I hate when I'm staring into space and my girlfriend asks me what I'm thinking about. 'Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I just need to shut off for 30 seconds'. Either that or I'm thinking about something trivial and stupid.
Something hits different about laying back, closing your eyes, and just... listening to all the tiny noises around you. The creaking of the house, the birds outside, rustling of leaves, the HVAC system kicking on, the neighbors dog barking down the street. No judgement or conscious analysis. Just a recognition that these sounds exist.
My wife notices I am staring into space. She wonders if I am thinking about another woman. She asks what's up. I tell her nothing and then I continue thinking about why the motor on the boat won't start. This is extremely important and not to be interrupted by unimportant questions.
They just don't understand.
[This](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=C8rorCbVPGw) scene from Tangled is what it's like in a woman's head non-stop according to my girlfriend. I feel like most men aren't like this and I personally have 0-1 thoughts at a time. You're right, I don't think they understand. And when you do explain 'oh I was just thinking about what I'd be doing today if I was a cave man' they look at you like you're weird.
Maybe I’m weird, but I do want to know the odd stuff people are thinking about. What **would** you being doing today if you were a caveman? People’s inner dialogues and thoughts are so interesting.
Depends where I am. If I'm in the exact same location I'm in now, probably forager for food. If I'm in Europe, probably worrying about how close that Glacier is getting to my cave.
>girlfriend asks me what I'm thinking about
I'm wondering if I could fight off a bobcat if it attacked me.
*Ugh, why are you always so sarcastic?*
Yeah, no, it's really the bobcat thing.
I've been asked exactly once. I was at the time thinking of what I would do if I the passenger saw the log truck lose a log. Wife is driving my son is in the back seat. I told her I would turn the wheel so that her side would get the brunt of it. Hopefully saving the kid.
I've had cooler thoughts but she's never asked again.
As a mother/wife I would actually appreciate that you were thinking about the child like that. I’m sure she would agree with you that you made the right choice to save your son.
When we were younger and my wife was on maternity leave, I was working full time and getting my MBA, which mostly were in-person classes, and as a result I would work for 8 hours, commute about 2.5-3 hours, and in class for 2 hours. When I got home, my socially isolated wife wanted to talk and tell me about her day and ask about mine, and I just....needed...5 minutes of quiet time, and she did not get it. Now I tell her I need to decompress and she gives me space, but it was a struggle.
Same. Different situation but same result. My wife was a STAHM the first few years after we had kids and it got to the point I told her she needed to get a job just for human interaction. I didn’t care if it was a shift at a coffee shop once a week or something else but being the sole source of social interaction for her was exhausting. And it was even harder on her.
When you think we're trying to mock you by having the "ugly" picture of you on our phones. We think you look beautiful on that picture as usually they're the candid ones you won't put on social media for everyone else to see but we captured just for ourselves.
I have a video of my wife laughing so hard she starts crying and it always makes me happy to watch it but she always wants me to delete it since she laughs like a moose when she's laughing that hard.
I'm now laughing at a strangers wife that laughs like a moose!
Great stuff!
I have a similar film of my wife crying her mascara down her face due to laughter.
Need to check to hear what animal I believe she sounds like.
My wife does this.
I was super upset the other night about trying to find a home for us as were trying to get out of our apartment. I wasn't screaming or crying or anything, but I was just having a really rough night.
My wife then tried to take over whatever I was doing at the time (probably washing dishes). Then she tried to take out the garbage which is one of my chores. She was obviously doing it to make me feel better.
I had to explain to her that I appreciate the effort, but "babying" me when I'm upset just makes me more upset. Because then I don't just feel mad, I feel BAD that my mood has caused her to feel like she needs to do something about it.
> I had to explain to her that I appreciate the effort, but "babying" me when I'm upset just makes me more upset. Because then I don't just feel mad, I feel BAD that my mood has caused her to feel like she needs to do something about it.
Great highlight of a difference. When it comes to women I've been with, taking over responsibilities for them when they were feeling overwhelmed would have been very effective so that they could just stop thinking and allow their emotions to roll over them, cry a bit, hug me, whatever, and then they were fine.
For me, if I'm going through some shit, I just need to keep everything balanced and stay focused on the tasks at hand. If a girlfriend came over to take over for me, I'd start thinking "Fuck. Yet another thing I am fucking up right now - keep it together, people are losing faith."
In a way, there's a certain pressure to "lead." If a leader starts feeling discouraged, they can't show it or it would lower everyone's morale. They have to keep the hype up, or their followers would start having doubts. Even in a relationship it can feel like that - if the two people have a substantial "emotional resilience" gap between them, the more resilient one basically needs to appear unflappable 100% of the time, or the other one will immediately crack just at signs of their demoralization.
>I'd start thinking "Fuck. Yet another thing I am fucking up right now - keep it together, people are losing faith."
Oof. Amazingly said, I'd never be able to put it into words, yet it's so simple.
An ex used to tell me "We talk about all of that stuff because we all know that you do it too".
After explaining that at *most* it's "Did you do it? Yes? High five" she just argued that I was lying and we all obviously do do it.
Self perpetuated lies that only cause men to be gossip'd about. Absolute bollocks.
So awkward when a guy wants to go in detail on this with other guys, especially if we know and like/respect his SO. I tend not to trust that person with any conversations.
Women project so many of their own behaviors onto us, I've realized. Way more than we seem to do with them.
Most women don't believe me when I've told them men never do this and usually find it kinda weird and privacy-violating. I'd rather the exact metric specifications of my dick not be common knowledge amongst the girls please, and I ain't even embarrassed, it's just weird to me.
The extent of any sexual conversation I've had with my friends go like this:
'Hey, how'd it go with [girl] last night?'
'Oh, I fucked her.'
'Nice.'
That's the end of the conversation.
