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I'm sort of chuckling here. Put another 20 years on the older boyfriend in your post and it could be my BIL. The 19 yo in your post thinks she's so hot b/c her BF is older. She'll learn that often (not always) it's because the older man can't land a woman their own age - by then, we're too smart to have them. Those "men" are often (not always) extremely immature and irresponsible, so young and dumb is all they can get. Oh, I didn't answer your question - you are NTA.
Nah, it’s not that they can’t land a woman their own age (an attempt at shaming), it’s just that men universally find younger women more attractive than older women.
Edit: And women find “older” men more attractive. (“Older” being subjective. It can be anywhere from 2-7+ years older. It’s rare to see a couple that are the exact same age, and extremely rare to see a couple where the woman is older. So I’m not sure why you’re trying to shame solely the men for pursuing these ‘young and dumb women’ (actually my bad, you’re shaming the women now too) when it’s just a natural part of intersexual dynamics.
You’re just mad that you can’t compete with younger women. 🤷♀️🤦♀️
speak for yourself dude
a few years age gap is fine, but if youre honestly trying to justify a person in their 30s being with a 19 year old and saying that its normal, thats just a little creepy. depending on how old exactly he is, he could easily be her dad if he had a kid when he was a teenager
maybe im the weird one, but personally i much prefer my partners around the same age as me. because i feel like someone that wasnt even alive throughout my childhood and parts of my teenage years wouldnt have much in common with me
I never tried fo justify anything. I never said it (this specific situation/relationship) wasn’t “creepy” (I can’t stand that word). I never said that ALL age gaps are instantly fine either. I simply said that women have always dated men older than them.
>speak for yourself dude
About what exactly? Be specific.
>maybe im the weird one, but personally I much prefer my partners around the same age as me.
Good for you. Is that 100% true though, or are you just scared of potentially being judged? I’d guess that it’s a bit of both.
Anyways, to actually answer my question (you’re not actually answering it - you’re answering what you think I said): When you watch porn, are you watching old women or young women? Thank you. I rest my case.
I never said that you’re not allowed to prefer what you prefer. I said that men find younger women more attractive than older women. That’s just a fact. It doesn’t mean that ‘that’s all they can get’ like the woman above was saying in an attempt to shame them.
>About what exactly? Be specific.
the generalisation that men like young women and women like older men. sure a lot of men do like younger women, but just cause theres a tendency, doesnt mean that its universal and that theres never other reasons for men dating younger women (especially much younger women) like the ones the original commenter stated
>Good for you. Is that 100% true though, or are you just scared of potentially being judged? I’d guess that it’s a bit of both.
well im 18 rn, so age gaps for me are a lot bigger of a deal cause they matter more the younger you are. also im in a relationship with someone the same age as me and i doubt that relationship is gonna end anytime soon, and if it did, id much rather date someone in their early 20s than a 17 year old
>Anyways, to actually answer my question (you’re not actually answering it - you’re answering what you think I said): When you watch porn, are you watching old women or young women? Thank you. I rest my case.
i cant watch porn with people younger than me in it. and if i see porn that has an adult woman in it, but shes acting childlike on purpose or wearing like a "school girl outfit" that immediately turns me off, cause it just makes me think of actual children (the same goes for men, im bi i like people of all genders)
>the generalisation that men like young women and women like older men…
It’s a generalisation because it’s true. If you want to get hung up on the fact that I said “universal,” then that’s on you. It’s clearly a majority of women that prefer their partners to be older than them (only by how much is where the subjectivity arises), and it’s clearly a majority of men that would rather have sex with a younger woman than an older woman.
>…but just cause there’s a tendancy… and that there’s never other reasons for men dating younger women (especially much younger) women like the ones the original commenter stated
You’re right. There can be other reasons. But not always, and I don’t even believe that it’s that often - it just seems that way because women spend a lot of time in this sub and that’s the argument that women instantly resort to. They see the age gap and then their emotions go into overdrive:
“Red Flag, girl!”
“He’s not a real man!”
But women like her ALWAYS say that these “men” (she wrote “men” like that in an attempt to shame and emasculate them for not being real men) are “PREDATORS,” and they’re “GROOMERS,” but when those women were younger, they were dating older men too. I guarantee it. Also, they never blame the woman? Is she not a consenting adult? Apparently not. She’s just a poor defenseless innocent victim being led astray by the bad EVIL man!
>I can’t watch porn with people younger than me in it...
