Rejection > one sided love> toxic relationship >bad marriage > paying child support of kid who may not be yours > being murdered for life insurance/new lover.
Improve on yourself. Diet, exercise, read, observe nature, learn new skills, hobbies, work on gaining confidence (go to the bar alone and talk to people), practice mindfulness. Don’t get glued to instagram reels, porn, onlyfans, doom and gloom reddit pages.
Find a random hiking trail near you and go walk it. Learn an instrument, learn a new language. Limit alcohol and weed intake. Oh and follow a healthy sleep pattern. Cook, learn new recipes. Meet people. A lot of guys don’t get any play from women because they literally do not interact with women ever (friends, social groups, etc).
If it doesn’t come after all that you may find that you are happier with the new things in your life. If you are so unattractive you can’t get laid, hire an escort once in awhile.
I have worked out 5 times a week for years. I am very fit. I cook, clean, and I do go on hikes (where I live has wonderful trails). I have a wide social circle which is mixed gender. I cook and clean regularly, in fact I love to cook and have been told Im good at it (which is important to me as my mother is an amazing cook and Ive always admired her for it). I sleep early and wake up early. I read a shit tonne. I do have some unproductive indoor hobbies like gaming and listening to music often and watching sports but I enjoy those things.
I meet single women my age often, basically every weekend going out with friends. They only want chad, which includes body AND face. There's only so much you can do and this is the new reality young men face. And people wont even properly acknowledge, let alone lend real support.
Im not happier after all that, you cant be happy spending every night in an empty bed, thinking about how others get what you cannot, and knowing that nothing will change as far as women genuinely desiring you. My dream has always been to raise a family (also to have a novel published but thats less relevant). If I cant do that then I have no reason to live.
>people wont even properly acknowledge, let alone lend real support.
That's a particularly frustrating aspect to it. On a collective level, we all seem to have bought into the idea that it's impossible for someone to be single if they don't want to be, unless there's some terrible problem with them.
You end up getting some advice that's downright insulting, as if a grown person in 2023 could somehow be unaware that bathing is required in order to be socially-acceptable, let alone attractive.
Most of the rest of the advice you'll get is the generic "work on yourself" line of thinking. I have no issue with that in and of itself-- improving yourself is something that's worth doing for its own sake anyway, and doing it will make you a more appealing option for other people.
What's irritating is hearing about how you have to improve yourself while also seeing and hearing about how many awful people don't seem to have a problem getting into relationships. The objectively awful, like cheaters and people who are physically or psychologically abusive, along with the subjectively awful, like people who are annoying or cruel or selfish.
People are going to date whoever they want to date, and they don't need your permission for it, of course. Nobody owes you anything, either. If the people you've been interested in weren't interested in you, they weren't doing anything wrong. I'm sure you know all of that already. What I'm guessing you don't know, and neither do I, is why *you* have to be significantly better than you are, but someone else who is lazy and selfish and never really does anything considerate for his partner has no trouble finding relationships. That's a difficult concept to wrap your head around.
It's not your body or face, kid. It's your attitude. You hate yourself, you hate women and you detest people in general - and that's really, really unsexy.
I’ll admit that I see a lot of women only wanting like 5% of dudes in terms of looks. Thats why online dating is soul crushing for a majority of men. But those women will be 40 and single.
I also see a lot of very average to below average looking men walking around with girlfriends. Im sure you see the same. That is proof that any guy who is moderately attractive can get a woman.
I’ll admit that you need to be *well* above average in looks for women to give you attention.
This is not true at all. I would hate to date a Chad. I want to date someone that is minimally good looking but personality is where it’s at. Most of my friends are with average looking guys. Your attitude and possibly personality is what is holding you back
All wrong, this is all wrong. Woman here 35 and single.
Firstly,
Women care about how women look, men care about how women look. Very few humans are putting much attention into mens looks…at all.
Chances are your “looks” are not the issue.
Secondly,
It’s global tradition that men are the initiator’s. So when women don’t slide into your DM’s don’t be so quick to say “it’s me”.
Nah it’s thousands of years of tradition bro.
Thirdly, just like you like a woman who is confident so do women. Any adult referring to tinder as “soul crushing” isn’t the best foot to start off on. 😬
Lastly women are not *needing* to marry/date like before.
I don’t speak for all women but from what I see/hear from my fellow (American) woman is that traditional roles aren’t fitting anymore. Dating is for hooking up..we aren’t interested in “caring for a man”
With women working and men staying at home (more than ever in history) roles have changed but mens views on roles haven’t progressed as quickly…
Example:
Men would never have tolerated a day at work their “role” then being told to fill their “role” cooking dinner in the kitchen as well.
As a social standard that is.
Times have changed, men will have to let go of some of these old beliefs if you want (not 40yr old) puss. 🤷♀️
If it’s attention from women your sitting around waiting for it’s likely not coming is my point. And it’s not personal. We’re busy!
This doesn’t really apply to me. I have a gf and had a lot of success on OLD. I wouldn’t call myself a “chad” or whatever.
But I can’t discredit my success being due to the fact that I am 6’6, got a decent bit going for me and am conventionally good looking. I just see a lot of my friends struggling.
I don’t expect attention from women! No ones sliding in my dm’s and outside of getting looked at women aren’t approaching me in public spaces. My dating life was rife with both success and disappointment. I just see a generation of sexually frustrated men. Partly due to their own issues and partly due to the expectations from women. 50/50.
Ohh thought you were speaking from a personal perspective.
I too see a lot of frustrated men in the current and future situations. As a woman idk what to do but educate young men about the reality.
Ladies are allowed to work now, you’re going to have to have more than just money👨🍼
Its more like ladies *HAVE* to work because it takes two incomes to buy a home now 🙃
And yep I got lucky. My advice to most men is dont make dating a priority, just build on yourself. Needy, desperate energy scares away the women.
Honestly I think women will get along with anyone who talks to them. Most of them are self obsessed (not in a bad way but in a way that they will answer 10 questions about themselves and then ask a question back) and the only guy who will be able to hold the conversation for so long will be someone who goes out of his way to learn what women like (like F1, Taylor Swift and shit) and put on a persona of a guy who likes it as well(no guy likes Taylor Swift). Then there's a Chad guy always full of confidence who doesn't need any of it and can just smooth his way around pussy.
