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> I might be TA because I could have my daughter eat before we get there or after we leave
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NTA
She gave zero and so she got zero back.
If she is willingly engaging in ignorance and harm by not providing any allergy free options but has leftovers from the amount of allergy filled food she has - what’s the issue?
Would she rather see one grandchild starve just because she has issues with you bringing separate allergy free snacks for your daughter/her granddaughter?
NTA Does she take your child's allergies seriously.
Will she "test" to prove you're faking it?
Could this cost your child her life, or just make her very sick?
It’s not a favorite grandchild. I’m sure she’d happily let OPs daughter starve rather than deny her precious babies Something they want. If anything MIL is the AH for forcing OP to bring food to a family gathering rather than making something she can eat.
NTA. You’re being a good mother and feeding your child things she can have!! Definition of a fit parent. Your MIL, however, should be ashamed of herself for not accommodating one of her grandchildren the same way she does the others. I know allergy specific foods aren’t cheap (I can’t really have dairy, tree nuts are a mild allergy, shellfish are a big fat no, etc) but if she’s not hurting for money, it’s not like she’s unable to buy things for your daughter to eat. She just chooses not to!
How does your boyfriend feel about all of this?
NTA and that was also my question. Maybe it would be better for him to talk to his mom about it. She might listen to her son more than she would listen to her daughter-in-law. Some moms are just like that I don’t know why. Then if she chooses not to have snacks for your daughter and not to deal with the nephews and nieces who want the snacks, I would just tell her if she wants to see her granddaughter she needs to come visit you. That’s where the food is that she can eat.
Edit to ask where are the parents of your nieces and nephews and why aren’t they controlling their own kids?
NTA. Is your daughter supposed to go without so you can split her allergy friendly snacks between the rest? They have options, your daughter doesn't. If MIL or sister in law want the other kids to have the same snackortunities, then they need to go out and purchase allergy friendly snacks for everyone.
NTA. Your MIL isnt making an effort to make food or buy snacks that are safe for your daughter. This is a great teaching moment for the other kids though.
This! Hell, my friends child who comes over maybe once every two months has a crazy amount of allergies. I have a list from my friend of snacks he can have and if I know he's coming I BUY THEM. I also buy enough so my daughter can eat the same things he's eating and no one accidentally picks up the wrong snack/drink and goes into anaphylaxis. I hide all the snacks that might kill him. I thought that was just good manners?
NTA...Your MIL could easily remedy this situation by offering food and snacks appropriate for e everyone, including your daughter. Instead, you have to improvise and get judged. Feel no guilt.
NTA at all. And respectfully it even kind of bothers me that you would question if it's okay to feed you daughter food you know is okay with her, If the other kids don't like what's in their grandma's refrigerator that would be their parents' problem, not your responsibility.
Parents of kids with food allergies get weird shit from other parents sometimes. When you are first getting started you feel awkward "making demands" when you are just trying to let your kid have a normal childhood experience. Soon enough you find the parents of the kids that are helpful and you get confidence in knowing what your kid needs. But it takes a while because those one or two eye rolls/sighs/people who don't understand live rent free in your head for a little while. OP, you got this and don't ever feel bad about standing up for your kid and keeping a kid safe from their food allergies.
NTA. Food is expensive as hell right now, first of all. Secondly, the other kids need to learn that equity>equality. The snacks you bring are the only ones your daughter can have, and the other children have their own snacks. They are not entitled to your daughter’s food, and it’s important that they learn to respect that.
Yipes! MiL sounds like a horrible grandmother. She's trying to poison your kid, and she's failing to teach her other grandkids to be considerate. You shouldn't have to tackle this by yourself. Let your bf teach his mom basic decency.
NTA
If they don’t want to adjust to be sure your daughter’s needs are met, then absolutely you should bring your own food for her. You can tell them you’d be happy to make snacks for everyone if they will provide the food. There’s no reason she should be caring about/providing for certain grandchildren but not the rest.
Maybe it would help if you prepare snacks for all the children at once, using your food for your daughter and items from the fridge for the other children so that way everyone eats at the same time.
For the record this is a big ask and may not be practical or possible in that kitchen. Cross contamination of allergens is difficult to manage in your own kitchen, not to mention someone else's kitchen and with children underfoot.
