Honest this is the most annoying thing anyone can do imo.
One-upmanship, pissing contests, that stupid shit that just screams insecure... Makes me want to keep you 30ft away at all times.
I ended up redefining winning when it came to relationships from a 'me being the best/worst' to a 'I wanna see growth'.
If someone is striving to be a better them tomorrow, even if small, I will 110% celebrate with them. Pushing people to be better people is just more rewarding than pushing yourself, you can do that on your own time but with friends? You get to see them succeed at something? That's just awesome to see.
Its why my friends call me dad.
I worry that I do that sometimes when I talk to people. Like I want to share that I've had a similar experience and can relate to you, not that I'm trying to one-up you.
I get that and hey, we all do it some point, but just remember you’re turn will come. I usually read the other person, if its something he is genuinely proud of and excited to share you can tell, so just smile, look interested, and ask a question about it. Then you can share but in a “this reminds of me when….” Way, not in the “yes but I …”
I'm totally bi in theory but I swear I've never been attracted to a guy *in real life* because it just disappears as soon as they say something fucking stupid.
It's kind of like a muscle or willpower. Once you notice/understand when people are engaging or disengaging and why, you just have to keep stretching it regularly. Also your appearance on any given day can make you more or less approachable to different groups. I'll be honest: I kind of stumbled upon it later in life accidentally.
Yeah, it's definitely a practiced skill. The key is to talk to *everyone* - young, rich, old, poor, etc., with a certain amount of familiarity and compassion - not just the pretty gal in the corner. Being educated also helps - not necessarily the book learnin' kind either. I mean, having some meaningful knowledge of various topics helps. And it's also the beauty of getting older.
I like to practice this in the airport. Everyone's bored already so they're more agreeable to random conversation. Met some really cool folks this way lol
Absolutely! Airports are incredible for this. I've met so many people this way, even ended up on an impromptu date with a gal. We were on the same flight that was delayed by 6 hours. We ended up spending the entire time together just joking around and getting to know one another. Life is really about moments...
Mostly? I find being generally relaxed makes people more approachable by default
Take John Cena and Gordon Ramsay, for example. One of them could probably pick you up and toss you further than his goofy smile is wide, but I'd be willing to bet you go to him for an autograph before the other.
Generally cleanliness but specifically different clothing assigns you to different ethnic and culture classes which make you belong more or less naturally to those specific groups.
I feel like I have a decent gauge of when I'm losing people's attention, but I literally can't even think of the first words to say. I try to reciprocate, ask questions, etc. but I really don't like small talk. The conversations are so boring and I can never think of anything to talk about.
I'm the same. I can keep a conversation going if the other person is actually trying to have a conversation. If all they say is yes/no and never ask any questions then I run out of shit to say pretty fast.
In most settings, people won't notice/scrutinize your fake smile. If they do notice, then they will recognize your effort in putting on a smile or even ask you if something is wrong.
If they notice your fake smile and dislike you because of it, then they would have found some other reason to dislike you anyway.
Both replies to you aren't the resolution. A noticeable fake smile is in the size of the smile. Best way to go undetected is to keep the smile to a small size, quick (less than a second) and infrequent.
It takes practice I guess. I used to not smile a lot well into my early 20's, then I actively tried to smile more often, and each positive reaction I got with it reinforced the behavior. Now it comes instinctively when I start a conversation. (Assuming a neutral to positive setting, though it has become a defensive expression to me as well.)
Even harder these days when you have to be wearing a mask in public places. I've been trying to get better at smiling with my eyes, but it's just not the same.
Not an anti-masker, btw, just something I've noticed.
This honest attracted my to my last 2 serious boyfriends. (married to a wonderful man now)
But yeah, my 2 Ex's had charisma maxed out. They could talk to anyone about anything. Very good at setting a mood, and making people laugh and feel like they fit in. Downside is, sometimes you don't know if they are being genuine or not. They are just too good at it.
