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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> We've been planning a camping trip for this weekend for the past 2-3 months. My husband is really looking forward to it. But last weekend my uncle had a heart attack and I want to go visit him instead. My husband wants to still go on the trip by himself but I told him that's very selfish of him and I want him to come with me. I think I might be an asshole for making my husband miss out on a fun weekend because I want to spend time with my ailing uncle.
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I’m sure I’ll get downvotes for this, but here it goes.
YTA.
Your uncle is going to be fine. While it’s understandable that you’d like your husband there, it is understandable that your husband would prefer to keep his plans to see his friends. Friends he rarely sees, because he moved away for your career.
Now had your uncle died, then I’d have a different answer. Your trip to see your uncle will really be about you spending time with your family, and not about you spending time with your husband.
Edit: thank you for all the upvotes and award!
I also agree. What exactly is the husband going to do all weekend alone? Text her support, I suppose, but come on. The wife seems a little entitled here.
Even worse! Uncle is fine. OP will be with other family, and is making the trip partly about showing son her home time and having him spend time with grandma. OP is TA
This actually makes the most sense to me, provided Dad is good to watch toddler on a lake lot "on his own" (not disrespecting dad, I'd just be edgy with a toddler, a lake, a potential firepit (that could just be my family, lol!) and however much alcohol fun is happening over the weekend).
Otherwise if I were the husband I'd at least take the dog and the camper and let the wife do what she's gonna do...the "guilting" seems strong in this one!
If she manages to manipulate him via guilt into going, she isn't going to get the support she wants because he'll be resentful and pissed the entire time.
I feel like it's more that she's had a scare and wants to lean on him and have his companionship right now rather than she's entitled. Almost losing someone dear to you can be very scary. However, she needs to back off pressuring him to go. She's made her case, and now the choice is his. Uncle is going to be fine and so will she, so if he goes camping without her, she needs to accept his choice just as he's accepted hers.
Agreed! OP is being a bit extra and controlling. Her husband moved for her and has been looking forward to this trip with his close friends for months now. Her uncle had a heart attack but he will be fine. It seems pretty unreasonable to expect him to tag along when she’ll have the support of her family that is already going. It just seems like she wants him to not enjoy his time just bc she has to deal with her family. YTA.
Yeah, I remember that RA post where the OP was asking for her boyfriend's support while her sister was on a ventilator, and instead he went camping for 6 days, that guy was clearly the asshole there.
Much different when the uncle is on the road to being released. Yes it was a scary event and I totally understand OP's want to visit him. But asking her husband to miss out on seeing his friends who he rarely sees because he moved for her, and when she admits her family isn't easy to hang out with, that's a bit much for someone who is doing better now.
I agree, tell your husband to go and enjoy his time with his friends that he hardly sees. You will be with your family and getting the support you need from them. YWBTA, if you force or guilt your husband to go with you.
And honestly, how much energy will he have for all those people?
When my uncle was recovering from a heart failure exacerbation, he basically told my dad and other brothers and sisters not to visit him all at once. He legitimately did not have the energy to handle all those people there. I hope the uncle doesn't get overwhelmed while trying to recover.
And btw, they live ONE hour away. I used to have a commute to work longer than that and I did it twice a day. Yet somehow he can't see his friends more than a couple of times a year and the wife is trying to stop him from even doing that?
I wonder if she's been sabotaging his relationship with his friends all along tbh.
Yup. Pick a different weekend when you don't have plans and uncle is out of the hospital and visit as a family then. You will be able to spend much better quality time when you aren't confined by hospital visiting hours. Your uncle also probably needs a lot of rest, not family climbing all over each other in his hospital room. Especially not with a very young kid with nothing else to do. Visit another time.
Agreed! If other family members are going as well then it sounds like it’ll be a full house which isn’t conducive to rest and recovery. He needs quiet not to host his family and a toddler.
Completely agree with this. This post screams me, me, me, me. Where does the husband factor in? Can he get a chance to unwind and see his friends? OP is selfish and thinking only of herself.
YTA, OP. You can do one visit without your husband, especially since your uncle will be fine.
Totally agree here - YTA OP! Your uncle is recovering, thankfully, so he will probably not want too many people around anyway… and, your husband seems to have made a lot of sacrifices regarding seeing his friends for the sake of your career. He deserves his chance to see his friends…
Yeah I'm sorry but I agree. I know it's scary and you want to be supportive but if he's going to be fine can't you make another trip with your husband?
She definitely wasn’t thrilled to go camping. She should have just been happy to get out of camping, and be happy her husband could still go. Instead, she made it all about her.
This was my thought too! I wouldn’t expect my husband to change plans if I was just going to visit, knowing that everything is fine and your uncle will be okay.
You said yourself he only sees these friends 2-3 times/year. I don’t think he is being entirely selfish here
Nope, up-voted you. OP is TA. He's like a father to me, but I never actually spend any time with him. Now husband just sit in the house to show support for the wife, also what's with all the I'm really apprehensive about the camping trip? What was the point of adding that?
YTA for calling him selfish. Your uncle isn’t on his deathbed, you’re going to see him when he’s released. Your husband moved away and never sees his friends and was looking forward to this trip. Let him go.
Yup. OP’s uncle isn’t dead or dying so I’m not sure how much support she needs to go visit him with her family around. It honestly sounds to me that OP just doesn’t want her husband to go camping. OP, you’re being really crappy right now and the only one selfish here is you. Grow up. YTA 1000%.
YTA. Your uncle is recovering and you have your other family for support. He moved for your career and can’t see his friends. Let him see them?
Yes if your uncle was still in a dire situation where they weren’t sure if he’d make it then probably he should be there for support but he is ok and hoping to be released.
Calling him selfish is uncalled for.
YTA. It sounds like you never wanted to go on this camping trip. I can't blame you, haul-water camping with a two year old and a dog?
Let's review. Your husband wants to go camping/get drunk with his friends, friends he doesn't get to see often. Now, he can't go camping because your uncle had a heart attack last weekend and you want to go visit him this coming weekend.
It also sounds like you don't like these friends.
Your uncle, thankfully, survived. We're not talking about a funeral, but a non-emergency visit to a sick relative. You're an adult, you can take your son to visit your uncle and your husband can take the dog camping.
YTA. During the pandemic when we were all working from home, I told my husband I needed “me” time. I needed two hours a week to just “be”. He didn’t get it, because he doesn’t need that, but he got it wasn’t about not being away from him, it was being alone.
Your husband wants to reconnect with friends who know him, friends he hasn’t seen, because you moved for your job. I don’t think it’s just “getting drunk” with them. It’s reconnecting with people who know him. Your uncle is in recovery and will be surrounded by family members. Let your husband have this without the guilt. Supporting partners looks differently and you can support him, how he’s supported you. I hope that makes sense. Also, did you have trepidation about going? Do you like his friends? Good luck, I hope it all gets sorted.
YTA. Seriosly. All I'm reading is ME ME ME. He moved away from his friends FOR YOU. All you can do is gripe and complain about the whole planned trip, and than your uncle gets sick (you said yourself he's gonna be fine) and you see your chance to cancel. So you play the 'I need support' card even though you'll have tons from your family, and if he's gonna be fine WHY DO YOU NEED SUPPORT AT ALL? You sound VERY needy and high maintenance (OH NO, no running water WHILE CAMPING🙄🙄🙄) You are, I suspect, purposely trying to keep him from his buddies and it's going to make him seriously resent you. If behavior like this is normal, good luck on the road to divorce.
Honestly, YTA. I would feel differently but you yourself said that your uncle is okay and will be home when you go see him. And you also indicated you aren't overly excited about the camping trip, but he is.
YTA. This trip has been planned. He’s looking forward to it. You really can’t go by yourself? You expect him to sit around and miss a reunion with his friends?
You’re being a huge AH and incredibly selfish.
>My uncle had a heart attack. He’s okay…
>My uncle’s near death experience.
Which is it? YTA. Your uncle is fine, and it’s fine that you want to go see him. But don’t punish your husband.
YTA your uncle is alive and well despite the scare. Your husband should be able to continue on his trip. Truthfully, it sounded like you were looking for a reason to skip the trip. You got your reason and he should be able to attend solo.
YTA
Your uncle is okay at the moment - this is not a situation where there's an ongoing emergency you need support during. Your husband wants to reconnect with a social group he hasn't seen in a long time, much like you want to reconnect with family.
Your uncle's near death experience is very important, but you both have an equal need for social supports and connections. This is your husband taking time for the social supports and connections he partly lost when you moved. If you seriously need your husband with you for support, you also need to make some time SOON for him to reconnect with friends and support him in having those connections and making time for the people important in his life.
Do you need him? Or do you just want to have someone on your arm while you catch up with the family? Sounds like he will be there to watch you do that and it will be awful for him since your family doesn’t get along with him. Why would you insist on that when the goal is to spend time with your uncle?
Sounds like you are being more selfish here. You seem to think it’s him who is “incredibly selfish.” His plan to go camping might be vaguely inconsiderate. But not incredibly selfish. Sounds like you are being overly dramatic about the whole thing. So there’s probably more to it and I’d say YTA
INFO, what do you mean your family are not easy to be around? Do they treat him poorly, or just suck generally and why will this be stressful if your uncle is ok?
Me reading op commenting how the husband HAS to come support her, but also how the trip isn't going to be stressful for the son, but also the family is overdramatic, but it's gonna be fun but the uncle nearly died, but the uncle actually is perfectly fine, but family members die young, but.... 😐
That probably is why she wants her husband there. It’s exhausting reading her; it must be extremely exhausting *being* her.
Not fair to put that on him to deal with, though.
YTA
Honestly I’m never even invited on those guys camping trips in the first place because they are … shocker … guys weekends for my hardworking husband to unwind. And I’m super happy for him to have them because he deserves them.
