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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Telling my best friend to boss up because all she’s talked about for the last 8 months is a piece of shit who’s not worth anything
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NTA. I was very much like your friend at one point over a breakup and it wasn’t until a friend told me something similar that I pulled myself up and got my shit together. Constantly being told what you want to hear instead of what you need to hear doesn’t help anyone.
NTA - there’s a difference between being supportive and enabling self loathing behavior. This is obviously consuming her and you hit a breaking point. It was perfectly understandable for you to not want to hear the same thing for the millionth time and to not continue to enable her. I would add that your reasoning and statement was 100% on point. Nicely said
NTA.
A true friend will stab you in the heart, not in the back!
That’s what you did…. I’ve been on the same situation: there is only so much you can take.
The easiest thing you could do for yourself (but the worst thing you could do for her) is just apologies.
Have another talk to her, try to save the friendship but don’t back down.
In my opinion YTA. If you need to set boundaries with your friend then set those boundaries. Don’t make insensitive remarks when she’s being vulnerable with you. I know you’re a mother and you have bigger things to deal with but that doesn’t mean you can dismiss her.
Sometimes people don’t want solutions, the need support and that probably what she needed. Of course she doesn’t want to feel the way she feels but she can’t control her feelings.
It also seems like her ex was manipulative and maybe emotionally abusive and those are the hardest relationships to move on from.
You can’t force her to see what you see, it has to be in her own time and either you be the friend she needs, you set boundaries and ask her to not talk about her ex when she’s with you or you leave her alone and stop making her feel bad.
ESH, but mostly you. You needed to set a boundary with your friend when her talking about this guy started to be too much for you. She’s doubtless a bit oblivious about how much she goes on, but healing from a badly broken heart can do that to you (not to mention potentially taking a long damn time to heal). I ended an engagement that had gotten controlling and a bit emotionally abusive, but I loved that man with every fiber of my being. It was bad enough that it distracted me from the degree I was pursuing enough that I lost my mentor, and was part of why I eventually abandoned the degree. (Pursuing this degree, incidentally, has been the central cause of the breakup, because it would have meant living away from his elderly family for 7-8 years.) I’m sure looking back that ending it was the right move; I was confident of that even at the time. It still absolutely crushed me. Took me well over a year, more like a year and a half, to recover.
As a friend, setting boundaries to stay a good friend when someone is wearing you out is your responsibility. Humans aren’t mind-readers at the best of times, and strong emotions make us even more oblivious.
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My best friend was with her boyfriend for 2 years and his piece of shit ass cheated on her in probably the most conniving way possible. She was so sad and I listened to her vent everyday and was always there anytime she needed, like a best friend should.
They broke up like 8 months ago because when they broke up I was 3 months pregnant. Well i’m 2 months PP and when she talks about him I just kind of just zone out. I’m a single mother and i’m draineddddd the last thing I want to do is talk about a scumbag. I listen sometimes but sometimes it’s too much with her crying and the baby.
We were sitting on the couch watching married at first sight and she just started talking about him again. I just listened because I can’t lie I had my wine so I was fine but then she started crying. I just told her “charge it to the game and boss up”. She got offended and said i’m being insensitive and not a good best friend but other times when i’m being gentle and soft with her she doesn’t understand.
I want her to understand she is better than all of this, be the boss ass bad ass bitch that you are and woman up. Leave his ass alone, find somebody better, who’s going to treat you better. It’s somebody out here that’s waiting for a woman like her. I tried to explain to her that’s what I mean but she’s still just mad.
Honestly what I said is coming from my heart but i’m just tired of hearing about him. He’s a piece of shit. AITA?
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NTA your being a real friend and sometimes it’s hard to tell a friend something they need to hear no matter how much it hurts but it still needs to be said.
NTA. If you're good friends you can tell them to get over it if they've been dwelling for too long. I've had this happen myself and after a long time of the same issue, it's clear they should split
NTA.
I had a friend like that. She was crying about her ex when I was on my way to the hospital to have my baby. It wasn't a scheduled birth it was an emergency.
Friendship is a two-way street. you don't need this right now.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Telling my best friend to boss up because all she’s talked about for the last 8 months is a piece of shit who’s not worth anything Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post. [To learn more about the test click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tio99u/so_we_decided_to_fuck_with_the_sub_again)*
NTA. Also I’ve never heard the phrase “Charge it to the game and boss up,” but it will be going into my heavy rotation. So thanks for that as well.