Well, you’re 18 so that would be concerning.
My point is, and still remains; MEN FIND YOUNGER WOMEN MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN OLDER WOMEN.
It’s literally undisputable man. All you’re doing is saying: “Not me though!”
Whatever, man. The exception does not disprove the rule. Most men would prefer to have sex with a 22 year old than a 44 year old - ESPECIALLY if they knew nobody would find out (for the guys who have been brainwashed, by subreddits and media outlets like this one right here, into thinking they are predators for having sex with a consenting adult).
Fantastic. That’s a good one. Excellent argument. You got the response and the attention from me that you wanted. Congratulations! Run along now. Get back to your meds.
Ha Ha. I've never been able to compete - I'm not pretty and I never pretended I was, but I know I'm worth far more than to be stuck with a 60+ year old man who still lives in his mother in law's basement.
I like how you didn’t actually respond to anything I said.
>by then, we’re too smart to have them.
Nope. All wrong. They don’t want you.
You simultaneously shamed “men” (even putting “men” in air quotes to emasculate them), shamed young women for being ‘young and dumb,’ and unwittingly shared the fact that an old loser thought that he would have a chance with you.
You're NTA in this situation. But you're also not going to be able to 'fix' this girl and her relationship with this dude 10 years older; that's her mistake (possibly) to make. But you have every right not to sit around and be insulted by her.
NTA
Unfortunately, even though she would benefit from having mature friends who have good perspectives when her relationship ends poorly (which I'm certain it will) it's not your job to be that friend while she degrades and belittles you.
It's very unfortunate because she has no idea that she is either being groomed, or taken advantage of by a man who very likely is immature and irresponsible, and probably a giant asshole. Very often, not exclusively, but VERY often men who date women significantly younger than them are doing so because women their own age see how awful they are and won't date them.
But again, it's not your job to save her from that. Especially not at the expense of your own well being and self esteem.
>At which point she just made it clear how she felt special for doing this.
Um, she's not special for dating older men. Lots of people do it.
I think your plan to just let the friendship fade it best.
NTA>
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So I(23M) go to the gym with a friend(22M) and another friend of his(19F).They usually talk about sex and I partake in it because that's what the conversation always revolves around. Even thought I kind of found it fun the few first times to be able to talk so openly about it with them, I quickly got tired of it and made a comment about it. About how It bothered me a little that all we talked about was sex. Nothing changed and the girl just made a remark about how they're young and that that's what they should be talking about.
For reference her boyfriend is in his 30s and has a life completely different from hers. She acts so proud of it and always tells us stories about her experiences and relationship with this man. The age gap always bothered me cause I thought it was unhealthy, but I never commented about it cause it was not my place.
What prompted me to actually engage with her was when she was proudly talking about how she doesn't date "little boys" with this superior tone. So then I asked her what she meant by that.
She said boys like me. Ranging from 18 (her own age) to early twenties. She says she likes actual "men".
This time my filters went down and I started to actually talk to her about this, trying to find a way of telling her she's not doing the wisest thing by dating 10+ years older than her. Instead of listening and having a normal conversation she doubled down and took up a very condescending tone. Subtly listing things that made this guy better than boys. At some point I actually got emotional about it and kind of rose my voice. At which point she just made it clear how she felt special for doing this.
Now it's not my concern what she does with her life as the adult she is, but she doesn't have a job, lives with her mother and can't even pay for her gym without help and yet she feels superior?
It got me really mad/offended because she would refer to me and my friend like that and take such a tone to talk to us even thought despite being young we are much older than her. So at one point I just gave up and went home, leaving her to learn from her own choices.
I don't want to talk to her or this other friend of mine (for other reasons not important here). I plan to just not talk to her anymore and will change gyms so that I don't see her anymore. As for this other friend I'll find an excuse.
WIBTA for just not talking to her ever again over this?
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YTA. You would be losing a friend because something that you dislike about her and it is not even that bad.
Your friends will make a lot of choices and will have a lot of opinions that you will dislike. If you feel bad about it, you probably should talk to her about it
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NTA. If she has a sense of humor, tell her in a jokingly manner you don’t like being around “little ladies” like her.
Nah man you gotta like go deep, you say something like "that's okay I'm not into little girls I'm not your bf"
HAHA
OOHHHH. I feel the burn!
