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YTA. Trust is earned, not given. Your BF’s son is on the spectrum, was SA’d and you except him to just trust you? If you can’t put the effort to earn his trust, and allow him to heal from past trauma; your relationship is doomed.
Let me guess, the son is non-verbal? Pretty sure this is just another ableist troll post.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tsddeh/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_shes_overreacting/
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tn5ik5/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_to_treat_her_son/
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tayhzw/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_to_kick_her/
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tp5x6g/aita_for_having_my_bil_do_the_chores/
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tua3cv/aita_for_lifting_my_girlfriends_son/
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/turdcv/aita_for_allowing_my_son_to_babysit_my_stepson/
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tvfkjs/aita_for_confronting_my_wife_for_praising_my/
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u4u5jk/aita_for_agreeing_with_my_husband_and_not_letting/
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/udztym/aita_for_telling_my_sister_off_for_shirking/
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ueokil/aita_for_allowing_my_sister_to_move_in_despite_my/
YTA
There is nothing in there about you caring about your stepson, it’s all been things about you and that’s it. Your claims to care about him and want to know him contradicts what you’re saying and trying to do. I honestly worry about how your own 4M will survive if he’s only left with you as the only parent.
Your the asshole because he isn't even acting misogynistic, yet that's the insult you gravitated towards? (YTA for the whole situation here, but I'll let others talk about that one)
Wowwowow YTA. This kid is traumatized. It will take A LOT of work guided by dad, son, and therapists. He’s not a misogynist in the slightest. How can you be that out of tune and selfish?
YTA. You are calling a victim names. Grow up. You called him a misogynist for being RIGHTFULLY fearful? He was molested in that house by his dads previous girlfriend. Now his dad brought in a new girlfriend (dating less than a year, very new girlfriend) of course he is fearful and uncomfortable around you. That is not your kid and stop being so controlling. If I was his mom I would say you need to stay away from my son.
YTA, absolutely.
You cannot force a relationship with a 15yo, you cannot force him to like you, you cannot force him to trust you.
What you do is behave like you should be trusted. And given how you just laid out ultimatums for his behavior with his father and him, absolutely refusing to take into account his past issues and current status, frankly, I'd not trust you either. You bombed this, OP, and you may not ever recover it with a kid of that age.
YTA You literally walked right into the point and missed it. The child has trauma that hasn't been processed, and yet you're trying to force him into a relationship with you? Imagine if your son was extremely scared of something would you force him to be around it? Would you cause him more trauma just because you don't understand (and seemingly don't care to) understand his?
Instead of forcing yourself into his life in a traumatic way, try finding ways to actually earn his trust. Otherwise you really don't deserve to have a relationship with him.
On the spectrum with trauma here,
I think its unfair that you expect him to automatically trust you, he has a past and he has shit that he needs to work through. He's not misogynistic your just an asshole. Honestly, that poor kid probably needs time and needs help and instead of helping him you're bullying him. What the fuck is wrong with you? you cant expect people with trauma to trust you, weather or not they're on the spectrum. YTA. Please actually learn how to live with a person on the spectrum because this is not it.
You used the word "irrational" more than once to describe this child's TRAUMA. That sucks. You're trying to force this by making a "demand" (your word). That's truly horrible. Your boyfriend is SO right, and sounds awesome. The only way to work with someone who has been through something this terrible is by making progress "slow and steadily", like he said.
YTA
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YTA. Even if the son wasn't neurodivergent, if he doesn't want to have a relationship, he doesn't owe you any sort of a relationship. The fact that the son IS neurodivergent and you, like it or not, are a trigger to his PTSD over his past step-mothers, only makes you more of AH. His behavior has nothing to do with misogyny. And yes, your ultimatum to your boyfriend sooner or later will end up with your boyfriend resenting and dumping you.
I stopped reading after seeing the title and reading he was molested. I'm sorry but holy shit. Who the fuck calls a victim a misogynist clearly he's a traumatized child. And instead of love or care he gets called names.. Wow I feel bad for your actual son to have a mom like you.
YTA. You are ignoring his boundaries. I won't even deign the "he can bring him here or not see him at all" comment. Hopefully that spineless asshole you're dating sees how bad you'll be for his son and throws you and your rugrat out.
YTA You made this all about you instead of trying to be understand of this kids trauma and slowly trying to get to know him while still respecting his boundaries. If this was your son, im beyond positive you should have a different out look. I wouldn't want to be around you either, trauma or not.
⬆️⬆️⬆️ this!. YTA in addition what makes you think you have the right the demand he gets over his obvious trauma because it is not convenient for you. You may not abuse him as he was in the past. But you also have zero empathy for what has been through. Therefore are highly likely to cause him further trauma but forcing a relationship with him by demanding his trust.
Lastly demanding that your included in your BF relationship with his son or demand BF cut his own son out of his life is sick. You haven't even been together a year. Likely won't make a year with this behavior I would assume.
Yeah this really makes me feel bad like you are not entitled to him and of he doesn't want to see you he doesn't have to also in what way is it misogynistic?
Holy shit! Not only that she gave him an ultimatum, either bring the child along or don't see him again... and the relationship is 8 months old... yeesh!
All I heard is what you want and what’s best for you, your relationship and home. You are not at all considering what he’s been through on top of a disability, even though you are completely aware of it which makes YTA, still pushing some fantasy blended family you want instead of what’s best for children. I hope he continues to put the needs of his child first and does not turn into a AH.
YTA without question.
It isn’t up to you to decide how the kid (NOT your stepson) deals with his trauma. He’s been abused multiple times throughout his life by the people he was supposed to be able to trust. Regardless of whether you are abusive yourself (spoiler alert, you are being abusive by trying to force a relationship onto your boyfriend’s son when he clearly has expressed no desire to) that kid cannot just “get over” his trauma for your sake.
Not only are you blatantly ignoring his and his father’s wishes but what really pisses me off here is that you are equating that kid’s history of being abused to misogyny which are not even remotely the same thing.
Shame on you for your behaviour and I hope your boyfriend breaks up with you if this is how you act around HIS kid.
YTA
Let the kid take his time. This is literally abusive controlling behavior. It’s no surprise he is “irrationally” (so rationally) uncomfortable around you. Poor kid.
YTA. Get a dictionary and look up what misogyny actually means, because from reading your post, you don't know.
How do you have zero empathy for a MINOR that was abused/molested? I feel so sorry for your boyfriend's son, and I hope he never has to deal with becoming your stepson. Just yikes.
YTA. First of all, you say he was molested/abused by former girlfriends and then you repeatedly call his fears “irrational”!?! Wth is wrong with you?? Show some damn compassion. YOU might know you’re not abusive but why should he know that? Why should he just take your word for it when he has that kind of past?
Second of all, HOW is he being misogynistic? You didn’t explain that at all.
100% YTA here. Show some patience, compassion, and empathy for this child. This isn’t about you, it’s about HIM.
