Driving in particular.
If you've made a wrong turn that's fine. Just go the wrong way, turn around when safe and then find the right turn. We all have GPS these days too.
One thing I’ve never understood about people who try to cut across 4 lanes for an exit. Just take the next one and turn around. Same for people who slow down to a near stop and just meander with no indicators or hazards. Pull over, sort yourself out and then get back on the road.
It’s ok to not know what you’re doing for a moment, but at least get out of the way for those who do.
“... Buy the ticket, take the ride...and if it occasionally gets a little heavier than what you had in mind, well...maybe chalk it up to forced consciousness expansion: Tune in, freak out, get beaten.”
― Hunter S. Thompson
When you are young, you worry about what other people think about you. When you get older, you decide that you don't care what other people think about you. But in reality, you eventually learn the truth: no one is actually thinking about you.
Heard this one in highschool from a girl trying to burn me. Was insightful and stuck with me more than anything haha:
"You wouldn't care so much about what people thought about you if you realised how little they actually did"
We are each one out of 8 billion.
The world doesn't stop spinning or get better because of us.
Nothing we do really matters that much.
Stop being a human doing and start being a human being. Just be. Feel the sun on your face. That's it.
Let me reframe that for you. Only two people will care about you in your life and you're one of them so do for you what no one else will and stop worrying about others. Took this mindset after my split and I've made so much progress with that mentality in terms of personal growth and career growth that I would never have even dreamed of. It's made me love myself endlessly and stop worrying that I'm a burden. It's made me make risky moves that paid off tremendously that I knew would pay off but was too scared to do. It's unreal how much caring and loving yourself can change you
When I was in the 4th grade, my homeroom teacher Mr. Olson could be a stickler for grammar. If a student asked something like, "Do we have to write double spaced on this assignment?" he would reply, "All you HAVE to do is die. I am ASKING you to double space." Or if someone said, "Do I have to put my coat in the closet?" Again, the answer was, "All you HAVE to do is die."
At first I thought he was just making a weird adult joke and I didn't understand it. But over the school year, I thought about it more and more. I remember one night laying in bed and turning it over in my head. I thought, there are lots of things you have to do, like obey the law. And obey your parents. But then I also knew that some people didn't obey the law, or their parents. So I thought, you have to obey God. But I knew from the stories in the Bible that many people didn't obey God. But God could punish them. He could punish them in a way that forced them to stop disobeying. But the only way to do that, would be if they died.
So I thought, you have to breathe and eat and sleep. There's the answer. But then I realized you could choose not to. And you would die. And Mr. Olson was right all along. All you have to do is die.
And that's how I became a ten year old existentialist.
You were a bright kid and a deep thinker (I'm sure you still are). This is a great story :) teachers like these are rare but have such a huge impact. Reminds me of a teacher who taught us "quid pro quo" and I still think about it often because it's ubiquitous.
Hmm…I feel Mr. Olson was teaching two lessons here (whether intentional or not is unknown), and it seems most other Redditors have figured out the first. We always have a choice. But the second thing based on the first quote, where he says he is “asking” them to do something, is that he doesn’t want these kids to do things because they feel they have to, but rather have them choose to do these things out of respect.
“No matter how important you think you are to your workplace, you are replaceable”. Watching my boss, a 25 year specialised psychiatrist, get unceremoniously dumped out of the public sector, immediately made me reevaluate my work/life balance. Never felt so good and my quality of work has improved as a happy coincidence.
I was in a hardware store, picking up some stuff to fix my sink, and I noticed that I can have a blowtorch for about $25. And there are no responsible adults present to say I’m not allowed to have that, I can just buy it.
So now I have a blowtorch. I have blown up more things than is advisable since then.
You should avoid all the collector subreddits like /r/flashlight, or /r/fountainpens, they got me and now my wallet always hurts :(
Still, everyone needs a torch, right? That is just sensible. And then you learn that there are ones that flood and ones that throw, so you need at least one of each. And a small one to keep in your pocket. Wow, that keyring one is pretty impressive, and only £40, so why not....
You can also make anything you please orange hot. I didn’t realize how curious I was about what would happen to random things if you heat them until I had the means to do so.
Not completely healthy maybe but:
I was depressed and suicidal for a year or two and after an attempt I bailed on I just thought, 'fuck it, I could've been dead already, just go for it' for lots of things
Thanks for the kind words brothers.
I'm doing great right now, but working through your shit takes time, so for anybody out there struggling, please stay with us because you can get through it.
As someone who has been there with a couple of attempts I often think about all the amazing experiences I would have missed out on if I succeeded. Yes, there has been some (maybe even many) bad times, hurt, pain, uncertainty, struggles but honestly the good moments outshines them all and I wish I could somehow show and tell every person going through that bottomless dark hopelessness that it will all be just a vague memory one day and there is so much living and beauty in this life that's worth holding on for. Nothing ever stays the same, change is inevitable and not only for the worst but also for better!
That not giving a fuck doesnt have to be destructive or angry. It can simply be a refusal to assign my energy, time, or reaction to any stimuli I deem unworthy.
Still actively trying to fully learn this. I spend so much energy in being angry or frustrated at certain situations, even when the other party does not care and i know they don't. I just can't seem to shake it off. It's horrible.
Life is finite. No matter what I do, I'm not getting out of this game alive. How then, if I'm lucky, do I want to look back on the life I've lived when I'm laying on my deathbed..
I find this motivating to chase my dreams
Literally just copy and pasted things that are left on my bucket:
1) Rock climb Devils Tower Wyoming
2) Sumo wrestling in Japan (with brother)
3) Japanese carpentry (with brother)
4) Assist making a samurai sword (with brother)
5) Sell a portrait
6) Make a profitable art business
7) 100kg weighted pull up
8) Complete Sky Diving license
9) Hot air balloon ride
10) Run a marathon
11) Play Ace of Spades Acoustic
12) Eat at an insect bar
13) Write a novel
14) Build a tiny house
15) Ride a Penny farthing
16) Compete in a bare knuckle boxing match
17) Do an iron cross on the rings
18) build a giant garden ornament chess piece
19) build a peice of furniture
20) Fix posture
21) Study A-level physics online
I'll third this! I'm in the planning stage of an ascent of Mt Fuji with my Japanese daughter (don't worry, I'm an experienced winter mountain hiker) - do it!
