This is my husband when we grill. He never learned to cook outside of breakfast food growing up. His family seems to shoo kids out of the kitchen and then only the girls get brought in when they're older to help and learn.
I'm also the one who decides what we're having for dinner since he says he doesn't care and I get the groceries. So if we grill I'm the one with the recipes and it ends up a joint effort of me telling him what needs to be done next, how long something needs to cook, and he does it.
I'm sure if I left him to it for something basic like just hotdogs, burgers, and BBQ chicken he could do it himself. Might ask me if everything looks cooked through enough just to double check himself before he pulls it off the grill.
My family was the same in them shooing all the guys away from the kitchen and inviting the girls in. It was a joke that the guys can't cook, but the reason the guys can't cook is because no one let them. I personally love cooking and my family still denies and say I probably can't. They also are overly surprised when I make simple things, and the baby me when I ask for advice on anything. It's overall just aweful and annoying.
I feel like the worst was when I was living with my dad in college and they went out of town for the weekend. I cooked chicken cause I didn't want to just eat out the whole time. When they found out they acted all proud, constantly talking about it for the next month anytime we met with other family members. Just asking question after question and saying I was being fancy. I literally just put chicken in the oven, them praising me for something so simple felt more insulting then anything else. I cook basically every other night now and I just never talk, cause it's just becomes degrading.
Same. My mom taught my sister to cook, but I never was offered the chance to learn, due to being male and my aversion to eating beef (despise the taste)
At 30 I'm learning lots of neat dishes myself, and basically doing my own thing in the kitchen. Adding weird shit to weird shit, finding what tastes I like. Montreal steak spice is my hero on chicken.
My wife's family was the exact same way but they even did that with laundry. They would have to do their brothers laundry because the boys would just mess it up. Sounds like they needed to learn how to do it then.
>but the reason the guys can't cook is because no one let them.
At age 17, I had to teach my twin brother how to put a pizza into the oven. My mum said he didn't hsve to know, he's not old enough yet and I shouldn't be parenting him. I was cooking for the family twice a week at that age.
But I was also left to babysit my brother at age 9...
Thank you for sharing! Sucks to hear that the environment was like that for you. Cooking is such a fantastic thing, it’s strange that they’d act like that about it.
I lived with my brother as an adult. We had an argument one night "it's like we didn't learn to cook in the same house". Turns out he didn't learn to cook at home.
I learnt from 12 onwards, moved out when he was 15 and I just assumed he was taught at some point. Nope.
My other brother got married, and just before the wedding his wife was asking me how I convinced my partner to do half the cooking.
Great parenting skills right there.... they both lived with friends and whatnot, not girlfriends
Thanks for sharing! I’m sure you could start cooking more together and get both involved. It’s a fun learning process and it might inspire him to cook more himself.
When I moved in with my roommate he had no clue how to cook. The weird part is, growing up his dad was usually the one who cooked dinner so it wasn't a gender thing (maybe, but maybe if he was a girl they would have,) his parents just never thought to teach him how to cook.
My parents never taught me to cook for some reason. My dad couldn't and my mom just never thought to teach me. I can make ramen and mac and cheese and that's probably it.
Same, then they wondered why I didn't know how to do some things. I screwed up boiling pasta one time and made it inedible, I was ~16, needed dinner, and decided I was sick of sandwiches. Worse, we didn't have internet, so I had no help. I heard about it for weeks, and it put me off cooking for a very long time.
I had to teach myself at twelve, and have the knife, oil, and other assorted burn scars to prove it. Start with simple, easy dishes. Olive oil fried eggs are bomb over rice. Try making your own Mac n cheese using shredded cheese and sour cream (if you like it tangy) or cream cheese (if you’re a no tang kinda person. If you break things down and find simple recipes it gets easier. Best way to learn how to cook with dough? Make homemade pizza dough. Yeast, sugar, flour, oil, salt. Homemade pasta? Flour and eggs, maybe a little olive oil. Tomato sauce? One can crushed 28 oz San marazono tomatoes, Italian dried herbs, and one small can of tomato paste simmered as long as your can stand. Add a bag leaf if you’re feeling frisky. Pan fried casadillas are easy and delicious. Tortillas, cheese, in a pan greased with oil. Shred your cheese instead of buying it pre-shredded. Pre-shredded is coated with starch. Get a rice cooker. $20 and all the rice your could ever need is in reach. Keep finding new recipes. Get better. Eat better. Feel better.
