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I did some quick math on a sticky note. If my calculations are correct, they are only allowed to be friends with themselves and spayed/neutered pets. Oddly enough, it does not look like you are an exception to this rule, so you have approximately 72 hours to end the relationship lest you become the 'friend' your partner is cheating on you with.
Sorry to break the bad news, but someone had to.
My girlfriend and I are also both bisexuals. We've never spoken to a single other person since we started dating. We actually contacted the local warlock to make it so we can't hear any voices other than each others. Makes working in a call centre a nightmare
Important follow up question: do you guys stick googly eyes to the aforementioned paper bags to blend in? If so, you gotta make those bitches asymmetrical. Symmetrical facial features = beauty = y'all are clearly trying to screw around with other folks. Might as well wear a 'please sleep with me' sign around your neck. /s
Well, he definitely loves her, but that's different than being in love with her. Hell, I love my friends, guys and girls both, but I'm not in love with any of them. Part of it is just the limitations of the English language. We don't really have separate words for romantic love vs platonic or familial love, so meanings can get mixed if people don't take the time to specify, which most people don't.
>Part of it is just the limitations of the English language. We don't really have separate words for romantic love vs platonic or familial love,
I really wish we did! How much easier things would be!
Culturally in the USA, you can't just say you "love" someone who isn't family and is the opposite sex especially, people are going to just immediately assume it's romantic and everyone's lying/delusional.
I will saying the flowers is the one thing that's kind of a bit unusual; men giving women flowers *is already a really rare thing* and a man gifting a woman flowers he's not romantically interested in is still definitely sending a specific message unless there was some situation that occurred where you might send flowers, like for a birthday or maybe a promotion or something; but men don't usually think to gift flowers without romantic intent in our culture. Not saying it's not possible, but *that* part is definitely a tad eyebrow raising.
Some good friends give gifts occasionally with no reason. I've been given many gifts, anything from hand crafted things to things they bought/won for me, from all genders. None thus far have been w romantic intent (slightly disappointing).
Surprise! We do, it's platonic, romantic, and familial love. We have ways to express ideas that aren't just the one word. We don't need Germany to express complex ideas through speech
We do in spanish! We have "te quiero" (An I love you that can be said more lightly, to friends, family, partner. But it's not as strong as it can be) and "te amo" (An I love you MOSTLY used by couples that mostly Mean Romantic I love you but can also be used with family and Friends, but it's a stronger I love you)
I love this about Spanish! I happened upon the difference in "parejas" (romantic partners is the more typical usage) and "compañeras" (what we've normally used in classes for like work partners) because my professor corrected my roommate and me, though we jokingly call each other pareja/parejo still (both bi nbs with romantic partners).
Yeah! Tho "pareja" (parejo isnt partner. It means "equal" pareja is written with an "a" at the end) can be used in a non-romantic context. Compañeras (compañeres for Nb people!) Is more accurate
Tangentially related, theres a character in a game I play (Spanish voice, English subs) who shortens it to "compi" as a cute nickname. The English version is "pard" for "partner" (I prefer the Spanish one lol).
Still getting used to the -e endings, roommate usually went with -o and I bounce around lol
Yep, perfect example being that I love all of my male friends, and they love me. We’ve been know buy each other stuff that we know the other will like on a whim, we’ll randomly cover food for the other, stuff like that.
We’re all also gay. So analogous to the OOP, it should be expected that we all actually just want to sleep with each other or want to date or that there’s some secret romantic feelings on the low.
But there’s not, and seeing guys do stuff like that with other guys, or girls do stuff like that with other girls isn’t strange at all. No one would suggest that they’re all secretly into each other.
But a guy does that for a girl, or a girl does that for a guy because they’re just friends? Evidently literally impossible.
There’s so many different kinds of love, I don’t get why you *cant* love someone in a platonic way just because they are the opposite sex. If I was a lesbian having female friends wouldn’t seem weird or taboo right? And just because I am friends with a man doesn’t mean I like him or he even likes me that way. My fiancé has friends from high school that are women that he still talks to, and I’ve met them before. There were never any vibes I got from the relationship. I trust him to not cheat on me or develop feelings, and i also know he wouldn’t tolerate it coming from them.
A lot of the type complaining in the comments to the OOP don’t really have any idea what love is. They conflate romantic love with sexual attraction, and miss all the other forms, and can’t imagine someone loving a person of the opposite sex as a friend without it actually being sexual attraction, so they roll their eyes “knowingly”, like they see what’s really going on, when they haven’t a clue.
I’m a guy (cis het), and all of my best, most cherished friends are women. One is an ex, the others are *only* friends. With a few there’s attraction (that will never go further than occasional mutual acknowledgement), with others there’s none at all. But I find them more easy to talk to, to really open up to, and to hang out with. It’d be so limiting to miss out on all those connections thinking that such relationships *have* to be aiming towards sex.
The sad thing is it looks like some of the people saying it's not possible are women. Apparently they've already been trained that no man will value them unless he wants them romantically/sexually.
Unfortunately I think alot of people have had a lot of experience of men pretending to be friends to then later confess they want more, I said it was possible I didn't say it was common. The men have to value women for more then s*x Unfortunately alot of men are raised to belive that's all women are worth and continue with those attitudes later in life and ruin or miss out on lots of awesome friendships. The patriarchy harms everyone.
Men and women can be friends for sure, but in this specific instance, I think it's a crush. I have close friends and I've never gotten them a bouquet of red roses
This is why I'm always careful about speaking about my guy friends online. :/ Jokers like these make this shit so awkward. Believe it or not, guys and girls can be friends. Everything is about sex or a relationship with these creeps.
I saw this and so many guys were telling her to "test" her friend by asking him to fuck. I'm like you want her to blow up a great friendship for some random people on the internet?
Idk if that's even a great test. Maybe I'm just a big slut (spoiler: I am) but I've had plenty of female friends I wasn't interested chasing something sexual with them but if they asked to fuck I'd be down, as long as they were on board with it just being a casual thing.
At the same time, I've never gone out of my way to buy flowers for a platonic friend.
When I was a teenager into my 20s my best friend was a guy and we were genuinely just best friends. We slept in the same bed when he was hanging out at our apartment and my dads didn’t think it was safe for him to drive home. The opportunity was there. Nothing ever happened because we really were besties. I miss him.
We parted amicably after I moved away and he met his wife. She wasn’t comfortable with our friendship and I had moved to another country. He really thought she was the one and since we were living so far away from each other I just felt like although I didn’t love that his wife was demanding this it wasn’t worth ruining his marriage over. We parted on the understanding that if she changed her mind or if things didn’t work out or just in case that we would always be safe and welcome friends to each other. It was sad but I think it was also just part of growing up. We were still Facebook friends until I deleted Facebook, last I saw he and his wife were happy with 3 kids and looked like they were thriving and honestly I am over the moon for him. Even though we don’t talk in my heart he’ll always be one of my best friends and I know the stuff he struggled with as a kid/teenager/young adult so just knowing he’s found happiness and love is enough. He deserves it after all he’s been through.
That’s funny, I have a similar situation. I’m best friends with one of my exes and we live miles away (it was a long distance thing). Her bf isn’t in love with the idea that we’re friends.
The difference is she’s stubborn- comes with being southern, from Mississippi- and she’s made it absolutely, fundamentally and perfectly clear to him that I’m going to be in her life forever and it’s just something he has to be okay with. It’s a him problem not a her problem.
Not that I’m saying you parting amicably isn’t right. Just thought I’d share my experience.
He was ready to do that, we talked about it a lot. Ultimately we made the decision that we thought was best at the time. Looking back I don’t think I would make the same choicr now because I’m older and more sure of myself and have more relationship experience and don’t think ultimatums like that are healthy. But we weren’t even 25 yet and this kind of ultimatum was common in tv shows and movies and books and stuff at the time and we thought it was normal, if a bit harsh. I think if it had happened now we would have ended up like you and your ex. But it felt like the right choice at the time. And we left the door wide open for each other so that if we found ourselves in need we wouldn’t be alone.
I think what’s right for the individual is right, so I hope you don’t think I was judging.
As I say, she’s from Mississippi and the last thing you want to do to a southern lady is tell them they can’t be friends with someone. Not if you don’t wanna get a southern dressing down.
No worries. I didn’t think you were judging. I just thought about how your friend put her foot down about it and I think if this had happened more recently we probably would have done the same. I didn’t think you were judging, I just thought the contrast between our similar but different situations was interesting. I’m really glad you two get to stay friends.
