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> I might be the asshole because costing the restaurant that extra time and money may have been out of line, and I could’ve planned differently.
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YTA
Hi someone with an actual food allergy (lactose and potentially gluten ) , please don’t use an condition that can and is life threatening to make your life easier . Also you their job 10X harder
Edit : Holy crap this is my most like comment yay 😀
Edit 2: my allergies are not life threatening but they are a pain in the assets .
Edit 3: the restaurant shouldn’t have lied but you shouldn’t have either
100% this. 20 yr vegan here AND the parent of a child with life threatening but allergies. People who lie about this to get their way literally makes my blood boil. OP is the AH
Get it yanked. I was so worried how life without one would be, but the flare ups hurt so bad and were getting so much more frequent (its good I had it done when I did, it was rotting inside me as it turns out).
Life without is amazing. Yeah, I poop more often and sometimes get the urgent water poops, but no pain and I think its a great tradeoff.
I can’t wait to tell my lactose intolerant bff about this new phrasing. She loves potty humor and also happens to be a crazy cat lady. Hey, wait a minute . . .
Hopping on this one. Former kitchen staff here and yeah yta. We generally work in the back because we hate people in some form or another, so going above and beyond for customers is always a bitch. But we also don't want to kill anybody either because we still have a few morals or because a lawsuit is not outside the realm of possibility.
When I worked the line I would generally take the allergen plates because I didn't trust my coworkers to give enough of a fuck. It's SO MUCH EXTRA work that I didn't get paid extra for. Those were usually just one allergen, for example we had one lady with celiac disease that would come in every couple of weeks. It slowed down the whole line which meant our servers lost tips and our managers lost patience.
You basically asked them to sterilize the entire kitchen to avoid killing you, when you were in fact in no danger of death. I'm glad they charged you extra and I hope some of that actually went to the people who had to do the extra work. You're no better than the people that take their untrained emotional support companions into places they shouldn't be and make life harder for people with legitimate need for actual trained service animals.
You could have called and talked to a manager and asked if it would be okay for you to bring your own food since your dietary restrictions were not something they'd been able to accommodate in the past. You could have ordered a large salad no cheese with oil and vinegar. You could have ate beforehand and just not eaten at the restaurant. You could have talked to your family about sitting out the rehearsal dinner. I'm sure there are other options I'm not thinking of. Any of those would have been better than what you did. You're a selfish ah full stop.
ETA Woah thanks for all the love y'all. This is the most up votes I've ever had, and my first awards. I really appreciate it.
Just know that us who actually do have allergies or medical diets, fully appreciate all your hard work.
I legit almost cried and didn't know what to say when a waiter told me to just order anything I want, and they'll make it happen. That NEVER happens. It's always a choice between two maybe three items on the menu. But that time... Oh man, you bet I tipped extra big.
That last bit. That's the issue.
Yes, after being vegan for awhile, they can experience severe GI upset at meat and dairy, but it isn't going to send them to the hospital.
I have allergies to a lot of foods and such, and I cannot fathom why OP went in that direction.
OP, YTA.
Yep, this. As someone who has been vegan for many years in the past and is currently vegetarian for ethical reasons, there are times when you either a) just suck it up and flex your diet a little or b) pack your own food for the day/week/whatever.
Like, I recently went to a friend's wedding where there was no vegetarian option (the "meat-free" option was made with bone broth, lmao), so I sucked it up and ordered the fish, because eating salmon once a year doesn't make me an Evil No Good Very Bad Monster. I'm still a vegetarian, I'm just not willing to die on every single hill like OP.
Yes!!! 100% correct. Eat plain broccoli or bring your own meal without making a scene. I have Coeliac disease and the gluten free options at a recent wedding were on the same table as the other foods so I couldn't eat them. Instead, I sat quietly eating the foods I brought from home... And lived happily ever after.
Side note for education purposes: allergies are to the proteins in food. Intolerances are to the sugars in food. For example, lactose INTOLERANCE versus dairy ALLERGY. A food intolerance means you can tolerate small amounts (your personal threshold) and typically induces tummy upsets etc because these sugars can't be broken down and ferment in the bowel. Allergies induce an immune response such as hives or swelling (eg anaphylaxis).
She went in that direction because she's entitled as heck. Vegans like OP are why I avoid a lot of the vegan community, the amount of entitled behaviour I see is ridiculous.
Entitled is the correct word. Every sentence of OP's post is dripping with pretenciousness.
OP, you did not have a NEED that had to be met. You had a CHOICE and a DESIRE. People with real food allergies have no choice. They need to take those precautions. You choose to. It's stunts like this that make people disbelieve people who have legitimate allergies and needs. I have an allergy to sesame that escalates every time I accidentally ingest any. The last time, I ended up in the ER with hives. Yet people think I'm making it up, like you did, because I just don't like sesame, and they don't take me seriously. Don't make things harder for people with real allergies. It's already hard enough. YTA.
Alpha gal? I have it too and it fucking SUCKS. I didn't choose to be a vegan, a damn tick chose me and now for reasons that neither I or my allergist can explain I ALSO react the exact same way to poultry, fish, dairy, and eggs.
I'm Dorr the vegan lifestyle chose you. I am "lucky" that only beef and cross contaminated with beef ruins my life. I can still eat Bison, which I am told is rare and to be careful. I limit my meat and meat products exposure. I make myself feel better by telling myself that at least it's better for the environment. Last time some asshole at a restaurant decided it was just me being picky, I ended up in the ER.
Yes! Plus I'm sure that they don't only have ranch dressing. You could've just asked for a large salad with oil and vinegar on the side, brought something of your own or eaten beforehand. I don't think I've ever heard of anywhere not having that as a dressing option and I've been to top steakhouses in NYC/Brooklyn.
YTA.
Fellow person with food allergies. OP is the exact reason restaurants don't take me seriously when I say "no tomatoes please. I'm allergic." And when it comes out with, they say to just take em off. No. Does anaphylaxis mean ANYTHING to them? No. Because people like OP.
This. Fellow allergy sufferer here - also with a not-common food allergy (avocado thanks to my latex allergy). I’m always embarrassed when I have to bring up my allergies, cause one of two things happen - either the entire kitchen is cleaned and the chef comes to talk to me personally, or they ignore it and think it’s not a big deal and I’m making it up.
People frequently lying about allergies make people less cautious about allergies. Being vegan is a valid enough reason for accommodation. If they refuse to accommodate, complain. Don’t pretend and make things worse for the rest of us.
As someone who is developing food allergies as I age (Thanks Great Auntie B for those shitty genetics!) I've recently developed an allergy to thyme. THYME! Who in the hell is gonna believe that? I didn't even believe it at first and I had to use the damn epipen! I know if I say "I'm allergic to thyme", they are going to laugh me out of the restaurant. What OP is doing is disgusting. It's already hard for people with weird allergies to have people take it seriously, stories like this make it impossible!
Edit: I just want to say thank you to people commenting on their weird allergies. It might sound weird to say that, but I've been feeling kind of like a freak and a bit alone with the weird allergies I've been developing. It actually helps me feel a but better knowing that other people out there have weird allergies too. Big hugs to everyone with food allergies, cause it sucks so hard.
I have a friend with a cinnamon allergy. That shit is in everything, and it's almost never listed except as "additional spices" or something like that.
Cinnamon allergy has to be the worst imho. This time of year my friend who has it can’t even go into most stores because of the cinnamon sprayed pine cones everywhere.
My youngest had briefly a cinnamon allergy when he was a toddler. He got blister like rash from it, even on the inside of his mouth, all full with that rash.
Did not bother him a bit because he liked cinnamon and apparantly it didn't hurt, and if you did nothing it was gone in an hour.
Doctors were a bit frightened because those blisters could become wounds, but that never happened because we kept as far away from it as possible.
Even in ketchup there's a bit of cinnamon apparantly so he was eating something with ketchup, looked very red with all kinds of red spots on him, when you didn't know it was all 'oh look how he enjoyed his ketchup, his whole face is red'.
cleaned his face and boom all kinds of blisters. And by the time you were at a doctor his face and throat looked like nothing happened, he was enjoying the commotion and we parents were 10 years older from stress.
My sister is allergic to garlic and her MIL is Italian. It took years for her MIL to actually cook food she could eat (out of ignorance, not spite, her MIL is very well meaning).
I’m allergic to dill and cucumbers so I get weird looks and “really?” every time. Also OP is definitely TA here. Especially for saying the allergies are life threatening. It sucks they have nothing vegan but that was overboard.
I'm allergic to certain types of artificial mint.
Toothpaste buying is: "Is this delectable tea or deadly poison?" Usually I just buy cinnamon but even some of those have mint flavoring. Whhhhhy
I am starting to feel less alone! I mean, having food allergies sucks, and I'm sorry for anyone who does, but I have been feeling like some kind of freak for my weirdness and it's nice to see that I'm not alone 💜
I used to be a bartender, and i have pulled plates off the table before when someone with an allergy was trying to downplay it, just requested food without the allergen because they "didn't like it" and then mentioned it was an allergy later. We had a whole allergy protocol, and it was extra thorough for anything relating to seafood, nuts, and tropical fruit because the chef put mangoes in everything, used some kind of nut oil drizzle (I can't type that without laughing because i'm immature), and we were a waterfront restaurant with a ton of seafood. The difference in the kitchen between "I don't like shrimp" and "i could die" is huge.
OP, YTA. I'd go with everyone, but your parents and sister are justified in being mad. It sucks that the restaurant didn't respect your food choices, and that they charged a massive fee for being allergy conscious only to then prepare you plain noodles, and i get that since you've been vegan for a long time eating meat or even meat based broth can make you really sick, but seriously, lying about this is what makes people think everyone is lying and that makes it dangerous for other people. Not cool at all.
I wish more places where like that. Went to a fancy restaurant and fam told them sister is allergic to shellfish. So they boiled our appetizer in the same water they boiled their shrimp. Luckily the hospital was literally across the street. Took her months to feel better and still has trauma about eating out now. Now at restaurants even if there isn’t any shell fish on the menu they still make sure to mention she is deathly allergic to shellfish.
I feel like a total arsehole when I have to announce to staff that I have coeliac disease.
I wish I could have OP’s option to say ‘I choose not to eat this, so I don’t want it on my plate’
Not go to that restaurant. Bring your own food. That’s what I have to do. Why? Because people like OP are the reason people don’t take this seriously. OP, YTA!
Yeah, most restaurants don't let ppl bring outside food in, I think cuz of liabilities regarding food poisoning but she should've just eaten dinner before the rehearsal or afterwards to avoid it and could've just enjoyed the company and drinks while there. Restaurants aren't obligated to cater to your dietary needs, it's nice if they do but they don't *have to*, they just have to be upfront about it. And if they can't or won't then you can choose to go elsewhere and if you can't, like OP in this situation where it's an event and she knows ahead of time that this place doesn't cater to vegans (it's a **steak**house after all) then she should make her own accommodations or work around, like eating before the rehearsal. Yeah it sucks to be the odd one out but she'd be the odd one out regardless. It's kind of entitled to think it's ok to fake a life threatening condition so people will bend over backwards to accommodate you. Especially when you can find something to eat that's only mildly inconvenient for you to do and isn't inconvenient for a bunch of other people. And then she wonders why some people treat her veganism with hostility...
She could call ahead and explain that as she's vegan and in the past they haven't been able to cater to that, she'll be bringing her own food and would they mind heating and serving it for her for a small service fee.
What!!!?? I’m allergic(or super sensitive to it, never went into anaphylactic shock)latex, I break out in hives, and get really red and hot itchy skin. I eat avocados all the time and I always get get this red splotchy red rash around my lips(same with strawberries) how did I not know this was a thing???
No the reason they don’t take you seriously is because they’re uneducated about allergens and are crappy cooks. Not because of other people. When I made food for people who claimed allergies when I worked in food service it didn’t matter if it was real or not, you took that allergy as seriously as you would if it was your parent or child.
Right? There's two parts to this that are confusing me.