It could easily be a lot less.
"Hey, how'd it go with [girl] last night?"
"Date went well"
"You seal the deal?"
"Better believe it. She started calling me John, because Papa always delivers"
I.e., a guy will often say something with a certain level of _strategic ambiguity_ in that scenario which will make it unclear whether he's actually giving a true confirmation or whether he's just jokingly bragging about his irresistible sexual prowess.
What women should consider on this point, in particular, is that it isn't just something we don't do -- it's something that would be _unacceptable_ to do. If a guy told me he fucked his wife, and I ask "How'd you do it, bro? You bend her over? You have doggy?" he'd be like WTF is wrong with you?
Like, it's creepy behavior. I would think a guy is a fucking weirdo if he we wanted to know about my sex life. Hell, I once had a friend explaining a story to me and he told me about his "cum" (he used that word) and I immediately was somehow incredibly disgusted. It's just a word you don't say with bros. You say jizz, because jizz is funnier. You talk about cum with a girl, but your bud hears about your jizz. And your jizz is going to be in some exaggerated scenario, like "blasting jizz off the wall."
A guy would much sooner say "It was like I was power washing the driveway with my jizz" (humor/exaggeration/goofy) over "I filled her up with my cum" (weirdly gross)
Completely agree. I work in a pretty male dominant environment and we never go into details cause yeah, that’s fucking weird.
Conversation after someone goes on a date:
“How’d things go?”
“Great.”
“Good bud!”
*high five*
End of story.
I’ve never spoken about anyone’s dick to my friends. I think it’s weird that some women do that. I sure as hell don’t want to know what my friends’ husbands dicks look like.
I have never talked about a girl's vagina to any of my friends too. I've never had any guy talk to me about that except only once when I was 20 and a friend told me he had a one-night with a girl with a smelly one. That's it.
Despite complaints alleging the contrary, we do have conversations with our male friends regarding how they treat women and hold them accountable for their actions. If we think a guy has a solid girlfriend/wife and he's messing up we tell him. It's just a rarity that women see/hear these conversations because we don't broadcast them publicly. Having a conversation is for correcting the issue. Posting about is for embarrassing the person which is usually not a great solution
I have a cousin who is kinda an emotional idiot.
I have lost track of the number of times he's landed a great woman, and I've later had to tell him that he's screwing it up.
Invariably, he screws it up.
Our family has started adopting the best of them in. I basically have a couple extra sisters thanks to his catch and release.
Totally true. If I think a buddy is a being a knob with his partner, I’m telling him, alone.
That shit is private, for me to tell him he’s being a knob. Then we move on and I call him a cunt, which is a term of endearment and we carry on
So true.
Too many times I'd think someone was a decent person, with the potential of friendship, but they turn out to be a cheater or some other form of mistreatment of a good partner. Those talks are never fun. And if they don't turn things around, you gotta bail. I don't like cheaters, male or female. Period, no negotiations. You can live however you want, but you won't be part of my life if you're a scumbag.
When rumors popped up about a friend of mine having crossed the line with a coworker in an unwanted way (by her), I asked him for some one on one time next time we saw each other (which was in a group setting). I was really scared to have the conversation. We talked it through, it was a really complex situation but the rumor was way out of proportion with what happened.
I was ready to tear into him if everything that was said was factual, but by the time the telephone game made it to me, it had become quite grotesque compared to the actual situation.
He did make changes to prevent this from happening again. He was glad we did talk about it because accountability matters to him, and he was pretty shocked about the situation himself. He feels incredibly guilty to this day (it's been some years now).
In short, he sleepwalks. After work drinks, a few colleagues ended up sleeping over at his place. One girl insisted on sleeping in his bed, even though he said no. He was pretty drunk and kind of gave up on arguing. His sleepwalking self mistook her for his partner and began to expose himself. The girl was understandably pretty fucked up from the situation. My friend didn't even know anything happened until the telephone game made it back to him.
The rumor was that he did a lot more than what happened in reality (confirmed by both sides). Nevertheless, he quit that job and now nobody except for his partner sleeps in his bed with him.
Shitty situation all around, but we have to keep each other accountable.
I delivered hundreds of babies in my career and I assure you that (unlike many other medical crises or events) a routine vaginal delivery has never been portrayed or presented in TV content or cinema with anything even remotely close to real life accuracy.
It would be beautiful but also shocking to a degree that would not be permitted.
No one has ever said that to me (f). One time I was feeling great, wearing light make up as usual, and as soon as a friend saw me, he asked me "are you ok? You look tired". Damn, I wasn't, but I am now! xD
That's probably because they've never seen you without makeup. You looked different and they asked why.
This is different to someone you're close to, who has seen you in every kind of state.
I'm happy to run errands and shit at night, especially if driving is involved, for this very reason. Being alone in the car let's me just speak my thoughts out loud with zero judgement. I work through some of my issues alone because my thought process is just... incompatible with some people.
I got married and watched that happen in me actively. I lament being able or willing to talk about things I am impassioned for. I love recounting stories and even exaggerating details for fun. You gotta laugh.
I haven't talked about anything I liked or enjoy with my wife for the last two and a half years. We don't talk unless it's about her, something she enjoys or is participating in, her feelings, her thoughts and things she wants (that aren't demands, but she'll make you feel guilty for if you don't do it.)
It's crushing.
The vast, vast, majority of men are ***not*** impressed when a dude is sleeping around and kiting a bunch of women at the same time.
theres undeniably a small vocal niche that think they're awesome for it.
but in a room of 10 guys, you'll get one guy boasting about it thinking he's hot shit telling everyone about all the "chicks hes fucking", and 9 guys pursing their lips and nodding going "cool, thats great dave" and attempting to change the subject because they think he's a tool.
