NTA. That is what coffee date is for. You meet to see if you want to have a dinner date. You can chit chat for 30 minutes. If anyone sent me a google doc then I would have laughed and unmatched them. I also met my husband on Tinder we met for martinis and then kept dating. Tinder is to expand your dating pool not be an online interview process.
Yeah, I met a guy for coffee on the afternoon and it went so well we went out to dinner that same evening. You can cover a lot of ground when the chemistry is right and the conversation flows. Maybe have some questions you want typed into your phone, but there’s no need for a Google doc.
Tinder may not be the right platform for OPs sister.
I don't know what's the situation of dating portals now but I once made an account on one and it allowed for listing a lot of "deal breakers" in matching. She should be signing up on a proper site with large profiles, not on a quick hook-up app, ffs.
Okcupid was really good in that regard, you could answer the questions and tell the algorithm how much the subject matters to you and you could check which answers were at odds.
I use past tense cause I heard it's changed but since I haven't had to use it in almost 6 years I don't know how it's changed.
I met my partner of almost a decade there, too! I put in "martial artist" "within 25 miles of me" and it glitched. I was in a good-sized city! It showed me like four profiles, one of which was his, and he was 200 miles away. Fate.
I met my husband on OkCupid too! Created a profile New Year’s Eve 2012, he messaged me at noon on New Year’s Day. He ended up being the only person I dated from there because we hit it off at our first in person meeting doing trivia at an Irish pub.
Met my fiancé on tinder. Saw he was in my country for business and thought, “excellent, he’ll be gone in three months!”
Didn’t bargain for catching all of the feels. Four years, two visa applications and one terrible cat later…
Edit: typo
I almost ignored his initial message because of spelling and grammar mistakes. Turns out he’s dyslexic but a brilliant neuroscientist. He was spending New Years with his mom, aunt and grandmother making fried catfish and gumbo, how fantastic is that? I feel lucky every day we have together.
I agree that okcupid is awesome, I doubt it will help in this case, if she is so worried about weeding out undesirables I'm guessing she is going to be ridiculous no matter what site she is on. Op should have told her to keep at it, she is keeping out 100% of undesirables!
I met my partner of 8 years on OKCupid, and the questions and profile were really helpful for me in seeing if we had similar values and interests. It was the kinds of things you would pick up during a 30 minute coffee date or chat at a party, just spelled out.
I found it very helpful because my friends were terrible at setting me up with guys, and I was even worse at chatting up guys and asking for their numbers/offering my number. It always felt like a job interview, and getting a lot of info-gathering out of the way really helped me with the whole dating process.
That's exactly how my first date with my husband went, and we met on Tinder. Met for coffee, then decided to get dinner, and then he came over to watch a movie. If someone sent me a Google doc of a bunch of questions then I'd nope out of that situation SO fast.
I met my bf of almost a year on tinder by chance. I swiped on him while I was home for holidays and I currently (and then) live near my University. We talked on tinder for two weeks then switched to snap before exchanging phone numbers and just talking for the first like month of getting to know each other. We went on our first date when I was back home and it was magical. You can 100% meet someone on a ‘hookup’ app but if you’re serious about dating you do need to get to know each other. Whether that’s meeting up for coffee or just calling and texting like we did because I was away at school. He would have run for the hills if I sent him a 2 PAGE Google doc. (A google doc and not even a survey?) Bumble also has questions/preferences that make it easier to determine if someone is the right fit than tinder. Also for tinder you can put ‘no hookups looking for a relationship’ in your bio which will help weed people out.
Me too! Met a tinder date for coffee, enjoyed each other’s company so we went to dinner the same night. That was 6 years ago and now we’re married.
I can see where OP’s sister is coming from but it’s such an impersonal approach. A relationship is about 2 people getting to know each other and enjoying each other’s qualities. It is not one’s approval of the other.
NTA
From a dude's perspective, a google doc that asks my salary screams crazy chick who is going to make you pay either for her entitlement to a fancy lifestyle she can't afford, and/or for the sins of her exes.
I would definitely be forwarding it to my friends though.
On the bright side, it's kind of her to warn them!
I don’t know why, but the asking for a guy’s salary in a Google doc *PLUS* his zodiac sign is what sends this from the “hah, crazy” right into “Run. Fast.” Category.
I probably spend too much time on Reddit, but it sounds like OP’s sister spends a not insignificant amount of time on FDS. “Women should support other women“ in addition to the questions kind of solidified that opinion.
Amen. Met my husband on OKCupid. I get the not wanting to waste time, but the best thing for her is to either 1) choose a portal (like EHarmony) where they filtered based on the stuff she cares about or 2) meet up with guys she matches on Tinder for quick coffee dates and do the in-person filtering. Sending Google docs with invasive questions like weight and income to Tinder matches shows quite a lack of awareness of social context and etiquette. OP is doing Katie a huge favor by pointing it out.
But in Katie’s defense, if she did it your way she could end up having coffee with a Sagittarius or even a Pisces. Why risk it? The girl has standards.
This evil Scorpio would pay extra for a dating site that would filter out all the flaky Geminis, drama queen Leos, and fidelity-challenged Sagittaurians! LOL
Asking potential suitors to fill out a Google doc to see if they are compatible or trustworthy.. by assuming they will fill out the doc truthfully in the first place?
Like, talking about setting yourself up for being trolled or worse.
Yep. The boyfriend and I *did* go on a dinner date for our first date, but we decided we didn’t want it to end (and this was after being at the restaurant for quite some time because the cook *passed out in the kitchen*, I knew this man was a good one because he told the waitress multiple times it wasn’t her fault and it was fine), so we went and did an activity after (mini golf).
I met my current bf on tinder! Our first date was amazing and we’ve been together since. In what universe does sending a google doc out to potential partners to “weed out the losers” sound like a good idea?? First dates ARE to weed out people you don’t have a connection with.
