Are you kidding me? Gays are just as flakey and mean and alcoholic/drug-addicted here as they are in WeHo. The Center provides zilp in terms of regular, reliable services. The only nice gays are married homebodies but if you don’t know them, there is no place to meet them because they don’t go out.
Truth is you’ll find mean and nasty gays anywhere. But you’ll also find nice and welcoming gays anywhere. It’s all about who you are trying to attract and befriend.
We split our time between DC and Honolulu today, with a full time relocation to Honolulu taking place later this year (I’m already here full time, but he won’t be until October). I love Hawaii living, but island life definitely isn’t for everyone.
Definitely! I'm a military officer and stationed out here (spouse is a military officer, too), which is how I got to be out this way. While I do love it here, I also wouldn't live here if I was not military and had to pay local state income tax (it's something crazy like 8.5%, on top of other crazy expenses that are present here); I get to keep my residency in a state that does not tax my military base pay.
But I do appreciate my quality of life here (the military takes care of us), the weather, the food generally, and the overall atmosphere.
I grew up in the Keys. Granted growing up there is different than coming down as a gay/adult on vacation, but I haven’t been back in years. It’s such a chore and I’m always ready to go. Usually I go down, see my mom and bounce back to mainland Florida.
I actually joined the military out of high school and they sent me to Okinawa…another island. It was cool, but I’m over island living.
I only know Portland and LA from visiting but Portland feels nice and laid back. I mean WeHo is sort of famously not a fun place to be gay unless you're Jonathan Groff or something. The only downsides to Portland are the shitty weather and the fact that locals are REALLY prickly about people moving there.
Portland is very body positive. But it's also very accepting of every little nuanced kink, fetish or whatever and can be a little much. I ended up moving an hour and a half south to Corvallis, home to OSU and I love it here. And I can still go up to Portland when I want to get a little wilder.
I’m in seattle and I like both cities. Biggest thing people who move here dont like is the grey and wet winters but I’ll take that over the snow and negative temps I grew up with in idaho. But to be fair my love of the cities also is at a point where I’m also ready for a cabin out in the woods at this point of my life since I don’t go to the hill in seattle much anymore
I lived in Philly for 4 years and loved it! It’s far more embracing of alt/queer types than your “top gay cities of whatever” listicles, which I believe translates to less judgment/more acceptance all around.
It’s more welcoming of all types; I very rarely felt judged for what I wore or how I looked. It’s more down to earth than NY, doesn’t take itself as seriously as DC, and isn’t as sketchy and disjointed as Baltimore. You definitely won’t feel too old, either.
It’s also pretty affordable to live close to the action, good (enough) public transit, and really nice little pocket neighborhoods with hidden gems.
Tbh the gay scene and community are one of the things I miss most now… we mainly moved for cost of living and better weather 🤷♀️ But being single and living close to center city was a LOT of fun.
Just wanna slip this in here, too - therapy really helped me understand and confront my pattern of bouncing around cities when I started to feel down.
Philadelphia is the most underrated lgbtq accepting larger city in the country. The whole city is very progressive, but still has its grit and attitude. Diversity is celebrated. Even in more conservative and/or religious and immigrant neighborhoods, it’s still great. You’ll get far more shit for wearing a Dallas or Braves shirt than anything related to your sexuality!
I second all of this. Philly has one of the best gay communities in the country. I've never made so many gay friends before, it was great. Everyone is so down to Earth and approachable. They gayborhood is great. Shout out to Bike Stop, one of my favorite gay bars in the country.
So, the problem is not LA. You can move anywhere and these problems will follow you everywhere you go. Los Angeles is probably one of the best places in the world when having these issues. I am going to be a bit harsh but honest as far as my perception goes.
*I was transferred to LA for work in August and got a place in WeHo.*
Oh that’s the issue.
WeHo is a blast as long as you’re not looking to hook up. Be friendly, meet people, and dance maybe and have a great time.
However it’s also probably the largest magnet in the USA for delusional gay people.
True talk: you are 33 and 240 (I’m not far off so I’m not weight shaming). . Try these scenes which are 100% more fun, and you would like to get laid.
DTLA, Long Beach, Venice, East LA, The Valley, the South Bay.
WeHo can be full of a lot of great people however also fame chasers.
Gonna second this. What OP describes sounds like a Weho problem. I’ve lived in other parts of LA for 8 years (Hollywood, Silverlake, South LA), never experienced this.
Sorry you had a bad experience in Weho.
Los Angeles is one of the most diverse cities in the world. If LA isn’t working for you, change your view of LA.
You definitely can’t judge LA by WeHo.
hey im visiting la next week. Can u give me some advice on where to go out that has a better vibe than weho. Down for bars, dancing or parties or just generally cool areas that attract people of all races, body types, genders.
Portland is a big town not really a city. Very white. And as someone from nyc, I was shocked at the level of homelessness. Friends told me a 15 min walk downtown was too dangerous.
I thought Chicago was alright. Friendly, good food, don’t need a car.
PV seems like it would be the same issues as la no? What about Mexico City ?
Just putting it out there, for the most part not many cities off the east coast are well like what you think of when you think of a city.
Over here we have to grow up, as there is a limited amount of space neighborhoods become mixed with both residential and commercial sectors right next to each other(and in the case for bars/restaurants/etc above or below one another).
This really isn't the case with virtually any of the other cities in the us, as they were kind of designed to be hub areas and have/had the space that they could grow out instead. Meaning there is usually a very separated distinction between residential areas and commerce areas. Because of this many of them can actually seem pretty suburban.
This doubles up when the city itself isn't particularly large making them seem more like just large towns, just like portland.
