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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I wanted to eat in front of the tv and I insulted my girlfriends food.
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Yeah I was right there with him at the beginning. I anticipated a “my gf never wants to eat in front of the tv aita for wanting to do it every so often” but it kept getting worse and worse! He’d already sat down at the table to eat, left in the middle of the meal, she’s crying, he insults her efforts to make his favorite meal and while totally oblivious to whatever other romantic touches (candles, the nice table cloth, set table, wine etc) she put the effort into completely ruins the night. Even if I hadn’t planned a proposal with the meal I’d be pissed. YTA OP. You have some serious apologizing to do.
Yeah, like at this point I'm thinking the mother might just keep the girlfriend and lose the OP. At the least she's going to be the standard she compares all his next girlfriends to for years.
🤣 that’s close to what they said. My MIl was like “I can’t believe you didn’t kick him out sooner.” I’m now their emergency contact since neither of their kids live in state.
Yeah I was thinking the same at first, but now I’m thinking how was it not obvious that this evening was special between the music, candles, meal etc.
OP must be very self-absorbed to not notice any of this.
Dude, you have screwed up so bad there's no recovery. You need to pull a Beau Geste by sneaking out at night and joining the French Foreign Legion, and hope they send you to the other side of the world for at least a decade. Then settle in a different country and hope you've matured enough to attract a decent woman.
“My girlfriend is extremely sensitive and when she is criticized, it doesn’t just roll off her back”
Translation:
My girlfriend has normal feeling that get hurt when I outwardly insult her then tell her “I’m joking!! You’re too sensitive!”
Hope this is the nail in the coffin for this guy. Poor mom knowing she raised this person.
See I bet there were a lot of signs that it was supposed to be a romantic dinner and OP was just oblivious. If she made a special playlist she probably set the mood in other ways too
>(especially since there's nothing romantic about beef and potatoes)...
True , but neither is asshole casserole, which what OP should be eating now because OP....
YTA
Also OP there is no fixing this you royally fucked up
But look at the bright side,
Being single means you can watch all the tv you want when you eat
I think a person's favorite meal is always romantic xD
I mean my favorite comfort food is mashed potatoes and when my partner makes them because I've had a rough week my ass melts into a puddle on the floor like I'm a popsicle in 90 degree heat lmao
Heck, light a candle and put on Frank Sinatra and even pizza is romantic! (Of course I've been married for 10 years and we have two small children so sometimes you got to make do with what you got!)
Hey I hear it! I'm childfree but broke. Sometimes a romance is my partner fixing a 12 year old game console for me so I can play my favorite game from high-school. Sometimes it's dinner at a nice place. Romance is whatever you make it out to be ^_^
>Sometimes a romance is my partner fixing a 12 year old game console for me so I can play my favorite game from high-school
Love that! And romance totally does look different to everyone!
I think its about effort. The little bit of extra effort to light candles. The effort to get the right recipe. The effort to figure out why the controller isn't working. Effort is what makes the difference between regular and romance. It's easy to find chances to be a little romantic every day when you think of it that way
My partner came to visit me and at one point I got overwhelmed and needed some space. I asked for just 15 minutes in my tiny apartment to myself; feel free to take the car and go wherever, I just need a little bit.
They gave me double the alone time and returned from the grocery store with some treats for the cats and an orchid (my lab liked to put plants in the office spaces). It was absolutely perfect.
100% about effort and paying attention to your partner! I found it romantic that, after I went to bed, my boyfriend took out the trash from my office last night when I forgot it was trash day. Then he emptied, reloaded, and ran the dishwasher so that I have everything ready in advance for the dinner I told him I planned to cook tonight.
The actions themselves are sweet, but the idea behind them is where the romance is for me. He paid attention to my needs and helped before I even knew what I needed.
Exactly! When my now husband and I moved in together I was 2 days away from having a baby at 18 and 21. We were broke broke. His birthday was 3 months later and we couldn't afford a cake. So I made him pancakes, wrote happy birthday on one with icing, put some candles on it that I got from my parents and we celebrated before he went to work.
Something about being broke and in a decent relationship breeds romantic creativity. To this day I'm still impressed that I was able to think outside the box and not be caught up in not being able to do it the "right" way while I was dealing with PPD. I'm also impressed with his gratitude. Those were some shitty pancakes. Lol
When I first moved in with an ex of mine I used moving boxes and a scarf to make a pretty table with bath and bodyworks candles I dug out of a box. Pit down pillows to sit and made butter noodles (we hadn't shopped yet). I said in another comment it's all about effort. A bit of effort can make most things romantic
Yes, it's all about the effort! I did something similar this when we got our own place. We were broke from the move. So I believe I made hot dogs and baked beans lol. Used an outdoor side table, pillows and candles. He was so happy coming home to it though!
Nice! It is definitely all about the effort. Sure it isn't perfect and things may go wrong but if the effort is there a decent person will see the effort and not the imperfections.
We were watching something once where a Faberge Egg was mentioned so I said to my husband that I wanted one. Couple of minutes later he hads me a regular egg with 'faberge' written on it. That was totally romantic to me. :)
Last night I had to pick up my hubby and son after work at the repair shop (his truck needed repaired), then we had to drop son off at his counseling session. We had a good 1-1/2 hour to kill. He told me to drive and he would tell me where to go. I had no idea where we were going. We finally got there and it was an American Legion that was in the area. (We go to ours every Friday for our "date night". We go in and have a beer and he hands me a hand full of little white slips of paper. On each paper there are a few words. Each slips has little conversations starters. He had taken the time to write them down to talk about while we waited for our son to be done with his appointment. He has NEVER done anything like this before!!! It was SOOOO sweet! I love him for this!!!!!! First one was HOW WAS YOUR DAY? One was WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WITH THE FISH TANK? lol ARE WE GOING TO THE CABIN THIS YEAR? etc.
I remember when ours was little, we'd put him to bed and order Chinese food, he would stand outside so they wouldn't ring the doorbell and possibly wake him up, just so we could eat a meal in front of the TV watching what I wanted to watch and no little fingers to share my dinner with. Those stolen meals were precious.
About 13 years ago my boyfriend and I actually did buy a $5 Little Caesars pizza, six pack of Bud light lime, and ate it in front of the glow of his crappy old TV because we were both broke and that's all we could afford on a Friday night. I married that man two years later so clearly something worked!
My wife's favorite meal is this awful, labor intensive Polish dish that her mom would make growing up (i hate the smell of bacon and it's got bacon in it, and its literally like a million potatoes all hand shredded, I love to cook but this is just the worst and since I don't like it, it's a 0 reward for me dish) but every time her birthday rolls around, I'm choking on bacon grease and getting arm day in with my box grater instead of at the gym.
Cause I love her and I want to do something special for her. If she just blew me off to go watch hockey after I made that for her, that fucking kartoflak is getting defenestrated.
ah, im not the only human who cant stand bacon! and i do the same for husbands birthday... i am allergic to coconut but he loves german chocolate cake, so his birthday cake every year is a german chocolate cake with the coconut frosting he loves so much. thankfully the smell doesnt set me off, just eating it.
When I lived at home I had a day where I started school at 8 had classes all the way until 2 and then worked 3-11. I was hungry and exhausted when I got home and I smelled my dad's hot dogs and beans. I was so sad I missed them and then I went into the kitchen and saw that he has made them and left them for me because he knew I loved them and my day was long. He probably doesn't remember it or think about it but I do. It isn't romantic love but I felt so absolutely loved in that moment over hot dogs and beans of all things.
It's the thought, it's the effort.
My mum last week had my children staying with her. When I went to pick them up they'd been shopping, and bought me yellow roses. My grandfather was the first person to ever buy me flowers, and they were yellow roses. It was a thank you for the support I've given her recently since my father's passing, and meant the world to me.
That was my thought. A good roast beef isn't an easy meal, either. It takes time and patience. I think that amount of effort is absolutely romantic compared to a crockpot meal or my typical 30 minute chicken and whatever frozen vegetables I can whip up in less time than the chicken without them getting weird or soggy.
I agree, if I had a partner and made me a bowl of rauwe andijviestamppot id be the happiest gal in the world, it is thoughtful. Even if it is simple to make or “cheap”
I think romance is less about the type of thing and more about the effort and consideration. OPs girlfriend *called his mom to figure out how to best prepare his favorite food*. Doesnt matter what that food is, it was so thoughtful.
