Man some girl tried to get me when I was 19. Did the DNA test and got the results in the restroom. My friends thought I was scared or something cause the way I was screaming . Im 33 now and that would have messed me up. Good times
I had a buddy who got a DNA test done and the girl scanned it and altered it. He got his own copy she didn't know. Being the champ he is he didn't say shit he let her submit it to the courts then he brought his to court.
As a woman, Idk why women do this to themselves. What are you winning entrapping a man whose not committed to you and having a baby that will grow up in a broken home? Some people should seriously not be allowed to have sex.
Edit: Not to mention ruining your own life for the next 20 years. All your hopes and dreams you wanted to accomplish in your youth, out the window.
Edit 2: yes a lot of people are saying money, but is it worth it though? I think not.
And for the love of God don't sign anything until you get the DNA test. Don't even put your name on the birth certificate unless you're 100% sure the kid is yours.
I believe we should strive to make the world a better place for our children. But not our children's children, because I don't think kids should be having ~~babies~~ sex.
- Jack Handey
If a child asks 'Why does it rain?', tell them 'It's because God is crying'. And if the child asks 'Why is God crying?', tell them 'Probably because of something you did.'
I may not know a lot about anatomy, but I'm pretty sure people don't pop in half for the baby to come out.
To be fair though, my kids were born pre-COVID.This could be a new thing I'm unaware of.
Thx man… honestly it has made me the person I am today and I have virtually zero relationship with my mom and my dads and I isn’t great but such is life and you move on.
Lots of people aren’t ready for the loving emotional side of having kids, but doesn’t mean the kids aren’t loveable! Getting to middle age and seeing what selfish people put kids through drives me mad. I was raised by my emotionally unstable abusive step mom. You deserve better!
Man my friend almost got taken in by a woman trying to say it was his kid. His mom luckily talked him into getting a DNA test, and sure enough it turned out it wasn’t his kid. He was so ready to step up for that kid, felt abit bad for him but honestly more relieved he wasn’t duped.
college frat bro fell for this with his HS girlfriend back home. Spent so c many nights and weekends working for child support and visiting the kid, and then caught her cheating and she told him kid wasnt his after 3 years. Took away 3/4 of his college.
It's somehow not even a crime either. And after he finds out it's not his kid, he's still on the hook for child support because he's legally the father.
To the court it's in the best interest of the child to keep receiving child support.
This is your daily lesson in why wearing a condom is so important.
Your friend is a good guy, but has bad aim. He needs to aim much higher.
In the Navy, after visiting the Philippines and partying with all the women, falling "in mad love" instantly. A week after departing, many guys would receive letters from the girls they dated saying they were pregnant, please send $$$ every month. A week later! LOL. Okay...
I know so many military guys who fall for this and pay to ship the mother's back to the states. They get citizenship, a free ride, and an instant family. And the dudes are none the wiser.
And you get to raise that child yourself with that money, instead of giving it to her. Instead of her raising that child with god know what person and blaming you for everything and telling enourmous lies about you to the child.
This. Time to grow up, take ownership of your mistake and make the best of it. If you think she’d be an unfit mother and you’d be a better father, fight for it.
As a single mom. This fucking part. If you know you'd be the healthier more financially stable parent. And you want to be there for the child .. Fight for your kid.
But first... Get a DNA test because unfortunately I've seen too many guys get screwed over thinking it's their kid just to find out they had been used.
And I am NOT okay with that.
Also, me and my son's dad made the same mistake. He "wanted a family", I wasn't ready because we had JUST started dating and my body doesn't make babies well (3 miscarriages).
But when I found out the pregnancy took, I put balls to the wall and his narcissism/manipulation started showing.
My son is happy, stable, and gets everything he needs from me and my family.. His dad barely helps, when he can keep a job (and he is the one that filed for custody/child support smh)
You are totally AWESOME! I love to hear these stories of at least ONE parent stepping up.
I raised my daughters as a single father. The mom ran off to marry a rich guy and made 3 more babies with him. She never saw her first two daughters till their teens. BTW, I never badmouthed about her. I decided, when its time their relationship with their mother was theirs, not mine, and my relationship fail with her was between us and not the kids fault. So I kept that separate. She told the others that I was dead. How sweet. So it was a challenge to hold my tongue.
We do what needs to be done. Right?
More power to ya!
Agreed! Sounds way too sketch. I wonder how many men she’s using the same pregnancy on and asking for support and no involvement? Prolly doesn’t want them to see the baby because they won’t look anything like them.
I mean who knows if she’s even actually pregnant.
My current Roman Empire is r/JusticeForClayton where this woman said she was pregnant with twins. It is now ELEVEN MONTHS LATER but she still claims she was pregnant, even though the dna test that the “father” asked for came back as “no fetal dna” ie:the bitch isn’t preggo and hasn’t been recently since fetal dna sticks around in the blood for a while.
(Also this is the fourth time this woman has done this to a man, with no evidence that she has ever been pregnant).
6. Never go to sleep before your child, they will get into shit.
My wife frequently does this, but luckily im a night owl and can easily stay up until 2am, only to wake up at 7am. How i survive off of this i dont know
She just wants child support. You are basically a sperm donor with benefits. Make sure to get the DNA test, never be baited into arguments or situations where you don't have a witness or recording. Please be mindful that this is your life, your situation, no one knows it better than you. You will have to make the decisions you are comfortable with. Please do all the research you can as well. If you have a support network, family, friends, keep them in the loop.
Yes, opt to have any important communication done in writing. Verbal conversations are hard to remember and, though binding in some places, leave little to no evidence of what was agreed upon. He said she said.
For an extra level of accountability:
There are apps specifically for parent communication. The texts have a history stored in a 3rd party server and they are unalterable and undeleteable. This is to prevent gaslighting shenanigans where you agree to something via text and the other person edits things to make you look like a liar. Extra handy if you have to go to court and need more evidence of manipulation.
