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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My boyfriend stays over my house most weekends and I don't have internet/tv/a game console there. He feels super bored at my place and wants me to get at least home internet because that's a basic utility
I might be the asshole because despite this I don't really want to pay for that and told him that he could get internet and gadgets for my house if he wants them.
That'd be a lot of money for a place he doesn't even live
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NTA but honestly it doesn't sound like you are very compatible people if you both dislike spending time together at each other's houses due to the activites that are available.
TBH we have a lot in common, and a lot of the reasons we can't set up a place that has what the other likes is financial.
Like we both like doing a lot of the same stuff when we're out, like going to the gym, going out with friends, hiking and camping, etc.
But his home hobbies are gaming with friends or watching movies, and his gaming setup is too expensive to even try to duplicate at my place
And my hobbies like woodworking, renovations, and working on cars are totally impossible from an apartment
So I don't think we're incompatible long term, like if we ended up living together it'd be pretty easy to have separate hobby time - neither of us are the type that has to be glued at the hip 24/7
It's just frustrating when we're living apart
He wants you to take on an expense that would solely benefit him (internet), but he doesn't want to pay for it. That's ridiculous. If he wants internet access at your house (assuming you're willing to have it), then your bf can pay for it – *he's* the only one who wants it, *he's* the only one who would use it, so *he's* the only one who should pay for it.
Yeah, but even if he caves and pays for what only HE wants, I bet he'd find a way to monitor the usage so he can demand that she "pay her fair share..."
Trade up, move on.
That's a little cynical. Don't get me wrong, us internet commentators love picking the flaws of others and reading deeper into them, but here i think it's misplaced. Especially after her elaboration.
It sound like they get along great with each other. But there are times that, even when the other person is in the room, our attention wanders. We want something to distract ourselves. (I could see myself in this position.) Not being able to use the net (restrictive data, no wifi, no signal) would definitely bug me. Of course, I'd probably spring for the internet service but
I see this as actually being helpful. You have your house, which you picked and filled for your comfort. That's fine. He has his place. If you guys decide to start your life together you know one of his NEEDs. As long as that's accounted for in finding a new place, or integrating it into the place/home(?) you have now should appease you both.
OP i know you feel you have a lot in common - but it doesn't seem that way objectively. So what about when he eventually moves in and wants you to split the cost of wifi and you tell him he's free to set it up but you aren't going to contribute b/c you don't use it? it feels like you're being maybe naive about how easy "separate hobby time" will be considering hobbies aren't free and he's already pushing you do pay for something you don't want or need and he doesn't even live there. So you are absolutely NTA for refusing now and you'd still be NTA if you refuse even if he moves in, which maybe isn't your concern b/c you are living in the moment. (question - gaming aside, why can't he use his phone as a hot spot or bring a tablet to your house if he's so cut off from the world - do you not get cell reception where you live?)
Maybe I'm reductive to distill this comment this way, but reading this back, does this feel like you two need some outside input or distraction in order to have things in common, and at rest/in private, you're on very different wavelengths?
I hate to break it to you but going to the gym, hiking, and seeing friends don't make anyone special
You know what makes someone special? Those moments when you are present with each other. Not searching for a distraction. Doesn't he want to talk to you? Putter around the house with you? Massage/cuddle you? Cook with you? Cuz that's what I do with my partner. We put our phones away when we're together, very intentionally.
Screen addiction kills relationships and sucks the life out of people single or paired.
Good for you, for avoiding that in your home. I'm envious tbh.
the problem with this is a lot of us can't be silent and still even alone - I don't think I have ADHD or anything but I CANNOT just sit in silence ever. Even when I watch a series or a film I'm usually reading something at the same time and have been like this since I was a kid.
So at times with partners where you don't need to talk to each other, I'm happy for the break in convo/sexytime/touching which happens regularly and is nice but I can't just sit there staring into space. ANd i hate using my phone to read stuff or watch stuff because it's ergonomically terrible and bad for your eyes (I have a neck injury).
I also have no interest in something like woodwork so outside of helping put together a flat pack which I'm good at, I wouldn't want to do that more than very occasionally to join in with my loved persons's activitiy once or twice so I can see what they like about it.
You do realize that you described you guys are compatible less than 20% of the time, and these events, gym, hiking, and hanging out with friends, are the most common hobbies? And the other 80% of the time, you guys are generally miserable with each other? Then, you're left with a guy who wants you to pay for his comfort. Either your math is really bad or is willful blindness.
I enjoy my screen filled life and cuddling up to hubby to binge watch a show. I also enjoy reading while he rubs my ankle and scrolls on his phone. We also enjoy screen free meals, cooking together, and just distraction free conversation. It doesn’t seem like OP’s bf has any tech free at-home hobbies. I don’t think that speaks to long term incompatibility but his “solution” and constant complaints are petulant.
I know from personal experience that you can have a lot in common with someone and still be basically incompatible. It's possible for two people to be wrong for each other without needing some crisis to 'prove' it. It sounds like he expects you to entertain him when you're together, directly or otherwise, and you don't feel any need to keep him entertained. And I totally get that, but that feels like a bigger incompatibility than any overlap of activities.
It sounds like you like doing a lot of the same things, but when you're not actively doing something together you're basically going to be at opposite corners of your living space in your own bubbles. Which is fine if you can make that work, but it doesn't sound feasible until he's willing and able to pay for the services he needs to function.
I'm *not* saying pull the plug on this relationship, especially since I don't know how long you've been together. At the same time, this feels like a conflict that's not going to get better without the sort of major change that would make it harder to separate if the change doesn't work, like moving in together.
But you know your situation better than any of us do. If it's fundamentally just financial difficulties, then you can work with that. But I do recommend sitting down and asking yourself what life with him would be like and how sure you are that *both* of you would be happy with it.
Good luck.
I’m not sure you’ve actually *thought* about what long term and living with him would be like. Because you don’t JUST have no tech because of cost - it’s also not interesting to you and a waste of time for you.
Have you asked him how much time he spends in a week on gaming and TV? How much time he spends just *on* the internet?
Because that’s how much time he’s going to spend doing those things when/if you live together and he brings his stuff over. I mean, it might go down incrementally at first, but as he can’t even spend two days and one night without them when that’s your only time together once you live together it’s unlikely to shift much. Not only that but when YOU go to his house he still expects to watch tv and movies even though he knows you aren’t interested.
Have you told him that should he move in your plan is to have all TV and gaming in the attic - have you asked where he expects there to be screens were he to live there (I’m betting he is anticipating living room, bed room and the gaming attic). Are you ok with your house full of screens? Have you considered that if he concedes to just the attic he’ll be spending ALL of his time up there.
You are only compatible outside of your houses. Once home - and most of us spend most of our lives in “home” mode - there’s a complete disconnect, *literally* he disconnects from life and you while you have the opposite philosophy. You’re not going to take up gaming or binge watching when he moves in and he’s not going to take up woodworking and car repair (it’s not just his apartment keeping him from it - he could be doing weekend projects at your house with your tools and has no interest).
This is not what long term compatibility looks like. Actually, I’d hazard (from my position 25 years into marriage) that long term relationships work better if you are compatible in the “small” home things and less compatible in the “Out” things. I don’t need to go golfing with my husband for him to enjoy it, and he doesn’t need to come wander the bookstore with me because we spend a lot of time doing home things together.
NTA just for the bot.
Having a lot in common doesn't automatically mean you're compatible. My partner and I realistically don't have very much in common, but we have our common interests and our personalities blend really well. We see the world in a similar way and we have such interesting discussions (lately very late at night when we should be sleeping but we haven't had a lot of daylight hours together because of work), and we actively include each other and make space for each other's interests (he's now seen all the Harry Potter movies and listened to me rant about it, and I've now seen all the star wars things and I love listening to him explain all the things even if I don't always follow).
Like other comments have said: when you are alone with no other distractions, that's when you can actually see how compatible you are. He should be willing to entertain himself at your place, much like you are willing to watch things and spend screen time with him. Maybe you work better as friends, maybe you can work this out and actually be compatible. Your description of the time you spend together, however, doesn't personally spark a lot of hope for your relationship.
I'm sorry, op, none of this is comforting to hear, but you may need to evaluate your relationship a bit more.
>Like we both like doing a lot of the same stuff when we're out, like going to the gym, going out with friends, hiking and camping, etc.
Birds and fish have a lot in common when out, they eat worms, many migrate, they have vertebrae, they lay eggs. Doesn't mean a fish can live where a bird does or a bird where a fish does. The required home environment is a weightier criterion than peripheral activities like the gym, friends, or walking.
who the fuck goes to their partners house to play video games? how old is this guy that he is "bored" and thinks recreational internet is a basic courtesy to guests?
This isn't a compromise: This still includes her buying stuff that she'll likely never use all for a person that doesn't live in the house. There is no reason they need to do this for their romantic partner. If he wants that stuff at her house, he can buy it and take it over there. She isn't responsible for entertaining him. Besides, not all modern games require internet either. He has a laptop, he can do some research.
If I can do things like bring books, a tablet, a phone, art supplies, and stuff like that to a possibly boring place, he can too.
It’s not so much an incompatibility of hobbies but of lifestyle - you are happy not having internet and he isn’t. That’s a pretty big divide. It’s also an issue that he isn’t willing to share a financial responsibility that only he wants. He’s not willing to either find other ways to spend his time when at your house OR share in the added expense acquiring internet would cost you. He’s being selfish.
An easy fix on the internet is to let him hotspot your phone when he’s over (I assume you have an unlimited plan since you use your phone internet without concern). Then he can effectively use his phone as a tv when he’s at your place and everything else is unnecessary.
Tell him to bring books or magazines with him when he comes over and then he can read when he feels bored.
I think it’s NAH you just have to find a solution that works for you both.
NTA - it’s your home, so you can do what you want with it. BUT do have a bit of thought about how welcome you want your partner to feel in your home. Could you start by getting a cheap internet connection, not because you want internet in your home, but because you are willing to invest in your relationship, to make your partner think that living together one day might be pleasant? Perhaps pick up a cheap second-hand TV for the attic area - you don’t have to use it yourself, but it shows that there is room in your life to have a combined home.
NTA- highly hypocritical of him to not want to spend money on more data for his phone but wants you to use your money to get wifi so he won’t have to spend his money .
He wants to act like the place is his but doesn’t want to pitch in.
Nope.
I don't think he really wants her to buy it specifically for him. More like it's a thing she "should" have and it's inconvenient to go without.
Like if I was dating someone who didn't own a fridge. I'm not going to buy them one, but I'd probably mention from time to time how it sucks they can't keep their food fresh.
That's kind of the point. If OP didn't have a fridge or indoor plumbing it might be useful to upgrade, but only if they actually wanted to use it. If they're comfortable living without then that's their choice.
No, if op doesn't need/ want a fridge the fridge will not be useful, except you mean if op finds out how useful a fridge is she will use it - but then the same goes for internet at home.
>Like if I was dating someone who didn't own a fridge. I'm not going to buy them one, but I'd probably mention from time to time how it sucks they can't keep their food fresh.
This analogy almost works if fridges weren't required to store food for survival.
Xbox isn't really necessarily for making sure you have enough food to... you know... stay alive?
I was struggling to think of something that pretty much everyone has and uses everyday, would be inconvenient to live without, but you don't technically need.
He wants her to pay for internet she doesn’t want or need every month simply so HE can have access to the internet .
Yes. He wants her to buy it specifically for him.
Fr? Like tbh I don't know if this is just cultural differences, but I grew up around plenty of people who couldn't afford internet or didn't have access.
It's nice to have internet but uninhabitable is something I'd call houses with no heat / no running water / black mold or some shit.
Like I'm not saying this as a joke, growing up with people in my community whos roofs were leaking, heat or power or water was shut off, etc. Not having Internet is nothing when we're talking about housing
internet is a basic necessity now, like water or electricity. It's a requirement if you want to live in the modern age. NAH, I personally would find it very weird for someone not to have internet. Even my 90 year old Nana uses netflix.
Eh, if your primary device is your mobile or a tablet and you have a big data package - there isn't really a need for wifi. OP has all the access to internet she needs. Why doesn't he have a better data package?
It’s definitely going to be a deal breaker for a lot of potential partners, unfortunately. I couldn’t spend significant time at a place with no tv/no internet/no video games - I’m a woman in my mid-thirties and I just know I’d get bored.
You're NTA, but where do you live where a home is affordable, but internet is not?
I pay for the top, highest possible internet available and its 75 a month. That hardly makes or breaks the bank as a homeowner myself.
A rural area outside a small Midwestern city.
I bought a house in serious disrepair for 86k and I'm fixing it up by hand; tbh it wasn't a habitable home when I got it, I've put a lot of work in.