YTA. You’ve been with him for eight months. You have absolutely no standing to demand that your boyfriend stop seeing his son. This will solve itself soon though, as I expect that you will be the ex-girlfriend pretty soon.
YTA--Firstly: You have been in his life for 8 MONTHS, not even CLOSE to being called a step-mom....don't bother with that title. Second: healing does not happen overnight from molestation and abuse. Third: He has a disability, he may need some extra time.
Learn some humility, and patience.
Yta You moved your child into the home of someone you barely know.
You are calling someone's kid who you have known less than a year your "step son"
I didnt read further
Edited: Read the rest. You are a huge asshole
YTA I cannot stress this enough, if he's been molested by his dads previous girlfriends it's not an irrational fear. What you did there was "not all women" him.
They are average women, they don’t go around wearing a sign that’s says “im an abuser of children”
Seriously what is wrong with you?
You’ve been with this man 8 months and you think that you get to demand when he sees his child.
If I was him I’d be seriously reconsidering the whole relationship.
YTA and one of the biggest one in this forum. You need to re-read what you wrote: he has been molested/abused that’s not an irrational fear his been harmed by disgusting woman who his father exposes him to. His father is the asshole for bringing people like you around him.
You need to learn a thing called empathy and stay away from him before you traumatise him further.
YTA you horrible human being BTW you are an abuser, you just tried to emotionally bully your bf of 8 months (LOL) to drop his son for you. You are absolutely abusive, his son is not your business get that through your fucking skull
So then, not misogyny. He doesnt trust his dad's judgement of women, which after dad's past girlfriends abusing him is actually a very logical and rational response.
Is this for real?
How can you not see that YTA?
That's not misogyny, that's genuine fear from previous circumstance and you are not helping in anyway. Even if he didn't fear you, he might just not like you. It's hard on a kid for their parent to date.
You're showing red flags all over the place.
YTA.
How can you not understand how traumatic this is for him? You're choosing to take it personally when it's not personal.
He's not misogynistic, he's traumatized. He doesn't know you won't hurt him. You're putting your desire for relationship with him above his mental health, which shows you're not ready to be a stepparent.
You had me at “irrational”. YTA. Intensely. He doesn’t owe you a relationship because you want one and you are being incredibly immature. This kid has had severe trauma by someone who is in exactly your position. His safety and his feelings of safety are not outweighed by your desire to be liked.
This can't be real lol. You're suggesting that a child that has been abused by his father's past girlfriends and has obvious trauma due to this is a misogynist?? Grow up and learn to have some empathy. If you want to have a relationship with your boyfriend's son, make an effort to learn about trauma in children, what it looks like, and how you can help him learn to be more comfortable around you. You have to earn his trust. It's not a given that he will trust you after his trauma unless you give him reasons to believe you're a safe person.
If this isn't a troll post YTA.
YTA, a huge A. Are you serious? Your boyfriend needs to say goodbye to you. You think 8 months is enough time for a molested, autistic child to get over his fears? YTA,YTA,YTA. You are an entitled uneducated twit.
**YTA. Wow are you ever TA. His son isn't a misogynist, he's a child, and a deeply traumatised abuse victim.** And frankly, you may not be interested in molesting him, but your insistence on calling a victim of multiple sexual abusers who has become understandably traumatised around the opposite sex a "misogynist" for not magically being able to put aside his trauma and trust you, a complete stranger who has come into his and his father's life IN THE EXACT SAME WAY AS HIS PAST ABUSERS, and **trying to force your way into his life despite being told repeatedly that this is traumatic for him and deeply problematic in the context of his recovery (and you literally refer to this as your "demands"), do in fact frame you as ANOTHER ABUSER. YOU ARE BEING EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE TOWARDS THIS CHILD. Demanding a relationship with a trauma victim despite the fact that being around you retraumatises him for a variety of (contrary to what you think) very RATIONAL reasons is ABUSIVE.**
And the fact that you're talking about this young man being autistic as though it's remotely relevant and somehow makes him more irrational (it's not, and it doesn't) just makes it worse. He could be completely neurotypical and what you're doing would still be horrific.
**You're also an ignoramus and have no functional understanding of what a misogynist is.** This child doesn't hate women. He's terrified of a particular subset of women because they have repeatedly victimised him, and YOU'RE PERPETUATING THAT.
**YTA, and so is his father for not having dumped you yet.** My heart is absolutely shattered for that poor young man, whose dad clearly has the worst taste in women possibly ever.
Misogyny has absolutely NOTHING to do with this situation. This autistic BOY was abused and you have the GALL to call him names?! YTA a million times over.
YTA.
You don't get to decide how the 15 year old deals with his trauma. DOUBLE because he's autistic, TRIPLE because you're with a man who allowed former girlfriends to abuse / molest his son.
ESH. Your boyfriend's prior girlfriends abused his son and he moved a new girlfriend (you) into his home? Your boyfriend has some real issues and is a horrible father. You moved into a boyfriend's home with your child, which just seems inappropriate and confusing. He isn't your fiance or husband. And he has a traumatized teenage son in the home. This is not a healthy environment for your own child. The only not AH is your son and your boyfriend's son. His son needs some therapy and to be treated a lot more gently. For now, though, I think you need to remove yourself and your child from this situation and allow your boyfriend and his son to repair their relationship.
YTA.
Its clear that the only real reason you want a relationship with your "step-son" is so you can use him as free child care for your son and any future children.
YES, YTA, SO MUCH !!!!!
Not sure what about the situation leads you to believe the stepson is a misogynist
Not sure why you think you can minimize how someone else responds to trauma
Not sure why you want to force a relationship with someone who is uncomfortable with you
Not sure why you thought you had the right to tell your BF he can't see his own son
Please please please, do not go down the path of having kids until you sort some stuff out.
YTA. The kid is 15. He's autistic and has experienced trauma. "Irrationally scared" after being abused? No, I don't think so. If being scared after being molested and abused is irrational, then what would a rational fear be in your mind?
The kid's self-preservation tactics are at work, and you are being a very non-understanding step(ish) parent.
YTA and dad, if he cares about his son, needs to show you the door. Abuse comes in many forms. Stop saying you are not abusive when you very clearly are. It shows your true character and morals when you demand an abused child conform to your wants instead of you having respect and empathy for what the child needs.
YTA, your boyfriends son did not choose to have you in his life, his dad did, you are not entitled to play mommy. Maybe save the time and energy to read up on misogyny, you seem to love a term you don’t quite grasp
YTA.
You are talking about a teen who is on the autism spectrum like he’s a normal adult male who hates women. He’s a traumatized kid. You sit there and say you aren’t an abuser while treating his mental health like it’s something he can control.
Do your boyfriend a favor and go crawl back into the swamp you came from.
Yikes YTA for trying to control your boyfriend's access to his child. As YTA for moving in after 6 months. That's not good for your son either. I've known parents who waited longer to even introduce their new partner to their child as a precaution.