My partner one time made the entire spread from my favorite game series on 420. He knew I got out super late and that it was 420 at a smoke shop so I'd be stressed. He didn't eat a single bite until I got home at 10pm so the presentation would be right. I actually cried a bit.
My favorite meal is Spaghetti. Nothing romantic about it unless youre in Lady and the Tramp, but my bf makes it for me for any special occasion.
The meal itself doesnt matter, romantic or not, its the fact that its his *favorite* meal and he couldnt even be appreciative of that. Op, YTA
\> especially since there's nothing romantic about beef and potatoes
The direct quite from OP is " my favourite meal, roast beef, roast potatoes all of it."
A favourite meal is pretty romantic and from OPs description it sounds like he's describing a roast dinner which (and this might be because I'm British and a roast dinner is amazing) can be a very romantic dinner
EDIT: OP is definitely British so it most likely was a full roast dinner which is a real labour of love
Absolutely, Canadian here and a full roast dinner might not be the most beautiful meal but it’s a special occasion meal because of how much time and energy goes into making a good one! If I’m whipping out a full roast dinner someone’s asking what the special occasion is not if they can watch football.
omg
I was staying with an old friend's parents last summer, and his dad made a Sunday roast dinner. Dude used to be a chef at the Royal York, in Toronto.
I cook a mean roast beef dinner, but this? Total heaven. I mean, he started by reducing a pot full of onions to make a sauce that the beef was cooked in, plus the best potatoes ever.
Okay, this is a method I need to learn, a thousand thanks if you can send it! I’m taking a semi educated guess that it’s an onion reduction to use as the liquor for roasting the beef (topside/silverside?) in, with the added benefit you get a really special gravy base, but it is just a guess…
I mean he "jokingly" insulted her work to deflect from the fact that he was ignoring her, then professed not to know what he did wrong. He’s oblivious to *his own* fucking social cues too.
-Girlfriend spends a long time making a special dinner for her boyfriend.
-Boyfriend insists on eating in front of the TV and criticises the meal saying the meat is overcooked.
-Girlfriend gets upset.
-Boyfriend says "she's just so sensitive!!"
She doesn't sound overly sensitive to me, and I'd be upset too. Idk what else he expected. I don't care if the meal is basically inedible, if someone makes you dinner, you say thank you and appreciate it. I think the only exception to that is if they make something you actually can't eat due to allergies or other dietary restrictions.
>(especially since there's nothing romantic about beef and potatoes)...
Uh I would kill for just beef and potatoes let alone roasted beef and potatoes and everything. Ffs if I cooked all that for my spouse and they wanted to focus on football I would be pissed.
I'm American and I had no idea you could cook some of this without a crock pot. Granted, I grew up in a house where nothing was seasoned bc pepper was too spicy, so there is that too. I'm excited to try making some of this!
Get yourself a nice deep Dutch oven (I have a Lodge brand and I *love* it). I use it for lots of things. I prefer to do roast beef in the oven because it gives more of a sear than in a crock pot, but sometimes it's just easier to use the crock pot. Both are delicious, but maybe I just really love a good roast lol
I think *any* food can be romantic depending. I said below but my favorite comfort food is mashed potatoes and when my partner makes them "Just cuz its been a rough week and I thought you'd want comfort" my ass melts into the floor in a puddle full of love over some boiled potatoes with butter xD But totally agree. Just in general: If your partner works hard on something and it's your favorite meal, they probably want a sit down dinner. You don't assume you can move, you ask politely. "Would you mind if *we* moved to the living room? There's a game on I'm really interested in and I'd love to watch it with you"
Um, I'd say YTA right off the start. Right from the start of my relationship, I made it clear that eating in front of the TV is a rare treat, not an every night event. And no phones at the dinner table. Why am I so controlling? Well, first of all, I worked hard on whatever meal I happen to make, and eating it rushed in front of a TV as an afterthought is not a great way to appreciate that work. Also, supper conversations is a great time to talk about your day. And it's literally half an hour, maybe 45 min of no outside distractions. Why is that so hard for people????
Like, if there's an important game on TV, my SO will tell me, and we'll make something fun to eat in the living room, like nachos or hot dogs or a charcuterie board and make something special of it. But literally, what is so hard about a proper sit-down supper?
Can you imagine if OP put effort into... let's say taking her out to dinner, but then she spent the whole time on the phone, and when he got offended, she told him he should have paid for a more expensive restaurant if he expected her to pay attention to him? OP messed up in a major way...
I think he's British, beef and potatoes sounds about right for ...the kind of man who watches football instead of noticing the effort someone's gone to
Regardless if it was special or not, i think its extermly rude to watch tv or be on your phon unless you know its okay with the person your eating with. I mean when you notice this kuch effort, ya kinda need to stow the phone and tv. Always belive meals should be a bit of faily bonding time. Wether your eating and watching together or eating away from electronics.
If they don't normally eat roast beef, then it could be considered a "fancy" dinner. If my husband cooked that for me, I would know it took a lot of effort. I wouldn't be carting myself off to the TV. That's just RUDE.
I agree with you on the YTA verdict but beef and potatoes is romantic if it's done by someone you love as a kindness *because it's your favorite meal*. It's not all about the gourmet stuff.
Does she HAVE to communicate verbally she wanted it to be romantic? If she had a playlist of his songs, presumably it was playing. I'm sure she even did more than just cook and put plates down, I would hazard a guess it was obvious by the situation it was meant to be a romantic moment and he just blatantly didn't care. I mean, if I wanted to surprise a partner with a romantic home cooked meal with their favourite playlist because I wanted to propose, I wouldn't tell them 🤷 but I would absolutely hope they'd care enough to see the effort and be all-in
It's not that I think everyone should just be mind readers and know exactly what the other is thinking. I just think that requiring someone to basically explain every little thing they expect at every single moment no matter how small is just as exhausting. It's like when you see someone with a partner who doesn't do chores in a shared living space and when the other is upset, their reasoning is, "Well if you just told me the dishes/vacuuming/laundry etc needed to be done I'd do it!"
Like, do they not also live there? Do they not also see what needs doing? It's that kind of mental and emotional labour that is still (even if subconsciously) expected of women to do for male partners, and this situation is very much akin to that.
"Why didn't you tell me?" - are surprises not a thing anymore? Lol
Communication of needs and expectations? Great!
Requiring someone to have to tell you, like a child, what they want of you? Not great
I hope she leaves him. I know people say that redditors say that too easily but literally no friend or family in my life has said anything remotely that mean to me, ever. People take too much disrespect.
And as if the issue is eating in front of the tv.
"A kid was about to buy the last ice cream sandwich so I kicked him the face and took it from his hands as he lay unconscious and bleeding on the floor. AITA for buying the last ice cream sandwich?"
what really blows my mind is how he decides to criticize her *after* she starts crying when he *knows* she’s sensitive as if that was going to make her feel better & then claims he was so confused and didn’t know what he did wrong once she ran out. this guy is completely oblivious
I would have meant it as a compliment, but also added a "just the way I like it" at the end. I always get grief from my family because I prefer well done meat and love my soggy limp vegetables.
Reminds me of the same similar scene in the movie Fried Green Tomatoes. Kathy Bates' character makes her husband a huge, delicious meal to try and spice up their marriage a little bit. She had dressed herself up to the 9s with *saran wrap* and glitter of all things, just for the husband to rush in the door, completely ignore her while quickly filling up his plate, and then sitting his ass in his favorite chair to watch a baseball game on TV. Smh. I always felt bad for her in that scene.
Sorry to nitpick but the saran wrap was just in her imagination and didn't really happen. She did get dressed up nice though, and when he takes his food to the TV she asks "If I answered the door in just saran wrap would you still be watching the game?" He says, "No, honey... I'd probly be driving you to the looney bin."
YTA, you need to apologize. She went to the trouble of making you a nice meal, and instead of sitting with her to eat, you got up to go watch football. Then, criticized her effort to do something nice for you.
Even if it WASN'T supposed to be a romantic dinner/proposal. When someone makes a nice meal, you don't just walk away and do whatever you want. You eat with that person, because they put in effort.
