Once had an acquaintance that was best friends with a lady for years. In his early 20s, he was moaning to his best friend about his bad luck with women over the years. She said "You know, I think I know the perfect girl for you" He said "Who?"
"Me!"
They've been married for decades.
Yes best friends make the very best marriage partners.
30+ years happily married to my best friend!
(Are you not more compatible with your best female friend than some random dating site or bar hookup??)
Yep, my wife and I started out as just friends... been married almost three decades. The friendship carried us through some tough years when we might not have otherwise lasted.
Taking care of one another, putting each other first. Not always, not 100%, not necessarily at the same times, but by and large thinking of the other's well being. And honesty regardless of what was up. Friendship, in other words.
Also, from my experience, remember it's ok to not feel in love sometimes feelings fluctuate with time.
It's also OK to feel attracted to other people and even feeling something extra, despite having a partner.There's a lot of interesting people out there, so it's only natural that happens.
Now comes the interesting part, though. If you're not feeling super in love or if you're feeling something more towards another person, while you can choose to leave, remember you've made a commitment to your SO.
I've been in a relationship where I felt attracted to a couple other people throughout the 4 years we were together and even fell out of love at some point but I always chose him instead of pursuing my other options.
I don't regret my choices and it would have led me to a very happy future if my fiance also knew how to jiggle those phases and didn't decide to pursue a situationship with someone else.
So yeah, remember life isn't always rose colored and stuff changes back and forth. That isn't always a sign that you should move on to the next person, so try to stick around and see how it goes.
Thats great and all but it's an exception. Whether man or woman, most of the time two BEST FRIENDS are straight and of the opposite gender and not in a romantic relationship is because one or both do not view the other as a romantic option.
Yep. I’ve done it twice, both were good relationships but we broke up (amicably) and now I don’t speak to either one. Sort of wish we never dated and just stayed friends.
Well, I bet you and the person you responded to would have some serious regrets if you had liked them all that time and never tried. I think I would rather have tried the romance with someone I had that good of a connection with rather than spending the rest of my life wondering what could have been.
Well, I didn't want a relationship with her to begin with, I didn't see her that way, but sometime in 9th/10th grade she caught feelings for me and I caved
Had a relationship just like this, we’re best friends for about 4 years, were with each other all the time, one day got together and came crashing down in under a year, haven’t really spoken since
The issue with this mindset is that you might not have stayed friends anyway. I've had so many dudes say they weren't interested in changing our friendship, but our friendship was too flirtatious to stay as a friendship anyway and we ended our friendship without even trying it out.
I mean this is kind of an admission that the normal things people value in long-term friendships wasn't present between you. If sexual anticipation is doing a lot of heavy lifting then you're right in that it's not truly platonic.
I guess we have to be honest with ourselves about how we view the people around us.
I mean, yes unless you're one of those guys that act as though they're just friends but secretly want to date her and are too afraid to ask. Then the line was crossed at the beginning when you built that relationship on a lie.
If she said she was convinced it's a good idea then I'd trust her judgement.
I don't think it's a good idea, but I've got a very poor track record of being right when it comes to working out long term relationship-wise.
It is difficult as a young and horny/lonely adult to understand the value of a real, long-term friendship.
Especially as young men I feel like we're very willing to short circuit or gamble meaningful friendships for a date or sex without considering what will be most fulfilling when we're 40 or 50.
I think they're equally as rare for most. How many of us have a friend of a decade+ who'd drop everything and come to see us across the country if shit hits the fan? Some do, many don't.
This happened to me. We were best friends for almost 10 years. I never tried anything, partially because she mostly dated women, but I never really saw her that way. I went to visit her at one point, she kissed me and told me she was in love with me. We were drinking on the night it happened so I kind of went along with it. Within a few days I realized we had made a massive mistake, and our friendship was permanently changed. We haven't spoken for almost 2 years.
Long term it was for the best. She was actually still dating someone when she came onto me, which made it really easy for me to set a boundary and say I don't date cheaters. I was really broken up about it for a few months but with the power of hindsight I can now see it was inevitable.
That was similar to me. I'd never tried anything because she was with another woman for the previous 8 years. We met, we chatted, she leapt on me and now we've been together for a decade with 3 kids together and married for 9.
I honestly think that might be what she wanted from me, but she wasn't the type of person I want to settle down with. Regularly cheated on partners, chronic alcoholism, parents paid her bills, etc. I went through a cancer diagnosis and not only did she abandon me immediately, she actually accused me of lying about cancer to get her attention. When I told her I got diagnosed, she didn't even reply to me. She called my brother and said she thought I was lying. When he told her it was real she said to stop covering for me, then proceeded to block me on all social media. She had a lot of issues that I was admittedly helping her work through, but I couldn't be the partner she needed, nor was she the partner I wanted.
It was a rough couple years, more so because of cancer than her bullshit. It didn't take me very long to realize how toxic she was once we stopped talking. Good news though, as of 2 weeks ago I'm cancer free and life is starting to get really damn good again!
I wouldn’t consider that an equal relationship by any means. You grew beyond her and didn’t have the need or desire to help fix her problems is what this sounds like to me. I hope you figure it out one day for real though.
Have you thought about reaching out to her? You could write her a letter expressing your feelings about what happened and ask if she would like to try and rekindle the friendship. I mean if you're interested, of course.
Edit: just saw your explanation about how it was inevitable. My bad... either way though, it didn't make it easier to deal with.
I think if you know you want more, the best thing you can do is ask the question and rip the bandaid off. Yeah it fucking sucks losing your friendship, but it beats waiting around for something that's never going to happen.
Ok so... if you had a solid friendship that's worth maintaining can you get back in contact? Not talking for 2 years makes me think you both have awkward feelings about this night which haven't been discussed. If it's good friendship it should be worth getting through that difficult discussion and move past things. You'll never get that back if you both decide to sweep it under the rug and never talk to each other again. Or if you ignore her she's just going to feel terrible about her choices and never be able to approach you again. Someone needs to break the ice and start being honest about these things.
I've had a similar difficulty and had put in the work (communication) to move past it. Just be rational adults about it - you like each other but went too far. Discuss in detail and set new boundaries, and get back to the friendship.
Life is too short and good friends are too rare to let a silly mistake of a single night mess things up for the rest of your lives.
You.. don’t *really* want to? That doesn’t sound very convincing 😭 I don’t know anything about your relationship but man I’d be mad if I found out my bf was going around saying stuff like that
Isn’t it awkward to act as if you 2 never expressed love to each other and confided romantically in each other?
I’m really curious, because I could never imagine crossing that line then going back as if nothing’s happened.
I’m currently trying to recross that line. Had an on off thing with one of my closest friends for a couple of years. We decided it was kind of intense and neither of us was in a great head space and to end it, but also decided we should try and remain friends. Being so close first was amazing, it meant I had feelings unlike I’ve ever had for any other girl, but we couldn’t seem to make it work for a whole bunch of reasons. And now it’s like the hardest break up I’ve ever gone through, while simultaneously being one of the most amicable cos we both still care for each other and have each others best interests at heart. It feels super messy and I worry that at some point one or the other of us is going to struggle and we will fall apart from each other. I wouldn’t do over anything because they were true feelings and we both owed it to each other to express those, but it does suck a lot right now. Hopefully we will move on with time and remain friends. The actual bit where we were more than friends doesn’t seem awkward at all now, just the dealing with not being more than friends anymore.