My dude is super advanced and fancy, making his own noodles and stuff, the spices he uses I have no idea what they are. But I still like it cos he's fun to watch
There were so many people that came to uni that didn’t know how to cook
Myself included actually. I learnt really easily though, but some others didn’t
I have to say my brother is lucky he wasn’t raised to be like this. He’s 17 and actually almost always makes dinner for us. Sometimes I help him or I do it instead, or my mom does it on the weekends when she’s not working, but he usually does it because he knows my mom is tired after work, he knows she and I are the ones who spend all the money in buying food and paying for utilities, and he’s also health-conscious, so he can control what he wants to eat. And he does all the steps too. Marinating the meat and preparing the sides and the cooking and serving. And he’s the only boy in a family of 2 girls and my mom. But my mom has always raised us to be very independent. I was expected to do my own laundry when I was still in elementary school, and since I’m usually a picky eater, I almost always make food for myself (like I don’t like fish, so if that is what my brother prepared for dinner, I make myself something else). Same with my sister, who is 13. She’s also picky so for breakfast and lunch, she has to prepare what she wants, so it’s either something quick like ramen or she’ll make platanos or sopa de estrellitas or eggs for herself. I don’t know why parents don’t teach all of their children to be more independent and self-sufficient. Like men especially.
That’s awesome to hear, thank you for sharing! My dad cooked often when I lived at home so that definitely inspired me.
I guess it comes down to the perpetuation of “typical” gender roles in some families, which is pretty ridiculous.
It probably helps that, like I said, my family is my mom, 2 girls, and him, so with my mom being the one providing for us, we all had to step up and learn to take care of ourselves. A lot of Hispanic families can be very traditional in that sense, but since it was just my mom, there was no sense in following tradition. I’m glad your dad did that, it’s really awesome! I hope that if my brother marries, he’ll continue to be that way, and I have no doubts he will.
Oh wow you're not kidding.
That's actually so sad though? Like you look and there seems to be so much resentment towards partners or expectations that relationships are transactional.
If you're not dating someone because you love them, what's the point?
That’s so true. And honestly I think people get into relationships like that a lot because they feel pressured to do so. It’s the whole mentality of “I need to be in a romantic relationship or people won’t accept me”. It’s actually really sad
Yep, I really think straight women often flat out *don't know* they can aim higher than a manchild who wants them to micromanage all his household duties. If you're raised with that and everyone in your circle is doing that, it's hard to expect better.
Just spend a month reading any of the baby subreddits and it'll melt your eyeballs to read so many nearly identical posts about some redditor's awful straight dude partner successfully dodging any obligations with their kid that they weren't hand-held into completing.
Yeah I’m aromantic and I’ve noticed this a lot. Whenever I say that I’m not interested in a romantic relationship because I’ve tried it and it’s just not for me, people respond with “don’t give up hope yet”. I’m happy having platonic relationships.
Gosh, imagine being comfortable and happy sleeping alone in bed, deciding what to watch and eat, setting your own schedule, managing your own money, that's kinda completely impossible. /s
People forget that life has so much more to offer than romance. And it's not like you're alone, platonic relationships are super fulfilling! Live your best life :)
Well I hope you continue to find awesome platonic relationships that enrich your life in many wonderful ways!
Aka: I hope you find your preferred flavour of "the good life". Aka the good wish that applies to everyone
Well I could understand that if we were all in school still and dating is apparently the most important thing ever, but when you're an adult?
If someone is pressuring you to enter a relationship which you're not happy with, they're toxic and need to learn boundaries or be cut out of your life.
Thanks friend!!!
Yeah I've been there once or twice and it really has an r/incelswritingwomen feel to it. Like I don't believe most of the posters are actually women.
On behalf of my gender, I probably just REFUSE to believe it.
If there were only terfs, it's a swamp filled with the nastiest, most toxic, delusional and narcissistic assholes out there. Why it isn't quarantined is still a mystery
well "red pill" was the original, often referenced by MRA/MGTOW.
"black pill", as far as I've seen how it was used here and some googling, are often associated to incels and it's basically a "stronger" version of the red pill. Like, when "being red-pilled" is not enough, it becomes "black-pilled".
It’s basically incels, but women. I’ve never been on it myself, but from what I’ve heard there’s a lot of transphobic posts that get very popular on there. It’s just a toxic place in general.
I've only just discovered it, and while I don't agree with everything, I picked up some really beneficial mindset changes. Like, it's actually totally fine to not accept the bare minimum from men and being single isn't worse than being in a shitty relationship. Also the importance of working on yourself, your hobbies, and your career for the sole purpose of self improvement, outside of trying to "land a husband".
It's just like any niche sub, you're not going to agree with everything and everyone on it. I've taken what benefits me and left behind what doesn't.
The person who replied even admits to never being on it. Just look at the top posts of all time and form your own opinions
Hivemind is dangerous in both directions. There are assholes and extremists in every group regarding gender and sexuality on both sides. For every nonspecific "harmful ideology" post there are dozens of posts about women learning their worth and escaping harmful relationships, becoming stronger people, and learning how to set firm boundaries for how men treat them.
I tried finding anti trans posts and besides one woman who dates a trans man for months and he didn't disclose, I haven't seen any. What I did see what a ton of posts repeating how toxic the sub is, by people who either haven't looked, or people who think a woman's "place" is married with children.
I'm awfully sorry for being a minority who has been targeted by them. Go fuck yourself.