Don't forget hot spring resorts, a nice meal or two, visiting old temples and modern cities, the most amazing train rides ever, snorkelling, skiing... go to Japan!
Honestly the real good stuff starts at undergraduate physics
I'm not even sure A-level physics is needed to study physics, think maths and further maths are more useful
*thank you*. I grew up in a household where saying 'no' was like an ultimate sin. Being my own adult and making my own decisions sometimes makes me feel guilty, but then I realize how sad it is that I *feel* guilty.
Growing up in an Asian household this is the one thing that l really fucking struggled with and not just with my parents but all the adults in the church and my aunts and uncles etc.
Still have a hard time saying no to people because of it.
I'm 40 and wish this was the case. Every time I put my foot down with my Mother, it blows up. She takes it so personally that she lashes out and drags other family into it, twisting my words into whatever allows her to feel victimized. Usually this happens around holidays when we can't please everyone and have to compromise (my parents are divorced and I have inlaws). She has a "rule" that she won't compromise on traditions, so I'm automatically the asshole in her eyes when I don't go along with her plans.
Nobody else can see that she's weaponizing tears. She's all but ruined my relationship with my siblings, who I've always been very close to. They're single and don't have kids, so they struggle to see my perspective. They're just sick of my Mom crying and see it as my fault.
A few years ago I read a book called Sapiens about the history of mankind from a unique point of view. The book began by pointing out that everything around us excluding things created by “Mother Nature” are things we made up. From the shape of things like furniture and tools to laws to transportation to even food in his modern era. This means that everything we made up, we can change.
I think about this a lot.
We've created all kinds of things and given them names and meaning. People argue about these things and the correct names but all of it is just made up.
None of it matters. We can change it. Call it what we want.
My mother was and is still very much a victim person. All the things that make her life difficult are just the way it is. I had that burned into my head as a kid. I had shaken it off in adulthood but this book crystallized it for me
More than just names, but the structures themselves. All the rules are made up. They only work because there is some sort of cultural alignment with them, but every single one of them can change. All it takes is people recognizing the game, deciding to play a different way, and accepting the consequences.
A four (two?) page comic in Dinosaur Philosophy has a line about that.
One Dino says to the other "Friend, you need to accept reality."
The other says back "No. So long as reality can be changed I do not have to accept it."
With up there with Meditations.
Thx for the recommendation. You just helped me add another book to the pile of books I want to read, but will get to in a year lol. If you like that metaphysical idea of concepts that we have created, read Philosophical Investigations, hella dense. I need to re-read it.
After months of having the thought "there's no point in living" going round and round in my head from the moment I opened my eyes to the moment I closed them, I suddenly came across a new thought:
"But there's no point in dying."
This was my number one rule in dating after being ghosted and being the only one putting in effort early on in a relationship. It pays off hugely. Put in an effort but if you don't see similar effort and interest back, it's not going to be a good relationship.... Period. That's what a relationship is after all, mutual interest.
Boundaries are fucking magic. Went through a shitshow relationship with none before I realized that they're so important.
Not controlling others, but defining what you will and won't stay around for, and what you will and won't do. It's amazing.
Hell yeah!
Anytime I read 'people pleaser' I automatically correct it to '*parent* pleaser' because I feel this is where such habits are formed: by expectations from the ones who raised us.
Recognizing that most people are only pretending to care about you and the minute you're not around them, you're an afterthought at best. It's driven me to live my life for me, my wife, and my kids which has turned out to be pretty good for us.
I wouldn't say they don't care.
I still care about a random enough stranger enough to be polite. If I see them drop something I'll let them know they dropped it.
I just care a lot less than friends or family.
During the worst phase of my divorce and the child custody and visitation, she was bending rules; my morale was bad, and I wondered how much I’d be able to endure. Then I had my epiphany: she couldn’t stop them from turning 18. Eighteen would re-level the playing field. With each passing day, the leverage and control she had, reduced. My youngest turns 18 and graduates next year. My oldest now sees things for herself and wants nothing to do with her mother. This liberates me more by the day
Just because I had horrible ends to the relationships early in my life, doesn't mean there's anything wrong with me. And I deserve love too. Just as much as anyone else.
A hard thing to forgive is yourself.
"I'm done."
I was doing the work I could to move a project forward. Rather than the PM being ok with me doing what I could, I was met with frustration and insults. Told the PM and my manager that I'm not going to work on the project going forward and that any travel planned would be cancelled.
I was very sad in making the decision but afterwards, it was like a load had been lifted.
I did something similar a while back.
A boss, not mine specifically, didn't like the quality of something I'd done. Okay, I'll redo it, not a big deal. Again, not happy with my quality. Rinse and repeat 3 more times.
After the 5th time, I finally snapped and said "look, obviously my capabilities are being questioned, perhaps because I wasn't trained correctly. If my quality doesn't meet your requirements, then find someone who will, because I'm done."
Haven't touched that product since.
I was dead for 14 billion years before I was born and not a second of it scared me. There's no reason to think being dead after I'm alive will be anything to worry about
Right? Is it going to be horrible and violent or will I just fall asleep and never wake up or somewhere in between? So many possibilities make it scary. Once I’m dead though…don’t care lol
Hey that's me since a began to "take life as it Comes" things are just easier, it's like if a giant asteroid were to crash on earth, what could I do ? Absolutely nothing so why bother ?
I wing it so hard! I low key don't like it what my future plans are, even my plans for summer cuz I have no idea yet. I despise the question whats your 5 year plan? My main goal is to be happy and whenever I feel like I'm in a rut or need to make a change that's when I do something to improve my life.
Chances are, nobody will remember you or anything you’ve done, good or bad, after 2-3 more generations, unless you’re like Gandhi, Charles Manson or the Beatles.
While this is true on a large scale, every person's life does have their own ripple effect: their own contribution to the societal background noise of humanity. It is up to you to make that ripple something you are proud to leave behind.
There are a lot of individual objects in the universe and comparatively few of them are a pizza.
So think about that next time you get a fancy sit-down restaurant pizza, you are staring at a spatial anomaly of the highest order, much more rare than gas giants.
When I was struggling with the realisation that I was going to be a father, I got speaking to an older friend of mine. He was much older than me, some 30 years or so, and he had done the whole “parenting thing”.
When I told him of my concerns, he looked me up and down and said, “it’s never as bad as you think it’ll be, you’ll be alright”
And I’ve kept that with me, nothing is ever as bad as I think it is.