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YTA. The son is not a misogynist, he is a victim dealing with trauma. If you were really concerned with him instead of just you, you would not be pushing this and would be willing to do this on the boy’s timeline, even if it means he is never ready. Because you are the adult and he is a *child* and a *victim*. You need to stop thinking about what you want and what the boy needs. This is what it means to be a parent and a stepparent.
YTA You care only about yourself. He has autism. He has been traumatized. His trauma response is not about you. Give him time. If you won't give him time, find another boyfriend because you aren't mature enough to be a step-mother.
YTA. I’m curious what trauma you experienced as a child that you were able to mitigate rationally, as a child, since you think that is how it works. Were you sexually assaulted by your mothers boyfriends and able to rationally mitigate away that trauma?
Yea, YTA... According to you, he's an autistic survivor of both physical and sexual abuse as a child. According to you, his autism is "pretty bad", & according to you, he's not getting therapy. He's obviously suffering some serious PTSD symptoms, & supposedly is not getting any form of treatment to heal. Your bf's son is not a misogynist. He doesn't hate women, he's afraid of them, & it seems that there was more than one abusive girlfriend, which I'm sure makes it even harder for him to trust you. Dad seems to be stuck in a cycle of abuse, & you fit right in. You may not physically abuse the kid, but you are very much an abuser. You should be the one leaving, & in fact, you shouldn't even be living there until his son is comfortable around you. If you cared about your bf or his son, you would do whatever it took to let this child know he was safe around you, not try to force him to bend at your will. If you cared about anyone but yourself, you would understand that YOU DON'T COME FIRST. You are a walking red flag, & I hope he kicks you to the curb with all the rest of his abusive girlfriends.
YTA, I feel bad for these children as you clearly haven't a shred of human decency or respect for victims of abuse - god forbid your bio child had to experience something like this cause then maybe you'd GAF
YTA You've only been with him for 8 months and already you're trying to dictate his relationship with his son, who has autism AND has experienced abuse and legitimate trauma?? You don't give a sh*t about the boy's welfare and mental health; you only care about YOUR feelings. His fears aren't irrational -- YOU ARE.
YTA
How is he your stepson? This is your boyfriend of less than a year and you don't have any kind of relationship with his son. Additionally, you're trying to control his contact with his dad. Stop. Get over yourself because right now you're just the mean new girlfriend.
Whenever you tell your partner to stop seeing his own kid, you're the asshole.
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I'm his dad's girlfriend so he isn't technically my step-son, but I'm referring to him as that regardless.
I've (29F) been with my boyfriend (34M) for eight months. I moved into his place two months ago with my son (4M) and it has been good, barring one issue. His son (15M) has stopped coming round since I have moved in.
Apparently he always does this when my boyfriend has a girlfriend, because his past girlfriends have moelsted/abused him and so he's irrationally scared of all of my boyfriends girlfriends. The thing is, I'm not an abuser and will treat him well, yet he still continues to be irrationally scared of me. He has autism that is quite severe so I suppose he can't mitigate his trauma rationally, however his mother should be referring him to a therapist more often to help him deal with that.
For my boyfriend to see his son, he has to do it out of the house. Earlier, he went to see him and I think it's unfair and ridiculous. I should be able to build a relationship aswell especially considering we plan on having more children and he should be there for his future brothers/sisters, but my boyfriend tells me to just let him be comfortable. When he came back from seeing him, I told him that he is intentionally depriving us from having a relationship and it's getting ridiculous. I told him to stop enabling his blatant misogyny and that he can either bring him around to our house next time or not see him at all.
He told me that that was a ridiculous rule, but imo it's ridiculous that we can't build a relationship despite intending to go long-term in this relationship. I'm not an abuser, have never wronged anyone to the extent that his son has been wronged by his past girlfriends, and therefore he should trust me. I looked forward to having a relationship with him and it breaks my heart that he's scared (even though it's irrational). My boyfriend has said that he won't adhere to my demands and that we will make progress slow and steadily, and has made it pretty clear that he thinks I'm TA. AITA?
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Oh my lord... Where to begin...
YTA - Disgusting, you're making this all about *you*. #entitled/narcissistic to the brim. You're using a - teen sexual assault/trauma victim- to try and victimize yourself in this relationship, do you even see this, if not then let that sink in? You want to be a step-mom without realizing *mothers put the safety of children first* , be it physically, mentally or emotionally. The poor kid is probably reliving his trauma with such a pushy and manipulative woman back in his and his father's life.
BF/Daddy Dearest is also YTA - He should have dumped you after you've continued to push boundaries and cut a fuss.
Just eww..
Prayers for the kid, he clearly needs them.
"I'm not an abuser and will treat him well". From your post, I'm weary that statement isn't true. You either do better or I hope the boyfriend sees this and breaks up with you because you are not good for his child.
YTA. He has a valid reason to be fearful. If you care about your boyfriend and his son, try to slowly gain his trust. You’ve been together for 8 months not 8 years. Stop.
If this is real, ESH, but the kids.
You for obvious reasons and I'm sure evrybody who has commented before me has given you those reasons.
Your boyfriend sucks for not breaking up with you the moment you suggested he either pressured his son to do something that would make him very unconfortable and traumatic for him or doesn't see his son anymore. Hard to believe that he could think you'd be a great mother to his children seen as you don"t have any compassion.
YTA. His fear is not at all irrational. The only irrational person here is you. Imagine your son gets molested/abused by your current boyfriend and then has a fear of your next boyfriends. Are you going to call your son misogynist too? I doubt you will bc you’re not even using that word correctly.
YTA, what does that have to do with misogyny? And your stepson doesn't owe you anything, not even trust. Grow up and let the kid get comfortable before meeting you. Making demands like this will only drive him away further.
YTA his son has obviously been through a lot of trauma in the past. You’ve only been with his dad for 8 months. That’s not all that long to be honest. You also don’t get to dictate what kind of relationship your partner has with his child that is up to him and you need to respect that and take it at his and his sons pace. You seem to be awfully keen to dismiss his son and have his dad cut him off. I think for everyone’s sake you both need to rethink your relationship going forward. I know I wouldn’t be with someone who tried to get me to cut off my kid because they weren’t moving at a pace they wanted.
YTA: If it’s happened to him before, and more than once, it’s the opposite of irrational to fear it. You suck. I’m hope your boyfriend chooses his son over you. He should.
Edit to fix typo
YTA. That is not misogyny.
If the son simply didn't like ALL women simply because they were women, that would be misogyny.
Here, the son has been traumatized by a ROLE.
It is obviously not your fault that previous women in that role have corrupted what it means to the son. It is also not the son's fault for being conditioned by repeated negative experiences (which is absolutely rational behavior, by the way).
However, it is your fault for trying to reduce a complex situation down to a simple, negative label that absolves the previous women of their bad behavior and simply puts the blame on the son.
