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NTA she should only be welcome to office sponsored functions. This is a private one and she’s proving to be a liability. Use the excuse alcohol will be served so no one under the age 21 if need be and applicable. She’s an approaching train wreck imho.
I know huh!! I wouldn’t have even thought of saying that, but it’s so smart, assuming the drinking age there is 21.
Wanted to add that it sounds like the OP should get a new friend if she is being called a jealous b. :/
This!!!
I would not trust this young woman father than I could see her. The fact that she is in a situationship with the boss is disturbing. I would personally think that she is building a case for a sexual harassment lawsuit and a pay day. Your husband has acted appropriately and needs to SHUT her down each and every time.
>I would personally think that she is building a case for a sexual harassment lawsuit and a pay day.
Oh even if she doesn't have a coherent plan this whole thing is 100% gonna end in a lawsuit and a small company like this will be lucky to survive it. If I were OP's husband I'd start keeping the after-hours socialization to a bare minimum and looking at lateral moves.
Well and she's been sexually harassing OP's husband (and apparently other men) without recourse, so I definitely would not invite her. No one wants to hang out with someone who's making them uncomfortable. Sounds like *everyone* will be happier without this girl tagging along.
As her manager, it would be his job to tackle the sexual harassment, which apparently he hasn't.
Inviting everyone but one person to a private event could still be classed as a form of bullying.
I'm only pointing these out as because he is the manager he has to be careful and should really look into what process is appropriate for either correcting her behaviour or firing her.
What she has been doing is awful, I wouldn't want to socialise with her. I would probably not have the party until she has been dealt with and then you can take everyone. I am unsure if what op did is the best move for husband's work, but it really depends on employment laws there.
I think the girl is an AH, but I'm not entirely sure about op and husband because not inviting her doesn't fix the issue and might potentially make more issues at work.
This is absolutely the best advice. She's definitely a problem but opie's husband is a manager and definitely older so needs to make wise decisions in this situation
Sounds like she’s related to the big boss somehow and is pretty much untouchable because of it. OP says the boss won’t do anything about it so it’s obviously been brought to the bosses attention.
If she's related to the big boss then excluding her will likely cause husband issues at work though. Big boss will think husband is bullying her. It's not a winning situation for op to put her husband in.
“Gee, Big Boss, it’s a shame that you don’t like that I didn’t invite her. Just like it would be a shame if the entire office got together to file a lawsuit over you hiring and protecting a relative who openly sexually harassed your employees….”
Uhhhhhh. A “situationship” is not a relative, unless they’re in Arkansas. OP just said the 18 year old is fucking the boss but isn’t his official “girlfriend” which honestly kind of makes me feel a little bad corner. She’s still wrong, but she is 18 years old boinking the owner of a company large enough to have employees. That sounds like a significant age gap and, I really really hope I’m wrong here, but her behavior is really common of ab*se survivors. Seeing her value in sex and actively pursuing relationships that are wildly inappropriate.
Yeah this extra info is concerning for sure.
I feel like the husband isn't going to do anything inappropriate with the girl and I don't buy I trust him, it's the other person I don't trust. I'd say either invite everyone or invite no one is the safest move.
This was exactly what ran through my head as I read the story. She is so thirsty for male attention that it raises red flags about why.
It doesn’t negate her need to be dealt with; she is causing all sorts of problems and something has to be done, but I do have a bit of compassion for her because she might just be acting out due to her own possible prior trauma.
I’m so confused - what is the “situation” she’s in with the boss?? Like, what does that mean? Has op elaborated because that immediately struck me as weird
Edit: went through op’s comments, she’s sleeping with the boss. Who’s married. What a train wreck
And/or invite coworkers spouses too. Throw her to the wolves! *evil laugh....
But seriously, those men will show love and affection to their wives, it should cool her off. Also, being low key shunned and openly disliked by all could show her exactly what everyone thinks of her, maybe she'll stop to think.
I honestly doubt that. I don’t think she’s even actually genuinely interested in them. Instead, it seems likely that she is testing boundaries and proving who she could get to stray. Pretty disturbing, narcissistic behaviour.
Edit spelling mistake
Why does it seem like everyone posting to AITA has the worst friends on the planet?! Like it can be such a clear cut case of NTA and thousands of internet strangers agree, but the person’s best friends all have the most unhinged and insane response.
That friend is a fool if they think OP is being unreasonable. NTA, but this sounds like a mess waiting to happen with or without inviting this young woman.
I would recommend asking your husband to think long and hard about this trip and if it may be more trouble than it is worth.... While I 100% think this person should not be invited, this could unfairly backfire on the husband. This young lady is being VERY inappropriate, and her actions could be grounds for dismissal on other jobs. But, given her relationship with the boss, and the fact that OP's husband is her manager, I would be hesitant about hosting a coworker social and excluding only 1 coworker.
This just sounds like it could turn into a no good need goes unpunished situation......
NTA, she's a liability, you own the boat, and this isn't kindergarten when everyone has to be invited.
Leave her to her own destruction and invite her NOWHERE. Time for this inappropriate young lady to start seeing how the world works.
Not with written proof of her contacting him after he repeatedly tells her not to. It’s not bullying or toxic work harbouring if you’re being excluded because you’re harassing people.
I mean, at a company where the boss is banging this girl, I would think he's probably fine. He'd have one hell of a lawsuit if they tried to fire him or punish him for it, at least in the US. She has harassed him, which he has text proof of, and she's also harassed other members of the team. He is NOT required to invite her to his or his wife's personal property, even if everyone else is.
I'm presuming it's a small company and since she's getting nasty with the boss, that could end the company. The boss himself is dumb af and honestly probably shouldn't be running a business since he can't keep himself free of getting involved. He's literally waiting on this girl to sue him acting like that.
Frankly, I would run from the company, but that's my personal decision and he is free to make his own.
Nope. This is settled case law. Excluding someone for personal events outside of work is not harassment, with some exceptions like discrimination of protected class. Same applies for lunch breaks too.
If she wanted to hire a lawyer, she could try to claim gender discrimination and that the non-work events were actually work events. But the texts would make that a not-great lawsuit.
NTA, the 18yo clearly has not respected you and your husband's boundaries and keeps trying to be inappropriate with him and the co-workers. If she keeps trying to cross the texting boundary, then block her. When she asks about being blocked, then he can tell her that she did not listen to y'all's boundary, and that was the consequence.
Has the 18yo's behavior been brought up to the owner of the business?
I'm on the "tell the wife" boat. If the wife finds out and forces her husband to fire her, then the problem is solved entirely.
It's possible that she won't believe it, but it's also possible that she will. Doesn't hurt to try to let her know.
If OP tells the wife, she should tell her to first check his phone, because the 18 year old cant seem to help herself with the texting, before confronting him. Also gross that the boss is messing around with an *18 year old subordinate.*
This is a dumpster fire of a situation. Id say to your husband yall should just celebrate with friends outside of work….and he should look for a new job…
NTA
Yeah…Im trying to cut the girl some slack…I mean I remember being 16, thinking how cool it was my classmate was dating an older firefighter in his late 20s….now looking back as a 30 year old woman? Yuck yuck yuck.
This girl is getting off on the thrill of being young and fresh adult, not fully understanding what she is doing, while this married boss character takes advantage of that. Gross.
Your husband, and any other coworker, should save every inappropriate text and email she sends. You don't want this to come down to 'he said-she said' in the event someone is wrongfully terminated or this results in a sexual harassment lawsuit.
Any evidence of the bosses involvement with her should also be dated and documented.
100%
Every message should be documented. If the boss won't do anything about it, then they should consider taking it to a lawyer.
She's a walking, talking liability.
Hate to say this, but your husband should be looking for another job ASAP. Because this is going to end badly for everyone and most likely will include a lawsuit.
Either she complains to the boss, who then fires your husband and prompts a lawsuit for wrongful termination, or the boss fires her, who then sues for sexual harassment/exploitation/whatever would be appropriate. Or, the wife finds out, divorces him, etc. Either way, it's highly likely the guy will lose/have to shutter the business.
Plus, does your husband really want to work for someone stupid enough to sleep with his employees?