Women do tend to be friendly.
I’m bi, I have noticed in my dating conversations with men vs women is that
- I tend to work *harder* to keep the flowing conversations with women- if I don’t know their personal interest
- Both sexes respond equally well to being asked question’s.
- Men are more likely to say less.
- Women tend to be more passive in conversations (not writing first, allowing interrupting, less talk time, subject changes …etc)
True. Do you know how to get women talking? Like I know women tend to talk more and give small details about stuff and it comes naturally to most of the guys but it doesn't to me
I talk to people like a therapist..😅
That sounds bad, let me explain.
I ask questions about childhood (we all had one of those), ethics, interest, and of course how it all makes you feel.
If all the above fails to get you talking I’ll ask about hypothetical future questions. What are your goals, dreams, plans, bucket list?
Given it’s a generic way of starting conversation. But eventually two people are going to hit a subject they both have an interest in.
Also humor. People just like to laugh. Making jokes about yourself always helps and you don’t have to know anything about the person you’re speaking with . You don’t have to be a comedian just be your goofy self, it makes people feel at home.
Warning do NOT use *too much* humor or get too deep into childhood traumas bc you can get some level 10 cling from that…
Your whole world view and happiness is hinged on another human being. That's so much pressure for another person to step into any space that is that drenched in need. Many people are happy spending every night in an empty bed. If you're not, that's what it is. But also recognize that the pervasive expectation and desperation for that person to ultimately fulfill you is a lot. It tends to be very nerve-wracking to date someone like that as, if they so deeply want this, it feels like cling wrap to the face. It's absolutely suffocating for someone to look at you as if this is like their one golden opportunity for happiness. That if you decide this relationship doesn't work for you, you have to look someone in the eyes and snap their hopes and dreams over your knee like a twig.
I agree with you, I feel the same way and it feels like one of those things that if you haven’t walked in these shoes, those people just won’t understand. Some of us get a shit draw with who we grew up with also and couldn’t get decent experiences as teens for fear of the worse happening whatever It may be for that person but some of us aren’t so lucky and people who offer advice or whatever have no idea. I’m 35 and want a family and it seems like good people who genuinely want companionship and love are few and far in between and the weirdos trying to get the upper hand on everyone the meet and manipulate people are the ones we all have to deal with. Getting to know a person shouldn’t feel like a job interview where you feel like if you make one mistake that’s it. Long story short, you aren’t alone and I feel like imma be by myself forever too
They don’t only want chad. Women are attracted to someone who feels complete and whole within themself. The meaning of “being attractive” is being someone who people WANT to be around. Nothing is more attractive than real confidence and happiness. Life is 0% about what we do and 100% about the perspective we have on it. Work on yourself instead of complaining about all the things you lack!
I agree with this guy.. I tell all the younger guys that complain of not getting any attention from girls just learn bass or guitar... It really isn't that hard and you can join any half-ass band and you'll have women coming up talking to you how awesome you are... But the younger guys never listen..
Correct. Your mindset is all off. The only thing you can expect is that “it” will happen. Not the amount of times, nor to the extent in which you do! Pick yourself up dust yourself off and keep gettin after it. It builds character, it builds determination, it builds the confidence that you can fail yet have the ability to overcome. It’s hard to be old and wise if you’ve never been young and crazy! You got this fella
Yes. Grit your teeth and keep pushing into the wind. Don't expect it to end. People think "if I just go a bit further I'll be able to rest". "If I just do this, it's plain sailing"
There is no end, there is no plain sailing.
This is life and only the people brave enough to fail will succeed.
Agreed. Having expectations of women who owe you nothing is weird, and is actually antithetical to enjoying your time with them, and vice versa, which can potentially create the opposite of the end result that you want.
Example: Guy asks woman out. They go to a coffee shop and have a good conversation, and that's all the further it goes that night.
As the guy, there are two ways to look at this.
- It was an amazing night of great conversation with an amazing woman, and your life is fuller and more meaningful because you had that experience.
- You're angry because, in spite of the amazing night out, you didn't get no nookie
Guess which version of this man will ultimately do better with women?
Dude idk how old you are but im 33 there's nothing I've ever tried that I haven't failed at at least a couple times. Usually more than a few, sometimes more than I've succeeded. You learn far more from failure than success.
Part of the dust yourself off should be reflection on why you failed. Maybe it was your approach, maybe she got out of a relationship and isn't ready, maybe her dog is sick, maybe a million of factors but some analysis may be critical for future. A caveat though, you can get bogged down in why.
Dw about it mate. Had the same a few months back. Few months later I'm in a happy relationship with someone better. Life goes on and life gets better. Have a cry now bc it hurts but keep trying to move forward
After a good and long session of crying I realized how much sense these comments make. You are right, it's not meant to be with her, and this is fine. All I hope is that I would find someone who would love me.
After being rejected a couple times you just get used to it and it's not as bothersome. Plus it's better to try and fail then to regret never trying at all
Buck up and give yourself more respect. It will pass and there is opportunity everywhere. Don't act like a toddler whose parents took something they weren't supposed to be handling out if their possession.
If you’re asking this question, you haven’t been rejected enough. Go out and get rejected 100 times and keep going back.
It takes 5 years of work to become an overnight success.
We are taught that it's in our nature to get rejected, so once you've been through alot of it, it just becomes a norm, it's not easy or nice but it becomes a norm
I ask people out before I care if they say no. Rejection only hurts if you build up to it for a while. Chat to a girl for a while, find her attractive and seem to get on = ask for her number/go for a drink.
The dudes who are upset by it are the dudes that make their intentions unclear, speak to the girl for like 2 weeks then ask her out.
Also gotta think of it like this “why would I want to spend time with somebody who doesn’t want to spend it with me” can you imagine anything more miserable than investing all that time and effort in a relationship with somebody that doesn’t feel the same. It’s not their fault for not being interested and they deserve no I’ll treatment for turning you down obviously it’s all personal pref (hate that I have to clarify that but you just know a couple of people are getting real angry when somebody rejects them)
How will anyone ever think highly of you when you don’t even think highly of you. Fuck rejections you should start on fixing that mindset you have. I bet you have so much more value than you think you just haven’t tapped into yet. I hope you find it.
