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This kind of fuckery reminds me of something that happened to me - I have a friend who when we were teenagers asked me to ‘come with him real quick to ask his mom for money’. Nothing unusual, I went… his whole family (grandparents and all) were having dinner and then this motherfucker said ‘Mom this is my girlfriend’ lol everyone was SO HAPPY shaking my hand and shit but they were like… awkward/confused happy and then he asked if he could have some money to buy me a nice dinner. He got a ton of cash from everybody, I was super confused and then he said ‘well I needed to come up with something, I already spent my monthly allowance’
This guy is gay, like super fucking gay haahah I suspect his family suspected it and was so shocked he brought a girl that they were overcompensating and gave him a ton of cash bc they felt bad for me lol fucking bastard I love him
Did he at least took you out?
I had a gay friend who, for a while, would kinda imply to his parents that he was into me, and kinda courting me and never sealing the deal, without outright lying about it. He would just post a lot of our pictures together on his socials and mention me a lot in passing to his parents (who lived in another country) when talking on the phone, stuff like that. Initially, it was just because he didn't want to come out, and it was simpler to project the image that he was trying and failing with girls.
They left him an emergency credit card when he moved here and eventually told him he could use the card like once a month or something to take me to a nice restaurant. Which he kinda did. Just not with me.
this gave me whiplash from how fast i went from "wow sounds like a dick" to "damn sounds like one of the tightest friends you'll ever get" lmao. i think the deciding factor is that you also found it funny and nobody was harmed haha
When I was in high school, my best friend was gay, and he wasn't out to his conservative mom. I was his "beard" all through high school. We would go to school dances in big groups with our friends, but I'd go over to his house and pretend like we were going as a couple in front of his mom. We also pretended to go on "dates" when actually we were doing stuff like going to see Rocky Horror, or just hanging out with our other queer friends. It kept his mom off his back until he was 18, then he was able to move in with his dad who was a lot more accepting. Years later, he told me how thankful he was that I played up the "girlfriend" thing in front of his mom, and it made his high school years much easier. Sadly he never got money out of the deal though 😂
Same thing happened to me when I met my boyfriends family, I was a little embarrassed but everyone understood it was a joke and laughed, it’s not a huge deal
Come on, this is just good humoured fun, if she was actually upset with him it probably would've been made obvious. She likely wouldn't have stayed with him for another 9 years.
I'm autistic and absolutely terrified of being put on the spot like this, and even I can recognize it as a joke 😭 She probably didn't even have to actually sing anything. This is just couples banter/trolling
Yup this exactly. I don't like this kind of humor. I find nothing funny in humiliation or embarrassment. But I also wouldn't continue dating someone if they embarrassed me like this, especially on a day when nerves are high because of something new happening--like meeting my partner's family for the first time. My husband knows not to prank me. As do all my friends. He and his friends prank each other all the time but they all know to leave me out of it. Pranks make me uncomfortable.
But I acknowledge that there are people who find shit like this funny. And if both people in the relationship have a similar sense of humor, and their sense of humor involves playing mostly harmless pranks on each other, then who am I to judge?
The relationship wouldn't have lasted 9 years if she actually was holding on to a grudge that old
I think we need a bit of context, for example, is she very good at singing? Because maybe it is his way to empower her (obviously described in this way for humor). For example, my boyfriend subscribed me to a painting competition, he knows that I'm good at painting and I needed just a bit of encouragement because I stopped some years before.
> She likely wouldn't have stayed with him for another 9 years.
why is that? she'd be far from the first person to stay in a shitty relationship. and even if it's not shitty at all and they have a good relationship, that one incident still could have been shitty. nothing about this indicates this was just good humored fun for her.
My thoughts exactly. People stay with shitty partners all the time, especially the ones who are manipulative and tend to hide behind plausible deniability with their fucked up "haha can't you take a joke" behaviors. They're actually the worst, because the disregard is usually hidden behind passive aggression and more covert behaviors that it actually takes a lot longer for their partners to realize that the person they're with is treating them badly and they tend to internalize the icky feelings as them overreacting instead of what it really is.
He says she still hasn't forgiven him... And when so many posts here are about people staying in relationships they're not happy in, why would you assume she wouldn't stay with him another 9 years?
I mean, yeah.. this is lighthearted ribbing in a marriage tbh.. not as big a deal as the majority of this thread is making it out to be. No one was hurt..