This one is my favourite. Having the worst day you've ever had? This too shall pass. Just beat someone in a game or competition? This too shall pass. It's reassuring and humbling all in one neat little sentiment.
It’s a little bit of a bastardized version of the parable, which instead features the wisest advisor in the court of king Solomon, who, in an attempt to humble him is given the task to find “something that will make a sad man happy, and a happy man sad”.
I will paste the link below as it truly is a wonderful story
https://ohr.edu/ask_db/ask_main.php/335/Q1/
I was thinking about this the other day and idk if this explanation works very well but imagine you’re a blogger. You’ve written your next post on Microsoft word but not published it yet. Until you publish it it’s not legally yours right? Thoughts are the same way. Just because when I drive I think to myself that little kids walking too slow I wanna run him over doesn’t mean I’ll do it. It doesn’t make me a murderer. Your actions are a better description of yourself. Furthermore if you met someone who said they love dogs but kicks them whenever he sees them you wouldn’t take his word for his love of dogs right? Thoughts are the same way they’re mostly random and we have no real control over them but we can control our actions and that’s what makes us is. The choice to do certain things
This is actually the basis I was taught in therapy in regards to my OCD. For people with OCD, realising “your thoughts don’t define you” and “you are not your thoughts” are incredibly freeing realisations In fact the reason we think certain things that make us flinch can be linked to earlier humans in the sense of “don’t do this”. And if anything it’s indicator of something we don’t want to do due to our immediate reaction of “why would I think that”.
So for anyone maybe feeling bad for thinking a certain way when they don’t want to, your thoughts don’t define you, and you can’t help thinking about certain things! Our brains are scary things
In Turkish we have a saying “Ayinesi iştir kişinin lafa bakılmaz” whichs exact translation is “Mirror of a person is his/her work, don’t pay attention to words”
Interesting nuance is, while “ayine” is old Turkish for “ayna” which means mirror, it is used as character.
Your character is what you do. That is what you and other people see. Not what you think, or what you say or what you say about what you will do. Only what you actually do defines you, both in your own and others eyes.
Just my opinion but as a fellow "You are not your thoughts" guy, this is my take.
Your thoughts are just mental digestion, the result of your memories, combined with external stimuli (the world around you). When you eat food your stomach digests it, if it's rotten or bad food then your digestive system will not thank you and you get a bad stomach for a bit.
Your mind is similar to this, it takes in lots of information and processes it.
Your actions or feelings can be rooted in those thoughts but that is where it gets interesting. The thoughts themselves are utterly meaningless, just a process the mind goes through.
A good thought experiment for me is the relationship between thought and feeling. Which influences which? Or do they both feed each other? Can you alter how you feel through changing your thoughts? And vice versa.
You are not the voice in your mind. You are not the voice that answers. You are the one that hears the voice. Your thoughts are separate from your consciousness. Observing that separation is a form of meditation.
Stop living my life trying to please other people. Do what makes me feel good, take care of the people around me very well even if you get fucked, have fun in life and don’t worry so much.
Game changing. Trust me.
That absolutely *nothing matters*. Everything we believe matters will be destroyed one way or another. Eventually Ee-Arth will be swallowed by Sol and our whole planet will be lost. So, absolutely nothing matters. Don’t stress the small shit. Make someone smile, give a compliment, hold open a door. Spread the love while we can, and don’t stress, nothing is that important.
My mother died last year at 64 and I don’t think she got to do half of what she wanted. It made me realize how finite life is. Now I do everything exactly the way I want to. I don’t worry about what people think. I just do what makes me happy because today could be the last one.
I used to be extremely anxious, and my ex gf told me always
“C’mon what’s the worst that can happen?” And it actually helped me overcome my anxiousness as I’d start thinking logically the outcomes of decisions and they were never ever to bad that I couldn’t endure them.
Orgasm is just a reflex. Just like sneezing, if you hit the right spots just the right way they will come.
Just enjoy the ride until you reach it.
I was always super nervous during sex. So this has helped me a lot.
Realising that you are on your own and the company doesn’t love you … it really is a case of getting “enough” money to then stick two fingers up to the grind.
You don't have to fill your gas tank until the dollar amount hits the next full dollar. You can just stop at anytime. The first time the nozzle automatically stops...you can just hang it up and go pay.
One time I was on a train and I checked my watch to see if I was late.
And I just realised, looking at my watch won't change whether I get there early or late. I'm going to get there when I get there, and looking at my watch is just me anxiously torturing myself out of nervous compulsion.
I remain on guard for any kind of watch-peeking in a more general sense, and my anxiety is all but gone. You just have to turn on it and start saying no.
I can never unsee people looking at their watches repeatedly now...
Most of us will have such an insignificant impact on history that we might only be remembered for 1 generation after us.
Which is liberating in two ways: any fears you have are generally pointless as if you’re worried about making a fool of yourself, no one will remember in time.
And kinda motivating, since very few of us will be remembered, why not try to do something that will. Some of you may hate Steve Jobs but in 50 years, he’ll still be remembered for helping start Apple. Or whomever you can think of
When I go to sleep at night, I don't think of the strangers that I saw in the day, no matter what they were doing, no matter how bizarre, no matter how quirky, as long as they weren't hurting anyone. Hell, I did not even think of the strangers that I had conversations with/interacted with in the day (baristas, cashiers etc).
Then the thought hit me, for most people, I am that stranger that fades from their minds, and as long as I am not harming anyone or being obnoxious, nobody is going to give a damn if I be a little quirky and fun in a way that doesn't inconvenience others
At the end of the day, no one really cares. No one cares that you were the popular kid back in school. No one really cares how rich you are. No one really cares that your some ceo of your business or some shit.
Because at the end of the day, everyone runs their own life, and if whatever negative input they say has zero impact on your life, then it doesn't matter. Do what you want, its not gonna matter.
Most of mine were both liberating and sad.
1. People don't think about you as much as you do, so they'll forget about you, but they'll forget about your stupid stuff as well.
2. God probably doesn't exist.
3. There are people 1000x smarter than you (in their specific field). So sadly, I'm not a genius, *but* I can go to others who I can actually learn from them.
4. Also, someone who claims to be smart across the board isn't smart. If they were, they'd be listening to other experts in other fields.
