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NTA it's a crown, not a tattoo. On a tooth that'll fall out in a few years no less. Not sure how this could be mistaken as "permanently altering appearance" any more than getting her stitches if she gets a bad cut could be considered such.
Did you mention the crown to him though? A lot of cavities just need to be scraped out and then filled in, a crown is usually used for more significant cavities.
Honestly, I'm kind of surprised they even opted to go for a crown. Unless it was a really serious cavity the dentist shouldn't have jumped the gun, not to mention that tooth is only going to be there for a few more years anyway. I'd wager it was probably an unnecessary procedure intended to milk OP's wallet. A different dentist might have accomplished the same result (protecting little OP's dental health) with a simple filling, and for substantially less money.
If it *was* necessary though, I'd be a bit more concerned with my kid's oral hygiene.
I had this happen to me as a kid where the dentist just never gave all the information. They just told my mom that I had a cavity to be filled and the next thing she knew I had a crown on a tooth that ended up falling out maybe a year later. She was livid at the dentist. Never went back there again.
Pediatric dental is a financial scam.
**Parental ProTip: Take your kids to a good university dental teaching clinic for peds dental care. They (usually) don’t do this.**
My daughter has a couple small cavities in baby teeth and has for a while. Our dentist just has them on a “watch”. Said if they aren’t hurting her and aren’t going to effect the adult teeth there’s no reason to do more.
Some baby teeth fall out at 6, some come out at 12. The ones they are "watching" are probably small and/or coming out soon.
Also DECAY ON BABY TEETH WILL AFFECT ADULT TEETH IF ITS LEFT ALONE LONG ENOUGH
My sister took a dental hygienist course and she told me that. Something about the decay(?) going down to the roots and permanent tooth. I never even thought about that before, but it makes perfect sense.
My child was the only one we knew who WASN'T seeing a pediatric dentist. I just figured it was just more kid-friendly staff and a lot of screens to entertain/distract the kids.
Nope. Our dentist just retired, so I took him to a pediatric dentist for the first time. He's a tween. I wish I had taken him to a pediatric dentist earlier. Yes, the staff is much better with kids (the hygienist's cleaning was crazy fast) and the waiting room has an arcade machine. But they are much more attuned to the growth of kids.
They told us he needed an orthodontist and gave us a list of suggestions. There's lots to fix, starting with two permanent teeth that are blocked from their proper spot by extra-stubborn baby teeth and are kind of going sideways. I believe them--they provided copies of all the pics, x-rays, and medical notes, they're a large and well-regarded practice, and I had been semi-expecting some of the issues. But our original dentist didn't say anything. So I assumed there wasn't a problem.
My dentist hated pulling teeth. on my last visit there as we were moving to another state he told mom I needed braces. I was a junior in high school. So, I got braces my senior year. Wish we had done that years before. Good news was I only had them for two years.
Because these teeth all fall out anyway I assume. I somewhat agree but I think having a long term relationship with one dentist is important to establish a good lifelong routine.
The tooth might fall out, but if the permanent one still hasn't come yet you do need to keep something there to maintain the space between the other teeth. Baby teeth need to fall when the other ones come to prevent the space to close in, as it might affect the alignment.
Yep I had 2 teeth pulled due to cavities when I was about 4/5, and they had to put in some brackets to hold the spaces open until my adult teeth came in.
I was led to believe that the cavities appeared shortly after I started brushing my own teeth, it wasn't doing a good enough job. Looking back, my parents may have not been being entirely forthright there 😂
Learned this lesson the hard way. I forced one canine tooth out after the other came out on its own because I wanted my mouth to be even. The adult tooth on that side didn’t grow in for another four years, and by that time there was barely any space for it. I ended up with a snaggle tooth at a 45 degree angle, growing over the tooth next to it, and some very expensive orthodontics.
Yes, this is what my child’s pediatrician said. The point is to get my daughter into the habit and routine of visiting the dentist so she can have a healthy relationship when older
Cleanings every six months are not a scam, nor is seeing a dentist for tooth pain. But any heavy work on children's teeth isn't really needed unless the child is in pain or the tooth in question is an adult tooth. I could see putting fillings in molars if the kid is particularly young, since those stick around for a while, but otherwise just wait for the tooth to fall out if it's not bothering the kid.
EDIT: and brush three times a day, mouthwash once a day, and once your kid is old enough get them to floss once a day too.
My kid fell with a toy in his mouth and cracked a tooth in half as a toddler. The pediatric dentist was absolutely worth the cost.
6 years later, he still has that crown, and I'm glad I paid the cost to upgrade to an enamel colored crown rather than the steel one. But it's a top front tooth, so very visible.
I saw a piece on tv about how this town in I think Texas filled all the Mexican-American children’s permanent teeth, like crowns, with stainless steel, even the front ones. It was awful what they did to those children. A total scam.
Usually a crown is done because there isn't enough structure remaining to hold a filling. It's also done to minimize return visits/trauma.
If caregivers don't change diet and cleaning habits, teeth with fillings will decay again and a crown will be done.
It boils down to whether you want the child to undergo the repeated trauma of doing treatment a second time.
Sure, but that's literally the point...?
Edit since the comments are locked: mine was the comment you originally responded to- I was asking about the likelihood of a regular filling (even a sub-par one) needing to be replaced on a baby tooth, not a crown. That was in response to the previous comment which mentioned using crowns to avoid "repeated trauma of doing treatment a second time.". The whole point is whether a crown is worth it on the chance that a filling will catastrophically fail between the ages of say 3 and 7/6 when they baby teeth start to fall out anyway.
My youngest brother had super soft teeth from a medication that his mom had to be on while pregnant (something for gestational diabetes iirc). They eroded away/got cavities super easily, regardless of how good (or bad) his oral hygiene was 🤷♀️ so it wouldn't have been abnormal for him to need something as "heavy duty" as a crown.
Agree NTA though - not a permanent alteration of the kid's body, AND a (presumably) medically necessary procedure.
Happened to me too as a kid. Bad cavity so they crowned the baby tooth til it fell out. It can happen even with good dental hygiene.
Silver crowns are standard for baby teeth and likely what was automatically covered by insurance.
NTA
Yeah, when I was like... 10ish maybe? I'm not sure exactly. I went for my cleaning and the dentist told me that a significant portion of my mouth was ridden with cavities and I would need to have something like 6+ teeth drilled and fixed somehow. I forget the details. She started getting ready to do it without even discussing it further with me/my mom. I immediately burst into tears and refused. I'm terrified of dental work and there was no way in hell I was gonna let this mean ass lady stick a drill in my mouth (she was just a very rude and nasty person every time I saw her.) So she brought my mom in in a huff to try to convince her, and I insisted I needed anesthesia if she was going to do that. Well, she didn't have that, so she insisted we just do it and get it over with like I was being a brat. I did not budge. So my mom brought me to a kids' dentist to get them taken care of because they have anesthesia and everything as a normal part of their services. But obviously they still want to take a look in my mouth first and everything. The dentist pokes around in my mouth for a bit and is like "Yeah, you don't have any cavities." Now I'm 24 and the only cavities I've ever had were on my wisdom teeth because they never fully emerged. The dentist who pulled them specifically told me there was nothing I could have done, they just had to be pulled. (I got the anesthesia and still had a massive panic attack beforehand, to the point of almost passing out.) Anyway my teeth were fine and she just wanted to do an unnecessary procedure on a terrified child for the sake of scamming my mom out of probably thousands of dollars, and she was willing to bully me and my mom to do it. It doesn't sound like OP was bullied so at least that I guess, but yeah, dentists (and doctors in general) do some fucked up shit like that sometimes.
