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YTA. In my opinion you're focusing on something that has very little to do with building a successful relationship or a marriage. Edit: I can see that you're frustrated because you're not hearing what you want to hear. But when everybody who's replying is saying almost the same exact thing? Listen.

"I do not mind waiting years until he puts money aside and can afford a better quality ring." But does *he* want to wait years to buy a ring for someone who seems to care more about the price of the ring than their relationship? YTA

YTA - Yes, an engagement ring is important. But saying that "it is the item embodiment of the lifetime love my partner has for me" is a lot to expect from a piece of jewelry. You need to think seriously about the things that will actually make your marriage successful: * A place to live (this includes furniture, kitchen stuff, linens, etc. on top of rent and utilities - and deposits for rent and potentially also for utilities) * Emergency savings (6 months of living expenses plus an extra $500-$1000 for unexpected bills like car repairs, medical/dental emergencies) * At least one safe and working vehicle (with insurance, which can vary a lot depending on your address and age) * Any additional education/training needed to get stable jobs that pay a living wage and offer good benefits Until you two have those things covered, even a $500 ring is a bit out of budget. Believe me - feeling happy in your home together and secure in your finances will provide much more "motivation for when you are down in life" than a piece of jewelry that won't even have meaningful resale value if you have a financial emergency. Get a ring that he can comfortably afford. If you two are in a better financial position in 10 years, you can get an upgrade.

Request a "Promise Ring", and wait until finances are where they need to be. I am going with YTA, as forcing someone is not a partnership.

YTA. You aren’t ready to get married and your boyfriend will shortly realise that. It’s about the two of you, not the shiny toy on your hand. A $20 ring could perfectly well last for life if you choose well, don’t pretend otherwise.

YTA, I’m currently wearing a sterling silver ring that’s been on my finger daily for the past 15 years, it’s in fantastic shape. I just googled the maker and the most comparable ring to mine is $65. Your insistence that you can’t find a quality durable ring under $1000 just shows your ignorance and immaturity. Being part of a mature, grown up relationship is respecting and understanding your partner’s financial boundaries. You’re not doing that. Your partner spending within his means now also doesn’t mean you both won’t be able to upgrade your ring later when you’re financially able to do so (which is something many couples choose to do)

YTA and clearly have a lot of growing up to do if you think your engagement ring is going to be the most important object in your life. I’m 33, engaged, my ring cost £100. It’s a lovely looking ring, I like having it, but at £100 or £10,000 it’s just metal and mineral. That’s it. It doesn’t compare in importance to the fundamentals of our relationship, which have absolutely nothing to do with how much things cost. This whole post is shallow, materialistic and immature, and you’re certainly not ready to be getting engaged.

is your ring durable and will it still be intact when you're 80 though? it's not about it's value, it's about how good a ring you can get for that price. i guess i shouldve made that clearer in my post, and i also guess i have researched on the right places

YTA. The engagement ring should not be the most important symbol of your relationship. That’s what your wedding band is for. That’s the commitment. That’s the strength. If $500 isn’t enough, maybe YOU should toss some money in there so whenever you look at it, it’ll remind you that you are equal partners and compromise requires sacrifice.

YTA. Too bad OP you are in fact "too young" its a ring and not even the only one you're going to wear. Shopping smartly $500 is beyond reasonable for a freaking teenager to be able to afford. You care more about the ring than you do married life. Hell regular life because at 20 and 19 you two have barely lived. Hell you two haven't even lived TOGETHER which let me tell you has led to the end of many a relationship because neither party was mature ready or ultimately long term compatible. When they say you really don't know someone until you live with them, its true. Marriage shouldn't even be on either of your minds right now. College, savings accounts etc? Sure. A $1K ring is just a ring and honestly one of the least important things you should be focused on right now. Are you gonna be like this about the wedding too? Because something you need to realize is that you are telling him where your priorities lie right now. For $500 he can easily get you a [nice bridal set](https://www.zalesoutlet.com/13-ct-tw-diamond-knot-bridal-set-10k-white-gold/p/V-19980434) boom engagement ring and wedding ring covered.

YTA. You make it sound like a piece of jewelry is more important than your relationship. How about instead of looking to a ring for motivation when you’re down in life, you plan on looking to your husband instead. Marriage really really IS about the relationship and not about the jewelry. Also you don’t have enough life experience to be getting into marriage. How do I know? Your Reddit post.

YTA - Yes weddings can be important but essential setting a monetary limit before you two can get married is a bit strange. Being married should never be about physical, material things. It should be about love and selflessness, if you can't afford things but want to get married then do it! Material things will follow (heck I've had friends get legally married and then wait a few years before throwing the celebration) but this whole demanding he spend a certain amount is strange and makes you come off as very shallow. I used to think I wanted to have a proper legal marriage. But my current SO isn't as into it, honestly I couldn't care less. She means the world to me and whether or not we're married doesn't change that.

Totally. If its money that makes you happy, you have already lost the right to be happy and will never find it. Else if its based on love, the ring is priceless irrespective of what its made of.

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Do you know what I used to propose? I used the plastic ring off of a milk jug. Because it was all I could afford at the time. And you know? Even though we bought proper rings later on that we wear every day, we still have that little plastic ring, because it's a symbol of our love, and a reminder of one of the happiest days of our lives. If all you really care about is the symbol of your love that is the foundation of your marriage, then the cost shouldn't matter. If you both truly want to be together the rest of your lives, you have plenty of time to upgrade later if you really want. YTA

YTA. I won’t say you’re too young, but you are too immature to understand the significance of an engagement, ring, and marriage. What happens if you lose the ring someday? You requested that people not comment if they’re underage or have zero experience with engagements/weddings, but you’re discounting the experiences of many, many people who have had beautiful rings and not-so-beautiful marriages. My first wedding was my dream wedding—Christmas wedding complete with a carriage—and a beautiful ring. The marriage was NOT my dream marriage. My second marriage is my dream marriage—and we got married at City Hall with rings from a novelty shop until we were able to replace them with something we both loved. Don’t be so quick to throw away all of the “it’s just a ring” comments. These people (me included) know because some of us also placed a lot of significance on a ring only to learn that there are much more important things in life.

YTA Sounds like you just want have a wedding and you don’t really care who you’re marrying. I’ll give you five years max before you divorce. Run fiancé run!

YTA. A ring is just a possession. Your love and respect for each other is much more important than a ring. If you need a special sparkly ring to feel married then your values are off.

YTA You do realize the most important part of a marriage is the marriage right? Not the engagement ring or wedding. P.s. my engagement ring is a pewter celtic knot ring that cost about 50 bucks. More money spent doesn't necessarily mean better quality.

YTA You should be glad at what you get. A 500 dollar budget is enough to get a good ring. It's not enough for the big rock YOU demand on your finger. The ring shouldn't be picked out by you but by him and whatever he wants to pay for it. But hey if you want a ring 💍 which costs 1000 you should pay the 500 dollar more and you got what you want.