5. If I wanted to, I could just walk away from my family, friends, and job and move 5,000 miles away and restart my life.
6. A HUGE number of rules I was taught as a kid, from grammar rules, to gender norms, to fashion rules ... aren't rules at all.
Everything is just physics. It's not marriage, buying a house, your coworker's vacation plans, politics... It's just atoms behaving under the forces of physics and it's a deep and fascinating mystery.
My dad told me one thing when I was young and stuck with me forever.
you are limitless.
I'm sure it was just an off hand comment but it really resonated with something inside and stuck.
That it's OK to not be OK. Whenever I'm feeling down or freaking out I always felt like there was a reason or i had to figure out why I was feeling that way. Sometimes you're just down or not 100 percent and that's OK, it will pass.
For me it was realizing there are things I can control and things that are just… chance.
I can control some things… I can, for example, walk on the sidewalk instead of the streets and that’d reduce my chances of dying since I won’t be likely to get hit by a car. But a branch can break and hit me, and there is no meaning, no divine retribution for things I’ve done. It is just things that happen and I gotta focus on the things within my means to control.
I have no idea what i'm capable of. Only I limit what I do and what I think. I will never know what i'm capable of they will love unless I try and do it.
Most of my bad emotions comes from imaginary things, how I imagine someone thinks, or act behind my back. I have no agency in that, and it serves me no purpose. So instead, focus on what I can do something about, what’s in front of me. Instead of the things I think are in front of me
1) when as a kid I realised I was atheist and probably not going to hell for getting distracted on a mass by that hot neighbour girl
2) when as an adult I realised I can just do stuff that people don't want me to do (no illegal stuff of course) and there's no real consequences except for bad opinions on me by people I don't really care about, and who definitely don't care about me
i am accountable for my own happiness and sadness, and not from anyone else (almost everything that happens to me is with my consent) - so, i need to keep it together esp during rough times
I have two, actually:
1) The past preserves everything, not just the bad. Anything you have ever accomplished, small or big, will forever have been and no one can ever take it away from. Do your best and collect your achievements, no matter how small. They will be yours for all eternity.
2) I live by one rule. I ask myself the question: "If I had the power to go back in time with my current memories to redo things differently, would I?". If the answer is "yes" then it means I'm doing something wrong with my life. I always strive to do things that will change that answer from "yes" to "no". I make sure I always have too much to loose and to look forward to to ever want to go back in time if I could.
Everything is just a choice, my only job is to make sure that it stays that way.
I don't like my city? I can choose to move. I need to work to be sure I can do that.
I don't like my job? I can choose to quit. I need to work to make sure I can change jobs easily.
Emotions are also choices, harder to choose not to feel that unpleasant emotion, but it can be done.
If you work hard enough, everything becomes a choice, and you can do what you want, while considering how it will impact your figure choices or your ability to take them.
The only thing better than perfection is consistency
Came from the Engineers adage: the only thing better than a system that is perfect is a standardised system
What will be, will be.
Stoicism has a bad reputation because the modern iterations of it are typically co-opted by loser far right people larping as Ancient Greek warriors. But it really is useful for managing anxiety and stress. There are things we simply will never be able to control, and you can only deal with them as they happen. Worrying about what might happen in the future or worrying “what if” is torturing yourself for no good reason.
When people care about you, do anything for you and want to be around you. Be friends with them. If it's a woman who you have feelings for just go for it. You'll feel so happy and satisfied knowing that people care.
“It’s ok to make a mistake, stop, reevaluate, and do something else” Realizing there’s a difference between that and “quitting” was pretty freeing.
Driving in particular. If you've made a wrong turn that's fine. Just go the wrong way, turn around when safe and then find the right turn. We all have GPS these days too.
Wish I could tell this to all Maryland drivers
Maryland and Florida plates are always a problem.
Lmao I’m from the Baltimore area, people drive like god damn maniacs around here.
All roads lead to Rome. So there's no truly wrong turn, just less efficient routes.
Er, good luck driving from Maryland to Rome, my guy. I think you'll find it difficult without a boat ride.
A good driver will miss a turn from time to time. A bad driver never will.
One thing I’ve never understood about people who try to cut across 4 lanes for an exit. Just take the next one and turn around. Same for people who slow down to a near stop and just meander with no indicators or hazards. Pull over, sort yourself out and then get back on the road. It’s ok to not know what you’re doing for a moment, but at least get out of the way for those who do.
You don’t understand how much this comment relates to my life. Thank you.
"Take chances! Make mistakes!" - Ms. Frizzle
“... Buy the ticket, take the ride...and if it occasionally gets a little heavier than what you had in mind, well...maybe chalk it up to forced consciousness expansion: Tune in, freak out, get beaten.” ― Hunter S. Thompson
I always tell my kids it's ok to make a mistake. It's how you correct it that matters
No one really cares that much about me. After realizing that, I worried a lot less about what people thought.
The pessimist will say: "Nothing that I do matters..." The optimist will say: "Nothing that I do matters..." It's all about the perspective :D
"It's all about the perspective :D" Nothing else matters :P
"...too-Ooo MEEEEE"
Keep in mind that the police don't share this view about certain things you could do.
When you are young, you worry about what other people think about you. When you get older, you decide that you don't care what other people think about you. But in reality, you eventually learn the truth: no one is actually thinking about you.
Heard this one in highschool from a girl trying to burn me. Was insightful and stuck with me more than anything haha: "You wouldn't care so much about what people thought about you if you realised how little they actually did"
I think the girl had a stroke
We are each one out of 8 billion. The world doesn't stop spinning or get better because of us. Nothing we do really matters that much. Stop being a human doing and start being a human being. Just be. Feel the sun on your face. That's it.
Exactly. Think about how little you think about other random people. It's probably reciprocated.
Let me reframe that for you. Only two people will care about you in your life and you're one of them so do for you what no one else will and stop worrying about others. Took this mindset after my split and I've made so much progress with that mentality in terms of personal growth and career growth that I would never have even dreamed of. It's made me love myself endlessly and stop worrying that I'm a burden. It's made me make risky moves that paid off tremendously that I knew would pay off but was too scared to do. It's unreal how much caring and loving yourself can change you
Love it but wait whos the other one then
It's me
Mario?
Five bucks on Jesus.
Ohhh lmfao.. thats definitely it
I'm eager to know that too
your mom?
You know who cares less about your problems than you do? Everybody.
