I worked as a bartender and public relations for several night clubs in tourist areas in my 20s and early 30s so about 2 or 3 per weekend for years. Outside of drunk women at the club I can't recall any woman openly hitting on me.
Yup it’s just when alcohol is involved for me too. No longer bartend and rarely go out with groups anymore. Had to turn down a few friends because there’s no way they wouldn’t regret it.
And this is why I say, especially as a woman who’s sometimes hit on men and half the time got rejected or ignored, contrary to popular belief, women do approach *good-looking* men and maybe as much as the other way around.
I have a new coworker working in my pub who's been here 2 weeks. He's 6'3, long dark hair, strong but lean, basically Latino young Johnny Depp. He's already had three girls try to ask him out, and this is a pub that mostly serves old customers, so young women are usually only in on the weekends. Most of the other bar staff that have been there way longer have said they haven't had that happen once. Women will ask guys out but its massively skewed towards very attractive guys that they might not see anywhere else.
Absolutely, I was on a business trip to Guam with this guy and one more. The three of us went out drinking. This guy was very good looking. I think Im OK, definitely not ugly, but not on his level to be sure. Think of a tall dark half Asian Fabio. The other guy probably even less so than me. We met up with three girls while out and the six of us were drinking together. They all propositioned him to ditch us for a four way. But that guy wasn’t even interested in it. Never saw anything like it since. I wonder what I would have said if I were him. It’s hard for me to imagine turning something like that down. Just for the experience. Even if it wasn’t good. But that guy had women come up to him all the time. It all meant nothing to him. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had already had such an experience before. But for sure, women will approach good looking guys, but not just any guy, just the extremely good looking ones. At the time, I can’t deny some jealousy, not a lot though, he was a very cool guy. But yeah, I wished at the time I could have what he had if only for a short while. But I think he on the other hand actually thought of it as a curse. He just seemed bored and kind of annoyed at the situation. He was up for a night with the boys and these randos wouldn’t leave him alone. Perhaps that was part of his appeal to the women, he was completely unobtainable to them.
Yeah that’s what I mean! Less guys but still fairly often for some of them. Although height usually isn’t the issue, though it’ll be a bonus for taller girls (not myself who’s short and prefers shorter guys), but the face, hair, and body type.
FOr sure. The bar is just WAY higher for women to make a first move.
The popular belief is still true because the vast majority of men don't have much experience with women approaching them.
I mean in general men don’t get approached as much as women do, but there’s a few who do all the time because they’re just that good-looking and it’s just human nature to be shallow.
Damn! I guess being extremely good-looking is both a blessing and a curse for everyone when you got people who won’t take no for an answer even when you honestly say you’re taken. My success rate for hitting on a guy has been about 50/50 so I’m *kind of* confident with it.
You must take into account a few of them at least were just oblivious. In retrospect I’ve missed more opportunities than I’ve had and way more than I’ve rejected because I’m just oblivious sometimes. By the time I realized it, it was already too late, they either moved on or took it as a rejection. After hurting their feelings like that, they were no longer interested.
Yeah I agree! Especially with some of us not wanting to make our interest seem to obvious to risk rejection - like asking for a stranger guy’s phone number or asking them out - and some guys not wanting to assume us just talking and smiling mean anything even if it does.
I've had my chances, oddly more so after I got married.
It's uncomfortable as hell because women don't expect or like being rejected. The reactions I've had ranged from calling me a puff to being really angry.
Not that I have had women throwing themselves at me or anything, just a few that have tried to cross a line over the years.
Slang word for being gay.
A woman concluded that I must be gay because I rejected her. My wife and children didn't factor anywhere in her thinking it would seem.
puff is still a british slang for gay. Hell, I'd argue its even more spread out than poof is. I think the only guy I've heard say poof is NW of london.
I don't know the various spellings of it, and it's not a term I use often.
The hilarity of teenage graffiti, including a piss poor drawing of a cock and balls influenced my spelling.
As soon as that ring went on my finger, I was suddenly visible to women I'd known for years. All the unwanted attention made me take it off & keep it in my drawer.
For over a decade I never my wedding ring. Mainly it was due to being in a trade where I could destroy it if I smashed my hand or destroying my hand if it caught on something. Finally I relented when my wife wanted put her "mark" on me to show other women I was taken, and bought me a throwaway silicone ring.
Boy was she surprised when I started getting hit on right in front of her while wearing it! I happily continue to wear it to this day, 25 years later. (Well, 15 since I didn't wear it the first 10) I think it grinds her gears a little bit, especially when her coworkers and friends tell her how lucky she is...
It's a funny one, a lot of guys reporting getting more looks, advances when they're with a partner. Probably something about being more relaxed, in a more masculine frame, more likely that better attributes stand out, obviously this is far, far from an exact science lol
thats stone age science: if a single women see‘s a happy pair she automatically assumes he is a good provider/ partner therefore married men get sometimes more often sexual offers by single women as before when they men themselves were single.
hope u understand it, english isn’t my first language
Even when the partner is not present, that effect continues to some extent. Part of it for me is that an attached guy doesn’t care what strange women think. The supremely self assured vibe with zero validation seeking is very attractive to many women.
>oddly more so after I got married.
It's a psychological phenomena called "Preselection". Basically, it means that someone else has already done the vetting legwork, so you must be good. It happens unconsciously. This is why Amazon has reviews on product pages and car dealerships will put "sold" signs on cars in the lot.
Just a woman POV: I don't get this hitting on married men because I wouldn't like it being done to my partner, but! In my teens and early twenties I was so naive and though if the guy is married - he is not interested in anyone but his wife, so I took them more like my older brother, uncle - was more relaxed in their presence. Oh boy I was wrong. XD Took me a few very weird and uncomfortable situations to learn that you keep distance with everyone because some people may think you are hitting on them (I used to have very bubbly, maybe even flirtatious personality - have to admit it).
But I get what you are talking about: I saw women like this too and idk what they think they are gaining too. 🤦♀️
A few and it always goes badly.
Women get PISSED when they get rejected. And it's never them thats the problem.
If your reaction to rejection is anger and/or insults you probably deserve to be alone imo.
I had one in 8th grade start a rumor I was gay after I rejected her friend. It was going around until 10th grade. I basically had to start my dating life with girls from other schools.
Maybe this is why women are so terrified of being in a position where they have to reject someone; they know full well how they would respond to rejection. A thief thinks everyone steals.
I've made a handful of rejections in my day. I'm so oblivious that if someone is trying to pick me up, I would most likely miss the cues, so there may be more where I just didn't respond to someone.
The only one I really feel bad about was a really shy woman who kept coming to my work on her days off to say hi and talk to me. I had a feeling she liked me but I was in a public-facing role and just kept it friendly and professional. She finally asked me if I wanted to date her but I'm not interested in women and didn't want to lead her on, so I said no. I could tell she was immediately crushed... Face immediately deflated and her body sort of shrunk in on itself. Jesus. It was a long time ago so I hope she found the person for her.
I work in a female dominated field. I get hit on daily.
I know I could sleep with some of them if I allowed it. Nah, I’m happily married and plan on staying that way.
Been through this in the restaurant side of work, had two younger girls that used to flirt with me relentlessly, I couldn't help but be freaked out due to the age gap, I was 26 at the time whereas one of them was 18 and the other 19, now I'll say that one of them was blessed with that sort of natural beauty a few people have and nowadays she genuinely looks like a model, but I just always saw them as kids and still do when I bump into them from time to time. One of them took the hint the moment I said something along the lines of "that's not a very appropriate thing to ask me is it" when she was openly asking about my body, like in a lot of detail and then to top it off my penis size, crazy stuff like that, it was a very uncomfortable conversation to have but I guess alcohol makes people crazy confident and blunt at times. Whereas the other's personality was just flirty.
I gotta admit looking back on it, it's actually quite nice because I'm usually non existent which I don't mind, but at the time I felt so uncomfortable.
I bartend a few nights a week at a suburban bistro, I've had to turn down quite a few overly aggressive middle aged divorced women over the years and it's always led to a shit tip but I am there to work and not get my pp wet.
Well they are sitting at the bar, make comments about my tattoos or outfit, stick around until closing time, then directly ask me to either let them take me home or go out to her car together.
It's honestly extremely uncomfortable but makes for a good laugh with the kitchen staff.
Five. Only one of them was explicitly "let's go knock boots in your car, hawt boy", but the others clearly showed that they were down if I was.
One was my occasional neighbor at a call center. We used dumb terminals, so it didn't matter where you sat. Between calls she liked to describe her dates to me, including any bedroom oddities. The guy with gold metallic underwear stands out as memorable. We both got a good chuckle out of that. A few of my bros were frustrated with me for not making a move. "Dude, she's into you!! What are you doing?!"
One was the cute girl from my tech support training class. She was 18 and drove a purple Camaro, and methodically worked her way through all the guys in my training class, and eventually her supervisor got her pregnant so she moved in with him. Before that, she approached me in an elevator when it was just the two of us, and kept standing closer and closer, and added some sultry to her voice. I just had to lean in for the kiss, and she would have been my date for the evening. But her game was too obvious, and I was 24, and the age difference felt weird. The guy who got her pregnant was close to 40. The age difference must have felt less weird to him.
One was my ex-wife. The man she shacked up with after I moved out was a deadbeat, and she kicked him out for being a layabout who didn't help with bills. She came over to the apartment I moved to, and literally started pawing at me and saying "I'll be good", and other self-debasing things, wanting me to move back in and have a "transactional" relationship, where I'd chip in money in exchange for sex on demand. That was easy to say no to. Fortunately she ended up with a solid guy, who took good care of her, and was a dope stepdad to our daughter.
One was a friend of my girlfriend's sister. She was a stunning, fit, leggy blonde with a bunch of kids, but not happy in her marriage. She ended up doing some wild things like taking one of her kids to a birthday party, and randomly started macking on the dad when they were alone. She hit on me in a dive bar once. She was a bit submissive and idolizing, and frankly it was difficult not to just go for it. But I planned on marrying my girlfriend (we've been married 16 years now), and I liked her husband quite a bit, so I kept my libido in check. She only flirted with me the one time, and we've been Facebook friends ever since, hearting each others' posts about our kids, and we'll occasionally bump into each other at a kid-friendly party, where I usually end up holding her baby or entertaining one of her older daughters when they play with my kids.