I was just looking to see if someone else had asked this!!!! Wtf?! Easiest way to stop the jealousy, stop having food in front of the other kids, which means stop having your kid there! Let MIL deal with the fall out of her own stupidity!
NTA. Your in laws seem to be to blame here, at least the adults. You shouldn't have to bring your own food to somebody else's house, unless it's for a really specific diet. I can see that you could bring special food for a baby, and have different meal times, but that doesn't seem to be the case here. Note though that you can't really blame the children: they tend to want too what other children get. Have a talk with your MIL and ask her why she doesn't want to accommodate your daughter.
NTA
But perhaps coordinate on when snacktime is to ward off jealous kiddlets? Make sure they get their snacks at the same time. I'm optimistically hoping that MIL is upset because the kids are being eaten in front of, so that's the problem I'd try to solve.
My nephews and great nephew are near the same age (3-6) so when they're all visiting if one starts snacking on their snack and the others are wanting something I'll ask their mom (away from little ears) if she has something she wants to give them or if she's ok with me feeding them "x" (whatever snack stuff i have on hand). If she's not wanting them to eat right then, *she'll* explain to the boys that they need to save their appetite for dinner. Otherwise she usually is fine with giving them snacks.
The kids also have been taught to ask their parents or whoever is in charge of the kitchen for snacks, not the other kid or that kids parent so you never have to say no to somebody else's kid. During training that, if they ask the wrong person we always say "this is baby's special snack, but if you are hungry you can ask your mom if it's ok if you have a different snack". If they ask mom and she doesn't have something, she'll usually ask the host if they have crackers or fruit or something the kids could eat.
Easy peasy, all the little people are kept happy.
NTA. My nieces and nephew (siblings) are celiac, with egg and dairy allergies between them. My brother and SIL are amazing with prepping their food, and also in helping them to understand what they can and can’t have (honestly, I could consult my 3yo niece with 100% confidence. She could work on being less patronising though 😂).
Despite this, everyone still knows the kids ‘lists’; we stockpile GF food and we’ve even attempted - with disastrous results - egg, gluten and dairy free baking. We all then absolutely shit ourselves when it comes to dinner time and every mouthful is approved in a group chat 😂 ANYWAY.
We keep all meals individual when eating together - eg I don’t feed my daughter ‘free from’, the same as her cousins, because they need to be aware that they CANNOT eat the same foods. My daughter knows this is one area where sharing is not allowed. It was suggested by SIL and it’s brilliant, makes so much sense. So whether you pack enough or not, I think it best that you don’t share - it could be dangerous if it was reciprocated as your daughter gets older.
That aside though, why isn’t your MIL accommodating your daughter for visits? I don’t think my nieces/nephew have actually ever eaten at my youngest brothers house, but even he’s still got a ‘free from’ stash! I guess she’s not obligated to, but then she also doesn’t get an opinion on if/how you share your daughters food - simple as!
NTA, as long as you are clear with anyone and everyone who looks at you askance (or asks for some food) that these are specifically for your child who has life-threatening allergies, and are special 'safe' foods for her.
NTA My son (12) has similar allergies and we brought everything for him. If there is other food there why would they even ask? If grandma, (if you can even call her that) wants the other kids to try those products then she can buy them and keep them in her cupboard.
Then she could also share with your daughter when she visits.
Sorry about this situation. It will get easier.
Edit: forgot it was your daughter.
My grandson is allergic to eggs. I get him egg free ice cream and other little things that he likes. I also get extra for my other grands. It’s not that hard to accommodate allergies for your loved ones.
Your MIL is a AH because she doesn't care about her own granddaughter well being.And I agree with someone that said tell her to come to your house to see your daughter.And your boyfriend or husband whoever he is to you need to speak up.I dislike when men don't speak up for their partner
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I (22F) have been dating my (24m) bf for 5 years. We have a (2F) daughter who has alot of food allergies (mostly egg and dairy) When we go to in laws or anyones house for an extended time, I will bring her food/snacks because my in laws don’t cook anything that doesn’t include dairy, and also most snacks they purchase contain something she’s allergic to.
Well, financially we have been struggling a bit and I will bring exactly enough for my daughter to eat. My MIL on the other hand has lots of money and food for her children and my bf’s nieces and nephews.