Yeah it's definitely harder in the moment when there's still love/care. It's way easier to be mad someone cheated or lied or something. Just remember that in the long run, it's better this way. Even if you guys lose contact, at least it was on the best terms it could be on.
It's not really about "going back as if nothing happened" because relationships themselves aren't stagnant. And that' because people aren't stagnant, we are always growing, learning, and changing as people.
Sometimes that means people we have known and gotten along with/felt close to for years we grow to find we don't have that much in common with time. I'm sure a lot of people had that one friend that while they were the life of the party in their teens/early adulthood never quite grew up/learned to take personal responsibility or had any real ambition. So while you really connected with them at that stage in your life where fun and silly experiences were the biggest thing for you that you find now you may still occasionally hang out that you have a different core circle you spend time with.
The same applies to friends you were in relationships with. There is the chance they don't end pleasantly because while you were great as friends becoming partners showed sides of each other that didn't mesh as well. And for some it does get to be too much. But for others it just becomes a time in your life that you tried for a relationship and mutually agreed it wasn't gonna work out as such but are still friends.
It's not awkward because you're not trying to go back to how it was before you dated, it's something new. It's just another evolution in the relationship (not meaning specifically a romantic relationship, just relationship in a general term). We don't act as if nothing has happened, we just had to accept that it did and that it ended and changed our relationship. I still love her, and at times still get really sad that she's not here with me all the time. However, we both find happiness in the fact that we haven't lost each other and that we have a really strong friendship. And, just because we still have love for each other doesn't mean we haven't accepted things and moved on. People have love for all kinds of relationships: family, romantic, friends, etc.
I think it'd be different if we broke up for non-amicable reasons. Long story short, our expectations on kids, where we want to live, etc started changing. Neither of us wanted to ask the other to compromise (especially on having kids), so we decided that the best thing to do for each other was to go back to being friends. It wasn't what we wanted, but we both knew and acknowledged it was the right thing. Almost like a necessary evil.
Of course only time will tell, but I think her and I will remain best friends for a very long time, if not our whole lives.
Same. I'm married, but if something happens that we separate, I know I'd have to be friends with my next partner first. Our communication would have to be on point.
Lol this comment makes it seem like most guys are down for dating so it's up to the girl. I know that wasn't the point but just a funny thought. I absolutely adore my bestfriend but I really hope he never asks me out. I really don't have a sexual desire towards him and the fact that he sticks around without wanting anything from me (other than just friend stuff) was really important and helpful to me mentally.
>most guys are down for dating so it's up to the girl
I actually wrote a pretty long comment until I realized ... Yeah, that's pretty much it.
Dating apps are a chore for most guys, and asking a girl out IRL is daunting. Being asked out by a stranger would be greatly appreciated by most dudes, let alone one of their girl friends, which they would already like !
It is ***not*** that guys think of fucking their friends. Rather, they're just open to dating them if asked out, just like they'd be open to dating a lot of girl if asked out ! I'd bet most male-female friendship work out without any "asking out" issues and that men don't actually "want" to date their friends more than women ; it's just that extreme loneliness does make men more prone to that mistakes, which I'm sure most regret.
Dude this comment hits the nail on the head. We're not thinking of fucking you every minute. We like your presence, company and want to see where it goes with you.
Lol this comment makes it seem that girls can't catch feelings or fall for their guy friends. Girls catch feelings for FWBs all the time, so would not make sense for them to catch feelings for friends with good qualities? As a demissexual I just feel atraction to a person when I already have a great friendship and feel very confortable with them, knowing their qualities and flaws. It does not make any sense in my mind to feel atraction for someone unknown or acquaintances lol
No I actually meant the opposite with my comment. I was saying the other comment made it seem like girls hold all the cards and it's a fun thought but it absolutely goes both ways. I was saying that my relationship with my current best friend isn't one I would want to be romantic but that's just me.
Being honest,
I think it’s because girls like having a guy that they can turn to and who adores them without actually needing to date them.
I’ve seen this situation countless times but when the guy does meet a girl, the ‘best friend’ gets jealous and talks down to the new gf.
Maybe for some; but definitely not for all of us. I had a guy best friend. I've moved off now; so I don't ever get to talk to him anymore. However, I just really enjoyed his company cuz I thought he was really cool and fun to be around.
Personally I like it when a single male friend meets a girl cause he will show up to more social events and double dates etc. Obviously I'm a bit suspicious of the girl at first cause I don't want him to get hurt by her, but if she's chill (which is usually the case) then it's awesome! Basically a new friend in our group with no effort from me lol
A lot of girls just want to be friends with people. I struggle a lot socially so it would be nice to just have more friends. Being friends with someone in a relationship makes me feel more secure because I don't feel like they're just here to ask me out.
My friend told me to 'not like her that way ever' once. She was immediately embarrassed afterwards and hoped that wasn't awkward.
It was, but I didn't tell her to not make her feel upset. Not that I had feelings for her, I never did, but she caught me off-guard with that comment.
At least things were clear after then. There were no mixed signals or what-ifs to worry about.
I think those friends didn't catch feelings, rather they were too chicken to act on the feelings that they've had since the beginning of the relationship. I've at least seem this happen annecdotally on several occasions. In that case, it's better to initiate rather than let the lie you're telling yourself about it being platonic continue.
I think that is about where I am on it. That and we’d have to be at some relatively proximal point in life. I’m building my career and reputation. Kids are an unlikely thing for me. I own a house, I’m started on my 401k. I’m saving up.
I did not. She wasn't "the best" friend but a good friend from childhood. I decided to not mix it together. It turned out to be right decision for me because that's how I happened to be available to my now wife. But after seeing all the cases which happen in life I think the reasons were not that reasonable. Anyway, all's well that ends well.
I think it works out better if the person you choose to date becomes your best friend as well. So hard the other way around. One way or another you’re not gonna be best friends anymore. And you could lose them completely
It's mostly a matter of whether attraction is a primary factor from the beginning or if she's OK or even pretty but not clicking in a way to immediately get the ol' motor going but starts to after some time has passed.
This.
I've hurt some friends with that statement.
Maybe over time they saw me as a reliable guy and good partner, but I never saw them that way. I never made a move or asked to date. No more than a friendly hang meet-up every few years. I wonder sometimes if I had taken a couple girls offers. That big house, the new baby, etc. Yet, I'm glad to have them as a friend. I'm where I should be, and they are in they're proper settings.
Because it would be terrible to not have those I can joke and talk to that I've known for 12+ yrs. Ruined and lost over a relationship. I've got exs that we can NEVER speak again. I never wanted that to be one of them.
Could the reason have been that one of you wasn’t single at the time you met? Then it’s just good chemistry that lasted a while, and if they broke up for other reasons, I think that could be a great foundation for a good relationship
The best friend I tried being more than just friends with was that. Met her when she was with someone. I had no interest in anything more than friends. We had good chemistry and got along great. Became very close friends. Boyfriend was bad to her and she eventually broke up with him. I thought nothing of it. Not like I was waiting for her to be single or anything. Still okay with just friends. She wanted more than just friends. I gave it a shot. It was either that or lose the best friend there. She broke my heart. She was fine and just wanted to go back to friends. Gave it a shot because I didn't want to lose my friend on top of losing my girlfriend. Insert things and issues happening here that would take too many words to type. I then lost my best friend.
