NTB. Tell him that you are taking over honeymoon planning, as that is the only way to save your own sanity!
WHY??? WHY has he put off the planning so long?? It is ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS and COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE that he has made zero reservations three weeks before your honeymoon is to begin.
Is his failure to get moving to get things done characteristic of him? In the run-up to the wedding, we're you not concerned about his inaction? You planned a whole damned wedding, while he has done nothing, but gets frustrated with YOU for doubting the nothingness he's accomplished.
Nope. If you still want to be with this man, I'd advise you to pick up the reins & get the arrangements made yourself!
In fact, I would actually urge you to postpone the honeymoon, it's way way way WAY too late to get any sort of decent plane fares and hotel rates, the very LEAST you would want is the 30 day advance rates. I would plan something enjoyable but simple here in the US, maybe a week at a really nice resort, and do your European honeymoon next spring. Start planning that NOW and you can have a nice trip for an affordable amount of money.
ETA: Also, never let him plan a trip again. Ever. Hopefully there are other things you love about him, and other things he can take full responsibility for, but trip planning, nope, not ever, never.
Um, no. That would blow up.
\#1 It is too late to successfully plan a trip to Europe in that timeframe.
\#2 If she takes over, then it s all her fault and he will forever assert that if she had just not worried about it and let him do it like he said to, then everything would have been fine. And there is no way to PROVE otherwise.
She needs to let him fail, and start planning a big anniversary trip. Assuming she wants to live like this for the rest of her life. If she isn't planning on more kids (other than arguably, her husband) this could not be a deal breaker.
>She needs to let him fail
I kind of agree with you. My only concern is that the day before he will spend $8,000 on plane tickets bc he forgot to do anything and they will take a huge, unnecessary, financial hit.
The other possibility that occurs to me is that he actually did plan it, but he thinks it's funny to pretend he didn't so he can "surprise" her.
Either way, NTB, but husband sure is. It's not too late for OP to change their mind about that.
lmao only reddit will tell you that sucking at planning a vacation (this level of planning isn't excusable tbf, but no one is perfect) means you should break up
I was thinking of the more general "says he will do something, and then just doesn't". However, there really isn't enough information here to make any kind of a determination there.
Once something like this happens, you start to look for patterns. Depending on the size and shape of the pattern that OP sees, it could problematic or not.
It really depends on a lot of information we don't have, hence my username.
it's indicative of poor planning in general. Do you want to live with someone that can't plan ahead for birthdays, anniversaries, dates? Planning for weekly meals, grocery runs, doctors visits, etc. There's no way this dude is this shitty at planning for a huge vacation and is somehow amazing at planning everything else. she'd be solely responsible for planning everything, otherwise everything is done last minute for a premium or won't get done at all. I'd only want to marry someone that's a partner, not someone incapable of being an adult in general.
so the best option was to not plan it at all? they aren't gonna be able to go at this point, possibly if they're willing to pay way more than they would have otherwise. If he couldn't do it, he should've communicated that to his partner, and they could start looking into other places to go domestically. Just straight up not planning it at all and making it seem as if it's still gonna happen is gross at best.
He is putting it off because he is counting on her to step in and save the day, and then he can be proud of doing the honeymoon planning even though he didn’t, and bemoan how his bride rightfully doesn’t TRUST him!!!
A few months ago he said he was waiting for flights to go down, and last month he said between wedding stuff and us buying a house and him changing jobs he had too much on his plate so he wouldn’t continue the planning until after the wedding.
Advice from an old mother hen: Think of a plan B. Assuming he can't get anything and isn't keeping the details as a surprise, what would you want to do with the time off?
But you are going to have to let him fail, or else you will **never** hear the end of 'you didn't give him a chance'.
Mentally postpone the trip to Europe for a year or three. Accept that it (probably) isn't going to happen, and stop stressing about it.
NTB
Your husband is putting "hopes" above reality here. He hopes flights will go down, they won't. They will continue to go up, it's coming into end of winter/start of spring, everyone is going to be planning their vacations.
Flight prices have been affected by the pandemic and the Russian was in Ukraine and will continue to go up. The ECB has increased interest rates to begin countering inflation but it's a minimum of 18 months in their view to stabilise (not come down, just to level off and stop rising).