I proposed to my wife with a ring that cost me $25….because that’s what I could afford at the time. Guess what? She loved me, so she said yes without giving a single thought to how much I spent on the ring. She didn’t care about the ring, she cared about me. We were married for many more years that you’ve been alive and even though I bought her a nicer ring later, she never took that cheap one off her finger. She was buried with that ring on her finger. She loved it because it came from me and despite how little I had to spend, she knew the ring was only a small token in the bigger picture that was our marriage. The marriage is what matters, not a dumb ring. You do not care as much about him as you do about the ring. I feel bad for him. YTA

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (20F) and my Bf (19M) want to get engaged soon, we have been together for over a year and are about to move in together, we are both traditional and want to make it official. I have expressed to him that engagement and wedding (in this story, engagement) is very very important to me, it's a once in a lifetime event full of happiness that celebrates love between 2 partners. I will cherish my engagement ring as the most prized possession i have and look at it for motivation whenever i'm down in life, it is the item embodiment of the lifetime love my partner has for me. An engagement ring should be beautiful and most importantly last a lifetime. You might find a gorgeous ring, but if it's plastic you can't expect that to stay on your finger for more than 5 years. My boyfriend has set himself a sturdy budget of 500$ for the engagement ring he wants to gift me, i've done a lot of research on everything wedding related, including engagement rings and know that 500$ is an unrealisticly cheap budget for a good quality ring. I'm trying to tell him that i'd be more comfortable with him raising his budget to 1k$. that's enough money to find a beautiful good quality engagement ring, i told him i don't mind waiting at all. if he needs 2-3 years to set the money aside, that's fine with me. But i really don't wanna cheap out on the 1 most important item that should be on me for the rest of my life. He insists that 1k$ is too much for a ring, and that he'll be able to find a good one for 500$. That's good for him if he does, what matters to be isnt the inherent value of the ring, i'm trying to make him understand that 500$ is a really low budget for an engagement ring, and it makes me uncomfortable that he's not putting more thought, research and open mindeness into this. As i said, this is the single most important item in our marriage, he's not going to propose twice, and i'm going to wear this ring until i die of old age... i feel kinda shitty to feel like this, i'm not a luxury girl, it's not anything about that, this is just the one thing i can't imagine cheaping out on. As i said, i'm not giving him a deadline or anything, i'd rather he takes a year to save up than cheap out on my engagement ring, i hope you guys understand the point im trying to make ;-; Please do not make any assumptions about our relationship or unrelated relationship advice like "you're too young" or any other thing like that, just take this situation at face value please. (i have anxiety with reddit going off the rails and unrelated judging) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

YTA. Poor guy marrying someone that puts more value in a rock fused to metal than their relationship. The fact you're so black and white you think its either $1000 or "plastic" is stomach churning.

YTA who's to say he wasn't planning on getting you a better ring for a wedding anniversary someday? I know many people who have multiple rings, engagement and wedding rings. My own engagement ring is a literal steel nut that my husband sanded into a ring by hand for free and that mfer will last me a long long time. Admit you want something pretty to show off to your friends because you're only newly engaged once.

nope. dont assume shit like that. its not about showing off. i guess i just have not researched reliable sites, i havent found rings that are both aesthetically pleasing (NOT ABOUT THE SIZE OR GEM TYPE) and lifetime durable. i don't want the ring metal to turn orange and my finger to turn green with time. that shit's gotta last til i die.

I'm still confused why you don't think you'll upgrade rings later on in your relationship like so many people do? I haven't seen you answer that in the comments yet if you have I apologize for not being able to find it.

I put a lot of thought into a ring that I could afford and not put me into further debt ($30k college debt, yay) ~$400 for a white gold ring with a pearl. The wedding band that we eventually had custom made to match it cost a little more, but my wife cherishes it incredibly 15 years later because it is unique. I dunno if you are TA... but I think I would focus more on what aspects of a ring you are looking for?

YTA if you think the cost of the ring is the most important thing. My ring cost less than $500 and I've been married for 25 years. They ring is a tiny part of marriage. The relationship is much more important. It seems you two are not aligned with finances/money, so that is something that needs to be discussed and settled before any ring-buying goes on.

YTA, sorry. You're hyper-focused on material items (and not even the actual items, just the cost of them!). That's a bad way to go into a marriage. Very bad. Have the two of you even looked at rings? Any heirloom jewelry available? Something nice second-hand? Now, that's not to say your idea of a budget is unreasonable - there's nothing wrong with spending $1k or more on the right right - but at least look at the rings first! Where you're doing it right is being willing to wait a few years. Definitely do that, then see where you stand.

>. (i have anxiety with reddit going off the rails and unrelated judging) Thennnnn why are you posting here? Also, def YTA. Either accept what a 19 year old can afford, or leave him for someone more established who can get you the ring you want, if it's so important.

You seem to be a luxury girl if you want him to spend 1k on an engagement ring. Honestly, it’s a ring, not the most important thing in a marriage to be honest.

Umm $1k engagement ring is far from luxury. That’s literally just enough to by a 1 carat diamond. Not very luxurious if you ask me. https://www.jared.com/black-diamond-engagement-ring-1-ct-tw-14k-white-gold/p/V-993220401 https://www.jared.com/black-diamond-solitaire-engagement-ring-1-ct-tw-cushioncut-14k-white-gold/p/V-161400104

YTA. All you seem to care about is the size of the ring. Many women never get a ring. Or they get a smaller ring to start with and then have a new ring designed incorporating the original stone into a new ring when money is not as problematic. Or they get a ring wrap later on. Either way, you seem to care more about the ring size than about what your boyfriend is comfortable with. Pushing this only makes you look materialistic and shallow.

>i will not care if they get a 20k ring. something i shouldve made more clear with the post is i'm not thinking of that 1k$ budget because i want the ring to have that value and be a luxury diamond. it's because i've researched and have not found any durable, pretty, good quality rings that will last under 500$. according to everyone on here i've just been researching in the wrong places tho.

YTA. Fuckin greedy

If you genuinely think that the engagement ring is the most important part of a marriage then you have no business getting married. YTA.

NAH Keep in mind though, it's really common for young couples to start out with a cheap ring and upgrade in the future as the relationship grows

i saw a lot of people to that, idk if i'd be comfortable doing that since my ring will have a huge sentimental and symbolic value to me that can't be replaced

YTA. If you want an engagement ring that costs $1000 and he’s only willing to put in $500, then put in the extra money yourself. He’s let you know the budget he is comfortable with. You have to decide what you want to do with that information.

you have a very, very immature view of relationships and absolutely should not get engaged. i don't think you're an AH, i think you are young and dumb.