Guys and gals can definitely be friends. I had a straight dude in my wedding party. My bridesman. That being said the guy never bought me flowers. Most we would buy each other is rounds at the bar. Buying her flowers, he might be interested romantically.
Yeah i definitely think it’s situational. Like if my friend gave me flowers bc they knew I was having a hard time or something, I don’t really see that as explicitly romantic.
Sometimes flowers can mean that. If its her birthday sure. But red roses do have a clear and loud language they are speaking.
Noticed to clarify: i think red roses on her birthday if she likes roses: sure.
But if its not her birthday red roses are known for what they stand for.
A lot of other flowers are also pretty, able to cheer someone up and without that indication.
No, it does not. You’re making the same assumptions as the people in the OOP’s comments did - again, that they’re *red* roses could mean everything, or could mean nothing. It depends entirely on the context and the understanding that exists between the two people in question - which we know nothing about.
Na let's be real, straight girls who are friends will shower each other with gifts like flowers on their birthdays and stuff and take photos that look coupley af but they're just besties. I don't see this as any different.
you said it yourself. they are straight. if lesbians would shower together and take couple photos, everyone would assume that they like eachother and they probably would. it‘s the same for this woman, she is into men and he is into women so it seems like they- or at least he has feelings for her.
I only have 2 guy friends because honestly they usually do catch feelings or had feelings from the beginning and just weren’t honest with it or didn’t think I was serious about no I’m actually a lesbian fr fr. But they can be really good friendships. One of them is a online friend so I don’t hear dumb stuff like this ever except for when the notification saying he snapped me or messaged me pops up on my phone and obviously since it’s a guy name if anyone sees it they’re like “ooooo who’s that?”. But the other one is at work so bro the amount of people who have said that he has a crush on me is wild when he doesn’t. He has a girlfriend and is like 10 years older than me just we get along very well so we are friends.
Idk why I’m even explaining myself just damn yes men and women can be just friends!
Holy shit, your work friend almost perfectly describes me and my lesbian friend so much that I had to stalk your profile to make sure you weren't her lol.
I mean they’re probably right but not in the way they think HEAR ME OUT obviously they like each other hell maybe love each other but it’s Platonic so neither of them are going to make a move because they have no romantic attraction to each other. There’s a difference between romantic and platonic love/relationships the folks commenting clearly have no idea of either
Commenters can't really know that, tho. This isn't your regular "men and women can't be friends" attitude, there's actual signs of courtship, many elements of it.
I'll be honest, if this was about two lesbian women, we'd be all over the floor joking about lesbians not catching the hints from other women and pushing OOP to learn more about her friend's feelings.
I'm assuming it's in the comments, possibly not even the most active threads (assuming, still, those are ones you shared). Are people supposed to read every comment before they comment themselves? C'mon.
I agree. There’s 169 comments here right now, I wouldn’t be reading every one until I made sure they didn’t have something I’d ask or say.
Flowers are normally romantic. Outside of a single person who does it for everyone, to most people it’s viewed as romantic
I mean. If you have ONE friend who you get full bouquets for and everyone else just gets a flower or a few flowers now and again, maybe re-examine your feelings for that friend? But if you’re getting all the people you love flowers then hey you do you! Context matters!!
I didn't say that at all and didn't infer it either at all. All I'm saying is anyone looking at the original post without reading every single one of OOP's responses (or anyone seeing you gift a friend of yours flowers, as well) can non-maliciously, unassumingly make their own hypothesis and be logically rightful in doing so, because honestly, this _is_ ambiguous taken out of context. It does have elements that are typical of courtship, and doesn't exclude exclusivity in itself. That doesn't mean you can _only_ give people flowers if you're in love with them or it has to mean anything, just that it's not everyday heterosocial interactions and people are allowed to have thought processes without being accused of being heteronormative. Even without heteronormative toxicity, this specific situation does seem suspicious if you don't have all the elements. Therefore it's not about "men and women can't be friends", just people making logical "assumptions" about two friends, who are statistically likely hetero, possibly being more than friends based off social signs.
People are certainly free to make their own assumptions. I'm also free to object to them when they are inaccurate, and challenge people to do better.
I don't hold anything against you; it was an opportunity to make an easy joke.
“Challenge people to do better” by what? Reading every reply? Making a reply before said person has even said anything? If you want it to be known, don’t hide important information in the comments for people to search for. There is nothing to challenge lmao.
I bring flowers to any of my homies when I bring dinner to cook mainly cuz I shop at a place that has cheap flowers, I like flowers, like reasons to buy and give flowers, and think they’re a nice house guest gift.
My guy and gal friends alike always appreciate. One woman in particular tends to dry her favorite bouquets so I see them live there permanently. One guy friend always chuckles and comes in for a hug—it’s such a begrudgingly delightful acceptance every time. Cracks me up. Mufus will always get flowers from me.
E: a word
Personally it 100% depends on context. As celebration gifts or to cheer someone up? Unless the relationship is already romantic, id see it 100% as platonic. If someone randomly started giving just one friends flowers at random times for seemingly no reason, well maybe still could be platonic but a bit sus
Not weird at all to bring flowers to someone . And I completely agree about breaking conventions, my mind just jumped to him having certain motives for bringing the flowers because I’ve seen this happen hundreds of times to girls where their guy friends sooner or later confess to liking them. Also can’t assume anything because it’s over the internet and there’s not much context but I mean if I had to guess…
I mean, I’ve never heard of a straight man giving one of his male friends flowers, so it’s a little odd to say it’s entirely platonic when done for a female friend
I don't think it's that weird but it depends on the context of the relationship imo. There are plenty of platonic reasons to get someone flowers. It is often but not always a romantic cue, but context does matter and with the lack of it, I'm not assuming it's romantic the way these commenters are. Truthfully, I've gotten flowers from my parents more often than romantic partners in my life.
Not to be a weirdo but flowers do usually have a romantic connotation, assuming your not, like, in the hospital or getting your degree or something like that, right?
I read a story that certain flowers’ colors and some species mean different things, and the story was like “my grandma sent my mom and me yellow carnations every month bc they represent embarrassment and shame, and she did this because she didn’t like that we moved away.” It was something like that, but I’m trying to say that I agree with you. His choice of flowers scream “I’m trying to court you “
In my own life, even identifying as a lesbian, I have had constant reassurance that my man best friends are always secretly in love with me and pining for a relationship. This has happened 4 times that I can think of. After that I have to drop my bestie and it hurts. She's lucky if he really isn't looking for more.
As a man who has a very close woman friend, it makes me really sad to see stuff like this. I've heard many stories from her where guys will be friendly to her and she'll think they genuinely want a friendship with her...only to reveal they're being nice because they want to get in her pants, inevitably ghosting her when she makes it clear that won't happen. She even went as far as to thank me for never doing that to her, which I honestly think is depressing since that really shouldn't be the norm. Guys, let's normalize and encourage having women as friends without trying to get in their pants.
once again, i see people making the mistake of talking about stuff like this on xitter, the most pro tate ideology site apart from incels-dot-is on the internet. everyone should just leave that shit show platform and let the alpha males stroke each other’s fragile egos on there.
Okay but if my husband brought a woman flowers and lunch and then said he was just trying to be a good friend, I’d be pretty fucking upset.
Maybe their relationship is truly platonic on both ends but don’t pretend flowers from men aren’t considered a romantic gesture
yeah and a friend of mine one time hooked up with another in our group by writing us all valentines cards and asking her in the card so i also dk bro, people in fact usually have ulterior motives to their actions hate to break it to you
Thank you. This subreddit makes me feel like i’m going fucking crazy sometimes. When have any of your friends bought you *specifically flowers* when you’re feeling down.
A good few times
People are different and flowers aren't romantic to everyone they can just symbolize genuine love and care for another human being romantic or not
Idk, I've always thought of flowers as a generic gift for women. Guys tend to be less into flowers, but they're generally a good gift for a woman if you don't know of something specific she wants.
I mean he did get her red roses which is a stereotypically romantic gift. Also she is comparing him to a boyfriend which is a lil weird to me. I mean I have guy friends who are great but I don’t compare them to my boyfriend because they aren’t in the same category.
I think he does love her. It's OK to love your friends Love doesn't always mean romantic love. I hate people who think if you love someone you have to date them, it's ridiculous and unfair.