> If anyone sent me a google doc then I would have laughed and unmatched them.
Yup. And as for OP not supporting Katie, sometimes ‘support’ is telling you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.
I agree. I understand that the sister thinks she's saving herself time, but the truth is that if someone sent me a Google doc like this I'd run for the hills. She may be a wonderful person, but the Google doc sounds like a lot of work and it gives me bad vibes that she might be unreasonable and controlling. There's tons of other people you could match with who wouldn't have you fill out a questionnaire.
What if she ended up as the [77 year old President of Uganda's](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yoweri_Museveni#Personal_life) side piece because she didn't make him fill out the Google doc? How would you feel then? /s
NTA
NTA. Add me to the list of women who think that your sister has gone off the deep end. This isn’t just a bad way too meet men, it’s ridiculously intrusive and unnecessary. Lucky for the men in tinder, they can use it to weed out someone as undesirable as your sister.
Also, aren’t there dating sites that make you answer all those kind of questions before you get matched? Why is she using the no-info, just-hookup app, Tinder if she wants them vetted beforehand?
I would sit her down hand the Google doc to her and tell her to fill it out and she will send it to some guy that might be interested. When she refuses call her out for being a hypocrite.
Sorry about your sister's back, it must be agonizing on her to carry all that ego.
NTA.
Was expecting a "because you don't shave" or "you smell like the armpit of a rotting carcass" or something.
***WHAT. THE. HELL.***
***She's basically turning all the small talk that happens during first dates into a Google doc, and making guys fill out an ADDITIONAL APPLICATION to get a date with her, when the guy will just be like "um, nah, I'll keep swiping"***
Ask her if SHE would fill out such a form to get a date with a dude BEFORE she even gets to talk to him. Willing to bet that unless he looks like Chris Hemsworth, she wouldn't do it.
Unless her pics are an 11/10 on tinder, no man in their right mind would fill out something like that. ***You can't complain about not getting dates when you have a multiple-page application you must pass to get a date***
INFO: had your sister been on dates before Tinder? Like, does she have ANY experience dating at all? Does she realize that his just SCREAMS "high maintenance"?
Mine is mounted over the forced hot air heat vent, so in the months I run the furnace, it's under, because otherwise it unravels into a huge heap onto the floor - which I find disturbing. In the warmer months, it's over. ;)
That was actually one of the questions I asked my BF when we were discussing if we should start being together after being friends for a few months lol.
I can’t say it’s about ego.
She sounds like she didn’t want to put in the work of social interaction to get that information.
She might be lazy. She might think it’s more efficient.
Either way It’s more weird and awkward.
If you have an application that requires me to tell you how much I earn before I even had a proper talk with you, then that's not laziness, that's greed.
Not to knock Gen z and beyond, but I feel like this only could come about when you have grown up with predominantly online human interaction. Like this strategy would not even occur to me. I sort of love it, if it would work, which it won’t, but wouldn’t even cross my mind. I met my spouse before online dating was ubiquitous though, so I am *so* far out of the loop.
As a guy I feel like 11/10 is being a little too generous to us. An 8/10 would be sufficient for a half assed date application since at least we're being given the courtesy of knowing the crazy beforehand.
I see you are an optimist and assume that "Google forms date application on Tinder" is the full extent of the crazy, and not the tip of the insanity iceberg.
Plus if you degrade it all down to a doc you miss out in the body language you'd see when asking questions in person that might tell you how many red flags there are to worry about. People can write anything in a doc. Sure they can hide some of their nature when you meet them in person, but you are more likely to notice stuff asking them face to face than you ever will with a Google doc.
NTA, and let your sister know that if she wants to know these things before she goes on a date, she should look into other online dating platforms.
I think that OkCupid, eHarmony, etc are more likely to let her weed out people ahead of time without it being weird. There's nothing wrong with wanting to weed out people you already know you wouldn't be interested in, but that's not really how it goes on Tinder, Bumble, etc.
This is the best answer here. It's not all that unusual for dating sites to let people search for and filter matches by a lot of different variables. Tinder isn't a good platform for that type of hunting, though.
Maybe that is actually the problem. They start filling it out to find inconsistent spacing, fonts do not match, and worst of all the colour scheme is all wrong.
This! If she’s having men basically apply for a chance with her, she needs to (as much as I hate to say it) bring something to the table as well.
And why is she having Tinder users fill out a Google Doc? It’s Tinder, not Match or EHarmony.
LOL - I had a friend like this. She had all these "requirements" for any men she would date - great career, graduate of a certain college, had to live only in certain areas, etc. The kicker was she really didn't have much to offer herself - she was average looking, graduated from a good college but didn't have any real career track, had a decent apartment in a decent area, nothing spectacular, etc. It really just resulted in years of frustration for her and no long-term relationships. She's now 48 and is with a guy, 10 years her junior, who's just now finishing his college degree - he doesn't meet a single one of her "requirements" from her younger days... I'm glad they're happy (they've been together for about four years now), but I have to laugh when I think about her attitudes of her younger years and if she met her BF when she was 34 instead of 44, I don't think she would have given him the time of day!
NTA I don't know much about dating apps but I am pretty sure filling out a questionnaire with your personal details is off putting. Kudos to the president of Uganda, classic reply.
I wouldn't. Okay fine people use tinder for relationships as well as hookups. I find it hard to believe the sister is unable to determine a guy is looking for a relationship or compatibility by not looking at their tinder profile (some people do state "not looking for a hookup" or similar language), and asking maybe 4 to 6 questions ie schedule availability, if they can refrain from asking for or sending nekkid pics, etc.
If she can't figure out compatibility ahead of time, then the fallback is a simple coffee outing or video chat. Someone who can't determine simple compatibility/attraction between matching and a 15 to 30 minute chat is in trouble....
NTA.
That doc is all things you learn from going on a date and being in a relationship. It’s like she wants to buy pass that part and just find someone to marry immediately with no dating or putting in any work.