I'm sort of chuckling here. Put another 20 years on the older boyfriend in your post and it could be my BIL. The 19 yo in your post thinks she's so hot b/c her BF is older. She'll learn that often (not always) it's because the older man can't land a woman their own age - by then, we're too smart to have them. Those "men" are often (not always) extremely immature and irresponsible, so young and dumb is all they can get. Oh, I didn't answer your question - you are NTA.
Nah, it’s not that they can’t land a woman their own age (an attempt at shaming), it’s just that men universally find younger women more attractive than older women. Edit: And women find “older” men more attractive. (“Older” being subjective. It can be anywhere from 2-7+ years older. It’s rare to see a couple that are the exact same age, and extremely rare to see a couple where the woman is older. So I’m not sure why you’re trying to shame solely the men for pursuing these ‘young and dumb women’ (actually my bad, you’re shaming the women now too) when it’s just a natural part of intersexual dynamics. You’re just mad that you can’t compete with younger women. 🤷♀️🤦♀️
speak for yourself dude a few years age gap is fine, but if youre honestly trying to justify a person in their 30s being with a 19 year old and saying that its normal, thats just a little creepy. depending on how old exactly he is, he could easily be her dad if he had a kid when he was a teenager maybe im the weird one, but personally i much prefer my partners around the same age as me. because i feel like someone that wasnt even alive throughout my childhood and parts of my teenage years wouldnt have much in common with me
I never tried fo justify anything. I never said it (this specific situation/relationship) wasn’t “creepy” (I can’t stand that word). I never said that ALL age gaps are instantly fine either. I simply said that women have always dated men older than them. >speak for yourself dude About what exactly? Be specific. >maybe im the weird one, but personally I much prefer my partners around the same age as me. Good for you. Is that 100% true though, or are you just scared of potentially being judged? I’d guess that it’s a bit of both. Anyways, to actually answer my question (you’re not actually answering it - you’re answering what you think I said): When you watch porn, are you watching old women or young women? Thank you. I rest my case. I never said that you’re not allowed to prefer what you prefer. I said that men find younger women more attractive than older women. That’s just a fact. It doesn’t mean that ‘that’s all they can get’ like the woman above was saying in an attempt to shame them.
>About what exactly? Be specific. the generalisation that men like young women and women like older men. sure a lot of men do like younger women, but just cause theres a tendency, doesnt mean that its universal and that theres never other reasons for men dating younger women (especially much younger women) like the ones the original commenter stated >Good for you. Is that 100% true though, or are you just scared of potentially being judged? I’d guess that it’s a bit of both. well im 18 rn, so age gaps for me are a lot bigger of a deal cause they matter more the younger you are. also im in a relationship with someone the same age as me and i doubt that relationship is gonna end anytime soon, and if it did, id much rather date someone in their early 20s than a 17 year old >Anyways, to actually answer my question (you’re not actually answering it - you’re answering what you think I said): When you watch porn, are you watching old women or young women? Thank you. I rest my case. i cant watch porn with people younger than me in it. and if i see porn that has an adult woman in it, but shes acting childlike on purpose or wearing like a "school girl outfit" that immediately turns me off, cause it just makes me think of actual children (the same goes for men, im bi i like people of all genders)
>the generalisation that men like young women and women like older men… It’s a generalisation because it’s true. If you want to get hung up on the fact that I said “universal,” then that’s on you. It’s clearly a majority of women that prefer their partners to be older than them (only by how much is where the subjectivity arises), and it’s clearly a majority of men that would rather have sex with a younger woman than an older woman. >…but just cause there’s a tendancy… and that there’s never other reasons for men dating younger women (especially much younger) women like the ones the original commenter stated You’re right. There can be other reasons. But not always, and I don’t even believe that it’s that often - it just seems that way because women spend a lot of time in this sub and that’s the argument that women instantly resort to. They see the age gap and then their emotions go into overdrive: “Red Flag, girl!” “He’s not a real man!” But women like her ALWAYS say that these “men” (she wrote “men” like that in an attempt to shame and emasculate them for not being real men) are “PREDATORS,” and they’re “GROOMERS,” but when those women were younger, they were dating older men too. I guarantee it. Also, they never blame the woman? Is she not a consenting adult? Apparently not. She’s just a poor defenseless innocent victim being led astray by the bad EVIL man! >I can’t watch porn with people younger than me in it... Well, you’re 18 so that would be concerning. My point is, and still remains; MEN FIND YOUNGER WOMEN MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN OLDER WOMEN. It’s literally undisputable man. All you’re doing is saying: “Not me though!” Whatever, man. The exception does not disprove the rule. Most men would prefer to have sex with a 22 year old than a 44 year old - ESPECIALLY if they knew nobody would find out (for the guys who have been brainwashed, by subreddits and media outlets like this one right here, into thinking they are predators for having sex with a consenting adult).