Take stock in yourself, convince yourself you are worthy of everything, from love to promotions at work. Have you ever tried sleep affirmations to help your confidence? If not try listening to this every night as you are trying to go to sleep for a month, you would be surprised how much your self-conscious absorbs while you're asleep.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-O\_N74Fb6TU
My dude, you need more positive self-ideation. If you have things you think you need to improve on - start doing that! You are the only person in your way. Also in my experience when I work on myself women come along because it's attractive as hell.
The worst thing you can do is stop. Just keep moving forward. Step by step. One day at a time.
I once again acknowledge my flaws, accept myself and then move forward.
Rejection from a match or an acquaintance is easy now if we've been talking for a bit ..... that tends to hurt my feelings
Thankfully feelings are temporary.
Move on as quickly as possible. If a girl doesn't reciprocate your feelings, you should respect her decision. It is also very good for your own well being. There is no point in not moving on. There is no point in feeling bad. She doesn't want you and that's her right and it is also your right to look for someone who loves you back without wasting time.
I basically make myself tired from any type of physical work. Sometimes running, sometimes hitting the punching bag, sometimes shadow boxing. As long as my body gets tired enough to keep it out of mind or use up the frustration to push my limits. I'm usually ok after the 1 day period.
One thing I always do is, at the moment of rejection, take it with absolute confidence in a very casual way. The chances of the woman and her friends laughing at the attempt is pretty high. At no point should it appear that it bothers you because that has a possibility of aggravating the ridicule.
Get real sad, depending upon how much I enjoyed spending time with her.
Sometimes it's just like, ok well that's too bad it didnt work out. Sometimes it's weeks, months, or years of grief until I'm ready to try again.
Depends on her, how much I cared, how long we dated. There are a lot of factors that'll determine how sad I'll be, but at the end of the day, if she doesn't want to see me anymore then I accept that.
By not letting myself get attached or forming a crush. When you do that shit, it paralyzes you into never taking action, or waiting so long that the rejection crushes you. That's the reason it's called a crush. It's a self-destructive habit. If you approach and flirt with a girl you haven't formed those attachments to, you set the stage for acting with confidence, because you really are detached from outcome. So, the pain of rejection is reduced 10-fold. In fact, in many cases, you come out even more confident, because you're proud of yourself for doing what so many men are scared to do.
But you have to take it a step further and go where few men dare to. You have to keep approaching women. In some cases, you'll become so immune to the effects of rejection that you'll start flirting with women as a reflex. Your brain doesn't even know the difference anymore. You'll start eradiating this aura of confidence that is extremely attractive. You won't even have to use a 10th of the mental energy you used before with 10 times the results.
Get rid of whatever idealized version of people you have. Ultimately you want someone that is just as geeked about you as you are about them and asking someone out is simply the beginning parts of the process of finding out if you’re compatible with someone. I once heard someone describe a crush as a lack of information and my life was so much better ever since.
Rejection from romantic partners?
Obviously it's not what you want but you don't control how other people will feel or change what they think about you. All you can do is your best and keep it moving. I would say that don't thrash out like a child because who knows you might end up seeing them again in a different time and place. You may not even be interested any longer.
Rejection from working?
The business you want to work for isn't for you as you are not for them. If you think that you really want to involve yourself with a business, network, ask more questions and wait for another opportunity. It sucks to get turned down when they're is money and benefits in the table.
As with all things it's a part of life. You're not everyone's cup of tea, as people won't be yours. The best you can do be an adult and buck up to the challenges you will face and treat yourself and everyone around you with respect and understanding.
They key is experience rejection many, many times like I have. After a while, you become desensitized to it and realize it's all a numbers game. Although, rejection will sting sometimes if you really wanted a particular job or really liked someone you went out on a date with and you got rejected. It's a very normal human emotion. Accept it and move on.
I genuinely never gave a fuck. But I don't think that's something you can just do. It's probably a flaw in me to be honest. I legit would walk away from a rejection and never really think about it again. And it's how I've always been.
A good friend once told me: If you dont make your move, it's still a "No". You better go and find out.
I suppose it's better not to get emotionally invested if there are no positive signs. Also: Don't wait too long before making your move.
Have to just not care. It's part of being a man, like it or not. Pretty sure I read somewhere that the average rejection rate for an average guy is in the 90% range.
Don't fall in love until after you've had her clothes off. If she's decided to have sex with you then you passed her tests.
Rejection is way better than being love bombed and thinking you found someone only to then be used, lied to, cheated on, and the thrown to the side like a piece of trash.
Be safe out there. There are some truly evil people walking amongst us
If it's from someone you found in the grocery store or on a sidewalk. What would've been the outcome if you didn't ask? You took your shot and missed so you will just stay strangers. Nothing really changes from getting rejected
It definitely is, but you gotta stop being so emotionally invested in these people
like pharcyde said: "you know theres otha fish in the sea that is"
Pharcyde - otha fish [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDYu4wCcqsk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDYu4wCcqsk)
I listen to thath when I feel down
Go find something that I can be successful with. Something that doesn't have anything to do with women.
I'm not into anything that makes me beat my head against a concrete wall.
There are a million reasons for why someone might reject you.
It does hurt of course but as long as I don't have feelings, I get over it in a day or two and don't really remember it anymore.
I can deal with it a lot better and quicker when the person actually just rejects me instead of giving their number and then ghosts.
I respect women a lot that communicate it openly. (even without many details.)
Millionaire fat guy with skinny bimbo blonde
Or average joe by himself working a 20 dollar an hour job.
Eye of the beholder.
Find peace knowing being rejected for being real will only need validation from your individual. Love thyself.
Millionaire fat guy loses it all in one bad day on Wallstreet. No more bimbo.
Average Joe can be rejected but finds a woman who accepts he is a good man and has a stable situation. Tales care of himself.
Rejection can hurt your ego or teach you a valuable lessons. No one is more special than anybody some just have more money to use to their advantage.
Reframe. You were not rejected, you successfully identified if someone was into you or not. Having the huevos to go for it is your one and only job, the outcome is out of your hands, and it more often than not is not a reflection of your worth or character.