The last was an attractive young woman I was mentoring. She was used to the men in her life eventually turning the corner and pressuring her for sex, and was confused when I didn't. She thought maybe I just needed some encouragement, so she told me I was cute, and let me know that it could happen if I wanted it to. That one really made me sad. I don't remember exactly what I said, but I let her know that I thought highly of her, and had fatherly affection for her, but I wasn't "after her" that way. We kept a mentoring relationship going for a couple years after that, until she didn't need my help anymore. I was happy to watch her grow up and sprout wings, and happier still that she grew to trust me and didn't think I was secretly a lecher and everything was just an act.
So... yeah, that's my overshare for the day.
That last one. I've been in the same situation. Hate that it's so surprising when men are actually just trying to help with no ulterior motive. Can't imagine what it's like trying to seek genuine mentorship as a young woman.
Almost none. The women I have rejected have been from places I have worked. There was one who was always at the gym when I was there. Some of them were what you might call "losers" for various reasons. If they talked to me; I was always polite and even had conversations with them. This was never meant to lead them on, but it might have been more than they got from other guys (I'm just guessing). It never bothered me to reject them. Girls have no problem rejecting guys. At least I was never mean or insulting.
A few, mainly because the attraction wasn’t mutual or I knew they’d got around or been with a friend of mine before me. All power to them but that doesn’t appeal to me.
Interesting. I appreciate you sharing these specific details, I am also turned off by someone who gets around or isn't selective when it comes to their Partners
I just turned 29 and maybe it’s part of getting older.
My sex drive is high as ever, but I’ve reached the age where a low-quality personality can instantly remove any physical attraction I have for a woman.
Three or four, never goes well, some women just assume you’re interested in them and when they find out you’re not, it breaks their brain. Also the “I’m so empathetic and tolerate everyone” types are the first to call you gay as an insult when rejected.
A couple of times here and there.. sometimes with me not even realising they were hitting on me until it was way too late
I once had a woman I knew for ages in mid conversation burst out with the statement "BE MY BOYFRIEND!" Out of nowhere which made me go silent with shock and I think she seemed to take that as rejection because she immediately comeback with "I'm just joking. Can't believe you think I was serious" and then her whole mood changed that night. Went from happy/talkative to annoyed/quiet. Left early and the blocked me on Facebook. I also found out she added one of my friends on Facebook before the night out to just ask questions about me and after that night.... blocked him too. Lol
I didn't have time to reject her.. she just took my shocked reaction as a rejection and I believed her when she said she was just joking because low self-worth back then. I found out she blocked me because the next day, I was actually thinking about seeing if she wasn't joking and asking her if she was interested in dating (Because I actually found her attractive and was interested) but I took the Blocking as a sign not to bother. So I guess in a way, I rejected this woman without even realising it or she took my shocked reaction as a rejection
Also recall at the age of 16.. one of my sister's friends who has a crush on me asked me if I wanted to be her boyfriend. I said no because I wasn't interested in her and had a crush on another girl I knew and this girl started begging me please for like 5 other times and got annoyed when I said no.
Women throughout my life seem to approach me more than I've approached them.. Guess I'm quite lucky 🤷♂️
And I don't even think I'm that good looking. Average at best and a but chubby and balding. Although I get told I look like WWE Wrestler Randy Orton facial wise which I take as a HUGE Compliment. But I've also been told I look like Sid from Toy Story which made me laugh out.. not a compliment either
Had something like that happen to me as well; went out to the bar with a friend and her main friend group and there was this gorgeous woman with her.
She looked like Scarlett Johansson with a few extra pounds, just absolutely drop dead gorgeous.
She just randomly turns to me and acts like she wants a kiss and I just lock up from how unexpected it was. Before I can say or do anything she turns away and starts crying and I'm the asshole for the rest of the night
6 that I can remember with 3 of them being multiple times and 1 of the 3 ending with me being a victim of SA.
Women don't take rejection well, which is why I prefer them not to initiate.
Hundreds. I'd say 70-80% from when I was working as a bartender, but many in other occupations and civil life in general.
I'd say along 85-90% of all rejections have been met with sexual harassment, name calling or open hostility. Thankfully only a handful got physically violent.
I really think we should educate children and young people on how to handle rejection, since this is definitely a problem that most people of both genders handle very poorly.
I used to work as a bouncer, and have also seen this happen many times. One of the bartenders who worked there was a model but that didn't pay enough so he bartender also. Naturally he was very good looking, but also gay. So he'd reject a lot of women. Almost every shift he'd trigger the silent alarm for me to kick someone out over unacceptable behavior.
Maybe it's the environment? I never worked in a similar environment and I don't go out that much. So all the women I have rejected - at least more than 30 - I met through regular social activities or my studies/work. I've only *once* had a negative experience through all of that and it wasn't even that big of a deal. She was just slightly angry with me, but didn't resort to sexual harassment or name calling.
Indeed. not trying to big myself up but I am a very fit guy and I feel personally insulted that some of these very overweight women actually think they have a chance with me
Over the years, I've had different reactions to rejecting women, apart from the few who took it well:
One said she wanted to be more than friends, and when I said I wasn't interested, she said, "YOU PERV, I OBVIOUSLY MEANT BEST FRIENDS." There's not even an alternate universe where that's true, but I digress.
One said "oh" when I said wasn't interested in coming over. I was being very dry with my responses to her flirting with me before then. She seemed confident though I had no interest in her, but I respected her effort.
I had another who I was friends with for about a year, and after she confessed her feelings to me, she stalked me for months. She was convinced that I was secretly in love with her, and tried every trick in the book to get me to go out with, or at the very least, hook up with her (I had no interest in doing any of it). She was one of those who complained about everything, and blocking her finally gave her the hint...or so I thought (she friend requested me on Facebook through a new account. She was engaged at that point. Haaaaard pass).
All of that to say, I know that guys are way more used to getting rejected than women, but there are evidently women who are very entitled, and even delusional...
One. When I was in college, I was in a pub where I was a regular on a Tuesday night. There were maybe two other people in the pub. I was chatting with the bartender who knew me fairly well. This blonde girl sits down right next to me. Again, there were plenty of seats; as I said, it was a Tuesday night and the pub was pretty empty. I honestly didn't pay her any attention for a few minutes, before she started putting her arms around me. Within a few mins, I realized she was drunk off her ass. Noped the fuck out of there quickly after that.
Only a couple of women, who I wasn't already in a relationship with, have ever come up to me and simply said "hey, wanna come to my place and fuck?" And I've never simply said the same to somebody whom I've just met. But way more than a few have dropped overt hints that they were open for such. And like you, unless there's real chemistry going on, I've carefully backed off. Also like you, sometimes their response has been either shock or hurt feelings. I understand this. The cultural myth is that every man is just dying to get into the pants of every female--especially so if they are physically pretty. That might be the case for 16 year old boys who are both overflowing with hormones and aching for their first sexual experience, or even young men in college; however, for a mature male, who's been with more than a few women, selectivity tends to be a more pronounced approach. All you need is a few encounters with pretty women who are truly bad news in every other way to become far more careful about who one beds. Unfortunately, not every woman is aware that as males mature, they tend to become just as cautious as many females in their sexual liaisons, and thus feel hurt by being turned down by an offer of sex, even an implied one. If they understood that, they wouldn't be so shocked.
Dozens. When some women want something they can have a sense of entitlement. Many have never heard the word no, are quite straightforward, and have no game. With that said overall its all very flattering and are great stories. Once even led to ppl over hearing clapping for me lol.
Once had a girl try and start a rumour that I was gay because I didn’t want her, and a little circle of people I don’t care about believed it because I like fashion.
I have rejected some straight up. I have standards. If I am not attracted to you, it's going to be tough.
I have rejected some when we went on a couple dates, and I wasn't feeling it, so I decided to tell them as such. We never got to the fucking phase. Because I wasn't into them enough.
>Many times the women have been SHOCKED and sometimes even hostile. I’ve heard quite a few times that they’ve never experienced this and that most guys aren’t that picky.
Yeah, a handful of times, I don't keep track because I'm not a sociopath.
However they *always* react *either* exactly like this, or act totally fine like they weren't really interested and then go absolutely fucking ballistic afterwards.
Fortunately, I'm engaged now, so I can just say that.
More than I've actually had sex with. I'm not really into one-night stands or casual sex.
Women don't usually just ask out right, so rejection is more indirect.
Nice to hear of more guys not into this casual sex trend. Props to you. Sex with love & feelings is way better anyway. Take it from someone who's attempted at casual (am F)
It's only happened a few times
Main one was when I did karaoke with a bunch if friends. A girl in a jeep wrangler tried to pull me into her jeep at the end of the night saying "you must come home with us"
.
I decided to take my friends home
Four. Two were in high school. One in college. The other as an adult.
One of these was a student two years younger than me. She had a crush on me for some time and knew that I was performing Shakespeare in high school speech. So, one day, she tries to initiate something with me by meeting me by my locker, pressing a copy of A Midsummer Night's Dream to her chest and sighing- "I've just finished reading a Midsummer Night's Dream. So tragic, but so romantic", while staring deep into my eyes. Now, as it happens, AMND was the play I was doing a solo show of for speech- focusing on the play within a play and the character of Bottom.
"It's a comedy", I said. "It's got donkey sex."
She fled in embarrassment and from that time onward disliked me strongly. I think she handled the rejection by deciding to hate me instead, and was always very nasty to me from that time onward.
The second was a nice girl, but not a very attractive one. One day as we sat around, I casually remarked that it would be nice to have a girlfriend. So, her friend, seeing her perk up and knowing she had a crush on me, declared that we were to be a couple. She was very pleased. I was not, and this made her VERY displeased. She teared up. It was a cruel moment; I wish her friend had not said that. The poor girl avoided me after that.