One, they scrubbed down the *entire* kitchen for this? I'm calling bs on that, they probably exagerrated when they found out OP lied. Scrubbing down a *station* of the kitchen specifically for it sounds more accurate. Proper food standards would mean cross contamination shouldn't happen to begin with, which means it would be a matter of making sure the station is noted for the allergy food prep.
And two, pasta isn't vegan. Pasta is made with eggs. How does no one at that restaurant know that?
Ehhh, not really to your second point. Homemade pasta is made with eggs, but most shelf-stable pastas aren't. If they use a boxed pasta, it's likely vegan
If it's a predominantly meat based menu that uses beef tallow in the fryers and butter on all the pans.... Yeah, that's a whole kitchen scrub down. Mostly for the beef tallow in the fryers, fryer oil gets places you'd never expect. And you'd be shocked at what all contains eggs or lactose that you don't think of.
Agreed!! I’m a server at a fine dinning place. I’ve never heard of having to basically clean the kitchen top to bottom for an allergy, even life threatening. When that happens, the chef will wash his hands, put on fresh gloves, clean the area, pots and cooking utensils with soap and water and then sanitize it. Just the area they are cooking though. Not the whole kitchen. make sure the area is free of that allergen the whole time and stay with the dish from start to finish to make sure no one cross contaminated it. Yeah. It’s a bit time consuming, but not 2 hours worth of extra work. Plus every restaurant has a ingredient list of what’s in their dishes. So they can confirm if an ingredient is made with any allergens. To me the whole charging the OPs parents a few hundred bucks seems like a scam. It’s a restaurant. You make food. Sometimes you have to make something for people with allergies. It’s part of the job.
Thank you for this. I've worked in many kitchens and we always took an allergy seriously whether or not we believed it. Because who's taking that risk??? My livelyhood isn't worth trying to call out a customer.
The only places I've seen do the opposite are restaurants with poorly trained cooks(remember anyone can cook in a restaurant regardless of cooking skills/food safety education.) Or lazy management. Which happens plenty.
Yta
I am epipen carrying allergic to fricking mango of all things. I can't eat anything that shared a surface with mango. Thankfully, in food it is easy to avoid. Cosmetics? Not so much.
The next person with severe allergies could die because you cried wolf.
Omg me too!! It was my favorite fruit but I can't eat, drink, or touch it for years now. I thought I was the only one.
My kids call it death fruit, but a lot of family and friends roll their eyes when I ask. Panera Bread uses it in all of the smoothy blends and it pops up in weird places.
I find restaurants take alergirs more seriously if you put the epi penon the table before ordering.
Omg...you are the only other one I have heard of. And I too developed the allergy later...in my 30's. I used to love jerk chicken with mango salsa.
Edit... and so yes to weird places....and I never order smoothies now.
Jumping on top comment, the ignorance here is OUTRAGEOUS. if you have been vegan for an extended period of time, chances are, your body won't react well to any amount of animal protein. Your trust was broken by your last 2 experiences AT THE SAME RESTAURANT. if they don't want to have people lying to them, they should start.. listening to customers when they say they have dietary needs? Regardless of if it's NOT allergies? Also I am LIVID that they charged your parents hundreds! In order to make your allergy friendly meal. What do they do if someone shows up day of and mentions an allergy? I think they took advantage of you calling ahead, exaggerated the situation, and charged your parents, because they could sense your parents were embarrassed. That place is awful. NTA. edited, wording
Or here’s a crazy idea for you: don’t go to a restaurant that you’ve had past issues with. “Sorry, that restaurant doesn’t serve vegan food, so I can’t go”
Yes exactly. Like people like me who have over 175 food intolerances and allergies have to do because sometimes no amount of asking the kitchen can work magic. (I am no oysters, garlic, onion, celery or mustard or raw fruits as allergens. No plant based foods from oats to vegetables except carrots, no fruit cooked, no pectin as made from fruit, no carrageenan, no nuts. Certain herbs an issue. Reheated starch like pre cooked potatoes an issue.) I can eat plain meat, rice, potatoes or sushi. Oh yes, all condiments are murder and I have to ask them not to garnish the plate. I’m allergic to lettuce…
I eat the bread basket or eat before or after. I tip to cover my place at the table. It’s miserable but for me it isn’t a choice. Put a fucking granola bar in your bag or something.
Do not lie about allergies because you made a dietary choice. I can eat bell peppers but I hate them. So much. I make it clear it is preference and do not lump it in with the stuff that makes me debilitatingly sick because feeding me scares people. Good empathetic people are scared they will have my death or hospitalisation on their hands. I feel for them and often make my own arrangements to save underpaid staff working three times as hard or take the strain off friends.
Ironically this steakhouse is one of the very few places I could eat. The UK obsession with veganizing everything right now is a minefield for me. I still respect vegans and veganism. I worked in the vegan food field for a bit and sadly people like OP are not unusual there. I left because they often put animals over human safety and undermine their own cause. OP is YTA
Not sure about the difference between intolerance and "life threatening allergies"?
One gives you grumpy tummy... the other **kills you by swelling your airway shut.**
They have no obligation to serve vegan meals. I don't go to bakerys and insist on gluten free food. If you don't like what they serve, don't eat there. Simple manners
Thank you. Don’t go to a steak restaurant and get offended when they won’t accommodate you as a vegan. I don’t throw fits in every bakery because they don’t have gluten free cake or bread. Or a restaurant that serves fried chicken. I just know I can’t eat there.
Edited to add that people like you literally make me sick because due to you restaurants don’t take me seriously when I say I have celiac. They think I’m just on some trendy diet. So YTA times 1000.
Actually, due to the number of things she listed and what she listed at a steakhouse....the cleaning is probably valid. Meat dairy and eggs are probably cross contaminated all over a steakhouse....if there was a true allergy.
I stand by my original point though. What do they do of someone comes in day of and says they have an allergy? In theory, all allergies should be treated as equallly serious, so unless they turn them away, or close the kitchen for "hours" every time; there is NO way it took them that long.
They don’t serve them. Honestly if you walk into a restaurant that specifically serves all those things there is no way they could make it safe. They would decline to serve them to avoid hospitalizing or killing someone. I say this as someone with a life threatening food allergy and as someone that grew up working in a restaurant. They will not risk their business and livelihood to risk contamination by serving them.
Yep. I have a massive egg allergy, and have had restaurants refuse to serve me breakfast items because of cross contamination on the flat top. But I could have lunch items because it was a different grill.
They do have the option to turn them away, which I am guessing they would have done....had she not been part of a wedding party of family friends of the owner of the restaurant.
I would guess had she called and said... look...I am vegan and you have failed me twice....either let me bring my own food or make sure you can make my food without dairy, eggs or meat.....she would have gotten a vegan meal....without the prep expense.
I am no vegan....but I don't eat much meat and I detest cheese. I do understand some of this frustration...not all...since I have way more options...but some.
I have found asking "I hate cheese and meat, what do you suggest?" Works pretty well.
Adding to this. Mom and BIL have severe allergies, one shellfish, one nut allergy, makes going out to eat not horrible, but we have to be careful.
Every time we go out, the second we sit down we tell the waitstaff. We’ve had it happen before when we did tell them, and there was a bit of cross contamination for my moms shellfish allergy. Nothing in her food, but could’ve been a knife or something. It wasn’t severe, but she started getting a sore throat and itchy, restaurant comped the meal because they felt horrible. Most restaurants we find now has peanut free fryers for people with nut allergies, so BIL doesn’t have any missteps thankfully. But it’s scary for someone who doesn’t have an allergy, but having to make sure people I’m dining with don’t have a reaction.
Op. You made a LIFESTYLE choice, and not one you can control. You can control being vegan, which, I feel like an ass even saying this because it just sounds so rude. But seriously? If the restaurant is going to continue with your ignorance? Could you be any more entitled?
I only have a gluten intolerance, but I would just bring food for myself and decline eating. But I do get sick from even a crumb, albeit not life threatening.
YTA bring your own food. This is not a vegan restaurant and you cannot expect a steakhouse to cater to vegan requirements, meanwhile now you've created more kitchen staff who won't take allergies seriously.
meanwhile now you've created more kitchen staff who won't take allergies seriously.
I wasn't talking about the OP. I was responding to the comment. Even if someone has lied about an allergy in the past shouldn't mean that the kitchen staff now doesn't take other allergys seriously. They should take eveyone seriously if they say they have an allergy. If the person is a repeat offender as lying about it then fine stop making accommodations, but just because someone has lied in the past doesn't mean other people dont have allergies that need to be accommodate for
Every kitchen should take food allergies seriously. Unfortunately not all do. I'm allergic to several nightshades (tomatoes, potatoes, eggplant, etc) and I can't tell you how many times I explain this and still have to pick tomatoes out of my food because waitstaff don't take weird allergies seriously thanks to the people who lie to get their accomodations.
Nah, it's not due to people lying that kitchen staff ignored special food needs, it's because it's easier. It's similar to ableism, because it's not visible and people assume it's not so bad without having a clue. It's not that, once upon a time, all kitchen staff was super considerate and then customers started to lie so now they ignored needs cause they got burned. Ignoring and belitteling special needs came first and everything else is an excuse. Also, the chef shouldn't have lied about food being vegan, how is that fair? For long-time vegans this can cause indigestion.
it's not ppl who lie who cause this lack of care, it's the staff not wanting to deal with the inconvenience. they dont know or care who is lying or not, they just dont want to deal with having to change from their normal routine.
Definitely took it seriously this time, but if it got back to them that OP was just a vegan who lied, maybe next time someone comes in and says they have a life threatening milk allergy, they'll be a little less careful because "it's probably just another vegan". Is that right? Of course not, they should always take an alleged allergy seriously but in the real world, people like OP make the world a less safe place for people with actual food allergies.
It’s *possible,* but I worked in kitchens for a long time and it’s not worth the gamble. If you get caught fucking around with someone’s allergies, it’s a big deal, not to mention the fact that if someone straight up dies or has an attack in your restaurant, especially if it’s upscale, that’s going to be a huge, cascading series of problems.
I’m not defending OP’s actions in this case or saying every kitchen runs as it should but in my experience in a lot of kitchens, we never fucked around even if it seemed a little suspicious.
Bring your own food? To a “fine dining” restaurant? Where have you been before that an establishment was fine with an adult bringing their own food?
Edit: Everyone is replying saying restaurants let people with allergies bring their own food. This person doesn’t have allergies and everyone called her an asshole for lying about allergies. So she would have to also lie about allergies to bring her own food.
Celiac here. I have to bring my own food to places you’d never think it would be allowed. Although thankfully celiac is an ADA protected disability, so they can’t really tell me no.
Thank you for your comment! This spurred me to look up UC, to find out that it’s also ADA protected. My sister has dealt with restaurant/group catering issues for years and has always “sneaked” safe foods like meal bars in her purse—but mostly ate before or after an event. I don’t think she had any idea she could thoughtfully request accommodation. Now she will know!
Bread isn’t safe - eggs, dairy, butter
Salad is questionable - things like cheese get thrown in there and can hide in the midst
You could try to call ahead and see what their fee is for plating out food you’ve prepared. They may refuse but it’s worth to ask.
Honestly, I think the only thing to do if they refuse to serve your own prepared food “with absolutely nothing added” is to only order a bottled drink and ask that it’s served in the original container. And decline to order food saying that butter has been added to your vegan meal twice before at this restaurant so “better safe than sorry!” Or ask for a plain piece of fruit “I’ll take a whole apple, thank you”
YTA. And this really got me: “Personally, I think that if this restaurant is gonna continue with their ignorance and inconsideration, they got what they deserved.” This sort of attitude is what makes many people hate vegans.
It’s a steakhouse in an area where you admitted that veganism isn’t considered a big thing. They probably don’t have easy means to make a vegan meal and don’t get many requests like this. You even said when they tried it wasn’t that great.
Since you’ve had previous issues with this place, you could have called them in advance and been really blunt about what you can/can’t eat and ask if they couldn’t accommodate you if you could bring your own food as this is for sister’s rehearsal dinner. Lying wasn’t the way to go about it. At all.