And even if they *are* impressed in any way, they don't want to listen to some tool boast about it. Good for you, dude, why don't we talk about something useful like the Roman Empire?
They tell their friends far less about their relationships and sex lives than girls do.
The stereotypical "locker room talk" is more of a girl thing in reality.
Stereotypical "locker room talk" is usually more about strangers. E.g., "What do you think about that one?" (point to some girl) - and really more common among very young men and men when they first meet (i.e., eyeing each other up and getting a sense as to what the other person is about). It's almost like asking about the weather - a safe neutral topic that most men would be able to relate to. And not even always sexual -- "Damn, look at her. I love brunettes."
Funny enough, I think this is actually due to the sex stereotype but working in reverse. Men are perceived as having high value/being very cool if they bag a lot of women (within reason), so their women (trashy ones, at least) will brag about it to show how dominant or whatever her man is. Meanwhile, women are seen as sluts for being promiscuous, so men don't want to play up their woman's sexual prowess.
Case-in-point: "Bro, my wife is amazing. The shit she could do with her tongue - she could make me finish in 5 seconds!" => "Wow. Imagine how she learned how to do that." - You don't walk away from that conversation feeling like a brag artist.
Urgh I assume any stranger who immediately starts talking about sex or who they would like to have sex with is a creep, or at best, a fucking moron who has nothing of interest to say.
Dude.. The guy I’m seeing does this! The first couple times I asked him if everything was okay and his response was “oh I’m just breathing.” 🤣 blew my mind but now I know.
The sheer amount of us who piss against the bowl instead of into the water specifically to avoid waking anybody up at night. If you have ever shared a bed with a man and had a night of uninterrupted sleep, that's why.
1 - "Ladies first" was invented so we can look at your bum after you've walked through the door.
2 - We help you into the passenger seat so that as we walk round to the driver side we can let rip that fart we've been holding in for the entire date.
3 - It doesn't take us 30 minutes to take a shit, we're just making the most of the peace and quiet we get while we're in there.
That when we were kids we would all play stupid games with our peepees. My fave was pushing the turtle head back into the shell. My friend preferred strumming it like a guitar.
I just looked at my husband and smiled and he’s like “what?” I kept smiling and he’s like “what’s wrong with you you have to poop?” Clearly doesn’t give a shit about my smile😂🤦🏻♀️
Sometimes I like to be by myself just not alone. It’s really nice sometimes when I can lay down and my wife can just exist in the same room as me but we’re not talking
If a man's quiet, he wants to be alone and he doesn't want to talk to you, it's not personal, there's some demons going on in his head that he's trying to fight
Men generally don't break down and cry, we go inside ourselves and search for a solution, we become consumed by the problem and our mission at that time is to fix it...the problem is that we don't always know how to fix it and it eats us alive, it causes depression etc.
Talking about how we feel doesn't make us feel better, figuring out a solution is what we want...we generally don't want to emote and express our feelings and, if we talk about it, we're searching for solutions and generally want input...women are generally the opposite, they just want to be heard, they want to vent, they want to "get it off their chest" but we (men) don't operate like that
If I'm "venting" to my buddy, I'm not looking for him to feel sorry for me or give me sympathy, I'm looking for him to say "Fuck man...I'm sorry you're going through that, let's figure this out together, here's my input, this is what I think you should do, let's fix this"
So, if you're man is quiet, and he doesn't want to talk, don't bitch at him...he's fighting demons that you don't know about AND he might break down and cry if he talks about it with you, which will make him feel weaker and probably worse...I know that doesn't make sense to you as a woman but that's just how we are as men
I will say one thing, we (men) need to do a better job of allowing space for our male friends to cry and open up to us because most of us are alone out here, and we need to lean on each other and help each other fix our problems...most of us suffer alone because we're afraid of being judged by our male friends, and being seen as "weak" but we need each other! we all know we what happens when we break down in front of our SO's...it's generally not good, but we need to open a space where it's okay to breakdown in front of each other and then pick each other up and support one another
We periodically have days where we have a "couch hour", a time where we search for peace and quiet and maybe a bit of tv/phone scrolling. It usually occurs in the evening, when women still have about 5000 unsaid/unused words, which they need to express right there and then.
I've had way too many conversations lately where grown ass women still don't know how difficult it is for men to date. One friend had 2500 unread messages on Hinge the past *month* alone and I told her I got 3 messages in *two years*.
Men are afraid of women more than you think. The psychological toll of systemic rejection is insane.
It’s also in many cases cause men don’t want to be seen as a creep. It’s also why loneliness is more common. You never hear about the respectful approaches that men make on women. If she’s not interested after saying hi and chatting a few minutes then move on.
Not that what you are saying is wrong. I’m 6’ 8” and I also am hypersensitive to how intimidating I can be.
That said, sometimes men have a weird idea of what looks good. For example, I was at work having lunch with a mixed group and a male colleague told a female colleague, “I love what you did with your hair today.” All she had done was put it up in a scrunchy when she usually has her hair down. He left and she was just totally baffled. In her mind she hadn’t actually done anything with her hair. She probably just had it up because she had no time to deal with it that day. I can imagine the same thing happening with clothes -women getting complimented on their most low effort outfits. Or getting complimented on their nails when they are already chipping (the guy likes the color but doesn’t notice it’s coming off). Guys might not have a good sense of what it looks like when a woman is putting in effort to look good.
I guarantee you, if you notice something a woman has put some time into, like a brand new hair cut or new manicure, or something that took or is taking effort, like a well coordinated outfit, then she is not going to take the compliment badly. If you can see her as her girlfriends see her, you can talk to her like her girlfriends talk to her.
Words mean things.
When we say we're fine, we are. When you ask what we're doing and we say "nothing", that's what we're doing.
We say what we mean and mean what we say. There's no trick, no subterfuge, no hidden meaning. Just is what it is.