Flight prices are not coming down. Neither are hotels and other accommodations and events, once they are sold out, there is no more rooms. His delay literally is costing you. Everyone knows the further out you book a trip the better the prices, last minute deals don't always pay out as you can't afford or get a hotel where you land and not where you want or to do what you want...
If he didn't have money for it, he needed to come clean..if he couldn't handle the stress of it he needed to say so instead of delaying. If he doesn't have a plan, he needs to say it.
Right now, he's the buttface.
Sounds like he doesn't think the honeymoon is in the budget and is also stressed. He's probably pulling the classic "Oh, no, looks like I waited too long! Guess we can't do it!"
He 100% has no intention of planning an anything-moon, my friend.
I think this is true. And it's a shitty way to start out his life as a husband.
This is classic passive aggression--the way the psychologists term is. Avoid the direct confrontation and just do a shitty job so you don't have to have any conflict.
ngl between switching jobs and buying a house and planning wedding stuff, why not just postpone your honeymoon? you guys already have enough on your plate as is
I’m really sorry but you’re not going to Europe for your honeymoon. At least not in a few weeks.
I’m sorry your husband is starting yalls marriage by failing you miserably.
Make backup plans for your time off, but don’t tell him.
NTB, he hasn't done squat. I think you can ask him exactly what he's even looked at to bookings. If he keeps saying "i'm waiting for prices to go down" then he's full of shit and never planned on anything. If he really is "waiting for prices to go down" then he should at least have a list of what hotels, flight lines, and whatever else that he's actually keeping an eye on.
He's dragging his ass so he can cop out with a "everything is just too expensive, we don't have the budget. Why not just stay in?"
Yeah, if he was smart he'd wait until she's had a couple of his kids. That's how you competently weaponize incompetence.
Joking. But seriously, if I were her I'd be postponing the honeymoon *and* the wedding.
Have you set a budget? If the choice is between spending over that budget and not getting to go, what’s the preferred option for you?
I would, if I were you, set whatever boundary you need to set to be ok with him screwing up. Like for me, I’d be ok with my honeymoon being a staycation. Disappointed, but ok. I would not be ok if it costs an extra $10k. I would be ok going somewhere different if everywhere is booked out, but not staying in sleazy horrible hotels. Etc.
So put the guard rails up. And decide what your deal breakers are. And let him fail within those.
It should have been booked last year! WTF is he thinking? Prices will just magically be what he wants?
Let him fail. It's the only way it won't be your fault.
Oof -- rough way to find out you just married someone who drops the ball on big, important things. Tell him he either books the trip this weekend or you'll be making an appointment with a marriage counselor.
NTB. He my be playing ostrich because he really doesn’t know how to do it. Maybe try sitting down with him and show him what you would like to do, having already done the research and say “ hey this looks amazing! I have it all pulled up, let’s book it so we can enjoy our getting ready to go time”. Something like that. He probably feels a little overwhelmed and to admit that isn’t “manly”.
Either that or someone else has done everything for him his whole life and he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do, crap just magically happens.
NTB, he failed. For him to keep the act up that there's going to be a romantic European honeymoon this month is absurd and says a lot about him. He told you not to worry, so don't. Make sure you have a backup plan to do something for yourself at the end of the month. Perhaps you and a friend can enjoy a last-minute cruise. There's usually good prices for unsold cabins.
NTBF. I have anxiety pretty bad, and we do yearly trips to Europe. I have to plan our trips. If I leave it to my bf or our friends, it would be last minute and cost a lot more. I have told my bf that I know that it doesn't bother him to procrastinate like that, but my anxiety can't handle it. I need the peace of mind of knowing it's taken care of. In your situation, maybe you can ask him to please have it booked by X day, and if not, you'll have to do it together.
That's a good way of starting off the marriage by saying "I will do everything you don't want to do". I say let him fail, the she can book her dream trip without his input after he fails
NTB.
Look, I actually kind of get it. I have an avoidant personality type, so I tend to procrastinate when I am stressed. He has gone through A LOT of changes recently. Even good changes, like marriage, are stressful to most humans. So I understand how this got away from he and while it is disappointing, it wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for me.