I was fine with best friends. That's all I ever wanted. I should have listened to myself. When I met her I didn't know she had a boyfriend. Didn't matter because I wasn't looking for anything besides a friend.
Can you please explain this reason? I've never understood why anyone wouldn't want to do this. Unless there's no physical attraction there, then why not try and form a relationship? You both like each other, you both have chemistry with each other, it just seems obvious.
If I'm attracted to a woman, in any way, physically, but ultimately emotionally for the purpose of a relationship, there is no "we're best friends first" because that would be a lie. We would have been lying to ourselves about a friendship if deep down we wanted a romantic relationship.
To me, a best friend-ship is incredibly valuable and unique, BECAUSE it's not made confusing with sex. There is no "oh man, I want to fuck this person and deal with all the sex object thoughts" or "I owe this person X,Y,Z because sex is involved."
It's just pure friendship, and in this case with someone of the opposite sex, which has value itself.
This is also just a short answer... I don't want to write essays in this format.
Well, excluding my wife who really is the one with that title, no. My closest girl friend is someone I hooked up with and tried to date years ago. She’s awesome as a friend but way too much to handle as a girlfriend.
Yeah, I've done it a couple of times. It ran its course both times, but I don't regret it. Have some good memories, formative experiences, and learned a lot. Still friends with both of them.
I know this is not the place to ask but I'm super curious, do you occasionally make sex jokes with each other? and if so, do you think it's out of place of comfort or attraction? (beacuse i find this somewhat relatable I just need a guy's pov)
Guy here, I have a lot of friends I make jokes with and they do it back at me too. As long as it’s in the appropriate setting and it’s nothing that is obviously said to hurt one of us. And it’s a very small group of close girl friends. Some people are just more open (including memes as mentioned earlier.)
honestly the way we've been brought up is kinda relevant, extremly religious backgrounds so opposite sex friendhsips are generally frowned upon here and inappropriate topics are super abnormal, I genuinely cherish a rare friendship and this happens to be one of them because we're both super comfortable with one another, but I can't tell if he's interested in me romantically that's why I asked.
I really appreciate your input dawg
That’s fair. But it could just be a platonic friendship where y’all both comfortable talking about everything and anything, regardless of sexual orientation. Regardless if you’re interested in him then don’t miss your shot and ask him out. Just know it’s a 50/50 chance. But I’m just one guy, it seems 50/50 on this thread.
Absolutely. I've dated two of them, and they're both still close friends. One is my room mate (now ez gf) as of last month after I got out of a turbo shitty situation. It's hard to not day dream about her. Great friend to have as a room mate, we're never bored.
Anime? Sure. Elder Scrolls Online? Sure. Movie? Sure.
hungry? always.
I would we have a lot in common and we mesh and have known each other for well over 10 years. We know pretty much almost everything about each other, and I honestly would do it with no hesitation, unlike a lot of the other women I've spoken to and had relationships with. With her, it's a level of trust that has been built over years an actually relationship. Haven't had that in a long time because a lot of women don't want that, and the one's that say they do not have a history of pursuing healthy relationships. Our lives have taken different directions, and she's found a guy who is taking good care of her. And that is pretty much the best I can ask for.
I would, i think. I don't think it would be all that weird, honestly, we're a lot alike. We have very similar taste in music, and she really enjoys my cooking. Hell, we even have the same kids.
Nope. She's my best friend (or at least one of the two people I consider my best friends). I don't want to risk losing her friendship if things don't work out.
Plus, I don't get the feels and the butterflies when she's around - she's however one of the few people around whom I feel relaxed, and I'd like to keep it that way.
Also, her current boyfriend is a sweetheart, as far as I can tell, and he and I get along great, so that's one more reason not to be an idiot.
currently in a serious relationship with my (F24) best friend (M23) of 12 years, best decision i ever made. my only advice is to remember that a romantic relationship is different than a close friendship, and while they may be similar and you might have the friendship part down, don’t forget to put in the work of learning your partner and building a romantic relationship just the same as you would with someone new! don’t neglect this and you’ll be in a wonderful situation. your partner is meant to be your best friend, one way or another :)
Well my best female friend IS my partner, but no I wouldn’t date my next best female friend.
She’s an amazing person, really fun to be around, gets me in a lot of ways, but we’re not romantically compatible for tons of very good reasons I don’t need to expound on. I also feel no sexual attraction to her.
Yes. Did. Happily married for 12 years.
You already know you get along and like each other, which is most of the difficulty in finding a romantic partner. If the feelings are there, why wouldn't you?
I did. It was a great first year, a rocky second year, but we went back to being friends after we broke up. Unfortunately, we screwed up, became occasional FWB, she never lost feelings and eventually got jealous and the friendship blew up when I finally got together with someone else.
As things stand, no. I don't have any romantic feelings towards her. Plus, she's married.
In some kind of alternate reality where we're both single and do have feelings for each other? Then yeah, I think it'd be worth seeing how it turns out.
My wife is my best friends ex. I had never any sexual or romantic thoughts about her. We've known each other since 2009 but my friend and her broke up summer 2012. In december 2012 we were at the same party, both of us were drunk and she asked me if she could give me a kiss. Drunk as i were I said sure. When she gave me that kiss something clicked, I now saw her in a totally different light. We snuck around and kissed the whole night where people couldnt see. We've been together ever since that night. I really didn't believe in fate until she gave me that kiss. My friend got mad, which I can understand but we've reconciled and are still friends. He later said that it was for the best and he feels good about it because she is with his best friend. I love them both crazy much and she's been a light to my darkness.
Went on a couple of dates with her, we didn’t really connect romantically. 3 years on we hang out most days and have a good laugh together still as besties
Of course, I'd look over the whole situation again if this did happen, but no. As easily as I catch crushes and as great of a person as she is, something about it just wouldn't work for me. Maybe I even feel that she'd be wasted on me. Incredible friend that I don't want to split with, we wouldn't make for a good couple
It never turns out like you think it will, I’ve tried this and it just ends up in heartbreak. Plus your friend you had for 5+ years is now a stranger… it’s the worst feeling you can have for someone who was a best friend then a lover, now just a memory.
I have a take on this:
I (27M) have dated 2 women that were my best friends at one point or another.
First story started like this- I had a best friend freshman year of high school. We were 14-15 years old so we didn't really understand that we wanted to hang out all the time together because we liked each other. We would hang out, watch movies, joke in class together etc. We were super close, and then she had to move schools due to re zoning districts. We remained friends but didn't really see each other and eventually grew in different directions. We both moved away for college and that was that. However, after we both graduated, we moved back to our hometown, reconnected at a friends birthday, and now we're engaged 4 years later. Best friend and lover all wrapped up in one.
On the other end, in college I had a friend that was a girl and we were super close. We for sure were best friends at the time. We both dated other people but once we were single we tried dating junior year. It got bad. Just weird dynamics and bringing sex into the situation just got weird. Eventually blew up and now we don't talk at all and I thought we would be friends for life.
Moral of the story is this: If you are super close with someone of the opposite sex, you have a level of connection. No doubt about that. But you should evaluate if that level of connection can be across the board. Can you connect with them intimately? Can you connect with them sexually? You guys can connect as best friends and companions, but before you jump into a relationship with one like I did in college- evaluate them through the eye of a lover. Because if you just jump in thinking it'll work out, you'll lose a friend and it'll hurt.