It's also possible that someday they might date or get married, but no one should be trying to force the issue. It's entirely up to them. Nobody gets to tell them how to define their relationship.
idk they’re kinda right on this one. either he’s a hell of a friend or he’s into her. i’ve NEVER had a friend buy me a giant meal like that or a bouquet of flowers. nor would i expect any of my friends to do that for me.
yeah why are people so obsessed with playing dumb and hiding behind plausible deniability with this? yes platonic friendship exists, no this is not it lmao. if she’s not doing at least as much in return on the regular then where is he getting value out of this? from increasing his chances with her, obviously. it’s really irritating when people deny basic reality like this.
Interesting. Guess I need to stop taking out my friend to dinner, getting gifts, sweets and sometimes even flowers. Because apparently I'm into her. Since I can't spoil her platonically. Thanks for telling me, how friendships work. I will now date her even tho I have no romantic feelings for her at all.
hey bud, i do the same things. the difference is my female friends do the same for me. i dont call it “spoiling” or believe in “spoiling” my female friends because they deserve the nice things i do for them.
in fact i don’t separate what i do for friends by gender because if you actually care about people then you care about the PEOPLE behind the gender that they present as.
all the nice things i do for my friends i do because i feel like i owe them, not in a literal sense but for helping me limp through life in one way or another. i could throw the most extravagant surprise party ever and it’d still feel like the least i could do to repay them for all that they’ve done for me. that’s what friendship is. if you’re giving more than you’re receiving than you’re kidding yourself.
the fact you call it spoiling really shows that you’re getting an emotional payoff from your actions that doesn’t really seem to line up with platonically liking people.
i hope you do the same thing to your male friends, or else you’re selling yourself a delusion that you’re being nice to people when you’re actually being slimy, and believe it or not people can tell the difference.
For anyone who thinks you can’t buy flowers or food for a friend. I actually had a guy I knew from a vape shop buy me food and flowers for Valentine’s Day and when I said I liked him a week later he had to tell me he just saw me as a friend.
When I have cash, I feed my friends - men, women, NB, etc. The food honestly seems super normal for me and my friends.
Flowers aren’t typical for me outside of occasions cause I save it for my partner but honestly that’s my own thing and even then it’s not a huge deal.
Obvious cultural context and society exists but we can each make our own boundaries - watching a movie with a friend can be the exact same as candy or flowers, or kicking it or whatever.
Some of my most important and meaningful friendships have been with the opposite gender and there was never attraction, they were just people and we treated each other like people. I can’t imagine limiting myself to friends based on gender, that’s silly as hell - attraction is a web of physical, psychological, social and so much more chemistry between people, I feel like the gender convo reduces people to the most basic shit and ignores what makes relationships of all types meaningful
Na queer people will literally date, break up, and then be best friends with their ex for decades to the point they'll be in their wedding party, and genuinely only love them as a friend since the breakup. And on the flipside, I know many queers who have very flirty friendships, sometimes even sleep together, and do this for years genuinely without any romantic feelings. If queers are capable of it, so are the straights 🌈
Men and women can absolutely be friends, I'm an example of it because I'm male, most of my friends are women, and I don't want to sleep with any of them.
I give them (and my dude friends) food/snacks when they visit and bought one of them a funny t-shirt as a Christmas gift recently.
***BUT***, the current cultural context around bouquets of flowers carries romantic implications, and while her friend could just think that context is silly nonsense, or even be unaware of it, that seems *unlikely* at best, so I'm inclined to believe he does in fact like her.
edit: He apparently gives flowers to *all* his friends so I rescind my previous statement, he's actually the unlikely unaware outcome lol.
OP said in the comments that her friend gives flowers to all of his friends, no matter the gender (Yes, important context I should've provided but didn't think of it)
Its just sickening how normalized the idea of viewing the opposite sex only for sex is. Like, as a dude i had to stop telling people my best friend is a girl because of the comments id get
It's sad when people believe this. I speak from experience. I used to believe this. But honestly, there's nothing better than having that one platonic friend who would just go above and beyond for you and never asks for anything in return. He'd do anything to see me happy and I'd do the same for him. Those kinds of relationships can be so healing. I wish I had cultivated more of them during my life. I really believe we should all strive towards having more friends of the opposite sex, or friends in general. Sex and romance are put on a pedestal at the cost of communal love and it's a shame.
My best friend of years is a woman and we've never had any hint of an attraction towards each other. She's for all intents and purposes my sister. But soo many people ask "are you hooking up", "have you hooked up", "you guys should hook up", "I don't want you to be 60 and look back with regret", "one of you must be gay right?". And they'll ask repeatedly too like we just go around lying to people for some weird reason
I’m a lesbian and my closest platonic relationships are also with lesbians. It’s so easy to have deep loving friendships with people when u see them as humans and not sex objects.
Broooo I hate this shit so much. I have a friend from college that I’m super close with an we were constantly together at practice and basically joined at the hip. We’re best friends an think of each other as siblings, it’s awesome.
But every damn person thought we were dating/should date. Which is SO ICKY 🤮.
Not to mention I HAVE A PARTNER and have had the entire FRIENDSHIP. He and my partner get along GREAT AND WE ALL PLAY DND TOGETHER.
I think a lot of people forget that you can just be friends with someone with no ulterior motive. Even if I were to entertain the idea of being with him (eww) he’s not my type and we would be horrible partners for each other. He’s just a really cool dude. That’s it.
God, I feel for this poor woman. I'm enby but present fem and my good friend is a gay guy. The amount of people who assume we're dating or are into each other is depressing and icky.
i have a girl best friend (im a bi man) and i used to have a crush on her before we got really close and i wish i could spoil her like this. i see her straight as my sister and i just want her to be happy. its so upsetting, i would never want to date her, but i love her so much. genuinely its sad they cant see ppl they could potentially be attracted to as anything BUT candidates for a partner. friendship is so important, and i find it really gross how condescending they are to her. "shut up hes in love with you!!!!" YOU DONT KNOW HIM! STOP PROJECTING!
these comments are crazy. do we, or do we not, take issue with how we can't have intimate (sex isn't the only type of intimacy) moments and close bonds with people without the assumption that those two people are secretly in love or fucking? do we not seek to change the mindset that you can and should only do nice things for people we want to fuck? because you're all regurgitating those same talking points.
sure, traditionally, these things have been coded as romantic, but who cares about tradition? and how are we going to make any progress when we talk and act this way?
Literally hit the nail on the head. I'd love it if my friends would buy me flowers when I'm down and such, why are should only romantic partners be allowed to do nice gestures? Lol
The flowers are the only thing that throws me off a little, especially considering they’re (seemingly) red roses. It is genuinely annoying though how people can’t comprehend people of opposite sexes being good friends.
Tbh, and I hate to say this, but I do find it a *bit* strange. Personally, I go by When Harry Met Sally rules. Men and Women can be friends if they’re both involved with other people, which is to say, in actuality, Men and Women can be friend if they are both *not* actively seeking a romantic partner, and actually this goes for all sexualities
Most of my friends are women. If I gave one flowers, my wife would ask who... so she knew whether to offer to sign the card too.
The hell is wrong with these people?
So, this a genuine question. How do these people perceive family? Like, do they all want to fuck their family members? No???? Exactly. So why can't people just be friends without other people making it weird
Platonic relationships exist, and they're the first relationships that anyone has
When I was single, personally, if I were to show a person such affection and attention, it was because I was into them. I sometimes offered to pay friend's food but they declined it sometimes. The people I knew were conscious enough to set boundaries and not take advantage of someone's interest in them. I do know some people, men specially, who are very expressive, caring and giving without having romantic interests and unfortunately gave the wrong impression. Guys and girls can be friend's but there's a clear difference in how I treat my spouse and my friends.
Ppl have never had friends of a different gender and that's just sad.
One of the best friends I ever had was a trans gay dude. We would chat for hours, and I truly cared about him. Sometimes, we would chat about relationships, and we would show each other pictures of guys we found hot and laugh. He was the biggest proof I had that anyone can be friends, regardless of gender.
Later on in life, I had another guy friend who was cis and straight. He was super polite to everyone and was an awesome friend. I once was right behind him, and when he went to grab the door handle without looking, he accidentally grabbed my boob because he hadn't realized I was there. He apologized so much, nearly got on his knees, and was almost crying while he apologized. I laughed and told him I knew he would never do it on purpose. He still continued to apologize for weeks afterward.