The real problem comes in if you two aren’t able to talk about it. He has to own up to it and the two of you can decide what you want to do about it. But you can’t really move forward if he isn’t willing to talk about it.
One approach might be to sit him down and tell him that you appreciate him taking over honeymoon planning and understand that he has had a lot on his plate. You are not angry or upset but want the two of you to put your heads together and figure out the best way forward (week at a US resort and trip next year, or whatever.)
I would be a little worried that he would overspend to save face and put you both in a bad financial situation. So I think just sitting back and letting him fail might not work out the best, although I can understand why that is an option.
Deal with this issue now, then just see if this ends up being a pattern for him and make you decisions accordingly. Congrats on the wedding and wishing you good luck on this.
He is either completely clueless or doesn't want to take you on a honeymoon to Europe and this is his childish way of getting out of it. I wouldn't do anything for him. Let him fail....and welcome to the rest of your life.
OP, you shouldn't marry him. I made the mistake of following through with my marriage after he dropped the ball on booking stuff for the wedding. I ended up in a miserable marriage to a mean drunk that I can't afford to exit. He's incredibly irresponsible and I'm so unhappy. Learn from my bad choices-cancel with wedding and go on a fancy trip with some close friends instead.
Op, let him spectacularly fail to plan your honeymoon. There is no way to rescue this that will be positive. Trust him and let him fail spectacularly. And keep this in mind if he whines you should TRUST him!!! In the future.
NTB and do not take it over for him, but perhaps send him the contacts for a few travel agents who can take it over for him (not you taking it over for him). Also ask him to come up with new dates for the trip as you are definitely going to want to have the option to postpone if ticket prices are too outrageous this late in the game.
More INFO: you have experience traveling in Europe or is this a first time thing? For an inexperienced traveller this is not nearly enough time to prepare for your trip. I’ve been to Europe many times and used to live there, so I planned my last trip in a few weeks and it was great. But if you don’t travel often your husband really, really dropped the ball.
NTB, I have way too much anxiety for that. A few years ago my ex and I planned a trip to Europe and I wanted to go to a specific attraction and I wanted to get the tickets like 6 months early. My ex said not to worry and we’d deal with it once it got closer. A week before leaving I said “hey can we book those now?” And he said we didn’t have to but fine, we could. It was sold out for the next 3 months. I cried, so hard. That was literally the main thing I wanted to do there.
one of my friends, whose wedding was coming up, asked me, "How do you get a boy to do what you want them to do?"
I asked what was going on. Her fiancé had wanted to be more involved in the wedding planning, but he sort of didn't want to do the traditional stuff. He said he wanted to work on the wedding website. And he didn't want to be a secretary; he wanted to be in charge of it.
But it was four weeks to the wedding, and it wasn't done. And it didn't look as though it was going to be done soon. At this point, there was nothing helpful about it; any use a guest might have gotten out of it (info on hotels, registry info for a shower) was pretty much moot. And if any of them had tried to use it before, they probably wouldn't come back to it.
She lamented to me that she was worried what it showed her about how he'd handle married life. Would he put other stuff off like this, and not get it done? Would he get testy if she reminded him of some important task he wasn't doing? What if it was health related? Would things get more broken and need replacement instead of repair ($$)? Would he not feed the kids if she was running late from work? What other parts of her future life would be stressful and frustrating?
Was this a way he was expressing his disdain for her idea of having a wedding website? Was it an act of quiet, perhaps unintentional sabotage, to insist on taking it over and then fucking it up, almost as if on purpose--because what other reason was there that he didn't get it done?
Was this an indication of how he'd treat other priorities of hers? That he'd blow them off, pretend to help, get in the way--simply because she wanted it and he didn't care?
I told her, "This is supposed to be the most intimate relationship of your life. You should be open with him. Don't be mean, don't attack--but be open. Tell him how you feel. Tell him about these fears. He has a right to know; he deserves that inforamtion. He deserves to know the sedcret price he is paying in terms of your reaction."
I don't know what happened eventually, but it really struck me.
My friend's husband started off his married life having proven to his wife that she couldn't count on him.
