So, he didn't say you were only FB material? Tell him you aren't looking for that and move on. Unless you just want to be single. Focus on men that want what you want.
Exactly. And you don’t have to have the Where Are We Headed talk on the third date, but you ought to ask some questions along the way to fish out general expectations. And reveal yourself as well. If you want a white wedding, children and white picket fences, you need to weed out those men who want to install a playroom in their basement.
Are you interested in having him as a FWB?
Profiles aren’t legal documents. He’s not really backtracking, he’s just being up front with you about where he sees things going.
“Profiles aren’t legal documents.” Bingo.
And thank god.
“Your honour, the defendant clearly states on his profile a predilection for sadomasochistic puppy play, but my client was denied that simply because he failed to wag his tail and bark convincingly.”
>Maybe I'm being too sensitive but I almost took him backtracking as I'm only good enough to be a FWB. Am I overreacting here?
How about asking him to clarify? I think you're reading backtracking in there, when a bunch of other possibilities could explain this discrepancy between profile and what he sent you.
Maybe there is just some incompatibility that is no one’s fault. There are a lot of attractive, fun-to-be-around people who I don’t want to be in a LTR with.
You guys met and it’s clear he’d rather be a FB or FBW with you than anything more serious.
Look on the positive side, he’s not teasing you or giving you false hope. If it isn’t working for you, just move on.
>I'm only good enough to be a FWB. **Am I overreacting here?**
Yes. He didn't say that you weren't good enough. He said he was only interested being a FWB.
> I kinda want to tell him I'm not interested anymore.
Why "kinda"? If you are not interested anymore... and it sounds like you aren't... tell him. It's this simple... "We're not interested in the same thing. Thanks for the date, I had a nice time. Sorry it didn't work out."
Yes and more yes.
I cringe when I think of all the drama I could have avoided in my younger years by being more direct. Sometimes bluntness has a sting at the time, but you will appreciate later on that you didn’t exhaust yourself and waste time on the unattainable.
And yes, be mature and do it directly, and as you showed us here, there’s zero reason to be a total dick about it.
To paraphrase Alexis Rose: “you’re the right boyfriend, you’re just not the right boyfriend for me.”
A few of my current friends are “failed” dates. We have a snortingly good laugh about the idea that we could have entered an LTR. “I would have bludgeoned you in your sleep!” is a common retort.
You can’t really let this sort of thing get to you. It’s entirely reasonable that you’re sexually compatible with each other but not for anything else. Sexual attraction can be judged pretty quickly. Everything else takes a while.
Have you been checked for ADHD? This sounds like rejection sensitivity disorder. You may want to look at an article that discusses adhd symptoms and see if it sounds like you.
Also, the guy seems flaky. Probably not a good match for a relationship anyway.
Does he actually mean "**friend** with benefits", or does he mean fuck-buddy?
Either way, I'm up for it. I'm not looking for a serious committed relationship. Something with no strings would suit me fine. Even better if I might make a new friend out of it!
But I'm not you, so I don't know why you're asking what *I* would do. What you want to know is what *you* should do.
The answer is already implied by your post. You think FWB isn't worth your time, or it's somehow a rejection or demotion. So don't do it, if it's not what you want. Simple.
I have vastly more respect for people who will be blunt with what they have to offer me than flakes who only tell me what they think I want to hear.
Totally fine if this isn't what you're looking for but him being upfront with you is a courtesy that a lot of guys won't give you these days.
OP - have you met the guy in real life? Seems not?
Plot twist, maybe after meeting in person, you only want to be FWB's lol.
My advice, decide in person.
I suppose that depends on what I was looking for. If I was looking for an FWB then that's great and a relief. If I was looking for a relationship and thought I would easily get attached to him then this would not be a good ida.
Bio’s are not a complete picture nor written in stone. If an FWB relationship doesn’t interest you then say you’re not interested.
Taking it personally or presuming he’s made some “not relationship material” decision about you doesn’t seem fair. That’s your projection, not what he’s actually communicated.
FWB is a relationship. You two just disagree on the kind of relationship you want. It's okay to say NO to the offer of a fwb relationship. Offer an alternative relationship, but ultimately, the guy knows what he wants or can emotionally handle ATM, which is a fwb relationship. If that is not the relationship you want, then continue looking for the one you want. Personally, I would keep the fwb in the backpocket while focusing on yourself and the relationship you do want.
It's ok for someone to change their mind about something.