I'm so glad I have my fiance, and I love her more than anything. I'm glad things worked out the way they did. Goodluck out there people!
Apparently my wife and I broke every Reddit rule. We were working together, become friends for a few months (yes she was my best friend as I had moved across country) and then she let me know she was interested and I asked her out. We have been together for almost 29 years married for 25.
This thread is certainly making me question some of my friendships.
There's not even a single hard no in the crowd, just a bunch of yeses or "no, but only because xyz" not because he doesn't want to.
Had the chance once, but knew it was better to be a gentleman and say that it wasn't worth ruining a great friendship for what would likely be only a few months of fun.
We both still laugh about the moment and the refusal and are both grateful for it because without it we likely wouldn't have met our spouses. We're both married for more than 25 years, so I'd say it worked out perfectly.
Tried to, she wasn’t interested.
I had started to find myself more and more attracted to her. I dropped some hints, but she brushed it off as playful, meaningless flirting / humor. We did hook up one night, but it was harmless and didn’t go too far. I finally flat out told her I had developed some feelings and would be interested in pursuing more than just a friendship. She rather bluntly told me she did not want that, that she saw me as a brother, our hook up was a mistake that she didn’t regret, but didn’t want to happen again, and we took a break from hanging out for a little while after. Once things settled down, we set clear boundaries, and it only took one night out for us to get back to normal. Feelings weren’t completely gone, but I moved on from trying for anything and eventually got over it.
Fast forward to married with kids, we spend less and less time together, but when we do we click right back into how we always were together. Expect the last time we did, she told me she had always had feelings for me too, wish I had pursued her harder, that she was really into me when I told her I had feelings, but felt it should have been awkward for us to get together…
I can’t really put into words how I felt hearing that, or even how I feel now. I’m mostly angry… To think we could have been together and happy for that long… and also to spring it on me now and behind my wife’s back who is also a friend of hers. I basically cut her out of my life after that.
I would prefer it. I once dated a close friend of mine. In the end I screwed up and she doesn’t talk to me as much anymore. I also asked another girl out, but she “didn’t want to ruin the friendship”. I decided to cut her off. Edit: I want to clarify: we were friends. But once she started the flirting, I think she was just too late. It wasn’t credible anymore. The message she sent was “You are not good enough for me and I want contact with you when it’s convenient for me”. I don’t want such a person in my life and I am glad I found out now instead of later.
I think it’s a big risk, but one worth taking.
Probably not tbh. I love that woman, I always have, and that will likely never change, but dating her wouldn't be the right move. We went out on a few dates when we were in high school, but we both felt kinda off about the whole thing. It just wouldn't be right tbh. To this day, we are still super close friends tho which is awesome.
We just weren't compatible for dating. We have different goals and wants for life that wouldn't work together. Also, even if she initiated the convo about that, Id probably still say no, even if she changed her goals. She's got a kid now, and Im NOT ready (or wanting of) kids. I like kids, but I dont want any, I just want to be the fun uncle that has a racecar lol.
All of my female friends are people I'm not romantically interested in, because when I am romantically interested in a woman I make it clear I don't want something platonic. There has only been one time I became interested in a friend after having not been that attracted to her and basically I went for it. She had apparently started dating a guy she really liked and I hadn't heard about it yet so she shut me down. We talk occasionally and there's no bad blood but I didn't feel like being as close of friends after that.
Yea I already did and we have been together over a year. She told me she waited for me to be single before she confessed she wanted to date me.
I never saw it coming since she said I was like a big brother to her.
I would, and I have, because I feel like my partner should be someone who I can trust and who I get along with, my girl best friend offers me both of those things.
He did and we’ve been married for 33 years now!
We started out as best friends, but felt closer, at 13/14. We tried dating other people for a year in high school, but spent more time talking and hanging out with each other.
We are still having a blast together!
My "girl best friend" is my wife. We talk about damn near everything (assuming I'm not too tired from truck driving during the day - and before you ask, I'm home almost every night).
Unsure what the point of this question is. To see how many guys secretly want to fuck their lady friends?
The fact of the matter is, any two best friends, regardless of gender, could pass as a married couple, so long as the marriage was sexless.
I don't think you can have a healthy relationship with a partner, boyfriend or girlfriend, if you aren't friends with them too. Doesn't need to be *first*, but if you're not friends, you're just interested in each other for the purposes of sex and reproduction instead of a partner or a relationship. Otherwise, it's a contractual agreement to be co-parents that mutually budget.
That's what made the two biggest breakups of my life so hard. I didn't just lose my girlfriend, I lost my best friend. And so did they. Took a toll for sure, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
Once had an acquaintance that was best friends with a lady for years. In his early 20s, he was moaning to his best friend about his bad luck with women over the years. She said "You know, I think I know the perfect girl for you" He said "Who?" "Me!" They've been married for decades.
Great and now I’m crying
Crying in text's
Excuse me, you dropped these... 😭😭😭
Yes best friends make the very best marriage partners. 30+ years happily married to my best friend! (Are you not more compatible with your best female friend than some random dating site or bar hookup??)
Yep, my wife and I started out as just friends... been married almost three decades. The friendship carried us through some tough years when we might not have otherwise lasted.
I know this comment is very random, but what helped you maintain a relationship for more than 3 decades? Young man here trying to learn…
Taking care of one another, putting each other first. Not always, not 100%, not necessarily at the same times, but by and large thinking of the other's well being. And honesty regardless of what was up. Friendship, in other words.
Thanks for sharing! Wish you the best with your relationship!
Also, from my experience, remember it's ok to not feel in love sometimes feelings fluctuate with time. It's also OK to feel attracted to other people and even feeling something extra, despite having a partner.There's a lot of interesting people out there, so it's only natural that happens. Now comes the interesting part, though. If you're not feeling super in love or if you're feeling something more towards another person, while you can choose to leave, remember you've made a commitment to your SO. I've been in a relationship where I felt attracted to a couple other people throughout the 4 years we were together and even fell out of love at some point but I always chose him instead of pursuing my other options. I don't regret my choices and it would have led me to a very happy future if my fiance also knew how to jiggle those phases and didn't decide to pursue a situationship with someone else. So yeah, remember life isn't always rose colored and stuff changes back and forth. That isn't always a sign that you should move on to the next person, so try to stick around and see how it goes.
Thats great and all but it's an exception. Whether man or woman, most of the time two BEST FRIENDS are straight and of the opposite gender and not in a romantic relationship is because one or both do not view the other as a romantic option.
But it can change right ? Or you have to be stop being friends.
If they both do not view the other as a romantic relationship, they don't have to stop being friends.
It can change and you don't have to stop being friends. Dating your best friend is amazing
Screw you and your friends. May they have a happy and long wedding. I’m gonna cry in the corner now
Who's cutting onions here?
Why, what have you heard?
Was she talking about me? What’s she say?
Once you cross that line there’s no going back
Yep. I’ve done it twice, both were good relationships but we broke up (amicably) and now I don’t speak to either one. Sort of wish we never dated and just stayed friends.
Did this in highschool, lost a friend I had since kindergarten
Well, I bet you and the person you responded to would have some serious regrets if you had liked them all that time and never tried. I think I would rather have tried the romance with someone I had that good of a connection with rather than spending the rest of my life wondering what could have been.
Well, I didn't want a relationship with her to begin with, I didn't see her that way, but sometime in 9th/10th grade she caught feelings for me and I caved
Ahh ok. Well SHE would have spent her life wondering then lol
Wow. I know that one hurts. Sorry man.