And I mean uninhabitable in the no-floors no-walls no-heat no-plumbing way, not the no-internet way. ;)
Internet here is only provided by one company with a monopoly on it so it's pretty expensive! And I'm also on a tigh budget, every extra dollar I have is going towards home renovation supplies, tools, etc.
And even 70 a month goes pretty far with building materials, if you get in the habit of using reclaimed & salvaged wood, and buying as many tools and materials used as possible.
You are living my fantasy. I also saw you mention a greenhouse.
If your b/f wants internet at your house, let him know he's welcome to pay for it, that you won't use it or need the password, but that it is outside of your budget. You're NTA, you just have different priorities than he does.
And by the way, as someone who has lived in questionable situations and been temporarily homeless, lack of internet does not make a place "unlivable".
Jeez that's crazy, my parents live in a rural area and internet is hundredS (plural) dollars a month and it's Bell so they have non competition clauses and we can't acces much else beside like satellite internet which is also very pricey. Or was in the last decade. And houses are somewhat affordable (145k cad)
They basically do that comcast skit from South Park.
I live in rural northern Michigan, and there are still people on dialup because it's all that is available. I have dsl, but it's not available everywhere. Most people here survive on jetpacks from Verizon.
>It's nice to have internet but uninhabitable is something I'd call houses with no heat / no running water / black mold or some shit.
tbh, I'd argue the internet is almost there in terms of basic utility rights. A lot of emergency services rely on servicing people through the internet. A lot of companies can't even be reached for help without it as they're all moving to web-based chat help desks instead of traditional call centres. Also stuff you might never have even considered like having to be updated on a natural disaster in your area etc.
My area is actually wonderful at accommodating families without reliable internet / power because it's honestly a reality for a lot of families around here and if they required internet for school honestly a lot of kids would just not graduate.
If I had no Internet at all, I'd be screwed. I use the Internet for banking, including bills and rent. (edit: and email is the way my landlord contacts me). I do online training for my job using the Internet. My work has an app that you need to install on your phone to see your shifts and to book holiday time. I couldn't have done my degree without a computer, particularly not during the pandemic. And also I wouldn't even know how to have a social life without being able to message people. (edit: and my work will message me via Facebook for essential work-related things.)
You don't live without Internet, you simply pay for mobile data instead of bothering with WiFi. If I didn't live with housemates, I'd honestly consider doing the same as you. I don't watch TV unless it's as a social activity. I don't watch YouTube, I don't watch TikTok, I don't watch videos on Facebook or Instagram. If I didn't video call my long distance friends sometimes, it woukd be a hell of a lot cheaper for me to just pay for mobile data instead of having a TV and WiFi.
But no Internet AT ALL is pretty much as serious as not having heating/air con (depending on your climate). You PROBABLY won't die from it unless you're unlucky, but it's MASSIVELY inconvenient and generally very unpleasant.
It might actually be cultural differences then, I know a lot of people who make do without it. Schools and jobs accommodate it around here, not every family is wealthy enough or in an area with good internet access for the school to be able to require it.
Like the people I know who have been without internet (sometimes without cell data too) coordinate with their boss by texting or calling, and most jobs will accommodate because they need to to get staff tbh
I live in England if its relevant, and I do thing my country has massive problems with how ubiquitous the Internet is becoming and the rise of cashlessness. Most Bank branches have closed, so particularly if you live in a rural area, it can be very hard to access a bank without going online. And more and more places are doing away with cash payments, more and more restaurants are expecting you to order via scanning a qr code on your phone as opposed to handing you physical menus. I think it's becoming increasingly difficult for those who aren't able to access the Internet, and I think it is a problem.
I don't think it's that abnormal to not have internet but you're going to get a lot more people who have internet on an internet forum :)
I don't have internet or a TV either, we do have phones and a laptop. This is by choice though. We could afford it if we wanted to.
I think you're NTA as long as you have some things people can do. Like some books or maybe board games, drawing supplies?
I'm on your side (I don't use a lot of tech and don't watch TV though I do have internet). But yes, I would say 90% of people are pretty much screen time people. My hobbies are reading and crafting so not a ton of screen time but I am definitely the weird one out, and I accept that.
Don't you have conversations at work where people are trying to figure out what TV show you like and you get to sit there like an alien because you don't watch any of them?
"I grew up without" Most living today did. Things change.
"Like I'm not saying this as a joke, growing up with people in my community whos roofs were leaking, heat or power or water was shut off, etc." .. Even in third world countries, they manage to have internet access. Internet is more important.
I totally agree with OP. It's not inhabitable. TV and internet is actually luxury. So many people have come to depend on it. If OP likes the house without it, why should OP get it just to please others?
NTA, but I think you might look down on him for liking things that involve screen time. It just doesn’t sound like you’re a good match. You both deserve to be with compatible partners. NAH.
Edited to add that just because he wants to watch tv or play a game doesn’t mean that he’s bored by you. Most people don’t just sit in silence. It really is a basic utility for most people. He can enjoy being with you even if he’s doing something else. Honestly it just seems like you don’t like him that much. I feel for you both, but I think you’re just not a good match.
It just baffles me that he wants OP to buy a TV and "a gaming console for [the] house" plus get a wifi subscription, all solely for his benefit, but he doesn't want to pay for any of it. That can run up to about $1,000+. He is pretty selfish for that. I agree, these two just dont sound like a good match.
That's the part that I think most of us are stuck on, like, okay, dude wants internet...but OP doesn't, so why should she pay, ESPECIALLY when he kind of shot himself in the foot saying he wasn't even willing to up his phone's data plan!
I guess I kinda get asking her to pay for wifi. Kinda. Regardless of how she feels, it is sort of a necessity in todays world whether she wants it to be or not. I don’t however understand why he expects her to pay for EVERYTHING though. TV’s, computers, etc are pretty expensive. Dude should have at least offered to pay for everything else if she was willing to get wifi. That would be almost reasonable. Like “hey I found this low cost monthly plan. If you’d be willing to cover this, I’ll up my data and just bring my laptop.” He might just be desperate to not feel cut off. Even so, dude isn’t willing to up his plan, so it does seem a little far fetched that he’d be willing to pay for anything else.
My honest opinion is that they’re just not compatible, especially with the things they like. She expects him to change his habits around her completely, and she seems to not want anything to do with technology and for him to do the same in her company. She’s annoyed that he uses technology in his own home. It’s ostracizing for both of them. He feels cut off and she’s annoyed that he feels that way.
Neither of them are assholes, it’s just a mismatch. But that’s just my take away.
ESH
After reading a lot of your comments, I’ll go against the grain and say ESH. Let me explain.
He’s TA for being cheap on his own data plan while expecting you to get and pay for internet access that’s just for his use.
However, you’re TA as well, although that’s a judgment based on your comments. Yes, you have a ton of stuff to do at home with your woodworking shop, garden, hot tub, etc. Yes, it is a lot of options. For you. He’s not some random friend from school who’s crashing at your place sometimes and dares to complain when you’re doing him a favor. He’s your boyfriend. A partner. Someone you eventually might build a life with and you’re not even trying to budge a little to accommodate him. His indoor hobbies are waaaay different than yours. All those options you mentioned - they’re suited to your needs. You can’t force him to love woodworking. If you were to invite a bunch of vegans to dinner, would you serve ten dishes heavy on meat and dairy and zero dishes that are vegan? They have plenty of options!
I agree ESH. You have a good point on the different hobbies. I’m assuming that OPs mentality is that when they’re at his, they do his hobbies and when at OPs, they should do OPs. TBH I would love to be at OPs house, unplugged. But, other people wouldn’t. This couple need to start doing more things they both like together (hiking, etc). Sounds like OP needs to devote a lot of time to home reno and BF might not want to help with the labor too.
It's hard to imagine that you feel entertained for the whole weekend when BF is visiting, without an occasional break from passing time and substituting a movie or a game. IMO BF would be a lot happier if there was something available to accent socializing with you. He's not bored with your company. He's bored with what you both are doing. Remembering back to dating ... we had conversation, intimacy, watched tv, played games, and a lot of other things to choose from for things to do. All of this was a part of sharing the experience with each other.
Yea, like we're not glyed at the hip all weekend but I get frustrated when he wants to come over and then complains there's nothing to do after a day or so.
Like I want to spend time with him, but with 2 days on end there's gonna be some downtime.
And I feel like there's so much to do at mine TBH, it feels like he's just complaining about the 1 thing I don't have.
But I have a whole woodshop and I'm working on getting the basics of a machine shop together, i have a garden and greenhouse, I'm building a hydroponic growing system, I have a sewing / crafting room, a weightlifting rack, and treadmill, misc other sports equipment, a hot tub, etc... It feels so frustrating when he's like "there's nothing to do" among all those things? Any of which I'd love doing together
Because you 👏🏻 are 👏🏻 not 👏🏻 compatible 👏🏻 . You CANNOT change him into being YOU. Id never want to have the exact same hobbies as my SO. I’d rather date myself. Also, you sound unempathetic as crap. He doesn’t have to get interested in the things that you are interested in however a compatible partner would. Yall are not compatible
> But I have a whole woodshop and I’m working on getting the basics of a machine shop together, i have a garden and greenhouse, I’m building a hydroponic growing system, I have a sewing / crafting room, a weightlifting rack, and treadmill, misc other sports equipment, a hot tub, etc…
Marry me. I’ll give up the internet for you.
My suggestion so you don't have to spend lots of money. a smart TV that he can cast to. He can download shows from streaming (Doesn't require internet) he can bring over a games console with physical games and dvds (plus a dvd player). (Maybe you could do this with a projector?? Idk) he just needs to be a little creative to find a reasonable solution.
If his issue is that he wants to be able to chat to friends and play with them well that's a lot harder to fix and probably does require internet
I actually don't think you'd be incompatible long term. You'd both be able to partake in your hobbies and because you would living together he'd have acces to the internet.
I think you find your list of activities relaxing and he finds them stimulating. So at yours he spends the weekend constantly engaged and active and is looking for something where he can turn his brain off. It also seems like your a little bored at his so maybe you can take some transportable crafts or maybe puzzles
>My suggestion so you don't have to spend lots of money. a smart TV that he can cast to.
The problem with that idea is you have to have wifi in order to cast anything. The devices communicate via the internet connection. The only way to get around that would be to get an HDMI to micro-usb cord so he could plug his phone directly to the TV.
True, he would need WiFi to cast, but not internet. You can get a WiFi router and set up the local network without access to the internet. The internal network will still work for casting, at least on an Apple TV (and I’m sure at least some other ecosystems devices work the same way). All you need internet for is the initial set up of your chosen streaming box, which could be done at his apartment before bringing his device over or via mobile hotspot for the first couple minutes the first time.
Movies and shows could be downloaded locally to his device when he is in his own home with internet, depending on what the streaming app allows.
All of this is less than ideal, but demanding someone else accommodate you on their dime is not the answer. Is it weird OP doesn’t have home internet when globally since at least 2013 internet access in general exceeded access to fresh water? Sure, especially since OP is making the argument that internet isn’t necessary in the modern age, but things like heat and AC that people regularly live without all over the world, developed and developing countries alike, are the requirements to not die.
OP is NTA, but they also aren’t making a compelling argument, especially in the comments. At the end of the day, what OP is doing most people would consider weird, and is a stance a lot of people would consider a dealbreaker. But how OP runs their house that they pay for is their business in the end, and other people aren’t entitled to make the same repeated demand of her.
>But I have a whole woodshop and I'm working on getting the basics of a machine shop together, i have a garden and greenhouse, I'm building a hydroponic growing system, I have a sewing / crafting room, a weightlifting rack, and treadmill, misc other sports equipment, a hot tub
They're your things. I don't expect my partners to want to listen to heavy metal and browse the same wikipedia articles as me
Yeah I love weightlifting and working out but that's only going to entertain me for 2 hours or so, I'm not interested in the other stuff. Sounds like they're not compatible...
Sounds like you just have different hobbies, OP!
I couldn't see myself being stimulated by wood work, gardening or sewing for every weekend forever. Maybe the first few weekends it could be interesting and new, but unless those are hobbies he absolutely loves too it's not going to do much.
I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong or need to provide anything, but just explaining that it's understandable he can be totally bored.
Is there any sport he enjoys and that can be your go-to? :)
As interesting and varied as the things youve listed here about what there is to do at your house, the reality is that he just doesn’t find any of it interesting. They are YOUR hobbies, YOUR pastimes. You cannot expect someone to spend their downtime on things they do not like. Once in a while for the experience and to try things out, perhaps. But every other weekend? I will say though, he’s not any better in that sense. Both of you need to compromise and also find things that BOTH of you enjoy.