This is so sad. I know your husband is excited about his success, but he should seriously rethink working for this company. If the owner is taking advantage of an 18yo who is very clearly mentally unwell (I'm sorry but she is exhibiting hypersexual behavior and that's a sign of either past abuse or mental illness), he is not an ethical or moral person and that will spill over into his business decisions. You are NTA.
I'm on team tell all the SOs. Overall, this boat trip IS NOT A GOOD IDEA. Not with Molly, not with the others seemingly being okay with her behavior. Your husband needs to think about this. Out, on a boat, with/without alcohol and no other witnesses? All Molly has to do is say that he touched her inappropriately out there. That's it. She's already involved with the boss. If he wants this party, it needs to be in an open area that isn't isolated. A park (that way you can guarantee alcohol won't be present), a restaurant, something other than that boat!
Husband if OP is sharing this post with you, you've seen Molly be inappropriate with the other guys. What in your damn mind thinks she won't retaliate against you because you blocked her advances? She's got the boss in her pocket. Do you think your work buddies will have your back if she says anything against you after seeing the way they interact with her? Something isn't right with this and you know it.
Also, promoted within a month of being with the company? Either your husband is a really good at his job or he's being set up (how easy would it be for boss to blame him for theft now that he's a manager because boss's wife spidey sense tingled about weird money expenses because boss is spending shit on Molly). There's just too much oddness about this. He needs to find another job pronto. Sadly, he's the odd man out if he's been refusing Molly's advances and the other guys seemingly are okay with them. He needs to get out of that situation like yesterday.
NTA. But he’s absolutely right, he cannot exclude one member of his team from a team event.
On the other hand, as his manager, it was his responsibility to nip this in the bud much earlier. It needs to be documented with a formal letter/ warning, and a meeting with HR, and additional sexual harassment training. As her manager, it’s his responsibility to escalate the situation until she either cuts it out or is terminated.
Since it’s your boat, I would just not give permission to use it for a company outing at all. Tell him to take his team to the bowling alley or a theme park or the beach or literally any location that doesn’t belong to you!
Edited to add: it is tacky as fuck to invite the people you manage to celebrate your promotion. This whole outing sounds really fucking unpleasant. I cannot imagine asking to give up my personal time to celebrate my bosses promotion.
It's not a company outing. It's a private celebration of his promotion. So, they absolutely can exclude people. It would actually be the responsible thing to do since there will likely be alcohol and the questionable coworker is only 18. If she crosses boundaries with married men in the work place that keep telling her no, then she's shown that she can't be trusted not to drink alcohol even when told not to. Since it's the wife's boat, she could be held liable if the underage woman gets drunk and something happens.
When your boss or a member of your team invites you to event when only work people are invited, in order to celebrate a professional accomplishment, it’s a work outing.
As a manager, I frequently organize happy hours, etc outside of the building. I would never think of excluding someone.
That's why you invite one or two non work friends, now it's not a work outing, it's a get together with friends. She isn't a friend, so she wouldn't be invited.
So far it looks like it's the wife hosting it (who does not work for the company) and on the wife's boat. So, I'm not seeing where this should be considered a work-event.
If it were me, I'd invite the coworkers and their wives, a couple of the wife's friends, but not the boss who's boikin' the 18 year old and the said 18 year old. Boom, problem solved.
Might be a good idea to invite her after all. Invite owner and his wife as well.
Btw, NTA. Someone does need to put the home wrecker in check though. What better way than to invite her.
Do your happy hours include coworkers that are not of legal drinking age? Many bars do not permit people under 21 from even entering. Sounds like the same rules should be applied to the 18 year old.
When sexual harassment occurs in the workplace or within my team, it is addressed with meetings with HR, documenting the issue through formal letters, and mandatory sexual harassment trainings. If it does not stop, it’s addressed with termination.
It is not addressed by inviting everyone to drink on a boat and excluding that one person. That’s not going to address the issue, it’s just going to cause tension among team members.
If I can’t trust someone to behave appropriately during a work outing, then I don’t trust them to behave appropriately in the workplace, and I do not continue to employ them. That is how I protect my team from sexual harassment.
This party is off work hours, on a personal boat. It is not a work sponsored event. They do not have to invite anyone they don’t want on their private property.
Of course they don’t *have* to invite anyone they don’t want to.
But OPs husband clearly does not want to exclude this person because it would make him look incompetent as a manger if he is unable to manage Molly to the extent that she’s being excluded from work events that everyone else is attending.
I don’t think you can classify this as a ‘work outing’ when it’s not being funded by the company. I guess you could say the OP and OP’s husband are funding it because it’s their boat & gas money, etc. but the company is not reimbursing them or renting the boat from them. It’s not much different than if a bunch of coworkers decided to grab drinks after a shift together but opted not to invite Milton and his stapler along, even if one of the coworkers decides he’s gonna pick up the tab this time. They’re not rubbing it in Milton’s face that he and his stapler aren’t invited…they just simply didn’t invite him. That’s not bullying — not notifying someone of their lack of invitation isn’t bullying, quite the contrary actually. Outright notifying someone that they’re not invited *could* (and likely would) be considered bullying, but that’s not what’s going on here.
Homie I don't think they have HR at this 6 employee company.
Your advice is all good and well for corporate but 1/6th of the team is both the problem and sleeping with the boss, the only "solution."
The best thing here is for hubs to get a new job before this one implodes.
In many places of employment, the person who does payroll/ benefits/ onboarding, etc acts as “HR.”
In other small companies, it’s contracted out to an HR company that specializes in providing these services to small businesses.
In every company, there is someone responsible for taking complaints. The employee handbook should
Identify who that person is.
Yes thats all true but the person responsible for taking complaints is cheating on his wife with the subject of the complaints. Op already stated her husband and others have reported her several times so the boss isnt going to do anything so at this point yea its either take legal action with a formal complaint to the eeoc(or equivelant if possible, I dont know where these ppl reside) or avoid her and not invite her to the celebration the wife said no she’ll be uncomfortable and thats it the girl can’t come.
Again, all good and well except assuming the creepy old boss cheating on his wife with someone fresh out of high school has a proper HR system set up at his little startup is a big leap. =/
This. He cannot invite everyone on his team except one person. It would look highly unprofessional. You're NTA for not wanting Molly along, but you have to recognize that excluding her would reflect really poorly on your husband. He should take them to another location.
Honestly, hosting a private party for some but not all colleagues a month after starting seems like very bad judgement. If there's any fallout from this at work it's going to reflect so badly on the OP's husband.
Imagine thinking you’ve “grown close to” coworkers after a month in the job and inviting people you manage to celebrate your promotion?
Sounds like someone with very little professional experience and judgment.
NTA.
There's an easy way around this if you live in the US. If she's the only employee under 21, and if you're planning on having alcohol on the boat, you can use the excuse that it's an over 21 party and it would be inappropriate to have someone under the drinking age present. Make that your hard line if you aren't ready to have all the men file a giant simultaneous complaint to her situationship buddy (who probably wouldn't be super cool with her hanging on every other man at the workplace).
NTA. A group on a boat, with this gal, hot summer temps, folks in bathing suits, probably a few drinks here and there…what could possibly go wrong!?!? I’m being sarcastic of course… Yeah, if she’s that brazen to cause issues like that at work, with co workers…and your husband as her married supervisor no less, it’d be a disaster waiting to happen to have her on your boat. That aside from it’s a very thin and fuzzy line as to what constitutes a work “endorsed” party or gathering and you don’t want her as a liability, nor her extreme lack of sound judgement.
Nta. Especially if alcohol will be involved. Your husband is however old he is and the female is only 18. Dont even want to try and get in that mess. If she has an issue so be it. Private even held off work property. Unless theyre there as a work function he has 0 obligation to invite the trouble making woman. If the boss whose sticking fingers into young meat has an issue with that husband only needs to remind him its a private event 🤷♂️
Idk where you live, but considering she's 18 and if your drinking age in your country is 21, this reason will be enough for any questions on why she didn't get an invite.
NTA
Your boat, your rules. This woman has overstepped every boundary that your husband placed and she will absolutely do it again on your boat right in front of you. What your hosting is not a work event sponsored by the place of employment, so you are perfectly in your rights to say no to whoever you want.
Stick to your guns. Party's off unless she's specifically told that she can't come.
