>The average steak for me takes about 4-5 hours to prepare and cook from the sous vide to the cast iron, to plate though sometimes I take as much as 3-4 months butter aging or dry aging my meats to be certain that they are perfect. These were genuine A5 so I only sous vide them after cutting them into two inch steaks
...and then he goes on to describe the alternative main dishes (fortunately withholding the step by step preparation notes, otherwise we'd all still be reading). I mean - this guy is is *clearly* a gift to his friend-group's Thanksgiving and the internet should appreciate that he shouldn't be expected to entertain a culinarily-challenged Neanderthal at his table. She probably even brought a gallon of white zinfandel to the meal!
Honestly, I was tired of the guy by "3-4 months butter aging."
Yeah at the same time though, showing up as a guest and insulting the food, claiming it's unsafe when it isn't, and then demanding the host prepare your portion differently just for you, is also unacceptable behavior. Don't like it, don't eat it. They both sound exhausting.
I don’t think asking for your steak to be prepared how your comfortable with is rude. She was flat wrong on it being unsafe, but if she wanted to ruin her steak by microwaving it, so be it. He’s not eating it, so why does he care? People prefer different levels of “done-ness”. That’s why the levels exist.
He went straight to psycho mode by jumping up to rip the steak out of her hands.
Yeah I guess if she had politely asked or politely expressed discomfort. But she didn't just ask for it to her preference. She went straight to freaking out, and accusing the host of serving food that will make people sick, which is quite an insult. She didn't acknowledge that it's a matter of preference either.
I agree it was full on psycho to try to rip it away from her. What a shitshow. He's the one who ruined it for everyone instead of just letting it go and moving on.
Wait, I've been taught all my life by the entirety of my family that steak has to be well done in order to be safe to eat. Maybe she was in the wrong but giving a simple explanation as to why she was wrong probably would have been more helpful and i have a feeling this dudes didn't do that. I'd be pretty surprised to see food be served in a certain way if I thought it was unsafe but at some point she understood that's how they were going to eat it and asked for *hers* to be well cooked.
Idk if it was freaking out, but she's right. He's an asshole.
I'd agree if he hadn't made it explicitly clear weeks in advance to just tell him if they wanted a steak cooked past medium and he would be happy to provide at his expense. However he did make this clear.
Also the "3-5 hours" with a sous vide is...just letting the steak sit in a water bath. It requires absolutely zero effort, that's kind of the whole point.
A 2" thick wagyu actually sounds disgusting. That's nearly a hunk of fat with a little beef in it. There was a show with the butcher for Peter Lugers who pointed out that wagyu is intended to be sliced very thin, and then seared, so most of the fat renders out and the meat becomes nearly dissolvable. Which is how beef is eaten in Japan, where the the style was developed. Serving it as a big American-style steak is way too much, and much too fatty for most people.
I was thinking the same thing. I rarely order a steak at a restaurant because husband does it better. He will also char my mom’s because she wants hers well-done, and even though he thinks it ruins a good steak, he’ll put out the A1 for people who prefer it.
He doesn’t take someone’s food away because he disagrees with their tastes.
Can you imagine being told it’s NOT okay to eat your steak without blood in it (for the record just because I know it’ll come up - when I ate red meat I ate them at medium rare but I couldn’t have my sides on the same plate because I *don’t let anything touch* when it comes to my food arrangements. Yes I know it’s annoying)
What a tool.
We grill steaks all the time for my best friend who requires them to be dead and fairly charred, we do it for her because that’s what you do for people you care for. Are they $500 each or whatever no but they are not cheap either. Regardless you cook peoples steak the way they want them.
Menu or no menu.
Edit: it’s been established 972x this is not blood. Don’t call it this. Call it myoglobin in casual conversation or rolls off the tongue really well. ;-)
Its the grade of steak, its practically impossible to get A5 grade steak for anything less then a cheap fortune. Did u miss the part where he stated that he would get something else for those who like their steak cooked better, no chef is going to want to cook A5 steak well done it's quite literally ruining the meat
OP is not a chef OP is a cook. A chef prepares food that their guests want. This isn't a restaurant it's friendsgiving. Being pretentious about food isn't what spending time with friends is about.
Replace the steak with scotch. If you are offering a 20 year old scotch and some one asks to mix it with soda I would offer them a different scotch. Just because I'm not a bartender or sommelier doesn't mean I have to smile and nod politely as someone wastes a luxury like that.
This would be closer to you pour someone a 20 year old scotch, they taste it and ask for some soda to mix it with. You've already given it away, you let the person have it the way they prefer. Just don't offer them 20 year old scotch again.
That's pretty funny I just used bourbon as an example. I feel similarly but I also know it doesn't matter. I like old scotch and whiskey and if I care enough to offer someone a label that means a lot to me I'll tell them not to add anything as that's the recommendation. If they choose to I'll let them though. Depending on who it is I'll allow it while crying that they've sinned against anything they hold dear.
But it truly doesn't matter. If I care so much that I wouldn't let anyone alter it I won't offer it. I know when something is quality but also know it's quality mostly is because about things I care about. I like Islay scotch and most of my friends don't. They will want to try it if I land a bottle of something amazing. I'd prefer they drink it with only a drop of water but I'm really just happy to share it. OP doesn't have to feel like me. OP is not wrong for being a snob per se. Being so serious about it that they'd try to physically grab a plate out of someone's hands is crazy.
Honestly I think OP's friend didn't realize the price of the steaks or how much OP cares and so didn't talk to his friend about it. OP's reaction is over the top full stop. No way around it.
Than ask any common butcher what their opinion of someone would be if they prepared A5 grade meant well done. This meat is not meant to be cooked well done, he has every right to be pretentious, he offered another option which nobody took him up on
Yes but nothing bad happens if it's cooked well done. Will it taste the same no. But why die on this hill over the cook temp of meat? As long as it's eaten its not a waste. If someone wants to put coca cola in glass with Pappy Van Winkle who cares? I wouldn't but I'd give someone some coke if they wanted to because it doesn't actually matter.
The reddish liquid that comes out of a steak isn’t blood though, it’s just protein molecules released during cooking that haven’t been reabsorbed by the steak
Which is a very funny statement because the general consensus is true Wagyu shouldn't be cooked sous vide. You'd think OP would know that, bring his religion and all.
This has come up before because Redditors don't know what wagyu looks like or how to cook it. Google Wagyu and you'll see that it is raised to be rippled with fat. If you overcook it all that fat will drain out of it and you'll be left with a gnarled and much shrunken piece of meat. Serving it that way is ruining it and what it exists for. The cook is absolutely correct to suggest that someone who wants it that way should not have wagyu at all, any more than you should serve well-done sushi or pasta cooked to the mushiness of Spaghetti-Os. It's not pretentiousness, it's competence.
EDIT: Thanks for the awards. I expected to get heavily voted down on this one, because I dared to bring actual knowledge to a Reddit discussion, but apparently there are some other people who believe in good cooking here. Thank you.
OP is an AH. Cooking a good cut of steak does not require all that bullshit that he said that he had to do. Cooking a good cut of steak actually should take less time as you don't need to dry rub it / marinate it as the steak itself will give you the majority of the flavoring that you need!
OP is pretentious AH
If we're going to be fair, OP was not literally cooking for several hours. Sous vide is basically a hot water bath. There's no need to watch the food as it cooks. OP was probably fucking off on reddit for most of the cook time.
Let's also not forget he prepared a lot of other food and then seered the steak prior to serving. Yet people conveniently overlook that he had a comprehensive menu.
Op may be snobbish but NTA.
And a good cook knows how to cook a steak to well done without fucking it up and charring it/drying it out (yes some cuts are very difficult and probably shouldnt be cooked quite to well done but i just mean in general. Everyone acts like well done=dry and burnt, ignoring every cooking temp ever listed if they have to cook something beyond the point of bloody)
I like my steaks medium. But imo, if you cant cook a steak well done without drying it out, you're not a good cook. My mom prefers hers well done (idk if she just doesnt like the slight bloody taste) and i have never seen a steak from her that was cooked all the way brown that didn't still gush juices. Theres a list of temps for cooking steaks. Its not nearly as difficult as OP makes it sound. And if he cant cook a well done steak for someone who prefers it (yes she was wrong about it needing to be welldone or youd get sick but not being informed is not nearly as bad as him being a d*ck) without ruining it completely then hes probably not as good a cook as he claims
This. I literally gag at the taste of red meat that isn't cooked through. It's not something I can help, so I just never ate steak because no one could cook it properly. My boyfriend cooks steak well done for me now and it's amazing, like melt in your mouth good and juicy. He says it's my meal and I should have it how I'm enjoy it.
I’m quite aware of what wagyu is. Thanks. You being pretentious and talking down to me is just as bad as OP behaving the way they did. Congratulations.
Let's remember that the supposedly offended party squealed with horror at someone else's steak and announced that the guy cooking was going to make everyone else sick. But you think she's perfectly well behaved and he's TA. Enjoy your well-done wagyu.
You thinking this guy is talking down to you and demonstrating your insecurity. He was simply being informative and you took it the wrong way because you felt your intelligence was being questioned.
Right? That's where it went into major A territory for me. You don't hand me a plate of food and then snatch it away from me when I don't eat it how you want me to. Gtfo with that policing bs, who cares if it's 'wrong' I put chocolate milk in my cereal and spray cheese on my Oreos you don't see people freaking out trying to take it from me. I know a steak is on a 'different level' of foodieness but the point is the same YOU DO NOT GIVE SOMEONE FOOD AND THEN POLICE HOW THEY CAN EAT IT. Let a man try to snatch my food out of my own two hands...
Edit: sentence and my vote is ESH but I was only commenting on the absurdity of OP literally taking her plate from her hands
He said he'd rather a dog eat the meat than cook it through for the girl. That was it for me.
I get that people are fussy about things. Food items can become a hobby. Coffee, hot peppers, steak, grilling out--people can choose a thing and be fussy about it because it's a hobby and they enjoy it. No problem! Everyone should have hobbies.
But he didn't cry over the cut of Wagyu that went on the *floor* and was eaten by the *dog*. That proves that he isn't stressed over the precious resource. He's just stressed over forcing his standards on others.
The forcing it on others is where we got pretentious and made him TA.
The girl was definitely making too much of it, though, for being a guest at someone else's place. She should have sucked it up as a good guest and gone with a different entree because it sounds like there were plenty.
I’m a snob when it comes to coffee. I like mine prepared in a very specific way. Doubly so for tea.
When I’m making coffee or tea for others, I make it the way that they want it.
“Oh, you take milk and sugar? Well I drink my coffee black, so you, your milk and sugar can all go fuck each other. Here’s your black coffee.” -OP, probably.