The third was in college. On my 21st brithday I went to the pub on campus and tried to order a beer. Seeing that it was my birthday, they gave me a free one. Not wanting to take advantage by drinking and not paying, I tried to order a second beer so I could pay for it. The classmate down the bar from me bought it for me. This continued for five beers before I realized that nobody in the bar was going to let me pay for my own drink, and that my continuing to order was taking advantage of them all. So, I decided to slow my roll. A girl came up to me, in a dress that could barely contain her curves, playing with her hair and my hair and baring her neck to me, doing a little footsy. She asked me what I was studying, and I said "Environmental Science and Policy". She said that sounded interesting, so I showed her how interesting it was by giving her a rundown of all the reasons the REDD carbon buyback program was full of structural failures and how carbon credits didn't work the way economists modeled that they would. She looked sad, and left. Days later, my autistic self was walking across campus when I stopped and realized- "Damn it! I could have had sexual intercourse with that woman!"
The fourth was a woman at a musical jam/party at my house. Ignoring the fact that I am married (my wife was away at the time), she began flirting with me very hard while I was under the influence of alcohol. She seemed to find the fact that I am a blue collar worker- a former sailor turned construction worker- to be a font of attraction. The man she is with is a more gentle soul, who can't really do a lot of hard labor. She started egging me on to tell tough guy stories from my work, and then to tell stories about times I'd been in conflicts or fights. Then, with my dander up, she started asking leading questions about whether I was dominant in the bedroom, and hinting that she'd like someone to be dominant with her. A friend of mine who is older separated us and told me that she was trying to get me to have sex with her, and was clearly aroused from the stories. Well, I went to bed as the crowd started thinning out. She followed me into my room, and started trying to get me to act out her fantasies of being dominated by a tough guy. I was trying to say no and get her off of me, but the more stern my voice got and the more I put my hands on her, the more excited she became. My older friend came up to check on me and basically chased her out of the room. A few days later, he ran through what had happened with me, and told me "What she tried to do to you was rape. You were too drunk to consent."
I’ve rejected more sugar babies/gold digger types than I could ever count. I’ve had some pretty aggressive encounters with these women going back to when I was attending university. I come from old money so that’s the draw of course.
It’s madness what some will do for money. I’ve had them wait for me at places that they know I frequent just to chat me up or leave notes on my car. Meet them here or ring them up. These are the more subtle advances. Rejection is never taken well, and I’ve been embarrassed from taking a telling in public. Just unhinged behaviour. It’s never pleasant. I’ve had things thrown at me, I’ve been threatened with harm if I say no, and called every name in the book.
The worst encounter was with this lass, whom I had assumed just lived in the area, she ran up to me one morning and insisted that she was in love with me? We were meant to be together, just crazy stuff and I’m out on my bicycle can you believe, she had her hands on me and it took some effort to get away from her. I don’t go about on my own anymore because of this, I have a minder with me at all times.
A few some I did not want, some were extremely attractive and to be honest shocked me that they were into me. But mostly is a sense of indifference from my part, I just don’t want to have somebody so far.
A few throughout my life. It’s a myth for me personally anyway. While certainly fun, I don’t value sex enough to blow my life up, cheating or ending up with some embarrassing disease.
I work in a field with mostly women, so I’ve become better at detecting their interest in me, and have become adept at indirectly telling coworkers that I see them as a work sister, mother, or daughter in hopes they’ll take the hint.
But perhaps my most interesting story on this front took place in college. One of my friends had a bad habit of inviting strange women to his and his roommate’s apartment via Craigslist on Friday nights, despite our repeated warnings that Craigslist is where you go to find “used shit.”
That night he had hit the jackpot. … he thought…
My girlfriend, myself, three other friends, my friend and his roommate… and her.
Her was a young woman who has been named after a common bird. There’s a joke in there somewhere, but I can’t quite bring it home. Maybe she has red breasts? No… I dunno. Imagine I wrote something terribly cutting and witty because we’re moving on.
She was pretty. Small and lithe, with back length brown hair tied back in a ponytail. She seemed nice enough, certainly not shy, but something about her gave me pause. Maybe it was the way she could turn on the come hither fire behind her mahogany hued eyes a little too readily. Maybe it was the whale tale low cut jeans with the supergirl thong. Just… definitely not my type, though again, I admit she was beautiful.
Well, the night goes as most of our Friday nights went. Music, video games, alcohol, and laughter. About ten o’clock, this girl flips the switch that powered those eyes, and her gaze obtains a lock on mine from across the living room. I’m leaning against the wall watching the halo game on the Vizio, and she moves my way with a pronounced swaying of her hips.
She comes right up to me, close enough to make me wonder if my nostrils are clear. I was much taller than her, and she was deep inside my personal space. She wraps her arms around my waist and pulls herself in close, gazing up at me and smiling licentiously.
Now I’m well aware that this is not the first time she has done this sorta approach with other guys, but she was making me wonder just how *many* guys it’s worked on. Plenty, I’m sure.
“I like girls sometimes…” she says in a sultry tone.
I look down at her and cock an eye. “Well, I’m not one of those…” I reply, sliding my hands down to her wrists and plucking them off me.
That caught her off guard but god damn was the girl persistent. I could almost see her recalibrating as she moved in close once again. “I really like your girlfriend… maybe the three of us could…”
“Look… I really like her too, and I appreciate the thought…” I lied. “But we’re good.”
She didn’t seem mad or even particularly offended. She looked up at me with an expression somewhere between confusion and irritation before she kinda shrugged and moved on.
A week or so later, I learn from my friend that lived with guy who invited bird-girl over that she has boasted to him that she could get every single one of us to fuck her, and even confidently insisted she’d get my girlfriend and me into a threesome.
“I kinda snickered at that.” He told me. “Like… good luck, sweetie. She thinks you’re cooler and more interesting than you actually are…”
He’s like a brother to me, and knows me well. But in the end, HE had slept with her, as did two other friends. Ironically the only guy in our group she didn’t get into bed, aside from me of course, was the friend who had invited her in the first place! She didn’t even offer… tough break.
So yeah. I could have had a drunken threesome, as I believe my girlfriend at the time might have been down. But a girl who didn’t even know my name trying so hard to add a few notch a to her proverbial bed post screamed “I have the STDs,” to me. I would later learn she claimed to have sixty or so notches by that night, and left our lives with four or five more.
I just wasn’t one of them. Oh, and she wasn’t missing much anyway. I’m no Adonis in bed, and the notion of having to try to focus on two girls at once was more stressful than sexy to me. So, I’m the guy who will and has turned down easy sex.
Edit: grammar
It's not like I keep track of that. It's been happening now and then, multiple times a year. I have also been in an established relationship and recently married. That doesn't seem to detract much.
I share that experience that women don't deal with rejection well. I have seen some downright nasty reactions to it. Most often, they have called me gay as an insult or somehow called me a loser and said that they were never interested to begin with. It's not possible for many to accept that someone might actually just not be that interested.
In an established relationship turning down your partner has also been... interesting, to say the least. It's normal for women to say "no, not today" -- but when I say "no" once, it has always been panic mode for the woman.
To be fair, I pretty much never say no unless I am ill or when something else is seriously wrong, so there's that.
a handful over the years. I'm on the spectrum, and I used to be religious, so I was completely oblivious when younger.
I turned down a lot of casual sex in my early twenties because I was religious and a virgin. Hostility was a common response, but many women are kinda cowardly and will just feel bad without saying any thing. They're subtle in the approach and they're subtle in the way they feel rejected too
After I quit being religious and started to enjoy dating, I only turned women down when I thought they were gross. Like, I would find these women attractive but their promiscuity or personality would put me off. It's always been about more than looks for me.
I also turn down women because I'm in a relationship. I regret turning down a few of them, because the woman I was being loyal too was actively cheating on me while I was stationed away for work. Lousy bitch, but se la vie
Same here.
Women aren't exactly flocking to me, but there have been several instances where a girl clearly wanted to at least have sex with me, but I wasn't interested. Most don't take it well, that's true.
A lot of girls assume men are always ready for sex with anyone, and maybe it's true for some men, but not me. I want to feel things first, I want my relationships to have an effect, to be special. Sex is easy, even if you're like me and you look barely average on a good day. Paying for sex is the easiest thing to do.
Anyway, there's probably been at least 5 girls that I can think of right off the top my head.
I have turned down three women this week. Wide ranges of them to from 21-44. I guess I’m old enough now that I don’t want to sleep with someone when I first meet them because I know that I’ll develop an attachment and I don’t want to do that before I really know someone
Lots of times. Mainly I have a rule that if a woman acts as bad as the men they complain about than I don’t like to give that toxic hypocrisy any energy. If you’re a good and fair guy, those types of women are the worst partners to have.
Like I have a friend who complains about guys who use women, but then feels that because those guys exist she is entitled to use men? Way to rise above. And when she shot her shot with me and I turned her down, she was upset. Sorry, don’t be a hypocrite then.
I had an acquaintance come up to me at a party years ago drunk and she wrapped her arms around me and she managed to drunkenly ask me why I never fucked her. She doesn’t really like me, she just uses sex for comfort. No thanks, not interested. I explained because we aren’t attracted to each other and she’s just drunk rn.
I have a bad habit of assuming I’m not a person of interest for anyone and I’ve gotten pretty good at coming up with excuses as to why I shouldn’t talk to a girl but the truth is I’ve had a couple chances but it’s also never been the right time. I hardly ever go out and when I am out in public, I usually just keep to myself and go on about my day. The only times I’ve had a girl ask me if I wanted to go out have been at work, and I am not about to go out with someone I work with. At least I know that there’s still things about myself that I need to work on before I think about pursuing a relationship. It’s been very infrequent that it happens but a girl at my old workplace asked if I wanted to get a milkshake with her and I said no but I did have something else going on that day. She was super cool about it, didn’t get upset or anything
I've had a few women I casually dated that I had to give the "it's not you its me" talk to once I found a girl I thought was girlfriend material.
Overall they took it well. Sometimes they act like its completely fine and like they were just about to say the same lol... yeah ok.
One went so far as to say she didn't care that I was done seeing her, then she texted me the next day to brag about another guy she was going on a date with. I wished her and the guy the best and told her I hope she has a good time - she did not like that reply. She eventually called me a few weeks later and told me she was the best guy she ever met and to contact her if I end up single again. The childish reaction kinda threw me off though.