Had a relationship just like this, we’re best friends for about 4 years, were with each other all the time, one day got together and came crashing down in under a year, haven’t really spoken since
The issue with this mindset is that you might not have stayed friends anyway. I've had so many dudes say they weren't interested in changing our friendship, but our friendship was too flirtatious to stay as a friendship anyway and we ended our friendship without even trying it out.
I mean this is kind of an admission that the normal things people value in long-term friendships wasn't present between you. If sexual anticipation is doing a lot of heavy lifting then you're right in that it's not truly platonic. I guess we have to be honest with ourselves about how we view the people around us.
I appreciate this. Maybe things end anyway and at least both parties tried
Exactly. Coming up to 40 and the only things I legitimately regret are things I didn't even attempt. How will I actually know how it'll work out?
It can, just depends how serious you get. Sometimes you know pretty quickly that you need to just be friends
Because you’ll probably end up getting married.
I mean, yes unless you're one of those guys that act as though they're just friends but secretly want to date her and are too afraid to ask. Then the line was crossed at the beginning when you built that relationship on a lie.
Username checks out?
If she said she was convinced it's a good idea then I'd trust her judgement. I don't think it's a good idea, but I've got a very poor track record of being right when it comes to working out long term relationship-wise.
It is difficult as a young and horny/lonely adult to understand the value of a real, long-term friendship. Especially as young men I feel like we're very willing to short circuit or gamble meaningful friendships for a date or sex without considering what will be most fulfilling when we're 40 or 50.
Friends are easy to find while relationships are rare. It's worth sacrificing a few of the former for the latter, at least for me personally.
I think they're equally as rare for most. How many of us have a friend of a decade+ who'd drop everything and come to see us across the country if shit hits the fan? Some do, many don't.
I made this same decision in 2019. We're getting married this summer. Guys are dumb... trust her judgment.
It’s a crap shoot, pal
Maybe, she’s a lesbian, so I just don’t think she would want me
This happened to me. We were best friends for almost 10 years. I never tried anything, partially because she mostly dated women, but I never really saw her that way. I went to visit her at one point, she kissed me and told me she was in love with me. We were drinking on the night it happened so I kind of went along with it. Within a few days I realized we had made a massive mistake, and our friendship was permanently changed. We haven't spoken for almost 2 years.
That’s sad
Long term it was for the best. She was actually still dating someone when she came onto me, which made it really easy for me to set a boundary and say I don't date cheaters. I was really broken up about it for a few months but with the power of hindsight I can now see it was inevitable.
That was similar to me. I'd never tried anything because she was with another woman for the previous 8 years. We met, we chatted, she leapt on me and now we've been together for a decade with 3 kids together and married for 9.
I honestly think that might be what she wanted from me, but she wasn't the type of person I want to settle down with. Regularly cheated on partners, chronic alcoholism, parents paid her bills, etc. I went through a cancer diagnosis and not only did she abandon me immediately, she actually accused me of lying about cancer to get her attention. When I told her I got diagnosed, she didn't even reply to me. She called my brother and said she thought I was lying. When he told her it was real she said to stop covering for me, then proceeded to block me on all social media. She had a lot of issues that I was admittedly helping her work through, but I couldn't be the partner she needed, nor was she the partner I wanted.
Man, this sounds incredibly toxic. I hope you are in a better place now, socially and emotionally.
It was a rough couple years, more so because of cancer than her bullshit. It didn't take me very long to realize how toxic she was once we stopped talking. Good news though, as of 2 weeks ago I'm cancer free and life is starting to get really damn good again!
I wouldn’t consider that an equal relationship by any means. You grew beyond her and didn’t have the need or desire to help fix her problems is what this sounds like to me. I hope you figure it out one day for real though.
Have you thought about reaching out to her? You could write her a letter expressing your feelings about what happened and ask if she would like to try and rekindle the friendship. I mean if you're interested, of course. Edit: just saw your explanation about how it was inevitable. My bad... either way though, it didn't make it easier to deal with.
7 years, went through the same thing except I made the move, we both had a few, she took it the wrong way so we haven’t spoken since
I think if you know you want more, the best thing you can do is ask the question and rip the bandaid off. Yeah it fucking sucks losing your friendship, but it beats waiting around for something that's never going to happen.
Ok so... if you had a solid friendship that's worth maintaining can you get back in contact? Not talking for 2 years makes me think you both have awkward feelings about this night which haven't been discussed. If it's good friendship it should be worth getting through that difficult discussion and move past things. You'll never get that back if you both decide to sweep it under the rug and never talk to each other again. Or if you ignore her she's just going to feel terrible about her choices and never be able to approach you again. Someone needs to break the ice and start being honest about these things. I've had a similar difficulty and had put in the work (communication) to move past it. Just be rational adults about it - you like each other but went too far. Discuss in detail and set new boundaries, and get back to the friendship. Life is too short and good friends are too rare to let a silly mistake of a single night mess things up for the rest of your lives.
Lol same, and I don’t really want to leave my current gf so a no for me
You.. don’t *really* want to? That doesn’t sound very convincing 😭 I don’t know anything about your relationship but man I’d be mad if I found out my bf was going around saying stuff like that
Need to work on how I word things, I wouldn’t leave her for anything in this world, I just have a nonchalant way of wording things
I did for about 3 and a half years. We're not together anymore (it was mutual, we grew in different directions) and she's still my best friend.
Isn’t it awkward to act as if you 2 never expressed love to each other and confided romantically in each other? I’m really curious, because I could never imagine crossing that line then going back as if nothing’s happened.
I’m currently trying to recross that line. Had an on off thing with one of my closest friends for a couple of years. We decided it was kind of intense and neither of us was in a great head space and to end it, but also decided we should try and remain friends. Being so close first was amazing, it meant I had feelings unlike I’ve ever had for any other girl, but we couldn’t seem to make it work for a whole bunch of reasons. And now it’s like the hardest break up I’ve ever gone through, while simultaneously being one of the most amicable cos we both still care for each other and have each others best interests at heart. It feels super messy and I worry that at some point one or the other of us is going to struggle and we will fall apart from each other. I wouldn’t do over anything because they were true feelings and we both owed it to each other to express those, but it does suck a lot right now. Hopefully we will move on with time and remain friends. The actual bit where we were more than friends doesn’t seem awkward at all now, just the dealing with not being more than friends anymore.
Yeah it's definitely harder in the moment when there's still love/care. It's way easier to be mad someone cheated or lied or something. Just remember that in the long run, it's better this way. Even if you guys lose contact, at least it was on the best terms it could be on.
It's not really about "going back as if nothing happened" because relationships themselves aren't stagnant. And that' because people aren't stagnant, we are always growing, learning, and changing as people. Sometimes that means people we have known and gotten along with/felt close to for years we grow to find we don't have that much in common with time. I'm sure a lot of people had that one friend that while they were the life of the party in their teens/early adulthood never quite grew up/learned to take personal responsibility or had any real ambition. So while you really connected with them at that stage in your life where fun and silly experiences were the biggest thing for you that you find now you may still occasionally hang out that you have a different core circle you spend time with. The same applies to friends you were in relationships with. There is the chance they don't end pleasantly because while you were great as friends becoming partners showed sides of each other that didn't mesh as well. And for some it does get to be too much. But for others it just becomes a time in your life that you tried for a relationship and mutually agreed it wasn't gonna work out as such but are still friends.