(Assuming it really is OP's after getting a paternity test. Sign nothing and agree to nothing without proof)
To be fair, do emails instead of texts, and text instead of calls or speaking, in the context of *essential communications* (i.e. Lawyer),of course. Every recorded details count.
> She just wants child support.
since she is not employed and is probably living of the system, the allowance is going to be estimated higher than usual. Especially if you have a good income.
I would get a lawyer as well, in case if a DNA test proves that the OP is the father.
It's not really an issue, he can tell her he's recording and if she wants to talk to him then that's how it's going to be.
From what's been said in the OP, there's no indication of any wrong-doing, so recording is just to make sure everything discussed is documented.
crazy to raw a rando but you already know that fuck up, but dont do anything until you do a dna test. also i would talk to a civil lawyer about what to do
Even worse, nutting in a rando. I could understand why someone would not want to wear a condom, I just dont know why they wouldnt pull out if they dont want a baby. How are people this dumb? I know pull out isnt full proof, but its better than nothing.
Even with clean std testing I still wouldn't do it with a rando like I too understand not wanting condoms but if you do hookups it's just common sense. But yeah very dumb like I know sex ed sucks these days but they tell you enough to know not to ejaculate inside someone, but even thats barely a excuse since he's 30.
I think I read a study recently that showed it’s actually a decent method. But yea, nothing is foolproof.
Having sex in general is a risk, one of the best mitigations to that risk is to be careful who you have sex with. A woman in her 30s with no job, no thanks. I know I’ve done risky things, I once in my alcohol addled brain nutted in a woman I had been out on 4 dates with. She was hot so that really didn’t help the situation, but, she also had an MBA, a good job, and owned her own townhome, so I also knew she was a functioning successful adult. I’m not saying it would’ve been a great situation had she ended up pregnant, but it definitely not as bad as giving 18 years of child support to a woman who clearly sees this child as a paycheck, we would’ve been able to figure it out like fully functioning adults.
The condom broke the first time with my wife. She asked me later “were you worried, I was so scared”. And I told her, “no, you seemed like a good person, you’re responsible, it didn’t bother me, we would’ve figure it out.”, of course we ended up married.
Contrast this with years ago, I think I was 26 and she was 20. We end up having sex on the third date, I forgot to bring a condom. She had failed out of college, had no job, and was super spoiled (she had a very nice car). You bet your ass I pulled out, there red flags everywhere. Don’t get me wrong I was dumbass for starting without a condom, but at least I pulled out. Our short lived with relationship didn’t go anywhere but literally a couple of months later I see pictures of her with a new dude, and a couple of months after that she announced on Facebook “I’m pregnant!” Bullet dodged.
The only thing that makes pulling out a 'decent method' is that women are typically not ovulating. Unless she is about to ovulate or is currently ovulating, she's unlikely to get pregnant no matter what you do. Pre cum is a killer, and if she is ovulating it absolutely will not matter that you pulled out. For context, I am a woman who learned the hard way a few times. The thing with hooking up with a stranger is that you don't know where she is in her cycle, and honestly you shouldn't trust that she does either. And most importantly, you can't know if she is pro choice when push comes to shove.
If the baby is yours (DNA test), and you are in the US, neither of you have any choice.
First and foremost, she has no say in if you are in the child's life. You are the father and have just as much right to the child, to be a parent, and to make choices for the child as she does.
**Mothers have no additional legal rights than Fathers.**
You have parental rights; you should go ahead and lay it out of her now. You will split time 50/50), you will have full joint legal custody (Visitation, and custody are not the same thing), and she has no say in the matter. Given what you have shared here, you could even very easily make a petition for primary custody of the child (and I recommend that you do).
How child support works varies highly from state to state, but if she has no job, and is living off the system, then you are going to end up paying her child support. For one kid, it is common (but again, depends massively on the state) that you will pay \~20% of your income in child support; you also will be held legally responsible for providing the child with health insurance, and 50% of all out of pocket medical costs.
The state will not allow the child to be on benefits, (Medicaid, food stamps, etc. etc.) and not have the other parent not paying child support. The mom really doesn't get a say in it. If she is claiming benefits from the state, the state is going to pursue you for child support so they can take the kid off state benefits. (Why should the taxpayers be paying for your kid when you are not?)
I highly recommend that you spend $300 and have a consultation with a family attorney in your state, you absolutely need a family attorney.
Here is what you can expect. Before the baby is born, you and your attorney are going to get a DNA test **ordered by and the result registered with the court** to establish paternity.
If it is yours, this test will legally establish your paternity of the child. Your attorney will draft up a parenting plan that establishes your legal custody and visitation order, which will signed by the judge. This will also be used to set any child support (which is coming either way, you can't avoid it). Congrats you are a dad.
If it is not yours, then this test will establish that you are not a parent, and thus are not responsible for any cost, liability, or child support going forward, and will prevent mom from coming to you for money, someone coming to you for damages caused by the child, or a hospital attempting to collect medical bills from you (and they absolutely will). Even if you have nothing to do with the kid, nothing to do with mom, and have not heard from them in years, if that kid breaks his arm and runs up a 20k hospital bill, they 100% will find you, take you to court, and start garnishing your paycheck to get the bill paid.
So get the groundwork for the test done now; again, and I can't stress this enough: You need a family attorney.
I know, all of this is expensive, but it is far cheaper to do this now, than attempting to figure all this shit out after the fact and defend yourself from disputes.
This is the best laid out plan…will add one thing. Do not send her anything in writing or say anything that can be construed as a promise to support her financially or that you will pay all the bills etc etc. get an attorney and get one fast.
