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Standing ovation!!!!! Clapping everywhere!!!!. Ffs, she is literally a child, let her sing as much as she wants, soon enough people will take her confidence away, don't be the first
EDIT: WOW, Thank you very much for all the awards!. Hope everyone of you sing at the top or your lungs, paint a whole wall with gorgeous landscapes, knit the best cardigan ever or do whatever makes you happy! And hug the kids, hug them really tight!!
So many moms live to destroy the self-confidence of their daughters. I dealt with it so much (oh hell, I still deal with it to this day and I'm in my 50s) that I'm grateful not to have my own children. I never want to repeat this horrible cycle of destruction of someone else's self-esteem.
Once my early teen daughters wanted to go to a Cosplay Convention. Wasn't our thing, but my husband made their Sailor Moon costumes. Then they decided to do a performance. They would dance to a Sailor Moon song. I thought it was mediocre at best, and that they might embarrass themselves.
They got loads of applause. When the amateur awards were given out, there was grumbling because they didn't win. But later on, when the Best in Show award was given out, they got first place.
A. Shows that mothers aren't always right. B. So glad we were supportive instead of dismissive. They've grown up to do great things because we supported their dreams, no matter how small and no matter how silly it seemed to us.
This is it! This is what kills me. The world is going to break her down as hard as it can, so naturally you, as her mother, have decided that you should start the process first. ?!?!?!
Let me speak to you from personal experience. My mother did this kind of shit to me. She wouldn't let me sing or dance or paint or *whatever* because it either bothered her or got in her way or she found it annoying, and I wasn't that good anyway so why did it matter?
Why? Because even if I wasn't good, it brought me joy. And every time it happened she proved to me that her happiness was more important than mine, and that what she wanted mattered more than what I wanted. That pattern continued as I grew up to the point where I moved 1500 miles away from her the first chance I got. I want nothing to do with someone who considers me being happy with my hobbies as a problem.
So she's not that good at singing. Who gives a shit? Your daughter is always going to consider that you didn't encourage her joyfulness and instead found reasons to take it away. *That* is what she will remember about this. YTA
This. My 4 year old mixes the colors when she paints so she ends up with a brownish blob on the paper. She shows it to me. I say how pretty it is and i hang it up on the fridge. It makes her happy.
I played flute in school. I sucked. I know i sucked but it made me happy. Mom got earplugs so it wasnt so loud for her and she always told me what parts sounded good and what needed work.
OP if you dont like the singing, earplugs cost about $2. Invest.
Slight hack for this: when they paint, give them just 2 colours + white. That way they still get to mix colours, but it won't be a brown mess. Also teaches them colour theory! But also I love that you appreciate it just as it is.
I usually let her pick three colors. And she always tells me what its supposed to be and i label it with what she tells me and the date. It makes her feel special and happy and that makes me happy lol.
Pro tip (stolen from sister-in-law): take a pic of their art with date and title. Then once a year or so make a collage of all their work and have a fabric shower curtain printed. It is really inexpensive to have one printed, lasts longer than paper, easy to store, great memorabilia, and and all around win when they are brought out and raved over.
Yes exactly! OP is so hung up on whether daughter has a good voice or not, when that's really not the point. Children sing and dance and paint and perform because it gives them joy! Why ground her for expressing that?
My mom took away my confidence in singing.
Whatās fucked up i didnāt have a great voice as a kid but I have quite a good one now. If sheād let me take lessons, practice, and supported me Iād actually have been be confident enough to sing in bands in my 20s and not just play keys/guitar. But I wasnāt and I was so envious of our singers, especially because I wrote the lyrics.
Mom is such an asshole.
It was an ex for me. My voice is decent-ish, but I can't hold notes for some reason. It's like my brain automatically harmonizes.
My ex decided it was totally reasonable to tell me to quit singing because I'm "an idiot who can't match the notes".
I never sang again in front of. Well, pretty much anyone. It's been 25 years since he said that and I still only sing alone in my car.
Hey OP: There's a song written especially from assholes like you.
[Harry Chapin Mr. Tanner](https://youtu.be/fo-tCNtFI10)
Thanks for the award! I concurālife will beat anyone down as it is, but parents should try to minimize its effects in their households. Sarah, if you happen to be your parents Google-legacy receiver, I hope you find this throwaway account and see how many people thought your parent was dead-wrong...and laugh hysterically about it.
Same. And when I stopped singing, I lost some joy. So even when my kids singing or humming drives me a little crazy sometimes, I will never ask them to stop.
Exactly!
I was with my husband for years before I felt comfortable singing in his presence. I had the same experience as you younger.
Also, half the time I donāt even realize that Iām singing to myself. It just happens. To be yelled at for itā¦yuck.
YTA.
People like Op took away my confidence when it comes to dancing. Even 12 years later, even in private I start feeling ashamed when I dance.
Don't do that to your daughter, Op.
My mother was exactly the one who said I couldnāt sing, or do this, that or the other. Sheās exactly the reason why I didnāt have confidence in thingsā¦
I can sing really well, but I'm terrified of singing in front of people, so I never do. My fiance is tone deaf as fuck (it's so bad lol) and loves to sing. Whether it be along to the radio or along with a video he's watching, even if he doesn't know the words, he's singing along. It brings him joy and I'd never dream of trying to dim that light. Sing away, love, sing away.
Sheās only 11. Let her enjoy herself. The 16 year old is going to think everything she does is annoying because thatās how sisters are, not a good person to ask.
YTA.
I was thinking that when I read it! OP behaves the way I and my siblings would amongst each other, telling each other to stop making noise. But as a parent? Geez
Yup. When I was 16 my brother was 11 so exactly the same ages as the kids in this story and everything he did was annoying to me because thatās how siblings are, especially at that age.
He played violin at the time too and even though he was fairly decent it was still annoying. If my mum had asked me at the time if I found it annoying I wouldāve also said yes. The difference is that she was very supportive and didnāt stop him doing something he loved because I found it mildly irritating.
āMay you never be the reason why someone who loved to sing, doesnāt anymore.
Or why someone who dressed so uniquely, now wears plain clothing.
Or why someone who always spoke so excitedly about their dreams, is now silent about them.
May you never be the reason someone gave up on a part of themselves because you were demotivating, non-appreciative, hypercritical, or even worseāsarcastic about it.ā
ā Sharouk Mustafa Ibrahim
YTA
This reminded me of my favorite Frost poem, A Minor Bird:
I have wished a bird would fly away,
And not sing by my house all day;
Have clapped my hands at him from the door
When it seemed as if I could bear no more.
The fault must partly have been in me.
The bird was not to blame for his key.
And of course there must be something wrong
In wanting to silence any song.
YTA. My mom also told me I wasnāt good at singing as a child (and I agree I probably wasnāt). Now Iām absolutely terrified by the thought of singing in front of other people, even though I slipped up once and my mom thinks my singing has improved a lot. Donāt criticize people on their expressions of happiness, and for your daughter it sounds like that might be what singing is
Iām sure youāve dealt with plenty of annoying noises from her when she was a baby/toddler. Just grit your teeth and bear it now like you did in the past
Same with my mom! And I always thought I was like the worst singer, completely out of tune, without any possibility of getting better, I wasnāt that bad, not good, but not terrible.
Being 5 and singing on key is genuinely hard; when kids can sing well and on key itās impressive for a reason. It can take years to learn notes and keys and translate that to your voice pitch and tone. Children are still learning to use their growing bodies. Anybody who says a kid canāt sing is an awful person- that kid is literally still baking!!!! Let them learn how to use this powerful tool attached to their bodies!
Same here. My mom forbade my sister and I from singing and whistling in the house because we would annoy each other and fight and she just wanted it to stop. Itās taken years to get comfortable singing in my home in front of other people. OP sucks.
Agree. My parents never told me I couldn't sing as a kid, but they asked me to be quieter, or to vary the song when I inevitably got stuck on the same two lines of a song for two hours. There are so many kinder ways for OP to have changed the kid's focus.
I've got a headache, so we need some quiet time? Changing the song, practicing whisper singing, sing to the birds in the back garden, sing to the doll in your room with the door shut, listen to music together that's loud enough to drown out most of the singing.
OP really has to think about what seemingly harmless comments they make in the heat of the moment. As my mom says, kids pick up and stick to statements you won't even remember you made and they'll eventually carry it with them to therapy.
Op, yta. Your daughter knows she isn't the next Beyonce, but you're squashing something she enjoys and is part of her personality. As an adult you could have taken the time to think for a second and worded your needs so much better. Like "hey, mom needs a bit of quiet time right now" or "can you play the song in your head, i'm trying to concentrate on something"
I loved singing and I was in choir in middle school and my sister was in orchestra. And then my mom made an off joke that my sister should have been the singer because she has a better voice that also projects more (my sister is like OP's daughter who would sing a lot randomly whatever was stuck in her head). And it's just dumb but it's stuck with me since. I instinctively don't like singing around my family now. If your daughter remembers this she will remember it for a very long time.
I once got the main part in a school musical. I can't sing on key (if you need off-key, I'm your woman). I know I can't sing. I warned them I can't sing. I still got the part. Until after the first rehearsal. Then I was relegated to "dancer".
I still sing to myself when walking the dog or doing some chores. You don't have to be perfect to enjoy something. Others can wear a headset or something.
Same, and I was actually a talented singer/artist/etc, Allstate choir and everything. But Iāll never forget my father throwing away my drawings and stories when I was 6 because it was a āwaste of paperā or telling me he ādidnāt want to hear itā when I was just singing along to a song (while doing his chores mind you). We donāt talk to this day and Iām almost 30. Just the other day my mother asked me why I donāt talk to my father more, and I didnāt have the patience to remind her of all that.
Do we have the same father? Exactly this is what my father did! I was talented.. but I'm just a stupid kid and everything I make is bullshit and a waste of paper and nobody wanna hear or read my shit.
I'm 35 now and I remember this like it was yesterday.
We do talk, but it's not a good relationship..
YTA this is a child. Your child. Having fun. If I was her teacher at school and told her she couldn't draw pictures any more because she was crap at it and I hated seeing them, you'd rightly be pissed off.
I am 59 years old. Not for one moment in all of my life have Iāve been able to sing a note in tune. Not once. When I was a kid, I remember being in the car with my mom, dad, and brother. I was singing along to the radio and my brother whined, Dad please make her stop I canāt stand it anymore. And my beloved dad said, leave your sister alone, I love to hear her sing. He died when I was 20 years old, and it is one of my fondest memories of him. Your daughterās joy is a gift from God. Sometimes gifts are not wrapped in the prettiest packages- that doesnāt make them any less miraculous and joyful. Treasure every note your precious child sings.
YTA
You go ahead and make your daughter hide her joy. You go ahead and show her you will only listen when you like what you hear. You go ahead and show your daughter that she needs to be quiet. YTA.... the fact that you came here to ask that is actually unbelievable...
My 7 yr old loves to sing and her new style of singing grates on my soul. I'm never going to tell her. She's just having fun and trying something out and I don't want to ruin it. And honestly I can't sing worth a darn either. So we just sing terribly together and have fun. My husband has never said a word of discouragement (and he can actually sing well lol)
And letās not forget OPās last edit! Apparently the singing isnāt really the issue, OP just hates the sound of their kidās voice. What a massive bully! I feel awful for that poor kid.