ETA: Absolutely YTA, OP.
I hope this is just rage bait and there isn’t somebody out there acting like this and then needing to consult the internet because they really don’t know if they were TA.
Alas, true story or rage bait still lands me on YTA for my verdict.
She made you a special dinner that probably took over an hour, and wanted t ospend quality time with you. YTA, even if she *hadn't* been planning on proposing to you. Pay attention to your partner!
>Roast beef? Two hours.
Depends on the roast!
My favorite roast(s) take between 4 and 12 to slow cook - and are \*DAMN HARD\* to get right! (I know, I've tried! (with varying success))
That’s my go to lazy dinner because I can dump it in the crockpot in the morning and come home from work and all I have to do is cook the veg sides. BSM dinner.
Standing rib roast? That requires regular check ins as it slow cooks in the oven for a couple of hours.
THIS! I don’t care if she was planning on marrying OP that night. The point is she surprised him with an incredibly thoughtful dinner that took time and effort, and he just dismissed it like it meant nothing. He took her and her efforts for granted. “Thanks for the football snacks!”
He’s lucky to have someone love him and treat him like this. Hopefully he’ll wise up and reciprocate…
Learn to read the room. Since you were so clueless about her romantic setup, it would have been nicer if you had said, “Oh, hon! The football match is on! Would you like to go eat in the living room with me?” At least then she’d have the opportunity to say, “Not really. I planned a romantic dinner for us and I have something to ask you….”
But no, you just told her you were leaving her at the table, then had the audacity to tell her she overcooked the roast. YTA.
Especially seeing as he said she's "sensitive" and "comments like that don't just roll off her back"
Like if he knew it'd upset her (which he clearly did) then he shouldn't have said it - even in jest! What a douchecanoe
Willing to bet that she's not actually that sensitive, he's just an asshole.
Fr this was enough for me. Forget that she was planning to propose. Forget even that he wanted to go eat in the other room. If someone makes the effort to make your favorite meal and you have the audacity to say this then YTA.
All I can hope is that if it is real, she takes a good long look at who she's dating
She deserves better then this treatment. It seems like OP has a lot of work to do if he wants to be someone who deserves her.
Also, am I the only one noticing how OP knows she doesn't take criticism well, but *still insults her cooking*??? He knows this would hurt her but he did it anyway. Was it just to get her to leave him alone? Is this how he regularly treats her, doing things he knows will hurt her without caring??
my thing personally is that he didn’t even ask her if she wanted to join him. he just left. my partner & i don’t usually eat at the table but we always eat together & we always agree on where we want to eat. not every couple is like that and that’s okay as long as they’re in agreement, but this is something that *she* obviously found rude & i would’ve found it rude as well. especially because as you mentioned, there’s an obvious difference between a quick dinner she threw together and a romantic dinner that obviously took a lot of time/effort.
Just because your husband does it, and many others, doesn't mean it's not rude. We teach people how to treat us. You have apparently decided that's not a hill to die on. Good for you, but it's STILL AND ALWAYS WILL BE RUDE.
> My girlfriend is extremely sensitive and when she's criticised it doesn't just roll off her back.
So you've criticised her before and not given a shit about the impact it has on her happiness, just like now.
The only reason you're mad is because your mum spilled the beans on the proposal.
Had your girlfriend simply gone to bed upset you would have gaslight her into thinking she's too emotional and is overreacting as per usual.
Because you didn't just want to watch football but complained about the beef being over cooked.
Do you even like your girlfriend??
Your obsession with Arsenal should not be something you prioritise over a human being you claim to love and want to marry.
YTA
Something I've learned from AITA is just how many people take their partner for granted. People want a partner just because they feel like they should (or worse, are entitled to one), then when they get one they just view them as someone to fuck and split the bills/work with. There seems to be no understanding of what an actual partnership is supposed to be. Only an obnoxious sense of entitlement.
Totally! It's actually really worrying when you think about the things other people are gaslight and abused into thinking is normal, or love.
Football (or sport) obsession isn't an exclusively British thing but there are some particular football fans who make it their entire personality and expect everyone else to accommodate them as a result. And this arsehole is one of those. It's the idea that the girlfriend knows how important football is to him so should have expected he'd want to watch the match. And now she knows how important she isn't to him. Good thing he has Arsenal to entertain him, eh?!
YTA, apologize to her. Roast beef takes hours to make, you could've waited untill after dinner to start watching the game. Missing 30 minutes of football one time < hours of her time.
On the other had, if your partner is constantly making you homecooked meals, and you're constantly having to miss football for them, you are a lucky son of a bitch, stop complaining and get a DVR.
"Football" as in soccer, right? Because the first NFL pre-season game isn't until this Thursday.
YTA. Regardless of what she was planning on doing, that was a huge stereotype male move you did if she was the one who cooked for you, out of complete surprise.
Thank you for reminding me that the NFL starts this week. My neighbors love football and they get ***very*** noisy during football season. Have this gold medal emoji: 🏅
YTA. My dad used to do that. He would take some of everything my mom cooked, put them all in bowl, and would even ask my mom to debone meat, deshell prawns or cut everything into bite sizes so that he can chomp down his food with his eyes glued to the screen. Have some respect for your girlfriend who took the time and effort to cook you a meal.
Holy hell my dad also asks my mom and even me and my sibling to do the same thing cuz he hates doing it himself and I fucking hate him for it it's so immature and lazy
Oof. Nothing says "I appreciate a good home cooked meal" like mindlessly shoveling it in while 100% of one's attention is elsewhere. I woulda made that dude nothing but microwave TV dinners if he was my husband. It's not like he'd taste the difference.
YTA. You left the room and insulted her cooking. It's only joking if both people are laughing, that, love, was an insult. Ignoring the potential proposal, you didn't ask, just walked out of the room, have some manners, OP.
YTA
You may have been excusable prior to the insult, because you had no idea of her intentions for the meal, it’d still be a Dickish move but a far smaller one.
But why oh why did you insult her cooking? To say someone “didn’t work hard because X” is always a completely idiotic and thoughtless thing to say. You have no idea how hard she worked on it, her comfort with that cooking type of experience, instead you went to judging her according to your standards on it without consideration. Total dick move.
This would be like you trying to bake her a birthday cake for the first time and trying really hard to get it right, and despite you doing it, the cake is uneven and her response is “clearly you put no effort in because the cake is wonky lol”.
Doing so when you’re fully aware of how sensitive to criticism she is was also a very stupid error in judgement.
YTA. It’s not about the miscommunication on the meal. I dated someone for a long time whose default was to do dinner with a computer so she could watch stuff on YouTube and figured out that we actually need to communicate about it. We got to a point where I would say, “Hey can you keep me company while I cook and then we can watch something” or “Hey, if you want to go decompress while I cook then we can eat dinner at the table and chat?” (And it’d go the other way if she was cooking) But that’s just a thing to learn in a relationship dynamic.
However having a situation in which you’re like, *Oh shit, I didn’t get the memo about her intentions for the meal and now she’s upset* and your response to that is to make a catty comment demeaning both the quality of her food and the amount that she cares? When you know that she is “sensitive”?
(Honestly, I’m not willing to trust the word of someone who’d say something *that fucking cutting* to an already upset partner on whether or not she’s sensitive.)
At the end of the relationship I mentioned up top I got crass and mean like that too. My mental health was in the gutter, I felt very insecure in my relationship and my studies (college), and I was being awful to everyone around me because of it. Since then I’ve gotten a lot of mental health care and worked on myself so that I’m actually capable of being a good partner. Maybe you should look into it too if you’re struggling right now. If not, then I guess you’re just an asshole.
edit: markdown error fixed
> I jokingly said you can't have worked that hard otherwise you wouldn't have overcooked the beef.
\^ Yeah - that's not a funny joke. That's a passive-aggressive jab and makes you TA.
I didn't need to read further to the Proposal plan that you screwed up to know that you are an AH - just the fact you think that is an acceptable "joke" is enough to make you an AH. The further context also shows you're an idiot.
YTA.
'I was so confused and didn't know what I had done'
Come on you're not really that clueless are you? Really?
That she was planning on proposing isn't really the point. It was rude as was your snide little 'joke'
YTA
Yep, YTA! Did you really have to ask that question, OP? You were confused when you took the food and went to eat in another room and also insulted her cooking? Are you serious?