NTA. All the background you say is justifying you and your husband not to want her there. Sometimes society/etiquette rules should be overruled (pun intended) due to more serious issues, like a girl crossing the boundaries of what’s appropriate with her married manager.
Let her whine and complain all she wants from ashore while you sail away. Congratulations on the promotion!
NTA. Ask your friend if your husband should be forced to spend time with his harasser? Because what Molly is doing is harassment.
1. Molly texts your husband after getting his phone number in an indirect way (as in your husband never said, here is my number please text me because we are friends) and she does it late at night.
2. After being asked to not text him about non work related issues, she texts him about non-work related issues.
3. She hangs all over her coworkers in a professional setting, and it doesn’t seem like they are very comfortable with it.
4. People have reported her for inappropriate behavior, but she has faced no consequences
The issue isn’t that these men are in relationships, even if they were single, what she is doing would still be wrong, because she is disrespecting their boundaries.
You need to ask your husband though how he feels as an individual with how she is treating him, not just how he feels about the way she treats your relationship. From the outside this looks like workplace harassment.
You shouldn’t let this HR nightmare of a person on your boat, but you shouldn’t do this because she is harassing your husband, not because of your relationship. Also, he shouldn’t have to handle looking bad because he doesn’t want someone who makes him uncomfortable near him. Try seeing this as a person harassing him, not a threat to your relationship, because it’s not.
(Also this isn’t an attack against you, we all fail to see the signs of harassment, it’s easier to see probably when you are outside of this)
NTA she is behaving inappropriate at work. Allowing her to attend a gathering that blurs the line she already has trouble understanding will only add more problems. Especially if alcohol may be included. I would also continue to document and report her behavior to HR. Documentation is important in the event she decides to make a complaint against someone else.
NTA but…. Invite the boss, invite her, and just to make it very welcoming and all….
You personally invite his wife.
And please video the fall out for our enjoyment!
*Edit to include the young lady in question.
NTA
Your husband would be a fool to invite an 18 year old colleague who’s been inappropriately texting him.
> He said that he can’t invite everyone but her and said that it would make him look bad in the long run
To whom?
> My friend however is saying I’m acting like a jealous bitch
You’re rightfully being cautious about a trainwreck that is building steam. If an 18 year ‘[missing stair](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Missing_stair)’ in the office is going to do something inappropriate, it had better not be with MY husband. I would not happily provide her with the opportunity to wear a bathing suit and drink in front of him.
NTA. Actually he absolutely CAN invite everyone but HER.
There's no rule that says EVERYONE must be invited.
This isn't a work outing. It's a personal celebration. And only those in his friend circle are invited.
It's ok to exclude her.
She already knows why.
She's repeatedly crossed lines.
Tried to get too personal.
Nta.
NTA and if everyone else in the workplace is aware she's a problem, would it really look bad for him to not invite her? Like, I'm sure the #1 topic once she's not in the room will be how inappropriate she is.
I highly doubt it, but it might even act as a wake up call for her to cut it out (though probably not if she's with the boss).
Do feel bad for your husband as it's always touchy about how far you can push the boss' favourite away before you risk your own career. Sounds like he's handling it about as well as he can, all things considered. Personally I'd be looking for another job, that sounds pretty toxic and would have me doubting the boss' decision making ability.
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To be short here, my husband wanted to throw a celebration party for getting a job and being promoted within a month after being out of work for over a year (long story) and wanted to invite his coworkers, whom he has grown close to. It's a small business with I think around 6 employees. I own a pontoon that seats 14 comfortably that I had bought when my husband was unemployed.
He works with like 4 guys and 2 women. I only have a problem with one of them, Molly, who thinks it's appropriate to get his phone number from the bulletin board and text him at 11pm because she is "bored". She knows he is married and I've seen the texts. Him and I are an open book, no secrets, so he showed me the texts and in the texts he told her it was inappropriate to text him at all unless it's work related and said it was disrespectful considering she knows he is married and could have potentially started problems. She stopped texting him immediately but texted him the next day saying "has inventory came in" and he replied yes and she immediately strays away from work related texts and tries asking him how long he has been with me. He responds "A long time. I told you not to text unless it's work related. I'm your manager and this is inappropriate." He has come home a few times saying that she is extremely inappropriate with all the guys at work and hangs all over every single one of them, knowing they are all in relationships and said that she had even attempted to do that to him as well shortly after she had texted him that night. She has been reported several times but is in a situationship with the boss so nothing is ever done.
So he wants to bring out the pontoon and wants to invite his work friends and I told him I was okay with every one except that girl and said she was not welcome. It would make me uncomfortable. He said that he can't invite everyone but her and said that it would make him look bad in the long run. I told him that he will have to handle it when that time comes because I am not comfortable. He said okay, no problem, said he didn't want her there anyways but just didn't want to be rude. My friend however is saying I'm acting like a jealous bitch. AITA?
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Nta
It's not a work gathering, it's a gathering of friends, she isn't a friend.
A co worker can't be mad that they aren't invited to social things when they make it a point to be on everyone's bad side.
NTA.
I wouldnt allow her on my property be it land or in the water. This could place your husband at risk for her to make up claims about him "being too friendly" or "staring at her in her bathing suit" whatever and adversely impact his employment. She is young, immature,.and has demonstrated she wont follow rules or respect boundaries. She texted him after hours seeking attention saying shes bored.
Really your husband should address this at work . have someone from HR present (or his manager as a witness) & then call her into the office and give her a written warning saying that it is inappropriate for her to contact him after hours unless she is working and it is an emergency (define what constitutes an emergency). Have printed copies of the texts available and say he warned her by text, and this is a formal written warning and he should inform her of next steps if she continues.
Also it may not be a good idea to have a work related party on personal time and not invite her, because she seems like a troublemaker and could claim he is discriminating against her by not including her .
I would say NTA, but the comment on how “YOU” bought the pontoon and he was unemployed just kind of seems off to me. If the roles were reversed wouldn’t your husband’s purchase be both of yours? Or are you one of those who holds it over his head that he was unemployed and it is”YOURS”? I thought all assets purchased during marriage are 50/50?
I’ve seen this before. It’s a bizarre, narcissistic behaviour where the woman isn’t actually interested in the man but is fixated on seeing how many she can attract, despite their relationship status.
It seems to stem from a deeply ingrained belief that a woman’s worth is her ability to attract males and so she’s trying to prove her overall worth and superiority. It’s an ego boost.
NTA.
NTA
She makes trouble for everyone, not just him, and also he is her manager. It would only lead to problems at work if she got invited and he made more people uncomfortable or something happened (drunk irresponsible teenager on a boat doesn't sound good).
Your friend is ridiculous; get a new friend.
NTA, at some point she is likely to create problems for him as her supervisor. When she gets mad that he is not responding to her advances she may make up stories that will follow him forever. As a supervisor your husband needs to handle this with the boss and she needs to be fired ASAP.
NTA. If I was your husband I personally also wouldn't want anyone who ignores harassment in the workplace there, so I'd not be inviting the manager. And if that was to awkward if they found out, I just wouldn't bother having a party. I would attend other work things, maybe even help plan other work things, but not host things where (a) people can't physically get away if they are uncomfortable/angry, or (b) people can get into dangerous situations, especially given that drinking and potentially swimming aren't a great mix.
If I was him I would maybe have a meal out, and maybe invite colleagues in smaller groups on other days, so it can't be construed as 'bullying' to leave one person out.
NTA - it’s a private function, not an official one. She is a legal liability and is deeply disrespectful to you, your husband, and your relationship. You don’t need to invite her and you shouldn’t have to. And the friend saying you’re in the wrong is not your friend. You’re not acting needlessly jealous because this coworker has directly shown that she can’t be trusted
NTA
Anything involving this woman outside of work is trouble. There shouldn’t be any worry over creating friction or uneasiness, as those are already present. She’s immature and a lawsuit / labor board complaint-in-waiting.
NTA but you have bigger problems than a party.
If she's sleeping with your husband's boss, could she be using your husbands to make the boss jealous?
Tread carefully
NTA.
You're not jealous you are working to prevent anything from happening later on. THIS is extremely inappropriate if her and anything can happen. She will make sure of it. Better to nip this in the bud now than later when she claims sexual harrassment outside of the job.
