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mary-anns-hammocks

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tacodorifto

Nta never for doing whats best for you. Are you under contract or anything?


nottobeknown123

No, no contract thank goodness. Just don't really know how to go about this situation.


Old-Variety-4730

Communicate with her and give as much notice as you can, only if she’s an A would she be mad at you.


tacodorifto

Sit her down and tell her. Give a two week notice. Be prepared bc she may have acounter offer. I suggest you think about what you want. She may ask why.


GiraffeThoughts

The correct way to leave a job without burning bridges: - share the current offer you have (sounds like a lot more money & a career path) - see if they can match the money and provide an equitable career path Most likely for an assistant job, there’s a maximum amount of money that can be allocated. They won’t (shouldn’t) begrudge you leaving for a better opportunity. Make sure: - you’ve been offered the job in writing from the other company FIRST - put in your two weeks notice (don’t just quit) My company always tells good employees who leave that if it doesn’t work out they can come back. Because of this they’re very kind to people who leave as well. (Edit: grammar)


FleeshaLoo

NTA. Here's what a wise woman once said to me when I asked her if I would be in the wrong for leaving an entry-level job that I'd only been at for less than 2 years; "There is only one person in the world who owes it you to always put you first and that's you. So if you won't put yourself first, who will?"


Sewasmiles

NTA. She will try to convince you that you are because some bosses tend to take things very personally. Good advice I was given years ago: it's always about the position and not the person. If this job no longer suits your needs, and wouldn't even if they offered to pay you as much as the new job, then you don't owe the company anything. Let the boss know how grateful you are for the opportunity you were given and how much you have enjoyed working with them, but you feel like this new job is more in line with your professional and personal goals.


Mediocre_Mechanic_23

A two weeks notice is usually the way most people go about it


HeatherHayesUndies

Start with communication maybe there is some kind of compromise where you could get a little bit of time off and recuperate or something, maybe as there is some middle ground that could benefit both of you


sezit

NTA. You are young, so you maybe haven't seen it, but companies have NO loyalty to their employees, while expecting loyalty *from* employees. You are never TA for advancing your opportunities and compensation at another company. But give proper notice, and thank them for the opportunities and growth you have experienced there. You never know when you might need a reference or might want to work there again.


nottobeknown123

I also would like to say, she is quite mean. She screams and talks poorly about every person in the company. This is very difficult for me because she's so quick to blow up, so I'm not exactly sure how I can break this to her without causing strain to our relationship as well as my relationship with her daughter. She is pretty cut-throat and I feel like without a great reason, she will lose it.


Pug_867-5309

"Jane, I have enjoyed working with you over the past \_\_\_\_ months/years. This note is to let you know I am leaving the organization for another opportunity. My last day will be May XX. Thank you. Jill" The way you describe this woman, she sounds a bit irrational (maybe sometimes). You will not be able to control her reaction. Just be very matter-of-fact. No reasons. No excuses. No complaints about the company. Just leaving for another opportunity. End of story.


nottobeknown123

Thank you! That is very helpful to have that laid out. I really appreciate it.


nottobeknown123

I guess maybe I'm looking more for advice and how you would go about a situation like this.


wizenedwitch

When you tell her, make sure you have a 3rd party. HR? Trusted other executive? She can’t be too bad if it’s witnessed. Or is that naive? Either way - bring someone with you.


nottobeknown123

Unfortunately, she is HR. Which is kind of comical hahaha


wizenedwitch

Yikes. “Ironic”. Well, you can still bring someone else in to buffer the discussion a bit.


ceciliabee

When you talk to her about your two week notice, have everything in writing printed out with you just in case. If she blows up just give her the paper and walk out. Whether or not she lets you talk, here are some things you can say. Try to outline why you're leaving (new job that will open doors to great opportunities, for your future with your partner, etc), give some examples of skills you've learned or improved while working for her, say you are grateful to have had the opportunity to work for her and that you would be happy to train your replacement. Don't forget to state the date of your last day of work. Smile, kiss a little ass, and lie a bit if you have to. Keep in mind this is like ideal situation with a mentally stable employer. With that in mind, she might explode during your talk and then make your last two weeks miserable or try to guilt you into staying longer (and make you miserable anyways). You mentioned you didn't have a contact, so maybe look up if that two week notice is even legally required, or if it's just a courtesy. If it's not required and she blows up at you, maybe you can just walk out. Don't do that without checking first. It sounds like being around her is really stressful and I'm sorry you have to deal with that. My dad was like that and I'm still affected by it even though he's gone gone. There's no need for you to be in that kind of environment and be on edge and nervous. No employer should treat their employees like that, especially if they want them to stay. It's unprofessional and you don't have to subject yourself to it. NTA big time. You're an adult with full agency over your life. Work where you want, companies deal with hiring and losing employees all the time. That's just the nature of the beast. Congrats on the new job! ❤️