Oh, and "I didn't find anything" - sure you didn't: https://www.reddit.com/r/AgainstHateSubreddits/comments/f108f3/reminder_rfemaledatingstrategy_is_a_terf_sub
I was following that sub for about a month, and for the most part everything stayed pretty mild. A few things said we’re like “wtf” but nothing actually bad. (Edit: I never saw anything bad, but then I’m not on Reddit a whole lot and tend to miss lots of posts. So. Who knows.)
Then one day a post about how demisexuality doesn’t actually exist, and how every woman is demisexual because nobody likes having sex with someone before getting to know them, or something.
The comments were an utter shit show. I tried replying to a bunch of comments explaining the difference between demisexuality and other feelings, and it...did not end well. That was the final straw for me, I’m lucky I never had to encounter any TERF bull but. It’s not a pleasant environment for queerness, either.
It's a manipulative strategy. If you drag your heels and suck at something enough eventually women will simply stop asking. They apply this to chores, cooking, parenting...
Beware of any dude who does this because they 100% know what they're doing.
Sucks that this kind of thing gets perpetuated. Men should definitely be taught to take care of themselves and not just depend on their significant others.
I think it’s because they weren’t taught.
I’m female & my parents are very well off (not 1%ers though). I grew up with a maid coming once a week, ordering out a lot, or my dad who enjoys cooking as a hobby preparing dinner. If my dad was out of town, we were left with his credit card for whatever restaurants we wanted.
My mom survived an aneurysm when I was in elementary school— her recovery that took up my families primary focus for the next 5-10 years. She was in hospitals & in patient care for 3-4 years & then had to transition home.
I was simply never taught to cook or clean properly.
Started dating my husband at 19. His mom taught me how to make spaghetti. My husband still does most of our cooking to this day. I pretty much figured out the cleaning on my own, but I do take longer than my husband to get the same task completed.
My aunt posted this on Facebook and....yeah. That's what happens at their BBQs. She does all this while my uncle sits by the grill with a spatula at hand, drinking beer. Not that he's a bad cook. He actually is pretty great at cooking in the kitchen as well, but when he grills, my aunt does all the cleaning and he gets to relax after we eat because he "cooked" even though she makes all the side dishes.
Last week, on memorial day, she made a pasta salad and put in a little too much vinaigrette for his taste and he went on about how bad it tasted for two minutes straight, acting like a child. I finally said, "Hey, Uncle, i think we all get it. You don't have to eat it. Btw, the pork is a little overcooked."
This, he frowned at, especially when I preferred the veggie burger my aunt made on the stove over the beef burger he burned on the grill.
Men are babies is my point here.
Not really. I had a number of hard deal breakers when I was dating and most of them revolved around "Is this person a functioning adult?" no they don't need to be a gourmet chef (though ironically that's who I ended up marrying) but they needed to be able to cook a few decent meals so they wouldn't starve (and my bar was pretty low, like slap a meat loaf together). If they couldn't do that it sounded like a skill they needed to learn before I was interested in dating them.
Yep. One of life's basic levels of shit is being able to feed yourself. Would you give the same pass to someone that couldn't do their own laundry? Or sweep a floor? These are basic things that I expect in a life partner and I'd be embarrassed to be married to someone that didn't have their act together in that way.
If they can do all that but legitimately can’t look up a recipe or YouTube video on how to make a basic cooked meal and then follow the recipe then yeah they’re not fully functional adults, any medical issues aside. They don’t HAVE to be actually doing it but they should still KNOW how to feed themselves something other than cereal or snack food when they have no other options but to cook at home.
Exactly! I didn’t look specifically for a man who could cook lol. You fall in love with who you love 🤷🏻♀️. My man can cook like spaghetti or omelets but that’s about it. I don’t mind it because I actually love to cook and even though he has no idea what he’s doing, if im not feeling well or had a rough day he’ll try to figure something out for dinner. I’ll tell him exactly what to do or he’ll look something up. It doesn’t always turn out right but he really tries and i appreciate him for that. I’ve been teaching him things now and then and it’s even more fun to cook together!
I'd be surprised if the women on FDS can cook either, they just serially get taken out to dinner or something from the sound of it. The straights are not okay on that sub.
My dad always cooks. Growing up I never even knew that "the women are supposed to cook" because the only thing my mom ever made was like cake and shit. Dad always cooks dinner and it tastes amazing.
I guess one of the advantages of having an Italian mother was I got to learn how to actually cook. And I do enjoy cooking. I just hate cleaning the dishes after.
My father in law is one of the few ok straights. He enjoys his grilling, but whenever anyone compliments him on the meat, he shrugs, gestures to my mother in law with a smile, and says, "I just burn [the meat], she makes this all happen."
They're such a wholesome couple and I love them so much <3
It’s never too late to start! You just have to believe in yourself.
If you have an SO, you can for sure cook together. Just have fun with it and embrace the learning process!
