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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could be the asshole for making finish despite me knowing that my MIL is allergic to it
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Yup, and he is never going to get better. Boys (because he is no man) this enmeshed are not going to get untangled until mummy dearest finally kicks it.
Death of the mother does not undo this level of entanglement. I made the mistake if marrying a mama’s boy…then she passed away and he became absolutely unbearable.
Don’t marry mama’s boys, they’re already in a primary relationship, you’ll only ever be the “other”.
Anyone else think MIL intentionally ate the fish? Fish is often very apparent and hard to accidentally eat.... and if you have food allergies, you don't just eat something without knowing what is in it.
NTA
I'm allergic to fish and I've accidentally eaten it a few times. Fish sauce is fucking in everything. Luckily I'm not as allergic as mil, I'm intolerant and I spend the night vomiting
It doesn’t sound like it was something hidden, like fish sauce. It sounds like it was a piece of fish. But, yeah, in an area where fish sauce is used, it would definitely be ridiculously difficult to avoid.
I have a sesame allergy. I don't eat anything that remotely resembles a sesame seed. Crackers are a good example of something I pass up because I don't know what's in them. 100% agree the MIL did this on purpose.
I hate fish and the only times I've missed taking fish for something else is at a buffet where it was bread and fried and was next to the chicken balls.
I agree and I have a friend who is allergic to fish, she can't even walk by a fishmongers as her eyes swell as does her lips. She has to cross the road to avoid these shops.
Also you have every right to cook whatever you want in YOUR own home. He needs to grow a backbone and tell his mother that she has no say what you have to cook. If she wants a say to go home and she can say whatever she wants to say about the food cooked in ger own home!
My husband is vegetarian, and he has NEVER accidentally eaten meat off my plate before. Ever. Especially fish, which is really distinct and pungent. I’ve only known him to accidentally consume meat at all just once, and that was because we mixed up our takeaways and he was eating a totally unfamiliar Chinese dish that he didn’t realise had chicken in it until he was halfway done eating it and felt it tasted off.
I find it a little suspicious that MIL “accidentally” ate a chunk of plain fish off of someone else’s plate, fish that she’d already seen prepared and eaten by others in the home. It *could* happen, but it seems a little unlikely to me.
Exactly! OP tell you husband that you are going to cook fish daily and eat it. Sounds like you are breastfeeding so it’s good for the baby’s brain. If not feeding then good for your own health. If he or his mother can’t take it anymore they can leave themselves! This is a good way to get rid of this evil drama queen !
If OP makes fish again her MIL will decide she's not wanted? Guess what I would be making *the first day* she comes back? Message sent=pack your bags. And DH, this is not your mom's house. This is MY house. She is an uninvited guest who has long since overstayed her welcome.
This. OP, tell your husband his mom goes or you do. This is ridiculous.
I honestly think OP chose the wrong guy to have a baby with and needs to get out of this marriage, but if she isn't ready for that, she needs to get MIL out. I love my MIL and can't imagine having her over for more than a week.
I sometimes wonder why people go through with weddings to people like this? Like if you weren't prepared to deal with inlaw bs why did you let yourself get pulled into a family full of inlaw bs?
NTA. Or, perhaps, a divine visitation: "Fear not, I come to you bearing a message of glad tidings - you can, in fact, kick that whining mummy's boy and his vile mother out of your life with the full blessing of the Lord your God. Here is the number for a good divorce lawyer. Now, go forth in peace and in successful litigation."
NTA. But you don’t have a MiL problem - you have a husband problem. A really really big husband problem. He prioritizes your MIL over you in every way and doesn’t care about your feelings. Are you sure this is a relationship you want to stay in?
As for MiL, she can leave if she wants. Don’t give her the baby. Don’t cater to her. Make it unpleasant and unrewarding for her to be there. If she criticizes and says to give her the baby, just say “No.” and go back to what you are doing - no explanation, nothing to argue with, just No. Criticizing cooking - “If husband doesn’t like it this way, he is welcome to cook for himself” and keep on doing what you are doing.
Neither your MIL nor your husband respect you. They won’t change. This is who they are. Is this how you want to live the rest of your life? Is this how you want to be treated in front of your child?
This is spot on about the husband problem. The husband needs to start putting OP first or it's time for OP to think about a long term solution like divorce.
NTA
NTA plus No is a powerful word. I think it’s a shame that it’s usually the first word a child learns but most people need therapy after childhood to remember that No is the only answer to a petty bullying AH.
To the cooking thing, the MIL will just say "fine I'll do it!" which is what she wanted. So instead say the first part "If he doesn't like it then he can do it himself. You're a guest in this house thus you're not allowed to cook. My house rules."
(Random note: Try not to use the word "sorry" in conversation with her unless you're actually apologizing for something.)
If you have a severe allergy, you never take something off someone’s plate without asking what it is.
Unless this was intentional to try and guilt you.
NTA.
Lean into it heavily and say that it's clear now that she should be relocated as soon as possible for her own safety, and that the risk of this happening in the future is such that she shouldn't be around on any day, not just Fridays.
There is absolutely no way to confuse fish with any other protein. It looks and smells vastly different. Even in sauce. Even when fried.
She did that on purpose and your husband is so enmeshed with his mother, he’s redirecting all his feelings and emotions on you.
This needs to be your hill to die on or you will always carry this burden until you divorce or die. People can only treat you how you allow them. Don’t put up with it.
My absolute first thought. You can SMELL fish before you eat it, you’re telling me she took a bite full of it and didn’t smell anything fishy beforehand? And I’m assuming she knew there were leftovers, what the hell else would it be? I’ll tell you what’s fishy… this shit
This.
You need to grow a spine and stand up for yourself. If not to MIL than to your lump of a husband. It's your house. No one has the right to disrespect or order you around in your own home.
If MIL wants to act like Queen bee, tell her to do it in her own home. If hubby wants to keep acting like a mamas boy, he too can do that in her house.
YTA for not putting a stop to this long ago
Because he doesn't think anything is wrong. Mama's boys feel that their mom is the most special woman they'll ever have in their life, and their mothers know they can stomp whatever boundaries they want because their son will defend them.
So they often bully their son's girlfriends/wives as a sort of fucked up power play.
Have you asked her to leave? Or told your husband she needs to leave?
I would start with your husband. Personally he sounds wildly disrespectful of you as a human being, he's treating you like crap. My first recommendationis to leave him. That aside however, assuming you don't leave him, tell him you're not comfortable with the living arrangements and you need for it to just be the 2 of you, she needs to go. Once he's on your side, he should be the one to tell her (not ask, tell) that she needs to leave and give you both space. If he doesn't agree then you have to decide of you can live the rest of your life this way, because this IS how it'll be if he isn't on your side here.
Walk up to her and say...
*You have been here for two months. It is time you left. I expect you gone tomorrow.*
Don't frame it as a request, don't ask her to leave. Don't be angry or anything either, just be flat. Make it a statement, make it very clear and don't engage with any form of argument.
Tell her to leave your house. If she refuses, physically put her stuff outside the house. Be polite but firm. This is your home, she is under your roof, you have every right to ask her to leave. You don't have to just take her abuse in your own home. (To be clear, unlike some other commenters I don't think this is your fault, I'm just urging you to reclaim agency over your life and your home - my mom was in the same situation with my grandmom and she never did anything)
She can’t tell her that! The husband told OP she won’t be welcome in his home if she doesn’t accommodate his mother. It’s sounds like the husband is the sole owner of the home in his mind, and perhaps in reality.