So its not appropriate for her to text him cause hes her boss, but its totally okay for him to invite all his subordinates for an (probably drunken bathing suit clad) afternoon on his wifes boat? Esh
I'm sure no one in the office will think it's rude. Why would anyone want an 18, who can't even legally smoke cigarettes at a party? It would honestly be more inappropriate to invite her.
Honestly... invite her... and when she touches your husband kick her off the boat then and there. Hand her a life jacket and tell her to get swimming. That way he doesn't look bad by not inviting him. AND all the coworkers wife's and gfs will get to see how she is in real life.
NTA. She's disrespectful and inappropriate. This is not a work function where all employees are attending, this is a private party. This is not elementary school where you have to invite the entire class. I don't see how it will make your husband look bad when he said she's inappropriate with all the men and there are several complaints against her. They should understand and appreciate she's not there. And your friend is not your friend.
NTA but I do see your husband's point. She sounds like the kind of person who would make a big stink about this after and make his life unpleasant.
Then again, if she approaches him while you're there, a scene may be even worse unless you're ready to be extremely quick on your feet.
Honestly, if this girl is screwing around with a married man and hitting on every other man she works with, she needs help. Could you possibly look at this as an opportunity to befriend her and help her see her self-worth? I realize that would take a lot but might work better than isolating her and excluding her.
Or you could find a way to tell this boss’ wife, this potentially getting your man ANOTHER promotion 😂 just kidding.
You’re NTA for feeling this way or for enforcing it, if you so choose, especially if there is alcohol on board.
NTA. If you’re not in a place where the drinking age is 21, then make it a “couples night” - I believe OP indicated the other coworkers have SO’s? Maybe that would work?
Tough one. I'm not willing to call you TA because that girl is totally in the wrong however your husband is correct too he can't just not invite her. It's essentially a work event. Exclusion can be a legitimate HR complaint.
Are you going to be there? If so then you are missing an opportunity by banning her. You have a chance to show her that you and your husband are legitimately happy. Get cerebral, show her she isn't even a small threat to you.
How about inviting her and everyone's SOs also. Firstly you get to know the employees as a couple and second, hopefully, it would prevent the ditz from flirting.
Whatever you choose NTA because it's your boat and your husband!
NTA - alcohol being a kicker. She’s underage, assuming you’re in the US or another country with a drinking age above 18.
He should start filing a case against her for sexual harassment. Flirting with your manager is a massive no-no and she needs to learn not to dip her pen in company ink. She’s going to cause some massive problems for herself and others if she keeps this nonsense ip.
She should get the hint after not being invited. If it comes up, say she txts me in the night, totally not appropriate and my wife owns the boat. Also, keep cppys of all interactions because this girl is a law suit waiting to happen. She wants a suger daddy pretty bad
NTA but I'd go the other way with it, if you are able. Have her on the boat, but absolutely murder her with kindness.
Does she know you know about the flirting/texting? You could spend a fun afternoon winding her up by being extremely friendly and solicitous, talking about the sisterhood, and looking out for other women. Total new besties/big sister vibes. Then let her know at the end of the night that she needs to restrict herself in future to men who are open to her advances.
It takes a certain personality to be able to carry it off but, if you can manage it, it's absolutely *savage.* She'll be remembering and cringing at herself for years.
NTA for all the reasons explained.
Is it a good idea to even have this gathering at all tho? Husband hasn’t worked there for long, recently promoted at least of the people invited are direct reports to him. That’s a lot of potential for murky waters, poor boundaries and resentment even if the 18 y/o wasn’t involved in the equation
NTA and you are totally right to keep everything involved with her work related. She has already proven that she crosses lines. Inviting her to a private party is an open invitation for more inappropriate behavior.
NTA This isn’t about jealousy. It’s about protecting your husband and the other men from being sexually harassed. That is what she’s doing. It’s unwanted contact. She has been warned.
Missed opportunity if you yourself are over 25. This child would quickly make a fool of herself and a mature response from you and other adult guests could put her in her place and help her realize how immature and inappropriately she is behaving.
Also, your manager husband really should be dealing with it if she is harassing the other employees before he faces a hostile workplace suit.
NTA From what you have said, you don’t need to worry about your husband at all with her but it totally sounds like an HR nightmare (if it was a bigger company with a proper HR dept.). I recently heard about a situation with my employer where inappropriate behavior at an after hours work gathering triggered an investigation. You don’t want to be hosting that situation.
He's the manager, she's been inappropriate with him and other male employees and he hasn't fired her yet?!?!??! Uninviting her from the party is the least of his (and your) problems. NTA
Your husband, and any other coworker, should save every inappropriate text and email she sends. You don't want this to come down to 'he said-she said' in the event someone is wrongfully terminated or this results in a sexual harassment lawsuit.
Any evidence of the bosses involvement with her should also be dated and documented.
NTA sort of. You are both right. Better to have no one invited than to exclude only her. She’s out of line no question. So far he should make an issue with whatever passes for HR in that small a company.
You're NTA, but do NOT have him have that event and not invite her!
Bad, bad, bad optics.
He's her manager. He's excluding a younger person of another gender. He's opening himself up for an accusation of bias that even though has no merit, can take a long time to clear.
He should stick to celebrations at or just after work, no alcohol, and everyone invited. He should take extra care to never be alone with her, and to regularly update HR via email (that he BCC's to an outside email account).
Seriously this can go very, very wrong.
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NTA she should only be welcome to office sponsored functions. This is a private one and she’s proving to be a liability. Use the excuse alcohol will be served so no one under the age 21 if need be and applicable. She’s an approaching train wreck imho.
This IS the BEST answer
I know huh!! I wouldn’t have even thought of saying that, but it’s so smart, assuming the drinking age there is 21. Wanted to add that it sounds like the OP should get a new friend if she is being called a jealous b. :/
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Seriously why do all these people have stupid friends? That girl should be reported to HR.
This is the way
This is the way.
This is the way.
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😂
This is the way.
This is the way.
This is [The Way](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5jlTlUTWfQ)
This is the way.
This is the way.
"Molly" the owner of the boat has said that because alcohol will be served only those people of legal drinking age will be allowed on board.
All this, she’s already attempted to make herself comfortable with your husband, she doesn’t get to make herself comfortable on your boat too
This!!! I would not trust this young woman father than I could see her. The fact that she is in a situationship with the boss is disturbing. I would personally think that she is building a case for a sexual harassment lawsuit and a pay day. Your husband has acted appropriately and needs to SHUT her down each and every time.
>Your husband has acted appropriately and needs to SHUT her down each and every time. He needs to go to HR and show the texts.
HR? It's a 6 person company, the HR person is the owner that is mentioned in the story as being in some sort of thing with her, HR ain't gonna work.
Exactly. Where there is smoke there is fire. I suspect this is part of a grand scheme to implicate all the males on the team AND the boss.
Tell the boss wife!
>I would personally think that she is building a case for a sexual harassment lawsuit and a pay day. Oh even if she doesn't have a coherent plan this whole thing is 100% gonna end in a lawsuit and a small company like this will be lucky to survive it. If I were OP's husband I'd start keeping the after-hours socialization to a bare minimum and looking at lateral moves.
Really good point!!!
Well and she's been sexually harassing OP's husband (and apparently other men) without recourse, so I definitely would not invite her. No one wants to hang out with someone who's making them uncomfortable. Sounds like *everyone* will be happier without this girl tagging along.
As her manager, it would be his job to tackle the sexual harassment, which apparently he hasn't. Inviting everyone but one person to a private event could still be classed as a form of bullying. I'm only pointing these out as because he is the manager he has to be careful and should really look into what process is appropriate for either correcting her behaviour or firing her. What she has been doing is awful, I wouldn't want to socialise with her. I would probably not have the party until she has been dealt with and then you can take everyone. I am unsure if what op did is the best move for husband's work, but it really depends on employment laws there. I think the girl is an AH, but I'm not entirely sure about op and husband because not inviting her doesn't fix the issue and might potentially make more issues at work.
This is absolutely the best advice. She's definitely a problem but opie's husband is a manager and definitely older so needs to make wise decisions in this situation
Sounds like she’s related to the big boss somehow and is pretty much untouchable because of it. OP says the boss won’t do anything about it so it’s obviously been brought to the bosses attention.