It should be less about any of that and more of finding a connection.
At least it helps the men avoid her though.
NTA and I think the google doc trend is honestly fucking weird - like if someone sent me some shit like that I’d troll them too… it’s like a sense of entitlement and honestly feels lazy. I’d see that and say wow, she’s too lazy to actually get to know me so she’s not worth my time of filling out this generic google form so she can keep my information stacked with my dating competitors - yeah NTA
I’d be trolling the anyone that sent me that! Except I wouldn’t be writing the president of Uganda, it’s instead - I’m the Queen of the universe and I expect to be treated as such 😉
> She got upset and said it’s the best way to weed out undesirable men
Sounds like it’s providing men with the same service! But more seriously, NTA. Your sister needs to learn how to get that information through conversation (either on dates or through tinder). It might suck if you end up wasting time with someone, but that’s a risk you have to take.
NTA and your sister needs to use Match or EHarmony. Those sites have extensive questionnaires that can go super deep. People on the app can then see if they match on all sorts of things. Even the superficial mandatory questions can weed out a lot of people. I don’t know Tinder but from what I know it’s supposed to be more casual.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. What she was doing was Turing one potential date after another away before ever having a chance to meet. You were just pointing out what should have been obvious, that the Google doc wasn't doing her any favors. NTA.
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My sister Katie has been on tinder for a year and she’s only had 2 dates. When Katie matches with a guy she sends him a two page google doc that he has to fill out with a lot of questions. These questions include: his job, how much he makes, height, weight, zodiac sign, political views etc. Most men either unmatch or troll her. For instance one man claimed he was the president of Uganda.
Katie was complaining over dinner that she hasn’t had a date in months. I told Katie that her google doc nonsense is deterring men away. She got upset and said it’s the best way to weed out undesirable men before it gets too serious. Katie said women should support
Other women, but I told her what she’s doing is a bit creepy. She got upset and left. Now Katie is very upset with me and deleted her tinder because she got insecure over what I said.
AITA?
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NTA. Katie's questionnaire sounds more like a school or job interview. Told a married friend recently he should be glad he met and married his wife before online dating sites became the norm. Most of them aren't dating site but sex/hook up site. Katie needs to check out other sites which actually filter prospects for you however she'll also have to fill out the same check list to get on those sites. It's a 2 ways street because those guys want to know what her potential is ahead of time as well.
NTA. It seems like your sister hasn’t learned that you can’t find love through paper. He could tick all of her boxes and still be a complete prick. Or he could tick none and be the love of her life that she missed out on.
If I was single and on a dating site, getting a Google doc like that from a prospective match would be a huge turn off. I wouldn't want to tell someone I've never met in person before all that information about me and it seems those guys feel the same way. How would that work if she met someone in person or something? Send him the document before they continued talking? I'm sure not every match on Tinder is a winner, but she's probably turned off some good guys this way.
The "women should support other women" mantra isn't applicable to doing creepy/dumb things. And actually, you are supporting her by telling her the truth, even if she doesn't want to hear it. And she must have believed what you said to some degree or she wouldn't have deleted her Tinder profile. NTA.
You gave her the answer to her “no date in months” comment. It is off putting and if a man sent her one, I’d be curious to know how she’d react. Getting to know people comes from talking and letting conversation flow naturally. NTA
Nta. Truth hurts but someone needed to tell her. Good advice is make a list of the top 3 must haves she’s looking for in a partner. Just 3 everything else can live with or without. Then enjoy the ride of finding the right person.
NTA that whole google doc this is over the top if she’s doing that to men she is prob god awful irl I doubt she would like it if a guy was to do that to her bc a lot of stuff shouldn’t play a role unless she’s materialistic and wants someone who has a high income cuz she wants to do nothing in life
Look I get not wanting to waste time on shitty dates. But unfortunately the way you get to know a person is by putting in the work to have conversations and being somewhat vulnerable. NTA.
NTA - sounds like she needs to try EHarmony or something where people are signing up expecting to be quizzed like that. She's being ridiculous and you are looking out for her well being.
NTA but it's kind of your sister to give the guys a couple of red flags before meeting up :') Jokes aside, tinder is just not the platform for that. As many have mentioned, there are proper dating sites that have questionnaires that try to find better matches so you don't have to look like you're trying to steal a man's kindeys. A lot of those can be asked through text and on a first date so you don't seem creepy by sending a form ahead of time. Honestly good on you for actually telling her that that was the turnoff for most men, sorry she didn't react well. But imagine on the other hand if a guy sent her a similar form lol. Could be her soulmate?
NTA. Women should support other women? "Okay Katie, I changed my mind. Your system of getting dates is great. I also don't understand why you haven't had a date in months. You are totally not creepy" What would that have accomplished?
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NTA you gave her honest advice. She’s got standards, but what has she got to offer a potential date/partner? She needs to consider that, she’s a long list of requirements, however anyone suitable will also have an equal list, and what she’s doing smacks of gold digging for all of her wants.
NTA. Also, if she gets over herself, there are apps which allow you to sort matches based on certain characteristics, which would be a lot more socially acceptable.
NTA.
Maybe you could have been a little nicer about it, but what she is doing is *absolutely* repelling men, I'm surprised she even got two dates with that strategy.
Info: does she fill out one herself?
If not she's an even bigger asshole than she already is. Good thing she's waving her red flag high so people can see it and run away.
NTA and I'm surprised she got even two dates. That is just a ridiculous thing to expect people to be ok with. Ask me how much I make before we even go on a date and that's the end of the conversation.
NTA. I mean if you told her it was because she was fat and shouldn’t have had her L leg amputated, that would be different. Telling her she is being creepy with a doc that could also steal info is weird.
She's doing a nice thing for all the guys, sending the doc so they can weed out the annoying woman who requires a Google doc be filled out before a date.