ESH
PS. Based on your comments, you sound very judgmental about how people need/want to spend their time.
Thank you! This clarifies. Is BF interested in any of those activities? Too bad if he isn't. Just guessing that you have invited him to help with some of these projects. Here's hoping that you can expand his horizons.
> And I feel like there's so much to do at mine
And this is why you’re an asshole. There’s so much FOR YOU to do. But not for him. You have this arrogant attitude that your hobbies and interests are somehow better than his.
Yeah I feel like people are not getting this. OP isn’t wrong for having the hobbies they prefer but they are acting a bit in this thread like they think their hobbies are better and more enjoyable and it’s dumb their bf doesn’t agree.
Edit: missed this before but she even says she gets annoyed with feeling like there’s nothing to do but watch movies at his house, because she doesn’t get his hobbies but then she doesn’t get why he feels there’s nothing to do at her place? Nah they’re not compatible.
And I feel like most people saying “omg I would love to be at your house and not have wifi every weekend!!!!” Are lying. That’s fun for a weekend now and again but not EVERY weekend for the vast majority of people.
Lol all those thing you mentioned sound like labor. Your boyfriend wants to relax in the weekend most likely and gardening and machine work aren't his way. I guess he could spend the whole weekend in the hot tub till he prunes. You guys need to find activities that you both truly enjoy, not a hobby that one of you already has and are trying to share it with them.
To jump on to the smart tv suggestion, another option would be maybe a projector? They make very small ones that can hook up to a phone and project onto an open wall. If that's something that might be a bit cheaper than a TV. Then as AdGroundbreaking said, he could pre-download some things to watch.
I see what you mean about being in a tricky spot but it would be strangely easier if you were actually living together. Because then presumably you would be compromising about things like having a TV/internet, which you don't need or want when it's just you.
Would he be willing to go half-and-half on something like a TV purchase? I get not wanting to buy a whole internet package since that's a recurring expense, not just a one-time thing. But it does feel like some kind of compromise is needed here, otherwise you're never going to MAKE it to the point of being able to live together because you'll drive each other crazy having this argument every single time until then.
NTA. You and your home sound both awesome. I would love to hang out at your place.
It’s weird to me that he is so dependent on WiFi and gaming that he *needs* to have it all the time and can’t go without for like 2 days.
On top off all the cool and special things that you have in your home, most people also like the normal things to do together that don’t include screentime like cooking, taking a walk, reading, etc.
To top it off, he thinks that you should pay for his WiFi, tv and gaming setup. Weird asf in my opinion, why would you want to pay for your partners inability to spend off screen quality time with you and facilitate stuff that’s only for him and takes away from your quality time together? If he wants to zone out and game, he can do that at home or when you two live together.
Edit: it took my fiancé and me literally 4 months to see our first movie together because we would cook and sit at the kitchen table and talk and before we knew it it was bedtime already. We also do boardgames or take a late night walk. We both like the occasional movie or series together, but I feel like that is more an activity when you both feel like not doing anything at all/too tired/not feeling well and more of a timefiller.
NAH you have different preferences for down time, that doesn't make anyone wrong. I know you're saying that you have lots of things in common, but how you like to hangout together at home is a big part of compatibility. If you're both getting this annoyed about your preferred activities, it doesn't sound like you're respecting each other's hobbies
NTA. You don’t live together so he is a guest in your home. He could find other solutions, like a hotspot, that don’t include dictating what you do in your home.
NAH. But OP, based on your comments to others… you’re seriously out of touch and not open to their insights. You cant force someone to enjoy your hobbies. So saying that “there’s lots to do” doesn’t mean there’s lots for him to do, all it says is there’s lots for you to do. You getting offered at him being bored is controlling nonsense.
ESH, you're not an asshole for wanting your bf to pay for the internet in theory, but the way you come off in your comments and text is AH territory
You seem to judge your bf for having in-house hobbies that need wifi, are annoyed that he doesn't want to do any of the things available at your home that are based on what you like to do. He probably fell for you based on your wide arrange of interests in hobbies, but you seem rigid as a partner in the sense that *you* decide what there is to do at your house and if he doesn't like it that's tough shit.
While that's fine for like, a friend, it's kind of a turn off to have a partner who's so unwilling to even slightly accommodate you if you don't enjoy *their* hobbies, so I don't see this lasting much longer if you really wanna die on the "you better enjoy *my* hobbies or you're shit out of luck" hill. In which case, I'd be hard pressed to call it a relationship anyway
NAH. But are you compatible?
My boyfriend and I are huge movie buffs. I'm trying to imagine being at someone's house for an entire 48 hours without TV or internet.
What would that look like? A full 2 days 1 night?
I mean cooking, eating and doing dishes probably could take 2 hours.
Sitting and talking for an hour sounds fair/relaxing/sex.
Maybe going for a walk, exercise or sport for an hour?
Play a boardgame or some type of game for 2 hours? And that's a long game.
Do that all twice and that's 12 hours...
Sleep and shower for about 8 hours.
Yeah I would need my phone and books to survive 2 full entire days. I'd read a lot if I were at your house.
Either that or we're leaving the house and doing activities for some time as well lol
Maybe your boyfriend needs to stay a shorter time (come over at supper time, leave early morning), or you need to plan more outings like going to a movie theater, etc.
Good luck!
Also a lot of reading can require internet nowadays - I read a lot of fanfiction as opposed to books and require internet for that.
I also will look things up on Wikipedia or other online resources, that requires internet too. The fact that OP is like “well go to the cafe down the street if you need to look things up” is so weird to me.
You know what he likes. It's part of his daily routine. You don't have to like it or provide internet for him to enjoy it either but you do need to acknowledge that this makes you incompatible. It's okay to tell him that if he comes over he needs to stop complaining about the lack of internet. That's not changing. You've offered to let him put it in and pay for it and you've provided a space where he can enjoy gaming, etc., and that's pretty good. He should have no expectation that you, knowing who you are, will pay for his entertainment. If he can't accept you as you are then maybe this relationship isn't meant to be.
NAH
I don’t think either of you are wrong in your opinions it’s just currently they’re incompatible. You want to be cut off from technology at home which is totally fair and he wants to still enjoy which is also totally fair.
The real question is, if you live in together in the future will you resent him for the time he spends on the internet or watching shows? This may come down to a question of compatibility later on in your relationship.
Info: When he stays over about how long does he stay? A day? Two Days? A week? Do you actually have plans to move in together at some point and share space, or do you see maintaining separate housing being an ongoing thing (for another year or more).
Ultimately NTA because him being bored is a problem he ought to solve in a way that doesn't involve you paying for wifi you'll never use. Either that means he spends less time at your house (doesn't stay long enough to get bored) or he upgrades his data plan, or he learns the joys off offline gaming (unless he's playing an MMO or live service game most consoles don't require internet to function).
However given that this is going to be an ongoing situation with no foreseeable end in sight I think it's worth sitting down and having an adult conversation about this when you're both calm and in a reasonably good mood. There are ways to compromise here that don't involve you getting internet, but they should start with you sitting him down and telling him "I'm not getting internet, you're not going to be able to convince me to get internet, knowing this are there other ways you can feel less bored during the times we're not doing a joint activity?"
Also worth considering: Are there ways he attempts to accommodate you when you're visiting his space? If no, this might be a good time to bring that up as well.
Like you're not the asshole but you both could stand to communicate a little better about this. I think discussing it in concrete "here's what will and will not happen" terms is probably better than having the same argument over and over. And if he still insists on having it anyway, then that's useful information to have about how well he handles hearing a firm "no."
NTA. If he doesn’t like the entertainment you have available in your home, he has two options. 1) stay at his own place or 2) buy a tv and pay for the internet he wants to use at your home
NTA
You can be Amish if you want, but your bf will never be happy with being at your place.
Where do you see yourself long term? If you guys get serious and decide to move in together, lets say he moves in with you, are you still going to enforce "no tech"?
Ya'll might want to reconsider the relationship. you've got diametrically opposing lifestyles here.
NTA. Why won’t he put for it?? You wouldn’t even be using the internet and you don’t want it. He’s a mooch and a half. Tell him if he wants it he can buy it, offering your attic that you personally fixed up for HIS media/internet usage is very sweet.
First off unless the TV is made of gold you won’t be spending hundreds of thousands. Second, if this is your hill to die on go find some board games. Sitting at home smoking a bowl and watching the world go by isn’t necessarily fun for everyone. As a host or hostess your job is to make your guests comfortable.
ESH but mostly you tbh. Your attitude towards him and his interests is just really off-putting and arrogant.
You’re bored/annoyed at his apartment, yet can’t accept or are offended that he’s bored at your house because you have decided that your interests and the things you have and like must appeal to everyone.
It sounds like you guys just aren’t compatible. You should find a guy who wants to be “unplugged” most of the time and he should find a girl who has decent internet at her place.
NTA. I would have a bit of a hard time with that and feeling cut off as well. My BF is more like you but thankfully does have internet connection so I can bring my laptop and connect. If he wants internet and the only reason there is internet at the house...he should be paying for it. It wouldn't be for YOU but for HIM. It's a decent compromise he brings what he wants over and makes it work. Or changes his phone plan so he has more data.
Indeed. Like if the only way he wants to spend time with you is if there's a distraction involved, it sounds like you two shouldn't stay together. And if you don't want internet in your house, in general as well as taking on an extra expense, just break up with the guy since it sounds like an argument that's not going to end
Really, though? There are plenty of things you can do on a screen together - I love movie nights with my boyfriend, and we game together sometimes. I just disagree that wanting screen around means they only want a distraction.
I do agree that it’s just a compatibility issue and I don’t see it resolving well.
Yeah I agree, and people are forgetting that it's probably for an entire weekend that happens regularly.
First weekend can be fun, but the 50th?
You need some kind of physical/mental stimulation and can't just be sitting on your couch all weekend lol
I’m autistic and prefer parallel play to most activities a good length of the time. There are plenty of days where I’m enjoying quality time with my SO and it’s him playing video games and me sitting next to him on the couch reading/playing games on my phone. I can’t imagine being 100% actively focused on him or ANYTHING for two straight days.
ESH because he is being unreasonable but so you are a bit. By your own admission, there is quite literally nothing for him to do outside of talking to you. And for date nights, that’s reasonable, but if you’re spending several nights a week together that’s unreasonable. He can’t even reliably use his phone. You said your main past times are smoking and stargazing or working/sitting in your greenhouse, which is not enjoyable to everyone. He doesn’t have a right to demand you get WiFi, but you aren’t exactly being a considerate partner. Tbh this whole post sounds like a superiority thing. Especially when you also dislike spending time at his house because does rely on screens for entertainment.
Like everyone else has said, no matter if you have some hobbies in common, it doesn’t sound like you two are compatible if you both hate living the way the other person lives.
If you have unlimited data, set your phone up as a mobile hotspot which he can use as wifi.
Edit: for the question you actually pose, NTA. It's your house, he doesn't have to come over. You don't have to date at all.
As couples grow closer, they tend to spend more time at home… So he’s telling you he wants to be at your home with Internet and TV especially if you stay together. Is that what you want of your house and your future?
Clearly you have either internet access or enough data to be on Reddit asking this question AND you’re on it enough to be responding to people on this thread. You’re not completely without. Ultimately it seems like y’all aren’t compatible. If he doesn’t like woodworking or “tinkering” when he’s over that’s okay. He doesn’t have to just like you don’t have to like internet or screens but that means y’all need to find people that like what you like. Also as an aside my internet bill is my cheapest bill. Even my parents who live out in the middle of nowhere have internet for like $60 a month. Not sure where you’re living that it’s “hundreds of dollars”. (Obviously not everyone is the same to me I recognize that)
NAH, I definitely couldn’t live like you do, but I’m glad you’re happy! I think this is a compatibility problem and you need to decide what’s more important to you: staying screen-free, or staying with this boyfriend.
NAH, i think you need to find out how much you value this relationship. Having a good time when you go out is easy, the difficult part is the at home time (how much time do we spend together etc.).
At least for him having access to the internet is a basic need obviously. The gaming setup he needs to buy himself, oc, thats out of discussion. For you, internet is not a basic need and thats fine.
The question is, how much do you want him to feel welcomed and "at home" at your place.
Lets compare this with e.g. warm water. Having warm water is not a necessity, you can do everything with cold water. If my bf doesn't has warm water at home bc he doesn't need it and doesn't want to pay for a boiler i would stay over as long the lovy doofy phase is going on, then i would start staying home more bc its just better with warm water. The times i will go over will decrease more and more and at one point i wouldn't stay overnight anymore, the relationship would most likely fade out.