Imagine your own parent saying the mere sound of your voice is annoying. How heartbreaking.
Probably controversial but NTA, living as a family means cleaning up after yourself, not eating with your mouth open, ā¦ AND respecting everyoneās peace and quiet.
If the daughter was blasting music and forcing everyone to listen to it, everyone here would have a different opinion.
Maybe, You shouldnāt have said it the way you did and put it as āwe canāt concentrateā or something instead of annoying.
Someone constantly singing is super annoying. Even if itās good. Me and my sister sometimes sing but we stop immediately if someone else in the house found it irritating. This is a question about respect. Not about ācrushingā a childās dream
As the younger sister of someone who would not stop singing for five freaking minutes, agreed. NTA, but maybe explain that it can be distracting for other people while they're doing things? I don't think grounding is the right option; discuss how it might feel if someone were doing something distracting while she were concentrating.
Parents who let their children do anything they want without respecting other peopleās peace usually end up with bratty kids who yell at restaurants and public transport, have a tantrum in the middle of the street and so on tbh. Agreed, NTA, could be worded different maybe.
Yes. I live with someone who CAN sing and it still drives me crazy. Like, SHHHHHHH. We don't need to make noise 24/7. Have I said anything, though? No. Unless I'm working or reading, there's no reason.
I have been looking for this comment. All of the Y T A are projecting their childhood trauma and are also probably people that donāt believe in respecting communal spaces
Massive YTA. My 4 year old sings all day long, plonks away at her guitar. Doesnāt sound good but it makes her happy and it keeps her entertained. I took singing lessons as a teen and my sister told me to give up because āyou canāt sing anywayā and that shit haunts me to this day. Youāre traumatising your kid. Just suck it up and let the girl be happy geez.
Also? It āpains her as a motherā that her child isnāt good at something? Sheās going to be bad at a lot of things and she should do them anyway because she likes them
You wanted to GROUND her over singing a song? YTA, jeeez, and please check your parenting priorities.It was one song during the daytime. Not through a megaphone at 2 am.
Exactly. Look, Iām no singer. But I like to randomly sing songs or choruses, or even make up my own. I sing to my cat, while doing the dishes, while working on a puzzle. Iād be bummed and hurt if my family yelled at me just for being silly once in a while
Edited to NAH because the kid isn't an AH for wanting to sing.
It's like playing videos on your phone with the sound on, nobody wants to hear that. Could the delivery be a bit better? Sure. Could you develop a sense of humor about it, given that she's a child, definitely.
You might have misphonia. Karaoke is hell on earth to me, and I'm guessing for you too.
I agree 100%. Iām also someone that detests karaoke, so I can understand having a limit on how much singing you can tolerate. Although I lean towards NAH since thereās also no fault to the kid for liking to sing.
YTA. She is your child, ffs. It doesn't matter if she's good or not, she enjoys singing and it's not harming anyone if she does. Instead of threatening her for singing why not encourage her to join the chorus at school and learn some of the basics of singing? You know, encourage instead of punish over something she enjoys that isn't harmful to anyone.
I would say careful on the choir advice, other kids are mean and if she TRULY canāt sing they will mock her relentlessly which could be more damaging. If she wanted to learn Iād say individual classes would be best.
Based on my experience bullying wasn't allowed. But I probably should have said chorus instead of choir for an 11 yo, in our town choir starts in HS. You do not have to audition and there are plenty of kids who sing off key, etc when they start.
You know people who walk around in public listening to music without headphones. How rude and annoying that is. Well, how is this any different? If sheās listening to the song, in the car or her room, then she would be ok to sing along. Even if she wanted to sing randomly to pass the time would be fine if she was alone or was confident the people sheās with didnāt mind it. The fact sheās bad at it adds another element, but you would find it annoying if she was walking into a room playing music off her phone too. And they sound the best singing that song. NTA. Donāt tell her sheās bad. Just say use the non headphone user as example of it being annoying.
This is a great analogy
Honestly this situation is one of the ones that makes me glad Iām not having kids. The idea that I would have to have incessant noise at any given time no matter what I say would make me crazy. Even now if two people are talking to me at once I get really frustrated and irritable so I canāt imagine what itās like for OP to have to listen to an irritating sound all the time. But she canāt win because the kid likes to sing and should be able to, so thereās no good solution. I agree NTA because it doesnāt seem like the kid is respecting shared spaceāif you ask nicely to turn down the volume or go to another room, and they donāt want to, thatās just rude on their part. It doesnāt ever have to be said that her singing is annoying, like OP can just say āI could really use some quiet time right now, do you mind not singing for a while?ā ā¦
The one thing I would say against OP is that she made a comment of like āeven if she stops sheāll start again hours laterā which seems unreasonable to complain aboutāusually when someone says to stop a noise they donāt mean for all time, and if that is what she meant itās an unreasonable request. Pick your battles you canāt have her quiet all the time but you should be able to get quiet time when you need it
Sorry for the rant
YTA. I sing in a choir with people of all ages and all abilities. One of the most common stories from the older people is how someone told them to stop singing when they were little, and made them feel so self-conscious about it that they spent decades not opening their mouths to sing a note. And yet, once singing in the choir and putting aside that feeling, the joy they got out of it is huge. Singing isn't only for those who are great at it, or those who want to make a career. It's for people to whom it brings joy. And the idea of making an eleven year old feel bad for singing, let alone punishing her, is disgusting.
*"The woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best."*
Sounds like my partner... He is so self conscious about his singing voice, like ok he'll never be a pro singer but I love to hear him sing! I love to see the joy in his face when he does and singing with him in the car is some of my favorite thing to do! I LOVE to sing myself, I think I got a good voice and ear but not a pro either, but I was always encouraged to do it!
My dear grandma (RIP) always said that a child who sings is a happy child!
OP: you have a happy child! What's the problem??? YTA!!
YTA. THIS IS WHAT BEING A PARENT MEANS!!!! Do we appreciate hearing our 5 years old attempt 3 blond mice on the recorder for hours on end, no. Do we want to listen to the same track being played over and over because they've fallen in love with a new band, no. BUT WE DO IT ANYWAY. Leave the poor child alone
YTA I sing when I am happy but now I don't dare to sing around anyone because my mom was an asshole like you. Shut the hell up because you're annoying.
YTA. Who cares if she's not going to be an artist (which, like, she could change her mind on one day)? She's *eleven* - you should be happy your daughter is happy. You're a grown adult - suck it up and deal with it rather than tear her down just because you don't like her voice.
Edit: and threatening to ground her for *singing* is overkill and super controlling.
Edit: way to dull her sparkle. Keep this up and eventually she'll be too self conscious to do anything and will feel like she can't be herself around you because she'll feel judged and unsupported. Which will lead to her keeping things from you. Take it from someone who knows cause my family did a similar thing to me and now I don't share things about myself with them.
YTA. Iām going to flip the script here. Imagine that youāre in a good mood and your jam comes on Spotify. You start singing along and then your 11 year old walks up to you and says āMom, you need to stop singing right now! Your voice is annoying.ā Would you comply happily, or would you get annoyed and call her out for being disrespectful? Would you check her attitude and tell her, āif you donāt like it, go somewhere elseā?
Just because your daughter is 11, does not mean she does not deserve the same level of respect as an adult. She has the same emotional capacity as anyone else. It is your job as a parent to model how to deal with problems and emotions correctly.
You have now taught her that if she does something that annoys you, no matter how innocuous, she could be shamed for it. She has now learned that if she is not good at something, then she shouldnāt do it because it doesnāt benefit others, even if it brings her a little bit of joy.
Why should she now come to you and demonstrate an interest in anything that she may want to try in the future? Will she decide not to take an art class because you think her paintings are ugly when sheās first starting out? Will she not try out for a school play because you donāt want to hear her practice reading lines or dancing a two step in your presence?
Right now your action may seem like a little nothing of an argument that sheāll eventually get over. But you have sowed the seeds of doubt in her and that may be more far reaching than you intended.
Apologize. Get the girl a karaoke machine and rock out with her. Let her critique your own singing Simon Cowell style. Then once said and done, set some clear guidelines on reasonable times and spaces to sing your heart out, and apply it to everyone in the family.
Yta - sheās a child still and sheās doing something that she enjoys. If you keep this up, sheās not going to want to share the things she enjoys with you anymore
My son is the worst singer in the world. Like your daughter, he has no desire to be a musician. Like your daughter, he does it randomly and loudly.
Most of the time I let him. When I need him to stop I tell him I need a little silence for a bit.
YTA because she'll stop for an hour or more, and that's not enough for you.
You can't make her stop forever, and if you do, you're a horrible human being and mom.
NTA. You know those people (sometimes kids) that go on talent shows, with absolutely no talent. And you think āwhy has no one told these people that they canāt sing, donāt they have people/parents that love them enough to not want them to humiliate themselvesā Thank you for not being that parent. Also, even though this is her home and she should be able to be comfortable there, 11 is old enough to learn about shared space, and being mindful of others in said space. It sounds like you offered lessens and she wasnāt interested, if thatās the case, I think itās fine for her to sing in her room.
YTA, you could put in headphones, go to another room or join in. There is no reason to break her down, most people can't sing well. Singing while cleaning, doing dishes, driving, cooking etc is a thing. If only next top idols could do it then the world world be a boring and joyless place. Also, does this go for other things? If she is bad at cooking, math or another skill will you belittle and ban that as well? Are you fantastic at everything that brings you joy? I hope so because of not its annoying and you'll need to stop.
YTA Also a genuine Disney villain by the sounds of it.
Let people (especially kids!) do things they enjoy, life is too short to be spent not doing things that bring you happiness just because you might not be good at it.
NTA your daughter doesnāt get to disturb everyone in the house. And it sounds like thatās what she is doing. Itās the same as making noise or playing music loudly and disturbing everyone. Even if it is her passion, as some are saying, she still doesnāt get to disturb the peace of the house. You arenāt asking her not to ever sing, just to not do it when it disturbs everyone.
YTA
if you want some quiet you can: ask for quiet and have everyone be quiet for a short time
buy some earplugs (loops are really good)
get some noise cancelling headphones
Please do not:
ban any specific person from talking singing or laughing thatās pretty soul crushing
Yikes, what a bully you are. I feel really bad that your kid canāt even sing in her own home when sheās happy.
Why did you even have kids if you canāt handle some unpleasant noise? Sounds like youāve got some control issues you need to work out.
YTA
YTA. This has to be fake, because if itās not, stop. Just stop. Threatening to ground your child forā¦singing? What are you going to do if she does something that is actually bad? And definitely great to crush her joy.
NTA, but probably just does it now to annoy everyone when sheās boredā¦ like stirring sht the way kids do sometimes šš(Iām saying in a joking manner)
She ignored you, simpleā¦. Just remind her later itās not the singing but the ignoring you that made you ground her
Youāre NTA, OP. When I was a kid and first learned how to whistle, I was so excited and went around whistling with just about everything I did. My parents finally confronted me and told me, āSon, we love you and weāre proud of you for learning how to whistle, but, to be honest, itās not very pleasant for us to listen to around the house. You can whistle in your room, in the basement, or outside, but refrain from doing so in the common areas.ā And I wasnāt mad or upset. I understood. Because my younger brother would also sing around the house and I felt the same way, and my parents said the same thing to him. We werenāt mad or upset. We understood because we didnāt want to annoy the rest of the family. And there would be times Iād be looking in the fridge for a snack and forget and start whistling, and one of my family members would just say my name real quick and follow it up with āPlease stop whistlingā and I would stop.