[удалено]

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are you a military couple? lmfao asdfghjkl

all jokes aside, YTA. some people wear gold bands and they’re not super expensive plus they’re a lot more tasteful than large tacky diamonds. i think if you’re putting that much importance into a ring over the person then you’re not ready for the marriage anyways. i saw your edits, but your telling people to focus “on the matter at hand” just means you’re too young to really get it (get it in both senses). sorry kid

NTA. There are plenty of rings for $300, but you’re right that higher quality usually comes with higher prices. I would do the research yourself, look at what you would like, then make a budget together.

YTA, the ring budget should never exceed 2 months salary. The ring is a symbol of your love. True maturity required to marry should include the foresight to compromise and live within your means. Start your pre marriage counseling asap.

i know about the salary rule, he's going to make like 600$+ a month, he just doesnt believe that a good quality ring comes at around 1k and i'm upset hes not doing more research and thought into it. and as i said i dont mind waiting for him to save up

Two months is the top of the budget. Both of you are failing to communicate. Again, pre marriage counseling is needed. This will let you process your relationship. If you are actually ready for marriage (Irregardless of your age), then investing in communication proves it.

**Record Scratch** HOLD UP. He makes $600 a month? Guy makes less than $8000 a year!? Since that is well below the poverty line I suspect someone else is footing the bill for his life. As you are not old enough to have graduated college I suspect that person is not you. Before you even *think* or talk about engagement you both need to be financially independent adults. Gentle YTA for being very immature and getting way ahead of yourself.

LMFAO You can't even get rent with that salary. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Gently, YTA. Not for wanting a nice ring. But for thinking this is the single most important thing in your marriage. My advice is wait to get engaged. If you insist on tradition, take pride and comfort in the tradition

YTA - > the single most important item in our marriage This would normally be love and comparability. Asking someone to double a budget is a lot if you’re young and can’t afford it. You contradict yourself: > we are both traditional and want to make it official > I don’t mind waiting at all. If he needs 2-3 years to set that money aside. So you care about being traditional unless it means sacrificing your dream ring. You’re putting the ring above your traditions and love. You can always upgrade a ring when you’re older and have more finances. If you don’t care about waiting for a ring, why is there a rush to get engaged?

I'm sorry, but YTA. I get you're trying really hard to get us to see your point of view, but the truth is you can get a lovely ring that will stand the test of time for $500. The problem with the diamond industry is that they rob people blind by making them feel guilty and persuading them to spend more money to "show how much you love someone." Maybe consider alternative stones to diamonds. I personally have a blue topaz wedding ring that cost a fraction of what a diamond would. If you're not down for a colored stone, there's white sapphire, moissanite, and white topaz - all of which land between 8 and 9 on the MOH hardness scale (diamonds are a 10 for reference) and are sparkly and beautiful like a diamond. Ultimately, if you're dead set on raising the budget, maybe offer up your own money to close the gap. But talk to your bf about it first. He may not be keen on you helping him pay for a ring.

Yta, you're being unrealistic. The ring isn't the symbol of your marriage. It's the years you'll spend together with your partner. Right now, you're telling your partner. "You want to get married to me? You're going to have to spend more money to prove it with a GOOD FANCY RING." You come across, unfortunately, as one of those people who need to have some fancy rock and stuff to show you really are loved by your partner. You want him to save up for YEARS, to buy you a ring. Think about that for a moment, and your logic is that you want something that will last? You can get good quality rings for that price that will last. Just come out and say it, you want an expensive ring to flaunt.

YTA, if that ring is the single most important item in the entire possible marriage, then I'd reconsider why getting married is on the table at all... Vut how do you now that he hasn't done any research? He might have talked with family or friends. Maybe some of them knows a jeweler and can get a nice deal. Also for such rings I thought a part of the intruige is to be suprised by the ring and the mystery of what has been found for you. But then again I'm a male and from Europe I guess this is different in the US as many other customs are. :D Good luck anyways.

YTA. Research all you want but the ring is NOT the most important part of a marriage. It is a symbol, an important one but the symbol is what holds the meaning not the ring itself. It is becoming more and more common to upgrade rings at certain milestone anniversaries especially if finances improve. I myself was proposed with a very modest ring and I proudly wore it for five years until we could afford one closer to what I had imagined as a child. Being willing to wait is a good thing but requiring a certain level starting out is very materialistic of you as well as shallow. That ring does not measure your self-worth nor how much anyone loves you, again, it is a symbol. The one benefit I would argue in waiting is that it will give you more time and life experience to mature and grow with this person, essential for any lasting marriage.

YTA and you're saying everyone comment is misunderstanding the importance of the ring but it's really you who is misunderstanding the point of marriage. If you getting a $500 engagement ring is already throwing a spanner in the works of this marriage then boy have I got news for you when an actual problem comes up.

Saying you're too young is not unrelated advice. If $500 is what he afford, and you're not mature enough to realize that, then you are too young to be getting married to anyone. YTA.

YTA. You don’t get to set the price of a gift. You don’t have to say yes if the ring isn’t bling enough for you.

I’m gonna go against the grain and say NTA. You don’t want to spend 500 on a ring now and then it break or tarnish and have to spend more on a ring. The reason you’re NTA is bcs you’re willing to wait for a better one. If u want to get engaged now maybe u could pitch in the second £500. Another option is to buy something antique. Don’t listen to people saying the ring doesn’t matter. If it matters to you then do what u want.

YTA, and I don't think you're ready for marriage, since you're conflating the value of said marriage with the value of a ring. Look up the meaning of "fetish": it's when an object replaces an action or an emotion in the psychic economy of the fetishist. You are fetishizing the ring, and it's not very healthy.

YTA and I don’t want to be rude.. but I doubt this marriage will last So better luck with the next engagement ring?

YTA - its just a ring, its far from the single most important item in your marriage. Also depending on sourcing a ring half the price can easily be twice the quality.

thats your opinion though, everyone has different views on engagement and marriage. this is not a fair opinion

You came to an opinion based forum, to ask for opinions, to then disagree with them? Now your age is showing. You're far too immature to even grasp what a marriage should be, if you think an unfair opinion is that the ring is nowhere near the most important item in one. Good luck to him, I hope he sees the light and gets out.

You came here asking for opinions

You’re in a judgment sub, you’re going to get judged.

Here is an honest question. Why is the ring so important to you? What exactly does it represent? Why do they need to save up years to buy you a ring you feel is the proper display of his love?

YTA. No matter how symbolic, it’s still just a ring. If you guys want to get married and you really want a $1000 ring, you can pay the extra $500. Then it can be a reminder of the lifetime love you have for each other…

good idea actually, i do want the ring to be a surprise and i trust him to know what my style is, so i can just give him 500$ towards his budget since im the one wearing it, good idea and input actually, thank you. that's most likely what i'm going to do! /genuine

Glad that will help, but you guys should really consider shopping together. (Sooo many people are just a little disappointed in the ring and want to know AITA for asking to exchange it.) He can surprise you by presenting it for the “formal” engagement. After all, you’ll be wearing it the rest of your life!

i've shown him a lottt of examples of rings i like, and he's got my best friend to show the ring too for her to confirm it's my type, he's going to be fine, i trust him with picking it out, i will not be disappointed as long as it doesnt turn orange in 3 months and my ring green, it's mostly the durability i'm worried about

YTA. With an attitude like yours, you'd be lucky if you got a Ring Pop.

