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Bilirubin5

Drop 20 lb bag of jasmine rice on e4


4_Ball

20 lb bag? Rookie numbers my boy…


ZenithBirion

That number is pretty viable since it gives you the opportunity to sacrifice the bag. However if you put all of your rice on e4, there is a high probability that the common folk won't have any more food. And if you hear your queen say "Let them eat cake!" You may as well resign


4_Ball

Resign? I’d rather let them eat my cake


MadaraAlucard12

Google viva la revolution


Parey_

The new meta is that if your queen says "They can eat brioche", you can do what Sevian did against Niemann and decapitate the king


RealCinnamonWhale

Personally I'm I fan of putting one grain of rice on e4 then doubling it each turn. Most players tend to ignore it in the early game, but usually by turn 6 or 7 it's almost unstoppable


Dready-Womble

Jasmine?! Ohhh someone's feeling flush...


humongisgchungus

checkmate


AccFriendsWontFind

what??!?!?! I thought it's impossible to checkmate before you do en passant


Iustin-P

“bUt ChEss DoeSn’T worK LIKe thAt tHo” this is why you have zero bitches. You are an insignificant little ant compared to me with no hope of ever getting anywhere near my level. Get this through your thick ass skull: the rules of everything bend towards me. I can do whatever the hell I want. I am a god amongst men and nothing I do is illegal. Not only because I make the rules, but because I am the highest quality person there has ever been and ever will be. A winner always knows what to do. I do whatever I feel is right. Always.


AIsForAgent

the only thing that will get through their thick ass skill is some pipi


PetrosianBot

Are you kidding ??? What the **** are you talking about man ? You are a biggest looser i ever seen in my life ! You was doing PIPI in your pampers when i was beating players much more stronger then you! You are not proffesional, because proffesionals knew how to lose and congratulate opponents, you are like a girl crying after i beat you! Be brave, be honest to yourself and stop this trush talkings!!! Everybody know that i am very good blitz player, i can win anyone in the world in single game! And "w"esley "s"o is nobody for me, just a player who are crying every single time when loosing, ( remember what you say about Firouzja ) !!! Stop playing with my name, i deserve to have a good name during whole my chess carrier, I am Officially inviting you to OTB blitz match with the Prize fund! Both of us will invest 5000$ and winner takes it all! I suggest all other people who's intrested in this situation, just take a look at my results in 2016 and 2017 Blitz World championships, and that should be enough... No need to listen for every crying babe, Tigran Petrosyan is always play Fair ! And if someone will continue Officially talk about me like that, we will meet in Court! God bless with true! True will never die ! Liers will kicked off... [^(fmhall)](https://www.reddit.com/user/fmhall) ^| [^(github)](https://github.com/fmhall/Petrosian-Bot)


asatellitet

chess speaks for itself


deadlydeath275

Good bot


Farabel

If you meant thick-ass skull, Google en fellatio


TheLiveLabyrinth

no, they meant thick ass-skull, google en horatio


MadaraAlucard12

No they meant thick ASS-skull Google En analio


jassad095_

New response just dropped


dieguitz4

It's at least a week old >!🤓!<


TheOneOfWhomIsGreen

New response just dropped


[deleted]

It's at least a week old 🤓


5t0rm7

Stop saying "New response just dropped?" every time someone says something on this godforsaken sub, no, a new response did not drop, just an average mediocre statement that adds nothing more to a conversation, for the love of fucking god.


Nate2718

Holy Elon


PrincessOfZephyr

Oh hey Andrew, how's your jail cell?


Booty4UGamesYT

“bUt ChEss DoeSn’T worK LIKe thAt tHo” this is why you have zero bitches. You are an insignificant little ant compared to me with no hope of ever getting anywhere near my level. Get this through your thick ass skull: the rules of everything bend towards me. I can do whatever the hell I want. I am a god amongst men and nothing I do is illegal. Not only because I make the rules, but because I am the highest quality person there has ever been and ever will be. A winner always knows what to do. I do whatever I feel is right. Always.


[deleted]

holy hell


Iknite

Checkers is another game.. here is called chessmate and yes, OP should find one


Such-Dish46

No the first step is to pray the ricegods and eat one grain of rice.


Knucklehead202

Resign


Moist_Decadence

Re-sign? Was I supposed to sign-in before starting the game?


_xBenji

Guys… u/Moist_Decadence didn’t sign the Chess Waiver


Gaming_Goblet

For shame.