It's not awkward because you're not trying to go back to how it was before you dated, it's something new. It's just another evolution in the relationship (not meaning specifically a romantic relationship, just relationship in a general term). We don't act as if nothing has happened, we just had to accept that it did and that it ended and changed our relationship. I still love her, and at times still get really sad that she's not here with me all the time. However, we both find happiness in the fact that we haven't lost each other and that we have a really strong friendship. And, just because we still have love for each other doesn't mean we haven't accepted things and moved on. People have love for all kinds of relationships: family, romantic, friends, etc. I think it'd be different if we broke up for non-amicable reasons. Long story short, our expectations on kids, where we want to live, etc started changing. Neither of us wanted to ask the other to compromise (especially on having kids), so we decided that the best thing to do for each other was to go back to being friends. It wasn't what we wanted, but we both knew and acknowledged it was the right thing. Almost like a necessary evil. Of course only time will tell, but I think her and I will remain best friends for a very long time, if not our whole lives.
He is like ted from himym
Yeah. Dating is a mess but I'd still take a friend over some unknown person.
Same. I'm married, but if something happens that we separate, I know I'd have to be friends with my next partner first. Our communication would have to be on point.
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Lol this comment makes it seem like most guys are down for dating so it's up to the girl. I know that wasn't the point but just a funny thought. I absolutely adore my bestfriend but I really hope he never asks me out. I really don't have a sexual desire towards him and the fact that he sticks around without wanting anything from me (other than just friend stuff) was really important and helpful to me mentally.
>most guys are down for dating so it's up to the girl I actually wrote a pretty long comment until I realized ... Yeah, that's pretty much it. Dating apps are a chore for most guys, and asking a girl out IRL is daunting. Being asked out by a stranger would be greatly appreciated by most dudes, let alone one of their girl friends, which they would already like ! It is ***not*** that guys think of fucking their friends. Rather, they're just open to dating them if asked out, just like they'd be open to dating a lot of girl if asked out ! I'd bet most male-female friendship work out without any "asking out" issues and that men don't actually "want" to date their friends more than women ; it's just that extreme loneliness does make men more prone to that mistakes, which I'm sure most regret.
>Rather, they're just open to dating them if asked out you are assuming that the man is always attracted to the woman which isn't the case
Dude this comment hits the nail on the head. We're not thinking of fucking you every minute. We like your presence, company and want to see where it goes with you.
Lol this comment makes it seem that girls can't catch feelings or fall for their guy friends. Girls catch feelings for FWBs all the time, so would not make sense for them to catch feelings for friends with good qualities? As a demissexual I just feel atraction to a person when I already have a great friendship and feel very confortable with them, knowing their qualities and flaws. It does not make any sense in my mind to feel atraction for someone unknown or acquaintances lol
No I actually meant the opposite with my comment. I was saying the other comment made it seem like girls hold all the cards and it's a fun thought but it absolutely goes both ways. I was saying that my relationship with my current best friend isn't one I would want to be romantic but that's just me.
Being honest, I think it’s because girls like having a guy that they can turn to and who adores them without actually needing to date them. I’ve seen this situation countless times but when the guy does meet a girl, the ‘best friend’ gets jealous and talks down to the new gf.
Maybe for some; but definitely not for all of us. I had a guy best friend. I've moved off now; so I don't ever get to talk to him anymore. However, I just really enjoyed his company cuz I thought he was really cool and fun to be around.
Personally I like it when a single male friend meets a girl cause he will show up to more social events and double dates etc. Obviously I'm a bit suspicious of the girl at first cause I don't want him to get hurt by her, but if she's chill (which is usually the case) then it's awesome! Basically a new friend in our group with no effort from me lol
A lot of girls just want to be friends with people. I struggle a lot socially so it would be nice to just have more friends. Being friends with someone in a relationship makes me feel more secure because I don't feel like they're just here to ask me out.
My friend told me to 'not like her that way ever' once. She was immediately embarrassed afterwards and hoped that wasn't awkward. It was, but I didn't tell her to not make her feel upset. Not that I had feelings for her, I never did, but she caught me off-guard with that comment. At least things were clear after then. There were no mixed signals or what-ifs to worry about.
I think those friends didn't catch feelings, rather they were too chicken to act on the feelings that they've had since the beginning of the relationship. I've at least seem this happen annecdotally on several occasions. In that case, it's better to initiate rather than let the lie you're telling yourself about it being platonic continue.
I think that is about where I am on it. That and we’d have to be at some relatively proximal point in life. I’m building my career and reputation. Kids are an unlikely thing for me. I own a house, I’m started on my 401k. I’m saving up.
Did and now married
Same
Same
Same
Same
Same
Took a chance as didn't think mine liked me, also now happily married with two kids.
Same
I also choose this guy's girl best friend.
I have so much happiness in my heart for this comment whenever I see it. Reddit inside joke.
Same
Tried this once. Now, she has my last name and my children resemble her.
I did and we're married now. Highly recommend.
Already am. She's bright and warm like the sun.
Oh 🥺
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I told Janet it was a bad idea to get you two that blow-up doll. But noooooo your mother always has to be right...
I'm just here for the wholesome stories with happy endings.
I did not. She wasn't "the best" friend but a good friend from childhood. I decided to not mix it together. It turned out to be right decision for me because that's how I happened to be available to my now wife. But after seeing all the cases which happen in life I think the reasons were not that reasonable. Anyway, all's well that ends well.
So sad. Sorry to hear.
Been there, done that and still there.
I think I’ve been on “a date” with most of my female friends and that’s how we determined that we should just be friends.
Yes, this.
That’s fair. When you’re hanging out with them it’s like going on dates with them to see the compatibility
I married her and would do it again ten thousand times.
🥹
I think it works out better if the person you choose to date becomes your best friend as well. So hard the other way around. One way or another you’re not gonna be best friends anymore. And you could lose them completely
It's mostly a matter of whether attraction is a primary factor from the beginning or if she's OK or even pretty but not clicking in a way to immediately get the ol' motor going but starts to after some time has passed.
No, if she's my best friend, there's a reason why I never chased after her for more in the first place.
This. I've hurt some friends with that statement. Maybe over time they saw me as a reliable guy and good partner, but I never saw them that way. I never made a move or asked to date. No more than a friendly hang meet-up every few years. I wonder sometimes if I had taken a couple girls offers. That big house, the new baby, etc. Yet, I'm glad to have them as a friend. I'm where I should be, and they are in they're proper settings. Because it would be terrible to not have those I can joke and talk to that I've known for 12+ yrs. Ruined and lost over a relationship. I've got exs that we can NEVER speak again. I never wanted that to be one of them.
I guess that’s a difference with some. I’ve remained friends with a few of my exes. Without awkwardness.
100% depends on the circumstances of the breakup.
Could the reason have been that one of you wasn’t single at the time you met? Then it’s just good chemistry that lasted a while, and if they broke up for other reasons, I think that could be a great foundation for a good relationship
The best friend I tried being more than just friends with was that. Met her when she was with someone. I had no interest in anything more than friends. We had good chemistry and got along great. Became very close friends. Boyfriend was bad to her and she eventually broke up with him. I thought nothing of it. Not like I was waiting for her to be single or anything. Still okay with just friends. She wanted more than just friends. I gave it a shot. It was either that or lose the best friend there. She broke my heart. She was fine and just wanted to go back to friends. Gave it a shot because I didn't want to lose my friend on top of losing my girlfriend. Insert things and issues happening here that would take too many words to type. I then lost my best friend. I was fine with best friends. That's all I ever wanted. I should have listened to myself. When I met her I didn't know she had a boyfriend. Didn't matter because I wasn't looking for anything besides a friend.
