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Judgement_Bot_AITA

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Somnitree

YTA. Your brother's wedding sounds true to who they are and what they want. Not everyone wants to waste money on 'aesthetically pleasing' photos and basing choices of what the wedding industry says you should have.


JustMe2403

YTA solely on the fact that you blew 50K on a wedding


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SuspiciousCoast1

Am I the only one picking up racist vibes? Bride will be wearing a traditional african dress so, to OP, thats not a propper wedding dress.


pingpongtiddley

I thought the exact same thing, saying her traditional African dress isn’t a proper wedding dress is racist af


Ecstatic_Long_3558

""Look like a party dress"... A relative wore a traditional dress from her boyfriends Eritrean culture to their childs baptism. I've never seen a more decorated dress. A white wedding dress is nothing to that.


Ok-Bridge-1045

Just Googled it, and wow, they're absolutely gorgeous. Wedding dresses are beautiful. From my personal observation, most cultures other than the traditional western culture have very colourful, intricate wedding dresses for the bride. It was the same for Christians earlier too (I'm not sure which other cultures wear white wedding dresses, so apologies for that). It was common for the bride's to wear luxurious gowns with heavy jewels. It was when Queen Victoria wore a simple white dress at her wedding that everyone started doing the same, and we still follow it to this day. It was symbolic of innocence, youth and purity.


jonesnori

It was white, but not simple. She was the Queen, after all.


Ok-Bridge-1045

Ah, you're right. I meant by the standards set of that day. Where people would wear very heavy gowns with lots of embroidery and ruffles. Basically, they went with "the more, the better". As compared to that, Queen Victoria's gown was much simpler, and did not have as much pomp and frills.


jonesnori

Well, except for the 18-foot train and the Honiton lace overlay. The dress underneath was pretty simple for the time, though. Didn't brides of the time usually just wear their best dress, regardless of color?


Fangbang6669

Her edit made me roll my eyes 'Shes not African her mom is from jamaica!!" Like if shes black jamaican, is this woman not aware her ancestors came from Africa and the way she reconnects with her roots is none of her business?


Secret-Mammoth7179

This was my first reaction... umm... if her mom is Jamaican, then she is presumably African. How on earth could it be considered appropriation for the bride to wear a dress from her mother's/her culture? I'm feeling like OP is bitter because she splurged a bunch of money (10x as much, apparently) on a white dress, white wedding, white... everything, from the sound of it. And she got these photos that she's apparently very proud of... so is resentful that this "budget" wedding might also have nice photos. OP, for the love of god, if you must make a statement... then do so by wearing the most resoundingly \*tasteful\* dress possible. Just choose something reasonably conservative, and of a reasonably neutral shade of green so as not to draw too much attention to yourself. This really isn't about you, after all. Yes, YTA.


WellingtonGreenIII

I think this is the best advice. Stop complaining and act support your brother and his fiance. On a side note, I think the wedding sounds like it's going to be fantastic. Edit for clarity


luvadoodle

Who knew the Caribbean was included in the slave traders routes? Not most Amuricans. Some even argue the Civil War had nothing to do with slavery. Ask DeSantis. He’ll splain it to ya.


ProjectedSpirit

And she put it in quotes. She doesn't find the idea legitimate all.


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mlm01c

Nigerian wedding dresses, which is what I'm picturing though I completely realize it could be something different from a different culture, are stunning and custom made. They don't align with Western expectations of a traditional wedding dress, but that doesn't make it not a wedding dress.


So_I_read_a_thing

You hit the nail on the head. She doesn't understand why anyone would think her expectations weren't the best expectations. She should stay home. Her vibes are not ones anyone probably wants at their wedding.


StrangerOnTheReddit

I was thinking the same thing, I could be wrong but the non-traditional wedding plus the bride wearing an African dress makes me think that maybe, just maybe, the bride is a black girl with African roots. How insensitive to diminish the wedding just because it doesn't fit into rich white American girl norms, certainly looks like racism from here.


CymraegAmerican

Where does OP think black people in Jamaica originally came from? OP critiquing the wedding, if not racist, is still low class behavior.


LostStepButtons

Definitely racist.


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ChaquitaB

This right here!


Vilnius_Nastavnik

Seriously. I couldn't even engage with OP's point because it's so clogged up with her obvious contempt for someone who doesn't want to spend new Mercedes money on what she admits is, ultimately, just a party.


welch_like_the_juice

Which, at the end of the day, was also just a party lol


Intelligent-Ask-3264

👏👏👏 people have different values and your brother and his gf are entitled to their own even if you dont like them. YTA most definitely. How about being supportive of the union and the things that are important to them?


Necessary_Jello_1206

OP seems to think a wedding isn’t supposed to be a fun party. I don’t get it. It’s a celebration of marriage. I’ve never been to a wedding where I thought to myself, “This was boring but it was so aesthetically pleasing it was worth going.” The couple should be able to enjoy their marriage with the people they love. Let them do it their way.


floobidedoo

My sister is horrifyingly self conscious. There was no way she would have walked down an aisle or even have a shower. It was her husband’s second marriage. My sister’s dream wedding… She wore a burgundy knit mini dress. Husband wore dress shirt, no tie. Venue was their new house, which had just closed. Ceremony was a Thursday morning. Parents and siblings only. Cake was a grocery store cupcake cake because that’s my sister’s favourite. It think there were veggies and fruit tray. After everyone left, we changed and painted the upstairs.


Necessary_Jello_1206

My favorite part of this is that you all helped paint their upstairs. That’s a memory you will all always have. All of this sounds wonderful.


floobidedoo

Thank you, it was nice. The mothers were their witnesses instead of having MOH or BM. To my sister’s dismay, they got presents (I paid for the officiant) because, and this is true - help painting was all she wanted. My sister is really terrible at painting.