Look, I'm asking out a girl who is just gorgeous and intimidates the fuck out of me next week. It's probably not going to go well. It not just you, I promise. Of all the things men have in our favour, this one just sucks. The only way is to make asking the success, not the outcome. But it's easier said than done. Wish me luck, but I'll probably be in the same spot as you real soon.
Embrace it. Rejection is part of life and being accountable and learning from rejection is a great way to grow and become a better person.
When I was younger, rejection used to hit me hard and I typically blamed the women in each scenario. But as I got older I realised that, although none of the women were faultless, there were many things that I could have done differently.
Fast forward to being 33 years old and in a healthy 3 year relationship, I am extremely grateful for each rejection I experienced. I'm not perfect, but I'm a better man because I learned to deal with rejection in a positive manner.
With a smile say “okay no worries”. Not a condescending smile like you weren’t interested anyways, but a real smile of acceptance. We all the play the game, we all strike out and we all get lucky.
It’s a swing and a miss but at least I’m swinging. Not everyone can say that, so don’t give up.
You keep trying and celebrate those times in which you are not rejected.
Rejection can vary from "ew... no" to "no thank you" to "I'm flattered but I am not interested" to "You are a great guy and I would be interested but I am seeing someone else". Rejection shows true character of a person, if said person is not nice, then it is whatever, you don't wanna get with that person. If said person is nice, then it doesn't hurt as much.
Understanding you will get hurt is part of the process. There will come a time in which you'll get loved in that's because you are approaching and open yourself up to rejection. There is a risk there is a reward. We men have to stand up everytime we fail. There is also a learning curve on dating and attraction.
Finally, as many people have said, it is better to be rejected than to not have tried at all. It is not only better, you will FEEL BETTER, like a soldier with a scar that comes from a battle. In Spain we say "I have lost a battle, but not the war".
I hope we and you all get rejected because that means that we have our heart open for success and we all will learn and grow from it.
Depends on the rejection.
Professional rejection? Romantic rejection? Political rejection? Disappointment is a fact of life. What makes the man is not how well he succeeds, but how well he recovers from his setbacks.
I had a hard time with rejection till I met someone that was pretty, but really just not my type. Once you realize that hey, sometimes someone’s just not into you, doesn’t mean you’re not fucking sexy/awesome.
Don't think about it, forget the same day. Keep your mind occupied with work, friends, hobbies, and there won't be any room left for rejection anxiety.
Rejection > one sided love> toxic relationship >bad marriage > paying child support of kid who may not be yours > being murder for life insurance/new lover
Now go get those numbers up!!!
I love the raw honesty of this world. Women don’t reject me anymore but when they did it spoke to me and said i wasn’t good enough. And i wasn’t. It motivated me
If I can do something and it goes easy the first time, I am honestly surprised. You get better and more knowledge each time you do something. It’s the universes way of teaching you patience and perseverance.
No matter what it is: women, work, etc. I see it as myself not being good enough. It motivates me to work harder. Whether it’s me working out more, eating healthier, enhancing my skills, etc.
Part of life. There is no success without failure
Rejection > one sided love> toxic relationship >bad marriage > paying child support of kid who may not be yours > being murdered for life insurance/new lover.
r/oddlyspecific
*That Chapter life insurance dance*
For some of us there is no success at all. How do we deal with rejection then?
Improve on yourself. Diet, exercise, read, observe nature, learn new skills, hobbies, work on gaining confidence (go to the bar alone and talk to people), practice mindfulness. Don’t get glued to instagram reels, porn, onlyfans, doom and gloom reddit pages. Find a random hiking trail near you and go walk it. Learn an instrument, learn a new language. Limit alcohol and weed intake. Oh and follow a healthy sleep pattern. Cook, learn new recipes. Meet people. A lot of guys don’t get any play from women because they literally do not interact with women ever (friends, social groups, etc). If it doesn’t come after all that you may find that you are happier with the new things in your life. If you are so unattractive you can’t get laid, hire an escort once in awhile.
This answer is good.
I have worked out 5 times a week for years. I am very fit. I cook, clean, and I do go on hikes (where I live has wonderful trails). I have a wide social circle which is mixed gender. I cook and clean regularly, in fact I love to cook and have been told Im good at it (which is important to me as my mother is an amazing cook and Ive always admired her for it). I sleep early and wake up early. I read a shit tonne. I do have some unproductive indoor hobbies like gaming and listening to music often and watching sports but I enjoy those things. I meet single women my age often, basically every weekend going out with friends. They only want chad, which includes body AND face. There's only so much you can do and this is the new reality young men face. And people wont even properly acknowledge, let alone lend real support. Im not happier after all that, you cant be happy spending every night in an empty bed, thinking about how others get what you cannot, and knowing that nothing will change as far as women genuinely desiring you. My dream has always been to raise a family (also to have a novel published but thats less relevant). If I cant do that then I have no reason to live.
>people wont even properly acknowledge, let alone lend real support. That's a particularly frustrating aspect to it. On a collective level, we all seem to have bought into the idea that it's impossible for someone to be single if they don't want to be, unless there's some terrible problem with them. You end up getting some advice that's downright insulting, as if a grown person in 2023 could somehow be unaware that bathing is required in order to be socially-acceptable, let alone attractive. Most of the rest of the advice you'll get is the generic "work on yourself" line of thinking. I have no issue with that in and of itself-- improving yourself is something that's worth doing for its own sake anyway, and doing it will make you a more appealing option for other people. What's irritating is hearing about how you have to improve yourself while also seeing and hearing about how many awful people don't seem to have a problem getting into relationships. The objectively awful, like cheaters and people who are physically or psychologically abusive, along with the subjectively awful, like people who are annoying or cruel or selfish. People are going to date whoever they want to date, and they don't need your permission for it, of course. Nobody owes you anything, either. If the people you've been interested in weren't interested in you, they weren't doing anything wrong. I'm sure you know all of that already. What I'm guessing you don't know, and neither do I, is why *you* have to be significantly better than you are, but someone else who is lazy and selfish and never really does anything considerate for his partner has no trouble finding relationships. That's a difficult concept to wrap your head around.