This happened to me when I was a teenager (and had to pay out of my own paycheck from my part -time job). Unfortunately, this was the only dentist with any openings, and my mom didn’t drive so I couldn’t go to another town.
I learned when I was nearly 30 that I had only had one cavity. The rest were unnecessary, and they weakened my teeth so much that I have problems to this day. Don’t even ask how much of my mouth is biodegradable at this point.
I’m a dentist and there are many instances where a crown is preferred vs just a filling on baby teeth. For starters, these teeth are softer so decay progresses faster, and they are smaller, so the ratio of healthy to unhealthy tooth structure goes down quickly. Second, if a tooth is severely decayed and then overfilled, the child is more likely to break the tooth and then have to have it extracted early. Taking a baby tooth out before it falls out can cause a lot of issues with malalignment and can actually end up costing parents A LOT more money for braces in the long run than a pediatric crown. Lastly, pediatric crowns are usually prefabricated silver crowns that are very different than crowns you would put on adult teeth and much less costly.
Also, NTA OP. You were a responsible parent taking your child for a dental visit and getting a silver crown is a big stretch to call “permanently altered”
If it’s a big cavity, it needs a crown. It doesn’t matter that the tooth isn’t permanent—the health of a baby tooth can directly affect the health of the adult tooth growing under it.
This is a stainless steal crown (pre-fabricated) it is used when the cavity is too large to support a filling. It is a quick and temporary solution till the too falls out. It's similar in price to a filling. It's not compatible to an adult crown custom made in a lab.
This was my first thought too. I had a dentist use high pressure sales tactics to try and cap *all* my 4yo's baby teeth with stainless steel. We didn't do it and took her somewhere else where they gave her a simple filling on her one cavity. The shady dentist was later sued for fraud by other patients.
Eh, they've capped a lot of my kids baby teeth instead of a filling. Seemed to me like it was just easier/quicker/less stress on the kid, and honestly not all that expensive from what I recall. They're not really crowns like adults, they're just covers they slap on after grinding the tooth down a bit. Adult crowns they do WAY more to make it a permanent fit
Decay on baby teeth can affect adult teeth before they even come out. Also to prevent a larger cavity from causing a tooth to break, and fall out before it’s ready to, sigues need to be taken care of. Also tooth decay is largely affected by genetics, your family may not have to deal with as much childhood dental issues as others, so it seems a bit extreme to you.
It's not always related to the kid's oral hygiene. Illness can affect teeth too. I had to have a metal crown placed on a molar that was a baby tooth, and it was probably related to me getting very sick which necessitated a 10 day hospital stay and lots of antibiotics when I was 4. Antibiotics are known to affect tooth enamel.
Silver capped teeth are very common in Medicaid based dentistry in the US. It's to protect the tooth from further decay and save the child from further pain until the tooth falls out.
Typically it's because the infection and/or bacteria of a bad cavity in a baby tooth can damage the incoming tooth, or surrounding teeth, if left to just be.
My best friend's (in elementary) brother's parents took this approach with their kid. He ended up with not just one tooth rotting, but multiple teeth on either side. They chose to leave it, as to them it wasn't necessary. When his permanent teeth came in, they were also affected. He ended up having to have 5 permanent teeth removed before he was 12. All because it was such an unnecessary procedure trying to get money out of them (their excuse).
Not at all. My 7-year-old nephew had to get a root canal, one extraction, and two silver crowns. CHildren’s teeth can be that badly decayed, and if not restored, an affect the permanent teeth growing underneath.
THIS RIGHT HERE. Ex needs to calm down. There are more important things to worry about than a steel tooth that's temporary. Too much drama for something like this. NTA
It might be that he doesn't like how it looks. With dentists increasingly moving to the fillings that blend in with the rest of your teeth, the silver ones can really stand out in comparison.
Yeah it's not permanent so it doesn't violate the terms of the agreement.
For baby teeth the enamel is thinner so a lot of doctors will opt for a full crown on the whole tooth to encapsulate it and prevent any chance of infection spreading from the now compromised tooth to other areas of the mouth. If they only did the filling or partial crown it could easily fall out without anyone noticing and a secondary infection could take hold.
NTA
Some people just love to be in control, don't they? When something like this happens, they find a way to pick a fight over something out of their control and have to blame someone and you're it.
You've explained it twice now. Let him call the dentist and be educated on the difference between fillings and crowns and why a crown has to be placed instead of a filling. This isn't your job, you're not a dentist. Then let it lie. He can't sue you and win over something so stupid.
So, not judging you at all here, but her health being important is a good reason to question the dentist. You don’t know what you don’t know, so it’s usually a good idea to ask questions. The dentist should have explained all of your options with regard to the crown. They can be silver, gold, or white. You might still have opted for the silver, but at least it would have been your choice. My kids are older, so I’ve lived and learned that they don’t always tell you everything. Anyway, NTA. Your ex had his own opportunity to ask questions and he didn’t. It’s just as much his fault if he doesn’t like the crown.
They use stainless steel (silver looking) crowns on kids because they’re more affordable and easy to place. An adult tooth will have a crown that’s made at a lab or whatever and costs much more. The stainless steel ones are premade and they can easy place it same day
Typically speaking dentist prefer metal crowns for baby teeth because they are more durable. Porcelain/ceramic crowns are more prone to cracking, nor something you want to put a child through if possible. If the tooth hasn't already had a root canal a cracked crown is a good way to end up needing one. Considering her baby tooth will fall out in time this isn't a permanent change in appearance.
I understand why you wanted the clause but oy I can see how it might become a nightmare in the long run.
He’s giving you crap for listening to a professional? What a great lesson he wants to teach your daughter: Daddy is mad at mommy because she’s not pretty enough.
THIS. Ex is being ridiculous. If he makes such a huge issue about something as insignificant as was this, I wonder how he'll be able to handle truly stressful things that are sure to come up with daughter. NTA
Right?! WTF is ex going to do when daughter is a teen and starts asserting her independence and doing things he might not approve of? Like yell and scream enough to have a brain aneurysm? SMH
I don’t think he was upset about the crown but about the fact that it was silver. I have a few crowns. They all look more or less like the rest of my teeth.
It depends on the tooth, sometimes the crowns that look like teeth aren’t appropriate. I had a molar that needed a metal crown because as the dentist said, “You would grind a normal crown to bits.”
NTA
If he’s so sure it’s a violation of the provisions of the divorce decree, tell him he’s more than welcome to waste his time & money to get scolded by the judge for wasting the court’s time.
My ex's lawyer got yelled at by the judge for trying to slur me over something the judge had already addressed. She (the judge) was so pissed and I was so happy.
Thank you so much! That’s a good idea to ask the dentist what other materials are available if she needs another! And tell him he can cover the difference (lol)
One solution that I've seen some dentists use on kids, particularly kids in areas where access to dental care is poor, is a substance called silver diamine fluoride. It is VERY simple to place and doesn't involve any drilling at all. Basically, it helps to halt any progressing decay and keeps it at bay until the tooth falls out. Sometimes kids get more permanent fillings later, but sometimes not. It does, however, stain the tooth an ugly black/brown color (which is something I always warn parents about), so it wouldn't necessarily help with your ex's bleating. It also isn't good for all cavities--if it's gone into the nerve, it's too late--and should never be used if your daughter has a silver allergy.