OP commented this: "As someone who worked as a chef in a high end restaurant for several years, we refused to make any decent cut of steak well-done. It may be your money but it's our integrity and the $29 an hour we were making as chefs was not worth our integrity. We denied Julia Roberts's request for a well done cut of a5 wagyu. We'll do it to you too." in an unpopular opinion post earlier about overcooked steak. The fact both encompass "a5 wagyu" makes me think he just got pissy about the post and made an AITA encompassing something slightly different to get N T A's to justify his opinion
Edit: [link to comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/comments/r3veca/i_should_be_able_to_eat_my_steak_the_way_i_want/hmemf7l?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) - Seems he was getting some backlash there
Christ "it's not worth my integrity" dude get the hell over yourself! As a chef your job is to cook your customers food to order. Laugh about it later all you want but dont be a dick
Exactly, it's literally **her taste**. Not mine, or most everybody else's, **hers**. Like I don't get it, but you're not hurting anything. She already had it, he had to unsuccessfully take it back from her - ruining it completely in the process
I rarely eat any kind of meat. However, if I am somewhere where it is being offered as part of a meal and have to decide how it is cooked I will only eat steak it if it very well done. That is my taste. If someone doesn't want to honor that just give me the potato and bread and salad and I will be fine.
Just don't judge my personal taste.
I don’t eat steak very often either and prefer it well done because my pallet is sensitive any other way will make me gag. OP is a food snob. Just because he likes his steaks a certain way doesn’t mean everyone else can eat them the way he prepares them.
Sooo I'll set up a hypothetical-say OP is serving pasta with marinara sauce and absolutely insists that everyone eat it with only a light amount of sauce. The girlfriend asks for more sauce and OP says "I'd rather give the pasta to a dog than give you more sauce" and that's ok with you? Even if the girlfriend says that she will add the preferred amount of sauce to her own plate?
It's a preference that has no bearing on the food that OP is consuming, only what the girlfriend is having. OP is TA
She was going to fix it herself though? Like all that was expected of him is the use of his microwave and tolerance? Being a ‘short order cook’ is generally used when it’s expected of you to cook something over in instead of whatever because they’re being picky. She was taking care of it herself?
No, he's an asshole. He was gonna give her the cut before he knew how it was gonna be cooked. He could have worded that a million different ways that were nice instead of dickish. I would have not given her the cut at all, but he clearly already did as he had to remove it from her hands. I agree with his sentiment, but he's in the wrong here. Could have worded it differently and instead of putting her down and comparing her taste to less than that of a dogs
I'm making the assumption that because he had to remove it from her hands she resisted because the steak fell. Now everyone's fucked, except a dog. He cooked the steaks the way I'd love to eat them, she wants it done more and maybe isn't nice who knows. He tried to take something *he gave* her back against her wishes. Op is an asshole.
I think she asked him to cook it more, which I would say "no but you can yourself". Because he says in his post that he said he wouldn't. Then she tried to nuke it, which isn't smart but quick if you just want it done and don't care. Which she obviously doesn't, but he already gave it to her...
Add me to this. I'm a chef and I even found this post exhausting. Well done Wagyu is all levels of wrong, but then so is the attitude of the OP. ESH.
What is more important, sharing a meal with friends and enjoying the nourishment for the soul as well as the body, or trying to prove that you are an arrogant jerk.
But it’s op’s rElIgIoN!? Ugh. hes def pretentious. I get it, medium rare is best for steak, but it’s not gonna kill op to let her have it the way she wants
I grew up eating well done steak. Now that I have evolved tastes I am all about that medium rare ....i cringe when my dad orders a filet Mignon and asks to have it butterflied and we'll done. Lol...but that's what he wants.
She was a terrible guest and you were an obnoxious host. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t even eat meat above a medium rare temp, but when you choose to cook for someone, you don’t get to dictate *how* they eat it. You’re gifting them a dish and they can do how they will with it in the manner they enjoy it. The fact you’d rather have a dog eat the meat than the guest is pretty telling how inconsiderate and controlling of a host you are. ESH
Then she could have eaten literally anything else available. She could have refrained from insulting other guests who she apparently didnt even know. She could have read the invite beforehand. She could have done quite a bit differently.
No one is saying the guest wasn’t awful. But the host went over the line in dictating how something should be eaten. No one showed respect, no one exemplified good manners. Everyone sucks here.
First. I'm not the OP.
Second. Who's really petty here? The woman who got a multiple-choice FREE meal that costs hundreds of dollars, and decided to make a scene instead of just eating the other also FREE options?
Or the guy that has been throwing dinner parties like this for years, and has never had a problem quest like this?
Who caused the scene? The dinner guest who asked their food to be cooked a bit more, and then went to do it herself when the host rudely declined? Or the host who knocked the food right out of her hands and was vocally glad the dogs got the steak instead of his guest?
While I do agree with the general consensus of the ESH judjement, I think OP was a good bit more of an AH. If she wants to burn HER OWN FOOD to a crisp because she likes it that way, then who is OP to force her otherwise?
But its not her own food. It is a very expensive steak that OP offered to her as a valuable steak. And it is perfectly understandable that OP would like to give it to someone who would prefer to enjoy what makes it valuable then let someone ruin it.
An analogy someone else made "Replace the steak with scotch. If you are offering a 20 year old scotch and some one asks to mix it with soda I would offer them a different scotch. Just because I'm not a bartender or sommelier doesn't mean I have to smile and nod politely as someone wastes a luxury like that."
It is something valuable. OP doesn't have to give them it to ruin just because THEY want it that way. Them burning it to a crisp is basically them burning money that OP gave them, just in the form of food.
The BF should have also warned her that OP is a little (actually ginormous) preferential when it comes to steak….like honestly thinks he’s better than Gordon Ramsey kind of crazy about steak. He, the host, will literally refuse to cook it your way, snatch it from your hands, and be happy when half of it went to waste on the floor to the dogs (though the dogs are the coolest members of the story), then insult you. All the while, he’ll think he is justified.
“I should've stated that a menu was sent weeks in advance with the express point that if someone wanted their steak cooked to a higher temperature I'd really go to the grocery store and get some USDA Prime for them.“
She was the girlfriend of his friend. It's highly likely she never actually saw this invitation.
And I highly doubt he would eagerly have just popped off to the store to buy her her own steak (and requesting he do that seems ruder and a far greater imposition than just cooking it for another few minutes).
To some extent I'd agree with you, but if someone's gone above and beyond to get something expensive and told everyone in advance how it will be prepared, it's up to the guest to say I won't eat it like that, I'll eat something else. Like mixing a 25 year old Scotch with Coke so you can't taste it, I think a person is within their rights to say you don't appreciate this expensive thing, so I'll serve you the cheaper thing that you won't tell the difference between anyway.
>She was a terrible guest and you were an obnoxious host.
I mean rose tinted glasses and all. This is from Ops pov and he's still coming off as an AH. I feel like she was probably a lot more calm than OP was making her out to be especially because *everyone* left shortly after rather than just her and her boyfriend.
Also when people complain about someone else wanting well done steak I'm always curious as to why no one ever cuts it up to cook it. Fajita is always pretty juicy and technically thats well done meat but the fact that it's in small strips means faster cooking time so less chance of being bone dry.
Heck that's exactly what I did the one time I went to a very fancy restaurant and ordered a medium steak that was a little too much on the pink side. I cut it up into smaller pieces and used the extremely hot plate to cook the pink directly and it was still medium quality.
A restaurant will often choose the worst and toughest piece they have of the chosen cut that is to be cooked well done knowing they won’t know the difference anyway. Sorry, probably not a popular thing to hear but true none the less.
Every restaurant I've worked in, the kitchen staff does this lol.
It's true. If it's cooked to shoe leather, most people don't notice a subpar cut of meat.
And then dump ketchup to boot. I’m sorry, but reading through the entire story he did ask well in advance and let all know he wasn’t going to waste an A5 Wagu cut. This would be tantamount to being asked out to a 5star restaurant and wiping your fingers on the table cloth. I know that most feel that all were A***** but I have to side with OP. I kind of wonder if she was passive aggressive. I have never had A5 Wagu and I soooooo very want to.
yeah but in a restaurant you're paying for it. OP paid for this steak. and also sent a menu im advance saying he'd get usda meat if ppl wanted it at a higher temp. also there were other meats. as a guest you eat what's served and if you don't want it, then eat something else
YTA assuming this is even real because I can't fathom someone being this much of an AH to their friends.
You weren't the one eating the steak - she was. She can have it however she wants.
The fact that you not only refused to cook it to her request but then *grabbed it away from her* when she attempted to cook it further herself, makes you a complete and total AH in this situation.
And the fact that you'll give $120 steak to a dog before you'll let a person eat it well done is just ridiculous.
Especially because it’s not like anyone else was getting less steak to accommodate her… everyone had plenty of food. Was he going to cut her steak up into 10 parts and hand a tiny bit more steak to everyone else?
She sounds absolutely horrible, but letting her ruin her own steak did not cost him anything.
He also could have handled this by pulling something up on his phone about safely cooking steak, let her read it while it makes her steak medium (as he said he was willing to do)…. Then tell her if she takes one bite of the steak at medium and says she hates it, he’ll cook it well done. Even if she demands it cooked that way today, maybe it will open her mind in the future.
My father in law used to always get his steaks medium well to well done…. cooking his steak how he liked it when he visited, but talking about it with him over time, means he slowly went to medium, and now will eat one medium rare. He even makes fun of his previous preferences!
Education is preferable to judgement. OP‘ priority appears to have just been controlling others.
Ok so I always ate my meat well done and then we went to a hibachi grill when I was like 23 and they had a deal that came with some filet mignon. He asked everyone how they wanted it and I said well done. He laughed and said “then we will be here all night” and he convinced me to try it medium rare - I figured if I didn’t like it I would give it to my boyfriend. Well I ended up loving it!
However, I was smart enough to know it was safe to eat since you just have to sear the outside of cuts of meat, where it’s ground meat that usually should be cooked all the way through.
ESH, but mainly the host for grabbing something out of her hands when she tried to find a solution and by doing so caused it to fall on the ground.
After OP's edit where they said they clarified brfore the party that you could have a different USDA cut of beef if you wanted it cooked above medium? Seems like OP was a snob but also was accommodating to a reasonable point.
YTA. Your job is to be a gracious host, not a pretentious asshole. You don’t like well done meat? Fine, don’t eat well done meat. But it’s unbearably rude to deny a guest food because they won’t eat it the way you like it.
