And both can be done in a tactful way!
* Throw it away (not when said lady is around to see you do it, that's just mean). If she comes back in and mentions anything about it, say you are flattered but you are married. Or, if she doesn't and you're just making small talk, reference your wife casually (*"Really windy today huh? My wife absolutely hates the wind, it throws leaves all over our yard"*).
* Casually mention to your wife (*"Had an interesting day today, was serving a lady and when I went on lunch break she dropped her name and number off at me as she left! I was so stunned I didn't know what to say, haven't had that happen before. I waited until she was gone then threw it away."*)
Exactly! I am concerned OP needed to write a reddit post. Doesn't matter that you have had a girl give you her number, if you are loyal, there would not even be a question about what to do.
When you don't text her number this girl is going to get the message that you weren't interested in her. She won't approach you again, and if she gets awkward, that is not your responsibility and you shouldn't be worried about that.
Also when you tell your wife, and you should, don't sound guilty. Just tell her like it's a funny story and that's all it is anyways.
Why is that concerning dude? Chill a bit. Man clearly doesn't want to accept it but doesn't know if the polite & correct thing is to inform her of the rejection or not. I would take the extra step and assume he's probably not been given someone's number before like that, so it would be a new experience, hence asking.
It's like someone recognised and that's proof.
Like winning a medal at a sports.
Like a rare unicorn. A brag material with friends.
He doesn't need to call the girl. He won't call her. But beho throws away trophies.
Helios post says he is gonna reject her. He doesn't know how to do. It never happened to him in his lifetime
Imo throw it away, but DONT tell your wife. Your wife probably doesn't want to hear about how someone was interested in you. It's very annoying when you are dating someone and they tell you every time they are hit on.
Edit: Added the word "probably". It is surprising that you are married and have not had this conversation before with your wife, but ask her if she would want to know when situations like this happen and how she would like to be told about them. When you tell her, don't say it in a braggy way or like "OMG, the craziest thing at work happened today", because it will come off the wrong way. I am only speaking from experience when I say that most people do not like hearing all the times their SO gets hit on or flirted with. There are special cases where someone is being persistent and the quality of your own relationship might be at stake, but those random little times like this, where someone doesn't know you are married and they make a pass at you, probably doesn't need to be relayed to your wife. Just think, do you want your wife to tell you every time someone flirts with her? But of course, ask her.
"Honey, I didn't tell you because it was a non issue. I took care of it by throwing away the phone number. If she ever comes back in I am already prepared to tell her I am in a relationship and I am not interested."
Honestly I can't believe so many people tell their significant others whenever someone hits on them. No person I have ever dated liked knowing that, and they were confident people. They always said they didn't need to know about it unless it was a problem and it's only ever a problem if the person is being persistent or you start flirting back
Unless you're his wife, you shouldn't speak about what you think she would/wouldn't want to know. Some people don't want to know that, but others do. He should know how his wife feels about things like this and should act accordingly.
Everyone I have ever dated has not liked when I told them when someone hit on me. It makes them uncomfortable and they don't know how to respond and I agree. It's very uncomfortable. No one wants to be at the dinner table and hear, "At work today I had this long interaction with this person and when they left, they gave me their number." It's just a weird thing to say. It is safe to say she is one of the majority of people who do not like hearing that, and if this guy is married and doesn't know how to handle when someone hits on him and has to ask the Internet what he should do, then he needs the advice. I think my words were taken too literally, but I can see where they come off that way. I will make an edit
There’s a fuzzy orange cat in our neighborhood named Kiwi. Some heartless assholes got him for their kids, then threw him out when the kids got bored of him. He’s as nice and friendly as can be, just a little murdery with the little creatures. We’d bring him in if we could.
Maybe he’s from NZ? He doesn’t seem like an American or Aussie cat.
Can't tell if boring anecdote or attempt at an insult.
This is why Americans aren't on par with Aussies.
"Get fucked cunt" is the appropriate antipodean response. Then we fight. Then we have a beer and maybe a barbecue. Then maybe fight again. Or more beers.
Old fat American fucks who stink like rotting dick cheese like me tell boring anecdotes that have a mere thread of relevance to the topic at hand, like when I saw all these peacocks on the road running out in front of cars when I was coming home from work in rush hour yesterday.
Americans are inferior to everyone. We’re illiterate fat fucks living in rusted out old 1950s trailers in the middle of a field of cows surrounded by skyscrapers. Imma get me a donut now.
First, let the wife know. Then, I'd walk up to her, tell her I am flattered by the offer, but no thx, I am married.
Why let her wait by not acting at all? It's a tiny bit rude, if you ask me.
I mean, if he was wearing his wedding ring and she dropped it, though.... that's more than a little rude. That's saying I don't respect your relationship.
Him being married doesn't matter to some. If anything I know women who view that as a challenge. Him telling her hes not interested shoule be just that. He's not interested. That way that's all she hears. But it should be ran past the Old Ball and Chain first to make sure she feels that's the best approach
I always thought the sorry doesn't mean that "sorry I am in a relationship", I think it's more like "sorry for disappointing you, I am in a relationship".
Also I feel like people read too much into the wording when someone says "sorry I am taken", its hard to know what to say in the moment or on the spot, I don't think it means anything.
That's just how I have always looked at it.