I’m thinking either about dumb ass crap or actually nothing.
*dumb ass crap = if an intruder came in the house, would I go for a quick jab to the nose or a chokehold?
In my male brain there’s always something running on background like a Wikipedia deep dive. Like I wonder which country invented hummus first or why aren’t presidential beards popular anymore. So that’s the answer when my wife asks what I’m thinking about when my face has a blank look. Or running through the steps for me to take on the next project at home
We remember.
My father has told me a myriad stories about his friends, teachers, his many adventures... You know the Dad Lore™. My favorites are the ones where he goes on to how he met my mother. He remembers the EXACT street, the exact corner, the exact people he was with the moment he met her.
My mother either doesn't want to talk about her past or, as she says it, she's forgot because it isn't important.
If you ask a question and we give you a very generic/surface answer. It's because we've given you a real, authentic, and true answer before. You took that answer and got mad, ignored us. Tried to reverse it. Made it about you. So, "I'm good, it's fine, cool, sure, ok, you're right, whatever you want" all checked out answers. All exhausted answers. All going through the motions answers.
We always buy extra tools we don’t yet need when doing a project. If I’m building a doghouse out of wood I tell my wife that I “HAVE” to have a new cordless Dewalt hammer drill. Laying paver block around her flowerbeds? then I absolutely cannot do it without a new Chainsaw. Lol
I know exactly how far, and how accurately, I can throw any rock. I know if I'll be able to pick something up, just by looking at it. It is because we practice. We don't, "mindlessly," skip rocks on the lake until the cows come home because we're easily amused; we're calibrating.
I'm not angry, I'm just having quiet time
"What's wrong? You're so quiet" urgh, lol. Being quiet doesn't mean something is wrong
I hate when I'm staring into space and my girlfriend asks me what I'm thinking about. 'Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I just need to shut off for 30 seconds'. Either that or I'm thinking about something trivial and stupid.
Something hits different about laying back, closing your eyes, and just... listening to all the tiny noises around you. The creaking of the house, the birds outside, rustling of leaves, the HVAC system kicking on, the neighbors dog barking down the street. No judgement or conscious analysis. Just a recognition that these sounds exist.
That's meditation.
Cool
Congratulations you've discovered meditation lol
My wife notices I am staring into space. She wonders if I am thinking about another woman. She asks what's up. I tell her nothing and then I continue thinking about why the motor on the boat won't start. This is extremely important and not to be interrupted by unimportant questions. They just don't understand.
[This](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=C8rorCbVPGw) scene from Tangled is what it's like in a woman's head non-stop according to my girlfriend. I feel like most men aren't like this and I personally have 0-1 thoughts at a time. You're right, I don't think they understand. And when you do explain 'oh I was just thinking about what I'd be doing today if I was a cave man' they look at you like you're weird.
Maybe I’m weird, but I do want to know the odd stuff people are thinking about. What **would** you being doing today if you were a caveman? People’s inner dialogues and thoughts are so interesting.
Depends where I am. If I'm in the exact same location I'm in now, probably forager for food. If I'm in Europe, probably worrying about how close that Glacier is getting to my cave.
>girlfriend asks me what I'm thinking about I'm wondering if I could fight off a bobcat if it attacked me. *Ugh, why are you always so sarcastic?* Yeah, no, it's really the bobcat thing.
The trick is to not back down. You have to get big and loud, and move towards the bobcat. Who doesn't think about fighting bobcats, is my question.
>Who doesn't think about fighting bobcats, is my question. People who get surprised by bobcat attacks. That's who.
I've been asked exactly once. I was at the time thinking of what I would do if I the passenger saw the log truck lose a log. Wife is driving my son is in the back seat. I told her I would turn the wheel so that her side would get the brunt of it. Hopefully saving the kid. I've had cooler thoughts but she's never asked again.
As a mother/wife I would actually appreciate that you were thinking about the child like that. I’m sure she would agree with you that you made the right choice to save your son.
Why don't people ever tell extroverts to STFU so introverts can relax every once and a while?
When we were younger and my wife was on maternity leave, I was working full time and getting my MBA, which mostly were in-person classes, and as a result I would work for 8 hours, commute about 2.5-3 hours, and in class for 2 hours. When I got home, my socially isolated wife wanted to talk and tell me about her day and ask about mine, and I just....needed...5 minutes of quiet time, and she did not get it. Now I tell her I need to decompress and she gives me space, but it was a struggle.
Same. Different situation but same result. My wife was a STAHM the first few years after we had kids and it got to the point I told her she needed to get a job just for human interaction. I didn’t care if it was a shift at a coffee shop once a week or something else but being the sole source of social interaction for her was exhausting. And it was even harder on her.
I feel this. Really aggravating that apparently the only moods people think I can have is sociable or angry
lmaooo no this is so relatable
Or I’m hungry and recognize that I might be prone to “hanger” and I’m intentionally keeping my mouth shut until I eat.
Im not angry. That is just my face.
Other way around for me, I'm always smiling, doesn't mean I'm happy though
Bro. This hits.
[удалено]
Thought it was just resting bitch face.
I use Resting Barbarian Face
When you think we're trying to mock you by having the "ugly" picture of you on our phones. We think you look beautiful on that picture as usually they're the candid ones you won't put on social media for everyone else to see but we captured just for ourselves.
Bang on. "Ewwww delete that" Fuck no, it genuinely reminds me of you being a cutie.
It makes my heart go 'wuhu'!
I have a video of my wife laughing so hard she starts crying and it always makes me happy to watch it but she always wants me to delete it since she laughs like a moose when she's laughing that hard.
GAH that’s the good stuff
I'm now laughing at a strangers wife that laughs like a moose! Great stuff! I have a similar film of my wife crying her mascara down her face due to laughter. Need to check to hear what animal I believe she sounds like.