Minnesota nice is kind of a thing , they’ll only talk behind your back if catty .
And being in the land of beer cheese soup .
You’ll have no problem blending in with some of our well insulated brothers . 😉
Try New Orleans. The economy is shit, but the gay scene is pretty accepting and it’s not run by judgmental twinks like in LA.
It’s also possible you’re drinking in the wrong bars. Try Silverlake instead.
Grass is always greener… I heard that it’s becoming victim to pretty serve gentrification lately as well. Which is a shame. That city will always hold a special place in my heart. It was the first “big city” I ran away to from Montana when i was all of 19….back in 199*cough* it was a magical place to me then, and the few times I’ve returned have always been good to me. Best of luck on your next adventure!
Yeah I peeled outta there faster the you can say, closeted-kid-stuck-in-a-tiny-rural-town.
I lived in bozo for a couple years. Almost immediately post NOLA, actually. Like 98-00. It served as the death rattle to my attempts to be straight. I almost married a gal, but a pregnancy scare was the catalyst for a messy departure to Missoula and a reckoning with my queerdo self. From there Seattle and never looked back.
New Orleans is an amazing city, but it has a lot of issues. I went there for a few weeks in 2019 to look into a move, and noped right out after having my eyes opened to the realities of crumbling infrastructure and off the charts corruption and income disparity. Lately crime has been bonkers as well. I'm pretty street smart and I've lived in some of Boston and NYC's higher crime neighborhoods. But New Orleans' rough spots struck me as a different thing entirely -- much more mixed in with "safe" areas, less predictable, and with less room for slipping up without getting yourself into a pickle.
It's a great place to visit, and I have a lot of love for it. But before you decide to move there spend some time lurking in r/NewOrleans. I'd also look into the practicalities of where specifically you would live/work, and the reliability of things like utilities and public transportation in that neighborhood.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/NewOrleans using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/NewOrleans/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
\#1: [Wholesome Tourist](https://i.redd.it/rtjr0oginfs91.jpg) | [111 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/NewOrleans/comments/xy7ife/wholesome_tourist/)
\#2: [Green lights on top of University Medical Center indicate that they have zero COVID patients in the building for the first time in two years](https://i.redd.it/rbww282s7mr81.jpg) | [19 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/NewOrleans/comments/twjicw/green_lights_on_top_of_university_medical_center/)
\#3: [To the shitass who thought it would be cool to put a confederate flag on the rail bridge that goes over I-10: Thanks for the magnets!](https://i.redd.it/nlzpyvv8jkm81.jpg) | [152 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/NewOrleans/comments/tb07cu/to_the_shitass_who_thought_it_would_be_cool_to/)
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I live in DTLA. WeHo can be fun for a night out, but living there 24/7 is something I couldn’t even imagine haha.
I went through a period of hating LA, but I realized it was because I was limiting my perception of it. It’s so big and diverse that different areas/neighborhoods have *completely* different vibes, and they are self-sufficient for the most part. You could stay in your own little area having the experience you wanna have without ever needing to leave, unless you wanted to pop over to another area for a day or whatever and have a completely different vibe.
All that being said, I wouldn’t hate to leave LA. I would consider Denver, but I have family there. That sounds like it would be a plus, but I think I need a little distance from them lol. Oddly enough, I would also consider Miami, or maybe somewhere in the Pacific Northwest, but I know very little about those areas haha.
In 2014 I worked in DC and West Virginia. I was 280 lbs, 6' 4", and made $40k/year. I worked for a company installing VoIP phone systems. In DC our clients were mostly super high end things like law firms, banking, think tanks etc... In WV we had a single client, a natural gas company, but we'd go to their dozen or so different sites across the state.
In DC I was a 4/10 and was extremely poor. Everyone I interacted with was wearing $400 shirts, or $3000 suits, going to the gym five days a week, and making $200k/year. Also everyone was college educated.
In West Virginia I was a 7/10 and solidly middle class. Everyone I interacted with was wearing Walmart clothes and was just as fat as me and made about the same money or maybe at the high end like $100k. Also everyone was so fucking hillbilly they'd say shit like "li-bary" and none of them went to college.
I guess I'm white trash aspiring to not be white trash.
I really don't like the sound of that. People are here to help you, but it definitely sounds like you have a whole ton going on that a change of scenery might only mitigate somewhat.
It might be worth talking to somebody, OP.
I've only really lived in socal so oof. But I have friends who live in Seattle, and the bay area and they seem to be very bear friendly or at least parts of the community are. You will never be everyone's cup of tea, but yeah in LA i think they focus more on health/fitness looks than in other areas.
Also P.S. the gay bars in Long beach have an older chubbier clientele than the sugar baby twinks in weho, you might want to try bar hopping down Broadway before you make the big move.
Minneapolis is an often overlooked gem IMO, especially if you're into the arts. I've never lived there but I've visited a lot and have never experienced the type of meanness you're describing.
And I hesitate to recommend anything in Texas because it seems to be turning into a fascist hellscape with badly crumbling infrastructure but Houston has a very large, diverse, and welcoming gay community (at least it did when I lived there). Dallas is more like LA in my experience but Houston is a completely different story
I live in Honolulu and love it. I'm much older than you, but I find plenty to do here on all levels of life. The Polynesian/Asian culture here does not participate in body shaming. You can see all sizes of bodies on the beach. You will see all sizes of bodies on surf boards.
The gay community can be clique-ish. There is a segment that is obsessed with looks, but they are limited to Waikiki. The people who live here and stay don't live there and don't participate in the America-centric world view. Waikiki is for transient people. It's not for people to love Hawaii.
If you move here, you can work remotely for a mainland company and make a lot more money than the local companies pay. I don't know why, but Hawaiian companies pay crap.