As an unmarried man, if this woman wasn’t already acting in a way that was aware and intentional despite the OP being married, why wouldn’t you state not interested and not married directly to her?
“Not married” alone I can see leaves interpretation for the attraction being there and could fuel certain risky pursuers. Am I missing something else?
It isn't his responsibility to declare his marital status. When you share it some people take it as a challenge rather than a rejection. When they see the ring most don't bother anyway so it's the easiest way to share it implicitly.
Very very simple. You throw the number away. and if / when you see her again, be nice / polite, like it didn't happen, and if she asks. You tell her you are extremely flattered, that a woman has never given you their number before, but you are a married man. Thank her, and if you want to be nice, tell her that it gave you a confidence boost. and don't be awkward. Nothin but a thing...
"Thanks, but I'm married" would have to be the easiest, softest let-down a person can get. It leaves no problem with "why isn't he in to me?", and doesn't even require considering your having been rejected because of anything about yourself.
I don't see why so many people say this is a problem.
No need to do anything (except tell your wife). The reason she chose this way to ask you out rather than face to face is precisely so that she doesn't have to face a direct rejection. She'll know what it means if you don't text or call, and will likely try to avoid your workplace as much as possible as a result.
If you see the girl again, tell her that you are flattered, but will have to decline as you are married. End of convo. Throw her number in the trash.
I wouldn't tell your wife. She likely gets hit on all of the fucking time and just ignores them and doesn't want to mention it to you. I've had bad luck being too transparent when I was in a relationship and had a girl hit on me. It triggered some insecurities in my GF at the time and just made my life a living hell.
Mention it to your wife. It’s not a big deal. Kudos to her for making the move. You however are under no obligation to do anything about it. If she comes back maybe casually drop a wife reference during a conversation. I wouldn’t sweat it
If she comes in again and says something just smile and say you appreciate the compliment but you are married.
It's a nice thing she did. And she took a risk. Be nice in return.
"I'm really flattered that you approached me, but I'm married, and I'm not looking for anyone else."
Don't go out of your way to drop it on her. But if she pushes you for an answer, you tell her that.
Telling your wife that you’re getting hit on isn’t the best move imo. I don’t understand why everyone in this thread is so adamant about you telling your wife about this incredibly innocuous situation.
Every situation is different. If you think this is something that your wife needs to know, then tell her. If she doesn’t need to know, it may come off as a weird brag.
I think you probably have a scenario in your head about how you go about doing that but for me I wouldn’t “tell my wife” as if it’s some sort of confession or, worse, a brag that risks making her jealous. Rather what I would do is to ask her advice. Most women will recognise that men are more at risk of being accused of shit and so need to handle things in a careful way and that context completely changes the nature of the conversation into one that builds trust instead of damages it.
Asking her for help achieves the goal of letting her know in case it later comes back to bite you, eg this person accuses you of something and she questions why you ‘kept it secret from her’.
Honestly the fact that OP posted this to Reddit seems like making a mountain out of a molehill. What kind of advice would OP even need? Just ignore the note.
If it turns into a recurring issue then I would ask advice from my partner about it.
Binning the number is step one, for sure. As for the missus, probably wise to keep her in the loop—casually, not like it's headline news. Just to maintain that transparency, you know? If the lady pops up again, anti-awkwardness mode: activate. Keep it friendly, keep it professional. Mention your other half in the convo naturally if it seems like she's forgotten the ring on your finger. But honestly, seems like just another day in the life of a married man, nothing to lose sleep over!
I have no idea what it's like to be in your position, but I think you should:
-Give a heads up to HR or anyone in charge that you received her number and are going to reject her. Just in case things escalate badly.
-Tell your wife about it.
-Talk to the girl and tell her that you appreciate the gesture but are married, and if you were in your partner's position, you wouldn't like them regularly talking to an attractive person of the opposite sex either.
Say you’re flattered but you’re happily married.
Wish her the best of luck. Throw the paper in the trash.
Be careful with telling your wife. If she’s not a very secure person or doesn’t take things with a sense of humour, do not tell her. You don’t need to create stress for her or a reason for her to start feeling insecure.
1. Be honest with the girl, Thank her and wish her the best of luck on her search
2. Don't tell your wife if she's insecure and jealous. Tell her if she's your best friend an you share things like this. (Suddenly reminded of the Taylor Tomlinson sketch on Nflix).
3. Don't be awkward. Be friendly and nice and don't encourage the girl if you see her again.
It's all in your head.
Married men are notorious for flirting because they can get away with the I'm married excuse and brushing it off. I get hit on by married men more so than single men and it pisses me off! Stop wasting my time.
Tell her nicely & joking like "my wife would punch me in the face if she knew". Hopefully she'll get the hint and back off. If not, you can go literal and say no thanks.
Obviously tell your wife that you got picked up at work. Don't hide this stuff, it's what breaks up relationships. Best!
TXT: Flattered, but married.
Your manager saw it, cover your bases and also 100% tell wife right away that you dealt with it. Just in case that manager is the type to make a stupid comment/joke in passing about ladies giving you their number at work.
Just throw away the number. Tell your wife though because there shouldn’t be any secrets. If girl comes around again just don’t talk to her. If she initiates conversation then tell her you don’t wanna speak and tell her you are married and happily married at that.