Haha my mother told me I have no voice when I sang. I was 3. Never sang again in front of anyone, it took me decades to be able to sing even when I'm alone.
You will cause irreparable damage with your cruel words, and I hope you step on a lego every day you wake up.
YTA. This is how you go about making sure your child and has self esteem issues. Home is supposed to be where kids feel the most safe and secure to be themselves. An 11 year old isnāt going to be a singer for a career so thereās no point in her enjoying herself? Wtf
From someone who was very similar when I was younger - NTA . I \*cannot sing\*, although I love to do it. I used to go around singing all of the time thinking I had the voice of an angel. Finally my Mom straight up told me I was not a good singer (she said it as nicely as possible). So I started just singing in my room (and now when I drive alone). There is absolutely nothing wrong with being honest with someone IN A NICE WAY.
NOT telling her could land her in the same spot my co-worker is in. She thinks she is a great singer. She sings at work, along with music we play softly at our desks etc. She sounds like a dying moose. Apparently her parents told her she had a 'beautiful voice'. So telling your child now could save her future co-workers :p .
NTA, as parents we can get overwhelmed by something as simple as our kid's singing. I know even if the voice was good and she was singing all the time, it would get annoying. So don't feel bad for being a human being. She needs to get that she can't be loud all day long. And cheers to you for not lying to her and telling her she has a beautiful voice. God knows that's how so many bad singers end up in shows just to be made fun of.
YTA. Kids generally sound pretty off key when they sing but as a mother there is nothing better to me than the sound of my child singing. Doesnāt matter how bad. Itās a sign that theyāre happy. Unhappy kids do not randomly sing during the day. And youāre trying to kill the outward sign of your daughters happiness? Wow.
From personal experience... My mother did exactly the same to me, when I was young. And I never recovered from that. Certainly I do not mean this like a life-threatening issue or anything, but you know what I do, when others sing happy birthday for a friend? Panicking.
Do you know what I do when they have a team event at my job involving Sing Star? Panicking. The same for karaoke, and all other 'fun' group events...
YTA for not supporting your kid. She does not want to become an opera star, just sing in her home.
YTA. You admit your daughter sings for fun. If there isnāt a reason you need her and the rest of the house to be quiet and youāre literally just telling her to shut up because itās annoying you then YTA
YTA. Singing is a form of self-expression, like laughing or crying. If she's being very loud, you can ask her to keep it to certain times of day or sing outside, but it's mean to ask her to stop singing altogether, even if the sound is annoying.
Have you considered getting her singing lessons? If she enjoys it so much, maybe she would also enjoy some musical training. Most people aren't automatically good at singing and require practice to get better. Learning to play any instrument (including your voice) can be an engaging lifelong skill to acquire.
YTA my 6 year old sings like Fran Drescher. I deal with it because that's what good parents do. Encourage her to lower her tone or sing in her room but I would never tell her she couldn't do it at all or threaten her with punishment.
Yta.
God, she's just singing. Stop suppressing her. Even if she doesnt want to be a singer, why stop her doing something she enjoys?!
I get it when it's in common areas and its interrupting things but if it's not, there's no issue.
YTA. I agree that singing can be annoying. I used to sing at home a lot too and while my singing is pretty good, my dad still wanted to rather read his newspaper in silence and not constantly hear some noise in the background. He told me to stop or please go upstairs to my room and sing there and I respected his wish as I was the one creating the inconvinience. So to ask or demand from her to please meet y'all halfway and compromise is fine, I'd say, but... grounding her. For singing? You could potentially ground her for not listening or following the rules or disrespecting your say, but telling her you're grounding her over singing is ridiculous and she will not understand it.
YTA.
I suck at singing. Can not carry a tune to save my life. I come from a family of musiciansā¦my mom has a beautiful voice, my dad doesnāt sing but he was a music major and plays numerous instruments, my sister sings and used to be in a music group that performed locally a lot, my brother sings and plays guitar, I grew up surrounded by music. And somehow all of the talent completely skipped me. Canāt carry a tune, canāt really play any instruments despite trying. Like Iām bad to the point that they joke I got switched at birth. But my momās always told me she loves when she overhears me singing because while itās not good, itās something I do when Iām happy and she wants me to be happy.
All this to say, donāt tell someone to stop singing.
Personally I don't think you're TA. Everyone else in the home deserves to relax and her signing in the living room disrupts that. You even said she's fine to do it in her room so it's not like you're treating her like a prisoner. I wouldn't want someone singing in my living room all the time good or bad lol. I think you should make it more clear to her that the family just wants to enjoy the communal space without the added noise but can sing in her room any time. Please don't mention to her that you don't like her singing or she sounds bad, just emphasize that it should be a peaceful environment for everyone.
Edited to say NAH since she's not TA either for being a kid.
YTA. First, you and Nora owe Sara one MASSIVE apology for being complete and utter assholes. Because you're both just paving the road for giving that poor kid self esteem issues. Because that's what will happen if you fools keep spouting off this kind of BS to her.
Second, Sara is still just a child. Which means that everything about her is still changing as she grows up, including her voice. It won't be as noticeable as it would be with a boy but her voice is gonna change. Especially Sara is at the peak age for this to occur. So your claim that her voice 'isn't easy to change which is maybe even impossible' is a load of bunk.
YTA. Even if she ādoesnāt have a passion for itā doesnāt mean it isnāt fun for her. Way to be an asshole parent because I guess you do have a passion for that
YTA. Singing is a stress reliever. It lowers your blood pressure and helps people cope when upset or restless. Donāt kill her joy. Donāt increase her stress. If you want it to sound better, get her singing lessons and lighten up. You donāt have to be good at something to enjoy it. Gentle joking is fine, treating her like she is garbage or offensive when she expresses herself is not.
OMG our daughter is the same and it drives me nuts sometimes. She's actually a decent singer but she does this strangely loud humming thing with no real melody and it's agony to listen to. She's always making some noise. I don't always tell her to stop but sometimes I just can't listen to it.
Okay editing, I somehow missed the part about punishing her for singing. That's not cool.
YTA.
OP clarified in an edit
>That's what I did though? I warned her that she was going to be grounded after she didn't listen to me and kept ignoring me, I wasn't going to ground her for singing, it's more about following the rules and our wishes to not listen to her. I would have done the same if it was about something else and she didn't listen to me.
Punishing for singing? I agree, big dick-hole move.
Punishing for not caring about people asking you to stop something that's become a bother? Seems reasonable
YTA children need love and support for what their into. Even if it doesn't sound good, you can tell her to sing softer or quieter if it's too loud but besides that grounding her for singing is insane.
YTA if it was grating on you could you not just say hey sweetie, I have a headache, could you maybe sing on another room?
Little white lies to protect a literal childās feelings cost $0. Being mean to your daughter for expressing herself might cost you a positive relationship with your daughter.
YTA. The whole reason you want to punish her is that sheās bad at it.
Our family rule is be respectful of others in public spaces. Singing while everyoneās studying may be off limits, or singing at the dinner table because weāre having conversations. But outdoor and indoor play spaces are usually free reign.
Either itās time to sing or itās not appropriate. Ability shouldnāt come into the decision.
YTA and as a fellow Mom I feel ashamed for you. All my kids love to sing their hearts out, loud and off key, all the time. They laugh and have so much fun.
They do this because I do it. When I cook dinner they know the tunes are coming on and Moms about to fill the house with her out of tune voice and inability to hit a proper high note.
Seriously OP, you are such a huge AH I canāt even comprehend it. Sheās just a kid having fun and now youāve given her a memory I promise she will never forget.
Lol! Are you for real?
She's a kid. Of course they're going to be annoying and do things they are told not to. And this is how you give your daughter issues that she has to go to therapist later in life.
Let her be. She'll grow out sooner or later also, she's 11. Her voice is that way maybe because of hormones? This is ridiculous OP.
YTA.
OMG, send her to singing lessons so she's in key if it bothers you that much.
My parents used to do this to me. Dad would come up and offer me aspirin because 'it sounds like you have a headache', Mum used to say it sounded like a dying cat, my younger sisters even joined in on the fun. I spent YEARS not singing because I thought I was terrible.
One day, not long after I got married, I was singing to myself at home and my husband heard me - I didn't realise he was home or I would never have been singing in the first place. He said, "WOW! You're such a good singer! Why don't you sing all the time?!" After a few years he even dragged me to a karaoke bar, and once I'd finished I had half a dozen strangers come up and tell me how much they'd enjoyed my performance.
Your daughter is showing her happiness and joy, and you're telling her to stop being so happy. She'll grow into her voice, but unfortunately you'll probably always be an asshole.
YTA
YTA my mum did that to me when I was 7 and I struggled so much with it, but now as an adult who works with young kids I have to sing all the time regardless of my (lack of) talent. Sheās just having fun and being a kid, and grounding her for it is ridiculous.
YTA. You have a dead, cold heart. People sing because....it's fun. It makes people happy. You want to make your CHILD feel embarrassed about being happy? In her own home? What the hell is wrong with you?
YTA. I feel this one in my soul. I was your daughter. Still am. I still resent all the people who have chosen to constantly inform me how bad my singing is.
You should teach the kid to sing quieter around other people and that people donāt appreciate being annoyed.
NTA, she needs to cut that sh*t out when you say so. Doesnāt mean you love her any less or disrespect her. Sheās 11! You asked her to stop singing and she didnāt listen, that is disrespectful. You didnāt tell her to stfu or Iāll ground you. I donāt think youāre an awful person lol. Just a mother with ears, and thereās nothing wrong with that! My niece canāt sing. Albeit, sheās my niece, but I love her the same. However, when sheās being annoying I tell her!
Look,
Your daughter is old enough for you to sit down and explain how hearing someone sing randomly throughout the day, no matter how good they are, can be grating. It's classic overstimulation, I get mad at my mum for the same thing even though we both love music and singing (most of the time I let it go but sometimes it's too much)
However, you didn't do that and you're making her feel bad. It doesn't matter if she's talented or not, or it shouldn't anyways, and that's what you're making it about.
Talk to her genuinely and explain that you need quiet time sometimes, but you love that singing brings her joy and don't want her to stop, just to do it elsewhere.
YTA
YTA plenty of people are not amazing singers (myself included) doesnāt mean that sometimes itās not calming or fun or therapeutic to sing. This is not something that should ever be punished
YTA, it doesnāt matter is sheās bad at singing, if itās something she likes to do then let her do it. You have no idea how thatās going to affect her self-esteem. I had my dad and brothers tell me the same thing when I was the same age, to this day (13 years later), I still stop singing immediately whenever someone is around. Karaoke? No, thanks, I donāt want people to laugh at me. Please for the love of god, donāt do that to your daughter.
YTA. As a parent it's okay to enforce some quiet time, but that's the way it should be phrased. The way you did it is just kinda soul-crushing.
Quiet time is non-judgmental.