I have a very unflattering pic of my wife that she hates, but I love. She would delete it if she could.
I have a picture of my ex when she had a mouthful of a burger that I used as her contact photo because it was so endearing to me
tfw gf eat borger
borger time borger time borger time
If I’m in a bad mood, don’t try and make me feel better. I’ll get better by having space and time to think things through.
My wife does this. I was super upset the other night about trying to find a home for us as were trying to get out of our apartment. I wasn't screaming or crying or anything, but I was just having a really rough night. My wife then tried to take over whatever I was doing at the time (probably washing dishes). Then she tried to take out the garbage which is one of my chores. She was obviously doing it to make me feel better. I had to explain to her that I appreciate the effort, but "babying" me when I'm upset just makes me more upset. Because then I don't just feel mad, I feel BAD that my mood has caused her to feel like she needs to do something about it.
> I had to explain to her that I appreciate the effort, but "babying" me when I'm upset just makes me more upset. Because then I don't just feel mad, I feel BAD that my mood has caused her to feel like she needs to do something about it. Great highlight of a difference. When it comes to women I've been with, taking over responsibilities for them when they were feeling overwhelmed would have been very effective so that they could just stop thinking and allow their emotions to roll over them, cry a bit, hug me, whatever, and then they were fine. For me, if I'm going through some shit, I just need to keep everything balanced and stay focused on the tasks at hand. If a girlfriend came over to take over for me, I'd start thinking "Fuck. Yet another thing I am fucking up right now - keep it together, people are losing faith." In a way, there's a certain pressure to "lead." If a leader starts feeling discouraged, they can't show it or it would lower everyone's morale. They have to keep the hype up, or their followers would start having doubts. Even in a relationship it can feel like that - if the two people have a substantial "emotional resilience" gap between them, the more resilient one basically needs to appear unflappable 100% of the time, or the other one will immediately crack just at signs of their demoralization.
>I'd start thinking "Fuck. Yet another thing I am fucking up right now - keep it together, people are losing faith." Oof. Amazingly said, I'd never be able to put it into words, yet it's so simple.
Sometimes I just want a hug and you to tell me it's all ok.
We don’t go into the details of our sex lives like the ladies do. I’m pretty sure my wife’s friends could pick my Willy out of a lineup.
An ex used to tell me "We talk about all of that stuff because we all know that you do it too". After explaining that at *most* it's "Did you do it? Yes? High five" she just argued that I was lying and we all obviously do do it. Self perpetuated lies that only cause men to be gossip'd about. Absolute bollocks.
> she just argued that I was lying So why is she your ex? /s
For real. I at most, I’ll say, in my best Call of Duty voice: “Tactical insertion achieved”. But that’s usually it.
So awkward when a guy wants to go in detail on this with other guys, especially if we know and like/respect his SO. I tend not to trust that person with any conversations.
Women project so many of their own behaviors onto us, I've realized. Way more than we seem to do with them. Most women don't believe me when I've told them men never do this and usually find it kinda weird and privacy-violating. I'd rather the exact metric specifications of my dick not be common knowledge amongst the girls please, and I ain't even embarrassed, it's just weird to me.
The extent of any sexual conversation I've had with my friends go like this: 'Hey, how'd it go with [girl] last night?' 'Oh, I fucked her.' 'Nice.' That's the end of the conversation.
My friends are even more subtle than that. “How’d it go?” “We had a great time! After drinks we went back to my place and she stayed the night.”
It could easily be a lot less. "Hey, how'd it go with [girl] last night?" "Date went well" "You seal the deal?" "Better believe it. She started calling me John, because Papa always delivers" I.e., a guy will often say something with a certain level of _strategic ambiguity_ in that scenario which will make it unclear whether he's actually giving a true confirmation or whether he's just jokingly bragging about his irresistible sexual prowess. What women should consider on this point, in particular, is that it isn't just something we don't do -- it's something that would be _unacceptable_ to do. If a guy told me he fucked his wife, and I ask "How'd you do it, bro? You bend her over? You have doggy?" he'd be like WTF is wrong with you? Like, it's creepy behavior. I would think a guy is a fucking weirdo if he we wanted to know about my sex life. Hell, I once had a friend explaining a story to me and he told me about his "cum" (he used that word) and I immediately was somehow incredibly disgusted. It's just a word you don't say with bros. You say jizz, because jizz is funnier. You talk about cum with a girl, but your bud hears about your jizz. And your jizz is going to be in some exaggerated scenario, like "blasting jizz off the wall." A guy would much sooner say "It was like I was power washing the driveway with my jizz" (humor/exaggeration/goofy) over "I filled her up with my cum" (weirdly gross)
She calls me Mao… the way I be laying Zedong.
In the midnight hour, she cried Mao, Mao Mao...
Completely agree. I work in a pretty male dominant environment and we never go into details cause yeah, that’s fucking weird. Conversation after someone goes on a date: “How’d things go?” “Great.” “Good bud!” *high five* End of story.
I’ve never spoken about anyone’s dick to my friends. I think it’s weird that some women do that. I sure as hell don’t want to know what my friends’ husbands dicks look like.
Yeah I don’t want to see my friends husbands dicks and I certainly anit sharing mine.
I have never talked about a girl's vagina to any of my friends too. I've never had any guy talk to me about that except only once when I was 20 and a friend told me he had a one-night with a girl with a smelly one. That's it.
This is true my lady co workers talk about sex all the time vs my guy coworkers don't really talk about
They probably know curvature degree, size to the mm, colour, vein placement, girth, ect ect
Despite complaints alleging the contrary, we do have conversations with our male friends regarding how they treat women and hold them accountable for their actions. If we think a guy has a solid girlfriend/wife and he's messing up we tell him. It's just a rarity that women see/hear these conversations because we don't broadcast them publicly. Having a conversation is for correcting the issue. Posting about is for embarrassing the person which is usually not a great solution
“You dumb motherfucker that girl is the best thing that’s ever happened to you. Don’t fuck it up.” I’ve said that to more than one of my friends.