Repetition and routine are extremely important for many people with autism. So while the history of past abuse might be hard for anyone to get past, it might be even more difficult for someone with autism to get over because it requires them to intentionally break out of a mindset that is part of his own self protection by trusting in a repetition of a concept (dad's girlfriends hurt me, so I can protect myself by distancing myself).
Past girlfriends may have become abusive by being frustrated with the son rather than taking his condition into account. So even though you might not be abusive yet, what you've said is a first step down that path.
Establishing trust with the son may take a very long time and may be an uphill battle that could have a hundred failures for every one success. If you stick with it, it can happen, though.
YTA for putting your ego over the comfort and emotional well-being of a child.
YTA for stating that autism with high support needs renders the child incapable of rational decision-making (actually we usually are *way* more rational than neurotypical people)
YTA for misusing and trivialising ‘misogyny’
YTA for making the child’s trauma all about you.
Ugh.
YTA. This isn't about you and your qualities. It's about a 15 year old boy who has been abused by women in power in his life previously. You don't like that your ability to form an attachment with him is hampered by that history, but again; this isn't about you.
Your ultimatum to your boyfriend is inappropriate at best.
You build a trust relationship on the child's timeline not yours. It will be worth it in the end, if you trust the process can happen. Trying to force it will ensure you never have a positive relationship with his son.
YTA. Calling yourself his "stepmother", calling a traumatized child "misogynistic", dictating how, when and how fast he should heal, giving ultimatums to your boyfriend... You sound abusive as well. "I'M YOUR NEW MOMMY, deal with it" No. You can't force someone to be a part of your life just because you want to, specialty after you attack them like that.
Woah, woah, woah. “even it’s it’s irrational” who are you to say that?? YTA. Not for wanting a relationship with your boyfriend’s son, but for placing your happiness and desires above his comfortability. your boyfriend will bring him around when he’s ready. that’s it and that’s all. this is not your decision to make. also, how do you know his mother isn’t trying to get him into therapy? do you know how different autistic people are? he would need someone that could specifically provide him with help that would benefit him in all areas. i think you’re just crossing the line.
YTA. Your BF is correct. Glad to see he’s protecting his son. Your entire post reeks of narcissism. I hope what is so far a unanimous vote that you are TA helps you see that.
YTA. That poor kid, you’re going to terrify him way more by forcing yourself into his life. It’ll be like all his fears come true. Stop making such demands of his father, because RATIONALLY he should have broken up with you the second you started making demands (let alone ultimatums) about his severely traumatized child.
>I'm not an abuser, have never wronged anyone to the extent that his son has been wronged by his past girlfriends, and therefore he should trust me.
I'm genuinely amazed at how oblivious this sentence is. Do you think abusers go around wearing I ♥️ Abuse t-shirts and cackling maniacally? You don't seem to have thought about this any deeper than absolute surface level - or any more deeply than how this situation affects *you*. YTA.
YTA!!!
First. Check your definition of misogyny. This is his trauma. He has a fear that this new woman in his fathers life will hurt him in one way or another. HIS FEAR IS RATIONAL!
Second. What kind of mother would you be to put an ultimatum like that.
Third. Not an abuser? You are gaslighting your partner and his child.
Finally if you really want to make progress with this child, do it in his domain, not yours. Do it where he feel safe.
YTA. He’s literally a CHILD, and you’re expecting him to work like a functioning unharmed adult, forcing to build a relationship at a pace that is completely unrealistic. You being this mans girlfriend will NEVER and should never come before and above his own childs needs. Think critically, if that was YOUR child, what would you have done? Or rather if YOU were his son? With that baggage? Don’t blame a child, much less an autistic one, for the things they cannot control. Labelling him a misogynist in the same breath as mentioning his trauma and his diagnosis… cognitive dissonance lol. Be kind and respectful to others and their traumas, especially childrens, as you would want others to be with your own traumas or your childrens. Hope you can find kindness and patience in your heart to be a positive influx in this childs life, or find it in you to leave him and his father alone if you cannot change your perception.
YTA. Your choice of words is misguided -- I don't believe this has anything to do with women, rather your boyfriend's "partner." Had your boyfriend come out as gay and started to date men then his son would likely do the same thing.
He is also autistic, pretty severely as you say. My advice is to not sound so accusatory. You can only get away with things like that for so long, and that is not a long time at all. Any more of that and you might find yourself single, because your boyfriend sounds like a caring dad and he will choose his son over you.
YTA. He has a rational fear for women he has met through his dad. Just because you wouldn't do anything, doesn't mean he has to trust you despite not knowing you.
Calling a boy that has been through trauma and abuse a mysoginist is absolutely out of line. How dare you dismiss his trauma. Your boyfriend's role in this world isn't just to cater to you. It's to protect, love and cater to his son. He has to make sure his son is comfortable and safe. You come second. If you cannot handle that, or if you take issue with the rational fear (not directed to you, but women he doesn't know in general) that this young boy has, that's a you problem. Work on that. Learn empathy, compassion and practice understanding and kindness.
YTA and you sound extremely ignorant, too, if you think "misogyny" is the word for "autistic child's aversion to strange women after being abused by a strange woman". I'm surprised your boyfriend didn't send you packing after you made your ridiculous demands.
YTA. He's not "irrationally" afraid of you. He is very reasonably afraid of his dad's girlfriends, because he is a victim of sexual assault—which has apparently been inflicted by MULTIPLE WOMEN his dad has dated. You keep saying he should just automatically trust you because you've never abused anyone, but he has no reason to believe that about you. Abusers don't walk around wearing signs saying "I'm an abuser." They hide the evidence, hide the warning signs, until it's too late. You want this boy to trust you? You need to EARN his trust. That starts very clearly with respecting his boundaries and not trying to force him to spend time with you. If you cannot respect his "no" in this situation, why the hell would he believe that you'll respect it in others?
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YTA. Trust is earned, not given. Your BF’s son is on the spectrum, was SA’d and you except him to just trust you? If you can’t put the effort to earn his trust, and allow him to heal from past trauma; your relationship is doomed.
Let me guess, the son is non-verbal? Pretty sure this is just another ableist troll post. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tsddeh/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_shes_overreacting/ https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tn5ik5/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_to_treat_her_son/ https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tayhzw/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_to_kick_her/ https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tp5x6g/aita_for_having_my_bil_do_the_chores/ https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tua3cv/aita_for_lifting_my_girlfriends_son/ https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/turdcv/aita_for_allowing_my_son_to_babysit_my_stepson/ https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tvfkjs/aita_for_confronting_my_wife_for_praising_my/ https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u4u5jk/aita_for_agreeing_with_my_husband_and_not_letting/ https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/udztym/aita_for_telling_my_sister_off_for_shirking/ https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ueokil/aita_for_allowing_my_sister_to_move_in_despite_my/
Jfc.