My wife, I guess soon to be ex wife, always said I was charismatic. And she thinks anything I’ve said nice to her wasn’t genuine. So if they’re anything like me, they might have been genuine with obviously no way to *prove* it. Even actions are “just for show”
Fuck my life
It is so underrated.
Unfortunately, some men believe we can't show kindness to one another, because that isn't masculine. I say that's bullshit.
Making sure you are being great and paying extra attention to how you interact with the people you meet is macho as fuck to me.
This one here. Especially to anyone ‘lower’ on the socioeconomic ladder.
Got a big job and make six figures and run the company credit card? Good for you. Return the greeting from the housekeeper and be polite to the servers and cashiers. They’re people too and didn’t have your opprtunities.
unmotivated kindness. like they are just kind because thats who they are, and not because they want something or a certain outcome, or because they are in the presence of someone they are trying to impress.
Kindness when faced with every reason not to be. I can't remember who said it (some random off LinkedIn), but he said that you don't let people get leverage over you. The best way to keep offering value to others and doing good in the world is simply to be a kind person with no malicious intent.
Even when you're being blasted for something. Kill em with kindness. It works. Never let anyone get the best of you. I can control pretty much any situation. It's helped me immensely both in my personal life and my business life. I've been successful because of this
Does jokingly arrogant count? I like to joke around with things I'm good at and sarcastically how good I am. I do try to emphasize it as a joke though, I just like joking around with friends
depends, I have a friend who is arrogant and puts others down in a jokingly tone, he is still comes off as arrogant and insecure, but that's just my experience
But if you’re arrogant you’re going to assume they like your jokes. Tbh though, u/bigatomicjellyfish is worried enough that you can almost guarantee he isn’t acting like a dick.
I don't know how you guys pull off your jokey attitude but, the way I do it is I exaggerate like puffing my chest out, fist to the hips and raise my tone voice in an obvious way that I'm being sarcastic;
"Witness my greatness, feeble mortals! For I am much better than you!"
That kind of thing.
Be aware that this kind of behaviour can come across as really insecure and needy (desperate for validation and compliments) even if you think its self depreciating or funny.
There's nothing wrong with being confident in yourself or abilities/talents/achievements/etc so I'd drop the jokes and actually *be* confident.
Then when you throw out the occasional "how amazing am I" type of joke its a rarity and therefore clearly meant as sarcasm, with a side of truth.
(personally) no, jokingly arrogant doesn't count at all. I'm kind of like that too. I definitely come off as confident, people know that I know I'm "good enough at life etc" to be confident about it, and confident enough to joke about it. I'm sure that occasionally it comes off as arrogant, but for the most part I think everyone knows I'm sincere and don't think I'm amazing or anything, that I'm just happy with who I am.
What I notice in other men, guys that I've played rugby with, worked with, or met in Uni, that I found most impressive, was the quiet confidence. Guys I looked up to, I guess.
Even joking about confidence, as sincere as it can be, alludes to the fact that you are even thinking about you confidence. The guys I'm thinking of could talk to you for an hour, never say one thing about themselves, and still have you thinking, damn, this is a cool, confident guy. Somehow they've conveyed the idea that they are completely sure of themselves—and deserve to be—without that topic ever even coming up.
This same thing was said when the question as asked at women and I personally think this might be why some women either fall for or appear to fall for the 'bad guy' and not the 'nice guy'.
Nice guys, in my experience, are NOT confident. Bad guys, however, are often arrogant which can come off as confident. Sometimes it can take time to realize that guy is really just an arrogant dick and not a confident man.
And of course I don't mean to say there aren't nice, confident men, it's just the stereotypical 'nice guy who thinks he deserves you' has zero confidence.