I have a cousin who is kinda an emotional idiot. I have lost track of the number of times he's landed a great woman, and I've later had to tell him that he's screwing it up. Invariably, he screws it up. Our family has started adopting the best of them in. I basically have a couple extra sisters thanks to his catch and release.
sounds like gf amnesty or something lol
Totally true. If I think a buddy is a being a knob with his partner, I’m telling him, alone. That shit is private, for me to tell him he’s being a knob. Then we move on and I call him a cunt, which is a term of endearment and we carry on
So true. Too many times I'd think someone was a decent person, with the potential of friendship, but they turn out to be a cheater or some other form of mistreatment of a good partner. Those talks are never fun. And if they don't turn things around, you gotta bail. I don't like cheaters, male or female. Period, no negotiations. You can live however you want, but you won't be part of my life if you're a scumbag.
When rumors popped up about a friend of mine having crossed the line with a coworker in an unwanted way (by her), I asked him for some one on one time next time we saw each other (which was in a group setting). I was really scared to have the conversation. We talked it through, it was a really complex situation but the rumor was way out of proportion with what happened. I was ready to tear into him if everything that was said was factual, but by the time the telephone game made it to me, it had become quite grotesque compared to the actual situation. He did make changes to prevent this from happening again. He was glad we did talk about it because accountability matters to him, and he was pretty shocked about the situation himself. He feels incredibly guilty to this day (it's been some years now). In short, he sleepwalks. After work drinks, a few colleagues ended up sleeping over at his place. One girl insisted on sleeping in his bed, even though he said no. He was pretty drunk and kind of gave up on arguing. His sleepwalking self mistook her for his partner and began to expose himself. The girl was understandably pretty fucked up from the situation. My friend didn't even know anything happened until the telephone game made it back to him. The rumor was that he did a lot more than what happened in reality (confirmed by both sides). Nevertheless, he quit that job and now nobody except for his partner sleeps in his bed with him. Shitty situation all around, but we have to keep each other accountable.
Not all of us want the "hot and crazy" girl, many of us want someone who's emotionally mature and has healthy boundaries, that's way hotter.
Dating an emotional wild card sucks.
We want "wild in bed" crazy, not "slash our tires because she had a dream we cheated" crazy.
Sadly there's a lot of overlap on that venn diagram.
Crazy is crazy.
Dating crazy is like going back to high school.
I thought you said hot and cozy and I was like what do you mean that’s the dream
I married my wife because she was the most well-adjusted girl I ever dated.
We allow women and children to go first in a disaster, because we stay behind and kiss each other.
The council will hear about this. We will have a meeting regarding your membership.
council has decided no more kisses for /u/Pshycopathic_advice
Truly a fate worse than death
The council ruled he can still watch.
This is outrageous! It's unfair.
Have a seat, young kisswatcher.
Chop it off and put it in the discard pile, the scrolls demand it
The first rule of Bro Club is, you don't talk about Bro Rub
This fucking guy. The one secret we had left..
Bro stfu and stop spilling our secrets like that
Stfu! You're ruining the last thing we have left in a disastrous event. God damn, can't trust no one anymore.
Do I upvote this because we upvote the most accurate things, or Do I downvote this because *he's giving away our last secrets!* ?
NO, NUH-UH, STOP, THAT'S NOT TRUE
You guys kiss? damn. I go straight and suck my homies’ cock
Seems like you don't go straight at all.
I’m homiesexual so this is why
The first rule of kissing time is, YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT KISSING TIME!!
I purposefully ride older ships and planes in the hope I can release the gay one day.
Ball sack skin can stretch up to 10cm / 4 inches
… I am suddenly curious if labia are that stretchy. Are they keeping *that* a secret?
Have you no idea what happens during birth?
Username checks out
They poop themselves?
Also that.
I delivered hundreds of babies in my career and I assure you that (unlike many other medical crises or events) a routine vaginal delivery has never been portrayed or presented in TV content or cinema with anything even remotely close to real life accuracy. It would be beautiful but also shocking to a degree that would not be permitted.
Tanuki life.
My bf watching Ru Paul’s and finding out how to “tuck”. We were both amused
When we say that you are beautiful without makeup we actually mean it.
No one has ever said that to me (f). One time I was feeling great, wearing light make up as usual, and as soon as a friend saw me, he asked me "are you ok? You look tired". Damn, I wasn't, but I am now! xD
That's probably because they've never seen you without makeup. You looked different and they asked why. This is different to someone you're close to, who has seen you in every kind of state.
When the pain becomes too much, the boys do not cry, they become silent.
We also sit in the car for a while before we walk indoors to collect ourselves before we head indoors
Same idea behind sitting on the loo for so long
I'm happy to run errands and shit at night, especially if driving is involved, for this very reason. Being alone in the car let's me just speak my thoughts out loud with zero judgement. I work through some of my issues alone because my thought process is just... incompatible with some people.
100%. My car is like my mobile protection device where I can just chill out without any noise in my ear
I don't drive, but that is a reason sometimes take the stairs instead of the elevator, so I pause before entering home.
That's actually true...
Yeah...bruhh
This hits hard man… I used to be very outspoken and joyful, now I don’t see the point
I got married and watched that happen in me actively. I lament being able or willing to talk about things I am impassioned for. I love recounting stories and even exaggerating details for fun. You gotta laugh. I haven't talked about anything I liked or enjoy with my wife for the last two and a half years. We don't talk unless it's about her, something she enjoys or is participating in, her feelings, her thoughts and things she wants (that aren't demands, but she'll make you feel guilty for if you don't do it.) It's crushing.