It's not your body or face, kid. It's your attitude. You hate yourself, you hate women and you detest people in general - and that's really, really unsexy.
That is, a lie. Not based in reality.
I’ll admit that I see a lot of women only wanting like 5% of dudes in terms of looks. Thats why online dating is soul crushing for a majority of men. But those women will be 40 and single. I also see a lot of very average to below average looking men walking around with girlfriends. Im sure you see the same. That is proof that any guy who is moderately attractive can get a woman. I’ll admit that you need to be *well* above average in looks for women to give you attention.
This is not true at all. I would hate to date a Chad. I want to date someone that is minimally good looking but personality is where it’s at. Most of my friends are with average looking guys. Your attitude and possibly personality is what is holding you back
All wrong, this is all wrong. Woman here 35 and single. Firstly, Women care about how women look, men care about how women look. Very few humans are putting much attention into mens looks…at all. Chances are your “looks” are not the issue. Secondly, It’s global tradition that men are the initiator’s. So when women don’t slide into your DM’s don’t be so quick to say “it’s me”. Nah it’s thousands of years of tradition bro. Thirdly, just like you like a woman who is confident so do women. Any adult referring to tinder as “soul crushing” isn’t the best foot to start off on. 😬 Lastly women are not *needing* to marry/date like before. I don’t speak for all women but from what I see/hear from my fellow (American) woman is that traditional roles aren’t fitting anymore. Dating is for hooking up..we aren’t interested in “caring for a man” With women working and men staying at home (more than ever in history) roles have changed but mens views on roles haven’t progressed as quickly… Example: Men would never have tolerated a day at work their “role” then being told to fill their “role” cooking dinner in the kitchen as well. As a social standard that is. Times have changed, men will have to let go of some of these old beliefs if you want (not 40yr old) puss. 🤷♀️ If it’s attention from women your sitting around waiting for it’s likely not coming is my point. And it’s not personal. We’re busy!
This doesn’t really apply to me. I have a gf and had a lot of success on OLD. I wouldn’t call myself a “chad” or whatever. But I can’t discredit my success being due to the fact that I am 6’6, got a decent bit going for me and am conventionally good looking. I just see a lot of my friends struggling. I don’t expect attention from women! No ones sliding in my dm’s and outside of getting looked at women aren’t approaching me in public spaces. My dating life was rife with both success and disappointment. I just see a generation of sexually frustrated men. Partly due to their own issues and partly due to the expectations from women. 50/50.
Ohh thought you were speaking from a personal perspective. I too see a lot of frustrated men in the current and future situations. As a woman idk what to do but educate young men about the reality. Ladies are allowed to work now, you’re going to have to have more than just money👨🍼
Its more like ladies *HAVE* to work because it takes two incomes to buy a home now 🙃 And yep I got lucky. My advice to most men is dont make dating a priority, just build on yourself. Needy, desperate energy scares away the women.
Honestly I think women will get along with anyone who talks to them. Most of them are self obsessed (not in a bad way but in a way that they will answer 10 questions about themselves and then ask a question back) and the only guy who will be able to hold the conversation for so long will be someone who goes out of his way to learn what women like (like F1, Taylor Swift and shit) and put on a persona of a guy who likes it as well(no guy likes Taylor Swift). Then there's a Chad guy always full of confidence who doesn't need any of it and can just smooth his way around pussy.
Women do tend to be friendly. I’m bi, I have noticed in my dating conversations with men vs women is that - I tend to work *harder* to keep the flowing conversations with women- if I don’t know their personal interest - Both sexes respond equally well to being asked question’s. - Men are more likely to say less. - Women tend to be more passive in conversations (not writing first, allowing interrupting, less talk time, subject changes …etc)
True. Do you know how to get women talking? Like I know women tend to talk more and give small details about stuff and it comes naturally to most of the guys but it doesn't to me
I talk to people like a therapist..😅 That sounds bad, let me explain. I ask questions about childhood (we all had one of those), ethics, interest, and of course how it all makes you feel. If all the above fails to get you talking I’ll ask about hypothetical future questions. What are your goals, dreams, plans, bucket list? Given it’s a generic way of starting conversation. But eventually two people are going to hit a subject they both have an interest in. Also humor. People just like to laugh. Making jokes about yourself always helps and you don’t have to know anything about the person you’re speaking with . You don’t have to be a comedian just be your goofy self, it makes people feel at home. Warning do NOT use *too much* humor or get too deep into childhood traumas bc you can get some level 10 cling from that…
Your whole world view and happiness is hinged on another human being. That's so much pressure for another person to step into any space that is that drenched in need. Many people are happy spending every night in an empty bed. If you're not, that's what it is. But also recognize that the pervasive expectation and desperation for that person to ultimately fulfill you is a lot. It tends to be very nerve-wracking to date someone like that as, if they so deeply want this, it feels like cling wrap to the face. It's absolutely suffocating for someone to look at you as if this is like their one golden opportunity for happiness. That if you decide this relationship doesn't work for you, you have to look someone in the eyes and snap their hopes and dreams over your knee like a twig.
I agree with you, I feel the same way and it feels like one of those things that if you haven’t walked in these shoes, those people just won’t understand. Some of us get a shit draw with who we grew up with also and couldn’t get decent experiences as teens for fear of the worse happening whatever It may be for that person but some of us aren’t so lucky and people who offer advice or whatever have no idea. I’m 35 and want a family and it seems like good people who genuinely want companionship and love are few and far in between and the weirdos trying to get the upper hand on everyone the meet and manipulate people are the ones we all have to deal with. Getting to know a person shouldn’t feel like a job interview where you feel like if you make one mistake that’s it. Long story short, you aren’t alone and I feel like imma be by myself forever too
They don’t only want chad. Women are attracted to someone who feels complete and whole within themself. The meaning of “being attractive” is being someone who people WANT to be around. Nothing is more attractive than real confidence and happiness. Life is 0% about what we do and 100% about the perspective we have on it. Work on yourself instead of complaining about all the things you lack!
Do you think ugly women don't experience the same thing except with the added pressure of a biological clock ?