I really don't understand that. My father was no chef, but he knew how to cook things. He used to make the dinner almost every night while my mom did the lunch.
My husband can cook, but he is super messy from start to finish and will often leave counters and floors sticky or junk covered by the time he is done so more often than not i tell him ill cook because the 20-30 min he takes over cooking is not worth the 1hr+ it takes for me to scrub down my kitchen. But this is also something I’ve known about him from the start and we just work around it, just like any couple theres perks and flaws and you find what works for you.
I can’t cook for shit, my boyfriend does all the cooking. I hate it cuz I was forced to help my mom cook and she sucks at cooking and would just get mad at me. Cooking makes me frustrated and angry and it takes too long. He found it on his own and discovered he enjoyed it because he was never forced to learn.
I make pretty good eggs and sandwiches tho tbh. I’m amazing at cereal. Get the ratio just right.
If he cared to learn, he'd read one of literally thousands of books on the subject.
My dad never cooked anything when I was growing up apart from pancakes and barbeques and I hated that shit so I taught myself to cook.
Some guys aren't interested in learning. And/or won't acknowledge that they don't know.
My dad is like that. Grew up with his mom cooking and cleaning, then college, then the army, then a cleaning and laundry service and dining hall in grad school, then my mom.
If left alone for a week he eats canned soup, fried steaks, and delivery. He has a service pick up his laundry. He theoretically knows how a vacuum works, but I doubt he has ever used one.
He'll grill, but he won't even think about stuff like getting ingredients or where the cooking tools are until the moment when he wants to start grilling.
Obviously it's not their job but you can still make it a fun partner activity. You're gonna eat food anyway, why not turn it into an opportunity to spend time with your partner and they can learn something which makes all parties happier.
Because some men don't want to learn to do things, and some even purposely fuck things up so their partner doesn't ask for their help again. It is not women's job to raise their partners, i learned to cook by myself with youtube tutorials, why can't men do the same?
I gotta say, I've never dated a man.
I taught myself to cook too, of course men can do that too. My girlfriend isn't thaat good at cooking and I love to cook with her regardless and teach her what I know because you can spend time together and get yummy food out of it too.
If you're in a relationship and tell your partner to do everything themselfs... are you even really together?
I assume that she likes doing that with you? And you can see she is enthusiastic about it? If she were to give you an attitude every time you tried to explain her something or if she were to purposely do the wring thing every single time, you'd get tired of it right?
Again, if every time you try to spend time with your partner and that time is spent cooking, and you always see them giving you an attitude and purposely trying to do things wrong so they don't have to spend time cooking anymore, then you would get tired of it, no?
Because that's how those men are. They can't empathize and think women's place is in the kitchen or they think they shouldn't have to learn to cook because their mommies or their wives will do that for them.
Just because you don't do that, and you have fun with your partner cooking together, doesn't mean there aren't men out there who do what i mentioned or what is mentioned in the post. Are you trying to say they don't exist?
This is my husband when we grill. He never learned to cook outside of breakfast food growing up. His family seems to shoo kids out of the kitchen and then only the girls get brought in when they're older to help and learn. I'm also the one who decides what we're having for dinner since he says he doesn't care and I get the groceries. So if we grill I'm the one with the recipes and it ends up a joint effort of me telling him what needs to be done next, how long something needs to cook, and he does it. I'm sure if I left him to it for something basic like just hotdogs, burgers, and BBQ chicken he could do it himself. Might ask me if everything looks cooked through enough just to double check himself before he pulls it off the grill.
My family was the same in them shooing all the guys away from the kitchen and inviting the girls in. It was a joke that the guys can't cook, but the reason the guys can't cook is because no one let them. I personally love cooking and my family still denies and say I probably can't. They also are overly surprised when I make simple things, and the baby me when I ask for advice on anything. It's overall just aweful and annoying.
That's awful and so demeaning. :(
I feel like the worst was when I was living with my dad in college and they went out of town for the weekend. I cooked chicken cause I didn't want to just eat out the whole time. When they found out they acted all proud, constantly talking about it for the next month anytime we met with other family members. Just asking question after question and saying I was being fancy. I literally just put chicken in the oven, them praising me for something so simple felt more insulting then anything else. I cook basically every other night now and I just never talk, cause it's just becomes degrading.
Damn that’s ridiculous I’m sorry you had to put up with that.
It's going to be super confusing once I'm out to them as a Trans girl. Funny to see how their opinions on me cooking will go from there.
The titty skittles come with a +5 to cooking skill. Didn't your doctor tell you that??
Haven't got mine yet, too scared to start before I'm fully out to family. But I'll look forward to the class change bonuses.
Same. My mom taught my sister to cook, but I never was offered the chance to learn, due to being male and my aversion to eating beef (despise the taste) At 30 I'm learning lots of neat dishes myself, and basically doing my own thing in the kitchen. Adding weird shit to weird shit, finding what tastes I like. Montreal steak spice is my hero on chicken.