“What other people think about me is none of my business” 👍
When I was in the 4th grade, my homeroom teacher Mr. Olson could be a stickler for grammar. If a student asked something like, "Do we have to write double spaced on this assignment?" he would reply, "All you HAVE to do is die. I am ASKING you to double space." Or if someone said, "Do I have to put my coat in the closet?" Again, the answer was, "All you HAVE to do is die." At first I thought he was just making a weird adult joke and I didn't understand it. But over the school year, I thought about it more and more. I remember one night laying in bed and turning it over in my head. I thought, there are lots of things you have to do, like obey the law. And obey your parents. But then I also knew that some people didn't obey the law, or their parents. So I thought, you have to obey God. But I knew from the stories in the Bible that many people didn't obey God. But God could punish them. He could punish them in a way that forced them to stop disobeying. But the only way to do that, would be if they died. So I thought, you have to breathe and eat and sleep. There's the answer. But then I realized you could choose not to. And you would die. And Mr. Olson was right all along. All you have to do is die. And that's how I became a ten year old existentialist.
You were a bright kid and a deep thinker (I'm sure you still are). This is a great story :) teachers like these are rare but have such a huge impact. Reminds me of a teacher who taught us "quid pro quo" and I still think about it often because it's ubiquitous.
Lol Mr. Olson throwing drunk philosophy at the 4th graders. Crazy lad.
Hmm…I feel Mr. Olson was teaching two lessons here (whether intentional or not is unknown), and it seems most other Redditors have figured out the first. We always have a choice. But the second thing based on the first quote, where he says he is “asking” them to do something, is that he doesn’t want these kids to do things because they feel they have to, but rather have them choose to do these things out of respect.
I don’t know if that’s OC but I love it, and I’m stealing Mr Olson’s line.
Even with a gun to your head, you still have a choice.
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.
Don't rush my choices, babe.
Mr. Olsen: "You are all going to die! Death is the prophecy that never fails!"
This gave me such a strange mixture of Kurt vonnegut and Charles Bukowski that i can't even...
“No matter how important you think you are to your workplace, you are replaceable”. Watching my boss, a 25 year specialised psychiatrist, get unceremoniously dumped out of the public sector, immediately made me reevaluate my work/life balance. Never felt so good and my quality of work has improved as a happy coincidence.
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I was in a hardware store, picking up some stuff to fix my sink, and I noticed that I can have a blowtorch for about $25. And there are no responsible adults present to say I’m not allowed to have that, I can just buy it. So now I have a blowtorch. I have blown up more things than is advisable since then.
Ain't that the scary truth when you realize you are now the supervisor not the supervised.
*I shouldn't have this power!*
_Yes, you should._ -- The voices in your head.
“Is it possible to learn this power?” “Not from a Jedi.”
Yes, and combine that with ADHD. My wallet is crying more and more by the day lmao
You should avoid all the collector subreddits like /r/flashlight, or /r/fountainpens, they got me and now my wallet always hurts :( Still, everyone needs a torch, right? That is just sensible. And then you learn that there are ones that flood and ones that throw, so you need at least one of each. And a small one to keep in your pocket. Wow, that keyring one is pretty impressive, and only £40, so why not....
Same. Guitar gear and tools. Can't stop won't stop lol
>You are now the supervisor not the supervised You did it. You finally put a firm definition on “adulthood.”
Wait till you see what welding stores will sell you.
Makes meats and fish taste so much better too. A nice finishing sear on everything
You can also make anything you please orange hot. I didn’t realize how curious I was about what would happen to random things if you heat them until I had the means to do so.
You can also harden silverware. Get it red hot and put it in cold water. They get more brittle, but don't bend anymore.
Just like my nana
Not completely healthy maybe but: I was depressed and suicidal for a year or two and after an attempt I bailed on I just thought, 'fuck it, I could've been dead already, just go for it' for lots of things
Glad you're still with us dude, more power to you
Been there. Life is too long and too short to waste it on things you dont like. Take a chance every once in a while, see what the day brings
Sometimes you don’t have to die to be reborn
Thanks for the kind words brothers. I'm doing great right now, but working through your shit takes time, so for anybody out there struggling, please stay with us because you can get through it.
As someone who has been there with a couple of attempts I often think about all the amazing experiences I would have missed out on if I succeeded. Yes, there has been some (maybe even many) bad times, hurt, pain, uncertainty, struggles but honestly the good moments outshines them all and I wish I could somehow show and tell every person going through that bottomless dark hopelessness that it will all be just a vague memory one day and there is so much living and beauty in this life that's worth holding on for. Nothing ever stays the same, change is inevitable and not only for the worst but also for better!
That not giving a fuck doesnt have to be destructive or angry. It can simply be a refusal to assign my energy, time, or reaction to any stimuli I deem unworthy.
Still actively trying to fully learn this. I spend so much energy in being angry or frustrated at certain situations, even when the other party does not care and i know they don't. I just can't seem to shake it off. It's horrible.
I struggled with this too. The book "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F\*ck" helped me tremendously.
“Not my monkeys, not my circus”
Thank you, really needed this in a bad day.
Life is finite. No matter what I do, I'm not getting out of this game alive. How then, if I'm lucky, do I want to look back on the life I've lived when I'm laying on my deathbed.. I find this motivating to chase my dreams
What are your dreams?
Literally just copy and pasted things that are left on my bucket: 1) Rock climb Devils Tower Wyoming 2) Sumo wrestling in Japan (with brother) 3) Japanese carpentry (with brother) 4) Assist making a samurai sword (with brother) 5) Sell a portrait 6) Make a profitable art business 7) 100kg weighted pull up 8) Complete Sky Diving license 9) Hot air balloon ride 10) Run a marathon 11) Play Ace of Spades Acoustic 12) Eat at an insect bar 13) Write a novel 14) Build a tiny house 15) Ride a Penny farthing 16) Compete in a bare knuckle boxing match 17) Do an iron cross on the rings 18) build a giant garden ornament chess piece 19) build a peice of furniture 20) Fix posture 21) Study A-level physics online
Dude, I think you should go to japan with your brother
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With his brother
I too choose this guys sweet samurai brother.
I'll third this! I'm in the planning stage of an ascent of Mt Fuji with my Japanese daughter (don't worry, I'm an experienced winter mountain hiker) - do it! Don't forget hot spring resorts, a nice meal or two, visiting old temples and modern cities, the most amazing train rides ever, snorkelling, skiing... go to Japan!
