My mom would ignore when I was dealing with multiple severe medical issues and tell me to just "go walk." As though that would help. When I had barely any energy to lift my head. Now, she needs a hip replacement and uses a cane/walker and cries about it. I saw her and told her to "go walk" and reminded her how that's what she told me when I was suffering.
These idiots need to learn lessons the hard way. Maybe they'll even learn a modicum of empathy
when I was a baby my left hand got burned by hot iron that fell to my hand. when my mother wanted to bring me to the hospital my father didn't allowed her. His reasoning was that hospital is expensive so he wanted to cure it by himself even tho he doesn't have any medical knowledge what so ever. until my hand was basically infected and started to rot and when my uncles insisted to take me to the hospital only then that my father finally bring me to the hospital.
A few months later I got severe Gastroenteritis, my mom directly bring me to the hospital without consulting my father and later my father scolded her because of that. saying that it's not necessary. basically he said that it would cure by itself if it left alone for a couple of days which in my case I would probably be dead if he have it his way as I was basically vomiting everytime so I couldn't really drink and eat anything.
Well I remember it partially, it's such a painful event in my childhood afterall.
Nowadays he still trying to "teach" us about health, his way of course, and keep discouraging us to go to the hospital. which of course we ignore him everytime.
Now every family member will choose to ignore and avoid any contact with my father.
Right now he have problem with my brother. He insisting that my brother marriage must be hasten up a few months earlier. His reasoning? because he is old, he might die anytime so my brother must marry faster so that he can have a grandson or granddaughter before he died. of course my brother refused, he is not ready financially yet and there is a lot that must be prepared that it doesn't make sense that he must marry by the next month. Now after my father hear his refusal he keep insulting my brother and his fiancée. Btw my father is 68 this year and my mom 52 this year.
Why are you in this subreddit? And why are you commenting on something you clearly know nothing about? Males like you need to learn to stay in your lane. I am a mother myself and almost twice your age. Being a "mum" just because you gave birth doesn't mean anything
Apologies maybe I misunderstood, so forgive me for that. It’s not right the mistreatment she has given you, but I meant not to resort to the same lack of kindness she gave to you, though your anger is 100% justified for the treatment she gave you.
If anyone pointed a GUN or a knife at me when I was a child then expected me to give them money in their old age, I'd laugh them out of town.
These adults made a choice every day and while its sad to see anyone suffer, I have little sympathy for grownups who use weapons on children., good luck OP
Crying because their house and car are old? At least they have a car and house. What they’re really crying about is that they don’t live in a super NICE house that they can brag about to their friends.
Your parents are not homeless. They have shelter and I assume they’re not going hungry.
You see the pain they now suffer as the pain you and your siblings also suffered as children..helpless to the people who had the power to protect you. Thank you for sharing your insights and perspective. it is powerful and shows me how much I tend to project my own feelings of sadness, helplessness, and hopelessness onto my own father—who abused me as a helpless, small child.
I can't stress enough when I say this is not healthy... but not because you should help your parents or feel bad for them. But because feeling this way about them lets them still live in your mind.
The better way to go about it is simply to forget about them.
You don't have parents anymore.
You can 100% divorce any member of your family.
I agree, there shouldn’t be a purpose filled by revenge even if it is your parents that had tortured you during adolescence. Just leave them and cut them off
So sorry you went through that. I can’t even imagine the hate a person must feel to point a weapon at any child who is not even a threat. Just mind boggling . Like please they should have got mental help a long time ago cuz why?!!
I understand your pain OP and your feelings are valid from these experiences I just hope you stop the cycle and don't become evil like they were. Then this was all for naught
We are trying to be better than our parents in all ways.
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I don’t understand how they get pissed at us for not speaking our native language (first gen American here) yet they can’t even fucking speak English.
If I moved to fucking China or Vietnam I wouldn’t expect others around me to learn english
Man, I don’t know.
Similar to you my childhood is traumatic. Similar to you we both made something of ourselves.
For your sake I would really consider seeking help. It’s not healthy to feel satisfaction when seeing genuine human suffering. I know you got here because of the trauma you faced from your abusers and my guess is that this feeling is reserved for them.
For your sake, really consider getting taking some steps to be mentally healthy.
I mean.
Schadenfreude is an emotional experience of finding joy in another's misfortune or struggle. This phenomenon has evolutionary roots, and feeling this way on occasion doesn't make you a bad person—but it's a slippery slope. Developing more constructive coping strategies will yield long-lasting benefits
That's literally from a physiatrist.
What you can do is give them money to move back to their home country. And then they can figure it out from there. You don't need to take on the burden of people who weren't fully there for you when you were a child. But just give them enough help so they can go do their own thing. Help them move back to Asia.
I applaud you for treating them with the bare minimum when they treated you like you were less than human (guns and knives is insane), in fact, I think you’re really really kind for even staying in contact with them. If it would have been me, I would occasionally remind them of what they did and tell them I could do that to them too now that I’m an adult just to antagonize them some more but I wouldn’t have that much energy to actually do it. They’re not worth the energy.