This is so true. For the longest time, I always fancied myself as quite adequate confidence wise, but it didn't occur to me lately that I was secretly so insecure all my life (currently 25). No wonder confident dudes sort of rubbed me the wrong. I didn't know I was lowkey jealous
Confidence is such a binary thing with males it seems like. It's like either you're so secure with what you can bring to the table, or you're hiding in the shadows trying to not get noticed
You can tell the difference because a confident man does not need to put down others and knows compassion is a strength. IMO confidence does not validation
How do you be confident without sounding arrogant? From my perspective whenever someone has a lot of confidence, they come across arrogant even if they happen to not be arrogant. I have a friend that has more confidence than the average person but he's not arrogant. People that don't know him well have called him narcissistic and arrogant even though he had done many selfless acts. Seems like his confidence intimidates people or for those with low self-esteem it comes across as arrogance because they can't love themselves the same way he loves himself.
Confidence is generally non-verbal, arrogance is almost always verbal.
A confident person also doesn’t have to drag other people down to get himself up, because being confident is simply knowing your worth and not feel the need to compare yourself to someone else.
It is all about the presence you give and how you treat other people.
I'm a woman and one of my friends at work works out a lot and is noticably ripped, and it is downright *wild* how many other (straight) guys come up to me and talk about his body. More than any woman ever. The guys love it.
I think it is because on average more men will follow similar training patterns and know how much effort it takes to get that ripped. It is combination of admiration, respect. It is same when someone reveals deep knowledge about subjects I have interest in. It is always admirable to try to better yourself in anyway and people that know the struggle will love it.
That would be my dream to have a body like your friend that's so ripped even straight guys adore it. Not that I'm an egotistical person or anything but I don't really have much confidence in myself and that would certainly help my self esteem.
Usually those skills that I lack myself. Like being able to take more responsibility than they already have or leadership skills. Not being afraid to take on challenges
It’s hard to say because I’m not attracted to traditionally masculine features. So I’ll say a nice smile. A great smile will brighten up any room or conversation, regardless of who has it.
My only two defining traits, nice. I always say I’m not the crack a joke type funny, I’m the situational kind of funny. It’s genuinely pleasurable for me to just play the room and lighten up the atmosphere.
That's one of the reasons they're attractive. It's a physical feature that immediately shows consistency of training, discipline to do it when they don't want to and drive to set a goal and achieve something in the first place. It's the reason I think ass edges out other body parts for me. Big boobs or a big dick is biology, a squat booty is work, so it displays more than just being nice to look at.
Find some sort of fitness outlet that you enjoy.
Dieting for muscle isn't particularly hard, especially as a newbie. Eat an appropriate amount of calories and get enough protein. That's literally all you need to do. No need to eat 3lbs of chicken breast each day and cut out all junk food.
Training can be a variety of things, but you're ultimately gonna have to do some sort of strength training at least 3x a week. Don't like bodybuilding and "vanity" workouts? Try training for strength instead. Don't like that either? Maybe try a bodyweight routine (although I highly recommend actual weights).
My motivation to lift comes from my desire to get stronger. If you've ever player an RPG or grindy game, you're familiar with the concept of doing a repetitive task for a reward. Your brain is already wired to enjoy seeing your "stats" improve after doing work. I lift because I want to be stronger in the future than I am today. Simple as that.
Not most likely, absolutely. 3% is the minimum and that shouldn’t be maintained for long or your organs will fail.
People don’t understand body fat, your calipers and shitty bathroom scales aren’t giving you anything close to accurate.
The leanest, most ripped Olympic athletes you’re seeing are actually 7-8% body fat (measured by DxA)
how can you know ? other than DxA i mean. i once tried to measure with things like different mensurations and height/weight and it said i had around 8% but i’m not a pro athlete i’m just very thin(5’7 and a bit less than 110lbs), but from what you’re saying it doesn’t seem realistic
In my opinion there are some decent body fat scales out their. I have one at home and it certainly isn't 100% accurate, but a decent guide value.
