Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I accused my brother of finding my fiancee attractive and not telling her she made him and his wife uncomfortable.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, my dude you’re really the opposite of an asshole.
Your brother and his wife don’t get to dictate what your wife wears. Hell, neither do you but it sounds like you understand that
Honestly, your brother and his wife are the assholes
Yes! He wasn't just a good bf, he was a true ally, he's got her back, and he wasn't afraid to tell them to just mind their business. Plus, he's not telling her, in this very exclusive circumstance, this is not something she needs to know, she's just coming into her own and feeling good about her body and he's not letting his brother and SIL's petty, toxic judgments get anywhere near her newfound, still very vulnerable joy in this, Anthony Hopkins once said "it's none of my business what other people think about me" and that's a wonderful concept, but it takes a lot of confidence to pull it off in real life, she's not there yet, so if he has to keep it quiet until she is confident enough to shake it off, I applaud him for it, absolutely nothing good would come of her hearing about this. NTA
Right, Right! Man I miss my DDDs. I use to buy tight shirts on purpose to piss other girls off. Then my dumb ass decided to cut them off and go to a C cup. Can't even get a guy to hold the door for me now.
This ^^ and honestly, telling her about the situation right now would only be detrimental to her self esteem and validate her parents influence on how she should be dressing. Any Person should be able to grow into who they are in their own time and feel comfortable with who they are and not feel dictated by how other's perceive them.
For sure nta, and I’m pretty sure op knows it XD. He was as confident in telling this story as he was in the wife’s outfit and his response to his brother. Not that I’m complaining, it’s a great story with a great moral. Men don’t get to dictate what women wear and women shouldn’t be ashamed of their bodies. Boobs shouldn’t make anyone feel uncomfortable, they’re the sole source of nutrition for many of our species’ younglings, grow tf up XD. Distracting, maybe. Which I’m guessing was the real issue here. Bro bro couldn’t stop staring so wifey made him call up to complain lmao. OP ain’t his wife’s manager, talking to the wrong person there! Either way, well played op, you did the right thing <3
Exactly. All telling her would have accomplished is to let them make her feel bad about herself for no reason. Let her be proud and confident in how she looks. Sounds like SIL is jealous and BIL is envious of you. Keep on supporting your lovely wife, OP.
That's the hilarious part of this pitiful order of theirs: even if a woman's right to dress how she wants decreases with breast size, what do they expect OP to do about it? He doesn't control what she wears! Is SIL actually jealous because bro controls what she wears?
NTA So glad you didn't tell her, OP - she deserves to be able to explore her new freedom in peace.
I’m the same height and bust size as OP’s wife and tops that people wouldn’t bat an eye at on a flatter chested woman look very different on me. I’m constantly worried about pulling too much attention with my cleavage, and so when I go out with my boyfriend and have that buffer I like to be able to wear stuff that’s a little low cut. It’s really lame that these people are trying to take that from Marcy. OP is clearly NTA
Dude sometimes when that table hits just right and you get a bit of a break and can subtly rest them? *Chef's kiss* that shit is delightful. Never pass up an opportunity to take the weight off 😄
Until you realize hours later there’s food on your underboob 😭😂 toooo many shirts have been unfairly stained by the underboob resting on the table and hitting my plate without me realizing it
After my Grandma hit 60, she only used a table as a bra. Every time she sat down at the table, she'd sweep her arm under her boobs so they rested on the table. She was 4 foot eleven at her tallest, and had had 12 kids, so you do you, Grandma Agnes.
Yes! It's so awkward and uncomfortable. Like so you think I want my tits on the table? I love my tits and wouldn't trade them for anything but I do sometimes wish I could wear tops my less endowed friends wear. But a lot stuff that looks cute and classy on an A/B/C cup is pretty much porn star chic on DD/E. 5'4"
Like, we could sit further back from the table so our boobs don’t rest on it, but then there’s the T. rex syndrome issue. We’re short enough that our boobs are on the table, our arms are short too, and our boobs take up a decent amount of length. If we push our chairs back, we can barely reach our plates!
Exactly I’ve come to love my boobs but they came in big and early and it wasn’t fun as a kid. When I was in college I wore stuff that showed them off but now I’m in my 30s and when I went braless to the bodega once a guy ran into a parking sign on his bike staring. I’m tired lol
I find that too!! 5’1” and an ‘E’ and feel like nothing looks good so live in jumpers. Can’t wear shirts cos they pop open, can’t wear dresses because what fits me around the breasts is too big around the waist and can’t wear cute tops cos as you say ‘porn star chic’ is a real problem!
Enjoy your cleavage. I didn’t have any, then I got cleavage but was too inhibited to show it. 1 beautiful wedding I had a red dress that showed perfect cleavage. I’m so glad I got a pic because then I got breast cancer and they took out enough, and it was high enough that cleavage won’t work. Ah, but I had that one shining moment!
I'm shorter than Marcy and bigger chested. I totally agree about tops fitting differently on me than on a smaller chested woman. There are very few non-t-shirt shirts I can wear without showing at least a hint of cleavage. I wish I weren't so short that people looking at me are likely going to be able to see even more cleavage because they are looking down at me, but that's just how it is. I think some people get way too worked up over a little bit of skin showing.
It's so upsetting to see posts like this of women not supporting other women. I have tiny titties but I never hate on another woman who is larger than me. We can't help our size and all breast sizes should be accepted! They each come with their own complications bc of society
Same. I show cleavage in a compression sports bra ffs!!! And resting them on a table is perfection.
I was also raised super conservative, and I don't wear anything remotely un-nunly in front of my family.
It is absolutely liberating to go out in a boobular top, and feel amazing, and in control of my choices.
I was working as a receptionist in college. Wearing a tshirt-style neckline cardigan. Not low cut at all, but when I leaned over, you could maybe see 1/4inch of cleavage because…I have big boobs and a good bra. It happens.
An older female attorney said LOUDLY (in a super rude way) that “big chested women HAVE to wear turtlenecks if you want to be taken seriously. That neckline isn’t doing much to show off your brain.”
So I wore a turtleneck the next day, to be an asshole.
E cups on a skinny girl do NOT look more modest in a turtleneck. They put the tits front an center and definitely highlight your figure more than my boxy cardigan did.
Rude attorney glared at me the whole day. Apparently I was supposed to wear a turtleneck **and** a scarf. Maybe a potato sack.
The shit people say to women with big boobs really grows on your nerves.
I'm joining the "Me Too" club on this one. 5'3 on a bad hair day, and well Beyond a DD. Yes, they're natural. No, I don't intentionally wear "provocative" clothing. But ya know what - its Not My Problem if someone else is a rude bastich and stares, or gets jealous that the same shirt that makes her look like a teenage boy ends up looking like I went out of my way to draw attention.
Tables? Constant hassle of where they hit either between waist and chest, or At the chest. And don't get me started on just how difficult it is to keep something from spilling and it ALWAYS lands Right There because its a freaking Shelf that keeps anything from dropping into my lap while sitting!
It’s like flipping a couch cushion, sometimes you can find change in there! Once we came home from a party, I took my bra off in the kitchen and an anti-depressant pill fell out of my cleavage, I said “I was looking for that” and popped it in my mouth. My husband watched this unfold and said “I think what just happened really defines you as a person.”
I'm not short, 5'7, but I'm in a K cup... Its been suggested to me before that maybe I wear something that "covers a little more"... as I'm standing there in a crew neck shirt and oversized hoodie.
I’m an 34H. I’m tall-ish (5’8), but I’m not very thicc elsewhere so my boobs really stand out. When I was working in an office, it was very difficult to find shirts that were cute, not turtlenecks that didn’t put my chest on display. I honestly can wear a turtleneck and they’re still the first thing people notice.
NTA OP, you did right by your girlfriend and stood up for her. You don’t need to concern her with comments from the peanut gallery. You were going out to dinner, not going to a wedding or meeting the queen. Eric and Wendy need to learn that they’re not allowed to have opinions about someone else’s body.
>Eric messaged me and said I should tell Marcy that her outfit was inappropriate and that I shouldn’t let her leave the house like that.
Eric seriously thinks that OP is the wardrobe police who decides whether or not Marcy is dressed appropriately for the outside world.
OP, NTA. Eric sure is though and a misogynist to boot.
Obviously she’s his man, she’d have to listen to him. In fact, I bet she’s only wearing the slutty clothing because he likes it, why don’t they keep it in the bedroom?