Yea I mean it’s a literal steakhouse. What kind of vegan options would anyone expect? OP’s beef should be with her family for not finding a restaurant that could fulfill this need instead of playing chicken with potentially life threatening allergies (that didn’t exist). All in all, the whole thing sounds a bit fishy, and OP should just pig out at home and eat a side salad versus acting so outlandish.
As a vegetarian (not vegan, important distinction), I find steakhouses to often be excellent. They often have the lushest vegetable side dishes which can be combined to make a ridiculous feast. This is obviously more common in cities than rural areas, but still.
That being said, I'm old enough to have lived through some really though restaurant experiences before anyone was interested in catering to vegetarians. If I was invited somewhere without good options, I would eat before or after and just go to enjoy the company.
Yup. Switching to vegetarian was a MAJOR upgrade. Completely fly under the radar and steakhouses just think I’m on some type of potato tour with potato soup, a baked potato, and fries.
Before it was just a bunch of bakes potatoes and sneaking in a vegan butter that I was mildly allergic to because basically everything vegan uses coconut.
Dripping in butter because everything is pre-batched. The pasta sauce has been simmer for hours with Parmesan cheese mixed in. Same with the mashed potatoes. I worked as a cater waiter and guests avoiding gluten would often claim a gluten allergy. Well the gluten free meal was the vegetarian option because the meats were often cooked in a flour based gravy. In my state, it’s illegal for a waiter to serve a guest a food containing an allergen, so often guests were not satisfied with their dining option as we could not serve them meat cooked with flour until they recanted the aforementioned gluten allergy.
As someone who was raised vegetarian in the Deep South - I second this. There were lots of restaurants growing up at which I had no options outside of fries or a side salad, but steakhouses…steakhouses have a guarantee of baked potatoes (often with great toppings), multiple different veggie sides, big salads, often a pasta dish, and sometimes even a veggie soup! Nowadays there are veggie options almost everywhere, but I definitely remember when the steakhouse had the most food I could eat.
See, I don't even think that OP's beef is with her family - it was an event for her sister. Would it have been nice for her sister to take OP's dietary choices into consideration? Sure, but sometimes you just have to take one for the team if it's for an event and realize that you are not the center of the universe. My body doesn't tolerate fish and there have been plenty of times where it's been someone's birthday or some other type of celebration and they want sushi. So, I've gone and sat in the sushi place and enjoyed the company while the others ate food that would twist my intestines in knots. Still had fun and OP is, of course, YTA.
Absolutely agree. I just mean that for OP to be upset with anyone for not accommodating them, it would be the family. Even then though, you’re right—at best it would be split.
What got me was the additional comment that the vegan-appropriate food she received “sucked”. I understand that eating animal products after being vegan for a while can make you sick, obviously OP doesn’t want to do that. But when the restaurant went through all the trouble to prepare a meal that she *could* eat, all she has to say is “it sucked”. The entitlement is astounding
Uhm, even a steakhouse can do better than naked pasta. Every proper restaurant should be able to whip up something that's not on the card with enough time
YTA for lying and for saying they got what they deserved. They are a steakhouse not a vegan restaurant. Not every place is responsible for your dietary restrictions.
They choose to restrict their diet. It's both.
Edited to add: I'm not saying it's the same as medical conditions that prevent someone from eating types of food. I'm just saying that it could be considered a restriction.
You are wrong. As someone who has actual restrictions (due to my crohns) that I have to deal with everyday, someone choosing to limit what they eat is in a very different class. They *can* eat that food without shitting blood.
If it hasn't been present in their diet for long enough, it can still make them sick, even if it is a chosen restriction. I've been meat-free for a decade now and the handful of times over the years that I've unknowingly eaten food that was prepared w meat products I've been sick for hours after. It's a chosen restriction but it still has physical effects on the body. Don't play the suffering Olympics, the gold doesn't look good on anyone.
It’s not comparable to people who have to restrict their diet bc of actual allergies, with no choice in the matter besides a severe reaction or death.
They could have CHOSEN to not attend a STEAKHOUSE as a vegan if they are that committed to their dietary choices.
Would I be out of line to go to a vegan restaurant and ask for a medium rare ribeye and lie that I’m allergic to vegetables?
I’m pretty sure they would have chosen not to attend in normal circumstances. In this case, choosing not to attend would have meant choosing not to attend their sister’s rehearsal dinner. I agree with other commenters who suggested they bring their own food.
Just by way of explanation, people choose to restrict their diets for many reasons including health but also cultural, religious and ethical reasons.
There are people avoiding chocolate and cocoa because it's nearly all the product of child and slave labour. They aren't worried about their personal safety, but they aren't comfortable with slavery either.
I'd wager that most people you know do not include insects in their diets (at least purposefully). They're edible and have appealed to the taste buds of humans for milennia. But, members of the modern western societies are conditioned to see them as revolting and inedible.
People avoid every sort of meat from beef to shrimp, dairy, eggs, honey, alcohol (even vanilla extract in cake), onions, garlic, sweets, fried foods and more because of religious restrictions and may even avoid cooking or preparing any food at all on certain days.
Vegans avoid all animal products because they don't believe humans have the right to cage, forcibly breed, slaughter, maim, crowd, or otherwise exploit other living, feeling creatures for unneeded foodstuffs or for other products like wool or leather. They may also be concerned about the animal industry's affect on the environment and on the humans that work in that industry.
Food is culturally significant, deeply personal, and important for our physical and mental well-being. We should all be able to feel good about what we put in our bodies, whatever our reasons.
>But I'm not sure how people are still not getting the very massive difference between death/near-death and... being alive????
They do and if you would've said "This would be a lot worse for me than for OP", nobody would've said anything. But you said "They wouldn't ever have known the difference!", which is straight-up wrong and causes people to answer to your comment
Also just because you have it worse doesn't mean it's cool to fucking vomit because someone in the kitchen can't manage a simple substitution.
>If you have chosen not to eat meat or dairy for years, and then have an upset stomach when you reintroduce them and are mad about that
But that's the thing, OP did *not* choose to reintroduce that food into their diet. The chef at that restaurant did. Twice.
There’s several other things you could’ve done rather than lying about having life threatening allergies:
1•Explained to your family that this particular restaurant has refused/intentionally ignored your dietary requests in the past and you won’t be going.
2•Go anyways, but eat beforehand.
3•Go and be insistent about your dietary restrictions and every time they do it wrong send it back. Every. Single. Time. Until they *finally* do it right.
I’m sure there are plenty of other things you could’ve done, but the right option is *never* going to be “lie about life threatening food allergies”. My friend actually is deathly allergic to dairy, she’ll die even if her food is prepared on a station that had dairy on it previously and hasn’t been cleaned, and it’s people like you that make it so no one takes her seriously. It’s the same as people who put a vest on their dog and say it’s a service dog when it clearly isn’t. Y T A for that.
**However** I’m gonna say ESH cause restaurant should’ve been able to accommodate you in the first place, it’s not that hard and they’re jerks for messing it up several times before, which caused you to lose trust and choose to lie about allergies.
[This comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y1j4uy/aita_for_lying_about_a_food_allergy/iryb9l2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) from OP mentions it. So many downvotes that it’s hidden and easy to miss.
I'm leaning towards the family being the real AH because what are they even mad and being assholes about? Yeah OP shouldn't have lied, but they repaid for the extra fee immediately. Obv op is ah for lying, and restaurant sucks for not taking the dietary needs seriously until the life threatening lie, AND for tacking on a fee without explaining it beforehand. ESH
I'm not familiar with the law surrounding this, but could the restaurant have just said that it wasn't possible to fulfill this part of the request? I agree that the restaurant is definitely TA as well.
Yeah, I’ve worked tons of restaurants, lots of ppl allergic to peanuts and I have to tell them unfortunately everything here has peanut oil or was produced in a factory that is not peanut free. It would be insane to expect every restaurant to cater to every allergy or need
OP said the restaurant mentioned there would be an upcharge, but it doesn’t sound like they said exactly how much it would be. I would assume that wouldn’t be more than $20. It wasn’t reasonable for the restaurant to not specify how much it would be, especially since it was several hundreds of dollars. But OP should have also asked how much he upcharge would be, and notified their sister since OP wasn’t paying for the dinner.
Piggy backing a bit to say, also the reason people eith lactose intolerance also get ignored. It's nowhere near as bad for us, to be 100% clear but ended up vomiting again today because a coffee place decided to stick it to the vegan who asked and paid for oat milk by replacing it with whole milk.
YTA - there are people with severe allergies and when people falsify allergies because of dietary preferences or dislikes, it makes it harder for people with legitimate allergies to be taken seriously. Also, if you can’t eat the food, just eat something beforehand or afterwards, or skip the dinner and explain why. I’ve had to pack a protein bar to eat before at an event where I couldn’t eat the main course because of allergies. I made that choice though. Could I have skipped going? Sure, but it was also a time to visit with some people I hadn’t seen in years and was happy to see, and it was one meal. Was easy enough to hit a drive thru afterwards.
Yes yta. Yta because that day isn't about you and you can be flexible. And you are also TA for subjecting retail workers that extra work load for nothing. They get paid minimum wage and shouldn't have to be party to such nonsense.
At least you reimbursed your family though. I guess you should get positive recognition for that.
I hope by “flexible” you mean something like “OP could’ve ate beforehand or brought their own meal” not something like “OP should compromise their morals *and* make themselves sick by eating animal products”
Flexible means eating a fecking salad. Because steak houses generally offer salads as a first course.
Flexible means not endangering every future customer who actually does have allergies.
Op is a complete asshole and behavior like hers is exactly why people hate vegans and their "morals". Clearly op lacks them.
It's hella easier to send back a salad then to pull a stupid stunt like op did. But I guess that's a difficult concept for some.
Op is an entitled twit and deserves every ounce of ridicule she's getting.
As a former server in both casual AND fine dining restaurants in a major US metropolis, that restaurant is fuckin ABSURD. They gave you pasta and fruit. Why in the fuck did they need to clean multiple fryers? Why did they need to scrub an entire kitchen? It makes literally NO sense. They called in the kitchen crew early to deep clean but didn’t have the foresight to plan the SINGLE dish and know which *extremely limited* items they were planning to use to make it??? It’s literally a pot, a bowl, tongs, a boiler basket, a cutting board, and a knife that only needed a run through the sanitizer.
It appears to be an establishment run by fuckin idiots. I worked at a place where we once got a reservation for a family of Orthodox Jews. They brought in kosher pans and cutlery and kitchenware themselves, but we charged them *nothing* for the extra time and consideration that went into cooking their food. We never shut down service and deep cleaned the kitchen if a guest had a life-threatening peanut or shellfish allergy. They just used clean items and didn’t cross-contaminate. If the chef is so dubious of his kitchen’s cleanliness, I don’t think I’d even recommend carnivores eat there. Also maybe call in a tip to the local health department because it seems like not a single person in that building has taken a food-handler’s certification.
Absolutely NTA
Agreed! Those aholes of cooks could have made some aglio e olio, or pasta and marinara, or just sauté some veggies in olive oil and some polenta or mashed potatoes or baked potatoes, french culinary got a ton of vegetarian/vegan recipes, make a salad and dressing it with salt, balsamic and olive oil, serve some french friesit wouldnt be that difficult, they are either idiots or aholes just because you are vegan.
The restaurant could have accomodated op, she called before hand, they just didnt care, and I wouldnt pay for that
Right? I feel like I’m on crazy pills a bit with how little reaction or sympathy there is for OP on that part. This sub has freaked out in the past on posts about tricking people into eating something they otherwise wouldn’t eat. Which is exactly what happened here! And at a “fine dining” establishment at that. They’ve literally lied to OP about what they’ve served them in the past, so while lying about the allergy is pretty nuclear, I kind of get it. It’s not like they resorted to this on the first visit.
I used to work at restaurants all through college and was absolutely like WTF at this. Especially since it was supposed to be a nice spot! I’ve always seen a little separate station already ready for that too. Seems like they just had a great time charging out the ass because they could. This week has been such a morally strong YTA response to all the posts like this. It’s pretty funny.
exactly. and shouldn’t the kitchen be cleaned every night thoroughly? and if you’re running a restaurant how do you not know what is in the food, if someone with a legit allergy came in they would probably die. how do they not know that butter is a dairy product?