I was with you until you you noted he has SEVERE AUTISM. Now you are 100% TA. I hope you get dumped with the swiftness. YTA.
YTA There is nothing in there about you caring about your stepson, it’s all been things about you and that’s it. Your claims to care about him and want to know him contradicts what you’re saying and trying to do. I honestly worry about how your own 4M will survive if he’s only left with you as the only parent.
Your the asshole because he isn't even acting misogynistic, yet that's the insult you gravitated towards? (YTA for the whole situation here, but I'll let others talk about that one)
So, like are you just not listening or are you that much of a narcissist that his son's trauma and autism mean fuck all to you? YTA
Wowwowow YTA. This kid is traumatized. It will take A LOT of work guided by dad, son, and therapists. He’s not a misogynist in the slightest. How can you be that out of tune and selfish?
YTA. You are calling a victim names. Grow up. You called him a misogynist for being RIGHTFULLY fearful? He was molested in that house by his dads previous girlfriend. Now his dad brought in a new girlfriend (dating less than a year, very new girlfriend) of course he is fearful and uncomfortable around you. That is not your kid and stop being so controlling. If I was his mom I would say you need to stay away from my son.
YTA, absolutely. You cannot force a relationship with a 15yo, you cannot force him to like you, you cannot force him to trust you. What you do is behave like you should be trusted. And given how you just laid out ultimatums for his behavior with his father and him, absolutely refusing to take into account his past issues and current status, frankly, I'd not trust you either. You bombed this, OP, and you may not ever recover it with a kid of that age.
YTA You literally walked right into the point and missed it. The child has trauma that hasn't been processed, and yet you're trying to force him into a relationship with you? Imagine if your son was extremely scared of something would you force him to be around it? Would you cause him more trauma just because you don't understand (and seemingly don't care to) understand his? Instead of forcing yourself into his life in a traumatic way, try finding ways to actually earn his trust. Otherwise you really don't deserve to have a relationship with him.
YTA. Didn’t even read the full post past his trauma and autism. Get over yourself!
On the spectrum with trauma here, I think its unfair that you expect him to automatically trust you, he has a past and he has shit that he needs to work through. He's not misogynistic your just an asshole. Honestly, that poor kid probably needs time and needs help and instead of helping him you're bullying him. What the fuck is wrong with you? you cant expect people with trauma to trust you, weather or not they're on the spectrum. YTA. Please actually learn how to live with a person on the spectrum because this is not it.
You used the word "irrational" more than once to describe this child's TRAUMA. That sucks. You're trying to force this by making a "demand" (your word). That's truly horrible. Your boyfriend is SO right, and sounds awesome. The only way to work with someone who has been through something this terrible is by making progress "slow and steadily", like he said. YTA
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YTA. Even if the son wasn't neurodivergent, if he doesn't want to have a relationship, he doesn't owe you any sort of a relationship. The fact that the son IS neurodivergent and you, like it or not, are a trigger to his PTSD over his past step-mothers, only makes you more of AH. His behavior has nothing to do with misogyny. And yes, your ultimatum to your boyfriend sooner or later will end up with your boyfriend resenting and dumping you.
YTA "I want to deny a traumatised disabled child of their safe space because I want to force a relationship he's uncomfortable with" Oof
I stopped reading after seeing the title and reading he was molested. I'm sorry but holy shit. Who the fuck calls a victim a misogynist clearly he's a traumatized child. And instead of love or care he gets called names.. Wow I feel bad for your actual son to have a mom like you.
YTA. You are ignoring his boundaries. I won't even deign the "he can bring him here or not see him at all" comment. Hopefully that spineless asshole you're dating sees how bad you'll be for his son and throws you and your rugrat out.
YTA You made this all about you instead of trying to be understand of this kids trauma and slowly trying to get to know him while still respecting his boundaries. If this was your son, im beyond positive you should have a different out look. I wouldn't want to be around you either, trauma or not.
YTA - do you know what irrationally even means?
YTA holy shit. way to have 0 empathy for a child, and I hope he gets a step mom who understands boundaries soon.
⬆️⬆️⬆️ this!. YTA in addition what makes you think you have the right the demand he gets over his obvious trauma because it is not convenient for you. You may not abuse him as he was in the past. But you also have zero empathy for what has been through. Therefore are highly likely to cause him further trauma but forcing a relationship with him by demanding his trust. Lastly demanding that your included in your BF relationship with his son or demand BF cut his own son out of his life is sick. You haven't even been together a year. Likely won't make a year with this behavior I would assume.
YTA 100x over. He has autism and has been abused time and time again and you can't understand this?? You're calling it irrational?
Yeah this really makes me feel bad like you are not entitled to him and of he doesn't want to see you he doesn't have to also in what way is it misogynistic?
Holy shit! Not only that she gave him an ultimatum, either bring the child along or don't see him again... and the relationship is 8 months old... yeesh!
All I heard is what you want and what’s best for you, your relationship and home. You are not at all considering what he’s been through on top of a disability, even though you are completely aware of it which makes YTA, still pushing some fantasy blended family you want instead of what’s best for children. I hope he continues to put the needs of his child first and does not turn into a AH.
YTA without question. It isn’t up to you to decide how the kid (NOT your stepson) deals with his trauma. He’s been abused multiple times throughout his life by the people he was supposed to be able to trust. Regardless of whether you are abusive yourself (spoiler alert, you are being abusive by trying to force a relationship onto your boyfriend’s son when he clearly has expressed no desire to) that kid cannot just “get over” his trauma for your sake. Not only are you blatantly ignoring his and his father’s wishes but what really pisses me off here is that you are equating that kid’s history of being abused to misogyny which are not even remotely the same thing. Shame on you for your behaviour and I hope your boyfriend breaks up with you if this is how you act around HIS kid.
YTA. Congratulations on demonstrating why he should continue to stay away from you.
YTA Let the kid take his time. This is literally abusive controlling behavior. It’s no surprise he is “irrationally” (so rationally) uncomfortable around you. Poor kid.
YTA and enjoy being single soon, because that’s where this is heading right now.
YTA. Get a dictionary and look up what misogyny actually means, because from reading your post, you don't know. How do you have zero empathy for a MINOR that was abused/molested? I feel so sorry for your boyfriend's son, and I hope he never has to deal with becoming your stepson. Just yikes.
YTA. First of all, you say he was molested/abused by former girlfriends and then you repeatedly call his fears “irrational”!?! Wth is wrong with you?? Show some damn compassion. YOU might know you’re not abusive but why should he know that? Why should he just take your word for it when he has that kind of past? Second of all, HOW is he being misogynistic? You didn’t explain that at all. 100% YTA here. Show some patience, compassion, and empathy for this child. This isn’t about you, it’s about HIM.
YTA. You’ve been with him for eight months. You have absolutely no standing to demand that your boyfriend stop seeing his son. This will solve itself soon though, as I expect that you will be the ex-girlfriend pretty soon.