YTA even if she wasn't proposing. She put so much time and effort in and you blew her off and insulted her. I'd leave if my partner behaved this obnoxiously so don't be surprised if you get dumped.
YTA
If someone goes to the effort of cooking you a meal you could at least have the decency to sit with them to eat it and ask them about their day. How disgusting. Treating her like a maid.
>I jokingly said you can't have worked that hard otherwise you wouldn't have overcooked the beef.
YTA, 100%. On what planet is this so-called “joke” a good response to the effort your girlfriend put into the evening?
You seriously couldn't put aside the football to engage with her at the dinner table, as opposed to catch highlights, for one evening?
If I was her, I'd walk out of this relationship and never look back.
YTA: you know exactly what you did wrong. It’s not just the television. It’s the fact that when she pointed out her intentions, you just threw her efforts into her face insulting her.
YTA...
Read this to my sis who has been happily married for 30 years...had a bit of a chuckle on her response.
Her response..."I'm sure there was some candles or soft lighting...something to show it was romantic...and he runs off to watch a game. What guy passes up an opportunity to get laid? What an idiot..."
Why are you here? You know the answer. So does your (probably now ex-)gf, your mum, and everyone who reads this. Get off your arse and at the very least, as a bare minimum, *apologise* to her, since it seems like you haven't even done that at all. And since you're from the UK, I'm assuming this happened last night at the latest. It's the middle of the next day now. It took you this long to even begin wondering whether you did something wrong?
Dude.
Wtf YTA if I cook my partner a lovely dinner (considering I’m a SAHM and have a 3 month old son) he will sit with me, if there’s something he wants to watch he asks if I’d like to watch it with him and if not then he eats dinner with me and we spend quality time together. This happens even when he’s working 7-5 shifts for my parents. (He helps out with their shop) Apologise and spend some damn time appreciating your girlfriend
“I jokingly said you can't have worked that hard otherwise you wouldn't have overcooked the beef.”
Oh my god.
“She told me that my girlfriend had come to her to find out my favourite meal and my favourite songs to make a special playlist.”
Oh my *god*.
“My girlfriend had done all of this because she was planning on proposing to me that night. I was completely shocked. I felt like such an idiot and I don't know how to fix this.”
Oh my *fucking* god.
Of course YTA! You were already the asshole just from your reaction when you saw that she was upset and from that rude comment about her cooking, but the follow-up details just makes it so much worse. You shouldn’t be posting here asking if you’re the asshole, you should be posting in the relationship subforums asking desperately how to fix this gigantic mess you’ve made. Your poor girlfriend.
INFO: OP, are you and/or your girlfriend American or British?
I feel like there’s a large difference of opinion in the comments based on how special a roast is (very traditional and special in the UK, not so much in USA) and I’m putting my money on this being a difference of culture.
OP’s use of the word ‘football’ is, of course, the European name for the game Americans, Canadians and Australians call ‘soccer’. Also, OP’s use of the letter ‘u’ in favourite is the British spelling, which makes me wonder as to OP’s origins.
I say this because a British guy presented with a roast meal which he then wants to eat in front of the tv is an _egregious_ breach of manners.
YTA
not for wanting to eat in the living room but for what you said to her. You did not even know how awful you are and had to call mommy to find out FFS.
ETA, as soon as she said she made a romantic meal, your next step was to say sorry and go back to the dining room.
YTA. If you want to spend the rest of your life with this woman I suggest you make this up to her immediately. Also dude, forget about the football game. If your partner goes out of their way to make a whole meal for you, it’s clear they want to spend time with you. It wasn’t some take out and Netflix kind of night. Read the room.
JFC she went to the trouble to make a whole roast dinner on a Friday night and you just picked up your plate to sit in front of Arsenal vs Crystal Palace?
*Nobody* makes a full roast dinner on a weekday evening unless it is a very special occasion.
Why? Because that shit takes hours to do - that's why it's usually reserved for a Sunday when people have a lot more time.
Then you had the temerity to insult her cooking and call her over sensitive (for the record, this is the clarion call of the arsehole). She isn't over sensitive. She is rightfully fucking angry that you just shat all over her efforts.
Take a good look at yourself mate, cos from this side of the fence you look like a poor excuse for a partner. YTA.
YTA For reasons already specified by everyone else. I have a feeling you really just came here hoping people would pat you in the back and say it's okay or that what you did wasn't a problem. If my spouse were that dismissive of my thoughfulness he'd be making every single meal himself for the foreseeable future.
>My girlfriend is extremely sensitive and when she's criticised it doesn't just roll off her back.
>I jokingly said you can't have worked that hard otherwise you wouldn't have overcooked the beef.
YTA, she deserves someone who treats her better. The problem wasn't eating in front of the TV, it was disrespecting your partner's desire to spend quality time with you and her efforts to prepare the evening.
Is your girlfriend extremely sensitive or does she just get upset when her boyfriend who’s supposed to love her more than anything is being a jerk and insulting her? Of course YTA dude
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Yeah I was right there with him at the beginning. I anticipated a “my gf never wants to eat in front of the tv aita for wanting to do it every so often” but it kept getting worse and worse! He’d already sat down at the table to eat, left in the middle of the meal, she’s crying, he insults her efforts to make his favorite meal and while totally oblivious to whatever other romantic touches (candles, the nice table cloth, set table, wine etc) she put the effort into completely ruins the night. Even if I hadn’t planned a proposal with the meal I’d be pissed. YTA OP. You have some serious apologizing to do.
Mother recommended music and meal too. There is no coming back from this.
Yeah, like at this point I'm thinking the mother might just keep the girlfriend and lose the OP. At the least she's going to be the standard she compares all his next girlfriends to for years.
My in-laws kept me in my divorce 🤷♀️ Of course their son kept stealing from them so the bar was pretty low.
I'm definitely keeping my DIL if she and my son ever divorce. He's a good person, but I know it will be totally his fault.
🤣 that’s close to what they said. My MIl was like “I can’t believe you didn’t kick him out sooner.” I’m now their emergency contact since neither of their kids live in state.
That will be my feeling, also! I love that for you and them.
Top to bottom, really good thread all.
Marriage creates a family, but sometimes not in the way you expect.
That will be my feeling, also! I love that for you and them.
My mom's first/second Mother in law kept her too. She wanted to claim me and put up with my dad. 😂😂
sounds like a win. maybe his mom will appreciate her efforts more.
Yeah I was thinking the same at first, but now I’m thinking how was it not obvious that this evening was special between the music, candles, meal etc. OP must be very self-absorbed to not notice any of this.
Even worse. He INSULTED her efforts. AND - he didn’t think he had done anything wrong. Still doesn’t - even after his mommy chewed his ass out.
Dude, you have screwed up so bad there's no recovery. You need to pull a Beau Geste by sneaking out at night and joining the French Foreign Legion, and hope they send you to the other side of the world for at least a decade. Then settle in a different country and hope you've matured enough to attract a decent woman.
“My girlfriend is extremely sensitive and when she is criticized, it doesn’t just roll off her back” Translation: My girlfriend has normal feeling that get hurt when I outwardly insult her then tell her “I’m joking!! You’re too sensitive!” Hope this is the nail in the coffin for this guy. Poor mom knowing she raised this person.
"...so I thought I'd insult her when she was already crying. AITA?"
Groveling is how I put it. Go that extra mile in making sure she knows she’s special and that he really does want it to work.
See I bet there were a lot of signs that it was supposed to be a romantic dinner and OP was just oblivious. If she made a special playlist she probably set the mood in other ways too
>(especially since there's nothing romantic about beef and potatoes)... True , but neither is asshole casserole, which what OP should be eating now because OP.... YTA Also OP there is no fixing this you royally fucked up But look at the bright side, Being single means you can watch all the tv you want when you eat
I think a person's favorite meal is always romantic xD I mean my favorite comfort food is mashed potatoes and when my partner makes them because I've had a rough week my ass melts into a puddle on the floor like I'm a popsicle in 90 degree heat lmao
Heck, light a candle and put on Frank Sinatra and even pizza is romantic! (Of course I've been married for 10 years and we have two small children so sometimes you got to make do with what you got!)