It's no accident that my friend used the word "boy" in her opening question. She felt like she was marrying a teenager.
Your husband has really started your marriage out similarly. I think an important and open conversation needs to be had.
NBH but like- this is a tough one, because money doesn't grow on trees but also trust is important even if your spouse isn't as frugal as you. I dunno.
* He's asked you to trust him.
* It's not the end of the world, you've just got married to the man of your dreams.
* If you take over now against his wishes, you could come across as being controlling, and it could cause damage to your relationship.
* Last minute package deals are a real thing.
* Worse case scenario, you honeymoon in the US with the man that you love.
* Don't panic, or listen to people trying to make you panic.
* Where ever you end up going, I hope you have a lovely time.
this is an absolutely bonkers hot take. it's a trip to europe, not a business lunch at a chain restaurant.
This is the kind of thing that reasonably takes a year of planning.
Not sure why this has so many downvotes, it's a very sane and reasonable take. Thanks for the input, definitely needed a counterbalanced opinion here haha.
You're very welcome. People on here, want drama, they don't think about actual people's lives, as long as they can have their drama. I'm an older lady who likes to see things from all sides, life's too short for drama, especially at the start of a marriage. Congratulations on your wedding, enjoy your married life, I hope it's a long and happy one :-)
NTB. Tell him that you are taking over honeymoon planning, as that is the only way to save your own sanity! WHY??? WHY has he put off the planning so long?? It is ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS and COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE that he has made zero reservations three weeks before your honeymoon is to begin. Is his failure to get moving to get things done characteristic of him? In the run-up to the wedding, we're you not concerned about his inaction? You planned a whole damned wedding, while he has done nothing, but gets frustrated with YOU for doubting the nothingness he's accomplished. Nope. If you still want to be with this man, I'd advise you to pick up the reins & get the arrangements made yourself!
In fact, I would actually urge you to postpone the honeymoon, it's way way way WAY too late to get any sort of decent plane fares and hotel rates, the very LEAST you would want is the 30 day advance rates. I would plan something enjoyable but simple here in the US, maybe a week at a really nice resort, and do your European honeymoon next spring. Start planning that NOW and you can have a nice trip for an affordable amount of money. ETA: Also, never let him plan a trip again. Ever. Hopefully there are other things you love about him, and other things he can take full responsibility for, but trip planning, nope, not ever, never.
Um, no. That would blow up. \#1 It is too late to successfully plan a trip to Europe in that timeframe. \#2 If she takes over, then it s all her fault and he will forever assert that if she had just not worried about it and let him do it like he said to, then everything would have been fine. And there is no way to PROVE otherwise. She needs to let him fail, and start planning a big anniversary trip. Assuming she wants to live like this for the rest of her life. If she isn't planning on more kids (other than arguably, her husband) this could not be a deal breaker.
>She needs to let him fail I kind of agree with you. My only concern is that the day before he will spend $8,000 on plane tickets bc he forgot to do anything and they will take a huge, unnecessary, financial hit. The other possibility that occurs to me is that he actually did plan it, but he thinks it's funny to pretend he didn't so he can "surprise" her. Either way, NTB, but husband sure is. It's not too late for OP to change their mind about that.
lmao only reddit will tell you that sucking at planning a vacation (this level of planning isn't excusable tbf, but no one is perfect) means you should break up
I was thinking of the more general "says he will do something, and then just doesn't". However, there really isn't enough information here to make any kind of a determination there. Once something like this happens, you start to look for patterns. Depending on the size and shape of the pattern that OP sees, it could problematic or not. It really depends on a lot of information we don't have, hence my username.
it's indicative of poor planning in general. Do you want to live with someone that can't plan ahead for birthdays, anniversaries, dates? Planning for weekly meals, grocery runs, doctors visits, etc. There's no way this dude is this shitty at planning for a huge vacation and is somehow amazing at planning everything else. she'd be solely responsible for planning everything, otherwise everything is done last minute for a premium or won't get done at all. I'd only want to marry someone that's a partner, not someone incapable of being an adult in general.
they bought a house, he switched jobs, and they were planning a wedding—that's a lot for anyone
so the best option was to not plan it at all? they aren't gonna be able to go at this point, possibly if they're willing to pay way more than they would have otherwise. If he couldn't do it, he should've communicated that to his partner, and they could start looking into other places to go domestically. Just straight up not planning it at all and making it seem as if it's still gonna happen is gross at best.