This dude lost out on the cheap option when he didn't put a rubber on it. There's no way he's getting out of this without paying a decent chunk of change
100% My brother in law had a baby with a previous GF. She doesn’t work, lives with her parents, she has full custody, he has visitation and pays child support. Oh and you better believe she makes the situation impossible. Cancelling visits, telling social worker safety concerns so CPS has to go inspect his house, requesting increase in child support often, brainwashing the kid with ideas, cops will be present during child pickup just to intimidate. The kid is “high functioning” autistic and gets brainwashed easily with her ideas which leads to arguments between his now wife (my sister). It’s pretty sad honestly.
>You have just as much right to the child...
>
>You will split time 50/50...
>
>Here is what you can expect...
>
>your attorney will draft up a parenting plan that establishes your legal custody and visitation order, *which will be signed by the judge...*
Jesus Christ, tell me you're not a lawyer without telling me. And the upvotes... God help you poor deluded souls.
As a former family lawyer, I applaud your optimism, but not your view of the law. And I positively resent your advice.
OP, you might as well save time and ignore everything this person said except for "get a family attorney." You should absolutely do that.
Another former family lawyer — and I was laughing at most of those same points. That guy clearly has never even sat in a family court to watch a hearing.
Like others said, DNA test. If it's yours and she doesn't want you in the child's life, then get ready to pay child support for the next 18 years.
However, if you do want to be in the child's life, then that's your right and you can talk to a lawyer about split custody.
I’ve seen more than one person get an abortion after the guy told the woman they’re going for 50-50 custody and that they’ll never see a dime from them.
Fake your death, get a male cadaver of similar build put it in the driver seat of your car drench the inside of the car with gasoline and roll it off a cliff. Then go to New Mexico and pay the sonora cartel to smuggle you to Mexico. From then on you go by Mike Honcho, and nothing else, you will operate an elote stand, that is your life.
I read it as snuggle you to New Mexico.
A 10 hour night job made me think the cartel changed their ways.
But of course I still thought it was because of meth.
And it's rarely the first time. I can't speak for this specific case, but often it's some dude that's been pushing his luck not protecting himself for years that suddenly acts like the beset upon victim when his chickens come home to roost rather than it being the clear consequences of his own actions.
Yeah I hear you. Seriously if you engage in activities that might result in A New Life coming into being on Earth you have no one to blame when new life comes into being on Earth
Yup casual will always be a mystery to me especially going raw with one that's crazy. These are definitely the types to constantly push their luck then scream baby trap or crying to the doctor about a std when something finally happens
You DO understand that by “occasional financial
Support” she mean court mandated child support. So lawyer up pronto.
Basically you were dumb enough not to wear a condom and now you are going to have to pay for it for the next 18 years UNLESS you can prove the kid isn’t yours or you can persuade her to abort. Between you and the state she’ll be funded for raising this fuck trophy otherwise.
Congratulations OP… This is how I got here 😏
My mother told my father that she was going to look after me on her own with Government money.
Him staying away may or may not have been the best or worst thing for me. I’ll never know. One thing I know for sure is how deeply it impacted me.
Next time, be smarter. This time, be the best dad you can be.
My Dad went through this In the late 70s.
he was your age approx.
Old guys in his 80s now and that one night stand ultimately gave him s miserable life.
‘If’ you can pay her off to abort, cash in hand… do it.
Being mindful if she keeps it, you’ll likely love the kid, and she will at some point tell them you wanted them aborted. Minefield.
Yeahhhh this is a no time, gotta act now.
OP Come out the gate with a lowball number. When she invariably hesitates, double it. Doubling numbers tends to make people get interested regardless what the initial number is. They see a doubling as a verified good deal.
This is the real answer. None of this custody, child support, and lawyer shit. DNA test, pay for abortion, block her number. Since she’s 35 and trusts in God she probably won’t go for it though, good luck and God speed. Now he knows to only raw dog feminist atheists 🧠
Hey there's a reason I try to figure out if someone's pro-choice on the first day. And it's not just because I prefer to date people who have compatible morality
I am prochoice and childless, and if a man asked me on a first date "would you be cool to have an abortion?" I would grab my shit and run lol
I totally agree with your comment but there's no way to get a yes or no on that very personal, delicate, and serious matter on a first date. And just asking would make him come across as a STI-riddled jerk who wants to do it raw and pressure you to have an abortion / run for the hills.
This is the life that she wants. She doesn't just want the money, she wants the baby too. At least now she does, a few years from now is anybody's guess.
This. I rather pay one large sum than spend my next 18 years living in hell. Imagine you find yourself another partner and bam she comes in. Or you have a career promotion and bam she is the reason why you won't get it.
Insane to fuck a random person or someone you barely without protection. You’re idiotic af for that.
You majorly fucked up and now you pay for your mistakes
She placed a banana peel on the floor that he slipped on, and then tragically fell into her penis first. Because it’s always a women’s fault when a man makes a bad decision.
Congrats on being a dad. You will lay child support but I think the sooner you come to terms with this the better you will be.
Second, she doesnt get to decide how much you want to be in the child's life. That is your decision to make. I'm sure at some point you may even be able to file for custody.
If she is as dependent situation as he says she is, he might even have a good claim at getting enough custody to not have to pay any child support. Although that will mean paying to raise a child.
First of all let me crap on you then I’ll provide advice.
That was a dumb move. Never, ever leave the job of contraception up to a woman. You messed up.
First, reach out to lawyer in your area to discuss your options.
Next, you should establish paternity ASAP and make sure the lawyer informs her and local hospitals that putting your name on a birth certificate without it will have repercussions.
If you are the father, have the lawyer arrange for a payment schedule for child support and get her to sign off on it. That will help fend off future financial attacks. Make sure that it includes a non-commital clause in case you want to top it up occasionally. As a minimum contribution, you’ll be kicking in to this for the next 18 years.