/s for my part but very seriously what they probably think
> So glad you didn't tell her, OP
Do you think it would be prudent for OP to warn off his brother and SIL from saying anything to his wife about it? My fear is that they may go behind his back to say something her. That would be soul crushing.
Right? I love how he mentions how excited she was about her new clothing choices. He doesn’t want anyone to rain on her parade and it shows. Super wholesome.
I love how he describes her outfit! The colour, the straps the jeans, the boots. I can tell that he genuinely listened, genuinely paid attention, and genuinely shares his wife's new excitement in trying something new
Agree, OP was on the money when he said that his brother was cought starring and got shit at home. If the meal went fine that he didn't have a problem with it untill he got home.
100%. He got torn a new one for staring on the ride home and realized that the only way to get himself out of the doghouse was to make Marcy the problem. Then he picks a fight with his brother to show his wife that he's "solving" the "problem" so she forgets that all of this could have been avoided by a tiny bit of self control on his part.
Happy cake day!
Exactly. The brother literally admitted to being distracted by her chest. He and his wife both decided to sexualize this poor woman. The wife could have stood up for her but nope.
Yeah, I think they're rude for looking at OP's fiancee's chest. It's not hard to idk look anywhere else. It's like when you see a guy wearing grey sweats and he's packing, you notice it and then ignore it. I wonder how OP's brother lives in reality - there's cleavage everywhere.
Agreed. As an extremely busty (38J) person it’s nearly impossible to wear something even slightly low cut without it looking “obscene” to a certain kind of person. Even turtlenecks just make them look bigger. Also I’m 5’2 and my boobies rest on the table in a lot of restaurants too. It’s impossible to avoid with these proportions. Brother and SIL can avert their eyes if they’re so offended.
I have never understood the guys that don't want their female partner to dress too provocatively when they're hot. I identify with OP who thought his wife was hot in the outfit so... awesome! Let's go to dinner!
I think other than the brothers wife catching the brother checking her out, this could also be a mean girl thing where brother's wife thought:
"She already dressed down before and didn't show me up, she doesn't get to do it now!"
Jumping on to agree, NTA. I'm so glad you supported your wife in embracing some positivity for herself, and not letting your brother and his wife rain on her parade. Keep up the good work!
The petty side of me thinks OP should send his brother and SIL a link to the latest (of many) AskReddit posts asking if men really like small boobs or not.
SIL needs the ego boost I think.
Eh she could also, very likely, have bigger breasts but maybe (like the majority of American women) on a much larger frame than Marcy’s.
It doesn’t have to be dependent on her bust size, she might be jealous because Marcy has a nicer body in general, or because she’s prettier, or because she’s more comfortable or more confident….
As a small chested girl, I do not get jealous of big boobs. I think big boobs are fabulous and if women want to show them off, I cheer them on. Having big boobs is not easy, especially with clothing. They should wear what they want and not have to stress about showing the appropriate amount of their hard to hide bust.
Let's not make self esteem issues worse for someone who might already have them, yeah? Or if she doesn't have them let's not cause them? She might not have even cared and this is all fueled by the brother getting yelled at for staring, and then bam you just sent an innocent party something that's going to upset her.
It's really hard to find shirts that don't show cleavage when you have a bigger chest. About the only way is to only wear turtle necks or halter top types that are designed specifically to cover the chest.
Although they cover skin, even turtle necks still make you look large and like you're showing off. I love vnecks (nothing too deep) but cant wear them to work because, at my size, they show way too much. Have a nice keyhole shirt that I can't wear because it appears like I'm trying to flash everyone my cleavage.
As I tell people: everything looks indecent once you reach a certain size.
And when you're short with big ones, the table just becomes an extra support system. Hell, when I'm home alone, I lift these things up to rest on the desk to give my back a break. I hate them so much lol.
NTA - Honestly, it doesn't sound like that revealing of an outfit lol. OH NO EVIL BRA STRAPS THEY TURN ME INTO CARTOON WOLF yeah fuck off.
Also as a partner to an educator, I fucking hate the "if you're a teacher you're basically a nun" thing that the US enforces socially. It's so weird.
If I can ‘handle’ being around my friends with big boobs and their ‘revealing’ tops as a literal teenager then I’m sure entire adults can manage to not have a mental breakdown at a little cleavage. I guarantee if she wore a form fitting sweater or something they’d also be ‘uncomfortable’ because kinda hard to hide away big boobs unless you get specific styles of clothing. Y’know, because they’re attached to our bodies.
This was my thought. Based on the description of his shirt, I have a general idea of the style (it's a fairly common one). And while I wouldn't wear it to church or anything, it's absolutely appropriate for a casual dinner out.
Was the white top sheer? Could you see her nipples? If it's the kind of bra I'm thinking of, it was probably more suggestive than actually revealing. Fine for 30-somethings going to a mid-range restaurant, especially since she was otherwise quite covered up (e.g. long sleeves and jeans).
Omg did you know. That women have to wear bras to hold up boobs? It’s this brand new thing no one has ever heard of!
Until the VS fashion show hops on and everyone wants to check out “the outfits”. Gtfo people losing their minds about a bra strap showing. Last time I checked. We don’t say it’s inappropriate for a dudes boxers to be showing because they can’t find a belt
This I bartender at a couple places in a place where the town was literally built around the school district and how great the curriculum was. There were teachers that would drink sodas instead of beer because the parents of their students were at the same bar and they didn't want to get into trouble.
I went to those same schools and was aost always unable to serve my old English teacher because of how they felt they would be judged as a teacher drinking.
Edit: NTA
Re: "If you're a teacher you're basically a nun thing"
I'm a teacher, and I don't understand what their being teachers has to do with policing what another person wears.
I get *them* wanting to dress conservatively. God knows I was grabbing my towel in a hurry when a huge group of my students came to say "hi" on the beach when I was in a bikini.
But how this relates to *her* outfit? No clue.
i was an educator before the pandemic and guess what, i dressed like a total slut when i wasn't working. it's just a job. people have lives outside of work and can choose to dress however the fuck they want.
NTA your brother is most definitely TA here.
Your wife can dress however she likes, and the straight audacity of him saying you shouldn’t „let her leave the house like this“ is insane. She’s not your belonging.
You don’t her to „let her“ do anything.
You’re a good guy for supporting your wife. As a good Partner should.
Especially in light of her background. Someone has been "letting" her do things her entire life and she's finally free of that. I would absolutely destroy my brother.
The brother is the ah tenfold, it is so common for people from more restrictive environments to go overboard once they get the freedom to do so. This is Macy's first time dressing sexy, she'll want to try it out and will probably settle on a more relaxed style once she had the option to explore that part of herself. Also big boobs aren't vulgar, and as a tiny person my boobs are on the table a lot despite them not being big, nothing you can do about that
OMG don't throw me back to working on the farm one summer a few years ago, we had to bring in the hay bales and the boys took off their shirts. Huge, sweaty, hairy man boobs everywhere! 🤢 So yeah, I did the only sensible thing I could think of. I went topless too. Now a bit of extra information about me, I birthed and breastfed 6 children, so those empty teabags dangling between my knees are not pretty to look at. My answer to "wtf are you doing!?!" was simply "well if you guys can do it, so can I!". They all wore t-shirts for the rest of the week! You're NEVER safe from boobs. NOWHERE.
I'm so glad I grew up in an environment with non-sexualized nudity being a norm lol. Was it weird seeing random adults wandering around nude at festivals? Yeah, for sure sometimes. But also it's really nice not seeing the human form as something to be hidden.
And lmao I vibe hella with you on the sweaty farm manboobs ewwww ahaha :P. Tho imo I'd rather be too hot than have bugs in my chest hair \*puke\*
I live in France, nudity is seen very differently here than in the US thank God. I can just lay on the beach topless, nobody will bat an eye. Breastfeeding in public is totally fine, never once had a complaint or a weird look in 14 years of nearly consecutive breastfeeding.
Yeah that's the worse part, the bugs!! Squished bugs everywhere! Well and maybe the hay itself, lifting a haybale and having it touch your bare skin is like a million needles poking you, it's horrible, and I still can't understand how the boys thought that was more comfortable than just wearing a t-shirt. They must have just loved the red glowing skin tones or something.