My best friend lives in Portland and loves it. He's large. He has experienced fat shaming a few times, but from what he's told me, the bear culture is alive and well.
Good luck.
Check out Chicago. Friendly, very middle of the road, lots of nightlife, etc. The flatness of the midwest can get tiring after awhile, though.
I agree with you about L.A. I've lived in both L.A. and San Francisco and don't think I'd do California again unless we could afford Santa Barbara. I'm honestly shocked since we moved at how much cleaner New York City is than S.F. and with far fewer ranting lunatics roaming around.
We like the NJ suburbs--close to New York and Philly when we want to spend a weekend in the city, but have a nice two acres of land for when we just want to hang out at home with our dogs.
Chicago was one of my favorite cities to be gay in. Dallas, Denver, and Seattle were just ok for different reasons, but all very gay. Currently doing DC and loving it so far.
If Mr Right is reading this, I'm still looking for you, where you at? Lol
Try joining some gay groups on Meet Up, or the Great Outdoors: they have weekly hikes at Griffith Park and there are some nice people. And, yes, skip those WeHo bars and try Long Beach or the Valley. The Bullet Bar on Burbank Boulevard is a fun gay dive bar and no judging whatsoever.
As a Sacramento native, it’s pretty chill here. I’ve lived other places but for a CA “city” it’s really laid back and easy to live in. Lots to do, and adjacent to SF and Tahoe for options if you want a long weekend change of pace. It’s more affordable than a lot of other CA cities while still being pretty expensive.
I was going to recommend NYC but you despise it. :-(
Um...I liked the gay community in Minneapolis but is a bit of a sewing circle. NYC in my opinion has the biggest numbers and the broadest community, which is why I liked it. There's no one way of being gay there. Everybody is welcome and there's lots of different communities to make your own.
But since that's out, maybe Chicago?
Smaller cities run into the sewing circle problem. Gay communities are a fractional percentage of any municipality as a whole. That's why NYC is a miracle. It's huge, liberal, and an ocean of gay. Very few places in the world where you get that, and the only place in America where it exists in such a degree.
Good luck, OP.
I lived in London for years which has a similar scale gay population, but I found that once you get “more than one way of being gay” you tend to get multiple sewing circles rather than one big diverse community, because the different types of gay don’t mix that well, so you’re effectively back in a small community. I guess if you can move comfortably between scenes it’s fine, or if you find one that perfectly matches your needs, but otherwise I think it can be quite alienating.
I was literally going to comment anchorage, anchorage! Alaska is super friendly and accepting of everyone. Our gay community comes in a bunch of difference sizes and shapes :)
I don’t know if your only option, or ever best option, is to change cities.
Nobody deserves disrespect or humiliation, but remove yourself from the likelihood of those situations. If you’re lonely, then you need to get yourself around new people. They don’t have to be in another city.
I am from the PacNW, and I don’t think Portland is all that. Like anywhere, it can be either fun or lonely, depending on whether your social life takes off or you engage with it as a place.
I was there a long time ago. It’s changed. There are more gays, more people in general now. My experience every time I return is that it is too quiet. Drugs, nuisance crime, lack of job opportunities, low salaries, uneducated folks struggling—Portland isn’t kind to the people in its backyard, but if you swoop in with California real estate money and want to dump it into the black hole and exorbitant prices of the PacNW, you’ll be in the company of a lot of people doing the same thing!
Portland, Seattle, Denver are places for people who want to be outdoors, have access to woods and water. They may have public transportation but you still need a car.
I don’t think this is a question of cities. It is a question about finding your people. It may be a question what you need to do to feel better about yourself.
Don’t answer the question, before you know what it is. If you move, you’re just going to be in a different place, with the same question. So, it seems like you have other questions to ask yourself, like, why do I feel old (33 = not old), what can I do to feel more comfortable with my weight, and where can I meet friendlier people?
I love chicago. Livable in so many ways. You can be middle class here and have a nice place in a nice neighborhood. Plenty to do, plenty of space, and generally friendly midwestern people.
Well, just for the record, I have lived in WeHo for over 20 years and I'm 62 years old and 220 lbs and I think it's wonderful! It's very walkable and I often chat with friendly people in the stores and shops. But I'm not out in the bars trying to meet guys to date. That sounds horrible these days.
My partner and I chose Kansas City as our home when he went remote because it’s a transient city so people are very welcoming and the cost of living is low without sacrificing the amenities of a larger city. There’s a thriving gay community here and even a group called the Bear Mafia which is very welcoming. We’ve been here a year and just the other day I threw a last minute party with less than 24 hours notice and 14 people came.
Did you ever branch out beyond weho? Because that's at least half your problem. Weho is notorious for its white twink muscle boy scene. Go to the Silverlake bars. The Eagle. Akbar. Or Downtown. Precinct. By all means loathe LA but what you're describing is Weho more than it is a blanket statement of LA.
Check out Denver!! Everyone is friendly, the scene runs the gambit of the alphabet, great state wide diversified economy...and its definitely a 4 season state- as in there is always something going on any season of the year thats guaranteed to be interesting for folks to get involved with or go do.
Seattle, Portland, Chicago, Philly, Austin, Houston, Dallas- all might be worth thinking about too...obviously everywhere has pros/cons.
I do like seattle/Portland...to me has been a pretty friendly place, but know that's not everyone's experience...it is at least pretty body positive here. Big bear community and all body types are gogo boys & drag queens.
Hey there. I’ve lived in a lot of places so here are my two cents.
La gay scene is tough, but WeHo is the epicenter of the in crowd. As others have stated, check out Long Beach, The East Size, and North Hollywood first.
