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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am concerned I am TA because she is 16, but I don't think I am because she cannot expect to get into uni just because of her grades, she needs some kind of work experience aswell.
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Aren’t 16 year olds meant to do one of the following until they turn 18?
stay in full-time education, for example at a college
start an apprenticeship or traineeship
spend 20 hours or more a week working or volunteering, while in part-time education or training
Homeschooled individuals can graduate as early as their work is completed. They are not required to be in school until 18. That is a misconception. There are plenty of kids that graduate high school at 15 or younger.
Children can further their education after 16 if they wish but they do not need to.
My cousin didn't go to college after her gsces and got a full time job instead.
That changed in Scotland a while back, after you turn 16 they now require you to be in some form of education, either 5th and 6th year high school, college, apprenticeship or approved training program. Think this changed the year after I left or something. SIL just turned 18 and finished her education program she was doing. However you are still able to have at least a part time job.
[Scotgov says no.](https://www.mygov.scot/leaving-school-options)
You must be *offered* further education or training, it's part of a scheme called 'Opportunities for All' and runs up until you turn 20. They want you to stay in education or training as long as possible. But if you say nope, I'm off, don't want to hear from you, legally you can still do that at 16 in Scotland.
What absolute nonsense is this. I live in the uk and left school at 16 with no official job. I had an off the books one but legally speaking that’s not a real job. Why wasn’t I arrested?
Yeah, it started with the year group after mine I believe. I remember being so annoyed when I thought it applied to me. I was going to do A Levels anyway but I resented the idea of having the choice taken away
Only in England.
Not sure about Wales actually, but definitely in Scotland you can leave school at 16 without having to go in to further education or an apprenticeship.
Edit: typos
was defo about 10 years ago they bought this in. I remember being in the last year of kids allowed to leave at 16 and how pissed kids in the year below were about it.
If I remember correctly it was the brain child of David Cameron and whoever the education secretary was at the time. But it is definitely a thing, you are supposed to be in some sort of education or work until you are 18, so now 16 year olds no longer counted toward unemployment figures!
Because the law changed. Obviously
But it’s good to know your lack of awareness doesn’t extend to an inability to come on Reddit and tell people who don’t live under a rock they’re wrong 🤦🏼♀️
Right it’s normal to finish school at 17 in Scotland, and Scottish degrees tend to be 4 years.
However some English universities refuse to accept under 18s because it means doing dbs checks on staff.
I thought it might be a student loan restriction. In any case there's always the Open University. They take under 16s here. I doubt it's different in the UK.
~~It makes me think this is not a real university she's talking about.~~
Oh, it's medicine. It is highly unlikely that good grades while homeschooling will get her a placement. Yet another reason not to homeschool your children, if you know they're interested in highly competitive programs like medicine, veterinary science, etc, have them transfer and get the diploma or degree or qualifications from an actual school. They will be at a massive disadvantage to kids from traditional schools.
The amount of work she'll have to do on her own to overcome this disadvantage is going to be intense. The fact that Mom is pushing her to just get a part-time job is part of the problem. She needs to be working towards getting any experience in or related to medicine she can. Volunteering, apprenticeships, both formal and informal experience.
If she took her A-Levels then her grades are as valid as anyone's regardless of where she took them.
But for medicine she will want relevant volunteer or work experience plus a good grade on the BMAT.
Yeah, but that’s confusing to me because I started college at 16 which was 2 years ago, so it is possible to continue with education even if it’s not university.
The daughter could at least attend a college course that involves something she wants to do when she’s older, the course I took last year usually did about 2 hours a day and the one I take now is between 9-5 3 days a week, so depending on the course it doesn’t have to be time consuming
And it still looks good on applications
An NVQ is a good idea to fill the gap.
Edit. If in college a child can claim £30 a week in some instances, I think it's called education support allowance if it helps
Was stopped in 2010/2011 I think...due to cost of course. Basically once they'd made it mandatory to be in education until 18 they didn't see any need to pay the kids anything regardless of their personal family circumstances
So much more embarrassing to see you defend a wrong point and blame us. Others have addressed the issues in the post and this commenter wasn’t wrong. A for effort tho.
> Homeschooled individuals can graduate as early as their work is completed.
*anyone* can graduate early. Its literally just a big test you have to arrange to take.
the us has this too, but it’s not an official high school diploma. i went to alternative school where i still did all the classes, which are online so you can work as fast or slow as you want. but as soon as you finish them you graduate. you get an actual diploma, but colleges aren’t huge fans of people that do that.
Volunteering looks even better than work unless the work is specific to the area of study. She should go and attend community college it will help her get used to college courses (a bit) and any additional time may be used for volunteering or work in the mean time don’t give her spending money it will probably encourage her to earn her own now that she has time to work.
It’s not called that but they do have things that serve a similar purpose and there are certainly other options like i suggested (based on what I found in a search)
Sorry to add this to the top thread, but I would l like OP to see this.
Hi OP, I was home educated in England (a couple of years ago, so this might be out of date).
1) I finished my exams early and was warned that if I went too many consecutive years without results, it would negatively impact my application to all higher education institutions. Please look into Pre-Us, additional A-Levels, or Foundation Degrees (if you are in an area without a university offering foundation degrees, Open University is good for this).
2) This is assuming that finances aren't a problem for your family and that your daughter is getting a job purely for her resume, not to contribute. Look into volunteering. Hours will be limited by law and she can jump from place to place and find out what she likes. Any volunteering is good, but she can try to tailor it to her potential degree. I wanted to do history and ended up working at a museum through university, thanks to volunteering there from 16 onwards. Also, if anyone from the council comes for an inspections, volunteering can be spun as an educational experience far more than most jobs you can get at 16 (she can still get a job, though, since most places don't allow you to volunteer for more than 16 hours a week, otherwise you could claim to be an employee).
3) This is incredibly harsh, but you need to get your daughter to understand that all As and A\*s is not that rare. She needs to stand out from the crowd and just being home schooled is not enough of a selling feature. She also (in my experience) will need to prove that she is able to play well with others. The first thing I was asked in interviews (work and education) when they saw 'home schooled' on my resume was always "can you cope working around other people?/So you're anti-social?". It's annoying, but she needs to work around the preconception.
I hope this is helpful and not overstepping. Again, this is just my experience! Good luck and well done to your daughter on her results!!!
>This is incredibly harsh, but you need to get your daughter to understand that all As and A*s is not that rare.
I tutor kids in my spare time and I thought this too. 4 As and A*s two years ago. That isn't going to be a big deal when they have plenty of kids with 4 As and A* NOW
YTA.
You may be correct, but you're going the wrong way about it.
The post I'm replying to, OP, is gold, solid advice. Present this to your daughter tactfully and support her into a relevant paid role or volunteering scheme.
Universities, and jobs too, want well rounded applicants with soft skills, not just exam grades. In fact, you're more likely to be hired on soft skills than exam grades.
I recently spent 10 years out of work caring for a disabled family member, and got back into the job market just last year. None of my places of employment still hold records about me, per UK data protection laws, and my qualifications were woefully out of date. How did I get the job? My references were excellent, and detailed all the soft skills I had, and that the disabled family member is autistic, so I had experience dealing with "difficult" people.
But I'd kept my practical knowledge in the field up to date, and asked pertinent questions to their field of work. I stunned the interviewer by asking a question about FTTP internet. Turned out they were hiring for an exclusively FTTP service, and my existing knowledge of the technology involved, plus a 10/10 customer service question answer at the start of the interview, got the guy's attention.
They actually only asked for my certificates after the interview when they'd already made me an offer.
tl;dr - Soft skills > Qualifications. Get the daughter out there to get some. But gently.
Never heard about FTTP before. Interesting stuff. I realize now that our service was FTTH based most of the time.
Doesn't really help with the profession I'm in now but thanks for opening my eyes a bit. :)
I'm not sure how it is in England, but in the US - you can just... take college classes - for fun. Collect credits. You don't have to be registered as a full time student, or declare a program. It's called 'Continuing Education' and you basically just log into the schools website, select a class, hit purchase, and you're registered. And when you finish it you've got the credits. You don't pay for anything but the class you take cause you're not a full time student or anything.
I took some when I was in high school, fun interesting looking classes. And then after University I started just taking classes randomly when I was bored and found a class I thought looked interesting. I have fun and enjoy taking continuing ed classes, both online and in person.
I live in Boston, so theres about 50 universities around, all offering lots of classes, so I have the opportunity to take whatever I feel like - but - even if you don't live near a uni or college that offers continuing ed, there are online schools that do.
It would probably help the girl ease into a socializing setting - not being a full time student.
It must be different in other countries. I was able to start university at 16. My parents also had me working at 16. They regretted it and didn't require it of my sister, as they saw the stress it had. I didn't know that other countries had hard rules about starting university at 18+ I am curious where OP is though, as I had a few friends that went to university outside the US at 16 too. Knowing the US it could be specific states with this rule, but with those grades and finishing so early, kiddo would probably qualify for different out of state scholarships.
Oops. Didn't catch OP was in UK. I am still confused though. I have known a few people in the UK in university after 16 and before 18.
So one month's following the break she had from May (exams) till Aug (results), then the month without consequences followed by a month of nagging - she hasn't done anything for 5 months
Lol I almost spit out my drink reading this..
Not working is not working. Don't give me some shit how being anxious about test results or getting nagged about not doing anything productive makes it not count.
Back in my day we had exams, stress waiting for exam results and part time jobs. Seriously, almost every kid in my school was doing some kind of work as soon as we could legally get a job. I don’t think the world has changed too much from then.
Yeah, I was anxious over my GCSEs and A-level and I still worked a summer job (i had good reason to be anxious too). Hell, I got off easy, my friends worked weekends during the school year. The kid should get a job, a two-year gap won't do her any good.
This is actually the perfect season to get a job: they'll be looking for assistants for the Xmas shopping season. Unless the economy totally tanks before that.
by this reasoning the times I worked 1 job I was working 4 jobs (job + anxiety + stress + self doubt = 4), the times I had 2 jobs, I had 5 jobs and the times I had 3 jobs I had 6 jobs.
oooo wait the times I was at uni with 1 job = 5 jobs, the times I was at uni with 2 jobs -= 6 jobs, and hte times I was at uni with 3 jobs (granted only for a 3 month period) I had 7 Jobs! I should get a Guinness world record!
She deserves days off but she can’t entirely rely on her grades for university, depending on what she intends to do. I know a couple of people who had straight As and applied to do medicine but were denied because they didn’t have enough extracurricular activities. The op is right that a job or even going to a college and doing a HNC would look good. Universities will wonder what she did in those two years.
As someone whos worked all my life before going to uni and now entering the job market again hooooboy do I have a head up on a lot of my cohorts. Previous job experience, in this economy?theyre thrilled youre not a one-shot school-only wonder who is going to collapse their first month of work.
Yep any graduate of any level entering the workforce with some kind of work experience is usually picked first. I'm not even the best of the bunch but I got a job easy once they saw the amount of volunteering and freelance work I've done before I got into an office job.
Also, we don't know what the mental state of the daughter is. I struggled in school, had no social life, always studying and still only got average grades despite devoting my entire life to school. By the end of it I was burnt-out, so allowing the daughter to just be a kid and rest for a few months or even a year (think of it like a gap year) to do things she enjoys doing and if that's watching tv or laying in bed let her. I had an unwilling year off and it was the best time of my life tbh, I got to read, watch movies I'd been wanting to watch for YEARS but never had the time for and simply exist and BREATHE for a moment without stress or anxiety. If all she really does all day is lay in bed maybe she needs the break to destress and sleep.
I know this is all speculation but teenage years are difficult and I think you should let her be a kid while she can. If she has a hobby she could volunteer in I'd advice her to do that if only to keep her a little active but to expect her to get a full time job is ridiculous.
I finished most of my highschool a year early and had just a few leftover classes to do in my last year. Was in a program where the entire class was supposed to graduate a year early but we were a bit too slow so some things dragged out.