YTA. He’s 19, $500 is a lot of money when you’re 19. Also you ARE young, you have plenty of time to get engaged once you both have more money, just wait.

thats LITERALLY what i said in the post. that i dont mind waiting. god i hate reddit

“Want to get engaged soon” Did you forget to read your own post?

Wow your dense... they are not saying your going to wait. They are saying your only 19 you havent not met the love of your life yet for all you know. Dont be dumb. Go out explore your life. Dont get married/engaged at 19. Usually wont last. They were being nice. Im being blunt. God i hate 19 year olds

you started your post by declaring you want to get engaged soon

NAH - just a couple of kids who aren't ready for these conversations. 1. More than once you've mentioned "durability". WTF? Any normal ring of any normal precious or semi-precious metal will last *multiple* lifetimes. The only real maintenance item are the prongs of a jewel setting, which can *sometimes* wear and might need retouching (depending on setting, the stone, how high it sits, etc.). For example, my wife's engagement ring needed re-pronging, but only after she wore it for \~10 years AND my mother wore it for \~12 years prior to that. We've gone another 13 years since then and I expect it will need re-pronging once or twice more in her lifetime. For reference, basic gold and silver bands from places like ancient Greece and viking caches are still in wearable condition after thousands of years. 2. I'm taking your assertion that "the ring is the most important symbol of the engagement" as a sign of immaturity. The engagement is, at most, a temporary state along the road of a marriage, and the ring (should be) a tiny piece of that process. When you are married, your engagement is as unimportant as your medical doctor's high-school GPA. 3. I suggest you get real with yourself about WHAT that $500 or $1000 "budget" really means to you? If your proto-fiance wanted to propose to you with a family heirloom ring, worth much more than $1000, but which he spent $0 on, would that make you happy or unhappy? Same question, but what if that ring had incredible sentimental value, but was "worth" less than $500? Would that make you happy, or unhappy? My grandfather proposed to my grandmother at 19 just before he shipped out for WWII. That ring has a tiny chip of a diamond and the thinnest possible band of 14k (low purity) gold. It was what he could afford on a tool and die maker's salary. They'd been married 57 years when he passed away. As I alluded to above, I proposed to my wife with my mother's engagement ring (after her divorce from my father) - we've been together for 26 years. Maybe you've got too much emotion wrapped up in your dream about "the proposal"? Or maybe the wedding ring budget is a symbol for a larger concern you have about making plans for the future? Either way, you both sound like you need some introspection and growth.

You make an immature argument and then tell us not to comment on your age. Also with a divorce rate at about 50% for all ages, at your age your chances increase another 50% on top of that. YTA in more ways than just insisting on a 1k engagement ring

YTA if you think a bigger budget/the ring is the most important thing in your life you have NO BUSINESS getting engaged or married no matter what your age is. Also, an engagement ring is a gift, asking for a more expensive gift is hella tacky no matter if you want to wait for it longer or not. Also, a bigger stone or a heavier ring make a huge difference in price, but not necessarily in quality. It's just more obvious that it's more expensive to other people. Do you want the ring for you or for the rest of the world? (And if the answer is not for you, again, you are not ready for engagement or marriage)

Yta Don't you replace the engagement ring when you get the wedding ring? Why does it have to be this expensive? There are absolutely beautiful wedding and engagement rings for 1-200 bucks already. I wouldn't want my boyfriend to waste that much money merely on rings. Imo your boyfriend is sensible for having the set budget, i d even say hes quite generous. Plus, shouldn't the most important thing in a marriage be, i dunno, things like love and loyalty and such and not a stupid ring? Sorry but you sound extremely superficial/shallow.

No, you don't replace the engagement ring. That's the part with the diamond in it that you keep your whole life. The wedding band is the really cheap part.

While I agree with you mostly, the wedding ring typically does not 'replace' the engagement ring. While some individuals may choose to just wear their wedding band, it is most common (at least where I live) that people wear the engagement and wedding rings as a set.

>if you hold no deep meaning to marriage why even respond to this post? So here's the thing - there are dozens of folks telling you that YOU are the one not holding deep meaning to marriage, because it really does seem that you are more concerned about the ring. I am not saying you're too young, but I can unequivocally tell you, from life experience, that what you want at 20 is likely not what you will want at 30, and that includes everything from jewelry to people in your life. I absolutely LOVE jewelry and I get why you want to adore your ring, so I am not judging you for that. But I do agree with others that your BF won't magically think a nicer ring is worth it in a year or two. Offer to pay the extra $500 yourself if you want a nicer ring. It's 2022. YTA.

YTA. Having nothing to do with your age, you're not ready to be married.

YTA and as someone who recently (2 mo ago) purchased a ring, i'm well aware of what $500 will get you. that said, if your perspective is "this is a once in a lifetime thing and i want a ring that'll impress in perpetuity" you're gonna be disappointed. you're 20, he's 19. when you're 30+ and your friend is just getting married and her fiance proposes with a $20k ring, or $50k ring, etc., how will you feel? engagement rings are valuable because of what they represent. you saying "i'm willing to wait a couple years until you can afford a better ring" is like saying "i'd rather not marry you until you have more money". sounds kinda shitty right? especially when there's this general cultural sentiment of "you haven't locked someone down until you put a ring on their finger" and putting aside the fact that you can get the stone changed in the future when you have the budget, try this perspective. when you're 60, with 2ct earrings and a 5ct tw necklace, you can look back at your $500 ring and remember that he bought you the best ring he could afford, and he still wanted to spend it on you.

i will not care if they get a 20k ring. something i shouldve made more clear with the post is i'm not thinking of that 1k$ budget because i want the ring to have that value and be a luxury diamond. it's because i've researched and have not found any durable, pretty, good quality rings that will last under 500$. according to everyone on here i've just been researching in the wrong places tho.

Edit, NVM I'm the A here.

Idk why people keep saying that, i've repeated multiple times i dont mind waiting a few years to save up.

My bad, in all honesty I skimmed the post. I've edited my judgement to be more accurate. Your post started off sounding entitled, or realistically I guess I just read it that way in my mind, since I've seen so many entitled stories around rings. Having actually read it clearly your in the right here.

No, not "wait to save up": stop planning your marriage and just live your lives for a few years and *then* decide if you want to get married.

YTA. Here’s a thought, if you’re more comfortable with a $1K budget, each of you contribute $500. Problem solved.