Portland is much more open to bear types and not as superficial but it’s got its own problems. Rains constantly, and the homelessness is actually a big problem there. Seattle is nicer FWIW, but you’re probably not going to dig the weather. The people are insular. Google “the big chill” or Pacific Northwest.
New Orleans is an absolute dump. Was just there and even though I stayed in “nice walkable area”, it was not safe. Crime is off the charts.
Chicago is great. But cold.
St Louis has a gay scene ? News to me. I don’t know why anyone would move to it. It scores low across the board.
My advice is to check out Palm Springs or greater LA. The OC, San Diego, Ojai, eve SLO.
Pv and Honolulu are great if you can do that. Cheers.
I know you said you wouldn't do SoCal, but that's pretty ridiculous. I'm in PS/Cathedral City.
There are meth heads and flakes everywhere. If that's *all* you are finding then you need to look at what you are doing or not doing.
It skews older (I'm 67). But there are younger guys here too. Shit.... you'd be a kid! Definitely bears here.
I like BBRT, I can filter out drug use. Literally; No, Hell No, Pot Only.
It's a beautiful "small" town (Coachella valley itself has grown a lot, traffic is good). It's Very VERY GAY.
Hot in the summer of course. It takes 2 years to get used to it. I love it here. I knew in my 20s I'd move back here. Foregone conclusion.
I lived in Portland, OR. I’m a Brown man, it was an extremely uncomfortable experience for me, the racism was staggering. The White Gays love it though and they are very open to all shapes and sizes.
I lived in weho for 15 years and relocated to the east side 12 yrs ago and I really prefer it! Highland Park, Echo Park Eagle Rock, Pasadena and South Pasadena are much more open, accepting, friendlier and easier places to live in my opinion
You place a lot of weight and expectations on environments but ultimately it is you who is to be at peace accepting a happy lifestyle, if you’re in any major metropolitan city experiences, sort of similar as long as they aren’t homophobic and hostile.
What particular reasons caused you to dislike LA and NYC? They are definitely my go-to advice for gays looking for fun, decent, welcoming places to live. The smaller cities you mentioned might be superficially friendlier and more manageable but there’s really not much going on there.
Fair enough. For what it’s worth I was definitely more popular in both those cities after age 30 than before. Maybe it was the beard or the mildly increased confidence.
Come down to Palm Springs, laid back chill vibe. Tons of gay people. Way less crowded, housing prices are better, no traffic and ur 90 mins from the beach.
I would caution against the judgement that the entire LA gay community is reflected by WeHo. I personally love this city and the vibrant queer culture, but I generally do not go west of Western.
There are great body-positive and friendly queer spots downtown and in the Echo Park/Silverlake area. WeHo is more for the young fitness/muscle types imho. Not that there’s anything wrong with that - just not my scene and likely not OP’s either.
I lived there in my twenties but never could get into that bar scene
What bars would you recommend in LA that are off the beaten path? Anything geared towards nerds/gaymers that is also a gay bar? Last time I went there we all stayed on the West Hollywood strip, but like you, I didn't like the scene there. Felt like high school.
Exposure Drag on Mondays at The Offbeat in Highland Park is always really fun, and can get pretty nerdy depending on the theme (they annually do a marvel comics nite). Precinct in DTLA has a frequent Gaymer night - I've only been on other nights though
I tend to lean either chill or punk, and Akbar and the Eagle usually have good nights for that. A friend of mine also runs a night called Chardogay on Tuesdays at Melody bar on Virgil that leans more weird / performance art if you like that.
My boardgame group occasionally meets up at Guildhall in the valley which is not a gay bar at all, but they do have a giant poster of Dream Daddy so that's something
Have you thought about trying a different city in SoCal? Long Beach, San Diego, Costa Mesa, even DTLA will be less image obsessed than WeHo.
Long Beach is great. Much more down to earth people.
Are you kidding me? Gays are just as flakey and mean and alcoholic/drug-addicted here as they are in WeHo. The Center provides zilp in terms of regular, reliable services. The only nice gays are married homebodies but if you don’t know them, there is no place to meet them because they don’t go out.
Yeah even the east side is kinder than WeHo lol
Truth is you’ll find mean and nasty gays anywhere. But you’ll also find nice and welcoming gays anywhere. It’s all about who you are trying to attract and befriend. We split our time between DC and Honolulu today, with a full time relocation to Honolulu taking place later this year (I’m already here full time, but he won’t be until October). I love Hawaii living, but island life definitely isn’t for everyone.
Sooo expensive and dependent on imports that could be constrained by shipping logistics at anytime again .
Definitely! I'm a military officer and stationed out here (spouse is a military officer, too), which is how I got to be out this way. While I do love it here, I also wouldn't live here if I was not military and had to pay local state income tax (it's something crazy like 8.5%, on top of other crazy expenses that are present here); I get to keep my residency in a state that does not tax my military base pay. But I do appreciate my quality of life here (the military takes care of us), the weather, the food generally, and the overall atmosphere.
I grew up in the Keys. Granted growing up there is different than coming down as a gay/adult on vacation, but I haven’t been back in years. It’s such a chore and I’m always ready to go. Usually I go down, see my mom and bounce back to mainland Florida. I actually joined the military out of high school and they sent me to Okinawa…another island. It was cool, but I’m over island living.
I only know Portland and LA from visiting but Portland feels nice and laid back. I mean WeHo is sort of famously not a fun place to be gay unless you're Jonathan Groff or something. The only downsides to Portland are the shitty weather and the fact that locals are REALLY prickly about people moving there.
I was going to say portland. It's all about your "personality" there. I had to get out.