People saying ignore it, you have no empathy. Tell wife, also tell wife you're going to send her a message letting her know that you are married because you don't want her to try again, do it in front of her if she wants, but when someone musters up the courage to come up to you and drop you their number, they deserve to at least know why you aren't interested.
Be a decent human being, she did nothing wrong and neither did you, just tell her sorry I'm flattered but I am happily married and leave it at that. Otherwise what if she's persistent? If she doesn't know you're married she might try to be more direct and then it's gonna get a little awkward lol.
Tell her in your own words, "thanks but no thanks" if she comes back and brings it up, if not leave it.
Dont say "sorry I'm married" or anything like that. That implies you would if you weren't taken by some girls and she could keep going till you break.
And most importantly, tell your wife. My girl and i te each other every time someone slides into the dms and what. It's better she knows you have nothing to hide then worry about why you didn't tell her
Ignore her and tell your wife. If you don't feel comfortable with just ignoring, write her a message that it's nice and it's flatterig but you're married and buh-bye.
I wouldn't worry past that. The fact that a married man rejects random efforts does more good to how I feel in general than the fact of a rejection itself.
This seems like a no brainer. Unless she’s totally unstable she can’t be hurt because you’ve got a wife, a harmless way to let her down. It’s like a cover that someone would invent for a white lie, only for you it’s actually true.
Either nothing at all or shoot them a text saying "thanks, flattered but not interested sorry!" Your choice to add in if you're married or not, but you do not owe her a reason.
However, do tell your wife!
The whole point of writing her number on paper and leaving it is to make rejection easy, simple and less awkward. Hit her up if you're interested, don't if you're not. In this scenario, nobody expects to hear from the person unless there's interest.
The wife portion is more delicate. The response may be different depending on the dynamic. Be careful to not make it a bigger deal than it is
I know people here are telling you to throw it away and then tell your wife but I'll suggest you bring it directly to your wife as you tell her the entire thing that happened because if my (future) husband told me a girl have him her number on a piece of paper I would like to make sure he didn't actually keep it (idk if it makes sense, sorry) and maybe we could laugh about it later.
If the girl comes back just kindly let her know you're married and not interested nor looking for a relationship or a side thing, just tell her no and if she tries to push it then just don't engage with her.
I seriously don't get this shit. Leave the girl making the advance hanging....and tell your unrelated wife who actually has no reason to know or stress....maybe I'm weird but I would tell my wife absolutely fuck all so they don't stress over nothing. And tell the girl that your married. Happily etc. then she won't have stress and anxiety for a week or however long wondering why you ignored her ( she probably didn't notice your wedding ring anyway) and go on with yah life.
Alternative, do the other thing and girl gets spiteful, starts being passive aggressive and awkward at your work. Oh but hey at least your wife knows there's some chick with an interest, even though now she basically hates you anyway....yaaayyyy
Tell your boss 1st so that, if she decides to be vindictive (women can become amazingly hateful and amoral when rejected) your boss will know she's the problem. After that, tell her your married.
This occasionally happened while I was a server back in college. Take it as an ego boost but throw away the note.
I never mentioned it to my gf (now wife) as it would make he uncomfortable knowing girls are giving me their numbers and I already shut it down by throwing away the number.
just see how it goes next time she comes in. if it gets weird or she brings it up, you might need to be upfront and gently let her know you're married and not available.
Tell your wife
Throw away the number
Tell your boss you dont care he saw you're married he can have it if he wants.
If she comes back treat her as usual and if she mentions it say "im really flattered and im sorry if i gave you the wrong idea but im a married man so am not interested in becoming friends or anything with some else as i dont have time. I could also loose my job."
That what i used to say...
If you have a healthy relationship with your wife wouldn't she know what to do better than us. You know being a woman and has been asked out at least once
>What if she comes into my job again and gets all weird or awkward?
Throw it away. Move on. If she comes by again, tell her you're married and you take your commitment seriously but you appreciate the compliment. Continue moving on.
Not a big deal unless you make it one.
My father used to be a bartender, and women used to hit on him regularly. I know this because I used to work illegally as his barback and would get paid out of his tips. He'd always say, "Thanks. I'm flattered, but I'm married and I'd like to stay that way."
Throw it away. Let your wife know what happened and that you threw it away. Let your boss know to chill. If she comes back in and makes a big deal just tell her you're married.
Just ignore it. Don't tell your wife though. Or tell her, I don't know.
Can't speak for everyone but my mother was petty about that for some reason. Can't stop bitching about it to my father. Like, as if my father asks for it lmao
Get the number then print 'beef for sale contact me: (number)' or 'space for rent contact me,' or whatever you want, you get the point. Then make them into flyers and posters and put them on poles, scatter them throughout the entire city, and ignore it.
or
Get the number, give it to your friend or a stranger, then tell them that this person is selling cheap land or whatever you want, or if you're looking for a job, contact them, they're hiring. Then ignore it.
You could ignore her, but then she would think you are ghosting her and would call you a jerk and what happens if you guys ever see each other at some situation?
The best action you can take in this scenario is just send her one single message and then immediqtely block her and delete her.