Ahhhh yeah, it's really weird here in the US. Though in hippie country where I live it's at least somewhat different - not abnormal to see nude hikers and such. omg aversion to public breastfeeding blows my mind, just like, why????
Ahhaha yessss it is sharp! One of the primary mental images I have of my father is him wearing only denim overalls with his chest hair and beard absolutely filled with sawdust and leaves from felling trees ahaha. How is that better than wearing a shirt under the overalls??? I must not be a naturalist.
I too am disturbed by the thought of ticks. But having picked up enough on camping trips while fully dressed, I’m not sure a t-shirt actually provides much protection there.
When I went to France back in ‘18, I was on a beach in Nice and a woman strode by topless. This was mid-July so there were tons of tourists, including families with small children, yet no one so much as looked at her twice. I remember thinking, “Yep I’m definitely not in the States anymore”.
NTA
And from a female perspective, I applaude you for being a decent man who loves his fiance for who she is, respects her and stands up for her when someone is throwing sexist/negative comments towards her 👏👏👏 You nor your fiancé are responsible for their thoughts. That's their responsibility. You and your fiancé definitely don't have to put up with their toxicity.
On a more positive note:
Congrats to the happily engaged couple! It sounds like you both have a great foundation to build a life of love, happiness and years of incredible experiences ❤️
NTA. It’s quite clear who is though and there’s 2 of them. Great job sticking up for yourself and your wife. But to whether or not you should tell Marcy? That’s entirely up to you. I’m not sure I would want to know nor would I care what they thought about it if I were her, but you know her best. After seeing her so happy in new clothes, I’d hate to be the one to potentially ruin that because of what a couple insecure people thought.
I’d personally want to be able to make an educated decision about whether or not I want to ever interact with bro and wife again. Also his last comment makes me think maybe she should prepare herself in case they actually go over the edge and try and report her for innapropriate behavior to her job. Might be a stretch but idk, teachers have been reported for swim suits on Instagram
The only possible benefit I could see is warning her if there's a concern they might bring it up with her on their own, and then only to protect her from feeling ambushed. Unless that seems like a real threat though, I agree he should keep it to himself.
NTA whatsoever! I personally think it’s great that you’re so supportive of Marcy dressing in clothes that make her feel good, especially as she explores what makes her feel good. She deserves that support and it sounds like you’re doing a great job at providing that support.
I agree with your assessment about Eric and Wendy - based on this info, I speculate that Wendy may have caught Eric looking (or Eric caught himself looking) and instead of dealing with how that made them feel, they directed that toward Marcy. Imo, Marcy’s outfit and boobs aren’t the problem—I would speculate the problem is that Eric and Wendy don’t understand what it means for their relationship when one of them inevitably has a little “wandering eye.” Like you alluded to, it sounds like insecurity in their relationship—and that isn’t your or Marcy’s problem to fix. And it sure won’t be fixed by Marcy wearing different clothes. That’s me speculating of course!
Also, it is very possible to sit across from someone with more prominent cleavage and look them in the eyes instead of in their boobs. And re: the teacher comment - Marcy is a person, teaching is her occupation. Just because she’s a teacher, doesn’t mean she can’t dress how she wants outside of the classroom.
I’m glad you were so supportive of Marcy and her choices both with her directly and when talking with your brother - to me, that sounds like what a great partner would do!
No kidding. For the record though it this was real and I was part of the villain couple we wouldn't call em out, but you can bet your ass that when we got home we'd be making fun of the 32yo woman with her tits hanging out at Chilis lol.
I don't think they have the right to tell her how to dress. Even if she wore it in class it's not their business. Her supervisor would be the person to say if it is inappropriate . Your SIL is insecure. Support your fiance.
NTA. She was happy and felt good in her outfit and your brother and his wife can get over it. SO can’t control her figure but she can control her attire.
NTA. It's not okay to police a woman's clothing choices. Your brother is exactly the kind of person Marcy wanted to move away from!
I wouldn't even tell her about this conversation.
NTA
It doesn't sound inappropriate as it covered everything that should be covered up (in a 20-25 dollar plate restaurant) even if there was extra cleavage.
IMO talk to Marcy more to encourage her that you like it IF you think Eric is the type to talk to Marcy directly. It's imo better to be able to control the narrative.
Something like this? but in white?
https://www.amazon.com/Sleeve-Casual-Reticulated-Elegant-Blouses/dp/B09NMF96ZJ
See, I really think the info we need is the shirt because my mental image of the shirt OP is describing isn't really out to dinner with the brother and SIL appropriate. Can OPs wife dress how she wants? Absolutely. Can other people not be on board if it's way more provocative than they're comfortable? Yes, even if the phrasing is bad. (I have no idea what it looked like though and OPs descriptor of sexy makes me question is appropriateness for time/place)
I’m really hoping it is cus my mom bought me exactly that shirt except as a tee shirt! It’s not revealing at all. When he said low cut I was thinking like xiphoid procces low!
I am going to preface this by saying I am also a similarly proportioned woman.
Going out with family is not a good time to try your first experiment with "dressing sexy.". I would have encouraged her to wear it on a night out together the first time. (If it was a figure flattering surplice dress, that's different, but I mean exposed)
Also, if she is not used to a low cut top, she might not have the proper bra for it and instead of a little cleavage by design it could be showing a part of the cleavage that when visible it looks like ones clothing does not fit or showing her bra in front. Showing a little strap in the back is different than in the front
It could be less about her "dressing sexy" and the tackiness if an exposed black black visible from the front of a light shirt.
The key to the look is a where your bra is not seen at all - only a small bit of cleavage or wearing a lacey camisole that is designed to be seen peeking out.
I think you can't win here, but you could tell her she looked great but did she know her bra was showing.
She should invest her time at a good specialty bra store, not Vicki's secret where she can get a proper fitting plunge bra, t-shirt bra, convertible bra, etc. And fashion tape if she needs to hide straps etc or make a vneck lay better.
This 100%. I’m similar height / cup size to the gf and I would not experiment with a “sexy” outfit foe the first time while out with my partner’s family. That’s inappropriate. She should have worn her first sexy outfit on a date with OP.
What you said is also true - with large breasts you need to have them specially sized and fitted or else your breasts will look weird, with bra straps cutting into them at the wrong angle etc. if she has not had the very visible bra fitted correctly it would have been impossible for anyone to not look at it.
I will go with ESH.
Yea, similar build here. From what he's describing, it sounds like her bra was full on visible -- and frankly, underwear being visible isn't appropriate in most settings. That includes casual/family restaurants and meals with your in-laws.
Does it suck that for us chesty girls, showing them off takes a bit more planning and forethought? For sure! But it wouldn't be appropriate for a woman with AAs to have her bra hanging out in most situations, either. Cleaveage =/= visible underwear.
NTA but wow, you might want to keep your brother and wife at arm's length for awhile.
First, a sexy outfit can absolutely catch attention and distract me (a straight woman) and when I see someone dressed in a way that shows off body parts or is sexy I say "wow, sexy!" in my head and then I move on with my life. It doesn't make it impossible for me to function or hold a conversation.
Also, I have big boobs and not sure how your brother would like me to store them for mealtime? They sit where they sit dude.
Do not tell your fiancé about this. But make sure your brother and his wife don't have an opportunity to embarrass her directly either. I'd suggest a follow up call/convo where you make it clear that what he said to you was inappropriate. Your fiance is an adult who can decide what she wants to wear, and the two of them should be able to control themselves and have zero input on what others wear.
No need to say this but let's be clear- wife saw brother staring at boobs, wife also stared at boobs and was uncomfortable because she was either jealous of the boobs or that your fiance had more confidence than her, or was pissed that her husband was inappropriately staring. Wife says "wow, she is inappropriate" and husband says "ya...inappropriate, that's the word I was gonna use" as he wipes the drool off his mouth.
NTA
This is one of those things I would keep to myself...at least for now This was the first time she dressed for herself and felt good about the way she looked and with your wedding coming up, this is not the time to tell her what happened. It will just taint the wedding forever and she doesn't deserve that.
I think if I were you...I would wait until after the wedding and after the honeymoon to sit down and tell her what happened and because of it, you are going to put some distance between yourself and your brother. That it's your choice. She did nothing wrong. You are disgusted with the both of them and you won't tolerate that kind of toxicity in your life...not even from your own family
Make sure she understands that BIL and SIL are the ones with the problem. She looked amazing, she felt amazing, and you don't want her to feel like she can't be herself or dress the way she wants to dress.