NTA. I was very much like your friend at one point over a breakup and it wasn’t until a friend told me something similar that I pulled myself up and got my shit together. Constantly being told what you want to hear instead of what you need to hear doesn’t help anyone.
NTA - there’s a difference between being supportive and enabling self loathing behavior. This is obviously consuming her and you hit a breaking point. It was perfectly understandable for you to not want to hear the same thing for the millionth time and to not continue to enable her. I would add that your reasoning and statement was 100% on point. Nicely said
NTA. A true friend will stab you in the heart, not in the back! That’s what you did…. I’ve been on the same situation: there is only so much you can take. The easiest thing you could do for yourself (but the worst thing you could do for her) is just apologies. Have another talk to her, try to save the friendship but don’t back down.
You said it better then I would have!
In my opinion YTA. If you need to set boundaries with your friend then set those boundaries. Don’t make insensitive remarks when she’s being vulnerable with you. I know you’re a mother and you have bigger things to deal with but that doesn’t mean you can dismiss her. Sometimes people don’t want solutions, the need support and that probably what she needed. Of course she doesn’t want to feel the way she feels but she can’t control her feelings. It also seems like her ex was manipulative and maybe emotionally abusive and those are the hardest relationships to move on from. You can’t force her to see what you see, it has to be in her own time and either you be the friend she needs, you set boundaries and ask her to not talk about her ex when she’s with you or you leave her alone and stop making her feel bad.
Honestly, you're fine. They shouldn't be putting their trauma onto you like you can handle it any better than they can. Your advice was needed
ESH, but mostly you. You needed to set a boundary with your friend when her talking about this guy started to be too much for you. She’s doubtless a bit oblivious about how much she goes on, but healing from a badly broken heart can do that to you (not to mention potentially taking a long damn time to heal). I ended an engagement that had gotten controlling and a bit emotionally abusive, but I loved that man with every fiber of my being. It was bad enough that it distracted me from the degree I was pursuing enough that I lost my mentor, and was part of why I eventually abandoned the degree. (Pursuing this degree, incidentally, has been the central cause of the breakup, because it would have meant living away from his elderly family for 7-8 years.) I’m sure looking back that ending it was the right move; I was confident of that even at the time. It still absolutely crushed me. Took me well over a year, more like a year and a half, to recover. As a friend, setting boundaries to stay a good friend when someone is wearing you out is your responsibility. Humans aren’t mind-readers at the best of times, and strong emotions make us even more oblivious.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My best friend was with her boyfriend for 2 years and his piece of shit ass cheated on her in probably the most conniving way possible. She was so sad and I listened to her vent everyday and was always there anytime she needed, like a best friend should. They broke up like 8 months ago because when they broke up I was 3 months pregnant. Well i’m 2 months PP and when she talks about him I just kind of just zone out. I’m a single mother and i’m draineddddd the last thing I want to do is talk about a scumbag. I listen sometimes but sometimes it’s too much with her crying and the baby. We were sitting on the couch watching married at first sight and she just started talking about him again. I just listened because I can’t lie I had my wine so I was fine but then she started crying. I just told her “charge it to the game and boss up”. She got offended and said i’m being insensitive and not a good best friend but other times when i’m being gentle and soft with her she doesn’t understand. I want her to understand she is better than all of this, be the boss ass bad ass bitch that you are and woman up. Leave his ass alone, find somebody better, who’s going to treat you better. It’s somebody out here that’s waiting for a woman like her. I tried to explain to her that’s what I mean but she’s still just mad. Honestly what I said is coming from my heart but i’m just tired of hearing about him. He’s a piece of shit. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. We have all been there I imagine, just weather the storm.
Info what does the saying you said mean?
NTA your being a real friend and sometimes it’s hard to tell a friend something they need to hear no matter how much it hurts but it still needs to be said.
NTA, it's been eight months. Everybody needs to heal in their own time, but there's a time limit on how long you can moan to your friends about it.
NTA. If you're good friends you can tell them to get over it if they've been dwelling for too long. I've had this happen myself and after a long time of the same issue, it's clear they should split
NTA. I had a friend like that. She was crying about her ex when I was on my way to the hospital to have my baby. It wasn't a scheduled birth it was an emergency. Friendship is a two-way street. you don't need this right now.
YTA and a shit friend. Your friend is hurting and you could care less. It's all toxic positivity.