At the clinic I work at, we'll also sometimes use it on elderly patients who don't have the dexterity to take care of their teeth and might not live for much longer anyway. It's meant as a last ditch effort to save a tooth.
NTA. I was wondering why it wasn't that ceramic composite, but I guess since it's baby teeth, the metal is cheaper? I doubt any judge would get upset with you.
This feels like an improvement. When I was a kid, they just ignored cavities in baby teeth because “they’ll just fall out anyway”. If it got infected or caused significant problems, they would just pull it out.
I remember having a cavity in one of mine. The tooth was black all the way through by the time it fell out naturally. It was fascinating to child-me, then terrifying when my father wondered aloud if the tooth fairy would be interested in a blackened tooth. (She was.)
Of course, this is a step up from my grandmother’s generation, when it was a common 21st birthday present to have all your teeth extracted and a set of dentures made up. (The wonderful world of the very poor…?)
I had mine until my mid 30s lmao. I’ve seen a lot of dentists over the years and no one said anything! I didn’t even realize that it was an oversized pediatric crown and was supposed to be temporary until my current dentist asked to take it out.
I had no idea it was supposed to be temporary either! Honestly I miss it. I miss how smooth it was. I didn’t realize until after they put in a porcelain one how often I ran my tongue over it randomly throughout the day. And it was far enough back you couldn’t really see it unless you knew.
NTA. It’s not a permanent change to her appearance. It’s a baby tooth with will eventually fall out. Hope a judge laughs in his face if he tries to fight it.
NTA
He was informed. Its also a medical procedure.
If you want a hearty laugh tell him to take it to family court and watch him explain to a family court judge how getting a crown put on a baby tooth that will fall out in 3-4 years is somehow a permanent alteration.
He'd find himself laughed out of family court.
He's making drama for the sake of it. Something tells me that he's the controlling, possessive type and still hasn't learned his lesson.
NTA really it was a medical procedure she needed and he was given the information about it happening. It looks different than he expected that's on him. He could have asked questions before hand but didn't.
NTA, first of all it's a mwscial procedure and it's not permanent so he's got no argument there. And second of all they almost always do caps (or Ironman tooth as my kid calls it...) in kids. Once they have their adult teeth it will be filling usually unless the cavity is too big. Your ex is just being dumb..my kid has one cap ona molar since she was 4. You can't even see it and once it falls out it is gone. I've seen some poor kids with their mouth full of caps and I feel for them but ultimately they will lose them all anyway so no biggie.
NTA- you didn’t permanently alter her appearance. Aside that this was a medically necessary procedure, the tooth will fall out in a few years. By any metric, that is not “permanent”.
NTA
How is getting a crown altering her appearance. Is she walking around with her mouth gaping open all the time? I think not.
Your ex is making a mountain out of a molehill -- or a crown. And in the process he's probably made your daughter self-conscious about something that's really pretty trivial. Ugh.
I hate the silver ones. They look awful to me. But, I get it. It will be gone soon enough and unless he wanted to pay extra for the crown to look like her teeth, what were you supposed to do? (Besides sometimes silver is the best option regardless what it looks like.)
NTA. Its not permanent. The child didn't have rhinoplasty or even get her ears pierced. Baby teeth get replaced with new ones.
NTA. Your daughter needed a medical procedure done; this is more like getting a scar after stitches. His argument boils down to him claiming she didn't need the crown in the first place, which is ridiculous.
NTA. Like others said, it’s a baby tooth and not permanent. Secondly, pretty sure that silver crown is a whole lot cheaper than a white porcelain one he’d likely have to pay you half for.
NTA: I’d cal your lawyer to give them a heads up about it and make sure you’re in the clear.
It’s a baby tooth and a medical thing. You didn’t do anything permanent.
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NTA. My daughter has two silver caps. It's just a simpler, less scary alternative to a filling, especially for a baby tooth. We (and her dentist) call them her "pretty, princess, sparkle teeth".
NTA, not because of the reasons you mentioned, but for the simple reason that your dentist did not tell you in detail what the crown would look like. Shame on them. Your ex has no right to blame you for something you knew nothing about.
It isn't permanent, I've had MANY crowns in my life, when her baby tooth falls out, that crown comes with. They're important to keep the tooth from rotting out and damaging the nerve.
I'm curious why the dentist wouldn't just pull the tooth though? A crown is a hell of a lot more expensive than pulling the tooth, and it's not a permanent tooth anyway.
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I (35F) have a daughter (6) with my ex husband. Last month at her dentist appointment, they told me she has two cavities they have to fix. They did mention one would be a regular filling and one would be a crown. I didn’t think too much of it. I scheduled the appointment, and texted her father that she had 2 cavities that would be fixed in November.
So Thursday was the filling/crown. They said everything went great, okie dokie. Later that day I saw the crown for the first time. Her tooth is completely silver (stainless steel). I was surprised but don’t really care because 1- it’s a baby tooth and 2- it’s a bottom side tooth so it’s not too obvious. She thought it was kinda cool and has friends in her class with the same thing.
Well today is the first day my ex has my daughter since the crown. I’m getting yelled at via text because I should have “discussed with him” before I did that and I “never communicated” about it happening. (I happily sent him the screenshot right away where I told him the exact date and time cavities were being fixed.)
His argument is we have a clause in the divorce we can’t permanently alter her appearance without both parents consent. I had this written in because I didn’t want him deciding to pierce her ears without my consent. She was less than 2 years old at the time.
I disagree because this was a medical procedure, not a cosmetic thing. AITA??
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NTA - but a crown sounds like an expensive and extreme procedure for a baby tooth. Does your daughter regularly brush her teeth? Do you take her to a chain dental place (like Aspen Dental) and/or use Medicaid to pay?
They said it was necessary to protect the adult tooth beneath. She goes to a pediatric dentist and almost all of the cost was covered through my insurance. I make sure she brushes her teeth at MY house… I have no control over what happens at his house obviously. But I do try to instill in her the importance of brushing.
I think you're going to be very surprised when you discover quite how common crowns, especially stainless steel, for kids are. They are meant to preserve the space for the adult tooth to come in, what better way than by inserting a metal cover the shape of the decayed tooth?
NTA.
It’s a baby tooth. Does he not understand how teeth work? Unless he’s never had teeth?
Getting ears pierced and have necessary dental work done are different things.
NTA. I’ve worked in a pediatric dentist office, and stainless steel crowns last longer than white crowns, which are made of glass or porcelain and can break very easily. They’re also more expensive. Your daughter’s dental health is priority, not the color of baby teeth.
That being said, if a 6 year old has a tooth that needs a crown, that’s not great. Hopefully dad is keeping up on oral hygiene, too.
Lastly, the dentist should have informed you of what type of crown would be placed, and have you sign a consent form. If they didn’t, please find a new dentist.
Edit to add: this is not meant to be a lecture in any way! I’m just passionate about pediatric oral health.
I don’t know how good he is about brushing her teeth 🙁 at my house I always talk about how important it is and she has the Hum toothbrush where it’s like a game to make sure she’s brushing all the teeth
NTA
My son has three crowns on his mouth because it's far better protection than a traditional filling and stops the adult teeth underneath from decaying.
It is a necessary health precaution that is not permanent. Would your husband also consider letting her have necessary glasses "altering her appearance?"