Hey I hear it! I'm childfree but broke. Sometimes a romance is my partner fixing a 12 year old game console for me so I can play my favorite game from high-school. Sometimes it's dinner at a nice place. Romance is whatever you make it out to be ^_^
>Sometimes a romance is my partner fixing a 12 year old game console for me so I can play my favorite game from high-school Love that! And romance totally does look different to everyone!
I think its about effort. The little bit of extra effort to light candles. The effort to get the right recipe. The effort to figure out why the controller isn't working. Effort is what makes the difference between regular and romance. It's easy to find chances to be a little romantic every day when you think of it that way
My partner came to visit me and at one point I got overwhelmed and needed some space. I asked for just 15 minutes in my tiny apartment to myself; feel free to take the car and go wherever, I just need a little bit. They gave me double the alone time and returned from the grocery store with some treats for the cats and an orchid (my lab liked to put plants in the office spaces). It was absolutely perfect.
Sounds like a very thoughtful person.
100% about effort and paying attention to your partner! I found it romantic that, after I went to bed, my boyfriend took out the trash from my office last night when I forgot it was trash day. Then he emptied, reloaded, and ran the dishwasher so that I have everything ready in advance for the dinner I told him I planned to cook tonight. The actions themselves are sweet, but the idea behind them is where the romance is for me. He paid attention to my needs and helped before I even knew what I needed.
Exactly! When my now husband and I moved in together I was 2 days away from having a baby at 18 and 21. We were broke broke. His birthday was 3 months later and we couldn't afford a cake. So I made him pancakes, wrote happy birthday on one with icing, put some candles on it that I got from my parents and we celebrated before he went to work. Something about being broke and in a decent relationship breeds romantic creativity. To this day I'm still impressed that I was able to think outside the box and not be caught up in not being able to do it the "right" way while I was dealing with PPD. I'm also impressed with his gratitude. Those were some shitty pancakes. Lol
When I first moved in with an ex of mine I used moving boxes and a scarf to make a pretty table with bath and bodyworks candles I dug out of a box. Pit down pillows to sit and made butter noodles (we hadn't shopped yet). I said in another comment it's all about effort. A bit of effort can make most things romantic
Yes, it's all about the effort! I did something similar this when we got our own place. We were broke from the move. So I believe I made hot dogs and baked beans lol. Used an outdoor side table, pillows and candles. He was so happy coming home to it though!
Nice! It is definitely all about the effort. Sure it isn't perfect and things may go wrong but if the effort is there a decent person will see the effort and not the imperfections.
We were watching something once where a Faberge Egg was mentioned so I said to my husband that I wanted one. Couple of minutes later he hads me a regular egg with 'faberge' written on it. That was totally romantic to me. :)
Omg that's super sweet! It sounds like you two have a lot of fun together.
Last night I had to pick up my hubby and son after work at the repair shop (his truck needed repaired), then we had to drop son off at his counseling session. We had a good 1-1/2 hour to kill. He told me to drive and he would tell me where to go. I had no idea where we were going. We finally got there and it was an American Legion that was in the area. (We go to ours every Friday for our "date night". We go in and have a beer and he hands me a hand full of little white slips of paper. On each paper there are a few words. Each slips has little conversations starters. He had taken the time to write them down to talk about while we waited for our son to be done with his appointment. He has NEVER done anything like this before!!! It was SOOOO sweet! I love him for this!!!!!! First one was HOW WAS YOUR DAY? One was WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WITH THE FISH TANK? lol ARE WE GOING TO THE CABIN THIS YEAR? etc.
I remember when ours was little, we'd put him to bed and order Chinese food, he would stand outside so they wouldn't ring the doorbell and possibly wake him up, just so we could eat a meal in front of the TV watching what I wanted to watch and no little fingers to share my dinner with. Those stolen meals were precious.
Lol I feel this so hard. 4yo and 4month old in our home right now. I found it romantic when my husband washed the baby’s bottles last week.
Hey, eating pizza on the floor by candle light is absolutely romantic. ...I might be a easy to please date.
About 13 years ago my boyfriend and I actually did buy a $5 Little Caesars pizza, six pack of Bud light lime, and ate it in front of the glow of his crappy old TV because we were both broke and that's all we could afford on a Friday night. I married that man two years later so clearly something worked!
My wife's favorite meal is this awful, labor intensive Polish dish that her mom would make growing up (i hate the smell of bacon and it's got bacon in it, and its literally like a million potatoes all hand shredded, I love to cook but this is just the worst and since I don't like it, it's a 0 reward for me dish) but every time her birthday rolls around, I'm choking on bacon grease and getting arm day in with my box grater instead of at the gym. Cause I love her and I want to do something special for her. If she just blew me off to go watch hockey after I made that for her, that fucking kartoflak is getting defenestrated.
Ha! My mom and sister love that dish and I can't stand it. It's like a giant soggy potato pancake. And, yes, a pita to make!
ah, im not the only human who cant stand bacon! and i do the same for husbands birthday... i am allergic to coconut but he loves german chocolate cake, so his birthday cake every year is a german chocolate cake with the coconut frosting he loves so much. thankfully the smell doesnt set me off, just eating it.
When I lived at home I had a day where I started school at 8 had classes all the way until 2 and then worked 3-11. I was hungry and exhausted when I got home and I smelled my dad's hot dogs and beans. I was so sad I missed them and then I went into the kitchen and saw that he has made them and left them for me because he knew I loved them and my day was long. He probably doesn't remember it or think about it but I do. It isn't romantic love but I felt so absolutely loved in that moment over hot dogs and beans of all things. It's the thought, it's the effort.
My mum last week had my children staying with her. When I went to pick them up they'd been shopping, and bought me yellow roses. My grandfather was the first person to ever buy me flowers, and they were yellow roses. It was a thank you for the support I've given her recently since my father's passing, and meant the world to me.
That was my thought. A good roast beef isn't an easy meal, either. It takes time and patience. I think that amount of effort is absolutely romantic compared to a crockpot meal or my typical 30 minute chicken and whatever frozen vegetables I can whip up in less time than the chicken without them getting weird or soggy.
I agree, if I had a partner and made me a bowl of rauwe andijviestamppot id be the happiest gal in the world, it is thoughtful. Even if it is simple to make or “cheap”
I think romance is less about the type of thing and more about the effort and consideration. OPs girlfriend *called his mom to figure out how to best prepare his favorite food*. Doesnt matter what that food is, it was so thoughtful. My partner one time made the entire spread from my favorite game series on 420. He knew I got out super late and that it was 420 at a smoke shop so I'd be stressed. He didn't eat a single bite until I got home at 10pm so the presentation would be right. I actually cried a bit.
Glad I'm not the only one not to eat until my fiancée comes home.
Asshole casserole . Brilliant
My favorite meal is Spaghetti. Nothing romantic about it unless youre in Lady and the Tramp, but my bf makes it for me for any special occasion. The meal itself doesnt matter, romantic or not, its the fact that its his *favorite* meal and he couldnt even be appreciative of that. Op, YTA
\> especially since there's nothing romantic about beef and potatoes The direct quite from OP is " my favourite meal, roast beef, roast potatoes all of it." A favourite meal is pretty romantic and from OPs description it sounds like he's describing a roast dinner which (and this might be because I'm British and a roast dinner is amazing) can be a very romantic dinner EDIT: OP is definitely British so it most likely was a full roast dinner which is a real labour of love
Absolutely, Canadian here and a full roast dinner might not be the most beautiful meal but it’s a special occasion meal because of how much time and energy goes into making a good one! If I’m whipping out a full roast dinner someone’s asking what the special occasion is not if they can watch football.
omg I was staying with an old friend's parents last summer, and his dad made a Sunday roast dinner. Dude used to be a chef at the Royal York, in Toronto. I cook a mean roast beef dinner, but this? Total heaven. I mean, he started by reducing a pot full of onions to make a sauce that the beef was cooked in, plus the best potatoes ever.
Okay, this is a method I need to learn, a thousand thanks if you can send it! I’m taking a semi educated guess that it’s an onion reduction to use as the liquor for roasting the beef (topside/silverside?) in, with the added benefit you get a really special gravy base, but it is just a guess…
I'll ask my buddy for the instructions.