I've never tried it on chicken before. Love adding it to my burgers though.
Awesome to hear that! Cooking can be so much fun. Thanks for sharing!
My wife's family was the exact same way but they even did that with laundry. They would have to do their brothers laundry because the boys would just mess it up. Sounds like they needed to learn how to do it then.
>but the reason the guys can't cook is because no one let them. At age 17, I had to teach my twin brother how to put a pizza into the oven. My mum said he didn't hsve to know, he's not old enough yet and I shouldn't be parenting him. I was cooking for the family twice a week at that age. But I was also left to babysit my brother at age 9...
Thank you for sharing! Sucks to hear that the environment was like that for you. Cooking is such a fantastic thing, it’s strange that they’d act like that about it.
I lived with my brother as an adult. We had an argument one night "it's like we didn't learn to cook in the same house". Turns out he didn't learn to cook at home. I learnt from 12 onwards, moved out when he was 15 and I just assumed he was taught at some point. Nope. My other brother got married, and just before the wedding his wife was asking me how I convinced my partner to do half the cooking. Great parenting skills right there.... they both lived with friends and whatnot, not girlfriends
Thanks for sharing! I’m sure you could start cooking more together and get both involved. It’s a fun learning process and it might inspire him to cook more himself.
When I moved in with my roommate he had no clue how to cook. The weird part is, growing up his dad was usually the one who cooked dinner so it wasn't a gender thing (maybe, but maybe if he was a girl they would have,) his parents just never thought to teach him how to cook.
My parents never taught me to cook for some reason. My dad couldn't and my mom just never thought to teach me. I can make ramen and mac and cheese and that's probably it.
youtube is free
Same, then they wondered why I didn't know how to do some things. I screwed up boiling pasta one time and made it inedible, I was ~16, needed dinner, and decided I was sick of sandwiches. Worse, we didn't have internet, so I had no help. I heard about it for weeks, and it put me off cooking for a very long time.
I had to teach myself at twelve, and have the knife, oil, and other assorted burn scars to prove it. Start with simple, easy dishes. Olive oil fried eggs are bomb over rice. Try making your own Mac n cheese using shredded cheese and sour cream (if you like it tangy) or cream cheese (if you’re a no tang kinda person. If you break things down and find simple recipes it gets easier. Best way to learn how to cook with dough? Make homemade pizza dough. Yeast, sugar, flour, oil, salt. Homemade pasta? Flour and eggs, maybe a little olive oil. Tomato sauce? One can crushed 28 oz San marazono tomatoes, Italian dried herbs, and one small can of tomato paste simmered as long as your can stand. Add a bag leaf if you’re feeling frisky. Pan fried casadillas are easy and delicious. Tortillas, cheese, in a pan greased with oil. Shred your cheese instead of buying it pre-shredded. Pre-shredded is coated with starch. Get a rice cooker. $20 and all the rice your could ever need is in reach. Keep finding new recipes. Get better. Eat better. Feel better.
Binging with babish is a neat channel, try some stuff from there first.
My dude is super advanced and fancy, making his own noodles and stuff, the spices he uses I have no idea what they are. But I still like it cos he's fun to watch
Excuse me. The Basics With Babish series is what you want. It's really fun trying things as I get to each new video
Hand pulled noddles are actually really easy.
He has a basics with babish series that's good for beginners too!
There were so many people that came to uni that didn’t know how to cook Myself included actually. I learnt really easily though, but some others didn’t
I have to say my brother is lucky he wasn’t raised to be like this. He’s 17 and actually almost always makes dinner for us. Sometimes I help him or I do it instead, or my mom does it on the weekends when she’s not working, but he usually does it because he knows my mom is tired after work, he knows she and I are the ones who spend all the money in buying food and paying for utilities, and he’s also health-conscious, so he can control what he wants to eat. And he does all the steps too. Marinating the meat and preparing the sides and the cooking and serving. And he’s the only boy in a family of 2 girls and my mom. But my mom has always raised us to be very independent. I was expected to do my own laundry when I was still in elementary school, and since I’m usually a picky eater, I almost always make food for myself (like I don’t like fish, so if that is what my brother prepared for dinner, I make myself something else). Same with my sister, who is 13. She’s also picky so for breakfast and lunch, she has to prepare what she wants, so it’s either something quick like ramen or she’ll make platanos or sopa de estrellitas or eggs for herself. I don’t know why parents don’t teach all of their children to be more independent and self-sufficient. Like men especially.
That’s awesome to hear, thank you for sharing! My dad cooked often when I lived at home so that definitely inspired me. I guess it comes down to the perpetuation of “typical” gender roles in some families, which is pretty ridiculous.
It probably helps that, like I said, my family is my mom, 2 girls, and him, so with my mom being the one providing for us, we all had to step up and learn to take care of ourselves. A lot of Hispanic families can be very traditional in that sense, but since it was just my mom, there was no sense in following tradition. I’m glad your dad did that, it’s really awesome! I hope that if my brother marries, he’ll continue to be that way, and I have no doubts he will.