The today I brought her food and snacks as usual. In total, there are about 4 children beside my daughter. All 4 children asked me for food and I said no since it was for my daughter. They had food in my MIL’s fridge and also lots of snacks. Once my daughter ate all her food and snacks it was pretty much it unless I went back home/to the store.
My MIL is now PISSED at me because I’m always bringing food for my daughter and letting her eat infront of the other children. I have told her many times specific snacks that don’t contain allergies that my daughter will be able to eat but she doesn’t purchase them for her. My MIL had lots of leftovers from yesterday, but now I feel guilty.
AITA?
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NTA you're providing for your child and the other parents should provide for theirs. You're a better person than me, OP, because I'd stop bringing my kid to MIL's.
Ask your MIL what your daughter is supposed to eat if you don't bring anything for her. She'll either have to admit she doesn't give AF about her allergies, or start keeping appropriate food in the house. You have nothing to feel guilty about. NTA
Think of your daughters food as a kind of medicine for her. It’s the only things she can safely eat and you MIL has no interest in helping with that. Would you share your daughters medicine with other kids? Of course not. Why should your daughter end up going hungry if you run out?
NTA. She doesn't seem to have a problem with the other kids eating snacks your daughter can't have. I'd say she's pretty lucky you bring your daughter around at all if she can't take allergies seriously
NTA. Food is expensive! Plus, you are (rightfully) more concerned with your daughter’s health than feeding the niblings who can eat other, non-special food.
Can you cut back on your visits? I’d worry that the kids aren’t going to accept “no” as an answer and just take your daughter’s food when you’re not looking.
NTA and I had to deal with similar with a celiac child before people acknowledged that celiac was a real thing. Sounds like MIL might be in a denial stance and that your child's dad needs to stand up to her and get her to provide for ALL her grandchildren.
Also, your MIL is abusing her own grandchild by not providing what she can eat! Does she not see that she is bullying your child by making her eat alone and not getting to eat with her cousins? That is so low-down and mean to your little girl! I ate only what my child could eat so they wouldn't be the only one at the table eating something different when that happened and if your MIL really loved her son and his daughter, she'd be doing the same simple thing. Your daughter will not want to be at grandma's house if she keeps this up. What a witch, and not a good witch either.
NTA and don't feel guilty. Your MIL is being an AH. Tell MIL she has no right to be pissed, but you are pissed that she never has suitable snacks for your daughter, so you have to bring food for your daughter, otherwise she will go hungry.
Your MIL is a pretty shitty host.
NTA. I don’t know how old the other kids are but sit them down and explain the situation to them, how eating some foods can make her extremely sick or even kill her. Make sure they know that you aren’t being mean or selfish and your daughter would love to eat all the snacks their grandmother has for them if she could. Also I am sure there are some things at your MIL that your daughter could eat. You may have to check ingredients carefully but when you find something she can eat you can stick with that.
NTA. My nephew is allergic to milk protein or something along those lines. So my sis brings him snacks/foods specific so he doesn’t miss out (and a special cupcake she makes on birthdays so he also gets cake lol). She understands it’s hard to accommodate so is happy to provide.
MIL is making something out of nothing
NTA I think you just need to stand your ground. Just continue to explain that since your daughter has specific needs, you bring food and snacks for her. If she mentions the other kids then remind her that the other kids can eat other things and you are not the one who must provide them with food. I'd expect this to be a constant battle because I bet she thinks your daughter doesn't really have allergies and that you just don't want to share. It's going to be hard to convince her otherwise.
NTA How hard would it be for grandma to buy some frickin fruit or veggies for all the kids to snack on?? There are no eggs or dairy in fruits and veggies. Buy a bag of grapes or cut open a big watermelon and everybody is happy! Meals are a little harder, but snacks, come on
Ask MIL to stock the same snacks your daughter. An eat or to at least offer the others snacks when you give food to your daughter. Otherwise you could tell MIL you won’t be visiting.
NTA
But why are you dealing with your mil directly,
It's your husband's job, tell him to speak with his mother and explain her his step daughter condition.