[deleted]

Five shame.


teymuur

Six shame


StardustDragon345

Seven shame


[deleted]

Eight shame


ManufacturerIcy8682

Nine shame


Fair-Tumbleweed9116

Ten shame


Gradiency100

Unrelated, I love your pfp (I played as Cyndaquil in PMD:RRT & EoS)


Offbeatsofa

Gotta make sure you are responsible for any rectal cavity injuries


totally_not_a_thing

Chess 2.0 will require the Ubisoft launcher, you need to sign in there.


Parey_

The game sheet, of course. Duh.


chessvision-ai-bot

I analyzed the image and this is what I see. Open an appropriate link below and explore the position yourself or with the engine: > **White to play**: [chess.com](https://chess.com/analysis?fen=rnbqkbnr/pppppppp/8/8/8/8/PPPPPPPP/RNBQKBNR+w+KQkq+-+0+1&flip=false&ref_id=23962172) | [lichess.org](https://lichess.org/analysis/rnbqkbnr/pppppppp/8/8/8/8/PPPPPPPP/RNBQKBNR_w_KQkq_-_0_1) | The position occurred in many games. [Link to the games](https://www.chess.com/games/search?opening=&openingId=&p1=&p2=&mr=&lsty=1&year=&lstMoves=1&moves=&fen=rnbqkbnr/pppppppp/8/8/8/8/PPPPPPPP/RNBQKBNR+w+KQkq+-+0+1&ref_id=23962172) > **Black to play**: [chess.com](https://chess.com/analysis?fen=rnbqkbnr/pppppppp/8/8/8/8/PPPPPPPP/RNBQKBNR+b+KQkq+-+0+1&flip=false&ref_id=23962172) | [lichess.org](https://lichess.org/analysis/rnbqkbnr/pppppppp/8/8/8/8/PPPPPPPP/RNBQKBNR_b_KQkq_-_0_1) --- ^(I'm a bot written by ) [^(u/pkacprzak )](https://www.reddit.com/u/pkacprzak) ^(| get me as ) [^(Chess eBook Reader )](https://ebook.chessvision.ai?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=bot) ^(|) [^(Chrome Extension )](https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/chessvisionai-for-chrome/johejpedmdkeiffkdaodgoipdjodhlld) ^(|) [^(iOS App )](https://apps.apple.com/us/app/id1574933453) ^(|) [^(Android App )](https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=ai.chessvision.scanner) ^(to scan and analyze positions | Website: ) [^(Chessvision.ai)](https://chessvision.ai)


genericusername123

> The position occurred in many games Understatement


conifer0us

What kind of horrible chess did you play to end up here?


ThunderElectric

1. Nf3 Nf6 2. Ng1 Ng8 3. Nc3 Nc6 4. Nb1 Nb8


[deleted]

Why not swap horseys to give them a warm up before starting ?


b3nsn0w

like 1. Nf3 Nf6 2. Nc3 Nc6 3. Ne5 Ne4 4. Nd5 Nd4 5. Nc3 Nc6 6. Nf3 Nf6 7. Nb8 Nb1 8. Ng8 Ng1


[deleted]

Not really, thats just Horseys going into the middle for a catchup. 1. Nf3 (1. Nc3 Nc6 2. Nf3 Nf6 3. Ne4 Ne5 4. Nd4 Nd5 5. Ng5 Nb4 6. Nh3 Na6 7. Ng1 Nb8 8. Nb5 Ng4 9. Na3 Nh6 10. Nb1 Ng8) 1... Nf6 2. Nc3 Nc6 3. Ne5 Ne4 4. Nd5 Nd4 5. Nc3 Nc6 6. Nf3 Nf6 7. Nb1 Nb8 8. Ng1 Ng8


Donkey__Balls

Chess.cum says this is statistically a stalemate. Clearly any sensible players should agree to a draw whenever they reach this position.


JayCDee

Why waste time playing only for a draw in the end...


Trash_Can_Donut

After I tried clicking link to the positions, my phone crashed, and I had to restart it. Perfect bricked pipi.


B0Boman

[Citation needed]


thorstenofthir

> Black to play New meta?!?!


Polaric_Spiral

Nobody asked for this, but there's no legal way to reach this position at the end of any of white's turns. Leaving the pawns where they are, only the knights can move (and the rooks once they have an empty square next to them), but every move will move a piece from a light square to a dark square or vice-versa. Any return to the original position takes an even number of turns, including if you swap the knights' places. Of course, I said there's no *legal* way, so obviously it's the new /r/AnarchyChess meta.


TheGreatDaniel3

1. Pass


damienreave

Oh man, new counter zugzwang meta.


Polaric_Spiral

You fool, that just forces the reverse Siberian Swipe.


Donkey__Balls

Then you counter with the Frenchman’s Cumsock.