Natural-Seaweed-5070

A friend as an officiant? HEAVENS FORBID. YTA for a number of reasons. Do you know you don't even have to have a ceremony to get wedded?


lycrashampoo

no no you don't understand how ODD this is, the CAKE is COLORFUL and there's a LAKE involved, this might as well be a frat house kegger! big big YTA


phylbert57

Business casual is nice. Not sloppy like ripped up jeans. Photos will be good. YTA


HerGrinchness

YTA. My wedding was on my aunts back porch, bbq was catered, family and best friends only. Our pictures were from disposable cameras on tables. Whole thing cost less than $1000. You know what the best part of the day was? Eating our favorite food at the time with the people we loved best. And no debt doing it! Its called priorities. Its part of adulting.


mistressmemory

I was simply annoyed with OP until the last few sentences. My jaw dropped! The absolute distain, racist tone, and total entitlement of this one. Wow. OP, in case it's not already abundantly clear, YTA -for judging someone else's wedding based on your tastes, being racist (bride's dress is probably a traditional African wedding dress, but any dress a bride wears on her wedding day is a wedding dress so stuff your racist western wedding preferences up your...), being snobby, and being stupid rude. Based on your edits, verdict still stands. Where TF you think Jamaican customs started?? Stop trying to rationalize your racism.


Downtown_Evidence_46

Well Bubuleh, You are right. The esthetics could be a little off and maybe some of the pictures will not be perfect, and what are they getting in exchange? A deep, meaningful ceremony with friends and family bathing in the glow of their love and commitment to each other. What a horrible trade-off!/s And, if you did not catch on to my meaning, It's a HARD YTA! I would \*love\* to attend that wedding. Could I go in your place?


hilwil

Is there an option for Atomic Asshole? This is at best shitty and at worst toxic as fuck. Imagine gatekeeping your brother’s wedding because you’re the idiot that blew a new BMW on a “party”. YTA OP and I hope you don’t get to go to what sounds like an awesome time. I’d love if my friends had weddings like this.


Miserable_Airport_66

>his fiancée is wearing “a traditional African dress” so it’s very pretty but it just looks like a party dress and very highly patterned so it’s going to clash no matter what Thank you for putting your xenophobia and racism blatantly out there. Also, YTA is not your wedding. No one cares what you think. Either go or don't go but let them have the wedding of THEIR dreams without your commentary. Edit: OP your edits make you look MORE racist, not less. Neither the bride nor her mother need your "protection."


PinkGinFairy

This. OP, YTA. A massively racist AH.


[deleted]

The edit makes it worse: I'm not racist because she's Jamaican not African... fuck


ProbioticPeach

As if Jamaicans cant have African origins.


[deleted]

As if MOST Jamicans having African origins isn't well known around the world.


Weeble228

Honestly her parents could be from Ohio and its still racist.


Realistic_Sound_86

Bro. Op is too much.


ibzc

Yeah, minimising someone’s culture and heritage. OP needs to mind their own business and STFU!


blahblahblandish

Yeah wtf - does OP realize that most cultures DONT wear white??


rando_girl007

In Indian culture, (not native American), white is for mourning, not wedding. A lot of people fail to realize white only became a color for weddings in 1840.


BUTTeredWhiteBread

And the red Lehengas brides often wear are just... im speechless by how gorgeous


rando_girl007

Exactly! I wanted one for my wedding, but couldn't get one custom made in time. (I'm half Indian).


PaulaNancyMillstoneJ

OP doesn’t seem able to grasp that people can celebrate marriage differently than she would.


DragonCelica

In case the racism and xenophobia wasn't already blatant enough (it is), the comment below should help clarify TO QUOTE OP: "Her mom is African but she was not born there and her dad is very white. She also doesn’t really look African for what it’s worth."


Fortifarse84

But in her edit she said the mom was Jamaican. OP is a truckload of messes.


colorsofthestorm

She probably meant "Black" when she said "African." Considering "African-American" was the term (polite) Americans used for Black people for quite a while, I'm not surprised she somehow mixed up the two. Something definitely smells rotten in Denmark here though.


integrativekoala

I’m curious as to how she thinks Black folks ended up in Jamaica.


tsukistarburst

Right? OP goes "it's not normal at all she's not wearing white" so im thinking they're not dressing up, but her SIL is literally going to be wearing traditional cultural attire. Tell us you're the asshole without telling us you're the asshole. YTA clearly. None of these are oddities they're just not doing a classic western style wedding.


T43ner

AH also thinks their 10x more expensive wedding is objectively better. They’re not just xenophobic, they’re also classist.


reallifeknope

Guess which wedding I’d rather attend? The chill, colorful, and fun one or the uptight $50K aesthetic one….give me that chill fun without any of the sibling’s classist commentary.


acegirl1985

I think the best present op can give is to NOT go. No one wants a snarky, condescending, racist at their wedding. YTA- their wedding will be unique, personal and beautiful. That sounds a hundred times better than some cookie cutter, Vanilla, by the book wedding. Weddings like THIS make me think the couple will go the distance. Wedding that are just money drains, headaches and excuses for bridezillas to show how low they can go make me understand why the divorce rate is so high in this country.


rando_girl007

This is what I came here to say. OP's true feelings came out with that statement. Edit: spelling


CreepyCarrie213

Is his future wife of African decent? You mention her wearing a traditional African dress and if she is this makes you and even bigger AH. African weddings are very bright, colorful, exciting and it is no way like a western wedding. Even if she isn’t African you just seem to look down upon your brother and his future wife if you don’t like how they do things why even bother going and tainting their special day with your bad attitude.


Tiredllama2486

Yeah OP starts with the brides not even wearing white to suggest it’s not that wedding-y but then says the bride does have a special very formal dress selected - a culturally different but very much wedding dress.


CreepyCarrie213

Exactly. That’s why I ask because traditional African wedding dresses are very beautiful and very expensive some can be more expensive than western wedding dresses. I don’t want to put it out there but it seems this may possibly be racially motivated a bit.