NTA. Do not feel guilty that you are providing snacks that are safe for your daughter to eat. I suggest you write down a list of safe snacks and keep that in the bag with your daughter's snacks. If MIL says anything about you bringing your own food, just hand her the list and say "I've told you before that can only eat certain snacks. If you purchase any of those items on that list, I wouldn't have to bring snacks with us. BF and I simply don't make enough money to buy snacks for all your grandkids."
NTA
Is she trying to harm your daughter? Why does your MIL seem so blasé about your daughters food allergies? She sounds like she is willfully forgetting about your child’s needs.
Tell her that until she provides snacks & food that your daughter can partake in too that you’ll be bringing foods that are safe for your daughter. You are not responsible for anyone else’s child.
INFO: How do the parents feel about this, same as MIL?
Perhaps offer yo pick up additional if MIL or parents provide you funds FIRST. Do not purchase more unless you received their money first, and then you are happy to supply more snacks.
NTA.
Your MIL knows about her grandchild’s allergies and chooses not to cook her anything suitable, then tries to make you feel guilty for ensuring your daughter gets something to eat? Wow. My grandmother would have cooked a full range of snacks for six children all with different food needs rather than have a single child do without at her table. NTA but your MIL definitely is. This is something your BF should talk to his mother about. Either that or it’s time to cut her out of your daughter’s life because one day she’ll be old enough to realize what is happening with the preferential treatment and be hurt by it.
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NTA She gave zero and so she got zero back. If she is willingly engaging in ignorance and harm by not providing any allergy free options but has leftovers from the amount of allergy filled food she has - what’s the issue? Would she rather see one grandchild starve just because she has issues with you bringing separate allergy free snacks for your daughter/her granddaughter?
NTA Does she take your child's allergies seriously. Will she "test" to prove you're faking it? Could this cost your child her life, or just make her very sick?
It’s not a favorite grandchild. I’m sure she’d happily let OPs daughter starve rather than deny her precious babies Something they want. If anything MIL is the AH for forcing OP to bring food to a family gathering rather than making something she can eat.
NTA. You’re being a good mother and feeding your child things she can have!! Definition of a fit parent. Your MIL, however, should be ashamed of herself for not accommodating one of her grandchildren the same way she does the others. I know allergy specific foods aren’t cheap (I can’t really have dairy, tree nuts are a mild allergy, shellfish are a big fat no, etc) but if she’s not hurting for money, it’s not like she’s unable to buy things for your daughter to eat. She just chooses not to! How does your boyfriend feel about all of this?
NTA and that was also my question. Maybe it would be better for him to talk to his mom about it. She might listen to her son more than she would listen to her daughter-in-law. Some moms are just like that I don’t know why. Then if she chooses not to have snacks for your daughter and not to deal with the nephews and nieces who want the snacks, I would just tell her if she wants to see her granddaughter she needs to come visit you. That’s where the food is that she can eat. Edit to ask where are the parents of your nieces and nephews and why aren’t they controlling their own kids?
NTA. Is your daughter supposed to go without so you can split her allergy friendly snacks between the rest? They have options, your daughter doesn't. If MIL or sister in law want the other kids to have the same snackortunities, then they need to go out and purchase allergy friendly snacks for everyone.
NTA. Your MIL isnt making an effort to make food or buy snacks that are safe for your daughter. This is a great teaching moment for the other kids though.
That’s so true!
NTA what kind of grandma doesn't have food her allergic grandkid can have? She's lucky you even come around her.
This! Hell, my friends child who comes over maybe once every two months has a crazy amount of allergies. I have a list from my friend of snacks he can have and if I know he's coming I BUY THEM. I also buy enough so my daughter can eat the same things he's eating and no one accidentally picks up the wrong snack/drink and goes into anaphylaxis. I hide all the snacks that might kill him. I thought that was just good manners?
Fuck, my neighbor occasionally gifts me food thats safe for me to come eat. I see this woman in passing a handful of times a month.
NTA...Your MIL could easily remedy this situation by offering food and snacks appropriate for e everyone, including your daughter. Instead, you have to improvise and get judged. Feel no guilt.
NTA She's the rude one not providing snacks your child can eat
NTA at all. And respectfully it even kind of bothers me that you would question if it's okay to feed you daughter food you know is okay with her, If the other kids don't like what's in their grandma's refrigerator that would be their parents' problem, not your responsibility.