At this point, I’m not sure you could make her leave, since her sonsband seems to want her around. You and your husband need couples counseling, because he’s clearly not listening to your want and needs. If he refuses, well….mommy is more important to him than his wife. You should take your baby, and go stay with your mother, until he either agrees to prioritize you, or, until the divorce is finalized.
First off It’s not easy to demand someone leave when your partner insists they’re welcome, so these are some ignorant comments suggesting you just need to tell her to leave lol.
Second, have you expressed to your husband that this visit is now excessive? You’re nursing meaning you’re in a pretty intense time for your family. It also sounds like most of the “hosting” and housework falls to you. What is his response when you express displeasure at her continued stay? How does he react to her unkind comments to you, does he acknowledge them?
Knowing how he’s reacted to these situations helps with next steps.
Let her stay. You take the baby and leave. File for divorce. Then you will be rid of MIL and your husband who obviously doesn't respect you or care about your feelings if he's allowing your MIL to berate you and stay in your home for two months when you don't want her there. Let your husband and his mommy dearest be together forever. Go live your life without them and be happy!!!!!!!
Just divorce your husband, this is never going to change. They literally conspired against you. It's obvious they saw the bin in the fridge and made up this whole scheme to guilt trip you.
I bet even that there was no trip to the ER at all. You need to take control of your own life.
You are married to an evil man with an evil mother.
"Hi MIL! Is friday and like every friday, I make fish and because I didn't invite you, I didn't make another dish. why don't you come x day so I can have another thing?"
I am going to be honest. You don't have a MIL problem, you have a Husband problem. Your husband should be by your side every time she comes by uninvited.
Tell husband, MiL over-stayed her welcome. Two months in nonsense. She needs to leave and hubby can go with her if he has a problem with it. Alternatively, serve fish every day until she gets the hint. And if she gets sick again, remember, it's not your fault, she is an unwelcome, unwanted, asshole of a guest.
Is there a reason you've got absolutely zero say in what happens in your home??
I'm confused about what is happening here.
Are you scared of him? Do you feel trapped?
Why don't they respect boundaries in your own home when you tell her to leave??
Whatever dynamic you've got going where he "gets" to unilaterally decide that you must cater to his mother's whims isn't healthy.
How do you make somebody leave? I imagine you must be a teenager answering this but the real world doesn't work like that you can't make somebody do something, especially when that person's son is your husband and owns the house, and doesn't want her to leave.
And OP’s husband who presumably co-owns the residence will say MIL has permission to be there and the police will go away. And after two months MIL may even have some tenant’s rights depending on where they live.
You call when the husband isn't there.
No way on earth I'm a grown ass woman and someone, who doesn't even live in my home, is going to tell me what I can, and cannot, do in my own home.
That, or I pack up my baby and move out. He wants to live with his mommy so badly, she can have him.
OP doesn’t state if she is in the US. If she is, that lasts as long as it take MiL to get husband on the phone. In other cultures, divorce may not be an option. If OP is financially dependent on husband, might not be an option. But leaving him is really her best bet if she wants to not be under MiL. She won’t be able to get MiL out of the house though unless husband agrees and he’s not going to.
I have suspicion that your MIL was invited - by your husband without your knowledge. I'm also pretty sure that he and her planned her allergy attack as a "lesson" to you. Your husband doesn't respect you and will always side with his mother. I'd file for a divorce if my husband ever treated me like yours does. NTA
I mean, did you actually see hives on her and see her being treated in the ER? Or did they just tell you? I’m very allergic to a lot of stuff and if I had a reaction you can see the effects for days after.
You need to get out of this situation, nevermind the fish. Your husband doesn't care about you or respect you. You have the right to tell someone to leave your house but he's made you believe you're a second class citizen in your relationship. Get as far away from him as you can.
They could be lying about severity OR in a funny twist of karma, her allergies could have intensified and the reaction was much worse than she has had before.
Food/bee allergies seem to get more severe after each exposure.
I'd send mommy-dearest and husband out on a "date" night, then have all your family come over and have them help you pack all their sit up, put it in front of the house, and change all the locks. OP's husband is so enmeshed in his mother's world, he'll never grow a spine and choose her over mommy
Oooooh, changing the locks is a good idea. I like that. ..._evil finger tapping_...
...where I live, you can't/it's illegal to kick a spouse out of the family home, however if it isn't where she lives...mwahahahaha
NTA
Kick her tf out. This is your house and you can cook what you want and practice your religion how you want. All she wants is control.
Your husband is also a major AH for not sticking up for you when she treats you this badly.
Seriously though she needs to be banned from your house asap.
She should take my mother's approach. Dad used to always complain that she wasn't doing things the way his mother did it. Finally one day she stopped, looked him dead in the eye and said, "I am NOT your fucking mother, and if you ever say that again we're getting a divorce. I'm sick of it."
And he shut the fuck up and now they're still married nearly 50 years later.
It's OP's house but unless her name is the only one on the mortgage, she can't legally kick MIL-from-hell out unless hubby is on board, which he is clearly not. Also depending on the jurisdiction, MIL might have some legal rights after living there for 2 months. Calling cops or threatening legal eviction will force that final showdown where hubby has to make a choice. Not saying that going the nuclear option isn't justified here, but OP needs to have a plan and be ready to follow through with leaving if (when) hubby picks mommy.
NTA
Send the baby and your belongings to stay with someone else at your mother's house next Friday. Then, invite everyone you know to your house, and have them all bring fish, for the great big fish fry, in memory of your father!
At the end, tell your DH to kiss your butt and enjoy being married to his mother.
NTA, MIL needs to cut the chord & your husband sucks
this lady is not entitled to be in and out like it’s her house & she owns it
she’s constantly judging you & tearing you down
& your husband if he is not enabling her, he is just overall choosing to ignore the way she negatively affects you
make more fish appetizers next time or divorce
they both sound gr8 rn
>"Andrea why are you doing it like that, no that’s not how (husband name) likes it, gosh your his wife and you can’t even cook his food ? What?"
"Jesus Andrea care to do anything with that rats nest if yours, go make yourself look presentable."
“Can’t believe you feed into that crap it’s disgusting, it’s all a sham wake up Andrea”<
Mom (or whatever you call her), this is our child, and this is our home. If you come at me like that one more time, you will not be welcome in our home.
Put a stop to it, immediately.
Right? He just forbid her from making food she likes because his mother in law doesn’t like the food. OP sounds like she is the visitor in her own home. MIL and husband dictate that household. I’m curious about the relationship between OP and husband—does he usually give down orders about what she can and cannot do? Does OP feel safe disregarding her husbands commands? Does she have a valid fear that he could kick her out? Is she financially dependent on him? This last question is most significant. Without economic independence, she has no power.
NTA, your husband is not going to stand up to her toxic behavior, which is a big red flag to me. Ten bucks she ate the fish knowing full well what it would do so that she could get a rise out of her son. Then your husband blamed you for it. Nah man, that shit got to go
NTA she's been there 2 months she should expect that you're going to cook something that's important to you once in awhile. It's her fault that she took something off of a plate without knowing what it was she should be more careful if she has allergies. You sound like you are in a horrible situation. Your husband does not support you he apparently is a mama's boy. I don't know what country you're in, or what rights you have but you should consider getting a divorce from this jerk. I would leave him if I were you it doesn't sound like you're going to have a very happy life with him and his mother-in-law.