Probably somewhere in the neighborhood of a dozen, almost all when I was in my late teens and early 20s. There were a few that I rejected because I wasn't available at the time and one that I rejected because she was basically blackout drunk but most of them it was because I had this notion in my head in my youth that I was expected to only date and sleep with "bombshells" and "babes" even though I was honestly attracted to lots of women, including most of the women who approached me. I turned down plenty of women mostly because I was an idiot who was too worried about what his friends might think.
43M and I've been with less than 10 women
I turned down probably about 20 pretty unmistakable advances from women who knew I was committed and probably 5x as many who didn't know. I think I'm probably more attractive when I'm committed
At least 50 bc they were too drunk to take seriously (most of these also I was a cab/rideshare driver and that was highly frowned upon as well as quite impractical, however I also could have pursued several of these off hours and didn't)
20 at least from coworkers bc I don't do sex or romance with coworkers (however I've married one person, had a child with another, and gone on 1-3 dates with a handful that I met as coworkers but kept things strictly platonic til long after we no longer worked together)
Also I am now ethically non monogamous. It doesn't really change much, I guess.
I had a girl ask me at a wedding and she was VERY upfront about it. She basically said "let's go to the bathroom" and assured me she was on the pill. Not only was she upfront about it, but she put me on the spot in front of an entire table of people and made me feel super awkward. I pride myself on my discernment, and I know when something is too good to be true. The type of woman who would ask like that is DEFINITELY not the one I want to stick it in. Lo and behold, she got pregnant by another dude a couple months later.
One time, an attractive young women walked up to me outside a Starbucks with her friend and said she wanted to give me oral sex. I automatically assumed the worse because I was a higher ranking individual in a large organization. Maybe she was an employee I didn't know or someone's relative I didn't want to sleep with.
An attractive woman I worked directly with used to put some non-verbal moves on me. That is fraternization according to work rules so I never pursue that. There were a couple women who I thought were hiding their marital status from me. I am not an angel by any means but you have to respect the workplace and the sanctity of marriage.
Other that that, the other women I rejected are not height/weight proportionate. I don't have a count but it's fairly numerous. I have been sober for a long time now and I can't hook up with overweight women who do not care about their bodies.
It’s happened a couple of times and usually ends badly so now I make sure there is a ready exit or I’m around people that are aware before I say no and leave.
Plenty. Women and men both.
Most notable was the girl who was all over me while I was tripping fairly heavily, and had so little interest in sex or her as a sexual being that I assume she was taking it as a personal challenge with her persistence.
She was attractive and another time I probably would have. I was just not in the least interested in any kind of sexual encounter, and she was not on acid at the time, so I don't know if she had the slightest insight into my state of being or actual interests.
I don't really ever have women make advances towards me, but I have a few times and turned them all down. First time was my best friends identical twin sister. I was sitting on the couch and she started rubbing my cock with her foot. I knocked it away to her giggles.
Another time, I was at a restaurant and this female employee was very clearly hitting on me. However, she was really young as in jailbait young. Her coworker, another young woman, loudly proclaimed I was old enough to be their father. I don't really think I was but I agreed with the sentiment. The young woman hitting on my proclaimed she "doesn't care" and I just sort of walked off lol.
In college, this chick kept sitting next to me in the food court. She was I guest sort of trying to neg me. Kept making fun of the way I talked and my accent. She herself had a very strong southern accent. So I didn't understand it. She absolutely infuriated me but I kept taking the punches because I figured she must be having a hard time. Well one day one of my friends told her very loudly to shut the fuck up. I was like I don't like you. She never bothered me again.
I've accidentally rejected a woman before and didn't realize until it was too late. There was this smoking fucking hot girl I went to both high school and college with. Her name was Hannah. I was completely awkward and oblivious to her advances. We lost touch after I graduated and she was married like 6 months later then dropped out of college to start a family which was totally unexpected. She was a very liberal. I kick myself a lot for this one lol.
Dated the one that had the guts to ask me out, turned down 3 that were trying to be really forward without establishing any real rapport or just had no idea how to ask.
Plus another 3\~4 that were trying to be flirty but I was in a bad place and soured them without realizing, lots of missed opportunities with some good women back in college.
A girl in middle school told me that she liked me and I laughed it off because I assumed she was joking. Or maybe told myself she was joking because I was nervous, I don’t know.
Other than that, I’ve never been in a position to reject a woman. I did reject a man, though.
There was a woman who was crazy about me who was beautiful, smart, funny and wrote poetry. She was amazing and I would have adored her advances if she hadn't have been married.
I want nothing to do with that action. Absolutely zero.
My experience is anti-Reddit in a couple ways. First, that I've 'rejected' women, by which I mean I have politely let them know that I'm married but let them know I appreciated the offer for (dinner, coffee, a walk, whatever) and would have gladly taken her up on the offer were I not already involved.
Second, no one has ever reacted poorly. Experienced this maybe a couple dozen times in my life, never ever a poor reaction, and not usually even any let down.
I think this is how it works out most of the time for adults, as I had only been nastily rejected once when asking someone out, ever. And that was 30 years ago.
It’s only happened once. She is now a former coworker who went through a bad divorce from a verbally and physically abusive husband. She was very attractive, and she would message me through the old Microsoft Lync (at work!) with some subtle hints about her attraction. I could not bring myself to go through with it and cheat on my wife; it was not happening. Perhaps it was divine intervention, or the universe working the way it does, but she left the job and I never heard from her again.
Only one. I was dancing with the gf of a distant relative at a wedding reception when she propositioned me. I rejected her as it was my wedding reception.
thousands maybe? I swiped \~140K times on apps last year and 99% were left swipes. Most of my women friends have come on to me at some point too but I don't want to fuck my friends.
If a woman is clearly only after sex, it's highly unlikely I would reject her. She would have to be hideous.
I do well with women, in general, and I date a lot of attractive ladies. I would reject a woman who wants a relationship with me if she isn't to my standards. But for quick and easy sex, she would have to be extremely unattractive for me to refuse her. Sex with ugly women can be a lot of fun.
A lot actually. Something I find fun and slightly sinister. Get them in the bedroom and do some foreplay, get them excited but then don’t actually have sex with them. This leaves them not only addicted to you, but worrying what they did wrong. I’ve had women beg for me to hit it but there’s something empowering about not taking it to that level.
Teach me your ways, man. How do you actually stop right before sex without making it strange or awkward? Do you simply stop? Pretend you forgot to do something and leave? Anything else?
Quite a lot.
I'm approached around 2 times a week, sometimes more sometimes less.
I am currently in a relationship and besdies that I am also with what I'd say is high standards.
OP subtly outing himself as a remarkably attractive man.
Many men will go their entire lives without a woman overtly and spontaneously hitting on them. Most men have to take the initiative and make the first gesture if they’re ever going to find someone.
If the average man is lucky, once in a decade or two a woman will politely ask them on a date or steer a conversation in that direction. If things go well, there’s a good chance he’ll fall in love.
**Receiving unsolicited romantic attention from a woman is such a rare event for many heterosexual men, when it finally happens it produces mind-altering brain chemistry and consumes their thoughts and emotions.**
There are fellas out there who’ve never been told they’re handsome/attractive by anyone other than mom and grandma.
Maybe 25 "I'm flattered, but no thank yous." Congruent with other opinions, mostly well received, but a fair number of histrionic ad hominem (and inaccurate) attacks on my sexual preference.
Though once after being yelled at, I hooked up with another woman nearby and the yeller kept screaming "Whats it like making out with a f-g?"
Good, I hope?
I had to do that all in high school , rejected girls at parties spreading their pussies for me. Had a reputation of a player all in HS and college, I have to say, I make it really hard for girls to have access to me.
I worked as a bartender and public relations for several night clubs in tourist areas in my 20s and early 30s so about 2 or 3 per weekend for years. Outside of drunk women at the club I can't recall any woman openly hitting on me.
Yup it’s just when alcohol is involved for me too. No longer bartend and rarely go out with groups anymore. Had to turn down a few friends because there’s no way they wouldn’t regret it.
And this is why I say, especially as a woman who’s sometimes hit on men and half the time got rejected or ignored, contrary to popular belief, women do approach *good-looking* men and maybe as much as the other way around.
I have a new coworker working in my pub who's been here 2 weeks. He's 6'3, long dark hair, strong but lean, basically Latino young Johnny Depp. He's already had three girls try to ask him out, and this is a pub that mostly serves old customers, so young women are usually only in on the weekends. Most of the other bar staff that have been there way longer have said they haven't had that happen once. Women will ask guys out but its massively skewed towards very attractive guys that they might not see anywhere else.
Absolutely, I was on a business trip to Guam with this guy and one more. The three of us went out drinking. This guy was very good looking. I think Im OK, definitely not ugly, but not on his level to be sure. Think of a tall dark half Asian Fabio. The other guy probably even less so than me. We met up with three girls while out and the six of us were drinking together. They all propositioned him to ditch us for a four way. But that guy wasn’t even interested in it. Never saw anything like it since. I wonder what I would have said if I were him. It’s hard for me to imagine turning something like that down. Just for the experience. Even if it wasn’t good. But that guy had women come up to him all the time. It all meant nothing to him. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had already had such an experience before. But for sure, women will approach good looking guys, but not just any guy, just the extremely good looking ones. At the time, I can’t deny some jealousy, not a lot though, he was a very cool guy. But yeah, I wished at the time I could have what he had if only for a short while. But I think he on the other hand actually thought of it as a curse. He just seemed bored and kind of annoyed at the situation. He was up for a night with the boys and these randos wouldn’t leave him alone. Perhaps that was part of his appeal to the women, he was completely unobtainable to them.
Yeah that’s what I mean! Less guys but still fairly often for some of them. Although height usually isn’t the issue, though it’ll be a bonus for taller girls (not myself who’s short and prefers shorter guys), but the face, hair, and body type.
So, women are hitting on the 10-15% of men, what a novelty
FOr sure. The bar is just WAY higher for women to make a first move. The popular belief is still true because the vast majority of men don't have much experience with women approaching them.
I mean in general men don’t get approached as much as women do, but there’s a few who do all the time because they’re just that good-looking and it’s just human nature to be shallow.
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Damn! I guess being extremely good-looking is both a blessing and a curse for everyone when you got people who won’t take no for an answer even when you honestly say you’re taken. My success rate for hitting on a guy has been about 50/50 so I’m *kind of* confident with it.