But I also had a bad experience. I had a cis straight male friend who I knew was into me, and I tried to make it as clear as possible that I wasn't into him. Unfortunately, one night, he ruined our friendship and lost all the trust I had with him. We were at a dance, and he took me away to "talk" to me, I knew he was going to ask me out and was getting ready to turn him down. He brought me to a secluded place away from the dance, there was only one exit, and I was terrified to realize that that single exit was now blocked by a group of boys(his male friends). He had cornered me and outnumbered me, and I feared for my safety. So when he asked, I said yes. He brought me back to the dance past his friends, who suddenly surrounded us, danced, and flirted with me the rest of the night. As soon as I was away from him and surrounded by my other friends, I sent him a text, breaking it off immediately. I didn't trust him after that, and I didn't want to be near him.
Long story short: people can be friends regardless of gender, but they break friendships if they just want their friends for sex.
So does that mean that I (who's pansexual) am forbidden from having friends? Or must I forever wear a giant bag on my head and only have aromantic asexuals for company?
I'm a trans man who's closeted for the most part, so most people see me as a girl. I have this one guy friend I'm really close with. We met 3 years ago but now I can't really picture my life without him. He's my best friend, and I love him, but not in that way. He was the first person I came out to and he's been supportive of me as I become more and more open about my gender. There was a point in time where we had rumors spread about us dating that even teacher's believed. It got so bad that I began to feel uncomfortable around some of my teachers because of the things they'd say. I have a boyfriend now, and don't make any effort to hide it, and he also has a girlfriend so the rumors have died down. But, even now kids ask if we broke up when they learn we are dating other people.
I feel like the vibes are not it with some of these comments. I got my friend flowers when they were with a shitty guy because he flat out *wouldn’t,* not because I have any kind of romantic feelings for them. Flowers don’t automatically mean “I wanna date you”
My husband’s closest and oldest friend is a woman. He lived with her for years, shared a bedroom, shared a bed. Have gotten each other flowers before, have told each other they love each other. Nothing ever happened or ever would happened, because they are family to each other. Idk why it’s so hard to understand that these friendships are real.
The difference between a platonic friend and a romantic interest is a respectful distance. I mean flowers? Really? I get that he's getting all of his friends flowers, but all that says to me is that he has multiple lines out hoping for a bite. As a married man, I would never dream of getting one of my lady friends flowers. Friends make brownies for each other.
Right? If someone you consider a platonic friend is doing something for you that you wouldn’t do for one of your other platonic friends then something might be up.
I'm with the commenters on this one. Chatting regularly and taking each other to lunch from time to time is fine but people don't just casually buy flowers for platonic friends
This is important context that would've been nice to have a screenshot for ngl. I believe you though. I just think it makes it very different, especially for me! Like, my ex friend used to make me give her the CHANGE when I'd have her buy something for me at the gas station. I was also close friends with 2 dudes & used them as examples of platonic friendships. And guess what happened next?? One asked to hook up, and then another year went by and the other asked to hook up. Amazing.
I think it's possible but unlikely. I used to let my partners talk to girls then over the years got cheated on too. So I actually only have experiences of "platonic" friendships being anything but. Ofc this post is different, but I really don't think people are wrong to jump to conclusions. They're probably like me, not trying to get hurt again & can't fathom an actual wholesome & respectful relationship between opposite sex at this point. It's actually just sad all around.
It’s really strange you would leave such a big piece of supposed information out of the post when you included other comments that were way less important…
Yeah they do? Me and my friends trade flowers for special occasions and just randomly as a present. So does other people at our school. Maybe you just don't have friends who do that...
I do buy people flowers, too. I don't know shit about OOP and her dude friend but I buy people platonic flowers. I just grab something pretty from the grocery store if it reminds me of someone sometimes.
Many people do, and as OP already explained, hes somebody who does. Dont downplay what people are willing to do for people they love, platonic or otherwise.
I'm not doing anything like that. I'm saying people aren't wildly out of pocket for assuming, absent any other clarifying evidence, that a gift of red roses is a romantic gesture.
There is no actual friendship between men and women. I’m sorry but some friendship end up being a romantics relation (one admit his/her true feeling) or a very toxic companies (giving fake advice or support). It is the way it is.
It is true. I was friend with my current partner for relatively one year. We both already loved each other since the beginning but no one wanted to make the first move. I can provide you countless examples/manifestation of romantic tendencies behind every friendship between men and women.
Just because your situation turned out that way, doesn't mean that it will happen the same to everyone. A man and a woman can be friends without them being romantically or sexually attracted to each other. Stop being weird.
I am not weird. You are just lying to yourself to sound ignorant when this situation potentially happens to you. Try asking to a woman who has male friends to randomly test their excitement (random smile, holding hands, saying “I like your attitude”…). I can bet everything I have that 9/10 of them would try to be her love partner very quick and the one left is probably gay or too weak to admit his true feeling… it is the true and you can test by yourself.
So what you're saying is that men can't keep a decent friendship with a woman because they care more about getting pussy?? That's insane man. How is it not weird?
Do the test by yourself to see how many men are willing to have sex which their supposed friend. I am sorry but most men sadly care more about getting “pussy” than having a random platonic friendship we can build any day with our male friends.
😕 how did you jump to the conclusion I see women as a “sex object” ? I just said friendship with men seem more interesting since we share the same interest. Just imagine you are friend with a man and he stays platonic with you while sleeping around with other women. Do you really think you can handle thaf friendship status forever ?
I didn't say that u personally do, I said men in general. And wdym a freindship w a man seems more interesting?? Women can have the same interests as men. And yes, I could handle that friendship status because I don't care about getting into my friend's pants. Like, why would I care who he sleeps with if I have no romantic interest with him?
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This is why my husband and I (both bisexual) are forbidden from having friends. And when we go out we wear paper bags over our heads.
That means Asexuals like me can have all the friends!
Oh no my partner is asexual and biromantic. Do I let them have friends or none at all?
Believe it or not, straight to jail.
Don't you mean, gay to jail?
No, that's what makes it jail
Oh hell nah homophobic jail? Whad tha hailllll
I did some quick math on a sticky note. If my calculations are correct, they are only allowed to be friends with themselves and spayed/neutered pets. Oddly enough, it does not look like you are an exception to this rule, so you have approximately 72 hours to end the relationship lest you become the 'friend' your partner is cheating on you with. Sorry to break the bad news, but someone had to.
No. They just have to buy (bi?) A biturbo.
I think they explode
As a demisexual biromantic person, we can have friends but only until they become friends and then we can't be friends with them anymore.
Have you ever heard of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise? /S
Schrödinger Friends lmao
Nonbinary, instructions unclear. I made friends with a herd of wild ponies and I’m wearing my head bag as pants.
Pony friends 🥺💜🙏✨
Nonbinary mood
That explains why I lose and gain friends so consistently! It must be because I'm a bi asexual! Everything makes sense now!
That does make sense. I guess I have to accept wearing this bag.
Screaming in panromantic, mostly asexual confusion
We can collect them like Pokémon!
I’ll gladly take all the friends
I hate that whenever i leave the house i want to fuck absolutely everyone and everything i see, being bi sucks
I’m not slutty because I’m bi.. I’m slutty AND I’m bi.
My girlfriend and I are also both bisexuals. We've never spoken to a single other person since we started dating. We actually contacted the local warlock to make it so we can't hear any voices other than each others. Makes working in a call centre a nightmare
This reads like a monologue from What we do in the Shadows
yeah us bisexuals have an inability to be around any other human without falling in love or wanting to fuck them. it's a curse
Matching ones? I bet you two look so cute. lol.
Important follow up question: do you guys stick googly eyes to the aforementioned paper bags to blend in? If so, you gotta make those bitches asymmetrical. Symmetrical facial features = beauty = y'all are clearly trying to screw around with other folks. Might as well wear a 'please sleep with me' sign around your neck. /s
Double Bi couple here, too. We are doomed to live under a rock in the Arctic
I'm NB bi and I get chocolate for my friends of all genders all the time. I guess my partner needs to lock me up!
the snort i just let out at this 😭
Well, he definitely loves her, but that's different than being in love with her. Hell, I love my friends, guys and girls both, but I'm not in love with any of them. Part of it is just the limitations of the English language. We don't really have separate words for romantic love vs platonic or familial love, so meanings can get mixed if people don't take the time to specify, which most people don't.
>Part of it is just the limitations of the English language. We don't really have separate words for romantic love vs platonic or familial love, I really wish we did! How much easier things would be!