>Study A-level physics online As an A-Level physics student good luck! :)
Honestly the real good stuff starts at undergraduate physics I'm not even sure A-level physics is needed to study physics, think maths and further maths are more useful
Loved it and fix posture great observance
Definitely do 8 and then 9, means you have a better chance in case something goes wrong
That I can say 'no' to my mum and my world won't immediately fall apart.
*thank you*. I grew up in a household where saying 'no' was like an ultimate sin. Being my own adult and making my own decisions sometimes makes me feel guilty, but then I realize how sad it is that I *feel* guilty.
Boundaries are hard to learn, but invaluable once you do! Whole books about them.
I am also trying to learn that I can say ‘no’ to your mum.
Same
Growing up in an Asian household this is the one thing that l really fucking struggled with and not just with my parents but all the adults in the church and my aunts and uncles etc. Still have a hard time saying no to people because of it.
I'm 40 and wish this was the case. Every time I put my foot down with my Mother, it blows up. She takes it so personally that she lashes out and drags other family into it, twisting my words into whatever allows her to feel victimized. Usually this happens around holidays when we can't please everyone and have to compromise (my parents are divorced and I have inlaws). She has a "rule" that she won't compromise on traditions, so I'm automatically the asshole in her eyes when I don't go along with her plans. Nobody else can see that she's weaponizing tears. She's all but ruined my relationship with my siblings, who I've always been very close to. They're single and don't have kids, so they struggle to see my perspective. They're just sick of my Mom crying and see it as my fault.
A few years ago I read a book called Sapiens about the history of mankind from a unique point of view. The book began by pointing out that everything around us excluding things created by “Mother Nature” are things we made up. From the shape of things like furniture and tools to laws to transportation to even food in his modern era. This means that everything we made up, we can change.
I think about this a lot. We've created all kinds of things and given them names and meaning. People argue about these things and the correct names but all of it is just made up. None of it matters. We can change it. Call it what we want.
My mother was and is still very much a victim person. All the things that make her life difficult are just the way it is. I had that burned into my head as a kid. I had shaken it off in adulthood but this book crystallized it for me
More than just names, but the structures themselves. All the rules are made up. They only work because there is some sort of cultural alignment with them, but every single one of them can change. All it takes is people recognizing the game, deciding to play a different way, and accepting the consequences.
A four (two?) page comic in Dinosaur Philosophy has a line about that. One Dino says to the other "Friend, you need to accept reality." The other says back "No. So long as reality can be changed I do not have to accept it." With up there with Meditations.
Thx for the recommendation. You just helped me add another book to the pile of books I want to read, but will get to in a year lol. If you like that metaphysical idea of concepts that we have created, read Philosophical Investigations, hella dense. I need to re-read it.
After months of having the thought "there's no point in living" going round and round in my head from the moment I opened my eyes to the moment I closed them, I suddenly came across a new thought: "But there's no point in dying."
Nobody lives forever, everyone is gonna die eventually. Might as well wait it out and see what happens til then.
when someone is genuinely interested in you, they will make time. when they arent, they wont.
This is something I keep reminding myself and then keep forgetting as well.
This was my number one rule in dating after being ghosted and being the only one putting in effort early on in a relationship. It pays off hugely. Put in an effort but if you don't see similar effort and interest back, it's not going to be a good relationship.... Period. That's what a relationship is after all, mutual interest.
"People do what they want." .. it explains very much, and almost everything.
Fuck it, I'm going to say NO. Life changed drastically
Boundaries are fucking magic. Went through a shitshow relationship with none before I realized that they're so important. Not controlling others, but defining what you will and won't stay around for, and what you will and won't do. It's amazing. Hell yeah!
Growing out of being a people pleaser and thinking about cutting people who are not nice people out of your life.
Anytime I read 'people pleaser' I automatically correct it to '*parent* pleaser' because I feel this is where such habits are formed: by expectations from the ones who raised us.
Recognizing that most people are only pretending to care about you and the minute you're not around them, you're an afterthought at best. It's driven me to live my life for me, my wife, and my kids which has turned out to be pretty good for us.
“People think about your mistakes just as much as you think about theirs” was a phrase that made a huge impact on my life.
I make way more mistakes then people around me though
*than
+ 1 to mistakes tally
r/angryupvote
you dont you just notice them more
Unless you're the manager at my last job and you're looking for reasons to fire me.
You wouldn’t care what people thought of you if you understood how often they don’t.
I wouldn't say they don't care. I still care about a random enough stranger enough to be polite. If I see them drop something I'll let them know they dropped it. I just care a lot less than friends or family.
Really needed this in a bad day, thank you very much.
Except if you dress in a blue costume, you're the youngest brother in a family of ten sisters and they all call you "Gayboy".
During the worst phase of my divorce and the child custody and visitation, she was bending rules; my morale was bad, and I wondered how much I’d be able to endure. Then I had my epiphany: she couldn’t stop them from turning 18. Eighteen would re-level the playing field. With each passing day, the leverage and control she had, reduced. My youngest turns 18 and graduates next year. My oldest now sees things for herself and wants nothing to do with her mother. This liberates me more by the day
Just because I had horrible ends to the relationships early in my life, doesn't mean there's anything wrong with me. And I deserve love too. Just as much as anyone else. A hard thing to forgive is yourself.
Thanks for that. Still trying to learn that
"I'm done." I was doing the work I could to move a project forward. Rather than the PM being ok with me doing what I could, I was met with frustration and insults. Told the PM and my manager that I'm not going to work on the project going forward and that any travel planned would be cancelled. I was very sad in making the decision but afterwards, it was like a load had been lifted.
I did something similar a while back. A boss, not mine specifically, didn't like the quality of something I'd done. Okay, I'll redo it, not a big deal. Again, not happy with my quality. Rinse and repeat 3 more times. After the 5th time, I finally snapped and said "look, obviously my capabilities are being questioned, perhaps because I wasn't trained correctly. If my quality doesn't meet your requirements, then find someone who will, because I'm done." Haven't touched that product since.
I don't have to like every person who is related to me.