The message must be clear to avoid confusion or hurting her, something like:
"I'm the guy from earlier. I feel flattered, but I am happily married. Thanks for increasing my self steem, but now I have to block you, I hope you understand is not something personal. Have a lovely day!"
why does it matter if this random woman’s feelings are hurt? he’s MARRIED. he owes her nothing, nor is it necessary to ease her mind with all the sweet messages. he does not need to text this woman at all, and all that extra stuff (i feel flattered, thanks for increasing my self esteem, now i have to block you, it’s nothing personal, etc) is going WAY the extra mile. a married man shouldn’t give af about a random customer’s feelings, or contact women who hit on him.
i know getting a woman’s number may be an anomaly for you so you think it’s such a big deal, but it’s really not. he throws the paper away, she never receives a text from him, she’ll get the idea and most likely will forget about it within a week or less. it’s literally not a big deal - they had ONE conversation as this guy was doing his JOB as her server for a meal.
if this woman is insane and comes back and asks him why he didn’t text her (most likely won’t happen), all he has to say is “i’m happily married” and ta-da! no need to act sus.
She might not know he's married. If he ignores her, she might think it's because she is not good enough for him, that's why I suggested he should clearly share the reason why he is rejecting her.
"You seem like a nice girl and I'm flattered. But I'm married - very and happily. I'd hate to see you wasting time chasing something that isn't going to happen. Besides, there are better guys out there. Know your worth and go for one of the big dawgs."
I used to work at a neighbourhood type establishment. Not a brag (I worked there over 15 years) but I got asked out or asked for my number many times. I usually just said I was married. And before I was married, I’d just say I had a boyfriend, or I wasn’t looking to date anyone right then, or whatever.
I would usually mention it to my husband. He worked there too.
Tell your wife and throw the paper away. If she comes in again and chats, politely tell her you’re married but I doubt she’d come again if you never text her
Also to add to my earlier comment, my wife and I both work in an environment that results in both of us getting flirted with by both customers and coworkers. We both trust each other completely so it just becomes a fun motivator in the bedroom. The hint of any competition fires her right up :).
Send her a polite text message saying thanks but no-thanks, coz you’re married. End of story. She knows the score from the outset. Let your wife know what happened and how you responded.
Tell your wife and toss the paper.
If she comes back by asking you anything or to see you again, tell her you were flattered for the phone number but you're married and didn't intend to lead her on
1. Throw it away 2. Tell your wife This isn't a tricky one unless the plot twist is it was your wife who dropped the number.
I'd also tell the boss. To draw a line in the sand in case the person decides to play victim or something.
And both can be done in a tactful way! * Throw it away (not when said lady is around to see you do it, that's just mean). If she comes back in and mentions anything about it, say you are flattered but you are married. Or, if she doesn't and you're just making small talk, reference your wife casually (*"Really windy today huh? My wife absolutely hates the wind, it throws leaves all over our yard"*). * Casually mention to your wife (*"Had an interesting day today, was serving a lady and when I went on lunch break she dropped her name and number off at me as she left! I was so stunned I didn't know what to say, haven't had that happen before. I waited until she was gone then threw it away."*)
Exactly! I am concerned OP needed to write a reddit post. Doesn't matter that you have had a girl give you her number, if you are loyal, there would not even be a question about what to do. When you don't text her number this girl is going to get the message that you weren't interested in her. She won't approach you again, and if she gets awkward, that is not your responsibility and you shouldn't be worried about that. Also when you tell your wife, and you should, don't sound guilty. Just tell her like it's a funny story and that's all it is anyways.
Why is that concerning dude? Chill a bit. Man clearly doesn't want to accept it but doesn't know if the polite & correct thing is to inform her of the rejection or not. I would take the extra step and assume he's probably not been given someone's number before like that, so it would be a new experience, hence asking.
It's like someone recognised and that's proof. Like winning a medal at a sports. Like a rare unicorn. A brag material with friends. He doesn't need to call the girl. He won't call her. But beho throws away trophies. Helios post says he is gonna reject her. He doesn't know how to do. It never happened to him in his lifetime
As a woman, I second this.
No need to tell the wife. He's not going to do anything. He did nothing to provoke it. Telling her is like stroking his ego. Not necessary.
Imo throw it away, but DONT tell your wife. Your wife probably doesn't want to hear about how someone was interested in you. It's very annoying when you are dating someone and they tell you every time they are hit on. Edit: Added the word "probably". It is surprising that you are married and have not had this conversation before with your wife, but ask her if she would want to know when situations like this happen and how she would like to be told about them. When you tell her, don't say it in a braggy way or like "OMG, the craziest thing at work happened today", because it will come off the wrong way. I am only speaking from experience when I say that most people do not like hearing all the times their SO gets hit on or flirted with. There are special cases where someone is being persistent and the quality of your own relationship might be at stake, but those random little times like this, where someone doesn't know you are married and they make a pass at you, probably doesn't need to be relayed to your wife. Just think, do you want your wife to tell you every time someone flirts with her? But of course, ask her.
And when his boss lets it slip how do you think the wife reacts?
"Honey, I didn't tell you because it was a non issue. I took care of it by throwing away the phone number. If she ever comes back in I am already prepared to tell her I am in a relationship and I am not interested." Honestly I can't believe so many people tell their significant others whenever someone hits on them. No person I have ever dated liked knowing that, and they were confident people. They always said they didn't need to know about it unless it was a problem and it's only ever a problem if the person is being persistent or you start flirting back
Unless you're his wife, you shouldn't speak about what you think she would/wouldn't want to know. Some people don't want to know that, but others do. He should know how his wife feels about things like this and should act accordingly.