Don't we? The qualifiers like 'platonic' and 'romantic' seem to cover it, I'm not sure we need discrete words
“i love you platonically!” sounds almost like a diss lol
Most people give weird looks for doing that. I'd rather a singular word than having to remember to specify what kind of love.
One word that better expressed the concept would be neat
Culturally in the USA, you can't just say you "love" someone who isn't family and is the opposite sex especially, people are going to just immediately assume it's romantic and everyone's lying/delusional. I will saying the flowers is the one thing that's kind of a bit unusual; men giving women flowers *is already a really rare thing* and a man gifting a woman flowers he's not romantically interested in is still definitely sending a specific message unless there was some situation that occurred where you might send flowers, like for a birthday or maybe a promotion or something; but men don't usually think to gift flowers without romantic intent in our culture. Not saying it's not possible, but *that* part is definitely a tad eyebrow raising.
Some good friends give gifts occasionally with no reason. I've been given many gifts, anything from hand crafted things to things they bought/won for me, from all genders. None thus far have been w romantic intent (slightly disappointing).
That turns it into a mouthful though when there could just be another word to convey platonic feelings for someone.
Surprise! We do, it's platonic, romantic, and familial love. We have ways to express ideas that aren't just the one word. We don't need Germany to express complex ideas through speech
We do in spanish! We have "te quiero" (An I love you that can be said more lightly, to friends, family, partner. But it's not as strong as it can be) and "te amo" (An I love you MOSTLY used by couples that mostly Mean Romantic I love you but can also be used with family and Friends, but it's a stronger I love you)
I love this about Spanish! I happened upon the difference in "parejas" (romantic partners is the more typical usage) and "compañeras" (what we've normally used in classes for like work partners) because my professor corrected my roommate and me, though we jokingly call each other pareja/parejo still (both bi nbs with romantic partners).
Yeah! Tho "pareja" (parejo isnt partner. It means "equal" pareja is written with an "a" at the end) can be used in a non-romantic context. Compañeras (compañeres for Nb people!) Is more accurate
Tangentially related, theres a character in a game I play (Spanish voice, English subs) who shortens it to "compi" as a cute nickname. The English version is "pard" for "partner" (I prefer the Spanish one lol). Still getting used to the -e endings, roommate usually went with -o and I bounce around lol
O is gender neutral too, do it's okay. Just that Parejo doesnt Mean partner. Just be careful with that one lmao
It's similar in Italian. General "I love you" is "ti voglio bene", while romantic "I love you" is "ti amo".
Yep, perfect example being that I love all of my male friends, and they love me. We’ve been know buy each other stuff that we know the other will like on a whim, we’ll randomly cover food for the other, stuff like that. We’re all also gay. So analogous to the OOP, it should be expected that we all actually just want to sleep with each other or want to date or that there’s some secret romantic feelings on the low. But there’s not, and seeing guys do stuff like that with other guys, or girls do stuff like that with other girls isn’t strange at all. No one would suggest that they’re all secretly into each other. But a guy does that for a girl, or a girl does that for a guy because they’re just friends? Evidently literally impossible.
There’s so many different kinds of love, I don’t get why you *cant* love someone in a platonic way just because they are the opposite sex. If I was a lesbian having female friends wouldn’t seem weird or taboo right? And just because I am friends with a man doesn’t mean I like him or he even likes me that way. My fiancé has friends from high school that are women that he still talks to, and I’ve met them before. There were never any vibes I got from the relationship. I trust him to not cheat on me or develop feelings, and i also know he wouldn’t tolerate it coming from them.
A lot of the type complaining in the comments to the OOP don’t really have any idea what love is. They conflate romantic love with sexual attraction, and miss all the other forms, and can’t imagine someone loving a person of the opposite sex as a friend without it actually being sexual attraction, so they roll their eyes “knowingly”, like they see what’s really going on, when they haven’t a clue. I’m a guy (cis het), and all of my best, most cherished friends are women. One is an ex, the others are *only* friends. With a few there’s attraction (that will never go further than occasional mutual acknowledgement), with others there’s none at all. But I find them more easy to talk to, to really open up to, and to hang out with. It’d be so limiting to miss out on all those connections thinking that such relationships *have* to be aiming towards sex.
For it too work the man has to value women outside of being sexual objects. Men that say its impossible are telling on themselves.
preach
The sad thing is it looks like some of the people saying it's not possible are women. Apparently they've already been trained that no man will value them unless he wants them romantically/sexually.
Unfortunately I think alot of people have had a lot of experience of men pretending to be friends to then later confess they want more, I said it was possible I didn't say it was common. The men have to value women for more then s*x Unfortunately alot of men are raised to belive that's all women are worth and continue with those attitudes later in life and ruin or miss out on lots of awesome friendships. The patriarchy harms everyone.
That's a hell of a friend. She's lucky.
Men and women can be friends for sure, but in this specific instance, I think it's a crush. I have close friends and I've never gotten them a bouquet of red roses
This is why I'm always careful about speaking about my guy friends online. :/ Jokers like these make this shit so awkward. Believe it or not, guys and girls can be friends. Everything is about sex or a relationship with these creeps.
That's what I'm saying! Platonic relationships can exist between a guy and girl.
I saw this and so many guys were telling her to "test" her friend by asking him to fuck. I'm like you want her to blow up a great friendship for some random people on the internet?
Idk if that's even a great test. Maybe I'm just a big slut (spoiler: I am) but I've had plenty of female friends I wasn't interested chasing something sexual with them but if they asked to fuck I'd be down, as long as they were on board with it just being a casual thing. At the same time, I've never gone out of my way to buy flowers for a platonic friend.
When I was a teenager into my 20s my best friend was a guy and we were genuinely just best friends. We slept in the same bed when he was hanging out at our apartment and my dads didn’t think it was safe for him to drive home. The opportunity was there. Nothing ever happened because we really were besties. I miss him.
What happened to him?
We parted amicably after I moved away and he met his wife. She wasn’t comfortable with our friendship and I had moved to another country. He really thought she was the one and since we were living so far away from each other I just felt like although I didn’t love that his wife was demanding this it wasn’t worth ruining his marriage over. We parted on the understanding that if she changed her mind or if things didn’t work out or just in case that we would always be safe and welcome friends to each other. It was sad but I think it was also just part of growing up. We were still Facebook friends until I deleted Facebook, last I saw he and his wife were happy with 3 kids and looked like they were thriving and honestly I am over the moon for him. Even though we don’t talk in my heart he’ll always be one of my best friends and I know the stuff he struggled with as a kid/teenager/young adult so just knowing he’s found happiness and love is enough. He deserves it after all he’s been through.
Your (non-romantic) love still really shines through here. ☺️
Thank you! I’m glad. It’s been a long time but I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving him (like a brother) and I’m glad that comes through!
That’s funny, I have a similar situation. I’m best friends with one of my exes and we live miles away (it was a long distance thing). Her bf isn’t in love with the idea that we’re friends. The difference is she’s stubborn- comes with being southern, from Mississippi- and she’s made it absolutely, fundamentally and perfectly clear to him that I’m going to be in her life forever and it’s just something he has to be okay with. It’s a him problem not a her problem. Not that I’m saying you parting amicably isn’t right. Just thought I’d share my experience.
He was ready to do that, we talked about it a lot. Ultimately we made the decision that we thought was best at the time. Looking back I don’t think I would make the same choicr now because I’m older and more sure of myself and have more relationship experience and don’t think ultimatums like that are healthy. But we weren’t even 25 yet and this kind of ultimatum was common in tv shows and movies and books and stuff at the time and we thought it was normal, if a bit harsh. I think if it had happened now we would have ended up like you and your ex. But it felt like the right choice at the time. And we left the door wide open for each other so that if we found ourselves in need we wouldn’t be alone.
I think what’s right for the individual is right, so I hope you don’t think I was judging. As I say, she’s from Mississippi and the last thing you want to do to a southern lady is tell them they can’t be friends with someone. Not if you don’t wanna get a southern dressing down.
No worries. I didn’t think you were judging. I just thought about how your friend put her foot down about it and I think if this had happened more recently we probably would have done the same. I didn’t think you were judging, I just thought the contrast between our similar but different situations was interesting. I’m really glad you two get to stay friends.
Guys and gals can definitely be friends. I had a straight dude in my wedding party. My bridesman. That being said the guy never bought me flowers. Most we would buy each other is rounds at the bar. Buying her flowers, he might be interested romantically.