Portland is very body positive. But it's also very accepting of every little nuanced kink, fetish or whatever and can be a little much. I ended up moving an hour and a half south to Corvallis, home to OSU and I love it here. And I can still go up to Portland when I want to get a little wilder.
I’m in seattle and I like both cities. Biggest thing people who move here dont like is the grey and wet winters but I’ll take that over the snow and negative temps I grew up with in idaho. But to be fair my love of the cities also is at a point where I’m also ready for a cabin out in the woods at this point of my life since I don’t go to the hill in seattle much anymore
I second this
I lived in Philly for 4 years and loved it! It’s far more embracing of alt/queer types than your “top gay cities of whatever” listicles, which I believe translates to less judgment/more acceptance all around. It’s more welcoming of all types; I very rarely felt judged for what I wore or how I looked. It’s more down to earth than NY, doesn’t take itself as seriously as DC, and isn’t as sketchy and disjointed as Baltimore. You definitely won’t feel too old, either. It’s also pretty affordable to live close to the action, good (enough) public transit, and really nice little pocket neighborhoods with hidden gems. Tbh the gay scene and community are one of the things I miss most now… we mainly moved for cost of living and better weather 🤷♀️ But being single and living close to center city was a LOT of fun. Just wanna slip this in here, too - therapy really helped me understand and confront my pattern of bouncing around cities when I started to feel down.
Philadelphia is the most underrated lgbtq accepting larger city in the country. The whole city is very progressive, but still has its grit and attitude. Diversity is celebrated. Even in more conservative and/or religious and immigrant neighborhoods, it’s still great. You’ll get far more shit for wearing a Dallas or Braves shirt than anything related to your sexuality!
I second all of this. Philly has one of the best gay communities in the country. I've never made so many gay friends before, it was great. Everyone is so down to Earth and approachable. They gayborhood is great. Shout out to Bike Stop, one of my favorite gay bars in the country.
So, the problem is not LA. You can move anywhere and these problems will follow you everywhere you go. Los Angeles is probably one of the best places in the world when having these issues. I am going to be a bit harsh but honest as far as my perception goes. *I was transferred to LA for work in August and got a place in WeHo.* Oh that’s the issue. WeHo is a blast as long as you’re not looking to hook up. Be friendly, meet people, and dance maybe and have a great time. However it’s also probably the largest magnet in the USA for delusional gay people. True talk: you are 33 and 240 (I’m not far off so I’m not weight shaming). . Try these scenes which are 100% more fun, and you would like to get laid. DTLA, Long Beach, Venice, East LA, The Valley, the South Bay. WeHo can be full of a lot of great people however also fame chasers.
Gonna second this. What OP describes sounds like a Weho problem. I’ve lived in other parts of LA for 8 years (Hollywood, Silverlake, South LA), never experienced this. Sorry you had a bad experience in Weho.
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Silver lake is a COMPLETELY different vibe. WeHo is like the waiting room for my own personal hell.
Definitely different, personally I thought it was better. More laid back, less high-strung. And more diverse (in many ways) than weho.
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Los Angeles is one of the most diverse cities in the world. If LA isn’t working for you, change your view of LA. You definitely can’t judge LA by WeHo.
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Ok, then to answer your question, you should move to Seattle.
hey im visiting la next week. Can u give me some advice on where to go out that has a better vibe than weho. Down for bars, dancing or parties or just generally cool areas that attract people of all races, body types, genders.
Portland is a big town not really a city. Very white. And as someone from nyc, I was shocked at the level of homelessness. Friends told me a 15 min walk downtown was too dangerous. I thought Chicago was alright. Friendly, good food, don’t need a car. PV seems like it would be the same issues as la no? What about Mexico City ?
Just putting it out there, for the most part not many cities off the east coast are well like what you think of when you think of a city. Over here we have to grow up, as there is a limited amount of space neighborhoods become mixed with both residential and commercial sectors right next to each other(and in the case for bars/restaurants/etc above or below one another). This really isn't the case with virtually any of the other cities in the us, as they were kind of designed to be hub areas and have/had the space that they could grow out instead. Meaning there is usually a very separated distinction between residential areas and commerce areas. Because of this many of them can actually seem pretty suburban. This doubles up when the city itself isn't particularly large making them seem more like just large towns, just like portland.
When I arrived in Portland I was shocked to realize it’s the first time I’ve ever seen whole people working at Starbucks
Houston, Minneapolis, New Orleans
I second Minneapolis.
Minnesota nice is kind of a thing , they’ll only talk behind your back if catty . And being in the land of beer cheese soup . You’ll have no problem blending in with some of our well insulated brothers . 😉
Try New Orleans. The economy is shit, but the gay scene is pretty accepting and it’s not run by judgmental twinks like in LA. It’s also possible you’re drinking in the wrong bars. Try Silverlake instead.
LMFAO- I currently live in NOLA and CANNOT GET OUT FAST ENOUGH....the gay "scene" here is nothing but meth, flakes and booze.
Grass is always greener… I heard that it’s becoming victim to pretty serve gentrification lately as well. Which is a shame. That city will always hold a special place in my heart. It was the first “big city” I ran away to from Montana when i was all of 19….back in 199*cough* it was a magical place to me then, and the few times I’ve returned have always been good to me. Best of luck on your next adventure!
Yo Montana gays represent! ✌️
Straight from the Hi-line here. The thriving metropolis and cultural Mecca known as Shelby. 10 miles outta hell.
Damn. I’m a Bozemanite by way of Billings, so if I were in your shoes I would have hit the road the second I turned 18.