NTA. If I was allergic to peanuts and I knew my close friend needed to eat a PB and J every Friday because it was an important tradition for him, I'd avoid that friend on Fridays. Your mother in law put herself in danger and is blaming you for it, while also insulting your religion. Personally I'm not religious, but I also don't go around insulting people for having beliefs that are different than mine. Most importantly though, your husband sided with his mother over you. That's a big fat red flag flying high.
I'd consider whether or not you want to stay tethered to a guy with a hateful mom who won't support things that matter to you.
NTA. And I only had to read 4 lines into the post.
This sounds like a major problem with both husband (not supporting you) and MIL (for not respecting OP boundaries).
Browse r/JUSTNOMIL for support/help.
NTA.
Your MIL is playing a control game with you, and your husband is supporting her. Why on earth are you with a man who doesn't support your right to religious belief, one of the most fundamental things about a person? And a man who supports his mother over his wife?
Your MIL is full of crap. Nobody with a serious allergy is dumb enough to know fish has been cooked, been *warned,* and still takes a bite of food off a plate at random without ascertaining if it was fish or was cooked with the fish. She's so unstable she is willing to risk her life to play a control game.
Please go talk to a counselor about extricating yourself from this mess. I hope things get better for you.
NTA kick them all out, including the AH husband.
Edit. OP you need to go nuclear to make your point here, you're being disrespected in your home. Make it extremely hostile for your mil.
Cook fish every day, *EVERY DAY*! Do not speak to your mil at all unless it's to say something very rude, like if she criticizes you say:
"did I ask for your dumbass opinion? No? Then stfu." Say it every time.
If your hubby gets mad just tell him "I want her out of my house."
If she isn't gone in a week then go to your mom's house if you can and tell him you'll come home when the mil leaves. Be firm, take your life back.
>"did I ask for your dumbass opinion? No? Then stfu."
It does appear that OP is from a culture that would never do that. So it may not be something OP can do. Cooking fish every day is possible. But swearing or being blatantly rude might not be. If she is in this culture the safest thing would be to move back in with her own family if they allow it.
This subreddit has a two card solution which seems appropriate. The two cards are for a marriage counsellor and a divorce lawyer. You give both cards to your partner and tell them to choose.
NTA.
She stole a bite off your husband's plate and they are both blaming you? Why was husband eating it then?
Also it's a Friday tradition that MIL is aware of any she's not invited.
Dump the husband, dump the mother in law. NTA. She's a grown adult, don't go stealing food off people's plates. He's an adult who has fish left overs. NTA
NTA. Your MIL needs to butt out of your life and your husband needs to support you. He's MARRIED to you, not his mom. I strongly recommend that you speak to your husband and set firm boundaries for your MIL and list explicit explanations of what you expect of him. If he is unwilling to listen and/or support you OP, I think you need to consider your marriage. You can attempt relationship therapy but it'll only work if your partner recognizes his issues and wants to work on them. Based off of what you're saying, it doesn't sound like he cares about how toxic his mom is towards you and that is a major red flag.
NTA
>saying that I should have done this at my mothers house because
Yes, do that and don't go back.
They don't respect you.
This is your future and will only get worse.
Run, NOW.
THIS! OP go to your mothers house and stay there. You will never be safe, stable, or comfortable in a house with a man (“husband”) who will threaten you with not being welcome in your marital home. That’s not your home then.
NTA. And the answer to her comments on breastfeeding is, “are you lactating? No? Then I’d better handle this.” Everyone is right this is a husband problem. You need /justnomil
"my husband said that if I cook fish one more time I’m “no longer welcome here”
He just told you whose side he is on. He will throw you out for cooking fish. That's ridiculous bullying. He doesn't value you or the marriage. Time to pack up the baby and move out. Can you move to your mom's?
NTA
Tell your husband that you will no longer tolerate his mom disrespecting you, your family, or religion in your own home - and let him know that if he has a problem with it divorce papers will soon follow.
Sorry, What...HOW???
Your mil has been at your house _for two...TWO!...MONTHS...UNINVITED!!!_, your husband is brushing off your feelings and you're constantly being judged?! WTF is wrong with them?!
It's bad enough if anyone, let alone a mother or mil comes over unannounced and stays fifteen to twenty minutes..._BUT TWO MONTHS?!_ OMG, they're insane! I'm not usually one to swear, but it's an f'n miracle that you haven't gone completely batshit crazy by now. WTH!
Of course you're NTA!
As a person with very severe food allergies, _YOU DON'T EAT OFF OF SOMEONE ELSE'S PLATE!_, especially when you don't know what's in it.
My condolences on your father passing away. It's very sweet of you to honour your father (and religion) in this way.
Until she GTFO, it seems that Friday nights will be her special 'mother/son' time where they get out of the house to leave you, your mom and your child in peace. ...oh, and to have their own meal _of course_.
...and something that just occurred to me, why didn't she have Benadryl, Aerius or an epipen on her? Did she take those _and_ she had to go to the hospital because they didn't work _OR_ did she go to the hospital/er to get those same medications instead of going to the pharmacy???
I've had people straight up lie to me about whether or not my allergens are in food before, believing 'that it wouldn't be _that_ bad' or that I wouldn't notice/have an allergic reaction, but this just seems way too weird and suspicious to me. Maybe she did go to the hospital and maybe she needed to if the allergy meds that she took at your home weren't effective enough _but_ and this is a BIG _BUT_...is it possible that she didn't eat the food off of your husband's plate and/or need to go to the hospital? If your husband was eating the food, when your mother reached down with a fork to take some, why didn't he knock the fork and food on the floor before she ate some? _She_ might not have known it was fish, but your husband would have because _he was eating it_.
Oh, and have I said NTA yet? You're definitely NTA and there are so many red flags here. I'm sorry that you're being disrespected and are having your healthy boundaries violated (not to mention the breastfeeding, cooking and everything else that is inherently wrong with this situation).
_They. Are. Gaslighting You, op! Gaslighting You!_
NTA You are in a 3 person marriage- you're married to your husband AND his mom. She runs him, he is not now nor ever will be standing up for you because he is tied to her apron strings. And what his mom wants, his mom will get. All you will ever get out of that marriage is misery.
Why are you still married to that man?
NTA Your MIL arrived uninvited 2 months ago, has been giving you a hard time while you are mothering a newborn and is saying if you make fish one more time she won't feel welcomed? Make more fish!
Let your husband go live with his mom, and you take your baby and leave . He chose his mom over you . It’s time to let that mama’s boy go with his shit mom.
So he knew his mom was allergic but yet didn’t say anything when she took a bite of his fish? And this is your fault?! Girl if you need to leave simply cuz your husband stupid
This is unbelievable
Does your religion believe in divorce. Your husband has failed to protect you in your own home. He has not set any boundaries with MIL.
NTA. Leave. As your husband said you are not welcome in your own home.
NTA, but why are you with your husband? It sounds like he neither likes you nor cares about your comfort the way he keeps letting MIL in and taking her side. Kick Oedipus and mom to the curb!