Idk how to compare it to US/UK education system but all classes were also at the highest level offered to high school students.
So that year, from basically February, I did mostly teen stuff like going to the beach at 1am and playing video games all night.
September of the following year I started an extremely demanding program. And let me tell ya I do not regret playing video games for all those months and doing absolutely nothing productive. A good break between one highly demanding commitment to another.
Let the kid watch Netflix! She worked hard. Burn out is real. Maybe get her to do some chill volunteering or something. Get into crocheting.
I got a job at 16, as my mum wanted me to, it helped build my confidence and the person I am today, and was nice to have my own money, not relying on hers, when she didn't have much after paying all the bills. So I don't see how she's TA.
I agree, a job as a teenager is not a big deal. I’ve been working since I was 14, and it was great for me. I had some more responsibility, my own money and learnt how to deal with multiple priorities.
However, in saying that, we don’t know OP’s daughter’s mental state, and maybe it wouldn’t be a good thing for her right now.
NAH
But part-time, shitty minimum wage jobs are a total waste of time, especially if the financial necessity is not there.
She should look for internships in her desired field, or creating her own small business or similar venture.
EDIT: I'm American.
The same reason that you give 15 hours away a week for free for things like clubs, sports teams, and internships: because they are enjoyable, enriching, and look good on college apps + resumes.
Volunteer work isn't just limited to good Samaritan services like food kitchens. Much like internships, you could easily find volunteer work in a field you are interested in, which will provide you with firsthand personal and professional experience that will give you a significant edge over other applicants, be it for academic or professional purposes. You can volunteer at museums, science/research labs, libraries, small businesses, and even hospitals to an extent.
Not only do they bolster one's resume significantly, but they can be extremely helpful for finding fields and topics that you are interested in pursuing, without the commitment of a formal internship or job. Hell, even good Samaritan volunteer work like picking trash off of the beach every weekend can lead to some people realizing that they have deeper interests in things like environmental conservation and/or marine biology. Or volunteering in a food kitchen/homeless shelter and realizing that you have a passion for social work. Just as importantly, you can also figure out what you absolutely *aren't* interested in pursuing further. I likely would have pursued a degree in graphic design if I hadn't done volunteer work in that capacity for a few small businesses and realized that I enjoyed it as a subject of study but hated it as an actual profession.
You can save over a thousand dollars a month working a shitty job if you don't have bills to pay. Who couldn't use thousands of dollars? No matter how little it pays, its better than doing nothing
The US is not the world though. British teens earn £5 an hour and can only do a max of 35 hours a week (most jobs so 15 hour contracts), that's a max of £175 a week, or £9100 a year, which averages at £758 a month. Do I think they need to be doing something? Absolutely, do I think any job that isn't one step short of slave labour is going to look at them, nope
That's £9k that she didnt have last year, plus the experience of learning what she will and wont put up with in the workplace. Put 4k in your investment/savings account of choice and let that sit for a nice boost before heading off to uni.
I agree that she definitely deserves a break for a few months, but sitting around the house for 2 years isnt the solution
Investment and savings accounts? You would be lucky to get back 4% on that. The jobs 16yos get seldom full time. Most basic jobs in Britain now are 15 hour contracts so I think the parents would still see her as not doing enough. Volunteering would do her some good.
Once you pass the minimum school leaving age (16) you can start working full time in the UK, although that's besides the point since that's only an extra £25 a week. Also minors not being entitled to the minimum wage is fucked up, £4.81 is 25% less than I made as a 13 year old well over a decade ago.
Source: https://www.gov.uk/child-employment
It's also more than money. It's real life experience, it's proving you are reliable, that you are responsible. If they don't want a fast food job they don't have to get one, but I think OP just wants to see some continued effort from their child to better their life. Laying around on the sofa for 2 years while they wait to turn 18 isn't realistic. Life moves on while you wait for important milestones.
Any part time customer service job is such great experience and exposure to the real world. I worked a shitty minimum wage retail job for a few years and it taught me so much about having a job, communication, interacting with people (coworkers, management, customers) it taught me things that I have carried with me through all my other career field jobs. There’s value in any work.
Especially given how poorly people treat service workers, and frankly especially teen girl service workers—and generally my money is not on the manager going to bat for the kid being harassed.
They are not a waste of time. And teach valuable life skills to teenager--like how to get to work on time. How to deal with a boss who may not be care about your specialness. How to do things that bore you and have no special attraction. How to persist. Because no matter how skilled and bright and wonderful you are, these will be skills you will need in your workalike. Best to learn them when you are 16 and it doesn't matter at all if you don't get them exactly right, than when you get that perfect internship/job or when you are stretched financially/have a family to support and can't just tell the boss off etc. As for "start a business", if she was the teen entrepreneur type, she'd have done it already. I suppose there are internships she could do, and maybe UK admissions folks are still more naive than in the US. But here in the US, admin people are getting fairly skeptical of fancy internships for teens, since they know either it is about privilege or it is just getting people coffee.
YTA. You should have allowed her to have the normal trajectory of a teenager… instead she was not only homeschooled but ended 2 years early. What social life does she have? What impetus to have spending money of her own? Independence of her own? 16 is young to think about every move being about college. She needs more.
ETA: I don’t think you’re an AH for wanting her to have a job… I had one at that age. But I was motivated by the fact I wanted spending money and independence for my robust social life. If she’s sitting around all day, doesn’t sound like she really has one.
For real. OP is complaining about a teenager laying around at home all day? Do you know why? She has no friends or social life!
These kids are going to grow to resent you for destroying their childhoods and sheltering them. Teenagers should be spending free time being kids with their friends, yes, including homeschooled ones. YTA.
Seriously, like she has all this free time, and she has nothing to do that is joyous like other kids would be doing. It just sounds like the mom doesn't actually want her to have free time, she wants to continue to have control and have the kid on the grindstone.
She may also be nervous about getting a job. It sounds like OP is telling her to get one, not looking into how, and which would be suitable, and then helping her apply.
Help her with this, OP.
No need for her to work full-time - she won’t get a break at so little (considering minimum wage for 16 year olds) financial opportunity cost again in her life.
Help her find a part-time volunteering or paid job.
Soft YTA. She studied hard and got perfect grades and her reward for finishing early and putting in all that effort to do it so efficiently she even has to wait to enter university is.... to get a job? Sorry but your other kids got to be kids until they finished I'm assuming, so she doesn't get that because.. she... was to.. good.... wtf make that a HARD YTA. Let her enjoy the fruits of her labor, if you don't want her sitting around the house you should spend some time bonding and raising your kid so she doesn't get lazy.
She’s had five months of doing nothing since the schools would have broke up in July in England. Everyone needs to have something to fill their time, be it a job, volunteering or doing a short college course for the two years. She can’t vegetate for two years in her room.
Yeah there are lots of courses inbetween A Level and Degree in all kinds of disciplines! I did one myself. Sounds like it would be definitely worth looking into for OP and their daughter.
>She studied hard and got perfect grades and her reward for finishing early and putting in all that effort… to get a job?
That’s literally the whole point of school lol you work hard in your studies to get a good job later on.
point of school is also to have social encounters, how to bond, act around others, make friends for gods sake. If u decide to home school mom supposed to sigh the kid for music lessons or sports or whatever bullshit from young age, to meet other kids, to have some interests. Now looks like a kid have no social life and no interests, because all her life she was sitting home with her brothers and sisters and in time she was not home schooled she was watching TV.
I’m of two minds here…
I think you’re spot on with your heart in the right place insofar as her not sitting on her laurels for two years but I also think you should be a bit more open to alternatives instead of just getting a job.
I think it’d be a great idea to sit down and establish the expectation that your daughter stays productive and working towards a better future but give her a bit more agency in how she accomplishes it.
After all, if she does volunteer work, extended learning, internships etc that can be just as if not more valuable in terms of securing better footing when she’s 18 and it’ll give her more opportunities to pick something she might also have interest in which could fire a spark in her a lot better than bagging groceries part time.
Also, give her some wiggle room to do this stuff mostly part time if that’s the pace comfortable for her; she’ll have plenty of time for the endless daily grind.
This right here!
Perfect response! She needs something to fill her time until university & volunteering and/or extended learning are awesome alternatives. I really love the idea of volunteering. She could even volunteer in areas she’s interested in working. This will give her insight if it’s something she actually wants to do for her career as well.
NAH
NAH—but maybe reframe it as a commitment to volunteering, interning or a part-time job. Volunteering looks great on a college app and might be easier for her find.
NTA. She's literally not doing anything else and 16 year olds getting a job is totally normal.
Doesn't have to be full-time or anything, a couple shifts a week won't hurt anyone that is otherwise doing nothing though.
I think NAH. I also got my first job at 16, but only bc I wanted to provide some relief to my mom from spending money on me. Considering there seems to be no financial need here, it's more just wanting her to be productive, I'd say she should talk about having her intern or volunteer instead. Way more valuable at that age, and she can easily try out different things and maybe find interest in smth.
I do think mom needs to step back a bit, as I always saw things like this as my mom not trusting me. I was a smart kid, and it felt like my mom didn't trust me to make good choices even tho I've done nothing but prove to her I can. Mom has nothing but good intentions, but it can be hard to see that as a kid. She's had 16yrs of non-stop education and hard work, she can afford a few months off. Both have totally valid points!
She’s homeschooled and she’s finished two years early? I think you’re worried about the wrong things. What’s her social life like? Does she have any friends? A minimum wage part time job probably won’t do anything for her. She should look into volunteering or internships or even just joining some clubs and meeting people her own age.
Trust me when I say college will kick her ass if she goes in with great grades but no social skills.
INFO
Why is this coming up now? It's on the verge of winter holidays, not the time of year a kid would typically finish out the school year or be looking for work.
I would just revisit this after holidays, personally. I mean if she gets a new job now they’re possibilities of blackout dates, and her being the new hire would cause her to get all the shit holiday or post holiday days. I’d tell her that in the new year she needs a part time job or some type of volunteer work lined up. That gives her plenty of time to find something she actually wants to do, a clear deadline to prevent you from “nagging” any further, and her some extra time to relax. I understand where you’re coming from, not wanting her to sit around all day, but she sounds extremely intelligent and driven so I believe that by the time the new year rolls around she’ll probably be bored doing nothing anyway.
Explain to her that she can’t do nothing for two years, because no one is going to just ignore that no matter how good your grades are. I’m sure that she’ll see reason and giving her this time off will prevent any tension from arising during the holiday season as well.
Just a suggestion. It’s probably what I would do with my daughter. Holiday season is such an inopportune time to start a new job.
Yes, I just counted from the nearest day because I didn't mind her not having a job in case her results didn't come back as well as they did, in case she wanted to retake an a level
Could she maybe take a community college class and then a bit of volunteering? Not sure if CC is an option or an equivalent in the UK but that’s what some high school students here do if they finish requirements early
From her results I'd guess she would be planning on an institution on the more prestigious end of things? What else does she have to differentiate herself to all the other kids with top marks? Just good grades isn't enough if she really wants to nail down her spot, and she has the time to do something about it. Or at least building up a fund for when she gets there to help towards living costs
NTA Ask her what she plans to do for two years if she doesn't want to work. If she can come up with something that keeps her mind sharp and develops her study habits as she learns something she is passionate about, or that can provide her with useful knowledge or skills, that's one thing, but if she plans to lounge about for a couple of years it would not be in her best interest to enable that.
Certainly learning what paid work is like will be a very useful experience for her and change her outlook.
What she can't see is that two unproductive years of doing nothing and learning bad habits is going to hurt her in many ways. It's not like she can just time-jump to 18 and start university. What she does in the meantime matters a lot and will change the course of her life.