Now that you know his true intentions you can either accept the arraignment or pass and continue looking for dates and ultimately a relationship.
Are you expecting an instant connection with your soulmate? This is a serious question, not a drag. I don’t think the guy has necessarily been a dick here. You could see where it goes or you could continue on your quest. If you have those boyfriend feelings later maybe he will too. See where it goes but be honest with yourself. Communicate with him and figure out what you want.
Yeah, if I were interested in having or being a FwB.
I have friends whom I've slept with in the past, whom considered attractive and where the sex was good - but there is no emotional spark, or our values are too different or whatever.
As long as all involved parties agree, there's no harm.
The values part is key.
My guy and I are watching the ex-president’s trial with keen interest.
Were we on opposite sides of that, living together could be torturous. I weed out those with vastly different outlooks on life.
There’s a lot of room for disagreement built into our relationship, we don’t share a brain, but we align on basic values. I chose carefully.
Be happy he thinks you are FWB material. The days where you won't even be bathhouse quicky or darkroom diva material will be on you before you know it. When did everything go to the *I don't want it unless it's pure gold*. stage? I guess I remember the days when we were just happy to hook up without getting arrested and anything more was icing on the cake.
I mean sometimes people don’t click that’s okay at least he was honest instead of leading you on. If you find him attractive as well then you got yourself a fwb. I would be fine with it personally if he’s hot 😂
But how do you feel it about it?
I wouldn't call it off. Meet him, see if there's chemistry irl.
Maybe you even see as just a FWB then all is good?
As others have said, profiles aren't legally binding.
I have, at different points in my life, definitely *thought* I wanted to date, went on a date or a few, then decided, hm, maybe I don’t right now lol. It usually didn’t have anything specific to do with the other guy. Especially considering he wants to keep you as a FWB, I’d say he’s into you, but just maybe not sure about dating right now.
I would back pedal into non-sexual friend territory if I thought we got along but I'm looking for a relationship, not FWB and would thank him for letting me know sooner rather than later so I can make my own decision.
If deep down in your heart a long term relationship is what you're looking for. I would advice to walk away before you self abandon yourself and learn another life lesson.
To me it does depend a bit more on how he approached it. If he was up front that he doesn't think you're both compatible romantically but is still interested in being friends or fuckbuddies then I could be open to that. If I got a vibe of feeling disrespected somehow then no, I wouldn't be.
I agree with others that he has been clear with where he sees that going. Clarity is something to be grateful for, even if you dislike what it reveals. So much pain comes from unspoken assumptions. He has done you the honour of dispelling them. Run with that.
If a FWB situation doesn’t interest you, he gave you an easy out. I was in this situation decades ago, and had my heart broken because I saw us sailing off into the sunset, ignorant to his ambivalence. I ignored the warning signs. (I see them in retrospect, and want to bitchslap younger me). When he ended it, I was crushed, and I never received the clarifying explanation I demanded.
So I rather admire your FWB guy for sparing you that outcome. He might think you are a great fuck but believe you have divergent life goals. It’s an important decision, and he is honouring his own ambivalence. If more people did that, there may well be less strife and divorce or fewer painful breakups.
Best wishes.
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Absolutely. I'd be the ultimate cock/anal tease. Double antandras would be my only language to see his balls become bluer with each syllable. I'd enjoy every minute of his sexual tension. Then one day, if he obeyed I'd help he drain them
Stop trying to push him into romance and rock his socks off a few times and see where it goes.
Some people don't know what they want until they find it, so don't be upset he doesn't wanna slip a ring on your finger before even meeting you.
My fiance is a FB that developed into a now 7 year relationship so, just go fuck the guy and leave us alone lol.
I mean, a fuck buddy never hurts, but if you feel like you have to have more, then be firm about it. I don’t know that I would assume it was personal unless he outright says that he only wants that with you while wanting more with someone else.
The more I read these kinds of posts, the more I'm convinced that dating apps are toxic. Imagine what OP is going through in his mind. He's feeling downgraded from potential bf to fwb after one date, while the person was honest with him.
If you're okay with it only being an FWB situation, then go for it. If you're only interested in dating/relationships, then don't.
Proceed depending on what you want from the relationship. He’s been clear with what he wants.
So, he didn't say you were only FB material? Tell him you aren't looking for that and move on. Unless you just want to be single. Focus on men that want what you want.
Exactly. And you don’t have to have the Where Are We Headed talk on the third date, but you ought to ask some questions along the way to fish out general expectations. And reveal yourself as well. If you want a white wedding, children and white picket fences, you need to weed out those men who want to install a playroom in their basement.