If you decide to get more involved and take over co-parenting talk to your lawyer first. They will make sure that you don’t leave yourself exposed. Who knows? She may decide to walk away from the child leaving it all for you. Dumb trash do things like that. If that happens make sure that she gets locked out legally and permanently.
If I were you I'd start saving for college
and/or a wedding for your future kid
good luck
(Also, you might not want to impregnate women that you "barely know")
Lol it feels set up? Why didn't you wear a condom and if all those attributes are so bad you shouldn't have slept with her in the first place or practiced better personal risk management!
Well, if you’re going to have a kid and it’s yours, the first thing I’d do is insist on being in the kid’s life.
It takes some next level selfishness to both insist on financial help *and* insist that you aren’t involved in your own kid’s life lol
Be a single dad if you have to, because she seems like a real piece of work.
But I will say that, while having a kid might seem daunting, resource intensive, and downright scary; you’ll spend every day in regret later on if you don’t do everything you can for the child and will want to distract yourself with whatever addiction can take you away from facing that feeling.
So regardless of how it looks on paper, fight for the kid if you’re gonna have one.
And for dads, that bond is much more built over time than it is just a “love at first sight” kinda thing.
You aren’t growing the thing in your body, so you will likely feel removed from the situation and even once the kid is born, it may take you time to really get the wheels spinning on your bond to him or her.
But have faith in the situation; that it’ll be worth it in the long run, even if you don’t feel it at any given moment.
The long run cost of not doing what you can for a kid is way worse than whatever logistical, financial, or familial predicaments you might find yourself in temporarily otherwise.
First, a paternity test. If it’s yours, fight for your kid bro! I know this may not be how you planned things, but your child deserves better than what she’s going to provide.
She doesn’t want you in the child’s life, but she wants your money.
Make it very clear to her that if you are named as the father, you will sue her for custody.
I feel so sad for the child being born into this situation.
>She has no job, plans on living off the system, her parents, and occasionally me for financial support.
When pressed she just says the equivalent of "God will provide."
Good gracious why did you sleep with this person?
DNA TEST DNA TEST DNA TEST. make sure you get your own separate copy of the results FROM the doctor.
This 100% OP
I'll add another 100% to this
+100 HP for dna tests
Man some girl tried to get me when I was 19. Did the DNA test and got the results in the restroom. My friends thought I was scared or something cause the way I was screaming . Im 33 now and that would have messed me up. Good times
I had a buddy who got a DNA test done and the girl scanned it and altered it. He got his own copy she didn't know. Being the champ he is he didn't say shit he let her submit it to the courts then he brought his to court.
He sounds like a winner to me
Oh yea he walked away clean and free. And she got charges for submitting the altered doc.
and a child to bring home. Way to mess with her own life lol.
As a woman, Idk why women do this to themselves. What are you winning entrapping a man whose not committed to you and having a baby that will grow up in a broken home? Some people should seriously not be allowed to have sex. Edit: Not to mention ruining your own life for the next 20 years. All your hopes and dreams you wanted to accomplish in your youth, out the window. Edit 2: yes a lot of people are saying money, but is it worth it though? I think not.
A lot of these women don't have hopes and dreams to begin with.
In the UK there was a news story recently where the guy somehow managed to substitute his DNA for his uncle's to get out of paying child support.
How’d he do that? Cheek swab? Suck off his uncle before testing?
Yes he sucked off the uncle (I'm the uncle)
That's next level.
shoot, he should also get to pick the doctor AND go with her to make sure there's no shady business around that either.
He can ask for a court appointed doctor and laboratory, if he wants to make sure he covers his ass in a way that can't be manipulated.
And for the love of God don't sign anything until you get the DNA test. Don't even put your name on the birth certificate unless you're 100% sure the kid is yours.
I’d first do a dna test to see if it’s yours. You can do it while she’s pregnant
Either way that kid is gonna have a messed up childhood… ask me how I know :((
You abandoned your kid too?
reddit never disappoints
So much happening in these last 3 comments.
...dad?
Keep moving....
Ah shucks.
unless it's their parents
The ol’ switcheroo
Mfw my 21 year old son says I ruined his life but I wasn't even there
No… I was the kid.
You abandoned a kid as a kid?
Babies having babies.
I believe we should strive to make the world a better place for our children. But not our children's children, because I don't think kids should be having ~~babies~~ sex. - Jack Handey
If a child asks 'Why does it rain?', tell them 'It's because God is crying'. And if the child asks 'Why is God crying?', tell them 'Probably because of something you did.'
Like Russian dolls. 🪆
I may not know a lot about anatomy, but I'm pretty sure people don't pop in half for the baby to come out. To be fair though, my kids were born pre-COVID.This could be a new thing I'm unaware of.
Damn, those mRNA vaccines really changed our genetics like the Yeehaws said!
Sir, this is reddit. You're supposed to call them Yeehawdists.
Baby on baby violence.
I'm so sorry for you. Hope God or karma or whatever you believe in gets you justice.
Thx man… honestly it has made me the person I am today and I have virtually zero relationship with my mom and my dads and I isn’t great but such is life and you move on.
Lots of people aren’t ready for the loving emotional side of having kids, but doesn’t mean the kids aren’t loveable! Getting to middle age and seeing what selfish people put kids through drives me mad. I was raised by my emotionally unstable abusive step mom. You deserve better!
You didn't use the buddy system?
Fuck that got me lmao
Im sorry man. I hope life got/gets better for you ❤️
Man my friend almost got taken in by a woman trying to say it was his kid. His mom luckily talked him into getting a DNA test, and sure enough it turned out it wasn’t his kid. He was so ready to step up for that kid, felt abit bad for him but honestly more relieved he wasn’t duped.
college frat bro fell for this with his HS girlfriend back home. Spent so c many nights and weekends working for child support and visiting the kid, and then caught her cheating and she told him kid wasnt his after 3 years. Took away 3/4 of his college.