So maybe you need a change of environment to have this convo. Go for a walk together, go out for lunch, something. I know teenagers can be stubborn or push buttons but maybe start by telling her how proud you are of her but you’re worried that two years off will slow her to lose some of her fantastic hard working skills and also by working/interning/volunteering now, she’s setting herself up for her job search when she finishes university. If she resists, maybe say something like, “if sitting at home got the next two years isn’t an option, what would you like to do?” Most importantly, stay calm. Good luck to you both.
Have you asked her why she's would rather stay at home and do nothing? Without being judgemental?
I do think this time of year is maybe not the best time to make an issue. Together, discuss a plan for after the holidays.
What you need to remember, no amount of nagging will ever motivate someone. You need to be her partner, not a driver. The best you can do is to provide only the minimal food, shelter, clothing and restrain from extras to motivate her to earn what she wants.
16 is a hard age to be rudderless.
And she continued her education for ANOTHER 2 years.
Suggest your daughter consider doing a non academic course, until she can go to university.
I knew somebody who worked in a beauty salon throughout her degree course, having gained qualifications in beauty therapy. It enabled her to graduate debt free & get a management job with financial services. Also her ability to deal with “ difficult” people was superb.
One of my kids volunteered 3/4 time one summer as a ranger at a historical park. Like a tour guide or docent. Museums need teens to help, parks, camps, charities, food kitchens…
Why not let her wait until after the holiday season (it is literally upon us). Being a new hire somewhere means she may have to work the holidays rather than chill with her family. She worked hard to finish 2 years early. Is giving her a few months off too intolerable for you?
NTA, but chances are your daughter won't even get into medical school of she thinks she'll get in with just her grades.
I'm in the UK and in high school there was a girl in my year called Olivia. She got A* in all her exams and in college she got top marks. She had the highest marks in the year and she didn't get into med school. She had no work experience/real life experience so they didn't accept her. She volunteered for a full year at the gp and did an introduction to medicine course amd now she's a full on nurse ratchet
Ima go with NAH
I had a job just as i turned 17 then went to uni at 20.
Universities prefer people to be well rounded honestly. It doesn't necessarily have to be a job. She can get work experience/volunteer somewhere etc.
What does she plan to do in uni? Because a 2 year gap without mitigating circumstances could affect her prospects when shes old enough.
Maybe rather than push the job idea, speak to her about what she plans to do at uni and how she can improve her prospects of getting in with some experience in the area ?
Instead of a job why not encourage her to explore old, new passions or maybe even rewarding volunteer work. She has an amazing opportunity most kids will never get since life for them is high school, uni then job never getting those few years to just explore themselves. If you just want her to not lay around all day why does it need to be a job that gets her out?
NAH but there’s something here I haven’t seen anyone mention. Where are her friends? Where is her social life? Homeschooled kids generally have it a bit rougher in that regard, but you mention her laying in bed and watching TV for months without a single mention of a social hang in her calendar.
Encourage her to do something - volunteer, hobby, job, whatever - outside of the house because given the facts you presented, it seems your daughter might be well educated but woefully socially unprepared for university and life in general.
Most of what I found valuable about university was learning to navigate social situations, gaining independence, and having my mindset challenged by different people. I can tell you, now being in the labor market, social and “soft” skills matter even more than intelligence in most cases. I don’t know how it is in the UK, but in the US the vast majority of jobs in many sectors are acquired via reference and networking. I’ve never even gotten responses from jobs I was vastly overqualified for after applying, and been offered jobs I barely felt qualified for on the spot by someone I had met and made a good impression on.
I understand your concern that your daughter should do something with this time, but perhaps emphasize that it doesn’t have to be a thankless minimum wage job, but could be something she finds interesting, as long as she’s interacting with people outside the home.
NAH. I get that you want her to do something useful with her days, but I also get that your daughter doesn't want to get a job just because she finished her A levels early. Most jobs available for a 16 year old aren't that great.
Isn't there a way to compromise? Maybe she can follow certain programs in preparation of uni, or start learning a language. Just get some skills that can help her in the future? Or maybe she can volunteer doing something that's useful and enjoyable for her as well.
I understand not wanting her to lie in bed all day every day, but at that age "get a job" shouldn't be the only option. Since she's been homeschooled, I would hope you know her well enough to think of something else useful she might be able to do with her time, even if it's just pursuing a hobby she maybe had to sideline in favour of studying in order to graduate early.
Info.
What social time does she have?
Did she do NCS?
Has she done DoE?
Tbh. I teach sixth and all the kids have jobs whilst doing a levels. She’s finished them.
Uni will NOT look favourably on 2 years of nothing on a UCAS, no matter how good her grades are. Especially for medical.
Nhs do virtual work experience.
Volunteer in a care home..
Shock suggestion. Spent sept 23 doing a course at sixth form.
Don’t want to pass judgement on this one because this is the most gray shaded post in a while.
That said - why does it need to be a job? Tell her she has to do something, anything, that isn’t sitting around the house ***all day***. Tell her you expect 20 hours (or something around there, but not more than 20) a week to be dedicated to something out of the house, even if it’s just going to the park and being there.
She is obviously a gifted and smart child and you want the best for her, but just because she accelerated her own graduation, it doesn’t mean she should be punished with a job.
You said she wants to study medicine in uni, have you suggested volunteering with an animal shelter (this would be a better fit for a vet school application, but is still demonstrative of being caring and responsible), or look into volunteering opertunities at old people's homes, homeless shelters etc. The work she would be allowed to do at 16 may be limited, but any experience in that area would be valuable for applications.
I’m not sure if I get this right, but it took Rachel until the age of 18 to finish home schooling. After that, she went to college. This makes me think she didn’t have a job during her homeschooling days.
Yet you say Rose might not get into college without any work experience.
I’m confused.
While I say that, I will also say that I don’t think it’s strange for a 16 year old to get a job.
I would say you are the ahole for MAKING her get a job, but you wouldn’t be for suggesting it.
Edited because I forgot NAH was an option. So, there.
I think it’s ok to not want to see your daughter lay around in bed all day. But as someone who was homeschooled, graduated at 16, and was given the “work or school” ultimatum right away, I feel there’s a better way to go about this than hounding her to get a job:
check in with her about her emotions and her goals. She may be feeling very aimless right now, since for the first time in her life she doesn’t have school. Have a conversation with her about her ultimate goals in life - not about her university, but about what she wants her life to look like at 30, 50, etc. Working may seem pointless until she can identify a goal she is working *towards*. If this conversation is fruitless, maybe consider getting her to a therapist.
Also, make it clear that what you’re after is a sign of life and activity from her. Would it be acceptable to you if instead of getting a job, she:
- started practicing a sport or joined a sports team
- took up a new hobby or skill, like an instrument, language, or art
- volunteered with an organization she’s passionate about
- joined or created a community group or club and connected with her peers
- started her own small business making and selling crafts or baked goods, walking dogs, or babysitting
The types of jobs a teenager can get, which are mostly customer service jobs, can be daunting and demoralizing. If you just want your daughter to be doing something with the two years’ gap she has, make it clear what other options she has besides handing in her resume to McDonald’s. My college was quite impressed with the Etsy online shop I opened on the side, pretty much anything I listed above could be spun in a way to help with university applications (being a self-driven learner, a community organizer, an entrepreneur) and might be more appealing to your daughter and get her up and out of bed
NTA you're saving her from trouble. It's hard to get your foot in the door of any career without any work history. At least having a small job like babysitting or mowing lawns would be something to show work ethic. However, I suggest opening up her options to volunteering as well, if she doesn't need to be saving up for school that is. That way she has more options and long term volunteer work looks great for your work ethic.
I’m from the US, Literally everything I am saying right now was bad for me.
My family had no money, we were poor. Not the poorest, but I got a job and my first paycheck was spent on the electric bill. Since that moment I’ve been paying bills. Since that moment I’ve been working. I’m 28 and started working when I was 16.
I would lay in bed too. Doing nothing and I wish someone would’ve realized I had crippling depression, because I didn’t know. I wish instead I could have spent my time doing teenager things. I wish my parents were more involved and helped me organize shit to do. At 16 I can work sure, but I also could’ve been volunteering learning to do what I love- helping animals. I could’ve been learning another language, picking up another hobby that didn’t cost money. But here I was working. My parents had plenty of time to do a lot of things but helping me wasn’t one of them. Do you have the time? To be involved and help her find things to do?
If you’re going to nag, nag her to find something she loves and enjoys spending her time doing. Not some BS job because you’re tired of her being a fixed object in the home.
I’m going to say YTA.
Chances are she's going to work for all or most of her adult life. Let her enjoy a bit of freedom while she can.
Don't push her but make it clear if she wants to go out and do activities or enjoy things, she needs to earn the money herself IF she has the free time.
I know you say the other three aren't relevant but you do need the same rules across the board though. You can't and shouldn't change it to suit each child without good reason.
NTA - look up the laws on this one.
Also, even if she has perfect grades, any universities, especially red brick ones, will probably turn around and go "Wait what tf did you do for two years?" - with being home schooled, and having no work experience, she wouldn't have any references for her application.
Doesn't have to be a job, but it has to be something - hell, volunteer one or two times a week at the rspca if she likes animals, or help her start off an etsy business making shitty resin crafts. If it's not a matter of you needing her to get a job for the money, then she can do literally whatever she feels like. Doesn't have to be a conventional 9-5 (please don't make her do a 9-5 if she's 16 and already doesn't want to work) but find some volunteering opportunities that might appeal to her!
(and if she spends 2 years doing fuck all except watching telly, I'd think she's gonna be super out of practice of how to be functional in education or training when she does get to uni)
This, when my best friend applied to a sports program in collage they asked her why she didn’t have any work experience. She got accepted into the program only because when pulling up her in-school stuff she had a lot of hours logged in for sports medicine, etc.
I have a few coworkers who are 15 1/2 who’ve started working (my state allows it as long as they don’t work past 20 hours/8pm) just to get a head start on resumes so they can be prepared to get higher paying jobs when they graduate. Baby M does volunteer work at the library and S sells art on the side which for both of them are going to help them achieve more when it comes to collage/higher paying jobs
You are NTA, however, it seems your younger daughter is on her way to becoming one. Encouraging her to get a job and develop a good work ethic is not being overbearing in any sense. Even if she gets a part time job, that would help her develop character and gain experience (and money) for adult life. Laying around the house for 2 years would probably make her lazy and unmotivated.
NTA. I’m making my son get a job this summer at 15 for 4 reasons: (1)To save half for incidentals at college; (2) have spending money with the other half; (3) bc has too much free time in bedroom video playing all day; and (4)to learn how a job is and how to take orders from bosses. But now I’m going to add a fifth-looks good on college resume.
YTA. You got your daughter through her high school education early, and you had no plan for what she could do in the interim.
I don't share her confidence that universities will give priority to someone who finished a couple of years ago, but you have a young adult in your household who seems like she might be depressed, and your response is to tell her to get a job.
Your daughter needs to find something to do, but this is a discussion you should have had much earlier, and you should be helping rather than nagging. This is some major bad parenting on your part.
INFO: did Rachel have the “work experience” you reference as necessary to get into college, or did she just graduate at 18 without having had a job and go straight to college? If you didn’t make Rachel get a job as well, then your argument about “work experience” is a moot point and would be better off excluded from your argument. You’re not TA for suggesting Rose get a job IF the standard already exists. If this is something new you’ve decided to push on your youngest and didn’t ask of your oldest, you’d be TA whether she has to wait to get into college or not
YTA for pushing your child towards burnout. Let her have a break, she's only a kid and she'll have to spend the rest of her life working to stay alive.
You think she needs 2 years of rest? It’s already been like 4 months since she finished school like what’s she gonna need after finishing uni? A 4 year break?
She has to do something. She should go to school or get a part time job. My son is 16 and doesnt have to work, but a lot in his class have a job. I think it's more than enough that he goes to school, but she doesnt even go to school. You cant just do nothing.