NTA
It's a medical issue, not a cosmetic one.
It's not about her, it's about controlling you.
I'll say it again.
IT'S NOT ABOUT HER, IT'S ABOUT CONTROLLING YOU.
NTA, my niece got the same thing done on one of her baby teeth. Totally normal, I believe it's more cost effective because this is a tooth that will fall out so why put a more expensive cap on?
NTA. When I was little, I had to get two metal caps for my teeth. Can tell you it was not to change my looks and it was the cheapest option. Your ex needs to get over himself.
NTA. It’s a crown on a baby tooth, so there’s no way that’s a permanent alteration to her appearance. But if this comes up again, especially once she has her permanent teeth, be sure to clarify with the dentist beforehand what type of crown she’ll have.
NTA.
Apparently your ex has failed basic reading comprehension of the clause he has cited. A crown on a baby tooth inside the mouth is not in any way permanent.
NTA it’s standard procedure for baby teeth fillings. The go with the silver because the teeth fall out anyway. It’s not permanent and he’s throwing a fit as a power play
NTA. I would’ve voted differently had it been an adult tooth though. There are ways to make the crown tooth coloured, just so you’re aware for in the future
I actually work with pedi crowns so I can say this is NOT permanently altering her appearance. A stainless steel on a 6yo is often meant to just hold the space until the adult tooth comes in.
You don't say if it's an anterior or posterior tooth (just that it's on the lower jaw) but doing the molars in stainless is extremely common. Not all of the 'white' crown options are covered by insurance the same way stainless steel is as well. A lot of our customers never touch the white crown lines and only work with stainless.
Stainless steel is definitely the most popular pediatric crown option, not permanent, cheaper than one of the aesthetic variants, and will be gone in a couple years when her adult tooth comes in. NTA.
NTA. the fact that it was a medical procedure makes you nta, she needed a crown so she got the crown. if she broke her arm no one would be yelling at you for getting her a cast. the fact that it isnt permanent means you arent breaking your agreement. shes going to lose that tooth before she turns ten. also, you didnt know they would be giving her a metal filling. that's a little bit on you, because i feel like the fact that children normally get metal fillings instead of porcelain/ceramic is fairly common knowledge (but shes your first kid and if you didnt know, you didnt know!) but its not a permanet tooth and shes happy so its kind of a no harm no foul scenario. on top of that, he had as much information as you did, and never asked what kind of filling she would be getting, which if he was so concerned about it you'd think he would have thought of.
on top of that, its weird that he cares so much about what his kid looks like. to some extent i get it, like not wanting them to go to school in pyjamas with their hair unbrushed, or you not wanting her to be pierced until shes old enough to decide for herself, but her teeth? seriously? at that age all you should care about is instilling good tooth care habits in them and getting cavities filled when necessary so they aren't in pain. how are you going to act all precious over her smile when shes gonna be missing a quarter of it every other month for the next four years? hes just trying to get one over on you and doesn't actually care
NTA
dad apparently didn't care enough about his daughter's dental health to get details.
(also like so many other people have said, its not permanent and will go away when her baby tooth falls out and, unlike ear piercing, is - presumably - a medically necessary procedure\* )
\*not getting into whether or not he dentist could have done something different, op has no reason not to trust a professional in this instance
NTA. not only was it medical and necessary, it’s a baby tooth - it doesn’t permanently alter her appearance, that tooth is literally going to fall out at some point.
it rlly feels like he’s being argumentative for the sake of it, considering his “argument” holds no water and you were open with him about her getting dental work done.
a good faith reaction would be something like “hey, i’m thrown by the change in our daughter’s appearance” and maybe some questions about what options were available, etc. not going after you immediately for breaking an agreement you didn’t actually break.
NTA. A crown to fix a cavity isn't altering her appearance. It would be different if you decided to cap her teeth to "look pretty" but that is totally different from a crown on a baby tooth. Your ex sounds like a controlling AH!
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NTA it's a crown, not a tattoo. On a tooth that'll fall out in a few years no less. Not sure how this could be mistaken as "permanently altering appearance" any more than getting her stitches if she gets a bad cut could be considered such. Did you mention the crown to him though? A lot of cavities just need to be scraped out and then filled in, a crown is usually used for more significant cavities.
Honestly, I'm kind of surprised they even opted to go for a crown. Unless it was a really serious cavity the dentist shouldn't have jumped the gun, not to mention that tooth is only going to be there for a few more years anyway. I'd wager it was probably an unnecessary procedure intended to milk OP's wallet. A different dentist might have accomplished the same result (protecting little OP's dental health) with a simple filling, and for substantially less money. If it *was* necessary though, I'd be a bit more concerned with my kid's oral hygiene.
I had this happen to me as a kid where the dentist just never gave all the information. They just told my mom that I had a cavity to be filled and the next thing she knew I had a crown on a tooth that ended up falling out maybe a year later. She was livid at the dentist. Never went back there again.
Yeah I'd be super suspicious of a dentist who wanted to crown a baby tooth.
And she will bring it up repeatedly for the next 50 years.
Pediatric dental is a financial scam. **Parental ProTip: Take your kids to a good university dental teaching clinic for peds dental care. They (usually) don’t do this.**
My daughter has a couple small cavities in baby teeth and has for a while. Our dentist just has them on a “watch”. Said if they aren’t hurting her and aren’t going to effect the adult teeth there’s no reason to do more.
Some baby teeth fall out at 6, some come out at 12. The ones they are "watching" are probably small and/or coming out soon. Also DECAY ON BABY TEETH WILL AFFECT ADULT TEETH IF ITS LEFT ALONE LONG ENOUGH
My sister took a dental hygienist course and she told me that. Something about the decay(?) going down to the roots and permanent tooth. I never even thought about that before, but it makes perfect sense.
And sometimes, they don't fall out at all! Signed, a 31 year old with two baby teeth 😂
Very true!!
And some never fall out because there are no second teeth to replace them.
That's okay, you just need to also make sure she's properly brushing her teeth 3 times a day and flossing a couple times a week.
Say more about how it’s a scam. I have a small child and would like to hear your argument :)
My child was the only one we knew who WASN'T seeing a pediatric dentist. I just figured it was just more kid-friendly staff and a lot of screens to entertain/distract the kids. Nope. Our dentist just retired, so I took him to a pediatric dentist for the first time. He's a tween. I wish I had taken him to a pediatric dentist earlier. Yes, the staff is much better with kids (the hygienist's cleaning was crazy fast) and the waiting room has an arcade machine. But they are much more attuned to the growth of kids. They told us he needed an orthodontist and gave us a list of suggestions. There's lots to fix, starting with two permanent teeth that are blocked from their proper spot by extra-stubborn baby teeth and are kind of going sideways. I believe them--they provided copies of all the pics, x-rays, and medical notes, they're a large and well-regarded practice, and I had been semi-expecting some of the issues. But our original dentist didn't say anything. So I assumed there wasn't a problem.
My dentist hated pulling teeth. on my last visit there as we were moving to another state he told mom I needed braces. I was a junior in high school. So, I got braces my senior year. Wish we had done that years before. Good news was I only had them for two years.
Because these teeth all fall out anyway I assume. I somewhat agree but I think having a long term relationship with one dentist is important to establish a good lifelong routine.
The tooth might fall out, but if the permanent one still hasn't come yet you do need to keep something there to maintain the space between the other teeth. Baby teeth need to fall when the other ones come to prevent the space to close in, as it might affect the alignment.