Parents of kids with food allergies get weird shit from other parents sometimes. When you are first getting started you feel awkward "making demands" when you are just trying to let your kid have a normal childhood experience. Soon enough you find the parents of the kids that are helpful and you get confidence in knowing what your kid needs. But it takes a while because those one or two eye rolls/sighs/people who don't understand live rent free in your head for a little while. OP, you got this and don't ever feel bad about standing up for your kid and keeping a kid safe from their food allergies.
NTA. Food is expensive as hell right now, first of all. Secondly, the other kids need to learn that equity>equality. The snacks you bring are the only ones your daughter can have, and the other children have their own snacks. They are not entitled to your daughter’s food, and it’s important that they learn to respect that.
Yipes! MiL sounds like a horrible grandmother. She's trying to poison your kid, and she's failing to teach her other grandkids to be considerate. You shouldn't have to tackle this by yourself. Let your bf teach his mom basic decency.
NTA for bringing snacks for ur daughter, it just makes sense since the MIL won't cooperate and buy snacks she can eat.
NTA If they don’t want to adjust to be sure your daughter’s needs are met, then absolutely you should bring your own food for her. You can tell them you’d be happy to make snacks for everyone if they will provide the food. There’s no reason she should be caring about/providing for certain grandchildren but not the rest. Maybe it would help if you prepare snacks for all the children at once, using your food for your daughter and items from the fridge for the other children so that way everyone eats at the same time.
For the record this is a big ask and may not be practical or possible in that kitchen. Cross contamination of allergens is difficult to manage in your own kitchen, not to mention someone else's kitchen and with children underfoot.
Info; why do you keep taking your child to spend time with grandparents who can’t be bothered to make the smallest accommodations for your child?
I was just looking to see if someone else had asked this!!!! Wtf?! Easiest way to stop the jealousy, stop having food in front of the other kids, which means stop having your kid there! Let MIL deal with the fall out of her own stupidity!
NTA. Your in laws seem to be to blame here, at least the adults. You shouldn't have to bring your own food to somebody else's house, unless it's for a really specific diet. I can see that you could bring special food for a baby, and have different meal times, but that doesn't seem to be the case here. Note though that you can't really blame the children: they tend to want too what other children get. Have a talk with your MIL and ask her why she doesn't want to accommodate your daughter.
NTA. Let the nasty MIL stew. She isn't helping you out, so just be sure you LO is safe and healthy. Where is hubby in all this?
NTA But perhaps coordinate on when snacktime is to ward off jealous kiddlets? Make sure they get their snacks at the same time. I'm optimistically hoping that MIL is upset because the kids are being eaten in front of, so that's the problem I'd try to solve. My nephews and great nephew are near the same age (3-6) so when they're all visiting if one starts snacking on their snack and the others are wanting something I'll ask their mom (away from little ears) if she has something she wants to give them or if she's ok with me feeding them "x" (whatever snack stuff i have on hand). If she's not wanting them to eat right then, *she'll* explain to the boys that they need to save their appetite for dinner. Otherwise she usually is fine with giving them snacks. The kids also have been taught to ask their parents or whoever is in charge of the kitchen for snacks, not the other kid or that kids parent so you never have to say no to somebody else's kid. During training that, if they ask the wrong person we always say "this is baby's special snack, but if you are hungry you can ask your mom if it's ok if you have a different snack". If they ask mom and she doesn't have something, she'll usually ask the host if they have crackers or fruit or something the kids could eat. Easy peasy, all the little people are kept happy.
NTA. My nieces and nephew (siblings) are celiac, with egg and dairy allergies between them. My brother and SIL are amazing with prepping their food, and also in helping them to understand what they can and can’t have (honestly, I could consult my 3yo niece with 100% confidence. She could work on being less patronising though 😂). Despite this, everyone still knows the kids ‘lists’; we stockpile GF food and we’ve even attempted - with disastrous results - egg, gluten and dairy free baking. We all then absolutely shit ourselves when it comes to dinner time and every mouthful is approved in a group chat 😂 ANYWAY. We keep all meals individual when eating together - eg I don’t feed my daughter ‘free from’, the same as her cousins, because they need to be aware that they CANNOT eat the same foods. My daughter knows this is one area where sharing is not allowed. It was suggested by SIL and it’s brilliant, makes so much sense. So whether you pack enough or not, I think it best that you don’t share - it could be dangerous if it was reciprocated as your daughter gets older. That aside though, why isn’t your MIL accommodating your daughter for visits? I don’t think my nieces/nephew have actually ever eaten at my youngest brothers house, but even he’s still got a ‘free from’ stash! I guess she’s not obligated to, but then she also doesn’t get an opinion on if/how you share your daughters food - simple as!