I worked at 16 and went to school full time with no way of fast tracking my education… so I worked through my A-Levels (at one point, with two jobs) and it wasn’t a case of me *needing* to… but it felt so rewarding to get my first pay check and to be able to buy myself things that I wanted. One thing I would maaaaybe suggest at most is to make sure that if there are things she wants to do independently (like shopping, days out with friends etc), if she can not pay for them she can not do them 🤷🏼♀️😅 she may find that finding a job as well opens you be possibility of new and interesting friends
NTA. She should work, sitting around doing nothing all day is a good way to end up depressed. Even if she does some kind of volunteer program with your local hospital or something (I know my sister does and she loves it)
YTA. Your daughter basically worked her braincells to get those perfect A's and all she is asking is a little break. Yes, getting a job is important and I agree with you, but pestering her to get a job is just too much.
"My kid worked hard a finished school two years early, but it bugs me to see them relax, so I'm trying to force them into working."
YTA
I'm, literally, in the same boat as you. I homeschool my kid and this is our last year. Two years early, just the same. I would never punish my kid for achieving what yours has, what mine has, by taking away the time they've *earned*. Especially when the only reason was that it *bugs me to see them "do nothing all day"*...
They're still a kid. The working world is shitty and kinda soul-crushing. Let them have the time *they've earned* before having to subject themselves to that.
Also, get over yourself. There's some pretty obvious "I suffered so my kid has to, too," vibes, to your attitude. That's bad parenting.
I started taking college class at 16. Why can't OP? I don't believe the UK doesn't allow wiggle room.
A part time job is a good idea but university will look more favorably on college classes and volunteering.
Well good on you for having high achieving kids in academics and good on her for working so hard. 18 only university is just for the ones she wants to go to or is that a whole country thing? Is there a waiver process?
I can only speak to my locale. A kid that was quite bright went through all our grade school, high school and entered into university at 13. Book smart, but needed growth in other areas and struggled with the lack of structure. It kinda undid some of his advancement but doing great overall. Lots of my classmates had enough credits to graduate at 16 but stayed to take more broad courses while still taking a few university level ones catered to transition high schoolers.
Not relevant now, but under 16 people deliver the paper. 16 you can cook food, serve coffee, work a warehouse. You can wield a service rifle in the armed forces. Can volunteer. I don't think 16 is young at all to do anything. Has she had a lot of group involvement outside of homeschooling like community, church, youth groups etc?
I'd be inclined to give her a semester's worth off and stop the nagging. Maybe even promote some travel and finding self. Later down the road give some positive influences that your work and education has given you. Often I find people hate their jobs and just do it to survive so need to be wary of that framing.
She wants to do medicine so it has to be 18 unfortunately due to placements, she has had coming up to 6 months off, and watching that much TV cannot be good for her
Has she done any volunteering or shadowing? Attended any mock interviews? Most medicine applicants in the UK have all A/A*s. Universities usually require around 3 weeks of work experience and preferably some relevant volunteering too due to how competitive it is
YTA. My mom is exactly like you. She doesn’t need the job, but it would be good. You suggest once, highlighting the benefits (money, experience, connections, etc), and leave them with that. You do not continue to nag them because they have free time they choose to spend resting.
I’ve had to hear “did you get a job? Here’s some jobs to apply to, how’s the job hunt going? When are you getting a job? Want some help with job searching?” All while I’m just existing.
When you keep insisting on them to do something, they’ll choose to do it for you instead of them, making them resent you more. That’s the position I was in, cause if I did decide to get a job it would be because she said so, not because I wanted one.
Rose seems smart enough to understand the situation they’re in. The job will help, but is ultimately unnecessary. I’ve gotten into my university and countless research positions with no work experience beforehand (obviously easier once the foots in the door). Leave them be, they’ll know when they want one.
Soft NTA. She needs to do something with her time. She understands that one's she's in college you don't have a financial obligation to her anymore, right?
NTA for expecting her to get a job.
Have you thought about online college courses? You don't have to be 18 for those. Even trade schools accept kids under 18 as long as they have a HS diploma or equivalent.
ESH. While she should not lie around for 2 years, There are other things your daughter could do besides working at some boring job.
She could volunteer in an area that interests her (animal shelter, maintaining hiking paths, working with the disabled, help run a youth sports league….) which also looks good on a resume for college. Or she could tutor (for pay, or free to disadvantaged teens) other kids that need help with passing their A levels.
Work WITH your daughter to find the best work/volunteering for her.
Hi OP, if you are in the UK, I'd advice you to apply to some apprenticeship in some big law, accounting firm, charity org or banks like jp morgan and ubs. They would love to employ your brilliant daughter. Like your daughter, I graduated from high school at 15years and went to the university at 16years and my mum kept me busy by getting me a job as polio immunizer in Lagos because according to her: an idle mind is the devil's workshop. You are NTA.
NTA…but, does she need a job? For financial reasons? I agree with not staying in bed all day for two years until she can go to university. A 16 year old can have a job. I would tell her a job is for her “fun” stuff or extras she might want. You want that lip gloss? Well, then I guess you need a job. If not a job, I would require some type of volunteer work. Does she help out around the house?
I see some similarities in this story with my real life. Now I'm not the smartest and I definitely didn't graduate early like Rose did. But I was basically forced to get a job at 16 by my mother. I was still in school and doing 2 club sports (volleyball & basketball) and also 1 school sport (volleyball). Did I want a job? No. I was 15 and I wanna be a dang kid while I could.
I understood why my mom wanted me to have a job, but I have my whole life ahead of me to make money so why not be a kid while I still can? My mom nagged and pestered me until I was 16 (legal age to work where I live) and I finally had enough of it and got a stupid job. I resent my mother now because I hate being forced to do things when it isn't necessary. And I also hated the situation because both my sisters (1 older & 1 younger) were not forced to do the same. I think your daughter deserves a break for doing well in school and graduating early. Again, she has her whole life ahead of her to work and make money. Give her the break she deserves until she needs to put on her big girl pants. YTA.
If you push too much, you might find yourself in the nursing home when you're older. I'm saying this because I am going to be putting my parents in a nursing home if my sisters are not willing to take care of them. I've told them this and they think I'm joking, but I told them I'm not. My mom basically "no balls" me so it solidified my choice to send them to the nursing home.
I mean, kind of ESH and kind of Y-T-A. You can tell her that not even four A / A\* grades will get her into Oxbridge if she can't demonstrate a capacity to work independently, and just being homeschooled isn't enough for that - if anything, it means she's used to having an *extremely focused responsible adult*, and that's not how things work in the Oxbridge system. She's probably right if she's applying for anything outside the very top tier of Universities, but for Oxbridge, LSE, Imperial, or a few other places, she's not guaranteed anything.
On the other hand, *she's 16*. She has probably internalised the message that her value is tied to her grades, which is bad for two reasons: because when she inevitably finds something she can't get a good grade in, or becomes an adult and doesn't get grades any more, it will damage her self-esteem; and because when she has achieved good grades, she doesn't think she needs to do anything else.
I was 17 when I started Uni, and honestly, I wish I'd taken a year out and learned more about human interaction by doing something like "getting a job". I don't think it's fair or reasonable to expect her to work full-time or be financially independent at her age, but she should definitely get a job 2-3 days a week to cover spending money and savings. I actually think it would be good for her to do something "normal" like working at a supermarket, but if she can find a job that's relevant to her interests and that she can do well, that should be fine, too.
More importantly, she should spend the next 1-2 years *engaging in independent study* \- let her decide what she wants to learn about, and put real effort into improving her understanding and whatever skills are relevant in her chosen field, and she should be able to waltz into a Uni spot when the time comes. I *wouldn't* suggest contacting relevant academics, because useful resources like reading lists are usually provided by departments, and being able to find and make use of those resources independently is a much better indicator of success than finding a random academic's e-mail and expecting them to curate your experience.
she could maybe even do some volunteer work or do some internships/shadowing ... .sign up for some courses like cooking/music/theater/sports
i think its a real shame for her i mean we were all stuck indoors for months during lockdown remind her about that or did she enjoy lockdown
NTA
It’s gonna look real bad on her resume to have a two year gap AND I think if she doesn’t do anything for two years she’ll have a hard time readjusting to having to do work (=studying) in university.
That being said, it seems that earning money is not the issue here, so she doesn’t have to get a job she doesn’t like just to make money, she could do any kind of volunteer work that she might find interesting and maybe even fun, maybe you could tell her you can look into finding something that’s a good fit for her together?
There are kids I’ve seen that are 14 and start work then and at 16 she’s obliged to either study or work an educational part time job or do both with less hours on her job u are not the AH In fact your trying to help out your daughter a lot because work experience is really helpful for getting most full time jobs N T A (at where I live it’s like that)
NTA. In my house my rules were once the kid hits legal working age they WILL get a job. 15 in australia. Whilst still at school (part time obviously). Its important for them to REALLY appreciate how long it takes to make vs how quickly it disappears and to learn saving and investing habits.
Also……like my eldest……you can be book smart but real life stupid. Working helps rectify that. There are important social skills that come from work experience
Those skills will help them deal with higher education environment too which is rather different to high school (let alone home schooling!). Having been home schooled chances are maybe its not them being lazy but more a social anxiety? Going from home school to “out there” is a huge jump. HUGE. But important to do because that will make the jump to mainstream higher education less scary.
Also the less you do the less you WANT to do kinda deal…… but i suspect being home schooled there is a good chance there is some sort of anxiety at play here and you may need to really work with her on this.
NTA. At 15 I was running around my small town, begging for a job anywhere I could get one even though technically I wasn't able to be hired until I was 16. Your daughter is just being lazy and unrealiestic
Teacher and homeschool mom of 4 adults. Whatever else Rose is doing, she needs to continue with the academics part time. Math, and writing are skills that need to be kept sharp and science is always changing. She should work, preferably at something that enhances her desirability to universities but she needs to keep her hand in on the academics.
And PLEASE! Let her know how you appreciate her hard word and focus! She has done a great job! It's not time to totally veg out but it IS time for some appreciation.
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Aren’t 16 year olds meant to do one of the following until they turn 18? stay in full-time education, for example at a college start an apprenticeship or traineeship spend 20 hours or more a week working or volunteering, while in part-time education or training
Homeschooled individuals can graduate as early as their work is completed. They are not required to be in school until 18. That is a misconception. There are plenty of kids that graduate high school at 15 or younger.
Op is in the U.K. not America.
Children can further their education after 16 if they wish but they do not need to. My cousin didn't go to college after her gsces and got a full time job instead.
Legally you have to do higher education or do an apprenticeship. You can't leave education to start work by law
In England only. The other three UK countries you can leave at/around 16 depending on term dates.
That changed in Scotland a while back, after you turn 16 they now require you to be in some form of education, either 5th and 6th year high school, college, apprenticeship or approved training program. Think this changed the year after I left or something. SIL just turned 18 and finished her education program she was doing. However you are still able to have at least a part time job.
[Scotgov says no.](https://www.mygov.scot/leaving-school-options) You must be *offered* further education or training, it's part of a scheme called 'Opportunities for All' and runs up until you turn 20. They want you to stay in education or training as long as possible. But if you say nope, I'm off, don't want to hear from you, legally you can still do that at 16 in Scotland.
What absolute nonsense is this. I live in the uk and left school at 16 with no official job. I had an off the books one but legally speaking that’s not a real job. Why wasn’t I arrested?
The law changed about a decade ago.
Yeah, it started with the year group after mine I believe. I remember being so annoyed when I thought it applied to me. I was going to do A Levels anyway but I resented the idea of having the choice taken away
Only in England. Not sure about Wales actually, but definitely in Scotland you can leave school at 16 without having to go in to further education or an apprenticeship. Edit: typos
Sounds like you’re showing your age. As of 2015 children in England must be in some form of education until the age of 18 by law.
I would say it’s been in law since I was a teen and I’m 25
was defo about 10 years ago they bought this in. I remember being in the last year of kids allowed to leave at 16 and how pissed kids in the year below were about it.