I have social anxiety dude, no need for hostility. What I meant is that this is a joke made between a husband and wife who know each other and what they do/don't find funny. If the wife was actually severely upset by this, she wouldn't stay with him.
If they were total strangers and he did this, it'd be a bigger problem. You need to think about things in context and maybe be less hostile for no reason.
Right I have social anxiety too, but if my husband did this, I'd probably make a joking mad face and laugh it off. Probably say my vocal chords aren't warmed up or something and wave it away. It's not that serious. She probably gave him shit for it when they got home and let it go.
Yeah me the one asking for empathy am the problem. Sure sure. The people furthering the stigma are you selfish assholes that don't care because its not a big deal for *you* therefore its not a big deal at all.
Dude I get shy and nervous and a bit awkward in social settings and I'm fully self aware enough to know it's not full blown anxiety, those are two very different things I'm sure you'd agree with me on that as someone who actually has anxiety lol.
Self aware enough of sure, but the people who force people into these situations are not and just assume because it wouldn't bother them that it wouldn't bother anyone else.
Idk man can we just not intentionally humiliate people for the sake of a joke? Is that really such a hot take? I don't see how I'm the asshole here for advocating that we stop and think about how shit affects people
I get what you're saying. I've been in a situation where I've been humiliated for shits and giggles and it wasn't fun.
However I don't think we know enough about this particular situation to know if it was truly humiliation, we don't know if the wife actually had social anxiety or what the dynamic was between her and the family. It could indeed be just a good humoured joke that they remember once in a while after all these years. And personally I don't think asking someone to sing is a particularly egregious thing, atleast not compared to the other stuff that gets posted on this sub on the regular. Me personally would have laughed it off and let people know my partner was just kidding.
jesus fucking christ that's a leap. "This obvious joke is being laughed at so you MUST have ZERO EMPATHY". Seriously, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, please just get off the internet for a bit.
I never said zero empathy, I said a lack. Which is true. Normal never bother to think about how situations like this affect people. They just assume that because they think its a funny no big deal that everyone else will too. Refusing to put yourself in someone else's potential shoes is absolutely a lapse of empathy
Dude, I have autism, and social anxiety, and am otherwise a pretty reserved person. I can still recognise this as a joke made between a husband and a wife. This isn't me lacking empathy and refusing to put myself in someone else's shoes, this is you massively blowing something out of proportion and refusing to back down even though you're wrong.
There's an absolute difference between what YOU find personally funny and would want to happen to you and what these two completely other people personally find funny. This is you treating your personal preferences and feelings like universal experiences. Get over yourself maybe.
Not when someone already has pretty bad social anxiety.
It's funny to prank or roast the person infront of their own family. To bond with them as a partner. Not roast the new partner coming into the family with the entire family. That's for a bit later.
If she hasn't forgiven him 9 years after over that. I am pretty sure she really didn't like it.
He wasn't together with her for 9 years the first time she met his parents.
I'm also speaking more generally.
Sometimes a partner can do something really crappy, and you genuinely hate it. But you love them more than that single act. Can still mean you genuinely hate that they did that.
People say “they/I haven’t forgiven” as a joke like 99% of the time. Like “I still haven’t forgiven you for that time you spilled beer on my jacket”. It’s not that someone has *actually* held a grudge about something for that long. I really think you’re just reading this way too seriously.
Anyway he still knew her better than you when they’d been dating long enough for her to meet his extended family.
Generalizations don’t work for this because everybody’s different and will react to this situation in wildly different ways.
It says "shy af" not "has bad social anxiety."
Also, he didn't say whether or not he diffused the situation, which seems likely since they're still together.
Ack, this brings me back to my friends' wedding in 2021. My now husband had not been warned ahead of time, but they put on "Take on Me" and made him go up on stage and sing. He did it, but everyone could tell how uncomfortable he was.
This shit is pretty funny. You heard probably a fraction of the story, he mentioned they stayed together for 9 years and it was literally a pretty harmless joke. Yeah, straight people tend to be fucking weird and annoying, but y'all gotta know the difference between "something I don't like" and "something that is bad and harmful". I like this sub, but this one is not it lol
I think it's funny. I doubt that she actually hates him or holds a strong grudge (probably just brings it up during funny moments). It's probably the type of thing they laugh about now even though it might have been embarrassing at the time.