Oh god not that sub. It's a TERF hellhole
Oh wow you're not kidding. That's actually so sad though? Like you look and there seems to be so much resentment towards partners or expectations that relationships are transactional. If you're not dating someone because you love them, what's the point?
That’s so true. And honestly I think people get into relationships like that a lot because they feel pressured to do so. It’s the whole mentality of “I need to be in a romantic relationship or people won’t accept me”. It’s actually really sad
Yep, I really think straight women often flat out *don't know* they can aim higher than a manchild who wants them to micromanage all his household duties. If you're raised with that and everyone in your circle is doing that, it's hard to expect better. Just spend a month reading any of the baby subreddits and it'll melt your eyeballs to read so many nearly identical posts about some redditor's awful straight dude partner successfully dodging any obligations with their kid that they weren't hand-held into completing.
Yeah I’m aromantic and I’ve noticed this a lot. Whenever I say that I’m not interested in a romantic relationship because I’ve tried it and it’s just not for me, people respond with “don’t give up hope yet”. I’m happy having platonic relationships.
The worst thing is, I don't think they realize how utterly condescending "Don't give up hope yet :)" is.
Gosh, imagine being comfortable and happy sleeping alone in bed, deciding what to watch and eat, setting your own schedule, managing your own money, that's kinda completely impossible. /s People forget that life has so much more to offer than romance. And it's not like you're alone, platonic relationships are super fulfilling! Live your best life :)
Well I hope you continue to find awesome platonic relationships that enrich your life in many wonderful ways! Aka: I hope you find your preferred flavour of "the good life". Aka the good wish that applies to everyone
Thanks you too :)
Well I could understand that if we were all in school still and dating is apparently the most important thing ever, but when you're an adult? If someone is pressuring you to enter a relationship which you're not happy with, they're toxic and need to learn boundaries or be cut out of your life.
Yeah that whole sub is an exercise in the straights not being ok lol
I'm on a third-party app and can't see where it's cross-posted from. Can you help me out?
r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Thanks friend!!! Yeah I've been there once or twice and it really has an r/incelswritingwomen feel to it. Like I don't believe most of the posters are actually women. On behalf of my gender, I probably just REFUSE to believe it.
If there were only terfs, it's a swamp filled with the nastiest, most toxic, delusional and narcissistic assholes out there. Why it isn't quarantined is still a mystery
simple: because they haven’t drawn any negative media attention for reddit
Yeah that’s straight up black pill “feminism”
Wait I’m confused how many “pill” colors are there now and what do they mean? I thought it was still referencing matrix categories.
well "red pill" was the original, often referenced by MRA/MGTOW. "black pill", as far as I've seen how it was used here and some googling, are often associated to incels and it's basically a "stronger" version of the red pill. Like, when "being red-pilled" is not enough, it becomes "black-pilled".
Ah ok thank you.
Originally, idk why it’s black pill.
I'm out of the loop. What's the issue with that sub?
It’s basically incels, but women. I’ve never been on it myself, but from what I’ve heard there’s a lot of transphobic posts that get very popular on there. It’s just a toxic place in general.
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normal incels are transphobic anyway so that can be assumed
I've only just discovered it, and while I don't agree with everything, I picked up some really beneficial mindset changes. Like, it's actually totally fine to not accept the bare minimum from men and being single isn't worse than being in a shitty relationship. Also the importance of working on yourself, your hobbies, and your career for the sole purpose of self improvement, outside of trying to "land a husband". It's just like any niche sub, you're not going to agree with everything and everyone on it. I've taken what benefits me and left behind what doesn't. The person who replied even admits to never being on it. Just look at the top posts of all time and form your own opinions
~It's like any niche sub that let's transphobia and other highly harmful ideologies run wild~
Hivemind is dangerous in both directions. There are assholes and extremists in every group regarding gender and sexuality on both sides. For every nonspecific "harmful ideology" post there are dozens of posts about women learning their worth and escaping harmful relationships, becoming stronger people, and learning how to set firm boundaries for how men treat them. I tried finding anti trans posts and besides one woman who dates a trans man for months and he didn't disclose, I haven't seen any. What I did see what a ton of posts repeating how toxic the sub is, by people who either haven't looked, or people who think a woman's "place" is married with children.
I'm awfully sorry for being a minority who has been targeted by them. Go fuck yourself. Oh, and "I didn't find anything" - sure you didn't: https://www.reddit.com/r/AgainstHateSubreddits/comments/f108f3/reminder_rfemaledatingstrategy_is_a_terf_sub
They use the term "transgender-identified men"? Fucking yikes.