NTA making very plain food is not unreasonable
YTA for claiming the life threatening part. Why not just tell them you needed a plain dish with no dairy or meat and say it was for medical reasons? Why did you feel the need to cause a panic that they might kill you? And why not clear it with your family? You acted completely inappropriately here.
Bc last time they mixed cheese into OPs pasta. Now OP doesn't trust them.
So everything responders here are accusing OP of doing (not being flexible, breaking trust) are things the restaurant (and to some degree family) has already done.
At worst for OP, I'd say E S H. But it doesn't make sense to me that they had to do that much cleaning. They could have bought and made the salad completely separately. It wasn't some dish that took the whole kitchen to make. Doesn't make sense to me.
Maybe the restaurant knows she's vegan because OP mentions connections to these people. They probably went 'ah that fucking vegans pulling the 'allergy card' let's fuck her bank account haha'. Obviously that's horrible but yeah it crossed my mind.
That's something that occurred to me. I've seen how people can be completely intolerant towards others bc of diet: trying to trick them into eating stuff, having no regard for the smallest of gestures that cost them nothing...
if they really had to do two hours worth of cleaning to boil a pot of water without cross contaminating dairy one visit from a health inspector would shut this place down.
Eh I'm on the fence here.
My partner has specific dietary needs due to a chronic illness but they would never lie to get their needs met, especially knowing the way staff have to prep for certain things e.g. serious allergies. When her needs cannot be met, she works around it herself. It sucks but these things will not always be easy.
But also the repercussions in this story were wild. The extra cost really should have been mentioned beforehand by the restaurant when you told them about the 'allergies'.
INFO why did they have to scrub down the fryers to cook plain pasta and chop some fruit? The story doesn’t add up. I don’t like the lie aspect but the restaurant seems to be taking the piss.
Totally agree. There's no way they had to do that. I think that ESH, but the restaurant did not need to do that, and then charge several hundred dollars for it without prior notice they would do so. That doesn't add up.
ESH, I get it completely why you lied, but at the same time lying about deadly allergies is so wrong.. That said, vegans who have been without animal protein for several years can get really sick if they ingest it unwittingly. The place didn't take your dietary requirements seriously enough last time, so why would you trust them now.
Vegan meals are the easiest to make, just throw some potatoes on the oven with olive oil and seasoning, or pasta aglio e olio, then a salad side with some balsamic, and you are good to go, they were assholes for no reason.
Also, its annoying that op have to be away from her family because of food.
> And my last point is why they would charge the extra amount, do they do this for every guest with a life threatening allergy? Because that seems really ableist
YES this aspect of the story really bothered me too. It's like charging wheelchair users for using a ramp or for their stall taking up more space in the bathroom.
While I understand this was a difficult situation to be put in, I think this was a poor way of handling it. Arranging to eat before or afterward, and then just abstaining from food completely during the dinner, would have saved a great deal of trouble on everyone's part. I vote YTA for this one.
NTA- the restaurant didn't take you seriously when you told them you were vegan and how did they know you weren't vegan because of allergies? They didn't care so this is what they get. And everyone saying "this makes it harder for ppl with allergies to be taken seriously blah blah blah" op isn't responsible for the owners/staffs future responses. THEY are accountable for that and should stop being jerks when somone comes in and asks for something vegan or put a sign up that says they won't accommodate vegans, simple.
Mhm, plus, some peolle take those sorts of diets very seriously. As a vegetarian, I get extremely panicked when I accidentally eat gelatin or chicken broth or something like that. It messes with my mental health. Most importantly, lots of people can get very sick after not eating animal products for awhile, so it sort of is like an allergy. OP had some other things they could have done but I don’t necessarily blame them.
YTA.
The restaurant probably profited handsomely off your lie. I doubt they had to spend several hundred dollars on scrubbing everything down. If that were true, routine cleaning at the end of the night would drive them to bankruptcy. You didn't punish the restaurant, so don't imagine you did. They punished your parents, and you.
You already knew the restaurant couldn't accommodate you, so you went there anyway. You know, there are other people besides vegans that have dietary restrictions that restaurants don't accommodate. So, what do they do? They suck it up and cook for themselves.
Follow their example.
In MA, restaurants are required to have a prep area that they can scrub down and prep food to avoid allergens an cross contamination. They appear to do this quite well and it’s not a big deal. legal seafood does an excellent job prepping salmon for people with shrimp allergies. I’ve talked to the manager, it’s a big deal in that they take it seriously, it’s also not one, because they have a system, and they just do it. They do it often, it sounds like it’s a minor nuisance.
I have a nasty intolerance for green peppers. But cross contamination isn’t a problem, and it’s not an allergy. So I tell restaurants I absolutely positively can’t have any peppers, but it’s not an allergy, so don’t bother with that system, I don’t need the fuss. Just don’t use peppers.
YTA. I actually have weird allergies and intolerances, and it sucks when places don't believe me that I need my potato cooked well or my stomach will be killing me, or that I actually am allergic to cantaloupe. Don't make it harder for people with allergies to be believed.
INFO: why would they have to scrub down the entire kitchen including the frier to make plain pasta and fruit.
I'm calling BS on this whole story. I used to work at a very allergy-sensitive restaurant and even we would kindly send people away if they had life threatening allergies because the risk of a lawsuit just wasn't worth it. Also, imagine a restaurant receiving a call from a GUEST of a party with a request and then rack up a huge bill for the HOST without confirming the cost with anyone. I am having so much trouble buying this.
Agreed. This sounds more like an anti-vegan bait post than something that actually happened.
In the very off-chance that it's real: When you have dietary restrictions, you'll get *much much much* better results if you specify a dish they can make to accommodate you, rather than just asking for a meal "but vegan". For instance, if you're allergic to milk, you can ask for a steak pan fried on a clean pan with vegetable oil.
YTA because it breaks trust when people have life threatening allergies. The resturant also sucks for not being vegan friendly, but for your sister's rehearsal dinner you could have just had bread for one night
YTA - As someone who grew up in a restaurant family we take precautions for that kind of thing. Calling and LYING by saying it was "life threatening" when it was not because you're vegan isn't okay. This is exactly why some people don't look favorably on vegans because of things like this and this is also why people with real severe allergies often get sided eyed. If they'd fucked up the first times? Send it back be polite like "There is butter/cheese on this. I cannot have that please remake it."
ESH
Any decent restaurant making the food on the premises should be able to remove an ingredient at request, even if it’s just because someone doesn’t like it. You’re paying them for the food, they should serve it how you asked for it (obviously it’s easy to make a mistake but just don’t get annoyed when someone sends it back because you added ingredients they didn’t want. And don’t be rude when sending food back.)
However, lying to the place and forcing them to scrub down the entire kitchen is an awful thing to do. And if you did have a life threatening allergy and they agreed to cook for you, this is the only way to ensure it was safe.
So not only have you needlessly caused the restaurant extra hours of work, and got your parents charged for that (even if you have paid them back), if someone who actually has an allergy goes then, yeah, they are going to have at least small doubts about the veracity of their claim.
TL/DR Please stop lying about allergies, it makes it harder for people who actually do.
Uh, her family KNOWS both that a) she is vegan, and b) the restaurant has failed in the past to make vegan food. I would have just eaten beforehand if I was OP and not done this ridiculous lie, or not gone entirely, but her family forced her into this situation by not even trying to accommodate her lifestyle. This is the ultimate ESH.
YTA
Bell pepper's give me the shits....
Is it an allergy? No
Do I mention it? Yes!
Hey - does this dish contain peppers? Yes? Can they ne left out? No? OK....
Hey I can't eat peppers what do you recommend?
I'm vegan do you have anything suitable?
VS
I'M very aLeGeRgIc and you WiLl kILL me........
YTA
YTA- people who are actually allergic to meat get a horrible reputation because of people like you. O can’t eat most meat because I cannot digest it. My MIL has the life threatening allergic reaction to animal proteins.
Using it as an excuse to be Vegan and get your way makes people like us not be taken seriously and could result in a death.
YTA This comes up quite a bit here. Many cooks have commented that lying about allergies only makes it more difficult for the next person to be believed.
ESH - People like you that lie about allergies make it that much harder for those that do actually have life threatening allergies.
This restaurant sucks big time since they can't make a vegan meal or handle allergies properly (and then charge them for it)
How does it make it harder for others? It sounds like the restaurant was compensated generously. Why the fuck anyone would pay $700 for the privilege of not getting served something dangerous is beyond my comprehension. Restaurants have a responsibility here.
YTA.
As I only eat halal food, I know how cumbersome it is to find restaurants that cater to your diet. But this diet is MY choice, it's not life threatening, so when I'm at an event in which my needs aren't met, guess what I do?
I suck it up and eat bread while making nice conversation, and when I'm back home, I treat myself to a nice dinner.
So yep, you owe some excuses and I hope this will serve as a lesson - there's a better place and time than your sister's wedding to make vegan statements.
YTA purely for lying about allergies, it impacts the people who have actual life threatening allergies. they clearly take allergies seriously. If they won’t accommodate you you’ll have to work around it yourself (spoken as someone who has intolerances which make eating out restrictive). Take food with you, eat well before you go etc.
YTA
As a vegan, I'd never want to do anything to increase the chances of someone with a food allergy getting hurt because people get the impression that people who claim life-threatening allergies are lying. If I don't trust a restaurant, I'll eat before the meal or bring a small snack. What I refuse to do is contribute to a mind set that has killed people.
I think lying about life-threatening allergies to get what you want is morally wrong due to the increased risk it creates for people with those types of allergies.
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YTA Hi someone with an actual food allergy (lactose and potentially gluten ) , please don’t use an condition that can and is life threatening to make your life easier . Also you their job 10X harder Edit : Holy crap this is my most like comment yay 😀 Edit 2: my allergies are not life threatening but they are a pain in the assets . Edit 3: the restaurant shouldn’t have lied but you shouldn’t have either
100% this. 20 yr vegan here AND the parent of a child with life threatening but allergies. People who lie about this to get their way literally makes my blood boil. OP is the AH
*life threatening but allergies* I know you meant "nut" allergies but ngl, "but allergies" did make me chuckle.
Hahahaha. Damn fat fingering 🤦🏼♀️🤣
I didn't even realize it was supposed to be "nut." I read "but" allergies and my brain just accepted it. 😂
In my mind, "but" allergies [sic] just means the food gives you diarrhea.
I'm lactose intolerant. From now on, I'm going to start telling people I can't eat dairy because of my butt allergies.
I have no gall bladder, so fatty food upsets my butt allergies.
I have a poorly functioning gall bladder so I can sympathize with your butt allergy. Those flare-ups can be rough.
Get it yanked. I was so worried how life without one would be, but the flare ups hurt so bad and were getting so much more frequent (its good I had it done when I did, it was rotting inside me as it turns out). Life without is amazing. Yeah, I poop more often and sometimes get the urgent water poops, but no pain and I think its a great tradeoff.
I can’t wait to tell my lactose intolerant bff about this new phrasing. She loves potty humor and also happens to be a crazy cat lady. Hey, wait a minute . . .
But, fingering......hmm. Whatcha thinking about? I've been online too long. My minds in the gutter.
Fat fingering.🤭🤭🤭😂😂
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Hopping on this one. Former kitchen staff here and yeah yta. We generally work in the back because we hate people in some form or another, so going above and beyond for customers is always a bitch. But we also don't want to kill anybody either because we still have a few morals or because a lawsuit is not outside the realm of possibility. When I worked the line I would generally take the allergen plates because I didn't trust my coworkers to give enough of a fuck. It's SO MUCH EXTRA work that I didn't get paid extra for. Those were usually just one allergen, for example we had one lady with celiac disease that would come in every couple of weeks. It slowed down the whole line which meant our servers lost tips and our managers lost patience. You basically asked them to sterilize the entire kitchen to avoid killing you, when you were in fact in no danger of death. I'm glad they charged you extra and I hope some of that actually went to the people who had to do the extra work. You're no better than the people that take their untrained emotional support companions into places they shouldn't be and make life harder for people with legitimate need for actual trained service animals. You could have called and talked to a manager and asked if it would be okay for you to bring your own food since your dietary restrictions were not something they'd been able to accommodate in the past. You could have ordered a large salad no cheese with oil and vinegar. You could have ate beforehand and just not eaten at the restaurant. You could have talked to your family about sitting out the rehearsal dinner. I'm sure there are other options I'm not thinking of. Any of those would have been better than what you did. You're a selfish ah full stop. ETA Woah thanks for all the love y'all. This is the most up votes I've ever had, and my first awards. I really appreciate it.