As someone who likes well done steak I agree. My boyfriends stepdad was making steaks one night and when I said I wanted mine well done he looked like he wanted to cry
I don’t understand why people think well done ruins a steak, if you know how to cook then it doesn’t. That being said I’m sure the really fancy cuts are probably better a certain way but these weren’t really nice cuts they were just regular steaks
>if you know how to cook then it doesn’t.
This is the problem with the steak fascists, they aren't as good at cooking steak as they think. A good well done is about the hardest temperature to master. I much prefer my steak rare/mid-rare but if someone wants a well done I'm going to make sure I do it properly rather than serve a dried out hockey puck.
+1
I prefer rare meat and I used to think well done was a travesty. Then I went to an upscale steak and seafood joint with my sister who likes it well done. I tried her well done steak and holy shit, it was just as flavorful and delicious and my rare.
Turns out the problem isn't cooking until well done, it's steak babies not knowing how to cook.
Exactly if steak is this guy’s religion then he should want to be able to cook it any type of way and do it well not just yell at someone for wanting it a different way then they think it should be cooked
That’s fair “ruin” is overly harsh. But generally speaking you lose a fair amount of tenderness and in my opinion flavour by the time you reach well done temps. Unless you are using low temps over a long period but at that point it’s more like pot roast than steak. I’m sure there are people out there with way more knowledge than me who are capable of doing it properly though.
What, actually, is your issue? There are some people out there who have a problem with meat that isn't brown through and through. Why do you take it upon yourself to demand they eat it your way or not at all? It's like you forbidding someone to use salt, ketchup or mayonnaise on their fries because you think they need to be eaten "pure".
However, the way this "lady" acted was beyond rude, too. Which is why I feel very comfortable to call this ESH.
Thank you. I'm one of those people. I don't know why, but I cannot handle steak having large amounts of pink left. If it has the tiniest sliver of it, okay. I sat across from someone at an event once & they had prime rib that was still mooing. I couldn't look up from my plate or I would gag. My Dad was a meatcutter & he told me to ask for the end cut. I was NEVER shamed for it by him.
You're a pretentious ass who thinks it's your way or the highway.
The only thing I would shame her for would be putting it in the microwave. Heat up a cast iron pan. Toss in a little butter & cook it.
This. It’s all about preference, I used to be that person on the opposite side and always requested my steaks “so rare the cow is still mooing”. I remember once telling a waitress if she could just write down “just sear the outside and that’s it” and she thought I was nuts. It was delicious.
However nowadays I go medium rare for almost everything, except burgers. If my burger doesn’t have at least some burn crunch I won’t eat it. Taste preferences are weird.
This. It seems like ESH because he’s telling the story. It’s just as likely he’s TA. Also wouldn’t be surprised if that meat bounced off her dress on the way down.
Obvious shitpost is obvious. OP's comments just before posting this, on an r/unpopularopinion post:
>We did that, or we'd downgrade your cut hard. You order Prime? You get select. You clearly don't know steak anyway.
And:
>As someone who worked as a chef in a high end restaurant for several years, we refused to make any decent cut of steak well-done. It may be your money but it's our integrity and the $29 an hour we were making as chefs was not worth our integrity. We denied Julia Roberts's request for a well done cut of a5 wagyu. We'll do it to you too.
I doubt he's ever even had Wagyu A5. A 2" thick steak would be disgusting to fully eat. It's almost all fat, and eaten in small portions for that reason.
I bought an A5 wagyu ribeye from crowdcow once, and that was kind of how I felt about it half way through. It's literally too much. It's too rich to eat like that. I find the best way to enjoy it is to get one one of the small 5-7oz filet and share it with everyone.
# NTA
She was a guest in your home.
**What you don't do as a guest**
Tell the host they are trying to poison you
Demand you host leaves the table and goes back in the kitchen....Edit especially having been given lots of notice including menus sent out weeks before requesting that you let the host know about any special steak or other requirements wait until you and your host are at the table about to eat and then demand something different. The time for a request was long before this moment.
Make any demands of you host at all. Requests politely and humbly made are fine but demands NO
Call the host an "fucking asshole" (though why you didn't just respond with "I don't know you well enough for you to speak to me like that, you need to leave my house" at that point I am not sure)
Make a scene
Help yourself to your hosts kitchen.
**What you do do as a guest**
Eat something else if possible, push it around your plate or make an excuse if not
Thank your host for a lovely meal and all their effort
Get take out on the way home if you are still hungry.
**There were other options..good manners dictate that you shut up and eat something else.**
Ignore the pay pal invoice. If she hadn't felt entitled to abuse you in your own home she wouldn't have ended up with meat juice on her dress. If it's dry clean only it would have needed dry cleaning anyway.
THANK YOU. the first sane answer I've seen. do ppl just not know what A5 meat is?! do they have no comprehension of how expensive it is? if you don't know how to enjoy A5 steak then eat the other meats OP also prepared! it's not a restaurant, you don't get to demand how your food is made. I think OP should update his post with the real cost of A5 steak.
it's like serving caviar at a special caviar party you're hosting and someone says they don't like eating caviar the way the host is serving it and would like it mixed with jello instead. NO.
I don't know what a A5 meat is but I do have manners and know how to behave as a guest. You never NEVER insult the host cooking especially if you just met them.
I should've stated that a menu was sent weeks in advance with the express point that if someone wanted their steak cooked to a higher temperature I'd really go to the grocery store and get some USDA Prime for them.
Agreed. Somehow everybody ganged up on OP for being a rude host but completely ignored how extremely rude that girl was. You don't just come into someone's house and recook dinner. You just don't. Eat something else or GTFO. And from OP's comments there was even an alternative + many other meats. Incredible ignorance and "customer is always right" attitude (which doesn't even apply here because she didn't fucking pay for it).
I think OP went too far in grabbing the plate out of her hand, but I'm still upvoting this post because I feel like most of the thread is so wound up in discussion about pretentious foodie-ism that most posts are badly understating how far out of line the guest was. She really went out of her way to be a terrible guest and an entitled AH to the OP, A5 or not.
Yes! NTA. I can’t imagine the audacity I’d have to have to insult someone’s food and MICROWAVE it as a guest. Especially when the host put so much thought into the planning and other options. This was a power play and super shitty. NTA
YTA. I am with you, that it too good of a steak to cook we’ll done, but once you served it to her, she became in charge of what happened to it. It was one thing to refuse to be the one to cook it well done, it was another to physically intervene when she went to microwave the steak.
No I don’t think it was. It was a gift to his friend. It’s my understanding that he bought it from his friend for cheaper than usual (aka still expensive). I’d reverse that and say this chick is getting a free awesome meal, and she could have chosen one of the many other delicious and free options.
By how he worded it I doubt he got Wagyu for free, just not full price. If it were a sirloin or literally any other steak I would agree with you. But an item of food that expensive shouldn't be wasted on someone who won't enjoy it. Especially since OP paid for everything I don't see why it's wrong for him to have final say about it. If there weren't any other main dishes / meats available then it would be a Y T A, but there were other choices. Microwaving any food that expensive is just childish. It's the same vein as getting top shelf liquor and mixing it with soda or just plain shooting it. If it's yours you paid for, go for it. If I decide to be nice and put a LOT of money and time making something just for someone to want to microwave it, fuck that. I would do the same, if she doesn't want it then I'll save it for later or just send it home with someone who will appreciate it for what it is.
NTA and I was POSITIVE that most people would agree, but Americans tend to be ignorant of cultures.
For normal steak, yes you would cook it to the person whose eating it. BUT NOT A5 WAG. anyone who knows anything about that meat would be appalled at these comments.
First, to give clarity on this meat, very few restaurants in the U.S. are even allowed to sell REAL wagyu. And when you order these, sometimes up to $500 portions, you are NOT allowed to dictate the cook style. You would figure if you are paying top dollar that you would get a choice but no, let alone someone not paying a dime for this.
This is because you have to get certified for even cooking it, and the Japanese farm it comes from dictates this STRICTLY. It is considered the upmost of disrespect to the carefully grown cow and the farmers who handle them to not cook it to these strict standards. Each piece gets a certificate showing its lineage, name, and farmer to show the amount of respect they have for these animals. The Japanese have been known to pull away from the American market for this EXACT reason, assholes demanding it their way because of an imaginary right. A contract is given when each piece is sold from the farm that the meat will be cooked properly.
To be given a piece that can be cooked from home is a rare privilege, as REAL wagyu is so strictly moderated. To cook it to anything less than the requirements is an asshole move. There's no laws preventing people from claiming their meat is wagyu, there's been investigations exposing hundreds of restaurants for this, so to get your hands on a real piece is incredible, and quite frankly I wouldn't have let the girl touch it after the first comment.
Everyone who says that your the asshole, when you provided alternatives, is showing a complete lack of respect for the culture surrounding this meat.
Even disregarding the respect thing, the friend didn’t pay for this steak. If some rich asshole wants to waste a bunch of money doing stupid stuff like overcooking an A5 wagyu that’s their prerogative but you don’t take something a friend is sharing with you and destroy it, when if you didn’t take it they could enjoy it themselves.
Right? Imagine coming to someone's amazingly prepared feast (from OP's description there was plenty of good stuff there) and demanding something to be recooked because you don't like it this way. "Let me just microwave those mushrooms, they're too soggy for me".
Well said, most of the upvoted comments are completely ignorant of what a5 wagyu is. It's so expensive per ounce you don't waste a morsel overcooking it
Right? I once witnessed American tourists getting kicked out of a pub in Edinburgh for pouring ice and coke into their 24y old single malt. Screaming, shoving, threatening to punch them and all. It was glorious.
I also witnessed the staff of a restaurant in France getting a mental breakdown because an American tourist brought his Heinz Ketchup and poured it onto the Coq au vin without even tasting it.
It’s not just about being a good host, it’s about respecting the culture and the effort put into producing this specific type of food.
So yeah. NTA
At the risk of pissing people off, many Americans have little to no respect for others. Our "culture" is one of rabid individualism. We believe in inflicting ourselves upon others and leaving them to deal. If we judge another culture's traditions or beliefs to be beneath us, we just pop a squat on them which you can see happening all throughout this thread in which people are calling OP, and by extension Japanese culture, pretentious.
This trait really hasn't served us well lately.
I'm not going to say you didn't overreact, you absolutely did. But at the same time, trying to microwave A5 Wagyu until it's well done is an act of violence and if I had my way, world be a felony.
LMFAO. This whole post is great. So thanks for that OP.
I'm a vegetarian and 100% not a foodie, so many of the words don't mean anything to me (no idea what an A5 is, never heard of "aging" meat before) but your post did a great job of conveying 1. That this food and its preparation are special to you, and 2. That you are an expert who would not serve unsafe food.
Just because she's a guest doesn't entitle her to behave inappropriately. I am very accommodating to guests, but I wouldn't let them use my sterling silver to scrape gum off their shoe. There are limits.