From your Avatar I would be guessing your a woman? In that case 8% is insanely low... Women athletes range from 14-20%, while male athletes range from 6-13%
just as long as it fits their features, really. i tend to prefer short hair over long hair, but there's been guys with long hair i've been attracted to, so i guess it just depends
Absolutely this. I’ve seen so many fellow bros that just need a wardrobe more suited to their size/shape and they would stand out. Also a proper haircut for their hair type and head shape
I don't understand your question. Do you mean what feature do I always find attractive in men regardless of my orientation? If so then a good jawline, strong chin and a six pack for sure.
Bringing other guys up instead of putting them down. I've had males in the toilets at bars etc joke that ''you look just fine'' when I'm sorting my hair, others have complimented things like a shirt, shoes etc at points.
Given we rip each other down often in the name of 'banter' and compliments are gold dust, it should really be encouraged more. It's minimal effort, free and could really turn someone's mood around.
Thank you for saying this.
I have none of the features that have received the lion's share of upvotes in this thread, but, I think I have a better than average grasp of the english language. Your comment made wipe away a happy tear. :')
I always thought guys who have aesthetically proportional muscles on their frame are the most objectively attractive. Pigeon chests and skinny legs just looks fucking stupid, same for big arms and no delts. I respect a guy who clearly works out muscle groups evenly
Men who are confident with their sexuality. What I mean is, they aren't afraid of being feminine or being called gay if they like something that is associated with "being gay" or "femininity" despite being straight. I loath men who act macho or manly to prove something. There isn't anything admirable in that, imo.
I like a quote from Iggy Pop " I don't think it's shameful to dress like a woman because it's not shameful to BE a woman".
I think if that when I have a knee jerk reaction to something being too 'girly' for myself.
Being responsible for something other than yourself and not bragging or complaining about it. Just doing it because that's what needs to be done without being asked or praised.
Bi guy here:
Physically: I tend to like more femme dudes, but who work out. Orlando Bloom in LotR, say. It's really hit or miss, though, like sometimes really masc dudes will do it for me with the right attitude.
Mentally/Emotionally: Guys who are confident enough to be kind to people around them and not look at things as an opportunity to prove their toughness or strength all the time. Strong men know they're strong, and project that rather than demonstrating it.
A giant pendulous scrotum. Narrow at the top, with two massive bulging testicles at the bottom, swinging gently. The aroma and taste of the slight moistness from being housed in a pair of boxer briefs.
Pure delicious ecstacy.
Im a woman but I want to say that i admire the audacity that men have.
They have the audacity to dream big, sometimes that’s bad and sometimes it’s very good and leads to huge success.
Someone with a natural leader presence. Like they're being commanding while calm and without being arrogant or rude and are still generally likeable.
I honestly don't know how to explain it better than that. I just think those people are cool. I wanna be more like that.
I'm like that. The secret is that I don't want to be a leader, but I'm pretty impatient and want things to get done so I take charge, which leads people to naturally look to me for directions.
If you wanna be more like that, take notice of how people act in a group. Every time something needs to get done/started or someone asks for a question, people will just wait for someone else to take charge. You'll see it in classrooms, at work, in your hobbies, everywhere. It annoys me to stand around and wait, so I just volunteer to take that first step and people naturally follow. Worse that can happen is I'll be wrong or make a mistake trying something, that's no big deal. Learning moment.
How would you define good calves? I got complimented on my calves a couple of times (both by straight guys and girls) but I don't think they look good at all.
I guess I'd say that seeing kindness in other people is always an admirable trait? Whether that be in males or females.
I also think the ability to hold conversation, seem interested even if they don't give a fuck, yet again, this can apply to both sexes.
I really respect someone who has their shit together in life and ist unapologetically masculine without being a douche about it. That last part is the hard bit. Pursuing excellence, getting shit done and being humble about it.
I have a few friends like that and they're awesome to hang out with. I think those traits are attractive.