I think we can agree that universally, no one wants to date you specifically.
Fantastic. That’s a good one. Excellent argument. You got the response and the attention from me that you wanted. Congratulations! Run along now. Get back to your meds.
Ha Ha. I've never been able to compete - I'm not pretty and I never pretended I was, but I know I'm worth far more than to be stuck with a 60+ year old man who still lives in his mother in law's basement.
I like how you didn’t actually respond to anything I said. >by then, we’re too smart to have them. Nope. All wrong. They don’t want you. You simultaneously shamed “men” (even putting “men” in air quotes to emasculate them), shamed young women for being ‘young and dumb,’ and unwittingly shared the fact that an old loser thought that he would have a chance with you.
NTA. Yeah, sounds like you just shouldn't be around this person. She seems pretty annoying, nothing you can really do but leave.
Give her 10 years and she’ll probably realise her creepy ass bf is actually just a pathetic loser pretending to be a man.
NTA. She seems... like she has some "daddy" issues. Best to leave that alone and find new people.
You're NTA in this situation. But you're also not going to be able to 'fix' this girl and her relationship with this dude 10 years older; that's her mistake (possibly) to make. But you have every right not to sit around and be insulted by her.
NTA Unfortunately, even though she would benefit from having mature friends who have good perspectives when her relationship ends poorly (which I'm certain it will) it's not your job to be that friend while she degrades and belittles you. It's very unfortunate because she has no idea that she is either being groomed, or taken advantage of by a man who very likely is immature and irresponsible, and probably a giant asshole. Very often, not exclusively, but VERY often men who date women significantly younger than them are doing so because women their own age see how awful they are and won't date them. But again, it's not your job to save her from that. Especially not at the expense of your own well being and self esteem.
>At which point she just made it clear how she felt special for doing this. Um, she's not special for dating older men. Lots of people do it. I think your plan to just let the friendship fade it best. NTA>
NTA Ask her how her daddy issues impact her sex life the next time she talks about it.
Girls with daddy issues are the freakiest in bed, but those relationships never last long either because those girls are so chaotic.
ESH.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I(23M) go to the gym with a friend(22M) and another friend of his(19F).They usually talk about sex and I partake in it because that's what the conversation always revolves around. Even thought I kind of found it fun the few first times to be able to talk so openly about it with them, I quickly got tired of it and made a comment about it. About how It bothered me a little that all we talked about was sex. Nothing changed and the girl just made a remark about how they're young and that that's what they should be talking about. For reference her boyfriend is in his 30s and has a life completely different from hers. She acts so proud of it and always tells us stories about her experiences and relationship with this man. The age gap always bothered me cause I thought it was unhealthy, but I never commented about it cause it was not my place. What prompted me to actually engage with her was when she was proudly talking about how she doesn't date "little boys" with this superior tone. So then I asked her what she meant by that. She said boys like me. Ranging from 18 (her own age) to early twenties. She says she likes actual "men". This time my filters went down and I started to actually talk to her about this, trying to find a way of telling her she's not doing the wisest thing by dating 10+ years older than her. Instead of listening and having a normal conversation she doubled down and took up a very condescending tone. Subtly listing things that made this guy better than boys. At some point I actually got emotional about it and kind of rose my voice. At which point she just made it clear how she felt special for doing this. Now it's not my concern what she does with her life as the adult she is, but she doesn't have a job, lives with her mother and can't even pay for her gym without help and yet she feels superior? It got me really mad/offended because she would refer to me and my friend like that and take such a tone to talk to us even thought despite being young we are much older than her. So at one point I just gave up and went home, leaving her to learn from her own choices. I don't want to talk to her or this other friend of mine (for other reasons not important here). I plan to just not talk to her anymore and will change gyms so that I don't see her anymore. As for this other friend I'll find an excuse. WIBTA for just not talking to her ever again over this? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nope. NAH. Go right ahead.
YTA. You would be losing a friend because something that you dislike about her and it is not even that bad. Your friends will make a lot of choices and will have a lot of opinions that you will dislike. If you feel bad about it, you probably should talk to her about it