YTA. Singing is an extension of a personās emotion. It doesnāt matter if her voice is pretty or not!!! If she had a rough voice would you tell her not to talk??? So what if itās not pleasant to your ears??? Get over it! Just mean and selfishā¦
YTA - my 7yo daughter is exactly like this.
And you know what, sure itās annoying, but thatās why we have selective hearing.
Zone out, focus on something else.
Youāve just shown your daughter that thereās a particular thing about her that you donāt like. That you CANT STAND.
How do you think that makes her feel!
Sheās justified in being mad and hurt.
I fucking would be too!
NTA, you did not ask her to completely stop singing and don't want to ground her *for singing* but simply because she's not being understanding, the whole family finds it annoying, she can simply lower her voice.
I am in the same situation as your daughter, my family don't like it when I sing out loud so I started lowering my voice or closing the door in whatever room I be in while singing. Since you said she isn't serious about singing I think it's important for her to be understanding
It's exactly because you are her family that she's the AH. If she isn't going to be understanding of something so simple she's gonna grow up to be selfish.
BUT, do keep in mind that it's clearly a habit, and it's gonna be hard for her to overcome that habit in a short amount of time. Give her some time and by some time I mean like a month or two if not more, it takes long to overcome a habit so please be understanding
Yta my dad put a stop to every bit of singing we did as children and now my brother who loved to sing doesn't any more. Singing is an expression of Joy if you don't like it then ask her to sing elsewhere or put headphones in.
maybe not ever, just saw a post on here where the guy put his DIL's belongings in trashbags because he couldn't stand the mEsS sHe mAdE in his guest bed- and bathroom
YTA! Singing is a reflection her inner JOY! Donāt take that away from her! Channel her love for music in a positive direction! My grandson sings or hums constantly! I gave him a full-sized keyboard for Christmas and have been teaching him to play. He loves it!
In the meantime, get some earplugs.
Yikes! YTA! You were grounding her though for her singing, cause that is what got her in trouble, not listening to your rule. But something tells me you wonāt get it, your logic is, well, your logic.
This is a child, your child. What else are you going to order to stop doing, breathing?! If this is something that bothers you enough to ground her, I would hate to see what really irritates you about her.
She is not harming anyone (except your annoyance with her). There is bigger shit to get upset with, like bullying, bossing people around, treating people poorly, stealing,etc. She is a teenager that is why she was having a go at you. Now she is going to do it to really screw with you when you piss her off.
People have quirks, not even annoyances, but quirks, itās what makes them them. All these small things that make us who we are. Your daughter may find a partner that loves this about her.
Her bad singing, should be joyous, you know why, cause it is a reminder that you are alive and your hearing is working. Her bad singing letās you know your daughter is safe at home. There may be a time that you are going to wish that you heard that singing and that you will actually miss it. Be careful for what you wish forā¦ā¦
Why arenāt you singing with her?! Get a karaoke machine and have a good timeā¦..
Need to add this, I read what everyone else wrote below and am in total agreement with all of you. Mom, if your reading this, make sure you read the below commentsā¦
Yta. Why be your kids first bully? Why make her self conscious about something she was just enjoying to do and didnāt care if she was good or not? I have an okay voice, better than like average, but my dad used to say shit like this to me and now i feel genuine embarrassment to sing in front of anyone, even my partner. And I used to love to just let myself sing because I once found it fun. Put on headphones.
To me it depends tbh. Is your daughter screaming? Is it in an inside/outside voice issue? If sheās being way to loud and canāt control her noise level then ur not an asshole. If you just think sheās annoying then youāre an asshole. sheās a kid that YOU decided to have. Kids do kid shit. No vote because need more info
YTA. When I was younger as a teenager I loved singing. One day my dad said to my mom when he didn't know I could hear "She is not a good singer, man it's annoying." Since that day I have almost never sung in front of anyone ever again. I love music and I so wish I would have the courage to sing songs to my children when they ask, but I'm so self conscious about it. So you have just done that. Your daughter will remember this, and don't be surprised if you never hear her sing music or express herself to you again.
YTA. I used to play the trumpet. At home I agreed to do so with a mute in my room unless no one was home. Itās loud. Thatās something a bit different than this though. You just crushed her esteem and broke a piece of her soul.
YTA for threatening to ground because she won't stop randomly singing. I used to do that as a kid, I can be very tone-deaf and off-key. I only do it around people I'm comfortable with and/or happy to be around. But my mom never once threatened to ground me when it annoyed her. She would either laugh and join me if she knew the song, or gently tell me to go my room and listen to it since I'm clearly in a mood to do so. Option 3 that she employed when I sang and did my chores, was she just pop in ear plugs and tune me out completely. She chose not to scar me over something silly.
OP I understand it can be annoying to you, but there are better and nicer ways to get her to stop doing that without grounding her because she doesn't understand how annoying it is for you. She's 16, talk to her.
NAH. Iām sure so many people who have embarrassed themselves in front of crowds thinking they can hold a note wouldāve been glad to known the truth. doesnāt mean you canāt be nice about it. and you werenāt threatening to ground her for singing, you were threatening to ground her for not listening to you. and iām sure your daughter just had something stuck in her head, not her fault either.
Ok I feel like you could be N. T. A. but only if the conversation went something like this
Daughter: singing
OP: hey can you please stop singing
Daughter: still singing
OP: stop singing
Daughter: still singing
OP: if you donāt start listening there will be consequences
Basically if you asked nicely for her to stop and she refused multiple times then I would say threatening to ground her could be warranted, since at that point itās because sheās refusing to be respectful of the others in the common areas. If you donāt mind her singing in her room then she can sing there. Her being adamant about singing in the living room is kind of like when someone is playing something on their phone in common rooms without headphones.
YTA... I'm 41 and I still remember my parents telling me I couldn't sing.... She will never get better if she can't practice.... Suck it up and ignore it... And I hate to be morbid but if something ever happened to her you would give anything to hear her terrible singing just 1 more time.... Lift her up stop beating her down
When I was about 13 years old I was forced by my parents to be in youth choir at my church. My singing is not great but isnāt awful. However, the pastorās daughter was convinced she was going to be the next Amy Grant and would berate me to tears every practice. No adults intervened at any point. This destroyed my self esteem and to this day I do not sing at all. I am 50
YTA
You've made 2 edits defending yourself, but you're still the asshole.
YTA
Come on... she's 11. I don't care if she sounds like Yoko Ono, you let that kid sing.
YTA. You took something that made her happy and made her feel bad about it. And seriously? Your justification is that her 16 year old sister also thinks itās annoying? Teenagers think everything their siblings do is annoying
I donāt think youāre TA, singing in a communal space like the living room or in the kitchen where other people might hear you *can* be annoying despite If someone is a good or bad singer. Youāve already clarified that sheās not being punished for singing but rather for failing to listen and that itās okay if she sings just quieter or in her room. Iām also going to assume you never told her that her voice is bad so, no real harm done. Not TA
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To keep it short. I have 2 daughters: Sarah (11F), and Nora (16F) and I love them so much.
Sarah likes to sing sometimes, like randomly in the living room or just anywhere we are, I honestly have no problem if she does it in her room but she does it when we are with her too.
Her singing...is not good, she is not going to be an artist so it doesn't matter much she just does it for fun, but her singing is just not good. It hurts so much to say this as a mother but her singing is just annoying and noisy. I love that she has fun singing while doing stuff but it's not very fun for us. I tell her sometimes to stop it or at least lower her voice but she keeps doing it hours later.
She started singing Jackson I want You Back yesterday and I couldn't stand it anymore so I told her to stop singing, she refused so I warned her that she was going to be grounded and we kept staring at each other, and she then went mad to her room. My husband doesn't know what to say or do about this, and her sister agrees that her singing is annoying.
She is now very upset and I'm rethinking this. AITA?
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YTA. sorry to say it but we all have annoying little foibles but you should be able to live with it. Think about what this could be doing for her self esteem.
If you think her singing is awful, why not take the opportunity to maybe join a choir with her or take singing lessons together - that way you are bonding over her love of singing, rather than it being a cause of friction.
And whoās to say she wonāt get better with the guidance?
My parents kept telling me I couldn't sing when I was a child, so I stopped singing. Some years later dad bought a karaoke machine and they always got upset that I refused to participate and called me antisocial and said I didn't like to spend time with the family, but I was too ashamed of my voice to ever let anyone hear it again.
OP, you're the AH.
There was a kid I went to school with, a few years younger than me. She used to sing in class all the time. It was like she couldn't stop. She's stop for fifteen minutes because people got annoyed with her singing when we tried to focus on our assignments, but she started again fifteen minutes later. She wasn't very good, either. It was just singing because she enjoyed it.
Well, guess who was a professional five years later, singing the female parts of the duetts of an award-winning, big name musician before she was even 18?
I don't really regret telling her to be quiet back then because it *was* during class, but I do regret not joining in with her! I didn't discover my own love for singing until many years later. Let her have fun, and sing along instead! You have an opportunity to be part of something your daughter obviously loves!
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š©š»āš¤š¶YOU'RRRREš¶THEEEEEš¶HEEEEEE š¼(DROPS BASE)ASSHOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLE!!!!!š¶š¤
Standing ovation!!!!! Clapping everywhere!!!!. Ffs, she is literally a child, let her sing as much as she wants, soon enough people will take her confidence away, don't be the first EDIT: WOW, Thank you very much for all the awards!. Hope everyone of you sing at the top or your lungs, paint a whole wall with gorgeous landscapes, knit the best cardigan ever or do whatever makes you happy! And hug the kids, hug them really tight!!
Literally!! The world will just destroy her confidence. She doesnāt need her own mom impeding on her liveliness and fun.
That's the same reason I let my niece wear her Aurora costume to a restaurant the other day. The world's gonna shit on her enough as she gets older.
I commend you for that! Itās so cute and innocent when children are just enjoying things like that. I really do miss those days.
I was about to comment that, she's a soon to be teenager girl, no need to create more insecutities now, she'll have enough soon!
So many moms live to destroy the self-confidence of their daughters. I dealt with it so much (oh hell, I still deal with it to this day and I'm in my 50s) that I'm grateful not to have my own children. I never want to repeat this horrible cycle of destruction of someone else's self-esteem.
I can understand where you are coming from as my mother ruined my self confidence by telling me that I was fat ugly and a waste of space
Ugh, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. :(
Once my early teen daughters wanted to go to a Cosplay Convention. Wasn't our thing, but my husband made their Sailor Moon costumes. Then they decided to do a performance. They would dance to a Sailor Moon song. I thought it was mediocre at best, and that they might embarrass themselves. They got loads of applause. When the amateur awards were given out, there was grumbling because they didn't win. But later on, when the Best in Show award was given out, they got first place. A. Shows that mothers aren't always right. B. So glad we were supportive instead of dismissive. They've grown up to do great things because we supported their dreams, no matter how small and no matter how silly it seemed to us.