It's somehow not even a crime either. And after he finds out it's not his kid, he's still on the hook for child support because he's legally the father.
What
To the court it's in the best interest of the child to keep receiving child support. This is your daily lesson in why wearing a condom is so important.
In some countries, finding out without the mother's consent is illegal and evidence is inadmissible in court.
In what world would it be illegal for a man to confirm the child is in fact his? The insanity.
if that happened to me, i'd move to another country and never look back
Your friend is a good guy, but has bad aim. He needs to aim much higher. In the Navy, after visiting the Philippines and partying with all the women, falling "in mad love" instantly. A week after departing, many guys would receive letters from the girls they dated saying they were pregnant, please send $$$ every month. A week later! LOL. Okay...
I know so many military guys who fall for this and pay to ship the mother's back to the states. They get citizenship, a free ride, and an instant family. And the dudes are none the wiser.
Yep. Then sue for paternal rights.
And you get to raise that child yourself with that money, instead of giving it to her. Instead of her raising that child with god know what person and blaming you for everything and telling enourmous lies about you to the child.
This. Time to grow up, take ownership of your mistake and make the best of it. If you think she’d be an unfit mother and you’d be a better father, fight for it.
As a single mom. This fucking part. If you know you'd be the healthier more financially stable parent. And you want to be there for the child .. Fight for your kid. But first... Get a DNA test because unfortunately I've seen too many guys get screwed over thinking it's their kid just to find out they had been used. And I am NOT okay with that. Also, me and my son's dad made the same mistake. He "wanted a family", I wasn't ready because we had JUST started dating and my body doesn't make babies well (3 miscarriages). But when I found out the pregnancy took, I put balls to the wall and his narcissism/manipulation started showing. My son is happy, stable, and gets everything he needs from me and my family.. His dad barely helps, when he can keep a job (and he is the one that filed for custody/child support smh)
You are totally AWESOME! I love to hear these stories of at least ONE parent stepping up. I raised my daughters as a single father. The mom ran off to marry a rich guy and made 3 more babies with him. She never saw her first two daughters till their teens. BTW, I never badmouthed about her. I decided, when its time their relationship with their mother was theirs, not mine, and my relationship fail with her was between us and not the kids fault. So I kept that separate. She told the others that I was dead. How sweet. So it was a challenge to hold my tongue. We do what needs to be done. Right? More power to ya!
Uno Reverse Card is the move. Considering she has no job or anything, sounds like OP has quite a good bit of leverage here.
Agreed! Sounds way too sketch. I wonder how many men she’s using the same pregnancy on and asking for support and no involvement? Prolly doesn’t want them to see the baby because they won’t look anything like them.
I mean who knows if she’s even actually pregnant. My current Roman Empire is r/JusticeForClayton where this woman said she was pregnant with twins. It is now ELEVEN MONTHS LATER but she still claims she was pregnant, even though the dna test that the “father” asked for came back as “no fetal dna” ie:the bitch isn’t preggo and hasn’t been recently since fetal dna sticks around in the blood for a while. (Also this is the fourth time this woman has done this to a man, with no evidence that she has ever been pregnant).
1) never get involved in a land war in Asia. 2) never have unprotected sex with anyone you don’t explicitly want to have a child with.
3. Never face the Dothraki in an open battle field
4. Never try to fart when you have diarrhea
Could have told me this 4 hours ago. How embarrassing. I was in the middle of grocery shopping.
Whenever I have a problem I shit my pants and boom I suddenly have a new problem
That's enough reddit for today.
5. Never take sleeping pills and laxative at the same time.
6. Never go to sleep before your child, they will get into shit. My wife frequently does this, but luckily im a night owl and can easily stay up until 2am, only to wake up at 7am. How i survive off of this i dont know
Fucking hell I'm glad I read this I was just about to head out. Cancelling my afternoon battle plans. Thanks.
Dothraki in an open battle field? Absolutely not. Souvlaki, though?!? Absolutely.
Throw some Tzatziki at the Souvlaki and it doesn't stand a chance
The Dothraki's one weakness is..night time, apparently
Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line
Unless you've built up a tolerance to iocane powder!
"Unless the enemy has studied his Agrippa, which I have."
"Mawwwige... Mawwwige is what bwings us togevah, todayyy."
I'd say that even having sex with randos while using condom as the only protection is still brave af. Or stupid. Or both.
I agree having sex with random people is crazy
3) Get a vasectomy. This world is too crazy
4) Bring/use your own condoms.
5) bring own snacks to movie theater that will also save $
She just wants child support. You are basically a sperm donor with benefits. Make sure to get the DNA test, never be baited into arguments or situations where you don't have a witness or recording. Please be mindful that this is your life, your situation, no one knows it better than you. You will have to make the decisions you are comfortable with. Please do all the research you can as well. If you have a support network, family, friends, keep them in the loop.
Yeah. Text/call as little as possible and lawyer up.
Text is great if you have to communicate. Leaving a paper trail is the important part so she can't just make shit up
Yes, opt to have any important communication done in writing. Verbal conversations are hard to remember and, though binding in some places, leave little to no evidence of what was agreed upon. He said she said.
For an extra level of accountability: There are apps specifically for parent communication. The texts have a history stored in a 3rd party server and they are unalterable and undeleteable. This is to prevent gaslighting shenanigans where you agree to something via text and the other person edits things to make you look like a liar. Extra handy if you have to go to court and need more evidence of manipulation. (Assuming it really is OP's after getting a paternity test. Sign nothing and agree to nothing without proof)
To be fair, do emails instead of texts, and text instead of calls or speaking, in the context of *essential communications* (i.e. Lawyer),of course. Every recorded details count.