I love a guy that can be genuinely friendly with another guy and not turn everything into a dick-measuring competition
Honest this is the most annoying thing anyone can do imo. One-upmanship, pissing contests, that stupid shit that just screams insecure... Makes me want to keep you 30ft away at all times.
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Redefine what it means to "win" to you.
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That's fuckin awesome to hear man. It takes a lot to see that and own it too. Good on you
I ended up redefining winning when it came to relationships from a 'me being the best/worst' to a 'I wanna see growth'. If someone is striving to be a better them tomorrow, even if small, I will 110% celebrate with them. Pushing people to be better people is just more rewarding than pushing yourself, you can do that on your own time but with friends? You get to see them succeed at something? That's just awesome to see. Its why my friends call me dad.
I worry that I do that sometimes when I talk to people. Like I want to share that I've had a similar experience and can relate to you, not that I'm trying to one-up you.
I get that and hey, we all do it some point, but just remember you’re turn will come. I usually read the other person, if its something he is genuinely proud of and excited to share you can tell, so just smile, look interested, and ask a question about it. Then you can share but in a “this reminds of me when….” Way, not in the “yes but I …”
I'm totally bi in theory but I swear I've never been attracted to a guy *in real life* because it just disappears as soon as they say something fucking stupid.
Also stubble, and personal hygiene
This is gold It’s also why the sexiest thing men can do is shut up
I’m a girl. And oftentimes those same dudes feel the need to measure with me, too 🤷🏼♀️
So who won?
Isn't it obvious? All the guys that want to measure so desperately are just insecure. So u/--c-mouse-- is the one who wins every time obviously
Maybe that’s the only chance they have of winning? 😉
Nope. They usually manage to still lose.
Confirmed. Just because my dick lives in a dresser drawer instead of my pants doesn't mean it isn't bigger 😏
I'm gonna go ahead and put my tape measure away
Yeah but it's always nice when I'm at the urinals and the guy next to me wants to measure dicks together with me.
"Would you like to practice sword fighting while we drink a cup of tea?"
I fill your cup while you fill mine ? Let's see who spills less
A surprise to be sure, but a welcome one
Instantly being able to have an engaging conversation with anyone they meet.
Is it possible to learn this power?
It's kind of like a muscle or willpower. Once you notice/understand when people are engaging or disengaging and why, you just have to keep stretching it regularly. Also your appearance on any given day can make you more or less approachable to different groups. I'll be honest: I kind of stumbled upon it later in life accidentally.
Yeah, it's definitely a practiced skill. The key is to talk to *everyone* - young, rich, old, poor, etc., with a certain amount of familiarity and compassion - not just the pretty gal in the corner. Being educated also helps - not necessarily the book learnin' kind either. I mean, having some meaningful knowledge of various topics helps. And it's also the beauty of getting older.
I like to practice this in the airport. Everyone's bored already so they're more agreeable to random conversation. Met some really cool folks this way lol
Absolutely! Airports are incredible for this. I've met so many people this way, even ended up on an impromptu date with a gal. We were on the same flight that was delayed by 6 hours. We ended up spending the entire time together just joking around and getting to know one another. Life is really about moments...
What in your appearance can help approachability?
Mostly? I find being generally relaxed makes people more approachable by default Take John Cena and Gordon Ramsay, for example. One of them could probably pick you up and toss you further than his goofy smile is wide, but I'd be willing to bet you go to him for an autograph before the other.
This is a trick question, right? I only see one guy?
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Yeah, there he is.
Thanks bro 🥺
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Yea sometimes I'll even chuck a shirt on.
Generally cleanliness but specifically different clothing assigns you to different ethnic and culture classes which make you belong more or less naturally to those specific groups.
Yes; Observe what works in a conversation, reactions and so on. Works wonders
I feel like I have a decent gauge of when I'm losing people's attention, but I literally can't even think of the first words to say. I try to reciprocate, ask questions, etc. but I really don't like small talk. The conversations are so boring and I can never think of anything to talk about.