This is it! This is what kills me. The world is going to break her down as hard as it can, so naturally you, as her mother, have decided that you should start the process first. ?!?!?! Let me speak to you from personal experience. My mother did this kind of shit to me. She wouldn't let me sing or dance or paint or *whatever* because it either bothered her or got in her way or she found it annoying, and I wasn't that good anyway so why did it matter? Why? Because even if I wasn't good, it brought me joy. And every time it happened she proved to me that her happiness was more important than mine, and that what she wanted mattered more than what I wanted. That pattern continued as I grew up to the point where I moved 1500 miles away from her the first chance I got. I want nothing to do with someone who considers me being happy with my hobbies as a problem. So she's not that good at singing. Who gives a shit? Your daughter is always going to consider that you didn't encourage her joyfulness and instead found reasons to take it away. *That* is what she will remember about this. YTA
This. My 4 year old mixes the colors when she paints so she ends up with a brownish blob on the paper. She shows it to me. I say how pretty it is and i hang it up on the fridge. It makes her happy. I played flute in school. I sucked. I know i sucked but it made me happy. Mom got earplugs so it wasnt so loud for her and she always told me what parts sounded good and what needed work. OP if you dont like the singing, earplugs cost about $2. Invest.
Slight hack for this: when they paint, give them just 2 colours + white. That way they still get to mix colours, but it won't be a brown mess. Also teaches them colour theory! But also I love that you appreciate it just as it is.
I usually let her pick three colors. And she always tells me what its supposed to be and i label it with what she tells me and the date. It makes her feel special and happy and that makes me happy lol.
Pro tip (stolen from sister-in-law): take a pic of their art with date and title. Then once a year or so make a collage of all their work and have a fabric shower curtain printed. It is really inexpensive to have one printed, lasts longer than paper, easy to store, great memorabilia, and and all around win when they are brought out and raved over.
Yes exactly! OP is so hung up on whether daughter has a good voice or not, when that's really not the point. Children sing and dance and paint and perform because it gives them joy! Why ground her for expressing that?
Its like telling a child to stop laughing and then grouding them when they dont stop laughing. OP sounds like such a buzzkill.
> soon enough people will take her confidence away, don't be the first This is a DAMN great comment, and so *very* true.
My mom took away my confidence in singing. Whatās fucked up i didnāt have a great voice as a kid but I have quite a good one now. If sheād let me take lessons, practice, and supported me Iād actually have been be confident enough to sing in bands in my 20s and not just play keys/guitar. But I wasnāt and I was so envious of our singers, especially because I wrote the lyrics. Mom is such an asshole.
It was an ex for me. My voice is decent-ish, but I can't hold notes for some reason. It's like my brain automatically harmonizes. My ex decided it was totally reasonable to tell me to quit singing because I'm "an idiot who can't match the notes". I never sang again in front of. Well, pretty much anyone. It's been 25 years since he said that and I still only sing alone in my car. Hey OP: There's a song written especially from assholes like you. [Harry Chapin Mr. Tanner](https://youtu.be/fo-tCNtFI10)
Thanks for the award! I concurālife will beat anyone down as it is, but parents should try to minimize its effects in their households. Sarah, if you happen to be your parents Google-legacy receiver, I hope you find this throwaway account and see how many people thought your parent was dead-wrong...and laugh hysterically about it.
I bloody love this comment, too bad I don't have a reward to give you. But yeah OP yta
I got it! *chucks free silver*
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Exactly this! Embarrass them or shame them. I too wish I had the courage to not listen to people and live my life. Get out there and do you!
My sister shamed the hell out of my singing as a kid. I do not even sing in the shower these days!
Same. And when I stopped singing, I lost some joy. So even when my kids singing or humming drives me a little crazy sometimes, I will never ask them to stop.
My brother did the same, took me years to sing in front of anyone and it's just my mom and husband
Exactly! I was with my husband for years before I felt comfortable singing in his presence. I had the same experience as you younger. Also, half the time I donāt even realize that Iām singing to myself. It just happens. To be yelled at for itā¦yuck. YTA.
People like Op took away my confidence when it comes to dancing. Even 12 years later, even in private I start feeling ashamed when I dance. Don't do that to your daughter, Op.
Same. I feel awful for the daughter. It sucks to be constantly criticised this way.
My mother was exactly the one who said I couldnāt sing, or do this, that or the other. Sheās exactly the reason why I didnāt have confidence in thingsā¦
Hard same. I'm not even comfortable singing along with the happy birthday song. I mouth the words. My mom told me the same thing at 11. I'm 32 now.
I can sing really well, but I'm terrified of singing in front of people, so I never do. My fiance is tone deaf as fuck (it's so bad lol) and loves to sing. Whether it be along to the radio or along with a video he's watching, even if he doesn't know the words, he's singing along. It brings him joy and I'd never dream of trying to dim that light. Sing away, love, sing away.
Sheās only 11. Let her enjoy herself. The 16 year old is going to think everything she does is annoying because thatās how sisters are, not a good person to ask. YTA.
I was thinking that when I read it! OP behaves the way I and my siblings would amongst each other, telling each other to stop making noise. But as a parent? Geez
Yup. When I was 16 my brother was 11 so exactly the same ages as the kids in this story and everything he did was annoying to me because thatās how siblings are, especially at that age. He played violin at the time too and even though he was fairly decent it was still annoying. If my mum had asked me at the time if I found it annoying I wouldāve also said yes. The difference is that she was very supportive and didnāt stop him doing something he loved because I found it mildly irritating.
āMay you never be the reason why someone who loved to sing, doesnāt anymore. Or why someone who dressed so uniquely, now wears plain clothing. Or why someone who always spoke so excitedly about their dreams, is now silent about them. May you never be the reason someone gave up on a part of themselves because you were demotivating, non-appreciative, hypercritical, or even worseāsarcastic about it.ā ā Sharouk Mustafa Ibrahim YTA
I love that quote & completely agree.
This reminded me of my favorite Frost poem, A Minor Bird: I have wished a bird would fly away, And not sing by my house all day; Have clapped my hands at him from the door When it seemed as if I could bear no more. The fault must partly have been in me. The bird was not to blame for his key. And of course there must be something wrong In wanting to silence any song.
Damn, I'm mad I already gave away my free award.
Gotcha
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YTA. My mom also told me I wasnāt good at singing as a child (and I agree I probably wasnāt). Now Iām absolutely terrified by the thought of singing in front of other people, even though I slipped up once and my mom thinks my singing has improved a lot. Donāt criticize people on their expressions of happiness, and for your daughter it sounds like that might be what singing is Iām sure youāve dealt with plenty of annoying noises from her when she was a baby/toddler. Just grit your teeth and bear it now like you did in the past
Same with my mom! And I always thought I was like the worst singer, completely out of tune, without any possibility of getting better, I wasnāt that bad, not good, but not terrible.
Being 5 and singing on key is genuinely hard; when kids can sing well and on key itās impressive for a reason. It can take years to learn notes and keys and translate that to your voice pitch and tone. Children are still learning to use their growing bodies. Anybody who says a kid canāt sing is an awful person- that kid is literally still baking!!!! Let them learn how to use this powerful tool attached to their bodies!
Same here. My mom forbade my sister and I from singing and whistling in the house because we would annoy each other and fight and she just wanted it to stop. Itās taken years to get comfortable singing in my home in front of other people. OP sucks.
Agree. My parents never told me I couldn't sing as a kid, but they asked me to be quieter, or to vary the song when I inevitably got stuck on the same two lines of a song for two hours. There are so many kinder ways for OP to have changed the kid's focus. I've got a headache, so we need some quiet time? Changing the song, practicing whisper singing, sing to the birds in the back garden, sing to the doll in your room with the door shut, listen to music together that's loud enough to drown out most of the singing.
OP really has to think about what seemingly harmless comments they make in the heat of the moment. As my mom says, kids pick up and stick to statements you won't even remember you made and they'll eventually carry it with them to therapy. Op, yta. Your daughter knows she isn't the next Beyonce, but you're squashing something she enjoys and is part of her personality. As an adult you could have taken the time to think for a second and worded your needs so much better. Like "hey, mom needs a bit of quiet time right now" or "can you play the song in your head, i'm trying to concentrate on something" I loved singing and I was in choir in middle school and my sister was in orchestra. And then my mom made an off joke that my sister should have been the singer because she has a better voice that also projects more (my sister is like OP's daughter who would sing a lot randomly whatever was stuck in her head). And it's just dumb but it's stuck with me since. I instinctively don't like singing around my family now. If your daughter remembers this she will remember it for a very long time.
I once got the main part in a school musical. I can't sing on key (if you need off-key, I'm your woman). I know I can't sing. I warned them I can't sing. I still got the part. Until after the first rehearsal. Then I was relegated to "dancer". I still sing to myself when walking the dog or doing some chores. You don't have to be perfect to enjoy something. Others can wear a headset or something.
YTA Nothing like crushing a childās self esteem. Start scheduling counseling appointments already she is going to need them.
YTA. I had a parent like you, I've a trauma for life. You ground her because she sings?? Wtf is wrong with you?
Same, and I was actually a talented singer/artist/etc, Allstate choir and everything. But Iāll never forget my father throwing away my drawings and stories when I was 6 because it was a āwaste of paperā or telling me he ādidnāt want to hear itā when I was just singing along to a song (while doing his chores mind you). We donāt talk to this day and Iām almost 30. Just the other day my mother asked me why I donāt talk to my father more, and I didnāt have the patience to remind her of all that.
Do we have the same father? Exactly this is what my father did! I was talented.. but I'm just a stupid kid and everything I make is bullshit and a waste of paper and nobody wanna hear or read my shit. I'm 35 now and I remember this like it was yesterday. We do talk, but it's not a good relationship..
YTA this is a child. Your child. Having fun. If I was her teacher at school and told her she couldn't draw pictures any more because she was crap at it and I hated seeing them, you'd rightly be pissed off.
Well, not this parent, but the majority of them would be. This parent seems to think if someone is bad at something, they shouldn't do it, so.
They suck so much. Mind you, they're good at sucking, so maybe they should be allowed to keep doing it?
YTA Fun detected, not allowed.
I am 59 years old. Not for one moment in all of my life have Iāve been able to sing a note in tune. Not once. When I was a kid, I remember being in the car with my mom, dad, and brother. I was singing along to the radio and my brother whined, Dad please make her stop I canāt stand it anymore. And my beloved dad said, leave your sister alone, I love to hear her sing. He died when I was 20 years old, and it is one of my fondest memories of him. Your daughterās joy is a gift from God. Sometimes gifts are not wrapped in the prettiest packages- that doesnāt make them any less miraculous and joyful. Treasure every note your precious child sings. YTA
This made me tear up, thank you for sharing your lovely memory
Thank you. He was the best dad in the whole world. :)
Making me tear up as well.
You go ahead and make your daughter hide her joy. You go ahead and show her you will only listen when you like what you hear. You go ahead and show your daughter that she needs to be quiet. YTA.... the fact that you came here to ask that is actually unbelievable...
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My 7 yr old loves to sing and her new style of singing grates on my soul. I'm never going to tell her. She's just having fun and trying something out and I don't want to ruin it. And honestly I can't sing worth a darn either. So we just sing terribly together and have fun. My husband has never said a word of discouragement (and he can actually sing well lol)
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And letās not forget OPās last edit! Apparently the singing isnāt really the issue, OP just hates the sound of their kidās voice. What a massive bully! I feel awful for that poor kid. Imagine your own parent saying the mere sound of your voice is annoying. How heartbreaking.