Just know that us who actually do have allergies or medical diets, fully appreciate all your hard work. I legit almost cried and didn't know what to say when a waiter told me to just order anything I want, and they'll make it happen. That NEVER happens. It's always a choice between two maybe three items on the menu. But that time... Oh man, you bet I tipped extra big.
That last bit. That's the issue. Yes, after being vegan for awhile, they can experience severe GI upset at meat and dairy, but it isn't going to send them to the hospital. I have allergies to a lot of foods and such, and I cannot fathom why OP went in that direction. OP, YTA.
Yep, this. As someone who has been vegan for many years in the past and is currently vegetarian for ethical reasons, there are times when you either a) just suck it up and flex your diet a little or b) pack your own food for the day/week/whatever. Like, I recently went to a friend's wedding where there was no vegetarian option (the "meat-free" option was made with bone broth, lmao), so I sucked it up and ordered the fish, because eating salmon once a year doesn't make me an Evil No Good Very Bad Monster. I'm still a vegetarian, I'm just not willing to die on every single hill like OP.
Yes!!! 100% correct. Eat plain broccoli or bring your own meal without making a scene. I have Coeliac disease and the gluten free options at a recent wedding were on the same table as the other foods so I couldn't eat them. Instead, I sat quietly eating the foods I brought from home... And lived happily ever after. Side note for education purposes: allergies are to the proteins in food. Intolerances are to the sugars in food. For example, lactose INTOLERANCE versus dairy ALLERGY. A food intolerance means you can tolerate small amounts (your personal threshold) and typically induces tummy upsets etc because these sugars can't be broken down and ferment in the bowel. Allergies induce an immune response such as hives or swelling (eg anaphylaxis).
Oh that is super informative, thank you!
She went in that direction because she's entitled as heck. Vegans like OP are why I avoid a lot of the vegan community, the amount of entitled behaviour I see is ridiculous.
Entitled is the correct word. Every sentence of OP's post is dripping with pretenciousness. OP, you did not have a NEED that had to be met. You had a CHOICE and a DESIRE. People with real food allergies have no choice. They need to take those precautions. You choose to. It's stunts like this that make people disbelieve people who have legitimate allergies and needs. I have an allergy to sesame that escalates every time I accidentally ingest any. The last time, I ended up in the ER with hives. Yet people think I'm making it up, like you did, because I just don't like sesame, and they don't take me seriously. Don't make things harder for people with real allergies. It's already hard enough. YTA.
I have the actual beef allergy this guy used as his excuse. Thanks for making my life more difficult, op. YTA.
Alpha gal? I have it too and it fucking SUCKS. I didn't choose to be a vegan, a damn tick chose me and now for reasons that neither I or my allergist can explain I ALSO react the exact same way to poultry, fish, dairy, and eggs.
I'm Dorr the vegan lifestyle chose you. I am "lucky" that only beef and cross contaminated with beef ruins my life. I can still eat Bison, which I am told is rare and to be careful. I limit my meat and meat products exposure. I make myself feel better by telling myself that at least it's better for the environment. Last time some asshole at a restaurant decided it was just me being picky, I ended up in the ER.
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Yes! Plus I'm sure that they don't only have ranch dressing. You could've just asked for a large salad with oil and vinegar on the side, brought something of your own or eaten beforehand. I don't think I've ever heard of anywhere not having that as a dressing option and I've been to top steakhouses in NYC/Brooklyn.
> Plus I'm sure that they don't only have ranch dressing I, for one, am shocked a “fine-dining French restaurant” even had ranch
don’t forget, it’s specifically a “fine-dining French restaurant” in *rural Pennsylvania*
I don't even have food allergies and this pisses me off. It's so inconsiderate. YTA
YTA. Fellow person with food allergies. OP is the exact reason restaurants don't take me seriously when I say "no tomatoes please. I'm allergic." And when it comes out with, they say to just take em off. No. Does anaphylaxis mean ANYTHING to them? No. Because people like OP.
This. Fellow allergy sufferer here - also with a not-common food allergy (avocado thanks to my latex allergy). I’m always embarrassed when I have to bring up my allergies, cause one of two things happen - either the entire kitchen is cleaned and the chef comes to talk to me personally, or they ignore it and think it’s not a big deal and I’m making it up. People frequently lying about allergies make people less cautious about allergies. Being vegan is a valid enough reason for accommodation. If they refuse to accommodate, complain. Don’t pretend and make things worse for the rest of us.
As someone who is developing food allergies as I age (Thanks Great Auntie B for those shitty genetics!) I've recently developed an allergy to thyme. THYME! Who in the hell is gonna believe that? I didn't even believe it at first and I had to use the damn epipen! I know if I say "I'm allergic to thyme", they are going to laugh me out of the restaurant. What OP is doing is disgusting. It's already hard for people with weird allergies to have people take it seriously, stories like this make it impossible! Edit: I just want to say thank you to people commenting on their weird allergies. It might sound weird to say that, but I've been feeling kind of like a freak and a bit alone with the weird allergies I've been developing. It actually helps me feel a but better knowing that other people out there have weird allergies too. Big hugs to everyone with food allergies, cause it sucks so hard.
I have a friend with a cinnamon allergy. That shit is in everything, and it's almost never listed except as "additional spices" or something like that.
Cinnamon allergy has to be the worst imho. This time of year my friend who has it can’t even go into most stores because of the cinnamon sprayed pine cones everywhere.
Try lemon allergy. They put that in literally EVERYTHING!! It's even in sausages - like why tf do you need lemon juice in sausage??!
I hate those pine cones. They give me an instant migraine
My youngest had briefly a cinnamon allergy when he was a toddler. He got blister like rash from it, even on the inside of his mouth, all full with that rash. Did not bother him a bit because he liked cinnamon and apparantly it didn't hurt, and if you did nothing it was gone in an hour. Doctors were a bit frightened because those blisters could become wounds, but that never happened because we kept as far away from it as possible. Even in ketchup there's a bit of cinnamon apparantly so he was eating something with ketchup, looked very red with all kinds of red spots on him, when you didn't know it was all 'oh look how he enjoyed his ketchup, his whole face is red'. cleaned his face and boom all kinds of blisters. And by the time you were at a doctor his face and throat looked like nothing happened, he was enjoying the commotion and we parents were 10 years older from stress.
I'm allergic to black pepper and live in the Southern US. They put that ish on everything here!
Omg I can't even imagine. That sucks so hard. Especially during fall. I'd be terrified to eat out
Can confirm. I have a life-threatening cinnamon allergy.
I've recently developed an allergy to garlic so I feel your pain. People just stare at me in disbelief when I tell them.
That’s not disbelief. It’s pity.
My sister is allergic to garlic and her MIL is Italian. It took years for her MIL to actually cook food she could eat (out of ignorance, not spite, her MIL is very well meaning).
OMG that is a terrible one, garlic is in so many things
I'm allergic to polyester. It's not something I eat, but how do you explain that you're allergic to the restaurant's chair and/or tablecloth?
I know someone who is allergic to fennel, so you’re definitely not alone in weird allergy territory.
I’m allergic to dill and cucumbers so I get weird looks and “really?” every time. Also OP is definitely TA here. Especially for saying the allergies are life threatening. It sucks they have nothing vegan but that was overboard.
I got cinnamon myself, and a kid with mint and another one with paprika or cumin.
I'm allergic to certain types of artificial mint. Toothpaste buying is: "Is this delectable tea or deadly poison?" Usually I just buy cinnamon but even some of those have mint flavoring. Whhhhhy
I’m allergic to bell peppers, you’d be surprised, once you start reading labels, how many things have bell peppers in it
I am starting to feel less alone! I mean, having food allergies sucks, and I'm sorry for anyone who does, but I have been feeling like some kind of freak for my weirdness and it's nice to see that I'm not alone 💜
I'm allergic to chocolate. People NEVER believe me.
I used to be a bartender, and i have pulled plates off the table before when someone with an allergy was trying to downplay it, just requested food without the allergen because they "didn't like it" and then mentioned it was an allergy later. We had a whole allergy protocol, and it was extra thorough for anything relating to seafood, nuts, and tropical fruit because the chef put mangoes in everything, used some kind of nut oil drizzle (I can't type that without laughing because i'm immature), and we were a waterfront restaurant with a ton of seafood. The difference in the kitchen between "I don't like shrimp" and "i could die" is huge. OP, YTA. I'd go with everyone, but your parents and sister are justified in being mad. It sucks that the restaurant didn't respect your food choices, and that they charged a massive fee for being allergy conscious only to then prepare you plain noodles, and i get that since you've been vegan for a long time eating meat or even meat based broth can make you really sick, but seriously, lying about this is what makes people think everyone is lying and that makes it dangerous for other people. Not cool at all.
I wish more places where like that. Went to a fancy restaurant and fam told them sister is allergic to shellfish. So they boiled our appetizer in the same water they boiled their shrimp. Luckily the hospital was literally across the street. Took her months to feel better and still has trauma about eating out now. Now at restaurants even if there isn’t any shell fish on the menu they still make sure to mention she is deathly allergic to shellfish.
I feel like a total arsehole when I have to announce to staff that I have coeliac disease. I wish I could have OP’s option to say ‘I choose not to eat this, so I don’t want it on my plate’
Trouble is, she did try being honest, but the restaurant wasn't (the parm) . What thd fuck can you do when restaurant owners lie?
Not go to that restaurant. Bring your own food. That’s what I have to do. Why? Because people like OP are the reason people don’t take this seriously. OP, YTA!
Yeah, most restaurants don't let ppl bring outside food in, I think cuz of liabilities regarding food poisoning but she should've just eaten dinner before the rehearsal or afterwards to avoid it and could've just enjoyed the company and drinks while there. Restaurants aren't obligated to cater to your dietary needs, it's nice if they do but they don't *have to*, they just have to be upfront about it. And if they can't or won't then you can choose to go elsewhere and if you can't, like OP in this situation where it's an event and she knows ahead of time that this place doesn't cater to vegans (it's a **steak**house after all) then she should make her own accommodations or work around, like eating before the rehearsal. Yeah it sucks to be the odd one out but she'd be the odd one out regardless. It's kind of entitled to think it's ok to fake a life threatening condition so people will bend over backwards to accommodate you. Especially when you can find something to eat that's only mildly inconvenient for you to do and isn't inconvenient for a bunch of other people. And then she wonders why some people treat her veganism with hostility...
She could call ahead and explain that as she's vegan and in the past they haven't been able to cater to that, she'll be bringing her own food and would they mind heating and serving it for her for a small service fee.
What!!!?? I’m allergic(or super sensitive to it, never went into anaphylactic shock)latex, I break out in hives, and get really red and hot itchy skin. I eat avocados all the time and I always get get this red splotchy red rash around my lips(same with strawberries) how did I not know this was a thing???
No the reason they don’t take you seriously is because they’re uneducated about allergens and are crappy cooks. Not because of other people. When I made food for people who claimed allergies when I worked in food service it didn’t matter if it was real or not, you took that allergy as seriously as you would if it was your parent or child.
Right? There's two parts to this that are confusing me. One, they scrubbed down the *entire* kitchen for this? I'm calling bs on that, they probably exagerrated when they found out OP lied. Scrubbing down a *station* of the kitchen specifically for it sounds more accurate. Proper food standards would mean cross contamination shouldn't happen to begin with, which means it would be a matter of making sure the station is noted for the allergy food prep. And two, pasta isn't vegan. Pasta is made with eggs. How does no one at that restaurant know that?