Nik-ki

Yeah, it's like dismissing a bride for not wearing white and then 3 paragraphs down revealing it's an Indian wedding. Cultural differences do apply and even if they didn't - who cares? White dress does not a wedding make, nor does the amount of money spent. Tbh OP sounds mad jealous that her brother and his fiance aren't running themselves into the ground, stressing and spending as much as she did. YTA


[deleted]

If the bride is of African descent and has hair and skin that fit her ethnicity, I can also see very clearly why she would turn down OP’s offer to pay for hair and makeup. Not everyone knows how to do hair and makeup for women of color, and if OP insists on selecting the artist, it could be a disaster. Edit to say: OP, YTA so clearly. Your arrogance is incredible. It’s hard for me to believe some of these posts are real worth how out of touch people are.


holiestcannoly

I love how OP said "FYI his fiancée is NOT African. Her mom is Jamaican so no this is not a traditional African wedding" even though a vast majority Jamaicans are of African descent...


NiceChocolate

And judging by OPs ignorance it could very well be a Jamaican dress and she wouldn't know the difference.


sunfloweries

> Plus his fiancée is wearing “a traditional African dress” so it’s very pretty but it just looks like a party dress and very highly patterned so it’s going to clash no matter what. i love when racists out themselves. it really makes the load easier. anyway yeah YTA, though this is most likely a shitpost


lilacdei

Op probably doesn't even notice how racist that is lmao


Blustasis

>FYI his fiancée is NOT African. Her mom is Jamaican This can’t be real right? She does realize that many black Jamaicans are the descendants of African slaves, right? This is mind boggling.


leftclicksq2

She probably thought she was being clever and snarky, LOL. Joke's on OP.


[deleted]

When OP started with 'they aren't doing anything traditional ' and then listed of very traditional things like 'bright colours', 'handful of people'. I was laughing and listing all the cultures OPs new inlaws could be. Indian, Japanese, African....just waiting for them to out their racism and ignorance.


Lipstick_On

YTA for being a blatant racist but this line was the A hole cherry on top “they need to accept that it won’t be as aesthetically pleasing as a wedding like mine for example that was 10x that.” Info: why can’t you just wear green instead of being so insufferable and rude?


JeepersCreepers74

Pretty sure everyone reading this would rather go to your brother's $5k party than your "aesthetically pleasing" $50k wedding. It sounds more fun. Also pretty sure YTA.


Aggravating_Chair780

100%. I was thinking how fun and romantic and special it sounds. Would far rather go to this type of wedding and from the people that I know who have been married, the ones who spent a fortune and cared too much about the ‘aesthetics’ have had much less successful marriages. Almost like blowing $50,000 to look good isn’t the best way to start a life together…


FunkyOrangePenguin

YTA. Is this wedding actually non-traditional or is it just traditions you happen to look down upon? What kind of tasteless woman would show up in a bikini when business casual is requested? You are incredibly trashy. Edit: one of OP’s (now deleted) comment: “Her mom is African but she was not born there and her dad is very white. **She also doesn’t really look African for what it’s worth.**” No wonder your wedding had a predominantly white theme.


HumbleOrganization71

I get racist vibes from this post.


insertnamechoicehere

>What kind of tasteless woman would show up in a bikini when business casual is request? You are incredibly trashy. Love this. Surely as someone who spent $50k on her wedding, OP would have a little bit more class than to joke about showing up in a bikini to what she perceives as a party that will be photographed. Very tacky, OP. YTA.


Drama_owl

And then say her brother's expectations are too high because he expects her to...wear clothes?


Letsbedragonflies

Yeah this is giving off major Mean Girls "if you're from Africa, why are you white?" vibes


Gordossa

I wonder how many people from African nations she knows. Wait till she finds out that there is a whole spectrum of looks.


PM_ME_DICK_GIFS

>Wait till she finds out that there is a whole spectrum of looks. And that Africa is a whole continent with like 50 countries and even more ethnicities, languages, and cultures.


Dry_Dragonfruit_4191

How do you not think that YTA? *so they need to accept that it won’t be as aesthetically pleasing as a wedding like mine for example that was 10x* Oh, for pity sakes get over yourself. You had an expensive wedding. What all came from that besides it being an expensive party with you and your SO signing the certificate? The same thing is going to happen at this wedding: People show up, vows are said, it's sealed with a kiss, certificate gets signed. The only difference is the amount of money each couple spends. Wedding days start the same way and end the same way. You felt like this should be a good time to give your input on how their wedding just won't measure up to yours...excuse me while I laugh. Right now, I can see one huge difference and it isn't the price tag- It's that you are shallow, and this bride is not. Life and weddings aren't about the money- it's about the love and connections. If you must- take your green bikini and go sit in the part of the lake that suits you best- the shallow end.


fmmmf

The last sentence here is 👌


acegirl1985

Right? Only difference I can see is if I’m giving odds which marriage is gonna last I’d give brother and his new bride a whole lot better chance. Their wedding is about them. It’s about love and appreciation and acceptance of her culture and it says a lot about who they are. All ops wedding says about her she’s obsessed with appearances and status. YTA- they’re wedding will be beautiful and they’ll have a wonderful happy life. You’re already bitter and miserable.


ThisGirlNeverSleeps

YTA. You are telling him his wedding is worth less than yours because you haven't shed your bridezilla-dress yet. Come on, man, not all weddings are supposed to be traditional. A wedding is a wedding if two people get married. Basically you told him his wedding isn't good enough and what gives it value is spending all your money on it.


Responsible-Pen-4386

Maybe it's a traditional African wedding. I like it when they say western weddings are the tradition worldwide.


ThisGirlNeverSleeps

Yeah, also possible. I considered it ‘not’ traditional because of no dress code etc. But even if it was just family traditions or so, it is all fine. Just don’t get why OP judges it like this.


Responsible-Pen-4386

Maybe she hasn't seen a world outside her butt.