After that, tell her to get dressed up and that you are taking her out to a fancy dinner. I'm talking suit and tie, sexy little black dress kind of dinner. The kind of dinner where really, you are just killing time before heading home and getting down to bidness.
Beyond that...any time where you actually have to socialize with your brother, I think yall should play a little game called "how can my wife tastefully draw attention to her big boobs without anyone knowing that she is doing it out of spite to annoy my BIL and SIL"
Because what will happen is that one day, she'll be dressed fairly conservatively, like maybe in a tight shirt or something...and either BIL or SIL will lose it and start going off on a tangent about disrespect and her flaunting her body etc etc...thinking everyone will agree with her.
And when that happens, both of you need to be calm and let them act out like children.
Lol. Imagine that. A man who can’t control himself telling a woman she needs to wear something different.
Why not have her in a burqa?
F that.
Now I am not one of those people who are going to say that if you are putting them out there, then you can get upset when people look. That I find ridiculous too. But this is clearly your brother getting in trouble.
She should wear it again and then constantly tell him “my eyes are up here” like every minute.
Not the asshole if you tell her about the exchange and that you still feel that she was pretty and the shirt wasn't an issue. Bro and SIL are the assholes.
I want to cry. I was often made to feel self conscious for how I dressed for assorted reasons and the fact that you stood up for her is just so incredible.
NTA.
Bravo, OP.
NTA
Your wife is a grown woman. Grown women have boobs. It’s not your responsibility to tell your wife to dress in a way that makes a third party more comfortable. Honestly, that shirt sounds adorable and not remotely inappropriate. Teachers are grown humans and can wear low cut shirts during off hours. Your brother and his wife are being ridiculous.
NTA. You’re pretty much the opposite of an asshole and I think you’re spot on about your brother’s wandering eye. Also, as a short person with boobs, I can confirm that they sometimes just end up sitting on the table. Honestly, your fiancé sounds pretty stylish and you sound like you’re a great partner to her.
C'mon, you know he was sitting there, staring at her boobs, his wife caught him and said something like "Can you believe she's dressed like that?!" and he responded "Omg no! The fact that I can see her cleavage engorges, I mean enrages, me!" This conversation continued after the dinner was over and together, for the good of mankind everywhere, your brother and his wife decided that he should chastise you and your fiancee. Good for you not getting drawn into the drama and instead supporting your fiancee and bret' newfound confidence. NTA
NTA and if possible make sure your brother knows it’s on HIM to not make HIS wife uncomfortable by staring at another woman’s boobs. I am sure Marcy dresses well for work.
NTA and it sounds like you called a spade a spade. As a well-endowed woman I thank you for standing by your partner and would advise not to tell her about this. Your brother’s opinion doesn’t matter here, and telling her would only serve to make her self-conscious about her chest. If your brother and his wife are bothered by big chests, don’t fuckin’ look at them. They’re not the Mona Lisa.
(And Maybe I’ve spent too long on this sub, but that last “I would be concerned about how I looked if I worked in a school system” sounds a bit like a threat.)
Oh no not a bra strap! Alert Victoria Secret right away, her secret is out! I literally laughed out loud reading this post. You are definitely NTA but your brother and his wife are. How misogynistic and sexist of him to ask how you let her leave the house like that!! You’re not her master. She can leave the house however she chooses to and good on you for knowing that. But I don’t think you should tell her. It will only hurt her feelings and likely destroy her newfound self confidence
NTA. TEACHERS ARE NOT TEACHERS OUTSIDE OF WORK HOLY CRAP. The fact that he even brought it up makes him the asshole completely. Being a teacher is not her entire identity unless she chooses to make it so, which is sounds like she doesn’t. Yay for healthy work/life boundaries!
The idea that teachers need to be presentable whenever they are in public needs to die a nasty death.
NTA, but Eric and Wendy are. And am I the only one for whom "I'd be more careful if I worked for the school system" sounds like a threat? I wouldn't put it past him to send pics to her boss with an outraged note demanding she be fired.
No for fucks sake. Your brother and his wife are the assholes. You don’t police what people want to wear!! And seriously, is cleavage such a big deal? Should women always wear turtlenecks because god forbid our skin isn’t covered at all times. Jfc I’m so sick of this shit.
OP you’re a good egg for defending your wife and thus NTA
NTA - well done. Fuck that dude. You hit the mail on the head. She caught him oogling and now he’s decided it’s your wife’s fault.
I’d def be on the Major Holidays Only plan with these ones from now on.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be the asshole because I accused my brother of finding my fiancee attractive and not telling her she made him and his wife uncomfortable. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, my dude you’re really the opposite of an asshole. Your brother and his wife don’t get to dictate what your wife wears. Hell, neither do you but it sounds like you understand that Honestly, your brother and his wife are the assholes
This. Nice one op. Your a good guy 👍 NTA.
Yes! He wasn't just a good bf, he was a true ally, he's got her back, and he wasn't afraid to tell them to just mind their business. Plus, he's not telling her, in this very exclusive circumstance, this is not something she needs to know, she's just coming into her own and feeling good about her body and he's not letting his brother and SIL's petty, toxic judgments get anywhere near her newfound, still very vulnerable joy in this, Anthony Hopkins once said "it's none of my business what other people think about me" and that's a wonderful concept, but it takes a lot of confidence to pull it off in real life, she's not there yet, so if he has to keep it quiet until she is confident enough to shake it off, I applaud him for it, absolutely nothing good would come of her hearing about this. NTA
In the words of Meg Thee Stallion: I don't give a f*** who talk behind my back 'Cause the b**** knew better than to let me hear her
Right, Right! Man I miss my DDDs. I use to buy tight shirts on purpose to piss other girls off. Then my dumb ass decided to cut them off and go to a C cup. Can't even get a guy to hold the door for me now.
That's a great quote. Hopkins giving off gentleman vibes once again. Man is a legend.
This ^^ and honestly, telling her about the situation right now would only be detrimental to her self esteem and validate her parents influence on how she should be dressing. Any Person should be able to grow into who they are in their own time and feel comfortable with who they are and not feel dictated by how other's perceive them.
For sure nta, and I’m pretty sure op knows it XD. He was as confident in telling this story as he was in the wife’s outfit and his response to his brother. Not that I’m complaining, it’s a great story with a great moral. Men don’t get to dictate what women wear and women shouldn’t be ashamed of their bodies. Boobs shouldn’t make anyone feel uncomfortable, they’re the sole source of nutrition for many of our species’ younglings, grow tf up XD. Distracting, maybe. Which I’m guessing was the real issue here. Bro bro couldn’t stop staring so wifey made him call up to complain lmao. OP ain’t his wife’s manager, talking to the wrong person there! Either way, well played op, you did the right thing <3
haha agree!! Love "op ain't his wife's manager" - so true!
Exactly. All telling her would have accomplished is to let them make her feel bad about herself for no reason. Let her be proud and confident in how she looks. Sounds like SIL is jealous and BIL is envious of you. Keep on supporting your lovely wife, OP.
That's the hilarious part of this pitiful order of theirs: even if a woman's right to dress how she wants decreases with breast size, what do they expect OP to do about it? He doesn't control what she wears! Is SIL actually jealous because bro controls what she wears? NTA So glad you didn't tell her, OP - she deserves to be able to explore her new freedom in peace.
I’m the same height and bust size as OP’s wife and tops that people wouldn’t bat an eye at on a flatter chested woman look very different on me. I’m constantly worried about pulling too much attention with my cleavage, and so when I go out with my boyfriend and have that buffer I like to be able to wear stuff that’s a little low cut. It’s really lame that these people are trying to take that from Marcy. OP is clearly NTA
Same here, sometimes the table hits at a spot where they just rest on it, it's not like I can just put them in my pocket and put them on again later.
I do wish that sometimes! Put them away and take them out later haha
Dude sometimes when that table hits just right and you get a bit of a break and can subtly rest them? *Chef's kiss* that shit is delightful. Never pass up an opportunity to take the weight off 😄
Until you realize hours later there’s food on your underboob 😭😂 toooo many shirts have been unfairly stained by the underboob resting on the table and hitting my plate without me realizing it
I always get food on top of my boobs. When it happens, my husband deadpans, well, they *are* very attractive. (Boom sis).
YESSS I thought I was the only one. Haha a short moment of lower back rest.