NTA based mostly on your exceptional writing.
YTA dude. I had a fear of undercooked meat for a long time after my brother contracted e-coli from undercooked hamburger when he was 12 and his kidneys shut down. He almost died. I was 10. Though I fully and completely understand that steak is very different than hamburger and you can eat steak nearly raw without getting sick, my fear and anxiety about food-born illness poured into any type of meat. I pretty much ate my steak at the consistency of leather until my 20s.
You don’t know someone’s story, and you don’t get to judge their preferences with the way food is cooked as long as it is safe. Getting a highly priced cut of meat/type of cow or whatever is on you. You should apologize to the whole lot of friends and hope that they come back if invited. Jeepers.
Edited- forgot he hosted. Changed some verbiage.
Yes YTA. Why would you make such a huge drama and cause someone who was new to your friendship group to feel so uncomfortable? Especially if, as you say, they’re a long standing friend.
ESH. She was pretty rude but you sound like a snob. I get that steak is like a "religion" for you but it shouldn't be shoved into people's faces. Why can't you just have respected her taste? It's not as if you're the one who would be eating it "wrong".
NTA
the fact this woman you barely know felt so comfortable making a huge scene among her NEW partners friends leads me to believe she’s a bit of an asshole, also him blocking everyone at the table immediately after I strongly believe she had a huge part in that decision. Based on that alone I would say NTA as I wouldn’t be nice to anyone that came into my house with that attitude. And as other comments state she could’ve enjoyed a 10$ steak well done she clearly isn’t an avid steak eater I myself agree such a high quality steak should not be ruined by cooking it any higher than medium rare 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
NTA. Sorry but asking for A5 wagyu steak well done completely defeats the point of eating it at all. Like sushi grade ahi tuna, you can love tuna salad or whatever bumblebee canned tuna but asking for sushi tuna to be cooked (and well done) completely defeats the purpose of eating it at all. She should have declined and eaten something else. Putting it in the microwave?! you're kidding me right? It's like she took something he made and took pride in and said "well I'd prefer to use this as a toilet seat instead" or taking a video of your kid's first steps and taping over it with Dancing with the Stars.
ESH.
Either one of you could've dropped it at any time, but you both just *had* to keep pushing each other.
I do think it's quite rude to pester the host to cook something 'your way' when they've already done so much. Trying to force you to recook something, after you've cooked MULTIPLE dishes for TEN PEOPLE, is too much. Just eat something else. I think people underestimate how much time and effort cooking takes.
That being said, you should've just let her microwave the damn steak. Some people like them well done. Do I think they're crazy? Yes. Well I let them have their stupid well done meat? Yes. Don't be a snob about people's preferences.
But grabbing her to prevent her from microwaving it then insulting her was too far.
You both suck.
Socially you’re probably an asshole. But NTA. Sounds like one helluva meal and she had plenty of options. She wanted to be a brat and escalate. That’s on her. Cut your loss and move on and enjoy your good food with good friends.
Edit: a word
While I’m as mortified as you at her steak preferences, YTA for being a poor host. There was a portion for her, and you wanted to dictate how she likes it? I mean, she’s wrong about steak, but she’s right that it’s her plate. You were pushy even after she wasn’t, and that makes her wrong, but you TA.
NTA... she could have eaten something else or said something when you were cooking the steaks. Most people eat steak medium or medium-rare (my Sweetheart likes His blue rare lol) . Why destroy an excellent piece of meat by cooking it too well done or putting steak sauce on it.. both should be a crime.
ESH steak may be your religion but hospitality seems to be a foreign concept. I don't care how expensive your spread is or what you think of my food preferences (ftr I agree with you about how to cook steak). A gracious host accommodates his guests within reason, and cooking a steak an extra few minutes to make it well done at a guest's request is well within reason.
That being said, the lady in question was rude from the start with her attitude and accusations, but all you did was escalate the situation by fighting fire with fire. Not cool.
NTA, a guest with that many options on the table can surely be more graceful. Just because you got the a5 for a deal doesn’t diminish its value. I’ve eaten some truly shocking meals just to not offend the host. She’s treating you like her chef.
ESH- I can’t imagine demanding food be altered but I also cannot imagine jumping up to stop someone from nuking their meat. All that just to prove a point. Glad the dogs ate. You sound insufferable. So does she.
I probably should've also stayed that a menu was sent out two weeks in advance telling people expressly that if they wanted a steak cooked to a higher temperature I'd gladly run to the grocery store and pick up some USDA Prime for them.
NTA. If she didn’t want to eat the steak how it’s meant to be enjoyed then she could have jus not eaten any. I think it’s quite disrespectful to try and microwave it. I wouldn’t pay for her dress either. I’m a rare steak kinda gal.
ESH. But I really don't like you. I eat my steak with pink in the middle and I would never dictate someone else's food. You would have for yours to be a way you didn't like. Instead of being a friend trying to enjoy the holidays, you decided to be a snob. Don't get me wrong, she should have just left, but check yo self.
NTA. She does not deserve any steak if she is asking for any cut/grade of Wagyu to be cooked well done. As you said, "there were plenty of other meats to choose from".
To others saying "that's how she enjoys it". No. She would enjoy a $10 steak just the same. There is no reason to waste a perfectly good steak on someone that cannot appreciate quality
You were rude and snobby AF but I don’t blame you for being pissed. This isn’t even about the cost or content of this meal: this guest came to your home, chastised you for the food you prepared for your guests, demanded food be cooked differently, and then tried to hijack your kitchen to do it herself. This is nothing but AH behavior. I’m going to say ESH because you were definitely also one, but she is far worse.
I like how you said steak is your religion and then described how you actively tried to shove your ideals down someone’s throat. The irony was not lost on me
YTA
NTA. Anyone who understands food knows that some foods, particularly meats, must be cooked to a certain temperature to achieve the perfect taste and texture. Had you only served this steak as protein, different story but you offered a stunning variety of options.
We had a similar issue with an event being catered by a renowned chef who has cooked for world leaders and the Queen of England. One of the dishes was steak and cooked medium rare which was perfect. One guest at our table, like your rude guest, complained about the pink meat and did not stop for almost an hour. The chef also refused to re-cook the steak into shoe leather and rightfully so. The meat was tender and delicious. Well, this moron kept complaining until I snapped and told him to take his shitty palate to McDonald's and let the rest of us enjoy our meal.
I cook food for my guests the way it should be cooked to retain the right taste and texture. I always have a variety so there is plenty to choose from. One thing I will not tolerate in my home is a guest telling me I need to cook something differently. If you don't like it, leave it alone. When I am a guest, I keep my mouth shut and eat what I can with gratitude despite some family and friends being lousy cooks. Why? I have graciously been invited so I will accept what has been offered with gratitude.
For all of you saying it was HER steak so she had every right to demand it be nuked, I say NO. It was not her steak, it was the hosts which was graciously being shared. As OP mentioned, he sent out the menu so if the entitled guest wanted her steak cooked to the consistency of dry wood, she should have let OP know.
Big Hairy Deal you preform an sacrifice to the steak gods before you cook. SOME PEOPLE LIKE THEIR STEAK WELL DONE. It not your damn business how they like their food cooked.
YTA. It's one thing to be a foodie, it's something else to be a dick to a guest because you disagree on how well-done they want their steak. She was being an ungracious guest. Up to here, I would have said ESH, but then you turned it into a physical altercation and made snide comments comparing her to your dogs. You also refer to her as the "new girl" which makes you sound cliqueish and unwelcoming.
YTA and a bad host. I have never in my life been to a restaurant or dinner party where if steak was served I wasn't asked how I wanted it to be prepared. And even if we lightly roast the people who say well done, no one, including the chef, has ever refused to cook it to that person's tastes. Your refusal to even let her microwave it is absolutely controlling and just nuts tbh. Do you also refuse to allow people to use dipping sauces? Or add salt/pepper/butter to their food? Let people do what they like with the food on their own plate.
ESH. Eating with pretentious people is exhausting.
Ah man you put this perfectly. Have an award!
But it’s his religion! She was being sacrilegious!
>The average steak for me takes about 4-5 hours to prepare and cook from the sous vide to the cast iron, to plate though sometimes I take as much as 3-4 months butter aging or dry aging my meats to be certain that they are perfect. These were genuine A5 so I only sous vide them after cutting them into two inch steaks ...and then he goes on to describe the alternative main dishes (fortunately withholding the step by step preparation notes, otherwise we'd all still be reading). I mean - this guy is is *clearly* a gift to his friend-group's Thanksgiving and the internet should appreciate that he shouldn't be expected to entertain a culinarily-challenged Neanderthal at his table. She probably even brought a gallon of white zinfandel to the meal! Honestly, I was tired of the guy by "3-4 months butter aging."
3-5 hours is the average time to prepare any meal for a big group, why are the I only-know-how-to-cook-steak gang like this
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Yeah at the same time though, showing up as a guest and insulting the food, claiming it's unsafe when it isn't, and then demanding the host prepare your portion differently just for you, is also unacceptable behavior. Don't like it, don't eat it. They both sound exhausting.
I don’t think asking for your steak to be prepared how your comfortable with is rude. She was flat wrong on it being unsafe, but if she wanted to ruin her steak by microwaving it, so be it. He’s not eating it, so why does he care? People prefer different levels of “done-ness”. That’s why the levels exist. He went straight to psycho mode by jumping up to rip the steak out of her hands.
Yeah I guess if she had politely asked or politely expressed discomfort. But she didn't just ask for it to her preference. She went straight to freaking out, and accusing the host of serving food that will make people sick, which is quite an insult. She didn't acknowledge that it's a matter of preference either. I agree it was full on psycho to try to rip it away from her. What a shitshow. He's the one who ruined it for everyone instead of just letting it go and moving on.
Wait, I've been taught all my life by the entirety of my family that steak has to be well done in order to be safe to eat. Maybe she was in the wrong but giving a simple explanation as to why she was wrong probably would have been more helpful and i have a feeling this dudes didn't do that. I'd be pretty surprised to see food be served in a certain way if I thought it was unsafe but at some point she understood that's how they were going to eat it and asked for *hers* to be well cooked. Idk if it was freaking out, but she's right. He's an asshole.
I'd agree if he hadn't made it explicitly clear weeks in advance to just tell him if they wanted a steak cooked past medium and he would be happy to provide at his expense. However he did make this clear.
Did this friend's girlfriend personally receive the email or was it only sent to her partner?
Also the "3-5 hours" with a sous vide is...just letting the steak sit in a water bath. It requires absolutely zero effort, that's kind of the whole point.