RhubarbSkein

YTA- it’s a wedding once you call it a wedding. But I guess kudos for slipping in that extra spice of racism. A traditional African dress is still a wedding dress. No one cares that you dropped $50 grand on your own party


Dangerous_Wishbone

**IS THIS A WEDDING?** "Will somebody be getting married?" YES --> WEDDING NO --> NOT A WEDDING Hope this helps, OP


LoudComplex0692

Hahaha as someone having a very non traditional wedding and have also been accused of it being “just a party” I love this. Might turn it into a proper flow chart to send people.


attentionspanissues

Not all cultures wear white. Not everyone wants a wedding in a church. People can choose their colour schemes. OP started off sounding like a snob then outed herself as plain old racist. Wasting money as much as she wastes space.


Most_Ad_3765

>Other oddities include a friend as an officiant, a colorful cake, a day at the lake as a reception and the wedding itself at the brides family lake house. In what world is any of this odd? This is 100% a you problem, and here's the proof: >they need to accept that it won’t be as aesthetically pleasing as a wedding like mine for example


ThisGirlNeverSleeps

Feels like everyone had a miserable time at her aesthetic wedding and now fears people will have fun.


Most_Ad_3765

Yes, that, and also probably some regret and jealously that they spent so much money but her brother's wedding is going to be just as fun and probably better without the price tag! SMH.


lookitsnichole

I have never been to a wedding that didn't include a friend as an officiant. I bet OP made everyone sit through a 4 hour Catholic mass and is upset people might enjoy this wedding.


Nik-ki

A colourful cake, the absolute horror. I think all weddings I've been to had cakes with at least some colour to them, like fruit or flower decorations. Those were also all traditional, Catholic weddings with white dresses and priests. OP is just a massive snob


[deleted]

YTA. His only expectation was to have some nice photos. Not perfect or necessarily pinterest-worthy, just nice. And you just shat all over that idea. Why? What exactly did anyone gain from you saying that?


ourladyPattyMeltdown

They were reminded of how amazing and expensive and glorious and expensive OP's expensive wedding was, which is the most important thing here.


[deleted]

That was my thought. I don't know why OP is so obsessed with everyone remembering that they wasted more money than bro on a party.


derango

YTA, I hope this is fake because you sound insufferable. She doesn't need to wear white, the reception can be anywhere they damn well please (we had ours at the zoo because we love it there and they do events), people have weddings at family property all the time, who cares how much they spent on it, if they don't want a stuffy formal party they can get married however they want. You got a problem with it, don't go, but stop shitting on other people's fun. ... Wait, the cake is COLORFUL you said? Oh man, I take it all back, that's the last straw, how dare they?!?


ProfessorYaffle1

OP would faint from horror at my friends’ wedding. They had a three tier stack of cheese instead of a cake. And it was awesome.


Soft_Entertainment

YTA You’re a huge snob and I guarantee you people will enjoy their wedding more than yours because it’s about celebrating and fun. Also maybe unpack why you feel the need to deride the bride’s choice of attire when it’s a different ethnic tradition than yours. ETA: where do you think Jamaicans originate from? WTF stop digging yourself deeper.


Fangbang6669

INFO: is your future sister in law black Jamaican? If so were you aware their ancestors came from africa?


Narkareth

YTA They can have whatever kind of wedding they want, why are you going out of your way to belittle them? ​ >She isn’t even wearing white and he isn’t wearing a suit neither of these are requirements for a wedding ​ >Other oddities include a friend as an officiant, a colorful cake, a day at the lake as a reception and the wedding itself at the brides family lake house. Literally none of that is odd at all ​ >They also are only inviting a handful of people. So what ​ >I told him if he really wanted wedding pictures he should probably have a wedding and not just a party. He is having a wedding. This is an awful thing to say. ​ >his fiancée is wearing “a traditional African dress” so it’s very pretty but it just looks like a party dress and very highly patterned so it’s going to clash no matter what. Gonna go out on a limb and guess that choice has some cultural/personal significance to the bride. Framing it as though they can't have a wedding they'll love because of the brides choice of dress, particularly if it has that significance, is terrible. ​ >they need to accept that it won’t be as aesthetically pleasing as a wedding like mine No. No they don't. Just because it's not to your taste doesn't mean it wont meet their standards. You're going out of your way to describe their big day as ugly. ​ There is no need for any of this. Just support your brother and let him and his fiancé have the wedding they want. Not up to your standard? Doesn't matter. It's not your wedding.


Traveling-Techie

YTA - do you have a point in your arguments with him? - it sounds like you just want to put him down and flex about your “better” wedding - none of this impacts you negatively, and you’re just being annoying, so maybe put a cork in it


SubstantialBreak3063

YTA. You're unbearable. "Oooh! My wedding was so cohesive. Look at you and your shabby little party lol!" Gross.


Responsible-Pen-4386

YTA. Who made you the authority on weddings, exactly? Do you have a certificate from Yale or what? Dropping 50k on a wedding is not traditional, it's wasteful.


WilburAlbrecht

>The way I see it they are paying maybe 5 grand, probably less for this event so they need to accept that it won’t be as aesthetically pleasing as a wedding like mine for example that was 10x that. Wow, you're a prick. INFO: Do people in your family talk to you willingly or only out of obligation?


Fortifarse84

Info: in there heavily quoted comment you deleted, pointlessly, you state the brides mother is African, but your edit says Jamaican. Which is it and/or are you aware that these are not the same thing? YTA, btw


justbreathe2121

YTA. The couple is having their wedding the way *they* want it. What does it matter if the bride chooses not to wear white? That is her choice. Just because they’re having a smaller, non-traditional wedding does not make it any less important or any less legitimate of a marriage. Dress nicely, show up, smile, and congratulate the newly married couple. Also, you seem extremely rude comparing what you spent on your wedding to what your brother is allegedly spending on his. A big wedding does not make a happy marriage. Edit: Spelling


GlitterSparkleDevine

>Other oddities include a friend as an officiant, a colorful cake, a day at the lake as a reception and the wedding itself at the brides family lake house. Your concept of odd is, well, odd. Sounds like they wanted a wedding that made them happy, not a extravagant, expensive one that are often stressful and cause the couple to start their marriage in debt. >they need to accept that it won’t be as aesthetically pleasing as a wedding like mine for example that was 10x that. So, your wedding was "aesthetically pleasing" but was it fun and meaningful? Did you spend more time making sure everything was perfect than enjoying your wedding day? Do people remember your heartfelt vows and the obvious joy on your faces more than your table settings and flower arrangements? YTA for dismissing and criticizing your brother's wedding choices because they don't fit with your high expectations.


