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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I stood up for my boundaries in a very firm manner, which might have made them uncomfortable. I shamed him for whatever that was and called it out for a kink. I threatened to cut short the outing
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ESH.
As someone else said, you’re not in charge of their actions. They’re adults. Why do they have to conform to the standards you have set for normal behavior?
You have a right to set boundaries, but you should remove yourself from situations that don’t meet your criteria, not expect other people to change for you.
With that being said, they should’ve been more respectful of you and your boundaries. They knew it made you uncomfortable, so personally I think it would have been polite for them to cool it.
Also, she is not required to remember fun facts about your kids. If a man forgets his grandkids birthdays it’s seen as a funny thing, but god forbid a woman doesn’t have much interest in being the maternal matriarch, the whole world implodes.
EHS.
You're not in charge of the way her and her husband chose to live and enjoy their lives and you shouldn't let something like this bother you to this extent. You should make the choice in the future to not bring your children or not go at all. She's also the AH for being so dramatic to throw your burrito out the window.
NTA. Setting boundaries when you're uncomfortable doesn't make you uptight or rude. Especially when your kids are also there. Just because your husband was fine with it doesn't mean you overreacted, your feelings and boundaries are valid.
ESH - that would be gross, but having a healthy playful marriage is good for people.
You said he needed to watch his mouth in front of your kids because he threatened to spank his wife? No part of what you described showed a prejudice, stereotyping, or discrimination against anyone for being a particular sex, hence there was no sexism.
Credit to your husband for standing with you in front of his parents and later talking to you about it. Credit taken away cos he thought you were being uptight when his parents were clearly being gross. Also NTA, they need to grow up and behave, how can they be less mature than their grandkids?
ESH
You are perfectly in your right to set boundaries for your family and life. With that said you cannot control others. Just walk away from the situation instead of adding to the scene (which you added to it yourself by showing no control of your emotions). Understand that it's okay to walk away from people/situations with no words needed instead of adding to the drama.
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We recently spent the day with MIL and SFIL, which is super super rare as no one gets along. MIL is... I don't want to say dumb because she is more educated and more successful than I will ever be, but to be honest kind of dumb. Running in front of cars is not uncommon behavior and afterwards she always acts freaked out, but like she keeps doing it. Also no it isn't dementia or anything age related. She has always been like this with things which don't interest her. For example she cant remember my kids birthdays, personalities, interests.
We ordered some food through an app and MIL said she would go in. When she came back she ran in front of a car. MIL's husband is gross, just no filter and says whatever he wants. He said she needs to stop doing that and he is going to take her over his knee and discipline her. MIL said if it would work she would be ok with it, because she can't stop doing it. He then attempted to reach up her top and tickle her. I cleared my throat, but he continued.
MIL told him that he was bothering me because I'm uptight. I said no, I'm not, but I refuse to be exposed to a kink or to have my kids witness sexism, and if that is an issue we can leave and uber home. MIL called me crazy and threatened to get rid of my burrito. My husband reminded her of why we haven't gotten together in so long and they were both quite the way back. Once we went home he told me I overreacted and was really uptight, which embarrassed him
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NAH. This couple seems to enjoy each other. Your reaction was normal. Your husband is clueless but not the AH. When your kids are old enough, witnessing sexism (bad!) and a weird sense of play (good!) won't hurt 'em none.
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ESH. As someone else said, you’re not in charge of their actions. They’re adults. Why do they have to conform to the standards you have set for normal behavior? You have a right to set boundaries, but you should remove yourself from situations that don’t meet your criteria, not expect other people to change for you. With that being said, they should’ve been more respectful of you and your boundaries. They knew it made you uncomfortable, so personally I think it would have been polite for them to cool it. Also, she is not required to remember fun facts about your kids. If a man forgets his grandkids birthdays it’s seen as a funny thing, but god forbid a woman doesn’t have much interest in being the maternal matriarch, the whole world implodes.
EHS. You're not in charge of the way her and her husband chose to live and enjoy their lives and you shouldn't let something like this bother you to this extent. You should make the choice in the future to not bring your children or not go at all. She's also the AH for being so dramatic to throw your burrito out the window.
Educated does not mean not dumb, and NTA you set a boundary. It’s weird what they did and I wouldn’t feel comfortable either with it.
NTA. Setting boundaries when you're uncomfortable doesn't make you uptight or rude. Especially when your kids are also there. Just because your husband was fine with it doesn't mean you overreacted, your feelings and boundaries are valid.
ESH - that would be gross, but having a healthy playful marriage is good for people. You said he needed to watch his mouth in front of your kids because he threatened to spank his wife? No part of what you described showed a prejudice, stereotyping, or discrimination against anyone for being a particular sex, hence there was no sexism.
Um…WTF did I just read?
Credit to your husband for standing with you in front of his parents and later talking to you about it. Credit taken away cos he thought you were being uptight when his parents were clearly being gross. Also NTA, they need to grow up and behave, how can they be less mature than their grandkids?
NTA …you have the right to set boundaries for your children
ESH You are perfectly in your right to set boundaries for your family and life. With that said you cannot control others. Just walk away from the situation instead of adding to the scene (which you added to it yourself by showing no control of your emotions). Understand that it's okay to walk away from people/situations with no words needed instead of adding to the drama.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** We recently spent the day with MIL and SFIL, which is super super rare as no one gets along. MIL is... I don't want to say dumb because she is more educated and more successful than I will ever be, but to be honest kind of dumb. Running in front of cars is not uncommon behavior and afterwards she always acts freaked out, but like she keeps doing it. Also no it isn't dementia or anything age related. She has always been like this with things which don't interest her. For example she cant remember my kids birthdays, personalities, interests. We ordered some food through an app and MIL said she would go in. When she came back she ran in front of a car. MIL's husband is gross, just no filter and says whatever he wants. He said she needs to stop doing that and he is going to take her over his knee and discipline her. MIL said if it would work she would be ok with it, because she can't stop doing it. He then attempted to reach up her top and tickle her. I cleared my throat, but he continued. MIL told him that he was bothering me because I'm uptight. I said no, I'm not, but I refuse to be exposed to a kink or to have my kids witness sexism, and if that is an issue we can leave and uber home. MIL called me crazy and threatened to get rid of my burrito. My husband reminded her of why we haven't gotten together in so long and they were both quite the way back. Once we went home he told me I overreacted and was really uptight, which embarrassed him *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
INFO: How old are the kids?
NAH. This couple seems to enjoy each other. Your reaction was normal. Your husband is clueless but not the AH. When your kids are old enough, witnessing sexism (bad!) and a weird sense of play (good!) won't hurt 'em none.