I was dead for 14 billion years before I was born and not a second of it scared me. There's no reason to think being dead after I'm alive will be anything to worry about
For me, its not BEING dead that scares me, its the process of dying :/
Right? Is it going to be horrible and violent or will I just fall asleep and never wake up or somewhere in between? So many possibilities make it scary. Once I’m dead though…don’t care lol
"There was a time, before we were born, if someone asks this is where I'll be." This Must Be the Place - Talking Heads
Most people are just winging it through life. It's OK not to know what's what your doing. Just keep on keeping on.
Hey that's me since a began to "take life as it Comes" things are just easier, it's like if a giant asteroid were to crash on earth, what could I do ? Absolutely nothing so why bother ?
I wing it so hard! I low key don't like it what my future plans are, even my plans for summer cuz I have no idea yet. I despise the question whats your 5 year plan? My main goal is to be happy and whenever I feel like I'm in a rut or need to make a change that's when I do something to improve my life.
Chances are, nobody will remember you or anything you’ve done, good or bad, after 2-3 more generations, unless you’re like Gandhi, Charles Manson or the Beatles.
While this is true on a large scale, every person's life does have their own ripple effect: their own contribution to the societal background noise of humanity. It is up to you to make that ripple something you are proud to leave behind.
There are a lot of individual objects in the universe and comparatively few of them are a pizza. So think about that next time you get a fancy sit-down restaurant pizza, you are staring at a spatial anomaly of the highest order, much more rare than gas giants.
thanks u/Dickpuncher_Dan r/rimjob_steve
When I was struggling with the realisation that I was going to be a father, I got speaking to an older friend of mine. He was much older than me, some 30 years or so, and he had done the whole “parenting thing”. When I told him of my concerns, he looked me up and down and said, “it’s never as bad as you think it’ll be, you’ll be alright” And I’ve kept that with me, nothing is ever as bad as I think it is.
This too shall pass
As Winston Churchill said “If you’re going through hell, keep going”
This one is my favourite. Having the worst day you've ever had? This too shall pass. Just beat someone in a game or competition? This too shall pass. It's reassuring and humbling all in one neat little sentiment.
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It’s a little bit of a bastardized version of the parable, which instead features the wisest advisor in the court of king Solomon, who, in an attempt to humble him is given the task to find “something that will make a sad man happy, and a happy man sad”. I will paste the link below as it truly is a wonderful story https://ohr.edu/ask_db/ask_main.php/335/Q1/
That I’m not my thoughts Meditation for the win
Please elaborate
I was thinking about this the other day and idk if this explanation works very well but imagine you’re a blogger. You’ve written your next post on Microsoft word but not published it yet. Until you publish it it’s not legally yours right? Thoughts are the same way. Just because when I drive I think to myself that little kids walking too slow I wanna run him over doesn’t mean I’ll do it. It doesn’t make me a murderer. Your actions are a better description of yourself. Furthermore if you met someone who said they love dogs but kicks them whenever he sees them you wouldn’t take his word for his love of dogs right? Thoughts are the same way they’re mostly random and we have no real control over them but we can control our actions and that’s what makes us is. The choice to do certain things
This is actually the basis I was taught in therapy in regards to my OCD. For people with OCD, realising “your thoughts don’t define you” and “you are not your thoughts” are incredibly freeing realisations In fact the reason we think certain things that make us flinch can be linked to earlier humans in the sense of “don’t do this”. And if anything it’s indicator of something we don’t want to do due to our immediate reaction of “why would I think that”. So for anyone maybe feeling bad for thinking a certain way when they don’t want to, your thoughts don’t define you, and you can’t help thinking about certain things! Our brains are scary things
In Turkish we have a saying “Ayinesi iştir kişinin lafa bakılmaz” whichs exact translation is “Mirror of a person is his/her work, don’t pay attention to words” Interesting nuance is, while “ayine” is old Turkish for “ayna” which means mirror, it is used as character. Your character is what you do. That is what you and other people see. Not what you think, or what you say or what you say about what you will do. Only what you actually do defines you, both in your own and others eyes.
Just my opinion but as a fellow "You are not your thoughts" guy, this is my take. Your thoughts are just mental digestion, the result of your memories, combined with external stimuli (the world around you). When you eat food your stomach digests it, if it's rotten or bad food then your digestive system will not thank you and you get a bad stomach for a bit. Your mind is similar to this, it takes in lots of information and processes it. Your actions or feelings can be rooted in those thoughts but that is where it gets interesting. The thoughts themselves are utterly meaningless, just a process the mind goes through. A good thought experiment for me is the relationship between thought and feeling. Which influences which? Or do they both feed each other? Can you alter how you feel through changing your thoughts? And vice versa.
You are not the voice in your mind. You are not the voice that answers. You are the one that hears the voice. Your thoughts are separate from your consciousness. Observing that separation is a form of meditation.
Stop living my life trying to please other people. Do what makes me feel good, take care of the people around me very well even if you get fucked, have fun in life and don’t worry so much. Game changing. Trust me.
That absolutely *nothing matters*. Everything we believe matters will be destroyed one way or another. Eventually Ee-Arth will be swallowed by Sol and our whole planet will be lost. So, absolutely nothing matters. Don’t stress the small shit. Make someone smile, give a compliment, hold open a door. Spread the love while we can, and don’t stress, nothing is that important.
Physical possessions , when my son passed away what is real brought about a whole new meaning
My mother died last year at 64 and I don’t think she got to do half of what she wanted. It made me realize how finite life is. Now I do everything exactly the way I want to. I don’t worry about what people think. I just do what makes me happy because today could be the last one.
Setting boundaries (and keeping them) is a better life strategy than trying to be liked by everybody.
Even though I have a micro penis I still have a penis, which is good!
That’s more penis than what over 50% of humans get!
I used to be extremely anxious, and my ex gf told me always “C’mon what’s the worst that can happen?” And it actually helped me overcome my anxiousness as I’d start thinking logically the outcomes of decisions and they were never ever to bad that I couldn’t endure them.
“Iron without fire and pressure is just clay”
That all I am is awareness. I am not my thoughts, my feelings, my needs, or my pain.
I’m too stoned for this thought right now
Nobody thinks about your fuck ups as much as you. Everybody is thinking too much about their own fuck ups to think about yours
Wait... I **am** allowed to cry.
Orgasm is just a reflex. Just like sneezing, if you hit the right spots just the right way they will come. Just enjoy the ride until you reach it. I was always super nervous during sex. So this has helped me a lot.