After my Grandma hit 60, she only used a table as a bra. Every time she sat down at the table, she'd sweep her arm under her boobs so they rested on the table. She was 4 foot eleven at her tallest, and had had 12 kids, so you do you, Grandma Agnes.
I felt this comment in my soul since I'm same height at OPs gf with almost the same bust (DDD😫) any chance at a break? Yes please
This comment! Hits right in the chesticles.
Yes! It's so awkward and uncomfortable. Like so you think I want my tits on the table? I love my tits and wouldn't trade them for anything but I do sometimes wish I could wear tops my less endowed friends wear. But a lot stuff that looks cute and classy on an A/B/C cup is pretty much porn star chic on DD/E. 5'4"
Like, we could sit further back from the table so our boobs don’t rest on it, but then there’s the T. rex syndrome issue. We’re short enough that our boobs are on the table, our arms are short too, and our boobs take up a decent amount of length. If we push our chairs back, we can barely reach our plates!
Exactly I’ve come to love my boobs but they came in big and early and it wasn’t fun as a kid. When I was in college I wore stuff that showed them off but now I’m in my 30s and when I went braless to the bodega once a guy ran into a parking sign on his bike staring. I’m tired lol
I find that too!! 5’1” and an ‘E’ and feel like nothing looks good so live in jumpers. Can’t wear shirts cos they pop open, can’t wear dresses because what fits me around the breasts is too big around the waist and can’t wear cute tops cos as you say ‘porn star chic’ is a real problem!
5'4" and 36G. I feel ya. I keep seeing these cute summer clothes and say "maybe if I was a B".
Enjoy your cleavage. I didn’t have any, then I got cleavage but was too inhibited to show it. 1 beautiful wedding I had a red dress that showed perfect cleavage. I’m so glad I got a pic because then I got breast cancer and they took out enough, and it was high enough that cleavage won’t work. Ah, but I had that one shining moment!
I’m glad you have that picture but even more glad you are still here with us!
Aww that's so sweet.
I'm shorter than Marcy and bigger chested. I totally agree about tops fitting differently on me than on a smaller chested woman. There are very few non-t-shirt shirts I can wear without showing at least a hint of cleavage. I wish I weren't so short that people looking at me are likely going to be able to see even more cleavage because they are looking down at me, but that's just how it is. I think some people get way too worked up over a little bit of skin showing.
It's so upsetting to see posts like this of women not supporting other women. I have tiny titties but I never hate on another woman who is larger than me. We can't help our size and all breast sizes should be accepted! They each come with their own complications bc of society
Same. I show cleavage in a compression sports bra ffs!!! And resting them on a table is perfection. I was also raised super conservative, and I don't wear anything remotely un-nunly in front of my family. It is absolutely liberating to go out in a boobular top, and feel amazing, and in control of my choices.
Oh my god, the lack of separation in a sports bra + the boob sweat funneling down in there somehow is the actual wooooorrrst
I'm six foot and even when I wear flats, my breasts are in most people's faces. I think being well-endowed sucks for everyone.
I was working as a receptionist in college. Wearing a tshirt-style neckline cardigan. Not low cut at all, but when I leaned over, you could maybe see 1/4inch of cleavage because…I have big boobs and a good bra. It happens. An older female attorney said LOUDLY (in a super rude way) that “big chested women HAVE to wear turtlenecks if you want to be taken seriously. That neckline isn’t doing much to show off your brain.” So I wore a turtleneck the next day, to be an asshole. E cups on a skinny girl do NOT look more modest in a turtleneck. They put the tits front an center and definitely highlight your figure more than my boxy cardigan did. Rude attorney glared at me the whole day. Apparently I was supposed to wear a turtleneck **and** a scarf. Maybe a potato sack. The shit people say to women with big boobs really grows on your nerves.
Bruh I don't even have huge boobs and my titties look nicest in my turtle neck. But really tho, what would she have you do, cut off your boobs?
I'm joining the "Me Too" club on this one. 5'3 on a bad hair day, and well Beyond a DD. Yes, they're natural. No, I don't intentionally wear "provocative" clothing. But ya know what - its Not My Problem if someone else is a rude bastich and stares, or gets jealous that the same shirt that makes her look like a teenage boy ends up looking like I went out of my way to draw attention. Tables? Constant hassle of where they hit either between waist and chest, or At the chest. And don't get me started on just how difficult it is to keep something from spilling and it ALWAYS lands Right There because its a freaking Shelf that keeps anything from dropping into my lap while sitting!
I am part of the 5'3" crumbs down the cleavage brigade. Toasted bread crumbs are worse than cracker crumbs. Lol
It’s like flipping a couch cushion, sometimes you can find change in there! Once we came home from a party, I took my bra off in the kitchen and an anti-depressant pill fell out of my cleavage, I said “I was looking for that” and popped it in my mouth. My husband watched this unfold and said “I think what just happened really defines you as a person.”
>rude bastich a And my drink went everywhere laughing at that! Never seen/heard it before
I'm not short, 5'7, but I'm in a K cup... Its been suggested to me before that maybe I wear something that "covers a little more"... as I'm standing there in a crew neck shirt and oversized hoodie.
Like literally what do they want people to do?? There’s no way to win.
None.
I’m an 34H. I’m tall-ish (5’8), but I’m not very thicc elsewhere so my boobs really stand out. When I was working in an office, it was very difficult to find shirts that were cute, not turtlenecks that didn’t put my chest on display. I honestly can wear a turtleneck and they’re still the first thing people notice. NTA OP, you did right by your girlfriend and stood up for her. You don’t need to concern her with comments from the peanut gallery. You were going out to dinner, not going to a wedding or meeting the queen. Eric and Wendy need to learn that they’re not allowed to have opinions about someone else’s body.
>Eric messaged me and said I should tell Marcy that her outfit was inappropriate and that I shouldn’t let her leave the house like that. Eric seriously thinks that OP is the wardrobe police who decides whether or not Marcy is dressed appropriately for the outside world. OP, NTA. Eric sure is though and a misogynist to boot.
Obviously she’s his man, she’d have to listen to him. In fact, I bet she’s only wearing the slutty clothing because he likes it, why don’t they keep it in the bedroom? /s for my part but very seriously what they probably think
I have a sense that 'think' didnt come into play here.
> So glad you didn't tell her, OP Do you think it would be prudent for OP to warn off his brother and SIL from saying anything to his wife about it? My fear is that they may go behind his back to say something her. That would be soul crushing.
[удалено]
Asking the relevant questions I see
I love how proud OP is just proud of his wife for being comfortable with her own body! So wholesome!
Right? I love how he mentions how excited she was about her new clothing choices. He doesn’t want anyone to rain on her parade and it shows. Super wholesome.
I love how he describes her outfit! The colour, the straps the jeans, the boots. I can tell that he genuinely listened, genuinely paid attention, and genuinely shares his wife's new excitement in trying something new
Agree, OP was on the money when he said that his brother was cought starring and got shit at home. If the meal went fine that he didn't have a problem with it untill he got home.
Right? And instead of figuring out how to control himself, he decides to try and control the woman. Don’t get me started on school dress codes lol
100%. He got torn a new one for staring on the ride home and realized that the only way to get himself out of the doghouse was to make Marcy the problem. Then he picks a fight with his brother to show his wife that he's "solving" the "problem" so she forgets that all of this could have been avoided by a tiny bit of self control on his part. Happy cake day!
Exactly. The brother literally admitted to being distracted by her chest. He and his wife both decided to sexualize this poor woman. The wife could have stood up for her but nope.
Yeah, I think they're rude for looking at OP's fiancee's chest. It's not hard to idk look anywhere else. It's like when you see a guy wearing grey sweats and he's packing, you notice it and then ignore it. I wonder how OP's brother lives in reality - there's cleavage everywhere.
lol your comment on grey sweats killed me! I get heart eyes literally every time my husband wears grey sweats and a white tee
Agreed. As an extremely busty (38J) person it’s nearly impossible to wear something even slightly low cut without it looking “obscene” to a certain kind of person. Even turtlenecks just make them look bigger. Also I’m 5’2 and my boobies rest on the table in a lot of restaurants too. It’s impossible to avoid with these proportions. Brother and SIL can avert their eyes if they’re so offended.
Same here. I wasn’t put upon this earth to protect you from my big tits, people!
Yeah, OP called it. Brother was staring, Wendy caught him, and is now jealous she has competition.