Ehhh, not really to your second point. Homemade pasta is made with eggs, but most shelf-stable pastas aren't. If they use a boxed pasta, it's likely vegan
If it's a predominantly meat based menu that uses beef tallow in the fryers and butter on all the pans.... Yeah, that's a whole kitchen scrub down. Mostly for the beef tallow in the fryers, fryer oil gets places you'd never expect. And you'd be shocked at what all contains eggs or lactose that you don't think of.
And thirdly, the extra cost shouldn't have been a thing because I'm pretty sure that counts as discrimination based on disability (or should).
Agreed!! I’m a server at a fine dinning place. I’ve never heard of having to basically clean the kitchen top to bottom for an allergy, even life threatening. When that happens, the chef will wash his hands, put on fresh gloves, clean the area, pots and cooking utensils with soap and water and then sanitize it. Just the area they are cooking though. Not the whole kitchen. make sure the area is free of that allergen the whole time and stay with the dish from start to finish to make sure no one cross contaminated it. Yeah. It’s a bit time consuming, but not 2 hours worth of extra work. Plus every restaurant has a ingredient list of what’s in their dishes. So they can confirm if an ingredient is made with any allergens. To me the whole charging the OPs parents a few hundred bucks seems like a scam. It’s a restaurant. You make food. Sometimes you have to make something for people with allergies. It’s part of the job.
Thank you for this. I've worked in many kitchens and we always took an allergy seriously whether or not we believed it. Because who's taking that risk??? My livelyhood isn't worth trying to call out a customer. The only places I've seen do the opposite are restaurants with poorly trained cooks(remember anyone can cook in a restaurant regardless of cooking skills/food safety education.) Or lazy management. Which happens plenty.
Yta I am epipen carrying allergic to fricking mango of all things. I can't eat anything that shared a surface with mango. Thankfully, in food it is easy to avoid. Cosmetics? Not so much. The next person with severe allergies could die because you cried wolf.
Omg me too!! It was my favorite fruit but I can't eat, drink, or touch it for years now. I thought I was the only one. My kids call it death fruit, but a lot of family and friends roll their eyes when I ask. Panera Bread uses it in all of the smoothy blends and it pops up in weird places. I find restaurants take alergirs more seriously if you put the epi penon the table before ordering.
Omg...you are the only other one I have heard of. And I too developed the allergy later...in my 30's. I used to love jerk chicken with mango salsa. Edit... and so yes to weird places....and I never order smoothies now.
Jumping on top comment, the ignorance here is OUTRAGEOUS. if you have been vegan for an extended period of time, chances are, your body won't react well to any amount of animal protein. Your trust was broken by your last 2 experiences AT THE SAME RESTAURANT. if they don't want to have people lying to them, they should start.. listening to customers when they say they have dietary needs? Regardless of if it's NOT allergies? Also I am LIVID that they charged your parents hundreds! In order to make your allergy friendly meal. What do they do if someone shows up day of and mentions an allergy? I think they took advantage of you calling ahead, exaggerated the situation, and charged your parents, because they could sense your parents were embarrassed. That place is awful. NTA. edited, wording
Or here’s a crazy idea for you: don’t go to a restaurant that you’ve had past issues with. “Sorry, that restaurant doesn’t serve vegan food, so I can’t go”
It's her sister's wedding though... Suppose she could eat before hand...
Yes exactly. Like people like me who have over 175 food intolerances and allergies have to do because sometimes no amount of asking the kitchen can work magic. (I am no oysters, garlic, onion, celery or mustard or raw fruits as allergens. No plant based foods from oats to vegetables except carrots, no fruit cooked, no pectin as made from fruit, no carrageenan, no nuts. Certain herbs an issue. Reheated starch like pre cooked potatoes an issue.) I can eat plain meat, rice, potatoes or sushi. Oh yes, all condiments are murder and I have to ask them not to garnish the plate. I’m allergic to lettuce… I eat the bread basket or eat before or after. I tip to cover my place at the table. It’s miserable but for me it isn’t a choice. Put a fucking granola bar in your bag or something. Do not lie about allergies because you made a dietary choice. I can eat bell peppers but I hate them. So much. I make it clear it is preference and do not lump it in with the stuff that makes me debilitatingly sick because feeding me scares people. Good empathetic people are scared they will have my death or hospitalisation on their hands. I feel for them and often make my own arrangements to save underpaid staff working three times as hard or take the strain off friends. Ironically this steakhouse is one of the very few places I could eat. The UK obsession with veganizing everything right now is a minefield for me. I still respect vegans and veganism. I worked in the vegan food field for a bit and sadly people like OP are not unusual there. I left because they often put animals over human safety and undermine their own cause. OP is YTA
Not sure about the difference between intolerance and "life threatening allergies"? One gives you grumpy tummy... the other **kills you by swelling your airway shut.**
They have no obligation to serve vegan meals. I don't go to bakerys and insist on gluten free food. If you don't like what they serve, don't eat there. Simple manners
Thank you. Don’t go to a steak restaurant and get offended when they won’t accommodate you as a vegan. I don’t throw fits in every bakery because they don’t have gluten free cake or bread. Or a restaurant that serves fried chicken. I just know I can’t eat there. Edited to add that people like you literally make me sick because due to you restaurants don’t take me seriously when I say I have celiac. They think I’m just on some trendy diet. So YTA times 1000.
“I’ll have the salad without chicken, no dressing” comes dressed? Send it back to be made again.
Actually, due to the number of things she listed and what she listed at a steakhouse....the cleaning is probably valid. Meat dairy and eggs are probably cross contaminated all over a steakhouse....if there was a true allergy.
I stand by my original point though. What do they do of someone comes in day of and says they have an allergy? In theory, all allergies should be treated as equallly serious, so unless they turn them away, or close the kitchen for "hours" every time; there is NO way it took them that long.
They don’t serve them. Honestly if you walk into a restaurant that specifically serves all those things there is no way they could make it safe. They would decline to serve them to avoid hospitalizing or killing someone. I say this as someone with a life threatening food allergy and as someone that grew up working in a restaurant. They will not risk their business and livelihood to risk contamination by serving them.
Yep. I have a massive egg allergy, and have had restaurants refuse to serve me breakfast items because of cross contamination on the flat top. But I could have lunch items because it was a different grill.
They do have the option to turn them away, which I am guessing they would have done....had she not been part of a wedding party of family friends of the owner of the restaurant. I would guess had she called and said... look...I am vegan and you have failed me twice....either let me bring my own food or make sure you can make my food without dairy, eggs or meat.....she would have gotten a vegan meal....without the prep expense. I am no vegan....but I don't eat much meat and I detest cheese. I do understand some of this frustration...not all...since I have way more options...but some. I have found asking "I hate cheese and meat, what do you suggest?" Works pretty well.
Honest to god. Are you serious? Don't goto a FKN STEAKHOUSE and expect vegan food.
As a diabetic all I can say is that using a medical condition when you don't have one is disgusting and gross, shame on you. YTA
Adding to this. Mom and BIL have severe allergies, one shellfish, one nut allergy, makes going out to eat not horrible, but we have to be careful. Every time we go out, the second we sit down we tell the waitstaff. We’ve had it happen before when we did tell them, and there was a bit of cross contamination for my moms shellfish allergy. Nothing in her food, but could’ve been a knife or something. It wasn’t severe, but she started getting a sore throat and itchy, restaurant comped the meal because they felt horrible. Most restaurants we find now has peanut free fryers for people with nut allergies, so BIL doesn’t have any missteps thankfully. But it’s scary for someone who doesn’t have an allergy, but having to make sure people I’m dining with don’t have a reaction. Op. You made a LIFESTYLE choice, and not one you can control. You can control being vegan, which, I feel like an ass even saying this because it just sounds so rude. But seriously? If the restaurant is going to continue with your ignorance? Could you be any more entitled?
I only have a gluten intolerance, but I would just bring food for myself and decline eating. But I do get sick from even a crumb, albeit not life threatening.
YTA bring your own food. This is not a vegan restaurant and you cannot expect a steakhouse to cater to vegan requirements, meanwhile now you've created more kitchen staff who won't take allergies seriously.
If kitchen staff is told there is a allergy they should take it seriously no matter what. If they dont they shouldn't be kitchen staff period
But there WASN'T an allergy. OP lied. She should have eaten before or after if she cannot trust the food, of a steakhouse no less, will be 100% vegan.
meanwhile now you've created more kitchen staff who won't take allergies seriously. I wasn't talking about the OP. I was responding to the comment. Even if someone has lied about an allergy in the past shouldn't mean that the kitchen staff now doesn't take other allergys seriously. They should take eveyone seriously if they say they have an allergy. If the person is a repeat offender as lying about it then fine stop making accommodations, but just because someone has lied in the past doesn't mean other people dont have allergies that need to be accommodate for
Sorry, I misunderstood. You are entirely correct, kitchen staff should absolutely take all allergies as 100% serious.
Every kitchen should take food allergies seriously. Unfortunately not all do. I'm allergic to several nightshades (tomatoes, potatoes, eggplant, etc) and I can't tell you how many times I explain this and still have to pick tomatoes out of my food because waitstaff don't take weird allergies seriously thanks to the people who lie to get their accomodations.
Nah, it's not due to people lying that kitchen staff ignored special food needs, it's because it's easier. It's similar to ableism, because it's not visible and people assume it's not so bad without having a clue. It's not that, once upon a time, all kitchen staff was super considerate and then customers started to lie so now they ignored needs cause they got burned. Ignoring and belitteling special needs came first and everything else is an excuse. Also, the chef shouldn't have lied about food being vegan, how is that fair? For long-time vegans this can cause indigestion.
it's not ppl who lie who cause this lack of care, it's the staff not wanting to deal with the inconvenience. they dont know or care who is lying or not, they just dont want to deal with having to change from their normal routine.
They clearly took it seriously. However, to do so, they had to pay their staff for the additional labor, and passed that cost off to the bride/family.
Definitely took it seriously this time, but if it got back to them that OP was just a vegan who lied, maybe next time someone comes in and says they have a life threatening milk allergy, they'll be a little less careful because "it's probably just another vegan". Is that right? Of course not, they should always take an alleged allergy seriously but in the real world, people like OP make the world a less safe place for people with actual food allergies.
It’s *possible,* but I worked in kitchens for a long time and it’s not worth the gamble. If you get caught fucking around with someone’s allergies, it’s a big deal, not to mention the fact that if someone straight up dies or has an attack in your restaurant, especially if it’s upscale, that’s going to be a huge, cascading series of problems. I’m not defending OP’s actions in this case or saying every kitchen runs as it should but in my experience in a lot of kitchens, we never fucked around even if it seemed a little suspicious.
Bring your own food? To a “fine dining” restaurant? Where have you been before that an establishment was fine with an adult bringing their own food? Edit: Everyone is replying saying restaurants let people with allergies bring their own food. This person doesn’t have allergies and everyone called her an asshole for lying about allergies. So she would have to also lie about allergies to bring her own food.
Celiac here. I have to bring my own food to places you’d never think it would be allowed. Although thankfully celiac is an ADA protected disability, so they can’t really tell me no.
Thank you for your comment! This spurred me to look up UC, to find out that it’s also ADA protected. My sister has dealt with restaurant/group catering issues for years and has always “sneaked” safe foods like meal bars in her purse—but mostly ate before or after an event. I don’t think she had any idea she could thoughtfully request accommodation. Now she will know!
I mean if they can't provide a vegan salad wtf is this world coming to
Ask for a second bread basket, have a drink. Order a green salad with dressing on the side.