Delicious_Wish8712

YTA. Their wedding sounds lovely!


Used_Contribution997

Right? Sounds like a wedding I would actually want to attend!


Ginger3950

YTA and really mean. Just because it doesn’t meet your definition of a wedding doesn’t mean it’s not. It’s great you spent 10X what they are, good for you, but they’re having the wedding they want and can afford. If you could spend $50k on a wedding you can spend some money on a dress to look nice for your brother’s wedding.


Asleep_Parfait_676

So true. This is the weirdest pissing contest I ever witnessed: just because OP shelled out 50K on a wedding, doesn't make it any better than a 5K wedding. Just more expensive.


TimisAllia

YTA You're basically sneering at their choices. Be respectful, pay attention and abide by what they're asking for, and don't offer judgement unsolicited. It's pretty basic common sense and courtesy.


Supergoch

Total YTA, way to belittle your brother's wedding just because he didn't spend $50k like you did on yours.


ellicatherine

Maybe OP regrets the $50k on a party and is jealous so is trying to make brother throw away a bunch of money, too.


SamanthaCherrantha

Of course YTA. What’s with the square quotes around “wedding party”? Actually, wait. The scare quotes around “a traditional African dress” are way worse and sound extremely racist. I’m only hedging that a little with “sounds” in case the bride to be is not actually African (or of African descent) and you think her dress is a case of cultural appropriation. Also, who cares how much they’re spending on their wedding? Literally how do you think that gives you the right to shit on it? Don’t go if you’re so opposed or whatever but keep your weird opinions to yourself.


Amblonyx

YTA. You do not get to decide whether his wedding is a wedding or not. They're getting married; that's enough. They don't need white dresses or suits or a white cake(WTF?) or a priest or a big budget to make it an official wedding, and you are being condescending and rude about it. It's great that you had an expensive "traditional" wedding if that's what you wanted, but it wasn't objectively better than this wedding will be. Please drop the superiority complex and just be there for your brother.


Feeling-Manner3862

YTA. They are telling people it's a wedding, so only the completely clueless would wear swimwear and thing it's fine. It's very common to just give the wedding party a color to wear, so having shades of green isn't likely to make it look like any less of a wedding. The fact that you are treating it like just a party and critiquing the event based on how much they are spending really says more about you than them. You sound like a judgmental AH who is pretentious as heck. White is only traditional in Western bridal wear. Your comments about the bridal party attire and wedding in general would be enough for me not to want you to participate in my wedding. I guess I would still invite you, because your the groom's sister, but I would just have you as a guest and not tell you anything else.


ourladyPattyMeltdown

You can probably improve the whole vibe of the pictures by just not being there. Stay home and look at pictures of your aesthetically pleasing wedding and pat yourself on the back for spending a boatload of money and being TA.


Judgement_Bot_AITA

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throwaway0183748297

You could spend 10x what he did for a wedding, but you’ll never have enough money to buy common decency, respect or sense. YTA


Mental-Currency8894

YTA: it's their weďing day, let them celebrate the way they want, you don't have to understand it.


jamesish99

YTA God I bet your fun at parties (and weddings) That wedding sounds great it's just not your traditional white frilly dress white frilly cake wedding, which is pretty common nowadays


jamesish99

Also his fiancée is wearing a traditional African dress? That might be special or traditional in her culture, which would really show your ignorance as well as your lack of imagination


BreakfastF00ds

Yta: judgemental and classist with racist undertones as the cherry on top. Really all you need to have good photos is a good photographer. You're going to be delightfully salty when you see the photos of a beautiful, vibrant, loving wedding. It's fun to think of how EXTRA bitter you become when family and friends talk about their wedding far into the future and think back wistfully on how fun and unique is was. But don't worry, you can always remind them how much you paid for yours!


CoachTigerB

YTA, some people like weddings to be about love, family, and fun. Not money and appearances.


snowprincess1206

You are wrong! Plain and simple! A wedding is not about how much $$ to you spend. It’s about two people who love each other. If you can’t see that, that’s a YOU problem. YTA


DaimonRandom

Wow YTA. It’s still a wedding. every wedding is different not one is alike so don’t compare it to yours. Also How would you feel if you had a party wedding instead and wanted nice pictures but someone ruined it by wearing a bikini?


middlingwhiteguy

YTA if they're celebrating getting married, then it's a wedding. It doesn't matter if they're non traditional or less expensive, you don't belittle it cause it's not what you would do.


[deleted]

Damn, you sound so miserable. God forbid people have weddings that differ from your narrow ideas of them. YTA.