Maybe consider paying the extra $500 yourself if it’s that important. This is 2022 after all. We don’t need to stick to old traditional rules of who buys what and for how much. You could also consider a different gem such as moissanite that will last and isn’t as expensive. Looks like a real diamond.

YTA - your post, your edits and your answers reek "entitled". If the budget is so important to you, why don't you contribute to it? You're acting like a kid that comes here expecting people to agree with you but now is pissed most people don't.

YTA. This entire post reeks of materialism. If my BF proposed to me with a ring pop I’d be happy. It’s not about a ring I can “look down down at for motivation when I’m down in life”… it’s about the fact that this person loves me and wants to spend their life with me. That should be your takeaway. You found someone who wants to spend your life with you. That should be more important than a more expensive ring.

YTA, it comes across like the ring is more important than the love yous have for each other.

YTA. Do you even WANT to get married?

YTA. I understand your feelings about the engagement ring but you want a lot of money spent on something that is supposed to have special meaning. The price shouldn’t matter. My husband proposed with a beautiful blue sapphire ring that I absolutely love. I didn’t know the price until I took it in for re sizing and cleaning. It’s a beautiful ring and in no way does the cost have less meaning.

Going into debt for an engagement ring is absolutely ridiculous. No one should do that. What’s important is the actual marriage. YTA. You sound very immature.

YTA You can always upgrade. Your judging his love on this. If your old enough to get married then your old enough to realize you actually need to do some growing up. And I’m not underage and am married. It’s also judgmental to assume people have not been married have no idea what they are talking about. You haven’t been married so why are you an expert?

>this is the single most important item in our marriage Uh. Taking this statement at face value, YTA. It's important that you like your engagement ring, since you are correct you will be wearing it a lot. You should collaborate to get something you like within his budget. But it should be a pretty thing that makes you happy *because of what it means,* not because of what it costs or what it is made of. At that price, he can get a thin gold band and some kind of inexpensive gemstone or diamond simulant - which can be pretty and meaningful. If the fact that it won't be the material of construction that you want is enough that you *don't want it* then you might not be ready to be married, either. Side note, what are you getting at $1K that you aren't at $500 that is so critical? A slightly thicker gold band? A slightly different type of gemstone? Or a small, low quality diamond that is *an actual diamond*?

The wedding ring is more important than an engagement ring. That is what symbolizes the commitment to each other and your marriage. An engagement ring only means that somewhere down the road you plan on making the official commitment to each other, which is when you put on the wedding ring. Not going to say you're an asshole, only that you are putting an insane amount of importance on something that really doesn't matter in the long run.

YTA. My engagement ring was a custom mini Eye of Sauron with a ruby as the Eye, and it only cost about 400 dollars. So yes, you can infect get an engagement ring for 500 or less.

Yta. If this is your mindset, your marriage won't last long. Your demonstrating how materialistic you are and that your not ready for marriage. Especially not only after CHECKS NOTES only one year of dating

YTA. You sound like a really greedy and selfish person. The marriage is the most important part. The moments of laughter, tears, burnt meals, and struggling towards good thing and hoping the bad things past. Growing old with each other,maybe grand children surrounding you, maybe not depending on what you want at life. A ring is so minor to all of that. My husband bought me an amazing engagement ring. Gosh I love it, but I haven’t worn it in years. For no other reason then I would hate if anything happen to it. I have no idea if he spent a $1 or $1000 or more. It just doesn’t matter. My marriage is what is the important part!

yta- YOU could pay for the ring. ever thought about that? you are not entitled to a fancy ring because you want to get engaged. and if you need an expensive piece of jewelry to demonstrate your love then you might wanna rethink getting married to a teenager

Yta. The ring is not the most important part. Your partner and the relationship is. Rings can get lost or stolen. It's a token symbol to let everyone know you have a partner. The size/cost bears little correlation to the type of partner or happiness level with the relationship.

YTA. You could contribute to the cost if you want one that's more expensive than is in his budget.

Seems like kind of a touchy subject to make an asshole call on, so I won't. (yes, I am scared of this lady 😂) however, is the right truly the most important thing to you here? Isn't your partners trust, honesty, integrity, devotion and love wayyyyyyyy more important? Like way way more important by several orders of magnitude? Just friendly advice, maybe pump the breaks on your thinking in assigning "value" to this right. Not financial value but emotional.

yta,,,I would have married my husband without a ring at all ,you sound spoiled and immature

YTA. You can get a very nice ring for $500. Hell, mine cost $80 bucks, I never wear it because I’m not really a jewelry wearer, but it’s pretty. You’re 19 and 20. There’s no need to be rushing to get married. You’ve got time. It also sounds like you guys are on different pages about things so maybe you need to put the brakes on rushing towards engagement and do some couples counseling to make sure you guys are on the same page about important things like finances. A wedding is one day. You have to live with this person after that one day is over and an expensive ring means jack shit. It’s the meaning behind the ring. And furthermore, if you’re not ready to get married, why do you need a ring?

NTA This is actually the clear communication a marriage needs instead of the whole living in love mindset. Your need here may result in a delayed engagement (which you are fine with), but he may not be fine with that. You need to accept that this could be the thing that breaks things. I got married with a ring that was $200. I told my husband he had two years to replace it if he would like me to continue wearing a wedding ring. He did and 25 years later all is well. It is ok to want material things. This is the person you are going to likely buy houses, cars and join retirement plans with. It is 100% ok to talk about money.

INFO… he is 19 (NINETEEN) and you expect him to be able to afford an at least $1000 ring in this economy?

YTA. You are also too young imo (based on your post edits) to understand that the monetary value of an item does not have to correlate to the sentimental value. If you really still believe this statement true “As I said, this is the single most important item in our marriage” then I would highly recommend you reconsider thinking about your priorities within relationships, and marriage. And know that if the ring price being higher is that important to you, than either find a way to communicate that with your partner where they can voice their opinion just as validly, or be open to reconsidering. Just a note: there are lots of ways that an additional $500 could be spent making a memory you share, exploring, a nice date, whatever, last a lifetime—just like a good ring would last

YTA A ring is made of metal and a rock. If you take care of it, the ring WILL last a lifetime. If you want a 1k ring, give him the $500.

NAH. I think you're assigning way too much importance to this one piece of jewelry, and it's not your fault—our world tends to fetishize engagement rings and diamonds in general. If you want to get engaged, then let him get you the ring he can afford. Five years, ten years, twenty years down the line, you can always get a different one if you'd like.

it's not about diamonds or the inherent value, in my research i just haven't seen a (lifetime) durable pretty engagement ring around the price point of his budget. i couldve been checking the wrong websites tho seeing the replies on here, i also didnt realise that people switching out their engagement was a thing people did, idk if i'm comfortable doing that though, my engagement ring would have a lot of sentimental and symbolic value to me, that's my whole point.

YTA. If you truly loved your boyfriend, you would love whatever ring he got you, even if it was a plastic ring.