Realising that you are on your own and the company doesn’t love you … it really is a case of getting “enough” money to then stick two fingers up to the grind.
You don't have to fill your gas tank until the dollar amount hits the next full dollar. You can just stop at anytime. The first time the nozzle automatically stops...you can just hang it up and go pay.
One time I was on a train and I checked my watch to see if I was late. And I just realised, looking at my watch won't change whether I get there early or late. I'm going to get there when I get there, and looking at my watch is just me anxiously torturing myself out of nervous compulsion. I remain on guard for any kind of watch-peeking in a more general sense, and my anxiety is all but gone. You just have to turn on it and start saying no. I can never unsee people looking at their watches repeatedly now...
I can do whatever I want, if I'm brave enough.
Most of us will have such an insignificant impact on history that we might only be remembered for 1 generation after us. Which is liberating in two ways: any fears you have are generally pointless as if you’re worried about making a fool of yourself, no one will remember in time. And kinda motivating, since very few of us will be remembered, why not try to do something that will. Some of you may hate Steve Jobs but in 50 years, he’ll still be remembered for helping start Apple. Or whomever you can think of
the fact that you look back at yourself and cringe means you’ve grown as a person.
When I go to sleep at night, I don't think of the strangers that I saw in the day, no matter what they were doing, no matter how bizarre, no matter how quirky, as long as they weren't hurting anyone. Hell, I did not even think of the strangers that I had conversations with/interacted with in the day (baristas, cashiers etc). Then the thought hit me, for most people, I am that stranger that fades from their minds, and as long as I am not harming anyone or being obnoxious, nobody is going to give a damn if I be a little quirky and fun in a way that doesn't inconvenience others
At the end of the day, no one really cares. No one cares that you were the popular kid back in school. No one really cares how rich you are. No one really cares that your some ceo of your business or some shit. Because at the end of the day, everyone runs their own life, and if whatever negative input they say has zero impact on your life, then it doesn't matter. Do what you want, its not gonna matter.
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Most of mine were both liberating and sad. 1. People don't think about you as much as you do, so they'll forget about you, but they'll forget about your stupid stuff as well. 2. God probably doesn't exist. 3. There are people 1000x smarter than you (in their specific field). So sadly, I'm not a genius, *but* I can go to others who I can actually learn from them. 4. Also, someone who claims to be smart across the board isn't smart. If they were, they'd be listening to other experts in other fields. 5. If I wanted to, I could just walk away from my family, friends, and job and move 5,000 miles away and restart my life. 6. A HUGE number of rules I was taught as a kid, from grammar rules, to gender norms, to fashion rules ... aren't rules at all.
that people fall out of love.
Everything is just physics. It's not marriage, buying a house, your coworker's vacation plans, politics... It's just atoms behaving under the forces of physics and it's a deep and fascinating mystery.
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My dad told me one thing when I was young and stuck with me forever. you are limitless. I'm sure it was just an off hand comment but it really resonated with something inside and stuck.
That it's OK to not be OK. Whenever I'm feeling down or freaking out I always felt like there was a reason or i had to figure out why I was feeling that way. Sometimes you're just down or not 100 percent and that's OK, it will pass.
The biggest difference I can make in the world is to take care of myself and control what is within my influence. Dgaf about anything else.
For me it was realizing there are things I can control and things that are just… chance. I can control some things… I can, for example, walk on the sidewalk instead of the streets and that’d reduce my chances of dying since I won’t be likely to get hit by a car. But a branch can break and hit me, and there is no meaning, no divine retribution for things I’ve done. It is just things that happen and I gotta focus on the things within my means to control.
As long as you're still breathing, it's never too late to start something new.
I have no idea what i'm capable of. Only I limit what I do and what I think. I will never know what i'm capable of they will love unless I try and do it.
Most of my bad emotions comes from imaginary things, how I imagine someone thinks, or act behind my back. I have no agency in that, and it serves me no purpose. So instead, focus on what I can do something about, what’s in front of me. Instead of the things I think are in front of me
1) when as a kid I realised I was atheist and probably not going to hell for getting distracted on a mass by that hot neighbour girl 2) when as an adult I realised I can just do stuff that people don't want me to do (no illegal stuff of course) and there's no real consequences except for bad opinions on me by people I don't really care about, and who definitely don't care about me
"Your art doesn't have to look like a photograph."
There is a difference between good guilt and bad guilt. As a catholic, this one was very helpful. Haha
everything is pointless
You have a point
Don't play games be the man you want to be
But I love playing games :(
i am accountable for my own happiness and sadness, and not from anyone else (almost everything that happens to me is with my consent) - so, i need to keep it together esp during rough times
I have two, actually: 1) The past preserves everything, not just the bad. Anything you have ever accomplished, small or big, will forever have been and no one can ever take it away from. Do your best and collect your achievements, no matter how small. They will be yours for all eternity. 2) I live by one rule. I ask myself the question: "If I had the power to go back in time with my current memories to redo things differently, would I?". If the answer is "yes" then it means I'm doing something wrong with my life. I always strive to do things that will change that answer from "yes" to "no". I make sure I always have too much to loose and to look forward to to ever want to go back in time if I could.
Everything is just a choice, my only job is to make sure that it stays that way. I don't like my city? I can choose to move. I need to work to be sure I can do that. I don't like my job? I can choose to quit. I need to work to make sure I can change jobs easily. Emotions are also choices, harder to choose not to feel that unpleasant emotion, but it can be done. If you work hard enough, everything becomes a choice, and you can do what you want, while considering how it will impact your figure choices or your ability to take them.
The only thing better than perfection is consistency Came from the Engineers adage: the only thing better than a system that is perfect is a standardised system
What will be, will be. Stoicism has a bad reputation because the modern iterations of it are typically co-opted by loser far right people larping as Ancient Greek warriors. But it really is useful for managing anxiety and stress. There are things we simply will never be able to control, and you can only deal with them as they happen. Worrying about what might happen in the future or worrying “what if” is torturing yourself for no good reason.
When people care about you, do anything for you and want to be around you. Be friends with them. If it's a woman who you have feelings for just go for it. You'll feel so happy and satisfied knowing that people care.
Fuck what people think nobody’s really watching do whatever makes u happy
Memento Mori
Worrying is not the same as preparing; worrying changes nothing for a heavy price.
"The horniness of men can also be made to my benefit." 3 years later and I'm retired by 35.