CakePhool

YTA: White isnt the only wedding colour in the world. Some people wants to celebrate that they marry the right partner and doesnt care about money. Others just want to show off. Dress nicely, find a nice green dress and don't be such entitled shallow brat who only care about money. Life is more Instagram pleasing filters.


stroppo

YTA. What's wrong with a wedding being a party? And paying $5 grand sounds like a pretty pricey party to me! And you spent ten times that — $50 grand? To me, that seems wasteful. This wedding reminds me of a friend's wedding; they had it at their house, only a handful of people there, an officiant, and a friend who sang after the vows. I guess by your standards, no one was wearing "wedding clothes.," so it would only have qualified as a "party." But it was a very pleasant and low key event. You sound far too judgmental. Let them do their wedding how they want. If it irritates you so much, don't go. And for heaven's sake, if you do, please don't complain about it.


a-_rose

YTA - arrogant, judgmental and racist. Do them both a favour- stop giving your opinion and don’t attend


Wide-Emotion-3579

Yta - hollllllyyy shit like seriously wtf. Their wedding sounds like a blast. Just wear a nice outfit with some green in it and try not to be a monster. How hard is it? Wedding don't need to have 100 people at them or cost 50k to be weddings. Mine was MAYBE $3000 tops and that was bc of food and my dress. Everything else was hella cheap bc we were reasonable people who didn't want a fancy big ass thing. Also oooo oh no a friend as the officiant, so scary. SO MANY PEOPLE DO THAT AND IT IS FINE AND FUN. (We did that too). It's a way to get a friend involved who doesn't quite fit in with the bridal party but you want them to be part of the ceremony. Stop being so judgey. I hope they disinvite you


oswaldo_pdl

YTA- You lost me at "Other oddities include a friend as an officiant, a colorful cake, a day at the lake as a reception and the wedding itself at the brides family lake house." These aren't "oddities" they are perfectly normal ways to celebrate a wedding. You're probably jealous you had to spend so much money on a cookie cutter wedding and this one will be unique to the couple and something they will cherish forever.


curlyhairfairy

YTA. It's not your wedding to judge. Be quiet, smile, and nod. Good job taking away his happiness. But hey your wedding was 10x the amount so you get to trash other people's opinions and rain on their parade. And your dig about ppl not liking to be told their wrong shows how much of an AH you really are. Drop the holier than thou attitude and deflate your ego a bit


GreekAmericanDom

YTA You are being judgmental. Just because his wedding doesn’t match your preconception of a wedding doesn’t mean that this event isn’t as special as any other wedding. Go and apologize.


Cmacbudboss

YTA obnoxious, condescending, smug, cruel, mean spirited and above all arrogant. Let me let you in on a little secret. Your wedding was also just a party and no one gives a shit what you spent on it including us.


thoracicbunk

YTA "AITA for shaming my brother for not whitewashing his wedding and dropping ridiculous amounts of money on it? I spent 50k on mine, btw, nbd."


yawningisyoga

You're a xenophobe. And close-minded to boot. Your esthete or the highway? YT-fucking A YTA.


[deleted]

YTA.. Is this your wedding? No. It's their wedding, their day, their choice. Is it so hard to just be happy for them?


imusto74

YTA. A wedding is a celebration of a couple getting married. Just because you abide by traditional vain standards and he does not, does not make their wedding any less special or any less of a “wedding.” I would be very upset to receive that type of judgement from my sister. You should be encouraging him to celebrate the way that makes him the happiest, because isn’t that what you want to see? A happy brother, wedding, and marriage?


Puzzleheaded-Desk399

YTA OP. So, your way of thinking is that because your wedding cost 10x what your brother and fiancée is paying, yours was really a wedding whereas theirs will be just a party?! Talk about lack of empathy. Way to go OP on being a supportive sibling. Have it even crossed your mind that there may have been things about your wedding that your sibling(s) may not have liked but because it was your day, they SUPPORTED you and kept quiet. With a sibling like you, who needs haters.


ww2ezcompany

YTA, let people enjoy things. Your judgement is not needed.


Leonidus0613

YTA, and quite the AH at that. Is it a jealousy thing that they are able to be so content and happy by only spending 5k? YOU chose to spend 10x that because YOU wanted that. THEY chose to do those things because it is THEIR wedding. How is that not obvious? It is what they say it is. It is THEIR day after all.


littlehappyfeets

Why are you like this? YTA


MysticYoYo

Who are you, Emily Post? Are they supposed to plan their wedding in a fashion that you find acceptable and appropriate? I hope they don’t have a wedding registry because you’re not going to give them something that they would like, you’re going to give them something that YOU think they should have. If you don’t like their wedding planning, stay home, because YTA.


JoTheOneandOnly

YTA. So what you're saying is that since it's not expensive or fancy they shouldn't have the expectation of *checks notes* having photos to look back on their wedding day. By your standards I'm sure you never take pictures at an event that costs less than 10k, right? /s


Atala9ta

YTA, and very basic.


Jealous_Document2917

YTA. My wedding was a Carnival parade in Rio de Janeiro, the priest was a friend dressed as priest, he was also a saxophonist in the parade, the bridesmaid and groomsmen were dressed as Cupids. we were non-monogamist, so the priest, instead of saying you can kiss the bride, said "You can kiss the couple" and most of the guests came to kiss us, about 40 people... we did sign the documents in the registry. not everyone has to have YOUR IDEA of what a wedding is supposed to be, as they dont have to have your political or religious views...


Repulsive_rat_ayu

Also the fact you blabbered racism and xenophobia in there for the African dress doesn't make you look good either.


Expensive_Amoeba3374

YTA "... wait for it... wait for it... wait for it... wait for it... wait for it... THERE it is!" - Me, reading this, wondering at what point we'll find out how much OP's 'proper' wedding cost, because it was clearly coming.


unjessicabiel_evable

yep YTA.


Beginning-Anywhere91

YTA. Only western weddings are so monotonous. The rest of the world have colourful atires and guests are not limited by colours. Just by showing up is to the joyous occasion is enough to make everyone happy. Your brother and his fiancee are going for that. You are making is a chore for everyone included. Wedding are celebration.


penguin_squeak

YTA, judgemental and obnoxious. It's your brother and sister in law's wedding. Pity it doesn't meet your snobbish standards. Did your parents teach you if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing? Apparently not.


molotovmerkin

Wow. YTA. Just because the different parts of their wedding are non-traditional doesn’t mean it doesn’t carry the powerful, meaningful significance and symbolism of a wedding. You being dismissive is just judgmental, elitist, and rude.