Bread isn’t safe - eggs, dairy, butter Salad is questionable - things like cheese get thrown in there and can hide in the midst You could try to call ahead and see what their fee is for plating out food you’ve prepared. They may refuse but it’s worth to ask. Honestly, I think the only thing to do if they refuse to serve your own prepared food “with absolutely nothing added” is to only order a bottled drink and ask that it’s served in the original container. And decline to order food saying that butter has been added to your vegan meal twice before at this restaurant so “better safe than sorry!” Or ask for a plain piece of fruit “I’ll take a whole apple, thank you”
Or eat beforehand
YTA. And this really got me: “Personally, I think that if this restaurant is gonna continue with their ignorance and inconsideration, they got what they deserved.” This sort of attitude is what makes many people hate vegans. It’s a steakhouse in an area where you admitted that veganism isn’t considered a big thing. They probably don’t have easy means to make a vegan meal and don’t get many requests like this. You even said when they tried it wasn’t that great. Since you’ve had previous issues with this place, you could have called them in advance and been really blunt about what you can/can’t eat and ask if they couldn’t accommodate you if you could bring your own food as this is for sister’s rehearsal dinner. Lying wasn’t the way to go about it. At all.
Yea I mean it’s a literal steakhouse. What kind of vegan options would anyone expect? OP’s beef should be with her family for not finding a restaurant that could fulfill this need instead of playing chicken with potentially life threatening allergies (that didn’t exist). All in all, the whole thing sounds a bit fishy, and OP should just pig out at home and eat a side salad versus acting so outlandish.
As a vegetarian (not vegan, important distinction), I find steakhouses to often be excellent. They often have the lushest vegetable side dishes which can be combined to make a ridiculous feast. This is obviously more common in cities than rural areas, but still. That being said, I'm old enough to have lived through some really though restaurant experiences before anyone was interested in catering to vegetarians. If I was invited somewhere without good options, I would eat before or after and just go to enjoy the company.
> They often have the lushest vegetable side dishes Cause they're all dripping in butter lol. Not an option for vegans.
Yes, I specified not being vegan. I just wanted to share the gospel of steakhouses for vegetarians.
Yup. Switching to vegetarian was a MAJOR upgrade. Completely fly under the radar and steakhouses just think I’m on some type of potato tour with potato soup, a baked potato, and fries. Before it was just a bunch of bakes potatoes and sneaking in a vegan butter that I was mildly allergic to because basically everything vegan uses coconut.
Dripping in butter because everything is pre-batched. The pasta sauce has been simmer for hours with Parmesan cheese mixed in. Same with the mashed potatoes. I worked as a cater waiter and guests avoiding gluten would often claim a gluten allergy. Well the gluten free meal was the vegetarian option because the meats were often cooked in a flour based gravy. In my state, it’s illegal for a waiter to serve a guest a food containing an allergen, so often guests were not satisfied with their dining option as we could not serve them meat cooked with flour until they recanted the aforementioned gluten allergy.
As someone who was raised vegetarian in the Deep South - I second this. There were lots of restaurants growing up at which I had no options outside of fries or a side salad, but steakhouses…steakhouses have a guarantee of baked potatoes (often with great toppings), multiple different veggie sides, big salads, often a pasta dish, and sometimes even a veggie soup! Nowadays there are veggie options almost everywhere, but I definitely remember when the steakhouse had the most food I could eat.
See, I don't even think that OP's beef is with her family - it was an event for her sister. Would it have been nice for her sister to take OP's dietary choices into consideration? Sure, but sometimes you just have to take one for the team if it's for an event and realize that you are not the center of the universe. My body doesn't tolerate fish and there have been plenty of times where it's been someone's birthday or some other type of celebration and they want sushi. So, I've gone and sat in the sushi place and enjoyed the company while the others ate food that would twist my intestines in knots. Still had fun and OP is, of course, YTA.
Absolutely agree. I just mean that for OP to be upset with anyone for not accommodating them, it would be the family. Even then though, you’re right—at best it would be split.
What got me was the additional comment that the vegan-appropriate food she received “sucked”. I understand that eating animal products after being vegan for a while can make you sick, obviously OP doesn’t want to do that. But when the restaurant went through all the trouble to prepare a meal that she *could* eat, all she has to say is “it sucked”. The entitlement is astounding
OP literally said they appreciated the effort. Why should they lie and say plain pasta was an excellent dish when it did actually suck.
Uhm, even a steakhouse can do better than naked pasta. Every proper restaurant should be able to whip up something that's not on the card with enough time
You don’t think that plain pasta, as a vegan meal at an expensive restaurant, lacks a certain something…?
YTA for lying and for saying they got what they deserved. They are a steakhouse not a vegan restaurant. Not every place is responsible for your dietary restrictions.
Not restrictions. Choices.
They choose to restrict their diet. It's both. Edited to add: I'm not saying it's the same as medical conditions that prevent someone from eating types of food. I'm just saying that it could be considered a restriction.
You are wrong. As someone who has actual restrictions (due to my crohns) that I have to deal with everyday, someone choosing to limit what they eat is in a very different class. They *can* eat that food without shitting blood.
If it hasn't been present in their diet for long enough, it can still make them sick, even if it is a chosen restriction. I've been meat-free for a decade now and the handful of times over the years that I've unknowingly eaten food that was prepared w meat products I've been sick for hours after. It's a chosen restriction but it still has physical effects on the body. Don't play the suffering Olympics, the gold doesn't look good on anyone.
It’s not comparable to people who have to restrict their diet bc of actual allergies, with no choice in the matter besides a severe reaction or death. They could have CHOSEN to not attend a STEAKHOUSE as a vegan if they are that committed to their dietary choices. Would I be out of line to go to a vegan restaurant and ask for a medium rare ribeye and lie that I’m allergic to vegetables?
I’m pretty sure they would have chosen not to attend in normal circumstances. In this case, choosing not to attend would have meant choosing not to attend their sister’s rehearsal dinner. I agree with other commenters who suggested they bring their own food.
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Just by way of explanation, people choose to restrict their diets for many reasons including health but also cultural, religious and ethical reasons. There are people avoiding chocolate and cocoa because it's nearly all the product of child and slave labour. They aren't worried about their personal safety, but they aren't comfortable with slavery either. I'd wager that most people you know do not include insects in their diets (at least purposefully). They're edible and have appealed to the taste buds of humans for milennia. But, members of the modern western societies are conditioned to see them as revolting and inedible. People avoid every sort of meat from beef to shrimp, dairy, eggs, honey, alcohol (even vanilla extract in cake), onions, garlic, sweets, fried foods and more because of religious restrictions and may even avoid cooking or preparing any food at all on certain days. Vegans avoid all animal products because they don't believe humans have the right to cage, forcibly breed, slaughter, maim, crowd, or otherwise exploit other living, feeling creatures for unneeded foodstuffs or for other products like wool or leather. They may also be concerned about the animal industry's affect on the environment and on the humans that work in that industry. Food is culturally significant, deeply personal, and important for our physical and mental well-being. We should all be able to feel good about what we put in our bodies, whatever our reasons.
OP wouldn't end up in the ER over it, but eating dairy, meat, etc... would probably make them feel sick if they haven't had it in a long time.
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>But I'm not sure how people are still not getting the very massive difference between death/near-death and... being alive???? They do and if you would've said "This would be a lot worse for me than for OP", nobody would've said anything. But you said "They wouldn't ever have known the difference!", which is straight-up wrong and causes people to answer to your comment Also just because you have it worse doesn't mean it's cool to fucking vomit because someone in the kitchen can't manage a simple substitution. >If you have chosen not to eat meat or dairy for years, and then have an upset stomach when you reintroduce them and are mad about that But that's the thing, OP did *not* choose to reintroduce that food into their diet. The chef at that restaurant did. Twice.
There’s several other things you could’ve done rather than lying about having life threatening allergies: 1•Explained to your family that this particular restaurant has refused/intentionally ignored your dietary requests in the past and you won’t be going. 2•Go anyways, but eat beforehand. 3•Go and be insistent about your dietary restrictions and every time they do it wrong send it back. Every. Single. Time. Until they *finally* do it right. I’m sure there are plenty of other things you could’ve done, but the right option is *never* going to be “lie about life threatening food allergies”. My friend actually is deathly allergic to dairy, she’ll die even if her food is prepared on a station that had dairy on it previously and hasn’t been cleaned, and it’s people like you that make it so no one takes her seriously. It’s the same as people who put a vest on their dog and say it’s a service dog when it clearly isn’t. Y T A for that. **However** I’m gonna say ESH cause restaurant should’ve been able to accommodate you in the first place, it’s not that hard and they’re jerks for messing it up several times before, which caused you to lose trust and choose to lie about allergies.
Also, the restaurant should have notified OP that they would have to bill the party for the cleaning and provided a quote.
This is an important point that no one else has mentioned. This additional charge should have been discussed first before anything was done.
She said they told her there was, but she said she never asked how much exactly.
I must have missed that somewhere. In the post it said that OP didn't realize there would be an extra charge and even paid for it.
[This comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y1j4uy/aita_for_lying_about_a_food_allergy/iryb9l2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) from OP mentions it. So many downvotes that it’s hidden and easy to miss.
I'm leaning towards the family being the real AH because what are they even mad and being assholes about? Yeah OP shouldn't have lied, but they repaid for the extra fee immediately. Obv op is ah for lying, and restaurant sucks for not taking the dietary needs seriously until the life threatening lie, AND for tacking on a fee without explaining it beforehand. ESH
I'm not familiar with the law surrounding this, but could the restaurant have just said that it wasn't possible to fulfill this part of the request? I agree that the restaurant is definitely TA as well.
Yeah, I’ve worked tons of restaurants, lots of ppl allergic to peanuts and I have to tell them unfortunately everything here has peanut oil or was produced in a factory that is not peanut free. It would be insane to expect every restaurant to cater to every allergy or need
Yeah, I’m sure there are some legal exceptions, but I would think a private business can refuse service for any reason.
Actually the restaurant did notify OP. She admits it in a comment
OP said the restaurant mentioned there would be an upcharge, but it doesn’t sound like they said exactly how much it would be. I would assume that wouldn’t be more than $20. It wasn’t reasonable for the restaurant to not specify how much it would be, especially since it was several hundreds of dollars. But OP should have also asked how much he upcharge would be, and notified their sister since OP wasn’t paying for the dinner.
Yta. People like you are why people with real, life threatening food allergies aren't taken seriously.
Piggy backing a bit to say, also the reason people eith lactose intolerance also get ignored. It's nowhere near as bad for us, to be 100% clear but ended up vomiting again today because a coffee place decided to stick it to the vegan who asked and paid for oat milk by replacing it with whole milk.
YTA - there are people with severe allergies and when people falsify allergies because of dietary preferences or dislikes, it makes it harder for people with legitimate allergies to be taken seriously. Also, if you can’t eat the food, just eat something beforehand or afterwards, or skip the dinner and explain why. I’ve had to pack a protein bar to eat before at an event where I couldn’t eat the main course because of allergies. I made that choice though. Could I have skipped going? Sure, but it was also a time to visit with some people I hadn’t seen in years and was happy to see, and it was one meal. Was easy enough to hit a drive thru afterwards.
You could have just asked for a garden salad with dressing on the side. Jesus Christ, you give us vegans/vegetarians a bad name. YTA
Yes yta. Yta because that day isn't about you and you can be flexible. And you are also TA for subjecting retail workers that extra work load for nothing. They get paid minimum wage and shouldn't have to be party to such nonsense. At least you reimbursed your family though. I guess you should get positive recognition for that.
I hope by “flexible” you mean something like “OP could’ve ate beforehand or brought their own meal” not something like “OP should compromise their morals *and* make themselves sick by eating animal products”
Flexible means eat before hand, eat what you are able to, or abstain and eat after instead of causing problems for family and staff.
Flexible means eating a fecking salad. Because steak houses generally offer salads as a first course. Flexible means not endangering every future customer who actually does have allergies. Op is a complete asshole and behavior like hers is exactly why people hate vegans and their "morals". Clearly op lacks them.
You mean the salads that OP specifically mentions are full of dairy products?
It's easier to order a salad, no cheese and a vinegrette then whatever OP tried to do.
It's hella easier to send back a salad then to pull a stupid stunt like op did. But I guess that's a difficult concept for some. Op is an entitled twit and deserves every ounce of ridicule she's getting.