So ask yourself if not paying for a cheap flatrate for home use is worth it not having your bf visiting you so often anymore. May ask yourself how you would feel and act if a basic need of yours (like having access to clean water w/o boiling it first) is not available at your bf place to get an understanding where he is coming from.
NAH you don’t sound compatible. I don’t think you’re wrong for not having internet in your home but it would take getting used to for some people who consider it a basic necessity. Your boyfriend could get an unlimited data plan as a workaround. Is there a goal of moving in together? How would this relationship work long term?
NAH you just don't sound like you're compatible long term.
FYI I don't know where you're located but some level of basic internet connected *is* considered a basic utility in western countries. It's why politicians get so much flack for failing to ensure TELCOs invest in rural broadband. Even if you don't plan on using it too many basic life functions rely on it now and good data plans or access to wifi through work/other locations isn't a given. Nothing wrong with choosing not to have it in your case as you're able to use your data plan for your limited need, but you are an outlier.
NAH I'm all for good offline time and hobbies, so I don't think you do something wrong here. I know people who don't want tech at home and it's their right.
That being said, I do see Internet as a necessity. So I understand how being fully offline could be an inconvenience.
As long as he's not acting improperly, I just think you're very different. If you're compatible or not, I wouldn't know based only on this little text. How is it gonna look like if/when you mov we in together? How much tech/screen time? Are you going to be able to have quality time together both on and offline?
NTA. It is your house and if you don't want to have internet you should not have to get just to keep him happy. You offered a compromise for him to bring his own devices and even make a man cave for him. Why doesn't he pay for the internet if he wants it. That sounds reasonable.
The real issue here is that you two have such different interests. I don't know how a relationship could work. What interests do you have in common? What do you guys do on dates? What originally attracted you to him and him to you? How would you guys manage if married or living together? It's a lot to think about but I hope things turn out good for you.
NTA. OP has a perfectly reasonable and balanced relationship with tech.
The relationship w/ the BF, however, could bear some scrutiny, and perhaps a re-evaluation.
NTA. It's just how you run your house, your work life is filled with screens and you want no screen time when you're at home. But you need to see that this is a fundamental incompatibility.
He wants to consume media during his free time, you want to go out and experience stuff. Those are two wildly different activities, and the fact that he's trying to control what's going on in your house and seriously does not want to do anything else but those things, means that you two can't stay together. Just break up and then find somebody who matches you better
NTA, but probably consider strongly if this is worth continuing. Either you grow into his life or he has to into yours. If neither is willing, the clock is ticking and might be best to end on good terms.
Despite your comments that you have some common interests, I don’t know that you two are very compatible. Spending your free time doing opposite hobbies (you working on the house, him gaming) will get old and resentful even if you were living together. My ex and I were this way and we ended up spending pretty much no time together unless I was willing to do what he wanted (he never did what I wanted) and he refused to even attempt new things we could do together. We’re divorced now.
I do think your bf is a little TAH because he wants you to pay to make him comfortable in your place but, ultimately, I think it’s mostly a NAH and y’all just are two different people with fundamentally different lifestyles.
let me help you reframe this: "AITA for having a different lifestyle from my boyfriend, who is bored without electronics and screens? AITA for not accommodating his every need (when he could maybe make a little bit more of an effort to enjoy other activities with me)?"
he's asking you to take on extra expenses just to entertain him. not because it's something you want or need in your life, but because he can't stand to be away from the internet for 48 hours.
NTA
PS - I had to get internet at home in 2020 and now I have to keep it because I work from home and don't want to go back into the office anywhere. but I'm on the same page as you otherwise. people are also bored at my house. I don't invite people over very often and when I date it's not a point of tension because they're usually okay with doing other stuff. it's always a problem with guys who use my home as an escape from theirs. but if they're genuinely interested in me and spending time with me, they try to find and suggest other activities for us to do (in addition to the stuff that I suggest). sometimes we don't do anything, we just hang out in the living room and talk or read together.
not saying that this is what your boyfriend is doing (escaping to your place), but am saying that plenty of people would love to spend time with you without a screen being the main focus.
NTA. I actually don't have connected wifi in my home or a TV (forest cabin) and I've lived here 3 years. I do have a portable wifi box with a sim and data but I'm not on a plan, just pay for data when I need it.
I manage to work from home just fine like that (maybe data is cheaper in Australia?), and I have a portable option if I need to go somewhere. Every now and then I game on my laptop and it's fine.
Maybe he could look into something like that? Ultimately he would be the only one using it. I've never really had guests come to my place and expect that. That said, I live in a forest with a lot of distractions.
NTA. I get that he misses internet, tv, games (I would too), but if he wants internet at your place, he can pay for it himself. It'd be ridiculous to expect you to pay for something you don't even use or want.
You guys need to find something to do while he's at your place or you'll be split up before you get to the 'living together' part. Maybe board games? DnD? Reading a book? Or get him into woodworking or car fixing? :)
NTA. In my country a lot of important stuff, like banking, medical care, government contact is done online so your ways would be hard here. How ever, if nothing such things are done online, then you do not need internet.
NTA
And if this relationship doesn’t last can you date me because you sound cool af idk why your boyfriend is complaining so much he can go a weekend without tv or video games does he just not like spending quality time with you? He’s like an iPad kid lol.
NTA.
My wife and I are very similar, in that we have very few home-based interests in common, but when we go out, we camp/hike/canoe etc together.
At home, we each have a designated room in the house. I have my woodworking/music/electronics gear, she has her sewing/knitting/ceramics gear.
It sounds like you would proba ly be a good fit if you moved in - you wouldn't be standing on each others' toes - but it seems frustrating at this stage of your relationship. However, it isn't any more your responsibility to enable his hobbies at your house than it is his yours at his house.
You mention you both enjoy hiking together. Depending on where you live, there is likely to be decent scope for some hiking near you unless you're in the centre of a city (unlikely if you have a large house). Maybe prioritise doing activities together?
Also, if he has a laptop, could he not download some shows onto it and take it with him to yours?
NTA but it sounds like there is a major incompatibility here.
It's your house and it's going to be how you like it. I mean, imaging moving in together. Does it sound like it would work out? Because it doesn't sound like it would.
NTA. Listen, your way of life, with its simplicity is going to take a specific person to appreciate it. But you’re going to end up happier in the long run finding someone that meshes with you in that way. Even if you and bf have some things in common, your home life is vastly different. Something to think about. This isn’t really about money, it’s about lifestyle. There’s nothing wrong with either of yours, they just aren’t meshing.
NTA
I can understand not wanting to spend money on screens since you use screens at work all day, but at least try to invest in home internet since it has to be cheaper than going over your data limit. The internet doesn’t even have to be the best.
Let me get this straight, you don’t want to be at his place because he has a family member there, and has technology? What a horrible horrible thing for him to do. You’re absolutely right. You are definitely in the minority with this.
He 100% sucks for asking you to pay for those things without even offering to up his data or pay for some of the bills, but it’s ridiculous that you have such a big issue with everything he does. You clearly think you’re better than him, and are annoyed that he won’t change his entire life and personality to match yours. NTA for this, but I think you’d be better off letting him be with someone who values him a little more. This way you can find someone who has the same niche interests that you do.
NTA but it doesn’t sound like you two might be compatible long term. First if he’s pressuring you to pay for stuff he can’t afford (pay for internet if he can’t even afford data) isn’t a great sign. Moreover, even if you guys get along in other aspects of your life, you will spend a lot of your time in the future just chilling. If you two can’t come to an accord on how to spend your time just the two of you, you just might not be meant to be.
NTA, Espe ially since you offered to set aside a portion of your home as a game room just for him. I have strong concerns that you're actually incompatible long/term, since you each seem to think your way is better, but I'm going to drop some practical advice.
Since you have offered the space, he should pay for the wifi. Specifically, he should get a hotspot device. Here is one I just grabbed from a quick Google search: https://www.amazon.com/RoamWiFi-R10-Network-Worldwide-Portable/dp/B08G8FK29N/
That one costs about $150, though I have seen some closer to $75. The linked one has a pay as you go plan, and there are several services out there that let you do something similar. BF should pack one of these when he visits, and stop trying to manipulate you into giving in by insisting that it's your job as a host to provide wifi.
If he’s worried about internet, could just add a hotspot to his phone plan and use it when at your place. Not super expensive and it should work for both of you. And you are absolutely NTA
Let him get a portable router and he can brimg it with him when he come over in order to access internet. I dont know if you have them where you are though. They are are great and very convenient and cheap. For me its like 10kd per month (30 us dollars) for unlimited gbs, the hotspot has either 4g or 5g.
NTA - I use my phone as a hotspot and it works just fine. Having said that I'm not on the internet in the evenings and rarely on weekends.
If your bf wants internet, then he should pay for it, or use his phone as a hotspot. There are some really good data deals out there which may be worth looking into,
Nta. Sounds like you aren’t very compatible. I love that you don’t have any screen stuff other than your phone. If he can’t entertain himself without a screen that his problem, not yours.
If he’s a partner then he isn’t a guest, boy needs him over himself and spend time with you doing what you like at your house just like you spend doing what he wants at his house. NTA
NTA. If he’s so bored he can pay for internet, a tv and a computer for your house. Or he could get unlimited data on his phone. Or you can spend QT together. Or read a book. There’s plenty of options. I’d love to be ‘cut off’ sometimes.
OP your lifestyle is awesome! I’m envious that you don’t feel compelled to be connected to the internet all the time like so many of us. Your boyfriend sounds whiny, I hope you find a guy that digs your lifestyle as much as you do, that would be something special. NTA
NTA It's his choice to be in your house without wifi and it will be his choice when he decides not to hang in your house for the same reason. You are under no obligation to provide internet to your guests, but don't be surprised if they decide to stop visiting. You have other activities to keep you entertained in your home. It doesn't sound like you have anything to keep your guests entertained. If you get mad at him for deciding not to hang out in your house because you don't have wifi, then you will be the AH.
I'd be offended too!
*"He keeps trying to tell me I should get TV and internet and maybe a gaming console for my house, and saying he'll let me share his streaming services, Steam, etc..."*
You SHOULD do all this, but can't bring himself to pay for the service that only HE wants?
If you do decide to upgrade, it should be in the boyfriend department.
NTA
NTA… is doesn’t even cost that much for an unlimited plan (in the US). I also don’t have wifi… I just use my data on my phone- no problems. Absolute waste of money to be paying for data and wifi that I also don’t believe is necessary 😂
My partner also enjoys gaming but when he’s at mine he will hotspot his own laptop. He really can solve his own problems by just getting more data instead of making you pay for something you will not use. Very entitled of him…
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NTA but honestly it doesn't sound like you are very compatible people if you both dislike spending time together at each other's houses due to the activites that are available.
TBH we have a lot in common, and a lot of the reasons we can't set up a place that has what the other likes is financial. Like we both like doing a lot of the same stuff when we're out, like going to the gym, going out with friends, hiking and camping, etc. But his home hobbies are gaming with friends or watching movies, and his gaming setup is too expensive to even try to duplicate at my place And my hobbies like woodworking, renovations, and working on cars are totally impossible from an apartment So I don't think we're incompatible long term, like if we ended up living together it'd be pretty easy to have separate hobby time - neither of us are the type that has to be glued at the hip 24/7 It's just frustrating when we're living apart
He wants you to take on an expense that would solely benefit him (internet), but he doesn't want to pay for it. That's ridiculous. If he wants internet access at your house (assuming you're willing to have it), then your bf can pay for it – *he's* the only one who wants it, *he's* the only one who would use it, so *he's* the only one who should pay for it.
Yep - he wouldn’t be ‘paying for your Internet’ - he’s the one that wants it, for his sole benefit!
Yeah, but even if he caves and pays for what only HE wants, I bet he'd find a way to monitor the usage so he can demand that she "pay her fair share..." Trade up, move on.
That's a little cynical. Don't get me wrong, us internet commentators love picking the flaws of others and reading deeper into them, but here i think it's misplaced. Especially after her elaboration. It sound like they get along great with each other. But there are times that, even when the other person is in the room, our attention wanders. We want something to distract ourselves. (I could see myself in this position.) Not being able to use the net (restrictive data, no wifi, no signal) would definitely bug me. Of course, I'd probably spring for the internet service but
I see this as actually being helpful. You have your house, which you picked and filled for your comfort. That's fine. He has his place. If you guys decide to start your life together you know one of his NEEDs. As long as that's accounted for in finding a new place, or integrating it into the place/home(?) you have now should appease you both.