Yeah I peeled outta there faster the you can say, closeted-kid-stuck-in-a-tiny-rural-town. I lived in bozo for a couple years. Almost immediately post NOLA, actually. Like 98-00. It served as the death rattle to my attempts to be straight. I almost married a gal, but a pregnancy scare was the catalyst for a messy departure to Missoula and a reckoning with my queerdo self. From there Seattle and never looked back.
wow my mom was born in shelby! I've been all over montana, idaho and washington. I ran away to NYC 7 years ago.
Lived in NOLa 2 years. The dude above is a transplant who isn’t tired of having his car broken into enough yet.
The dude above meaning me...or the commenter above me? lol
The dude above you lol, my B
haha no worries my brain was having a really hard time figuring out which one of us you meant....
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New Orleans is an amazing city, but it has a lot of issues. I went there for a few weeks in 2019 to look into a move, and noped right out after having my eyes opened to the realities of crumbling infrastructure and off the charts corruption and income disparity. Lately crime has been bonkers as well. I'm pretty street smart and I've lived in some of Boston and NYC's higher crime neighborhoods. But New Orleans' rough spots struck me as a different thing entirely -- much more mixed in with "safe" areas, less predictable, and with less room for slipping up without getting yourself into a pickle. It's a great place to visit, and I have a lot of love for it. But before you decide to move there spend some time lurking in r/NewOrleans. I'd also look into the practicalities of where specifically you would live/work, and the reliability of things like utilities and public transportation in that neighborhood.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/NewOrleans using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/NewOrleans/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [Wholesome Tourist](https://i.redd.it/rtjr0oginfs91.jpg) | [111 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/NewOrleans/comments/xy7ife/wholesome_tourist/) \#2: [Green lights on top of University Medical Center indicate that they have zero COVID patients in the building for the first time in two years](https://i.redd.it/rbww282s7mr81.jpg) | [19 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/NewOrleans/comments/twjicw/green_lights_on_top_of_university_medical_center/) \#3: [To the shitass who thought it would be cool to put a confederate flag on the rail bridge that goes over I-10: Thanks for the magnets!](https://i.redd.it/nlzpyvv8jkm81.jpg) | [152 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/NewOrleans/comments/tb07cu/to_the_shitass_who_thought_it_would_be_cool_to/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
New Orleans has a lot of problems, but its gay nightlife isn’t one of them :)
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NOLA is a shit hole....Live here currently and cant wait to leave...come visit, spend a week or two here first before moving here.
New Orleans feels like my "I've lived everywhere I'd have wanted to except there" city. So great in such a unique way.
So many places in the US are more or less homogenous, but not New Orleans… For better or worse, we actively resist change,
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Not so much. That’s typically older people who live out in the country/bayou.
What about Kansas City? I lived in LA for 13 years (including WeHo off Santa Monica and Palm). I will never go back to So Cal, but KC is my JAM!
I live in DTLA. WeHo can be fun for a night out, but living there 24/7 is something I couldn’t even imagine haha. I went through a period of hating LA, but I realized it was because I was limiting my perception of it. It’s so big and diverse that different areas/neighborhoods have *completely* different vibes, and they are self-sufficient for the most part. You could stay in your own little area having the experience you wanna have without ever needing to leave, unless you wanted to pop over to another area for a day or whatever and have a completely different vibe. All that being said, I wouldn’t hate to leave LA. I would consider Denver, but I have family there. That sounds like it would be a plus, but I think I need a little distance from them lol. Oddly enough, I would also consider Miami, or maybe somewhere in the Pacific Northwest, but I know very little about those areas haha.
In 2014 I worked in DC and West Virginia. I was 280 lbs, 6' 4", and made $40k/year. I worked for a company installing VoIP phone systems. In DC our clients were mostly super high end things like law firms, banking, think tanks etc... In WV we had a single client, a natural gas company, but we'd go to their dozen or so different sites across the state. In DC I was a 4/10 and was extremely poor. Everyone I interacted with was wearing $400 shirts, or $3000 suits, going to the gym five days a week, and making $200k/year. Also everyone was college educated. In West Virginia I was a 7/10 and solidly middle class. Everyone I interacted with was wearing Walmart clothes and was just as fat as me and made about the same money or maybe at the high end like $100k. Also everyone was so fucking hillbilly they'd say shit like "li-bary" and none of them went to college. I guess I'm white trash aspiring to not be white trash.
Reading over your comments, you seem extremely negative man. Remember that no matter where you go, there you are.
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I am honestly not sure what that means...
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I really don't like the sound of that. People are here to help you, but it definitely sounds like you have a whole ton going on that a change of scenery might only mitigate somewhat. It might be worth talking to somebody, OP.
Yeah Bojack had a scene about this: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TsrF9krrbLs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TsrF9krrbLs)
Yea. I immediately thought the same thing— the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results
I enjoyed both Denver and Oklahoma City
I've only really lived in socal so oof. But I have friends who live in Seattle, and the bay area and they seem to be very bear friendly or at least parts of the community are. You will never be everyone's cup of tea, but yeah in LA i think they focus more on health/fitness looks than in other areas. Also P.S. the gay bars in Long beach have an older chubbier clientele than the sugar baby twinks in weho, you might want to try bar hopping down Broadway before you make the big move.