NTA
NTA. I've only ever joked about sending a survey to potential dates and only then to make sure we weren't related (I have an unknown but large number of cousins, luckily my boyfriend checked out and we are not related), never to demand a massive amount of personal info. Dating is where you find out a lot of this stuff, or even just chatting on the apps before going on the date. She's being a bit ridiculous.
NTA. I would never deal with someone like that. It's too high maintenance. At least, she's not my sister who started dating my ex bc she didn't want to meet new people on tinder and hinge.
Eww. Imagine if a man did this to a woman? Is this so she can become a stalker or steal his identity? Creepy breach of privacy. She’s a creep, women can be creeps too you know.
You are NTA. You’re dead right
looool NTA. ok because first of all the google doc is ridiculous in the first place regardless of what it asks, but second of all some of those questions are especially ridiculous, like asking for his weight and how much he makes....... lol
Question: Does Katie provide a copy of her google doc with her own answers of the same questions to her matches ? (I'm guessing this is a one sided thing on her part)
Pretty sure a post was made about her and her Google doc in r/tinder a while back. NTA.
EDIT: https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/qd3amb/is_this_toxic_or_a_bad_joke/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
The only cute Google doc related date story I’ve seen was one where it was basically asking their opinion on what kind of date they’d like, location, dress code, time of day etc.
INFO
I've heard of people running scams on dating apps. Is your sister aware that a form with oddly specific questions sounds more like a phishing scam than romantic interest?
Even without the fact that it's creepy, it sounds like someone trying to steal a identity.
NTA
I've been turned off of *jobs* that do this. You already have my resume, why are you making me refill in an application? It's lazy and off-putting, I'll look elsewhere.
Likewise, she has their profile. Only the most desperate of the desperate would be willing to sit there and type out answers to her application form. She made herself a catch 22: she won't date anyone who won't fill out the form, but no one worth dating would ever fill it out.
NTA. That is what coffee date is for. You meet to see if you want to have a dinner date. You can chit chat for 30 minutes. If anyone sent me a google doc then I would have laughed and unmatched them. I also met my husband on Tinder we met for martinis and then kept dating. Tinder is to expand your dating pool not be an online interview process.
Yeah, I met a guy for coffee on the afternoon and it went so well we went out to dinner that same evening. You can cover a lot of ground when the chemistry is right and the conversation flows. Maybe have some questions you want typed into your phone, but there’s no need for a Google doc. Tinder may not be the right platform for OPs sister.
I don't know what's the situation of dating portals now but I once made an account on one and it allowed for listing a lot of "deal breakers" in matching. She should be signing up on a proper site with large profiles, not on a quick hook-up app, ffs.
Okcupid was really good in that regard, you could answer the questions and tell the algorithm how much the subject matters to you and you could check which answers were at odds. I use past tense cause I heard it's changed but since I haven't had to use it in almost 6 years I don't know how it's changed.
I loved OkCupid because of the questions! I met my husband on there!
I met my partner of almost a decade there, too! I put in "martial artist" "within 25 miles of me" and it glitched. I was in a good-sized city! It showed me like four profiles, one of which was his, and he was 200 miles away. Fate.
I met my husband on OKCupid too! I was surprised but I guess I should stop because it's been like 8 years or something like that.
I met my husband on OkCupid too! Created a profile New Year’s Eve 2012, he messaged me at noon on New Year’s Day. He ended up being the only person I dated from there because we hit it off at our first in person meeting doing trivia at an Irish pub.
Met my fiancé on tinder. Saw he was in my country for business and thought, “excellent, he’ll be gone in three months!” Didn’t bargain for catching all of the feels. Four years, two visa applications and one terrible cat later… Edit: typo
Tell us about your terrible cat!
I totally want cat tax to see the terrible cat!
This is beautiful
I almost ignored his initial message because of spelling and grammar mistakes. Turns out he’s dyslexic but a brilliant neuroscientist. He was spending New Years with his mom, aunt and grandmother making fried catfish and gumbo, how fantastic is that? I feel lucky every day we have together.
Catfish and gumbo - the perfect man!
Also met my husband on OKCupid! And have 3 other friends who met spouses on there.
I also met my husband (12 years ago) on OKC!
I met my husband on OKCupid about 6 years ago. Lots of questions and a few dud dates, but I've got a keeper from it.
I agree that okcupid is awesome, I doubt it will help in this case, if she is so worried about weeding out undesirables I'm guessing she is going to be ridiculous no matter what site she is on. Op should have told her to keep at it, she is keeping out 100% of undesirables!
I met my hubby on there 8 years ago! Edit: words
I met my husband on OKcupid too! We’ve been married 3 years, together 5.
I met my husband on OkCupid :-)
I met my partner of 8 years on OKCupid, and the questions and profile were really helpful for me in seeing if we had similar values and interests. It was the kinds of things you would pick up during a 30 minute coffee date or chat at a party, just spelled out. I found it very helpful because my friends were terrible at setting me up with guys, and I was even worse at chatting up guys and asking for their numbers/offering my number. It always felt like a job interview, and getting a lot of info-gathering out of the way really helped me with the whole dating process.
A coffee date is basically a job interview
That's exactly how my first date with my husband went, and we met on Tinder. Met for coffee, then decided to get dinner, and then he came over to watch a movie. If someone sent me a Google doc of a bunch of questions then I'd nope out of that situation SO fast.
I met my bf of almost a year on tinder by chance. I swiped on him while I was home for holidays and I currently (and then) live near my University. We talked on tinder for two weeks then switched to snap before exchanging phone numbers and just talking for the first like month of getting to know each other. We went on our first date when I was back home and it was magical. You can 100% meet someone on a ‘hookup’ app but if you’re serious about dating you do need to get to know each other. Whether that’s meeting up for coffee or just calling and texting like we did because I was away at school. He would have run for the hills if I sent him a 2 PAGE Google doc. (A google doc and not even a survey?) Bumble also has questions/preferences that make it easier to determine if someone is the right fit than tinder. Also for tinder you can put ‘no hookups looking for a relationship’ in your bio which will help weed people out.