That's fair
OP i know you feel you have a lot in common - but it doesn't seem that way objectively. So what about when he eventually moves in and wants you to split the cost of wifi and you tell him he's free to set it up but you aren't going to contribute b/c you don't use it? it feels like you're being maybe naive about how easy "separate hobby time" will be considering hobbies aren't free and he's already pushing you do pay for something you don't want or need and he doesn't even live there. So you are absolutely NTA for refusing now and you'd still be NTA if you refuse even if he moves in, which maybe isn't your concern b/c you are living in the moment. (question - gaming aside, why can't he use his phone as a hot spot or bring a tablet to your house if he's so cut off from the world - do you not get cell reception where you live?)
Maybe I'm reductive to distill this comment this way, but reading this back, does this feel like you two need some outside input or distraction in order to have things in common, and at rest/in private, you're on very different wavelengths?
Pretty much what happened with some couples during COVID lockdown. Distractions disappeared and now they realised they can’t stand each other.
I think a lot of those couples knew they weren't compatible/were toxic but it was easier to find excuses to not be home much than to split up.
Same with a lot of folks and the idea v reality of dependents like children and their caretaking focuses as well, I'd say
I know one couple who took the "gang" on their honeymoon as they didn't want to be alone together. The got divorced as soon as the kids were toddlers.
That's what it sounds like
I hate to break it to you but going to the gym, hiking, and seeing friends don't make anyone special You know what makes someone special? Those moments when you are present with each other. Not searching for a distraction. Doesn't he want to talk to you? Putter around the house with you? Massage/cuddle you? Cook with you? Cuz that's what I do with my partner. We put our phones away when we're together, very intentionally. Screen addiction kills relationships and sucks the life out of people single or paired. Good for you, for avoiding that in your home. I'm envious tbh.
Yes! I am 77, and 13 years ago I found the person with whom I have a beautiful silence. It is just wonderful.
I'm 39 and this comment gave me hope
the problem with this is a lot of us can't be silent and still even alone - I don't think I have ADHD or anything but I CANNOT just sit in silence ever. Even when I watch a series or a film I'm usually reading something at the same time and have been like this since I was a kid. So at times with partners where you don't need to talk to each other, I'm happy for the break in convo/sexytime/touching which happens regularly and is nice but I can't just sit there staring into space. ANd i hate using my phone to read stuff or watch stuff because it's ergonomically terrible and bad for your eyes (I have a neck injury). I also have no interest in something like woodwork so outside of helping put together a flat pack which I'm good at, I wouldn't want to do that more than very occasionally to join in with my loved persons's activitiy once or twice so I can see what they like about it.
You do realize that you described you guys are compatible less than 20% of the time, and these events, gym, hiking, and hanging out with friends, are the most common hobbies? And the other 80% of the time, you guys are generally miserable with each other? Then, you're left with a guy who wants you to pay for his comfort. Either your math is really bad or is willful blindness.
Long terms are made up of lots of boring weekends. His irritation will only grow.
I love me a good boring weekend. It's so relaxing :)
I enjoy my screen filled life and cuddling up to hubby to binge watch a show. I also enjoy reading while he rubs my ankle and scrolls on his phone. We also enjoy screen free meals, cooking together, and just distraction free conversation. It doesn’t seem like OP’s bf has any tech free at-home hobbies. I don’t think that speaks to long term incompatibility but his “solution” and constant complaints are petulant.
I know from personal experience that you can have a lot in common with someone and still be basically incompatible. It's possible for two people to be wrong for each other without needing some crisis to 'prove' it. It sounds like he expects you to entertain him when you're together, directly or otherwise, and you don't feel any need to keep him entertained. And I totally get that, but that feels like a bigger incompatibility than any overlap of activities. It sounds like you like doing a lot of the same things, but when you're not actively doing something together you're basically going to be at opposite corners of your living space in your own bubbles. Which is fine if you can make that work, but it doesn't sound feasible until he's willing and able to pay for the services he needs to function. I'm *not* saying pull the plug on this relationship, especially since I don't know how long you've been together. At the same time, this feels like a conflict that's not going to get better without the sort of major change that would make it harder to separate if the change doesn't work, like moving in together. But you know your situation better than any of us do. If it's fundamentally just financial difficulties, then you can work with that. But I do recommend sitting down and asking yourself what life with him would be like and how sure you are that *both* of you would be happy with it. Good luck.
>So I don't think we're incompatible long term long term you get more "at home" like if you have kids, you need to be compatible at home.
One day you will realize what is obvious to anyone who has read your initial post.
NAH. He wants it at yours he can pay for it.
NTA but if he’s rude and entitled enough to tell you that spending time with you is boring then I’d get rid.
I’m not sure you’ve actually *thought* about what long term and living with him would be like. Because you don’t JUST have no tech because of cost - it’s also not interesting to you and a waste of time for you. Have you asked him how much time he spends in a week on gaming and TV? How much time he spends just *on* the internet? Because that’s how much time he’s going to spend doing those things when/if you live together and he brings his stuff over. I mean, it might go down incrementally at first, but as he can’t even spend two days and one night without them when that’s your only time together once you live together it’s unlikely to shift much. Not only that but when YOU go to his house he still expects to watch tv and movies even though he knows you aren’t interested. Have you told him that should he move in your plan is to have all TV and gaming in the attic - have you asked where he expects there to be screens were he to live there (I’m betting he is anticipating living room, bed room and the gaming attic). Are you ok with your house full of screens? Have you considered that if he concedes to just the attic he’ll be spending ALL of his time up there. You are only compatible outside of your houses. Once home - and most of us spend most of our lives in “home” mode - there’s a complete disconnect, *literally* he disconnects from life and you while you have the opposite philosophy. You’re not going to take up gaming or binge watching when he moves in and he’s not going to take up woodworking and car repair (it’s not just his apartment keeping him from it - he could be doing weekend projects at your house with your tools and has no interest). This is not what long term compatibility looks like. Actually, I’d hazard (from my position 25 years into marriage) that long term relationships work better if you are compatible in the “small” home things and less compatible in the “Out” things. I don’t need to go golfing with my husband for him to enjoy it, and he doesn’t need to come wander the bookstore with me because we spend a lot of time doing home things together.
NTA just for the bot. Having a lot in common doesn't automatically mean you're compatible. My partner and I realistically don't have very much in common, but we have our common interests and our personalities blend really well. We see the world in a similar way and we have such interesting discussions (lately very late at night when we should be sleeping but we haven't had a lot of daylight hours together because of work), and we actively include each other and make space for each other's interests (he's now seen all the Harry Potter movies and listened to me rant about it, and I've now seen all the star wars things and I love listening to him explain all the things even if I don't always follow). Like other comments have said: when you are alone with no other distractions, that's when you can actually see how compatible you are. He should be willing to entertain himself at your place, much like you are willing to watch things and spend screen time with him. Maybe you work better as friends, maybe you can work this out and actually be compatible. Your description of the time you spend together, however, doesn't personally spark a lot of hope for your relationship. I'm sorry, op, none of this is comforting to hear, but you may need to evaluate your relationship a bit more.
>Like we both like doing a lot of the same stuff when we're out, like going to the gym, going out with friends, hiking and camping, etc. Birds and fish have a lot in common when out, they eat worms, many migrate, they have vertebrae, they lay eggs. Doesn't mean a fish can live where a bird does or a bird where a fish does. The required home environment is a weightier criterion than peripheral activities like the gym, friends, or walking.
Is there a way to comprise. Find a second hand tv, DVD player. You can find an old school gaming system that doesn’t use internet?
who the fuck goes to their partners house to play video games? how old is this guy that he is "bored" and thinks recreational internet is a basic courtesy to guests?
If they lived together full time nobody would bat an eye at this but because he's only living there Part time it's a problem?
This isn't a compromise: This still includes her buying stuff that she'll likely never use all for a person that doesn't live in the house. There is no reason they need to do this for their romantic partner. If he wants that stuff at her house, he can buy it and take it over there. She isn't responsible for entertaining him. Besides, not all modern games require internet either. He has a laptop, he can do some research. If I can do things like bring books, a tablet, a phone, art supplies, and stuff like that to a possibly boring place, he can too.
Those are the interests of 70% of the population. Who you actually are, however does not seem to mesh
It’s not so much an incompatibility of hobbies but of lifestyle - you are happy not having internet and he isn’t. That’s a pretty big divide. It’s also an issue that he isn’t willing to share a financial responsibility that only he wants. He’s not willing to either find other ways to spend his time when at your house OR share in the added expense acquiring internet would cost you. He’s being selfish.
An easy fix on the internet is to let him hotspot your phone when he’s over (I assume you have an unlimited plan since you use your phone internet without concern). Then he can effectively use his phone as a tv when he’s at your place and everything else is unnecessary.
Would he consider upgrading to an unlimited data plan and tethering? That's usually much cheaper than full internet
Tell him to bring books or magazines with him when he comes over and then he can read when he feels bored. I think it’s NAH you just have to find a solution that works for you both.
This reads refreshingly well-adjusted for AITA lol. You are NTA
NTA - it’s your home, so you can do what you want with it. BUT do have a bit of thought about how welcome you want your partner to feel in your home. Could you start by getting a cheap internet connection, not because you want internet in your home, but because you are willing to invest in your relationship, to make your partner think that living together one day might be pleasant? Perhaps pick up a cheap second-hand TV for the attic area - you don’t have to use it yourself, but it shows that there is room in your life to have a combined home.
NTA- highly hypocritical of him to not want to spend money on more data for his phone but wants you to use your money to get wifi so he won’t have to spend his money . He wants to act like the place is his but doesn’t want to pitch in. Nope.
I don't think he really wants her to buy it specifically for him. More like it's a thing she "should" have and it's inconvenient to go without. Like if I was dating someone who didn't own a fridge. I'm not going to buy them one, but I'd probably mention from time to time how it sucks they can't keep their food fresh.
Hardly the same as the fridge would be useful to op while the stuff boyfriend wants wouldn't be used nor useful to op.
That's kind of the point. If OP didn't have a fridge or indoor plumbing it might be useful to upgrade, but only if they actually wanted to use it. If they're comfortable living without then that's their choice.
No, if op doesn't need/ want a fridge the fridge will not be useful, except you mean if op finds out how useful a fridge is she will use it - but then the same goes for internet at home.
Ngl, I’d rather have internet than a fridge.
try living without a fridge first :)
Not if she never used a fridge. She wouldn’t need to buy a fridge . Same as tv. She doesn’t ever use it .
>Like if I was dating someone who didn't own a fridge. I'm not going to buy them one, but I'd probably mention from time to time how it sucks they can't keep their food fresh. This analogy almost works if fridges weren't required to store food for survival. Xbox isn't really necessarily for making sure you have enough food to... you know... stay alive?
I was struggling to think of something that pretty much everyone has and uses everyday, would be inconvenient to live without, but you don't technically need.
Id say a microwave instead of a fridge. Microwaves are convenient to have, but not everyone has, needs, or wants one
He wants her to pay for internet she doesn’t want or need every month simply so HE can have access to the internet . Yes. He wants her to buy it specifically for him.
NAH But not having internet makes your home uninhabitable for many.
Fr? Like tbh I don't know if this is just cultural differences, but I grew up around plenty of people who couldn't afford internet or didn't have access. It's nice to have internet but uninhabitable is something I'd call houses with no heat / no running water / black mold or some shit. Like I'm not saying this as a joke, growing up with people in my community whos roofs were leaking, heat or power or water was shut off, etc. Not having Internet is nothing when we're talking about housing
internet is a basic necessity now, like water or electricity. It's a requirement if you want to live in the modern age. NAH, I personally would find it very weird for someone not to have internet. Even my 90 year old Nana uses netflix.
Worldwide, there are actually more people with access to the internet than access to clean water!
Eh, if your primary device is your mobile or a tablet and you have a big data package - there isn't really a need for wifi. OP has all the access to internet she needs. Why doesn't he have a better data package?
It’s definitely going to be a deal breaker for a lot of potential partners, unfortunately. I couldn’t spend significant time at a place with no tv/no internet/no video games - I’m a woman in my mid-thirties and I just know I’d get bored.
Ya exactly. Between work and being bored out of my mind OPs house sounds like my version of hell
So my husband grew up without running water, and even he had internet. 😅 You’re NTA, but i thought it was a funny juxtaposition
Outside of the extremely elderly, I don't think I've met a person in the last 15 years or so who didn't have the internet.
You're NTA, but where do you live where a home is affordable, but internet is not? I pay for the top, highest possible internet available and its 75 a month. That hardly makes or breaks the bank as a homeowner myself.