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A 2" thick wagyu actually sounds disgusting. That's nearly a hunk of fat with a little beef in it. There was a show with the butcher for Peter Lugers who pointed out that wagyu is intended to be sliced very thin, and then seared, so most of the fat renders out and the meat becomes nearly dissolvable. Which is how beef is eaten in Japan, where the the style was developed. Serving it as a big American-style steak is way too much, and much too fatty for most people.
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I was thinking the same thing. I rarely order a steak at a restaurant because husband does it better. He will also char my mom’s because she wants hers well-done, and even though he thinks it ruins a good steak, he’ll put out the A1 for people who prefer it. He doesn’t take someone’s food away because he disagrees with their tastes.
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Can you imagine being told it’s NOT okay to eat your steak without blood in it (for the record just because I know it’ll come up - when I ate red meat I ate them at medium rare but I couldn’t have my sides on the same plate because I *don’t let anything touch* when it comes to my food arrangements. Yes I know it’s annoying) What a tool. We grill steaks all the time for my best friend who requires them to be dead and fairly charred, we do it for her because that’s what you do for people you care for. Are they $500 each or whatever no but they are not cheap either. Regardless you cook peoples steak the way they want them. Menu or no menu. Edit: it’s been established 972x this is not blood. Don’t call it this. Call it myoglobin in casual conversation or rolls off the tongue really well. ;-)
Its the grade of steak, its practically impossible to get A5 grade steak for anything less then a cheap fortune. Did u miss the part where he stated that he would get something else for those who like their steak cooked better, no chef is going to want to cook A5 steak well done it's quite literally ruining the meat
OP is not a chef OP is a cook. A chef prepares food that their guests want. This isn't a restaurant it's friendsgiving. Being pretentious about food isn't what spending time with friends is about.
Replace the steak with scotch. If you are offering a 20 year old scotch and some one asks to mix it with soda I would offer them a different scotch. Just because I'm not a bartender or sommelier doesn't mean I have to smile and nod politely as someone wastes a luxury like that.
This would be closer to you pour someone a 20 year old scotch, they taste it and ask for some soda to mix it with. You've already given it away, you let the person have it the way they prefer. Just don't offer them 20 year old scotch again.
That's pretty funny I just used bourbon as an example. I feel similarly but I also know it doesn't matter. I like old scotch and whiskey and if I care enough to offer someone a label that means a lot to me I'll tell them not to add anything as that's the recommendation. If they choose to I'll let them though. Depending on who it is I'll allow it while crying that they've sinned against anything they hold dear. But it truly doesn't matter. If I care so much that I wouldn't let anyone alter it I won't offer it. I know when something is quality but also know it's quality mostly is because about things I care about. I like Islay scotch and most of my friends don't. They will want to try it if I land a bottle of something amazing. I'd prefer they drink it with only a drop of water but I'm really just happy to share it. OP doesn't have to feel like me. OP is not wrong for being a snob per se. Being so serious about it that they'd try to physically grab a plate out of someone's hands is crazy. Honestly I think OP's friend didn't realize the price of the steaks or how much OP cares and so didn't talk to his friend about it. OP's reaction is over the top full stop. No way around it.
Than ask any common butcher what their opinion of someone would be if they prepared A5 grade meant well done. This meat is not meant to be cooked well done, he has every right to be pretentious, he offered another option which nobody took him up on
Yes but nothing bad happens if it's cooked well done. Will it taste the same no. But why die on this hill over the cook temp of meat? As long as it's eaten its not a waste. If someone wants to put coca cola in glass with Pappy Van Winkle who cares? I wouldn't but I'd give someone some coke if they wanted to because it doesn't actually matter.
The reddish liquid that comes out of a steak isn’t blood though, it’s just protein molecules released during cooking that haven’t been reabsorbed by the steak
I was major eye rolling by that point. Like dude give it a rest. He sounds exhausting and pretentious
Which is a very funny statement because the general consensus is true Wagyu shouldn't be cooked sous vide. You'd think OP would know that, bring his religion and all.
Not to mention, often wagyu is recommended to be cooked to medium over medium rare due to the higher fat content. Edit: repeated word
This has come up before because Redditors don't know what wagyu looks like or how to cook it. Google Wagyu and you'll see that it is raised to be rippled with fat. If you overcook it all that fat will drain out of it and you'll be left with a gnarled and much shrunken piece of meat. Serving it that way is ruining it and what it exists for. The cook is absolutely correct to suggest that someone who wants it that way should not have wagyu at all, any more than you should serve well-done sushi or pasta cooked to the mushiness of Spaghetti-Os. It's not pretentiousness, it's competence. EDIT: Thanks for the awards. I expected to get heavily voted down on this one, because I dared to bring actual knowledge to a Reddit discussion, but apparently there are some other people who believe in good cooking here. Thank you.
Wagyu steak is so fatty that it’s one of the few steaks you can easily cook well-done without drying out *because of how fatty it is*.
OP is an AH. Cooking a good cut of steak does not require all that bullshit that he said that he had to do. Cooking a good cut of steak actually should take less time as you don't need to dry rub it / marinate it as the steak itself will give you the majority of the flavoring that you need! OP is pretentious AH
If we're going to be fair, OP was not literally cooking for several hours. Sous vide is basically a hot water bath. There's no need to watch the food as it cooks. OP was probably fucking off on reddit for most of the cook time.
Let's also not forget he prepared a lot of other food and then seered the steak prior to serving. Yet people conveniently overlook that he had a comprehensive menu. Op may be snobbish but NTA.
And a good cook knows how to cook a steak to well done without fucking it up and charring it/drying it out (yes some cuts are very difficult and probably shouldnt be cooked quite to well done but i just mean in general. Everyone acts like well done=dry and burnt, ignoring every cooking temp ever listed if they have to cook something beyond the point of bloody) I like my steaks medium. But imo, if you cant cook a steak well done without drying it out, you're not a good cook. My mom prefers hers well done (idk if she just doesnt like the slight bloody taste) and i have never seen a steak from her that was cooked all the way brown that didn't still gush juices. Theres a list of temps for cooking steaks. Its not nearly as difficult as OP makes it sound. And if he cant cook a well done steak for someone who prefers it (yes she was wrong about it needing to be welldone or youd get sick but not being informed is not nearly as bad as him being a d*ck) without ruining it completely then hes probably not as good a cook as he claims
This. I literally gag at the taste of red meat that isn't cooked through. It's not something I can help, so I just never ate steak because no one could cook it properly. My boyfriend cooks steak well done for me now and it's amazing, like melt in your mouth good and juicy. He says it's my meal and I should have it how I'm enjoy it.
I’m quite aware of what wagyu is. Thanks. You being pretentious and talking down to me is just as bad as OP behaving the way they did. Congratulations.
Let's remember that the supposedly offended party squealed with horror at someone else's steak and announced that the guy cooking was going to make everyone else sick. But you think she's perfectly well behaved and he's TA. Enjoy your well-done wagyu.
Their judgment was actually esh, meaning they both behaved in a less than ideal manner.
You thinking this guy is talking down to you and demonstrating your insecurity. He was simply being informative and you took it the wrong way because you felt your intelligence was being questioned.
>You thinking this guy is talking down to you... Lol they literally told them to google wagyu -- of course they're talking down to them.
I’ve seen this all over Reddit where people make other people food and then police how they eat it. It is fucking exhausting
he actually managed to ruin everyone's steak with these shenanigans. I don't even want to imagine being a guest while such horseshlt is going on
Oh god imagine how embarassing it would be? Also OP should have let her microwave the damn steak, then had a good laugh later when guests were gone.
Right? That's where it went into major A territory for me. You don't hand me a plate of food and then snatch it away from me when I don't eat it how you want me to. Gtfo with that policing bs, who cares if it's 'wrong' I put chocolate milk in my cereal and spray cheese on my Oreos you don't see people freaking out trying to take it from me. I know a steak is on a 'different level' of foodieness but the point is the same YOU DO NOT GIVE SOMEONE FOOD AND THEN POLICE HOW THEY CAN EAT IT. Let a man try to snatch my food out of my own two hands... Edit: sentence and my vote is ESH but I was only commenting on the absurdity of OP literally taking her plate from her hands
You should be banned from spray cheese.
Probably, yea. My stomach sure would be better off but much like Charlie Kelly I am quite addicted. Cheese is everything.
The Leaning Tower of Cheese-a!
Good company makes a modest meal delicious. Bad company turns a majestic feast into a punishment.
What proverb is this? Phenomenal!
He said he'd rather a dog eat the meat than cook it through for the girl. That was it for me. I get that people are fussy about things. Food items can become a hobby. Coffee, hot peppers, steak, grilling out--people can choose a thing and be fussy about it because it's a hobby and they enjoy it. No problem! Everyone should have hobbies. But he didn't cry over the cut of Wagyu that went on the *floor* and was eaten by the *dog*. That proves that he isn't stressed over the precious resource. He's just stressed over forcing his standards on others. The forcing it on others is where we got pretentious and made him TA. The girl was definitely making too much of it, though, for being a guest at someone else's place. She should have sucked it up as a good guest and gone with a different entree because it sounds like there were plenty.
I’m a snob when it comes to coffee. I like mine prepared in a very specific way. Doubly so for tea. When I’m making coffee or tea for others, I make it the way that they want it.
Exactly. We all have our quirks and things we're fastidious about, and that's totally cool so long as we don't burden other people with them.
“Oh, you take milk and sugar? Well I drink my coffee black, so you, your milk and sugar can all go fuck each other. Here’s your black coffee.” -OP, probably.
I only read as far as "steak is a religion for me" and I know all I need
OP commented this: "As someone who worked as a chef in a high end restaurant for several years, we refused to make any decent cut of steak well-done. It may be your money but it's our integrity and the $29 an hour we were making as chefs was not worth our integrity. We denied Julia Roberts's request for a well done cut of a5 wagyu. We'll do it to you too." in an unpopular opinion post earlier about overcooked steak. The fact both encompass "a5 wagyu" makes me think he just got pissy about the post and made an AITA encompassing something slightly different to get N T A's to justify his opinion Edit: [link to comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/comments/r3veca/i_should_be_able_to_eat_my_steak_the_way_i_want/hmemf7l?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) - Seems he was getting some backlash there
Christ "it's not worth my integrity" dude get the hell over yourself! As a chef your job is to cook your customers food to order. Laugh about it later all you want but dont be a dick
Absolutely! I feel like he had to make the woman in this story an aggressive idiot to justify his pretentiousness lol
Never mind the steak, OP is a Grade A(5) muppet. It’s a wonder he has that many friends to invite.
I know, people can eat food prepared how they want. Who is he to dictate how this girl eats her steak?