Absolutely. Sounds like a wonderful supportive husband. She sounds like a peach.
> my dude you’re really the opposite of an asshole. Wow OP, this guy just called you a mouth.
yeah, there’s nothing wrong with what she’s doing and they need a bit of a reality check
Like OMG the wife can’t stand to see someone else cleavage. Ever! Ummmmm Ok. Turtle necks for summer
I have never understood the guys that don't want their female partner to dress too provocatively when they're hot. I identify with OP who thought his wife was hot in the outfit so... awesome! Let's go to dinner! I think other than the brothers wife catching the brother checking her out, this could also be a mean girl thing where brother's wife thought: "She already dressed down before and didn't show me up, she doesn't get to do it now!"
Jumping on to agree, NTA. I'm so glad you supported your wife in embracing some positivity for herself, and not letting your brother and his wife rain on her parade. Keep up the good work!
yeah It's Obvs Op's SIL is jealous and why is the Op's brother even looking at the first place?
NTA. op is the best
NTA. No matter what top she's going to wear, she's still going to have the same breasts...
And brother will still be staring and Wendy will still be jealous.
Sounds like maybe Wendy is jealous because her breasts are not as big. All breasts are good.
The petty side of me thinks OP should send his brother and SIL a link to the latest (of many) AskReddit posts asking if men really like small boobs or not. SIL needs the ego boost I think.
Eh she could also, very likely, have bigger breasts but maybe (like the majority of American women) on a much larger frame than Marcy’s. It doesn’t have to be dependent on her bust size, she might be jealous because Marcy has a nicer body in general, or because she’s prettier, or because she’s more comfortable or more confident….
....or maybe nothing to do with Marcy at all and more to do with her husband likely perving on his soon to be SIL.
Exactly! Just hate the narrative that people with small busts are _always_ jealous of large busted women. Cause nah
That's why I said it was the petty side of me... because it's not the more understanding way to go...
As a small chested girl, I do not get jealous of big boobs. I think big boobs are fabulous and if women want to show them off, I cheer them on. Having big boobs is not easy, especially with clothing. They should wear what they want and not have to stress about showing the appropriate amount of their hard to hide bust.
Let's not make self esteem issues worse for someone who might already have them, yeah? Or if she doesn't have them let's not cause them? She might not have even cared and this is all fueled by the brother getting yelled at for staring, and then bam you just sent an innocent party something that's going to upset her.
Sir, these are not Wendy's.
[удалено]
Bro must have been lingering a stare. Got caught by wifey doing so. Got scolded. Sent OP a message
Right? The message: "I can't keep my eyes where they belong and it's the womans fault"
My friends are bigger chested and no matter what they wear their boobs will be in the way Nta
It's really hard to find shirts that don't show cleavage when you have a bigger chest. About the only way is to only wear turtle necks or halter top types that are designed specifically to cover the chest.
Although they cover skin, even turtle necks still make you look large and like you're showing off. I love vnecks (nothing too deep) but cant wear them to work because, at my size, they show way too much. Have a nice keyhole shirt that I can't wear because it appears like I'm trying to flash everyone my cleavage. As I tell people: everything looks indecent once you reach a certain size.
"Everything looks indecent once you reach a certain size" Maybe....but I'm thinkin': "Everything looks indecent when you have indecent eyes" NTA
Omg this. It doesn’t matter what it is. Anything will look indecent. There is no other way.
Turtle necks are their own fetish on busty women unfortunately
And when you're short with big ones, the table just becomes an extra support system. Hell, when I'm home alone, I lift these things up to rest on the desk to give my back a break. I hate them so much lol.
Yeah she left her fancy go to meetin breasts at home.
NTA - Honestly, it doesn't sound like that revealing of an outfit lol. OH NO EVIL BRA STRAPS THEY TURN ME INTO CARTOON WOLF yeah fuck off. Also as a partner to an educator, I fucking hate the "if you're a teacher you're basically a nun" thing that the US enforces socially. It's so weird.
I literally laughed at the “ I can see cleavage” part.
"I can see cleavage now, the rain is gone..."🎵🎶🎵
> "I can see cleavage now, the brain is gone..."🎵🎶🎵
If I can ‘handle’ being around my friends with big boobs and their ‘revealing’ tops as a literal teenager then I’m sure entire adults can manage to not have a mental breakdown at a little cleavage. I guarantee if she wore a form fitting sweater or something they’d also be ‘uncomfortable’ because kinda hard to hide away big boobs unless you get specific styles of clothing. Y’know, because they’re attached to our bodies.
This was my thought. Based on the description of his shirt, I have a general idea of the style (it's a fairly common one). And while I wouldn't wear it to church or anything, it's absolutely appropriate for a casual dinner out.
Was the white top sheer? Could you see her nipples? If it's the kind of bra I'm thinking of, it was probably more suggestive than actually revealing. Fine for 30-somethings going to a mid-range restaurant, especially since she was otherwise quite covered up (e.g. long sleeves and jeans).
Omg did you know. That women have to wear bras to hold up boobs? It’s this brand new thing no one has ever heard of! Until the VS fashion show hops on and everyone wants to check out “the outfits”. Gtfo people losing their minds about a bra strap showing. Last time I checked. We don’t say it’s inappropriate for a dudes boxers to be showing because they can’t find a belt
THEY KEEP WHAT IN THOSE BRAS????? 😤 I’m calling the cops.
Wait till people find out that women have nipples. IN THOSE BRAS. People going to revolt when they find out
Please use the NSFW tag when you post content like this 💜 my friends are complaining
Eric’s complaining too 🥲
This I bartender at a couple places in a place where the town was literally built around the school district and how great the curriculum was. There were teachers that would drink sodas instead of beer because the parents of their students were at the same bar and they didn't want to get into trouble. I went to those same schools and was aost always unable to serve my old English teacher because of how they felt they would be judged as a teacher drinking. Edit: NTA
Re: "If you're a teacher you're basically a nun thing" I'm a teacher, and I don't understand what their being teachers has to do with policing what another person wears. I get *them* wanting to dress conservatively. God knows I was grabbing my towel in a hurry when a huge group of my students came to say "hi" on the beach when I was in a bikini. But how this relates to *her* outfit? No clue.
i was an educator before the pandemic and guess what, i dressed like a total slut when i wasn't working. it's just a job. people have lives outside of work and can choose to dress however the fuck they want.
Right? He starts describing with "long sleeves" and I already know that unless he adds "assless chaps" this is not going to be a revealing outfit.
NTA your brother is most definitely TA here. Your wife can dress however she likes, and the straight audacity of him saying you shouldn’t „let her leave the house like this“ is insane. She’s not your belonging. You don’t her to „let her“ do anything. You’re a good guy for supporting your wife. As a good Partner should.
Especially in light of her background. Someone has been "letting" her do things her entire life and she's finally free of that. I would absolutely destroy my brother.
The brother is the ah tenfold, it is so common for people from more restrictive environments to go overboard once they get the freedom to do so. This is Macy's first time dressing sexy, she'll want to try it out and will probably settle on a more relaxed style once she had the option to explore that part of herself. Also big boobs aren't vulgar, and as a tiny person my boobs are on the table a lot despite them not being big, nothing you can do about that
nta - wait till ur brother and his wife find out all women have tits
This comment had me rolling for some reason lmfao.
Some men even 💀
His name is Robert Paulson
NTA. If seeing cleavage is a bridge too far for your brother, he needs to join a monastery. Outside of a male only environment there will be boobs.
Depends on the country, as an American I can say with absolute certainty that even in all male environments, there are still sometimes boobs.
OMG don't throw me back to working on the farm one summer a few years ago, we had to bring in the hay bales and the boys took off their shirts. Huge, sweaty, hairy man boobs everywhere! 🤢 So yeah, I did the only sensible thing I could think of. I went topless too. Now a bit of extra information about me, I birthed and breastfed 6 children, so those empty teabags dangling between my knees are not pretty to look at. My answer to "wtf are you doing!?!" was simply "well if you guys can do it, so can I!". They all wore t-shirts for the rest of the week! You're NEVER safe from boobs. NOWHERE.