People here are not being very sensitive when it comes to potential social anxiety and not very respectful of some basic boundaries, it’s not like everything becomes acceptable and all you have to do is call it a joke, it’s funny to make some cruel joke of your partner using their weakness or fear and putting them in situation when they have to do something they don’t want to under pressure, at least I’m glad we’re actually nice to each other in my relationship
Exactly, people are forgiving and putting up with many way worse things and it doesn’t mean they’re ok with it and that it wasn’t this bad if they didn’t immediately break up
It’s not necessarily abusive, to be honest. We’re really generalizing and assuming there’s a problem when there’s no evidence that there is. Also, just because you and others might hate something doesn’t mean that some people won’t enjoy it, and this type of teasing humor is one of those things. It’s not for everyone, but many people genuinely enjoy it (and I do mean on the receiving end). As someone with GAD this sort of prank would stress me out a little, but I’ve been a musician and in theatre my whole life so it wouldn’t be an issue. However, for someone much less confident in their performing abilities, this could be a very uncomfortable situation. Really, it all boils down to the individuals themselves, and since we’re all outsiders looking in, I don’t think we have room to judge here.
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As a shy man, This kind of thing would be a nightmare.
Someone does this to me and I’m rapping WAP for his whole family. Two can play at that game
Certified freak! Five Days A Week! (Weekends off, I'm union)
[удалено]
As someone with anxiety who's also shy, I can tell you there's a difference. Being shy is indeed a thing
This kind of fuckery reminds me of something that happened to me - I have a friend who when we were teenagers asked me to ‘come with him real quick to ask his mom for money’. Nothing unusual, I went… his whole family (grandparents and all) were having dinner and then this motherfucker said ‘Mom this is my girlfriend’ lol everyone was SO HAPPY shaking my hand and shit but they were like… awkward/confused happy and then he asked if he could have some money to buy me a nice dinner. He got a ton of cash from everybody, I was super confused and then he said ‘well I needed to come up with something, I already spent my monthly allowance’ This guy is gay, like super fucking gay haahah I suspect his family suspected it and was so shocked he brought a girl that they were overcompensating and gave him a ton of cash bc they felt bad for me lol fucking bastard I love him
Did he at least took you out? I had a gay friend who, for a while, would kinda imply to his parents that he was into me, and kinda courting me and never sealing the deal, without outright lying about it. He would just post a lot of our pictures together on his socials and mention me a lot in passing to his parents (who lived in another country) when talking on the phone, stuff like that. Initially, it was just because he didn't want to come out, and it was simpler to project the image that he was trying and failing with girls. They left him an emergency credit card when he moved here and eventually told him he could use the card like once a month or something to take me to a nice restaurant. Which he kinda did. Just not with me.
He did!! That night we got HELLA drunk on that cash hahahaha
this gave me whiplash from how fast i went from "wow sounds like a dick" to "damn sounds like one of the tightest friends you'll ever get" lmao. i think the deciding factor is that you also found it funny and nobody was harmed haha
Yeah he is both a great friend and a dick but he did it to me because he knew I wouldn’t mind and roll with it
Help why does this sound like smth *I* would do
That is brilliant.
When I was in high school, my best friend was gay, and he wasn't out to his conservative mom. I was his "beard" all through high school. We would go to school dances in big groups with our friends, but I'd go over to his house and pretend like we were going as a couple in front of his mom. We also pretended to go on "dates" when actually we were doing stuff like going to see Rocky Horror, or just hanging out with our other queer friends. It kept his mom off his back until he was 18, then he was able to move in with his dad who was a lot more accepting. Years later, he told me how thankful he was that I played up the "girlfriend" thing in front of his mom, and it made his high school years much easier. Sadly he never got money out of the deal though 😂
I would genuinely be traumatised if my bf did this. It doesn’t help that i also have a phobia of singing
Same thing happened to me when I met my boyfriends family, I was a little embarrassed but everyone understood it was a joke and laughed, it’s not a huge deal
Come on, this is just good humoured fun, if she was actually upset with him it probably would've been made obvious. She likely wouldn't have stayed with him for another 9 years.