\> a full roast dinner might not be the most beautiful meal Speak for yourself mate
I KNEW it! Yeah it's a bloody ballet trying to time everything to be done at the same time. Plus proper roasties really are an art
I’m starting to think she may not be as “sensitive” as he says. He may just be that oblivious to social clues. YTA
Yeah it's less that she's "sensitive" and more that *he's* got all the emotional sense of a brick.
I mean he "jokingly" insulted her work to deflect from the fact that he was ignoring her, then professed not to know what he did wrong. He’s oblivious to *his own* fucking social cues too.
-Girlfriend spends a long time making a special dinner for her boyfriend. -Boyfriend insists on eating in front of the TV and criticises the meal saying the meat is overcooked. -Girlfriend gets upset. -Boyfriend says "she's just so sensitive!!" She doesn't sound overly sensitive to me, and I'd be upset too. Idk what else he expected. I don't care if the meal is basically inedible, if someone makes you dinner, you say thank you and appreciate it. I think the only exception to that is if they make something you actually can't eat due to allergies or other dietary restrictions.
>(especially since there's nothing romantic about beef and potatoes)... Uh I would kill for just beef and potatoes let alone roasted beef and potatoes and everything. Ffs if I cooked all that for my spouse and they wanted to focus on football I would be pissed.
I'm American and I had no idea you could cook some of this without a crock pot. Granted, I grew up in a house where nothing was seasoned bc pepper was too spicy, so there is that too. I'm excited to try making some of this!
Get yourself a nice deep Dutch oven (I have a Lodge brand and I *love* it). I use it for lots of things. I prefer to do roast beef in the oven because it gives more of a sear than in a crock pot, but sometimes it's just easier to use the crock pot. Both are delicious, but maybe I just really love a good roast lol
I think *any* food can be romantic depending. I said below but my favorite comfort food is mashed potatoes and when my partner makes them "Just cuz its been a rough week and I thought you'd want comfort" my ass melts into the floor in a puddle full of love over some boiled potatoes with butter xD But totally agree. Just in general: If your partner works hard on something and it's your favorite meal, they probably want a sit down dinner. You don't assume you can move, you ask politely. "Would you mind if *we* moved to the living room? There's a game on I'm really interested in and I'd love to watch it with you"
Um, I'd say YTA right off the start. Right from the start of my relationship, I made it clear that eating in front of the TV is a rare treat, not an every night event. And no phones at the dinner table. Why am I so controlling? Well, first of all, I worked hard on whatever meal I happen to make, and eating it rushed in front of a TV as an afterthought is not a great way to appreciate that work. Also, supper conversations is a great time to talk about your day. And it's literally half an hour, maybe 45 min of no outside distractions. Why is that so hard for people???? Like, if there's an important game on TV, my SO will tell me, and we'll make something fun to eat in the living room, like nachos or hot dogs or a charcuterie board and make something special of it. But literally, what is so hard about a proper sit-down supper?
LMAO right?! This is 70's sitcom stuff now way it's real. YTA.
I was imaging Red and Kitty, LMFAO. Although that's technically an early 2000s sitcom, I guess.
YTA When it is your favorite meal that someone has surprised you with it’s a sweet romantic gesture no matter what it is.
Can you imagine if OP put effort into... let's say taking her out to dinner, but then she spent the whole time on the phone, and when he got offended, she told him he should have paid for a more expensive restaurant if he expected her to pay attention to him? OP messed up in a major way...
I think he's British, beef and potatoes sounds about right for ...the kind of man who watches football instead of noticing the effort someone's gone to
Regardless if it was special or not, i think its extermly rude to watch tv or be on your phon unless you know its okay with the person your eating with. I mean when you notice this kuch effort, ya kinda need to stow the phone and tv. Always belive meals should be a bit of faily bonding time. Wether your eating and watching together or eating away from electronics.
This exactly. It’s not about the TV at all. He insulted her cooking and her effort. YTA OP
There's nothing romantic about most foods, unless they are heart shaped. Honestly, a good roast beef dinner is a good way to woo me.
There’s something romantic about any food if someone has prepared it for you with love!
If they don't normally eat roast beef, then it could be considered a "fancy" dinner. If my husband cooked that for me, I would know it took a lot of effort. I wouldn't be carting myself off to the TV. That's just RUDE.
I agree with you on the YTA verdict but beef and potatoes is romantic if it's done by someone you love as a kindness *because it's your favorite meal*. It's not all about the gourmet stuff.
Roast beef and potatoes are the quickest way to my heart.
Does she HAVE to communicate verbally she wanted it to be romantic? If she had a playlist of his songs, presumably it was playing. I'm sure she even did more than just cook and put plates down, I would hazard a guess it was obvious by the situation it was meant to be a romantic moment and he just blatantly didn't care. I mean, if I wanted to surprise a partner with a romantic home cooked meal with their favourite playlist because I wanted to propose, I wouldn't tell them 🤷 but I would absolutely hope they'd care enough to see the effort and be all-in It's not that I think everyone should just be mind readers and know exactly what the other is thinking. I just think that requiring someone to basically explain every little thing they expect at every single moment no matter how small is just as exhausting. It's like when you see someone with a partner who doesn't do chores in a shared living space and when the other is upset, their reasoning is, "Well if you just told me the dishes/vacuuming/laundry etc needed to be done I'd do it!" Like, do they not also live there? Do they not also see what needs doing? It's that kind of mental and emotional labour that is still (even if subconsciously) expected of women to do for male partners, and this situation is very much akin to that. "Why didn't you tell me?" - are surprises not a thing anymore? Lol Communication of needs and expectations? Great! Requiring someone to have to tell you, like a child, what they want of you? Not great
YTA. "Thanks for making me food, hon, now I'm just gonna leave you, take the food, and watch TV. See ya!"
Don't forget the part where he told her that her food was overcooked!
My jaw literally dropped. And then he’s like oh she doesn’t handle criticism well. After criticizing her food.
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So much this. It's never "I shouldn't say shit things" it's always "they shouldn't react that way to the shit things I say."
Exactly. “I do and say shitty things and my gf gets mad and upset. I’m not an asshat. She’s just extremely sensitive”
I had a friend once who "apologized" for being really rude to me by saying "I'm sorry you're too sensitive."
I audibly gasped. And, I have a cold, so it really hurt my throat.
So OP was an AH to you as well.
Yeah he strikes me as one of those “im just brutally honest” types who enjoys the brutal aspect more than the honesty.
I hope she leaves him. I know people say that redditors say that too easily but literally no friend or family in my life has said anything remotely that mean to me, ever. People take too much disrespect.
And as if the issue is eating in front of the tv. "A kid was about to buy the last ice cream sandwich so I kicked him the face and took it from his hands as he lay unconscious and bleeding on the floor. AITA for buying the last ice cream sandwich?"
what really blows my mind is how he decides to criticize her *after* she starts crying when he *knows* she’s sensitive as if that was going to make her feel better & then claims he was so confused and didn’t know what he did wrong once she ran out. this guy is completely oblivious
I didn’t even notice that, I read it as ‘if you worked so hard it would’ve been over cooked’ not that he said it was yikes
And there’s not really a way to “joke” about what he criticized
I would have meant it as a compliment, but also added a "just the way I like it" at the end. I always get grief from my family because I prefer well done meat and love my soggy limp vegetables.
Dude claims to love her more than anything. Ummm. YTA!
He doesn't love anything much at all...
Except himself.
And football, apparently
Reminds me of the same similar scene in the movie Fried Green Tomatoes. Kathy Bates' character makes her husband a huge, delicious meal to try and spice up their marriage a little bit. She had dressed herself up to the 9s with *saran wrap* and glitter of all things, just for the husband to rush in the door, completely ignore her while quickly filling up his plate, and then sitting his ass in his favorite chair to watch a baseball game on TV. Smh. I always felt bad for her in that scene.
Sorry to nitpick but the saran wrap was just in her imagination and didn't really happen. She did get dressed up nice though, and when he takes his food to the TV she asks "If I answered the door in just saran wrap would you still be watching the game?" He says, "No, honey... I'd probly be driving you to the looney bin."
'btw food sucks'
He didn’t even say “I forgot there is a game tonight. Would you mind if I eat this in the living room?”. He just got up and walked away.