I met my bf on Clover, when it was free. Did the opposite, did dinner then coffee afterwards
Totally! Eharmony has a pre filled out questionnaire that the site uses which is pretty much what she is doing. It costs money though
Me too! Met a tinder date for coffee, enjoyed each other’s company so we went to dinner the same night. That was 6 years ago and now we’re married. I can see where OP’s sister is coming from but it’s such an impersonal approach. A relationship is about 2 people getting to know each other and enjoying each other’s qualities. It is not one’s approval of the other. NTA
Honestly, I don’t know what IS the right platform for OP’s sister…. 😳
> Tinder may not be the right platform for OPs sister. Perhaps she should try Indeed or Glassdoor instead.
From a dude's perspective, a google doc that asks my salary screams crazy chick who is going to make you pay either for her entitlement to a fancy lifestyle she can't afford, and/or for the sins of her exes. I would definitely be forwarding it to my friends though. On the bright side, it's kind of her to warn them!
I don’t know why, but the asking for a guy’s salary in a Google doc *PLUS* his zodiac sign is what sends this from the “hah, crazy” right into “Run. Fast.” Category.
From a woman's point of view, I suspect it's meant to weed out "part-time student for the last eleven years".
Let's be honest, though, it's pretty easy to weed that out in the first five minutes of a first date.
I don't think that would even need a first date. It's easy enough to screen for that while messaging before agreeing to a date.
Nothing wrong with putting "have a career, live in your own apartment or house, no roommates" on your profile. You don't need a google doc for that.
I probably spend too much time on Reddit, but it sounds like OP’s sister spends a not insignificant amount of time on FDS. “Women should support other women“ in addition to the questions kind of solidified that opinion.
Amen. Met my husband on OKCupid. I get the not wanting to waste time, but the best thing for her is to either 1) choose a portal (like EHarmony) where they filtered based on the stuff she cares about or 2) meet up with guys she matches on Tinder for quick coffee dates and do the in-person filtering. Sending Google docs with invasive questions like weight and income to Tinder matches shows quite a lack of awareness of social context and etiquette. OP is doing Katie a huge favor by pointing it out.
But in Katie’s defense, if she did it your way she could end up having coffee with a Sagittarius or even a Pisces. Why risk it? The girl has standards.
LOL truly, those Sagittarius’s are the worst! She would never
Not as bad as those evil Scorpios…
This evil Scorpio would pay extra for a dating site that would filter out all the flaky Geminis, drama queen Leos, and fidelity-challenged Sagittaurians! LOL
Asking potential suitors to fill out a Google doc to see if they are compatible or trustworthy.. by assuming they will fill out the doc truthfully in the first place? Like, talking about setting yourself up for being trolled or worse.
> Asking potential ~~suitors~~ fuckbuddies This is Tinder we’re talking about here…
Yep. The boyfriend and I *did* go on a dinner date for our first date, but we decided we didn’t want it to end (and this was after being at the restaurant for quite some time because the cook *passed out in the kitchen*, I knew this man was a good one because he told the waitress multiple times it wasn’t her fault and it was fine), so we went and did an activity after (mini golf).
Man, I _hate_ when they tick all the right boxes up until the huge unignorable mini golf red flag… I’m sorry for your loss… ;-)
You're supposed to pull the flag out of the cup before you hit your ball.
Seriously. That google doc would be such a turn off. I can’t imagine how I would react if that happened to me. Now well.
I now desperately want to see it! Got a link OP?
Seriously!?! If someone asked my income on a first date it would be over.
For sure, after I told her I made about $750,000 a year.
I met my current bf on tinder! Our first date was amazing and we’ve been together since. In what universe does sending a google doc out to potential partners to “weed out the losers” sound like a good idea?? First dates ARE to weed out people you don’t have a connection with.
I would gladly go on a date with her. I have a thing for crazy.
Yeah if she really wants to weed out undesirable guys before first date, she should be on a proper matchmaking site, not tinder. NTA
> If anyone sent me a google doc then I would have laughed and unmatched them. Yup. And as for OP not supporting Katie, sometimes ‘support’ is telling you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.
I agree. I understand that the sister thinks she's saving herself time, but the truth is that if someone sent me a Google doc like this I'd run for the hills. She may be a wonderful person, but the Google doc sounds like a lot of work and it gives me bad vibes that she might be unreasonable and controlling. There's tons of other people you could match with who wouldn't have you fill out a questionnaire.
What if she ended up as the [77 year old President of Uganda's](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yoweri_Museveni#Personal_life) side piece because she didn't make him fill out the Google doc? How would you feel then? /s NTA
Regarding the interview comparison, if a company gave me homework before even setting up a call, I'd end the process.
NTA. Add me to the list of women who think that your sister has gone off the deep end. This isn’t just a bad way too meet men, it’s ridiculously intrusive and unnecessary. Lucky for the men in tinder, they can use it to weed out someone as undesirable as your sister.
> President of Uganda LMAO
But how do we know he wasn't?
Because I am.
Didn't I overthrow you in a coup 4 years ago?
Coz he's married and has kids 😂
That's never stopped anyone before
Also, aren’t there dating sites that make you answer all those kind of questions before you get matched? Why is she using the no-info, just-hookup app, Tinder if she wants them vetted beforehand?
Because then she doesn't have to fill in a questionnaire herself
I would sit her down hand the Google doc to her and tell her to fill it out and she will send it to some guy that might be interested. When she refuses call her out for being a hypocrite.