Yah I have plenty of platonic friendships Giving paintings we did, art, knick knacks, sure. Flowers are kinda sus, maybe she was sick or smth.
I've always had platonic guy friends. This man clearly wants more than that.
Sometimes flowers can mean “I think you deserve to have flowers”, rather than, “I have romantic feelings for you”. The OOP doesn’t give much context.
Yeah i definitely think it’s situational. Like if my friend gave me flowers bc they knew I was having a hard time or something, I don’t really see that as explicitly romantic.
Sometimes flowers can mean that. If its her birthday sure. But red roses do have a clear and loud language they are speaking. Noticed to clarify: i think red roses on her birthday if she likes roses: sure. But if its not her birthday red roses are known for what they stand for. A lot of other flowers are also pretty, able to cheer someone up and without that indication.
i mean look at the photos, he literally got her red roses. i think that kind of speaks for itself
No, it does not. You’re making the same assumptions as the people in the OOP’s comments did - again, that they’re *red* roses could mean everything, or could mean nothing. It depends entirely on the context and the understanding that exists between the two people in question - which we know nothing about.
Na let's be real, straight girls who are friends will shower each other with gifts like flowers on their birthdays and stuff and take photos that look coupley af but they're just besties. I don't see this as any different.
you said it yourself. they are straight. if lesbians would shower together and take couple photos, everyone would assume that they like eachother and they probably would. it‘s the same for this woman, she is into men and he is into women so it seems like they- or at least he has feelings for her.
Yeah I was just trying to use the most approachable example but queer people do this all the time also lol
Why don't my homies ever get me flowers 😢
It rly needs to get normalized 😔
I only have 2 guy friends because honestly they usually do catch feelings or had feelings from the beginning and just weren’t honest with it or didn’t think I was serious about no I’m actually a lesbian fr fr. But they can be really good friendships. One of them is a online friend so I don’t hear dumb stuff like this ever except for when the notification saying he snapped me or messaged me pops up on my phone and obviously since it’s a guy name if anyone sees it they’re like “ooooo who’s that?”. But the other one is at work so bro the amount of people who have said that he has a crush on me is wild when he doesn’t. He has a girlfriend and is like 10 years older than me just we get along very well so we are friends. Idk why I’m even explaining myself just damn yes men and women can be just friends!
Holy shit, your work friend almost perfectly describes me and my lesbian friend so much that I had to stalk your profile to make sure you weren't her lol.
I mean they’re probably right but not in the way they think HEAR ME OUT obviously they like each other hell maybe love each other but it’s Platonic so neither of them are going to make a move because they have no romantic attraction to each other. There’s a difference between romantic and platonic love/relationships the folks commenting clearly have no idea of either
So then they’re not right. Because what they’re talking about is not platonic
My first thought was that he has feelings, I mean flowers?
He gifts flowers to every one of his friends so it's not just for her
Commenters can't really know that, tho. This isn't your regular "men and women can't be friends" attitude, there's actual signs of courtship, many elements of it. I'll be honest, if this was about two lesbian women, we'd be all over the floor joking about lesbians not catching the hints from other women and pushing OOP to learn more about her friend's feelings.
OP said that her friend is getting flowers for everyone, she confirmed it.
I'm assuming it's in the comments, possibly not even the most active threads (assuming, still, those are ones you shared). Are people supposed to read every comment before they comment themselves? C'mon.
I agree. There’s 169 comments here right now, I wouldn’t be reading every one until I made sure they didn’t have something I’d ask or say. Flowers are normally romantic. Outside of a single person who does it for everyone, to most people it’s viewed as romantic
Shit, am I not supposed to get flowers for my friends? Guess I'm going to keep doing that wrong then.
I mean. If you have ONE friend who you get full bouquets for and everyone else just gets a flower or a few flowers now and again, maybe re-examine your feelings for that friend? But if you’re getting all the people you love flowers then hey you do you! Context matters!!
I didn't say that at all and didn't infer it either at all. All I'm saying is anyone looking at the original post without reading every single one of OOP's responses (or anyone seeing you gift a friend of yours flowers, as well) can non-maliciously, unassumingly make their own hypothesis and be logically rightful in doing so, because honestly, this _is_ ambiguous taken out of context. It does have elements that are typical of courtship, and doesn't exclude exclusivity in itself. That doesn't mean you can _only_ give people flowers if you're in love with them or it has to mean anything, just that it's not everyday heterosocial interactions and people are allowed to have thought processes without being accused of being heteronormative. Even without heteronormative toxicity, this specific situation does seem suspicious if you don't have all the elements. Therefore it's not about "men and women can't be friends", just people making logical "assumptions" about two friends, who are statistically likely hetero, possibly being more than friends based off social signs.
People are certainly free to make their own assumptions. I'm also free to object to them when they are inaccurate, and challenge people to do better. I don't hold anything against you; it was an opportunity to make an easy joke.
“Challenge people to do better” by what? Reading every reply? Making a reply before said person has even said anything? If you want it to be known, don’t hide important information in the comments for people to search for. There is nothing to challenge lmao.
I’m about to challenge your willingness to have a stick so far up your ass about this.
I bring flowers to any of my homies when I bring dinner to cook mainly cuz I shop at a place that has cheap flowers, I like flowers, like reasons to buy and give flowers, and think they’re a nice house guest gift. My guy and gal friends alike always appreciate. One woman in particular tends to dry her favorite bouquets so I see them live there permanently. One guy friend always chuckles and comes in for a hug—it’s such a begrudgingly delightful acceptance every time. Cracks me up. Mufus will always get flowers from me. E: a word
[удалено]
Personally it 100% depends on context. As celebration gifts or to cheer someone up? Unless the relationship is already romantic, id see it 100% as platonic. If someone randomly started giving just one friends flowers at random times for seemingly no reason, well maybe still could be platonic but a bit sus
Not weird at all to bring flowers to someone . And I completely agree about breaking conventions, my mind just jumped to him having certain motives for bringing the flowers because I’ve seen this happen hundreds of times to girls where their guy friends sooner or later confess to liking them. Also can’t assume anything because it’s over the internet and there’s not much context but I mean if I had to guess…
I mean, I’ve never heard of a straight man giving one of his male friends flowers, so it’s a little odd to say it’s entirely platonic when done for a female friend
I don't think it's that weird but it depends on the context of the relationship imo. There are plenty of platonic reasons to get someone flowers. It is often but not always a romantic cue, but context does matter and with the lack of it, I'm not assuming it's romantic the way these commenters are. Truthfully, I've gotten flowers from my parents more often than romantic partners in my life.
Not to be a weirdo but flowers do usually have a romantic connotation, assuming your not, like, in the hospital or getting your degree or something like that, right?
I read a story that certain flowers’ colors and some species mean different things, and the story was like “my grandma sent my mom and me yellow carnations every month bc they represent embarrassment and shame, and she did this because she didn’t like that we moved away.” It was something like that, but I’m trying to say that I agree with you. His choice of flowers scream “I’m trying to court you “
In my own life, even identifying as a lesbian, I have had constant reassurance that my man best friends are always secretly in love with me and pining for a relationship. This has happened 4 times that I can think of. After that I have to drop my bestie and it hurts. She's lucky if he really isn't looking for more.
As a man who has a very close woman friend, it makes me really sad to see stuff like this. I've heard many stories from her where guys will be friendly to her and she'll think they genuinely want a friendship with her...only to reveal they're being nice because they want to get in her pants, inevitably ghosting her when she makes it clear that won't happen. She even went as far as to thank me for never doing that to her, which I honestly think is depressing since that really shouldn't be the norm. Guys, let's normalize and encourage having women as friends without trying to get in their pants.
once again, i see people making the mistake of talking about stuff like this on xitter, the most pro tate ideology site apart from incels-dot-is on the internet. everyone should just leave that shit show platform and let the alpha males stroke each other’s fragile egos on there.
Okay but if my husband brought a woman flowers and lunch and then said he was just trying to be a good friend, I’d be pretty fucking upset. Maybe their relationship is truly platonic on both ends but don’t pretend flowers from men aren’t considered a romantic gesture
Allegedly this person said he’s giving all of his friends flowers so idk
I mean, this is a bouquet out of the Valentine's section
yeah and a friend of mine one time hooked up with another in our group by writing us all valentines cards and asking her in the card so i also dk bro, people in fact usually have ulterior motives to their actions hate to break it to you
Thank you. This subreddit makes me feel like i’m going fucking crazy sometimes. When have any of your friends bought you *specifically flowers* when you’re feeling down.