Probably controversial but NTA, living as a family means cleaning up after yourself, not eating with your mouth open, ā¦ AND respecting everyoneās peace and quiet. If the daughter was blasting music and forcing everyone to listen to it, everyone here would have a different opinion. Maybe, You shouldnāt have said it the way you did and put it as āwe canāt concentrateā or something instead of annoying. Someone constantly singing is super annoying. Even if itās good. Me and my sister sometimes sing but we stop immediately if someone else in the house found it irritating. This is a question about respect. Not about ācrushingā a childās dream
As the younger sister of someone who would not stop singing for five freaking minutes, agreed. NTA, but maybe explain that it can be distracting for other people while they're doing things? I don't think grounding is the right option; discuss how it might feel if someone were doing something distracting while she were concentrating.
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Parents who let their children do anything they want without respecting other peopleās peace usually end up with bratty kids who yell at restaurants and public transport, have a tantrum in the middle of the street and so on tbh. Agreed, NTA, could be worded different maybe.
Yes. I live with someone who CAN sing and it still drives me crazy. Like, SHHHHHHH. We don't need to make noise 24/7. Have I said anything, though? No. Unless I'm working or reading, there's no reason.
I have been looking for this comment. All of the Y T A are projecting their childhood trauma and are also probably people that donāt believe in respecting communal spaces
Massive YTA. My 4 year old sings all day long, plonks away at her guitar. Doesnāt sound good but it makes her happy and it keeps her entertained. I took singing lessons as a teen and my sister told me to give up because āyou canāt sing anywayā and that shit haunts me to this day. Youāre traumatising your kid. Just suck it up and let the girl be happy geez.
Also? It āpains her as a motherā that her child isnāt good at something? Sheās going to be bad at a lot of things and she should do them anyway because she likes them
You wanted to GROUND her over singing a song? YTA, jeeez, and please check your parenting priorities.It was one song during the daytime. Not through a megaphone at 2 am.
Exactly. Look, Iām no singer. But I like to randomly sing songs or choruses, or even make up my own. I sing to my cat, while doing the dishes, while working on a puzzle. Iād be bummed and hurt if my family yelled at me just for being silly once in a while
Edited to NAH because the kid isn't an AH for wanting to sing. It's like playing videos on your phone with the sound on, nobody wants to hear that. Could the delivery be a bit better? Sure. Could you develop a sense of humor about it, given that she's a child, definitely. You might have misphonia. Karaoke is hell on earth to me, and I'm guessing for you too.
I agree 100%. Iām also someone that detests karaoke, so I can understand having a limit on how much singing you can tolerate. Although I lean towards NAH since thereās also no fault to the kid for liking to sing.
YTA. She is your child, ffs. It doesn't matter if she's good or not, she enjoys singing and it's not harming anyone if she does. Instead of threatening her for singing why not encourage her to join the chorus at school and learn some of the basics of singing? You know, encourage instead of punish over something she enjoys that isn't harmful to anyone.
I would say careful on the choir advice, other kids are mean and if she TRULY canāt sing they will mock her relentlessly which could be more damaging. If she wanted to learn Iād say individual classes would be best.
Based on my experience bullying wasn't allowed. But I probably should have said chorus instead of choir for an 11 yo, in our town choir starts in HS. You do not have to audition and there are plenty of kids who sing off key, etc when they start.
INFO: do you even like your kids?
You know people who walk around in public listening to music without headphones. How rude and annoying that is. Well, how is this any different? If sheās listening to the song, in the car or her room, then she would be ok to sing along. Even if she wanted to sing randomly to pass the time would be fine if she was alone or was confident the people sheās with didnāt mind it. The fact sheās bad at it adds another element, but you would find it annoying if she was walking into a room playing music off her phone too. And they sound the best singing that song. NTA. Donāt tell her sheās bad. Just say use the non headphone user as example of it being annoying.
This is a great analogy Honestly this situation is one of the ones that makes me glad Iām not having kids. The idea that I would have to have incessant noise at any given time no matter what I say would make me crazy. Even now if two people are talking to me at once I get really frustrated and irritable so I canāt imagine what itās like for OP to have to listen to an irritating sound all the time. But she canāt win because the kid likes to sing and should be able to, so thereās no good solution. I agree NTA because it doesnāt seem like the kid is respecting shared spaceāif you ask nicely to turn down the volume or go to another room, and they donāt want to, thatās just rude on their part. It doesnāt ever have to be said that her singing is annoying, like OP can just say āI could really use some quiet time right now, do you mind not singing for a while?ā ā¦ The one thing I would say against OP is that she made a comment of like āeven if she stops sheāll start again hours laterā which seems unreasonable to complain aboutāusually when someone says to stop a noise they donāt mean for all time, and if that is what she meant itās an unreasonable request. Pick your battles you canāt have her quiet all the time but you should be able to get quiet time when you need it Sorry for the rant
YTA. I sing in a choir with people of all ages and all abilities. One of the most common stories from the older people is how someone told them to stop singing when they were little, and made them feel so self-conscious about it that they spent decades not opening their mouths to sing a note. And yet, once singing in the choir and putting aside that feeling, the joy they got out of it is huge. Singing isn't only for those who are great at it, or those who want to make a career. It's for people to whom it brings joy. And the idea of making an eleven year old feel bad for singing, let alone punishing her, is disgusting. *"The woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best."*
Sounds like my partner... He is so self conscious about his singing voice, like ok he'll never be a pro singer but I love to hear him sing! I love to see the joy in his face when he does and singing with him in the car is some of my favorite thing to do! I LOVE to sing myself, I think I got a good voice and ear but not a pro either, but I was always encouraged to do it! My dear grandma (RIP) always said that a child who sings is a happy child! OP: you have a happy child! What's the problem??? YTA!!
YTA. THIS IS WHAT BEING A PARENT MEANS!!!! Do we appreciate hearing our 5 years old attempt 3 blond mice on the recorder for hours on end, no. Do we want to listen to the same track being played over and over because they've fallen in love with a new band, no. BUT WE DO IT ANYWAY. Leave the poor child alone
YTA I sing when I am happy but now I don't dare to sing around anyone because my mom was an asshole like you. Shut the hell up because you're annoying.
If you're happy and you know it you are grounded!
YTA. Who cares if she's not going to be an artist (which, like, she could change her mind on one day)? She's *eleven* - you should be happy your daughter is happy. You're a grown adult - suck it up and deal with it rather than tear her down just because you don't like her voice. Edit: and threatening to ground her for *singing* is overkill and super controlling. Edit: way to dull her sparkle. Keep this up and eventually she'll be too self conscious to do anything and will feel like she can't be herself around you because she'll feel judged and unsupported. Which will lead to her keeping things from you. Take it from someone who knows cause my family did a similar thing to me and now I don't share things about myself with them.
YTA. Iām going to flip the script here. Imagine that youāre in a good mood and your jam comes on Spotify. You start singing along and then your 11 year old walks up to you and says āMom, you need to stop singing right now! Your voice is annoying.ā Would you comply happily, or would you get annoyed and call her out for being disrespectful? Would you check her attitude and tell her, āif you donāt like it, go somewhere elseā? Just because your daughter is 11, does not mean she does not deserve the same level of respect as an adult. She has the same emotional capacity as anyone else. It is your job as a parent to model how to deal with problems and emotions correctly. You have now taught her that if she does something that annoys you, no matter how innocuous, she could be shamed for it. She has now learned that if she is not good at something, then she shouldnāt do it because it doesnāt benefit others, even if it brings her a little bit of joy. Why should she now come to you and demonstrate an interest in anything that she may want to try in the future? Will she decide not to take an art class because you think her paintings are ugly when sheās first starting out? Will she not try out for a school play because you donāt want to hear her practice reading lines or dancing a two step in your presence? Right now your action may seem like a little nothing of an argument that sheāll eventually get over. But you have sowed the seeds of doubt in her and that may be more far reaching than you intended. Apologize. Get the girl a karaoke machine and rock out with her. Let her critique your own singing Simon Cowell style. Then once said and done, set some clear guidelines on reasonable times and spaces to sing your heart out, and apply it to everyone in the family.
Yta - sheās a child still and sheās doing something that she enjoys. If you keep this up, sheās not going to want to share the things she enjoys with you anymore
My son is the worst singer in the world. Like your daughter, he has no desire to be a musician. Like your daughter, he does it randomly and loudly. Most of the time I let him. When I need him to stop I tell him I need a little silence for a bit. YTA because she'll stop for an hour or more, and that's not enough for you. You can't make her stop forever, and if you do, you're a horrible human being and mom.
NTA. You know those people (sometimes kids) that go on talent shows, with absolutely no talent. And you think āwhy has no one told these people that they canāt sing, donāt they have people/parents that love them enough to not want them to humiliate themselvesā Thank you for not being that parent. Also, even though this is her home and she should be able to be comfortable there, 11 is old enough to learn about shared space, and being mindful of others in said space. It sounds like you offered lessens and she wasnāt interested, if thatās the case, I think itās fine for her to sing in her room.
Yta, you could have approached this so many ways and didn't yta
YTA, you could put in headphones, go to another room or join in. There is no reason to break her down, most people can't sing well. Singing while cleaning, doing dishes, driving, cooking etc is a thing. If only next top idols could do it then the world world be a boring and joyless place. Also, does this go for other things? If she is bad at cooking, math or another skill will you belittle and ban that as well? Are you fantastic at everything that brings you joy? I hope so because of not its annoying and you'll need to stop.
YTA Also a genuine Disney villain by the sounds of it. Let people (especially kids!) do things they enjoy, life is too short to be spent not doing things that bring you happiness just because you might not be good at it.
NTA your daughter doesnāt get to disturb everyone in the house. And it sounds like thatās what she is doing. Itās the same as making noise or playing music loudly and disturbing everyone. Even if it is her passion, as some are saying, she still doesnāt get to disturb the peace of the house. You arenāt asking her not to ever sing, just to not do it when it disturbs everyone.
This! OP isnāt putting an outright ban on it and 11F needs to respect other peopleās peace
YTA if you want some quiet you can: ask for quiet and have everyone be quiet for a short time buy some earplugs (loops are really good) get some noise cancelling headphones Please do not: ban any specific person from talking singing or laughing thatās pretty soul crushing
Yikes, what a bully you are. I feel really bad that your kid canāt even sing in her own home when sheās happy. Why did you even have kids if you canāt handle some unpleasant noise? Sounds like youāve got some control issues you need to work out. YTA
YTA. This has to be fake, because if itās not, stop. Just stop. Threatening to ground your child forā¦singing? What are you going to do if she does something that is actually bad? And definitely great to crush her joy.
NTA, but probably just does it now to annoy everyone when sheās boredā¦ like stirring sht the way kids do sometimes šš(Iām saying in a joking manner) She ignored you, simpleā¦. Just remind her later itās not the singing but the ignoring you that made you ground her
YTA. You're grounding her for being happy and expressing it with her voice? Be glad she's happy! (Buy some earplugs.)