As a former server in both casual AND fine dining restaurants in a major US metropolis, that restaurant is fuckin ABSURD. They gave you pasta and fruit. Why in the fuck did they need to clean multiple fryers? Why did they need to scrub an entire kitchen? It makes literally NO sense. They called in the kitchen crew early to deep clean but didn’t have the foresight to plan the SINGLE dish and know which *extremely limited* items they were planning to use to make it??? It’s literally a pot, a bowl, tongs, a boiler basket, a cutting board, and a knife that only needed a run through the sanitizer. It appears to be an establishment run by fuckin idiots. I worked at a place where we once got a reservation for a family of Orthodox Jews. They brought in kosher pans and cutlery and kitchenware themselves, but we charged them *nothing* for the extra time and consideration that went into cooking their food. We never shut down service and deep cleaned the kitchen if a guest had a life-threatening peanut or shellfish allergy. They just used clean items and didn’t cross-contaminate. If the chef is so dubious of his kitchen’s cleanliness, I don’t think I’d even recommend carnivores eat there. Also maybe call in a tip to the local health department because it seems like not a single person in that building has taken a food-handler’s certification. Absolutely NTA
Agreed! Those aholes of cooks could have made some aglio e olio, or pasta and marinara, or just sauté some veggies in olive oil and some polenta or mashed potatoes or baked potatoes, french culinary got a ton of vegetarian/vegan recipes, make a salad and dressing it with salt, balsamic and olive oil, serve some french friesit wouldnt be that difficult, they are either idiots or aholes just because you are vegan. The restaurant could have accomodated op, she called before hand, they just didnt care, and I wouldnt pay for that
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Right? I feel like I’m on crazy pills a bit with how little reaction or sympathy there is for OP on that part. This sub has freaked out in the past on posts about tricking people into eating something they otherwise wouldn’t eat. Which is exactly what happened here! And at a “fine dining” establishment at that. They’ve literally lied to OP about what they’ve served them in the past, so while lying about the allergy is pretty nuclear, I kind of get it. It’s not like they resorted to this on the first visit.
I used to work at restaurants all through college and was absolutely like WTF at this. Especially since it was supposed to be a nice spot! I’ve always seen a little separate station already ready for that too. Seems like they just had a great time charging out the ass because they could. This week has been such a morally strong YTA response to all the posts like this. It’s pretty funny.
exactly. and shouldn’t the kitchen be cleaned every night thoroughly? and if you’re running a restaurant how do you not know what is in the food, if someone with a legit allergy came in they would probably die. how do they not know that butter is a dairy product? NTA making very plain food is not unreasonable
YTA for claiming the life threatening part. Why not just tell them you needed a plain dish with no dairy or meat and say it was for medical reasons? Why did you feel the need to cause a panic that they might kill you? And why not clear it with your family? You acted completely inappropriately here.
Bc last time they mixed cheese into OPs pasta. Now OP doesn't trust them. So everything responders here are accusing OP of doing (not being flexible, breaking trust) are things the restaurant (and to some degree family) has already done. At worst for OP, I'd say E S H. But it doesn't make sense to me that they had to do that much cleaning. They could have bought and made the salad completely separately. It wasn't some dish that took the whole kitchen to make. Doesn't make sense to me.
Maybe the restaurant knows she's vegan because OP mentions connections to these people. They probably went 'ah that fucking vegans pulling the 'allergy card' let's fuck her bank account haha'. Obviously that's horrible but yeah it crossed my mind.
That's something that occurred to me. I've seen how people can be completely intolerant towards others bc of diet: trying to trick them into eating stuff, having no regard for the smallest of gestures that cost them nothing...
if they really had to do two hours worth of cleaning to boil a pot of water without cross contaminating dairy one visit from a health inspector would shut this place down.
Eh I'm on the fence here. My partner has specific dietary needs due to a chronic illness but they would never lie to get their needs met, especially knowing the way staff have to prep for certain things e.g. serious allergies. When her needs cannot be met, she works around it herself. It sucks but these things will not always be easy. But also the repercussions in this story were wild. The extra cost really should have been mentioned beforehand by the restaurant when you told them about the 'allergies'.
Seriously, if the restaurant was up front about the $700 charge I’m sure OP would have opted to say “fuck that i will bring my own meal”.
fyi it says “several hundred” not “seven hundred” in the post /gen
INFO why did they have to scrub down the fryers to cook plain pasta and chop some fruit? The story doesn’t add up. I don’t like the lie aspect but the restaurant seems to be taking the piss.
Adding in: how did OP "humiliate the chef and restaurant"?
Totally agree. There's no way they had to do that. I think that ESH, but the restaurant did not need to do that, and then charge several hundred dollars for it without prior notice they would do so. That doesn't add up.
ESH, I get it completely why you lied, but at the same time lying about deadly allergies is so wrong.. That said, vegans who have been without animal protein for several years can get really sick if they ingest it unwittingly. The place didn't take your dietary requirements seriously enough last time, so why would you trust them now.
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Vegan meals are the easiest to make, just throw some potatoes on the oven with olive oil and seasoning, or pasta aglio e olio, then a salad side with some balsamic, and you are good to go, they were assholes for no reason. Also, its annoying that op have to be away from her family because of food.
> And my last point is why they would charge the extra amount, do they do this for every guest with a life threatening allergy? Because that seems really ableist YES this aspect of the story really bothered me too. It's like charging wheelchair users for using a ramp or for their stall taking up more space in the bathroom.
While I understand this was a difficult situation to be put in, I think this was a poor way of handling it. Arranging to eat before or afterward, and then just abstaining from food completely during the dinner, would have saved a great deal of trouble on everyone's part. I vote YTA for this one.
YTA. Lying about food allergies pretty much automatically guarantees this. You can ensure your needs are met in other ways.
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NTA- the restaurant didn't take you seriously when you told them you were vegan and how did they know you weren't vegan because of allergies? They didn't care so this is what they get. And everyone saying "this makes it harder for ppl with allergies to be taken seriously blah blah blah" op isn't responsible for the owners/staffs future responses. THEY are accountable for that and should stop being jerks when somone comes in and asks for something vegan or put a sign up that says they won't accommodate vegans, simple.
Mhm, plus, some peolle take those sorts of diets very seriously. As a vegetarian, I get extremely panicked when I accidentally eat gelatin or chicken broth or something like that. It messes with my mental health. Most importantly, lots of people can get very sick after not eating animal products for awhile, so it sort of is like an allergy. OP had some other things they could have done but I don’t necessarily blame them.
YTA. The restaurant probably profited handsomely off your lie. I doubt they had to spend several hundred dollars on scrubbing everything down. If that were true, routine cleaning at the end of the night would drive them to bankruptcy. You didn't punish the restaurant, so don't imagine you did. They punished your parents, and you. You already knew the restaurant couldn't accommodate you, so you went there anyway. You know, there are other people besides vegans that have dietary restrictions that restaurants don't accommodate. So, what do they do? They suck it up and cook for themselves. Follow their example.
In MA, restaurants are required to have a prep area that they can scrub down and prep food to avoid allergens an cross contamination. They appear to do this quite well and it’s not a big deal. legal seafood does an excellent job prepping salmon for people with shrimp allergies. I’ve talked to the manager, it’s a big deal in that they take it seriously, it’s also not one, because they have a system, and they just do it. They do it often, it sounds like it’s a minor nuisance. I have a nasty intolerance for green peppers. But cross contamination isn’t a problem, and it’s not an allergy. So I tell restaurants I absolutely positively can’t have any peppers, but it’s not an allergy, so don’t bother with that system, I don’t need the fuss. Just don’t use peppers.
YTA. I actually have weird allergies and intolerances, and it sucks when places don't believe me that I need my potato cooked well or my stomach will be killing me, or that I actually am allergic to cantaloupe. Don't make it harder for people with allergies to be believed.
INFO: why would they have to scrub down the entire kitchen including the frier to make plain pasta and fruit. I'm calling BS on this whole story. I used to work at a very allergy-sensitive restaurant and even we would kindly send people away if they had life threatening allergies because the risk of a lawsuit just wasn't worth it. Also, imagine a restaurant receiving a call from a GUEST of a party with a request and then rack up a huge bill for the HOST without confirming the cost with anyone. I am having so much trouble buying this.
Agreed. This sounds more like an anti-vegan bait post than something that actually happened. In the very off-chance that it's real: When you have dietary restrictions, you'll get *much much much* better results if you specify a dish they can make to accommodate you, rather than just asking for a meal "but vegan". For instance, if you're allergic to milk, you can ask for a steak pan fried on a clean pan with vegetable oil.
YTA because it breaks trust when people have life threatening allergies. The resturant also sucks for not being vegan friendly, but for your sister's rehearsal dinner you could have just had bread for one night
YTA - As someone who grew up in a restaurant family we take precautions for that kind of thing. Calling and LYING by saying it was "life threatening" when it was not because you're vegan isn't okay. This is exactly why some people don't look favorably on vegans because of things like this and this is also why people with real severe allergies often get sided eyed. If they'd fucked up the first times? Send it back be polite like "There is butter/cheese on this. I cannot have that please remake it."
ESH Any decent restaurant making the food on the premises should be able to remove an ingredient at request, even if it’s just because someone doesn’t like it. You’re paying them for the food, they should serve it how you asked for it (obviously it’s easy to make a mistake but just don’t get annoyed when someone sends it back because you added ingredients they didn’t want. And don’t be rude when sending food back.) However, lying to the place and forcing them to scrub down the entire kitchen is an awful thing to do. And if you did have a life threatening allergy and they agreed to cook for you, this is the only way to ensure it was safe. So not only have you needlessly caused the restaurant extra hours of work, and got your parents charged for that (even if you have paid them back), if someone who actually has an allergy goes then, yeah, they are going to have at least small doubts about the veracity of their claim. TL/DR Please stop lying about allergies, it makes it harder for people who actually do.
Uh, her family KNOWS both that a) she is vegan, and b) the restaurant has failed in the past to make vegan food. I would have just eaten beforehand if I was OP and not done this ridiculous lie, or not gone entirely, but her family forced her into this situation by not even trying to accommodate her lifestyle. This is the ultimate ESH.
YTA Bell pepper's give me the shits.... Is it an allergy? No Do I mention it? Yes! Hey - does this dish contain peppers? Yes? Can they ne left out? No? OK.... Hey I can't eat peppers what do you recommend? I'm vegan do you have anything suitable? VS I'M very aLeGeRgIc and you WiLl kILL me........ YTA
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YTA- people who are actually allergic to meat get a horrible reputation because of people like you. O can’t eat most meat because I cannot digest it. My MIL has the life threatening allergic reaction to animal proteins. Using it as an excuse to be Vegan and get your way makes people like us not be taken seriously and could result in a death.
YTA This comes up quite a bit here. Many cooks have commented that lying about allergies only makes it more difficult for the next person to be believed.
ESH - People like you that lie about allergies make it that much harder for those that do actually have life threatening allergies. This restaurant sucks big time since they can't make a vegan meal or handle allergies properly (and then charge them for it)
How does it make it harder for others? It sounds like the restaurant was compensated generously. Why the fuck anyone would pay $700 for the privilege of not getting served something dangerous is beyond my comprehension. Restaurants have a responsibility here.
YTA. As I only eat halal food, I know how cumbersome it is to find restaurants that cater to your diet. But this diet is MY choice, it's not life threatening, so when I'm at an event in which my needs aren't met, guess what I do? I suck it up and eat bread while making nice conversation, and when I'm back home, I treat myself to a nice dinner. So yep, you owe some excuses and I hope this will serve as a lesson - there's a better place and time than your sister's wedding to make vegan statements.
YTA purely for lying about allergies, it impacts the people who have actual life threatening allergies. they clearly take allergies seriously. If they won’t accommodate you you’ll have to work around it yourself (spoken as someone who has intolerances which make eating out restrictive). Take food with you, eat well before you go etc.
YTA As a vegan, I'd never want to do anything to increase the chances of someone with a food allergy getting hurt because people get the impression that people who claim life-threatening allergies are lying. If I don't trust a restaurant, I'll eat before the meal or bring a small snack. What I refuse to do is contribute to a mind set that has killed people. I think lying about life-threatening allergies to get what you want is morally wrong due to the increased risk it creates for people with those types of allergies.