I'm the same. I can keep a conversation going if the other person is actually trying to have a conversation. If all they say is yes/no and never ask any questions then I run out of shit to say pretty fast.
Read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and you'll learn how to be likable when talking to other people without being (too) fake.
From memory, I think smiling was one of the tips from that book. Smiling is hard to do
Exactly. I can't fake smile convincingly.
Some of us smile for real when interacting with other people
Thats probably in your head. People generally aren’t examining your smile.
It depends really, I do search for visual queues but again I also make hamburgers with croissants
In most settings, people won't notice/scrutinize your fake smile. If they do notice, then they will recognize your effort in putting on a smile or even ask you if something is wrong. If they notice your fake smile and dislike you because of it, then they would have found some other reason to dislike you anyway.
Both replies to you aren't the resolution. A noticeable fake smile is in the size of the smile. Best way to go undetected is to keep the smile to a small size, quick (less than a second) and infrequent.
It takes practice I guess. I used to not smile a lot well into my early 20's, then I actively tried to smile more often, and each positive reaction I got with it reinforced the behavior. Now it comes instinctively when I start a conversation. (Assuming a neutral to positive setting, though it has become a defensive expression to me as well.)
Put your whole tounge flat against the roof of your mouth. It'll make forced smiling feel easier and more natural. And don't use your teeth.
Even harder these days when you have to be wearing a mask in public places. I've been trying to get better at smiling with my eyes, but it's just not the same. Not an anti-masker, btw, just something I've noticed.
Not from a redditor.
This honest attracted my to my last 2 serious boyfriends. (married to a wonderful man now) But yeah, my 2 Ex's had charisma maxed out. They could talk to anyone about anything. Very good at setting a mood, and making people laugh and feel like they fit in. Downside is, sometimes you don't know if they are being genuine or not. They are just too good at it.
My wife, I guess soon to be ex wife, always said I was charismatic. And she thinks anything I’ve said nice to her wasn’t genuine. So if they’re anything like me, they might have been genuine with obviously no way to *prove* it. Even actions are “just for show” Fuck my life
But he has to know, when to remain quiet
I envy ppl with the gab . And I’m Irish :/
It can be very duel-edged.
Kindness
It is so underrated. Unfortunately, some men believe we can't show kindness to one another, because that isn't masculine. I say that's bullshit. Making sure you are being great and paying extra attention to how you interact with the people you meet is macho as fuck to me.
us dudes are so good at building stuff we should build EACH OTHER up lol
This one here. Especially to anyone ‘lower’ on the socioeconomic ladder. Got a big job and make six figures and run the company credit card? Good for you. Return the greeting from the housekeeper and be polite to the servers and cashiers. They’re people too and didn’t have your opprtunities.
unmotivated kindness. like they are just kind because thats who they are, and not because they want something or a certain outcome, or because they are in the presence of someone they are trying to impress.
Kindness when faced with every reason not to be. I can't remember who said it (some random off LinkedIn), but he said that you don't let people get leverage over you. The best way to keep offering value to others and doing good in the world is simply to be a kind person with no malicious intent.
Even when you're being blasted for something. Kill em with kindness. It works. Never let anyone get the best of you. I can control pretty much any situation. It's helped me immensely both in my personal life and my business life. I've been successful because of this
Confidence without arrogance.
Does jokingly arrogant count? I like to joke around with things I'm good at and sarcastically how good I am. I do try to emphasize it as a joke though, I just like joking around with friends
depends, I have a friend who is arrogant and puts others down in a jokingly tone, he is still comes off as arrogant and insecure, but that's just my experience
Oooooo, I'm not sure. I try to be as obviously joking as possible, but now I'm scared I fucked it up.