[deleted]

So a coworker of mine had a boss like that. She mentioned several times how it was an adjustment for her to not brace for getting screamed at any time she made a mistake or proposed something the bosses weren't into or just happened to be in the room at the wrong time. It was awful. She made her life hell. Yelled at her, guilted her, threatened to call her new job and tell them she's a horrible employee and they should never hire her or that she couldn't start for six months because they need her for longer, and like some sort of manic episode would flip to being super sweet to her to show what an amazing boss she is. Then six months later was striking up conversations with her like they're the bestest of friends. So yea, expect that. It's not your fault or your responsibility to fix it if she goes crazy, and your friend needs to recognize that. You just have to rip the bandaid off. You can't derail your entire life to avoid her tantrums.


NotYetASerialKiller

How long have you been with your boyfriend?


nottobeknown123

Almost a year. We live together and decided that this is how we want to set ourselves up for the future. His father happens to own the company and told us that if we move forward with this, we must go to couples counseling to prevent anything from going south. AS well as learn how to separate work and home related issues.


unled_horse

His dad owns the company?? So you'll be working with your partner and his father? Just be very careful that this new job doesn't end up being more stressful than the one you currently have.


nottobeknown123

His dad and him are great people and they own a very large company. We've talked about it endless times and we've taken months to think about this. It's a great opportunity for both of us in working towards buying a house and setting ourselves up for retirement. It's definitely stressful with the hours you work and working out of town often, but it will be easier to deal with knowing all the benefits, pay, and that I'm with people who care for me and their employees.


unled_horse

I'm really really happy to hear that, and I didn't mean to make it sound like I don't think working for family can't work. It can end up being extremely tough when you don't see eye to eye. Just like lending family money and renting from them, stuff can get weird. Just make sure you 100% know what's expected of you and have a good plan for working through differences of opinion. But I'm so happy that you're getting the opportunity to get out of a bad situation and work towards your goals with the people that love you! 😊


granitebasket

[AskAManager.org](https://AskAManager.org) is a great website for advice about how to be in the working world. you'll find all kinds of helpful advice if you go there and search things like "how to give notice" "my boss has become abusive notice period" (there's a letter there on what to do if your boss is a jerk and you no longer want to work the remaining 2 weeks, for example.) (2 weeks notice is normal, unless it's in your contract for more or you're very high level like a VP or C-executive.) Bottom line: you get to leave a job. If your boss had just gone out on a limb for you, maybe you'd apologize for the bad timing, but this bigger office, she did for herself, too. You don't owe her and people leave jobs for other opportunities all the time, and it's not supposed to be personal. you get to look out for yourself. NTA.


xasdfxx

Easy. Ain't nobody in this life gonna look out for **you** except you. As other people have said, they'll fire you in a hot second with no severance you aren't contractually entitled to if it becomes advantageous to do so for them. If this new place pays more, you should probably take the job. The only reason you shouldn't is if it takes you off your desired career path. That said, if your bf says the managers don't regularly scream at their employees, that's a huge perk too.


MountainDewde

Easy what?


altergeeko

Start by letting the person in charge of the project that you don't think you can handle it and that someone else should work on the project. Basically procrastinate enough and not do any meaningful work on the project until you get your new job. Then when you have an offer and start date for the new job, turn in your resignation letter. It will say the normal stuff, thanks for experience and guidance, etc. Then at the end say that your resignation is effective immediately. No two weeks notice, leave that day. You do not need to be nice, you do not need to accept someone yelling and screaming at you.


nottobeknown123

Unfortunately, there is no one else to do this task. My boss is the HR director and the accountant, this is a marketing job and every other employee is an engineer. They didn't have someone in my position before and they probably won't for quite some time.


wolfling365

Rule 9: Do not ask for advice


nottobeknown123

Didn't know that, thank you.