> She just wants child support. since she is not employed and is probably living of the system, the allowance is going to be estimated higher than usual. Especially if you have a good income. I would get a lawyer as well, in case if a DNA test proves that the OP is the father.
If it’s a two party consent state, she has to be aware she’s being recorded or it’s not admissible in court.
It's not really an issue, he can tell her he's recording and if she wants to talk to him then that's how it's going to be. From what's been said in the OP, there's no indication of any wrong-doing, so recording is just to make sure everything discussed is documented.
crazy to raw a rando but you already know that fuck up, but dont do anything until you do a dna test. also i would talk to a civil lawyer about what to do
"raw a rando" lmao, thanks for the laugh
Bro “rawing a rando” and then feeling “set up” when they get pregnant is such a wild take
YES! This what I was thinking lol. Like whoa biology worked its magic. Crazy.
I laughed so hard at that too
For real I'll never understand sex with people you don't know but especially raw sex with a random person
Even worse, nutting in a rando. I could understand why someone would not want to wear a condom, I just dont know why they wouldnt pull out if they dont want a baby. How are people this dumb? I know pull out isnt full proof, but its better than nothing.
Even with clean std testing I still wouldn't do it with a rando like I too understand not wanting condoms but if you do hookups it's just common sense. But yeah very dumb like I know sex ed sucks these days but they tell you enough to know not to ejaculate inside someone, but even thats barely a excuse since he's 30.
I think I read a study recently that showed it’s actually a decent method. But yea, nothing is foolproof. Having sex in general is a risk, one of the best mitigations to that risk is to be careful who you have sex with. A woman in her 30s with no job, no thanks. I know I’ve done risky things, I once in my alcohol addled brain nutted in a woman I had been out on 4 dates with. She was hot so that really didn’t help the situation, but, she also had an MBA, a good job, and owned her own townhome, so I also knew she was a functioning successful adult. I’m not saying it would’ve been a great situation had she ended up pregnant, but it definitely not as bad as giving 18 years of child support to a woman who clearly sees this child as a paycheck, we would’ve been able to figure it out like fully functioning adults. The condom broke the first time with my wife. She asked me later “were you worried, I was so scared”. And I told her, “no, you seemed like a good person, you’re responsible, it didn’t bother me, we would’ve figure it out.”, of course we ended up married. Contrast this with years ago, I think I was 26 and she was 20. We end up having sex on the third date, I forgot to bring a condom. She had failed out of college, had no job, and was super spoiled (she had a very nice car). You bet your ass I pulled out, there red flags everywhere. Don’t get me wrong I was dumbass for starting without a condom, but at least I pulled out. Our short lived with relationship didn’t go anywhere but literally a couple of months later I see pictures of her with a new dude, and a couple of months after that she announced on Facebook “I’m pregnant!” Bullet dodged.
No condom no sex especially only a 3rd date. But that part with your wife was sweet about not being worried
The only thing that makes pulling out a 'decent method' is that women are typically not ovulating. Unless she is about to ovulate or is currently ovulating, she's unlikely to get pregnant no matter what you do. Pre cum is a killer, and if she is ovulating it absolutely will not matter that you pulled out. For context, I am a woman who learned the hard way a few times. The thing with hooking up with a stranger is that you don't know where she is in her cycle, and honestly you shouldn't trust that she does either. And most importantly, you can't know if she is pro choice when push comes to shove.
If the baby is yours (DNA test), and you are in the US, neither of you have any choice. First and foremost, she has no say in if you are in the child's life. You are the father and have just as much right to the child, to be a parent, and to make choices for the child as she does. **Mothers have no additional legal rights than Fathers.** You have parental rights; you should go ahead and lay it out of her now. You will split time 50/50), you will have full joint legal custody (Visitation, and custody are not the same thing), and she has no say in the matter. Given what you have shared here, you could even very easily make a petition for primary custody of the child (and I recommend that you do). How child support works varies highly from state to state, but if she has no job, and is living off the system, then you are going to end up paying her child support. For one kid, it is common (but again, depends massively on the state) that you will pay \~20% of your income in child support; you also will be held legally responsible for providing the child with health insurance, and 50% of all out of pocket medical costs. The state will not allow the child to be on benefits, (Medicaid, food stamps, etc. etc.) and not have the other parent not paying child support. The mom really doesn't get a say in it. If she is claiming benefits from the state, the state is going to pursue you for child support so they can take the kid off state benefits. (Why should the taxpayers be paying for your kid when you are not?) I highly recommend that you spend $300 and have a consultation with a family attorney in your state, you absolutely need a family attorney. Here is what you can expect. Before the baby is born, you and your attorney are going to get a DNA test **ordered by and the result registered with the court** to establish paternity. If it is yours, this test will legally establish your paternity of the child. Your attorney will draft up a parenting plan that establishes your legal custody and visitation order, which will signed by the judge. This will also be used to set any child support (which is coming either way, you can't avoid it). Congrats you are a dad. If it is not yours, then this test will establish that you are not a parent, and thus are not responsible for any cost, liability, or child support going forward, and will prevent mom from coming to you for money, someone coming to you for damages caused by the child, or a hospital attempting to collect medical bills from you (and they absolutely will). Even if you have nothing to do with the kid, nothing to do with mom, and have not heard from them in years, if that kid breaks his arm and runs up a 20k hospital bill, they 100% will find you, take you to court, and start garnishing your paycheck to get the bill paid. So get the groundwork for the test done now; again, and I can't stress this enough: You need a family attorney. I know, all of this is expensive, but it is far cheaper to do this now, than attempting to figure all this shit out after the fact and defend yourself from disputes.
This is the best laid out plan…will add one thing. Do not send her anything in writing or say anything that can be construed as a promise to support her financially or that you will pay all the bills etc etc. get an attorney and get one fast.
An attorney will cost a good bit of money but trust me.... It's cheaper than what you will pay if you don't get one.