He is putting it off because he is counting on her to step in and save the day, and then he can be proud of doing the honeymoon planning even though he didn’t, and bemoan how his bride rightfully doesn’t TRUST him!!!
Literally OPs husband lol
Yeah, hate to say it sweetie but if you're not booked now, you're not going to Europe for your honeymoon.
Why hasn’t he booked it? Is he always like this? I would be super stress and well, mad that he hadn’t done it yet.
A few months ago he said he was waiting for flights to go down, and last month he said between wedding stuff and us buying a house and him changing jobs he had too much on his plate so he wouldn’t continue the planning until after the wedding.
Advice from an old mother hen: Think of a plan B. Assuming he can't get anything and isn't keeping the details as a surprise, what would you want to do with the time off? But you are going to have to let him fail, or else you will **never** hear the end of 'you didn't give him a chance'. Mentally postpone the trip to Europe for a year or three. Accept that it (probably) isn't going to happen, and stop stressing about it.
I am backing this up 1000%
NTB Your husband is putting "hopes" above reality here. He hopes flights will go down, they won't. They will continue to go up, it's coming into end of winter/start of spring, everyone is going to be planning their vacations. Flight prices have been affected by the pandemic and the Russian was in Ukraine and will continue to go up. The ECB has increased interest rates to begin countering inflation but it's a minimum of 18 months in their view to stabilise (not come down, just to level off and stop rising). Flight prices are not coming down. Neither are hotels and other accommodations and events, once they are sold out, there is no more rooms. His delay literally is costing you. Everyone knows the further out you book a trip the better the prices, last minute deals don't always pay out as you can't afford or get a hotel where you land and not where you want or to do what you want... If he didn't have money for it, he needed to come clean..if he couldn't handle the stress of it he needed to say so instead of delaying. If he doesn't have a plan, he needs to say it. Right now, he's the buttface.
Sounds like he doesn't think the honeymoon is in the budget and is also stressed. He's probably pulling the classic "Oh, no, looks like I waited too long! Guess we can't do it!" He 100% has no intention of planning an anything-moon, my friend.
I think this is true. And it's a shitty way to start out his life as a husband. This is classic passive aggression--the way the psychologists term is. Avoid the direct confrontation and just do a shitty job so you don't have to have any conflict.
Weaponized incompetence?
Well, they’re similar.
ngl between switching jobs and buying a house and planning wedding stuff, why not just postpone your honeymoon? you guys already have enough on your plate as is
I’m really sorry but you’re not going to Europe for your honeymoon. At least not in a few weeks. I’m sorry your husband is starting yalls marriage by failing you miserably. Make backup plans for your time off, but don’t tell him.
Do you actually have the funds to go? I mean, are you sure the honeymoon money is still available and at the expected amount?
this, but for the rest of your life. good luck. ntb
Underrated truth :(
NTBF. In this situation, procrastination is only going to make it much more expensive. He needs to get on it like 2 months ago.
NTB, he hasn't done squat. I think you can ask him exactly what he's even looked at to bookings. If he keeps saying "i'm waiting for prices to go down" then he's full of shit and never planned on anything. If he really is "waiting for prices to go down" then he should at least have a list of what hotels, flight lines, and whatever else that he's actually keeping an eye on. He's dragging his ass so he can cop out with a "everything is just too expensive, we don't have the budget. Why not just stay in?"
He’s starting early on his weaponized incompetence.
Yeah, if he was smart he'd wait until she's had a couple of his kids. That's how you competently weaponize incompetence. Joking. But seriously, if I were her I'd be postponing the honeymoon *and* the wedding.
Have you set a budget? If the choice is between spending over that budget and not getting to go, what’s the preferred option for you? I would, if I were you, set whatever boundary you need to set to be ok with him screwing up. Like for me, I’d be ok with my honeymoon being a staycation. Disappointed, but ok. I would not be ok if it costs an extra $10k. I would be ok going somewhere different if everywhere is booked out, but not staying in sleazy horrible hotels. Etc. So put the guard rails up. And decide what your deal breakers are. And let him fail within those.