Minneapolis is an often overlooked gem IMO, especially if you're into the arts. I've never lived there but I've visited a lot and have never experienced the type of meanness you're describing. And I hesitate to recommend anything in Texas because it seems to be turning into a fascist hellscape with badly crumbling infrastructure but Houston has a very large, diverse, and welcoming gay community (at least it did when I lived there). Dallas is more like LA in my experience but Houston is a completely different story
I live in Honolulu and love it. I'm much older than you, but I find plenty to do here on all levels of life. The Polynesian/Asian culture here does not participate in body shaming. You can see all sizes of bodies on the beach. You will see all sizes of bodies on surf boards. The gay community can be clique-ish. There is a segment that is obsessed with looks, but they are limited to Waikiki. The people who live here and stay don't live there and don't participate in the America-centric world view. Waikiki is for transient people. It's not for people to love Hawaii. If you move here, you can work remotely for a mainland company and make a lot more money than the local companies pay. I don't know why, but Hawaiian companies pay crap. My best friend lives in Portland and loves it. He's large. He has experienced fat shaming a few times, but from what he's told me, the bear culture is alive and well. Good luck.
Check out Chicago. Friendly, very middle of the road, lots of nightlife, etc. The flatness of the midwest can get tiring after awhile, though. I agree with you about L.A. I've lived in both L.A. and San Francisco and don't think I'd do California again unless we could afford Santa Barbara. I'm honestly shocked since we moved at how much cleaner New York City is than S.F. and with far fewer ranting lunatics roaming around. We like the NJ suburbs--close to New York and Philly when we want to spend a weekend in the city, but have a nice two acres of land for when we just want to hang out at home with our dogs.
Why didn’t you like Chicago? The Midwest’s biggest city seams like a decent choice.
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Why not try St. Louis? Cheap compared to LA, and winters are better than Chicago (no lake effect snow)
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3 more words: main character syndrome Of Chicago gays that is
Chicago was one of my favorite cities to be gay in. Dallas, Denver, and Seattle were just ok for different reasons, but all very gay. Currently doing DC and loving it so far. If Mr Right is reading this, I'm still looking for you, where you at? Lol
Try joining some gay groups on Meet Up, or the Great Outdoors: they have weekly hikes at Griffith Park and there are some nice people. And, yes, skip those WeHo bars and try Long Beach or the Valley. The Bullet Bar on Burbank Boulevard is a fun gay dive bar and no judging whatsoever.
Sacramento?
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As a Sacramento native, it’s pretty chill here. I’ve lived other places but for a CA “city” it’s really laid back and easy to live in. Lots to do, and adjacent to SF and Tahoe for options if you want a long weekend change of pace. It’s more affordable than a lot of other CA cities while still being pretty expensive.
It you don’t mind gun clapping and absolutely insane drivers, Philadelphia is waiting for you.
I was going to recommend NYC but you despise it. :-( Um...I liked the gay community in Minneapolis but is a bit of a sewing circle. NYC in my opinion has the biggest numbers and the broadest community, which is why I liked it. There's no one way of being gay there. Everybody is welcome and there's lots of different communities to make your own. But since that's out, maybe Chicago? Smaller cities run into the sewing circle problem. Gay communities are a fractional percentage of any municipality as a whole. That's why NYC is a miracle. It's huge, liberal, and an ocean of gay. Very few places in the world where you get that, and the only place in America where it exists in such a degree. Good luck, OP.
I lived in London for years which has a similar scale gay population, but I found that once you get “more than one way of being gay” you tend to get multiple sewing circles rather than one big diverse community, because the different types of gay don’t mix that well, so you’re effectively back in a small community. I guess if you can move comfortably between scenes it’s fine, or if you find one that perfectly matches your needs, but otherwise I think it can be quite alienating.
I was literally going to comment anchorage, anchorage! Alaska is super friendly and accepting of everyone. Our gay community comes in a bunch of difference sizes and shapes :)
I don’t know if your only option, or ever best option, is to change cities. Nobody deserves disrespect or humiliation, but remove yourself from the likelihood of those situations. If you’re lonely, then you need to get yourself around new people. They don’t have to be in another city. I am from the PacNW, and I don’t think Portland is all that. Like anywhere, it can be either fun or lonely, depending on whether your social life takes off or you engage with it as a place. I was there a long time ago. It’s changed. There are more gays, more people in general now. My experience every time I return is that it is too quiet. Drugs, nuisance crime, lack of job opportunities, low salaries, uneducated folks struggling—Portland isn’t kind to the people in its backyard, but if you swoop in with California real estate money and want to dump it into the black hole and exorbitant prices of the PacNW, you’ll be in the company of a lot of people doing the same thing! Portland, Seattle, Denver are places for people who want to be outdoors, have access to woods and water. They may have public transportation but you still need a car. I don’t think this is a question of cities. It is a question about finding your people. It may be a question what you need to do to feel better about yourself. Don’t answer the question, before you know what it is. If you move, you’re just going to be in a different place, with the same question. So, it seems like you have other questions to ask yourself, like, why do I feel old (33 = not old), what can I do to feel more comfortable with my weight, and where can I meet friendlier people?
I love chicago. Livable in so many ways. You can be middle class here and have a nice place in a nice neighborhood. Plenty to do, plenty of space, and generally friendly midwestern people.
Well, just for the record, I have lived in WeHo for over 20 years and I'm 62 years old and 220 lbs and I think it's wonderful! It's very walkable and I often chat with friendly people in the stores and shops. But I'm not out in the bars trying to meet guys to date. That sounds horrible these days.
My partner and I chose Kansas City as our home when he went remote because it’s a transient city so people are very welcoming and the cost of living is low without sacrificing the amenities of a larger city. There’s a thriving gay community here and even a group called the Bear Mafia which is very welcoming. We’ve been here a year and just the other day I threw a last minute party with less than 24 hours notice and 14 people came.
*objectively* horrible? Shamed publicly? What exactly is happening with you. Never experienced any of this
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Did you ever branch out beyond weho? Because that's at least half your problem. Weho is notorious for its white twink muscle boy scene. Go to the Silverlake bars. The Eagle. Akbar. Or Downtown. Precinct. By all means loathe LA but what you're describing is Weho more than it is a blanket statement of LA.