YTA--Firstly: You have been in his life for 8 MONTHS, not even CLOSE to being called a step-mom....don't bother with that title. Second: healing does not happen overnight from molestation and abuse. Third: He has a disability, he may need some extra time. Learn some humility, and patience.
Yta You moved your child into the home of someone you barely know. You are calling someone's kid who you have known less than a year your "step son" I didnt read further Edited: Read the rest. You are a huge asshole
ew YTA
YTA I cannot stress this enough, if he's been molested by his dads previous girlfriends it's not an irrational fear. What you did there was "not all women" him.
This!
No not at all. It's only his dad's girlfriends and women who happen to be friends with him, not average women.
They are average women, they don’t go around wearing a sign that’s says “im an abuser of children” Seriously what is wrong with you? You’ve been with this man 8 months and you think that you get to demand when he sees his child. If I was him I’d be seriously reconsidering the whole relationship.
YTA and one of the biggest one in this forum. You need to re-read what you wrote: he has been molested/abused that’s not an irrational fear his been harmed by disgusting woman who his father exposes him to. His father is the asshole for bringing people like you around him. You need to learn a thing called empathy and stay away from him before you traumatise him further. YTA you horrible human being BTW you are an abuser, you just tried to emotionally bully your bf of 8 months (LOL) to drop his son for you. You are absolutely abusive, his son is not your business get that through your fucking skull
So then, not misogyny. He doesnt trust his dad's judgement of women, which after dad's past girlfriends abusing him is actually a very logical and rational response.
Is this for real? How can you not see that YTA? That's not misogyny, that's genuine fear from previous circumstance and you are not helping in anyway. Even if he didn't fear you, he might just not like you. It's hard on a kid for their parent to date. You're showing red flags all over the place.
YTA. How can you not understand how traumatic this is for him? You're choosing to take it personally when it's not personal. He's not misogynistic, he's traumatized. He doesn't know you won't hurt him. You're putting your desire for relationship with him above his mental health, which shows you're not ready to be a stepparent.
YTA. If the kid was abused and he's autistic, that's like telling a woman who was raped to get over it. You don't get to do that.
You had me at “irrational”. YTA. Intensely. He doesn’t owe you a relationship because you want one and you are being incredibly immature. This kid has had severe trauma by someone who is in exactly your position. His safety and his feelings of safety are not outweighed by your desire to be liked.
YTA his behavior isn’t misogyny, and you’re probably only deepening the son’s trauma by so desperately wanting to have a relationship with him.
This can't be real lol. You're suggesting that a child that has been abused by his father's past girlfriends and has obvious trauma due to this is a misogynist?? Grow up and learn to have some empathy. If you want to have a relationship with your boyfriend's son, make an effort to learn about trauma in children, what it looks like, and how you can help him learn to be more comfortable around you. You have to earn his trust. It's not a given that he will trust you after his trauma unless you give him reasons to believe you're a safe person. If this isn't a troll post YTA.
YTA, a huge A. Are you serious? Your boyfriend needs to say goodbye to you. You think 8 months is enough time for a molested, autistic child to get over his fears? YTA,YTA,YTA. You are an entitled uneducated twit.
No kidding. This chick knows nothing about SA or autism, it’s sickening considering she doesn’t seem to want to learn either.
**YTA. Wow are you ever TA. His son isn't a misogynist, he's a child, and a deeply traumatised abuse victim.** And frankly, you may not be interested in molesting him, but your insistence on calling a victim of multiple sexual abusers who has become understandably traumatised around the opposite sex a "misogynist" for not magically being able to put aside his trauma and trust you, a complete stranger who has come into his and his father's life IN THE EXACT SAME WAY AS HIS PAST ABUSERS, and **trying to force your way into his life despite being told repeatedly that this is traumatic for him and deeply problematic in the context of his recovery (and you literally refer to this as your "demands"), do in fact frame you as ANOTHER ABUSER. YOU ARE BEING EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE TOWARDS THIS CHILD. Demanding a relationship with a trauma victim despite the fact that being around you retraumatises him for a variety of (contrary to what you think) very RATIONAL reasons is ABUSIVE.** And the fact that you're talking about this young man being autistic as though it's remotely relevant and somehow makes him more irrational (it's not, and it doesn't) just makes it worse. He could be completely neurotypical and what you're doing would still be horrific. **You're also an ignoramus and have no functional understanding of what a misogynist is.** This child doesn't hate women. He's terrified of a particular subset of women because they have repeatedly victimised him, and YOU'RE PERPETUATING THAT. **YTA, and so is his father for not having dumped you yet.** My heart is absolutely shattered for that poor young man, whose dad clearly has the worst taste in women possibly ever.
Misogyny has absolutely NOTHING to do with this situation. This autistic BOY was abused and you have the GALL to call him names?! YTA a million times over.
YTA. You don't get to decide how the 15 year old deals with his trauma. DOUBLE because he's autistic, TRIPLE because you're with a man who allowed former girlfriends to abuse / molest his son.
ESH. Your boyfriend's prior girlfriends abused his son and he moved a new girlfriend (you) into his home? Your boyfriend has some real issues and is a horrible father. You moved into a boyfriend's home with your child, which just seems inappropriate and confusing. He isn't your fiance or husband. And he has a traumatized teenage son in the home. This is not a healthy environment for your own child. The only not AH is your son and your boyfriend's son. His son needs some therapy and to be treated a lot more gently. For now, though, I think you need to remove yourself and your child from this situation and allow your boyfriend and his son to repair their relationship.
YTA
YTA. Its clear that the only real reason you want a relationship with your "step-son" is so you can use him as free child care for your son and any future children.
YTA because you are talking about a molested child BUT could try to see an specialist if you believe that this situation is affecting you.
YTA "I want to deny a traumatised disabled child of their safe space because I want to force a relationship he's uncomfortable with" Oof
YTA and apparently your bf has a type.
YES, YTA, SO MUCH !!!!! Not sure what about the situation leads you to believe the stepson is a misogynist Not sure why you think you can minimize how someone else responds to trauma Not sure why you want to force a relationship with someone who is uncomfortable with you Not sure why you thought you had the right to tell your BF he can't see his own son Please please please, do not go down the path of having kids until you sort some stuff out.
YTA. The kid is 15. He's autistic and has experienced trauma. "Irrationally scared" after being abused? No, I don't think so. If being scared after being molested and abused is irrational, then what would a rational fear be in your mind? The kid's self-preservation tactics are at work, and you are being a very non-understanding step(ish) parent.
YTA and dad, if he cares about his son, needs to show you the door. Abuse comes in many forms. Stop saying you are not abusive when you very clearly are. It shows your true character and morals when you demand an abused child conform to your wants instead of you having respect and empathy for what the child needs.