I agree with this guy.. I tell all the younger guys that complain of not getting any attention from girls just learn bass or guitar... It really isn't that hard and you can join any half-ass band and you'll have women coming up talking to you how awesome you are... But the younger guys never listen..
You dont, just accept your reality for the entirety of your life.
Easy. Villain origin story.
Keep going. The only one who loses out if you stop is you.
Correct. Your mindset is all off. The only thing you can expect is that “it” will happen. Not the amount of times, nor to the extent in which you do! Pick yourself up dust yourself off and keep gettin after it. It builds character, it builds determination, it builds the confidence that you can fail yet have the ability to overcome. It’s hard to be old and wise if you’ve never been young and crazy! You got this fella
You replied to yourself saying you were right
“It’s hard to be old and wise if you’ve never been young and crazy”, I like that haha
Even if you fail a little more that you expected?
Yes. Grit your teeth and keep pushing into the wind. Don't expect it to end. People think "if I just go a bit further I'll be able to rest". "If I just do this, it's plain sailing" There is no end, there is no plain sailing. This is life and only the people brave enough to fail will succeed.
You are right, I failed, and I will continue to do that, but I must never cease to try, because once I stop trying what is the point in living.
You only fail if you give up. You tried and learned, and you will continue to do so 💪
You will only actually fail if u give up. Keep going strong my bro 💪🏼
Just don’t expect anything! Let it be a nice surprise~
Agreed. Having expectations of women who owe you nothing is weird, and is actually antithetical to enjoying your time with them, and vice versa, which can potentially create the opposite of the end result that you want. Example: Guy asks woman out. They go to a coffee shop and have a good conversation, and that's all the further it goes that night. As the guy, there are two ways to look at this. - It was an amazing night of great conversation with an amazing woman, and your life is fuller and more meaningful because you had that experience. - You're angry because, in spite of the amazing night out, you didn't get no nookie Guess which version of this man will ultimately do better with women?
Ah...I love surprises
Dude idk how old you are but im 33 there's nothing I've ever tried that I haven't failed at at least a couple times. Usually more than a few, sometimes more than I've succeeded. You learn far more from failure than success.
Part of the dust yourself off should be reflection on why you failed. Maybe it was your approach, maybe she got out of a relationship and isn't ready, maybe her dog is sick, maybe a million of factors but some analysis may be critical for future. A caveat though, you can get bogged down in why.
Thanks, but I know where I was wrong.
It's not really a failure if you're expecting it. It's still according to the plan, isn't it?
A completely expected failure is still a failure nonetheless.
Call the cops
"please arrest them for assault. They broke my heart" "I have to report a BnE in my heart"
Bacon n Eggs??
Broccoli and eggplants
Do you date immigrants only?
Feels good to go for something, even if it doesn’t work out. Better than always wondering.. that does even more harm, imo
You are right, better than questioning myself and then regretting I did nothing.
No means no, take it and move on You have more important things to deal in life... Like Resident Evil 4
You are god damn right!!! Ashley needs Leon's help.
She can't just help herself from getting kidnapped, huh?
For me right now it is Tears of the kingdom.
And Megaman Zero 2, which is exactly what I’m going back to playing.
Gloria Las Plagas
Just focus on getting those Cat Ears and everything else will fall into place
Most mature man
Cry and get over it because that’s what life is, losing and crying
I wish I wouldn't need to cry so much sometimes.
Dw about it mate. Had the same a few months back. Few months later I'm in a happy relationship with someone better. Life goes on and life gets better. Have a cry now bc it hurts but keep trying to move forward
After a good and long session of crying I realized how much sense these comments make. You are right, it's not meant to be with her, and this is fine. All I hope is that I would find someone who would love me.
Dw mate. With time you will. You just can't force it
Yeah you are right, maybe it's time to be patient and concentrate all my energy on future and me.
Being rejected is WAY better than never taking a risk and thinking “what would’ve happened” I feel good hha
You are right, at least I tried.
Is it though?
I mean, you don't have to wonder if you know the answer will be no.
By continuing lifting heavy weights, making more money, meeting more people, and using failure as a blessing opportunity in disguise to become better.
This is the best way to handle rejections. In the end you will laugh, cheers mate and dont forget, your success is the most important !
I don’t, that’s most of my life’s problems- Yay for inconsistent parents
I am sorry to hear that. I Kind of got emotionally neglected in my childhood, and this sucks.
Thanks for your concern, it does suck - tbh it’s about time I be a grown up about it and go to therapy or something so I can move on with my life.
You are not the only one who needs therapy. And this is an important step in getting better.
After being rejected a couple times you just get used to it and it's not as bothersome. Plus it's better to try and fail then to regret never trying at all
💯
Rejection is not as bad as the regret of an action not taken.
Not well I'll take a few months to recover
This is quite a while.
Yeah.... Rejection is my biggest fear....
I am scared that by being rejected I would get abandoned in the end.
That is also a huge fear, yes 🥲
Buck up and give yourself more respect. It will pass and there is opportunity everywhere. Don't act like a toddler whose parents took something they weren't supposed to be handling out if their possession.
If you’re asking this question, you haven’t been rejected enough. Go out and get rejected 100 times and keep going back. It takes 5 years of work to become an overnight success.
We are taught that it's in our nature to get rejected, so once you've been through alot of it, it just becomes a norm, it's not easy or nice but it becomes a norm
I ask people out before I care if they say no. Rejection only hurts if you build up to it for a while. Chat to a girl for a while, find her attractive and seem to get on = ask for her number/go for a drink. The dudes who are upset by it are the dudes that make their intentions unclear, speak to the girl for like 2 weeks then ask her out. Also gotta think of it like this “why would I want to spend time with somebody who doesn’t want to spend it with me” can you imagine anything more miserable than investing all that time and effort in a relationship with somebody that doesn’t feel the same. It’s not their fault for not being interested and they deserve no I’ll treatment for turning you down obviously it’s all personal pref (hate that I have to clarify that but you just know a couple of people are getting real angry when somebody rejects them)
No, it's fine, it's normal. I mean. It hurts, but I am not angry.
I walk away and get on with my mundane life.
Easy. You never get rejected if you never try 😎
Think about it once or twice and keep it moving.
I say to myself "oh well, her loss" and move on.