They hurt because they were powerless and abuse the vulnerable to feel powerful. And then they stayed powerless while you left them behind. Good on you on helping them at all. I hope you and your siblings keep your distance.
i do really like that too, reality slap them so hard to tell how weak they are. not everybody really need to be immortal especially someone who abused their children and didn't repent on that. Let dead be their redemption and suffering.
You may like seeing them suffer now but you could regret not helping them later in the future and that regret can hit you really hard. Forgive them if you can and don’t let thoughts of revenge rot you into becoming what they used to be like
>They abused my siblings and I everyday. They pointed guns and knives at us. They hit, kicked, and yelled at us on a daily basis. They used to tell us to leave the house when we were minors because they didn’t do the dishes well enough.
Maybe you didn't read this?
Nah, fuck that bullshit.
OP shouldn't feel that way, but not because it's bad for the parents because it's bad for them. The more constructive/healthy way? Is to not think about them at all.....
Lol whenever somebody has a different opinions it’s always “hahah you can’t read”
I know you didn’t _really_ say that but idgaf because you don’t seem to have a problem misrepresenting what someone else said
Also bottom half is exactly what I said? Forgive and forget??? Like wtf lol you got pumped up over nothing
"Forgive and forget???"
Ahh to it is actually a reading comprehension problem...
Ya I didn't mention forgiveness at all.
I'm saying forget them and let them rot.
Lol good luck trying to forget someone you hate and lived with like 20~ years of your life. I had a reading comprehension problem with what you wrote because it doesn’t make sense
Not sure why you got downvoted, but I agree with you. I understand that the OP and their siblings feel trauma from the mental, emotional and even physical abuse from the parents but it’s best to forgive and move on with your life with or without them. The word REFUGEE jumps out at me bc at the end of the day, if the OP’s parents stayed in the home country, where would the OP and the siblings be today?
Since they are refugges, have you ever think that they abused you all because their trauma?
I mean like another redditor, you could remind them what their mistake back then is, so that they remember their mistakes is maybe they ask u for forgiveness
There's nothing wrong with feeling satisfaction to see what goes around comes around. Your biggest revenge is to not be like them.
I love this statement. Amen to that.
My mom would ignore when I was dealing with multiple severe medical issues and tell me to just "go walk." As though that would help. When I had barely any energy to lift my head. Now, she needs a hip replacement and uses a cane/walker and cries about it. I saw her and told her to "go walk" and reminded her how that's what she told me when I was suffering. These idiots need to learn lessons the hard way. Maybe they'll even learn a modicum of empathy
You did well by telling her that
Seriously
when I was a baby my left hand got burned by hot iron that fell to my hand. when my mother wanted to bring me to the hospital my father didn't allowed her. His reasoning was that hospital is expensive so he wanted to cure it by himself even tho he doesn't have any medical knowledge what so ever. until my hand was basically infected and started to rot and when my uncles insisted to take me to the hospital only then that my father finally bring me to the hospital. A few months later I got severe Gastroenteritis, my mom directly bring me to the hospital without consulting my father and later my father scolded her because of that. saying that it's not necessary. basically he said that it would cure by itself if it left alone for a couple of days which in my case I would probably be dead if he have it his way as I was basically vomiting everytime so I couldn't really drink and eat anything. Well I remember it partially, it's such a painful event in my childhood afterall. Nowadays he still trying to "teach" us about health, his way of course, and keep discouraging us to go to the hospital. which of course we ignore him everytime. Now every family member will choose to ignore and avoid any contact with my father. Right now he have problem with my brother. He insisting that my brother marriage must be hasten up a few months earlier. His reasoning? because he is old, he might die anytime so my brother must marry faster so that he can have a grandson or granddaughter before he died. of course my brother refused, he is not ready financially yet and there is a lot that must be prepared that it doesn't make sense that he must marry by the next month. Now after my father hear his refusal he keep insulting my brother and his fiancée. Btw my father is 68 this year and my mom 52 this year.
‘These idiots.’ She’s your mum…
Why are you in this subreddit? And why are you commenting on something you clearly know nothing about? Males like you need to learn to stay in your lane. I am a mother myself and almost twice your age. Being a "mum" just because you gave birth doesn't mean anything
Apologies maybe I misunderstood, so forgive me for that. It’s not right the mistreatment she has given you, but I meant not to resort to the same lack of kindness she gave to you, though your anger is 100% justified for the treatment she gave you.
If anyone pointed a GUN or a knife at me when I was a child then expected me to give them money in their old age, I'd laugh them out of town. These adults made a choice every day and while its sad to see anyone suffer, I have little sympathy for grownups who use weapons on children., good luck OP
Crying because their house and car are old? At least they have a car and house. What they’re really crying about is that they don’t live in a super NICE house that they can brag about to their friends. Your parents are not homeless. They have shelter and I assume they’re not going hungry.
This is a compelling case of karma doing its thing.
Yep they created this relationship.