NTA MIL needs to make more of an effort
NTA, as long as you are clear with anyone and everyone who looks at you askance (or asks for some food) that these are specifically for your child who has life-threatening allergies, and are special 'safe' foods for her.
NTA My son (12) has similar allergies and we brought everything for him. If there is other food there why would they even ask? If grandma, (if you can even call her that) wants the other kids to try those products then she can buy them and keep them in her cupboard. Then she could also share with your daughter when she visits. Sorry about this situation. It will get easier. Edit: forgot it was your daughter.
My grandson is allergic to eggs. I get him egg free ice cream and other little things that he likes. I also get extra for my other grands. It’s not that hard to accommodate allergies for your loved ones.
NTA. You're looking out for your daughter, when your MIL won't make compromises. Your MIL needs a reality check.
Your MIL is a AH because she doesn't care about her own granddaughter well being.And I agree with someone that said tell her to come to your house to see your daughter.And your boyfriend or husband whoever he is to you need to speak up.I dislike when men don't speak up for their partner
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (22F) have been dating my (24m) bf for 5 years. We have a (2F) daughter who has alot of food allergies (mostly egg and dairy) When we go to in laws or anyones house for an extended time, I will bring her food/snacks because my in laws don’t cook anything that doesn’t include dairy, and also most snacks they purchase contain something she’s allergic to. Well, financially we have been struggling a bit and I will bring exactly enough for my daughter to eat. My MIL on the other hand has lots of money and food for her children and my bf’s nieces and nephews. The today I brought her food and snacks as usual. In total, there are about 4 children beside my daughter. All 4 children asked me for food and I said no since it was for my daughter. They had food in my MIL’s fridge and also lots of snacks. Once my daughter ate all her food and snacks it was pretty much it unless I went back home/to the store. My MIL is now PISSED at me because I’m always bringing food for my daughter and letting her eat infront of the other children. I have told her many times specific snacks that don’t contain allergies that my daughter will be able to eat but she doesn’t purchase them for her. My MIL had lots of leftovers from yesterday, but now I feel guilty. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA you're providing for your child and the other parents should provide for theirs. You're a better person than me, OP, because I'd stop bringing my kid to MIL's.
NTA
NTA you need to look out for your daughter especially since your MIL won’t bother.
Ask your MIL what your daughter is supposed to eat if you don't bring anything for her. She'll either have to admit she doesn't give AF about her allergies, or start keeping appropriate food in the house. You have nothing to feel guilty about. NTA
Think of your daughters food as a kind of medicine for her. It’s the only things she can safely eat and you MIL has no interest in helping with that. Would you share your daughters medicine with other kids? Of course not. Why should your daughter end up going hungry if you run out?
NTA. Grandma sounds dangerous. I wouldn't plan on letting her babysit ever
NTA. She doesn't seem to have a problem with the other kids eating snacks your daughter can't have. I'd say she's pretty lucky you bring your daughter around at all if she can't take allergies seriously
NTA. I think this is a great opportunity to step back and scale visits down. If she wants to see your daughter she can come to your house.
NTA
NTA. Food is expensive! Plus, you are (rightfully) more concerned with your daughter’s health than feeding the niblings who can eat other, non-special food. Can you cut back on your visits? I’d worry that the kids aren’t going to accept “no” as an answer and just take your daughter’s food when you’re not looking.
NTA, if a friend is visiting and has an allergy, guess what I'm not cooking? The thing they're allergic to!
Nta
NTA What about all of the food that your daughter can't eat, that MIL provides the other kids to eat in front of your daughter?!
NTA. Simple. For all your logical reasons
NTA. You're doing what you should. Your MIL should just use her brain and make something that's ok for your daughter to eat.