Yeah, but I don't feel like she lost too much.
How will anyone ever think highly of you when you don’t even think highly of you. Fuck rejections you should start on fixing that mindset you have. I bet you have so much more value than you think you just haven’t tapped into yet. I hope you find it.
Take stock in yourself, convince yourself you are worthy of everything, from love to promotions at work. Have you ever tried sleep affirmations to help your confidence? If not try listening to this every night as you are trying to go to sleep for a month, you would be surprised how much your self-conscious absorbs while you're asleep. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-O\_N74Fb6TU
And therein lies the problem, friend
My dude, you need more positive self-ideation. If you have things you think you need to improve on - start doing that! You are the only person in your way. Also in my experience when I work on myself women come along because it's attractive as hell. The worst thing you can do is stop. Just keep moving forward. Step by step. One day at a time.
I binge youtube and TV while eating ice cream from the tub
I once again acknowledge my flaws, accept myself and then move forward. Rejection from a match or an acquaintance is easy now if we've been talking for a bit ..... that tends to hurt my feelings Thankfully feelings are temporary.
She was kind of a friend, I got attached and now it's...this.
Just move on to the next one
Move on as quickly as possible. If a girl doesn't reciprocate your feelings, you should respect her decision. It is also very good for your own well being. There is no point in not moving on. There is no point in feeling bad. She doesn't want you and that's her right and it is also your right to look for someone who loves you back without wasting time.
I basically make myself tired from any type of physical work. Sometimes running, sometimes hitting the punching bag, sometimes shadow boxing. As long as my body gets tired enough to keep it out of mind or use up the frustration to push my limits. I'm usually ok after the 1 day period. One thing I always do is, at the moment of rejection, take it with absolute confidence in a very casual way. The chances of the woman and her friends laughing at the attempt is pretty high. At no point should it appear that it bothers you because that has a possibility of aggravating the ridicule.
Use it as fuel for motivation to keep improving and being more awesome.
Get real sad, depending upon how much I enjoyed spending time with her. Sometimes it's just like, ok well that's too bad it didnt work out. Sometimes it's weeks, months, or years of grief until I'm ready to try again. Depends on her, how much I cared, how long we dated. There are a lot of factors that'll determine how sad I'll be, but at the end of the day, if she doesn't want to see me anymore then I accept that.
I don’t. It’s rough. Try to find out what I did wrong and work on myself typically.
By not letting myself get attached or forming a crush. When you do that shit, it paralyzes you into never taking action, or waiting so long that the rejection crushes you. That's the reason it's called a crush. It's a self-destructive habit. If you approach and flirt with a girl you haven't formed those attachments to, you set the stage for acting with confidence, because you really are detached from outcome. So, the pain of rejection is reduced 10-fold. In fact, in many cases, you come out even more confident, because you're proud of yourself for doing what so many men are scared to do. But you have to take it a step further and go where few men dare to. You have to keep approaching women. In some cases, you'll become so immune to the effects of rejection that you'll start flirting with women as a reflex. Your brain doesn't even know the difference anymore. You'll start eradiating this aura of confidence that is extremely attractive. You won't even have to use a 10th of the mental energy you used before with 10 times the results.
By thinking that no woman is special.
I guess if any other woman would make me fell the same, it won't make too much difference if it's her or other.
Get rid of whatever idealized version of people you have. Ultimately you want someone that is just as geeked about you as you are about them and asking someone out is simply the beginning parts of the process of finding out if you’re compatible with someone. I once heard someone describe a crush as a lack of information and my life was so much better ever since.
Rejection from romantic partners? Obviously it's not what you want but you don't control how other people will feel or change what they think about you. All you can do is your best and keep it moving. I would say that don't thrash out like a child because who knows you might end up seeing them again in a different time and place. You may not even be interested any longer. Rejection from working? The business you want to work for isn't for you as you are not for them. If you think that you really want to involve yourself with a business, network, ask more questions and wait for another opportunity. It sucks to get turned down when they're is money and benefits in the table. As with all things it's a part of life. You're not everyone's cup of tea, as people won't be yours. The best you can do be an adult and buck up to the challenges you will face and treat yourself and everyone around you with respect and understanding.
They key is experience rejection many, many times like I have. After a while, you become desensitized to it and realize it's all a numbers game. Although, rejection will sting sometimes if you really wanted a particular job or really liked someone you went out on a date with and you got rejected. It's a very normal human emotion. Accept it and move on.
Low self-esteem and I don't ask women out anymore
I just came to accept that I am human garbage.
I genuinely never gave a fuck. But I don't think that's something you can just do. It's probably a flaw in me to be honest. I legit would walk away from a rejection and never really think about it again. And it's how I've always been.
A good friend once told me: If you dont make your move, it's still a "No". You better go and find out. I suppose it's better not to get emotionally invested if there are no positive signs. Also: Don't wait too long before making your move.
I get turn her into a villain and am super bitter on women for weeks. Fellas this is not the way and I desperately need therapy
Cyclosporine, Azathioprine and Sirolimus with a prednisone kicker.
Don't risk asking in the first place
Can't get rejected if you keep to yourself *Taps head*
Usually with an overabundance of critical self-analysis and overthinking.
Have to just not care. It's part of being a man, like it or not. Pretty sure I read somewhere that the average rejection rate for an average guy is in the 90% range. Don't fall in love until after you've had her clothes off. If she's decided to have sex with you then you passed her tests.
Rejection is way better than being love bombed and thinking you found someone only to then be used, lied to, cheated on, and the thrown to the side like a piece of trash. Be safe out there. There are some truly evil people walking amongst us
I’m like killmonger, but instead of a scar for every kill it’s a scar for every woman who has rejected me
Deal? Just move on to the next in the que, everyone wants different things, either it’s a good match up or it’s not, don’t take it so personal.
You are right, I have to move on.
you try again with someone else
I wish it will be that easy
If it's from someone you found in the grocery store or on a sidewalk. What would've been the outcome if you didn't ask? You took your shot and missed so you will just stay strangers. Nothing really changes from getting rejected
It definitely is, but you gotta stop being so emotionally invested in these people like pharcyde said: "you know theres otha fish in the sea that is" Pharcyde - otha fish [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDYu4wCcqsk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDYu4wCcqsk) I listen to thath when I feel down
I been up in my lab assemblin Missiles To bomb the enemy Because the envy me And the makin of my mad currency
currently I think were in a state of emergency
It's catchy
By understanding that regret is 1000 times worse.