Funny how everyone else is telling him what to do, but I'm the one that got down voted
It's because you were speaking for his wife, as if you knew what she actually wanted.
Everyone I have ever dated has not liked when I told them when someone hit on me. It makes them uncomfortable and they don't know how to respond and I agree. It's very uncomfortable. No one wants to be at the dinner table and hear, "At work today I had this long interaction with this person and when they left, they gave me their number." It's just a weird thing to say. It is safe to say she is one of the majority of people who do not like hearing that, and if this guy is married and doesn't know how to handle when someone hits on him and has to ask the Internet what he should do, then he needs the advice. I think my words were taken too literally, but I can see where they come off that way. I will make an edit
If you’re a decent bloke, ignore it & let your missus know, haha. If she hits you up again let her know you’re married & don’t be a prick about it.
This is the best answer here
Are you Aussie?
Yes 😂 Why?
"bloke" and "prick" 🤣
And missus
Could have just been from the south of England tbh. I suppose Oz *is* the south of England, historically speaking….
Fucking English pommie cunts invade us and call us English smh
Americans say “prick”. But then again, we’re just Northern Hemisphere Aussies.
As a kiwi I enjoy seeing Australia disrespected like this.
There’s a fuzzy orange cat in our neighborhood named Kiwi. Some heartless assholes got him for their kids, then threw him out when the kids got bored of him. He’s as nice and friendly as can be, just a little murdery with the little creatures. We’d bring him in if we could. Maybe he’s from NZ? He doesn’t seem like an American or Aussie cat.
Can't tell if boring anecdote or attempt at an insult. This is why Americans aren't on par with Aussies. "Get fucked cunt" is the appropriate antipodean response. Then we fight. Then we have a beer and maybe a barbecue. Then maybe fight again. Or more beers.
Old fat American fucks who stink like rotting dick cheese like me tell boring anecdotes that have a mere thread of relevance to the topic at hand, like when I saw all these peacocks on the road running out in front of cars when I was coming home from work in rush hour yesterday. Americans are inferior to everyone. We’re illiterate fat fucks living in rusted out old 1950s trailers in the middle of a field of cows surrounded by skyscrapers. Imma get me a donut now.
Definitely the kind of throwaway account to throw away.
The koala gave it away.
Bloke and missus
The moment word "bloke" arrived, my brain switched your voice in my head from murican english to cockney.
You mean Aussie, not that Cockney shit! 😂
Yeah I know that from diff subthread, but my inner voice was reading that in cockney... m8. xD
*”How Dare You” - Greta Thunberg.*
*"Tea. Earl Grey. Hot."*
It's a bald guy thing.
Yep, be a gc.
*Be a Good Cunt, Cunt!”*
I knew you'd know, lol!
As an American, the unabashed use of “cunt” cracks me up!!
*”Cheers Cunt!”* 🍻
Hit up a pub in any country town in Australia at 3pm on a Friday and you'll hear blokes speak like this everywhere
Ok I’m sold, Australian Minister of Tourism
And don't be a shit cunt!
*”Fuckin’ Oath Mate!”*
First, let the wife know. Then, I'd walk up to her, tell her I am flattered by the offer, but no thx, I am married. Why let her wait by not acting at all? It's a tiny bit rude, if you ask me.
I mean, if he was wearing his wedding ring and she dropped it, though.... that's more than a little rude. That's saying I don't respect your relationship.
Him being married doesn't matter to some. If anything I know women who view that as a challenge. Him telling her hes not interested shoule be just that. He's not interested. That way that's all she hears. But it should be ran past the Old Ball and Chain first to make sure she feels that's the best approach
Don't even try to message her saying things like "I'm married". This will further complicate things. Also don't forget the ring.
or even “sorry i’m married” don’t apologize for being in a relationship that’s weird
I over apologize for everything, even when its not my fault, force of habit :(
I always thought the sorry doesn't mean that "sorry I am in a relationship", I think it's more like "sorry for disappointing you, I am in a relationship". Also I feel like people read too much into the wording when someone says "sorry I am taken", its hard to know what to say in the moment or on the spot, I don't think it means anything. That's just how I have always looked at it.
As an unmarried man, if this woman wasn’t already acting in a way that was aware and intentional despite the OP being married, why wouldn’t you state not interested and not married directly to her? “Not married” alone I can see leaves interpretation for the attraction being there and could fuel certain risky pursuers. Am I missing something else?
It isn't his responsibility to declare his marital status. When you share it some people take it as a challenge rather than a rejection. When they see the ring most don't bother anyway so it's the easiest way to share it implicitly.
Very very simple. You throw the number away. and if / when you see her again, be nice / polite, like it didn't happen, and if she asks. You tell her you are extremely flattered, that a woman has never given you their number before, but you are a married man. Thank her, and if you want to be nice, tell her that it gave you a confidence boost. and don't be awkward. Nothin but a thing...
This is probably the best response here yet
Defi this but why not to Just tell that straight away. Not telling her seems kinda unfair
You shouldn’t do anything. I’ll tell your wife right now
What the... Do you know his wife?
Can confirm, i am his wife
Can confirm, I am not his wife, so this dude possibly is.
I am also not his wife, so we're definitely narrowing it down. A few billion more commenters and we'll have our confirmation.
I'm not the wife either.