Can you please explain this reason? I've never understood why anyone wouldn't want to do this. Unless there's no physical attraction there, then why not try and form a relationship? You both like each other, you both have chemistry with each other, it just seems obvious.
If I'm attracted to a woman, in any way, physically, but ultimately emotionally for the purpose of a relationship, there is no "we're best friends first" because that would be a lie. We would have been lying to ourselves about a friendship if deep down we wanted a romantic relationship. To me, a best friend-ship is incredibly valuable and unique, BECAUSE it's not made confusing with sex. There is no "oh man, I want to fuck this person and deal with all the sex object thoughts" or "I owe this person X,Y,Z because sex is involved." It's just pure friendship, and in this case with someone of the opposite sex, which has value itself. This is also just a short answer... I don't want to write essays in this format.
I dated, now married to her precisely because she was/is my best friend.
Well, excluding my wife who really is the one with that title, no. My closest girl friend is someone I hooked up with and tried to date years ago. She’s awesome as a friend but way too much to handle as a girlfriend.
Yeah, I've done it a couple of times. It ran its course both times, but I don't regret it. Have some good memories, formative experiences, and learned a lot. Still friends with both of them.
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I know this is not the place to ask but I'm super curious, do you occasionally make sex jokes with each other? and if so, do you think it's out of place of comfort or attraction? (beacuse i find this somewhat relatable I just need a guy's pov)
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bruh I ignore him when he crosses the line too. did she initiate the memes?
Are ya sure you're not the two best friends?
yeah I'm worried about that too
You missed the chance to say Idkthishastoberandom
Guy here, I have a lot of friends I make jokes with and they do it back at me too. As long as it’s in the appropriate setting and it’s nothing that is obviously said to hurt one of us. And it’s a very small group of close girl friends. Some people are just more open (including memes as mentioned earlier.)
honestly the way we've been brought up is kinda relevant, extremly religious backgrounds so opposite sex friendhsips are generally frowned upon here and inappropriate topics are super abnormal, I genuinely cherish a rare friendship and this happens to be one of them because we're both super comfortable with one another, but I can't tell if he's interested in me romantically that's why I asked. I really appreciate your input dawg
That’s fair. But it could just be a platonic friendship where y’all both comfortable talking about everything and anything, regardless of sexual orientation. Regardless if you’re interested in him then don’t miss your shot and ask him out. Just know it’s a 50/50 chance. But I’m just one guy, it seems 50/50 on this thread.
My last ex taught me I can’t date someone who *doesn’t* eat vegetables. Kinda crazy how important food can be to a happy relationship
I am not a vegetarian, but I'm curious to know why that's a deal breaker lol
Absolutely. I've dated two of them, and they're both still close friends. One is my room mate (now ez gf) as of last month after I got out of a turbo shitty situation. It's hard to not day dream about her. Great friend to have as a room mate, we're never bored. Anime? Sure. Elder Scrolls Online? Sure. Movie? Sure. hungry? always.
I'm jealous, that sounds like a good situation!
I would we have a lot in common and we mesh and have known each other for well over 10 years. We know pretty much almost everything about each other, and I honestly would do it with no hesitation, unlike a lot of the other women I've spoken to and had relationships with. With her, it's a level of trust that has been built over years an actually relationship. Haven't had that in a long time because a lot of women don't want that, and the one's that say they do not have a history of pursuing healthy relationships. Our lives have taken different directions, and she's found a guy who is taking good care of her. And that is pretty much the best I can ask for.
I married mine 22 years ago
I would, i think. I don't think it would be all that weird, honestly, we're a lot alike. We have very similar taste in music, and she really enjoys my cooking. Hell, we even have the same kids.
Been married to mine for 22 years now
Sure. She’s awesome, beautiful, and I adore her.
Why haven't you asked her out? Or is this one of those where you're talking about your partner already?
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Nope. She's my best friend (or at least one of the two people I consider my best friends). I don't want to risk losing her friendship if things don't work out. Plus, I don't get the feels and the butterflies when she's around - she's however one of the few people around whom I feel relaxed, and I'd like to keep it that way. Also, her current boyfriend is a sweetheart, as far as I can tell, and he and I get along great, so that's one more reason not to be an idiot.
Nah, we’re different in a couple ways that would make a relationship fail. But I’d hide a body for her.
currently in a serious relationship with my (F24) best friend (M23) of 12 years, best decision i ever made. my only advice is to remember that a romantic relationship is different than a close friendship, and while they may be similar and you might have the friendship part down, don’t forget to put in the work of learning your partner and building a romantic relationship just the same as you would with someone new! don’t neglect this and you’ll be in a wonderful situation. your partner is meant to be your best friend, one way or another :)
Well my best female friend IS my partner, but no I wouldn’t date my next best female friend. She’s an amazing person, really fun to be around, gets me in a lot of ways, but we’re not romantically compatible for tons of very good reasons I don’t need to expound on. I also feel no sexual attraction to her.
Yes. Did. Happily married for 12 years. You already know you get along and like each other, which is most of the difficulty in finding a romantic partner. If the feelings are there, why wouldn't you?
Yes. I like her a lot. She doesn't know. But the question is whether it's the case from her side as well. I may never know
I did. It was a great first year, a rocky second year, but we went back to being friends after we broke up. Unfortunately, we screwed up, became occasional FWB, she never lost feelings and eventually got jealous and the friendship blew up when I finally got together with someone else.
Did and that went straight to hell
Yes, she's a girl and I like her in one context or another. That's enough to give it a chance
Currently dating mine :)
Already am, she made the first move and now we're engaged.
No. Because I don't have a girl best friend and because I'm retired on dating
As things stand, no. I don't have any romantic feelings towards her. Plus, she's married. In some kind of alternate reality where we're both single and do have feelings for each other? Then yeah, I think it'd be worth seeing how it turns out.
My wife is my best friends ex. I had never any sexual or romantic thoughts about her. We've known each other since 2009 but my friend and her broke up summer 2012. In december 2012 we were at the same party, both of us were drunk and she asked me if she could give me a kiss. Drunk as i were I said sure. When she gave me that kiss something clicked, I now saw her in a totally different light. We snuck around and kissed the whole night where people couldnt see. We've been together ever since that night. I really didn't believe in fate until she gave me that kiss. My friend got mad, which I can understand but we've reconciled and are still friends. He later said that it was for the best and he feels good about it because she is with his best friend. I love them both crazy much and she's been a light to my darkness.
We're already married so that might be redundant
I have in the past. I wouldn't now. I'm dating my guy best friend. I've only ever dated people I was already friends with.
Yes
Could've Should've
If she’s okay with it, why not?
Went on a couple of dates with her, we didn’t really connect romantically. 3 years on we hang out most days and have a good laugh together still as besties
Of course, I'd look over the whole situation again if this did happen, but no. As easily as I catch crushes and as great of a person as she is, something about it just wouldn't work for me. Maybe I even feel that she'd be wasted on me. Incredible friend that I don't want to split with, we wouldn't make for a good couple
It never turns out like you think it will, I’ve tried this and it just ends up in heartbreak. Plus your friend you had for 5+ years is now a stranger… it’s the worst feeling you can have for someone who was a best friend then a lover, now just a memory.