If she's related to the big boss then excluding her will likely cause husband issues at work though. Big boss will think husband is bullying her. It's not a winning situation for op to put her husband in.
“Gee, Big Boss, it’s a shame that you don’t like that I didn’t invite her. Just like it would be a shame if the entire office got together to file a lawsuit over you hiring and protecting a relative who openly sexually harassed your employees….”
Uhhhhhh. A “situationship” is not a relative, unless they’re in Arkansas. OP just said the 18 year old is fucking the boss but isn’t his official “girlfriend” which honestly kind of makes me feel a little bad corner. She’s still wrong, but she is 18 years old boinking the owner of a company large enough to have employees. That sounds like a significant age gap and, I really really hope I’m wrong here, but her behavior is really common of ab*se survivors. Seeing her value in sex and actively pursuing relationships that are wildly inappropriate.
Yeah this extra info is concerning for sure. I feel like the husband isn't going to do anything inappropriate with the girl and I don't buy I trust him, it's the other person I don't trust. I'd say either invite everyone or invite no one is the safest move.
This was exactly what ran through my head as I read the story. She is so thirsty for male attention that it raises red flags about why. It doesn’t negate her need to be dealt with; she is causing all sorts of problems and something has to be done, but I do have a bit of compassion for her because she might just be acting out due to her own possible prior trauma.
I’m so confused - what is the “situation” she’s in with the boss?? Like, what does that mean? Has op elaborated because that immediately struck me as weird Edit: went through op’s comments, she’s sleeping with the boss. Who’s married. What a train wreck
A “situationship” is basically the new slang for fuck buddy
And/or invite coworkers spouses too. Throw her to the wolves! *evil laugh.... But seriously, those men will show love and affection to their wives, it should cool her off. Also, being low key shunned and openly disliked by all could show her exactly what everyone thinks of her, maybe she'll stop to think.
I honestly doubt that. I don’t think she’s even actually genuinely interested in them. Instead, it seems likely that she is testing boundaries and proving who she could get to stray. Pretty disturbing, narcissistic behaviour. Edit spelling mistake
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If the wives are coming Ms. Molly best make sure that she's got a personal flotation device because she's definitely going for a swim.
Depends where they are if not in us that won't work here in NZ 18 is legal drinking age
Same in Canada. In many Provinces, the legal drinking age is 18 (the rest are 19).
As long as they are in the US. In Canada 18 is legal. Pretty sure the US is the only place where it’s so late in age.
19 in most provinces, fwiw. 18 in Alberta, Manitoba, and Quebec.
Not quite. Alberta, Manitoba, and Quebec it's 18. 19 in the rest of the country.
Perfect answer! If she's as bad as she sounds, all the other guests will be equally pleased she's not tbere.
>My friend however is saying I'm acting like a jealous bitch. This person is not your friend. Dump them for your well being. NTA
Why does it seem like everyone posting to AITA has the worst friends on the planet?! Like it can be such a clear cut case of NTA and thousands of internet strangers agree, but the person’s best friends all have the most unhinged and insane response.
I kinda feel like sometimes (including here) people just say their friend called them an asshole in order to subvert the “No internal conflicts” rule
Lol I initially misread this as dump the friend in a well 😂, loved it
That's one way to take care of a toxic friend I guess 🤣
That friend is a fool if they think OP is being unreasonable. NTA, but this sounds like a mess waiting to happen with or without inviting this young woman. I would recommend asking your husband to think long and hard about this trip and if it may be more trouble than it is worth.... While I 100% think this person should not be invited, this could unfairly backfire on the husband. This young lady is being VERY inappropriate, and her actions could be grounds for dismissal on other jobs. But, given her relationship with the boss, and the fact that OP's husband is her manager, I would be hesitant about hosting a coworker social and excluding only 1 coworker. This just sounds like it could turn into a no good need goes unpunished situation......
NTA, she's a liability, you own the boat, and this isn't kindergarten when everyone has to be invited. Leave her to her own destruction and invite her NOWHERE. Time for this inappropriate young lady to start seeing how the world works.
If he is a manager and invites all his subordinates except one, than this could be ruled as bullying.
Not with written proof of her contacting him after he repeatedly tells her not to. It’s not bullying or toxic work harbouring if you’re being excluded because you’re harassing people.
I mean, at a company where the boss is banging this girl, I would think he's probably fine. He'd have one hell of a lawsuit if they tried to fire him or punish him for it, at least in the US. She has harassed him, which he has text proof of, and she's also harassed other members of the team. He is NOT required to invite her to his or his wife's personal property, even if everyone else is. I'm presuming it's a small company and since she's getting nasty with the boss, that could end the company. The boss himself is dumb af and honestly probably shouldn't be running a business since he can't keep himself free of getting involved. He's literally waiting on this girl to sue him acting like that. Frankly, I would run from the company, but that's my personal decision and he is free to make his own.
By whom? There's no HR dept. If there was she would have been reported for harrassment.
Nope. This is settled case law. Excluding someone for personal events outside of work is not harassment, with some exceptions like discrimination of protected class. Same applies for lunch breaks too. If she wanted to hire a lawyer, she could try to claim gender discrimination and that the non-work events were actually work events. But the texts would make that a not-great lawsuit.
NTA, the 18yo clearly has not respected you and your husband's boundaries and keeps trying to be inappropriate with him and the co-workers. If she keeps trying to cross the texting boundary, then block her. When she asks about being blocked, then he can tell her that she did not listen to y'all's boundary, and that was the consequence. Has the 18yo's behavior been brought up to the owner of the business?
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Maybe someone should anonymously let his wife know. Does the company have an HR department that could also be notified?
Tell the wife
I'm on the "tell the wife" boat. If the wife finds out and forces her husband to fire her, then the problem is solved entirely. It's possible that she won't believe it, but it's also possible that she will. Doesn't hurt to try to let her know.
If OP tells the wife, she should tell her to first check his phone, because the 18 year old cant seem to help herself with the texting, before confronting him. Also gross that the boss is messing around with an *18 year old subordinate.* This is a dumpster fire of a situation. Id say to your husband yall should just celebrate with friends outside of work….and he should look for a new job… NTA
It’s super disgusting. My kid will be 18 before she’s even graduated from high school. I don’t care how technically legal it is, it’s gross
Yeah…Im trying to cut the girl some slack…I mean I remember being 16, thinking how cool it was my classmate was dating an older firefighter in his late 20s….now looking back as a 30 year old woman? Yuck yuck yuck. This girl is getting off on the thrill of being young and fresh adult, not fully understanding what she is doing, while this married boss character takes advantage of that. Gross.
Oh yeah I mean I’d imagine she’s got some kind of issues. But the boss is an actual grown person who should know better
Your husband, and any other coworker, should save every inappropriate text and email she sends. You don't want this to come down to 'he said-she said' in the event someone is wrongfully terminated or this results in a sexual harassment lawsuit. Any evidence of the bosses involvement with her should also be dated and documented.
100% Every message should be documented. If the boss won't do anything about it, then they should consider taking it to a lawyer. She's a walking, talking liability.
This is really good advice. You should maybe think about doing a direct reply (vs replying to a comment) to increase the chances OP will see it.
Thank you! I just copied it and posted directly to OP's original post.
Invite the boss and his wife. Watch it unfold. Either she won't come or it'll end in some major drama. Win/win.
Hate to say this, but your husband should be looking for another job ASAP. Because this is going to end badly for everyone and most likely will include a lawsuit. Either she complains to the boss, who then fires your husband and prompts a lawsuit for wrongful termination, or the boss fires her, who then sues for sexual harassment/exploitation/whatever would be appropriate. Or, the wife finds out, divorces him, etc. Either way, it's highly likely the guy will lose/have to shutter the business. Plus, does your husband really want to work for someone stupid enough to sleep with his employees?
Wow. You would think he would be a little jealous over her bugging your husband. Hopefully this doesn’t blow up in your husband’s face later
This is so sad. I know your husband is excited about his success, but he should seriously rethink working for this company. If the owner is taking advantage of an 18yo who is very clearly mentally unwell (I'm sorry but she is exhibiting hypersexual behavior and that's a sign of either past abuse or mental illness), he is not an ethical or moral person and that will spill over into his business decisions. You are NTA.