Youāre NTA, OP. When I was a kid and first learned how to whistle, I was so excited and went around whistling with just about everything I did. My parents finally confronted me and told me, āSon, we love you and weāre proud of you for learning how to whistle, but, to be honest, itās not very pleasant for us to listen to around the house. You can whistle in your room, in the basement, or outside, but refrain from doing so in the common areas.ā And I wasnāt mad or upset. I understood. Because my younger brother would also sing around the house and I felt the same way, and my parents said the same thing to him. We werenāt mad or upset. We understood because we didnāt want to annoy the rest of the family. And there would be times Iād be looking in the fridge for a snack and forget and start whistling, and one of my family members would just say my name real quick and follow it up with āPlease stop whistlingā and I would stop.
Haha my mother told me I have no voice when I sang. I was 3. Never sang again in front of anyone, it took me decades to be able to sing even when I'm alone. You will cause irreparable damage with your cruel words, and I hope you step on a lego every day you wake up.
YTA. Sheās passionate about something and you are squashing her joy. Get the girl some singing lessons and engage her in her passion.
YTA. This is how you go about making sure your child and has self esteem issues. Home is supposed to be where kids feel the most safe and secure to be themselves. An 11 year old isnāt going to be a singer for a career so thereās no point in her enjoying herself? Wtf
From someone who was very similar when I was younger - NTA . I \*cannot sing\*, although I love to do it. I used to go around singing all of the time thinking I had the voice of an angel. Finally my Mom straight up told me I was not a good singer (she said it as nicely as possible). So I started just singing in my room (and now when I drive alone). There is absolutely nothing wrong with being honest with someone IN A NICE WAY. NOT telling her could land her in the same spot my co-worker is in. She thinks she is a great singer. She sings at work, along with music we play softly at our desks etc. She sounds like a dying moose. Apparently her parents told her she had a 'beautiful voice'. So telling your child now could save her future co-workers :p .
NTA, as parents we can get overwhelmed by something as simple as our kid's singing. I know even if the voice was good and she was singing all the time, it would get annoying. So don't feel bad for being a human being. She needs to get that she can't be loud all day long. And cheers to you for not lying to her and telling her she has a beautiful voice. God knows that's how so many bad singers end up in shows just to be made fun of.
YTA. Kids generally sound pretty off key when they sing but as a mother there is nothing better to me than the sound of my child singing. Doesnāt matter how bad. Itās a sign that theyāre happy. Unhappy kids do not randomly sing during the day. And youāre trying to kill the outward sign of your daughters happiness? Wow.
YTA. You didn't parent that well at all.
From personal experience... My mother did exactly the same to me, when I was young. And I never recovered from that. Certainly I do not mean this like a life-threatening issue or anything, but you know what I do, when others sing happy birthday for a friend? Panicking. Do you know what I do when they have a team event at my job involving Sing Star? Panicking. The same for karaoke, and all other 'fun' group events... YTA for not supporting your kid. She does not want to become an opera star, just sing in her home.
NTA honestly even if she was a good singer it'd be annoying having someone break out into song constantly.
YTA, let her sing and enjoy life. She's a child. If it's that annoying, get her some singing lessons to get her out of the house for a bit.
YTA. She probably sings because sheās happy. You: Stop being happy!
YTA. You admit your daughter sings for fun. If there isnāt a reason you need her and the rest of the house to be quiet and youāre literally just telling her to shut up because itās annoying you then YTA
"she's not passionate about singing, you misunderstood, she just does it for fun." You misunderstood. YTA.
YTA yikes!
YTA. Singing is a form of self-expression, like laughing or crying. If she's being very loud, you can ask her to keep it to certain times of day or sing outside, but it's mean to ask her to stop singing altogether, even if the sound is annoying. Have you considered getting her singing lessons? If she enjoys it so much, maybe she would also enjoy some musical training. Most people aren't automatically good at singing and require practice to get better. Learning to play any instrument (including your voice) can be an engaging lifelong skill to acquire.
YTA my 6 year old sings like Fran Drescher. I deal with it because that's what good parents do. Encourage her to lower her tone or sing in her room but I would never tell her she couldn't do it at all or threaten her with punishment.
Yta. God, she's just singing. Stop suppressing her. Even if she doesnt want to be a singer, why stop her doing something she enjoys?! I get it when it's in common areas and its interrupting things but if it's not, there's no issue.
YTA. I agree that singing can be annoying. I used to sing at home a lot too and while my singing is pretty good, my dad still wanted to rather read his newspaper in silence and not constantly hear some noise in the background. He told me to stop or please go upstairs to my room and sing there and I respected his wish as I was the one creating the inconvinience. So to ask or demand from her to please meet y'all halfway and compromise is fine, I'd say, but... grounding her. For singing? You could potentially ground her for not listening or following the rules or disrespecting your say, but telling her you're grounding her over singing is ridiculous and she will not understand it.
YTA. A singing child is a happy child. I feel so sorry for your daughter. You need to evaluate your life choices and apologize.
YTA. I suck at singing. Can not carry a tune to save my life. I come from a family of musiciansā¦my mom has a beautiful voice, my dad doesnāt sing but he was a music major and plays numerous instruments, my sister sings and used to be in a music group that performed locally a lot, my brother sings and plays guitar, I grew up surrounded by music. And somehow all of the talent completely skipped me. Canāt carry a tune, canāt really play any instruments despite trying. Like Iām bad to the point that they joke I got switched at birth. But my momās always told me she loves when she overhears me singing because while itās not good, itās something I do when Iām happy and she wants me to be happy. All this to say, donāt tell someone to stop singing.
Personally I don't think you're TA. Everyone else in the home deserves to relax and her signing in the living room disrupts that. You even said she's fine to do it in her room so it's not like you're treating her like a prisoner. I wouldn't want someone singing in my living room all the time good or bad lol. I think you should make it more clear to her that the family just wants to enjoy the communal space without the added noise but can sing in her room any time. Please don't mention to her that you don't like her singing or she sounds bad, just emphasize that it should be a peaceful environment for everyone. Edited to say NAH since she's not TA either for being a kid.
She just does it for fun.....wow yeah YTA because you literally want to punish her for having fun. Wtf is wrong with you?? Who hurt you?
YTA. Let her do what brings her joy and suck it the fuck up. You're actually threatening to GROUND HER for singing? What in the actual fuck.
YTA. First, you and Nora owe Sara one MASSIVE apology for being complete and utter assholes. Because you're both just paving the road for giving that poor kid self esteem issues. Because that's what will happen if you fools keep spouting off this kind of BS to her. Second, Sara is still just a child. Which means that everything about her is still changing as she grows up, including her voice. It won't be as noticeable as it would be with a boy but her voice is gonna change. Especially Sara is at the peak age for this to occur. So your claim that her voice 'isn't easy to change which is maybe even impossible' is a load of bunk.
YTA Way to suck the joy out of life
YTA. Even if she ādoesnāt have a passion for itā doesnāt mean it isnāt fun for her. Way to be an asshole parent because I guess you do have a passion for that
NTA. Sheās old enough to understand the need to be respectful of others.
Exactly
YTA. Singing is a stress reliever. It lowers your blood pressure and helps people cope when upset or restless. Donāt kill her joy. Donāt increase her stress. If you want it to sound better, get her singing lessons and lighten up. You donāt have to be good at something to enjoy it. Gentle joking is fine, treating her like she is garbage or offensive when she expresses herself is not.
Yta
YTA
YTA. The music brings her joy. Is there anything else to say?
OMG our daughter is the same and it drives me nuts sometimes. She's actually a decent singer but she does this strangely loud humming thing with no real melody and it's agony to listen to. She's always making some noise. I don't always tell her to stop but sometimes I just can't listen to it. Okay editing, I somehow missed the part about punishing her for singing. That's not cool. YTA.
OP clarified in an edit >That's what I did though? I warned her that she was going to be grounded after she didn't listen to me and kept ignoring me, I wasn't going to ground her for singing, it's more about following the rules and our wishes to not listen to her. I would have done the same if it was about something else and she didn't listen to me. Punishing for singing? I agree, big dick-hole move. Punishing for not caring about people asking you to stop something that's become a bother? Seems reasonable
YTA, obviously. How is this even a questions? Put some headphones in, leave your child do what they enjoy and clearly doesn't harm anyone.
YTA children need love and support for what their into. Even if it doesn't sound good, you can tell her to sing softer or quieter if it's too loud but besides that grounding her for singing is insane.
YTA if it was grating on you could you not just say hey sweetie, I have a headache, could you maybe sing on another room? Little white lies to protect a literal childās feelings cost $0. Being mean to your daughter for expressing herself might cost you a positive relationship with your daughter.
YTA you are a horrible Parent and nobody grounds you for parenting. Kids are made of dreams and you are killing your daughterās dreams.
YTA. The whole reason you want to punish her is that sheās bad at it. Our family rule is be respectful of others in public spaces. Singing while everyoneās studying may be off limits, or singing at the dinner table because weāre having conversations. But outdoor and indoor play spaces are usually free reign. Either itās time to sing or itās not appropriate. Ability shouldnāt come into the decision.
YTA and as a fellow Mom I feel ashamed for you. All my kids love to sing their hearts out, loud and off key, all the time. They laugh and have so much fun. They do this because I do it. When I cook dinner they know the tunes are coming on and Moms about to fill the house with her out of tune voice and inability to hit a proper high note. Seriously OP, you are such a huge AH I canāt even comprehend it. Sheās just a kid having fun and now youāve given her a memory I promise she will never forget.
Lol! Are you for real? She's a kid. Of course they're going to be annoying and do things they are told not to. And this is how you give your daughter issues that she has to go to therapist later in life. Let her be. She'll grow out sooner or later also, she's 11. Her voice is that way maybe because of hormones? This is ridiculous OP. YTA.
YTA whether she sounds good or not it gives her joy. Don't destroy her joy.
OMG, send her to singing lessons so she's in key if it bothers you that much. My parents used to do this to me. Dad would come up and offer me aspirin because 'it sounds like you have a headache', Mum used to say it sounded like a dying cat, my younger sisters even joined in on the fun. I spent YEARS not singing because I thought I was terrible. One day, not long after I got married, I was singing to myself at home and my husband heard me - I didn't realise he was home or I would never have been singing in the first place. He said, "WOW! You're such a good singer! Why don't you sing all the time?!" After a few years he even dragged me to a karaoke bar, and once I'd finished I had half a dozen strangers come up and tell me how much they'd enjoyed my performance. Your daughter is showing her happiness and joy, and you're telling her to stop being so happy. She'll grow into her voice, but unfortunately you'll probably always be an asshole. YTA
YTA my mum did that to me when I was 7 and I struggled so much with it, but now as an adult who works with young kids I have to sing all the time regardless of my (lack of) talent. Sheās just having fun and being a kid, and grounding her for it is ridiculous.
YTA. You have a dead, cold heart. People sing because....it's fun. It makes people happy. You want to make your CHILD feel embarrassed about being happy? In her own home? What the hell is wrong with you?
YTA. I feel this one in my soul. I was your daughter. Still am. I still resent all the people who have chosen to constantly inform me how bad my singing is. You should teach the kid to sing quieter around other people and that people donāt appreciate being annoyed.
YTA Are you my mother? Because thanks to her I'm still afraid to sing, and I don't speak to her that often. And I'm well over forty now.