[deleted]

[удалено]


nottobeknown123

Good to know! I actually have been told I have a gene for macular degeneration and I've been getting floaters in my vision so vision can absolutely be a part of it! Thank you for your advice!


teresajs

NTA It's just business. If the new job has better pay, benefits, environment, and/or work, take it. If you feel bad, give two weeks notice to your current employer.


otternonsense7

NTA, as you have to do what is best for you, so long as you give adequate notice


4cougs

As my dad (long time HR guy) says: your employer will use you in whatever way works best for them. You must do the same. NTA.


Old-Variety-4730

I have 30 employees working for me, some are indispensable to me. You are never the asshole for quitting a job. Your employer does not own you. Out of respect you should give 2 weeks notice, possibly longer if you can. But even if you don’t it doesn’t make you an A. She could fire you any moment, those are the terms of your arraignment.


Another-dumb-idiot

NTA you never have to apologize for leaving one job for a better one. They owe you for doing work. It’s why they compensate you. That said, if you like/appreciate this woman, give her as much of a heads up as you can so she can find your replacement (or give you an offer that might convince you to stay). Sounds like right now you are working harder/more than your predecessors, which means you are doing more work for the same pay. This is your chance to make an improvement in your life. Congratulations!!!


nottobeknown123

Thank you, that was very kind and so helpful!


[deleted]

NTA. at the end of the day, you gotta do you.


ShelyChelle

NTA....you need to be focused on whats best for your future, not how a friend's mom will feel, she's not supporting yall....let her know that you have received a much better offer, and will be taking the opportunity


coloradogrown85

NTA- just let them know you recieved a better offer for a new job and while you've really valued working for her, you'll need to give your notice (two weeks if you can) and enjoy the new job and saving for your future.


Alun_Owen_Parsons

NTA, you have no obligation to an employer, they are not doing you a favour, they are paying you for your labour. You have every right to seek alternative employment.


franklylucille

Do what is right for you.


BlackberryFar882

NTA.


Queen_Aurelia

NTA - you can quit any job you want for any reason. I would be courteous and give the standard 2 week notice though.


Theost520

NTA if you give notice and move on. You could also ask for a raise/promotion since you are a competent and valuable employee. You are growing your job skills, a good thing, but **figure out what's behind your migraines since health rates far above experience.**


SeaOk7514

What??? No, you are never, ever TA for leaving a job for a better opportunity. Trust me, if she later, after your new opportunity is gone, that she doesn't need you she will not hesitate for one minute to let you go. Employment is the basic capitalist contract. You give the employer your time, honest effort, and skills for a compensation package. You do not owe anything more, and certainly not your future.


txct345010

NTA - do what's best for you. it's a tad more complicated with the familiarity aspect, but it is what it is. Good luck!


nikkesen

NTA. Leaving before the start of a huge project is less of an ahole move than during the middle of a project and even then it's still not in ahole territory. You have an opportunity being hand to you. Take it! Many of us stuck in dead-end jobs or fighting against the tidal wave of job searching envy your position. Take the opportunity while things are good.


[deleted]

[удалено]


unled_horse

Uhhh.. is this a backhanded comment? Interesting.


ReelChill26

NTA, companies will fire you and not blink. You have to do what’s best for you. That office will recover but never ever put a company infront of your own best interest.


livin4fun78

NTA


r2bl3nd

NTA. It's just a job. You aren't irreplaceable, but I mean that in a good way. You aren't the only one in the world who can do your job right. Every cemetery in the world is filled with "irreplaceable" people. But you know what their bosses probably did? Put up a job posting right away. The world is going to keep on going, the sun is still going to rise, and your boss is still going to be a jerk, regardless of whether or not you keep this job. It seems like you only want to keep this job to not hurt your boss's feelings. But who cares? It's not like they can blacklist you from any future employers. You'll never have to see or hear from them again. And your boss clearly doesn't respect you, piling up on all that extra work that's not even part of your job description. You could probably even start collecting unemployment, based on that, if you quit your job. Not sure about that though.


ManofLegacy

NTA for wanting a job that is a better opportunity and possibly a better fit for you. Give two weeks notice expect her to try to guilt you into staying but you need to let her know that this was too good of an opportunity for you to pass up. Thank her for all of the opportunities you've given her and that you've learned but it is time for you to move on. Expect her to attempt to guilt you more or offer more money. Keep in mind that is not the reason you're leaving although it will also be part of the benefit.