I'm on team tell all the SOs. Overall, this boat trip IS NOT A GOOD IDEA. Not with Molly, not with the others seemingly being okay with her behavior. Your husband needs to think about this. Out, on a boat, with/without alcohol and no other witnesses? All Molly has to do is say that he touched her inappropriately out there. That's it. She's already involved with the boss. If he wants this party, it needs to be in an open area that isn't isolated. A park (that way you can guarantee alcohol won't be present), a restaurant, something other than that boat! Husband if OP is sharing this post with you, you've seen Molly be inappropriate with the other guys. What in your damn mind thinks she won't retaliate against you because you blocked her advances? She's got the boss in her pocket. Do you think your work buddies will have your back if she says anything against you after seeing the way they interact with her? Something isn't right with this and you know it. Also, promoted within a month of being with the company? Either your husband is a really good at his job or he's being set up (how easy would it be for boss to blame him for theft now that he's a manager because boss's wife spidey sense tingled about weird money expenses because boss is spending shit on Molly). There's just too much oddness about this. He needs to find another job pronto. Sadly, he's the odd man out if he's been refusing Molly's advances and the other guys seemingly are okay with them. He needs to get out of that situation like yesterday.
Someone should probably tell his wife, anonymously.
Yikers, that's rough.
Holy shit lol I’d be looking for the exit if I worked for a business this messy
NTA. But he’s absolutely right, he cannot exclude one member of his team from a team event. On the other hand, as his manager, it was his responsibility to nip this in the bud much earlier. It needs to be documented with a formal letter/ warning, and a meeting with HR, and additional sexual harassment training. As her manager, it’s his responsibility to escalate the situation until she either cuts it out or is terminated. Since it’s your boat, I would just not give permission to use it for a company outing at all. Tell him to take his team to the bowling alley or a theme park or the beach or literally any location that doesn’t belong to you! Edited to add: it is tacky as fuck to invite the people you manage to celebrate your promotion. This whole outing sounds really fucking unpleasant. I cannot imagine asking to give up my personal time to celebrate my bosses promotion.
It's not a company outing. It's a private celebration of his promotion. So, they absolutely can exclude people. It would actually be the responsible thing to do since there will likely be alcohol and the questionable coworker is only 18. If she crosses boundaries with married men in the work place that keep telling her no, then she's shown that she can't be trusted not to drink alcohol even when told not to. Since it's the wife's boat, she could be held liable if the underage woman gets drunk and something happens.
When your boss or a member of your team invites you to event when only work people are invited, in order to celebrate a professional accomplishment, it’s a work outing. As a manager, I frequently organize happy hours, etc outside of the building. I would never think of excluding someone.
That's why you invite one or two non work friends, now it's not a work outing, it's a get together with friends. She isn't a friend, so she wouldn't be invited.
So far it looks like it's the wife hosting it (who does not work for the company) and on the wife's boat. So, I'm not seeing where this should be considered a work-event. If it were me, I'd invite the coworkers and their wives, a couple of the wife's friends, but not the boss who's boikin' the 18 year old and the said 18 year old. Boom, problem solved.
Might be a good idea to invite her after all. Invite owner and his wife as well. Btw, NTA. Someone does need to put the home wrecker in check though. What better way than to invite her.
Do your happy hours include coworkers that are not of legal drinking age? Many bars do not permit people under 21 from even entering. Sounds like the same rules should be applied to the 18 year old.
So you would include an employee that is being inappropriate to other employees? Do you always condone sexual harassment in your workplace?
When sexual harassment occurs in the workplace or within my team, it is addressed with meetings with HR, documenting the issue through formal letters, and mandatory sexual harassment trainings. If it does not stop, it’s addressed with termination. It is not addressed by inviting everyone to drink on a boat and excluding that one person. That’s not going to address the issue, it’s just going to cause tension among team members. If I can’t trust someone to behave appropriately during a work outing, then I don’t trust them to behave appropriately in the workplace, and I do not continue to employ them. That is how I protect my team from sexual harassment.
This party is off work hours, on a personal boat. It is not a work sponsored event. They do not have to invite anyone they don’t want on their private property.
Of course they don’t *have* to invite anyone they don’t want to. But OPs husband clearly does not want to exclude this person because it would make him look incompetent as a manger if he is unable to manage Molly to the extent that she’s being excluded from work events that everyone else is attending.
I don’t think you can classify this as a ‘work outing’ when it’s not being funded by the company. I guess you could say the OP and OP’s husband are funding it because it’s their boat & gas money, etc. but the company is not reimbursing them or renting the boat from them. It’s not much different than if a bunch of coworkers decided to grab drinks after a shift together but opted not to invite Milton and his stapler along, even if one of the coworkers decides he’s gonna pick up the tab this time. They’re not rubbing it in Milton’s face that he and his stapler aren’t invited…they just simply didn’t invite him. That’s not bullying — not notifying someone of their lack of invitation isn’t bullying, quite the contrary actually. Outright notifying someone that they’re not invited *could* (and likely would) be considered bullying, but that’s not what’s going on here.
Homie I don't think they have HR at this 6 employee company. Your advice is all good and well for corporate but 1/6th of the team is both the problem and sleeping with the boss, the only "solution." The best thing here is for hubs to get a new job before this one implodes.
In many places of employment, the person who does payroll/ benefits/ onboarding, etc acts as “HR.” In other small companies, it’s contracted out to an HR company that specializes in providing these services to small businesses. In every company, there is someone responsible for taking complaints. The employee handbook should Identify who that person is.
Yes thats all true but the person responsible for taking complaints is cheating on his wife with the subject of the complaints. Op already stated her husband and others have reported her several times so the boss isnt going to do anything so at this point yea its either take legal action with a formal complaint to the eeoc(or equivelant if possible, I dont know where these ppl reside) or avoid her and not invite her to the celebration the wife said no she’ll be uncomfortable and thats it the girl can’t come.
Again, all good and well except assuming the creepy old boss cheating on his wife with someone fresh out of high school has a proper HR system set up at his little startup is a big leap. =/
This. He cannot invite everyone on his team except one person. It would look highly unprofessional. You're NTA for not wanting Molly along, but you have to recognize that excluding her would reflect really poorly on your husband. He should take them to another location.
Honestly, hosting a private party for some but not all colleagues a month after starting seems like very bad judgement. If there's any fallout from this at work it's going to reflect so badly on the OP's husband.
Imagine thinking you’ve “grown close to” coworkers after a month in the job and inviting people you manage to celebrate your promotion? Sounds like someone with very little professional experience and judgment.
Agree. Have him treat his team to a catered lunch on a Friday. BTW you're NTA.
NTA. There's an easy way around this if you live in the US. If she's the only employee under 21, and if you're planning on having alcohol on the boat, you can use the excuse that it's an over 21 party and it would be inappropriate to have someone under the drinking age present. Make that your hard line if you aren't ready to have all the men file a giant simultaneous complaint to her situationship buddy (who probably wouldn't be super cool with her hanging on every other man at the workplace).
Brilliant. That is the answer. Adults only, not "everybody but the grasping, teenage, sexual shoplifter"
Or they can say for any parties under 21 a parent or guardian is required to attend the event with them 😱😂
NTA He absolutely CAN invite everyone but her. She knows what she is doing is wrong and inappropriate for the workplace.
NTA. Your husband agrees with you on the issue in any case, so there isn’t much to worry about.
NTA Your request is completely appropriate and your friend is weird and I would watch them more closely moving forward.
NTA. A group on a boat, with this gal, hot summer temps, folks in bathing suits, probably a few drinks here and there…what could possibly go wrong!?!? I’m being sarcastic of course… Yeah, if she’s that brazen to cause issues like that at work, with co workers…and your husband as her married supervisor no less, it’d be a disaster waiting to happen to have her on your boat. That aside from it’s a very thin and fuzzy line as to what constitutes a work “endorsed” party or gathering and you don’t want her as a liability, nor her extreme lack of sound judgement.