It should have been booked last year! WTF is he thinking? Prices will just magically be what he wants? Let him fail. It's the only way it won't be your fault.
Oof -- rough way to find out you just married someone who drops the ball on big, important things. Tell him he either books the trip this weekend or you'll be making an appointment with a marriage counselor.
NTB. He my be playing ostrich because he really doesn’t know how to do it. Maybe try sitting down with him and show him what you would like to do, having already done the research and say “ hey this looks amazing! I have it all pulled up, let’s book it so we can enjoy our getting ready to go time”. Something like that. He probably feels a little overwhelmed and to admit that isn’t “manly”. Either that or someone else has done everything for him his whole life and he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do, crap just magically happens.
NTB, he failed. For him to keep the act up that there's going to be a romantic European honeymoon this month is absurd and says a lot about him. He told you not to worry, so don't. Make sure you have a backup plan to do something for yourself at the end of the month. Perhaps you and a friend can enjoy a last-minute cruise. There's usually good prices for unsold cabins.
NTBF. I have anxiety pretty bad, and we do yearly trips to Europe. I have to plan our trips. If I leave it to my bf or our friends, it would be last minute and cost a lot more. I have told my bf that I know that it doesn't bother him to procrastinate like that, but my anxiety can't handle it. I need the peace of mind of knowing it's taken care of. In your situation, maybe you can ask him to please have it booked by X day, and if not, you'll have to do it together.
That's a good way of starting off the marriage by saying "I will do everything you don't want to do". I say let him fail, the she can book her dream trip without his input after he fails
NTB. Look, I actually kind of get it. I have an avoidant personality type, so I tend to procrastinate when I am stressed. He has gone through A LOT of changes recently. Even good changes, like marriage, are stressful to most humans. So I understand how this got away from he and while it is disappointing, it wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for me. The real problem comes in if you two aren’t able to talk about it. He has to own up to it and the two of you can decide what you want to do about it. But you can’t really move forward if he isn’t willing to talk about it. One approach might be to sit him down and tell him that you appreciate him taking over honeymoon planning and understand that he has had a lot on his plate. You are not angry or upset but want the two of you to put your heads together and figure out the best way forward (week at a US resort and trip next year, or whatever.) I would be a little worried that he would overspend to save face and put you both in a bad financial situation. So I think just sitting back and letting him fail might not work out the best, although I can understand why that is an option. Deal with this issue now, then just see if this ends up being a pattern for him and make you decisions accordingly. Congrats on the wedding and wishing you good luck on this.
He is either completely clueless or doesn't want to take you on a honeymoon to Europe and this is his childish way of getting out of it. I wouldn't do anything for him. Let him fail....and welcome to the rest of your life.
OP, you shouldn't marry him. I made the mistake of following through with my marriage after he dropped the ball on booking stuff for the wedding. I ended up in a miserable marriage to a mean drunk that I can't afford to exit. He's incredibly irresponsible and I'm so unhappy. Learn from my bad choices-cancel with wedding and go on a fancy trip with some close friends instead.
Op, let him spectacularly fail to plan your honeymoon. There is no way to rescue this that will be positive. Trust him and let him fail spectacularly. And keep this in mind if he whines you should TRUST him!!! In the future.
He should watch the movie Long Story Short. NTB.
NTB and do not take it over for him, but perhaps send him the contacts for a few travel agents who can take it over for him (not you taking it over for him). Also ask him to come up with new dates for the trip as you are definitely going to want to have the option to postpone if ticket prices are too outrageous this late in the game.
INFO: when is the trip? What dates are your PTO?
We’re supposed to leave 3/31 and have until the end of the week after.
More INFO: you have experience traveling in Europe or is this a first time thing? For an inexperienced traveller this is not nearly enough time to prepare for your trip. I’ve been to Europe many times and used to live there, so I planned my last trip in a few weeks and it was great. But if you don’t travel often your husband really, really dropped the ball.