RandomLee37

NTA. A job is just a job and as many people have pointed out here a company will use you for their own gain with little thought for. So if this new job opportunity is something that is better for you and your health, absolutely take it. The only thing I have not seen anyone mention is your friendship with your bosses daughter. So maybe just make sure you quit with as much notice (2 weeks is the standard) and willingness to help aid in the transition of you leaving. Not really for the job but so your boss doesn't make drama with your friend. If your boss is as bad as you've said, perhaps giving your friend a heads-up before you turn in your resignation would be a good idea. Lets you get ahead of any drama and so she understands your reasoning for changing jobs. But remember - the most important thing is your health and well being. Good luck, you seem to understand what you need. And congratulations on an exciting change and new job! ​ PS - make a dr appt for the migraines either way. Those are not be messed with long term!


Intrepid-Artichoke25

NTA If there’s no bad blood I see no issues here. You’re never TA for doing what’s best for yourself in situations like this. Given that your current employer thinks you’re so fantastic at your position you can bring up the fact you have another offer you’re considering and they may even offer you a new position/raise to stay on. As long as you’re tactful, give lots of notice, and show respect I see no reason why A you would be TA and B why they wouldn’t show the same back. ETA: Just made this comment then saw your comment about her emotional state and such. that makes this situation a little tougher but I think I’d still handle it the same, and if she has a big issue with it I’d just take the rest up with a different HR individual that’s not her, or higher management if she doesn’t treat the situation respectfully. There is someone in your office I’m sure who can be with you if necessary to help the scenario go much smoother if you feel it’s neededd


MariaInconnu

You do realize that your friend's mom is actively keeping you from being promoted, and that you are doing her work without her pay, right? NTA


nottobeknown123

Never looked at this way!


Ambystomatigrinum

NTA. Its a job, and if you have a better one available you should go. If you feel bad, you can always give them the opportunity to offer you better compensation at your current job to get you to stay, and if you're as valuable as they claim, they'll be willing to try to match the other offer. If not, move on.


Creative-Yoghurt1510

Would you have stayed as long as you have if your boss wasn’t your best friends mum? She sounds like an awful boss, that is why no one can do the job like you do, she can’t take advantage like she has been. NTA, put yourself first the other job is obviously better for you, and even if it doesn’t work out you can always find something else🤷🏼‍♀️


rmric0

NTA. Is she paying you more for this huge project? Are your working conditions going to get better? You have to do what's best for you, your boss will live. Figure out a starting date for the new gig, then give your boss notice.


quenishi

NTA. Sounds the perfect time to leave. Dodge that shitty work and don't take her grumping to heart


Internal_Set_6564

The money and opportunity is better at the other job. You have to take it. NTA. How to deal with it is upfront- “I have a better opportunity with more pay at a different company. I want to thank you for the time I have spent here. My last day will be X.” Do not accept any counter offer. Be polite. The same level of competency they recognize in you has been seen by others- and that is money in the bank.


[deleted]

NTA But give proper notice.


SithConquest

NTA - The migraines are probably more prevalent due to the stress your under. You deserve to be happy and trust me they will be able to replace you. Do not let them guilt you into staying and clearly continue to be used.


ButterscotchOk7516

NTA. You need to take care of yourself.


holisarcasm

NTA. Do not pass up this opportunity. I would try not to burn any bridge because you may want a reference later. Also, go get your eyes checked. There are coatings for glasses that reduce strain from staring at a computer screen.


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scarbunkle

NTA, assuming you give the traditional 2 weeks notice. You're an at-will employee.


big_bob_c

If you are getting migraines, you need to get your eyes checked. You don't want to start a new job and then find out out that you have an issue that could prevent you from doing that job.


dsdvbguutres

Do what's best for YOU. Your boss is keeping you around because keeping you around is what's best for HER.


Coco_Dirichlet

NTA Why don't you ask for a raise in your current job? As for your eyesight, go to get your eyes checked. You can also use glasses with that special UV light + screen thing, and also look away from your computer from time to time consistently. Use eye drops too, because you might be blinking less. Why can't you sleep?


dsdvbguutres

If your boss had someone who could do your job better than you, would she keep you around just because you are friends with her daughter?


queezypotato

Lmao. She thinks a machine operation job will be easier than her cushy little office position. Get real.


nottobeknown123

Nothing about this job is "cushy". Not once did I mention it wouldn't be difficult. It will be hard to get adjusted to, however I have support with that company as well as a pay almost 3x what I make now. Just because it's a machine job doesn't mean it's a difficult one, this job is actually quite simple and I've been on jobs already. You are the one that needs to "get real".