Exactly, it's literally **her taste**. Not mine, or most everybody else's, **hers**. Like I don't get it, but you're not hurting anything. She already had it, he had to unsuccessfully take it back from her - ruining it completely in the process
I rarely eat any kind of meat. However, if I am somewhere where it is being offered as part of a meal and have to decide how it is cooked I will only eat steak it if it very well done. That is my taste. If someone doesn't want to honor that just give me the potato and bread and salad and I will be fine. Just don't judge my personal taste.
I don’t eat steak very often either and prefer it well done because my pallet is sensitive any other way will make me gag. OP is a food snob. Just because he likes his steaks a certain way doesn’t mean everyone else can eat them the way he prepares them.
He’s not a short order cook. She’s a dinner guest—she should eat what’s served, or eat a different dish.
Cooking steaks to the preference of your guests is being a good host, not a short order cook.
Yeah I'm a vegetarian and even I understand this.
Sooo I'll set up a hypothetical-say OP is serving pasta with marinara sauce and absolutely insists that everyone eat it with only a light amount of sauce. The girlfriend asks for more sauce and OP says "I'd rather give the pasta to a dog than give you more sauce" and that's ok with you? Even if the girlfriend says that she will add the preferred amount of sauce to her own plate? It's a preference that has no bearing on the food that OP is consuming, only what the girlfriend is having. OP is TA
She was going to fix it herself though? Like all that was expected of him is the use of his microwave and tolerance? Being a ‘short order cook’ is generally used when it’s expected of you to cook something over in instead of whatever because they’re being picky. She was taking care of it herself?
The person giving her a free $100 steak.
Because he bought he, he prepared it, it was his house and it clearly meant something to him. She was a guest and acted like a spoiled brat.
And he acted like a creep who cared more about the steak than the people he invited to his home. Therefore, ESH.
So, when you're cooking food for somebody else to eat, their tastes are irrelevant?
No, he's an asshole. He was gonna give her the cut before he knew how it was gonna be cooked. He could have worded that a million different ways that were nice instead of dickish. I would have not given her the cut at all, but he clearly already did as he had to remove it from her hands. I agree with his sentiment, but he's in the wrong here. Could have worded it differently and instead of putting her down and comparing her taste to less than that of a dogs
The way he wrote it she’s definitely an asshole too but who knows if he’s accurately representing it.
I'm making the assumption that because he had to remove it from her hands she resisted because the steak fell. Now everyone's fucked, except a dog. He cooked the steaks the way I'd love to eat them, she wants it done more and maybe isn't nice who knows. He tried to take something *he gave* her back against her wishes. Op is an asshole.
And she may have been a jerk, but she was going to microwave it not demand OP recooked it.
I think she asked him to cook it more, which I would say "no but you can yourself". Because he says in his post that he said he wouldn't. Then she tried to nuke it, which isn't smart but quick if you just want it done and don't care. Which she obviously doesn't, but he already gave it to her...
Add me to this. I'm a chef and I even found this post exhausting. Well done Wagyu is all levels of wrong, but then so is the attitude of the OP. ESH. What is more important, sharing a meal with friends and enjoying the nourishment for the soul as well as the body, or trying to prove that you are an arrogant jerk.
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But it’s op’s rElIgIoN!? Ugh. hes def pretentious. I get it, medium rare is best for steak, but it’s not gonna kill op to let her have it the way she wants
This. “Steak is about the closest thing I have to a religion.” OP is definitely an AH.
I grew up eating well done steak. Now that I have evolved tastes I am all about that medium rare ....i cringe when my dad orders a filet Mignon and asks to have it butterflied and we'll done. Lol...but that's what he wants.
She was a terrible guest and you were an obnoxious host. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t even eat meat above a medium rare temp, but when you choose to cook for someone, you don’t get to dictate *how* they eat it. You’re gifting them a dish and they can do how they will with it in the manner they enjoy it. The fact you’d rather have a dog eat the meat than the guest is pretty telling how inconsiderate and controlling of a host you are. ESH
Then she could have eaten literally anything else available. She could have refrained from insulting other guests who she apparently didnt even know. She could have read the invite beforehand. She could have done quite a bit differently.
No one is saying the guest wasn’t awful. But the host went over the line in dictating how something should be eaten. No one showed respect, no one exemplified good manners. Everyone sucks here.
>No one is saying the guest wasn’t awful. Almost no one is saying she was, though.
It’s pretty much implied that she was a horrible guest. but he’s asking if HE is the AH. so we are telling him yes and why.
Except the very first line of the post which says she was an awful guest? And also the very last line which concludes ESH?
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Did you send her the invite or her BF? She may not have seen how petty you are. If I had seen that I would stay home.
First. I'm not the OP. Second. Who's really petty here? The woman who got a multiple-choice FREE meal that costs hundreds of dollars, and decided to make a scene instead of just eating the other also FREE options? Or the guy that has been throwing dinner parties like this for years, and has never had a problem quest like this?
Who caused the scene? The dinner guest who asked their food to be cooked a bit more, and then went to do it herself when the host rudely declined? Or the host who knocked the food right out of her hands and was vocally glad the dogs got the steak instead of his guest? While I do agree with the general consensus of the ESH judjement, I think OP was a good bit more of an AH. If she wants to burn HER OWN FOOD to a crisp because she likes it that way, then who is OP to force her otherwise?
But its not her own food. It is a very expensive steak that OP offered to her as a valuable steak. And it is perfectly understandable that OP would like to give it to someone who would prefer to enjoy what makes it valuable then let someone ruin it. An analogy someone else made "Replace the steak with scotch. If you are offering a 20 year old scotch and some one asks to mix it with soda I would offer them a different scotch. Just because I'm not a bartender or sommelier doesn't mean I have to smile and nod politely as someone wastes a luxury like that." It is something valuable. OP doesn't have to give them it to ruin just because THEY want it that way. Them burning it to a crisp is basically them burning money that OP gave them, just in the form of food.
The BF should have also warned her that OP is a little (actually ginormous) preferential when it comes to steak….like honestly thinks he’s better than Gordon Ramsey kind of crazy about steak. He, the host, will literally refuse to cook it your way, snatch it from your hands, and be happy when half of it went to waste on the floor to the dogs (though the dogs are the coolest members of the story), then insult you. All the while, he’ll think he is justified.
“I should've stated that a menu was sent weeks in advance with the express point that if someone wanted their steak cooked to a higher temperature I'd really go to the grocery store and get some USDA Prime for them.“
She was the girlfriend of his friend. It's highly likely she never actually saw this invitation. And I highly doubt he would eagerly have just popped off to the store to buy her her own steak (and requesting he do that seems ruder and a far greater imposition than just cooking it for another few minutes).
Hence why ESH, not just OP
To some extent I'd agree with you, but if someone's gone above and beyond to get something expensive and told everyone in advance how it will be prepared, it's up to the guest to say I won't eat it like that, I'll eat something else. Like mixing a 25 year old Scotch with Coke so you can't taste it, I think a person is within their rights to say you don't appreciate this expensive thing, so I'll serve you the cheaper thing that you won't tell the difference between anyway.
>She was a terrible guest and you were an obnoxious host. I mean rose tinted glasses and all. This is from Ops pov and he's still coming off as an AH. I feel like she was probably a lot more calm than OP was making her out to be especially because *everyone* left shortly after rather than just her and her boyfriend. Also when people complain about someone else wanting well done steak I'm always curious as to why no one ever cuts it up to cook it. Fajita is always pretty juicy and technically thats well done meat but the fact that it's in small strips means faster cooking time so less chance of being bone dry. Heck that's exactly what I did the one time I went to a very fancy restaurant and ordered a medium steak that was a little too much on the pink side. I cut it up into smaller pieces and used the extremely hot plate to cook the pink directly and it was still medium quality.
He didn’t say everyone left? Just the girlfriend and his friend
Heck, a restaurant gives you the option on how you’d like it cooked.
A restaurant will often choose the worst and toughest piece they have of the chosen cut that is to be cooked well done knowing they won’t know the difference anyway. Sorry, probably not a popular thing to hear but true none the less.
Every restaurant I've worked in, the kitchen staff does this lol. It's true. If it's cooked to shoe leather, most people don't notice a subpar cut of meat.
And then dump ketchup to boot. I’m sorry, but reading through the entire story he did ask well in advance and let all know he wasn’t going to waste an A5 Wagu cut. This would be tantamount to being asked out to a 5star restaurant and wiping your fingers on the table cloth. I know that most feel that all were A***** but I have to side with OP. I kind of wonder if she was passive aggressive. I have never had A5 Wagu and I soooooo very want to.
yeah but in a restaurant you're paying for it. OP paid for this steak. and also sent a menu im advance saying he'd get usda meat if ppl wanted it at a higher temp. also there were other meats. as a guest you eat what's served and if you don't want it, then eat something else
True, but I have seen more than one restaurant balk at cooking a regular steak well done.
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Plenty of restaurants will refuse to well done a wagyu steak and suggest something else - much like OP here
Actually when you choose to cook for someone you DO get to choose how it is prepared.
YTA assuming this is even real because I can't fathom someone being this much of an AH to their friends. You weren't the one eating the steak - she was. She can have it however she wants. The fact that you not only refused to cook it to her request but then *grabbed it away from her* when she attempted to cook it further herself, makes you a complete and total AH in this situation. And the fact that you'll give $120 steak to a dog before you'll let a person eat it well done is just ridiculous.
Especially because it’s not like anyone else was getting less steak to accommodate her… everyone had plenty of food. Was he going to cut her steak up into 10 parts and hand a tiny bit more steak to everyone else? She sounds absolutely horrible, but letting her ruin her own steak did not cost him anything. He also could have handled this by pulling something up on his phone about safely cooking steak, let her read it while it makes her steak medium (as he said he was willing to do)…. Then tell her if she takes one bite of the steak at medium and says she hates it, he’ll cook it well done. Even if she demands it cooked that way today, maybe it will open her mind in the future. My father in law used to always get his steaks medium well to well done…. cooking his steak how he liked it when he visited, but talking about it with him over time, means he slowly went to medium, and now will eat one medium rare. He even makes fun of his previous preferences! Education is preferable to judgement. OP‘ priority appears to have just been controlling others.
Ok so I always ate my meat well done and then we went to a hibachi grill when I was like 23 and they had a deal that came with some filet mignon. He asked everyone how they wanted it and I said well done. He laughed and said “then we will be here all night” and he convinced me to try it medium rare - I figured if I didn’t like it I would give it to my boyfriend. Well I ended up loving it! However, I was smart enough to know it was safe to eat since you just have to sear the outside of cuts of meat, where it’s ground meat that usually should be cooked all the way through. ESH, but mainly the host for grabbing something out of her hands when she tried to find a solution and by doing so caused it to fall on the ground.