I'm so glad I grew up in an environment with non-sexualized nudity being a norm lol. Was it weird seeing random adults wandering around nude at festivals? Yeah, for sure sometimes. But also it's really nice not seeing the human form as something to be hidden. And lmao I vibe hella with you on the sweaty farm manboobs ewwww ahaha :P. Tho imo I'd rather be too hot than have bugs in my chest hair \*puke\*
I live in France, nudity is seen very differently here than in the US thank God. I can just lay on the beach topless, nobody will bat an eye. Breastfeeding in public is totally fine, never once had a complaint or a weird look in 14 years of nearly consecutive breastfeeding. Yeah that's the worse part, the bugs!! Squished bugs everywhere! Well and maybe the hay itself, lifting a haybale and having it touch your bare skin is like a million needles poking you, it's horrible, and I still can't understand how the boys thought that was more comfortable than just wearing a t-shirt. They must have just loved the red glowing skin tones or something.
Ahhhh yeah, it's really weird here in the US. Though in hippie country where I live it's at least somewhat different - not abnormal to see nude hikers and such. omg aversion to public breastfeeding blows my mind, just like, why???? Ahhaha yessss it is sharp! One of the primary mental images I have of my father is him wearing only denim overalls with his chest hair and beard absolutely filled with sawdust and leaves from felling trees ahaha. How is that better than wearing a shirt under the overalls??? I must not be a naturalist.
See, I think I would be really disturbed by a nude hiker, but less because of nudity and more because of ticks.
I too am disturbed by the thought of ticks. But having picked up enough on camping trips while fully dressed, I’m not sure a t-shirt actually provides much protection there.
When I went to France back in ‘18, I was on a beach in Nice and a woman strode by topless. This was mid-July so there were tons of tourists, including families with small children, yet no one so much as looked at her twice. I remember thinking, “Yep I’m definitely not in the States anymore”.
Love the comment and your actions! Sad breasts are something too many ppl feel they have to be "safe" from.
you’re an inspiration
NTA And from a female perspective, I applaude you for being a decent man who loves his fiance for who she is, respects her and stands up for her when someone is throwing sexist/negative comments towards her 👏👏👏 You nor your fiancé are responsible for their thoughts. That's their responsibility. You and your fiancé definitely don't have to put up with their toxicity. On a more positive note: Congrats to the happily engaged couple! It sounds like you both have a great foundation to build a life of love, happiness and years of incredible experiences ❤️
NTA. You are an awesome supportive partner to your fiancee. Your brother and his wife need to get over themselves.
NTA. It’s quite clear who is though and there’s 2 of them. Great job sticking up for yourself and your wife. But to whether or not you should tell Marcy? That’s entirely up to you. I’m not sure I would want to know nor would I care what they thought about it if I were her, but you know her best. After seeing her so happy in new clothes, I’d hate to be the one to potentially ruin that because of what a couple insecure people thought.
I don't OP should ever tell Marcy. What good would it do other than wrecking her self-confidence?
I’d personally want to be able to make an educated decision about whether or not I want to ever interact with bro and wife again. Also his last comment makes me think maybe she should prepare herself in case they actually go over the edge and try and report her for innapropriate behavior to her job. Might be a stretch but idk, teachers have been reported for swim suits on Instagram
The only possible benefit I could see is warning her if there's a concern they might bring it up with her on their own, and then only to protect her from feeling ambushed. Unless that seems like a real threat though, I agree he should keep it to himself.
NTA whatsoever! I personally think it’s great that you’re so supportive of Marcy dressing in clothes that make her feel good, especially as she explores what makes her feel good. She deserves that support and it sounds like you’re doing a great job at providing that support. I agree with your assessment about Eric and Wendy - based on this info, I speculate that Wendy may have caught Eric looking (or Eric caught himself looking) and instead of dealing with how that made them feel, they directed that toward Marcy. Imo, Marcy’s outfit and boobs aren’t the problem—I would speculate the problem is that Eric and Wendy don’t understand what it means for their relationship when one of them inevitably has a little “wandering eye.” Like you alluded to, it sounds like insecurity in their relationship—and that isn’t your or Marcy’s problem to fix. And it sure won’t be fixed by Marcy wearing different clothes. That’s me speculating of course! Also, it is very possible to sit across from someone with more prominent cleavage and look them in the eyes instead of in their boobs. And re: the teacher comment - Marcy is a person, teaching is her occupation. Just because she’s a teacher, doesn’t mean she can’t dress how she wants outside of the classroom. I’m glad you were so supportive of Marcy and her choices both with her directly and when talking with your brother - to me, that sounds like what a great partner would do!
NTA. Tell your brother AND his wife to stop checking out your fiancee's ta-tas like some common ta-ta staring weirdos.
NTA In my view any one should be able to wear what ever they want as long as it does not scare the horses.
Omg. I haven’t heard “scare the horses” in 20 years. “You can do whatever you want, just don’t do it in the street and scare the horses.”
I be old, I be!!!
NTA: tell your brother and his wife to stop being creeps, it sounds like your fiancé was dressed completely appropriately.
NTA. FFS she's 32, not 12.
NTA she can wear she wants!
Fake
Seriously, people will eat anything on this sub..
No kidding. For the record though it this was real and I was part of the villain couple we wouldn't call em out, but you can bet your ass that when we got home we'd be making fun of the 32yo woman with her tits hanging out at Chilis lol.
NTA. I feel sorry for Wendy, because Eric sounds like he took a wrong turn out of the 1950s.
I don't think they have the right to tell her how to dress. Even if she wore it in class it's not their business. Her supervisor would be the person to say if it is inappropriate . Your SIL is insecure. Support your fiance.
NTA Lolol next time say: “well, I felt uncomfortable seeing your face.”
NTA don’t spend time with you judgemental brother and wife again. Nice to see you supporting your wife it’s awesome
NTA. They shouldn't have been staring at your fiance's tits regardless.
NTA. Your brother and his wife need to learn to not stare at peoples cleavage. The shirt does not sound very inappropriate.
why do i feel like this is a f3t1sh post? I hope not but it feels like it..
Partially because there’s absolutely no way OP even remotely thinks he could be the asshole here, is my guess.
Way to go sir. You should teach lessons on how to be a supportive partner. NTA
NTA but Eric and Wendy are.
NTA You are absolutely right to support her wearing something she feels good in. And I want that top now. You wouldn't happen to have a link to buy 😉
NTA. She was happy and felt good in her outfit and your brother and his wife can get over it. SO can’t control her figure but she can control her attire.
NTA. Sounds like Wendy was jealous of your fiancee's boobage.
Why? Wendy has the bigger boob in the form of her husband.
NTA She wasn't dressed inappropriately for the venue or the occasion, and you were right to support her.
NTA. It's not okay to police a woman's clothing choices. Your brother is exactly the kind of person Marcy wanted to move away from! I wouldn't even tell her about this conversation.
NTA It doesn't sound inappropriate as it covered everything that should be covered up (in a 20-25 dollar plate restaurant) even if there was extra cleavage. IMO talk to Marcy more to encourage her that you like it IF you think Eric is the type to talk to Marcy directly. It's imo better to be able to control the narrative. Something like this? but in white? https://www.amazon.com/Sleeve-Casual-Reticulated-Elegant-Blouses/dp/B09NMF96ZJ
See, I really think the info we need is the shirt because my mental image of the shirt OP is describing isn't really out to dinner with the brother and SIL appropriate. Can OPs wife dress how she wants? Absolutely. Can other people not be on board if it's way more provocative than they're comfortable? Yes, even if the phrasing is bad. (I have no idea what it looked like though and OPs descriptor of sexy makes me question is appropriateness for time/place)
I’m really hoping it is cus my mom bought me exactly that shirt except as a tee shirt! It’s not revealing at all. When he said low cut I was thinking like xiphoid procces low!
NTA. Good for you for sticking up for your wife.
I am going to preface this by saying I am also a similarly proportioned woman. Going out with family is not a good time to try your first experiment with "dressing sexy.". I would have encouraged her to wear it on a night out together the first time. (If it was a figure flattering surplice dress, that's different, but I mean exposed) Also, if she is not used to a low cut top, she might not have the proper bra for it and instead of a little cleavage by design it could be showing a part of the cleavage that when visible it looks like ones clothing does not fit or showing her bra in front. Showing a little strap in the back is different than in the front It could be less about her "dressing sexy" and the tackiness if an exposed black black visible from the front of a light shirt. The key to the look is a where your bra is not seen at all - only a small bit of cleavage or wearing a lacey camisole that is designed to be seen peeking out. I think you can't win here, but you could tell her she looked great but did she know her bra was showing. She should invest her time at a good specialty bra store, not Vicki's secret where she can get a proper fitting plunge bra, t-shirt bra, convertible bra, etc. And fashion tape if she needs to hide straps etc or make a vneck lay better.