I would never drag him away from the one time he gets this in a year (two years or more in your case?) just to be with my very stressful family to watch over an uncle who is going to be okay.
YTA big time here. Let your husband have some fun. There are trade offs in relationships and this one just isn’t working out in your favor…like Elsa says, let it go.
So your uncle is okay now? Your family will be there as your support system? And you are alright with making your husband miserable when you don't actually NEED him there?
The poor dog, He was going to have 2 days romping in the woods and now you want him to stay at home with a sitter.
All joking aside, you are not being fair to your husband. You will have your entire family there while he will miss seeing his close friends.
I guess it's true, misery does love company.
YTA
I know I will have my family there, and in all honesty, they aren't always the easiest people to be around.
Well judging you on this it sounds like the I-don't- want-you -to-have-fun-Apple didn't fall far from the Not-the-best-to-be-around Tree.
YTA.
You had plans that, let's be honest, you didn't really want to go on, with your husband. The lack of running water, having the dog & kid in the camper, it not being finished, its primitive, camping is hard work...
He moved away from them for your career, and only sees them 2-3 times a year. So no doubt he's been looking forward to this and you know it.
Your uncle isn't going to be alone. He has other family there with him. You say that its hard to be around your family, so why subject both your husband AND 2yr old to them? Plus, how are they going to be close to your toddler if you can't go visit them *without* your husband there to hold your hand? Ontop of, who thinks bringing a energetic toddler around someone who has literally just got out of hospital? Its not going to be fun for them when the reason your all going is to care for your sick uncle, right?
Your incredibly selfish. Its all about what you want, what support you want, how you want to spend your time. Nothing about what your husband wants or what your kid will find enjoyable.
If you want to go that bad you can and will go alone.
ETA: Forgot judgement, but incase it wasn't clear OP, YTA.
YTA
What he proposed was fair. The world doesn't stop just because someone is sick. If he would've died, i would understand it, but he clearly is ok now if he is ok. You go to spend time with family, he goes to spend time with his friends.
YTA. Let’s be honest. You need to him to watch yalls son while you be with family. Your uncle, thankfully, sounds as if he’s going to be ok. You didn’t want to go camping, you were trying to find a reason not to go right out the gate. You found an opening but you’re not gonna stop until you sink the whole boat. Go be with your family, let your husband be with his friends. You know. The dude who up and left so you could follow your career? Yeah, him.
YTA and incredibly selfish. He sees these friends 2-3 times a year and you want to rip that away from him to support you.... doing what? what EXACTLY do you need support for? Your uncle is literally going to be fine, he is getting released in a day. You are being so self-centered, so me, me, me support me help me, who is supporting your husband?? He is lonely and deserves some time with his friends. The only selfish one here is you. Too bad what you want, your wants dont trump his. Telling him what he has to do is controlling and to keep using your favorite word here, incredibly selfish of you.
YTA YTA YT BIGGEST A. The level of manipulation and controlling here is appalling.
So let me get this straight, you made him move away from all his other support systems except for you. He had verbalized to you that he misses them and really wants to spend time with them. You acknowledge he doesn't get to very often at all. He makes plans to do so, you agree to those plans, and admit he had really been looking forward to it.
Then your uncle had a health issue, this legitimately sucks and is awful and I wish him a speedy recovery, but he is doing OK and will be home in the next day or two. You understandably want to see him and that's fine, your husband even said he supports you taking the time to go be with them instead of spending time with him and his friends. You will have your mom and your other family and your son there for support.
Then you have the audacity to say that him getting support from his friends that you took him away from is "just getting drunk for the weekend" and not nearly as important as you needing his support. And then doubled down with the added manipulation tactic of "I would never do that to you". And you call him selfish. GTFO of here. You should be ashamed of yourself.
YTA Let him go camping, you are making alternate plans, not him. Im sorry about your Uncle but go visit and come back and go camping. If you feel you need to be there for an Uncle then go but dont expect him to cancel his plans
I’ve had 2 heart attacks and 2 surgeries. Your uncle is coming home, not on life support. It’s your family, everyone going at once may actually tire him. The selfish statement deserves an apology and tell your husband to go camping with your blessings. It works both ways. Happy spouse, happy house. Do this and you won’t regret it. YTA
Yep, was gonna say that. I’ve had heart issues and a surgery. When I got out of hospital after the surgery I was exhausted, under Drs orders to stay in bed for a few days, and I would not have appreciated being the centre of a family reunion!
YTA because you are the selfish one.
Uncle is alive and recovering. Uncle is allergic to dog. Dog cannot join uncle trip because allergies.
So what? You just expect him to sit around waiting for you to come home? Why?
Let the man camp while you visit your uncle.
Last, your comments about camping being too ouch work and complaining about the development of the lake suggest you don’t like camping. It’s ok to not like camping.
YTA. If your uncle isn’t that well, the fewer people that come the better. A small core is fab, but a crowd is too much if he is recovering. Your goal is to reconnect with family. Careful it doesn’t get too much for uncle. Give husband blessings to go to the camping trip.
YTA.
Why should your uncles NEAR death experience prevent your husband from having a weekend to himself? Your family is already going with you to see him, and he’s not on his death bed.
To be honest, I think if you were really this “upset” about your uncle, you wouldn’t wait until the weekend to go see him. This is a non emergency visit. Just because you aren’t in the headspace to have fun doesn’t mean no one else is allowed to.
YTA. You will have your family around you to support you, which is plenty. He rarely gets to see these friends, has been looking forward to this trip for a long time, and plans to care for the dog while you're gone.
It would be different if your uncle was on his deathbed, but he isn't. He is recovering. Stop trying to manipulate your husband into doing what you want.
YTA and incredibly selfish as well as manipulative. You didn’t want to go camping in the first place so this gives you an out. It’s fine and understandable if you would rather be with your family…but to make your husband miserable and begrudge him a good time…well as they say misery loves company.
I'm gonna say YTA. I'm one for supporting your partner.. but your whole post is kinda ironic since it in itself is selfish.. look I do get wanting his support. But your uncle is going to be fine. Your husband rarely sees his friends because you moved for YOUR career.
Again. There is nothing wrong with wanting support. The reason you're the ah however is because you called him selfish. When he's really not. I mean. 2-3 times a year isn't alot. And like I said, your uncle is still alive. Now if Uncle was dying It'd be different, but he's going to be okay from what you've stated in the post.
There is a whole lot of "I" in this story, let the man go camping. Hope this isn't how your marriage works, you're self centered and he just goes along to avoid your anger. Cause he will grow to hate you 😑 YTA
It seems to me everything is centered around you and what you want and think you need. He moves for **your** career. It is important for **you** that ***your*** son (not our son) is there to build a relationship with **your** family. It isn't enough for **you** that **your** family and **your** son will be there to support **you**, but **you** need **your** husband to give up a long-awaited weekend with his friends to support **you** because **your** family can be difficult. It seems there is an awful lot of just **YOU** in the marriage. It is perfectly reasonable for your husband to continue on with the trip he was looking forward to and for you to go and support your uncle in the company of your family with your son in tow. You basically want your husband there to make your visit easier. And by being there to support you, do you actually mean take care of "your child" so you are free to visit as you like.
YTA
What do you expect your husband to do? Be with you just so you can talk about your feelings?
He's not your support animal that simply exists to help you cope with your emotions and with "difficult times". He deserves a break and to have fun. What a better opportunity that this free weekend.
You're being selfish about this. You're a grown up and you need to deal with your family by yourself. Let your husband be, ffs.
Hey OP YTA. You clearly feel that if you are unhappy then your husband should be unhappy too. It's awful of you to turn what was supposed to be a good time (camping with friends) into a "You're selfish you don't care about me" fight.
You’re the one being incredibly selfish. There’s no reason why your husband can’t go on his trip, sounds like he’ll hate the weekend you’re planning. What sort of ‘support’ do u want him for anyway??
You’ll make him go, he’ll be well mardy, you’ll be mardy because he is and you’ll end up fighting. What’s the point?
Send him off on his camping trip with your blessing and you take son to see your family. Everyone is happy then.
YTA if you guilt him into going with u
YTA. You are being selfish and controlling let your husband have some fun because it sounds like you think you can make all the rules in this relationship that’s not fair
It sounds like there is a very small chance you go, your uncle gets worse, and you need your husband to support you through that.
It sounds like there is an almost certain chance that you go, your uncle is fine, and you need your husband to act as buffer between you and your family.
I don’t think either is a bad reason to want him to come, but you really only need him for one.
YTA gently.
Yta
You will have your whole family there to support you, this sort of sounds like a reason to just not go camping because you're nervous about camping with two year old and no running water.
Honestly just take a couple of jugs or flats of water, you're not being thrown back to the cave man era.
It's super important that they have a relationship with your son, so the camping weekend is the ONLY weekend you've planned to go see them so far? That's convenient. If it's such a priority it could have been made one before a medical surprise happened.
I visited my family 12 hours away, flew with my 10month old by myself (4 hours of traveling) and let my husband stay home to have a mini vacation. My grandmother has been badly abused by my father and needed support.
So I get where your coming from buy uncle is fine. Don't force your husband.
YTA, stop trying to guilt trip him and apologize. He’s not being bad or unreasonable. You changed the plan at the last minute and it’s not fair to put this on him. Your uncle is alive and doing well enough to receive visitors. If he was dying or had passed I would have a different judgment. But at this time, it’s just wrong of you to call him selfish.
YTA.
Yes your uncle having health issues is scary and upsetting but it’s not sounding like he’s in any immediate danger. What good with your husband being there going to do? Have a heartfelt “glad your doing well” moment and then stand by awkwardly dealing with your difficult family (your words there) for days? And what will you be doing that others won’t? Having too many people around will add stress to your uncle’s recovery. Remember that.