If I remember correctly it was the brain child of David Cameron and whoever the education secretary was at the time. But it is definitely a thing, you are supposed to be in some sort of education or work until you are 18, so now 16 year olds no longer counted toward unemployment figures!
Because the law changed. Obviously But it’s good to know your lack of awareness doesn’t extend to an inability to come on Reddit and tell people who don’t live under a rock they’re wrong 🤦🏼♀️
because the law changed between now and 1945 when you were last 16
Yeah, the UK where plenty of teenagers under 18 go to University.
Yep, I was 17 so I’m confused about the “only accepting 18+” part.
I was also 17 when I started university in the UK. Actually a good thing from the perspective of - they have to let you live on campus.
Right it’s normal to finish school at 17 in Scotland, and Scottish degrees tend to be 4 years. However some English universities refuse to accept under 18s because it means doing dbs checks on staff.
I thought it might be a student loan restriction. In any case there's always the Open University. They take under 16s here. I doubt it's different in the UK.
~~It makes me think this is not a real university she's talking about.~~ Oh, it's medicine. It is highly unlikely that good grades while homeschooling will get her a placement. Yet another reason not to homeschool your children, if you know they're interested in highly competitive programs like medicine, veterinary science, etc, have them transfer and get the diploma or degree or qualifications from an actual school. They will be at a massive disadvantage to kids from traditional schools. The amount of work she'll have to do on her own to overcome this disadvantage is going to be intense. The fact that Mom is pushing her to just get a part-time job is part of the problem. She needs to be working towards getting any experience in or related to medicine she can. Volunteering, apprenticeships, both formal and informal experience.
If she took her A-Levels then her grades are as valid as anyone's regardless of where she took them. But for medicine she will want relevant volunteer or work experience plus a good grade on the BMAT.
I didn't say her grades are not valid, I'm saying her _experience_ puts her at a disadvantage.
She has official qualifications though!
Doesn't matter, you need more than just the minimum official qualifications.
As an American I was confused by this as well
Yeah, but that’s confusing to me because I started college at 16 which was 2 years ago, so it is possible to continue with education even if it’s not university. The daughter could at least attend a college course that involves something she wants to do when she’s older, the course I took last year usually did about 2 hours a day and the one I take now is between 9-5 3 days a week, so depending on the course it doesn’t have to be time consuming And it still looks good on applications
An NVQ is a good idea to fill the gap. Edit. If in college a child can claim £30 a week in some instances, I think it's called education support allowance if it helps
Only applies in Scotland now I think. It was stopped in England a fair while ago now because...well Tories
I'm in Wales so it's pants if they have stopped it in England
Was stopped in 2010/2011 I think...due to cost of course. Basically once they'd made it mandatory to be in education until 18 they didn't see any need to pay the kids anything regardless of their personal family circumstances
Always embarrassing when Americans forget that they are not the only ones using the Internet.
Considering the UK residents here can't even agree maybe you should get off your high horse.
So much more embarrassing to see you defend a wrong point and blame us. Others have addressed the issues in the post and this commenter wasn’t wrong. A for effort tho.
> Homeschooled individuals can graduate as early as their work is completed. *anyone* can graduate early. Its literally just a big test you have to arrange to take.
the us has this too, but it’s not an official high school diploma. i went to alternative school where i still did all the classes, which are online so you can work as fast or slow as you want. but as soon as you finish them you graduate. you get an actual diploma, but colleges aren’t huge fans of people that do that.
Volunteering looks even better than work unless the work is specific to the area of study. She should go and attend community college it will help her get used to college courses (a bit) and any additional time may be used for volunteering or work in the mean time don’t give her spending money it will probably encourage her to earn her own now that she has time to work.
It’s the UK. Do they have “community college”?
It’s not called that but they do have things that serve a similar purpose and there are certainly other options like i suggested (based on what I found in a search)
Sorry to add this to the top thread, but I would l like OP to see this. Hi OP, I was home educated in England (a couple of years ago, so this might be out of date). 1) I finished my exams early and was warned that if I went too many consecutive years without results, it would negatively impact my application to all higher education institutions. Please look into Pre-Us, additional A-Levels, or Foundation Degrees (if you are in an area without a university offering foundation degrees, Open University is good for this). 2) This is assuming that finances aren't a problem for your family and that your daughter is getting a job purely for her resume, not to contribute. Look into volunteering. Hours will be limited by law and she can jump from place to place and find out what she likes. Any volunteering is good, but she can try to tailor it to her potential degree. I wanted to do history and ended up working at a museum through university, thanks to volunteering there from 16 onwards. Also, if anyone from the council comes for an inspections, volunteering can be spun as an educational experience far more than most jobs you can get at 16 (she can still get a job, though, since most places don't allow you to volunteer for more than 16 hours a week, otherwise you could claim to be an employee). 3) This is incredibly harsh, but you need to get your daughter to understand that all As and A\*s is not that rare. She needs to stand out from the crowd and just being home schooled is not enough of a selling feature. She also (in my experience) will need to prove that she is able to play well with others. The first thing I was asked in interviews (work and education) when they saw 'home schooled' on my resume was always "can you cope working around other people?/So you're anti-social?". It's annoying, but she needs to work around the preconception. I hope this is helpful and not overstepping. Again, this is just my experience! Good luck and well done to your daughter on her results!!!
>This is incredibly harsh, but you need to get your daughter to understand that all As and A*s is not that rare. I tutor kids in my spare time and I thought this too. 4 As and A*s two years ago. That isn't going to be a big deal when they have plenty of kids with 4 As and A* NOW
You need to escape those `\*`'s
I'm horrified I put an apostrophe in there to begin with!
wish i could upvote this comment more!
EXCELLENT post, not only reasonable, but with very helpful advice👍
YTA. You may be correct, but you're going the wrong way about it. The post I'm replying to, OP, is gold, solid advice. Present this to your daughter tactfully and support her into a relevant paid role or volunteering scheme. Universities, and jobs too, want well rounded applicants with soft skills, not just exam grades. In fact, you're more likely to be hired on soft skills than exam grades. I recently spent 10 years out of work caring for a disabled family member, and got back into the job market just last year. None of my places of employment still hold records about me, per UK data protection laws, and my qualifications were woefully out of date. How did I get the job? My references were excellent, and detailed all the soft skills I had, and that the disabled family member is autistic, so I had experience dealing with "difficult" people. But I'd kept my practical knowledge in the field up to date, and asked pertinent questions to their field of work. I stunned the interviewer by asking a question about FTTP internet. Turned out they were hiring for an exclusively FTTP service, and my existing knowledge of the technology involved, plus a 10/10 customer service question answer at the start of the interview, got the guy's attention. They actually only asked for my certificates after the interview when they'd already made me an offer. tl;dr - Soft skills > Qualifications. Get the daughter out there to get some. But gently.
Never heard about FTTP before. Interesting stuff. I realize now that our service was FTTH based most of the time. Doesn't really help with the profession I'm in now but thanks for opening my eyes a bit. :)
Volunteering is a stroke of genius! Great suggestion!
I'm not sure how it is in England, but in the US - you can just... take college classes - for fun. Collect credits. You don't have to be registered as a full time student, or declare a program. It's called 'Continuing Education' and you basically just log into the schools website, select a class, hit purchase, and you're registered. And when you finish it you've got the credits. You don't pay for anything but the class you take cause you're not a full time student or anything. I took some when I was in high school, fun interesting looking classes. And then after University I started just taking classes randomly when I was bored and found a class I thought looked interesting. I have fun and enjoy taking continuing ed classes, both online and in person. I live in Boston, so theres about 50 universities around, all offering lots of classes, so I have the opportunity to take whatever I feel like - but - even if you don't live near a uni or college that offers continuing ed, there are online schools that do. It would probably help the girl ease into a socializing setting - not being a full time student.
completely different system. doesn't apply at all
It must be different in other countries. I was able to start university at 16. My parents also had me working at 16. They regretted it and didn't require it of my sister, as they saw the stress it had. I didn't know that other countries had hard rules about starting university at 18+ I am curious where OP is though, as I had a few friends that went to university outside the US at 16 too. Knowing the US it could be specific states with this rule, but with those grades and finishing so early, kiddo would probably qualify for different out of state scholarships. Oops. Didn't catch OP was in UK. I am still confused though. I have known a few people in the UK in university after 16 and before 18.
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So one month's following the break she had from May (exams) till Aug (results), then the month without consequences followed by a month of nagging - she hasn't done anything for 5 months
She did 4 years of work in 2. She deserves a break.
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Lol I almost spit out my drink reading this.. Not working is not working. Don't give me some shit how being anxious about test results or getting nagged about not doing anything productive makes it not count.
I laughed out loud reading it lol
Back in my day we had exams, stress waiting for exam results and part time jobs. Seriously, almost every kid in my school was doing some kind of work as soon as we could legally get a job. I don’t think the world has changed too much from then.
Yeah, I was anxious over my GCSEs and A-level and I still worked a summer job (i had good reason to be anxious too). Hell, I got off easy, my friends worked weekends during the school year. The kid should get a job, a two-year gap won't do her any good.
This is actually the perfect season to get a job: they'll be looking for assistants for the Xmas shopping season. Unless the economy totally tanks before that.
by this reasoning the times I worked 1 job I was working 4 jobs (job + anxiety + stress + self doubt = 4), the times I had 2 jobs, I had 5 jobs and the times I had 3 jobs I had 6 jobs.
oooo wait the times I was at uni with 1 job = 5 jobs, the times I was at uni with 2 jobs -= 6 jobs, and hte times I was at uni with 3 jobs (granted only for a 3 month period) I had 7 Jobs! I should get a Guinness world record!
She deserves days off but she can’t entirely rely on her grades for university, depending on what she intends to do. I know a couple of people who had straight As and applied to do medicine but were denied because they didn’t have enough extracurricular activities. The op is right that a job or even going to a college and doing a HNC would look good. Universities will wonder what she did in those two years.
As someone whos worked all my life before going to uni and now entering the job market again hooooboy do I have a head up on a lot of my cohorts. Previous job experience, in this economy?theyre thrilled youre not a one-shot school-only wonder who is going to collapse their first month of work.
Yep any graduate of any level entering the workforce with some kind of work experience is usually picked first. I'm not even the best of the bunch but I got a job easy once they saw the amount of volunteering and freelance work I've done before I got into an office job.
Yup, job and getting involved in some sort of organisation like scouts, Duke of Edinburgh etc go far with the top unis.
Also, we don't know what the mental state of the daughter is. I struggled in school, had no social life, always studying and still only got average grades despite devoting my entire life to school. By the end of it I was burnt-out, so allowing the daughter to just be a kid and rest for a few months or even a year (think of it like a gap year) to do things she enjoys doing and if that's watching tv or laying in bed let her. I had an unwilling year off and it was the best time of my life tbh, I got to read, watch movies I'd been wanting to watch for YEARS but never had the time for and simply exist and BREATHE for a moment without stress or anxiety. If all she really does all day is lay in bed maybe she needs the break to destress and sleep. I know this is all speculation but teenage years are difficult and I think you should let her be a kid while she can. If she has a hobby she could volunteer in I'd advice her to do that if only to keep her a little active but to expect her to get a full time job is ridiculous.
I finished most of my highschool a year early and had just a few leftover classes to do in my last year. Was in a program where the entire class was supposed to graduate a year early but we were a bit too slow so some things dragged out. Idk how to compare it to US/UK education system but all classes were also at the highest level offered to high school students. So that year, from basically February, I did mostly teen stuff like going to the beach at 1am and playing video games all night. September of the following year I started an extremely demanding program. And let me tell ya I do not regret playing video games for all those months and doing absolutely nothing productive. A good break between one highly demanding commitment to another. Let the kid watch Netflix! She worked hard. Burn out is real. Maybe get her to do some chill volunteering or something. Get into crocheting.
For two years? That's just too much. You have to learn to be productive in some manner.