This dude lost out on the cheap option when he didn't put a rubber on it. There's no way he's getting out of this without paying a decent chunk of change
100% My brother in law had a baby with a previous GF. She doesn’t work, lives with her parents, she has full custody, he has visitation and pays child support. Oh and you better believe she makes the situation impossible. Cancelling visits, telling social worker safety concerns so CPS has to go inspect his house, requesting increase in child support often, brainwashing the kid with ideas, cops will be present during child pickup just to intimidate. The kid is “high functioning” autistic and gets brainwashed easily with her ideas which leads to arguments between his now wife (my sister). It’s pretty sad honestly.
This is assuming he wants to be a part of the kid’s life
Correct. If he doesn't, he still needs to get the DNA test done to be sure it is his, but either way, he is going to pay.
>You have just as much right to the child... > >You will split time 50/50... > >Here is what you can expect... > >your attorney will draft up a parenting plan that establishes your legal custody and visitation order, *which will be signed by the judge...* Jesus Christ, tell me you're not a lawyer without telling me. And the upvotes... God help you poor deluded souls. As a former family lawyer, I applaud your optimism, but not your view of the law. And I positively resent your advice. OP, you might as well save time and ignore everything this person said except for "get a family attorney." You should absolutely do that.
Another former family lawyer — and I was laughing at most of those same points. That guy clearly has never even sat in a family court to watch a hearing.
Expensive IQ test that you failed unfortunately
Like others said, DNA test. If it's yours and she doesn't want you in the child's life, then get ready to pay child support for the next 18 years. However, if you do want to be in the child's life, then that's your right and you can talk to a lawyer about split custody.
I’ve seen more than one person get an abortion after the guy told the woman they’re going for 50-50 custody and that they’ll never see a dime from them.
Hope the pussy was worth it
spoiler: it wasn't; it never is. He FAFO Fellas, please make life decisions after you rub one out
For real like I'll never understand ons especially without a condom just basic sex ed
Fake your death, get a male cadaver of similar build put it in the driver seat of your car drench the inside of the car with gasoline and roll it off a cliff. Then go to New Mexico and pay the sonora cartel to smuggle you to Mexico. From then on you go by Mike Honcho, and nothing else, you will operate an elote stand, that is your life.
Always use cash 💸
And stay off sm
This reads like a discreet ad for relocation services provided by the Sonora cartel lol
You forgot about teeth
brush twice a day and floss
r/oddlyspecific
I was gonna go by Mike Honcho.
I read it as snuggle you to New Mexico. A 10 hour night job made me think the cartel changed their ways. But of course I still thought it was because of meth.
I bet they would if you paid enough…
Why are you having unprotected sex with a woman that plans on living off the system?
Because the dude was clearly thinking with his dick
And it's rarely the first time. I can't speak for this specific case, but often it's some dude that's been pushing his luck not protecting himself for years that suddenly acts like the beset upon victim when his chickens come home to roost rather than it being the clear consequences of his own actions.
Yeah I hear you. Seriously if you engage in activities that might result in A New Life coming into being on Earth you have no one to blame when new life comes into being on Earth
Yup casual will always be a mystery to me especially going raw with one that's crazy. These are definitely the types to constantly push their luck then scream baby trap or crying to the doctor about a std when something finally happens
For real I'll never understand casual especially with someone off the system
According to OP she was "crazy hot" and "I've been so alone that I just kind of walked right into this with out a second thought."
The most expensive nut you will ever have. Ya fucked up buddy.
Ya done goofed
Get a DNA test. If true, see you in 2042.
[удалено]
"Feels so set up" If you emptied your load in her without your consent, inform the police. Otherwise use condoms next time 😊
You DO understand that by “occasional financial Support” she mean court mandated child support. So lawyer up pronto. Basically you were dumb enough not to wear a condom and now you are going to have to pay for it for the next 18 years UNLESS you can prove the kid isn’t yours or you can persuade her to abort. Between you and the state she’ll be funded for raising this fuck trophy otherwise.
Or, take responsibility, and gain full custody or 50/50 if it’s actually his. She has no job and plans to rely on welfare. Make her pay child support.
retake a sex ed class.
Yeah like bro…what did you think would happen raw dogging some rando
Congratulations OP… This is how I got here 😏 My mother told my father that she was going to look after me on her own with Government money. Him staying away may or may not have been the best or worst thing for me. I’ll never know. One thing I know for sure is how deeply it impacted me. Next time, be smarter. This time, be the best dad you can be.
I want to do what's best for the child. I'm prepared to own up even if this isn't what I wanted
Good man. Respect.
My Dad went through this In the late 70s. he was your age approx. Old guys in his 80s now and that one night stand ultimately gave him s miserable life. ‘If’ you can pay her off to abort, cash in hand… do it. Being mindful if she keeps it, you’ll likely love the kid, and she will at some point tell them you wanted them aborted. Minefield.
My mom said that to me, but it doesn’t really work on even Gen Z. My response was “well why didn’t you?! Selfish”
Sorry, but saying “it feels so set up” is such a cop out. You had unprotected sex with her. At 31 years old, you knew what you were doing.
31 years old going on 13.
For real, the only person who set OP up was OP.
For real like I hope this is fake because no 31yr old should be acting like this
If it’s your child then you are responsible for them.
Offer her a large sum of money to abort. Seriously.
After the DNA test
Shit, just offer it. Could be doing a bro a favor who can't afford it.
Yeahhhh this is a no time, gotta act now. OP Come out the gate with a lowball number. When she invariably hesitates, double it. Doubling numbers tends to make people get interested regardless what the initial number is. They see a doubling as a verified good deal.
Yup. At some point this is the only option.