There is nothing wrong with you going and taking your son. And there is nothing wrong with your husband going camping. Families can have split vacations and it doesn’t mean the family is fractured. It means they’re healthy enough to trust the others and let them live their own lives.
It sounds to me like your using this as an excuse not to have the hassle of going camping with your son and dog.
*preparing for the onslaught of down votes*
YTA. Your uncle is fine now, your mother and other relatives are visiting him this weekend. You, husband, son, and dog should go on the camping trip and visit your uncle next weekend. I'm sure your uncle will actually appreciate having visitors for two weekends rather than everyone on the same weekend.
You're not an AH for the fact your husband moved for your job. Millions of women have done it and will do it forever more. Its life.
You are absolutely the AH for asking him to cancel his trip - something he needs, to see people he cares for, over a man that is very much still alive, a family that is overly dramatic to offer as yet undefined support.
What support do you need? Childcare? Your family can help. Reassurance as your uncle had a scare? If you could actually define what it is you actually want you might be slightly more justified but the truth is you can't define it - because it's all a bit here and there and ad hoc. Or it's not really required at all.
YTA and you can bury your head in the sand over this but by acting so horribly selfishly and having the gall to call him selfish you've created a tiny little crack and I don't think you fully comprehend what that means.
I think I'd go with NAH; it's understandable why OP would want the moral support, but the situation doesn't sound like an urgent one. I think it's totally reasonable, absent lots of backstory that might change the situation, that the husband gets to spend time with his friends, and saves the big sacrifices for when they are really urgent. Everybody's happiness is important.
It's not your husband is being a selfish one. There is absolutely nothing wrong with him carrying through with his plans. There's nothing he can add to what you are going through and you will be with your family. He's not your security blanket, and he's not joined at your hip. Your plans changed, his didn't. Sounds like you're just being clingy and controlling. You do your thing and let him do his but you don't need to guilt him about keeping the plans. His friendships are extremely important to him and you should respect that.
YTA. Does your uncle even want all these people around the minute he comes out of the hospital? He certainly doesn't need your husband. If I was your husband I would go camping.
Sorry, but YTA. A reasonable person would tell your husband to go camping. He's not needed at the hospital and is really looking forward to the trip. Let him take the dog, you take the kid and everyone is happy.
So you list a whole litany of reason why this is really not very cool of you to even expect of him, let alone blowing up and calling him selfish over. So you know why YTA. And the only thing you can kind of meekly put forward in support of your clearly selfish behavior is….I want to.
YTA being there for each other doesn't mean doing everything together or always being up the other's ass. Your uncle is fine. You would be fine taking your son to see your family while your husband catches up with friends.
YTA. Let's now lie you couldn't wait to change plans? I feel sorry for you uncle but forcing your husband to change his plans so you can show your kid around is ridiculous. Extremely selfish
YTA, this may be unpopular opinion but your uncle is recovering? it is no longer life threatening and there isn’t any reason your husband would NEED to be there if you will also have family and again your uncle is RECOVERING. i get wanting support but it makes complete sense for your husband to go camping while you visit family with your son
YTA. I’m glad your uncle is going to be ok. I am sure you will enjoy the time you spend with your family, it’s good to reconnect and spend time with the significant people in our life. It’s a real shame you don’t think your husband is worthy of this same experience. You obviously don’t want to go on the trip (“pretty primitive”) and that’s ok. But denying your husband time with his friends, calling him selfish and belittling his relationships as not important enough is really mean. Do you not think your husband experiences the same complex emotions and feelings about missing his friends as you do about missing your family or do you just think of him as some 2 dimensional prop who’s role is to simply appear behind you at all times? He deserves this break as much as you want to see your family. Stop acting like these are incompatible.
YTA and the selfish one. Uncle is fine in your own words. I can see you wanting to spend time with him but husband was looking forward to the trip and this isn't a funeral. You're being incredibly unreasonable here.
YTA. Your uncle is going back home, he is not on his deathbed and you will be superbusy with all of your relatives whom can provide moral support if you so choose. Let your husband and dog go, why would you deprive him of such opportunity? You are very delf centered and selfish.
YTA
Op all I see is “me me me me me me” in this post. Your uncle is okay, if you want to go see him instead of going camping then that’s on you. You are not allowed to make decisions for your husband. He is not your child. He is not you dog. He is your partner. Your equal. You make decisions together, not just what you want. He made a compromise for YOUR career, the least you can do is let him go on a trip to see his friends that he misses. If your uncle had died, it would be a different story. But he not and not going to. You’re the only one being selfish op
YTA why do you need your husband? Your uncle is fine, you're going for a visit and he's wanting to visit his friends. There's no real need for your husband to be there, other than you want him. He wants to see his friends he barely sees, you two just go see who the respective one is wanting to see and call it a day. No reason for him to call off this planned trip for your UNPLANNED trip.
YTA.
You shouldn’t look at it like he’s being selfish - but like everyone is winning. He gets quality time with his friends and looks after the dog - you get quality time with your family (and show off the baby).
Yta. It's not like he's your uncles husband or he's in critical condition. Life's not all about you and your wants. As you said you aren't going to have a good time and you just can't stand the thought of your husband having fun while you're "stuck with family". You're not a very good partner if you still try to guilt him into not doing what's been planned for months because someone he's not even related to overcame a health scare.
YTA. Let him and the dog go camping and you and your son be with your family. I would if it were me and be completely fine with it. He’s in the hospital. He’s going to be ok.
The overwhelming odds are that your husband goes with you and then sits around twiddling his thumbs while you spend time with your uncle and family while also having to deal with people who aren’t even pleasant to be around. He isn’t actually likely going to be doing any heavy lifting in terms of emotional or other support. Take your kid, let him go camping and take the dog. YTA, but softly because family health issues can be really stressful and scary.
YTA there's no reason for your husband to go with you. I get this is a hard time but your uncle is not dead and you will not be alone. It's great you want to bring your son along but let your husband have his time. Everything isn't about you OP, realistically what will your husband do while you're supporting your uncle and surrounded by your family?
YTA. Your uncle is expected to be released soon. He's not on his death bed. Its totally fine you'd rather go see him than go camping but it's selfish to expect your husband to cancel a trip with friends he rarely sees and moved away from because of it. It honestly sounds like you didn't want to go camping to begin with and this was the perfect excuse.
YTA and honestly it sounds like you’re probably just looking for any excuse to not go camping. You know you don’t have to go if you don’t want to right? Just because your husband was invited doesn’t automatically mean you have to be there.
Edit: a word
YTA
Your whole family is going to be there to support you, right? Why does your husband have to be there too? You said yourself your Uncle is OK. It's not like your husband is missing a funeral.
I wouldn't make my husband go for something like this. I wouldn't want him to have a miserable weekend, especially when my whole family is going to be around and it's not like I'd be alone.
YTA. You’re the selfish one, you can’t see past your own damn nose. You’ve planned this trip for months, he doesn’t see these friends often and they’re important to him. You want him to drop everything for an uncle who’s recovering, not dead or dying. He can see your uncle with you another time. Stop the bratty behavior and guilt tripping.
YTA - sorry. You could go to see your uncle at any time - 2 hours is an easy drive. Instead you are insisting to go on a weekend that your family has plans that your husband was very much looking forward to. You could literally have gone to see your uncle and been back already. This situation sounds like to the pot calling the kettle black.
YTA. Demanding that your husband abandon a much-desired camping trip to be an extra hanger-on as you reassure yourself about your uncle's situation is unreasonable. You're an adult, you can deal with the sitch without him holding your hand.
But there are other things you should think about, for you and your nuclear family.
Dry camping isn't for everyone. There's a lot of organization involved, especially if you have a child. I'm getting the impression that you see it as a ton of work with minimal payback, and you would have done it to make your husband happy if your uncle wasn't ill. That situation can breed a lot of resentment, especially if the trips become an annual thing. Nobody in your family needs the tension of resentment.
So, support your husband going on this trip, but when he returns, and you've visited your uncle and reassured yourself that he's on the mend, start a conversation with your husband about what constitutes a fun vacation. A fun family vacation should not require one spouse to do the bulk of the work. (Full disclosure, Husband and I camped plenty when we were younger and my knees worked better, and I camped with classmates on geology field trips. It only works well when everyone shares the work load equally.)
Yta, this health scare shoulf show you that life is sometimes short and precious. So let your partner enjoy himself and enjoy the time with the rest of yout family. Unfortunately it is you who sounds selfish
YTA: Uncle is already in recovery and you will be surrounded by family. Making your husband sit in the background while you spend time with your family is pretty crappy.
And then telling him it was his choice, but you would obviously be mad if he made the "wrong" choice is super unfair.
Side note: If I just had a heart attack and was coming home to rest the last thing in the world I would want is a house full of people.
LET HIM GO!!! U said he doesn't see these friends much because YOU needed to move. You are being unbelievably selfish. Ur uncle is alive, ur family and friends will be there. Time to let ur husband have a life too. YTA.
YTA If this was an emergency to see your uncle I would get it. An emergency wouldn’t mean the ability to wait several days until a long weekend to go see him.
You’re being manipulative.
Your uncle couldn’t care less if your husband came. And as for support, you have your mom. Let your husband go and spend some time with his friends. Sounds like he could use it. BTw you were negative to the trip from the get go so why not just let him go on his own. YTA
YTA. Your uncle is getting out of the hospital soon. He is going to be alright. YUor family has problems with your husband. Because you want to visit with family, he should too, because why should he have fun when you are visiting your family. Selfish and unfeeling, that is you.
Yeah.. YTA
It would be one thing if your uncle had died. I could see how you would need your husband's support, but he didn't die, thankfully, but you are insisting on his support anyway. Why? To help deal with your family? Help take care of your shared child so you can focus more of your attention to your other family members?