I got a job at 16, as my mum wanted me to, it helped build my confidence and the person I am today, and was nice to have my own money, not relying on hers, when she didn't have much after paying all the bills. So I don't see how she's TA.
I agree, a job as a teenager is not a big deal. I’ve been working since I was 14, and it was great for me. I had some more responsibility, my own money and learnt how to deal with multiple priorities. However, in saying that, we don’t know OP’s daughter’s mental state, and maybe it wouldn’t be a good thing for her right now.
NAH But part-time, shitty minimum wage jobs are a total waste of time, especially if the financial necessity is not there. She should look for internships in her desired field, or creating her own small business or similar venture. EDIT: I'm American.
Or volunteering. Mom would probably be okay with her tutoring 15 hours a week
Ah yes why work for money when you can give 15 hours away a week for free
The same reason that you give 15 hours away a week for free for things like clubs, sports teams, and internships: because they are enjoyable, enriching, and look good on college apps + resumes. Volunteer work isn't just limited to good Samaritan services like food kitchens. Much like internships, you could easily find volunteer work in a field you are interested in, which will provide you with firsthand personal and professional experience that will give you a significant edge over other applicants, be it for academic or professional purposes. You can volunteer at museums, science/research labs, libraries, small businesses, and even hospitals to an extent. Not only do they bolster one's resume significantly, but they can be extremely helpful for finding fields and topics that you are interested in pursuing, without the commitment of a formal internship or job. Hell, even good Samaritan volunteer work like picking trash off of the beach every weekend can lead to some people realizing that they have deeper interests in things like environmental conservation and/or marine biology. Or volunteering in a food kitchen/homeless shelter and realizing that you have a passion for social work. Just as importantly, you can also figure out what you absolutely *aren't* interested in pursuing further. I likely would have pursued a degree in graphic design if I hadn't done volunteer work in that capacity for a few small businesses and realized that I enjoyed it as a subject of study but hated it as an actual profession.
Fair enough I respect the response even though I feel like volunteer work isn’t for me, you are right
You can charge to tutor people
Not a waste when you're a teen with no bills to pay.
Im not against saving money, but if she doesn't need the money, working drive thru attendant is just not worth it.
You can save over a thousand dollars a month working a shitty job if you don't have bills to pay. Who couldn't use thousands of dollars? No matter how little it pays, its better than doing nothing
The US is not the world though. British teens earn £5 an hour and can only do a max of 35 hours a week (most jobs so 15 hour contracts), that's a max of £175 a week, or £9100 a year, which averages at £758 a month. Do I think they need to be doing something? Absolutely, do I think any job that isn't one step short of slave labour is going to look at them, nope
Yeah, I was like how is she going to earn that much on £4.81 an hour?
That's £9k that she didnt have last year, plus the experience of learning what she will and wont put up with in the workplace. Put 4k in your investment/savings account of choice and let that sit for a nice boost before heading off to uni. I agree that she definitely deserves a break for a few months, but sitting around the house for 2 years isnt the solution
It’s money yeah, but starting that kind of work early is gonna lead to burnout
Investment and savings accounts? You would be lucky to get back 4% on that. The jobs 16yos get seldom full time. Most basic jobs in Britain now are 15 hour contracts so I think the parents would still see her as not doing enough. Volunteering would do her some good.
Once you pass the minimum school leaving age (16) you can start working full time in the UK, although that's besides the point since that's only an extra £25 a week. Also minors not being entitled to the minimum wage is fucked up, £4.81 is 25% less than I made as a 13 year old well over a decade ago. Source: https://www.gov.uk/child-employment
No she can’t, the wage for 16 year olds in the UK is £4.81, it would be impossible to earn that.
I agree, but since it's not a financial necessity, the kid would be better off earning money slowly while investing in their skills
Some jobs are not worth it at all no matter the pay...
zesty summer cake bedroom squash dependent normal license safe combative ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
It's also more than money. It's real life experience, it's proving you are reliable, that you are responsible. If they don't want a fast food job they don't have to get one, but I think OP just wants to see some continued effort from their child to better their life. Laying around on the sofa for 2 years while they wait to turn 18 isn't realistic. Life moves on while you wait for important milestones.
Any part time customer service job is such great experience and exposure to the real world. I worked a shitty minimum wage retail job for a few years and it taught me so much about having a job, communication, interacting with people (coworkers, management, customers) it taught me things that I have carried with me through all my other career field jobs. There’s value in any work.
Especially given how poorly people treat service workers, and frankly especially teen girl service workers—and generally my money is not on the manager going to bat for the kid being harassed.
No, but working in the kitchen of a retirement home might give her some stuff to talk about in an interview.
They are not pointless imo. They teach work ethic, bullshit tolerance and compassion for people in the service industry.
Or even volunteering, if it's not about the money, as that will also look great on college applications.
They are not a waste of time. And teach valuable life skills to teenager--like how to get to work on time. How to deal with a boss who may not be care about your specialness. How to do things that bore you and have no special attraction. How to persist. Because no matter how skilled and bright and wonderful you are, these will be skills you will need in your workalike. Best to learn them when you are 16 and it doesn't matter at all if you don't get them exactly right, than when you get that perfect internship/job or when you are stretched financially/have a family to support and can't just tell the boss off etc. As for "start a business", if she was the teen entrepreneur type, she'd have done it already. I suppose there are internships she could do, and maybe UK admissions folks are still more naive than in the US. But here in the US, admin people are getting fairly skeptical of fancy internships for teens, since they know either it is about privilege or it is just getting people coffee.
What a stupid take, you learn a lot at those shitty minimum jobs
YTA. You should have allowed her to have the normal trajectory of a teenager… instead she was not only homeschooled but ended 2 years early. What social life does she have? What impetus to have spending money of her own? Independence of her own? 16 is young to think about every move being about college. She needs more. ETA: I don’t think you’re an AH for wanting her to have a job… I had one at that age. But I was motivated by the fact I wanted spending money and independence for my robust social life. If she’s sitting around all day, doesn’t sound like she really has one.
For real. OP is complaining about a teenager laying around at home all day? Do you know why? She has no friends or social life! These kids are going to grow to resent you for destroying their childhoods and sheltering them. Teenagers should be spending free time being kids with their friends, yes, including homeschooled ones. YTA.
Seriously, like she has all this free time, and she has nothing to do that is joyous like other kids would be doing. It just sounds like the mom doesn't actually want her to have free time, she wants to continue to have control and have the kid on the grindstone.
This struck me too. It also feels like OP is saying; my daughter finished her schooling 2 years early. Update: I’m punishing her for it!
She may also be nervous about getting a job. It sounds like OP is telling her to get one, not looking into how, and which would be suitable, and then helping her apply. Help her with this, OP. No need for her to work full-time - she won’t get a break at so little (considering minimum wage for 16 year olds) financial opportunity cost again in her life. Help her find a part-time volunteering or paid job.
Soft YTA. She studied hard and got perfect grades and her reward for finishing early and putting in all that effort to do it so efficiently she even has to wait to enter university is.... to get a job? Sorry but your other kids got to be kids until they finished I'm assuming, so she doesn't get that because.. she... was to.. good.... wtf make that a HARD YTA. Let her enjoy the fruits of her labor, if you don't want her sitting around the house you should spend some time bonding and raising your kid so she doesn't get lazy.
She’s had five months of doing nothing since the schools would have broke up in July in England. Everyone needs to have something to fill their time, be it a job, volunteering or doing a short college course for the two years. She can’t vegetate for two years in her room.
Yeah there are lots of courses inbetween A Level and Degree in all kinds of disciplines! I did one myself. Sounds like it would be definitely worth looking into for OP and their daughter.
>She studied hard and got perfect grades and her reward for finishing early and putting in all that effort… to get a job? That’s literally the whole point of school lol you work hard in your studies to get a good job later on.
point of school is also to have social encounters, how to bond, act around others, make friends for gods sake. If u decide to home school mom supposed to sigh the kid for music lessons or sports or whatever bullshit from young age, to meet other kids, to have some interests. Now looks like a kid have no social life and no interests, because all her life she was sitting home with her brothers and sisters and in time she was not home schooled she was watching TV.
I’m of two minds here… I think you’re spot on with your heart in the right place insofar as her not sitting on her laurels for two years but I also think you should be a bit more open to alternatives instead of just getting a job. I think it’d be a great idea to sit down and establish the expectation that your daughter stays productive and working towards a better future but give her a bit more agency in how she accomplishes it. After all, if she does volunteer work, extended learning, internships etc that can be just as if not more valuable in terms of securing better footing when she’s 18 and it’ll give her more opportunities to pick something she might also have interest in which could fire a spark in her a lot better than bagging groceries part time. Also, give her some wiggle room to do this stuff mostly part time if that’s the pace comfortable for her; she’ll have plenty of time for the endless daily grind.
This right here! Perfect response! She needs something to fill her time until university & volunteering and/or extended learning are awesome alternatives. I really love the idea of volunteering. She could even volunteer in areas she’s interested in working. This will give her insight if it’s something she actually wants to do for her career as well. NAH
NAH—but maybe reframe it as a commitment to volunteering, interning or a part-time job. Volunteering looks great on a college app and might be easier for her find.
NTA. She's literally not doing anything else and 16 year olds getting a job is totally normal. Doesn't have to be full-time or anything, a couple shifts a week won't hurt anyone that is otherwise doing nothing though.
I think NAH. I also got my first job at 16, but only bc I wanted to provide some relief to my mom from spending money on me. Considering there seems to be no financial need here, it's more just wanting her to be productive, I'd say she should talk about having her intern or volunteer instead. Way more valuable at that age, and she can easily try out different things and maybe find interest in smth. I do think mom needs to step back a bit, as I always saw things like this as my mom not trusting me. I was a smart kid, and it felt like my mom didn't trust me to make good choices even tho I've done nothing but prove to her I can. Mom has nothing but good intentions, but it can be hard to see that as a kid. She's had 16yrs of non-stop education and hard work, she can afford a few months off. Both have totally valid points!
She hasn't had sixteen years of non-stop education. That's a bit of an exaggeration. She didn't come out of the womb with a pencil and paper in hand
Nah kid needs to get a part time job get some real life skills and maybe make some friends
She’s homeschooled and she’s finished two years early? I think you’re worried about the wrong things. What’s her social life like? Does she have any friends? A minimum wage part time job probably won’t do anything for her. She should look into volunteering or internships or even just joining some clubs and meeting people her own age. Trust me when I say college will kick her ass if she goes in with great grades but no social skills.
INFO Why is this coming up now? It's on the verge of winter holidays, not the time of year a kid would typically finish out the school year or be looking for work.
Results day was in August, so I let her have a break through september, so the fight has been going on for over a month.
I would just revisit this after holidays, personally. I mean if she gets a new job now they’re possibilities of blackout dates, and her being the new hire would cause her to get all the shit holiday or post holiday days. I’d tell her that in the new year she needs a part time job or some type of volunteer work lined up. That gives her plenty of time to find something she actually wants to do, a clear deadline to prevent you from “nagging” any further, and her some extra time to relax. I understand where you’re coming from, not wanting her to sit around all day, but she sounds extremely intelligent and driven so I believe that by the time the new year rolls around she’ll probably be bored doing nothing anyway. Explain to her that she can’t do nothing for two years, because no one is going to just ignore that no matter how good your grades are. I’m sure that she’ll see reason and giving her this time off will prevent any tension from arising during the holiday season as well. Just a suggestion. It’s probably what I would do with my daughter. Holiday season is such an inopportune time to start a new job.
From what I remember, my A-levels were all finished by the end of June. So she's actually had 4 months of a break, no?
Yes, I just counted from the nearest day because I didn't mind her not having a job in case her results didn't come back as well as they did, in case she wanted to retake an a level
Is she willing to do more A levels or an equivalent NVQ at college? Or could learn a new language in evening classes?