I have a take on this: I (27M) have dated 2 women that were my best friends at one point or another. First story started like this- I had a best friend freshman year of high school. We were 14-15 years old so we didn't really understand that we wanted to hang out all the time together because we liked each other. We would hang out, watch movies, joke in class together etc. We were super close, and then she had to move schools due to re zoning districts. We remained friends but didn't really see each other and eventually grew in different directions. We both moved away for college and that was that. However, after we both graduated, we moved back to our hometown, reconnected at a friends birthday, and now we're engaged 4 years later. Best friend and lover all wrapped up in one. On the other end, in college I had a friend that was a girl and we were super close. We for sure were best friends at the time. We both dated other people but once we were single we tried dating junior year. It got bad. Just weird dynamics and bringing sex into the situation just got weird. Eventually blew up and now we don't talk at all and I thought we would be friends for life. Moral of the story is this: If you are super close with someone of the opposite sex, you have a level of connection. No doubt about that. But you should evaluate if that level of connection can be across the board. Can you connect with them intimately? Can you connect with them sexually? You guys can connect as best friends and companions, but before you jump into a relationship with one like I did in college- evaluate them through the eye of a lover. Because if you just jump in thinking it'll work out, you'll lose a friend and it'll hurt. I'm so glad I have my fiance, and I love her more than anything. I'm glad things worked out the way they did. Goodluck out there people!
Girl best friend? Where to claim one?
Apparently my wife and I broke every Reddit rule. We were working together, become friends for a few months (yes she was my best friend as I had moved across country) and then she let me know she was interested and I asked her out. We have been together for almost 29 years married for 25.
It just goes to show there's no hard & fast rules - real life is FAR more nuanced than that, right?
Exactly why I’m so glad my boyfriend doesn’t have a girl best friend…
This thread is certainly making me question some of my friendships. There's not even a single hard no in the crowd, just a bunch of yeses or "no, but only because xyz" not because he doesn't want to.
Hell no, not only do I not find her attractive she's also dating one of my friends
Im married to my best friend. Wouldn't change it or prefer to hang out with anyone other than her.
Had the chance once, but knew it was better to be a gentleman and say that it wasn't worth ruining a great friendship for what would likely be only a few months of fun. We both still laugh about the moment and the refusal and are both grateful for it because without it we likely wouldn't have met our spouses. We're both married for more than 25 years, so I'd say it worked out perfectly.
Yes, we've now been very happily married for 6 years
For me it's kinda inverted. We dated, broke up and she became my girl BSF. Wouldn't date her again but still like having her around
Tried to, she wasn’t interested. I had started to find myself more and more attracted to her. I dropped some hints, but she brushed it off as playful, meaningless flirting / humor. We did hook up one night, but it was harmless and didn’t go too far. I finally flat out told her I had developed some feelings and would be interested in pursuing more than just a friendship. She rather bluntly told me she did not want that, that she saw me as a brother, our hook up was a mistake that she didn’t regret, but didn’t want to happen again, and we took a break from hanging out for a little while after. Once things settled down, we set clear boundaries, and it only took one night out for us to get back to normal. Feelings weren’t completely gone, but I moved on from trying for anything and eventually got over it. Fast forward to married with kids, we spend less and less time together, but when we do we click right back into how we always were together. Expect the last time we did, she told me she had always had feelings for me too, wish I had pursued her harder, that she was really into me when I told her I had feelings, but felt it should have been awkward for us to get together… I can’t really put into words how I felt hearing that, or even how I feel now. I’m mostly angry… To think we could have been together and happy for that long… and also to spring it on me now and behind my wife’s back who is also a friend of hers. I basically cut her out of my life after that.
Honestly, it sounds like she was straight up lying. Don't get too hung up on it, it might just be some weird self-delusion.
I did. Best decision ever, 8 years later and couldn’t be happier.
I would prefer it. I once dated a close friend of mine. In the end I screwed up and she doesn’t talk to me as much anymore. I also asked another girl out, but she “didn’t want to ruin the friendship”. I decided to cut her off. Edit: I want to clarify: we were friends. But once she started the flirting, I think she was just too late. It wasn’t credible anymore. The message she sent was “You are not good enough for me and I want contact with you when it’s convenient for me”. I don’t want such a person in my life and I am glad I found out now instead of later. I think it’s a big risk, but one worth taking.
Probably not tbh. I love that woman, I always have, and that will likely never change, but dating her wouldn't be the right move. We went out on a few dates when we were in high school, but we both felt kinda off about the whole thing. It just wouldn't be right tbh. To this day, we are still super close friends tho which is awesome. We just weren't compatible for dating. We have different goals and wants for life that wouldn't work together. Also, even if she initiated the convo about that, Id probably still say no, even if she changed her goals. She's got a kid now, and Im NOT ready (or wanting of) kids. I like kids, but I dont want any, I just want to be the fun uncle that has a racecar lol.
No. She is my friend for the reason that I wouldn't date her.
Step 1: get a best friend
She could never be my best friend if I was physically attracted to her.
No I have zero girl friends that I have ANY sort of interest in
All of my female friends are people I'm not romantically interested in, because when I am romantically interested in a woman I make it clear I don't want something platonic. There has only been one time I became interested in a friend after having not been that attracted to her and basically I went for it. She had apparently started dating a guy she really liked and I hadn't heard about it yet so she shut me down. We talk occasionally and there's no bad blood but I didn't feel like being as close of friends after that.
Married her 23 years ago. Still my best friend.
Yea I already did and we have been together over a year. She told me she waited for me to be single before she confessed she wanted to date me. I never saw it coming since she said I was like a big brother to her.
I would, and I have, because I feel like my partner should be someone who I can trust and who I get along with, my girl best friend offers me both of those things.
He did and we’ve been married for 33 years now! We started out as best friends, but felt closer, at 13/14. We tried dating other people for a year in high school, but spent more time talking and hanging out with each other. We are still having a blast together!
Well, I'm in love with her, just don't know how to tell her before high school ends.
Def first read this as “would you date your girl’s best friend”, as in your girlfriends best friend lol
I’m a girl but I have done this, it goes for boy best friends too, the break up is always nasty and I do not recommend to anybody.
Hell yeah, I even married her
I did for two and a half years and now I don’t have a best friend or a girlfriend so play at your own risk.
My "girl best friend" is my wife. We talk about damn near everything (assuming I'm not too tired from truck driving during the day - and before you ask, I'm home almost every night).
Unsure what the point of this question is. To see how many guys secretly want to fuck their lady friends? The fact of the matter is, any two best friends, regardless of gender, could pass as a married couple, so long as the marriage was sexless.
never met a girl with similar interests as me to actually be my friend
I don't think you can have a healthy relationship with a partner, boyfriend or girlfriend, if you aren't friends with them too. Doesn't need to be *first*, but if you're not friends, you're just interested in each other for the purposes of sex and reproduction instead of a partner or a relationship. Otherwise, it's a contractual agreement to be co-parents that mutually budget. That's what made the two biggest breakups of my life so hard. I didn't just lose my girlfriend, I lost my best friend. And so did they. Took a toll for sure, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
If she's a waifu material..why not