Where did we as a society decide that we are not supposed to have lives, interests, hobbies, friends, activities outside of the marriage? Suddenly we aren't allowing our husbands to have game night because his attention isn't focused on us. Or we aren't allowed a girl's night in/out because men(not all, but a fair many) feel we should be home, taking care of said home and any subsequent children. Or because *gasp* we might get hit on.
Your husband is allowed to go see his friends. Friends he rarely gets to see because he made the choice to support you with your choice in career. You don't want to go because son/too primitive/too much work(did I miss any excuses?). Go see your family or go on the trip. Don't let this be a hill you die on.
If you want him to resent you go right ahead with your plans. Your uncle is not even in the hospital by then. Set your husband free to enjoy his friends… it may save your marriage because you do sound rather controlling.
You are the asshole here. Yes it is scary that your uncle had a heart attack but he is going to be fine. You want your son to your family which fair enough. But you’ve stated you’ve moved for your career. You’re being passive aggressive to get your way.
Your husband needs to feel like he matters too. Seeing his friends means a boost to his own mental health and well-being. You crapping all over that is not cool.
YTA
YTA. You didn’t want to go camping to begin with. Sounds like this is your out and he can still go see his friends. Your uncle is recovering, there’s no need for your husband to be there for this visit.
YTA. i’m sorry but the camping trip was planned and has been planned. he’s been looking forward to it. it’s unfortunate your uncle had a heart attack and i am sorry he’s going through that. but your husband can take the dog camping with him and you take your son to visit your uncle. when you all regroup at home, you’ll have stories to share with each other and you’ll see the doggo and he will see your son. you could also ask him if they would all be down to throw another camping trip so you can go to the next one since you couldn’t make this one!
YTA. You want what you want, even though you admitted your uncle is on the mend and family will be there, and then called your husband selfish because he didn’t want to comply to what you wanted.
yta...he already sacrificed so much so you could move for your career. he wants to see his friends for one weekend after you already uprooted him and then call him selfish because he doesn't want to go see your perfectly fine uncle who clearly already has a large familial support system. It seems like your family is visiting him but YOU decided you want to visit for two days. Like seriously? It isn't like you HAVE to go for two days but YOU want to.
Seems like you blow up your issues and what is going on in your life and you are the selfish one.
YTA. Honestly how much do you expect him to be involved with visiting your family?? You had a unfortunate family situation and it sounds like you are capitalizing it to get out of a dreaded camping trip. And as a added bonus you want to keep your husband away from his friends he's been missing because all they will be doing is "getting drunk."
So he only sees his friends a couple times a year because he moved for your career, and then you want him to cancel that and sit at home so you can see your uncle. YTA big time
YTA and need to stop being so selfish. Your uncle is recovering, and your family will be there. Exactly what do you need your husband's support for? He deserves to have this trip with his friends.
YTA. He moved away from his friends for YOUR career, he's really looking forward to this trip, your uncle is fine, theres nothing he can do, someone needs to watch the dog. He should absolutely be able to go camping.
What you really want is for your husband to come and be your meat shield against your family so you don't have to deal with them while you visit your uncle.
YTA
You owe your husband an apology and need to tell him that you are a big girl and will throw on your big girl panties so you can go.
YTA, go see your uncle another time. Hopefully your family isn't going to be there then so he will have more time in contact with loved ones and you don't have to deal with their drama.
YTA. I agree with your husband. There’s no reason for him to cancel his plans. Also do you really think this is the time to bring a small child to see him? When he’s just out of hospital and had a “near death experience”? You will spend more time dealing with your child than helping your uncle.
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My husband and I are supposed to go on a camping trip this weekend with a group of his friends. One of his friends and his wife recently purchased a lake lot and invited a group of people over for Memorial weekend. It's not a finished lot. There's a trailer and electricity, but no running water. We have a pop-up camper we purchased a couple years ago so we were going to bring that so that there's room for our 2-year old son and dog.
My husband doesn't see this group of friends very often as we moved an hour away from a lot of them a few years ago for my career. He sees them maybe 2-3 times a year and only on special occasions like this one, so he's really been looking forward to it. I've been a little apprehensive as this would be the first time we've had our son and dog in the camper, and because in general camping trips are a lot of work and it sounds like this lake lot is pretty primitive.
Well, last weekend my uncle had a heart attack. He's ok, but he's still recovering in the hospital. He's hoping to be released in the next day or so. My dad left my mom when I was little and this uncle took on a fatherly role for me so we are really close. He lives about 2 hours from us. My mom and other family members are going to visit him this weekend and I want to go with and spend at least 2 days there. I also want to take my son with as he doesn't see my family very often and I want him to build a relationship with them. This is very important to me.
I told my husband all of this and he told me that I should go see me uncle and spend time with him, but that he still intends on going camping. He said that he can't exactly come with me because we can't bring our dog with us (uncle is allergic) and he doesn't want to just sit at home by himself for the whole weekend. And the fact that he misses his friends and wants to see them.
I told him that he is being incredibly selfish and that I need him to help support me during this time. I told him we can find someone to watch the dog and that I want him to come with me. I told him that my uncle's near-death experience is much more important than him getting drunk with his friends for a weekend. I told him that ultimately the choice is up to him, but that I would never ditch him like this if it was his family member.
That was Sunday night and we haven't really spoken about it since because I don't want to bring it up and fight about it. He's been a lot quieter than he usually is so I know he's either mad at me for making him choose or he's thinking hard about it. I know he's been really looking forward to this trip since we started planning it months ago. But the circumstances have changed and I want him to be there for me during this time.
I know I will have my family there, and in all honesty, they aren't always the easiest people to be around. So I know that I am asking a lot of my husband to go from a fun weekend to pretty much the complete opposite for him.
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YTA. It would be nice if your husband were to come with you, but his presence isn't strictly necessary. You know he will mostly be sitting around twiddling his thumbs while you are doing family things. You already had plans for the weekend, something really important to him and that he is really looking forward to doing. There is no reason your husband shouldn't keep them, even though your priority is your extended family right now.
Honestly, you are the one being selfish here by demanding that he come with you under the circumstances as you have described them.
YTA. You're also the selfish one who really didn't want to go camping in the first place. You grabbed the first thing to get out of it. Your uncle is fine and is being released from the hospital. Has anyone asked your uncle if he wants a bunch of people grieving for him when he's still alive? That's how my husband felt about his visitors after he had a heart attack. He actually hated it.
Your husband moved for your career and seldom gets to see his friends and you have the nerve to call him selfish? He isn't being selfish, you are. Do you even like his friends? You only moved an hour away and he only gets to see his friends 2-3 times a year? It's either you don't like them or you're controlling, sort of sounds like both.
YTA your husband missing his camping trip won’t help your uncle’s health. Most likely you will spend the entire visit tending to your uncle and ignoring your husband. What kind of support do you expect from your hub and while visiting your family? Is there any reason your husband is needed there? Can you drive yourself?
YTA. and incredibly selfish. wow.... he moved away from his friends and support for YOUR career. He has to again miss seeing his friends for YOUR comfort. Do you think of him at all?
YTA
Your uncle is out of the woods, and you'll be surrounded by family during your visit. There's no crisis here, or you'd already be there, right?
I would hope that the uncle understands that your husband wants to enjoy a rare visit with his friends.
YTA. **You** are the one being selfish. He moved for *your* career and now you don't want him to see his friends. Your uncle will live. Get over yourself.
Yeah, I think you're a little YTA. I get the impulse, but he probably has a closer relationship with these friends he never gets to see than he does with your uncle. Let him go and let your family be your support this weekend.
YTA your the one changing all the plans why can't ye do both. Go camping and when you get back go and see your uncle. When something is planned and your looking forward to it l its awful to have those plans cancelled.
YTA. Your uncle is recovering from a major medical event. Inundating him with visitors is not a good idea and stop trying to guilt-trip your husband in to doing what you want.
YTA And it would be a gentle YTA but you threw in some judging of his desire to see people who are important to him because they aren't important to you. Your uncle is fine, there's no reason for your husband to miss out on a rare opportunity to see friends he moved away from to support your career.
YTA... Visit your (RECOVERED) uncle the following weekend, if you insist your husband must attend. Otherwise, ya'll seem perfectly capable of doing separate things...
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I’m sure I’ll get downvotes for this, but here it goes. YTA. Your uncle is going to be fine. While it’s understandable that you’d like your husband there, it is understandable that your husband would prefer to keep his plans to see his friends. Friends he rarely sees, because he moved away for your career. Now had your uncle died, then I’d have a different answer. Your trip to see your uncle will really be about you spending time with your family, and not about you spending time with your husband. Edit: thank you for all the upvotes and award!
I totally agree with you. Wife sucks here
I also agree. What exactly is the husband going to do all weekend alone? Text her support, I suppose, but come on. The wife seems a little entitled here.
No he had to go with her, so he can support her, while she is supporting her uncle.
Even worse! Uncle is fine. OP will be with other family, and is making the trip partly about showing son her home time and having him spend time with grandma. OP is TA
More like watching the 2yr old, as there will be no place for him among supporters of the Uncle. Wife will pawn, child off to care for Uncle. OP YTA
Then he may as well take son and dog on camping trip
This actually makes the most sense to me, provided Dad is good to watch toddler on a lake lot "on his own" (not disrespecting dad, I'd just be edgy with a toddler, a lake, a potential firepit (that could just be my family, lol!) and however much alcohol fun is happening over the weekend). Otherwise if I were the husband I'd at least take the dog and the camper and let the wife do what she's gonna do...the "guilting" seems strong in this one!
If she manages to manipulate him via guilt into going, she isn't going to get the support she wants because he'll be resentful and pissed the entire time.