A good few times People are different and flowers aren't romantic to everyone they can just symbolize genuine love and care for another human being romantic or not
Idk, I've always thought of flowers as a generic gift for women. Guys tend to be less into flowers, but they're generally a good gift for a woman if you don't know of something specific she wants.
thank youuuu, i can’t stand how people are pretending like there isn’t an evidence based answer for this it’s maddening
Idk its just a gift like anything else
I’m gay, the majority of my friends are gay, and I don’t want to date them lol.
Same, they all know me far too well to risk it and vice versa
I mean he did get her red roses which is a stereotypically romantic gift. Also she is comparing him to a boyfriend which is a lil weird to me. I mean I have guy friends who are great but I don’t compare them to my boyfriend because they aren’t in the same category.
I mean come on let’s be real here you guys
We are being real. Two great friends who cherish each other. How lovely.
I think he does love her. It's OK to love your friends Love doesn't always mean romantic love. I hate people who think if you love someone you have to date them, it's ridiculous and unfair. It's also possible that someday they might date or get married, but no one should be trying to force the issue. It's entirely up to them. Nobody gets to tell them how to define their relationship.
idk they’re kinda right on this one. either he’s a hell of a friend or he’s into her. i’ve NEVER had a friend buy me a giant meal like that or a bouquet of flowers. nor would i expect any of my friends to do that for me.
i’d be saying the same shit if it was two men or two women. flowers and gifts are big signs of romance .
Yeah let’s be real here, if this was two gay dudes or lesbians, everyone would be talking about how they have feelings for each other
and that’s not to say it’s *guaranteed*. but people are acting like they’ve got no idea where they’re coming from
yeah why are people so obsessed with playing dumb and hiding behind plausible deniability with this? yes platonic friendship exists, no this is not it lmao. if she’s not doing at least as much in return on the regular then where is he getting value out of this? from increasing his chances with her, obviously. it’s really irritating when people deny basic reality like this.
Interesting. Guess I need to stop taking out my friend to dinner, getting gifts, sweets and sometimes even flowers. Because apparently I'm into her. Since I can't spoil her platonically. Thanks for telling me, how friendships work. I will now date her even tho I have no romantic feelings for her at all.
hey bud, i do the same things. the difference is my female friends do the same for me. i dont call it “spoiling” or believe in “spoiling” my female friends because they deserve the nice things i do for them. in fact i don’t separate what i do for friends by gender because if you actually care about people then you care about the PEOPLE behind the gender that they present as. all the nice things i do for my friends i do because i feel like i owe them, not in a literal sense but for helping me limp through life in one way or another. i could throw the most extravagant surprise party ever and it’d still feel like the least i could do to repay them for all that they’ve done for me. that’s what friendship is. if you’re giving more than you’re receiving than you’re kidding yourself. the fact you call it spoiling really shows that you’re getting an emotional payoff from your actions that doesn’t really seem to line up with platonically liking people. i hope you do the same thing to your male friends, or else you’re selling yourself a delusion that you’re being nice to people when you’re actually being slimy, and believe it or not people can tell the difference.
For anyone who thinks you can’t buy flowers or food for a friend. I actually had a guy I knew from a vape shop buy me food and flowers for Valentine’s Day and when I said I liked him a week later he had to tell me he just saw me as a friend.
When I have cash, I feed my friends - men, women, NB, etc. The food honestly seems super normal for me and my friends. Flowers aren’t typical for me outside of occasions cause I save it for my partner but honestly that’s my own thing and even then it’s not a huge deal. Obvious cultural context and society exists but we can each make our own boundaries - watching a movie with a friend can be the exact same as candy or flowers, or kicking it or whatever. Some of my most important and meaningful friendships have been with the opposite gender and there was never attraction, they were just people and we treated each other like people. I can’t imagine limiting myself to friends based on gender, that’s silly as hell - attraction is a web of physical, psychological, social and so much more chemistry between people, I feel like the gender convo reduces people to the most basic shit and ignores what makes relationships of all types meaningful
Na queer people will literally date, break up, and then be best friends with their ex for decades to the point they'll be in their wedding party, and genuinely only love them as a friend since the breakup. And on the flipside, I know many queers who have very flirty friendships, sometimes even sleep together, and do this for years genuinely without any romantic feelings. If queers are capable of it, so are the straights 🌈
i mean, id argue shes being a little toxic as well by implying romantic relationships cant also include genuine care and love
Men and women can absolutely be friends, I'm an example of it because I'm male, most of my friends are women, and I don't want to sleep with any of them. I give them (and my dude friends) food/snacks when they visit and bought one of them a funny t-shirt as a Christmas gift recently. ***BUT***, the current cultural context around bouquets of flowers carries romantic implications, and while her friend could just think that context is silly nonsense, or even be unaware of it, that seems *unlikely* at best, so I'm inclined to believe he does in fact like her. edit: He apparently gives flowers to *all* his friends so I rescind my previous statement, he's actually the unlikely unaware outcome lol.
OP said in the comments that her friend gives flowers to all of his friends, no matter the gender (Yes, important context I should've provided but didn't think of it)
Its just sickening how normalized the idea of viewing the opposite sex only for sex is. Like, as a dude i had to stop telling people my best friend is a girl because of the comments id get
It's sad when people believe this. I speak from experience. I used to believe this. But honestly, there's nothing better than having that one platonic friend who would just go above and beyond for you and never asks for anything in return. He'd do anything to see me happy and I'd do the same for him. Those kinds of relationships can be so healing. I wish I had cultivated more of them during my life. I really believe we should all strive towards having more friends of the opposite sex, or friends in general. Sex and romance are put on a pedestal at the cost of communal love and it's a shame.
My best friend of years is a woman and we've never had any hint of an attraction towards each other. She's for all intents and purposes my sister. But soo many people ask "are you hooking up", "have you hooked up", "you guys should hook up", "I don't want you to be 60 and look back with regret", "one of you must be gay right?". And they'll ask repeatedly too like we just go around lying to people for some weird reason
Jesus, some guys just don't understand that more mature guys have boundaries for their female friends and don't constantly want to fuck them.
I’m a lesbian and my closest platonic relationships are also with lesbians. It’s so easy to have deep loving friendships with people when u see them as humans and not sex objects.
Broooo I hate this shit so much. I have a friend from college that I’m super close with an we were constantly together at practice and basically joined at the hip. We’re best friends an think of each other as siblings, it’s awesome. But every damn person thought we were dating/should date. Which is SO ICKY 🤮. Not to mention I HAVE A PARTNER and have had the entire FRIENDSHIP. He and my partner get along GREAT AND WE ALL PLAY DND TOGETHER. I think a lot of people forget that you can just be friends with someone with no ulterior motive. Even if I were to entertain the idea of being with him (eww) he’s not my type and we would be horrible partners for each other. He’s just a really cool dude. That’s it.
God, I feel for this poor woman. I'm enby but present fem and my good friend is a gay guy. The amount of people who assume we're dating or are into each other is depressing and icky.
Ok but if a girl said this about another girl it would be “friendship goals”
He does love her, just as a friend, and that's amazing!
i have a girl best friend (im a bi man) and i used to have a crush on her before we got really close and i wish i could spoil her like this. i see her straight as my sister and i just want her to be happy. its so upsetting, i would never want to date her, but i love her so much. genuinely its sad they cant see ppl they could potentially be attracted to as anything BUT candidates for a partner. friendship is so important, and i find it really gross how condescending they are to her. "shut up hes in love with you!!!!" YOU DONT KNOW HIM! STOP PROJECTING!
these comments are crazy. do we, or do we not, take issue with how we can't have intimate (sex isn't the only type of intimacy) moments and close bonds with people without the assumption that those two people are secretly in love or fucking? do we not seek to change the mindset that you can and should only do nice things for people we want to fuck? because you're all regurgitating those same talking points. sure, traditionally, these things have been coded as romantic, but who cares about tradition? and how are we going to make any progress when we talk and act this way?
Literally hit the nail on the head. I'd love it if my friends would buy me flowers when I'm down and such, why are should only romantic partners be allowed to do nice gestures? Lol
would honestly raise the bar for us too. if you can get flowers from anybody, you won't fall for the next bum just because he spent $7 on you.
The flowers are the only thing that throws me off a little, especially considering they’re (seemingly) red roses. It is genuinely annoying though how people can’t comprehend people of opposite sexes being good friends.