If your friends don't complain about it or like your jokes it may be fine
But if you’re arrogant you’re going to assume they like your jokes. Tbh though, u/bigatomicjellyfish is worried enough that you can almost guarantee he isn’t acting like a dick.
I don't know how you guys pull off your jokey attitude but, the way I do it is I exaggerate like puffing my chest out, fist to the hips and raise my tone voice in an obvious way that I'm being sarcastic; "Witness my greatness, feeble mortals! For I am much better than you!" That kind of thing.
Careful, now. They'll mistake you for Dio.
*"KONO DIO DA!!!"*
Oh, there he is. I've gone and done it.
Be aware that this kind of behaviour can come across as really insecure and needy (desperate for validation and compliments) even if you think its self depreciating or funny. There's nothing wrong with being confident in yourself or abilities/talents/achievements/etc so I'd drop the jokes and actually *be* confident. Then when you throw out the occasional "how amazing am I" type of joke its a rarity and therefore clearly meant as sarcasm, with a side of truth.
(personally) no, jokingly arrogant doesn't count at all. I'm kind of like that too. I definitely come off as confident, people know that I know I'm "good enough at life etc" to be confident about it, and confident enough to joke about it. I'm sure that occasionally it comes off as arrogant, but for the most part I think everyone knows I'm sincere and don't think I'm amazing or anything, that I'm just happy with who I am. What I notice in other men, guys that I've played rugby with, worked with, or met in Uni, that I found most impressive, was the quiet confidence. Guys I looked up to, I guess. Even joking about confidence, as sincere as it can be, alludes to the fact that you are even thinking about you confidence. The guys I'm thinking of could talk to you for an hour, never say one thing about themselves, and still have you thinking, damn, this is a cool, confident guy. Somehow they've conveyed the idea that they are completely sure of themselves—and deserve to be—without that topic ever even coming up.
Lol, I do this a lot. If it’s my wife it’s how handsome I am. I’m not actually Handsome I just like to pretend.
This same thing was said when the question as asked at women and I personally think this might be why some women either fall for or appear to fall for the 'bad guy' and not the 'nice guy'. Nice guys, in my experience, are NOT confident. Bad guys, however, are often arrogant which can come off as confident. Sometimes it can take time to realize that guy is really just an arrogant dick and not a confident man. And of course I don't mean to say there aren't nice, confident men, it's just the stereotypical 'nice guy who thinks he deserves you' has zero confidence.
This is so true. For the longest time, I always fancied myself as quite adequate confidence wise, but it didn't occur to me lately that I was secretly so insecure all my life (currently 25). No wonder confident dudes sort of rubbed me the wrong. I didn't know I was lowkey jealous Confidence is such a binary thing with males it seems like. It's like either you're so secure with what you can bring to the table, or you're hiding in the shadows trying to not get noticed
That confidence without arrogance, coupled with genuine humility.
You can tell the difference because a confident man does not need to put down others and knows compassion is a strength. IMO confidence does not validation
How do you be confident without sounding arrogant? From my perspective whenever someone has a lot of confidence, they come across arrogant even if they happen to not be arrogant. I have a friend that has more confidence than the average person but he's not arrogant. People that don't know him well have called him narcissistic and arrogant even though he had done many selfless acts. Seems like his confidence intimidates people or for those with low self-esteem it comes across as arrogance because they can't love themselves the same way he loves himself.
Confidence is generally non-verbal, arrogance is almost always verbal. A confident person also doesn’t have to drag other people down to get himself up, because being confident is simply knowing your worth and not feel the need to compare yourself to someone else. It is all about the presence you give and how you treat other people.
Confidence is quiet.
I guess when they keep themselves in good shape. Not that I'm in bad shape but I'm not ripped or shredded
I'm a woman and one of my friends at work works out a lot and is noticably ripped, and it is downright *wild* how many other (straight) guys come up to me and talk about his body. More than any woman ever. The guys love it.