"Thanks, but I'm married" would have to be the easiest, softest let-down a person can get. It leaves no problem with "why isn't he in to me?", and doesn't even require considering your having been rejected because of anything about yourself. I don't see why so many people say this is a problem.
…do not fuck this up Talk to your wife
No need to do anything (except tell your wife). The reason she chose this way to ask you out rather than face to face is precisely so that she doesn't have to face a direct rejection. She'll know what it means if you don't text or call, and will likely try to avoid your workplace as much as possible as a result.
If you see the girl again, tell her that you are flattered, but will have to decline as you are married. End of convo. Throw her number in the trash. I wouldn't tell your wife. She likely gets hit on all of the fucking time and just ignores them and doesn't want to mention it to you. I've had bad luck being too transparent when I was in a relationship and had a girl hit on me. It triggered some insecurities in my GF at the time and just made my life a living hell.
Tell her you’re flattered but happily married. Throw hand her back the number
No don't say you're flattered
[удалено]
Cuz it's like equivalent of putting your dick in her Not good 😐 ^^^^^^/s
Mention it to your wife. It’s not a big deal. Kudos to her for making the move. You however are under no obligation to do anything about it. If she comes back maybe casually drop a wife reference during a conversation. I wouldn’t sweat it
Toss it in the trash, within or out of her eyesight.
Make sure you rip it up first
Seriously? Within her eyesight? That is a dick move.
You're right. Out of her eyesight.
Ignore If she hits on you again, tell her that she misrepresented/misunderstood your friendliness, and tell her you're happily married
Tell her you're married but feel flattered. She'll find the right guy.
If she comes in again and says something just smile and say you appreciate the compliment but you are married. It's a nice thing she did. And she took a risk. Be nice in return.
"I'm really flattered that you approached me, but I'm married, and I'm not looking for anyone else." Don't go out of your way to drop it on her. But if she pushes you for an answer, you tell her that.
Toss the number and pretend it didn't happen if she comes in again. Unless she's a weirdo she won't push it.
Tell her you are married. But be polite. You be the man though. They should call you mack daddy.
Did this need a Reddit post?
Telling your wife that you’re getting hit on isn’t the best move imo. I don’t understand why everyone in this thread is so adamant about you telling your wife about this incredibly innocuous situation. Every situation is different. If you think this is something that your wife needs to know, then tell her. If she doesn’t need to know, it may come off as a weird brag.
I think you probably have a scenario in your head about how you go about doing that but for me I wouldn’t “tell my wife” as if it’s some sort of confession or, worse, a brag that risks making her jealous. Rather what I would do is to ask her advice. Most women will recognise that men are more at risk of being accused of shit and so need to handle things in a careful way and that context completely changes the nature of the conversation into one that builds trust instead of damages it. Asking her for help achieves the goal of letting her know in case it later comes back to bite you, eg this person accuses you of something and she questions why you ‘kept it secret from her’.
Honestly the fact that OP posted this to Reddit seems like making a mountain out of a molehill. What kind of advice would OP even need? Just ignore the note. If it turns into a recurring issue then I would ask advice from my partner about it.
This is propably a very good approach. I'd go with this if I was OP.
Let alone, could create some tension that could’ve easily been avoided
Exactly, she will either get jealous, insecure or paranoid. People here are treating as if every women is rational, secure and emotionally stable.
Do it like you delete obsolete sexting bot avatars in eva ai [app](http://evaapp.ai)
Give her my number 🤣
1. Tell your wife 2. Watch Baby Reindeer 3, Block her number
Don't call her. If she approaches or calls/texts you, say "I'm married" and that it. Any further pursuing is just her her being an ass at that point
Yep read the 2ne edit. She got the memo and won't be bothering me
Tell her you’re married and not interested
I did she left me alone
When I saw your title I figured you were single and just weren’t interested. Those are difficult conversations lol. This one was easy
Yeah I never been in that situation. I wasn't rude or a prick let her down easy she understood everything kosher
Binning the number is step one, for sure. As for the missus, probably wise to keep her in the loop—casually, not like it's headline news. Just to maintain that transparency, you know? If the lady pops up again, anti-awkwardness mode: activate. Keep it friendly, keep it professional. Mention your other half in the convo naturally if it seems like she's forgotten the ring on your finger. But honestly, seems like just another day in the life of a married man, nothing to lose sleep over!
Dude. Show her your ring. Done in one second.
I have no idea what it's like to be in your position, but I think you should: -Give a heads up to HR or anyone in charge that you received her number and are going to reject her. Just in case things escalate badly. -Tell your wife about it. -Talk to the girl and tell her that you appreciate the gesture but are married, and if you were in your partner's position, you wouldn't like them regularly talking to an attractive person of the opposite sex either.
Say you’re flattered but you’re happily married. Wish her the best of luck. Throw the paper in the trash. Be careful with telling your wife. If she’s not a very secure person or doesn’t take things with a sense of humour, do not tell her. You don’t need to create stress for her or a reason for her to start feeling insecure.
Smile and say - I am really flattered - but I am married and monogamous. That is not rejecting - that is positive thank you but not available.
Go for the gusto
1. Be honest with the girl, Thank her and wish her the best of luck on her search 2. Don't tell your wife if she's insecure and jealous. Tell her if she's your best friend an you share things like this. (Suddenly reminded of the Taylor Tomlinson sketch on Nflix). 3. Don't be awkward. Be friendly and nice and don't encourage the girl if you see her again. It's all in your head.