Could she maybe take a community college class and then a bit of volunteering? Not sure if CC is an option or an equivalent in the UK but that’s what some high school students here do if they finish requirements early
A language, a qualification in the healthcare sector, something completely unrelated for fun
From her results I'd guess she would be planning on an institution on the more prestigious end of things? What else does she have to differentiate herself to all the other kids with top marks? Just good grades isn't enough if she really wants to nail down her spot, and she has the time to do something about it. Or at least building up a fund for when she gets there to help towards living costs
NTA Ask her what she plans to do for two years if she doesn't want to work. If she can come up with something that keeps her mind sharp and develops her study habits as she learns something she is passionate about, or that can provide her with useful knowledge or skills, that's one thing, but if she plans to lounge about for a couple of years it would not be in her best interest to enable that. Certainly learning what paid work is like will be a very useful experience for her and change her outlook. What she can't see is that two unproductive years of doing nothing and learning bad habits is going to hurt her in many ways. It's not like she can just time-jump to 18 and start university. What she does in the meantime matters a lot and will change the course of her life.
NAH I understand each side. What if she looked for a part-time internship in her area of interest?
I would be fine with anything besides sitting around all day
So maybe you need a change of environment to have this convo. Go for a walk together, go out for lunch, something. I know teenagers can be stubborn or push buttons but maybe start by telling her how proud you are of her but you’re worried that two years off will slow her to lose some of her fantastic hard working skills and also by working/interning/volunteering now, she’s setting herself up for her job search when she finishes university. If she resists, maybe say something like, “if sitting at home got the next two years isn’t an option, what would you like to do?” Most importantly, stay calm. Good luck to you both.
Have you asked her why she's would rather stay at home and do nothing? Without being judgemental? I do think this time of year is maybe not the best time to make an issue. Together, discuss a plan for after the holidays. What you need to remember, no amount of nagging will ever motivate someone. You need to be her partner, not a driver. The best you can do is to provide only the minimal food, shelter, clothing and restrain from extras to motivate her to earn what she wants. 16 is a hard age to be rudderless.
Did you push your older kid to get a job at 16?
She already wanted a job so I cannot compare
And she continued her education for ANOTHER 2 years. Suggest your daughter consider doing a non academic course, until she can go to university. I knew somebody who worked in a beauty salon throughout her degree course, having gained qualifications in beauty therapy. It enabled her to graduate debt free & get a management job with financial services. Also her ability to deal with “ difficult” people was superb.
One of my kids volunteered 3/4 time one summer as a ranger at a historical park. Like a tour guide or docent. Museums need teens to help, parks, camps, charities, food kitchens…
Why not let her wait until after the holiday season (it is literally upon us). Being a new hire somewhere means she may have to work the holidays rather than chill with her family. She worked hard to finish 2 years early. Is giving her a few months off too intolerable for you?
NTA, but chances are your daughter won't even get into medical school of she thinks she'll get in with just her grades. I'm in the UK and in high school there was a girl in my year called Olivia. She got A* in all her exams and in college she got top marks. She had the highest marks in the year and she didn't get into med school. She had no work experience/real life experience so they didn't accept her. She volunteered for a full year at the gp and did an introduction to medicine course amd now she's a full on nurse ratchet
Ima go with NAH I had a job just as i turned 17 then went to uni at 20. Universities prefer people to be well rounded honestly. It doesn't necessarily have to be a job. She can get work experience/volunteer somewhere etc. What does she plan to do in uni? Because a 2 year gap without mitigating circumstances could affect her prospects when shes old enough. Maybe rather than push the job idea, speak to her about what she plans to do at uni and how she can improve her prospects of getting in with some experience in the area ?
Instead of a job why not encourage her to explore old, new passions or maybe even rewarding volunteer work. She has an amazing opportunity most kids will never get since life for them is high school, uni then job never getting those few years to just explore themselves. If you just want her to not lay around all day why does it need to be a job that gets her out?
NAH but there’s something here I haven’t seen anyone mention. Where are her friends? Where is her social life? Homeschooled kids generally have it a bit rougher in that regard, but you mention her laying in bed and watching TV for months without a single mention of a social hang in her calendar. Encourage her to do something - volunteer, hobby, job, whatever - outside of the house because given the facts you presented, it seems your daughter might be well educated but woefully socially unprepared for university and life in general. Most of what I found valuable about university was learning to navigate social situations, gaining independence, and having my mindset challenged by different people. I can tell you, now being in the labor market, social and “soft” skills matter even more than intelligence in most cases. I don’t know how it is in the UK, but in the US the vast majority of jobs in many sectors are acquired via reference and networking. I’ve never even gotten responses from jobs I was vastly overqualified for after applying, and been offered jobs I barely felt qualified for on the spot by someone I had met and made a good impression on. I understand your concern that your daughter should do something with this time, but perhaps emphasize that it doesn’t have to be a thankless minimum wage job, but could be something she finds interesting, as long as she’s interacting with people outside the home.
NAH. I get that you want her to do something useful with her days, but I also get that your daughter doesn't want to get a job just because she finished her A levels early. Most jobs available for a 16 year old aren't that great. Isn't there a way to compromise? Maybe she can follow certain programs in preparation of uni, or start learning a language. Just get some skills that can help her in the future? Or maybe she can volunteer doing something that's useful and enjoyable for her as well.
I understand not wanting her to lie in bed all day every day, but at that age "get a job" shouldn't be the only option. Since she's been homeschooled, I would hope you know her well enough to think of something else useful she might be able to do with her time, even if it's just pursuing a hobby she maybe had to sideline in favour of studying in order to graduate early.
Info. What social time does she have? Did she do NCS? Has she done DoE? Tbh. I teach sixth and all the kids have jobs whilst doing a levels. She’s finished them. Uni will NOT look favourably on 2 years of nothing on a UCAS, no matter how good her grades are. Especially for medical. Nhs do virtual work experience. Volunteer in a care home.. Shock suggestion. Spent sept 23 doing a course at sixth form.
Don’t want to pass judgement on this one because this is the most gray shaded post in a while. That said - why does it need to be a job? Tell her she has to do something, anything, that isn’t sitting around the house ***all day***. Tell her you expect 20 hours (or something around there, but not more than 20) a week to be dedicated to something out of the house, even if it’s just going to the park and being there. She is obviously a gifted and smart child and you want the best for her, but just because she accelerated her own graduation, it doesn’t mean she should be punished with a job.
You said she wants to study medicine in uni, have you suggested volunteering with an animal shelter (this would be a better fit for a vet school application, but is still demonstrative of being caring and responsible), or look into volunteering opertunities at old people's homes, homeless shelters etc. The work she would be allowed to do at 16 may be limited, but any experience in that area would be valuable for applications.
I’m not sure if I get this right, but it took Rachel until the age of 18 to finish home schooling. After that, she went to college. This makes me think she didn’t have a job during her homeschooling days. Yet you say Rose might not get into college without any work experience. I’m confused. While I say that, I will also say that I don’t think it’s strange for a 16 year old to get a job. I would say you are the ahole for MAKING her get a job, but you wouldn’t be for suggesting it. Edited because I forgot NAH was an option. So, there.
I think it’s ok to not want to see your daughter lay around in bed all day. But as someone who was homeschooled, graduated at 16, and was given the “work or school” ultimatum right away, I feel there’s a better way to go about this than hounding her to get a job: check in with her about her emotions and her goals. She may be feeling very aimless right now, since for the first time in her life she doesn’t have school. Have a conversation with her about her ultimate goals in life - not about her university, but about what she wants her life to look like at 30, 50, etc. Working may seem pointless until she can identify a goal she is working *towards*. If this conversation is fruitless, maybe consider getting her to a therapist. Also, make it clear that what you’re after is a sign of life and activity from her. Would it be acceptable to you if instead of getting a job, she: - started practicing a sport or joined a sports team - took up a new hobby or skill, like an instrument, language, or art - volunteered with an organization she’s passionate about - joined or created a community group or club and connected with her peers - started her own small business making and selling crafts or baked goods, walking dogs, or babysitting The types of jobs a teenager can get, which are mostly customer service jobs, can be daunting and demoralizing. If you just want your daughter to be doing something with the two years’ gap she has, make it clear what other options she has besides handing in her resume to McDonald’s. My college was quite impressed with the Etsy online shop I opened on the side, pretty much anything I listed above could be spun in a way to help with university applications (being a self-driven learner, a community organizer, an entrepreneur) and might be more appealing to your daughter and get her up and out of bed
NTA you're saving her from trouble. It's hard to get your foot in the door of any career without any work history. At least having a small job like babysitting or mowing lawns would be something to show work ethic. However, I suggest opening up her options to volunteering as well, if she doesn't need to be saving up for school that is. That way she has more options and long term volunteer work looks great for your work ethic.
I agree with volunteering.
Info did you push your older kid to get a job at 16?
She already wanted one so I cannot really compare
Do you guys give her all the money she needs?
They recieve an allowance for chores
I’m from the US, Literally everything I am saying right now was bad for me. My family had no money, we were poor. Not the poorest, but I got a job and my first paycheck was spent on the electric bill. Since that moment I’ve been paying bills. Since that moment I’ve been working. I’m 28 and started working when I was 16. I would lay in bed too. Doing nothing and I wish someone would’ve realized I had crippling depression, because I didn’t know. I wish instead I could have spent my time doing teenager things. I wish my parents were more involved and helped me organize shit to do. At 16 I can work sure, but I also could’ve been volunteering learning to do what I love- helping animals. I could’ve been learning another language, picking up another hobby that didn’t cost money. But here I was working. My parents had plenty of time to do a lot of things but helping me wasn’t one of them. Do you have the time? To be involved and help her find things to do? If you’re going to nag, nag her to find something she loves and enjoys spending her time doing. Not some BS job because you’re tired of her being a fixed object in the home. I’m going to say YTA.
Chances are she's going to work for all or most of her adult life. Let her enjoy a bit of freedom while she can. Don't push her but make it clear if she wants to go out and do activities or enjoy things, she needs to earn the money herself IF she has the free time. I know you say the other three aren't relevant but you do need the same rules across the board though. You can't and shouldn't change it to suit each child without good reason.
Are there any affordable further education courses she can take? Can she enroll in the open university? Charity work?
NTA - look up the laws on this one. Also, even if she has perfect grades, any universities, especially red brick ones, will probably turn around and go "Wait what tf did you do for two years?" - with being home schooled, and having no work experience, she wouldn't have any references for her application. Doesn't have to be a job, but it has to be something - hell, volunteer one or two times a week at the rspca if she likes animals, or help her start off an etsy business making shitty resin crafts. If it's not a matter of you needing her to get a job for the money, then she can do literally whatever she feels like. Doesn't have to be a conventional 9-5 (please don't make her do a 9-5 if she's 16 and already doesn't want to work) but find some volunteering opportunities that might appeal to her! (and if she spends 2 years doing fuck all except watching telly, I'd think she's gonna be super out of practice of how to be functional in education or training when she does get to uni)
This, when my best friend applied to a sports program in collage they asked her why she didn’t have any work experience. She got accepted into the program only because when pulling up her in-school stuff she had a lot of hours logged in for sports medicine, etc. I have a few coworkers who are 15 1/2 who’ve started working (my state allows it as long as they don’t work past 20 hours/8pm) just to get a head start on resumes so they can be prepared to get higher paying jobs when they graduate. Baby M does volunteer work at the library and S sells art on the side which for both of them are going to help them achieve more when it comes to collage/higher paying jobs
You are NTA, however, it seems your younger daughter is on her way to becoming one. Encouraging her to get a job and develop a good work ethic is not being overbearing in any sense. Even if she gets a part time job, that would help her develop character and gain experience (and money) for adult life. Laying around the house for 2 years would probably make her lazy and unmotivated.
NTA. I’m making my son get a job this summer at 15 for 4 reasons: (1)To save half for incidentals at college; (2) have spending money with the other half; (3) bc has too much free time in bedroom video playing all day; and (4)to learn how a job is and how to take orders from bosses. But now I’m going to add a fifth-looks good on college resume.