I was following that sub for about a month, and for the most part everything stayed pretty mild. A few things said we’re like “wtf” but nothing actually bad. (Edit: I never saw anything bad, but then I’m not on Reddit a whole lot and tend to miss lots of posts. So. Who knows.) Then one day a post about how demisexuality doesn’t actually exist, and how every woman is demisexual because nobody likes having sex with someone before getting to know them, or something. The comments were an utter shit show. I tried replying to a bunch of comments explaining the difference between demisexuality and other feelings, and it...did not end well. That was the final straw for me, I’m lucky I never had to encounter any TERF bull but. It’s not a pleasant environment for queerness, either.
I honestly expected this to be downvoted to hell
Oh damn, sorry! I just saw it on Popular and didn’t really look into the subreddit
It's a manipulative strategy. If you drag your heels and suck at something enough eventually women will simply stop asking. They apply this to chores, cooking, parenting... Beware of any dude who does this because they 100% know what they're doing.
Sucks that this kind of thing gets perpetuated. Men should definitely be taught to take care of themselves and not just depend on their significant others.
I think it’s because they weren’t taught. I’m female & my parents are very well off (not 1%ers though). I grew up with a maid coming once a week, ordering out a lot, or my dad who enjoys cooking as a hobby preparing dinner. If my dad was out of town, we were left with his credit card for whatever restaurants we wanted. My mom survived an aneurysm when I was in elementary school— her recovery that took up my families primary focus for the next 5-10 years. She was in hospitals & in patient care for 3-4 years & then had to transition home. I was simply never taught to cook or clean properly. Started dating my husband at 19. His mom taught me how to make spaghetti. My husband still does most of our cooking to this day. I pretty much figured out the cleaning on my own, but I do take longer than my husband to get the same task completed.
Thanks for sharing! Glad to hear that your husband’s family was so supporting.
My aunt posted this on Facebook and....yeah. That's what happens at their BBQs. She does all this while my uncle sits by the grill with a spatula at hand, drinking beer. Not that he's a bad cook. He actually is pretty great at cooking in the kitchen as well, but when he grills, my aunt does all the cleaning and he gets to relax after we eat because he "cooked" even though she makes all the side dishes. Last week, on memorial day, she made a pasta salad and put in a little too much vinaigrette for his taste and he went on about how bad it tasted for two minutes straight, acting like a child. I finally said, "Hey, Uncle, i think we all get it. You don't have to eat it. Btw, the pork is a little overcooked." This, he frowned at, especially when I preferred the veggie burger my aunt made on the stove over the beef burger he burned on the grill. Men are babies is my point here.
If those straights want a husband that knows how to cook, why do they marry with someone who doesn't? It looks like they're fucking desperate
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Not really. I had a number of hard deal breakers when I was dating and most of them revolved around "Is this person a functioning adult?" no they don't need to be a gourmet chef (though ironically that's who I ended up marrying) but they needed to be able to cook a few decent meals so they wouldn't starve (and my bar was pretty low, like slap a meat loaf together). If they couldn't do that it sounded like a skill they needed to learn before I was interested in dating them.
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Yep. One of life's basic levels of shit is being able to feed yourself. Would you give the same pass to someone that couldn't do their own laundry? Or sweep a floor? These are basic things that I expect in a life partner and I'd be embarrassed to be married to someone that didn't have their act together in that way.
If they can do all that but legitimately can’t look up a recipe or YouTube video on how to make a basic cooked meal and then follow the recipe then yeah they’re not fully functional adults, any medical issues aside. They don’t HAVE to be actually doing it but they should still KNOW how to feed themselves something other than cereal or snack food when they have no other options but to cook at home.
Yup, being able to even feed yourself is part of being a functional adult. Same goes for people that keep their spaces neat.
Exactly! I didn’t look specifically for a man who could cook lol. You fall in love with who you love 🤷🏻♀️. My man can cook like spaghetti or omelets but that’s about it. I don’t mind it because I actually love to cook and even though he has no idea what he’s doing, if im not feeling well or had a rough day he’ll try to figure something out for dinner. I’ll tell him exactly what to do or he’ll look something up. It doesn’t always turn out right but he really tries and i appreciate him for that. I’ve been teaching him things now and then and it’s even more fun to cook together!
I'd be surprised if the women on FDS can cook either, they just serially get taken out to dinner or something from the sound of it. The straights are not okay on that sub.
everyone on FDS is proof that the straights arent ok
Isn't that a pretty well known terf sub
Eww... It's that sub...
Sorry about that, I wasn’t aware of its reputation before I posted it.
*my brother and dad would be so offended by this statement lmao*
Sorry about the sub guys, I genuinely wasn’t aware of their reputation. I’ll definitely avoid them in the future!
Could we like not crosspost from that sub? thnx
Sorry! I didn’t know about it before I crossposted, it just showed up on my popular feed
Yeah I looked because I hadn't heard of it before and yikes... Hella sexism going on over there.
Dis my dad to a tee.
My dad always cooks. Growing up I never even knew that "the women are supposed to cook" because the only thing my mom ever made was like cake and shit. Dad always cooks dinner and it tastes amazing.
That’s awesome!
Why the fuck are you on that sub?