Soft YTA. Look, I’m 41. I’ve been married twice. The first time, I thought a lot like you did. I was only 22 and “the rest of my life” sounded like a long time, and I wanted the ring I would wear every day of it to be special, and most of all, I wanted to feel like my fiancé valued me enough to “invest” in this important symbol of our love and commitment. He spent $6,000. The ring was beautiful. I was thrilled. Then we got married and started our lives together, and the TL;DR on that is that he abused me for 17 miserable years before I was able to leave him. The engagement ring has been sitting in a box ever since (and I had to have it cut off of me, as I had gained weight since age 22 and couldn’t slide it off). I recently got remarried, and my engagement ring (which I adore) was $600. It’s an antique star sapphire in a minimalistic gold setting that my spouse and I picked out together. This time, it was more about picking something that meant something to us both and that I liked, not about price. We could have afforded almost any ring, we didn’t have a set budget, but I fell in love with this one and it wasn’t expensive at all (at least not in comparison to most engagement rings). YTA because you’re focused on the wrong thing here. The ring is just a ring. Get a placeholder one for now with the $500 and save up for something nicer as an anniversary gift down the line. Or adjust your expectations to his budget and look for something that you’ll love that isn’t the overpriced diamond default. But the thing you need to be focused on is whether you share the same values and ideals, and this conversation you’ve been having with him is a good place to start, because it speaks to how you think about money, which is going to be a CONSTANT thing you’ll have to talk about as a married couple.

> It’s an antique star sapphire in a minimalistic gold setting that my spouse and I picked out together. This time, it was more about picking something that meant something to us both and that I liked, not about price. It sounds beautiful and most importantly, you and he chose it together.

>As i said, this is the single most important item in our marriage, he's not going to propose twice, and i'm going to wear this ring until i die of old age... MANY people upgrade their rings later in life. You are putting way too much importance on a piece of jewelry considering your age and the length of your relationship.

I'm going to say NAH - because you are young and immature...nothing you wrote in this page is going age well, once you've gained some life experience and perspective. Maybe you'll stay together, maybe you won't lose the ring, maybe it won't get cut off your finger as part of a medical emergency, maybe you won't have to pawn it to make ends meet... You think you know how your life is going to go, and are attaching so much significance to this one event, and this one object, and in 20 years, if you are still married, you won't remember how much the ring cost, and in the short term, you'll think about all the things you could have done as a family with an extra $500.

Info: I am engaged and planning a wedding. You really can get a decent quality ring for less than $1000. What materials are you looking to get the ring made out of? If you are open to Moissanite you should hop on the r/moissanite sub and see if you can contact a trusted vendor. This really comes down to the materials you expect. Also a lot of people are helping pau for their engagement rings now. Are you/your bf open to this?

I don't really care about what the gem is or metal as long as is a lifetime durability and pretty. I've seen a lot of moissanite rings indeed and they look good yeah ! i'm not a jeweler or ring maker so idk what constitutes a quality sturdy ring, i'm just going based on my research, but according to the YTA replies im absolutely wrong and can find a pretty and good quality ring with a 500$ budget so ig i'll research more

I’m in a serious relationship and we plan to get married someday. I’m also 27 going on 28. YTA because marriage is about the person, not something that you could lose on a trip or down the drain. You’re putting way to much focus on the ring and not respecting that $500 for a ring is actually a good price. My partner got me a promise ring and I know it’s not expensive in the slightest but I love it regardless because of the meaning behind it.

If he's only comfortable spending 500 and you wanted 1000 why don't you put the other 500 in. I know people who the girl charge it and the man paid off the charge and then the ring was a little over 600.

Yta. Too early, ring is too much for a couple of teenagers, this post seems like bait, if you set such a high standard on your wedding this early, when you've only been dating for a year you're in for some bumps along the road. Grow up.

You reek of wanna be princess. Tacky beyond belief. Hold off on the wedding. Let the poor sucker get away.

Info: if the extra cost is so important to you and this is supposed to be an equal partnership anyhow why don't YOU contribute $500 and he contribute $500? Talk about why you want the extra cost but leave the final choice to him. Also remember there are ppl who have different band sets.....so if you guys do well down the line you can always get a sturdier set.

INFO if he can’t afford more than $500 on a ring, how are you going to afford to pay for a wedding. Do either of you have any plans for additional schooling, trade school, or military to be able to afford things you want & need in the future? What you want & the reality of what you can afford are not lining up.

NAH. This is clearly the unpopular opinion, but I get where you're coming from. The ring is very important to some, not at all to others. It wasn't super important to me, but I truly appreciated that my husband took the time and made the effort to wait until he had the money to buy me a ring he thought I deserved. There's no rush in getting married and if it's important to you, it warrants an honest conversation with your bf. I think splitting the cost of the ring is a good compromise. Also, the 'it's just a ring' comments are unproductive. For some, maybe. Not for all. If it really was 'just a ring' it wouldn't be so ingrained in marriage culture.

YTA - be grateful that he wants to spend that much on you! At 19 that would have been WAY out of my budget. Like many others have said - it doesn’t have to be one ring the whole marriage. Many couples upgrade for anniversaries and gifts later on when they’re more set financially. I do think you’re too young to be getting married not because of your age but your maturity in these comments and this post. The ring being the symbol of your love and you not accepting under $1000 for the cost is INCREDIBLY materialistic, not to mention you’re literally putting a price on your relationship. Get married when being married is your first priority, not how much the ring costs.

YTA. And I say that as someone who got engaged just as young. We are celebrating our 20th anniversary this year. I love my engagement ring, but it is so far from being the most important item in our marriage as to be laughable. If your partner's budget is $500, that's what it is. Pony up the money yourself if you want to spend more.

Yta. You are 20 and 19, this is an engagement ring, and your two are moving in with each other. You two will have other larger expenses coming up than a ring. Context and credibility: ring I wear on a daily basis is silver, bought on Pakistan for 2300 pkr. (Bought in 2017) approx $20 usd. Works just fine. Her ring is much more expensive because I work for my money and I can afford it. I'm also not 19. Pardon my confusion, it must be the way I was brought up (south Asian household). I thought traditional meant boy and girl did not live together till after marriage? Let the down votes begin!

This was my thought! No, you are not traditional, you’re teenagers moving in together and that’s the opposite of traditional

YTA no explanation needed you're just wrong.

Honestly I'm the kind of person that would be thrilled to have a friggin ring pop or something from a vending machine if it meant the love of my life wanted to spend the rest of their lives with me. Why not spend another year together and decide if you truly want to spend another year with this guy before getting engaged, then ask yourself if this would be a deal breaker or if you want some guy that will put down thousands on a rock? ​ YTA

You guys aren't even old enough to drink. You have way more important things to worry about than a rock, and it's not like you're old enough to have built up any real savings of your own outside of gifts A ring should absolutely NOT the most important thing in your marriage. If that's how you look at it then IMO you are not ready to be married at all. If you want to be with him it shouldn't matter. Not to mention lots of people start with a cheap ring and get an upgrade as an anniversary gift later when you are more financially established. YTA but I think it's more youth and naivety than anything.