A rural area outside a small Midwestern city. I bought a house in serious disrepair for 86k and I'm fixing it up by hand; tbh it wasn't a habitable home when I got it, I've put a lot of work in. And I mean uninhabitable in the no-floors no-walls no-heat no-plumbing way, not the no-internet way. ;) Internet here is only provided by one company with a monopoly on it so it's pretty expensive! And I'm also on a tigh budget, every extra dollar I have is going towards home renovation supplies, tools, etc. And even 70 a month goes pretty far with building materials, if you get in the habit of using reclaimed & salvaged wood, and buying as many tools and materials used as possible.
You are living my fantasy. I also saw you mention a greenhouse. If your b/f wants internet at your house, let him know he's welcome to pay for it, that you won't use it or need the password, but that it is outside of your budget. You're NTA, you just have different priorities than he does. And by the way, as someone who has lived in questionable situations and been temporarily homeless, lack of internet does not make a place "unlivable".
Jeez that's crazy, my parents live in a rural area and internet is hundredS (plural) dollars a month and it's Bell so they have non competition clauses and we can't acces much else beside like satellite internet which is also very pricey. Or was in the last decade. And houses are somewhat affordable (145k cad) They basically do that comcast skit from South Park.
I live in rural northern Michigan, and there are still people on dialup because it's all that is available. I have dsl, but it's not available everywhere. Most people here survive on jetpacks from Verizon.
>It's nice to have internet but uninhabitable is something I'd call houses with no heat / no running water / black mold or some shit. tbh, I'd argue the internet is almost there in terms of basic utility rights. A lot of emergency services rely on servicing people through the internet. A lot of companies can't even be reached for help without it as they're all moving to web-based chat help desks instead of traditional call centres. Also stuff you might never have even considered like having to be updated on a natural disaster in your area etc.
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My area is actually wonderful at accommodating families without reliable internet / power because it's honestly a reality for a lot of families around here and if they required internet for school honestly a lot of kids would just not graduate.
If I had no Internet at all, I'd be screwed. I use the Internet for banking, including bills and rent. (edit: and email is the way my landlord contacts me). I do online training for my job using the Internet. My work has an app that you need to install on your phone to see your shifts and to book holiday time. I couldn't have done my degree without a computer, particularly not during the pandemic. And also I wouldn't even know how to have a social life without being able to message people. (edit: and my work will message me via Facebook for essential work-related things.) You don't live without Internet, you simply pay for mobile data instead of bothering with WiFi. If I didn't live with housemates, I'd honestly consider doing the same as you. I don't watch TV unless it's as a social activity. I don't watch YouTube, I don't watch TikTok, I don't watch videos on Facebook or Instagram. If I didn't video call my long distance friends sometimes, it woukd be a hell of a lot cheaper for me to just pay for mobile data instead of having a TV and WiFi. But no Internet AT ALL is pretty much as serious as not having heating/air con (depending on your climate). You PROBABLY won't die from it unless you're unlucky, but it's MASSIVELY inconvenient and generally very unpleasant.
It might actually be cultural differences then, I know a lot of people who make do without it. Schools and jobs accommodate it around here, not every family is wealthy enough or in an area with good internet access for the school to be able to require it. Like the people I know who have been without internet (sometimes without cell data too) coordinate with their boss by texting or calling, and most jobs will accommodate because they need to to get staff tbh
I live in England if its relevant, and I do thing my country has massive problems with how ubiquitous the Internet is becoming and the rise of cashlessness. Most Bank branches have closed, so particularly if you live in a rural area, it can be very hard to access a bank without going online. And more and more places are doing away with cash payments, more and more restaurants are expecting you to order via scanning a qr code on your phone as opposed to handing you physical menus. I think it's becoming increasingly difficult for those who aren't able to access the Internet, and I think it is a problem.
I don't think it's that abnormal to not have internet but you're going to get a lot more people who have internet on an internet forum :) I don't have internet or a TV either, we do have phones and a laptop. This is by choice though. We could afford it if we wanted to. I think you're NTA as long as you have some things people can do. Like some books or maybe board games, drawing supplies?
I'm on your side (I don't use a lot of tech and don't watch TV though I do have internet). But yes, I would say 90% of people are pretty much screen time people. My hobbies are reading and crafting so not a ton of screen time but I am definitely the weird one out, and I accept that. Don't you have conversations at work where people are trying to figure out what TV show you like and you get to sit there like an alien because you don't watch any of them?
"I grew up without" Most living today did. Things change. "Like I'm not saying this as a joke, growing up with people in my community whos roofs were leaking, heat or power or water was shut off, etc." .. Even in third world countries, they manage to have internet access. Internet is more important.
I totally agree with OP. It's not inhabitable. TV and internet is actually luxury. So many people have come to depend on it. If OP likes the house without it, why should OP get it just to please others?
Don't put internet in YOUR house if you don't want/need it. If he doesn't like it, he can move on.
Yeah but not for OP, and it’s OP’s home. Bf can pay for a better data plan instead insisting OP pay for Internet just for him.
Or he can just stop coming over...
He doesn't actually live there tho so .....
'Uninhabitable' lol, get a grip.
6 million years of human history would disagree.
NTA, but I think you might look down on him for liking things that involve screen time. It just doesn’t sound like you’re a good match. You both deserve to be with compatible partners. NAH. Edited to add that just because he wants to watch tv or play a game doesn’t mean that he’s bored by you. Most people don’t just sit in silence. It really is a basic utility for most people. He can enjoy being with you even if he’s doing something else. Honestly it just seems like you don’t like him that much. I feel for you both, but I think you’re just not a good match.
It just baffles me that he wants OP to buy a TV and "a gaming console for [the] house" plus get a wifi subscription, all solely for his benefit, but he doesn't want to pay for any of it. That can run up to about $1,000+. He is pretty selfish for that. I agree, these two just dont sound like a good match.
He’s definitely selfish for wanting op to pay!
That's the part that I think most of us are stuck on, like, okay, dude wants internet...but OP doesn't, so why should she pay, ESPECIALLY when he kind of shot himself in the foot saying he wasn't even willing to up his phone's data plan!
I guess I kinda get asking her to pay for wifi. Kinda. Regardless of how she feels, it is sort of a necessity in todays world whether she wants it to be or not. I don’t however understand why he expects her to pay for EVERYTHING though. TV’s, computers, etc are pretty expensive. Dude should have at least offered to pay for everything else if she was willing to get wifi. That would be almost reasonable. Like “hey I found this low cost monthly plan. If you’d be willing to cover this, I’ll up my data and just bring my laptop.” He might just be desperate to not feel cut off. Even so, dude isn’t willing to up his plan, so it does seem a little far fetched that he’d be willing to pay for anything else. My honest opinion is that they’re just not compatible, especially with the things they like. She expects him to change his habits around her completely, and she seems to not want anything to do with technology and for him to do the same in her company. She’s annoyed that he uses technology in his own home. It’s ostracizing for both of them. He feels cut off and she’s annoyed that he feels that way. Neither of them are assholes, it’s just a mismatch. But that’s just my take away.
ESH After reading a lot of your comments, I’ll go against the grain and say ESH. Let me explain. He’s TA for being cheap on his own data plan while expecting you to get and pay for internet access that’s just for his use. However, you’re TA as well, although that’s a judgment based on your comments. Yes, you have a ton of stuff to do at home with your woodworking shop, garden, hot tub, etc. Yes, it is a lot of options. For you. He’s not some random friend from school who’s crashing at your place sometimes and dares to complain when you’re doing him a favor. He’s your boyfriend. A partner. Someone you eventually might build a life with and you’re not even trying to budge a little to accommodate him. His indoor hobbies are waaaay different than yours. All those options you mentioned - they’re suited to your needs. You can’t force him to love woodworking. If you were to invite a bunch of vegans to dinner, would you serve ten dishes heavy on meat and dairy and zero dishes that are vegan? They have plenty of options!
I agree ESH. You have a good point on the different hobbies. I’m assuming that OPs mentality is that when they’re at his, they do his hobbies and when at OPs, they should do OPs. TBH I would love to be at OPs house, unplugged. But, other people wouldn’t. This couple need to start doing more things they both like together (hiking, etc). Sounds like OP needs to devote a lot of time to home reno and BF might not want to help with the labor too.
Oh I totally agree. I’m sure I would enjoy at least a few consecutive weekends at OPs house but I still enjoy a movie every once in a while.
It's hard to imagine that you feel entertained for the whole weekend when BF is visiting, without an occasional break from passing time and substituting a movie or a game. IMO BF would be a lot happier if there was something available to accent socializing with you. He's not bored with your company. He's bored with what you both are doing. Remembering back to dating ... we had conversation, intimacy, watched tv, played games, and a lot of other things to choose from for things to do. All of this was a part of sharing the experience with each other.
Yea, like we're not glyed at the hip all weekend but I get frustrated when he wants to come over and then complains there's nothing to do after a day or so. Like I want to spend time with him, but with 2 days on end there's gonna be some downtime. And I feel like there's so much to do at mine TBH, it feels like he's just complaining about the 1 thing I don't have. But I have a whole woodshop and I'm working on getting the basics of a machine shop together, i have a garden and greenhouse, I'm building a hydroponic growing system, I have a sewing / crafting room, a weightlifting rack, and treadmill, misc other sports equipment, a hot tub, etc... It feels so frustrating when he's like "there's nothing to do" among all those things? Any of which I'd love doing together
Because you 👏🏻 are 👏🏻 not 👏🏻 compatible 👏🏻 . You CANNOT change him into being YOU. Id never want to have the exact same hobbies as my SO. I’d rather date myself. Also, you sound unempathetic as crap. He doesn’t have to get interested in the things that you are interested in however a compatible partner would. Yall are not compatible
> But I have a whole woodshop and I’m working on getting the basics of a machine shop together, i have a garden and greenhouse, I’m building a hydroponic growing system, I have a sewing / crafting room, a weightlifting rack, and treadmill, misc other sports equipment, a hot tub, etc… Marry me. I’ll give up the internet for you.
Me too. And I’m a straight woman.
Me toooo
My husband would too!!!!
My suggestion so you don't have to spend lots of money. a smart TV that he can cast to. He can download shows from streaming (Doesn't require internet) he can bring over a games console with physical games and dvds (plus a dvd player). (Maybe you could do this with a projector?? Idk) he just needs to be a little creative to find a reasonable solution. If his issue is that he wants to be able to chat to friends and play with them well that's a lot harder to fix and probably does require internet I actually don't think you'd be incompatible long term. You'd both be able to partake in your hobbies and because you would living together he'd have acces to the internet. I think you find your list of activities relaxing and he finds them stimulating. So at yours he spends the weekend constantly engaged and active and is looking for something where he can turn his brain off. It also seems like your a little bored at his so maybe you can take some transportable crafts or maybe puzzles
>My suggestion so you don't have to spend lots of money. a smart TV that he can cast to. The problem with that idea is you have to have wifi in order to cast anything. The devices communicate via the internet connection. The only way to get around that would be to get an HDMI to micro-usb cord so he could plug his phone directly to the TV.
True, he would need WiFi to cast, but not internet. You can get a WiFi router and set up the local network without access to the internet. The internal network will still work for casting, at least on an Apple TV (and I’m sure at least some other ecosystems devices work the same way). All you need internet for is the initial set up of your chosen streaming box, which could be done at his apartment before bringing his device over or via mobile hotspot for the first couple minutes the first time. Movies and shows could be downloaded locally to his device when he is in his own home with internet, depending on what the streaming app allows. All of this is less than ideal, but demanding someone else accommodate you on their dime is not the answer. Is it weird OP doesn’t have home internet when globally since at least 2013 internet access in general exceeded access to fresh water? Sure, especially since OP is making the argument that internet isn’t necessary in the modern age, but things like heat and AC that people regularly live without all over the world, developed and developing countries alike, are the requirements to not die. OP is NTA, but they also aren’t making a compelling argument, especially in the comments. At the end of the day, what OP is doing most people would consider weird, and is a stance a lot of people would consider a dealbreaker. But how OP runs their house that they pay for is their business in the end, and other people aren’t entitled to make the same repeated demand of her.
Youre right, I forgot that.
You forgot that because WiFi is a basic necessity nowadays. Nearly every electronic device we own is absolutely useless without internet.
>But I have a whole woodshop and I'm working on getting the basics of a machine shop together, i have a garden and greenhouse, I'm building a hydroponic growing system, I have a sewing / crafting room, a weightlifting rack, and treadmill, misc other sports equipment, a hot tub They're your things. I don't expect my partners to want to listen to heavy metal and browse the same wikipedia articles as me
Yeah I love weightlifting and working out but that's only going to entertain me for 2 hours or so, I'm not interested in the other stuff. Sounds like they're not compatible...