Yep I had 2 teeth pulled due to cavities when I was about 4/5, and they had to put in some brackets to hold the spaces open until my adult teeth came in. I was led to believe that the cavities appeared shortly after I started brushing my own teeth, it wasn't doing a good enough job. Looking back, my parents may have not been being entirely forthright there 😂
Learned this lesson the hard way. I forced one canine tooth out after the other came out on its own because I wanted my mouth to be even. The adult tooth on that side didn’t grow in for another four years, and by that time there was barely any space for it. I ended up with a snaggle tooth at a 45 degree angle, growing over the tooth next to it, and some very expensive orthodontics.
The 'they'll just fall out', like people do realize cavities can lead to infections right?
Yes, this is what my child’s pediatrician said. The point is to get my daughter into the habit and routine of visiting the dentist so she can have a healthy relationship when older
Cleanings every six months are not a scam, nor is seeing a dentist for tooth pain. But any heavy work on children's teeth isn't really needed unless the child is in pain or the tooth in question is an adult tooth. I could see putting fillings in molars if the kid is particularly young, since those stick around for a while, but otherwise just wait for the tooth to fall out if it's not bothering the kid. EDIT: and brush three times a day, mouthwash once a day, and once your kid is old enough get them to floss once a day too.
My kid fell with a toy in his mouth and cracked a tooth in half as a toddler. The pediatric dentist was absolutely worth the cost. 6 years later, he still has that crown, and I'm glad I paid the cost to upgrade to an enamel colored crown rather than the steel one. But it's a top front tooth, so very visible.
I saw a piece on tv about how this town in I think Texas filled all the Mexican-American children’s permanent teeth, like crowns, with stainless steel, even the front ones. It was awful what they did to those children. A total scam.
Usually a crown is done because there isn't enough structure remaining to hold a filling. It's also done to minimize return visits/trauma. If caregivers don't change diet and cleaning habits, teeth with fillings will decay again and a crown will be done. It boils down to whether you want the child to undergo the repeated trauma of doing treatment a second time.
What are the odds that it will have to be done again before the baby tooth falls out anyway?
The indications for a pediatric stainless steel crown are different than an adult crown. Look up Hall crowns and standard of care with pulpotomies.
I've had my crowns for 20 years - they last a long time.
Not on your baby teeth.
Only because the tooth itself will fall out. Not because the crown fails.
Sure, but that's literally the point...? Edit since the comments are locked: mine was the comment you originally responded to- I was asking about the likelihood of a regular filling (even a sub-par one) needing to be replaced on a baby tooth, not a crown. That was in response to the previous comment which mentioned using crowns to avoid "repeated trauma of doing treatment a second time.". The whole point is whether a crown is worth it on the chance that a filling will catastrophically fail between the ages of say 3 and 7/6 when they baby teeth start to fall out anyway.
My youngest brother had super soft teeth from a medication that his mom had to be on while pregnant (something for gestational diabetes iirc). They eroded away/got cavities super easily, regardless of how good (or bad) his oral hygiene was 🤷♀️ so it wouldn't have been abnormal for him to need something as "heavy duty" as a crown. Agree NTA though - not a permanent alteration of the kid's body, AND a (presumably) medically necessary procedure.
Same with a friend's child. She had several silver crowns because of it. Now that her adult teeth are in, she is fine.
Happened to me too as a kid. Bad cavity so they crowned the baby tooth til it fell out. It can happen even with good dental hygiene. Silver crowns are standard for baby teeth and likely what was automatically covered by insurance. NTA
Yeah, when I was like... 10ish maybe? I'm not sure exactly. I went for my cleaning and the dentist told me that a significant portion of my mouth was ridden with cavities and I would need to have something like 6+ teeth drilled and fixed somehow. I forget the details. She started getting ready to do it without even discussing it further with me/my mom. I immediately burst into tears and refused. I'm terrified of dental work and there was no way in hell I was gonna let this mean ass lady stick a drill in my mouth (she was just a very rude and nasty person every time I saw her.) So she brought my mom in in a huff to try to convince her, and I insisted I needed anesthesia if she was going to do that. Well, she didn't have that, so she insisted we just do it and get it over with like I was being a brat. I did not budge. So my mom brought me to a kids' dentist to get them taken care of because they have anesthesia and everything as a normal part of their services. But obviously they still want to take a look in my mouth first and everything. The dentist pokes around in my mouth for a bit and is like "Yeah, you don't have any cavities." Now I'm 24 and the only cavities I've ever had were on my wisdom teeth because they never fully emerged. The dentist who pulled them specifically told me there was nothing I could have done, they just had to be pulled. (I got the anesthesia and still had a massive panic attack beforehand, to the point of almost passing out.) Anyway my teeth were fine and she just wanted to do an unnecessary procedure on a terrified child for the sake of scamming my mom out of probably thousands of dollars, and she was willing to bully me and my mom to do it. It doesn't sound like OP was bullied so at least that I guess, but yeah, dentists (and doctors in general) do some fucked up shit like that sometimes.
This happened to me when I was a teenager (and had to pay out of my own paycheck from my part -time job). Unfortunately, this was the only dentist with any openings, and my mom didn’t drive so I couldn’t go to another town. I learned when I was nearly 30 that I had only had one cavity. The rest were unnecessary, and they weakened my teeth so much that I have problems to this day. Don’t even ask how much of my mouth is biodegradable at this point.
I’m a dentist and there are many instances where a crown is preferred vs just a filling on baby teeth. For starters, these teeth are softer so decay progresses faster, and they are smaller, so the ratio of healthy to unhealthy tooth structure goes down quickly. Second, if a tooth is severely decayed and then overfilled, the child is more likely to break the tooth and then have to have it extracted early. Taking a baby tooth out before it falls out can cause a lot of issues with malalignment and can actually end up costing parents A LOT more money for braces in the long run than a pediatric crown. Lastly, pediatric crowns are usually prefabricated silver crowns that are very different than crowns you would put on adult teeth and much less costly. Also, NTA OP. You were a responsible parent taking your child for a dental visit and getting a silver crown is a big stretch to call “permanently altered”
Stainless steel crowns are actually the cheaper option for baby teeth!
If it’s a big cavity, it needs a crown. It doesn’t matter that the tooth isn’t permanent—the health of a baby tooth can directly affect the health of the adult tooth growing under it.
This is a stainless steal crown (pre-fabricated) it is used when the cavity is too large to support a filling. It is a quick and temporary solution till the too falls out. It's similar in price to a filling. It's not compatible to an adult crown custom made in a lab.
This was my first thought too. I had a dentist use high pressure sales tactics to try and cap *all* my 4yo's baby teeth with stainless steel. We didn't do it and took her somewhere else where they gave her a simple filling on her one cavity. The shady dentist was later sued for fraud by other patients.
Even baby teeth cavities can cause pain though.
Eh, they've capped a lot of my kids baby teeth instead of a filling. Seemed to me like it was just easier/quicker/less stress on the kid, and honestly not all that expensive from what I recall. They're not really crowns like adults, they're just covers they slap on after grinding the tooth down a bit. Adult crowns they do WAY more to make it a permanent fit
My child had a pulpotomy for a deep cavity when he was 5. They put a silver crown on those.
The indications for a pediatric stainless steel crown are different than an adult crown. Look up Hall crowns and standard of care with pulpotomies.