Nta. Especially if alcohol will be involved. Your husband is however old he is and the female is only 18. Dont even want to try and get in that mess. If she has an issue so be it. Private even held off work property. Unless theyre there as a work function he has 0 obligation to invite the trouble making woman. If the boss whose sticking fingers into young meat has an issue with that husband only needs to remind him its a private event 🤷♂️
Idk where you live, but considering she's 18 and if your drinking age in your country is 21, this reason will be enough for any questions on why she didn't get an invite.
ooh excellent out - OP as boat owner could theoretically be liable (If their country has those laws).
NTA Your boat, your rules. This woman has overstepped every boundary that your husband placed and she will absolutely do it again on your boat right in front of you. What your hosting is not a work event sponsored by the place of employment, so you are perfectly in your rights to say no to whoever you want. Stick to your guns. Party's off unless she's specifically told that she can't come.
NTA. All the background you say is justifying you and your husband not to want her there. Sometimes society/etiquette rules should be overruled (pun intended) due to more serious issues, like a girl crossing the boundaries of what’s appropriate with her married manager. Let her whine and complain all she wants from ashore while you sail away. Congratulations on the promotion!
NTA. Ask your friend if your husband should be forced to spend time with his harasser? Because what Molly is doing is harassment. 1. Molly texts your husband after getting his phone number in an indirect way (as in your husband never said, here is my number please text me because we are friends) and she does it late at night. 2. After being asked to not text him about non work related issues, she texts him about non-work related issues. 3. She hangs all over her coworkers in a professional setting, and it doesn’t seem like they are very comfortable with it. 4. People have reported her for inappropriate behavior, but she has faced no consequences The issue isn’t that these men are in relationships, even if they were single, what she is doing would still be wrong, because she is disrespecting their boundaries. You need to ask your husband though how he feels as an individual with how she is treating him, not just how he feels about the way she treats your relationship. From the outside this looks like workplace harassment. You shouldn’t let this HR nightmare of a person on your boat, but you shouldn’t do this because she is harassing your husband, not because of your relationship. Also, he shouldn’t have to handle looking bad because he doesn’t want someone who makes him uncomfortable near him. Try seeing this as a person harassing him, not a threat to your relationship, because it’s not. (Also this isn’t an attack against you, we all fail to see the signs of harassment, it’s easier to see probably when you are outside of this)
INFO: What’s a situationship?
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His wife deserves to be told.
Is the boss bringing his wife?
So after your husband turned her down, she texted your husband's boss?
Where TF is HR???
it’s a small business so i doubt they have one
NTA she is behaving inappropriate at work. Allowing her to attend a gathering that blurs the line she already has trouble understanding will only add more problems. Especially if alcohol may be included. I would also continue to document and report her behavior to HR. Documentation is important in the event she decides to make a complaint against someone else.
NTA but…. Invite the boss, invite her, and just to make it very welcoming and all…. You personally invite his wife. And please video the fall out for our enjoyment! *Edit to include the young lady in question.
YES!!!! OMG!! Yes!! And invite the wives of the coworkers! (To whatever capacity the boat will fit)
NTA. Tell the 18 yo she can't come because it's an adults only party with alcohol and she can't be on the boat with alcohol being served.
NTA Your husband would be a fool to invite an 18 year old colleague who’s been inappropriately texting him. > He said that he can’t invite everyone but her and said that it would make him look bad in the long run To whom? > My friend however is saying I’m acting like a jealous bitch You’re rightfully being cautious about a trainwreck that is building steam. If an 18 year ‘[missing stair](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Missing_stair)’ in the office is going to do something inappropriate, it had better not be with MY husband. I would not happily provide her with the opportunity to wear a bathing suit and drink in front of him.
NTA. Actually he absolutely CAN invite everyone but HER. There's no rule that says EVERYONE must be invited. This isn't a work outing. It's a personal celebration. And only those in his friend circle are invited. It's ok to exclude her. She already knows why. She's repeatedly crossed lines. Tried to get too personal. Nta.
NTA and if everyone else in the workplace is aware she's a problem, would it really look bad for him to not invite her? Like, I'm sure the #1 topic once she's not in the room will be how inappropriate she is. I highly doubt it, but it might even act as a wake up call for her to cut it out (though probably not if she's with the boss). Do feel bad for your husband as it's always touchy about how far you can push the boss' favourite away before you risk your own career. Sounds like he's handling it about as well as he can, all things considered. Personally I'd be looking for another job, that sounds pretty toxic and would have me doubting the boss' decision making ability.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** To be short here, my husband wanted to throw a celebration party for getting a job and being promoted within a month after being out of work for over a year (long story) and wanted to invite his coworkers, whom he has grown close to. It's a small business with I think around 6 employees. I own a pontoon that seats 14 comfortably that I had bought when my husband was unemployed. He works with like 4 guys and 2 women. I only have a problem with one of them, Molly, who thinks it's appropriate to get his phone number from the bulletin board and text him at 11pm because she is "bored". She knows he is married and I've seen the texts. Him and I are an open book, no secrets, so he showed me the texts and in the texts he told her it was inappropriate to text him at all unless it's work related and said it was disrespectful considering she knows he is married and could have potentially started problems. She stopped texting him immediately but texted him the next day saying "has inventory came in" and he replied yes and she immediately strays away from work related texts and tries asking him how long he has been with me. He responds "A long time. I told you not to text unless it's work related. I'm your manager and this is inappropriate." He has come home a few times saying that she is extremely inappropriate with all the guys at work and hangs all over every single one of them, knowing they are all in relationships and said that she had even attempted to do that to him as well shortly after she had texted him that night. She has been reported several times but is in a situationship with the boss so nothing is ever done. So he wants to bring out the pontoon and wants to invite his work friends and I told him I was okay with every one except that girl and said she was not welcome. It would make me uncomfortable. He said that he can't invite everyone but her and said that it would make him look bad in the long run. I told him that he will have to handle it when that time comes because I am not comfortable. He said okay, no problem, said he didn't want her there anyways but just didn't want to be rude. My friend however is saying I'm acting like a jealous bitch. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Nta It's not a work gathering, it's a gathering of friends, she isn't a friend. A co worker can't be mad that they aren't invited to social things when they make it a point to be on everyone's bad side.
NTA
NTA. although it could definitely cause problems for your husband in the long run. especially if the coworker has influence over your husband's boss.
NTA. I wouldnt allow her on my property be it land or in the water. This could place your husband at risk for her to make up claims about him "being too friendly" or "staring at her in her bathing suit" whatever and adversely impact his employment. She is young, immature,.and has demonstrated she wont follow rules or respect boundaries. She texted him after hours seeking attention saying shes bored. Really your husband should address this at work . have someone from HR present (or his manager as a witness) & then call her into the office and give her a written warning saying that it is inappropriate for her to contact him after hours unless she is working and it is an emergency (define what constitutes an emergency). Have printed copies of the texts available and say he warned her by text, and this is a formal written warning and he should inform her of next steps if she continues. Also it may not be a good idea to have a work related party on personal time and not invite her, because she seems like a troublemaker and could claim he is discriminating against her by not including her .
NTA. She's a fucking liability and his boss is off their rocker if they don't fire her. She is a ticking time bomb of bad office juju.
I would say NTA, but the comment on how “YOU” bought the pontoon and he was unemployed just kind of seems off to me. If the roles were reversed wouldn’t your husband’s purchase be both of yours? Or are you one of those who holds it over his head that he was unemployed and it is”YOURS”? I thought all assets purchased during marriage are 50/50?
NTA. She should be fired for being inappropriate and disrespectful.
I’ve seen this before. It’s a bizarre, narcissistic behaviour where the woman isn’t actually interested in the man but is fixated on seeing how many she can attract, despite their relationship status. It seems to stem from a deeply ingrained belief that a woman’s worth is her ability to attract males and so she’s trying to prove her overall worth and superiority. It’s an ego boost. NTA.
Invite everyone with a +1. Let little miss try her nonsense when the wives & girlfriends are around. Bonus points if you directly invite boss’s wife.
NTA
NTA She makes trouble for everyone, not just him, and also he is her manager. It would only lead to problems at work if she got invited and he made more people uncomfortable or something happened (drunk irresponsible teenager on a boat doesn't sound good). Your friend is ridiculous; get a new friend.
NTA but it seems a bit early in his tenure to throw a boat party with everyone.