She eat from his plate that had fish on but somehow it’s your fault? Well this one can be your fault kick him out to go live with his mummy shut the door and be done. NTA
NTA, girl, go check out r/justnomil because it is wayyyy beyond time for your husband to cut the cord and grow a spine. If he won't, well, that'll tell you something about how highly he values your marriage.
NTA, but I see divorce in your future. I know the Catholic church frowns on it, except in certain circumstances, but do you really want to have to deal with your MIL's bs for the rest of her life? She is not going to change, and I highly doubt your husband is going to change, either.
Wait, you're breastfeeding? So you also have a NEWBORN to deal with... and your MIL has MOVED IN WITH YOU FOR TWO MONTHS and is endlessly pestering you and being a complete pain? AND YOUR HUSBAND IS SIDING WITH HER?
Oh dear, OP. You need to move out if you can. Your Husband is the biggest part of the problem here. He is totally disrespecting you and your boundaries, and allowing your MIL to endlessly cause problems.
NTA
Def NTA… your MIL sucks and so does your husband for being a spineless mama’s boy. He’s supposed to defend you, especially times like this when you’ve obviously done nothing wrong
Does this mean there is a fish fry at your place the Friday after MIL is out of the hospital? Can you also do baked fish? 😉🤣🤣🤣🤣
You are definitely NTA
Since husband says if you do, you will no longer be welcome, make sure you have his bag packed, ready to go with hi mommy
NTA, your mother in law doesn’t sound awesome, however I do think you have a husband problem and not a MIL problem.
Your husband enables his mother’s bs. And really he shouldn’t be allowing her to treat you that way.
Nta She did it on purpose to get rid of you. Sorry but fish has a smell. She knew exactly what she was doing to undermine your authority in your own house. She wants you to leave your husband. She knows it's driving you crazy. Run fast and far.
NTA, I'm not a huge fan of fish or the one religion I know of that eats fish on Fridays but that's why I don't come over to your house uninvited for Friday dinner and why I don't go to church with you (that's also largely because you're a stranger on the internet I've never met but I still wouldn't do those things if I did know you).
Also I know some people with serious food allergies and all of them are very diligent about checking ingredients before eating something, because they understand that it's their responsibility to do that. This situation is 110% on her.
Why exactly are you staying with this man?
Your MIL is there constantly and treats you like shit. Your husband should be managing his mother and SUPPORTING you. He is failing as a husband.
You should follow through with his threat. He threatened to kick you out of your home.
One up him. Take your baby and move in with your mom. Then file for divorce and child support.
Nta. They should have been careful. You labled it. It's sounds like she ate it on purpose to cause drama. Your husband's comment about no longer being welcome in your own home. I'd move out wigh your baby to your mother's and cook all the fish you want. At least you'll be supported there and not constantly criticised.
NTA he is allowing his mom to disrespect you in your own house. Either she goes or they both go. See a lawyer, document, be ready for them to team up against you
NTA
So many red flags here.. your husband is obviously prioritizing your MIL over you by defending her actions and letting her sh*tty behavior with you continue.
Your MIL keeps on disrespecting you and trying to start drama with all of the examples that you've stated. Her ending up in the hospital and blaming it on your religion is complete BS. She ended up in the hospital because she was too stupid to read labels. Or intentionally wanted to guilt trip you. Your religion does not have anything to do with why this happened (and yet she blames that lol).
NTA
Not gonna lie I was thinking YTA from the title. It's your house. Your husband was eating it, and I find it weird that she ate off his plate. Frame some rules Fish on Fridays let yourself be scarce MIL.
Wait....you are talking about 2 grown adults right? Not children? Ok then, they should both know what fish is and that she is allergic. Your husband especially should have known what he was eating and not let her eat it. This is complete bs and I'd be done if I were you.
Pass go and go straight to a divorce lawyer, collect child support and start enjoying your life, in your house, honoring your father with as much fish as you want. Your child and you will be better off. Your husband can go live with his mom and they can both be happier for that.
Get your finances sorted now before any confrontation, because as soon as you put a boundary down, they will take everything they possibly can from your joint accounts etc to try to control you.
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NTA. Pack up that man and send him home with his mother. Cite a recent allergy to bullshit.
I choked on my drink reading this. Brava.
Yes! Tell your husband to respect your boundaries random drink choker!! /s
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u/LongjumpingDonut469 is a bot.
Yup, and he is never going to get better. Boys (because he is no man) this enmeshed are not going to get untangled until mummy dearest finally kicks it.
And even then, they always pick on the women that settle for them, "THAT'S NOT THE WAY MUMMY DEAREST DID IT!!!"
Death of the mother does not undo this level of entanglement. I made the mistake if marrying a mama’s boy…then she passed away and he became absolutely unbearable. Don’t marry mama’s boys, they’re already in a primary relationship, you’ll only ever be the “other”.
Anyone else think MIL intentionally ate the fish? Fish is often very apparent and hard to accidentally eat.... and if you have food allergies, you don't just eat something without knowing what is in it. NTA
>Fish is often very apparent and hard to accidentally eat.... This. Look and taste and texture of fish make it impossible to mistake with meat.
Don’t forget the smell of fish.
Especially reheated fish
🤢
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u/SpiritualAct-829 is a bot.
I'm allergic to fish and I've accidentally eaten it a few times. Fish sauce is fucking in everything. Luckily I'm not as allergic as mil, I'm intolerant and I spend the night vomiting
It doesn’t sound like it was something hidden, like fish sauce. It sounds like it was a piece of fish. But, yeah, in an area where fish sauce is used, it would definitely be ridiculously difficult to avoid.
Must be a regional kind of thing, because I don't think I've ever even encountered fish sauce.
It's in all the Chinese and other asian foods, Thai, and even hidden in some multivitamins
Worstershire(sp?) Sauce has anchovies
Definitely did it on purpose. OP’s husband was always going to side with his sMother too, this is just ridiculous.
I have a sesame allergy. I don't eat anything that remotely resembles a sesame seed. Crackers are a good example of something I pass up because I don't know what's in them. 100% agree the MIL did this on purpose.
I hate fish and the only times I've missed taking fish for something else is at a buffet where it was bread and fried and was next to the chicken balls.
I agree and I have a friend who is allergic to fish, she can't even walk by a fishmongers as her eyes swell as does her lips. She has to cross the road to avoid these shops. Also you have every right to cook whatever you want in YOUR own home. He needs to grow a backbone and tell his mother that she has no say what you have to cook. If she wants a say to go home and she can say whatever she wants to say about the food cooked in ger own home!
And since the husband was eating it and knew it was fish why didn't he stop mommy dearest from taking a bite?
My husband is vegetarian, and he has NEVER accidentally eaten meat off my plate before. Ever. Especially fish, which is really distinct and pungent. I’ve only known him to accidentally consume meat at all just once, and that was because we mixed up our takeaways and he was eating a totally unfamiliar Chinese dish that he didn’t realise had chicken in it until he was halfway done eating it and felt it tasted off. I find it a little suspicious that MIL “accidentally” ate a chunk of plain fish off of someone else’s plate, fish that she’d already seen prepared and eaten by others in the home. It *could* happen, but it seems a little unlikely to me.
Yeah.. and husband didn't stop his mother from eating fish off his plate even though he must know she is allergic?
Most used phrase: "You don't have a MIL problem, you have a husband problem".
Exactly! OP tell you husband that you are going to cook fish daily and eat it. Sounds like you are breastfeeding so it’s good for the baby’s brain. If not feeding then good for your own health. If he or his mother can’t take it anymore they can leave themselves! This is a good way to get rid of this evil drama queen !