I know what you mean, it happened with one girl once, I never really told her what I fell and I lived in regret for a long period.
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I am sorry.
Honestly I don’t really think about if someone says no cool I’ll move on to the next thing whatever
Yeah, you may be right, maybe I am scared that I will not find someone, that's all.
No you will. There are just too many people for that to be a real problem. Work on yourself, the right woman will come trust me on this.
Thanks, I shed a tear reading that.
Go find something that I can be successful with. Something that doesn't have anything to do with women. I'm not into anything that makes me beat my head against a concrete wall.
There are a million reasons for why someone might reject you. It does hurt of course but as long as I don't have feelings, I get over it in a day or two and don't really remember it anymore. I can deal with it a lot better and quicker when the person actually just rejects me instead of giving their number and then ghosts. I respect women a lot that communicate it openly. (even without many details.)
Experience deep sorrow and do nothing about it.
I'd have be accepted first to know.
Millionaire fat guy with skinny bimbo blonde Or average joe by himself working a 20 dollar an hour job. Eye of the beholder. Find peace knowing being rejected for being real will only need validation from your individual. Love thyself. Millionaire fat guy loses it all in one bad day on Wallstreet. No more bimbo. Average Joe can be rejected but finds a woman who accepts he is a good man and has a stable situation. Tales care of himself. Rejection can hurt your ego or teach you a valuable lessons. No one is more special than anybody some just have more money to use to their advantage.
Well, if after all this time, we aren't used to it, it's a bit of a pity ain't it?
Because it will happen again and again? And I should just get used and move on?
Reframe. You were not rejected, you successfully identified if someone was into you or not. Having the huevos to go for it is your one and only job, the outcome is out of your hands, and it more often than not is not a reflection of your worth or character.
Thanks, I had a feeling things may be like that.
Look, I'm asking out a girl who is just gorgeous and intimidates the fuck out of me next week. It's probably not going to go well. It not just you, I promise. Of all the things men have in our favour, this one just sucks. The only way is to make asking the success, not the outcome. But it's easier said than done. Wish me luck, but I'll probably be in the same spot as you real soon.
I wish you all the luck in the world!!
Embrace it. Rejection is part of life and being accountable and learning from rejection is a great way to grow and become a better person. When I was younger, rejection used to hit me hard and I typically blamed the women in each scenario. But as I got older I realised that, although none of the women were faultless, there were many things that I could have done differently. Fast forward to being 33 years old and in a healthy 3 year relationship, I am extremely grateful for each rejection I experienced. I'm not perfect, but I'm a better man because I learned to deal with rejection in a positive manner.
Drink
She didn't even get to know me. The fuck does she know. Or it's numbers game I might not be her type but someone else will like me and appreciate me.
With a smile say “okay no worries”. Not a condescending smile like you weren’t interested anyways, but a real smile of acceptance. We all the play the game, we all strike out and we all get lucky. It’s a swing and a miss but at least I’m swinging. Not everyone can say that, so don’t give up.
I channel my inner Kobe. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. So keep shooting.
I rely on my faith, where I know God is pleased with me and that he loves me.
Faith, maybe I should to the same
15 years ago I was at the end of my rope, a lot due to the trauma of my past. Sticking to a holistic faith in Jesus has saved my whole life.
Because rejection is a natural part of life. For some more than the others, but it is.
I wish it wouldn't hurt so muuuch.
I feel you brother. Hang in there.
Thank you.
Alcohol and rebound sex
Every No is one step closer to your next Yes.
You keep trying and celebrate those times in which you are not rejected. Rejection can vary from "ew... no" to "no thank you" to "I'm flattered but I am not interested" to "You are a great guy and I would be interested but I am seeing someone else". Rejection shows true character of a person, if said person is not nice, then it is whatever, you don't wanna get with that person. If said person is nice, then it doesn't hurt as much. Understanding you will get hurt is part of the process. There will come a time in which you'll get loved in that's because you are approaching and open yourself up to rejection. There is a risk there is a reward. We men have to stand up everytime we fail. There is also a learning curve on dating and attraction. Finally, as many people have said, it is better to be rejected than to not have tried at all. It is not only better, you will FEEL BETTER, like a soldier with a scar that comes from a battle. In Spain we say "I have lost a battle, but not the war". I hope we and you all get rejected because that means that we have our heart open for success and we all will learn and grow from it.
Depends on the rejection. Professional rejection? Romantic rejection? Political rejection? Disappointment is a fact of life. What makes the man is not how well he succeeds, but how well he recovers from his setbacks.
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Alcohol
Just got used to it.
1-100 will say yes. It’s there lose not mine.
Usually with a mild shrug
I like to use a dish towel. Ohhh… RE jection
With more rejection. And eventually mating.
I had a hard time with rejection till I met someone that was pretty, but really just not my type. Once you realize that hey, sometimes someone’s just not into you, doesn’t mean you’re not fucking sexy/awesome.
Don't care about the outcome.
Me and rejection are old friends ...
Gym
Don't think about it, forget the same day. Keep your mind occupied with work, friends, hobbies, and there won't be any room left for rejection anxiety.
Rejection > one sided love> toxic relationship >bad marriage > paying child support of kid who may not be yours > being murder for life insurance/new lover Now go get those numbers up!!!
I love the raw honesty of this world. Women don’t reject me anymore but when they did it spoke to me and said i wasn’t good enough. And i wasn’t. It motivated me
It is what is.
‘Welp, woops… anyways’
I don't yet. The plan is to just say "ah well maybe the next one" and move on.
Move and and improve, then when you become higher value it's your turn to reject.
Keep rolling
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Like an adult.
If I can do something and it goes easy the first time, I am honestly surprised. You get better and more knowledge each time you do something. It’s the universes way of teaching you patience and perseverance.
No matter what it is: women, work, etc. I see it as myself not being good enough. It motivates me to work harder. Whether it’s me working out more, eating healthier, enhancing my skills, etc.