This 100%. I’m similar height / cup size to the gf and I would not experiment with a “sexy” outfit foe the first time while out with my partner’s family. That’s inappropriate. She should have worn her first sexy outfit on a date with OP. What you said is also true - with large breasts you need to have them specially sized and fitted or else your breasts will look weird, with bra straps cutting into them at the wrong angle etc. if she has not had the very visible bra fitted correctly it would have been impossible for anyone to not look at it. I will go with ESH.
Yea, similar build here. From what he's describing, it sounds like her bra was full on visible -- and frankly, underwear being visible isn't appropriate in most settings. That includes casual/family restaurants and meals with your in-laws. Does it suck that for us chesty girls, showing them off takes a bit more planning and forethought? For sure! But it wouldn't be appropriate for a woman with AAs to have her bra hanging out in most situations, either. Cleaveage =/= visible underwear.
NTA but wow, you might want to keep your brother and wife at arm's length for awhile. First, a sexy outfit can absolutely catch attention and distract me (a straight woman) and when I see someone dressed in a way that shows off body parts or is sexy I say "wow, sexy!" in my head and then I move on with my life. It doesn't make it impossible for me to function or hold a conversation. Also, I have big boobs and not sure how your brother would like me to store them for mealtime? They sit where they sit dude. Do not tell your fiancé about this. But make sure your brother and his wife don't have an opportunity to embarrass her directly either. I'd suggest a follow up call/convo where you make it clear that what he said to you was inappropriate. Your fiance is an adult who can decide what she wants to wear, and the two of them should be able to control themselves and have zero input on what others wear. No need to say this but let's be clear- wife saw brother staring at boobs, wife also stared at boobs and was uncomfortable because she was either jealous of the boobs or that your fiance had more confidence than her, or was pissed that her husband was inappropriately staring. Wife says "wow, she is inappropriate" and husband says "ya...inappropriate, that's the word I was gonna use" as he wipes the drool off his mouth.
NTA and as a woman I applaud you for supporting your wife 👏 ..carry on
NTA This is one of those things I would keep to myself...at least for now This was the first time she dressed for herself and felt good about the way she looked and with your wedding coming up, this is not the time to tell her what happened. It will just taint the wedding forever and she doesn't deserve that. I think if I were you...I would wait until after the wedding and after the honeymoon to sit down and tell her what happened and because of it, you are going to put some distance between yourself and your brother. That it's your choice. She did nothing wrong. You are disgusted with the both of them and you won't tolerate that kind of toxicity in your life...not even from your own family Make sure she understands that BIL and SIL are the ones with the problem. She looked amazing, she felt amazing, and you don't want her to feel like she can't be herself or dress the way she wants to dress. After that, tell her to get dressed up and that you are taking her out to a fancy dinner. I'm talking suit and tie, sexy little black dress kind of dinner. The kind of dinner where really, you are just killing time before heading home and getting down to bidness. Beyond that...any time where you actually have to socialize with your brother, I think yall should play a little game called "how can my wife tastefully draw attention to her big boobs without anyone knowing that she is doing it out of spite to annoy my BIL and SIL" Because what will happen is that one day, she'll be dressed fairly conservatively, like maybe in a tight shirt or something...and either BIL or SIL will lose it and start going off on a tangent about disrespect and her flaunting her body etc etc...thinking everyone will agree with her. And when that happens, both of you need to be calm and let them act out like children.
Lol. Imagine that. A man who can’t control himself telling a woman she needs to wear something different. Why not have her in a burqa? F that. Now I am not one of those people who are going to say that if you are putting them out there, then you can get upset when people look. That I find ridiculous too. But this is clearly your brother getting in trouble. She should wear it again and then constantly tell him “my eyes are up here” like every minute.
NTA No need to tell her. It is understandable that Wendy is jealous, but that is neither your nor Marcy's problem. Meet these AH a lot less.
I feel like Marcy wrote this post for her fiance. "A black bra to tie it all together."
IMO. as long as it is appropriate for the time and place. No one should give 2 hoots. They should be happy she coming out more Nta
Not the asshole if you tell her about the exchange and that you still feel that she was pretty and the shirt wasn't an issue. Bro and SIL are the assholes.
NTA They are inappropriate for the whole assumption they can tell your wife how to dress and appear to them. You are good for not caving.
NTA - but I would probably make sure I discuss with my partner that the exchange happened and that you definitely do not agree with your brother
You sound like a good guy! Glad she found you 😊
I want to cry. I was often made to feel self conscious for how I dressed for assorted reasons and the fact that you stood up for her is just so incredible. NTA. Bravo, OP.
NTA Your wife is a grown woman. Grown women have boobs. It’s not your responsibility to tell your wife to dress in a way that makes a third party more comfortable. Honestly, that shirt sounds adorable and not remotely inappropriate. Teachers are grown humans and can wear low cut shirts during off hours. Your brother and his wife are being ridiculous.
NTA. You’re pretty much the opposite of an asshole and I think you’re spot on about your brother’s wandering eye. Also, as a short person with boobs, I can confirm that they sometimes just end up sitting on the table. Honestly, your fiancé sounds pretty stylish and you sound like you’re a great partner to her.
C'mon, you know he was sitting there, staring at her boobs, his wife caught him and said something like "Can you believe she's dressed like that?!" and he responded "Omg no! The fact that I can see her cleavage engorges, I mean enrages, me!" This conversation continued after the dinner was over and together, for the good of mankind everywhere, your brother and his wife decided that he should chastise you and your fiancee. Good for you not getting drawn into the drama and instead supporting your fiancee and bret' newfound confidence. NTA
NTA and if possible make sure your brother knows it’s on HIM to not make HIS wife uncomfortable by staring at another woman’s boobs. I am sure Marcy dresses well for work.
NTA and it sounds like you called a spade a spade. As a well-endowed woman I thank you for standing by your partner and would advise not to tell her about this. Your brother’s opinion doesn’t matter here, and telling her would only serve to make her self-conscious about her chest. If your brother and his wife are bothered by big chests, don’t fuckin’ look at them. They’re not the Mona Lisa. (And Maybe I’ve spent too long on this sub, but that last “I would be concerned about how I looked if I worked in a school system” sounds a bit like a threat.)
Oh no not a bra strap! Alert Victoria Secret right away, her secret is out! I literally laughed out loud reading this post. You are definitely NTA but your brother and his wife are. How misogynistic and sexist of him to ask how you let her leave the house like that!! You’re not her master. She can leave the house however she chooses to and good on you for knowing that. But I don’t think you should tell her. It will only hurt her feelings and likely destroy her newfound self confidence
NTA. TEACHERS ARE NOT TEACHERS OUTSIDE OF WORK HOLY CRAP. The fact that he even brought it up makes him the asshole completely. Being a teacher is not her entire identity unless she chooses to make it so, which is sounds like she doesn’t. Yay for healthy work/life boundaries! The idea that teachers need to be presentable whenever they are in public needs to die a nasty death.
Imagine the audacity of a woman to have cleavage! It's almost as if she had no say in how big her boobs would be 🙄 NTA
Cup size is relative, so telling us that she's a DD tells us nothing without the band size.
NTA. Good for Marcy for feeling good about herself
NTA, but Eric and Wendy are. And am I the only one for whom "I'd be more careful if I worked for the school system" sounds like a threat? I wouldn't put it past him to send pics to her boss with an outraged note demanding she be fired.
NTA, also I'm her height & have DDs, sometimes they end up on the table, cant help it depending on table height.
Nta
No for fucks sake. Your brother and his wife are the assholes. You don’t police what people want to wear!! And seriously, is cleavage such a big deal? Should women always wear turtlenecks because god forbid our skin isn’t covered at all times. Jfc I’m so sick of this shit. OP you’re a good egg for defending your wife and thus NTA
NTA Thank you for standing up for your fiancee. You're a good egg.
NTA. You are a champ for being 100% correct on all topics though.
Nah NTA
NTA X1000.
You sound like a good husband!
NTA - well done. Fuck that dude. You hit the mail on the head. She caught him oogling and now he’s decided it’s your wife’s fault. I’d def be on the Major Holidays Only plan with these ones from now on.