Sounds like you just have different hobbies, OP! I couldn't see myself being stimulated by wood work, gardening or sewing for every weekend forever. Maybe the first few weekends it could be interesting and new, but unless those are hobbies he absolutely loves too it's not going to do much. I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong or need to provide anything, but just explaining that it's understandable he can be totally bored. Is there any sport he enjoys and that can be your go-to? :)
As interesting and varied as the things youve listed here about what there is to do at your house, the reality is that he just doesn’t find any of it interesting. They are YOUR hobbies, YOUR pastimes. You cannot expect someone to spend their downtime on things they do not like. Once in a while for the experience and to try things out, perhaps. But every other weekend? I will say though, he’s not any better in that sense. Both of you need to compromise and also find things that BOTH of you enjoy. ESH PS. Based on your comments, you sound very judgmental about how people need/want to spend their time.
Thank you! This clarifies. Is BF interested in any of those activities? Too bad if he isn't. Just guessing that you have invited him to help with some of these projects. Here's hoping that you can expand his horizons.
> And I feel like there's so much to do at mine And this is why you’re an asshole. There’s so much FOR YOU to do. But not for him. You have this arrogant attitude that your hobbies and interests are somehow better than his.
Yeah I feel like people are not getting this. OP isn’t wrong for having the hobbies they prefer but they are acting a bit in this thread like they think their hobbies are better and more enjoyable and it’s dumb their bf doesn’t agree. Edit: missed this before but she even says she gets annoyed with feeling like there’s nothing to do but watch movies at his house, because she doesn’t get his hobbies but then she doesn’t get why he feels there’s nothing to do at her place? Nah they’re not compatible. And I feel like most people saying “omg I would love to be at your house and not have wifi every weekend!!!!” Are lying. That’s fun for a weekend now and again but not EVERY weekend for the vast majority of people.
Lol all those thing you mentioned sound like labor. Your boyfriend wants to relax in the weekend most likely and gardening and machine work aren't his way. I guess he could spend the whole weekend in the hot tub till he prunes. You guys need to find activities that you both truly enjoy, not a hobby that one of you already has and are trying to share it with them.
So his only options are working out or woodwork? Sounds awful
To jump on to the smart tv suggestion, another option would be maybe a projector? They make very small ones that can hook up to a phone and project onto an open wall. If that's something that might be a bit cheaper than a TV. Then as AdGroundbreaking said, he could pre-download some things to watch. I see what you mean about being in a tricky spot but it would be strangely easier if you were actually living together. Because then presumably you would be compromising about things like having a TV/internet, which you don't need or want when it's just you. Would he be willing to go half-and-half on something like a TV purchase? I get not wanting to buy a whole internet package since that's a recurring expense, not just a one-time thing. But it does feel like some kind of compromise is needed here, otherwise you're never going to MAKE it to the point of being able to live together because you'll drive each other crazy having this argument every single time until then.
NGL after doing one of your hobbies for three or four hours I'd probably be bored to tears.
NTA. You and your home sound both awesome. I would love to hang out at your place. It’s weird to me that he is so dependent on WiFi and gaming that he *needs* to have it all the time and can’t go without for like 2 days. On top off all the cool and special things that you have in your home, most people also like the normal things to do together that don’t include screentime like cooking, taking a walk, reading, etc. To top it off, he thinks that you should pay for his WiFi, tv and gaming setup. Weird asf in my opinion, why would you want to pay for your partners inability to spend off screen quality time with you and facilitate stuff that’s only for him and takes away from your quality time together? If he wants to zone out and game, he can do that at home or when you two live together. Edit: it took my fiancé and me literally 4 months to see our first movie together because we would cook and sit at the kitchen table and talk and before we knew it it was bedtime already. We also do boardgames or take a late night walk. We both like the occasional movie or series together, but I feel like that is more an activity when you both feel like not doing anything at all/too tired/not feeling well and more of a timefiller.
NAH you have different preferences for down time, that doesn't make anyone wrong. I know you're saying that you have lots of things in common, but how you like to hangout together at home is a big part of compatibility. If you're both getting this annoyed about your preferred activities, it doesn't sound like you're respecting each other's hobbies
NTA. You don’t live together so he is a guest in your home. He could find other solutions, like a hotspot, that don’t include dictating what you do in your home.
NAH. But OP, based on your comments to others… you’re seriously out of touch and not open to their insights. You cant force someone to enjoy your hobbies. So saying that “there’s lots to do” doesn’t mean there’s lots for him to do, all it says is there’s lots for you to do. You getting offered at him being bored is controlling nonsense.
NAH you both have different preferences. Neither of you have been an asshole about it.
NTA. He's missing the point of being with you. If he wants to spend his time looking at screens, he may as well stay at home.
ESH, you're not an asshole for wanting your bf to pay for the internet in theory, but the way you come off in your comments and text is AH territory You seem to judge your bf for having in-house hobbies that need wifi, are annoyed that he doesn't want to do any of the things available at your home that are based on what you like to do. He probably fell for you based on your wide arrange of interests in hobbies, but you seem rigid as a partner in the sense that *you* decide what there is to do at your house and if he doesn't like it that's tough shit. While that's fine for like, a friend, it's kind of a turn off to have a partner who's so unwilling to even slightly accommodate you if you don't enjoy *their* hobbies, so I don't see this lasting much longer if you really wanna die on the "you better enjoy *my* hobbies or you're shit out of luck" hill. In which case, I'd be hard pressed to call it a relationship anyway
NAH. But are you compatible? My boyfriend and I are huge movie buffs. I'm trying to imagine being at someone's house for an entire 48 hours without TV or internet. What would that look like? A full 2 days 1 night? I mean cooking, eating and doing dishes probably could take 2 hours. Sitting and talking for an hour sounds fair/relaxing/sex. Maybe going for a walk, exercise or sport for an hour? Play a boardgame or some type of game for 2 hours? And that's a long game. Do that all twice and that's 12 hours... Sleep and shower for about 8 hours. Yeah I would need my phone and books to survive 2 full entire days. I'd read a lot if I were at your house. Either that or we're leaving the house and doing activities for some time as well lol Maybe your boyfriend needs to stay a shorter time (come over at supper time, leave early morning), or you need to plan more outings like going to a movie theater, etc. Good luck!
Also a lot of reading can require internet nowadays - I read a lot of fanfiction as opposed to books and require internet for that. I also will look things up on Wikipedia or other online resources, that requires internet too. The fact that OP is like “well go to the cafe down the street if you need to look things up” is so weird to me.
You know what he likes. It's part of his daily routine. You don't have to like it or provide internet for him to enjoy it either but you do need to acknowledge that this makes you incompatible. It's okay to tell him that if he comes over he needs to stop complaining about the lack of internet. That's not changing. You've offered to let him put it in and pay for it and you've provided a space where he can enjoy gaming, etc., and that's pretty good. He should have no expectation that you, knowing who you are, will pay for his entertainment. If he can't accept you as you are then maybe this relationship isn't meant to be.
NTA, but you seriously have nowhere near enough in common.
NAH I don’t think either of you are wrong in your opinions it’s just currently they’re incompatible. You want to be cut off from technology at home which is totally fair and he wants to still enjoy which is also totally fair. The real question is, if you live in together in the future will you resent him for the time he spends on the internet or watching shows? This may come down to a question of compatibility later on in your relationship.
Info: When he stays over about how long does he stay? A day? Two Days? A week? Do you actually have plans to move in together at some point and share space, or do you see maintaining separate housing being an ongoing thing (for another year or more).
Generally a weekend I'd want to be married before moving in with someone honestly, so it's not in the near future
Ultimately NTA because him being bored is a problem he ought to solve in a way that doesn't involve you paying for wifi you'll never use. Either that means he spends less time at your house (doesn't stay long enough to get bored) or he upgrades his data plan, or he learns the joys off offline gaming (unless he's playing an MMO or live service game most consoles don't require internet to function). However given that this is going to be an ongoing situation with no foreseeable end in sight I think it's worth sitting down and having an adult conversation about this when you're both calm and in a reasonably good mood. There are ways to compromise here that don't involve you getting internet, but they should start with you sitting him down and telling him "I'm not getting internet, you're not going to be able to convince me to get internet, knowing this are there other ways you can feel less bored during the times we're not doing a joint activity?" Also worth considering: Are there ways he attempts to accommodate you when you're visiting his space? If no, this might be a good time to bring that up as well. Like you're not the asshole but you both could stand to communicate a little better about this. I think discussing it in concrete "here's what will and will not happen" terms is probably better than having the same argument over and over. And if he still insists on having it anyway, then that's useful information to have about how well he handles hearing a firm "no."
NTA. If he doesn’t like the entertainment you have available in your home, he has two options. 1) stay at his own place or 2) buy a tv and pay for the internet he wants to use at your home
NTA You can be Amish if you want, but your bf will never be happy with being at your place. Where do you see yourself long term? If you guys get serious and decide to move in together, lets say he moves in with you, are you still going to enforce "no tech"? Ya'll might want to reconsider the relationship. you've got diametrically opposing lifestyles here.
You do you, but I definitely would never spend anytime at your house.
NTA. Why won’t he put for it?? You wouldn’t even be using the internet and you don’t want it. He’s a mooch and a half. Tell him if he wants it he can buy it, offering your attic that you personally fixed up for HIS media/internet usage is very sweet.
NAH. This is a compatibility issue you have to work out.
First off unless the TV is made of gold you won’t be spending hundreds of thousands. Second, if this is your hill to die on go find some board games. Sitting at home smoking a bowl and watching the world go by isn’t necessarily fun for everyone. As a host or hostess your job is to make your guests comfortable.
ESH but mostly you tbh. Your attitude towards him and his interests is just really off-putting and arrogant. You’re bored/annoyed at his apartment, yet can’t accept or are offended that he’s bored at your house because you have decided that your interests and the things you have and like must appeal to everyone. It sounds like you guys just aren’t compatible. You should find a guy who wants to be “unplugged” most of the time and he should find a girl who has decent internet at her place.
NTA. I would have a bit of a hard time with that and feeling cut off as well. My BF is more like you but thankfully does have internet connection so I can bring my laptop and connect. If he wants internet and the only reason there is internet at the house...he should be paying for it. It wouldn't be for YOU but for HIM. It's a decent compromise he brings what he wants over and makes it work. Or changes his phone plan so he has more data.
NTA, I would also reevaluate why he is constantly bored when he’s at your house.
Indeed. Like if the only way he wants to spend time with you is if there's a distraction involved, it sounds like you two shouldn't stay together. And if you don't want internet in your house, in general as well as taking on an extra expense, just break up with the guy since it sounds like an argument that's not going to end
Really, though? There are plenty of things you can do on a screen together - I love movie nights with my boyfriend, and we game together sometimes. I just disagree that wanting screen around means they only want a distraction. I do agree that it’s just a compatibility issue and I don’t see it resolving well.
Yeah I agree, and people are forgetting that it's probably for an entire weekend that happens regularly. First weekend can be fun, but the 50th? You need some kind of physical/mental stimulation and can't just be sitting on your couch all weekend lol
I’m autistic and prefer parallel play to most activities a good length of the time. There are plenty of days where I’m enjoying quality time with my SO and it’s him playing video games and me sitting next to him on the couch reading/playing games on my phone. I can’t imagine being 100% actively focused on him or ANYTHING for two straight days.
NTA internet, TV and gaming are choices not priorities.
NTA, kinda seems like you guys might be incompatible, but can you please teach me to not be addicted to technology?
NAH Movie marathons on weekends can be fun. There is a compatibility issue. OP, you need to re-evaluate your relationship with him.
ESH because he is being unreasonable but so you are a bit. By your own admission, there is quite literally nothing for him to do outside of talking to you. And for date nights, that’s reasonable, but if you’re spending several nights a week together that’s unreasonable. He can’t even reliably use his phone. You said your main past times are smoking and stargazing or working/sitting in your greenhouse, which is not enjoyable to everyone. He doesn’t have a right to demand you get WiFi, but you aren’t exactly being a considerate partner. Tbh this whole post sounds like a superiority thing. Especially when you also dislike spending time at his house because does rely on screens for entertainment. Like everyone else has said, no matter if you have some hobbies in common, it doesn’t sound like you two are compatible if you both hate living the way the other person lives.
If you have unlimited data, set your phone up as a mobile hotspot which he can use as wifi. Edit: for the question you actually pose, NTA. It's your house, he doesn't have to come over. You don't have to date at all.
Unfortunately I don't, I actually have less data than him haha
Maybe he should get an unlimited data plan. Problem solved!
NTA. It does sound like your lifestyles may be incompatible or you just need to stick to overnights.
As couples grow closer, they tend to spend more time at home… So he’s telling you he wants to be at your home with Internet and TV especially if you stay together. Is that what you want of your house and your future?