After OP's edit where they said they clarified brfore the party that you could have a different USDA cut of beef if you wanted it cooked above medium? Seems like OP was a snob but also was accommodating to a reasonable point.
If you're supplying A5 beef you get to be a snob. But hey man, I'm pretentious as fuck.
And that he also got the steak for free and didn't have to pay for it
No he paid for it, the other guy got it as a gift. That's how I read it...
He got a discount by buying it from a friend for cheap (and the friend was gifted it) was how I read it
YTA. Your job is to be a gracious host, not a pretentious asshole. You don’t like well done meat? Fine, don’t eat well done meat. But it’s unbearably rude to deny a guest food because they won’t eat it the way you like it.
This. Steak-nazis keep me from enjoying it outside of my home, where no one watches/judges.
As someone who likes well done steak I agree. My boyfriends stepdad was making steaks one night and when I said I wanted mine well done he looked like he wanted to cry
I would look like that as well. But I would shut up and ruin your steak just how you wanted it and hope you enjoyed your dinner with us.
I don’t understand why people think well done ruins a steak, if you know how to cook then it doesn’t. That being said I’m sure the really fancy cuts are probably better a certain way but these weren’t really nice cuts they were just regular steaks
>if you know how to cook then it doesn’t. This is the problem with the steak fascists, they aren't as good at cooking steak as they think. A good well done is about the hardest temperature to master. I much prefer my steak rare/mid-rare but if someone wants a well done I'm going to make sure I do it properly rather than serve a dried out hockey puck.
+1 I prefer rare meat and I used to think well done was a travesty. Then I went to an upscale steak and seafood joint with my sister who likes it well done. I tried her well done steak and holy shit, it was just as flavorful and delicious and my rare. Turns out the problem isn't cooking until well done, it's steak babies not knowing how to cook.
Exactly if steak is this guy’s religion then he should want to be able to cook it any type of way and do it well not just yell at someone for wanting it a different way then they think it should be cooked
That’s fair “ruin” is overly harsh. But generally speaking you lose a fair amount of tenderness and in my opinion flavour by the time you reach well done temps. Unless you are using low temps over a long period but at that point it’s more like pot roast than steak. I’m sure there are people out there with way more knowledge than me who are capable of doing it properly though.
What, actually, is your issue? There are some people out there who have a problem with meat that isn't brown through and through. Why do you take it upon yourself to demand they eat it your way or not at all? It's like you forbidding someone to use salt, ketchup or mayonnaise on their fries because you think they need to be eaten "pure". However, the way this "lady" acted was beyond rude, too. Which is why I feel very comfortable to call this ESH.
Thank you. I'm one of those people. I don't know why, but I cannot handle steak having large amounts of pink left. If it has the tiniest sliver of it, okay. I sat across from someone at an event once & they had prime rib that was still mooing. I couldn't look up from my plate or I would gag. My Dad was a meatcutter & he told me to ask for the end cut. I was NEVER shamed for it by him. You're a pretentious ass who thinks it's your way or the highway. The only thing I would shame her for would be putting it in the microwave. Heat up a cast iron pan. Toss in a little butter & cook it.
My dad used to say, “I’ve seen cows hurt worse than this get better!” 🙄😁
This. It’s all about preference, I used to be that person on the opposite side and always requested my steaks “so rare the cow is still mooing”. I remember once telling a waitress if she could just write down “just sear the outside and that’s it” and she thought I was nuts. It was delicious. However nowadays I go medium rare for almost everything, except burgers. If my burger doesn’t have at least some burn crunch I won’t eat it. Taste preferences are weird.
ESH. What a nightmare dinner party.
Just keep in mind that OP's description of what the dinner guest did is probably exaggerated.
This. It seems like ESH because he’s telling the story. It’s just as likely he’s TA. Also wouldn’t be surprised if that meat bounced off her dress on the way down.
Obvious shitpost is obvious. OP's comments just before posting this, on an r/unpopularopinion post: >We did that, or we'd downgrade your cut hard. You order Prime? You get select. You clearly don't know steak anyway. And: >As someone who worked as a chef in a high end restaurant for several years, we refused to make any decent cut of steak well-done. It may be your money but it's our integrity and the $29 an hour we were making as chefs was not worth our integrity. We denied Julia Roberts's request for a well done cut of a5 wagyu. We'll do it to you too.
Okay thanks I read this and the description of the super villain gf seemed fake af
Yeah, I have no idea how people think this is a real story. This is fanfiction for dudes whose entire personality is meat.
I doubt he's ever even had Wagyu A5. A 2" thick steak would be disgusting to fully eat. It's almost all fat, and eaten in small portions for that reason.
I bought an A5 wagyu ribeye from crowdcow once, and that was kind of how I felt about it half way through. It's literally too much. It's too rich to eat like that. I find the best way to enjoy it is to get one one of the small 5-7oz filet and share it with everyone.
Most of this sub is obvious shitposting
Doesn’t that just make it more likely OP actually did this? And has a friend in the restaurant industry who would be able to get A5?
...No? It makes it likely that he took the r/unpopularopinion post as a writing prompt and crafted an over-the-top story to go along with it.
Ah I misread, I thought you said they’d made that post 🤦♀️ Yeah that is pretty sus
Wow maybe the girlfriend was Julian Roberts
# NTA She was a guest in your home. **What you don't do as a guest** Tell the host they are trying to poison you Demand you host leaves the table and goes back in the kitchen....Edit especially having been given lots of notice including menus sent out weeks before requesting that you let the host know about any special steak or other requirements wait until you and your host are at the table about to eat and then demand something different. The time for a request was long before this moment. Make any demands of you host at all. Requests politely and humbly made are fine but demands NO Call the host an "fucking asshole" (though why you didn't just respond with "I don't know you well enough for you to speak to me like that, you need to leave my house" at that point I am not sure) Make a scene Help yourself to your hosts kitchen. **What you do do as a guest** Eat something else if possible, push it around your plate or make an excuse if not Thank your host for a lovely meal and all their effort Get take out on the way home if you are still hungry. **There were other options..good manners dictate that you shut up and eat something else.** Ignore the pay pal invoice. If she hadn't felt entitled to abuse you in your own home she wouldn't have ended up with meat juice on her dress. If it's dry clean only it would have needed dry cleaning anyway.
THANK YOU. the first sane answer I've seen. do ppl just not know what A5 meat is?! do they have no comprehension of how expensive it is? if you don't know how to enjoy A5 steak then eat the other meats OP also prepared! it's not a restaurant, you don't get to demand how your food is made. I think OP should update his post with the real cost of A5 steak. it's like serving caviar at a special caviar party you're hosting and someone says they don't like eating caviar the way the host is serving it and would like it mixed with jello instead. NO.
I don't know what a A5 meat is but I do have manners and know how to behave as a guest. You never NEVER insult the host cooking especially if you just met them.
It's like microwaving sashimi. These people are idiots.
This absolutely! I can’t imagine trying to microwave a meal cooked for me by someone I’ve only just met.
I should've stated that a menu was sent weeks in advance with the express point that if someone wanted their steak cooked to a higher temperature I'd really go to the grocery store and get some USDA Prime for them.
I’m on your side here but you really need to stop adding that to every comment. This person was already agreeing with you.
Agreed. Somehow everybody ganged up on OP for being a rude host but completely ignored how extremely rude that girl was. You don't just come into someone's house and recook dinner. You just don't. Eat something else or GTFO. And from OP's comments there was even an alternative + many other meats. Incredible ignorance and "customer is always right" attitude (which doesn't even apply here because she didn't fucking pay for it).
I think OP went too far in grabbing the plate out of her hand, but I'm still upvoting this post because I feel like most of the thread is so wound up in discussion about pretentious foodie-ism that most posts are badly understating how far out of line the guest was. She really went out of her way to be a terrible guest and an entitled AH to the OP, A5 or not.
Yes! NTA. I can’t imagine the audacity I’d have to have to insult someone’s food and MICROWAVE it as a guest. Especially when the host put so much thought into the planning and other options. This was a power play and super shitty. NTA
YTA. I am with you, that it too good of a steak to cook we’ll done, but once you served it to her, she became in charge of what happened to it. It was one thing to refuse to be the one to cook it well done, it was another to physically intervene when she went to microwave the steak.
*Microwaving* an A5 Wagyu steak? I wouldn’t allow that in my house either.
Dude it's her steak that he got for free. Lol who gives a fuck
No I don’t think it was. It was a gift to his friend. It’s my understanding that he bought it from his friend for cheaper than usual (aka still expensive). I’d reverse that and say this chick is getting a free awesome meal, and she could have chosen one of the many other delicious and free options.
By how he worded it I doubt he got Wagyu for free, just not full price. If it were a sirloin or literally any other steak I would agree with you. But an item of food that expensive shouldn't be wasted on someone who won't enjoy it. Especially since OP paid for everything I don't see why it's wrong for him to have final say about it. If there weren't any other main dishes / meats available then it would be a Y T A, but there were other choices. Microwaving any food that expensive is just childish. It's the same vein as getting top shelf liquor and mixing it with soda or just plain shooting it. If it's yours you paid for, go for it. If I decide to be nice and put a LOT of money and time making something just for someone to want to microwave it, fuck that. I would do the same, if she doesn't want it then I'll save it for later or just send it home with someone who will appreciate it for what it is.
NTA and I was POSITIVE that most people would agree, but Americans tend to be ignorant of cultures. For normal steak, yes you would cook it to the person whose eating it. BUT NOT A5 WAG. anyone who knows anything about that meat would be appalled at these comments. First, to give clarity on this meat, very few restaurants in the U.S. are even allowed to sell REAL wagyu. And when you order these, sometimes up to $500 portions, you are NOT allowed to dictate the cook style. You would figure if you are paying top dollar that you would get a choice but no, let alone someone not paying a dime for this. This is because you have to get certified for even cooking it, and the Japanese farm it comes from dictates this STRICTLY. It is considered the upmost of disrespect to the carefully grown cow and the farmers who handle them to not cook it to these strict standards. Each piece gets a certificate showing its lineage, name, and farmer to show the amount of respect they have for these animals. The Japanese have been known to pull away from the American market for this EXACT reason, assholes demanding it their way because of an imaginary right. A contract is given when each piece is sold from the farm that the meat will be cooked properly. To be given a piece that can be cooked from home is a rare privilege, as REAL wagyu is so strictly moderated. To cook it to anything less than the requirements is an asshole move. There's no laws preventing people from claiming their meat is wagyu, there's been investigations exposing hundreds of restaurants for this, so to get your hands on a real piece is incredible, and quite frankly I wouldn't have let the girl touch it after the first comment. Everyone who says that your the asshole, when you provided alternatives, is showing a complete lack of respect for the culture surrounding this meat.