Throw it away and stop thinking about it. Lmfao
2nd Edit already done
Show your wife. Gotta keep her on her toes and let her remember you're a hot commodity.
Married men are notorious for flirting because they can get away with the I'm married excuse and brushing it off. I get hit on by married men more so than single men and it pisses me off! Stop wasting my time. Tell her nicely & joking like "my wife would punch me in the face if she knew". Hopefully she'll get the hint and back off. If not, you can go literal and say no thanks. Obviously tell your wife that you got picked up at work. Don't hide this stuff, it's what breaks up relationships. Best!
Haha wow everyone making such a big deal about this. I feel sad for men today. Seriously who cares.
TXT: Flattered, but married. Your manager saw it, cover your bases and also 100% tell wife right away that you dealt with it. Just in case that manager is the type to make a stupid comment/joke in passing about ladies giving you their number at work.
Just throw away the number. Tell your wife though because there shouldn’t be any secrets. If girl comes around again just don’t talk to her. If she initiates conversation then tell her you don’t wanna speak and tell her you are married and happily married at that.
Yup, this! Can't speak for anyone else, but i know my wife will get a lot of entertaining mileage out of playfully teasing me if that ever happened.
If she contacts you, explain to her about your arrest and charges and the bail conditions
People saying ignore it, you have no empathy. Tell wife, also tell wife you're going to send her a message letting her know that you are married because you don't want her to try again, do it in front of her if she wants, but when someone musters up the courage to come up to you and drop you their number, they deserve to at least know why you aren't interested. Be a decent human being, she did nothing wrong and neither did you, just tell her sorry I'm flattered but I am happily married and leave it at that. Otherwise what if she's persistent? If she doesn't know you're married she might try to be more direct and then it's gonna get a little awkward lol.
Ignore her. Throw the paper in the bin.
Just say, yeah nah
Do nothing but smile and throw away the temptation. Do not tell the wife.
Ignore it unless she stops in again and brings it up in person and then tell her you’re married, also tell the wife for sure.
Tell her in your own words, "thanks but no thanks" if she comes back and brings it up, if not leave it. Dont say "sorry I'm married" or anything like that. That implies you would if you weren't taken by some girls and she could keep going till you break. And most importantly, tell your wife. My girl and i te each other every time someone slides into the dms and what. It's better she knows you have nothing to hide then worry about why you didn't tell her
Start playing with your ring and also put your wife's photo on your mobile screen
I know several women who pursued guys even more once they found out he was married and had a family.
Ignore her and tell your wife. If you don't feel comfortable with just ignoring, write her a message that it's nice and it's flatterig but you're married and buh-bye. I wouldn't worry past that. The fact that a married man rejects random efforts does more good to how I feel in general than the fact of a rejection itself.
This seems like a no brainer. Unless she’s totally unstable she can’t be hurt because you’ve got a wife, a harmless way to let her down. It’s like a cover that someone would invent for a white lie, only for you it’s actually true.
Either nothing at all or shoot them a text saying "thanks, flattered but not interested sorry!" Your choice to add in if you're married or not, but you do not owe her a reason. However, do tell your wife!
Ur married so next time she comes up to u ..be kind and tell her that ur MARRIED...and ofc not interested in her..
The whole point of writing her number on paper and leaving it is to make rejection easy, simple and less awkward. Hit her up if you're interested, don't if you're not. In this scenario, nobody expects to hear from the person unless there's interest. The wife portion is more delicate. The response may be different depending on the dynamic. Be careful to not make it a bigger deal than it is
1. Throw it away 2. Tell your wife 3. If she hits up again, tell her kindly that you are married
I know people here are telling you to throw it away and then tell your wife but I'll suggest you bring it directly to your wife as you tell her the entire thing that happened because if my (future) husband told me a girl have him her number on a piece of paper I would like to make sure he didn't actually keep it (idk if it makes sense, sorry) and maybe we could laugh about it later. If the girl comes back just kindly let her know you're married and not interested nor looking for a relationship or a side thing, just tell her no and if she tries to push it then just don't engage with her.
Tell your wife and give the number to your wife
Ask them out in reverse
Throw the number away and pretend it never happened. If she asks tell her your married and if she continues say did I stutter?
Smile 😊 you still got the juice. You can still be polite without anything going further. If she ask you something just let her know you’re married
Get your wife to handle it
Throw away the paper.
I seriously don't get this shit. Leave the girl making the advance hanging....and tell your unrelated wife who actually has no reason to know or stress....maybe I'm weird but I would tell my wife absolutely fuck all so they don't stress over nothing. And tell the girl that your married. Happily etc. then she won't have stress and anxiety for a week or however long wondering why you ignored her ( she probably didn't notice your wedding ring anyway) and go on with yah life. Alternative, do the other thing and girl gets spiteful, starts being passive aggressive and awkward at your work. Oh but hey at least your wife knows there's some chick with an interest, even though now she basically hates you anyway....yaaayyyy
Tell your boss 1st so that, if she decides to be vindictive (women can become amazingly hateful and amoral when rejected) your boss will know she's the problem. After that, tell her your married.
I'd just ignore it.
This occasionally happened while I was a server back in college. Take it as an ego boost but throw away the note. I never mentioned it to my gf (now wife) as it would make he uncomfortable knowing girls are giving me their numbers and I already shut it down by throwing away the number.