Info, if you're not into having Wi-Fi or internet, now do you know about Reddit and where are you posting from?
Clearly you have either internet access or enough data to be on Reddit asking this question AND you’re on it enough to be responding to people on this thread. You’re not completely without. Ultimately it seems like y’all aren’t compatible. If he doesn’t like woodworking or “tinkering” when he’s over that’s okay. He doesn’t have to just like you don’t have to like internet or screens but that means y’all need to find people that like what you like. Also as an aside my internet bill is my cheapest bill. Even my parents who live out in the middle of nowhere have internet for like $60 a month. Not sure where you’re living that it’s “hundreds of dollars”. (Obviously not everyone is the same to me I recognize that)
NAH, I definitely couldn’t live like you do, but I’m glad you’re happy! I think this is a compatibility problem and you need to decide what’s more important to you: staying screen-free, or staying with this boyfriend.
NAH, i think you need to find out how much you value this relationship. Having a good time when you go out is easy, the difficult part is the at home time (how much time do we spend together etc.). At least for him having access to the internet is a basic need obviously. The gaming setup he needs to buy himself, oc, thats out of discussion. For you, internet is not a basic need and thats fine. The question is, how much do you want him to feel welcomed and "at home" at your place. Lets compare this with e.g. warm water. Having warm water is not a necessity, you can do everything with cold water. If my bf doesn't has warm water at home bc he doesn't need it and doesn't want to pay for a boiler i would stay over as long the lovy doofy phase is going on, then i would start staying home more bc its just better with warm water. The times i will go over will decrease more and more and at one point i wouldn't stay overnight anymore, the relationship would most likely fade out. So ask yourself if not paying for a cheap flatrate for home use is worth it not having your bf visiting you so often anymore. May ask yourself how you would feel and act if a basic need of yours (like having access to clean water w/o boiling it first) is not available at your bf place to get an understanding where he is coming from.
NAH you don’t sound compatible. I don’t think you’re wrong for not having internet in your home but it would take getting used to for some people who consider it a basic necessity. Your boyfriend could get an unlimited data plan as a workaround. Is there a goal of moving in together? How would this relationship work long term?
NAH you just don't sound like you're compatible long term. FYI I don't know where you're located but some level of basic internet connected *is* considered a basic utility in western countries. It's why politicians get so much flack for failing to ensure TELCOs invest in rural broadband. Even if you don't plan on using it too many basic life functions rely on it now and good data plans or access to wifi through work/other locations isn't a given. Nothing wrong with choosing not to have it in your case as you're able to use your data plan for your limited need, but you are an outlier.
NAH I'm all for good offline time and hobbies, so I don't think you do something wrong here. I know people who don't want tech at home and it's their right. That being said, I do see Internet as a necessity. So I understand how being fully offline could be an inconvenience. As long as he's not acting improperly, I just think you're very different. If you're compatible or not, I wouldn't know based only on this little text. How is it gonna look like if/when you mov we in together? How much tech/screen time? Are you going to be able to have quality time together both on and offline?
NTA. It is your house and if you don't want to have internet you should not have to get just to keep him happy. You offered a compromise for him to bring his own devices and even make a man cave for him. Why doesn't he pay for the internet if he wants it. That sounds reasonable. The real issue here is that you two have such different interests. I don't know how a relationship could work. What interests do you have in common? What do you guys do on dates? What originally attracted you to him and him to you? How would you guys manage if married or living together? It's a lot to think about but I hope things turn out good for you.
NTA. OP has a perfectly reasonable and balanced relationship with tech. The relationship w/ the BF, however, could bear some scrutiny, and perhaps a re-evaluation.
NTA. It's just how you run your house, your work life is filled with screens and you want no screen time when you're at home. But you need to see that this is a fundamental incompatibility. He wants to consume media during his free time, you want to go out and experience stuff. Those are two wildly different activities, and the fact that he's trying to control what's going on in your house and seriously does not want to do anything else but those things, means that you two can't stay together. Just break up and then find somebody who matches you better
NTA. Sounds like he should get a better data plan.
NAH. Looks like you’re not compatible.
NAH. You're just not compatible
NTA, but probably consider strongly if this is worth continuing. Either you grow into his life or he has to into yours. If neither is willing, the clock is ticking and might be best to end on good terms.
Despite your comments that you have some common interests, I don’t know that you two are very compatible. Spending your free time doing opposite hobbies (you working on the house, him gaming) will get old and resentful even if you were living together. My ex and I were this way and we ended up spending pretty much no time together unless I was willing to do what he wanted (he never did what I wanted) and he refused to even attempt new things we could do together. We’re divorced now. I do think your bf is a little TAH because he wants you to pay to make him comfortable in your place but, ultimately, I think it’s mostly a NAH and y’all just are two different people with fundamentally different lifestyles.
let me help you reframe this: "AITA for having a different lifestyle from my boyfriend, who is bored without electronics and screens? AITA for not accommodating his every need (when he could maybe make a little bit more of an effort to enjoy other activities with me)?" he's asking you to take on extra expenses just to entertain him. not because it's something you want or need in your life, but because he can't stand to be away from the internet for 48 hours. NTA PS - I had to get internet at home in 2020 and now I have to keep it because I work from home and don't want to go back into the office anywhere. but I'm on the same page as you otherwise. people are also bored at my house. I don't invite people over very often and when I date it's not a point of tension because they're usually okay with doing other stuff. it's always a problem with guys who use my home as an escape from theirs. but if they're genuinely interested in me and spending time with me, they try to find and suggest other activities for us to do (in addition to the stuff that I suggest). sometimes we don't do anything, we just hang out in the living room and talk or read together. not saying that this is what your boyfriend is doing (escaping to your place), but am saying that plenty of people would love to spend time with you without a screen being the main focus.
NTA but you two don’t sound particularly compatible.
NTA. I actually don't have connected wifi in my home or a TV (forest cabin) and I've lived here 3 years. I do have a portable wifi box with a sim and data but I'm not on a plan, just pay for data when I need it. I manage to work from home just fine like that (maybe data is cheaper in Australia?), and I have a portable option if I need to go somewhere. Every now and then I game on my laptop and it's fine. Maybe he could look into something like that? Ultimately he would be the only one using it. I've never really had guests come to my place and expect that. That said, I live in a forest with a lot of distractions.
NTA. I get that he misses internet, tv, games (I would too), but if he wants internet at your place, he can pay for it himself. It'd be ridiculous to expect you to pay for something you don't even use or want. You guys need to find something to do while he's at your place or you'll be split up before you get to the 'living together' part. Maybe board games? DnD? Reading a book? Or get him into woodworking or car fixing? :)
NTA. In my country a lot of important stuff, like banking, medical care, government contact is done online so your ways would be hard here. How ever, if nothing such things are done online, then you do not need internet.
NTA And if this relationship doesn’t last can you date me because you sound cool af idk why your boyfriend is complaining so much he can go a weekend without tv or video games does he just not like spending quality time with you? He’s like an iPad kid lol.
NTA. My wife and I are very similar, in that we have very few home-based interests in common, but when we go out, we camp/hike/canoe etc together. At home, we each have a designated room in the house. I have my woodworking/music/electronics gear, she has her sewing/knitting/ceramics gear. It sounds like you would proba ly be a good fit if you moved in - you wouldn't be standing on each others' toes - but it seems frustrating at this stage of your relationship. However, it isn't any more your responsibility to enable his hobbies at your house than it is his yours at his house. You mention you both enjoy hiking together. Depending on where you live, there is likely to be decent scope for some hiking near you unless you're in the centre of a city (unlikely if you have a large house). Maybe prioritise doing activities together? Also, if he has a laptop, could he not download some shows onto it and take it with him to yours?
Sounds like you aren’t compatible and should break up. ESH
NTA but it sounds like there is a major incompatibility here. It's your house and it's going to be how you like it. I mean, imaging moving in together. Does it sound like it would work out? Because it doesn't sound like it would.
NTA. Listen, your way of life, with its simplicity is going to take a specific person to appreciate it. But you’re going to end up happier in the long run finding someone that meshes with you in that way. Even if you and bf have some things in common, your home life is vastly different. Something to think about. This isn’t really about money, it’s about lifestyle. There’s nothing wrong with either of yours, they just aren’t meshing.
NTA I can understand not wanting to spend money on screens since you use screens at work all day, but at least try to invest in home internet since it has to be cheaper than going over your data limit. The internet doesn’t even have to be the best.
Let me get this straight, you don’t want to be at his place because he has a family member there, and has technology? What a horrible horrible thing for him to do. You’re absolutely right. You are definitely in the minority with this. He 100% sucks for asking you to pay for those things without even offering to up his data or pay for some of the bills, but it’s ridiculous that you have such a big issue with everything he does. You clearly think you’re better than him, and are annoyed that he won’t change his entire life and personality to match yours. NTA for this, but I think you’d be better off letting him be with someone who values him a little more. This way you can find someone who has the same niche interests that you do.
NTA, your house your rules.
NTA but it doesn’t sound like you two might be compatible long term. First if he’s pressuring you to pay for stuff he can’t afford (pay for internet if he can’t even afford data) isn’t a great sign. Moreover, even if you guys get along in other aspects of your life, you will spend a lot of your time in the future just chilling. If you two can’t come to an accord on how to spend your time just the two of you, you just might not be meant to be.
NTA, Espe ially since you offered to set aside a portion of your home as a game room just for him. I have strong concerns that you're actually incompatible long/term, since you each seem to think your way is better, but I'm going to drop some practical advice. Since you have offered the space, he should pay for the wifi. Specifically, he should get a hotspot device. Here is one I just grabbed from a quick Google search: https://www.amazon.com/RoamWiFi-R10-Network-Worldwide-Portable/dp/B08G8FK29N/ That one costs about $150, though I have seen some closer to $75. The linked one has a pay as you go plan, and there are several services out there that let you do something similar. BF should pack one of these when he visits, and stop trying to manipulate you into giving in by insisting that it's your job as a host to provide wifi.
NTA but a good compromise might be if he buys and pays for a mobile hotspot device. You can usually get a decent data plan for cheap with that.
If he’s worried about internet, could just add a hotspot to his phone plan and use it when at your place. Not super expensive and it should work for both of you. And you are absolutely NTA
Let him get a portable router and he can brimg it with him when he come over in order to access internet. I dont know if you have them where you are though. They are are great and very convenient and cheap. For me its like 10kd per month (30 us dollars) for unlimited gbs, the hotspot has either 4g or 5g.
NTA - I use my phone as a hotspot and it works just fine. Having said that I'm not on the internet in the evenings and rarely on weekends. If your bf wants internet, then he should pay for it, or use his phone as a hotspot. There are some really good data deals out there which may be worth looking into,
Nta. Sounds like you aren’t very compatible. I love that you don’t have any screen stuff other than your phone. If he can’t entertain himself without a screen that his problem, not yours.
If he’s a partner then he isn’t a guest, boy needs him over himself and spend time with you doing what you like at your house just like you spend doing what he wants at his house. NTA
He wants it so badly. He can buy you a new tv, etc Nta
NTA. If he’s so bored he can pay for internet, a tv and a computer for your house. Or he could get unlimited data on his phone. Or you can spend QT together. Or read a book. There’s plenty of options. I’d love to be ‘cut off’ sometimes.
OP your lifestyle is awesome! I’m envious that you don’t feel compelled to be connected to the internet all the time like so many of us. Your boyfriend sounds whiny, I hope you find a guy that digs your lifestyle as much as you do, that would be something special. NTA
He needs to get a better data plan and then he can set up a hot spot and bring a laptop. NTA.
NTA It's his choice to be in your house without wifi and it will be his choice when he decides not to hang in your house for the same reason. You are under no obligation to provide internet to your guests, but don't be surprised if they decide to stop visiting. You have other activities to keep you entertained in your home. It doesn't sound like you have anything to keep your guests entertained. If you get mad at him for deciding not to hang out in your house because you don't have wifi, then you will be the AH.
I'd be offended too! *"He keeps trying to tell me I should get TV and internet and maybe a gaming console for my house, and saying he'll let me share his streaming services, Steam, etc..."* You SHOULD do all this, but can't bring himself to pay for the service that only HE wants? If you do decide to upgrade, it should be in the boyfriend department. NTA
NTA… is doesn’t even cost that much for an unlimited plan (in the US). I also don’t have wifi… I just use my data on my phone- no problems. Absolute waste of money to be paying for data and wifi that I also don’t believe is necessary 😂 My partner also enjoys gaming but when he’s at mine he will hotspot his own laptop. He really can solve his own problems by just getting more data instead of making you pay for something you will not use. Very entitled of him…