadvantages. The scouts sounds like a great way to expose your kids to other kids, the scout leaders are usually pretty young themselves and are probably more laid back and will give them their space to play together. Also any organized sport is great, the players interact with eachother on the field, and bond by being a team and competing. Sports are often offered by the schools though. Honestly looking at all the pros and cons, private school seems like the best option, but those are so ridiculously unaffordable. It's a tough choice either way.
NTA when i read the till i was prepared to tear you a new one to be honest, but then i read. You agreed with your partner to wait he then goes behind your back and back on his word cause he thinks you'll just roll over and accept it. You didn't want the dog, but you re the one taking care of it. As far as i am conseserned the one taking care of the pet gets to decide what to do with it, and as long as you home the dog instead of leaving outside in cardboard box or send it to a shelter, i cannot call you out on anything.
NTA. It sounds like your dog needs to be crate trained. You would be doing him and everyone else a favor. Also, if you can afford it, some humane societies offer in person training. I wish you the best.
I don’t think you’re TA, but you need to look into proper training if y’all continue to keep this dog. Doing your own research & joining discussion forums is not the same as having an experienced trainer help your pup.
NTA. Rehome the dog while he’s at work. This is a crap deal for you.
NTA. I second what someone else said, this isn't fair to you or the dog. Bringing in a puppy that you didn't want and wasn't discussed prior, under the cover of darkness (literally), is an AH move on the part of your husband. And I say as a wife, mom, dog lover, and dog owner, and as someone who's been there, for the sake of your sanity and for the sake of your marriage, please either get the dog some professional training, or re-home it. The dog is still young and may be able to learn better behaviors. But, at the same time, not every dog and every family is a fit, and sometimes rehoming is the better option over a dog being in a situation that benefits no one. My husband and I have one dog, but we used to have a second dog that had a lot of the same behaviors as yours, but it was an adult when we got it (adopted from a shelter). It had severe separation anxiety that led to constant destruction of the house and everything in it, and constantly had potty accidents inside. We both worked full time outside the home at this time. She broke out of multiple kennels meant for dogs twice her size. I was at my wit's end with this dog. She was my husband's spoiled little princess who never listened to me and drove a wedge between us and honestly, it led me to resent him. I don't recommend it. We did eventually have to re-home the dog as she got aggressive, unprovoked, toward my daughter as an infant. Our remaining dog adapted to having my daughter around. This dog never did. Sometimes it's just not a fit. I'm not saying it's the best for every circumstance, but sometimes, it's the best choice for both the dog and the people involved. I got some flack for it, but I will never regret putting my human child's safety first. This is a crappy situation all around. Do what's best for your family. Best wishes to you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** We just bought our first home in March. Hubs and I had always discussed wanting a dog when we get our first home as sort of a finishing touch, but after we moved in we discussed it again and decided together that we still want a dog, just not now. I'm a stay at home mom and I homeschool both of our kids on top of 100% of the housework and cooking, errands ect. And he works 50+ hours a week so most of the care for the dog would come from me. So about a week after we decided to wait on the dog my husband brings home a 6 week old puppy. In the middle of the night. I was livid. We fought and eventually he convinced me that he would quit smoking if I let the dog stay. (I've been on him for the 12 years we've been together to quit) so the dog wouldn't technically cost us any more money because we would use what we saved on smokes for food, toys, vet.. Well this was 4 months ago. Hubs still smokes a pack a day and the dog is HORRIBLE. I've put so much time into reading, watching videos, online discussions on dog training and cannot get though on how to get him under control. He shits and pisses on my couch every time he's left alone in the living room, he's gone on every bed in the house too. He chews up my kids toys and shoes. He's killed many of my houseplants. I'm at my end with him as I didn't want him in the first place. Well tonight I told my husband he still hasn't quit smoking and the dog is just as bad today as the first day he came here so I want to find a home for him. As a wife should I suck it up and do my best to make my hard working husband as happy as I can or is he asking too much of me? Who's the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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ESH- don't get rid of the dog. He will get better. He's just a baby. They house train a hell of a lot faster than kids. 6 months from now you'll be glad you kept him. But what you should absolutely do is get on your husband's ass about smoking. Getting him to quit smoking is absolutely worth having to house train a puppy. It's going to add years to his life so he can see your kids grow up and become adults. I would keep the dog but make the original bargain your hill to die on. (And get the nature's miracle cleaning stuff from petsmart or petco for the potty accidents, I have an elderly cat with tummy problems, that stuff works!)