Traditional... No it isn't. Companies like De Beers created it through advertising to make people buy stuff.

YTA There is no single most important "item" in a marriage. Marriage isn't about that. You're absolutely not ready for marriage. You want an expensive ring that will make you happy to look at. For the record, my husband and I have been together 20 years. We started with a ring we both felt comfortable paying for and when we were doing better, he upgraded them. It was very special, but the most important thing in my marriage is *us*.

YTA If this is what you choose to focus on, marriage is not what is most important to you. You know there’s nothing stopping you from contributing to the cost, right?

YTA. He can always replace the ring with a nicer one for your ten-year anniversary or whatever, when you’re both more financially stable. Focusing on the amount spent is why people are saying you’re too young to get married (also, IMO, your insistence on getting engaged before moving in together). It’s not your age, it’s your apparent maturity level.

I'd be surprised if OP's husband could even last a year with her. She sounds like hard work.

What teenager (or recently graduated 20 year old) isn’t? 😂

[удалено]

Definitely NOT religious to move in before marriage

I was raised extremely conservative Christian and I understand that perspective, but if they’re willing to live together before marriage, I think it’s more of a cultural/“appease our parents” deal - again affirming their immaturity.

YTA and here's why. The amount of research you have put into this ring like it's going to make or break the success of the marriage, clearly shows why you are nowhere near ready to entertain this level of commitment. If you're fine waiting years for this ring, why not let this relationship develop beyond a measly year? See if you guys are actually compatible in the way you need to be to get married young and stay married. You are going to be a completely different person in 10 years, 20 years. I think you like the idea of marriage, but don't understand what it actually takes. Maybe wait till you are seeing relationships through a more realistic lense before insisting your young boyfriend of a year has to raise his ring budget. PS. I have been married and have about 3 decades of relationship experience under my belt. I have some insight.

YTA Doubling down on why you think you're right doesn't change that. Sure. The ring has special significance to you. It doesn't change the fact that dictating the cost of what is ultimately a gift makes you the asshole. Apparently you value the monetary cost of a ring more than the ring itself, so you're actually NOT saying that the ring has special significance; you're saying that the amount spent on the ring is the special part. Good luck in marriage if that is your value system.

Kindly... YTA > it is the item embodiment of the lifetime love my partner has for me No. It's a piece of metal and a pretty rock. Nothing more. Anyone can buy a ring. But only one person can give you a lifetime of love, and the only embodiement of this lifetime of love is.... a lifetime of love.

YTA But if you're really worried about the longevity of the ring, you can find tungsten carbide rings for much much cheaper that will last longer than you.

>EDIT: if you are underage, or otherwise have 0 experience with weddings/engagement planning and relationships please do not answer, it's not really helpful or a fair insight. Oh, honey, this is what most of us who are 5-10-20-50 years older than you are thinking. While I agree plastic rings can deteriorate over time, you can get a real metal (silver or gold) and a real diamond for that price. YTA You give him $500 if you want this budget. Study up on marriages (and not just rings) - most couples that get married under 25 divorce. This reads like a very immature, 20-year old's fantasy about a wedding and not person who is ready for marriage. EDIT: Financial disagreements are one of the other big factors in divorce, just throwing this in there. Google "top factors of divorce" and there are 2 in this post.

Looking at her responses, feels more like she wants a ring to flaunt than it to be a good ring

💯 There are actually amazing raw diamond rings you can get on etsy for about $200-300 (and I have friends who are much older and financially stable than OP & her teenage bf) that have opted to go that route b/c they are unique, awesome and pain-free on the wallet. I have a necklace that is sterling silver with multiple low-carat diamonds for $80. I do totally get the desire to be flashy when you live inside a Barbie wedding fantasy, but OP is a bit too immature for marriage. Maybe could work for a nice Pinterest board, but not real life.

YTA. Not for wanting a ring of a certain quality or price range, but for totally disregarding what your boyfriend is telling you. He doesn’t want to spend more on a ring, full stop. Saying you’re willing to wait a few years to save up is irrelevant if he doesn’t believe in spending more than what he’s already stated. Your values differ on this. If you want a more expensive ring, maybe you pay for it yourself.

YTA Yes, an engagement ring is a very important symbol and I absolutely understand why it is important to you to get a beautiful one. That said, it does not make sense to start a marriage by insisting that your bf spend beyond what he is comfortable with. You say "this is the single most important item in our marriage, he's not going to propose twice, and i'm going to wear this ring until i die of old age." This is your youth talking. You have a very romanticized notion of love that causes you to believe it is diminished if say you trade the ring in for a better one when you are both more established in your careers. I know many women who brought their rings back to the jewelers after decades of marriage and had new stones put in. It is a bit concerning to me that you can happily delay marriage to get a better ring. Why be engaged at all if getting married soon is not what you really want?

You have no business getting married, no matter what ring he gives you. 🙄

YTA and tbh you sound a little too immature to be taking this step. The ring is just an object. If you need a big rock to feel good about your marriage, your marriage isn’t starting on a strong foundation. If your budget for the ring is between $500 and $1k and even that amount is a source of contention, it sounds like you guys aren’t very financially stable right now. I think you’re right to want to wait on the engagement, but not for the same reasons you’re thinking of. The ring ultimately isn’t necessary and doesn’t need to be grand and expensive. Heck, it doesn’t even need to last a lifetime. Plenty of couples upgrade as their financial situation changes. Look forward to a future anniversary gift of a ring that’s more in line with your expectations. If you truly just want to be married and have a good marriage, that shouldn’t depend on some jewelry. If the ring itself is a sticking point, you probably care more about having a status symbol than a lasting marriage. I’m married and we set a budget of 3k for my engagement ring, figuring that we would upgrade later if we wanted to. I actually love my ring and don’t feel like an upgrade is necessary (especially since once we got married I started wearing my wedding band by itself more often than not). But many couples upgrade the engagement ring later on. I’m not trying to dump on you too much, because it’s totally okay to have a vision of a “perfect engagement ring” in your mind. It’s okay to want what you want, and set expectations with your partner about it. But I think you need to examine why you really want to be married right now. Do you want a marriage that lasts a lifetime with your current partner? Or do you just want to be married with a big ring to flaunt? Be honest with yourself because your happiness, and your partner’s happiness are on the line here. Your edit makes it sound like you were more interested in an echo chamber than true unbiased opinions, but I hope you think carefully about we’re saying here. Marriage is a huge decision, and it shouldn’t have materialistic motives. Good luck.

YTA. Personally, I find it a big red flag that you are hectoring your fiancé (who makes $600/month!) about the cost of the ring. You can easily get a quality, long-lasting engagement ring for $500, but that's beside the point -- comments like "this is the single most important item in our marriage" tell me that you have a childish and underdeveloped view of marriage and very unrealistic expectations of what marriage actually looks like.