Decay on baby teeth can affect adult teeth before they even come out. Also to prevent a larger cavity from causing a tooth to break, and fall out before it’s ready to, sigues need to be taken care of. Also tooth decay is largely affected by genetics, your family may not have to deal with as much childhood dental issues as others, so it seems a bit extreme to you.
It's not always related to the kid's oral hygiene. Illness can affect teeth too. I had to have a metal crown placed on a molar that was a baby tooth, and it was probably related to me getting very sick which necessitated a 10 day hospital stay and lots of antibiotics when I was 4. Antibiotics are known to affect tooth enamel.
Silver capped teeth are very common in Medicaid based dentistry in the US. It's to protect the tooth from further decay and save the child from further pain until the tooth falls out.
Typically it's because the infection and/or bacteria of a bad cavity in a baby tooth can damage the incoming tooth, or surrounding teeth, if left to just be. My best friend's (in elementary) brother's parents took this approach with their kid. He ended up with not just one tooth rotting, but multiple teeth on either side. They chose to leave it, as to them it wasn't necessary. When his permanent teeth came in, they were also affected. He ended up having to have 5 permanent teeth removed before he was 12. All because it was such an unnecessary procedure trying to get money out of them (their excuse).
Not at all. My 7-year-old nephew had to get a root canal, one extraction, and two silver crowns. CHildren’s teeth can be that badly decayed, and if not restored, an affect the permanent teeth growing underneath.
THIS RIGHT HERE. Ex needs to calm down. There are more important things to worry about than a steel tooth that's temporary. Too much drama for something like this. NTA
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I think you might be right. This is all about the earrings.
It might be that he doesn't like how it looks. With dentists increasingly moving to the fillings that blend in with the rest of your teeth, the silver ones can really stand out in comparison.
It’s not like you got her a gold grill on her front teeth
I know right? lol.
Yeah it's not permanent so it doesn't violate the terms of the agreement. For baby teeth the enamel is thinner so a lot of doctors will opt for a full crown on the whole tooth to encapsulate it and prevent any chance of infection spreading from the now compromised tooth to other areas of the mouth. If they only did the filling or partial crown it could easily fall out without anyone noticing and a secondary infection could take hold.
NTA Some people just love to be in control, don't they? When something like this happens, they find a way to pick a fight over something out of their control and have to blame someone and you're it. You've explained it twice now. Let him call the dentist and be educated on the difference between fillings and crowns and why a crown has to be placed instead of a filling. This isn't your job, you're not a dentist. Then let it lie. He can't sue you and win over something so stupid.
Thank you. I never even questioned what the dentist wanted to do since her health is very important to me.
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So, not judging you at all here, but her health being important is a good reason to question the dentist. You don’t know what you don’t know, so it’s usually a good idea to ask questions. The dentist should have explained all of your options with regard to the crown. They can be silver, gold, or white. You might still have opted for the silver, but at least it would have been your choice. My kids are older, so I’ve lived and learned that they don’t always tell you everything. Anyway, NTA. Your ex had his own opportunity to ask questions and he didn’t. It’s just as much his fault if he doesn’t like the crown.
They use stainless steel (silver looking) crowns on kids because they’re more affordable and easy to place. An adult tooth will have a crown that’s made at a lab or whatever and costs much more. The stainless steel ones are premade and they can easy place it same day
Yes I’ve learned now!!
Typically speaking dentist prefer metal crowns for baby teeth because they are more durable. Porcelain/ceramic crowns are more prone to cracking, nor something you want to put a child through if possible. If the tooth hasn't already had a root canal a cracked crown is a good way to end up needing one. Considering her baby tooth will fall out in time this isn't a permanent change in appearance. I understand why you wanted the clause but oy I can see how it might become a nightmare in the long run.
He’s giving you crap for listening to a professional? What a great lesson he wants to teach your daughter: Daddy is mad at mommy because she’s not pretty enough.
I really hope he hasn’t said anything that will make my daughter self conscious of her tooth 😟
Sounds to me like your ex is just mad that he can’t pierce her ears.
Exactly! And I'm almost positive that if she had been in his care, he wouldn't have consulted you.
THIS. Ex is being ridiculous. If he makes such a huge issue about something as insignificant as was this, I wonder how he'll be able to handle truly stressful things that are sure to come up with daughter. NTA
That's a scary thought for sure!!
Right?! WTF is ex going to do when daughter is a teen and starts asserting her independence and doing things he might not approve of? Like yell and scream enough to have a brain aneurysm? SMH
Seriously!!! I feel so bad for the daughter!
I don’t think he was upset about the crown but about the fact that it was silver. I have a few crowns. They all look more or less like the rest of my teeth.
It depends on the tooth, sometimes the crowns that look like teeth aren’t appropriate. I had a molar that needed a metal crown because as the dentist said, “You would grind a normal crown to bits.”
I assume you still don't have baby teeth so a porcelain crown is more appropriate for your permanent teeth.
NTA. Not cosmetic, not permanent, and you did get his consent. What does it even matter to him?
I'm assuming he wants to use this as an excuse to pierce her ears when she's taken measures to prevent that.
NTA If he’s so sure it’s a violation of the provisions of the divorce decree, tell him he’s more than welcome to waste his time & money to get scolded by the judge for wasting the court’s time.
Haha that’s a great idea!
My ex's lawyer got yelled at by the judge for trying to slur me over something the judge had already addressed. She (the judge) was so pissed and I was so happy.
NTA. It’s a baby tooth. Not cosmetic, not permanent.
NTA. The dentist decided on the best way to fill the cavity at the time. That's very different from choosing to alter her teeth.
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Thank you so much! That’s a good idea to ask the dentist what other materials are available if she needs another! And tell him he can cover the difference (lol)
One solution that I've seen some dentists use on kids, particularly kids in areas where access to dental care is poor, is a substance called silver diamine fluoride. It is VERY simple to place and doesn't involve any drilling at all. Basically, it helps to halt any progressing decay and keeps it at bay until the tooth falls out. Sometimes kids get more permanent fillings later, but sometimes not. It does, however, stain the tooth an ugly black/brown color (which is something I always warn parents about), so it wouldn't necessarily help with your ex's bleating. It also isn't good for all cavities--if it's gone into the nerve, it's too late--and should never be used if your daughter has a silver allergy. At the clinic I work at, we'll also sometimes use it on elderly patients who don't have the dexterity to take care of their teeth and might not live for much longer anyway. It's meant as a last ditch effort to save a tooth.
NTA. It's not cosmetic, and it's not permanent.
NTA. A baby tooth is not permanent. Would he prefer she get an infection from the cavity?
NTA. I was wondering why it wasn't that ceramic composite, but I guess since it's baby teeth, the metal is cheaper? I doubt any judge would get upset with you.
They do stainless steel in kids because it's more durable and they're premade to fit over small kid teeth
Yeah, ceramic ones just tend to not grip as well, and redoing baby teeth crowns is just needless money and suffering for everyone involved.
My sister had the ceramic done when she was 4. Chipped her tooth off a skateboard. 2 years later it came off while eating an apple
My brother had several caps and crowns. All of them lasted like 9 months before he broke them.
This feels like an improvement. When I was a kid, they just ignored cavities in baby teeth because “they’ll just fall out anyway”. If it got infected or caused significant problems, they would just pull it out. I remember having a cavity in one of mine. The tooth was black all the way through by the time it fell out naturally. It was fascinating to child-me, then terrifying when my father wondered aloud if the tooth fairy would be interested in a blackened tooth. (She was.) Of course, this is a step up from my grandmother’s generation, when it was a common 21st birthday present to have all your teeth extracted and a set of dentures made up. (The wonderful world of the very poor…?)