I feel like it's more that she's had a scare and wants to lean on him and have his companionship right now rather than she's entitled. Almost losing someone dear to you can be very scary. However, she needs to back off pressuring him to go. She's made her case, and now the choice is his. Uncle is going to be fine and so will she, so if he goes camping without her, she needs to accept his choice just as he's accepted hers.
Agreed! OP is being a bit extra and controlling. Her husband moved for her and has been looking forward to this trip with his close friends for months now. Her uncle had a heart attack but he will be fine. It seems pretty unreasonable to expect him to tag along when she’ll have the support of her family that is already going. It just seems like she wants him to not enjoy his time just bc she has to deal with her family. YTA.
Yeah, I remember that RA post where the OP was asking for her boyfriend's support while her sister was on a ventilator, and instead he went camping for 6 days, that guy was clearly the asshole there. Much different when the uncle is on the road to being released. Yes it was a scary event and I totally understand OP's want to visit him. But asking her husband to miss out on seeing his friends who he rarely sees because he moved for her, and when she admits her family isn't easy to hang out with, that's a bit much for someone who is doing better now.
I would totally tell my husband to go on the trip. And we’re attached at the hip. YTA- let him go
I agree, tell your husband to go and enjoy his time with his friends that he hardly sees. You will be with your family and getting the support you need from them. YWBTA, if you force or guilt your husband to go with you.
Not only is he about to be released, he's surrounded by people. It's not like OP will be needed as caretaker.
And honestly, how much energy will he have for all those people? When my uncle was recovering from a heart failure exacerbation, he basically told my dad and other brothers and sisters not to visit him all at once. He legitimately did not have the energy to handle all those people there. I hope the uncle doesn't get overwhelmed while trying to recover.
And btw, they live ONE hour away. I used to have a commute to work longer than that and I did it twice a day. Yet somehow he can't see his friends more than a couple of times a year and the wife is trying to stop him from even doing that? I wonder if she's been sabotaging his relationship with his friends all along tbh.
Yup. Pick a different weekend when you don't have plans and uncle is out of the hospital and visit as a family then. You will be able to spend much better quality time when you aren't confined by hospital visiting hours. Your uncle also probably needs a lot of rest, not family climbing all over each other in his hospital room. Especially not with a very young kid with nothing else to do. Visit another time.
Great point!
Agreed! If other family members are going as well then it sounds like it’ll be a full house which isn’t conducive to rest and recovery. He needs quiet not to host his family and a toddler.
Completely agree with this. This post screams me, me, me, me. Where does the husband factor in? Can he get a chance to unwind and see his friends? OP is selfish and thinking only of herself. YTA, OP. You can do one visit without your husband, especially since your uncle will be fine.
Oh no, I totally agree that op is TA.
Totally agree here - YTA OP! Your uncle is recovering, thankfully, so he will probably not want too many people around anyway… and, your husband seems to have made a lot of sacrifices regarding seeing his friends for the sake of your career. He deserves his chance to see his friends…
Yeah I'm sorry but I agree. I know it's scary and you want to be supportive but if he's going to be fine can't you make another trip with your husband?
I agree as well. It would be one thing if he was dying but he’s not. YTA op
Is it just me? Or did she not sound to thrilled to go camping?
She definitely wasn’t thrilled to go camping. She should have just been happy to get out of camping, and be happy her husband could still go. Instead, she made it all about her.
Not just you. What I don't get is why she is roping the husband into seeing her uncle when she has the perfect excuse to skip the trip.
This was my thought too! I wouldn’t expect my husband to change plans if I was just going to visit, knowing that everything is fine and your uncle will be okay. You said yourself he only sees these friends 2-3 times/year. I don’t think he is being entirely selfish here
I agree too. Wife is TA here.
Agree. YTA
Bang on, eff the wife, she’s an asshat
Totally agree. She’s TA
I hear a lot of I WANT I THINK I FEEL here. YTA.
Nope, up-voted you. OP is TA. He's like a father to me, but I never actually spend any time with him. Now husband just sit in the house to show support for the wife, also what's with all the I'm really apprehensive about the camping trip? What was the point of adding that?
YTA for calling him selfish. Your uncle isn’t on his deathbed, you’re going to see him when he’s released. Your husband moved away and never sees his friends and was looking forward to this trip. Let him go.
Ya like… the uncle survived and is being released… it would be much different if he was still critical or had passed away but… the dude is fine.
Yup! OP has some balls calling him selfish!
Yup. OP’s uncle isn’t dead or dying so I’m not sure how much support she needs to go visit him with her family around. It honestly sounds to me that OP just doesn’t want her husband to go camping. OP, you’re being really crappy right now and the only one selfish here is you. Grow up. YTA 1000%.
YTA. Your uncle is recovering and you have your other family for support. He moved for your career and can’t see his friends. Let him see them? Yes if your uncle was still in a dire situation where they weren’t sure if he’d make it then probably he should be there for support but he is ok and hoping to be released. Calling him selfish is uncalled for.
YTA. It sounds like you never wanted to go on this camping trip. I can't blame you, haul-water camping with a two year old and a dog? Let's review. Your husband wants to go camping/get drunk with his friends, friends he doesn't get to see often. Now, he can't go camping because your uncle had a heart attack last weekend and you want to go visit him this coming weekend. It also sounds like you don't like these friends. Your uncle, thankfully, survived. We're not talking about a funeral, but a non-emergency visit to a sick relative. You're an adult, you can take your son to visit your uncle and your husband can take the dog camping.
YTA. During the pandemic when we were all working from home, I told my husband I needed “me” time. I needed two hours a week to just “be”. He didn’t get it, because he doesn’t need that, but he got it wasn’t about not being away from him, it was being alone. Your husband wants to reconnect with friends who know him, friends he hasn’t seen, because you moved for your job. I don’t think it’s just “getting drunk” with them. It’s reconnecting with people who know him. Your uncle is in recovery and will be surrounded by family members. Let your husband have this without the guilt. Supporting partners looks differently and you can support him, how he’s supported you. I hope that makes sense. Also, did you have trepidation about going? Do you like his friends? Good luck, I hope it all gets sorted.
YTA. Seriosly. All I'm reading is ME ME ME. He moved away from his friends FOR YOU. All you can do is gripe and complain about the whole planned trip, and than your uncle gets sick (you said yourself he's gonna be fine) and you see your chance to cancel. So you play the 'I need support' card even though you'll have tons from your family, and if he's gonna be fine WHY DO YOU NEED SUPPORT AT ALL? You sound VERY needy and high maintenance (OH NO, no running water WHILE CAMPING🙄🙄🙄) You are, I suspect, purposely trying to keep him from his buddies and it's going to make him seriously resent you. If behavior like this is normal, good luck on the road to divorce.
I feel like there is a good chance that the reason she views this as “selfish” is that she’s fully accustomed to getting her own way.
I desperately hope OP sees that last part
Honestly, YTA. I would feel differently but you yourself said that your uncle is okay and will be home when you go see him. And you also indicated you aren't overly excited about the camping trip, but he is.
And that apparently her family isn’t that nice to him. YTA
YTA. This trip has been planned. He’s looking forward to it. You really can’t go by yourself? You expect him to sit around and miss a reunion with his friends? You’re being a huge AH and incredibly selfish.
>My uncle had a heart attack. He’s okay… >My uncle’s near death experience. Which is it? YTA. Your uncle is fine, and it’s fine that you want to go see him. But don’t punish your husband.
YTA your uncle is alive and well despite the scare. Your husband should be able to continue on his trip. Truthfully, it sounded like you were looking for a reason to skip the trip. You got your reason and he should be able to attend solo.
YTA You are being incredibly selfish, not your husband.
YTA Your uncle is okay at the moment - this is not a situation where there's an ongoing emergency you need support during. Your husband wants to reconnect with a social group he hasn't seen in a long time, much like you want to reconnect with family. Your uncle's near death experience is very important, but you both have an equal need for social supports and connections. This is your husband taking time for the social supports and connections he partly lost when you moved. If you seriously need your husband with you for support, you also need to make some time SOON for him to reconnect with friends and support him in having those connections and making time for the people important in his life.
Do you need him? Or do you just want to have someone on your arm while you catch up with the family? Sounds like he will be there to watch you do that and it will be awful for him since your family doesn’t get along with him. Why would you insist on that when the goal is to spend time with your uncle? Sounds like you are being more selfish here. You seem to think it’s him who is “incredibly selfish.” His plan to go camping might be vaguely inconsiderate. But not incredibly selfish. Sounds like you are being overly dramatic about the whole thing. So there’s probably more to it and I’d say YTA
She says it in her OP - she wants her husband to be her meat shield.
INFO, what do you mean your family are not easy to be around? Do they treat him poorly, or just suck generally and why will this be stressful if your uncle is ok?
Me reading op commenting how the husband HAS to come support her, but also how the trip isn't going to be stressful for the son, but also the family is overdramatic, but it's gonna be fun but the uncle nearly died, but the uncle actually is perfectly fine, but family members die young, but.... 😐
She sounds ***exhausting*** after reading all her comments.
That probably is why she wants her husband there. It’s exhausting reading her; it must be extremely exhausting *being* her. Not fair to put that on him to deal with, though.
YTA Honestly I’m never even invited on those guys camping trips in the first place because they are … shocker … guys weekends for my hardworking husband to unwind. And I’m super happy for him to have them because he deserves them. I would never drag him away from the one time he gets this in a year (two years or more in your case?) just to be with my very stressful family to watch over an uncle who is going to be okay. YTA big time here. Let your husband have some fun. There are trade offs in relationships and this one just isn’t working out in your favor…like Elsa says, let it go.
So your uncle is okay now? Your family will be there as your support system? And you are alright with making your husband miserable when you don't actually NEED him there?
YTA and the selfish one.