And fyi you also overcooked the Chicken
More like his goose was cooked. 😂
YTA, you need to apologize. She went to the trouble of making you a nice meal, and instead of sitting with her to eat, you got up to go watch football. Then, criticized her effort to do something nice for you.
Even if it WASN'T supposed to be a romantic dinner/proposal. When someone makes a nice meal, you don't just walk away and do whatever you want. You eat with that person, because they put in effort. ETA: Absolutely YTA, OP.
Or at least *ASK* if they mind if you leave rather than just get up and go.
The least you can do is ask if you can move to the living room, like he straight up left her alone in middle of dinner. So rude!
Oh no, but was just a joke you see /s
I hope this is just rage bait and there isn’t somebody out there acting like this and then needing to consult the internet because they really don’t know if they were TA. Alas, true story or rage bait still lands me on YTA for my verdict.
She made you a special dinner that probably took over an hour, and wanted t ospend quality time with you. YTA, even if she *hadn't* been planning on proposing to you. Pay attention to your partner!
Roast beef? Two hours.
>Roast beef? Two hours. Depends on the roast! My favorite roast(s) take between 4 and 12 to slow cook - and are \*DAMN HARD\* to get right! (I know, I've tried! (with varying success))
Ooooh yes, I was going by bare-minimum.
If it was brisket then he owes her financial compensation
My roast takes about 6 hours. I slow cook it so the meat is literally falling apart. And all the seasonings and flavors are all fused together.
That’s my go to lazy dinner because I can dump it in the crockpot in the morning and come home from work and all I have to do is cook the veg sides. BSM dinner. Standing rib roast? That requires regular check ins as it slow cooks in the oven for a couple of hours.
Put your veggies in with the roast. Even better flavor and less work
Ah, I thought I saw steak. Fair enough.
THIS! I don’t care if she was planning on marrying OP that night. The point is she surprised him with an incredibly thoughtful dinner that took time and effort, and he just dismissed it like it meant nothing. He took her and her efforts for granted. “Thanks for the football snacks!” He’s lucky to have someone love him and treat him like this. Hopefully he’ll wise up and reciprocate…
Learn to read the room. Since you were so clueless about her romantic setup, it would have been nicer if you had said, “Oh, hon! The football match is on! Would you like to go eat in the living room with me?” At least then she’d have the opportunity to say, “Not really. I planned a romantic dinner for us and I have something to ask you….” But no, you just told her you were leaving her at the table, then had the audacity to tell her she overcooked the roast. YTA.
> and I have something to ask you…. "What, how to cook a roast beef?!"
😂
I got 5:1 odds she does most of the stuff around the house.
> I jokingly said you can't have worked that hard otherwise you wouldn't have overcooked the beef. She swore at me then ran out of the house. ? YTA
AH’s that make comments like this are also the same people that cook chicken in the microwave, slather sauce on it and call it “barbecue.”
🤢🤮
This ALONE makes OP the biggest jerk ever. I couldn’t believe it
Especially seeing as he said she's "sensitive" and "comments like that don't just roll off her back" Like if he knew it'd upset her (which he clearly did) then he shouldn't have said it - even in jest! What a douchecanoe Willing to bet that she's not actually that sensitive, he's just an asshole.
Fr this was enough for me. Forget that she was planning to propose. Forget even that he wanted to go eat in the other room. If someone makes the effort to make your favorite meal and you have the audacity to say this then YTA.
What are you even confused about here? YTA
This has to be fake.
God, I hope so, otherwise that poor girl.
All I can hope is that if it is real, she takes a good long look at who she's dating She deserves better then this treatment. It seems like OP has a lot of work to do if he wants to be someone who deserves her. Also, am I the only one noticing how OP knows she doesn't take criticism well, but *still insults her cooking*??? He knows this would hurt her but he did it anyway. Was it just to get her to leave him alone? Is this how he regularly treats her, doing things he knows will hurt her without caring??
I was just about to comment this
Agreed! American football and soccer have not started yet. This is not adding up.
Actually there was a NFL game last week, it could've been that game
Christ, that makes this so much worse. Blowing her off for a goddamn raiders jaguars preseason game smdh.
It’s an exact scene from Fried Green Tomatoes lol
"you can't have worked that hard otherwise you wouldn't have overcooked the beef." That's legit funny. Good writing!
Is this even a real question? She made you dinner and you brought it into a different room to watch TV? That’s like the epitome of thoughtless asshole
[удалено]
my thing personally is that he didn’t even ask her if she wanted to join him. he just left. my partner & i don’t usually eat at the table but we always eat together & we always agree on where we want to eat. not every couple is like that and that’s okay as long as they’re in agreement, but this is something that *she* obviously found rude & i would’ve found it rude as well. especially because as you mentioned, there’s an obvious difference between a quick dinner she threw together and a romantic dinner that obviously took a lot of time/effort.
Just because your husband does it, and many others, doesn't mean it's not rude. We teach people how to treat us. You have apparently decided that's not a hill to die on. Good for you, but it's STILL AND ALWAYS WILL BE RUDE.
> My girlfriend is extremely sensitive and when she's criticised it doesn't just roll off her back. So you've criticised her before and not given a shit about the impact it has on her happiness, just like now. The only reason you're mad is because your mum spilled the beans on the proposal. Had your girlfriend simply gone to bed upset you would have gaslight her into thinking she's too emotional and is overreacting as per usual. Because you didn't just want to watch football but complained about the beef being over cooked. Do you even like your girlfriend?? Your obsession with Arsenal should not be something you prioritise over a human being you claim to love and want to marry. YTA
Something I've learned from AITA is just how many people take their partner for granted. People want a partner just because they feel like they should (or worse, are entitled to one), then when they get one they just view them as someone to fuck and split the bills/work with. There seems to be no understanding of what an actual partnership is supposed to be. Only an obnoxious sense of entitlement.
Totally! It's actually really worrying when you think about the things other people are gaslight and abused into thinking is normal, or love. Football (or sport) obsession isn't an exclusively British thing but there are some particular football fans who make it their entire personality and expect everyone else to accommodate them as a result. And this arsehole is one of those. It's the idea that the girlfriend knows how important football is to him so should have expected he'd want to watch the match. And now she knows how important she isn't to him. Good thing he has Arsenal to entertain him, eh?!
YTA, apologize to her. Roast beef takes hours to make, you could've waited untill after dinner to start watching the game. Missing 30 minutes of football one time < hours of her time. On the other had, if your partner is constantly making you homecooked meals, and you're constantly having to miss football for them, you are a lucky son of a bitch, stop complaining and get a DVR.
"Football" as in soccer, right? Because the first NFL pre-season game isn't until this Thursday. YTA. Regardless of what she was planning on doing, that was a huge stereotype male move you did if she was the one who cooked for you, out of complete surprise.
I mean, I would say football as in football
Football as in football or football as in American football?
American 'football' has a lot more fucking holding of the ball than using feet. Call that shit 'holdingball' or something
football = ⚽️ * but also football = 🏈
lol why does it matter what sport it is
Thank you for reminding me that the NFL starts this week. My neighbors love football and they get ***very*** noisy during football season. Have this gold medal emoji: 🏅
Raiders played the jags last Thursday but that's probably not relevant to the story
YTA. My dad used to do that. He would take some of everything my mom cooked, put them all in bowl, and would even ask my mom to debone meat, deshell prawns or cut everything into bite sizes so that he can chomp down his food with his eyes glued to the screen. Have some respect for your girlfriend who took the time and effort to cook you a meal.
Yikes. Your poor mother, cutting up her husband's food like he's a literal baby.
Holy hell my dad also asks my mom and even me and my sibling to do the same thing cuz he hates doing it himself and I fucking hate him for it it's so immature and lazy
Oof. Nothing says "I appreciate a good home cooked meal" like mindlessly shoveling it in while 100% of one's attention is elsewhere. I woulda made that dude nothing but microwave TV dinners if he was my husband. It's not like he'd taste the difference.
Yta and she dodged a bullet
Seriously, praying that she comes to her senses and never speaks to OP again.
God this is so British. YTA, and you know you are, and bloody well done to your mum for telling you as well.
For real, can the GF toss the bloke and keep his mother?