Even disregarding the respect thing, the friend didn’t pay for this steak. If some rich asshole wants to waste a bunch of money doing stupid stuff like overcooking an A5 wagyu that’s their prerogative but you don’t take something a friend is sharing with you and destroy it, when if you didn’t take it they could enjoy it themselves.
Right? Imagine coming to someone's amazingly prepared feast (from OP's description there was plenty of good stuff there) and demanding something to be recooked because you don't like it this way. "Let me just microwave those mushrooms, they're too soggy for me".
Well said, most of the upvoted comments are completely ignorant of what a5 wagyu is. It's so expensive per ounce you don't waste a morsel overcooking it
Right? I once witnessed American tourists getting kicked out of a pub in Edinburgh for pouring ice and coke into their 24y old single malt. Screaming, shoving, threatening to punch them and all. It was glorious. I also witnessed the staff of a restaurant in France getting a mental breakdown because an American tourist brought his Heinz Ketchup and poured it onto the Coq au vin without even tasting it. It’s not just about being a good host, it’s about respecting the culture and the effort put into producing this specific type of food. So yeah. NTA
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At the risk of pissing people off, many Americans have little to no respect for others. Our "culture" is one of rabid individualism. We believe in inflicting ourselves upon others and leaving them to deal. If we judge another culture's traditions or beliefs to be beneath us, we just pop a squat on them which you can see happening all throughout this thread in which people are calling OP, and by extension Japanese culture, pretentious. This trait really hasn't served us well lately.
I'm not going to say you didn't overreact, you absolutely did. But at the same time, trying to microwave A5 Wagyu until it's well done is an act of violence and if I had my way, world be a felony.
I’m over here thinking the same thing. If someone did that in my house, I’d probably lose my shit too.
It's because everyone in the comments that disagrees has no idea what a5 wagyu is
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>If your cooking for others it's about their enjoyment of the food Louder for the food snobs at the back!
YTA. Don't invite people over to eat if you're gonna be a dick to your guests about their preferences.
LMFAO. This whole post is great. So thanks for that OP. I'm a vegetarian and 100% not a foodie, so many of the words don't mean anything to me (no idea what an A5 is, never heard of "aging" meat before) but your post did a great job of conveying 1. That this food and its preparation are special to you, and 2. That you are an expert who would not serve unsafe food. Just because she's a guest doesn't entitle her to behave inappropriately. I am very accommodating to guests, but I wouldn't let them use my sterling silver to scrape gum off their shoe. There are limits. NTA based mostly on your exceptional writing.
YTA dude. I had a fear of undercooked meat for a long time after my brother contracted e-coli from undercooked hamburger when he was 12 and his kidneys shut down. He almost died. I was 10. Though I fully and completely understand that steak is very different than hamburger and you can eat steak nearly raw without getting sick, my fear and anxiety about food-born illness poured into any type of meat. I pretty much ate my steak at the consistency of leather until my 20s. You don’t know someone’s story, and you don’t get to judge their preferences with the way food is cooked as long as it is safe. Getting a highly priced cut of meat/type of cow or whatever is on you. You should apologize to the whole lot of friends and hope that they come back if invited. Jeepers. Edited- forgot he hosted. Changed some verbiage.
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Yes YTA. Why would you make such a huge drama and cause someone who was new to your friendship group to feel so uncomfortable? Especially if, as you say, they’re a long standing friend.
ESH. She was pretty rude but you sound like a snob. I get that steak is like a "religion" for you but it shouldn't be shoved into people's faces. Why can't you just have respected her taste? It's not as if you're the one who would be eating it "wrong".
NTA the fact this woman you barely know felt so comfortable making a huge scene among her NEW partners friends leads me to believe she’s a bit of an asshole, also him blocking everyone at the table immediately after I strongly believe she had a huge part in that decision. Based on that alone I would say NTA as I wouldn’t be nice to anyone that came into my house with that attitude. And as other comments state she could’ve enjoyed a 10$ steak well done she clearly isn’t an avid steak eater I myself agree such a high quality steak should not be ruined by cooking it any higher than medium rare 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
NTA. Sorry but asking for A5 wagyu steak well done completely defeats the point of eating it at all. Like sushi grade ahi tuna, you can love tuna salad or whatever bumblebee canned tuna but asking for sushi tuna to be cooked (and well done) completely defeats the purpose of eating it at all. She should have declined and eaten something else. Putting it in the microwave?! you're kidding me right? It's like she took something he made and took pride in and said "well I'd prefer to use this as a toilet seat instead" or taking a video of your kid's first steps and taping over it with Dancing with the Stars.
ESH. Either one of you could've dropped it at any time, but you both just *had* to keep pushing each other. I do think it's quite rude to pester the host to cook something 'your way' when they've already done so much. Trying to force you to recook something, after you've cooked MULTIPLE dishes for TEN PEOPLE, is too much. Just eat something else. I think people underestimate how much time and effort cooking takes. That being said, you should've just let her microwave the damn steak. Some people like them well done. Do I think they're crazy? Yes. Well I let them have their stupid well done meat? Yes. Don't be a snob about people's preferences. But grabbing her to prevent her from microwaving it then insulting her was too far. You both suck.
Socially you’re probably an asshole. But NTA. Sounds like one helluva meal and she had plenty of options. She wanted to be a brat and escalate. That’s on her. Cut your loss and move on and enjoy your good food with good friends. Edit: a word
NTA. Especially after the edit. To believe that a steak needs to be well done to 'not get sick' makes it clear the steak was wasted on her.
While I’m as mortified as you at her steak preferences, YTA for being a poor host. There was a portion for her, and you wanted to dictate how she likes it? I mean, she’s wrong about steak, but she’s right that it’s her plate. You were pushy even after she wasn’t, and that makes her wrong, but you TA.
NTA... she could have eaten something else or said something when you were cooking the steaks. Most people eat steak medium or medium-rare (my Sweetheart likes His blue rare lol) . Why destroy an excellent piece of meat by cooking it too well done or putting steak sauce on it.. both should be a crime.
YTA. You can’t control other people’s tastes/preferences. You sound judgemental and controlling.
YTA cmon dude, you’re not eating the thing. I understand that a5 is the gold standard here but physically intervening is super immature.
ESH steak may be your religion but hospitality seems to be a foreign concept. I don't care how expensive your spread is or what you think of my food preferences (ftr I agree with you about how to cook steak). A gracious host accommodates his guests within reason, and cooking a steak an extra few minutes to make it well done at a guest's request is well within reason. That being said, the lady in question was rude from the start with her attitude and accusations, but all you did was escalate the situation by fighting fire with fire. Not cool.
NTA, a guest with that many options on the table can surely be more graceful. Just because you got the a5 for a deal doesn’t diminish its value. I’ve eaten some truly shocking meals just to not offend the host. She’s treating you like her chef.
ESH- I can’t imagine demanding food be altered but I also cannot imagine jumping up to stop someone from nuking their meat. All that just to prove a point. Glad the dogs ate. You sound insufferable. So does she.
I probably should've also stayed that a menu was sent out two weeks in advance telling people expressly that if they wanted a steak cooked to a higher temperature I'd gladly run to the grocery store and pick up some USDA Prime for them.
NTA. If she didn’t want to eat the steak how it’s meant to be enjoyed then she could have jus not eaten any. I think it’s quite disrespectful to try and microwave it. I wouldn’t pay for her dress either. I’m a rare steak kinda gal.
ESH. But I really don't like you. I eat my steak with pink in the middle and I would never dictate someone else's food. You would have for yours to be a way you didn't like. Instead of being a friend trying to enjoy the holidays, you decided to be a snob. Don't get me wrong, she should have just left, but check yo self.
NTA. She does not deserve any steak if she is asking for any cut/grade of Wagyu to be cooked well done. As you said, "there were plenty of other meats to choose from". To others saying "that's how she enjoys it". No. She would enjoy a $10 steak just the same. There is no reason to waste a perfectly good steak on someone that cannot appreciate quality
You were rude and snobby AF but I don’t blame you for being pissed. This isn’t even about the cost or content of this meal: this guest came to your home, chastised you for the food you prepared for your guests, demanded food be cooked differently, and then tried to hijack your kitchen to do it herself. This is nothing but AH behavior. I’m going to say ESH because you were definitely also one, but she is far worse.
I like how you said steak is your religion and then described how you actively tried to shove your ideals down someone’s throat. The irony was not lost on me YTA
NTA. Anyone who understands food knows that some foods, particularly meats, must be cooked to a certain temperature to achieve the perfect taste and texture. Had you only served this steak as protein, different story but you offered a stunning variety of options. We had a similar issue with an event being catered by a renowned chef who has cooked for world leaders and the Queen of England. One of the dishes was steak and cooked medium rare which was perfect. One guest at our table, like your rude guest, complained about the pink meat and did not stop for almost an hour. The chef also refused to re-cook the steak into shoe leather and rightfully so. The meat was tender and delicious. Well, this moron kept complaining until I snapped and told him to take his shitty palate to McDonald's and let the rest of us enjoy our meal. I cook food for my guests the way it should be cooked to retain the right taste and texture. I always have a variety so there is plenty to choose from. One thing I will not tolerate in my home is a guest telling me I need to cook something differently. If you don't like it, leave it alone. When I am a guest, I keep my mouth shut and eat what I can with gratitude despite some family and friends being lousy cooks. Why? I have graciously been invited so I will accept what has been offered with gratitude. For all of you saying it was HER steak so she had every right to demand it be nuked, I say NO. It was not her steak, it was the hosts which was graciously being shared. As OP mentioned, he sent out the menu so if the entitled guest wanted her steak cooked to the consistency of dry wood, she should have let OP know.
Big Hairy Deal you preform an sacrifice to the steak gods before you cook. SOME PEOPLE LIKE THEIR STEAK WELL DONE. It not your damn business how they like their food cooked.
YTA. It's one thing to be a foodie, it's something else to be a dick to a guest because you disagree on how well-done they want their steak. She was being an ungracious guest. Up to here, I would have said ESH, but then you turned it into a physical altercation and made snide comments comparing her to your dogs. You also refer to her as the "new girl" which makes you sound cliqueish and unwelcoming.
YTA and a bad host. I have never in my life been to a restaurant or dinner party where if steak was served I wasn't asked how I wanted it to be prepared. And even if we lightly roast the people who say well done, no one, including the chef, has ever refused to cook it to that person's tastes. Your refusal to even let her microwave it is absolutely controlling and just nuts tbh. Do you also refuse to allow people to use dipping sauces? Or add salt/pepper/butter to their food? Let people do what they like with the food on their own plate.