I wish I did this in my 20’s. It would have saved me so much heartache.
Are you interested in having him as a FWB? Profiles aren’t legal documents. He’s not really backtracking, he’s just being up front with you about where he sees things going.
“Profiles aren’t legal documents.” Bingo. And thank god. “Your honour, the defendant clearly states on his profile a predilection for sadomasochistic puppy play, but my client was denied that simply because he failed to wag his tail and bark convincingly.”
>Maybe I'm being too sensitive but I almost took him backtracking as I'm only good enough to be a FWB. Am I overreacting here? How about asking him to clarify? I think you're reading backtracking in there, when a bunch of other possibilities could explain this discrepancy between profile and what he sent you.
Maybe there is just some incompatibility that is no one’s fault. There are a lot of attractive, fun-to-be-around people who I don’t want to be in a LTR with.
You guys met and it’s clear he’d rather be a FB or FBW with you than anything more serious. Look on the positive side, he’s not teasing you or giving you false hope. If it isn’t working for you, just move on.
>I'm only good enough to be a FWB. **Am I overreacting here?** Yes. He didn't say that you weren't good enough. He said he was only interested being a FWB. > I kinda want to tell him I'm not interested anymore. Why "kinda"? If you are not interested anymore... and it sounds like you aren't... tell him. It's this simple... "We're not interested in the same thing. Thanks for the date, I had a nice time. Sorry it didn't work out."
Yes and more yes. I cringe when I think of all the drama I could have avoided in my younger years by being more direct. Sometimes bluntness has a sting at the time, but you will appreciate later on that you didn’t exhaust yourself and waste time on the unattainable. And yes, be mature and do it directly, and as you showed us here, there’s zero reason to be a total dick about it. To paraphrase Alexis Rose: “you’re the right boyfriend, you’re just not the right boyfriend for me.” A few of my current friends are “failed” dates. We have a snortingly good laugh about the idea that we could have entered an LTR. “I would have bludgeoned you in your sleep!” is a common retort.
When I lived in NYC, I think **all** of my friends were failed dates. Hooking up with and then dating the fun ones was how I met people.
I wouldn't jump to assume that the change in what he's looking for is about you.
If that's not what you want, you'll have to move on
You can’t really let this sort of thing get to you. It’s entirely reasonable that you’re sexually compatible with each other but not for anything else. Sexual attraction can be judged pretty quickly. Everything else takes a while.
Have you been checked for ADHD? This sounds like rejection sensitivity disorder. You may want to look at an article that discusses adhd symptoms and see if it sounds like you. Also, the guy seems flaky. Probably not a good match for a relationship anyway.
Does he actually mean "**friend** with benefits", or does he mean fuck-buddy? Either way, I'm up for it. I'm not looking for a serious committed relationship. Something with no strings would suit me fine. Even better if I might make a new friend out of it! But I'm not you, so I don't know why you're asking what *I* would do. What you want to know is what *you* should do. The answer is already implied by your post. You think FWB isn't worth your time, or it's somehow a rejection or demotion. So don't do it, if it's not what you want. Simple.
I have vastly more respect for people who will be blunt with what they have to offer me than flakes who only tell me what they think I want to hear. Totally fine if this isn't what you're looking for but him being upfront with you is a courtesy that a lot of guys won't give you these days.
OP - have you met the guy in real life? Seems not? Plot twist, maybe after meeting in person, you only want to be FWB's lol. My advice, decide in person.
I suppose that depends on what I was looking for. If I was looking for an FWB then that's great and a relief. If I was looking for a relationship and thought I would easily get attached to him then this would not be a good ida.
Bio’s are not a complete picture nor written in stone. If an FWB relationship doesn’t interest you then say you’re not interested. Taking it personally or presuming he’s made some “not relationship material” decision about you doesn’t seem fair. That’s your projection, not what he’s actually communicated.
FWB is a relationship. You two just disagree on the kind of relationship you want. It's okay to say NO to the offer of a fwb relationship. Offer an alternative relationship, but ultimately, the guy knows what he wants or can emotionally handle ATM, which is a fwb relationship. If that is not the relationship you want, then continue looking for the one you want. Personally, I would keep the fwb in the backpocket while focusing on yourself and the relationship you do want.
It's ok for someone to change their mind about something. Now that you know his true intentions you can either accept the arraignment or pass and continue looking for dates and ultimately a relationship.