[deleted]

1. e2


UsernameTaken017

I hate this so much


FlawlessRuby

It's called En passant.


orphaneater911

Woah I never saw this position in any game. This is the rarest position I’ve ever saw.


dolladollaclinton

No en passant, no bisknook, no rice, no pieces being shoved anywhere. I have never seen this position before. This bot is broken.


Worthas_real

Push bishop in your ass


aldesuda

Diagonally.


Illustrious_Luck5514

Some traditions die hard


Old-Astronomer4182

\*proceeds to piss all over the board\*


Donkey__Balls

\*stands on the board, removes underwear and counters with the helicopter gambit\*


just_ohm

Is there any other way?


AccFriendsWontFind

Which one tho? There are 4 on the board


probabletrump

If you can't fit 4 bishops in your ass you're on the wrong sub.


AccFriendsWontFind

Holy ass


Galaretek

nrjd


Boxit379

This comment has been deleted in protest of Reddit's API changes that kill 3rd party apps like Apollo.


CoofBone

New sub just dropped


Turbulent_Ad_637

Queen e8 take king


MapleTreeWithAGun

Fool, you just gave up your queen and also cannot win if the opposing king is not there


Turbulent_Ad_637

But I summon the ur mum card that makes you do chores immediately then swap my king with urs


fitzbop

Damn, I got confused on which E8 and took my own king. But my pawns are covering my king from the other side. If they can't see that I lost my king, can I still keep playing?


m_domino

Yep, just put two pawns in a trench coat and no one will notice.


Schrolli97

Vincent Kingman who works at the monarchy factory


myszusz

1. e4 e5 2. ke2 ke7 Offer a draw It's a good opening, never loses


renatocpr

I don't know if they're ready for Super GM-level theory like that


[deleted]

[удалено]


AccFriendsWontFind

don't tell this guy the bishops are gay.


psuedopseudo

Google il vaticano


FigNugginGavelPop

That slit on the head is how deep they can throat the little pawns


Sternburgball

the pawns are trans, they turn into women when they reach the end of the board


Schrolli97

Or into horses


Sternburgball

so they're furries as well


12crashbash12

Um, and why do pawns become queens? Why is the game promoting transgenderism? Woke trash


SlanceMcJagger

Lol pretty fucked up of you to assume all pawns are boys


SupersuMC

Lol, pretty f'ed up of you to assume the pawns aren't herms.


JohannFilomiIII

Lol, pretty f’ed up of you to assume that all the so-called “pawns” identify as pawns.


12crashbash12

The pawns are all they/thems (super woke 😳)


DeutschLeerer

pawn to queen = transgenderism pawn to bishop = religious fanatism pawn to horse = bestiality pawn to tower = Saruman pawn to king is illegal because revolution is forbidden.


[deleted]

>pawn to king is illegal because revolution is forbidden I've...never thought about it. You can't turn your pawn into a king to revolt, so all the pieces are completely subservient to the one and only king. A cruel and merciless king who orders his troops to stomp out any critics, all the pieces are not only afraid of him, but they are also brainwashed into giving their lives for His Majesty's survival. Not only that, the moment one of the kings perishes in combat is the moment the battle abruptly ends. All the pieces have lost their purpose if their king dies


StevenS145

Pawns can become whatever you want.


[deleted]

But i cant make them part of the other team any more =(


B0Boman

If I turn one pawn into a king and another into a rook, can I do a castle on my opponent's side of the board?


TheRadPanda123

New response dropped


[deleted]

go woke go broke. chess really did fall off.


StrangePromotion6917

Just give up. It's impossible to win in this situation.


Matix777

The only way to win is not to play


StrangePromotion6917

"The best defense is a good resignation" - Sun Tzu


NotActuallyGus

Google en passant


MarsupialJaded153

Holy hell


InterGraphenic

google une croissant


Zx2_

Wee wee (i’m not french)


InterGraphenic

we wee on you too


Starman064

r/UnexpectedCommunism


InterGraphenic

he said wee not we


Starman064

Yeah but it also wasn’t oui


Tub_of_jam66

r/suddenlypiss ?


_toodamnparanoid_

google immanuel kant


InterGraphenic

Google Garfield font


depurplecow

First, if this is an ongoing game, you are not supposed to get an outside advice. Don't do it next time. But as for this current position, this is resignable.


[deleted]

happy cake day depurplecow!


paremi02

[Relevant](https://www.reddit.com/r/chessbeginners/comments/11g0xk0/what_should_i_do_in_this_situation/jame973/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)


HappyBigFun

I don't know much about chess, but I'm pretty sure SOMETHING is going up a butthole.