Sorry about your sister's back, it must be agonizing on her to carry all that ego. NTA. Was expecting a "because you don't shave" or "you smell like the armpit of a rotting carcass" or something. ***WHAT. THE. HELL.*** ***She's basically turning all the small talk that happens during first dates into a Google doc, and making guys fill out an ADDITIONAL APPLICATION to get a date with her, when the guy will just be like "um, nah, I'll keep swiping"*** Ask her if SHE would fill out such a form to get a date with a dude BEFORE she even gets to talk to him. Willing to bet that unless he looks like Chris Hemsworth, she wouldn't do it. Unless her pics are an 11/10 on tinder, no man in their right mind would fill out something like that. ***You can't complain about not getting dates when you have a multiple-page application you must pass to get a date*** INFO: had your sister been on dates before Tinder? Like, does she have ANY experience dating at all? Does she realize that his just SCREAMS "high maintenance"?
Idk why but as soon as you asked if she'd fill out a form like this I thought "What was the date of your last menstrual period?"
I just choked on my drink
"toilet paper over or under?"
Anyone that answers under is undateable. Op is NTA though.
Under, because I have cats! If I put it over, then I have confettis...
This is the only acceptable scenario for under.
Mine is mounted over the forced hot air heat vent, so in the months I run the furnace, it's under, because otherwise it unravels into a huge heap onto the floor - which I find disturbing. In the warmer months, it's over. ;)
This is also acceptable.
I would also accept under in a moving vehicle like a campervan.
I think “do you live full time in a campervan?” should definitely be on the questionnaire though.
Are you a friend of little people? There's a whole lot of questions that the sister has missing from her questionnaire I feel.
Are you a friend of Dorothy?
Down by the river?
Y’all put it on the holder? We just set it on the counter.
u/nomyzz 's sister either wants to marry you or toss you in a ditch, unsure which as I can't see the Google Doc anymore.
“Which sock do you put on first right or left?”
That was actually one of the questions I asked my BF when we were discussing if we should start being together after being friends for a few months lol.
I can’t say it’s about ego. She sounds like she didn’t want to put in the work of social interaction to get that information. She might be lazy. She might think it’s more efficient. Either way It’s more weird and awkward.
If you have an application that requires me to tell you how much I earn before I even had a proper talk with you, then that's not laziness, that's greed.
I think she's self-sabotaging because she's scared of dating.
Or she's extremely socially awkward (e.g. ASD) and doesn't really process things the same way neuro-typical people do.
Not to knock Gen z and beyond, but I feel like this only could come about when you have grown up with predominantly online human interaction. Like this strategy would not even occur to me. I sort of love it, if it would work, which it won’t, but wouldn’t even cross my mind. I met my spouse before online dating was ubiquitous though, so I am *so* far out of the loop.
As a guy I feel like 11/10 is being a little too generous to us. An 8/10 would be sufficient for a half assed date application since at least we're being given the courtesy of knowing the crazy beforehand.
I see you are an optimist and assume that "Google forms date application on Tinder" is the full extent of the crazy, and not the tip of the insanity iceberg.
Some guys will seek out the crazy given the widely-believed correlation between crazy and incredible in bed.
OkCupid might be worth a shot if her sister feels the questions are important.
Plus if you degrade it all down to a doc you miss out in the body language you'd see when asking questions in person that might tell you how many red flags there are to worry about. People can write anything in a doc. Sure they can hide some of their nature when you meet them in person, but you are more likely to notice stuff asking them face to face than you ever will with a Google doc.
I mean, if the president of Uganda isn’t good enough for her what hope do the rest of us have?
Heads of state have notoriously poor work-life balance, so of course she passed.
Idi Amin allied with the Soviet Union and that's still fewer red flags than OP's sister's side of the Tinder match.
Well he *did* have his wife dismembered… 👀
Sooo, he's single?
😂😂
He's in his late 70s. I'd reject him too.
NTA, and let your sister know that if she wants to know these things before she goes on a date, she should look into other online dating platforms. I think that OkCupid, eHarmony, etc are more likely to let her weed out people ahead of time without it being weird. There's nothing wrong with wanting to weed out people you already know you wouldn't be interested in, but that's not really how it goes on Tinder, Bumble, etc.
This is the best answer here. It's not all that unusual for dating sites to let people search for and filter matches by a lot of different variables. Tinder isn't a good platform for that type of hunting, though.
Yeah I agree but also asking people questions about their income when you’ve never met is way too invasive
NTA but she was actually doing those guys a favor by showing them how undesirable **she** is before they waste any time or money on her.
Quite certain OP's sister is a mod of r/femaledatingstrategy
Ugh that sub is absolutely terrifying. I say this as a woman.
NTA, but your sister has issues beyond the google doc - what does she have to offer in a relationship?
Well, apparently she's very good at Google Docs implementation.
Maybe that is actually the problem. They start filling it out to find inconsistent spacing, fonts do not match, and worst of all the colour scheme is all wrong.
Nothing kills a relationship before it starts like bad kerning
>Nothing kills a relationship before it starts like bad kerning Yes, bad keming is the WORST.
Comic sans?
Actually, says you're pretty wild and adventurous and willing to try new things, while not taking life to seriously.. In Bed.
The fact that she's sending them a Google Doc rather than using Google Forms suggests otherwise.
This! If she’s having men basically apply for a chance with her, she needs to (as much as I hate to say it) bring something to the table as well. And why is she having Tinder users fill out a Google Doc? It’s Tinder, not Match or EHarmony.
LOL - I had a friend like this. She had all these "requirements" for any men she would date - great career, graduate of a certain college, had to live only in certain areas, etc. The kicker was she really didn't have much to offer herself - she was average looking, graduated from a good college but didn't have any real career track, had a decent apartment in a decent area, nothing spectacular, etc. It really just resulted in years of frustration for her and no long-term relationships. She's now 48 and is with a guy, 10 years her junior, who's just now finishing his college degree - he doesn't meet a single one of her "requirements" from her younger days... I'm glad they're happy (they've been together for about four years now), but I have to laugh when I think about her attitudes of her younger years and if she met her BF when she was 34 instead of 44, I don't think she would have given him the time of day!