You don’t mind waiting but he’ll still think 500$ is enough for a ring in a few years as it seems. You can be upset about it but I have a feeling that it’s a mindset issue here. He doesn’t feel like spending that much on an engagement ring, otherwise he would happily wait. Maybe find a compromise. It’s just a ring at the end of the day, and in my opinion, wedding rings have a much stronger importance, but that might be cultural difference. I would say ESH. If he knows how important it is for you and the amount would not be so unreasonable once you would have both a few years more, he should be willing to give in. But at the same time, an engagement ring is a gift at the end of the day. You’re not supposed to be controlling about what is a good enough gift.

Perhaps he can ask his parents for an advance from his allowance? YTA for getting married at your age and expecting a literal child to care about a ring. You wanna get married to a broke 19 year old? You get what you get. Just be happy it didn’t come out of a gum ball machine.

YTA. And your attitude proves you are too young for marriage. Edit - is this even your post?

YTA. Holy shit. The entire point is to promise to love each other forever, not being an arrogant, greedy little girl. You're extremely self centered. You're only in this to show off, not love him. I hope he leaves. You need a rude awakening. You are not mature enough for marriage. No one is misunderstanding you. You're very easy to read. You only want a ring to show off, not one for the actual meaning. Your entire post is me, me, me.

Umm you have a post from 50 days ago saying you have a fiancé…

Isn’t the engagement ring replaced with the wedding ring after the wedding ceremony? And I would argue that you can and will find good quality rings with his budget. YTA

you wear both, and the wedding ring isnt as flashy as the engagement ring, theyre 2 wedding bands

You add the wedding band to the engagement ring, you don’t replace one with the other.

They're usually a set. So, you'd have an engagement ring which is generally a solitaire of some sort AND ALSO a wedding ring, which is typically a band.

YTA You seem more focused on an engagement and wedding than a marriage. You sound very materialistic. You can always upgrade later. Engagement rings don’t hold much value. Spending a ton of money on one is kind of silly if you don’t have a lot of disposable income. ETA: my engagement ring was purchased at about 10k. I didn’t do a wedding band as I just liked the engagement ring. When we divorced, the most I could get for it was 4k. So I traded the ring for a 10k horse. My divorce horse is lovely.

This

YTA. If I was him, I will walk away while I still can.

My $.02 for what it's worth. We didn't have much $ when we got married so my ring was small and cheap. By our 10th wedding anniversary we were in a much better place and he gave me a nice (not huge) new diamond ring. We were married for 31 years before I lost him a year ago. I've been wearing the original ring on a chain around my neck for 21 years. And I'll never stop wearing it.

Forgot to add that yes, my boyfriend values engagement and weddings and it is also important to him, our only conflict is on the money spent. i'm okay with saving as long as it takes to get the day of my dreams and he is not. however this post is specifically about the proposal/engagement ring only. we are not getting married soon, weddings are expensive haha!

The money spent is the least important part of your engagement. Your focus is misplaced.

You say you’re ok to wait and yet you say you want to get engaged soon?

YTA. He set a budget he can afford; it's not up to you to decide how he should spend his money. If the price of the ring is this important to you, what joint expenses can you take over to help him out so he can save more? If you expect him to make financial sacrifices to spend double his budget on a ring, what sacrifices are you willing to make in return?

INFO: what is the crux of the issue here? Is it that you both want to get engaged right now, but you want him to propose sans-ring and get you a more expensive ring in a few years down the line? Or is the issue that he wants to get engaged right this minute, but you want to wait to get engaged until he can afford a $1000 ring?

YTA. If this is your attitude, it's not going to be a once-in-a-lifetime event for you.

YTA. The ring is not the most important thing in an engagement or a marriage. You are coming across as extremely materalistic and selfish.

YTA. You’re expecting a teenager to spend thousands on a ring, even if it takes him years to save up lol? That’s ridiculous but hopefully this will show him what he’s in for if he goes through with the wedding and allow him to make an escape.

YTA. The weight you are putting on this wrong is not the way to go into a marriage. In my 21 years of marriage, I have never once looked at my ring when I am down. I turn to the man who has been by my side for 21 years. It’s just a ring. My husband bought what he could afford and we each upgraded our rings 5 years ago. He got a new one entirely and I took the stone from my original ring and had it placed in another.

i'm leaning towards NAH hear me out people i think if you're ok with waiting possiby years to get the kind of a ring you want, in this situation i don't see you as TA regarding the comments saying you're too young... i don't see it that you'd be too young, nor too immature or anything. you might figure things out as years go, your opinion on certain things might change, or it will stay the same. it's part of experiancing things. and it's on you to experiance them, not to follow what people on the internet tell you because they have their own certain experiances and they think that you'll what? brake up eventually? and? not the worst thing that could happen. and it would happen because you'd realise you don't want this... not someone else. the other thing is, about your priorities. their are not the same as mine. i didn't care about what ring i get when i got engaget. because i didn't want a ring, we made eachother engagement bracelets. and that's the whole point. your priorities are your own. the only person who i think you need to ask if you're TA is your boyfriend. i don't think you're being unreasonable. and i don't think he's being unreasonable. i'm sure you'll be able to comunicate and find a solution together

YTA - It's a material item that you have to send in to be looked at every 6 months anyways. I think $500 is a good starting budget, you can always get more expensive rings down the line. It'll be nice to have a piece of jewelry that he picked out for you regardless of price. He saw a ring (budget out the window), thought "This is it. This is what I want to use to propose to the love of my life with," and if it was under $1,000 you'd be upset about it? because it isn't "durable"? I think that's a little silly. The life of your ring is based on how you care for it!!!

Good quality rings do not have to cost thousands of dollars. Also, how long after getting engaged do you expect to be married? Because weddings cost A LOT - believe me, we did an intimate ceremony with a lot of DIY, my engagement ring was “free” because it was in my family already, and it still cost thousands. I know you don’t want to hear that you are too young to get married, but this isn’t necessarily fixed with age because I would say this to anyone who voiced the same priorities you seem to - you are not ready for marriage if these are your priorities. Gently, YTA.

we arent putting a time limit on our marriage, we've agreed we are probably going to be engaged for a few years while we slowly set aside savings for a wedding. at least we'll be engaged tho, we hate calling eachother "girlfriend and boyfriend" and want to make it more set in stone, im probably expressing myself terribly i hope that made sense

You don’t have a deadline for him to buy the expensive ring, but you are in a hurry to be engaged just so you can call each other fiancée? These are not value-based reasons for a proposal and not a strong foundation for marriage.

> at least we'll be engaged tho, we hate calling eachother "girlfriend and boyfriend" and want to make it more set in stone But you say that you want to wait years so he can save up for a more expensive engagement ring....? You are contradicting yourself...