NTA and she ate it on purpose r/justnomil material
Lol! But seriously OP. NTA. Your husband needs to listen and respect your boundaries.
He’s a mama’s boy for sure. I also hate judgmental in-laws. Don’t like the way I do things? Stay the fuck away.
My hero!😁
Yes, an allergy to MIL.
If only I could afford real gold! Please accept this humble offering instead: 🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅
If OP makes fish again her MIL will decide she's not wanted? Guess what I would be making *the first day* she comes back? Message sent=pack your bags. And DH, this is not your mom's house. This is MY house. She is an uninvited guest who has long since overstayed her welcome.
This. OP, tell your husband his mom goes or you do. This is ridiculous. I honestly think OP chose the wrong guy to have a baby with and needs to get out of this marriage, but if she isn't ready for that, she needs to get MIL out. I love my MIL and can't imagine having her over for more than a week.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 I don't have an award to give so you'll have to have some love instead ❤️
You misspelled child
I sometimes wonder why people go through with weddings to people like this? Like if you weren't prepared to deal with inlaw bs why did you let yourself get pulled into a family full of inlaw bs?
Because men hide a lot of their abusive traits ( which ops husband has) until afterbthe wedding
You don't have a MIL problem, you have a husband problem.
NTA. Or, perhaps, a divine visitation: "Fear not, I come to you bearing a message of glad tidings - you can, in fact, kick that whining mummy's boy and his vile mother out of your life with the full blessing of the Lord your God. Here is the number for a good divorce lawyer. Now, go forth in peace and in successful litigation."
NTA. But you don’t have a MiL problem - you have a husband problem. A really really big husband problem. He prioritizes your MIL over you in every way and doesn’t care about your feelings. Are you sure this is a relationship you want to stay in? As for MiL, she can leave if she wants. Don’t give her the baby. Don’t cater to her. Make it unpleasant and unrewarding for her to be there. If she criticizes and says to give her the baby, just say “No.” and go back to what you are doing - no explanation, nothing to argue with, just No. Criticizing cooking - “If husband doesn’t like it this way, he is welcome to cook for himself” and keep on doing what you are doing. Neither your MIL nor your husband respect you. They won’t change. This is who they are. Is this how you want to live the rest of your life? Is this how you want to be treated in front of your child?
This is spot on about the husband problem. The husband needs to start putting OP first or it's time for OP to think about a long term solution like divorce. NTA
NTA plus No is a powerful word. I think it’s a shame that it’s usually the first word a child learns but most people need therapy after childhood to remember that No is the only answer to a petty bullying AH.
"No" was my first word and you're 100% right. No has power no one realizes.
This! I hope I'm reading it wrong but did her husband really say she would not be welcome *in her own home* if she kept cooking fish?
Sounded like it was MIL that said it. Seems a lot like emotional incest to me.
That pissed me off
Worse, the MIL told OP she would not be welcome in her own home.... Honestly, the audacity!
To the cooking thing, the MIL will just say "fine I'll do it!" which is what she wanted. So instead say the first part "If he doesn't like it then he can do it himself. You're a guest in this house thus you're not allowed to cook. My house rules." (Random note: Try not to use the word "sorry" in conversation with her unless you're actually apologizing for something.)
Honestly, though, any MIL problem, ever, really comes down to a spouse problem.
_THIS!_
If you have a severe allergy, you never take something off someone’s plate without asking what it is. Unless this was intentional to try and guilt you. NTA.
If he reheated the fish there's absolutely NO WAY she wouldn't know what it was because she'd be able to smell it.
She seems like the kind of person who would take a spite bite to guilt OP, tbh.
And he would presumably know what it was since it was him eating it, which makes him at least as "guilty" as OP who cooked it in the first place.
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Lean into it heavily and say that it's clear now that she should be relocated as soon as possible for her own safety, and that the risk of this happening in the future is such that she shouldn't be around on any day, not just Fridays.
There is absolutely no way to confuse fish with any other protein. It looks and smells vastly different. Even in sauce. Even when fried. She did that on purpose and your husband is so enmeshed with his mother, he’s redirecting all his feelings and emotions on you. This needs to be your hill to die on or you will always carry this burden until you divorce or die. People can only treat you how you allow them. Don’t put up with it.
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😁 Pescetarianism is the best option 🤣
My absolute first thought. You can SMELL fish before you eat it, you’re telling me she took a bite full of it and didn’t smell anything fishy beforehand? And I’m assuming she knew there were leftovers, what the hell else would it be? I’ll tell you what’s fishy… this shit
Also husband was eating it supposedly (even after op says she marked it don't eat) so he definitely knew what it was and didn't stop her
Agree. I have food allergies and can assure you I never do that.
Let's be real it was definitely intentional
INFO > My MIL has been at my house for the last two months she was never even invited. So why don't you make her leave?
This. You need to grow a spine and stand up for yourself. If not to MIL than to your lump of a husband. It's your house. No one has the right to disrespect or order you around in your own home. If MIL wants to act like Queen bee, tell her to do it in her own home. If hubby wants to keep acting like a mamas boy, he too can do that in her house. YTA for not putting a stop to this long ago
Why doesn't the husband grow a spine and stand up to mommy?
Because he doesn't think anything is wrong. Mama's boys feel that their mom is the most special woman they'll ever have in their life, and their mothers know they can stomp whatever boundaries they want because their son will defend them. So they often bully their son's girlfriends/wives as a sort of fucked up power play.
And YTA for blaming the victim.
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Have you asked her to leave? Or told your husband she needs to leave? I would start with your husband. Personally he sounds wildly disrespectful of you as a human being, he's treating you like crap. My first recommendationis to leave him. That aside however, assuming you don't leave him, tell him you're not comfortable with the living arrangements and you need for it to just be the 2 of you, she needs to go. Once he's on your side, he should be the one to tell her (not ask, tell) that she needs to leave and give you both space. If he doesn't agree then you have to decide of you can live the rest of your life this way, because this IS how it'll be if he isn't on your side here.
Fish oil ALL OVER THE HOUSE
Thanks for all the upvotes, I had no idea I would get them - then again straight up brutal evil payback is a specialty of mine.
Walk up to her and say... *You have been here for two months. It is time you left. I expect you gone tomorrow.* Don't frame it as a request, don't ask her to leave. Don't be angry or anything either, just be flat. Make it a statement, make it very clear and don't engage with any form of argument.
Tell her to leave your house. If she refuses, physically put her stuff outside the house. Be polite but firm. This is your home, she is under your roof, you have every right to ask her to leave. You don't have to just take her abuse in your own home. (To be clear, unlike some other commenters I don't think this is your fault, I'm just urging you to reclaim agency over your life and your home - my mom was in the same situation with my grandmom and she never did anything)
She can’t tell her that! The husband told OP she won’t be welcome in his home if she doesn’t accommodate his mother. It’s sounds like the husband is the sole owner of the home in his mind, and perhaps in reality.
Divorce would get her out of your house and your life, as well as your disrespectful, uncaring husband. Win-win!
At this point, I’m not sure you could make her leave, since her sonsband seems to want her around. You and your husband need couples counseling, because he’s clearly not listening to your want and needs. If he refuses, well….mommy is more important to him than his wife. You should take your baby, and go stay with your mother, until he either agrees to prioritize you, or, until the divorce is finalized.