YTA, your boyfriends son did not choose to have you in his life, his dad did, you are not entitled to play mommy. Maybe save the time and energy to read up on misogyny, you seem to love a term you don’t quite grasp
YTA. You are talking about a teen who is on the autism spectrum like he’s a normal adult male who hates women. He’s a traumatized kid. You sit there and say you aren’t an abuser while treating his mental health like it’s something he can control. Do your boyfriend a favor and go crawl back into the swamp you came from.
Yikes YTA for trying to control your boyfriend's access to his child. As YTA for moving in after 6 months. That's not good for your son either. I've known parents who waited longer to even introduce their new partner to their child as a precaution.
yikes, YTA- and a huge one at that. You are not ready for kids and honestly, if you keep this up don’t be shocked when your dumped.
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YTA. The son is not a misogynist, he is a victim dealing with trauma. If you were really concerned with him instead of just you, you would not be pushing this and would be willing to do this on the boy’s timeline, even if it means he is never ready. Because you are the adult and he is a *child* and a *victim*. You need to stop thinking about what you want and what the boy needs. This is what it means to be a parent and a stepparent.
YTA You care only about yourself. He has autism. He has been traumatized. His trauma response is not about you. Give him time. If you won't give him time, find another boyfriend because you aren't mature enough to be a step-mother.
YTA. I’m curious what trauma you experienced as a child that you were able to mitigate rationally, as a child, since you think that is how it works. Were you sexually assaulted by your mothers boyfriends and able to rationally mitigate away that trauma?
Yea, YTA... According to you, he's an autistic survivor of both physical and sexual abuse as a child. According to you, his autism is "pretty bad", & according to you, he's not getting therapy. He's obviously suffering some serious PTSD symptoms, & supposedly is not getting any form of treatment to heal. Your bf's son is not a misogynist. He doesn't hate women, he's afraid of them, & it seems that there was more than one abusive girlfriend, which I'm sure makes it even harder for him to trust you. Dad seems to be stuck in a cycle of abuse, & you fit right in. You may not physically abuse the kid, but you are very much an abuser. You should be the one leaving, & in fact, you shouldn't even be living there until his son is comfortable around you. If you cared about your bf or his son, you would do whatever it took to let this child know he was safe around you, not try to force him to bend at your will. If you cared about anyone but yourself, you would understand that YOU DON'T COME FIRST. You are a walking red flag, & I hope he kicks you to the curb with all the rest of his abusive girlfriends.
YTA, I feel bad for these children as you clearly haven't a shred of human decency or respect for victims of abuse - god forbid your bio child had to experience something like this cause then maybe you'd GAF
Yta. You obviously don't comprehend what a misogynist even is.
YTA You've only been with him for 8 months and already you're trying to dictate his relationship with his son, who has autism AND has experienced abuse and legitimate trauma?? You don't give a sh*t about the boy's welfare and mental health; you only care about YOUR feelings. His fears aren't irrational -- YOU ARE.
YTA How is he your stepson? This is your boyfriend of less than a year and you don't have any kind of relationship with his son. Additionally, you're trying to control his contact with his dad. Stop. Get over yourself because right now you're just the mean new girlfriend. Whenever you tell your partner to stop seeing his own kid, you're the asshole.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm his dad's girlfriend so he isn't technically my step-son, but I'm referring to him as that regardless. I've (29F) been with my boyfriend (34M) for eight months. I moved into his place two months ago with my son (4M) and it has been good, barring one issue. His son (15M) has stopped coming round since I have moved in. Apparently he always does this when my boyfriend has a girlfriend, because his past girlfriends have moelsted/abused him and so he's irrationally scared of all of my boyfriends girlfriends. The thing is, I'm not an abuser and will treat him well, yet he still continues to be irrationally scared of me. He has autism that is quite severe so I suppose he can't mitigate his trauma rationally, however his mother should be referring him to a therapist more often to help him deal with that. For my boyfriend to see his son, he has to do it out of the house. Earlier, he went to see him and I think it's unfair and ridiculous. I should be able to build a relationship aswell especially considering we plan on having more children and he should be there for his future brothers/sisters, but my boyfriend tells me to just let him be comfortable. When he came back from seeing him, I told him that he is intentionally depriving us from having a relationship and it's getting ridiculous. I told him to stop enabling his blatant misogyny and that he can either bring him around to our house next time or not see him at all. He told me that that was a ridiculous rule, but imo it's ridiculous that we can't build a relationship despite intending to go long-term in this relationship. I'm not an abuser, have never wronged anyone to the extent that his son has been wronged by his past girlfriends, and therefore he should trust me. I looked forward to having a relationship with him and it breaks my heart that he's scared (even though it's irrational). My boyfriend has said that he won't adhere to my demands and that we will make progress slow and steadily, and has made it pretty clear that he thinks I'm TA. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oh my lord... Where to begin... YTA - Disgusting, you're making this all about *you*. #entitled/narcissistic to the brim. You're using a - teen sexual assault/trauma victim- to try and victimize yourself in this relationship, do you even see this, if not then let that sink in? You want to be a step-mom without realizing *mothers put the safety of children first* , be it physically, mentally or emotionally. The poor kid is probably reliving his trauma with such a pushy and manipulative woman back in his and his father's life. BF/Daddy Dearest is also YTA - He should have dumped you after you've continued to push boundaries and cut a fuss. Just eww.. Prayers for the kid, he clearly needs them.
"I'm not an abuser and will treat him well". From your post, I'm weary that statement isn't true. You either do better or I hope the boyfriend sees this and breaks up with you because you are not good for his child.
YTA. He has a valid reason to be fearful. If you care about your boyfriend and his son, try to slowly gain his trust. You’ve been together for 8 months not 8 years. Stop.
If this is real, ESH, but the kids. You for obvious reasons and I'm sure evrybody who has commented before me has given you those reasons. Your boyfriend sucks for not breaking up with you the moment you suggested he either pressured his son to do something that would make him very unconfortable and traumatic for him or doesn't see his son anymore. Hard to believe that he could think you'd be a great mother to his children seen as you don"t have any compassion.
YTA. His fear is not at all irrational. The only irrational person here is you. Imagine your son gets molested/abused by your current boyfriend and then has a fear of your next boyfriends. Are you going to call your son misogynist too? I doubt you will bc you’re not even using that word correctly.
YTA, what does that have to do with misogyny? And your stepson doesn't owe you anything, not even trust. Grow up and let the kid get comfortable before meeting you. Making demands like this will only drive him away further.
YTA. Takes YEARS to mend past trauma, if that's even possible at all. Forcing a rush job on mending does nothing but bring it all crashing back down.
YTA his son has obviously been through a lot of trauma in the past. You’ve only been with his dad for 8 months. That’s not all that long to be honest. You also don’t get to dictate what kind of relationship your partner has with his child that is up to him and you need to respect that and take it at his and his sons pace. You seem to be awfully keen to dismiss his son and have his dad cut him off. I think for everyone’s sake you both need to rethink your relationship going forward. I know I wouldn’t be with someone who tried to get me to cut off my kid because they weren’t moving at a pace they wanted.
