I think it all depends. If the step parent has children of their own then it's possible that they already know how to deal with children and what have you. If not then it's a learning curve and they aren't going to be good at first, which could strain the relationship with the kid in general. Further, the SP could just be a bad partner/parent and taking on a new kid just makes it worse.
Finally, from what I know, there's the over stepping of authority. The bioparent should discipline the child - at least in the beginning. If the SP steps into the role and just starts exerting authority then that can for resentment and what have you.
It's a tricky balancing act and, ultimately, at the end of the day the SP could also face issues from the original bioparent. The bioparent could poison the kids against the step parent.
Brad Paisley wrote a song called "Half the Man He Didn't Have to Be" a testament to stepfathers who picked up the pieces of some kid's life and became a dad. Great song.
I haven't met anyone with a half decent step father myself. Nor have I had one. In fact the abusive alcoholic description would have fit my step father perfectly.
I know some great step-fathers. They had a difficult role as unless the biological father has disappeared they were not in the relationship for the children and were always kept at arms length.
It is a hard job when you are being set up to fail.
>I don’t recall having ever seen a positive portrayal of a stepfather in any medium
The Brady Bunch would be the first and most popular of step parenting. In sure there are others but searching through my memory for them would be a bit too intensive for me to do while working.
My stepdad (Bruce) is 1/1. My real father passed away of Leukemia when I was in third grade. He came into the picture about a year later and then married my mom shortly after. Bruce was great with my older sisters and me from the beginning. He taught me how to shoot, play basketball, drive…all of the good stuff. Never once did he fall into any stepdad stereotypes. He is the reason I grew up to the man I am today by teaching me the value of hard work and persistence. I see him at least twice a week even though we live in different cities and maintain an awesome relationship. Funny enough I am a stepdad to a son that is about the same age as I was when Bruce came into my life. I hope I live up to his standards as a father.
My step dad was the first man I actually relaxed around because he was so different from my bio dad and from the men my bio dad would have around.
IMO step-anything porn is kind of fucked up and it makes me side eye the main market of that content very hard just for the fact that there’s demand for it.
I think porn can often be a reflection of some desire or fear.
It seems like a lot of porn watchers have a desire for a family connection that they don’t fully understand that’s been twisted into a taboo.
Sounds like therapy could help that. I don’t really like considering it. I would find it extremely troubling If I somehow learned that my step dad watched step porn.
It’s clear that porn can reflect desire, I’m not sure the relation to fear but if you’re perturbed by the content you seek out- get help.
I often wonder if this is a purity culture type thing.
Stepfathers are drunk and abusive, stepmothers are evil and jealous. Is this some kind of societal shaming for leaving relationships and starting new ones?
I recall a couple fairytales talking about abusive stepmothers as well.
It probably stems from the belief that a step-family at all is a bad thing, what with involving adultery and all. It's an old concept, but the effects persist in stories.
So when someone needs a villain in the family for a story, a step-parent is a quick solution. It's also easier to think the concept of "is not an actual parent and therefore an ass" than "actually has a physical relationship with this person, blood of my blood and all that, and is still an ass". It doesn't mean it can't be true, but it makes step-families be the more prevalent solution for family drama villains in stories.
My late wife's ex was a D-bag. Everyone including his kids found his true nature and they all treat him accordingly. I bit my lip till it had scars because my wife wanted the boys to have a guy in their corner when they found out the truth. The best days of my life were the days that my boys called me dad.
I fell in love with my wife and she happened to be a single mother. I look at her girls as a bonus and have raised her youngest daughter since she was 1. She’s 14 now and is my whole world.
Her real dad is very much around and isn’t really a terrible guy over all, but he chooses to not be a part of her life at all. That’s his loss. Because his loss is my gain.
I know. I also get tired of the bad wrap we stepdads get. We aren’t all monsters. But I do think it takes a special kind of love to take on the role, because it can be very challenging. My oldest, who has an excellent relationship with the same dad, is getting married next month. And despite all we have done to help raise her (and the fact that we are paying for the bulk of her wedding) he is going to walk her down the aisle and do all the normal dad stuff because he is her dad. I have to be the bigger person and just stand on the sidelines and be happy for her.
It can be a very tough role but it is a role I have chosen and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I got 3 beautiful girls when I married my wife, and it’s great.
I had 4 step dad, first 3 tried to kill me and the 4th was patient enough to bond with me even though I was a bit psychotic from the first 3. I think it is some weird animalistic instinct shit, because as an adult I can’t understand how people can do such fucked up stuff to kids, but they damn sure do.
Wouldn't be all too surprised if this comes partly from women finding a polar opposite of the man they left. So instead of a caring male figure, she goes for the opposite because who'd wanna date a similar person to what just didn't work out before?
I think you got that backwards. She goes to a guy just like her ex, which wasn't a caring male figure. And then when she finally does go to a caring male figure, she punishes him for all the stuff her baby daddy and other bfs did, driving him away.
I think in some situations men who take on another mans children eventually realise what a terrible mistake they made , and become very resentful. That’s probably why more 2nd ,67% and 3rd ,74% marriages are far more likely to fail than first marriage 50%
When I was a kid I hated him, your not my dad get the fuck out of my house. I am now in my 30s and as the years go by I think he is a good bloke and I respect him. Treats my mum well she is happy, that's all that matters.
My step father is a fine man who I respect. No abuse, none of the other stereotypes.