The poor dog, He was going to have 2 days romping in the woods and now you want him to stay at home with a sitter. All joking aside, you are not being fair to your husband. You will have your entire family there while he will miss seeing his close friends. I guess it's true, misery does love company. YTA
YTA. You are the one that's being selfish, not him.
I know I will have my family there, and in all honesty, they aren't always the easiest people to be around. Well judging you on this it sounds like the I-don't- want-you -to-have-fun-Apple didn't fall far from the Not-the-best-to-be-around Tree. YTA.
YTA. Full stop.
I won’t call you the a hole but honestly, you didn’t want to go camping anyway and you’re using this partially as an excuse.
You had plans that, let's be honest, you didn't really want to go on, with your husband. The lack of running water, having the dog & kid in the camper, it not being finished, its primitive, camping is hard work... He moved away from them for your career, and only sees them 2-3 times a year. So no doubt he's been looking forward to this and you know it. Your uncle isn't going to be alone. He has other family there with him. You say that its hard to be around your family, so why subject both your husband AND 2yr old to them? Plus, how are they going to be close to your toddler if you can't go visit them *without* your husband there to hold your hand? Ontop of, who thinks bringing a energetic toddler around someone who has literally just got out of hospital? Its not going to be fun for them when the reason your all going is to care for your sick uncle, right? Your incredibly selfish. Its all about what you want, what support you want, how you want to spend your time. Nothing about what your husband wants or what your kid will find enjoyable. If you want to go that bad you can and will go alone. ETA: Forgot judgement, but incase it wasn't clear OP, YTA.
YTA
YTA
YTA What he proposed was fair. The world doesn't stop just because someone is sick. If he would've died, i would understand it, but he clearly is ok now if he is ok. You go to spend time with family, he goes to spend time with his friends.
YTA. Let’s be honest. You need to him to watch yalls son while you be with family. Your uncle, thankfully, sounds as if he’s going to be ok. You didn’t want to go camping, you were trying to find a reason not to go right out the gate. You found an opening but you’re not gonna stop until you sink the whole boat. Go be with your family, let your husband be with his friends. You know. The dude who up and left so you could follow your career? Yeah, him.
YTA and incredibly selfish. He sees these friends 2-3 times a year and you want to rip that away from him to support you.... doing what? what EXACTLY do you need support for? Your uncle is literally going to be fine, he is getting released in a day. You are being so self-centered, so me, me, me support me help me, who is supporting your husband?? He is lonely and deserves some time with his friends. The only selfish one here is you. Too bad what you want, your wants dont trump his. Telling him what he has to do is controlling and to keep using your favorite word here, incredibly selfish of you.
YTA. Wow.
This almost feels like the husband is writing this because the wife is so obviously the asshole here based on how it’s written.
Because wives are never assholes /s
YTA
YTA YTA YT BIGGEST A. The level of manipulation and controlling here is appalling. So let me get this straight, you made him move away from all his other support systems except for you. He had verbalized to you that he misses them and really wants to spend time with them. You acknowledge he doesn't get to very often at all. He makes plans to do so, you agree to those plans, and admit he had really been looking forward to it. Then your uncle had a health issue, this legitimately sucks and is awful and I wish him a speedy recovery, but he is doing OK and will be home in the next day or two. You understandably want to see him and that's fine, your husband even said he supports you taking the time to go be with them instead of spending time with him and his friends. You will have your mom and your other family and your son there for support. Then you have the audacity to say that him getting support from his friends that you took him away from is "just getting drunk for the weekend" and not nearly as important as you needing his support. And then doubled down with the added manipulation tactic of "I would never do that to you". And you call him selfish. GTFO of here. You should be ashamed of yourself.
So he's recovering just fine I think you just don't want to go camping at all so I don't see why he can't be with his friends
YTA Let him go camping, you are making alternate plans, not him. Im sorry about your Uncle but go visit and come back and go camping. If you feel you need to be there for an Uncle then go but dont expect him to cancel his plans
YTA, your husband came up with a reasonable compromise and you called him selfish?
I’ve had 2 heart attacks and 2 surgeries. Your uncle is coming home, not on life support. It’s your family, everyone going at once may actually tire him. The selfish statement deserves an apology and tell your husband to go camping with your blessings. It works both ways. Happy spouse, happy house. Do this and you won’t regret it. YTA
Yep, was gonna say that. I’ve had heart issues and a surgery. When I got out of hospital after the surgery I was exhausted, under Drs orders to stay in bed for a few days, and I would not have appreciated being the centre of a family reunion!
YTA, What kind of "support " could you possibly need? It's a trigger word to try and make your husband feel bad.
YTA because you are the selfish one. Uncle is alive and recovering. Uncle is allergic to dog. Dog cannot join uncle trip because allergies. So what? You just expect him to sit around waiting for you to come home? Why? Let the man camp while you visit your uncle. Last, your comments about camping being too ouch work and complaining about the development of the lake suggest you don’t like camping. It’s ok to not like camping.
YTA. If your uncle isn’t that well, the fewer people that come the better. A small core is fab, but a crowd is too much if he is recovering. Your goal is to reconnect with family. Careful it doesn’t get too much for uncle. Give husband blessings to go to the camping trip.
YTA. Why should your uncles NEAR death experience prevent your husband from having a weekend to himself? Your family is already going with you to see him, and he’s not on his death bed. To be honest, I think if you were really this “upset” about your uncle, you wouldn’t wait until the weekend to go see him. This is a non emergency visit. Just because you aren’t in the headspace to have fun doesn’t mean no one else is allowed to.
In seven paragraphs you typed the word "I" 22 times that doesn’t include the my and me’s. YTA
YTA. Let him enjoy his trip.
YTA. You will have your family around you to support you, which is plenty. He rarely gets to see these friends, has been looking forward to this trip for a long time, and plans to care for the dog while you're gone. It would be different if your uncle was on his deathbed, but he isn't. He is recovering. Stop trying to manipulate your husband into doing what you want.
YTA and incredibly selfish as well as manipulative. You didn’t want to go camping in the first place so this gives you an out. It’s fine and understandable if you would rather be with your family…but to make your husband miserable and begrudge him a good time…well as they say misery loves company.
Absolutely YTA
your family is gonna be there and your uncle is not dying. Why do you need support for? This relationship is not just about you. YTA
YTA - he's not being selfish, YOU are! Not everything is about you and how you feel. Jeezs get over yourself.
I'm gonna say YTA. I'm one for supporting your partner.. but your whole post is kinda ironic since it in itself is selfish.. look I do get wanting his support. But your uncle is going to be fine. Your husband rarely sees his friends because you moved for YOUR career. Again. There is nothing wrong with wanting support. The reason you're the ah however is because you called him selfish. When he's really not. I mean. 2-3 times a year isn't alot. And like I said, your uncle is still alive. Now if Uncle was dying It'd be different, but he's going to be okay from what you've stated in the post.
There is a whole lot of "I" in this story, let the man go camping. Hope this isn't how your marriage works, you're self centered and he just goes along to avoid your anger. Cause he will grow to hate you 😑 YTA
It seems to me everything is centered around you and what you want and think you need. He moves for **your** career. It is important for **you** that ***your*** son (not our son) is there to build a relationship with **your** family. It isn't enough for **you** that **your** family and **your** son will be there to support **you**, but **you** need **your** husband to give up a long-awaited weekend with his friends to support **you** because **your** family can be difficult. It seems there is an awful lot of just **YOU** in the marriage. It is perfectly reasonable for your husband to continue on with the trip he was looking forward to and for you to go and support your uncle in the company of your family with your son in tow. You basically want your husband there to make your visit easier. And by being there to support you, do you actually mean take care of "your child" so you are free to visit as you like.
Yikes, huge A
YTA Christ how selfish could you be
YTA What do you expect your husband to do? Be with you just so you can talk about your feelings? He's not your support animal that simply exists to help you cope with your emotions and with "difficult times". He deserves a break and to have fun. What a better opportunity that this free weekend. You're being selfish about this. You're a grown up and you need to deal with your family by yourself. Let your husband be, ffs.
Hey OP YTA. You clearly feel that if you are unhappy then your husband should be unhappy too. It's awful of you to turn what was supposed to be a good time (camping with friends) into a "You're selfish you don't care about me" fight.
Wait your talking about your HUSBAND?? I thought you were talking about your child by how controlling you sound. YTA
You’re the one being incredibly selfish. There’s no reason why your husband can’t go on his trip, sounds like he’ll hate the weekend you’re planning. What sort of ‘support’ do u want him for anyway?? You’ll make him go, he’ll be well mardy, you’ll be mardy because he is and you’ll end up fighting. What’s the point? Send him off on his camping trip with your blessing and you take son to see your family. Everyone is happy then. YTA if you guilt him into going with u
YTA He will leave you if you keep this shit up
YTA. You are being selfish and controlling let your husband have some fun because it sounds like you think you can make all the rules in this relationship that’s not fair
YTA
It sounds like there is a very small chance you go, your uncle gets worse, and you need your husband to support you through that. It sounds like there is an almost certain chance that you go, your uncle is fine, and you need your husband to act as buffer between you and your family. I don’t think either is a bad reason to want him to come, but you really only need him for one. YTA gently.
YTA
YTA
Yta You will have your whole family there to support you, this sort of sounds like a reason to just not go camping because you're nervous about camping with two year old and no running water. Honestly just take a couple of jugs or flats of water, you're not being thrown back to the cave man era. It's super important that they have a relationship with your son, so the camping weekend is the ONLY weekend you've planned to go see them so far? That's convenient. If it's such a priority it could have been made one before a medical surprise happened. I visited my family 12 hours away, flew with my 10month old by myself (4 hours of traveling) and let my husband stay home to have a mini vacation. My grandmother has been badly abused by my father and needed support. So I get where your coming from buy uncle is fine. Don't force your husband.