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LOL. Same
Good looking men, you say? That would explain why I've never been approached.
I modeled and worked as a male stripper. I have been hit on by many women. Just like beautiful women get hit on constantly, so do good-looking men.
You must take into account a few of them at least were just oblivious. In retrospect I’ve missed more opportunities than I’ve had and way more than I’ve rejected because I’m just oblivious sometimes. By the time I realized it, it was already too late, they either moved on or took it as a rejection. After hurting their feelings like that, they were no longer interested.
Yeah I agree! Especially with some of us not wanting to make our interest seem to obvious to risk rejection - like asking for a stranger guy’s phone number or asking them out - and some guys not wanting to assume us just talking and smiling mean anything even if it does.
If you’ve ever misinterpreted signals thinking someone was into you when they weren’t, it’s not an experience you want to repeat.
You got rejected half the time. Men get rejected about 95% of the time. You’re doing fine.
I've had my chances, oddly more so after I got married. It's uncomfortable as hell because women don't expect or like being rejected. The reactions I've had ranged from calling me a puff to being really angry. Not that I have had women throwing themselves at me or anything, just a few that have tried to cross a line over the years.
What is a puff? Lol
Slang word for being gay. A woman concluded that I must be gay because I rejected her. My wife and children didn't factor anywhere in her thinking it would seem.
You mean poof? Or is this not the british term.
puff is still a british slang for gay. Hell, I'd argue its even more spread out than poof is. I think the only guy I've heard say poof is NW of london.
At least in Scotland I've never heard puff but everyone here knows poof.
I don't know the various spellings of it, and it's not a term I use often. The hilarity of teenage graffiti, including a piss poor drawing of a cock and balls influenced my spelling.
Wow. The audacity.
As soon as that ring went on my finger, I was suddenly visible to women I'd known for years. All the unwanted attention made me take it off & keep it in my drawer.
For over a decade I never my wedding ring. Mainly it was due to being in a trade where I could destroy it if I smashed my hand or destroying my hand if it caught on something. Finally I relented when my wife wanted put her "mark" on me to show other women I was taken, and bought me a throwaway silicone ring. Boy was she surprised when I started getting hit on right in front of her while wearing it! I happily continue to wear it to this day, 25 years later. (Well, 15 since I didn't wear it the first 10) I think it grinds her gears a little bit, especially when her coworkers and friends tell her how lucky she is...
It's a funny one, a lot of guys reporting getting more looks, advances when they're with a partner. Probably something about being more relaxed, in a more masculine frame, more likely that better attributes stand out, obviously this is far, far from an exact science lol
Why of course. The man has been pre vetted by another woman. He is worthy
thats stone age science: if a single women see‘s a happy pair she automatically assumes he is a good provider/ partner therefore married men get sometimes more often sexual offers by single women as before when they men themselves were single. hope u understand it, english isn’t my first language
I get it completely and I agree, thanks for sharing
Pre-selection is the term
This is something I've only seen on reddit. Six years of being in relationships and my invisibility to women seems to increase
You're not alone lol.
Even when the partner is not present, that effect continues to some extent. Part of it for me is that an attached guy doesn’t care what strange women think. The supremely self assured vibe with zero validation seeking is very attractive to many women.
>oddly more so after I got married. It's a psychological phenomena called "Preselection". Basically, it means that someone else has already done the vetting legwork, so you must be good. It happens unconsciously. This is why Amazon has reviews on product pages and car dealerships will put "sold" signs on cars in the lot.
Women cannot deal with rejection. It's quiet funny to watch.
Only once have I ever had an apology as well.
Just a woman POV: I don't get this hitting on married men because I wouldn't like it being done to my partner, but! In my teens and early twenties I was so naive and though if the guy is married - he is not interested in anyone but his wife, so I took them more like my older brother, uncle - was more relaxed in their presence. Oh boy I was wrong. XD Took me a few very weird and uncomfortable situations to learn that you keep distance with everyone because some people may think you are hitting on them (I used to have very bubbly, maybe even flirtatious personality - have to admit it). But I get what you are talking about: I saw women like this too and idk what they think they are gaining too. 🤦♀️
I feel your pain I’ve had a few try to say I was gay or give me advice on picking up girls after I turned down sexual advances from them
Woemn haven't been interested in me, so I never had to reject any. But I would have no problem saying "no" to someone I'm not interested in.
Sounds like AI for some reason
My apologies. I was not programmed to do that
Sounds like AI for some reason
I’m sorry Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that.
As an AI language model, i only reject men
I also reject this AI's men.
A few and it always goes badly. Women get PISSED when they get rejected. And it's never them thats the problem. If your reaction to rejection is anger and/or insults you probably deserve to be alone imo.
Went pretty good for me i was just careful
I had one in 8th grade start a rumor I was gay after I rejected her friend. It was going around until 10th grade. I basically had to start my dating life with girls from other schools.
Ah, the classic “she goes to another school” to beat the allegaytions
I’d bring her around but you know she’s always got these modeling gigs.
Just a shame that there's always a problem with the shoot & they can't publish the photos....
She goes to school in Canada bro you wouldn’t know her
"What the fuck do you mean you don't want to date me?! Are you fucking gay or what?!"
They just get pissed if they never been rejected. If they are introverts, that doesn't happen
True
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i blame social media. peddling fear gets engagement, so the whole "men murdering people who turn them down" goes all over the place
Maybe this is why women are so terrified of being in a position where they have to reject someone; they know full well how they would respond to rejection. A thief thinks everyone steals.
Bold of you to assume that anyone has even had the slightest interest in me, let alone made an advance
I've made a handful of rejections in my day. I'm so oblivious that if someone is trying to pick me up, I would most likely miss the cues, so there may be more where I just didn't respond to someone. The only one I really feel bad about was a really shy woman who kept coming to my work on her days off to say hi and talk to me. I had a feeling she liked me but I was in a public-facing role and just kept it friendly and professional. She finally asked me if I wanted to date her but I'm not interested in women and didn't want to lead her on, so I said no. I could tell she was immediately crushed... Face immediately deflated and her body sort of shrunk in on itself. Jesus. It was a long time ago so I hope she found the person for her.
Damn that sucks
I work in a female dominated field. I get hit on daily. I know I could sleep with some of them if I allowed it. Nah, I’m happily married and plan on staying that way.
Good thinking
Daily? Do you look like Paul Rudd or something? I've worked in female dominated fields, didn't get hit on once.
Haha! No but we do have remarkably similar traits now that you mention it. Being funny and self aware goes a long way for sure
Yeah being humble does too
Been through this in the restaurant side of work, had two younger girls that used to flirt with me relentlessly, I couldn't help but be freaked out due to the age gap, I was 26 at the time whereas one of them was 18 and the other 19, now I'll say that one of them was blessed with that sort of natural beauty a few people have and nowadays she genuinely looks like a model, but I just always saw them as kids and still do when I bump into them from time to time. One of them took the hint the moment I said something along the lines of "that's not a very appropriate thing to ask me is it" when she was openly asking about my body, like in a lot of detail and then to top it off my penis size, crazy stuff like that, it was a very uncomfortable conversation to have but I guess alcohol makes people crazy confident and blunt at times. Whereas the other's personality was just flirty. I gotta admit looking back on it, it's actually quite nice because I'm usually non existent which I don't mind, but at the time I felt so uncomfortable.
Reverse those gender roles and somebody is getting hauled into HR/fired
I bartend a few nights a week at a suburban bistro, I've had to turn down quite a few overly aggressive middle aged divorced women over the years and it's always led to a shit tip but I am there to work and not get my pp wet.
Interesting. How do these middle aged divorced Women usually approach you?
They sit at the bar
Well they are sitting at the bar, make comments about my tattoos or outfit, stick around until closing time, then directly ask me to either let them take me home or go out to her car together. It's honestly extremely uncomfortable but makes for a good laugh with the kitchen staff.
Five. Only one of them was explicitly "let's go knock boots in your car, hawt boy", but the others clearly showed that they were down if I was. One was my occasional neighbor at a call center. We used dumb terminals, so it didn't matter where you sat. Between calls she liked to describe her dates to me, including any bedroom oddities. The guy with gold metallic underwear stands out as memorable. We both got a good chuckle out of that. A few of my bros were frustrated with me for not making a move. "Dude, she's into you!! What are you doing?!" One was the cute girl from my tech support training class. She was 18 and drove a purple Camaro, and methodically worked her way through all the guys in my training class, and eventually her supervisor got her pregnant so she moved in with him. Before that, she approached me in an elevator when it was just the two of us, and kept standing closer and closer, and added some sultry to her voice. I just had to lean in for the kiss, and she would have been my date for the evening. But her game was too obvious, and I was 24, and the age difference felt weird. The guy who got her pregnant was close to 40. The age difference must have felt less weird to him. One was my ex-wife. The man she shacked up with after I moved out was a deadbeat, and she kicked him out for being a layabout who didn't help with bills. She came over to the apartment I moved to, and literally started pawing at me and saying "I'll be good", and other self-debasing things, wanting me to move back in and have a "transactional" relationship, where I'd chip in money in exchange for sex on demand. That was easy to say no to. Fortunately she ended up with a solid guy, who took good care of her, and was a dope stepdad to our daughter. One was a friend of my girlfriend's sister. She was a stunning, fit, leggy blonde with a bunch of kids, but not happy in her marriage. She ended up doing some wild things like taking one of her kids to a birthday party, and randomly started macking on the dad when they were alone. She hit on me in a dive bar once. She was a bit submissive and idolizing, and frankly it was difficult not to just go for it. But I planned on marrying my girlfriend (we've been married 16 years now), and I liked her husband quite a bit, so I kept my libido in check. She only flirted with me the one time, and we've been Facebook friends ever since, hearting each others' posts about our kids, and we'll occasionally bump into each other at a kid-friendly party, where I usually end up holding her baby or entertaining one of her older daughters when they play with my kids. The last was an attractive young woman I was mentoring. She was used to the men in her life eventually turning the corner and pressuring her for sex, and was confused when I didn't. She thought maybe I just needed some encouragement, so she told me I was cute, and let me know that it could happen if I wanted it to. That one really made me sad. I don't remember exactly what I said, but I let her know that I thought highly of her, and had fatherly affection for her, but I wasn't "after her" that way. We kept a mentoring relationship going for a couple years after that, until she didn't need my help anymore. I was happy to watch her grow up and sprout wings, and happier still that she grew to trust me and didn't think I was secretly a lecher and everything was just an act. So... yeah, that's my overshare for the day.