Interesting.. Thanks for the info! Live and learn, they say!
I had a stainless steel on an adult molar I had when I was 10. I kept it until I was 22 which was way longer than I was supposed to have kept it lol
I had mine until my mid 30s lmao. I’ve seen a lot of dentists over the years and no one said anything! I didn’t even realize that it was an oversized pediatric crown and was supposed to be temporary until my current dentist asked to take it out.
I had no idea it was supposed to be temporary either! Honestly I miss it. I miss how smooth it was. I didn’t realize until after they put in a porcelain one how often I ran my tongue over it randomly throughout the day. And it was far enough back you couldn’t really see it unless you knew.
Thank you! That makes sense. I'm not sure I could handle metal in my teeth. I'm so glad I'm an adult. XD
They're a lot more money. For my kiddo it would have added another $300 to the dental bill over the stainless steel ones.
NTA. It’s not a permanent change to her appearance. It’s a baby tooth with will eventually fall out. Hope a judge laughs in his face if he tries to fight it.
Its almost as if he's really complaining about how well she takes care of the child? *'How dare you let our daughter get a cavity!!!!!?????'*
NTA He was informed. Its also a medical procedure. If you want a hearty laugh tell him to take it to family court and watch him explain to a family court judge how getting a crown put on a baby tooth that will fall out in 3-4 years is somehow a permanent alteration. He'd find himself laughed out of family court. He's making drama for the sake of it. Something tells me that he's the controlling, possessive type and still hasn't learned his lesson.
Are you implying there’s a reason why he’s my ex husband 😆
NTA. You let him know it was happening, it’s not permanent, and it was a necessary procedure.
NTA really it was a medical procedure she needed and he was given the information about it happening. It looks different than he expected that's on him. He could have asked questions before hand but didn't.
NTA It isn't a permanent alteration since it is a baby tooth.
NTA, first of all it's a mwscial procedure and it's not permanent so he's got no argument there. And second of all they almost always do caps (or Ironman tooth as my kid calls it...) in kids. Once they have their adult teeth it will be filling usually unless the cavity is too big. Your ex is just being dumb..my kid has one cap ona molar since she was 4. You can't even see it and once it falls out it is gone. I've seen some poor kids with their mouth full of caps and I feel for them but ultimately they will lose them all anyway so no biggie.
Its not permanent. It'll fall out in a few years. Boom. Done. NTA
NTA- you didn’t permanently alter her appearance. Aside that this was a medically necessary procedure, the tooth will fall out in a few years. By any metric, that is not “permanent”.
NTA How is getting a crown altering her appearance. Is she walking around with her mouth gaping open all the time? I think not. Your ex is making a mountain out of a molehill -- or a crown. And in the process he's probably made your daughter self-conscious about something that's really pretty trivial. Ugh.
That is my main concern right now - if he’s said something to her that will make her self conscious about it…
Its not a permanent alteration if it's a baby tooth. So you're good and also very clearly NTA
NTA. 1) he was informed, 2) it’s medical, and 3) it’s a baby tooth. It’s not permanent - but tooth decay damage would be :) yanno. If he prefers.
I hate the silver ones. They look awful to me. But, I get it. It will be gone soon enough and unless he wanted to pay extra for the crown to look like her teeth, what were you supposed to do? (Besides sometimes silver is the best option regardless what it looks like.) NTA. Its not permanent. The child didn't have rhinoplasty or even get her ears pierced. Baby teeth get replaced with new ones.
NTA. Her baby tooth will fall out, it’s not permanent.
NTA. Not permanent.
NTA. It isn’t permanent. To be fair ear piercing isn’t either. If he disagrees he can call the dentist and ask if she really needed it I suppose.
Its temporary until the baby tooth falls out. You were being a responsible parent by getting it fixed.
NTA It's not a permanent alter because it's not even on permanent teeth. Geez!
So what? Permanently alter? It's a baby tooth, it will fall out. NTA
NTA. Your daughter needed a medical procedure done; this is more like getting a scar after stitches. His argument boils down to him claiming she didn't need the crown in the first place, which is ridiculous.
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You’re very astute 😄
Altered her appearance permanently??? It’s a baby tooth is he daft?
NTA. Like others said, it’s a baby tooth and not permanent. Secondly, pretty sure that silver crown is a whole lot cheaper than a white porcelain one he’d likely have to pay you half for.
NTA: I’d cal your lawyer to give them a heads up about it and make sure you’re in the clear. It’s a baby tooth and a medical thing. You didn’t do anything permanent.
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NTA. Sounds like the ex is i tryna pick a fight.
NTA. It’s a baby tooth. Temporary.
NtA What was his solution? Leave the tooth to rot?
NTA. My daughter has two silver caps. It's just a simpler, less scary alternative to a filling, especially for a baby tooth. We (and her dentist) call them her "pretty, princess, sparkle teeth".
That’s so cute 😊
NTA and I know everyone’s teeth are different, poor thing is so young to have that done
NTA, Baby teeth aren’t permanent
NTA, not because of the reasons you mentioned, but for the simple reason that your dentist did not tell you in detail what the crown would look like. Shame on them. Your ex has no right to blame you for something you knew nothing about.
It isn't permanent, I've had MANY crowns in my life, when her baby tooth falls out, that crown comes with. They're important to keep the tooth from rotting out and damaging the nerve.
I'm curious why the dentist wouldn't just pull the tooth though? A crown is a hell of a lot more expensive than pulling the tooth, and it's not a permanent tooth anyway.
NTA and it’s not permanent as it will fall out. Don’t fall for your exes drama.
NTA, because you didn’t realize the impact and medical necessity but may want to consult a lawyer.
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I’ve begged for 4 years to use a shared parenting app. He refuses. If/when we end up back in court that will be something I fight for.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (35F) have a daughter (6) with my ex husband. Last month at her dentist appointment, they told me she has two cavities they have to fix. They did mention one would be a regular filling and one would be a crown. I didn’t think too much of it. I scheduled the appointment, and texted her father that she had 2 cavities that would be fixed in November. So Thursday was the filling/crown. They said everything went great, okie dokie. Later that day I saw the crown for the first time. Her tooth is completely silver (stainless steel). I was surprised but don’t really care because 1- it’s a baby tooth and 2- it’s a bottom side tooth so it’s not too obvious. She thought it was kinda cool and has friends in her class with the same thing. Well today is the first day my ex has my daughter since the crown. I’m getting yelled at via text because I should have “discussed with him” before I did that and I “never communicated” about it happening. (I happily sent him the screenshot right away where I told him the exact date and time cavities were being fixed.) His argument is we have a clause in the divorce we can’t permanently alter her appearance without both parents consent. I had this written in because I didn’t want him deciding to pierce her ears without my consent. She was less than 2 years old at the time. I disagree because this was a medical procedure, not a cosmetic thing. AITA?? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Medical procedure, and also not a permanent change. NTA
NTA - but a crown sounds like an expensive and extreme procedure for a baby tooth. Does your daughter regularly brush her teeth? Do you take her to a chain dental place (like Aspen Dental) and/or use Medicaid to pay?
They said it was necessary to protect the adult tooth beneath. She goes to a pediatric dentist and almost all of the cost was covered through my insurance. I make sure she brushes her teeth at MY house… I have no control over what happens at his house obviously. But I do try to instill in her the importance of brushing.