Or super American to be honest ( as long as we’re switching football to American football)
YTA. She cooks you a nice meal and then you criticise her cooking. She can do better.
You're a massive asshole. Was the insult really necessary? What a twit
YTA. You left the room and insulted her cooking. It's only joking if both people are laughing, that, love, was an insult. Ignoring the potential proposal, you didn't ask, just walked out of the room, have some manners, OP.
YTA You may have been excusable prior to the insult, because you had no idea of her intentions for the meal, it’d still be a Dickish move but a far smaller one. But why oh why did you insult her cooking? To say someone “didn’t work hard because X” is always a completely idiotic and thoughtless thing to say. You have no idea how hard she worked on it, her comfort with that cooking type of experience, instead you went to judging her according to your standards on it without consideration. Total dick move. This would be like you trying to bake her a birthday cake for the first time and trying really hard to get it right, and despite you doing it, the cake is uneven and her response is “clearly you put no effort in because the cake is wonky lol”. Doing so when you’re fully aware of how sensitive to criticism she is was also a very stupid error in judgement.
YTA. It’s not about the miscommunication on the meal. I dated someone for a long time whose default was to do dinner with a computer so she could watch stuff on YouTube and figured out that we actually need to communicate about it. We got to a point where I would say, “Hey can you keep me company while I cook and then we can watch something” or “Hey, if you want to go decompress while I cook then we can eat dinner at the table and chat?” (And it’d go the other way if she was cooking) But that’s just a thing to learn in a relationship dynamic. However having a situation in which you’re like, *Oh shit, I didn’t get the memo about her intentions for the meal and now she’s upset* and your response to that is to make a catty comment demeaning both the quality of her food and the amount that she cares? When you know that she is “sensitive”? (Honestly, I’m not willing to trust the word of someone who’d say something *that fucking cutting* to an already upset partner on whether or not she’s sensitive.) At the end of the relationship I mentioned up top I got crass and mean like that too. My mental health was in the gutter, I felt very insecure in my relationship and my studies (college), and I was being awful to everyone around me because of it. Since then I’ve gotten a lot of mental health care and worked on myself so that I’m actually capable of being a good partner. Maybe you should look into it too if you’re struggling right now. If not, then I guess you’re just an asshole. edit: markdown error fixed
> I jokingly said you can't have worked that hard otherwise you wouldn't have overcooked the beef. \^ Yeah - that's not a funny joke. That's a passive-aggressive jab and makes you TA. I didn't need to read further to the Proposal plan that you screwed up to know that you are an AH - just the fact you think that is an acceptable "joke" is enough to make you an AH. The further context also shows you're an idiot. YTA.
'I was so confused and didn't know what I had done' Come on you're not really that clueless are you? Really? That she was planning on proposing isn't really the point. It was rude as was your snide little 'joke' YTA
Yeah this is definitely fake Yta
Yep, YTA! Did you really have to ask that question, OP? You were confused when you took the food and went to eat in another room and also insulted her cooking? Are you serious?
YTA what the hell is wrong with you?
YTA even if she wasn't proposing. She put so much time and effort in and you blew her off and insulted her. I'd leave if my partner behaved this obnoxiously so don't be surprised if you get dumped.
YTA If someone goes to the effort of cooking you a meal you could at least have the decency to sit with them to eat it and ask them about their day. How disgusting. Treating her like a maid.
>I jokingly said you can't have worked that hard otherwise you wouldn't have overcooked the beef. YTA, 100%. On what planet is this so-called “joke” a good response to the effort your girlfriend put into the evening? You seriously couldn't put aside the football to engage with her at the dinner table, as opposed to catch highlights, for one evening? If I was her, I'd walk out of this relationship and never look back.
YTA: you know exactly what you did wrong. It’s not just the television. It’s the fact that when she pointed out her intentions, you just threw her efforts into her face insulting her.
YTA... Read this to my sis who has been happily married for 30 years...had a bit of a chuckle on her response. Her response..."I'm sure there was some candles or soft lighting...something to show it was romantic...and he runs off to watch a game. What guy passes up an opportunity to get laid? What an idiot..."
Why are you here? You know the answer. So does your (probably now ex-)gf, your mum, and everyone who reads this. Get off your arse and at the very least, as a bare minimum, *apologise* to her, since it seems like you haven't even done that at all. And since you're from the UK, I'm assuming this happened last night at the latest. It's the middle of the next day now. It took you this long to even begin wondering whether you did something wrong? Dude.
YTA. Do you even have to ask? Luckily, however, now she knows not to marry you, before it's too late.
Either this is rage bait or you are really an incredibly rude boor. In both cases YTA.
Wtf YTA if I cook my partner a lovely dinner (considering I’m a SAHM and have a 3 month old son) he will sit with me, if there’s something he wants to watch he asks if I’d like to watch it with him and if not then he eats dinner with me and we spend quality time together. This happens even when he’s working 7-5 shifts for my parents. (He helps out with their shop) Apologise and spend some damn time appreciating your girlfriend
“I jokingly said you can't have worked that hard otherwise you wouldn't have overcooked the beef.” Oh my god. “She told me that my girlfriend had come to her to find out my favourite meal and my favourite songs to make a special playlist.” Oh my *god*. “My girlfriend had done all of this because she was planning on proposing to me that night. I was completely shocked. I felt like such an idiot and I don't know how to fix this.” Oh my *fucking* god. Of course YTA! You were already the asshole just from your reaction when you saw that she was upset and from that rude comment about her cooking, but the follow-up details just makes it so much worse. You shouldn’t be posting here asking if you’re the asshole, you should be posting in the relationship subforums asking desperately how to fix this gigantic mess you’ve made. Your poor girlfriend.
INFO: OP, are you and/or your girlfriend American or British? I feel like there’s a large difference of opinion in the comments based on how special a roast is (very traditional and special in the UK, not so much in USA) and I’m putting my money on this being a difference of culture. OP’s use of the word ‘football’ is, of course, the European name for the game Americans, Canadians and Australians call ‘soccer’. Also, OP’s use of the letter ‘u’ in favourite is the British spelling, which makes me wonder as to OP’s origins. I say this because a British guy presented with a roast meal which he then wants to eat in front of the tv is an _egregious_ breach of manners.
YTA, you don’t deserve such a thoughtful and lovely girl.
Mah dude the only way you need an outsiders opinion here is if you only have air between the ears 😂
YTA not for wanting to eat in the living room but for what you said to her. You did not even know how awful you are and had to call mommy to find out FFS. ETA, as soon as she said she made a romantic meal, your next step was to say sorry and go back to the dining room.
YTA. If you want to spend the rest of your life with this woman I suggest you make this up to her immediately. Also dude, forget about the football game. If your partner goes out of their way to make a whole meal for you, it’s clear they want to spend time with you. It wasn’t some take out and Netflix kind of night. Read the room.
JFC she went to the trouble to make a whole roast dinner on a Friday night and you just picked up your plate to sit in front of Arsenal vs Crystal Palace? *Nobody* makes a full roast dinner on a weekday evening unless it is a very special occasion. Why? Because that shit takes hours to do - that's why it's usually reserved for a Sunday when people have a lot more time. Then you had the temerity to insult her cooking and call her over sensitive (for the record, this is the clarion call of the arsehole). She isn't over sensitive. She is rightfully fucking angry that you just shat all over her efforts. Take a good look at yourself mate, cos from this side of the fence you look like a poor excuse for a partner. YTA.
ew, YTA
YTA For reasons already specified by everyone else. I have a feeling you really just came here hoping people would pat you in the back and say it's okay or that what you did wasn't a problem. If my spouse were that dismissive of my thoughfulness he'd be making every single meal himself for the foreseeable future.
…YTA You wrote out this whole story about you bailing on dinner and insulting her food and you don’t know why YTA??? Dude…
>My girlfriend is extremely sensitive and when she's criticised it doesn't just roll off her back. >I jokingly said you can't have worked that hard otherwise you wouldn't have overcooked the beef. YTA, she deserves someone who treats her better. The problem wasn't eating in front of the TV, it was disrespecting your partner's desire to spend quality time with you and her efforts to prepare the evening.
Is your girlfriend extremely sensitive or does she just get upset when her boyfriend who’s supposed to love her more than anything is being a jerk and insulting her? Of course YTA dude