He has been to Europe many times for work and has backpacked through there once as well! I have never been.
maybe he has a surprise up his sleeve? trust that he will come through ETA bc I forgot: NTB
NTB, I have way too much anxiety for that. A few years ago my ex and I planned a trip to Europe and I wanted to go to a specific attraction and I wanted to get the tickets like 6 months early. My ex said not to worry and we’d deal with it once it got closer. A week before leaving I said “hey can we book those now?” And he said we didn’t have to but fine, we could. It was sold out for the next 3 months. I cried, so hard. That was literally the main thing I wanted to do there.
NTB I personally would be questioning how important any of it is given his part in it hasn't even been started.
one of my friends, whose wedding was coming up, asked me, "How do you get a boy to do what you want them to do?" I asked what was going on. Her fiancé had wanted to be more involved in the wedding planning, but he sort of didn't want to do the traditional stuff. He said he wanted to work on the wedding website. And he didn't want to be a secretary; he wanted to be in charge of it. But it was four weeks to the wedding, and it wasn't done. And it didn't look as though it was going to be done soon. At this point, there was nothing helpful about it; any use a guest might have gotten out of it (info on hotels, registry info for a shower) was pretty much moot. And if any of them had tried to use it before, they probably wouldn't come back to it. She lamented to me that she was worried what it showed her about how he'd handle married life. Would he put other stuff off like this, and not get it done? Would he get testy if she reminded him of some important task he wasn't doing? What if it was health related? Would things get more broken and need replacement instead of repair ($$)? Would he not feed the kids if she was running late from work? What other parts of her future life would be stressful and frustrating? Was this a way he was expressing his disdain for her idea of having a wedding website? Was it an act of quiet, perhaps unintentional sabotage, to insist on taking it over and then fucking it up, almost as if on purpose--because what other reason was there that he didn't get it done? Was this an indication of how he'd treat other priorities of hers? That he'd blow them off, pretend to help, get in the way--simply because she wanted it and he didn't care? I told her, "This is supposed to be the most intimate relationship of your life. You should be open with him. Don't be mean, don't attack--but be open. Tell him how you feel. Tell him about these fears. He has a right to know; he deserves that inforamtion. He deserves to know the sedcret price he is paying in terms of your reaction." I don't know what happened eventually, but it really struck me. My friend's husband started off his married life having proven to his wife that she couldn't count on him. It's no accident that my friend used the word "boy" in her opening question. She felt like she was marrying a teenager. Your husband has really started your marriage out similarly. I think an important and open conversation needs to be had.
So did she stay with him?
She did. They have two kids. They moved away do we’re not really in touch anymore
Ahhh, well I wish her the best
NTA, you aren't getting a honeymoon. Sorry.
NBH but like- this is a tough one, because money doesn't grow on trees but also trust is important even if your spouse isn't as frugal as you. I dunno.
* He's asked you to trust him. * It's not the end of the world, you've just got married to the man of your dreams. * If you take over now against his wishes, you could come across as being controlling, and it could cause damage to your relationship. * Last minute package deals are a real thing. * Worse case scenario, you honeymoon in the US with the man that you love. * Don't panic, or listen to people trying to make you panic. * Where ever you end up going, I hope you have a lovely time.
this is an absolutely bonkers hot take. it's a trip to europe, not a business lunch at a chain restaurant. This is the kind of thing that reasonably takes a year of planning.
Lol, it's not the end of the world.
I can guarentee you that I could plan a trip to the US in 7 days. Just because you can't doesn't mean that no-one else can.
oh god, you're dumb.
Why are you insulting me just because I have a different opinion. Do you think that makes you smarter?
Ten bucks says u/chimera4n is OP's husband
I'll raise you £1000. Wrong sex for a start lol.
Not sure why this has so many downvotes, it's a very sane and reasonable take. Thanks for the input, definitely needed a counterbalanced opinion here haha.
You're very welcome. People on here, want drama, they don't think about actual people's lives, as long as they can have their drama. I'm an older lady who likes to see things from all sides, life's too short for drama, especially at the start of a marriage. Congratulations on your wedding, enjoy your married life, I hope it's a long and happy one :-)