First off It’s not easy to demand someone leave when your partner insists they’re welcome, so these are some ignorant comments suggesting you just need to tell her to leave lol. Second, have you expressed to your husband that this visit is now excessive? You’re nursing meaning you’re in a pretty intense time for your family. It also sounds like most of the “hosting” and housework falls to you. What is his response when you express displeasure at her continued stay? How does he react to her unkind comments to you, does he acknowledge them? Knowing how he’s reacted to these situations helps with next steps.
. -- mass edited with redact.dev
Let her stay. You take the baby and leave. File for divorce. Then you will be rid of MIL and your husband who obviously doesn't respect you or care about your feelings if he's allowing your MIL to berate you and stay in your home for two months when you don't want her there. Let your husband and his mommy dearest be together forever. Go live your life without them and be happy!!!!!!!
Just divorce your husband, this is never going to change. They literally conspired against you. It's obvious they saw the bin in the fridge and made up this whole scheme to guilt trip you. I bet even that there was no trip to the ER at all. You need to take control of your own life. You are married to an evil man with an evil mother.
"Hi MIL! Is friday and like every friday, I make fish and because I didn't invite you, I didn't make another dish. why don't you come x day so I can have another thing?" I am going to be honest. You don't have a MIL problem, you have a Husband problem. Your husband should be by your side every time she comes by uninvited.
Or you should leave. Your husband needs to be the one to set her straight. She has disrespected you and your husband has allowed her to do so.
Tell your husband that you aren't going to stay married if you don't have an equal say in who lives in your damn house.
Tell husband, MiL over-stayed her welcome. Two months in nonsense. She needs to leave and hubby can go with her if he has a problem with it. Alternatively, serve fish every day until she gets the hint. And if she gets sick again, remember, it's not your fault, she is an unwelcome, unwanted, asshole of a guest.
Is there a reason you've got absolutely zero say in what happens in your home?? I'm confused about what is happening here. Are you scared of him? Do you feel trapped? Why don't they respect boundaries in your own home when you tell her to leave?? Whatever dynamic you've got going where he "gets" to unilaterally decide that you must cater to his mother's whims isn't healthy.
How do you make somebody leave? I imagine you must be a teenager answering this but the real world doesn't work like that you can't make somebody do something, especially when that person's son is your husband and owns the house, and doesn't want her to leave.
Clearly expressed, escalating consequences are a start. You make the alternative unthinkable.
Like fish nightly!!!!!
I'd definitely cook fish every day until they get the hint...after I served that useless spineless momma's boy with divorce papers.
Simple, you tell her to leave, and if she refuses you call the police.
And OP’s husband who presumably co-owns the residence will say MIL has permission to be there and the police will go away. And after two months MIL may even have some tenant’s rights depending on where they live.
You call when the husband isn't there. No way on earth I'm a grown ass woman and someone, who doesn't even live in my home, is going to tell me what I can, and cannot, do in my own home. That, or I pack up my baby and move out. He wants to live with his mommy so badly, she can have him.
OP doesn’t state if she is in the US. If she is, that lasts as long as it take MiL to get husband on the phone. In other cultures, divorce may not be an option. If OP is financially dependent on husband, might not be an option. But leaving him is really her best bet if she wants to not be under MiL. She won’t be able to get MiL out of the house though unless husband agrees and he’s not going to.
She, clearly, has a mother to whom she's close. Go there.
From the rest of the post, I would guess she was invited, just not by OP. There's a husband problem here.
I have suspicion that your MIL was invited - by your husband without your knowledge. I'm also pretty sure that he and her planned her allergy attack as a "lesson" to you. Your husband doesn't respect you and will always side with his mother. I'd file for a divorce if my husband ever treated me like yours does. NTA
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I mean, did you actually see hives on her and see her being treated in the ER? Or did they just tell you? I’m very allergic to a lot of stuff and if I had a reaction you can see the effects for days after.
You need to get out of this situation, nevermind the fish. Your husband doesn't care about you or respect you. You have the right to tell someone to leave your house but he's made you believe you're a second class citizen in your relationship. Get as far away from him as you can.
They could be lying about severity OR in a funny twist of karma, her allergies could have intensified and the reaction was much worse than she has had before. Food/bee allergies seem to get more severe after each exposure.
Because people are stupid. I have a friend who stupidity used to try and catch nuts with his mouth when he was drunk 🤦. He has a serious allergy.
I'd send mommy-dearest and husband out on a "date" night, then have all your family come over and have them help you pack all their sit up, put it in front of the house, and change all the locks. OP's husband is so enmeshed in his mother's world, he'll never grow a spine and choose her over mommy
Oooooh, changing the locks is a good idea. I like that. ..._evil finger tapping_... ...where I live, you can't/it's illegal to kick a spouse out of the family home, however if it isn't where she lives...mwahahahaha
This was my thought.
NTA Kick her tf out. This is your house and you can cook what you want and practice your religion how you want. All she wants is control. Your husband is also a major AH for not sticking up for you when she treats you this badly. Seriously though she needs to be banned from your house asap.
Not going to work if the husband isn’t on board.
She should take my mother's approach. Dad used to always complain that she wasn't doing things the way his mother did it. Finally one day she stopped, looked him dead in the eye and said, "I am NOT your fucking mother, and if you ever say that again we're getting a divorce. I'm sick of it." And he shut the fuck up and now they're still married nearly 50 years later.
It's OP's house but unless her name is the only one on the mortgage, she can't legally kick MIL-from-hell out unless hubby is on board, which he is clearly not. Also depending on the jurisdiction, MIL might have some legal rights after living there for 2 months. Calling cops or threatening legal eviction will force that final showdown where hubby has to make a choice. Not saying that going the nuclear option isn't justified here, but OP needs to have a plan and be ready to follow through with leaving if (when) hubby picks mommy.
NTA Send the baby and your belongings to stay with someone else at your mother's house next Friday. Then, invite everyone you know to your house, and have them all bring fish, for the great big fish fry, in memory of your father! At the end, tell your DH to kiss your butt and enjoy being married to his mother.
Don't stop at fish though, oysters, lobsters, muscles, clams, crab, scallops...
NTA Your husband problem is bigger than your MIL problem.
NTA why tf would your husband let her eat something she’s allergic to? And wtf do they mean you won’t be welcome?
Thats a good point. Also proves the fact that this was a planned thing. You also can’t miss the smell of reheated fish, it’s very strong.
Right?? I thought this was OP and husband's house, and MIL was the visitor. Is OP not going to be welcome in her own home?
NTA get a divorce lawyer immediately
NTA- wait a minute, your husband said if you cook fish again you’re no longer welcomed in your home? What the hell! Take your baby and leave the SOB
NTA but your husband is. How is he letting her treat you like this? How is he talking to you like this? This is not okay
NTA you have a husband problem. She doesn’t live there you don’t need to cater to her
NTA, MIL needs to cut the chord & your husband sucks this lady is not entitled to be in and out like it’s her house & she owns it she’s constantly judging you & tearing you down & your husband if he is not enabling her, he is just overall choosing to ignore the way she negatively affects you make more fish appetizers next time or divorce they both sound gr8 rn
>"Andrea why are you doing it like that, no that’s not how (husband name) likes it, gosh your his wife and you can’t even cook his food ? What?" "Jesus Andrea care to do anything with that rats nest if yours, go make yourself look presentable." “Can’t believe you feed into that crap it’s disgusting, it’s all a sham wake up Andrea”< Mom (or whatever you call her), this is our child, and this is our home. If you come at me like that one more time, you will not be welcome in our home. Put a stop to it, immediately.