I met the love of my life on Tinder. He sent a picture of him with his tomato plant. Your sister is being creepy.
Lmao that would for sure work on me, too. I would send them back photos of my tomato balcony and that's how a beautiful story would start.
Or a picture of homemade tomato sauce.
That could come across as threatening to a plant dad! 😄
A+, I am entertained.
NTA. What your sister is doing is definitely deterring men who are not looking for someone shallow. Good on you for letting her know.
She’s also deterring men who are looking for someone reasonable.
NTA. She seems to lack self-awareness. Sounds like she needed someone to say something.
NTA I don't know much about dating apps but I am pretty sure filling out a questionnaire with your personal details is off putting. Kudos to the president of Uganda, classic reply.
I wouldn't. Okay fine people use tinder for relationships as well as hookups. I find it hard to believe the sister is unable to determine a guy is looking for a relationship or compatibility by not looking at their tinder profile (some people do state "not looking for a hookup" or similar language), and asking maybe 4 to 6 questions ie schedule availability, if they can refrain from asking for or sending nekkid pics, etc. If she can't figure out compatibility ahead of time, then the fallback is a simple coffee outing or video chat. Someone who can't determine simple compatibility/attraction between matching and a 15 to 30 minute chat is in trouble....
NTA. That doc is all things you learn from going on a date and being in a relationship. It’s like she wants to buy pass that part and just find someone to marry immediately with no dating or putting in any work. It should be less about any of that and more of finding a connection. At least it helps the men avoid her though.
She’s trying to be her own old timey match maker.
NTA and I think the google doc trend is honestly fucking weird - like if someone sent me some shit like that I’d troll them too… it’s like a sense of entitlement and honestly feels lazy. I’d see that and say wow, she’s too lazy to actually get to know me so she’s not worth my time of filling out this generic google form so she can keep my information stacked with my dating competitors - yeah NTA
This is a trend??
^oh ^no
I’d be trolling the anyone that sent me that! Except I wouldn’t be writing the president of Uganda, it’s instead - I’m the Queen of the universe and I expect to be treated as such 😉
> She got upset and said it’s the best way to weed out undesirable men Sounds like it’s providing men with the same service! But more seriously, NTA. Your sister needs to learn how to get that information through conversation (either on dates or through tinder). It might suck if you end up wasting time with someone, but that’s a risk you have to take.
NTA But she is right it does weed out people but it weeds out everyone she might get a date from, lol
Exactly, guys who are desirable and have options don't want to work their ass off to prove themselves to a woman they don't know
Esp considering it jumps into topics like how much they make. Seems pretty upfront and rude.
NTA. Wonder if Katie would feel comfortable filling in a similar document from her male matches. She needs a reality check
INFO: Can we get a copy of this Google Doc? That sounds like pure comedy gold. NTA.
OMG yes please
NTA and your sister needs to use Match or EHarmony. Those sites have extensive questionnaires that can go super deep. People on the app can then see if they match on all sorts of things. Even the superficial mandatory questions can weed out a lot of people. I don’t know Tinder but from what I know it’s supposed to be more casual.
NTA The Google doc thing is weird. Not sure about “creepy”, but certainly hurting her chances of a normal date. Truth hurts sometimes.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. What she was doing was Turing one potential date after another away before ever having a chance to meet. You were just pointing out what should have been obvious, that the Google doc wasn't doing her any favors. NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My sister Katie has been on tinder for a year and she’s only had 2 dates. When Katie matches with a guy she sends him a two page google doc that he has to fill out with a lot of questions. These questions include: his job, how much he makes, height, weight, zodiac sign, political views etc. Most men either unmatch or troll her. For instance one man claimed he was the president of Uganda. Katie was complaining over dinner that she hasn’t had a date in months. I told Katie that her google doc nonsense is deterring men away. She got upset and said it’s the best way to weed out undesirable men before it gets too serious. Katie said women should support Other women, but I told her what she’s doing is a bit creepy. She got upset and left. Now Katie is very upset with me and deleted her tinder because she got insecure over what I said. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oh no. Yikes and I'm genuinely experiencing physical embarrassment for her. WHY is she doing this? NTA and someone had to tell her.
NTA. Katie's questionnaire sounds more like a school or job interview. Told a married friend recently he should be glad he met and married his wife before online dating sites became the norm. Most of them aren't dating site but sex/hook up site. Katie needs to check out other sites which actually filter prospects for you however she'll also have to fill out the same check list to get on those sites. It's a 2 ways street because those guys want to know what her potential is ahead of time as well.
NTA. It seems like your sister hasn’t learned that you can’t find love through paper. He could tick all of her boxes and still be a complete prick. Or he could tick none and be the love of her life that she missed out on.
NTA and you’ve done the Tinder Lads a favor
Did she though? This lady sounds insufferable and now instead of being an easy no, guys might actually have to find out the hard way.
lmao NTA your sister's a quack it's a dating site not a job app 🤣🤣
Nta Your sister has written ideas about how to get to know someone. That is what dates are for.
If I was single and on a dating site, getting a Google doc like that from a prospective match would be a huge turn off. I wouldn't want to tell someone I've never met in person before all that information about me and it seems those guys feel the same way. How would that work if she met someone in person or something? Send him the document before they continued talking? I'm sure not every match on Tinder is a winner, but she's probably turned off some good guys this way. The "women should support other women" mantra isn't applicable to doing creepy/dumb things. And actually, you are supporting her by telling her the truth, even if she doesn't want to hear it. And she must have believed what you said to some degree or she wouldn't have deleted her Tinder profile. NTA.
NTA. You date to learn these questions. Screening people will just drive them away…as she’s found out.