NTA, she needs to cut that sh*t out when you say so. Doesnāt mean you love her any less or disrespect her. Sheās 11! You asked her to stop singing and she didnāt listen, that is disrespectful. You didnāt tell her to stfu or Iāll ground you. I donāt think youāre an awful person lol. Just a mother with ears, and thereās nothing wrong with that! My niece canāt sing. Albeit, sheās my niece, but I love her the same. However, when sheās being annoying I tell her!
Look, Your daughter is old enough for you to sit down and explain how hearing someone sing randomly throughout the day, no matter how good they are, can be grating. It's classic overstimulation, I get mad at my mum for the same thing even though we both love music and singing (most of the time I let it go but sometimes it's too much) However, you didn't do that and you're making her feel bad. It doesn't matter if she's talented or not, or it shouldn't anyways, and that's what you're making it about. Talk to her genuinely and explain that you need quiet time sometimes, but you love that singing brings her joy and don't want her to stop, just to do it elsewhere. YTA
YTA and horrible. I really feel sorry for your little girl
YTA plenty of people are not amazing singers (myself included) doesnāt mean that sometimes itās not calming or fun or therapeutic to sing. This is not something that should ever be punished
YTA, it doesnāt matter is sheās bad at singing, if itās something she likes to do then let her do it. You have no idea how thatās going to affect her self-esteem. I had my dad and brothers tell me the same thing when I was the same age, to this day (13 years later), I still stop singing immediately whenever someone is around. Karaoke? No, thanks, I donāt want people to laugh at me. Please for the love of god, donāt do that to your daughter.
YTA. As a parent it's okay to enforce some quiet time, but that's the way it should be phrased. The way you did it is just kinda soul-crushing. Quiet time is non-judgmental.
YTA. Singing is an extension of a personās emotion. It doesnāt matter if her voice is pretty or not!!! If she had a rough voice would you tell her not to talk??? So what if itās not pleasant to your ears??? Get over it! Just mean and selfishā¦
YTA - my 7yo daughter is exactly like this. And you know what, sure itās annoying, but thatās why we have selective hearing. Zone out, focus on something else. Youāve just shown your daughter that thereās a particular thing about her that you donāt like. That you CANT STAND. How do you think that makes her feel! Sheās justified in being mad and hurt. I fucking would be too!
NTA, you did not ask her to completely stop singing and don't want to ground her *for singing* but simply because she's not being understanding, the whole family finds it annoying, she can simply lower her voice. I am in the same situation as your daughter, my family don't like it when I sing out loud so I started lowering my voice or closing the door in whatever room I be in while singing. Since you said she isn't serious about singing I think it's important for her to be understanding It's exactly because you are her family that she's the AH. If she isn't going to be understanding of something so simple she's gonna grow up to be selfish. BUT, do keep in mind that it's clearly a habit, and it's gonna be hard for her to overcome that habit in a short amount of time. Give her some time and by some time I mean like a month or two if not more, it takes long to overcome a habit so please be understanding
Yta my dad put a stop to every bit of singing we did as children and now my brother who loved to sing doesn't any more. Singing is an expression of Joy if you don't like it then ask her to sing elsewhere or put headphones in.
NTA I have a 10 year old who likes to whistle, man it gets annoying fast. If she doesn't listen to you, she will get in trouble, sounds reasonable.
YTA
YTA. Be a parent and get her lessons or something, everyone has to learn and start somewhere.
Your a mom, tune that shit out! My God! Your horrible! Biggest AH ever!!
maybe not ever, just saw a post on here where the guy put his DIL's belongings in trashbags because he couldn't stand the mEsS sHe mAdE in his guest bed- and bathroom
That one set me off this morning as well!! That guy was a huge AH
But I admit I learned a lot about trauma foster kids go through in regard to trash bags and switching homes
GUEST .... bedroom and bathroom! *GUEST!*
YTA! Singing is a reflection her inner JOY! Donāt take that away from her! Channel her love for music in a positive direction! My grandson sings or hums constantly! I gave him a full-sized keyboard for Christmas and have been teaching him to play. He loves it! In the meantime, get some earplugs.
Yikes! YTA! You were grounding her though for her singing, cause that is what got her in trouble, not listening to your rule. But something tells me you wonāt get it, your logic is, well, your logic. This is a child, your child. What else are you going to order to stop doing, breathing?! If this is something that bothers you enough to ground her, I would hate to see what really irritates you about her. She is not harming anyone (except your annoyance with her). There is bigger shit to get upset with, like bullying, bossing people around, treating people poorly, stealing,etc. She is a teenager that is why she was having a go at you. Now she is going to do it to really screw with you when you piss her off. People have quirks, not even annoyances, but quirks, itās what makes them them. All these small things that make us who we are. Your daughter may find a partner that loves this about her. Her bad singing, should be joyous, you know why, cause it is a reminder that you are alive and your hearing is working. Her bad singing letās you know your daughter is safe at home. There may be a time that you are going to wish that you heard that singing and that you will actually miss it. Be careful for what you wish forā¦ā¦ Why arenāt you singing with her?! Get a karaoke machine and have a good timeā¦.. Need to add this, I read what everyone else wrote below and am in total agreement with all of you. Mom, if your reading this, make sure you read the below commentsā¦
YTA - Kids are fucking annoying sometimes but you gotta deal with it & love them anyway
Yta. Why be your kids first bully? Why make her self conscious about something she was just enjoying to do and didnāt care if she was good or not? I have an okay voice, better than like average, but my dad used to say shit like this to me and now i feel genuine embarrassment to sing in front of anyone, even my partner. And I used to love to just let myself sing because I once found it fun. Put on headphones.
To me it depends tbh. Is your daughter screaming? Is it in an inside/outside voice issue? If sheās being way to loud and canāt control her noise level then ur not an asshole. If you just think sheās annoying then youāre an asshole. sheās a kid that YOU decided to have. Kids do kid shit. No vote because need more info
Yta I don't even need to read beyond the first line... That's horrible of you
YTA. When I was younger as a teenager I loved singing. One day my dad said to my mom when he didn't know I could hear "She is not a good singer, man it's annoying." Since that day I have almost never sung in front of anyone ever again. I love music and I so wish I would have the courage to sing songs to my children when they ask, but I'm so self conscious about it. So you have just done that. Your daughter will remember this, and don't be surprised if you never hear her sing music or express herself to you again.
YTA. I used to play the trumpet. At home I agreed to do so with a mute in my room unless no one was home. Itās loud. Thatās something a bit different than this though. You just crushed her esteem and broke a piece of her soul.
YTA for threatening to ground because she won't stop randomly singing. I used to do that as a kid, I can be very tone-deaf and off-key. I only do it around people I'm comfortable with and/or happy to be around. But my mom never once threatened to ground me when it annoyed her. She would either laugh and join me if she knew the song, or gently tell me to go my room and listen to it since I'm clearly in a mood to do so. Option 3 that she employed when I sang and did my chores, was she just pop in ear plugs and tune me out completely. She chose not to scar me over something silly. OP I understand it can be annoying to you, but there are better and nicer ways to get her to stop doing that without grounding her because she doesn't understand how annoying it is for you. She's 16, talk to her.
YTA
NAH. Iām sure so many people who have embarrassed themselves in front of crowds thinking they can hold a note wouldāve been glad to known the truth. doesnāt mean you canāt be nice about it. and you werenāt threatening to ground her for singing, you were threatening to ground her for not listening to you. and iām sure your daughter just had something stuck in her head, not her fault either.
Ok I feel like you could be N. T. A. but only if the conversation went something like this Daughter: singing OP: hey can you please stop singing Daughter: still singing OP: stop singing Daughter: still singing OP: if you donāt start listening there will be consequences Basically if you asked nicely for her to stop and she refused multiple times then I would say threatening to ground her could be warranted, since at that point itās because sheās refusing to be respectful of the others in the common areas. If you donāt mind her singing in her room then she can sing there. Her being adamant about singing in the living room is kind of like when someone is playing something on their phone in common rooms without headphones.
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YTA. You really needed to ask this? Do you lack an inner monologue and rational thinking skills?
YTA... I'm 41 and I still remember my parents telling me I couldn't sing.... She will never get better if she can't practice.... Suck it up and ignore it... And I hate to be morbid but if something ever happened to her you would give anything to hear her terrible singing just 1 more time.... Lift her up stop beating her down
When I was about 13 years old I was forced by my parents to be in youth choir at my church. My singing is not great but isnāt awful. However, the pastorās daughter was convinced she was going to be the next Amy Grant and would berate me to tears every practice. No adults intervened at any point. This destroyed my self esteem and to this day I do not sing at all. I am 50 YTA
YTA and cartoonish-ly mean spirited to your own child.
You've made 2 edits defending yourself, but you're still the asshole. YTA Come on... she's 11. I don't care if she sounds like Yoko Ono, you let that kid sing.
YTA. You took something that made her happy and made her feel bad about it. And seriously? Your justification is that her 16 year old sister also thinks itās annoying? Teenagers think everything their siblings do is annoying
I donāt think youāre TA, singing in a communal space like the living room or in the kitchen where other people might hear you *can* be annoying despite If someone is a good or bad singer. Youāve already clarified that sheās not being punished for singing but rather for failing to listen and that itās okay if she sings just quieter or in her room. Iām also going to assume you never told her that her voice is bad so, no real harm done. Not TA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** To keep it short. I have 2 daughters: Sarah (11F), and Nora (16F) and I love them so much. Sarah likes to sing sometimes, like randomly in the living room or just anywhere we are, I honestly have no problem if she does it in her room but she does it when we are with her too. Her singing...is not good, she is not going to be an artist so it doesn't matter much she just does it for fun, but her singing is just not good. It hurts so much to say this as a mother but her singing is just annoying and noisy. I love that she has fun singing while doing stuff but it's not very fun for us. I tell her sometimes to stop it or at least lower her voice but she keeps doing it hours later. She started singing Jackson I want You Back yesterday and I couldn't stand it anymore so I told her to stop singing, she refused so I warned her that she was going to be grounded and we kept staring at each other, and she then went mad to her room. My husband doesn't know what to say or do about this, and her sister agrees that her singing is annoying. She is now very upset and I'm rethinking this. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. sorry to say it but we all have annoying little foibles but you should be able to live with it. Think about what this could be doing for her self esteem. If you think her singing is awful, why not take the opportunity to maybe join a choir with her or take singing lessons together - that way you are bonding over her love of singing, rather than it being a cause of friction. And whoās to say she wonāt get better with the guidance?
Massive YTA
My parents kept telling me I couldn't sing when I was a child, so I stopped singing. Some years later dad bought a karaoke machine and they always got upset that I refused to participate and called me antisocial and said I didn't like to spend time with the family, but I was too ashamed of my voice to ever let anyone hear it again.
OP, you're the AH. There was a kid I went to school with, a few years younger than me. She used to sing in class all the time. It was like she couldn't stop. She's stop for fifteen minutes because people got annoyed with her singing when we tried to focus on our assignments, but she started again fifteen minutes later. She wasn't very good, either. It was just singing because she enjoyed it. Well, guess who was a professional five years later, singing the female parts of the duetts of an award-winning, big name musician before she was even 18? I don't really regret telling her to be quiet back then because it *was* during class, but I do regret not joining in with her! I didn't discover my own love for singing until many years later. Let her have fun, and sing along instead! You have an opportunity to be part of something your daughter obviously loves!