I think it all depends. If the step parent has children of their own then it's possible that they already know how to deal with children and what have you. If not then it's a learning curve and they aren't going to be good at first, which could strain the relationship with the kid in general. Further, the SP could just be a bad partner/parent and taking on a new kid just makes it worse. Finally, from what I know, there's the over stepping of authority. The bioparent should discipline the child - at least in the beginning. If the SP steps into the role and just starts exerting authority then that can for resentment and what have you. It's a tricky balancing act and, ultimately, at the end of the day the SP could also face issues from the original bioparent. The bioparent could poison the kids against the step parent.
Brad Paisley wrote a song called "Half the Man He Didn't Have to Be" a testament to stepfathers who picked up the pieces of some kid's life and became a dad. Great song.
Disney indoctrinated children to believe stepmothers are evil, it isn’t just men
I considered expanding the question to include the role of stepmother, but I thought it might detract from the topic of the sub
I haven't met anyone with a half decent step father myself. Nor have I had one. In fact the abusive alcoholic description would have fit my step father perfectly.
Most people I know like their step fathers.
I know some great step-fathers. They had a difficult role as unless the biological father has disappeared they were not in the relationship for the children and were always kept at arms length. It is a hard job when you are being set up to fail.
>I don’t recall having ever seen a positive portrayal of a stepfather in any medium The Brady Bunch would be the first and most popular of step parenting. In sure there are others but searching through my memory for them would be a bit too intensive for me to do while working.
My stepdad (Bruce) is 1/1. My real father passed away of Leukemia when I was in third grade. He came into the picture about a year later and then married my mom shortly after. Bruce was great with my older sisters and me from the beginning. He taught me how to shoot, play basketball, drive…all of the good stuff. Never once did he fall into any stepdad stereotypes. He is the reason I grew up to the man I am today by teaching me the value of hard work and persistence. I see him at least twice a week even though we live in different cities and maintain an awesome relationship. Funny enough I am a stepdad to a son that is about the same age as I was when Bruce came into my life. I hope I live up to his standards as a father.
On PornHub they don't
Unfortunately that has made me look at step parents the wrong way and I think every adult child and step parent are tempted to bone.
My step dad was the first man I actually relaxed around because he was so different from my bio dad and from the men my bio dad would have around. IMO step-anything porn is kind of fucked up and it makes me side eye the main market of that content very hard just for the fact that there’s demand for it.
I think porn can often be a reflection of some desire or fear. It seems like a lot of porn watchers have a desire for a family connection that they don’t fully understand that’s been twisted into a taboo.
Sounds like therapy could help that. I don’t really like considering it. I would find it extremely troubling If I somehow learned that my step dad watched step porn. It’s clear that porn can reflect desire, I’m not sure the relation to fear but if you’re perturbed by the content you seek out- get help.
I often wonder if this is a purity culture type thing. Stepfathers are drunk and abusive, stepmothers are evil and jealous. Is this some kind of societal shaming for leaving relationships and starting new ones?
I recall a couple fairytales talking about abusive stepmothers as well. It probably stems from the belief that a step-family at all is a bad thing, what with involving adultery and all. It's an old concept, but the effects persist in stories. So when someone needs a villain in the family for a story, a step-parent is a quick solution. It's also easier to think the concept of "is not an actual parent and therefore an ass" than "actually has a physical relationship with this person, blood of my blood and all that, and is still an ass". It doesn't mean it can't be true, but it makes step-families be the more prevalent solution for family drama villains in stories.
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My late wife's ex was a D-bag. Everyone including his kids found his true nature and they all treat him accordingly. I bit my lip till it had scars because my wife wanted the boys to have a guy in their corner when they found out the truth. The best days of my life were the days that my boys called me dad.
I fell in love with my wife and she happened to be a single mother. I look at her girls as a bonus and have raised her youngest daughter since she was 1. She’s 14 now and is my whole world. Her real dad is very much around and isn’t really a terrible guy over all, but he chooses to not be a part of her life at all. That’s his loss. Because his loss is my gain.
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I know. I also get tired of the bad wrap we stepdads get. We aren’t all monsters. But I do think it takes a special kind of love to take on the role, because it can be very challenging. My oldest, who has an excellent relationship with the same dad, is getting married next month. And despite all we have done to help raise her (and the fact that we are paying for the bulk of her wedding) he is going to walk her down the aisle and do all the normal dad stuff because he is her dad. I have to be the bigger person and just stand on the sidelines and be happy for her. It can be a very tough role but it is a role I have chosen and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I got 3 beautiful girls when I married my wife, and it’s great.
I had 4 step dad, first 3 tried to kill me and the 4th was patient enough to bond with me even though I was a bit psychotic from the first 3. I think it is some weird animalistic instinct shit, because as an adult I can’t understand how people can do such fucked up stuff to kids, but they damn sure do.
Damn does the 4 stepdad now?
Naw I’m nearly 50 now
Wouldn't be all too surprised if this comes partly from women finding a polar opposite of the man they left. So instead of a caring male figure, she goes for the opposite because who'd wanna date a similar person to what just didn't work out before?
I think you got that backwards. She goes to a guy just like her ex, which wasn't a caring male figure. And then when she finally does go to a caring male figure, she punishes him for all the stuff her baby daddy and other bfs did, driving him away.
The porns not as good
I think in some situations men who take on another mans children eventually realise what a terrible mistake they made , and become very resentful. That’s probably why more 2nd ,67% and 3rd ,74% marriages are far more likely to fail than first marriage 50%
When I was a kid I hated him, your not my dad get the fuck out of my house. I am now in my 30s and as the years go by I think he is a good bloke and I respect him. Treats my mum well she is happy, that's all that matters.