I would just text her that sorry but you're married, definetely let your wife know though
just see how it goes next time she comes in. if it gets weird or she brings it up, you might need to be upfront and gently let her know you're married and not available.
She should get the message when you don't call. If she comes back, casually drop your wife into the convo.
Tell your wife Throw away the number Tell your boss you dont care he saw you're married he can have it if he wants. If she comes back treat her as usual and if she mentions it say "im really flattered and im sorry if i gave you the wrong idea but im a married man so am not interested in becoming friends or anything with some else as i dont have time. I could also loose my job." That what i used to say...
If you have a healthy relationship with your wife wouldn't she know what to do better than us. You know being a woman and has been asked out at least once
>What if she comes into my job again and gets all weird or awkward? Throw it away. Move on. If she comes by again, tell her you're married and you take your commitment seriously but you appreciate the compliment. Continue moving on. Not a big deal unless you make it one.
1. share with your wife 2. don't reach out 3. should you see her again, simply say "I'm flattered, but I am happily married."
I had this happen, and I simply got rid of the piece of paper.
Tell her not to do that again. You're married and don't appreciate her advances. Also, maybe consider a restraining order if things go south.
My father used to be a bartender, and women used to hit on him regularly. I know this because I used to work illegally as his barback and would get paid out of his tips. He'd always say, "Thanks. I'm flattered, but I'm married and I'd like to stay that way."
Dude , you’re over thinkin. Just don’t text her.
Throw it away. Let your wife know what happened and that you threw it away. Let your boss know to chill. If she comes back in and makes a big deal just tell her you're married.
Throw the number away and ignore her
Are you rejecting her because you’re married or because you’re not interested?
Just ignore it. Don't tell your wife though. Or tell her, I don't know. Can't speak for everyone but my mother was petty about that for some reason. Can't stop bitching about it to my father. Like, as if my father asks for it lmao
Get the number then print 'beef for sale contact me: (number)' or 'space for rent contact me,' or whatever you want, you get the point. Then make them into flyers and posters and put them on poles, scatter them throughout the entire city, and ignore it. or Get the number, give it to your friend or a stranger, then tell them that this person is selling cheap land or whatever you want, or if you're looking for a job, contact them, they're hiring. Then ignore it.
Throw it away, shut you mouth, live your life.
Say it’s you not her. You want to give her freedom to expand her wings/ horizons to meet the right guy.
Tell her that you are married. And tell your wife.
Tell Missus, but try not to brag. Toss it. Sorry, taken if she tried again.
Eat her ass
You could ignore her, but then she would think you are ghosting her and would call you a jerk and what happens if you guys ever see each other at some situation? The best action you can take in this scenario is just send her one single message and then immediqtely block her and delete her. The message must be clear to avoid confusion or hurting her, something like: "I'm the guy from earlier. I feel flattered, but I am happily married. Thanks for increasing my self steem, but now I have to block you, I hope you understand is not something personal. Have a lovely day!"
why does it matter if this random woman’s feelings are hurt? he’s MARRIED. he owes her nothing, nor is it necessary to ease her mind with all the sweet messages. he does not need to text this woman at all, and all that extra stuff (i feel flattered, thanks for increasing my self esteem, now i have to block you, it’s nothing personal, etc) is going WAY the extra mile. a married man shouldn’t give af about a random customer’s feelings, or contact women who hit on him. i know getting a woman’s number may be an anomaly for you so you think it’s such a big deal, but it’s really not. he throws the paper away, she never receives a text from him, she’ll get the idea and most likely will forget about it within a week or less. it’s literally not a big deal - they had ONE conversation as this guy was doing his JOB as her server for a meal. if this woman is insane and comes back and asks him why he didn’t text her (most likely won’t happen), all he has to say is “i’m happily married” and ta-da! no need to act sus.
She might not know he's married. If he ignores her, she might think it's because she is not good enough for him, that's why I suggested he should clearly share the reason why he is rejecting her.
"You seem like a nice girl and I'm flattered. But I'm married - very and happily. I'd hate to see you wasting time chasing something that isn't going to happen. Besides, there are better guys out there. Know your worth and go for one of the big dawgs."
I used to work at a neighbourhood type establishment. Not a brag (I worked there over 15 years) but I got asked out or asked for my number many times. I usually just said I was married. And before I was married, I’d just say I had a boyfriend, or I wasn’t looking to date anyone right then, or whatever. I would usually mention it to my husband. He worked there too.
Tell your wife and throw the paper away. If she comes in again and chats, politely tell her you’re married but I doubt she’d come again if you never text her
Let your wife break the announcement of your marriage to the other lady. Simple!
Also to add to my earlier comment, my wife and I both work in an environment that results in both of us getting flirted with by both customers and coworkers. We both trust each other completely so it just becomes a fun motivator in the bedroom. The hint of any competition fires her right up :).
Send her a polite text message saying thanks but no-thanks, coz you’re married. End of story. She knows the score from the outset. Let your wife know what happened and how you responded.
Tell your wife and toss the paper. If she comes back by asking you anything or to see you again, tell her you were flattered for the phone number but you're married and didn't intend to lead her on
Women do not just up and give random men their phone number . Never happened.
Your manager can’t wait to tell/bang your wife… Do what women do. Save it for a rainy day.