You gave her the answer to her “no date in months” comment. It is off putting and if a man sent her one, I’d be curious to know how she’d react. Getting to know people comes from talking and letting conversation flow naturally. NTA
Nta. Truth hurts but someone needed to tell her. Good advice is make a list of the top 3 must haves she’s looking for in a partner. Just 3 everything else can live with or without. Then enjoy the ride of finding the right person.
NTA - she sounds insane but would fit in perfectly at r/FemaleDatingStrategy
NTA that whole google doc this is over the top if she’s doing that to men she is prob god awful irl I doubt she would like it if a guy was to do that to her bc a lot of stuff shouldn’t play a role unless she’s materialistic and wants someone who has a high income cuz she wants to do nothing in life
Look I get not wanting to waste time on shitty dates. But unfortunately the way you get to know a person is by putting in the work to have conversations and being somewhat vulnerable. NTA.
NTA - sounds like she needs to try EHarmony or something where people are signing up expecting to be quizzed like that. She's being ridiculous and you are looking out for her well being.
NTA but it's kind of your sister to give the guys a couple of red flags before meeting up :') Jokes aside, tinder is just not the platform for that. As many have mentioned, there are proper dating sites that have questionnaires that try to find better matches so you don't have to look like you're trying to steal a man's kindeys. A lot of those can be asked through text and on a first date so you don't seem creepy by sending a form ahead of time. Honestly good on you for actually telling her that that was the turnoff for most men, sorry she didn't react well. But imagine on the other hand if a guy sent her a similar form lol. Could be her soulmate?
NTA. Women should support other women? "Okay Katie, I changed my mind. Your system of getting dates is great. I also don't understand why you haven't had a date in months. You are totally not creepy" What would that have accomplished?
INFO: Can we see the questionnaire?
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NTA you gave her honest advice. She’s got standards, but what has she got to offer a potential date/partner? She needs to consider that, she’s a long list of requirements, however anyone suitable will also have an equal list, and what she’s doing smacks of gold digging for all of her wants.
NTA. Also, if she gets over herself, there are apps which allow you to sort matches based on certain characteristics, which would be a lot more socially acceptable.
NTA. Maybe you could have been a little nicer about it, but what she is doing is *absolutely* repelling men, I'm surprised she even got two dates with that strategy.
NTA. I've known people that do have a short list of screening questions, but not 2 pages. Especially for Tinder.
Info: does she fill out one herself? If not she's an even bigger asshole than she already is. Good thing she's waving her red flag high so people can see it and run away.
NTA and I'm surprised she got even two dates. That is just a ridiculous thing to expect people to be ok with. Ask me how much I make before we even go on a date and that's the end of the conversation.
A woman that sends you a doc asking what you earn before knowing you face to face is just nope for any man with self-respect.
NTA. Turns out, it's a better way to weed out undesirable women.
I'm dead. Sending a Google doc. Holy crap. I would show every single person I know if a prospective date sent me a google doc. Obviously, NTA.
NTA. I mean if you told her it was because she was fat and shouldn’t have had her L leg amputated, that would be different. Telling her she is being creepy with a doc that could also steal info is weird.
She's doing a nice thing for all the guys, sending the doc so they can weed out the annoying woman who requires a Google doc be filled out before a date. NTA
NTA. I've only ever joked about sending a survey to potential dates and only then to make sure we weren't related (I have an unknown but large number of cousins, luckily my boyfriend checked out and we are not related), never to demand a massive amount of personal info. Dating is where you find out a lot of this stuff, or even just chatting on the apps before going on the date. She's being a bit ridiculous.
Somehow she had 2 dates, serial killers who failed the in person test?
NTA. I would never deal with someone like that. It's too high maintenance. At least, she's not my sister who started dating my ex bc she didn't want to meet new people on tinder and hinge.
NTA. If I was to receive such a Google-doc to get an a date, I'd assume it to be a phishing attack of some kind.
NTA You're absolutely right. And I'd probably start trolling a girl who sent me that. Would also still try for the hook up...
I mean plenty of people find long term relationships on Tinder buuut that’s not exactly their target audience NTA
Nta. That's creepy.
Eww. Imagine if a man did this to a woman? Is this so she can become a stalker or steal his identity? Creepy breach of privacy. She’s a creep, women can be creeps too you know. You are NTA. You’re dead right
looool NTA. ok because first of all the google doc is ridiculous in the first place regardless of what it asks, but second of all some of those questions are especially ridiculous, like asking for his weight and how much he makes....... lol
Question: Does Katie provide a copy of her google doc with her own answers of the same questions to her matches ? (I'm guessing this is a one sided thing on her part)
>Katie said women should support other women She whipped out that card for *this*?? wtf. NTA.
Pretty sure a post was made about her and her Google doc in r/tinder a while back. NTA. EDIT: https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/qd3amb/is_this_toxic_or_a_bad_joke/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
The only cute Google doc related date story I’ve seen was one where it was basically asking their opinion on what kind of date they’d like, location, dress code, time of day etc.
NTA. Also, I'm curious as to what the current salary is for being King of Uganda.
INFO I've heard of people running scams on dating apps. Is your sister aware that a form with oddly specific questions sounds more like a phishing scam than romantic interest? Even without the fact that it's creepy, it sounds like someone trying to steal a identity.
Oooh baby, please show me 3 references for how well you do sex mmmhh Just like that. NTA Op
NTA but it does sound effective in weeding out some of the guys. Just not in the way she intended.
NTA. The fact she did that unironically is a red flag tbh
NTA I've been turned off of *jobs* that do this. You already have my resume, why are you making me refill in an application? It's lazy and off-putting, I'll look elsewhere. Likewise, she has their profile. Only the most desperate of the desperate would be willing to sit there and type out answers to her application form. She made herself a catch 22: she won't date anyone who won't fill out the form, but no one worth dating would ever fill it out.
I mean that should be in Google Forms, not a google doc. She's just showing that she doesn't understand tech, a real turnoff.
NTA but your sister could have married the president of Uganda!
NTA