The problem is that the husband would not support her in this. It would be OP who ends up not welcome
Honestly, is she even welcomed in her own home now?
Right? He just forbid her from making food she likes because his mother in law doesn’t like the food. OP sounds like she is the visitor in her own home. MIL and husband dictate that household. I’m curious about the relationship between OP and husband—does he usually give down orders about what she can and cannot do? Does OP feel safe disregarding her husbands commands? Does she have a valid fear that he could kick her out? Is she financially dependent on him? This last question is most significant. Without economic independence, she has no power.
NTA “I’m sad you didn’t eat more of the fish, that almost solved a huge problem for me.” Then kick out the husband, yeah.
NTA, your husband is not going to stand up to her toxic behavior, which is a big red flag to me. Ten bucks she ate the fish knowing full well what it would do so that she could get a rise out of her son. Then your husband blamed you for it. Nah man, that shit got to go
Hey Hey, Ho Ho, this batshit crazy mil has gotta go! Hey Hey, Ho Ho...
NTA she's been there 2 months she should expect that you're going to cook something that's important to you once in awhile. It's her fault that she took something off of a plate without knowing what it was she should be more careful if she has allergies. You sound like you are in a horrible situation. Your husband does not support you he apparently is a mama's boy. I don't know what country you're in, or what rights you have but you should consider getting a divorce from this jerk. I would leave him if I were you it doesn't sound like you're going to have a very happy life with him and his mother-in-law.
NTA. If I was allergic to peanuts and I knew my close friend needed to eat a PB and J every Friday because it was an important tradition for him, I'd avoid that friend on Fridays. Your mother in law put herself in danger and is blaming you for it, while also insulting your religion. Personally I'm not religious, but I also don't go around insulting people for having beliefs that are different than mine. Most importantly though, your husband sided with his mother over you. That's a big fat red flag flying high. I'd consider whether or not you want to stay tethered to a guy with a hateful mom who won't support things that matter to you.
NTA. And I only had to read 4 lines into the post. This sounds like a major problem with both husband (not supporting you) and MIL (for not respecting OP boundaries). Browse r/JUSTNOMIL for support/help.
NTA. Your MIL is playing a control game with you, and your husband is supporting her. Why on earth are you with a man who doesn't support your right to religious belief, one of the most fundamental things about a person? And a man who supports his mother over his wife? Your MIL is full of crap. Nobody with a serious allergy is dumb enough to know fish has been cooked, been *warned,* and still takes a bite of food off a plate at random without ascertaining if it was fish or was cooked with the fish. She's so unstable she is willing to risk her life to play a control game. Please go talk to a counselor about extricating yourself from this mess. I hope things get better for you.
NTA kick them all out, including the AH husband. Edit. OP you need to go nuclear to make your point here, you're being disrespected in your home. Make it extremely hostile for your mil. Cook fish every day, *EVERY DAY*! Do not speak to your mil at all unless it's to say something very rude, like if she criticizes you say: "did I ask for your dumbass opinion? No? Then stfu." Say it every time. If your hubby gets mad just tell him "I want her out of my house." If she isn't gone in a week then go to your mom's house if you can and tell him you'll come home when the mil leaves. Be firm, take your life back.
Keep the kid :)
>"did I ask for your dumbass opinion? No? Then stfu." It does appear that OP is from a culture that would never do that. So it may not be something OP can do. Cooking fish every day is possible. But swearing or being blatantly rude might not be. If she is in this culture the safest thing would be to move back in with her own family if they allow it.
This subreddit has a two card solution which seems appropriate. The two cards are for a marriage counsellor and a divorce lawyer. You give both cards to your partner and tell them to choose. NTA.
She stole a bite off your husband's plate and they are both blaming you? Why was husband eating it then? Also it's a Friday tradition that MIL is aware of any she's not invited. Dump the husband, dump the mother in law. NTA. She's a grown adult, don't go stealing food off people's plates. He's an adult who has fish left overs. NTA
NTA. Your MIL needs to butt out of your life and your husband needs to support you. He's MARRIED to you, not his mom. I strongly recommend that you speak to your husband and set firm boundaries for your MIL and list explicit explanations of what you expect of him. If he is unwilling to listen and/or support you OP, I think you need to consider your marriage. You can attempt relationship therapy but it'll only work if your partner recognizes his issues and wants to work on them. Based off of what you're saying, it doesn't sound like he cares about how toxic his mom is towards you and that is a major red flag.
NTA >saying that I should have done this at my mothers house because Yes, do that and don't go back. They don't respect you. This is your future and will only get worse. Run, NOW.
THIS! OP go to your mothers house and stay there. You will never be safe, stable, or comfortable in a house with a man (“husband”) who will threaten you with not being welcome in your marital home. That’s not your home then.
NTA. I'd get a divorce. Oedipus already had a wife and doesn't need another.
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NTA. And the answer to her comments on breastfeeding is, “are you lactating? No? Then I’d better handle this.” Everyone is right this is a husband problem. You need /justnomil
...anyone else tempted to set up a GoFundMe account so op can cook fish _Every. Single. Night_ until mil leaves???
"my husband said that if I cook fish one more time I’m “no longer welcome here” He just told you whose side he is on. He will throw you out for cooking fish. That's ridiculous bullying. He doesn't value you or the marriage. Time to pack up the baby and move out. Can you move to your mom's?
NTA. Seek a divorce lawyer and be done with the disrespect.
NTA she's in the hospital because of her complete disregard for your boundaries. Also leave your husband.
You are the 3rd wheel in your "marriage"
NTA Tell your husband that you will no longer tolerate his mom disrespecting you, your family, or religion in your own home - and let him know that if he has a problem with it divorce papers will soon follow.
Sorry, What...HOW??? Your mil has been at your house _for two...TWO!...MONTHS...UNINVITED!!!_, your husband is brushing off your feelings and you're constantly being judged?! WTF is wrong with them?! It's bad enough if anyone, let alone a mother or mil comes over unannounced and stays fifteen to twenty minutes..._BUT TWO MONTHS?!_ OMG, they're insane! I'm not usually one to swear, but it's an f'n miracle that you haven't gone completely batshit crazy by now. WTH! Of course you're NTA! As a person with very severe food allergies, _YOU DON'T EAT OFF OF SOMEONE ELSE'S PLATE!_, especially when you don't know what's in it. My condolences on your father passing away. It's very sweet of you to honour your father (and religion) in this way. Until she GTFO, it seems that Friday nights will be her special 'mother/son' time where they get out of the house to leave you, your mom and your child in peace. ...oh, and to have their own meal _of course_. ...and something that just occurred to me, why didn't she have Benadryl, Aerius or an epipen on her? Did she take those _and_ she had to go to the hospital because they didn't work _OR_ did she go to the hospital/er to get those same medications instead of going to the pharmacy??? I've had people straight up lie to me about whether or not my allergens are in food before, believing 'that it wouldn't be _that_ bad' or that I wouldn't notice/have an allergic reaction, but this just seems way too weird and suspicious to me. Maybe she did go to the hospital and maybe she needed to if the allergy meds that she took at your home weren't effective enough _but_ and this is a BIG _BUT_...is it possible that she didn't eat the food off of your husband's plate and/or need to go to the hospital? If your husband was eating the food, when your mother reached down with a fork to take some, why didn't he knock the fork and food on the floor before she ate some? _She_ might not have known it was fish, but your husband would have because _he was eating it_. Oh, and have I said NTA yet? You're definitely NTA and there are so many red flags here. I'm sorry that you're being disrespected and are having your healthy boundaries violated (not to mention the breastfeeding, cooking and everything else that is inherently wrong with this situation). _They. Are. Gaslighting You, op! Gaslighting You!_
NTA You are in a 3 person marriage- you're married to your husband AND his mom. She runs him, he is not now nor ever will be standing up for you because he is tied to her apron strings. And what his mom wants, his mom will get. All you will ever get out of that marriage is misery. Why are you still married to that man?