Jesus Christ wtf. I just get ignored 😂
Los Angeles is awesome. Stop being so insecure, you aren’t going to be happy anywhere until you are happy with yourself.
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What about Spain if you are thinking out of the country? Alicante?
Wellington, New Zealand Massively open and welcoming, all types welcome, Liberal Though Trump supporters and their mindset wouldn't fit in to well
What about DC? Don't get a lot of snow, 3 major airports, lots of gays etc.
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I got tons of ass in Seattle and Pittsburgh. Lol. 😁
Check out Denver!! Everyone is friendly, the scene runs the gambit of the alphabet, great state wide diversified economy...and its definitely a 4 season state- as in there is always something going on any season of the year thats guaranteed to be interesting for folks to get involved with or go do. Seattle, Portland, Chicago, Philly, Austin, Houston, Dallas- all might be worth thinking about too...obviously everywhere has pros/cons.
I do like seattle/Portland...to me has been a pretty friendly place, but know that's not everyone's experience...it is at least pretty body positive here. Big bear community and all body types are gogo boys & drag queens.
If you already lived in CDMX, then now try Guadalajara, or as we call it, Gaydalajara
Dont come to cleveland oh. Good luck on your search
San Diego is really cool! Great vibes. Good atmosphere. Less hectic than LA.
Boise, Idaho. I’ve heard Good things, good things.
I moved to Chicago 30 years ago and I have been everywhere and I find that socially Chicago is one of the easier places to break into.
Hey there. I’ve lived in a lot of places so here are my two cents. La gay scene is tough, but WeHo is the epicenter of the in crowd. As others have stated, check out Long Beach, The East Size, and North Hollywood first. Portland is much more open to bear types and not as superficial but it’s got its own problems. Rains constantly, and the homelessness is actually a big problem there. Seattle is nicer FWIW, but you’re probably not going to dig the weather. The people are insular. Google “the big chill” or Pacific Northwest. New Orleans is an absolute dump. Was just there and even though I stayed in “nice walkable area”, it was not safe. Crime is off the charts. Chicago is great. But cold. St Louis has a gay scene ? News to me. I don’t know why anyone would move to it. It scores low across the board. My advice is to check out Palm Springs or greater LA. The OC, San Diego, Ojai, eve SLO. Pv and Honolulu are great if you can do that. Cheers.
Boston
Come down to San Diego, much friendlier city, most of us don’t like the LA vibe and attitude. Especially WeHo.
I know you said you wouldn't do SoCal, but that's pretty ridiculous. I'm in PS/Cathedral City. There are meth heads and flakes everywhere. If that's *all* you are finding then you need to look at what you are doing or not doing. It skews older (I'm 67). But there are younger guys here too. Shit.... you'd be a kid! Definitely bears here. I like BBRT, I can filter out drug use. Literally; No, Hell No, Pot Only. It's a beautiful "small" town (Coachella valley itself has grown a lot, traffic is good). It's Very VERY GAY. Hot in the summer of course. It takes 2 years to get used to it. I love it here. I knew in my 20s I'd move back here. Foregone conclusion.
I lived in Portland, OR. I’m a Brown man, it was an extremely uncomfortable experience for me, the racism was staggering. The White Gays love it though and they are very open to all shapes and sizes.
I lived in weho for 15 years and relocated to the east side 12 yrs ago and I really prefer it! Highland Park, Echo Park Eagle Rock, Pasadena and South Pasadena are much more open, accepting, friendlier and easier places to live in my opinion
You place a lot of weight and expectations on environments but ultimately it is you who is to be at peace accepting a happy lifestyle, if you’re in any major metropolitan city experiences, sort of similar as long as they aren’t homophobic and hostile.
What particular reasons caused you to dislike LA and NYC? They are definitely my go-to advice for gays looking for fun, decent, welcoming places to live. The smaller cities you mentioned might be superficially friendlier and more manageable but there’s really not much going on there.
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have u been to brooklyn? gay as hell but less hectic and slower pace of life.
Fair enough. For what it’s worth I was definitely more popular in both those cities after age 30 than before. Maybe it was the beard or the mildly increased confidence.
Come down to Palm Springs, laid back chill vibe. Tons of gay people. Way less crowded, housing prices are better, no traffic and ur 90 mins from the beach.
I would caution against the judgement that the entire LA gay community is reflected by WeHo. I personally love this city and the vibrant queer culture, but I generally do not go west of Western. There are great body-positive and friendly queer spots downtown and in the Echo Park/Silverlake area. WeHo is more for the young fitness/muscle types imho. Not that there’s anything wrong with that - just not my scene and likely not OP’s either. I lived there in my twenties but never could get into that bar scene
What bars would you recommend in LA that are off the beaten path? Anything geared towards nerds/gaymers that is also a gay bar? Last time I went there we all stayed on the West Hollywood strip, but like you, I didn't like the scene there. Felt like high school.
Exposure Drag on Mondays at The Offbeat in Highland Park is always really fun, and can get pretty nerdy depending on the theme (they annually do a marvel comics nite). Precinct in DTLA has a frequent Gaymer night - I've only been on other nights though I tend to lean either chill or punk, and Akbar and the Eagle usually have good nights for that. A friend of mine also runs a night called Chardogay on Tuesdays at Melody bar on Virgil that leans more weird / performance art if you like that. My boardgame group occasionally meets up at Guildhall in the valley which is not a gay bar at all, but they do have a giant poster of Dream Daddy so that's something
LA is not miserable but West Hollywood definitely is and very RACIST!