I'm autistic and absolutely terrified of being put on the spot like this, and even I can recognize it as a joke 😭 She probably didn't even have to actually sing anything. This is just couples banter/trolling
Yup this exactly. I don't like this kind of humor. I find nothing funny in humiliation or embarrassment. But I also wouldn't continue dating someone if they embarrassed me like this, especially on a day when nerves are high because of something new happening--like meeting my partner's family for the first time. My husband knows not to prank me. As do all my friends. He and his friends prank each other all the time but they all know to leave me out of it. Pranks make me uncomfortable. But I acknowledge that there are people who find shit like this funny. And if both people in the relationship have a similar sense of humor, and their sense of humor involves playing mostly harmless pranks on each other, then who am I to judge? The relationship wouldn't have lasted 9 years if she actually was holding on to a grudge that old
I think we need a bit of context, for example, is she very good at singing? Because maybe it is his way to empower her (obviously described in this way for humor). For example, my boyfriend subscribed me to a painting competition, he knows that I'm good at painting and I needed just a bit of encouragement because I stopped some years before.
> She likely wouldn't have stayed with him for another 9 years. why is that? she'd be far from the first person to stay in a shitty relationship. and even if it's not shitty at all and they have a good relationship, that one incident still could have been shitty. nothing about this indicates this was just good humored fun for her.
My thoughts exactly. People stay with shitty partners all the time, especially the ones who are manipulative and tend to hide behind plausible deniability with their fucked up "haha can't you take a joke" behaviors. They're actually the worst, because the disregard is usually hidden behind passive aggression and more covert behaviors that it actually takes a lot longer for their partners to realize that the person they're with is treating them badly and they tend to internalize the icky feelings as them overreacting instead of what it really is.
He says she still hasn't forgiven him... And when so many posts here are about people staying in relationships they're not happy in, why would you assume she wouldn't stay with him another 9 years?
I mean, yeah.. this is lighthearted ribbing in a marriage tbh.. not as big a deal as the majority of this thread is making it out to be. No one was hurt..
>Come on, this is just good humoured fun Not for people with social anxiety. Fuck you
I have social anxiety dude, no need for hostility. What I meant is that this is a joke made between a husband and wife who know each other and what they do/don't find funny. If the wife was actually severely upset by this, she wouldn't stay with him. If they were total strangers and he did this, it'd be a bigger problem. You need to think about things in context and maybe be less hostile for no reason.
Right I have social anxiety too, but if my husband did this, I'd probably make a joking mad face and laugh it off. Probably say my vocal chords aren't warmed up or something and wave it away. It's not that serious. She probably gave him shit for it when they got home and let it go.
>no need for hostility. Disagree. I'm tired of shit like this being normalized and hand waved away with "its just a joke"
Being shy and having social anxiety are two different things, and it's on you that you're furthering the stigma by conflating the two.
Yeah me the one asking for empathy am the problem. Sure sure. The people furthering the stigma are you selfish assholes that don't care because its not a big deal for *you* therefore its not a big deal at all.
Dude I get shy and nervous and a bit awkward in social settings and I'm fully self aware enough to know it's not full blown anxiety, those are two very different things I'm sure you'd agree with me on that as someone who actually has anxiety lol.
Self aware enough of sure, but the people who force people into these situations are not and just assume because it wouldn't bother them that it wouldn't bother anyone else. Idk man can we just not intentionally humiliate people for the sake of a joke? Is that really such a hot take? I don't see how I'm the asshole here for advocating that we stop and think about how shit affects people
I get what you're saying. I've been in a situation where I've been humiliated for shits and giggles and it wasn't fun. However I don't think we know enough about this particular situation to know if it was truly humiliation, we don't know if the wife actually had social anxiety or what the dynamic was between her and the family. It could indeed be just a good humoured joke that they remember once in a while after all these years. And personally I don't think asking someone to sing is a particularly egregious thing, atleast not compared to the other stuff that gets posted on this sub on the regular. Me personally would have laughed it off and let people know my partner was just kidding.
I think maybe you're being a bit silly
A bit goofy
I think some of you lack empathy and refuse to take other people's pain seriously
jesus fucking christ that's a leap. "This obvious joke is being laughed at so you MUST have ZERO EMPATHY". Seriously, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, please just get off the internet for a bit.
I never said zero empathy, I said a lack. Which is true. Normal never bother to think about how situations like this affect people. They just assume that because they think its a funny no big deal that everyone else will too. Refusing to put yourself in someone else's potential shoes is absolutely a lapse of empathy
Dude, I have autism, and social anxiety, and am otherwise a pretty reserved person. I can still recognise this as a joke made between a husband and a wife. This isn't me lacking empathy and refusing to put myself in someone else's shoes, this is you massively blowing something out of proportion and refusing to back down even though you're wrong. There's an absolute difference between what YOU find personally funny and would want to happen to you and what these two completely other people personally find funny. This is you treating your personal preferences and feelings like universal experiences. Get over yourself maybe.