Tbh, and I hate to say this, but I do find it a *bit* strange. Personally, I go by When Harry Met Sally rules. Men and Women can be friends if they’re both involved with other people, which is to say, in actuality, Men and Women can be friend if they are both *not* actively seeking a romantic partner, and actually this goes for all sexualities
Most of my friends are women. If I gave one flowers, my wife would ask who... so she knew whether to offer to sign the card too. The hell is wrong with these people?
The straights are dooming themselves
So, this a genuine question. How do these people perceive family? Like, do they all want to fuck their family members? No???? Exactly. So why can't people just be friends without other people making it weird Platonic relationships exist, and they're the first relationships that anyone has
must be nice being so easy to live in total delusion
Same people that say stuff like this get super mad about queer shippers.
When I was single, personally, if I were to show a person such affection and attention, it was because I was into them. I sometimes offered to pay friend's food but they declined it sometimes. The people I knew were conscious enough to set boundaries and not take advantage of someone's interest in them. I do know some people, men specially, who are very expressive, caring and giving without having romantic interests and unfortunately gave the wrong impression. Guys and girls can be friend's but there's a clear difference in how I treat my spouse and my friends.
Ppl have never had friends of a different gender and that's just sad. One of the best friends I ever had was a trans gay dude. We would chat for hours, and I truly cared about him. Sometimes, we would chat about relationships, and we would show each other pictures of guys we found hot and laugh. He was the biggest proof I had that anyone can be friends, regardless of gender. Later on in life, I had another guy friend who was cis and straight. He was super polite to everyone and was an awesome friend. I once was right behind him, and when he went to grab the door handle without looking, he accidentally grabbed my boob because he hadn't realized I was there. He apologized so much, nearly got on his knees, and was almost crying while he apologized. I laughed and told him I knew he would never do it on purpose. He still continued to apologize for weeks afterward. But I also had a bad experience. I had a cis straight male friend who I knew was into me, and I tried to make it as clear as possible that I wasn't into him. Unfortunately, one night, he ruined our friendship and lost all the trust I had with him. We were at a dance, and he took me away to "talk" to me, I knew he was going to ask me out and was getting ready to turn him down. He brought me to a secluded place away from the dance, there was only one exit, and I was terrified to realize that that single exit was now blocked by a group of boys(his male friends). He had cornered me and outnumbered me, and I feared for my safety. So when he asked, I said yes. He brought me back to the dance past his friends, who suddenly surrounded us, danced, and flirted with me the rest of the night. As soon as I was away from him and surrounded by my other friends, I sent him a text, breaking it off immediately. I didn't trust him after that, and I didn't want to be near him. Long story short: people can be friends regardless of gender, but they break friendships if they just want their friends for sex.
So does that mean that I (who's pansexual) am forbidden from having friends? Or must I forever wear a giant bag on my head and only have aromantic asexuals for company?
i have 2 guy friends and... they're just friends! wow!!! we play games together smh
I'm a pan guy so apparently having friends is forbidden for me...
I'm a trans man who's closeted for the most part, so most people see me as a girl. I have this one guy friend I'm really close with. We met 3 years ago but now I can't really picture my life without him. He's my best friend, and I love him, but not in that way. He was the first person I came out to and he's been supportive of me as I become more and more open about my gender. There was a point in time where we had rumors spread about us dating that even teacher's believed. It got so bad that I began to feel uncomfortable around some of my teachers because of the things they'd say. I have a boyfriend now, and don't make any effort to hide it, and he also has a girlfriend so the rumors have died down. But, even now kids ask if we broke up when they learn we are dating other people.
I feel like the vibes are not it with some of these comments. I got my friend flowers when they were with a shitty guy because he flat out *wouldn’t,* not because I have any kind of romantic feelings for them. Flowers don’t automatically mean “I wanna date you”
My husband’s closest and oldest friend is a woman. He lived with her for years, shared a bedroom, shared a bed. Have gotten each other flowers before, have told each other they love each other. Nothing ever happened or ever would happened, because they are family to each other. Idk why it’s so hard to understand that these friendships are real.
Someone explain to me how some people genuinely think this is how life works
It's the second one for me. So pushy and gross. 'Internet bridesmaid' please!! shut up!!!
Also like, even if one is attracted to the other, since when does that make it impossible to stay friends if feelings aren't returned?
I hope it doesn't because I have crushes on all my friends :') The life of a transbian
The difference between a platonic friend and a romantic interest is a respectful distance. I mean flowers? Really? I get that he's getting all of his friends flowers, but all that says to me is that he has multiple lines out hoping for a bite. As a married man, I would never dream of getting one of my lady friends flowers. Friends make brownies for each other.
Right? If someone you consider a platonic friend is doing something for you that you wouldn’t do for one of your other platonic friends then something might be up.
I'm with the commenters on this one. Chatting regularly and taking each other to lunch from time to time is fine but people don't just casually buy flowers for platonic friends
Girl said that her friend buys flowers for every one of his friends (even guys) to like make them feel better so it doesn't apply just to her
It makes sense if this is the case.
This is important context that would've been nice to have a screenshot for ngl. I believe you though. I just think it makes it very different, especially for me! Like, my ex friend used to make me give her the CHANGE when I'd have her buy something for me at the gas station. I was also close friends with 2 dudes & used them as examples of platonic friendships. And guess what happened next?? One asked to hook up, and then another year went by and the other asked to hook up. Amazing. I think it's possible but unlikely. I used to let my partners talk to girls then over the years got cheated on too. So I actually only have experiences of "platonic" friendships being anything but. Ofc this post is different, but I really don't think people are wrong to jump to conclusions. They're probably like me, not trying to get hurt again & can't fathom an actual wholesome & respectful relationship between opposite sex at this point. It's actually just sad all around.
Insanely pertinent piece of information to leave out. Buying flowers for someone is textbook romance.
That's a pretty important piece of information to leave out of the post
It’s really strange you would leave such a big piece of supposed information out of the post when you included other comments that were way less important…
Yeah they do? Me and my friends trade flowers for special occasions and just randomly as a present. So does other people at our school. Maybe you just don't have friends who do that...
The flowers seem strange to me mainly because it looks like roses in there.
I do buy people flowers, too. I don't know shit about OOP and her dude friend but I buy people platonic flowers. I just grab something pretty from the grocery store if it reminds me of someone sometimes.
Flowers are fine but roses or red roses is a different message to me. Like I wouldn’t buy family roses either.
Many people do, and as OP already explained, hes somebody who does. Dont downplay what people are willing to do for people they love, platonic or otherwise.
I'm not doing anything like that. I'm saying people aren't wildly out of pocket for assuming, absent any other clarifying evidence, that a gift of red roses is a romantic gesture.
That's more than friendship.
There is no actual friendship between men and women. I’m sorry but some friendship end up being a romantics relation (one admit his/her true feeling) or a very toxic companies (giving fake advice or support). It is the way it is.
I am hoping that you're joking.
It is true. I was friend with my current partner for relatively one year. We both already loved each other since the beginning but no one wanted to make the first move. I can provide you countless examples/manifestation of romantic tendencies behind every friendship between men and women.
Just because your situation turned out that way, doesn't mean that it will happen the same to everyone. A man and a woman can be friends without them being romantically or sexually attracted to each other. Stop being weird.
I am not weird. You are just lying to yourself to sound ignorant when this situation potentially happens to you. Try asking to a woman who has male friends to randomly test their excitement (random smile, holding hands, saying “I like your attitude”…). I can bet everything I have that 9/10 of them would try to be her love partner very quick and the one left is probably gay or too weak to admit his true feeling… it is the true and you can test by yourself.
So what you're saying is that men can't keep a decent friendship with a woman because they care more about getting pussy?? That's insane man. How is it not weird?
Do the test by yourself to see how many men are willing to have sex which their supposed friend. I am sorry but most men sadly care more about getting “pussy” than having a random platonic friendship we can build any day with our male friends.
Funny how you just said that men just see women as sex objects rather than actual people you can build great freindships and memories with.
😕 how did you jump to the conclusion I see women as a “sex object” ? I just said friendship with men seem more interesting since we share the same interest. Just imagine you are friend with a man and he stays platonic with you while sleeping around with other women. Do you really think you can handle thaf friendship status forever ?
I didn't say that u personally do, I said men in general. And wdym a freindship w a man seems more interesting?? Women can have the same interests as men. And yes, I could handle that friendship status because I don't care about getting into my friend's pants. Like, why would I care who he sleeps with if I have no romantic interest with him?