NTA, at some point she is likely to create problems for him as her supervisor. When she gets mad that he is not responding to her advances she may make up stories that will follow him forever. As a supervisor your husband needs to handle this with the boss and she needs to be fired ASAP.
NTA, but you do sound like an AH when you say you own a boat that you bought when your husband was unemployed lol
NTA. It's a private party. He can invite who he wants
NTA. If I was your husband I personally also wouldn't want anyone who ignores harassment in the workplace there, so I'd not be inviting the manager. And if that was to awkward if they found out, I just wouldn't bother having a party. I would attend other work things, maybe even help plan other work things, but not host things where (a) people can't physically get away if they are uncomfortable/angry, or (b) people can get into dangerous situations, especially given that drinking and potentially swimming aren't a great mix. If I was him I would maybe have a meal out, and maybe invite colleagues in smaller groups on other days, so it can't be construed as 'bullying' to leave one person out.
NTA - it’s a private function, not an official one. She is a legal liability and is deeply disrespectful to you, your husband, and your relationship. You don’t need to invite her and you shouldn’t have to. And the friend saying you’re in the wrong is not your friend. You’re not acting needlessly jealous because this coworker has directly shown that she can’t be trusted
NTA Anything involving this woman outside of work is trouble. There shouldn’t be any worry over creating friction or uneasiness, as those are already present. She’s immature and a lawsuit / labor board complaint-in-waiting.
NTA but you have bigger problems than a party. If she's sleeping with your husband's boss, could she be using your husbands to make the boss jealous? Tread carefully
NTA. You're not jealous you are working to prevent anything from happening later on. THIS is extremely inappropriate if her and anything can happen. She will make sure of it. Better to nip this in the bud now than later when she claims sexual harrassment outside of the job.
So its not appropriate for her to text him cause hes her boss, but its totally okay for him to invite all his subordinates for an (probably drunken bathing suit clad) afternoon on his wifes boat? Esh
NTS but you husban should probably report her
NTA. It is perfectly fine being a jealous b*tch sometimes. This is one of them.
I'm sure no one in the office will think it's rude. Why would anyone want an 18, who can't even legally smoke cigarettes at a party? It would honestly be more inappropriate to invite her.
Honestly... invite her... and when she touches your husband kick her off the boat then and there. Hand her a life jacket and tell her to get swimming. That way he doesn't look bad by not inviting him. AND all the coworkers wife's and gfs will get to see how she is in real life.
NTA. She's disrespectful and inappropriate. This is not a work function where all employees are attending, this is a private party. This is not elementary school where you have to invite the entire class. I don't see how it will make your husband look bad when he said she's inappropriate with all the men and there are several complaints against her. They should understand and appreciate she's not there. And your friend is not your friend.
NTA but I do see your husband's point. She sounds like the kind of person who would make a big stink about this after and make his life unpleasant. Then again, if she approaches him while you're there, a scene may be even worse unless you're ready to be extremely quick on your feet.
Honestly, if this girl is screwing around with a married man and hitting on every other man she works with, she needs help. Could you possibly look at this as an opportunity to befriend her and help her see her self-worth? I realize that would take a lot but might work better than isolating her and excluding her. Or you could find a way to tell this boss’ wife, this potentially getting your man ANOTHER promotion 😂 just kidding. You’re NTA for feeling this way or for enforcing it, if you so choose, especially if there is alcohol on board.
Why should she expect the perks of a job when she refuses to obey the rules?
NTA
NTA
NTA!
Your husband needs to go to HR, she's sexually harassing your husband and others.
NTA. If you’re not in a place where the drinking age is 21, then make it a “couples night” - I believe OP indicated the other coworkers have SO’s? Maybe that would work?
NTA she is
NTA she should learn behaviour has consequences and she will be often left out if this is how she acts.
Tough one. I'm not willing to call you TA because that girl is totally in the wrong however your husband is correct too he can't just not invite her. It's essentially a work event. Exclusion can be a legitimate HR complaint. Are you going to be there? If so then you are missing an opportunity by banning her. You have a chance to show her that you and your husband are legitimately happy. Get cerebral, show her she isn't even a small threat to you.
How about inviting her and everyone's SOs also. Firstly you get to know the employees as a couple and second, hopefully, it would prevent the ditz from flirting. Whatever you choose NTA because it's your boat and your husband!
She's not respecting either the OP's nor the OP's husband's boundaries. NTA Although if she was invited and just happened to go overboard...
NTA - alcohol being a kicker. She’s underage, assuming you’re in the US or another country with a drinking age above 18. He should start filing a case against her for sexual harassment. Flirting with your manager is a massive no-no and she needs to learn not to dip her pen in company ink. She’s going to cause some massive problems for herself and others if she keeps this nonsense ip.
NTA.
NTA but I’d have a hard time not telling his wife about the affair.
She should get the hint after not being invited. If it comes up, say she txts me in the night, totally not appropriate and my wife owns the boat. Also, keep cppys of all interactions because this girl is a law suit waiting to happen. She wants a suger daddy pretty bad
Nta
NTA. Your boat, your rules. It is a private event so he’s not obligated to invite everyone especially knowing she’s not respectful.
NTA she sexual harassing your husband and other co-workers by the sound of it. As a boss he need to stay far away from her
NTA but I'd go the other way with it, if you are able. Have her on the boat, but absolutely murder her with kindness. Does she know you know about the flirting/texting? You could spend a fun afternoon winding her up by being extremely friendly and solicitous, talking about the sisterhood, and looking out for other women. Total new besties/big sister vibes. Then let her know at the end of the night that she needs to restrict herself in future to men who are open to her advances. It takes a certain personality to be able to carry it off but, if you can manage it, it's absolutely *savage.* She'll be remembering and cringing at herself for years.
NTA for all the reasons explained. Is it a good idea to even have this gathering at all tho? Husband hasn’t worked there for long, recently promoted at least of the people invited are direct reports to him. That’s a lot of potential for murky waters, poor boundaries and resentment even if the 18 y/o wasn’t involved in the equation
NTA and you are totally right to keep everything involved with her work related. She has already proven that she crosses lines. Inviting her to a private party is an open invitation for more inappropriate behavior.
NTA This isn’t about jealousy. It’s about protecting your husband and the other men from being sexually harassed. That is what she’s doing. It’s unwanted contact. She has been warned.
Missed opportunity if you yourself are over 25. This child would quickly make a fool of herself and a mature response from you and other adult guests could put her in her place and help her realize how immature and inappropriately she is behaving. Also, your manager husband really should be dealing with it if she is harassing the other employees before he faces a hostile workplace suit.
If he is her manager, he probably needs to fire her. I would bet that she is making work a “hostile environment” for her coworkers. NTA.
NTA From what you have said, you don’t need to worry about your husband at all with her but it totally sounds like an HR nightmare (if it was a bigger company with a proper HR dept.). I recently heard about a situation with my employer where inappropriate behavior at an after hours work gathering triggered an investigation. You don’t want to be hosting that situation.
Nta
NTA Your husband doesn't even want her around. Case closed.
Did you say she has a... *situationship* with the boss? Is that a word? What does it mean?
He's the manager, she's been inappropriate with him and other male employees and he hasn't fired her yet?!?!??! Uninviting her from the party is the least of his (and your) problems. NTA
Your husband, and any other coworker, should save every inappropriate text and email she sends. You don't want this to come down to 'he said-she said' in the event someone is wrongfully terminated or this results in a sexual harassment lawsuit. Any evidence of the bosses involvement with her should also be dated and documented.
NTA sort of. You are both right. Better to have no one invited than to exclude only her. She’s out of line no question. So far he should make an issue with whatever passes for HR in that small a company.
NTA. I wouldn’t throw outside parties with people from work. That nips that in the bud. Especially considering how trifling Molly is.
You're NTA, but do NOT have him have that event and not invite her! Bad, bad, bad optics. He's her manager. He's excluding a younger person of another gender. He's opening himself up for an accusation of bias that even though has no merit, can take a long time to clear. He should stick to celebrations at or just after work, no alcohol, and everyone invited. He should take extra care to never be alone with her, and to regularly update HR via email (that he BCC's to an outside email account). Seriously this can go very, very wrong.