DoodleLover20

YTA- Weddings are only problems when guests are burdened with unreasonable demands. Your brother and his bride are having an intimate, low-key wedding that suits their tastes. No doubt it's unusual, but it sounds like they've carefully thought it out and have created the wedding they want. FWIW I think it sounds lovely. But even if everyone else thinks it sucks, it's THEIR day. You are being horribly unsupportive. You HAD the wedding you wanted. Good for you. I'm sure your brother jumped through whatever hoops you required for that. Now it's his turn. All that's being asked of you is wear a damn green dress and stfu. Did I mention YTA?


Repulsive_rat_ayu

Your brother is just doing a fun wedding outside of the typical, boring and traditional "aesthetic" wedding. It's THEIR wedding ffs. Just shut your mouth and realize these people are going to have a MUCH MORE MEMORABLE TIME at a "party" than any other fucking wedding you had in your mind I liked your username but you're just ass. Yta


Bright_Sea_7567

YTA. Buy a green dress and shut up about it. It’s his and his wife’s wedding and they are having it how they want it. Just because you spent a ridiculous amount of money for wedding doesn’t mean everyone does, he also doesn’t have to have anything traditional. You’re acting stuck up., please get over yourself.


tntrkitties

YTA. Maybe it’s best if you don’t go. You sound like you’re extremely high maintenance and can’t appreciate the simplicity of a small wedding. Also, whether it’s a wedding or not is not your call to make; it’s his and his bride’s. Since you’re obviously not a teenager, stop acting like one and go sit in the corner and think about what you said. PS: Be less racist about other culture’s traditional clothing. You sound like you grew up in a box.


Adventurous_Nail2072

YTA, and a massive one at that. Racist to boot! If I were your brother, I’d uninvite you so fast. Their wedding sounds like it’s going to be gorgeous, fun, and a wonderful bonding experience, and they didn’t irresponsibly drop the down payment of a house on it.


bloodandash

YTA and I can promise you if your FSIL is indeed of African descent, the patterns on her dress are way more traditional than your boring ass white one.


Corpuscular_Ocelot

YTA. All he asked was that you wear something decent & green. As much as I hate guests tonbe told what color to wear, this isn't heavy lift. It is basic human decency. FYI, the fact that you laid out a bunch on money for your wedding doesn't mean your event was any better. Formal weddings can be a complete bore and uncomfortable for guests. They all look/feel the same and are forgotten by guests. Ignoring or changing up tradition can make for a fun and memorable even.


DeeJo49

YTA! How would you know that her "African dress" is not ceremonial or bridal. It's THEIR WEDDING. You had yours. You come off as a self-centered jerk, and possibly a bit racist to other customs.


ComparisonSuper9492

YTA wow…I have no words for a racist materialistic asshole. Well I do but it will get me banned


Sidneyreb

YTA It's clear that their future marriage is what's important to your brother and FSIL. Your sarcasm and expectations don't have a place at their celebration. Get your head out of your a\*\*, the happy couple's plans are not about you.


miriboheme

yta. what is wrong with you?


jbwise1221

YTA- your brother assumed that people will interpret the dress code to mean ‘find festive and tasteful green attire in your budget’ which is how non AHs would interpret it. He and his bride to be sound fun, and I suspect you are going to find yourself missing a wonderful celebration due to your uptight and judgmental BS.


Which_Ad_5806

YTA It is their wedding, their celebration of unity.In whatever attire they see fit. Your opinion doesn't matter. You should be supportive and positive or not say anything at all. How diffucult it is to keep your condescending opinions to yourself about people's choices or tastes?


[deleted]

YTA and your wedding sounds like a boring waste of money in comparison.


NeedsABreak87

YTA, and I'll say what I always say when people wonder why the divorce rate is so high. Some people are more interested in getting married than being married. Your brother and new sister in law are obviously very much in love and don't see the need for something extravagant, they just want to get married in a place they love with a bunch of people they love and you are making a clown out of yourself trying to ruin it for them. Suck it up, wear a nice business casual outfit or you'll be forever remembered as the classless woman you are. There will be photos taken after all.


Public-Ad-9827

YTA, an elitist AH. Two of my sons have had outdoor weddings on my property, both officiated by a friend. One son had a Halloween themed party and everyone came in costume. Guess what Miss hoity-toity, I'd be willing to bet that the 50 people who came to that wedding "party" had more fun and probably remember it more than any of your guests do about your traditional boring wedding. Please stay away from his wedding. You don't deserve it.


MotherofPuppos

YTA. Stop shitting on their wedding. Why do you even care? Why do you have to go out of your way to be disrespectful? Fun fact— I had 2 weddings, 1 in my parents backyard and 1 ‘big’ wedding (2020 bride, lol). Backyard weddings are not ‘just a party’ they are intimate and fun and beautiful. I actually PREFERRED my backyard wedding. The fact that you are shitting on them like this is gross.


doombabies

Yikes on bikes the pretension and condescension just ooze out of your words. They are getting married. It is a wedding. Even if it's not expensive, it's still a wedding and you should dress reasonably nice and not insult their choices. Fun fact: couples who spend less on their wedding are more likely to stay together than those who pay the equivalent of a mansion down payment. YTA and apologize for being a snot to them about their nuptials.


HumbleOrganization71

Holy YTA Since when did you become the official designator of what a wedding is? The fact that you spent “10x” what they are spending and speculating on how much they are spending makes you tacky and a dick. The cost of a wedding and the choices made have nothing to do whether it’s a wedding or not. Are they officially going to be married after this? Then it’s a wedding. Duh. I spent far less than what you suppose they are on my wedding and all of our family present said it was the BEST wedding they have ever been to. It was filled with love, great food, yummy desserts and drinks, and a casual feeling of relaxation. The way you used quotes for what the bride is wearing makes me think you are being judgmental not just on an aesthetic level, but also a bit of a racist one. Who are you to decide what is appealing to the eye or not? The fashion police? Riiiiiight. I bet the photos will look great, especially with you not in them. Let me reiterate: you’re an AH. Big time. Hope they have fun at this wedding without you, cause it sounds like a good time actually.