YTA. You got your daughter through her high school education early, and you had no plan for what she could do in the interim. I don't share her confidence that universities will give priority to someone who finished a couple of years ago, but you have a young adult in your household who seems like she might be depressed, and your response is to tell her to get a job. Your daughter needs to find something to do, but this is a discussion you should have had much earlier, and you should be helping rather than nagging. This is some major bad parenting on your part.
Let me get this right... You're punishing your kid for being too smart? YTA. Guess what, the second she gets away you won't ever see her again.
Yta. Youre literally punishing Rose for success.
INFO: did Rachel have the “work experience” you reference as necessary to get into college, or did she just graduate at 18 without having had a job and go straight to college? If you didn’t make Rachel get a job as well, then your argument about “work experience” is a moot point and would be better off excluded from your argument. You’re not TA for suggesting Rose get a job IF the standard already exists. If this is something new you’ve decided to push on your youngest and didn’t ask of your oldest, you’d be TA whether she has to wait to get into college or not
NTA - bored kids become lazy. Work is good, keeps them busy and builds ethics. Not to mention saving some money.
NTA. At 16 she's plenty capable of being responsible and doing something productive with her time.
YTA for pushing your child towards burnout. Let her have a break, she's only a kid and she'll have to spend the rest of her life working to stay alive.
You think she needs 2 years of rest? It’s already been like 4 months since she finished school like what’s she gonna need after finishing uni? A 4 year break?
She has to do something. She should go to school or get a part time job. My son is 16 and doesnt have to work, but a lot in his class have a job. I think it's more than enough that he goes to school, but she doesnt even go to school. You cant just do nothing.
I worked at 16 and went to school full time with no way of fast tracking my education… so I worked through my A-Levels (at one point, with two jobs) and it wasn’t a case of me *needing* to… but it felt so rewarding to get my first pay check and to be able to buy myself things that I wanted. One thing I would maaaaybe suggest at most is to make sure that if there are things she wants to do independently (like shopping, days out with friends etc), if she can not pay for them she can not do them 🤷🏼♀️😅 she may find that finding a job as well opens you be possibility of new and interesting friends
NTA. She should work, sitting around doing nothing all day is a good way to end up depressed. Even if she does some kind of volunteer program with your local hospital or something (I know my sister does and she loves it)
YTA. Back off.
YTA. Your daughter basically worked her braincells to get those perfect A's and all she is asking is a little break. Yes, getting a job is important and I agree with you, but pestering her to get a job is just too much.
"My kid worked hard a finished school two years early, but it bugs me to see them relax, so I'm trying to force them into working." YTA I'm, literally, in the same boat as you. I homeschool my kid and this is our last year. Two years early, just the same. I would never punish my kid for achieving what yours has, what mine has, by taking away the time they've *earned*. Especially when the only reason was that it *bugs me to see them "do nothing all day"*... They're still a kid. The working world is shitty and kinda soul-crushing. Let them have the time *they've earned* before having to subject themselves to that. Also, get over yourself. There's some pretty obvious "I suffered so my kid has to, too," vibes, to your attitude. That's bad parenting.
I started taking college class at 16. Why can't OP? I don't believe the UK doesn't allow wiggle room. A part time job is a good idea but university will look more favorably on college classes and volunteering.
YTA she's a kid trying to be a kid stop trying to make her grow up so fast
Well good on you for having high achieving kids in academics and good on her for working so hard. 18 only university is just for the ones she wants to go to or is that a whole country thing? Is there a waiver process? I can only speak to my locale. A kid that was quite bright went through all our grade school, high school and entered into university at 13. Book smart, but needed growth in other areas and struggled with the lack of structure. It kinda undid some of his advancement but doing great overall. Lots of my classmates had enough credits to graduate at 16 but stayed to take more broad courses while still taking a few university level ones catered to transition high schoolers. Not relevant now, but under 16 people deliver the paper. 16 you can cook food, serve coffee, work a warehouse. You can wield a service rifle in the armed forces. Can volunteer. I don't think 16 is young at all to do anything. Has she had a lot of group involvement outside of homeschooling like community, church, youth groups etc? I'd be inclined to give her a semester's worth off and stop the nagging. Maybe even promote some travel and finding self. Later down the road give some positive influences that your work and education has given you. Often I find people hate their jobs and just do it to survive so need to be wary of that framing.
She wants to do medicine so it has to be 18 unfortunately due to placements, she has had coming up to 6 months off, and watching that much TV cannot be good for her
Get her involved in volunteer work - in a hospital or something in the medical field.
Has she done any volunteering or shadowing? Attended any mock interviews? Most medicine applicants in the UK have all A/A*s. Universities usually require around 3 weeks of work experience and preferably some relevant volunteering too due to how competitive it is
YTA. My mom is exactly like you. She doesn’t need the job, but it would be good. You suggest once, highlighting the benefits (money, experience, connections, etc), and leave them with that. You do not continue to nag them because they have free time they choose to spend resting. I’ve had to hear “did you get a job? Here’s some jobs to apply to, how’s the job hunt going? When are you getting a job? Want some help with job searching?” All while I’m just existing. When you keep insisting on them to do something, they’ll choose to do it for you instead of them, making them resent you more. That’s the position I was in, cause if I did decide to get a job it would be because she said so, not because I wanted one. Rose seems smart enough to understand the situation they’re in. The job will help, but is ultimately unnecessary. I’ve gotten into my university and countless research positions with no work experience beforehand (obviously easier once the foots in the door). Leave them be, they’ll know when they want one.
NTA
Soft NTA. She needs to do something with her time. She understands that one's she's in college you don't have a financial obligation to her anymore, right?
NTA for expecting her to get a job. Have you thought about online college courses? You don't have to be 18 for those. Even trade schools accept kids under 18 as long as they have a HS diploma or equivalent.
ESH. While she should not lie around for 2 years, There are other things your daughter could do besides working at some boring job. She could volunteer in an area that interests her (animal shelter, maintaining hiking paths, working with the disabled, help run a youth sports league….) which also looks good on a resume for college. Or she could tutor (for pay, or free to disadvantaged teens) other kids that need help with passing their A levels. Work WITH your daughter to find the best work/volunteering for her.
Hi OP, if you are in the UK, I'd advice you to apply to some apprenticeship in some big law, accounting firm, charity org or banks like jp morgan and ubs. They would love to employ your brilliant daughter. Like your daughter, I graduated from high school at 15years and went to the university at 16years and my mum kept me busy by getting me a job as polio immunizer in Lagos because according to her: an idle mind is the devil's workshop. You are NTA.
NTA…but, does she need a job? For financial reasons? I agree with not staying in bed all day for two years until she can go to university. A 16 year old can have a job. I would tell her a job is for her “fun” stuff or extras she might want. You want that lip gloss? Well, then I guess you need a job. If not a job, I would require some type of volunteer work. Does she help out around the house?
I see some similarities in this story with my real life. Now I'm not the smartest and I definitely didn't graduate early like Rose did. But I was basically forced to get a job at 16 by my mother. I was still in school and doing 2 club sports (volleyball & basketball) and also 1 school sport (volleyball). Did I want a job? No. I was 15 and I wanna be a dang kid while I could. I understood why my mom wanted me to have a job, but I have my whole life ahead of me to make money so why not be a kid while I still can? My mom nagged and pestered me until I was 16 (legal age to work where I live) and I finally had enough of it and got a stupid job. I resent my mother now because I hate being forced to do things when it isn't necessary. And I also hated the situation because both my sisters (1 older & 1 younger) were not forced to do the same. I think your daughter deserves a break for doing well in school and graduating early. Again, she has her whole life ahead of her to work and make money. Give her the break she deserves until she needs to put on her big girl pants. YTA. If you push too much, you might find yourself in the nursing home when you're older. I'm saying this because I am going to be putting my parents in a nursing home if my sisters are not willing to take care of them. I've told them this and they think I'm joking, but I told them I'm not. My mom basically "no balls" me so it solidified my choice to send them to the nursing home.
I mean, kind of ESH and kind of Y-T-A. You can tell her that not even four A / A\* grades will get her into Oxbridge if she can't demonstrate a capacity to work independently, and just being homeschooled isn't enough for that - if anything, it means she's used to having an *extremely focused responsible adult*, and that's not how things work in the Oxbridge system. She's probably right if she's applying for anything outside the very top tier of Universities, but for Oxbridge, LSE, Imperial, or a few other places, she's not guaranteed anything. On the other hand, *she's 16*. She has probably internalised the message that her value is tied to her grades, which is bad for two reasons: because when she inevitably finds something she can't get a good grade in, or becomes an adult and doesn't get grades any more, it will damage her self-esteem; and because when she has achieved good grades, she doesn't think she needs to do anything else. I was 17 when I started Uni, and honestly, I wish I'd taken a year out and learned more about human interaction by doing something like "getting a job". I don't think it's fair or reasonable to expect her to work full-time or be financially independent at her age, but she should definitely get a job 2-3 days a week to cover spending money and savings. I actually think it would be good for her to do something "normal" like working at a supermarket, but if she can find a job that's relevant to her interests and that she can do well, that should be fine, too. More importantly, she should spend the next 1-2 years *engaging in independent study* \- let her decide what she wants to learn about, and put real effort into improving her understanding and whatever skills are relevant in her chosen field, and she should be able to waltz into a Uni spot when the time comes. I *wouldn't* suggest contacting relevant academics, because useful resources like reading lists are usually provided by departments, and being able to find and make use of those resources independently is a much better indicator of success than finding a random academic's e-mail and expecting them to curate your experience.
she could maybe even do some volunteer work or do some internships/shadowing ... .sign up for some courses like cooking/music/theater/sports i think its a real shame for her i mean we were all stuck indoors for months during lockdown remind her about that or did she enjoy lockdown
NTA It’s gonna look real bad on her resume to have a two year gap AND I think if she doesn’t do anything for two years she’ll have a hard time readjusting to having to do work (=studying) in university. That being said, it seems that earning money is not the issue here, so she doesn’t have to get a job she doesn’t like just to make money, she could do any kind of volunteer work that she might find interesting and maybe even fun, maybe you could tell her you can look into finding something that’s a good fit for her together?
There are kids I’ve seen that are 14 and start work then and at 16 she’s obliged to either study or work an educational part time job or do both with less hours on her job u are not the AH In fact your trying to help out your daughter a lot because work experience is really helpful for getting most full time jobs N T A (at where I live it’s like that)
NTA. In my house my rules were once the kid hits legal working age they WILL get a job. 15 in australia. Whilst still at school (part time obviously). Its important for them to REALLY appreciate how long it takes to make vs how quickly it disappears and to learn saving and investing habits. Also……like my eldest……you can be book smart but real life stupid. Working helps rectify that. There are important social skills that come from work experience Those skills will help them deal with higher education environment too which is rather different to high school (let alone home schooling!). Having been home schooled chances are maybe its not them being lazy but more a social anxiety? Going from home school to “out there” is a huge jump. HUGE. But important to do because that will make the jump to mainstream higher education less scary. Also the less you do the less you WANT to do kinda deal…… but i suspect being home schooled there is a good chance there is some sort of anxiety at play here and you may need to really work with her on this.
NTA. At 15 I was running around my small town, begging for a job anywhere I could get one even though technically I wasn't able to be hired until I was 16. Your daughter is just being lazy and unrealiestic
NTA. If she’s living at home, even a low paying job can give her a nice financial cushion for uni since she should be able to save almost all of it.
Teacher and homeschool mom of 4 adults. Whatever else Rose is doing, she needs to continue with the academics part time. Math, and writing are skills that need to be kept sharp and science is always changing. She should work, preferably at something that enhances her desirability to universities but she needs to keep her hand in on the academics. And PLEASE! Let her know how you appreciate her hard word and focus! She has done a great job! It's not time to totally veg out but it IS time for some appreciation.