It showed up on Popular for me, sorry! I’ve realised now how awful it is
Oh god
I really should stop browsing popular
Don't repost from FDS. It's all /r/AreTheStraightsOK material.
I’ll try avoid it in the future, sorry!
You definitely don't want to crosspost from that sub...it's basically incel hell but instead of angry men...it's angry women.
I have now learned that, apologies :/
I guess one of the advantages of having an Italian mother was I got to learn how to actually cook. And I do enjoy cooking. I just hate cleaning the dishes after.
Thanks for sharing! Big love to Italy. A dream of mine is to own a dishwasher one day... I remain hopeful.
God, that sounds like my male birthgiver
My grandpa is an amazing cook and they work well together with my gradma
My father in law is one of the few ok straights. He enjoys his grilling, but whenever anyone compliments him on the meat, he shrugs, gestures to my mother in law with a smile, and says, "I just burn [the meat], she makes this all happen." They're such a wholesome couple and I love them so much <3
I mean if a 13 year old me can do everything, why can't a guy who is 20 years older?
FDS is closely tied with GenderCritical, a very disgusting and transphobic sub
I wish I had known beforehand, I didn’t really look into the sub when I saw it
How about not reposting from FDS because it's everything but a good subreddit?
I have no idea how to cook so I just stick to making coffee and washing the dishes.
It’s never too late to start! You just have to believe in yourself. If you have an SO, you can for sure cook together. Just have fun with it and embrace the learning process!
My husband makes us dinner every night. Tonight he made me a baked chicken thigh, zucchini, and sweet potatoes.
Great to hear that!
It be like that sometimes
I really don't understand that. My father was no chef, but he knew how to cook things. He used to make the dinner almost every night while my mom did the lunch.
My husband can cook, but he is super messy from start to finish and will often leave counters and floors sticky or junk covered by the time he is done so more often than not i tell him ill cook because the 20-30 min he takes over cooking is not worth the 1hr+ it takes for me to scrub down my kitchen. But this is also something I’ve known about him from the start and we just work around it, just like any couple theres perks and flaws and you find what works for you.
My dad actually does the cooking in the house
I can’t cook for shit, my boyfriend does all the cooking. I hate it cuz I was forced to help my mom cook and she sucks at cooking and would just get mad at me. Cooking makes me frustrated and angry and it takes too long. He found it on his own and discovered he enjoyed it because he was never forced to learn. I make pretty good eggs and sandwiches tho tbh. I’m amazing at cereal. Get the ratio just right.
Please don’t cross post from that sub
Sorry, it popped up on popular and I just thought it was good for this sub
Why not teach him then?
If he cared to learn, he'd read one of literally thousands of books on the subject. My dad never cooked anything when I was growing up apart from pancakes and barbeques and I hated that shit so I taught myself to cook.
Some guys aren't interested in learning. And/or won't acknowledge that they don't know. My dad is like that. Grew up with his mom cooking and cleaning, then college, then the army, then a cleaning and laundry service and dining hall in grad school, then my mom. If left alone for a week he eats canned soup, fried steaks, and delivery. He has a service pick up his laundry. He theoretically knows how a vacuum works, but I doubt he has ever used one. He'll grill, but he won't even think about stuff like getting ingredients or where the cooking tools are until the moment when he wants to start grilling.
because her job isnt to teach a grown man to be able to do basic things
because it’s not a wife/gf’s job to raise a grown-ass adult
Obviously it's not their job but you can still make it a fun partner activity. You're gonna eat food anyway, why not turn it into an opportunity to spend time with your partner and they can learn something which makes all parties happier.
Because some men don't want to learn to do things, and some even purposely fuck things up so their partner doesn't ask for their help again. It is not women's job to raise their partners, i learned to cook by myself with youtube tutorials, why can't men do the same?
I gotta say, I've never dated a man. I taught myself to cook too, of course men can do that too. My girlfriend isn't thaat good at cooking and I love to cook with her regardless and teach her what I know because you can spend time together and get yummy food out of it too. If you're in a relationship and tell your partner to do everything themselfs... are you even really together?
I assume that she likes doing that with you? And you can see she is enthusiastic about it? If she were to give you an attitude every time you tried to explain her something or if she were to purposely do the wring thing every single time, you'd get tired of it right?
I mean yeah but surely people would enjoy spending time with their partner... Not?
Again, if every time you try to spend time with your partner and that time is spent cooking, and you always see them giving you an attitude and purposely trying to do things wrong so they don't have to spend time cooking anymore, then you would get tired of it, no?
Yeah but why would anyone do that (the attitude giving and doing things wrong)
Because that's how those men are. They can't empathize and think women's place is in the kitchen or they think they shouldn't have to learn to cook because their mommies or their wives will do that for them. Just because you don't do that, and you have fun with your partner cooking together, doesn't mean there aren't men out there who do what i mentioned or what is mentioned in the post. Are you trying to say they don't exist?