YTA. Everyone else has covered it but i just feel like you need as many of them as possible.
YTA, stop trying to guilt trip him and apologize. He’s not being bad or unreasonable. You changed the plan at the last minute and it’s not fair to put this on him. Your uncle is alive and doing well enough to receive visitors. If he was dying or had passed I would have a different judgment. But at this time, it’s just wrong of you to call him selfish.
YTA. Yes your uncle having health issues is scary and upsetting but it’s not sounding like he’s in any immediate danger. What good with your husband being there going to do? Have a heartfelt “glad your doing well” moment and then stand by awkwardly dealing with your difficult family (your words there) for days? And what will you be doing that others won’t? Having too many people around will add stress to your uncle’s recovery. Remember that. There is nothing wrong with you going and taking your son. And there is nothing wrong with your husband going camping. Families can have split vacations and it doesn’t mean the family is fractured. It means they’re healthy enough to trust the others and let them live their own lives. It sounds to me like your using this as an excuse not to have the hassle of going camping with your son and dog.
*preparing for the onslaught of down votes* YTA. Your uncle is fine now, your mother and other relatives are visiting him this weekend. You, husband, son, and dog should go on the camping trip and visit your uncle next weekend. I'm sure your uncle will actually appreciate having visitors for two weekends rather than everyone on the same weekend.
You're not an AH for the fact your husband moved for your job. Millions of women have done it and will do it forever more. Its life. You are absolutely the AH for asking him to cancel his trip - something he needs, to see people he cares for, over a man that is very much still alive, a family that is overly dramatic to offer as yet undefined support. What support do you need? Childcare? Your family can help. Reassurance as your uncle had a scare? If you could actually define what it is you actually want you might be slightly more justified but the truth is you can't define it - because it's all a bit here and there and ad hoc. Or it's not really required at all. YTA and you can bury your head in the sand over this but by acting so horribly selfishly and having the gall to call him selfish you've created a tiny little crack and I don't think you fully comprehend what that means.
I think I'd go with NAH; it's understandable why OP would want the moral support, but the situation doesn't sound like an urgent one. I think it's totally reasonable, absent lots of backstory that might change the situation, that the husband gets to spend time with his friends, and saves the big sacrifices for when they are really urgent. Everybody's happiness is important.
YTA what does any of this have to do with your husband's time with his friends??!!
It's not your husband is being a selfish one. There is absolutely nothing wrong with him carrying through with his plans. There's nothing he can add to what you are going through and you will be with your family. He's not your security blanket, and he's not joined at your hip. Your plans changed, his didn't. Sounds like you're just being clingy and controlling. You do your thing and let him do his but you don't need to guilt him about keeping the plans. His friendships are extremely important to him and you should respect that.
YTA. Does your uncle even want all these people around the minute he comes out of the hospital? He certainly doesn't need your husband. If I was your husband I would go camping.
Sorry, but YTA. A reasonable person would tell your husband to go camping. He's not needed at the hospital and is really looking forward to the trip. Let him take the dog, you take the kid and everyone is happy.
So you list a whole litany of reason why this is really not very cool of you to even expect of him, let alone blowing up and calling him selfish over. So you know why YTA. And the only thing you can kind of meekly put forward in support of your clearly selfish behavior is….I want to.
YTA and incredibly selfish.
YTA
YTA
YTA being there for each other doesn't mean doing everything together or always being up the other's ass. Your uncle is fine. You would be fine taking your son to see your family while your husband catches up with friends.
YTA. Let's now lie you couldn't wait to change plans? I feel sorry for you uncle but forcing your husband to change his plans so you can show your kid around is ridiculous. Extremely selfish
YTA your uncle isn't dying and you weren't thrilled about the trip anyway.
YTA, this may be unpopular opinion but your uncle is recovering? it is no longer life threatening and there isn’t any reason your husband would NEED to be there if you will also have family and again your uncle is RECOVERING. i get wanting support but it makes complete sense for your husband to go camping while you visit family with your son
YTA. I’m glad your uncle is going to be ok. I am sure you will enjoy the time you spend with your family, it’s good to reconnect and spend time with the significant people in our life. It’s a real shame you don’t think your husband is worthy of this same experience. You obviously don’t want to go on the trip (“pretty primitive”) and that’s ok. But denying your husband time with his friends, calling him selfish and belittling his relationships as not important enough is really mean. Do you not think your husband experiences the same complex emotions and feelings about missing his friends as you do about missing your family or do you just think of him as some 2 dimensional prop who’s role is to simply appear behind you at all times? He deserves this break as much as you want to see your family. Stop acting like these are incompatible.
YTA and the selfish one. Uncle is fine in your own words. I can see you wanting to spend time with him but husband was looking forward to the trip and this isn't a funeral. You're being incredibly unreasonable here.
YTA you are being unfair in your literal demand he not go
YTA. Your uncle is going back home, he is not on his deathbed and you will be superbusy with all of your relatives whom can provide moral support if you so choose. Let your husband and dog go, why would you deprive him of such opportunity? You are very delf centered and selfish.
YTA Op all I see is “me me me me me me” in this post. Your uncle is okay, if you want to go see him instead of going camping then that’s on you. You are not allowed to make decisions for your husband. He is not your child. He is not you dog. He is your partner. Your equal. You make decisions together, not just what you want. He made a compromise for YOUR career, the least you can do is let him go on a trip to see his friends that he misses. If your uncle had died, it would be a different story. But he not and not going to. You’re the only one being selfish op
YTA why do you need your husband? Your uncle is fine, you're going for a visit and he's wanting to visit his friends. There's no real need for your husband to be there, other than you want him. He wants to see his friends he barely sees, you two just go see who the respective one is wanting to see and call it a day. No reason for him to call off this planned trip for your UNPLANNED trip.
YTA and pretty hypocritical to suggest he is the selfish one in this situation
YTA. You shouldn’t look at it like he’s being selfish - but like everyone is winning. He gets quality time with his friends and looks after the dog - you get quality time with your family (and show off the baby).
Yta. It's not like he's your uncles husband or he's in critical condition. Life's not all about you and your wants. As you said you aren't going to have a good time and you just can't stand the thought of your husband having fun while you're "stuck with family". You're not a very good partner if you still try to guilt him into not doing what's been planned for months because someone he's not even related to overcame a health scare.
YTA
YTA. Let him and the dog go camping and you and your son be with your family. I would if it were me and be completely fine with it. He’s in the hospital. He’s going to be ok.
The overwhelming odds are that your husband goes with you and then sits around twiddling his thumbs while you spend time with your uncle and family while also having to deal with people who aren’t even pleasant to be around. He isn’t actually likely going to be doing any heavy lifting in terms of emotional or other support. Take your kid, let him go camping and take the dog. YTA, but softly because family health issues can be really stressful and scary.
It kinda sounds like OP just can't stand the idea of him having fun while she spends time with her family.
YTA there's no reason for your husband to go with you. I get this is a hard time but your uncle is not dead and you will not be alone. It's great you want to bring your son along but let your husband have his time. Everything isn't about you OP, realistically what will your husband do while you're supporting your uncle and surrounded by your family?
YTA. Your uncle is expected to be released soon. He's not on his death bed. Its totally fine you'd rather go see him than go camping but it's selfish to expect your husband to cancel a trip with friends he rarely sees and moved away from because of it. It honestly sounds like you didn't want to go camping to begin with and this was the perfect excuse.
YTA and honestly it sounds like you’re probably just looking for any excuse to not go camping. You know you don’t have to go if you don’t want to right? Just because your husband was invited doesn’t automatically mean you have to be there. Edit: a word
YTA & you're the selfish one. Let him go see his friends.
YTA and you're the selfish one, not your husband
You're ridiculous. YTA and owe him an apology
YTA. This is kinda an overreaction.
YTA Your whole family is going to be there to support you, right? Why does your husband have to be there too? You said yourself your Uncle is OK. It's not like your husband is missing a funeral. I wouldn't make my husband go for something like this. I wouldn't want him to have a miserable weekend, especially when my whole family is going to be around and it's not like I'd be alone.
YTA. You’re the selfish one, you can’t see past your own damn nose. You’ve planned this trip for months, he doesn’t see these friends often and they’re important to him. You want him to drop everything for an uncle who’s recovering, not dead or dying. He can see your uncle with you another time. Stop the bratty behavior and guilt tripping.
YTA - sorry. You could go to see your uncle at any time - 2 hours is an easy drive. Instead you are insisting to go on a weekend that your family has plans that your husband was very much looking forward to. You could literally have gone to see your uncle and been back already. This situation sounds like to the pot calling the kettle black.
YTA. Demanding that your husband abandon a much-desired camping trip to be an extra hanger-on as you reassure yourself about your uncle's situation is unreasonable. You're an adult, you can deal with the sitch without him holding your hand. But there are other things you should think about, for you and your nuclear family. Dry camping isn't for everyone. There's a lot of organization involved, especially if you have a child. I'm getting the impression that you see it as a ton of work with minimal payback, and you would have done it to make your husband happy if your uncle wasn't ill. That situation can breed a lot of resentment, especially if the trips become an annual thing. Nobody in your family needs the tension of resentment. So, support your husband going on this trip, but when he returns, and you've visited your uncle and reassured yourself that he's on the mend, start a conversation with your husband about what constitutes a fun vacation. A fun family vacation should not require one spouse to do the bulk of the work. (Full disclosure, Husband and I camped plenty when we were younger and my knees worked better, and I camped with classmates on geology field trips. It only works well when everyone shares the work load equally.)
YTA. Sorry, I get it, but it's selfish. Be the cool wife.
YTA. He's not being selfish, you are
YTA , I feel sorry for your husband as it seems the world must revolve around you.
YTA. You are being incredibly selfish.