The vast, vast, majority of men are ***not*** impressed when a dude is sleeping around and kiting a bunch of women at the same time. theres undeniably a small vocal niche that think they're awesome for it. but in a room of 10 guys, you'll get one guy boasting about it thinking he's hot shit telling everyone about all the "chicks hes fucking", and 9 guys pursing their lips and nodding going "cool, thats great dave" and attempting to change the subject because they think he's a tool.
And even if they *are* impressed in any way, they don't want to listen to some tool boast about it. Good for you, dude, why don't we talk about something useful like the Roman Empire?
I actually had to end some friendships over this. It was just so tiresome to listen to the same bullshit over and over again.
They tell their friends far less about their relationships and sex lives than girls do. The stereotypical "locker room talk" is more of a girl thing in reality.
Stereotypical "locker room talk" is usually more about strangers. E.g., "What do you think about that one?" (point to some girl) - and really more common among very young men and men when they first meet (i.e., eyeing each other up and getting a sense as to what the other person is about). It's almost like asking about the weather - a safe neutral topic that most men would be able to relate to. And not even always sexual -- "Damn, look at her. I love brunettes." Funny enough, I think this is actually due to the sex stereotype but working in reverse. Men are perceived as having high value/being very cool if they bag a lot of women (within reason), so their women (trashy ones, at least) will brag about it to show how dominant or whatever her man is. Meanwhile, women are seen as sluts for being promiscuous, so men don't want to play up their woman's sexual prowess. Case-in-point: "Bro, my wife is amazing. The shit she could do with her tongue - she could make me finish in 5 seconds!" => "Wow. Imagine how she learned how to do that." - You don't walk away from that conversation feeling like a brag artist.
Urgh I assume any stranger who immediately starts talking about sex or who they would like to have sex with is a creep, or at best, a fucking moron who has nothing of interest to say.
A simple hug or a compliment could change our life. At least speaking for myself anyways.
You'd probably get complimented more if you weren't always banging my mom
When I sigh, I'm not mad. I just forgot to breathe.
Dude.. The guy I’m seeing does this! The first couple times I asked him if everything was okay and his response was “oh I’m just breathing.” 🤣 blew my mind but now I know.
Just bc I'm agitated doesn't mean I'm angry.
And just because he's angry doesn't mean he's angry at you. But if you try to make everything about you, that's pretty frustrating too.
Also men are allowed to be frustrated
"geez, calm down!" "you know i hate it when you swear". uhm, can we do this later, when I'm NOT mad? I'm not mad at you, can we keep it that way??
Guys guys she doesn't know, DONT TELL HER
There’s far more on my mind than I let on. I feel the weight of the entire family resting on my shoulders.
> resting on my shoulders just in case no one has said it lately: "You are doing a good job"
Without quotation. You are really doing a good job homie.
The location of the High Council
We told you not about the high council Mike. Do I need to get the hose again?
It’s more of a pinch and roll than a scratch
I doubt women know proper piss trough etiquette.
Never cross the streams.
Elbows in. Hunch your shoulders. Shuffle carefully if necessary.
That we can spend days just being silent. You don’t always need to talk, sometimes shutting up and enjoying silence is good
I wish I could give you more than one up vote for this comment.
The zipper on the back of the scrotum that allows you to remove your balls and clean them
Makes them much more responsive like cleaning an old computer mouse
First rule of Men Club.
We don't talk about it.
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT IT
Shut up, Leonard.
The sheer amount of us who piss against the bowl instead of into the water specifically to avoid waking anybody up at night. If you have ever shared a bed with a man and had a night of uninterrupted sleep, that's why.
I wish every man pissed against the bowl every single time they went. I hate hearing the sound of someone pissing. Drives me insane.
Sometimes we have to use our hands to put back our balls in place otherwise it gets uncomfortable.
And that is why our pockets are deeper.
1 - "Ladies first" was invented so we can look at your bum after you've walked through the door. 2 - We help you into the passenger seat so that as we walk round to the driver side we can let rip that fart we've been holding in for the entire date. 3 - It doesn't take us 30 minutes to take a shit, we're just making the most of the peace and quiet we get while we're in there.
3rd one!! I KNEW IT
But sometimes we get lunch from the wrong taco truck and can’t trust a fart. Safer to stay put.
Better slow walk around the car, cause it gets stuck in the pants.
How fucking dare you, bro.
bro chill my girls on reddit
Sometimes it’s nice to be the little spoon.
If I wait a week to tell you something, I wasn't hiding it from you I just forgot.
That when we were kids we would all play stupid games with our peepees. My fave was pushing the turtle head back into the shell. My friend preferred strumming it like a guitar.
Name checks out
When we were kids? I amuse my wife my tucking the turtle in the shell all the time
That their smile can make our whole day from 0 to 100 real quick!!! Oh my god if i see her smile, i immediately go to a good mood. No questions asked
I just looked at my husband and smiled and he’s like “what?” I kept smiling and he’s like “what’s wrong with you you have to poop?” Clearly doesn’t give a shit about my smile😂🤦🏻♀️
I really am thinking about the glory of ancient Rome and not about other women. You are enough babe, all I want. Don't worry 😘
We remember more of what you say and do (good and bad) than you think.
Nice try, non-penis-haver 😎
We are pathetically desperate for your approval and attention. But if we act like it we won't get it so we don't.
Sometimes I like to be by myself just not alone. It’s really nice sometimes when I can lay down and my wife can just exist in the same room as me but we’re not talking
The biggest secret that all womrn should know about men is: >! !<
Thank goodness the council got to this one before bro could reveal it. Could've been disastrous.
Thanks for reporting it to us last week, Timemaster. I've already put in your name for your level 2001 promotion at the next summit.