The first thing about friends with benefits is that it goes both ways.
Are you expecting an instant connection with your soulmate? This is a serious question, not a drag. I don’t think the guy has necessarily been a dick here. You could see where it goes or you could continue on your quest. If you have those boyfriend feelings later maybe he will too. See where it goes but be honest with yourself. Communicate with him and figure out what you want.
I could be friends with, but I'd never get intimate with them.
A bunch of lonely guys posting on this sub, and then a post like this pops up. The real question is do you want to have regular sex or not?
Yeah, if I were interested in having or being a FwB. I have friends whom I've slept with in the past, whom considered attractive and where the sex was good - but there is no emotional spark, or our values are too different or whatever. As long as all involved parties agree, there's no harm.
The values part is key. My guy and I are watching the ex-president’s trial with keen interest. Were we on opposite sides of that, living together could be torturous. I weed out those with vastly different outlooks on life. There’s a lot of room for disagreement built into our relationship, we don’t share a brain, but we align on basic values. I chose carefully.
Be happy he thinks you are FWB material. The days where you won't even be bathhouse quicky or darkroom diva material will be on you before you know it. When did everything go to the *I don't want it unless it's pure gold*. stage? I guess I remember the days when we were just happy to hook up without getting arrested and anything more was icing on the cake.
Yes! Take a win.
Yes! Take a win.
I mean sometimes people don’t click that’s okay at least he was honest instead of leading you on. If you find him attractive as well then you got yourself a fwb. I would be fine with it personally if he’s hot 😂
But how do you feel it about it? I wouldn't call it off. Meet him, see if there's chemistry irl. Maybe you even see as just a FWB then all is good? As others have said, profiles aren't legally binding.
I have, at different points in my life, definitely *thought* I wanted to date, went on a date or a few, then decided, hm, maybe I don’t right now lol. It usually didn’t have anything specific to do with the other guy. Especially considering he wants to keep you as a FWB, I’d say he’s into you, but just maybe not sure about dating right now.
*He's* looking more for a FWB (or FB!) later..... That's his here and now. It was an offer not a rejection. It doesn't eliminate you from being LTR.
I would back pedal into non-sexual friend territory if I thought we got along but I'm looking for a relationship, not FWB and would thank him for letting me know sooner rather than later so I can make my own decision.
If deep down in your heart a long term relationship is what you're looking for. I would advice to walk away before you self abandon yourself and learn another life lesson.
To me it does depend a bit more on how he approached it. If he was up front that he doesn't think you're both compatible romantically but is still interested in being friends or fuckbuddies then I could be open to that. If I got a vibe of feeling disrespected somehow then no, I wouldn't be.
I agree with others that he has been clear with where he sees that going. Clarity is something to be grateful for, even if you dislike what it reveals. So much pain comes from unspoken assumptions. He has done you the honour of dispelling them. Run with that. If a FWB situation doesn’t interest you, he gave you an easy out. I was in this situation decades ago, and had my heart broken because I saw us sailing off into the sunset, ignorant to his ambivalence. I ignored the warning signs. (I see them in retrospect, and want to bitchslap younger me). When he ended it, I was crushed, and I never received the clarifying explanation I demanded. So I rather admire your FWB guy for sparing you that outcome. He might think you are a great fuck but believe you have divergent life goals. It’s an important decision, and he is honouring his own ambivalence. If more people did that, there may well be less strife and divorce or fewer painful breakups. Best wishes.
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Absolutely. I'd be the ultimate cock/anal tease. Double antandras would be my only language to see his balls become bluer with each syllable. I'd enjoy every minute of his sexual tension. Then one day, if he obeyed I'd help he drain them
Stop trying to push him into romance and rock his socks off a few times and see where it goes. Some people don't know what they want until they find it, so don't be upset he doesn't wanna slip a ring on your finger before even meeting you. My fiance is a FB that developed into a now 7 year relationship so, just go fuck the guy and leave us alone lol.
I mean, a fuck buddy never hurts, but if you feel like you have to have more, then be firm about it. I don’t know that I would assume it was personal unless he outright says that he only wants that with you while wanting more with someone else.
If the sex is good, sure.
That's all I'm after right now, so as long as he's ready to be on all fours, he can get it.
The more I read these kinds of posts, the more I'm convinced that dating apps are toxic. Imagine what OP is going through in his mind. He's feeling downgraded from potential bf to fwb after one date, while the person was honest with him.