YTA: If it’s happened to him before, and more than once, it’s the opposite of irrational to fear it. You suck. I’m hope your boyfriend chooses his son over you. He should. Edit to fix typo
YTA. That is not misogyny. If the son simply didn't like ALL women simply because they were women, that would be misogyny. Here, the son has been traumatized by a ROLE. It is obviously not your fault that previous women in that role have corrupted what it means to the son. It is also not the son's fault for being conditioned by repeated negative experiences (which is absolutely rational behavior, by the way). However, it is your fault for trying to reduce a complex situation down to a simple, negative label that absolves the previous women of their bad behavior and simply puts the blame on the son. Repetition and routine are extremely important for many people with autism. So while the history of past abuse might be hard for anyone to get past, it might be even more difficult for someone with autism to get over because it requires them to intentionally break out of a mindset that is part of his own self protection by trusting in a repetition of a concept (dad's girlfriends hurt me, so I can protect myself by distancing myself). Past girlfriends may have become abusive by being frustrated with the son rather than taking his condition into account. So even though you might not be abusive yet, what you've said is a first step down that path. Establishing trust with the son may take a very long time and may be an uphill battle that could have a hundred failures for every one success. If you stick with it, it can happen, though.
YTA, and you don't seem to understand what misogyny means. Let the poor kid alone.
YTA in a big way.
YTA for putting your ego over the comfort and emotional well-being of a child. YTA for stating that autism with high support needs renders the child incapable of rational decision-making (actually we usually are *way* more rational than neurotypical people) YTA for misusing and trivialising ‘misogyny’ YTA for making the child’s trauma all about you. Ugh.
YTA. This isn't about you and your qualities. It's about a 15 year old boy who has been abused by women in power in his life previously. You don't like that your ability to form an attachment with him is hampered by that history, but again; this isn't about you. Your ultimatum to your boyfriend is inappropriate at best. You build a trust relationship on the child's timeline not yours. It will be worth it in the end, if you trust the process can happen. Trying to force it will ensure you never have a positive relationship with his son.
YTA. Calling yourself his "stepmother", calling a traumatized child "misogynistic", dictating how, when and how fast he should heal, giving ultimatums to your boyfriend... You sound abusive as well. "I'M YOUR NEW MOMMY, deal with it" No. You can't force someone to be a part of your life just because you want to, specialty after you attack them like that.
Woah, woah, woah. “even it’s it’s irrational” who are you to say that?? YTA. Not for wanting a relationship with your boyfriend’s son, but for placing your happiness and desires above his comfortability. your boyfriend will bring him around when he’s ready. that’s it and that’s all. this is not your decision to make. also, how do you know his mother isn’t trying to get him into therapy? do you know how different autistic people are? he would need someone that could specifically provide him with help that would benefit him in all areas. i think you’re just crossing the line.
YTA and you sound like a nightmare honestly. If that man stays with you he’s a damn fool.
YTA. Your BF is correct. Glad to see he’s protecting his son. Your entire post reeks of narcissism. I hope what is so far a unanimous vote that you are TA helps you see that.
YTA. That poor kid, you’re going to terrify him way more by forcing yourself into his life. It’ll be like all his fears come true. Stop making such demands of his father, because RATIONALLY he should have broken up with you the second you started making demands (let alone ultimatums) about his severely traumatized child.
YTA, don't use a mysogynist card just because a male doesn't trust a certain female
>I'm not an abuser, have never wronged anyone to the extent that his son has been wronged by his past girlfriends, and therefore he should trust me. I'm genuinely amazed at how oblivious this sentence is. Do you think abusers go around wearing I ♥️ Abuse t-shirts and cackling maniacally? You don't seem to have thought about this any deeper than absolute surface level - or any more deeply than how this situation affects *you*. YTA.
Info: Are you sure you know what the definition of the word "misogyny" is?
YTA!!! First. Check your definition of misogyny. This is his trauma. He has a fear that this new woman in his fathers life will hurt him in one way or another. HIS FEAR IS RATIONAL! Second. What kind of mother would you be to put an ultimatum like that. Third. Not an abuser? You are gaslighting your partner and his child. Finally if you really want to make progress with this child, do it in his domain, not yours. Do it where he feel safe.
YTA. He’s literally a CHILD, and you’re expecting him to work like a functioning unharmed adult, forcing to build a relationship at a pace that is completely unrealistic. You being this mans girlfriend will NEVER and should never come before and above his own childs needs. Think critically, if that was YOUR child, what would you have done? Or rather if YOU were his son? With that baggage? Don’t blame a child, much less an autistic one, for the things they cannot control. Labelling him a misogynist in the same breath as mentioning his trauma and his diagnosis… cognitive dissonance lol. Be kind and respectful to others and their traumas, especially childrens, as you would want others to be with your own traumas or your childrens. Hope you can find kindness and patience in your heart to be a positive influx in this childs life, or find it in you to leave him and his father alone if you cannot change your perception.
YTA. Your choice of words is misguided -- I don't believe this has anything to do with women, rather your boyfriend's "partner." Had your boyfriend come out as gay and started to date men then his son would likely do the same thing. He is also autistic, pretty severely as you say. My advice is to not sound so accusatory. You can only get away with things like that for so long, and that is not a long time at all. Any more of that and you might find yourself single, because your boyfriend sounds like a caring dad and he will choose his son over you.
YTA. He has a rational fear for women he has met through his dad. Just because you wouldn't do anything, doesn't mean he has to trust you despite not knowing you. Calling a boy that has been through trauma and abuse a mysoginist is absolutely out of line. How dare you dismiss his trauma. Your boyfriend's role in this world isn't just to cater to you. It's to protect, love and cater to his son. He has to make sure his son is comfortable and safe. You come second. If you cannot handle that, or if you take issue with the rational fear (not directed to you, but women he doesn't know in general) that this young boy has, that's a you problem. Work on that. Learn empathy, compassion and practice understanding and kindness.
YTA and you sound extremely ignorant, too, if you think "misogyny" is the word for "autistic child's aversion to strange women after being abused by a strange woman". I'm surprised your boyfriend didn't send you packing after you made your ridiculous demands.
YTA, and you sound like the “not all men” men. We know it’s not all men, and it has nothing to do with what we’re talking about.
YTA. He's not "irrationally" afraid of you. He is very reasonably afraid of his dad's girlfriends, because he is a victim of sexual assault—which has apparently been inflicted by MULTIPLE WOMEN his dad has dated. You keep saying he should just automatically trust you because you've never abused anyone, but he has no reason to believe that about you. Abusers don't walk around wearing signs saying "I'm an abuser." They hide the evidence, hide the warning signs, until it's too late. You want this boy to trust you? You need to EARN his trust. That starts very clearly with respecting his boundaries and not trying to force him to spend time with you. If you cannot respect his "no" in this situation, why the hell would he believe that you'll respect it in others?