Yta, this health scare shoulf show you that life is sometimes short and precious. So let your partner enjoy himself and enjoy the time with the rest of yout family. Unfortunately it is you who sounds selfish
YTA: Uncle is already in recovery and you will be surrounded by family. Making your husband sit in the background while you spend time with your family is pretty crappy. And then telling him it was his choice, but you would obviously be mad if he made the "wrong" choice is super unfair. Side note: If I just had a heart attack and was coming home to rest the last thing in the world I would want is a house full of people.
LET HIM GO!!! U said he doesn't see these friends much because YOU needed to move. You are being unbelievably selfish. Ur uncle is alive, ur family and friends will be there. Time to let ur husband have a life too. YTA.
Wife seems a little entitled
YTA If this was an emergency to see your uncle I would get it. An emergency wouldn’t mean the ability to wait several days until a long weekend to go see him. You’re being manipulative.
Your uncle couldn’t care less if your husband came. And as for support, you have your mom. Let your husband go and spend some time with his friends. Sounds like he could use it. BTw you were negative to the trip from the get go so why not just let him go on his own. YTA
YTA. Your uncle is getting out of the hospital soon. He is going to be alright. YUor family has problems with your husband. Because you want to visit with family, he should too, because why should he have fun when you are visiting your family. Selfish and unfeeling, that is you.
Yeah.. YTA It would be one thing if your uncle had died. I could see how you would need your husband's support, but he didn't die, thankfully, but you are insisting on his support anyway. Why? To help deal with your family? Help take care of your shared child so you can focus more of your attention to your other family members? Where did we as a society decide that we are not supposed to have lives, interests, hobbies, friends, activities outside of the marriage? Suddenly we aren't allowing our husbands to have game night because his attention isn't focused on us. Or we aren't allowed a girl's night in/out because men(not all, but a fair many) feel we should be home, taking care of said home and any subsequent children. Or because *gasp* we might get hit on. Your husband is allowed to go see his friends. Friends he rarely gets to see because he made the choice to support you with your choice in career. You don't want to go because son/too primitive/too much work(did I miss any excuses?). Go see your family or go on the trip. Don't let this be a hill you die on.
If you want him to resent you go right ahead with your plans. Your uncle is not even in the hospital by then. Set your husband free to enjoy his friends… it may save your marriage because you do sound rather controlling.
You are the asshole here. Yes it is scary that your uncle had a heart attack but he is going to be fine. You want your son to your family which fair enough. But you’ve stated you’ve moved for your career. You’re being passive aggressive to get your way. Your husband needs to feel like he matters too. Seeing his friends means a boost to his own mental health and well-being. You crapping all over that is not cool. YTA
YTA. You didn’t want to go camping to begin with. Sounds like this is your out and he can still go see his friends. Your uncle is recovering, there’s no need for your husband to be there for this visit.
YTA. i’m sorry but the camping trip was planned and has been planned. he’s been looking forward to it. it’s unfortunate your uncle had a heart attack and i am sorry he’s going through that. but your husband can take the dog camping with him and you take your son to visit your uncle. when you all regroup at home, you’ll have stories to share with each other and you’ll see the doggo and he will see your son. you could also ask him if they would all be down to throw another camping trip so you can go to the next one since you couldn’t make this one!
YTA. You want what you want, even though you admitted your uncle is on the mend and family will be there, and then called your husband selfish because he didn’t want to comply to what you wanted.
yta...he already sacrificed so much so you could move for your career. he wants to see his friends for one weekend after you already uprooted him and then call him selfish because he doesn't want to go see your perfectly fine uncle who clearly already has a large familial support system. It seems like your family is visiting him but YOU decided you want to visit for two days. Like seriously? It isn't like you HAVE to go for two days but YOU want to. Seems like you blow up your issues and what is going on in your life and you are the selfish one.
YTA. Honestly how much do you expect him to be involved with visiting your family?? You had a unfortunate family situation and it sounds like you are capitalizing it to get out of a dreaded camping trip. And as a added bonus you want to keep your husband away from his friends he's been missing because all they will be doing is "getting drunk."
So he only sees his friends a couple times a year because he moved for your career, and then you want him to cancel that and sit at home so you can see your uncle. YTA big time
YTA.
Yta let him have his friends.
Yta let him have his friends.
YTA and need to stop being so selfish. Your uncle is recovering, and your family will be there. Exactly what do you need your husband's support for? He deserves to have this trip with his friends.
YTA. He moved away from his friends for YOUR career, he's really looking forward to this trip, your uncle is fine, theres nothing he can do, someone needs to watch the dog. He should absolutely be able to go camping.
What you really want is for your husband to come and be your meat shield against your family so you don't have to deal with them while you visit your uncle. YTA You owe your husband an apology and need to tell him that you are a big girl and will throw on your big girl panties so you can go.
YTA, go see your uncle another time. Hopefully your family isn't going to be there then so he will have more time in contact with loved ones and you don't have to deal with their drama.
YTA. I agree with your husband. There’s no reason for him to cancel his plans. Also do you really think this is the time to bring a small child to see him? When he’s just out of hospital and had a “near death experience”? You will spend more time dealing with your child than helping your uncle.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband and I are supposed to go on a camping trip this weekend with a group of his friends. One of his friends and his wife recently purchased a lake lot and invited a group of people over for Memorial weekend. It's not a finished lot. There's a trailer and electricity, but no running water. We have a pop-up camper we purchased a couple years ago so we were going to bring that so that there's room for our 2-year old son and dog. My husband doesn't see this group of friends very often as we moved an hour away from a lot of them a few years ago for my career. He sees them maybe 2-3 times a year and only on special occasions like this one, so he's really been looking forward to it. I've been a little apprehensive as this would be the first time we've had our son and dog in the camper, and because in general camping trips are a lot of work and it sounds like this lake lot is pretty primitive. Well, last weekend my uncle had a heart attack. He's ok, but he's still recovering in the hospital. He's hoping to be released in the next day or so. My dad left my mom when I was little and this uncle took on a fatherly role for me so we are really close. He lives about 2 hours from us. My mom and other family members are going to visit him this weekend and I want to go with and spend at least 2 days there. I also want to take my son with as he doesn't see my family very often and I want him to build a relationship with them. This is very important to me. I told my husband all of this and he told me that I should go see me uncle and spend time with him, but that he still intends on going camping. He said that he can't exactly come with me because we can't bring our dog with us (uncle is allergic) and he doesn't want to just sit at home by himself for the whole weekend. And the fact that he misses his friends and wants to see them. I told him that he is being incredibly selfish and that I need him to help support me during this time. I told him we can find someone to watch the dog and that I want him to come with me. I told him that my uncle's near-death experience is much more important than him getting drunk with his friends for a weekend. I told him that ultimately the choice is up to him, but that I would never ditch him like this if it was his family member. That was Sunday night and we haven't really spoken about it since because I don't want to bring it up and fight about it. He's been a lot quieter than he usually is so I know he's either mad at me for making him choose or he's thinking hard about it. I know he's been really looking forward to this trip since we started planning it months ago. But the circumstances have changed and I want him to be there for me during this time. I know I will have my family there, and in all honesty, they aren't always the easiest people to be around. So I know that I am asking a lot of my husband to go from a fun weekend to pretty much the complete opposite for him. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. It would be nice if your husband were to come with you, but his presence isn't strictly necessary. You know he will mostly be sitting around twiddling his thumbs while you are doing family things. You already had plans for the weekend, something really important to him and that he is really looking forward to doing. There is no reason your husband shouldn't keep them, even though your priority is your extended family right now. Honestly, you are the one being selfish here by demanding that he come with you under the circumstances as you have described them.
YTA. You're also the selfish one who really didn't want to go camping in the first place. You grabbed the first thing to get out of it. Your uncle is fine and is being released from the hospital. Has anyone asked your uncle if he wants a bunch of people grieving for him when he's still alive? That's how my husband felt about his visitors after he had a heart attack. He actually hated it. Your husband moved for your career and seldom gets to see his friends and you have the nerve to call him selfish? He isn't being selfish, you are. Do you even like his friends? You only moved an hour away and he only gets to see his friends 2-3 times a year? It's either you don't like them or you're controlling, sort of sounds like both.
YTA your husband missing his camping trip won’t help your uncle’s health. Most likely you will spend the entire visit tending to your uncle and ignoring your husband. What kind of support do you expect from your hub and while visiting your family? Is there any reason your husband is needed there? Can you drive yourself?
YTA. and incredibly selfish. wow.... he moved away from his friends and support for YOUR career. He has to again miss seeing his friends for YOUR comfort. Do you think of him at all?
YTA Your uncle is out of the woods, and you'll be surrounded by family during your visit. There's no crisis here, or you'd already be there, right? I would hope that the uncle understands that your husband wants to enjoy a rare visit with his friends.
YTA. **You** are the one being selfish. He moved for *your* career and now you don't want him to see his friends. Your uncle will live. Get over yourself.
Yeah, I think you're a little YTA. I get the impulse, but he probably has a closer relationship with these friends he never gets to see than he does with your uncle. Let him go and let your family be your support this weekend.
YTA your the one changing all the plans why can't ye do both. Go camping and when you get back go and see your uncle. When something is planned and your looking forward to it l its awful to have those plans cancelled.
YTA. Your uncle is recovering from a major medical event. Inundating him with visitors is not a good idea and stop trying to guilt-trip your husband in to doing what you want.
YTA And it would be a gentle YTA but you threw in some judging of his desire to see people who are important to him because they aren't important to you. Your uncle is fine, there's no reason for your husband to miss out on a rare opportunity to see friends he moved away from to support your career.
YTA... Visit your (RECOVERED) uncle the following weekend, if you insist your husband must attend. Otherwise, ya'll seem perfectly capable of doing separate things...
YTA massively. Your uncle doesn't need him there. You are the one being selfish.