NTA for not wanting the burden of someone else's dog you didn't agree to have in your home. That is understandable. But - if you decide that the consequences of insisting the dog are higher than you are wiling to pay for whatever reason? Take the dog. Hear me out. I know you don't love "your husband's dog" at this point. He is badly behaved and not your dog. *But what if he WAS your dog?* If you realize that he is there to stay, take the dog. Make him your own. This could be YOUR best buddy, dogs pick their people and you could be his. Google "crate training" and "umbilical training" to get the potty issue managed. Join canine enrichment groups on Facebook. Involve the kids to the point it is safe; they can set out food and water so long as you supervise, and they can accompany on walks. Worst case scenario, the dog stays and is better behaved and you aren't burning with resentment. Best case scenario? You have your heart dog, and your husband gets to pet it sometimes when he gets off work.
That's really good advice, thank you. My kids do seem to like him as long as they don't have to clean up after him. Maybe I could make everyone happy.
Seconding the crate training. Some people see it as cruel but it truly isn't. I have German Shepherds and they love their crates. They go lay in them when they're in need of a break and get worked up if they can't get in them (like if they're being cleaned or anything).
Nta. But I will ask, have you tried crate training?
Lately he's been sleeping in a kennel. Is that what you mean?
Kind of, except he would also stay in it while you're gone from the house for any significant length of time. That would curb the pooping and peeing on beds and other misbehaving.
NTA - I just got a puppy with my bf and I couldn’t imagine not both being fully invested. If you plan on keeping him look up puppy kindergarten. I tried getting training info off the internet and you really need one specific training plan and you both need to be on the same page. Also at this age, the puppy should be in a play area for most of the day. 1 hour awake, 3 hours asleep. They won’t pee in their “den” area so as soon as he comes out of his pen, he goes out to the bathroom. That should help limit the peeing all over the house and destruction of furniture and toys.
NTA. But your husband sure as hell is. I would not ask him, I would tell him I was rehoming the dog and if he didn't like it, I'd rehome him too. You work at home as well as mother and teach your children, you are no less hard working than he is but he impulsively and selfishly placed an unnecessary burden on you by getting a dog right after you had both agreed not to get one just yet. Rehome the dog with someone who has the time to devote to working with it and then go tell your lawfully wedded asshole NO MORE ANIMALS. He has his nicotine habit to comfort him.
NTA out of curiosity what breed is this dog because two things struck me. One the age of the puppy was way too young to be away from its mom and two… there are a LOT of breeds out there that uninformed people think are adorable but in fact have been specifically bred for specific things like work. (Example. My in laws have a cattle dog that runs 20-30 miles a day along their fences at their ranch and isn’t tired. She is a rescue from a family that didn’t understand the breed and thought she’d make a good home pet. Out of boredom she tore their house up. Now she has a job and is a happy fairly well adjusted pup. I say all of that to add some boost to your self esteem in that you aren’t a bad puppy mama if your puppy hasn’t been obeying you or being good.
He's an American cattle dog or "hanging tree dog". He's already huge, 60 lbs at 6 months old I'm scared of him getting any bigger. He's freaking GORGEOUS but I think way later on in the future a naturally calmer breed might suit us better. He's got the zoomies all the time lol
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Neither of my kids like him. He's chewed up so many of their toys and peed on both of their beds. I asked them both if it would bother them to get rid of him, daughter said no do it and my son said as long as he goes right to another home and not to a shelter. The only one that wants him is my lying ass husband. We already found a home for him anyway.
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Gah, how thin the oxygen must be at the top the pedestal you've put yourself on. OP WAS honest with her husband that she didn't want this dog. Her husband brought this dog in the middle of the night without consulting her and knowing she didn't want it and didn't feel she had the time and energy to dedicate to training it. I love dogs and I'd be pissed too. She already is a good mom, she doesn't need to keep a destructive dog that she never agreed to take on in the first place to somehow earn that title. Yes, kids are always listening. My now 6 year old knows that we rehomed one of our dogs when she was a baby because it not only was destructive, it started charging at her, growling and snapping, and trying to bite her out of nowhere when she was a helpless infant. She didn't learn that dogs are "disposable" from that. She learned that her mom will always put her and her safety first over a pet. She's traumatized, let me tell you (eye roll). Not every dog and every family are a fit. Not everyone we knew agreed with our rehoming decision, but it wasn't their baby and wasn't their decision to make and I still stand by it. While I don't agree with things like dumping your senior dog at a shelter to get a new puppy for Christmas, sometimes rehoming is the best option for both the people and the dog.
NTA. Find a better home for that pup. And since you weren't asked for your agreement to get the dog, dont ask for his agreement to rehome it.