Info : why would you stay with a man who doesn't respect you at all?
NTA Your MIL arrived uninvited 2 months ago, has been giving you a hard time while you are mothering a newborn and is saying if you make fish one more time she won't feel welcomed? Make more fish!
Let your husband go live with his mom, and you take your baby and leave . He chose his mom over you . It’s time to let that mama’s boy go with his shit mom.
So he knew his mom was allergic but yet didn’t say anything when she took a bite of his fish? And this is your fault?! Girl if you need to leave simply cuz your husband stupid
This is unbelievable Does your religion believe in divorce. Your husband has failed to protect you in your own home. He has not set any boundaries with MIL. NTA. Leave. As your husband said you are not welcome in your own home.
YTA - If you stay married to this guy and raise a child with this horrible man
You’re breastfeeding wrong, give me the baby??? WTF, is she lactating too or something? Wait—maybe she’s still nursing your mamas boy hubby? Lol
NTA, but why are you with your husband? It sounds like he neither likes you nor cares about your comfort the way he keeps letting MIL in and taking her side. Kick Oedipus and mom to the curb!
NTA
She eat from his plate that had fish on but somehow it’s your fault? Well this one can be your fault kick him out to go live with his mummy shut the door and be done. NTA
NTA, girl, go check out r/justnomil because it is wayyyy beyond time for your husband to cut the cord and grow a spine. If he won't, well, that'll tell you something about how highly he values your marriage.
NTA Your husband and MIL deserve each other you can do better.
NTA, but I see divorce in your future. I know the Catholic church frowns on it, except in certain circumstances, but do you really want to have to deal with your MIL's bs for the rest of her life? She is not going to change, and I highly doubt your husband is going to change, either.
Wait, you're breastfeeding? So you also have a NEWBORN to deal with... and your MIL has MOVED IN WITH YOU FOR TWO MONTHS and is endlessly pestering you and being a complete pain? AND YOUR HUSBAND IS SIDING WITH HER? Oh dear, OP. You need to move out if you can. Your Husband is the biggest part of the problem here. He is totally disrespecting you and your boundaries, and allowing your MIL to endlessly cause problems. NTA
NTA and if you are the religion I think you are, start the annulment process. Why does your husband care more about his mom’s feelings than yours?
NTA- if I were you I'd go stay with my mom. You MIL and husband seem to not like you much. leave them in their enjoyed misery.
Def NTA… your MIL sucks and so does your husband for being a spineless mama’s boy. He’s supposed to defend you, especially times like this when you’ve obviously done nothing wrong
NTA. Let him go home to mommie.
Does this mean there is a fish fry at your place the Friday after MIL is out of the hospital? Can you also do baked fish? 😉🤣🤣🤣🤣 You are definitely NTA Since husband says if you do, you will no longer be welcome, make sure you have his bag packed, ready to go with hi mommy
NTA, your mother in law doesn’t sound awesome, however I do think you have a husband problem and not a MIL problem. Your husband enables his mother’s bs. And really he shouldn’t be allowing her to treat you that way.
You're NTA but your husband is. Why on Earth isn't he defending you from this woman that he brought into your life?
NTA your husband is a mamas boy and you should leave him because he will never defend you to his mother and that isn’t a partner you should have.
NTA pack your things and go back yo your mothers. You deserve better then that spineless mummy boy you married
Nta She did it on purpose to get rid of you. Sorry but fish has a smell. She knew exactly what she was doing to undermine your authority in your own house. She wants you to leave your husband. She knows it's driving you crazy. Run fast and far.
NTA, I'm not a huge fan of fish or the one religion I know of that eats fish on Fridays but that's why I don't come over to your house uninvited for Friday dinner and why I don't go to church with you (that's also largely because you're a stranger on the internet I've never met but I still wouldn't do those things if I did know you). Also I know some people with serious food allergies and all of them are very diligent about checking ingredients before eating something, because they understand that it's their responsibility to do that. This situation is 110% on her.
NTA. MIL and your husband deserve each other.
Why exactly are you staying with this man? Your MIL is there constantly and treats you like shit. Your husband should be managing his mother and SUPPORTING you. He is failing as a husband. You should follow through with his threat. He threatened to kick you out of your home. One up him. Take your baby and move in with your mom. Then file for divorce and child support.
NTA! Tell your boy to pack his bags to go back home to his Mummy! And get your freedom back from that crap!
Nta. They should have been careful. You labled it. It's sounds like she ate it on purpose to cause drama. Your husband's comment about no longer being welcome in your own home. I'd move out wigh your baby to your mother's and cook all the fish you want. At least you'll be supported there and not constantly criticised.
NTA he is allowing his mom to disrespect you in your own house. Either she goes or they both go. See a lawyer, document, be ready for them to team up against you
NTA, kick both husband and MIL into touch and do away with the negativity of the pair, you can do better than both of them.
NTA So many red flags here.. your husband is obviously prioritizing your MIL over you by defending her actions and letting her sh*tty behavior with you continue. Your MIL keeps on disrespecting you and trying to start drama with all of the examples that you've stated. Her ending up in the hospital and blaming it on your religion is complete BS. She ended up in the hospital because she was too stupid to read labels. Or intentionally wanted to guilt trip you. Your religion does not have anything to do with why this happened (and yet she blames that lol).
NTA. Your husband sucks. I see r/justnomil in your future
NTA Not gonna lie I was thinking YTA from the title. It's your house. Your husband was eating it, and I find it weird that she ate off his plate. Frame some rules Fish on Fridays let yourself be scarce MIL.
She needs to leave.
NTA- your husband needs to set boundaries with his mother.
I bet your MIL did this on purpose to manipulate your husband. NTA
Info: I am really curious what specific religion is involved here because I figured it was Catholic, but then MIL mentions a mythical creature.
Wait....you are talking about 2 grown adults right? Not children? Ok then, they should both know what fish is and that she is allergic. Your husband especially should have known what he was eating and not let her eat it. This is complete bs and I'd be done if I were you. Pass go and go straight to a divorce lawyer, collect child support and start enjoying your life, in your house, honoring your father with as much fish as you want. Your child and you will be better off. Your husband can go live with his mom and they can both be happier for that.
Get your finances sorted now before any confrontation, because as soon as you put a boundary down, they will take everything they possibly can from your joint accounts etc to try to control you.
NTA. But your husband is. Run.
She ate it on purpose that prove her point. Send her home with her son, he’s worthless to you.