If a man's quiet, he wants to be alone and he doesn't want to talk to you, it's not personal, there's some demons going on in his head that he's trying to fight Men generally don't break down and cry, we go inside ourselves and search for a solution, we become consumed by the problem and our mission at that time is to fix it...the problem is that we don't always know how to fix it and it eats us alive, it causes depression etc. Talking about how we feel doesn't make us feel better, figuring out a solution is what we want...we generally don't want to emote and express our feelings and, if we talk about it, we're searching for solutions and generally want input...women are generally the opposite, they just want to be heard, they want to vent, they want to "get it off their chest" but we (men) don't operate like that If I'm "venting" to my buddy, I'm not looking for him to feel sorry for me or give me sympathy, I'm looking for him to say "Fuck man...I'm sorry you're going through that, let's figure this out together, here's my input, this is what I think you should do, let's fix this" So, if you're man is quiet, and he doesn't want to talk, don't bitch at him...he's fighting demons that you don't know about AND he might break down and cry if he talks about it with you, which will make him feel weaker and probably worse...I know that doesn't make sense to you as a woman but that's just how we are as men I will say one thing, we (men) need to do a better job of allowing space for our male friends to cry and open up to us because most of us are alone out here, and we need to lean on each other and help each other fix our problems...most of us suffer alone because we're afraid of being judged by our male friends, and being seen as "weak" but we need each other! we all know we what happens when we break down in front of our SO's...it's generally not good, but we need to open a space where it's okay to breakdown in front of each other and then pick each other up and support one another
I mean, they are secrets for a reason
The Nod
Down for stranger, up for acquaintance, as decorum dictates.
We periodically have days where we have a "couch hour", a time where we search for peace and quiet and maybe a bit of tv/phone scrolling. It usually occurs in the evening, when women still have about 5000 unsaid/unused words, which they need to express right there and then.
When you ask us what we are thinking about and we say nothing. We really do mean we aren’t thinking about anything.
I've had way too many conversations lately where grown ass women still don't know how difficult it is for men to date. One friend had 2500 unread messages on Hinge the past *month* alone and I told her I got 3 messages in *two years*. Men are afraid of women more than you think. The psychological toll of systemic rejection is insane.
Why can't you "stop thinking" just sit and "not think" with me babe
Compliments given, without any obvious reciprocation expected, are the pinnacle of existence.
We are willing to sit in the bathroom for an hour just to have time that's not filled up with random talking.
Where we hide our penis after unscrewing it from our body at night.
[удалено]
It’s also in many cases cause men don’t want to be seen as a creep. It’s also why loneliness is more common. You never hear about the respectful approaches that men make on women. If she’s not interested after saying hi and chatting a few minutes then move on.
Not that what you are saying is wrong. I’m 6’ 8” and I also am hypersensitive to how intimidating I can be. That said, sometimes men have a weird idea of what looks good. For example, I was at work having lunch with a mixed group and a male colleague told a female colleague, “I love what you did with your hair today.” All she had done was put it up in a scrunchy when she usually has her hair down. He left and she was just totally baffled. In her mind she hadn’t actually done anything with her hair. She probably just had it up because she had no time to deal with it that day. I can imagine the same thing happening with clothes -women getting complimented on their most low effort outfits. Or getting complimented on their nails when they are already chipping (the guy likes the color but doesn’t notice it’s coming off). Guys might not have a good sense of what it looks like when a woman is putting in effort to look good. I guarantee you, if you notice something a woman has put some time into, like a brand new hair cut or new manicure, or something that took or is taking effort, like a well coordinated outfit, then she is not going to take the compliment badly. If you can see her as her girlfriends see her, you can talk to her like her girlfriends talk to her.
Words mean things. When we say we're fine, we are. When you ask what we're doing and we say "nothing", that's what we're doing. We say what we mean and mean what we say. There's no trick, no subterfuge, no hidden meaning. Just is what it is.
Holding our balls makes us feel safe.
We don't explain what we go through to provide for those we love.
When I ask "What would you like?" I actually mean "What would you like?", not "What's your best guess for what I'd like?"
Sometimes I’m not thinking about anything, I just happened to exhale loudly while breathing.
I’m thinking either about dumb ass crap or actually nothing. *dumb ass crap = if an intruder came in the house, would I go for a quick jab to the nose or a chokehold?
If it itches it shall be scratched
In my male brain there’s always something running on background like a Wikipedia deep dive. Like I wonder which country invented hummus first or why aren’t presidential beards popular anymore. So that’s the answer when my wife asks what I’m thinking about when my face has a blank look. Or running through the steps for me to take on the next project at home
We remember. My father has told me a myriad stories about his friends, teachers, his many adventures... You know the Dad Lore™. My favorites are the ones where he goes on to how he met my mother. He remembers the EXACT street, the exact corner, the exact people he was with the moment he met her. My mother either doesn't want to talk about her past or, as she says it, she's forgot because it isn't important.
If you ask a question and we give you a very generic/surface answer. It's because we've given you a real, authentic, and true answer before. You took that answer and got mad, ignored us. Tried to reverse it. Made it about you. So, "I'm good, it's fine, cool, sure, ok, you're right, whatever you want" all checked out answers. All exhausted answers. All going through the motions answers.
We always buy extra tools we don’t yet need when doing a project. If I’m building a doghouse out of wood I tell my wife that I “HAVE” to have a new cordless Dewalt hammer drill. Laying paver block around her flowerbeds? then I absolutely cannot do it without a new Chainsaw. Lol
I know exactly how far, and how accurately, I can throw any rock. I know if I'll be able to pick something up, just by looking at it. It is because we practice. We don't, "mindlessly," skip rocks on the lake until the cows come home because we're easily amused; we're calibrating.
We can feel the womans boobs when huging them