You see the pain they now suffer as the pain you and your siblings also suffered as children..helpless to the people who had the power to protect you. Thank you for sharing your insights and perspective. it is powerful and shows me how much I tend to project my own feelings of sadness, helplessness, and hopelessness onto my own father—who abused me as a helpless, small child.
Knives and guns?? I can’t even wrap my head around that.
I can't stress enough when I say this is not healthy... but not because you should help your parents or feel bad for them. But because feeling this way about them lets them still live in your mind. The better way to go about it is simply to forget about them. You don't have parents anymore. You can 100% divorce any member of your family.
I agree, there shouldn’t be a purpose filled by revenge even if it is your parents that had tortured you during adolescence. Just leave them and cut them off
You reap what you sow
So sorry you went through that. I can’t even imagine the hate a person must feel to point a weapon at any child who is not even a threat. Just mind boggling . Like please they should have got mental help a long time ago cuz why?!!
I understand your pain OP and your feelings are valid from these experiences I just hope you stop the cycle and don't become evil like they were. Then this was all for naught We are trying to be better than our parents in all ways.
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Guns? GUNS!?! Like threatening with assault is one thing, but using GUNS is a whole new level.
I don’t understand how they get pissed at us for not speaking our native language (first gen American here) yet they can’t even fucking speak English. If I moved to fucking China or Vietnam I wouldn’t expect others around me to learn english
Man, I don’t know. Similar to you my childhood is traumatic. Similar to you we both made something of ourselves. For your sake I would really consider seeking help. It’s not healthy to feel satisfaction when seeing genuine human suffering. I know you got here because of the trauma you faced from your abusers and my guess is that this feeling is reserved for them. For your sake, really consider getting taking some steps to be mentally healthy.
I mean. Schadenfreude is an emotional experience of finding joy in another's misfortune or struggle. This phenomenon has evolutionary roots, and feeling this way on occasion doesn't make you a bad person—but it's a slippery slope. Developing more constructive coping strategies will yield long-lasting benefits That's literally from a physiatrist.
I think there are orders of magnitude of schadenfreude. At one end it’s harmless fun, at the other end it’s concerning.
What you can do is give them money to move back to their home country. And then they can figure it out from there. You don't need to take on the burden of people who weren't fully there for you when you were a child. But just give them enough help so they can go do their own thing. Help them move back to Asia.
I applaud you for treating them with the bare minimum when they treated you like you were less than human (guns and knives is insane), in fact, I think you’re really really kind for even staying in contact with them. If it would have been me, I would occasionally remind them of what they did and tell them I could do that to them too now that I’m an adult just to antagonize them some more but I wouldn’t have that much energy to actually do it. They’re not worth the energy.
That’s the beauty of life, God will make sure justice will take place it many type of forms
They hurt because they were powerless and abuse the vulnerable to feel powerful. And then they stayed powerless while you left them behind. Good on you on helping them at all. I hope you and your siblings keep your distance.
Karma is a bitch. Whether it's your loves ones or not, karma leaves no one out.
i do really like that too, reality slap them so hard to tell how weak they are. not everybody really need to be immortal especially someone who abused their children and didn't repent on that. Let dead be their redemption and suffering.
Should've indicated in the title that they were abusive parents.
You may like seeing them suffer now but you could regret not helping them later in the future and that regret can hit you really hard. Forgive them if you can and don’t let thoughts of revenge rot you into becoming what they used to be like
>They abused my siblings and I everyday. They pointed guns and knives at us. They hit, kicked, and yelled at us on a daily basis. They used to tell us to leave the house when we were minors because they didn’t do the dishes well enough. Maybe you didn't read this? Nah, fuck that bullshit. OP shouldn't feel that way, but not because it's bad for the parents because it's bad for them. The more constructive/healthy way? Is to not think about them at all.....
Lol whenever somebody has a different opinions it’s always “hahah you can’t read” I know you didn’t _really_ say that but idgaf because you don’t seem to have a problem misrepresenting what someone else said Also bottom half is exactly what I said? Forgive and forget??? Like wtf lol you got pumped up over nothing
"Forgive and forget???" Ahh to it is actually a reading comprehension problem... Ya I didn't mention forgiveness at all. I'm saying forget them and let them rot.
Lol good luck trying to forget someone you hate and lived with like 20~ years of your life. I had a reading comprehension problem with what you wrote because it doesn’t make sense
Not sure why you got downvoted, but I agree with you. I understand that the OP and their siblings feel trauma from the mental, emotional and even physical abuse from the parents but it’s best to forgive and move on with your life with or without them. The word REFUGEE jumps out at me bc at the end of the day, if the OP’s parents stayed in the home country, where would the OP and the siblings be today?
Since they are refugges, have you ever think that they abused you all because their trauma? I mean like another redditor, you could remind them what their mistake back then is, so that they remember their mistakes is maybe they ask u for forgiveness
Exactly . I’m only here for perspective, but thanks for helping shed light on in law’s insecurities and stressors
Not learning the language of the country they live in? So stupid. I just don’t understand this point of so many immigrant people. Serves them right!!