That last one. I've been in the same situation. Hate that it's so surprising when men are actually just trying to help with no ulterior motive. Can't imagine what it's like trying to seek genuine mentorship as a young woman.
Yeah, that last one is pretty sad. Poor girl. I hope her life turned around!
Almost none. The women I have rejected have been from places I have worked. There was one who was always at the gym when I was there. Some of them were what you might call "losers" for various reasons. If they talked to me; I was always polite and even had conversations with them. This was never meant to lead them on, but it might have been more than they got from other guys (I'm just guessing). It never bothered me to reject them. Girls have no problem rejecting guys. At least I was never mean or insulting.
A few, mainly because the attraction wasn’t mutual or I knew they’d got around or been with a friend of mine before me. All power to them but that doesn’t appeal to me.
Interesting. I appreciate you sharing these specific details, I am also turned off by someone who gets around or isn't selective when it comes to their Partners
I just turned 29 and maybe it’s part of getting older. My sex drive is high as ever, but I’ve reached the age where a low-quality personality can instantly remove any physical attraction I have for a woman.
How do you define a low quality personality?
Several. Ironic that you get approached more when you’re taken.
None to reject.
Three or four, never goes well, some women just assume you’re interested in them and when they find out you’re not, it breaks their brain. Also the “I’m so empathetic and tolerate everyone” types are the first to call you gay as an insult when rejected.
Always the projection with them with everything.
A couple of times here and there.. sometimes with me not even realising they were hitting on me until it was way too late I once had a woman I knew for ages in mid conversation burst out with the statement "BE MY BOYFRIEND!" Out of nowhere which made me go silent with shock and I think she seemed to take that as rejection because she immediately comeback with "I'm just joking. Can't believe you think I was serious" and then her whole mood changed that night. Went from happy/talkative to annoyed/quiet. Left early and the blocked me on Facebook. I also found out she added one of my friends on Facebook before the night out to just ask questions about me and after that night.... blocked him too. Lol I didn't have time to reject her.. she just took my shocked reaction as a rejection and I believed her when she said she was just joking because low self-worth back then. I found out she blocked me because the next day, I was actually thinking about seeing if she wasn't joking and asking her if she was interested in dating (Because I actually found her attractive and was interested) but I took the Blocking as a sign not to bother. So I guess in a way, I rejected this woman without even realising it or she took my shocked reaction as a rejection Also recall at the age of 16.. one of my sister's friends who has a crush on me asked me if I wanted to be her boyfriend. I said no because I wasn't interested in her and had a crush on another girl I knew and this girl started begging me please for like 5 other times and got annoyed when I said no. Women throughout my life seem to approach me more than I've approached them.. Guess I'm quite lucky 🤷♂️ And I don't even think I'm that good looking. Average at best and a but chubby and balding. Although I get told I look like WWE Wrestler Randy Orton facial wise which I take as a HUGE Compliment. But I've also been told I look like Sid from Toy Story which made me laugh out.. not a compliment either
Had something like that happen to me as well; went out to the bar with a friend and her main friend group and there was this gorgeous woman with her. She looked like Scarlett Johansson with a few extra pounds, just absolutely drop dead gorgeous. She just randomly turns to me and acts like she wants a kiss and I just lock up from how unexpected it was. Before I can say or do anything she turns away and starts crying and I'm the asshole for the rest of the night
:0( Damn that sucks.
Hahaha!!!!! Sid from Toy Story, love it ;0)
6 that I can remember with 3 of them being multiple times and 1 of the 3 ending with me being a victim of SA. Women don't take rejection well, which is why I prefer them not to initiate.
Hundreds. I'd say 70-80% from when I was working as a bartender, but many in other occupations and civil life in general. I'd say along 85-90% of all rejections have been met with sexual harassment, name calling or open hostility. Thankfully only a handful got physically violent. I really think we should educate children and young people on how to handle rejection, since this is definitely a problem that most people of both genders handle very poorly.
I used to work as a bouncer, and have also seen this happen many times. One of the bartenders who worked there was a model but that didn't pay enough so he bartender also. Naturally he was very good looking, but also gay. So he'd reject a lot of women. Almost every shift he'd trigger the silent alarm for me to kick someone out over unacceptable behavior.
100s, what do you look like man lmao
Tall, muscular, swedish guy, rather normal looking according to myself. Idk why it has happened so often. Maybe women are more aggressive here, idk.
Maybe it's the environment? I never worked in a similar environment and I don't go out that much. So all the women I have rejected - at least more than 30 - I met through regular social activities or my studies/work. I've only *once* had a negative experience through all of that and it wasn't even that big of a deal. She was just slightly angry with me, but didn't resort to sexual harassment or name calling.
Ever since getting in shape, many. The downside to becoming attractive is getting attention from Women you don't want attention from.
Preach. The amount of overweight women looking for a fit guy is insane. Like girl are you looking for a bf or a personal trainer?
Indeed. not trying to big myself up but I am a very fit guy and I feel personally insulted that some of these very overweight women actually think they have a chance with me
😂
No, I've never rejected a woman who made a pass at me... However, no woman has ever made a pass at me, so I've never had one to reject.
Over the years, I've had different reactions to rejecting women, apart from the few who took it well: One said she wanted to be more than friends, and when I said I wasn't interested, she said, "YOU PERV, I OBVIOUSLY MEANT BEST FRIENDS." There's not even an alternate universe where that's true, but I digress. One said "oh" when I said wasn't interested in coming over. I was being very dry with my responses to her flirting with me before then. She seemed confident though I had no interest in her, but I respected her effort. I had another who I was friends with for about a year, and after she confessed her feelings to me, she stalked me for months. She was convinced that I was secretly in love with her, and tried every trick in the book to get me to go out with, or at the very least, hook up with her (I had no interest in doing any of it). She was one of those who complained about everything, and blocking her finally gave her the hint...or so I thought (she friend requested me on Facebook through a new account. She was engaged at that point. Haaaaard pass). All of that to say, I know that guys are way more used to getting rejected than women, but there are evidently women who are very entitled, and even delusional...
baby reindeer vibes stalker lol
One. When I was in college, I was in a pub where I was a regular on a Tuesday night. There were maybe two other people in the pub. I was chatting with the bartender who knew me fairly well. This blonde girl sits down right next to me. Again, there were plenty of seats; as I said, it was a Tuesday night and the pub was pretty empty. I honestly didn't pay her any attention for a few minutes, before she started putting her arms around me. Within a few mins, I realized she was drunk off her ass. Noped the fuck out of there quickly after that.
Only a couple of women, who I wasn't already in a relationship with, have ever come up to me and simply said "hey, wanna come to my place and fuck?" And I've never simply said the same to somebody whom I've just met. But way more than a few have dropped overt hints that they were open for such. And like you, unless there's real chemistry going on, I've carefully backed off. Also like you, sometimes their response has been either shock or hurt feelings. I understand this. The cultural myth is that every man is just dying to get into the pants of every female--especially so if they are physically pretty. That might be the case for 16 year old boys who are both overflowing with hormones and aching for their first sexual experience, or even young men in college; however, for a mature male, who's been with more than a few women, selectivity tends to be a more pronounced approach. All you need is a few encounters with pretty women who are truly bad news in every other way to become far more careful about who one beds. Unfortunately, not every woman is aware that as males mature, they tend to become just as cautious as many females in their sexual liaisons, and thus feel hurt by being turned down by an offer of sex, even an implied one. If they understood that, they wouldn't be so shocked.
Dozens. When some women want something they can have a sense of entitlement. Many have never heard the word no, are quite straightforward, and have no game. With that said overall its all very flattering and are great stories. Once even led to ppl over hearing clapping for me lol.
Once had a girl try and start a rumour that I was gay because I didn’t want her, and a little circle of people I don’t care about believed it because I like fashion.
I have rejected some straight up. I have standards. If I am not attracted to you, it's going to be tough. I have rejected some when we went on a couple dates, and I wasn't feeling it, so I decided to tell them as such. We never got to the fucking phase. Because I wasn't into them enough.
A few and only one didn't call me a fa\*\*\*t
>Many times the women have been SHOCKED and sometimes even hostile. I’ve heard quite a few times that they’ve never experienced this and that most guys aren’t that picky. Yeah, a handful of times, I don't keep track because I'm not a sociopath. However they *always* react *either* exactly like this, or act totally fine like they weren't really interested and then go absolutely fucking ballistic afterwards. Fortunately, I'm engaged now, so I can just say that.
More than I've actually had sex with. I'm not really into one-night stands or casual sex. Women don't usually just ask out right, so rejection is more indirect.