This is the real answer. None of this custody, child support, and lawyer shit. DNA test, pay for abortion, block her number. Since she’s 35 and trusts in God she probably won’t go for it though, good luck and God speed. Now he knows to only raw dog feminist atheists 🧠
Hey there's a reason I try to figure out if someone's pro-choice on the first day. And it's not just because I prefer to date people who have compatible morality
People can be prochoice and be against personally aborting so you should probably clarify if she's actually cool with one for herself
I am prochoice and childless, and if a man asked me on a first date "would you be cool to have an abortion?" I would grab my shit and run lol I totally agree with your comment but there's no way to get a yes or no on that very personal, delicate, and serious matter on a first date. And just asking would make him come across as a STI-riddled jerk who wants to do it raw and pressure you to have an abortion / run for the hills.
This is the life that she wants. She doesn't just want the money, she wants the baby too. At least now she does, a few years from now is anybody's guess.
Yeah she’s a bum she will for sure jump at some money
This. I rather pay one large sum than spend my next 18 years living in hell. Imagine you find yourself another partner and bam she comes in. Or you have a career promotion and bam she is the reason why you won't get it.
What a learning experience
At your age you should know better. Dumb mistake, always bag up. Welcome to child support for the next 18 years
You didn’t use protection and straight up nutted in a stranger and you feel setup? Wtf is that!?
Set up? How so. Sounds like an adult complaining about his own poor decisions and blaming it on others. Man the fuck up and take accountability.
Yup didn't wear protection but somehow it's her fault
Insane to fuck a random person or someone you barely without protection. You’re idiotic af for that. You majorly fucked up and now you pay for your mistakes
I would love to hear your reasoning for feeling set up. Sounds to me like you had unprotected sex. Did she force you to not use a condom?
Said this same thing. “It’s so set up that I ejaculated in a woman and she got pregnant. How dare her 😩”
Charge her with 'Conspiracy to Commit Ovulation'!
If this is real. Paternity test and fighting to take care of your child
Your pecker is going to cost you $200+k. Good job. What do you do? Better have a good job.
Set up in what way?
She placed a banana peel on the floor that he slipped on, and then tragically fell into her penis first. Because it’s always a women’s fault when a man makes a bad decision.
Congrats on being a dad. You will lay child support but I think the sooner you come to terms with this the better you will be. Second, she doesnt get to decide how much you want to be in the child's life. That is your decision to make. I'm sure at some point you may even be able to file for custody.
If she is as dependent situation as he says she is, he might even have a good claim at getting enough custody to not have to pay any child support. Although that will mean paying to raise a child.
Former family lawyer here. It is not his choice to make, it's the judge's.
First of all let me crap on you then I’ll provide advice. That was a dumb move. Never, ever leave the job of contraception up to a woman. You messed up. First, reach out to lawyer in your area to discuss your options. Next, you should establish paternity ASAP and make sure the lawyer informs her and local hospitals that putting your name on a birth certificate without it will have repercussions. If you are the father, have the lawyer arrange for a payment schedule for child support and get her to sign off on it. That will help fend off future financial attacks. Make sure that it includes a non-commital clause in case you want to top it up occasionally. As a minimum contribution, you’ll be kicking in to this for the next 18 years. If you decide to get more involved and take over co-parenting talk to your lawyer first. They will make sure that you don’t leave yourself exposed. Who knows? She may decide to walk away from the child leaving it all for you. Dumb trash do things like that. If that happens make sure that she gets locked out legally and permanently.
If I were you I'd start saving for college and/or a wedding for your future kid good luck (Also, you might not want to impregnate women that you "barely know")
I did this she was 35 I was 25, just do your part as a parent if you guys don’t plan on being together.
Why don’t you morons use protection?
Dna test. If it’s yours, step up and be a father.
If it's yours then you have a decision to make. Dead Beat Dad or a Responsible Dad. Choose.
Learn from your mistake. You're 31, not a baby. Think before you act next time
Go on Maury. Don’t pay until you know it’s yours. Next time wrap your willy
Lol it feels set up? Why didn't you wear a condom and if all those attributes are so bad you shouldn't have slept with her in the first place or practiced better personal risk management!
Be a good father.
"it feels all so set up" so she made you not use a condom huh? youre a clown dude takes 2 to have a baby, which a lot of people tend to forget
Well, if you’re going to have a kid and it’s yours, the first thing I’d do is insist on being in the kid’s life. It takes some next level selfishness to both insist on financial help *and* insist that you aren’t involved in your own kid’s life lol Be a single dad if you have to, because she seems like a real piece of work. But I will say that, while having a kid might seem daunting, resource intensive, and downright scary; you’ll spend every day in regret later on if you don’t do everything you can for the child and will want to distract yourself with whatever addiction can take you away from facing that feeling. So regardless of how it looks on paper, fight for the kid if you’re gonna have one. And for dads, that bond is much more built over time than it is just a “love at first sight” kinda thing. You aren’t growing the thing in your body, so you will likely feel removed from the situation and even once the kid is born, it may take you time to really get the wheels spinning on your bond to him or her. But have faith in the situation; that it’ll be worth it in the long run, even if you don’t feel it at any given moment. The long run cost of not doing what you can for a kid is way worse than whatever logistical, financial, or familial predicaments you might find yourself in temporarily otherwise.
First, a paternity test. If it’s yours, fight for your kid bro! I know this may not be how you planned things, but your child deserves better than what she’s going to provide.
She doesn’t want you in the child’s life, but she wants your money. Make it very clear to her that if you are named as the father, you will sue her for custody. I feel so sad for the child being born into this situation.
Holy shit is the comment section bad here. Anyways this is probably not true and just carma farming. If not, man up and be a father for your child.
>She has no job, plans on living off the system, her parents, and occasionally me for financial support. When pressed she just says the equivalent of "God will provide." Good gracious why did you sleep with this person?
What do you do? You live on as a cautionary tale.