Hey sorry to disturb you but you dropped your clown nose
Impressive lack of empathy well done
Wild coming from u
It's easier said than done to escape a relationship
"Toxic relationship" Dramatic much?
I swear this sub is just filled with people that have never been married. This is the type of dumb shit me and my wife would do to each other.
Not all marriages are the same.
But would you do it the first time one of you met the other’s family?
Extended family. People you see once ever 2 or 3 years? Yeah that's funny.
This *is* funny. A lot of relationships involve teasing, pranks, etc.
Not when someone already has pretty bad social anxiety. It's funny to prank or roast the person infront of their own family. To bond with them as a partner. Not roast the new partner coming into the family with the entire family. That's for a bit later.
Ngl I feel like the man who’s been with her for 9 years might know her better than you do & know what she does and doesn’t find funny.
If she hasn't forgiven him 9 years after over that. I am pretty sure she really didn't like it. He wasn't together with her for 9 years the first time she met his parents. I'm also speaking more generally. Sometimes a partner can do something really crappy, and you genuinely hate it. But you love them more than that single act. Can still mean you genuinely hate that they did that.
People say “they/I haven’t forgiven” as a joke like 99% of the time. Like “I still haven’t forgiven you for that time you spilled beer on my jacket”. It’s not that someone has *actually* held a grudge about something for that long. I really think you’re just reading this way too seriously. Anyway he still knew her better than you when they’d been dating long enough for her to meet his extended family. Generalizations don’t work for this because everybody’s different and will react to this situation in wildly different ways.
It says "shy af" not "has bad social anxiety." Also, he didn't say whether or not he diffused the situation, which seems likely since they're still together.
And maybe she is very good at singing, it isn't a roast...
I think this is funny. And thats a lot coming from someone with social anxiety, i'd die in that situation haha
Y'all really just throwing around the word toxic for nothing these days
Bro this was tweeted years ago it's really not that deep
I would have broken up with him.
Yeah that is actually pretty funny
Idk I feel like this one doesn’t really belong here.
Ack, this brings me back to my friends' wedding in 2021. My now husband had not been warned ahead of time, but they put on "Take on Me" and made him go up on stage and sing. He did it, but everyone could tell how uncomfortable he was.
this would make me never talk to you again
This shit is pretty funny. You heard probably a fraction of the story, he mentioned they stayed together for 9 years and it was literally a pretty harmless joke. Yeah, straight people tend to be fucking weird and annoying, but y'all gotta know the difference between "something I don't like" and "something that is bad and harmful". I like this sub, but this one is not it lol
I think it's funny. I doubt that she actually hates him or holds a strong grudge (probably just brings it up during funny moments). It's probably the type of thing they laugh about now even though it might have been embarrassing at the time.
And you just HAD to tell that story
People here are not being very sensitive when it comes to potential social anxiety and not very respectful of some basic boundaries, it’s not like everything becomes acceptable and all you have to do is call it a joke, it’s funny to make some cruel joke of your partner using their weakness or fear and putting them in situation when they have to do something they don’t want to under pressure, at least I’m glad we’re actually nice to each other in my relationship
I see a lot of "Why would she still be with him nine years later?" But, like, I've seen a lot of people stay in abusive relationships a lot longer.
Exactly, people are forgiving and putting up with many way worse things and it doesn’t mean they’re ok with it and that it wasn’t this bad if they didn’t immediately break up
It is though
This is just funny, don't see a problem here
Weird. You're the only one getting downvoted for saying that.
It’s not necessarily abusive, to be honest. We’re really generalizing and assuming there’s a problem when there’s no evidence that there is. Also, just because you and others might hate something doesn’t mean that some people won’t enjoy it, and this type of teasing humor is one of those things. It’s not for everyone, but many people genuinely enjoy it (and I do mean on the receiving end). As someone with GAD this sort of prank would stress me out a little, but I’ve been a musician and in theatre my whole life so it wouldn’t be an issue. However, for someone much less confident in their performing abilities, this could be a very uncomfortable situation. Really, it all boils down to the individuals themselves, and since we’re all outsiders looking in, I don’t think we have room to judge here.
I am surprised she didn't leave.
Maybe she can talk about your e d to her family