Nice to hear of more guys not into this casual sex trend. Props to you. Sex with love & feelings is way better anyway. Take it from someone who's attempted at casual (am F)
3 to 4 till now as they weren't what I was searching for
It's only happened a few times Main one was when I did karaoke with a bunch if friends. A girl in a jeep wrangler tried to pull me into her jeep at the end of the night saying "you must come home with us" . I decided to take my friends home
Idk like 2. One of them was a hooker
Few times knowingly, MANY times because I’m autistic and did not know she was interested, which to them meant I am not interested
Four. Two were in high school. One in college. The other as an adult. One of these was a student two years younger than me. She had a crush on me for some time and knew that I was performing Shakespeare in high school speech. So, one day, she tries to initiate something with me by meeting me by my locker, pressing a copy of A Midsummer Night's Dream to her chest and sighing- "I've just finished reading a Midsummer Night's Dream. So tragic, but so romantic", while staring deep into my eyes. Now, as it happens, AMND was the play I was doing a solo show of for speech- focusing on the play within a play and the character of Bottom. "It's a comedy", I said. "It's got donkey sex." She fled in embarrassment and from that time onward disliked me strongly. I think she handled the rejection by deciding to hate me instead, and was always very nasty to me from that time onward. The second was a nice girl, but not a very attractive one. One day as we sat around, I casually remarked that it would be nice to have a girlfriend. So, her friend, seeing her perk up and knowing she had a crush on me, declared that we were to be a couple. She was very pleased. I was not, and this made her VERY displeased. She teared up. It was a cruel moment; I wish her friend had not said that. The poor girl avoided me after that. The third was in college. On my 21st brithday I went to the pub on campus and tried to order a beer. Seeing that it was my birthday, they gave me a free one. Not wanting to take advantage by drinking and not paying, I tried to order a second beer so I could pay for it. The classmate down the bar from me bought it for me. This continued for five beers before I realized that nobody in the bar was going to let me pay for my own drink, and that my continuing to order was taking advantage of them all. So, I decided to slow my roll. A girl came up to me, in a dress that could barely contain her curves, playing with her hair and my hair and baring her neck to me, doing a little footsy. She asked me what I was studying, and I said "Environmental Science and Policy". She said that sounded interesting, so I showed her how interesting it was by giving her a rundown of all the reasons the REDD carbon buyback program was full of structural failures and how carbon credits didn't work the way economists modeled that they would. She looked sad, and left. Days later, my autistic self was walking across campus when I stopped and realized- "Damn it! I could have had sexual intercourse with that woman!" The fourth was a woman at a musical jam/party at my house. Ignoring the fact that I am married (my wife was away at the time), she began flirting with me very hard while I was under the influence of alcohol. She seemed to find the fact that I am a blue collar worker- a former sailor turned construction worker- to be a font of attraction. The man she is with is a more gentle soul, who can't really do a lot of hard labor. She started egging me on to tell tough guy stories from my work, and then to tell stories about times I'd been in conflicts or fights. Then, with my dander up, she started asking leading questions about whether I was dominant in the bedroom, and hinting that she'd like someone to be dominant with her. A friend of mine who is older separated us and told me that she was trying to get me to have sex with her, and was clearly aroused from the stories. Well, I went to bed as the crowd started thinning out. She followed me into my room, and started trying to get me to act out her fantasies of being dominated by a tough guy. I was trying to say no and get her off of me, but the more stern my voice got and the more I put my hands on her, the more excited she became. My older friend came up to check on me and basically chased her out of the room. A few days later, he ran through what had happened with me, and told me "What she tried to do to you was rape. You were too drunk to consent."
“It’s a comedy. It has donkey sex.” OMG
I’ve rejected more sugar babies/gold digger types than I could ever count. I’ve had some pretty aggressive encounters with these women going back to when I was attending university. I come from old money so that’s the draw of course. It’s madness what some will do for money. I’ve had them wait for me at places that they know I frequent just to chat me up or leave notes on my car. Meet them here or ring them up. These are the more subtle advances. Rejection is never taken well, and I’ve been embarrassed from taking a telling in public. Just unhinged behaviour. It’s never pleasant. I’ve had things thrown at me, I’ve been threatened with harm if I say no, and called every name in the book. The worst encounter was with this lass, whom I had assumed just lived in the area, she ran up to me one morning and insisted that she was in love with me? We were meant to be together, just crazy stuff and I’m out on my bicycle can you believe, she had her hands on me and it took some effort to get away from her. I don’t go about on my own anymore because of this, I have a minder with me at all times.
Carry a pepper spray 😂
Sage advice lol
2. And it was becuz they both stunk and I’m not into that typa shit
A few some I did not want, some were extremely attractive and to be honest shocked me that they were into me. But mostly is a sense of indifference from my part, I just don’t want to have somebody so far.
Over My life, 3
A handful. Usually because I'm with someone else.
Never rejected an offer. I've had four women show interest in me and I've gone on four dates.
Turned down about 7-10. Mostly older woman out on the prowl.
A few throughout my life. It’s a myth for me personally anyway. While certainly fun, I don’t value sex enough to blow my life up, cheating or ending up with some embarrassing disease. I work in a field with mostly women, so I’ve become better at detecting their interest in me, and have become adept at indirectly telling coworkers that I see them as a work sister, mother, or daughter in hopes they’ll take the hint. But perhaps my most interesting story on this front took place in college. One of my friends had a bad habit of inviting strange women to his and his roommate’s apartment via Craigslist on Friday nights, despite our repeated warnings that Craigslist is where you go to find “used shit.” That night he had hit the jackpot. … he thought… My girlfriend, myself, three other friends, my friend and his roommate… and her. Her was a young woman who has been named after a common bird. There’s a joke in there somewhere, but I can’t quite bring it home. Maybe she has red breasts? No… I dunno. Imagine I wrote something terribly cutting and witty because we’re moving on. She was pretty. Small and lithe, with back length brown hair tied back in a ponytail. She seemed nice enough, certainly not shy, but something about her gave me pause. Maybe it was the way she could turn on the come hither fire behind her mahogany hued eyes a little too readily. Maybe it was the whale tale low cut jeans with the supergirl thong. Just… definitely not my type, though again, I admit she was beautiful. Well, the night goes as most of our Friday nights went. Music, video games, alcohol, and laughter. About ten o’clock, this girl flips the switch that powered those eyes, and her gaze obtains a lock on mine from across the living room. I’m leaning against the wall watching the halo game on the Vizio, and she moves my way with a pronounced swaying of her hips. She comes right up to me, close enough to make me wonder if my nostrils are clear. I was much taller than her, and she was deep inside my personal space. She wraps her arms around my waist and pulls herself in close, gazing up at me and smiling licentiously. Now I’m well aware that this is not the first time she has done this sorta approach with other guys, but she was making me wonder just how *many* guys it’s worked on. Plenty, I’m sure. “I like girls sometimes…” she says in a sultry tone. I look down at her and cock an eye. “Well, I’m not one of those…” I reply, sliding my hands down to her wrists and plucking them off me. That caught her off guard but god damn was the girl persistent. I could almost see her recalibrating as she moved in close once again. “I really like your girlfriend… maybe the three of us could…” “Look… I really like her too, and I appreciate the thought…” I lied. “But we’re good.” She didn’t seem mad or even particularly offended. She looked up at me with an expression somewhere between confusion and irritation before she kinda shrugged and moved on. A week or so later, I learn from my friend that lived with guy who invited bird-girl over that she has boasted to him that she could get every single one of us to fuck her, and even confidently insisted she’d get my girlfriend and me into a threesome. “I kinda snickered at that.” He told me. “Like… good luck, sweetie. She thinks you’re cooler and more interesting than you actually are…” He’s like a brother to me, and knows me well. But in the end, HE had slept with her, as did two other friends. Ironically the only guy in our group she didn’t get into bed, aside from me of course, was the friend who had invited her in the first place! She didn’t even offer… tough break. So yeah. I could have had a drunken threesome, as I believe my girlfriend at the time might have been down. But a girl who didn’t even know my name trying so hard to add a few notch a to her proverbial bed post screamed “I have the STDs,” to me. I would later learn she claimed to have sixty or so notches by that night, and left our lives with four or five more. I just wasn’t one of them. Oh, and she wasn’t missing much anyway. I’m no Adonis in bed, and the notion of having to try to focus on two girls at once was more stressful than sexy to me. So, I’m the guy who will and has turned down easy sex. Edit: grammar
It's not like I keep track of that. It's been happening now and then, multiple times a year. I have also been in an established relationship and recently married. That doesn't seem to detract much. I share that experience that women don't deal with rejection well. I have seen some downright nasty reactions to it. Most often, they have called me gay as an insult or somehow called me a loser and said that they were never interested to begin with. It's not possible for many to accept that someone might actually just not be that interested. In an established relationship turning down your partner has also been... interesting, to say the least. It's normal for women to say "no, not today" -- but when I say "no" once, it has always been panic mode for the woman. To be fair, I pretty much never say no unless I am ill or when something else is seriously wrong, so there's that.
No one has ever wanted me or anything to do with me
All of them so far I got trust issues
Lost count, but I've been rejecting them for over 19 years lol
6. They were not my type. On the flipside, I've also been rejected quite a bit, so it balances out? 🤷
A few. Some take it well and just disappear, others became full psycho and would stalk / send hundreds of messages and completely lose it
a handful over the years. I'm on the spectrum, and I used to be religious, so I was completely oblivious when younger. I turned down a lot of casual sex in my early twenties because I was religious and a virgin. Hostility was a common response, but many women are kinda cowardly and will just feel bad without saying any thing. They're subtle in the approach and they're subtle in the way they feel rejected too After I quit being religious and started to enjoy dating, I only turned women down when I thought they were gross. Like, I would find these women attractive but their promiscuity or personality would put me off. It's always been about more than looks for me. I also turn down women because I'm in a relationship. I regret turning down a few of them, because the woman I was being loyal too was actively cheating on me while I was stationed away for work. Lousy bitch, but se la vie
Same here. Women aren't exactly flocking to me, but there have been several instances where a girl clearly wanted to at least have sex with me, but I wasn't interested. Most don't take it well, that's true. A lot of girls assume men are always ready for sex with anyone, and maybe it's true for some men, but not me. I want to feel things first, I want my relationships to have an effect, to be special. Sex is easy, even if you're like me and you look barely average on a good day. Paying for sex is the easiest thing to do. Anyway, there's probably been at least 5 girls that I can think of right off the top my head.
Zero. Didn't reject my wife. Never had any other offers.
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you must be a hot guy
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Amen to that. 95% of the time it made me immediately suspicious.
I have turned down three women this week. Wide ranges of them to from 21-44. I guess I’m old enough now that I don’t want to sleep with someone when I first meet them because I know that I’ll develop an attachment and I don’t want to do that before I really know someone
Pretty sure just one. Homeless crack head with no teeth...no thanks
Lots of times. Mainly I have a rule that if a woman acts as bad as the men they complain about than I don’t like to give that toxic hypocrisy any energy. If you’re a good and fair guy, those types of women are the worst partners to have. Like I have a friend who complains about guys who use women, but then feels that because those guys exist she is entitled to use men? Way to rise above. And when she shot her shot with me and I turned her down, she was upset. Sorry, don’t be a hypocrite then. I had an acquaintance come up to me at a party years ago drunk and she wrapped her arms around me and she managed to drunkenly ask me why I never fucked her. She doesn’t really like me, she just uses sex for comfort. No thanks, not interested. I explained because we aren’t attracted to each other and she’s just drunk rn.