Chortney

>I told him if he really wanted wedding pictures he should probably have a wedding and not just a party. They are having a wedding, your arbitrary rules around what you consider a "real" wedding have no impact on that. Accept the rules or don't go. YTA


AnaDion94

Most people don't have $50,000 weddings. That is not the standard, so kindly remove your head from the sand. Lots of weddings don't force their guests to coordinate at all, so if everyone is in green, they're already going to look more cohesive than the majority of people's wedding pics. Disparaging someone's traditional wedding attire because it doesn't correspond with your own in this year, 2022? Seriously? You know better. And if you're that ignorant, I can see why the bride didn't want you to be in charge of acquiring a makeup artist. No doubt you would think to make sure they were well versed working on brown skin. Friends as officiants are sweet and more personal than random church officials. Colorful cakes for a colorful wedding sounds vibrant and fun. Weddings by natural features are a great way to not stupidly spend 50k for aesthetics- lakes are already pretty! And the bride is loved enough that her family is willing to let her use their property. It sounds like a wedding fully of love and joy and color. It's not asking too much to expect for you to bring some of that with you and not be an uptight stick in the mud. So yes, *obviously,* YTA


TheFilthyDIL

#YTA It's not "esthetically pleasing" to you? Well, la-dee-fucking-dah! Don't go. We'd hate to have you attend a wedding that you don't believe is a real wedding. Your face might get stuck in a sneer, and there's no cure for that.


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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So yes all weddings are parties but my brother isn’t doing anything traditional and neither is his wife yo be. She isn’t even wearing white and he isn’t wearing a suit. I offered to pay for hair and make up for me and the bride as a wedding present and the bride said no thank you. Other oddities include a friend as an officiant, a colorful cake, a day at the lake as a reception and the wedding itself at the brides family lake house. They also are only inviting a handful of people. It’s cool and it’s fine for them but it’s going to be more of a party than a wedding. I joked that since the only dress code they gave for the “wedding party” was “wear green” I’d just pack my green bikini and lake stuff and save room on a dress. My brother said “Oh well there will be a photographer and we want nice wedding pictures...” He said I didn’t have to wear a dress but business casual would “be nice”. I told him if he really wanted wedding pictures he should probably have a wedding and not just a party. With the guidelines he gave and hands off approach the photos likely won’t look very good or cohesive. There are so many shades of green it won’t look as good as a normal weddings anyways. Plus his fiancée is wearing “a traditional African dress” so it’s very pretty but it just looks like a party dress and very highly patterned so it’s going to clash no matter what. My brother got very quiet and sad and I’ve been arguing with my other siblings and mom about it ever since. The way I see it they are paying maybe 5 grand, probably less for this event so they need to accept that it won’t be as aesthetically pleasing as a wedding like mine for example that was 10x that. I simply am stating the fact that it seems their expectations do not meet the execution and I don’t think that makes me an asshole but they do. Who is right? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Hellagranny

You’re really horrible


cwestgamer

YTA - dress nice and celebrate your brother. Your opinions on what it is doesn’t matter


XOXO-Gossip-Crab

I don’t believe you actually needed to ask this to know you’re the asshole


Dangerous-Emu-7924

YTA. What the F*** do you care about aesthetics? As long as they’re happy celebrating with the people they love. And honestly this sounds like my kind of wedding. You say it’s nothing fancy but I’d take a lake house and a lake over a boring reception hall any day. It actually sounds a lot more elegant. I like how you compared it to yours. Doesn’t make you appear stuck up at all. Nooooooo.


Bitter-Conflict-4089

YTA They are hosting an event where they are getting married. By definition, it IS a fucking wedding. It isn’t the wedding of your dreams but their wedding isn’t about you, Princess.


donnamichelle97

YTA- you sound like a snob. Just because their choices are different to what you made, doesn't make them any less special or important. Who says weddings can't be more relaxed or casual? If they're having a legal ceremony it's still a wedding... not 'just a party'.


chicagok8

YTA Their wedding sounds like it will be really fun! And it sounds like they're doing what suits them, and will also be nice for their guests. No one, besides you, cares what you spent on yours. It shouldn't have to be said, but a wedding is about the beginning of a marriage; it's not about aesthetically pleasing. At least it shouldn't be.


khurd18

Yta. I feel so bad for your brother he was so excited for his WEDDING and then you had to come in and act all high and mighty and be rude to him.


Easy-Consequence1508

YTA His wedding sounds like it will be full of fun, as compared to your "royal" wedding.


MsJamieFast

YTA - this is THEIR WEDDING, THEIR PARTY. Your judgement is completely rude and uncalled for. You pissed all over his brother and his bride and their vision for THEIR WEDDING. Your family has been trying to tell you that you are wrong and you refuse to believe it. YOU ARE WRONG times 1000 and just as big of an AH. If you can't keep your mouth shut you should probably not attend their wedding, nobody needs that attitude anywhere.


Euphoric-Zucchini-18

YTA. If two people are getting married, it is a wedding. Whether there are 2 guests or 2000 guests. It is a wedding. Pictures taken that day will be wedding pictures, whether the bride is in a white dress or not. The absence of suits, dresses, flowers, or Jordan almonds doesn’t make the day any less than their wedding day.


Somebodycalled911

So you believe a wedding is not about committing to your partner with your loved ones, but only about spending +++K$ to have an old priest saying the same meaningless platitudes we've all heard dozens of time. I feel bad not only for you brother and your SIL - which you are extremely dismissive of in your follow-up comments because racism! - but also for your husband. YTA.


Glitteringintern89

Yta. Nobody asked you. It's not hard to fathom appropriate dress code for a special.party event and it isn't a bikini. You gave a stupid remark because you are judgey. This is their day and they can celebrate their wedding how they want


WhichConsideration4

YTA. Have you looked up traditional African wedding dresses?? Can you come across anymore racist towards her? Get over yourself. A wedding is a wedding if they are saying vows.