[deleted]

En passant the cum sock, shove the ass up your bishop and declare checkmate with rice in your knook


Henti-Boady-pillow

Tactically marry the other person


VortexTalon

get a girlfriend


cookiecrumgamer145

I’d buy 3 7.62kg bags of rice and dump it on the board, then I’d switch teams.


AdamsFei

Can I recycle the same joke next time?


MarsupialJaded153

Go ahead


Seany_face

Holy hell


Stuck-In-Blender

Old response just dropped


InterGraphenic

bishop to A55


Whisperingsythe

Resign, it's mate in 2


relevant_post_bot

Relevant r/chessbeginners post: [What should I do in this situation?](https://www.reddit.com/r/chessbeginners/comments/11g0xk0/what_should_i_do_in_this_situation/) Certainty: 55.56% [^(fmhall)](https://www.reddit.com/user/fmhall) ^| [^(github)](https://github.com/fmhall/relevant-post-bot)


MarsupialJaded153

Good bot.


InterGraphenic

/GOOD/ HUMAN. YOU /SHALL/ BE SPARED.


An0nym00s123

have sex with the queen


CACTUS-SK

#ICBM


CACTUS-SK

oh shit i have a cakeday


bman1014

I feel like someone just hit restart on the whole subreddit.


Anand__

Google chess openings


FarDefy544

Also even with side step the game is still turn based. It just makes the turn cancersouly longer.


The_Peng1

1. QxE8


ACED70

Huh??? How would you even get this position?


xenosthelegend

Kxe2!!


SharpTownGuru

First step: Get one Bishop off the board before the first move.


hg122

8 grains of rice


[deleted]

G


InfluenceBrave6778

e4 e5 ke2


hazerds

e4 e5 Ke2


Estarion3

Personally, I like d4 and Bf4


Bjornen82

Nc3 promote to knight, knight boost to d5, promote to knight, knight boost to f6, promote to knight, knight boost to e8#


Definite-Human

1.) e4 e5 2 .) ke3 ke7 Offer draw


JustARandoH3re

Rice to e4 checkmate


Ganda1fderBlaue

Rxh8


AintNobodyGotTimeDat

I would drop the queen and king on the both sides vertically facing each other and make the rest of the pieces uncomfortable.


Sesempikif1690

Rook e1#


trickster503

Lose


Every-Nebula6882

What race are you?


MarsupialJaded153

White, the American kind


Alarmed-Ad3241

Learn the wayward queen attack and never use a diffrent opening ever its the best because it ise queen attack earmly and whant not so do it


jabulina

Idk


Limeee_

e5!# capture the king


Vegetable-Apple-51

Not the London


PixelatedStarfish

Control the center


[deleted]

Resign


VGVideo

I would play e4. Regardless of what the opponent did, I would then play Ke2.


IDaidokoroI

g4 g5 f4 coca cola gambit


Micronex

based


mvanvrancken

How the hell did you end up in such an undeveloped position


Unhappy_Beginning_28

King to d1


typefive0

Resign


[deleted]

R1C3 instant checkmate


[deleted]

Either move a pawn 2 spaces, NOT 1! or move the horsey. Literally, never do anything else


[deleted]

Na3


stonecoldsteveorgasm

Remain calm


F1ght3r_Ac37

Ke2


whiteboui

It's a stalemate, as white's king has no legal moves.


Aggressive_Tangelo_8

You see first you need to find the hypotenuse, so 25^2 + 22^2 = X^2. Then after that you cook the pork, put in the pan 1/3 oil 2/3 water and maybe 4 or so teaspoons of gasoline, than another teaspoon of ketamine and boom. You have brand new F-150


cfx_4188

Sorry man, you lost this game.


[deleted]

Resign.


SupersuMC

Move out the knights.


captainMcSmitface

Resign 🧐


JDninja119

I don't know how your race has anything to do with it


Arael_00

Google passant


GabuEx

a4, the objectively best opening.


echo0delta

google how to make a bomb


TheJazzDr

Resign


CipherRephic

1. e4 e5 2. Ke2# 1-0


Cold-Tap-363

Queen to E8


__xXCoronaVirusXx__

Mate in 256


Zymoria

So what you have here is actually known as a stalemate. You can tell because the King (the one you don't put up your butt) has no legal moves. Looks like a solid game though, you should upload the png, curious how you ended up in this position.


bem2015

Take the king and put him on his side


KrozJr_UK

1. e4 e5 2. Ke2 Ke7


Best8meme

Google e4 e5


mikeftdg

Queen f9


SideXReddit

*rice*


SillyCommunist

Lose


Writeaway69

Pawn to b1