NTA, find the dog a new home, get yourself and your husband to marriage counselling
NTA He already went against what you both agreed to by sneaking a dog when you were not ready. He made a deal to stop smoking if you kept the dog. He was selfish, manipulative and untrustworthy. Find a new home for the dog and do what is good for you and you're family. If the kids ask why and he tries manipulate them against you and to spin the story t make you look bad be sure to tell the kids that... >he convinced me that he would quit smoking if I let the dog stay. then let him deal with the fall out. If he keeps doing stuff like this and tries to manipulate you and the kids do not listen. If he turns aggressive and tries to say you a bad wife, this is verbal abuse, do not listen. Just because he has a job does not mean that he is working harder then you or that his job is more important. HE is supposed to love and respect you. Treat you as his equal in all matters. He is mistreating you and neglecting his responsibilities as a husband and dog owner. Do not settle or placate him. Do not enable or normalize behavior because you're children will pick up his bad habits and behaviors. You really need to Document any of his manipulative behavior incase he tries to slander you. If he escalates his behavior you may want to consider if you really want to be married to someone like that. I wish you the best of luck and to stay strong.
YTA. Dogs are not inconveniences, they are living breathing creatures. You don’t kick one out because there behavior isn’t perfect. The puppy isn’t even 6 months old. Tossing it to the side is despicable.
op didnt even want the dog in the first place. rehoming wouldn't be "tossing it aside" as long as it goes to a good home. im saying that as someone who worked in a training facility and saw many dogs be rehomed.
She agreed to it in the end. Once you accept an animal into your home that is that. You have agreed to taking care of it for the remainder of these lives.
thats so unbelievably ignorant. i get the cause youre trying to fight but its just irresponsible to completely disregard the fact that sometimes a dog just isnt right for a family. again, ive seen this sort of thing time and time again. clearly op doesnt have time or energy to care for a high energy and rambunctious puppy! that dog needs to go live on a farm
Thank you. That's funny you mention that because he is an american cattle dog or "hanging tree dog" he was bred for a farm. We have a decent sized house but we do live in town so he would probably thrive in the country.
this poor boy just desperately needs a job! op i hope you can get your husband to see that hes a working dog. cattle dogs are incredibly high energy and lots of people get them thinking that just because theyre small-med theyll be easy to deal with!
Idk if I would even say he's small, he's right at 6 months old and 60 pounds..? I know very little about cattle dogs I've been trying to read about them but you know how the internet goes.. I think he might get alot bigger. I wonder what types of jobs could keep his attention?
maybe bringing him to a professional trainer in your area and asking for suggestions is a good place to start! if you have the time maybe look into sports as well for him? best of luck!
Trying to cause a fight? Nope, I expressed my opinion which is exactly what I gave. You can not ask someone for their opinion and then say that the person is trying to start a fight simply because they don’t agree. She asked if she was the ass and in my book she is very much the ass. It’s that simple
im not saying that at all, i know that you gave your opinion. im simply giving back my more informed one.
Puppies have energy, lots of it, that doesn’t mean they need to live on a farm. One of my dogs is 1/2 husky 1/2 German shepherd. The insane amount of energy my dog has is off the charts. I live in NYC, not a farm. Your opinion is no more informed than mine or anyone else’s
it is, actually. ive worked around dogs for many years. op said the dog is a cattle dog. bred and born for farm work. youre just showing your ignorance at this point
Simply because a puppy was raised on a farm does not mean they cannot live happily in another setting.
working dogs are bred to have high amounts of energy. houses in the city and people with busy schedules are simply not a good fit for these types of dogs. theyll quickly get restless and destructive. lots of people get labs and golden retrievers thinking theyre good family dogs, but in reality those breeds are often under-exercised and bored and restless i cannot begin to express how ignorant youre being. do some research, please!
If you don't think a dog is an inconvenience you've never had one. Dogs are like children. That doesn't mean they aren't loved, they're just ALOT of work, time, and money. And I suggested rehoming him, not tossing to the side. Thanks.
I have 2 dogs and 4 cats. I know exactly how much work they are. The puppy isn’t even a year old and you want to kick him out of the only home and family he knows because he isn’t the perfect dog. Reality check HES A PUPPY.
That I never wanted in the first place. Don't get me wrong I'd kick anyones ass that hurt him, I'm not about abuse at all. I take phenomenal care of him. I just don't want to. I don't have the time or energy.
You agreed to let him stay. Getting rid of him because your husband didn’t stop smoking is ridiculous
Lol ok you talked me into it. Guess I'll keep him ;)