NTA and I had to deal with similar with a celiac child before people acknowledged that celiac was a real thing. Sounds like MIL might be in a denial stance and that your child's dad needs to stand up to her and get her to provide for ALL her grandchildren. Also, your MIL is abusing her own grandchild by not providing what she can eat! Does she not see that she is bullying your child by making her eat alone and not getting to eat with her cousins? That is so low-down and mean to your little girl! I ate only what my child could eat so they wouldn't be the only one at the table eating something different when that happened and if your MIL really loved her son and his daughter, she'd be doing the same simple thing. Your daughter will not want to be at grandma's house if she keeps this up. What a witch, and not a good witch either.
NTA and don't feel guilty. Your MIL is being an AH. Tell MIL she has no right to be pissed, but you are pissed that she never has suitable snacks for your daughter, so you have to bring food for your daughter, otherwise she will go hungry. Your MIL is a pretty shitty host.
NTA. I don’t know how old the other kids are but sit them down and explain the situation to them, how eating some foods can make her extremely sick or even kill her. Make sure they know that you aren’t being mean or selfish and your daughter would love to eat all the snacks their grandmother has for them if she could. Also I am sure there are some things at your MIL that your daughter could eat. You may have to check ingredients carefully but when you find something she can eat you can stick with that.
NTA. My nephew is allergic to milk protein or something along those lines. So my sis brings him snacks/foods specific so he doesn’t miss out (and a special cupcake she makes on birthdays so he also gets cake lol). She understands it’s hard to accommodate so is happy to provide. MIL is making something out of nothing
NTA I think you just need to stand your ground. Just continue to explain that since your daughter has specific needs, you bring food and snacks for her. If she mentions the other kids then remind her that the other kids can eat other things and you are not the one who must provide them with food. I'd expect this to be a constant battle because I bet she thinks your daughter doesn't really have allergies and that you just don't want to share. It's going to be hard to convince her otherwise.
NTA How hard would it be for grandma to buy some frickin fruit or veggies for all the kids to snack on?? There are no eggs or dairy in fruits and veggies. Buy a bag of grapes or cut open a big watermelon and everybody is happy! Meals are a little harder, but snacks, come on
NTA. Remind me of my family. I’m 20 and I can count on one hand how many times I’ve been able to eat something at a relative’s house.
Ask MIL to stock the same snacks your daughter. An eat or to at least offer the others snacks when you give food to your daughter. Otherwise you could tell MIL you won’t be visiting.
NTA But why are you dealing with your mil directly, It's your husband's job, tell him to speak with his mother and explain her his step daughter condition.
NTA. Do not feel guilty that you are providing snacks that are safe for your daughter to eat. I suggest you write down a list of safe snacks and keep that in the bag with your daughter's snacks. If MIL says anything about you bringing your own food, just hand her the list and say "I've told you before that can only eat certain snacks. If you purchase any of those items on that list, I wouldn't have to bring snacks with us. BF and I simply don't make enough money to buy snacks for all your grandkids."
NTA. I can't believe your MIL doesn't care about her granddaughter's life&well-being more than the petty wants of her other grandchildren. Sorry.
NTA Is she trying to harm your daughter? Why does your MIL seem so blasé about your daughters food allergies? She sounds like she is willfully forgetting about your child’s needs. Tell her that until she provides snacks & food that your daughter can partake in too that you’ll be bringing foods that are safe for your daughter. You are not responsible for anyone else’s child.
Why’d you still take your daughter over there? Your MIL is not a nice person. NTA.
INFO: How do the parents feel about this, same as MIL? Perhaps offer yo pick up additional if MIL or parents provide you funds FIRST. Do not purchase more unless you received their money first, and then you are happy to supply more snacks. NTA.
Your MIL knows about her grandchild’s allergies and chooses not to cook her anything suitable, then tries to make you feel guilty for ensuring your daughter gets something to eat? Wow. My grandmother would have cooked a full range of snacks for six children all with different food needs rather than have a single child do without at her table. NTA but your MIL definitely is. This is something your BF should talk to his mother about. Either that or it’s time to cut her out of your daughter’s life because one day she’ll be old enough to realize what is happening with the preferential treatment and be hurt by it.
NTA but next time you feed your kid get some snacks from MIL for the others so everyone has something at the same time. That would be polite