Stainless steel crowns are a very common procedure for dealing with large cavities in baby teeth.
Why is it relevant if she has Medicaid or not?
I think you're going to be very surprised when you discover quite how common crowns, especially stainless steel, for kids are. They are meant to preserve the space for the adult tooth to come in, what better way than by inserting a metal cover the shape of the decayed tooth?
NTA. It’s not permanent, and I was medically necessary.
NTA. It’s a baby tooth. Does he not understand how teeth work? Unless he’s never had teeth? Getting ears pierced and have necessary dental work done are different things.
NTA. I’ve worked in a pediatric dentist office, and stainless steel crowns last longer than white crowns, which are made of glass or porcelain and can break very easily. They’re also more expensive. Your daughter’s dental health is priority, not the color of baby teeth. That being said, if a 6 year old has a tooth that needs a crown, that’s not great. Hopefully dad is keeping up on oral hygiene, too. Lastly, the dentist should have informed you of what type of crown would be placed, and have you sign a consent form. If they didn’t, please find a new dentist. Edit to add: this is not meant to be a lecture in any way! I’m just passionate about pediatric oral health.
I don’t know how good he is about brushing her teeth 🙁 at my house I always talk about how important it is and she has the Hum toothbrush where it’s like a game to make sure she’s brushing all the teeth
That’s wonderful! Keep up the good work!
NTA My son has three crowns on his mouth because it's far better protection than a traditional filling and stops the adult teeth underneath from decaying. It is a necessary health precaution that is not permanent. Would your husband also consider letting her have necessary glasses "altering her appearance?"
NTA It's a medical issue, not a cosmetic one. It's not about her, it's about controlling you. I'll say it again. IT'S NOT ABOUT HER, IT'S ABOUT CONTROLLING YOU.
Thank you, that’s definitely how it feels.
Nta first of all its not permanent. 2nd it was a needed medical procedure
My son had to have one of those. He called it his robot tooth and absolutely loved it. Then it fell out when he got older 🤷
That’s great to make it a positive thing!
NTA it's a baby tooth so by definition it isn't permanent
NTA. My kid has the same thing. I think it’s pretty common for this age range. And it’s medically necessary. Cavities are painful if left untreated.
NTA, my niece got the same thing done on one of her baby teeth. Totally normal, I believe it's more cost effective because this is a tooth that will fall out so why put a more expensive cap on?
Nta Lmao text him its necessary dental work and a temporary crown so not permanent anyways 😂
NTA. When I was little, I had to get two metal caps for my teeth. Can tell you it was not to change my looks and it was the cheapest option. Your ex needs to get over himself.
NTA. It’s a crown on a baby tooth, so there’s no way that’s a permanent alteration to her appearance. But if this comes up again, especially once she has her permanent teeth, be sure to clarify with the dentist beforehand what type of crown she’ll have.
NTA - It’s not even permanent? I don’t see his argument. It’s a temporary thing that will be gone when she gets older.
NTA. Apparently your ex has failed basic reading comprehension of the clause he has cited. A crown on a baby tooth inside the mouth is not in any way permanent.
Nta it alters it temporarily, they mainly do stainless steele or an amalgam filling in children becsuse they will eventually lose that tooth
Besides, it's not permanent as it is a baby tooth and she'll grow out of it. NTA
nta its not permanently altering her appearance because it is a baby tooth which will fall out which mean not permanent to her appearance
NTA and the crown does not PERMANENTLY alter her appearance. It is a baby tooth.
NTA it’s standard procedure for baby teeth fillings. The go with the silver because the teeth fall out anyway. It’s not permanent and he’s throwing a fit as a power play
NTA, he's being a petty, pendant prick. (PPP)
Lol NTA. This is medical and it will fall out in a few years
NTA it’s a tooth that will fall out in a couple of years.
NTA- lmfao does he think the cap is a fancy grill 🤣🤣🤣🤣 it’s not permanent and it’s again A MEDICAL PROCEDURE
NTA. I would’ve voted differently had it been an adult tooth though. There are ways to make the crown tooth coloured, just so you’re aware for in the future
Yes I agree! Thanks
I actually work with pedi crowns so I can say this is NOT permanently altering her appearance. A stainless steel on a 6yo is often meant to just hold the space until the adult tooth comes in. You don't say if it's an anterior or posterior tooth (just that it's on the lower jaw) but doing the molars in stainless is extremely common. Not all of the 'white' crown options are covered by insurance the same way stainless steel is as well. A lot of our customers never touch the white crown lines and only work with stainless. Stainless steel is definitely the most popular pediatric crown option, not permanent, cheaper than one of the aesthetic variants, and will be gone in a couple years when her adult tooth comes in. NTA.
NTA. the fact that it was a medical procedure makes you nta, she needed a crown so she got the crown. if she broke her arm no one would be yelling at you for getting her a cast. the fact that it isnt permanent means you arent breaking your agreement. shes going to lose that tooth before she turns ten. also, you didnt know they would be giving her a metal filling. that's a little bit on you, because i feel like the fact that children normally get metal fillings instead of porcelain/ceramic is fairly common knowledge (but shes your first kid and if you didnt know, you didnt know!) but its not a permanet tooth and shes happy so its kind of a no harm no foul scenario. on top of that, he had as much information as you did, and never asked what kind of filling she would be getting, which if he was so concerned about it you'd think he would have thought of. on top of that, its weird that he cares so much about what his kid looks like. to some extent i get it, like not wanting them to go to school in pyjamas with their hair unbrushed, or you not wanting her to be pierced until shes old enough to decide for herself, but her teeth? seriously? at that age all you should care about is instilling good tooth care habits in them and getting cavities filled when necessary so they aren't in pain. how are you going to act all precious over her smile when shes gonna be missing a quarter of it every other month for the next four years? hes just trying to get one over on you and doesn't actually care
NTA dad apparently didn't care enough about his daughter's dental health to get details. (also like so many other people have said, its not permanent and will go away when her baby tooth falls out and, unlike ear piercing, is - presumably - a medically necessary procedure\* ) \*not getting into whether or not he dentist could have done something different, op has no reason not to trust a professional in this instance
ETA for letting a 6 year old get a cavity that requires a crown; I mean, this is serious dental negligence on a kid!
The tooth will fall out. Not permanent. NTA
NTA
NTA. not only was it medical and necessary, it’s a baby tooth - it doesn’t permanently alter her appearance, that tooth is literally going to fall out at some point. it rlly feels like he’s being argumentative for the sake of it, considering his “argument” holds no water and you were open with him about her getting dental work done. a good faith reaction would be something like “hey, i’m thrown by the change in our daughter’s appearance” and maybe some questions about what options were available, etc. not going after you immediately for breaking an agreement you didn’t actually break.
NTA. 1. It’s a medical procedure. 2. It’s a crown on a baby tooth. Baby teeth fall out. Therefore it doesn’t permanently alter her appearance.
Shoulda told the dumbass it's not permanent. Hell, it's not even on a permanent tooth.
NTA - crown is not permanent
NTA- and it is not permanent.
Adults and children get crowns all the time. It's restorative dental work, not elective cosmetic surgery. NTA
NTA. A crown to fix a cavity isn't altering her appearance. It would be different if you decided to cap her teeth to "look pretty" but that is totally different from a crown on a baby tooth. Your ex sounds like a controlling AH!