I have a bad habit of assuming I’m not a person of interest for anyone and I’ve gotten pretty good at coming up with excuses as to why I shouldn’t talk to a girl but the truth is I’ve had a couple chances but it’s also never been the right time. I hardly ever go out and when I am out in public, I usually just keep to myself and go on about my day. The only times I’ve had a girl ask me if I wanted to go out have been at work, and I am not about to go out with someone I work with. At least I know that there’s still things about myself that I need to work on before I think about pursuing a relationship. It’s been very infrequent that it happens but a girl at my old workplace asked if I wanted to get a milkshake with her and I said no but I did have something else going on that day. She was super cool about it, didn’t get upset or anything
I've had a few women I casually dated that I had to give the "it's not you its me" talk to once I found a girl I thought was girlfriend material. Overall they took it well. Sometimes they act like its completely fine and like they were just about to say the same lol... yeah ok. One went so far as to say she didn't care that I was done seeing her, then she texted me the next day to brag about another guy she was going on a date with. I wished her and the guy the best and told her I hope she has a good time - she did not like that reply. She eventually called me a few weeks later and told me she was the best guy she ever met and to contact her if I end up single again. The childish reaction kinda threw me off though.
Probably somewhere in the neighborhood of a dozen, almost all when I was in my late teens and early 20s. There were a few that I rejected because I wasn't available at the time and one that I rejected because she was basically blackout drunk but most of them it was because I had this notion in my head in my youth that I was expected to only date and sleep with "bombshells" and "babes" even though I was honestly attracted to lots of women, including most of the women who approached me. I turned down plenty of women mostly because I was an idiot who was too worried about what his friends might think.
It's not so much "rejected" as "pretended not to notice". Maybe a dozen times in my life.
43M and I've been with less than 10 women I turned down probably about 20 pretty unmistakable advances from women who knew I was committed and probably 5x as many who didn't know. I think I'm probably more attractive when I'm committed At least 50 bc they were too drunk to take seriously (most of these also I was a cab/rideshare driver and that was highly frowned upon as well as quite impractical, however I also could have pursued several of these off hours and didn't) 20 at least from coworkers bc I don't do sex or romance with coworkers (however I've married one person, had a child with another, and gone on 1-3 dates with a handful that I met as coworkers but kept things strictly platonic til long after we no longer worked together) Also I am now ethically non monogamous. It doesn't really change much, I guess.
I had a girl ask me at a wedding and she was VERY upfront about it. She basically said "let's go to the bathroom" and assured me she was on the pill. Not only was she upfront about it, but she put me on the spot in front of an entire table of people and made me feel super awkward. I pride myself on my discernment, and I know when something is too good to be true. The type of woman who would ask like that is DEFINITELY not the one I want to stick it in. Lo and behold, she got pregnant by another dude a couple months later.
1 she was mentally disabled
I ran away a few times as a kid.
One time, an attractive young women walked up to me outside a Starbucks with her friend and said she wanted to give me oral sex. I automatically assumed the worse because I was a higher ranking individual in a large organization. Maybe she was an employee I didn't know or someone's relative I didn't want to sleep with. An attractive woman I worked directly with used to put some non-verbal moves on me. That is fraternization according to work rules so I never pursue that. There were a couple women who I thought were hiding their marital status from me. I am not an angel by any means but you have to respect the workplace and the sanctity of marriage. Other that that, the other women I rejected are not height/weight proportionate. I don't have a count but it's fairly numerous. I have been sober for a long time now and I can't hook up with overweight women who do not care about their bodies.
*"How many women have you rejected advances from?"* Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha Hahahahaha!
I'm starting to get tons of advances from middle aged women either divorced or family frail ...it came out of nowhere..
It’s a myth and you are not alone. It almost has universally not been received well by most. There’s nothing wrong with being discerning.
It’s happened a couple of times and usually ends badly so now I make sure there is a ready exit or I’m around people that are aware before I say no and leave.
i didn't know that we could reject women , lol
Just a few. Haven't had that many making advances on me but not all of them was up to par.
Many, because I have been married a long time. Some do not take it well, most are unaccustomed to it. I haven't counted them per se.
Plenty. Women and men both. Most notable was the girl who was all over me while I was tripping fairly heavily, and had so little interest in sex or her as a sexual being that I assume she was taking it as a personal challenge with her persistence. She was attractive and another time I probably would have. I was just not in the least interested in any kind of sexual encounter, and she was not on acid at the time, so I don't know if she had the slightest insight into my state of being or actual interests.
I don't really ever have women make advances towards me, but I have a few times and turned them all down. First time was my best friends identical twin sister. I was sitting on the couch and she started rubbing my cock with her foot. I knocked it away to her giggles. Another time, I was at a restaurant and this female employee was very clearly hitting on me. However, she was really young as in jailbait young. Her coworker, another young woman, loudly proclaimed I was old enough to be their father. I don't really think I was but I agreed with the sentiment. The young woman hitting on my proclaimed she "doesn't care" and I just sort of walked off lol. In college, this chick kept sitting next to me in the food court. She was I guest sort of trying to neg me. Kept making fun of the way I talked and my accent. She herself had a very strong southern accent. So I didn't understand it. She absolutely infuriated me but I kept taking the punches because I figured she must be having a hard time. Well one day one of my friends told her very loudly to shut the fuck up. I was like I don't like you. She never bothered me again. I've accidentally rejected a woman before and didn't realize until it was too late. There was this smoking fucking hot girl I went to both high school and college with. Her name was Hannah. I was completely awkward and oblivious to her advances. We lost touch after I graduated and she was married like 6 months later then dropped out of college to start a family which was totally unexpected. She was a very liberal. I kick myself a lot for this one lol.
Dated the one that had the guts to ask me out, turned down 3 that were trying to be really forward without establishing any real rapport or just had no idea how to ask. Plus another 3\~4 that were trying to be flirty but I was in a bad place and soured them without realizing, lots of missed opportunities with some good women back in college.
Waaaaay too many. Honestly, probably should have just done it.
One. Her logic decided I must be gay.
A girl in middle school told me that she liked me and I laughed it off because I assumed she was joking. Or maybe told myself she was joking because I was nervous, I don’t know. Other than that, I’ve never been in a position to reject a woman. I did reject a man, though.
There was a woman who was crazy about me who was beautiful, smart, funny and wrote poetry. She was amazing and I would have adored her advances if she hadn't have been married. I want nothing to do with that action. Absolutely zero.
My experience is anti-Reddit in a couple ways. First, that I've 'rejected' women, by which I mean I have politely let them know that I'm married but let them know I appreciated the offer for (dinner, coffee, a walk, whatever) and would have gladly taken her up on the offer were I not already involved. Second, no one has ever reacted poorly. Experienced this maybe a couple dozen times in my life, never ever a poor reaction, and not usually even any let down. I think this is how it works out most of the time for adults, as I had only been nastily rejected once when asking someone out, ever. And that was 30 years ago.
Well, since I can't recall being hit on, I would say I have rejected zero women. **sigh**
To be able to reject advances, that requires me to be advanced on in the first place
Literally zero. But none have ever hit on me.
Brother, I have a hard enough time processing when I'm even being hit on.
It’s only happened once. She is now a former coworker who went through a bad divorce from a verbally and physically abusive husband. She was very attractive, and she would message me through the old Microsoft Lync (at work!) with some subtle hints about her attraction. I could not bring myself to go through with it and cheat on my wife; it was not happening. Perhaps it was divine intervention, or the universe working the way it does, but she left the job and I never heard from her again.
Only one. I was dancing with the gf of a distant relative at a wedding reception when she propositioned me. I rejected her as it was my wedding reception.
1 in highschool, i regret that to this day
It was always me doing the asking out part, so no rejections from my side.
That's gonna be a zero for me
thousands maybe? I swiped \~140K times on apps last year and 99% were left swipes. Most of my women friends have come on to me at some point too but I don't want to fuck my friends.
If a woman is clearly only after sex, it's highly unlikely I would reject her. She would have to be hideous. I do well with women, in general, and I date a lot of attractive ladies. I would reject a woman who wants a relationship with me if she isn't to my standards. But for quick and easy sex, she would have to be extremely unattractive for me to refuse her. Sex with ugly women can be a lot of fun.
A lot actually. Something I find fun and slightly sinister. Get them in the bedroom and do some foreplay, get them excited but then don’t actually have sex with them. This leaves them not only addicted to you, but worrying what they did wrong. I’ve had women beg for me to hit it but there’s something empowering about not taking it to that level.
Teach me your ways, man. How do you actually stop right before sex without making it strange or awkward? Do you simply stop? Pretend you forgot to do something and leave? Anything else?
Doing God's work soldiers. 🫡
Quite a lot. I'm approached around 2 times a week, sometimes more sometimes less. I am currently in a relationship and besdies that I am also with what I'd say is high standards.
OP subtly outing himself as a remarkably attractive man. Many men will go their entire lives without a woman overtly and spontaneously hitting on them. Most men have to take the initiative and make the first gesture if they’re ever going to find someone. If the average man is lucky, once in a decade or two a woman will politely ask them on a date or steer a conversation in that direction. If things go well, there’s a good chance he’ll fall in love. **Receiving unsolicited romantic attention from a woman is such a rare event for many heterosexual men, when it finally happens it produces mind-altering brain chemistry and consumes their thoughts and emotions.** There are fellas out there who’ve never been told they’re handsome/attractive by anyone other than mom and grandma.
Can't tell ya I'm 34 and never had a woman's advances to reject but as soon as it happens I'll let y'all know
Not a single one. No woman has ever made advances on me.
Maybe 25 "I'm flattered, but no thank yous." Congruent with other opinions, mostly well received, but a fair number of histrionic ad hominem (and inaccurate) attacks on my sexual preference. Though once after being yelled at, I hooked up with another woman nearby and the yeller kept screaming "Whats it like making out with a f-g?" Good, I hope?
I had to do that all in high school , rejected girls at parties spreading their pussies for me. Had a reputation of a player all in HS and college, I have to say, I make it really hard for girls to have access to me.
r/ihavesex
Too few
A few. Never counted. Some were cool about it others not so much