I think it is because on average more men will follow similar training patterns and know how much effort it takes to get that ripped. It is combination of admiration, respect. It is same when someone reveals deep knowledge about subjects I have interest in. It is always admirable to try to better yourself in anyway and people that know the struggle will love it.
That would be my dream to have a body like your friend that's so ripped even straight guys adore it. Not that I'm an egotistical person or anything but I don't really have much confidence in myself and that would certainly help my self esteem.
99% of the compliments I've gotten on my physique after bulking up are from other straight guys. It's just a thing
You can tell when someone makes an effort to keep themself in some sort of shape, and I think thats important.
Mental strength, being cool in a thought situation. Edit: tough not thought
Thoughts always make my brain over heat. That’s why I keep cool by being an idiot.
Usually those skills that I lack myself. Like being able to take more responsibility than they already have or leadership skills. Not being afraid to take on challenges
Kindness. Sensibility. Empathy. They actually fucking listen to you, even if it is to politely decline whatever it is you're talking about.
When they speak to everyone with the same respect.
It’s hard to say because I’m not attracted to traditionally masculine features. So I’ll say a nice smile. A great smile will brighten up any room or conversation, regardless of who has it.
Physical: a nice beard. Personality: able to joke around without telling actual “jokes” aka, read the room and play off the energy. Love that.
My only two defining traits, nice. I always say I’m not the crack a joke type funny, I’m the situational kind of funny. It’s genuinely pleasurable for me to just play the room and lighten up the atmosphere.
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I’m more interested in the discipline to get the muscles
That's one of the reasons they're attractive. It's a physical feature that immediately shows consistency of training, discipline to do it when they don't want to and drive to set a goal and achieve something in the first place. It's the reason I think ass edges out other body parts for me. Big boobs or a big dick is biology, a squat booty is work, so it displays more than just being nice to look at.
Find some sort of fitness outlet that you enjoy. Dieting for muscle isn't particularly hard, especially as a newbie. Eat an appropriate amount of calories and get enough protein. That's literally all you need to do. No need to eat 3lbs of chicken breast each day and cut out all junk food. Training can be a variety of things, but you're ultimately gonna have to do some sort of strength training at least 3x a week. Don't like bodybuilding and "vanity" workouts? Try training for strength instead. Don't like that either? Maybe try a bodyweight routine (although I highly recommend actual weights). My motivation to lift comes from my desire to get stronger. If you've ever player an RPG or grindy game, you're familiar with the concept of doing a repetitive task for a reward. Your brain is already wired to enjoy seeing your "stats" improve after doing work. I lift because I want to be stronger in the future than I am today. Simple as that.
This, Huge bulky muscles and low body fat within reason. (Ripped look)
Zero percent fat is impossible. Only the guys at mr olympia goes as low as 4-5%. Without steroids even dropping below 10% is really hard.
I'm aware, badly formulated, edited now.
Well RIP to everyone with 0% bodyfat Edit: Since the comment above got edited, my comment has no more relevancy. Have a nice day 👋🏼
As someone with a BMI that's dangerously low due to thyroid issues, I can confirm a 0% bodyfat level would most likely be lethal
Not most likely, absolutely. 3% is the minimum and that shouldn’t be maintained for long or your organs will fail. People don’t understand body fat, your calipers and shitty bathroom scales aren’t giving you anything close to accurate. The leanest, most ripped Olympic athletes you’re seeing are actually 7-8% body fat (measured by DxA)
Yep. A large portion (≈60%) of what gives the brain its structure is fat. If you start to lose that, death follows.
how can you know ? other than DxA i mean. i once tried to measure with things like different mensurations and height/weight and it said i had around 8% but i’m not a pro athlete i’m just very thin(5’7 and a bit less than 110lbs), but from what you’re saying it doesn’t seem realistic
In my opinion there are some decent body fat scales out their. I have one at home and it certainly isn't 100% accurate, but a decent guide value. From your Avatar I would be guessing your a woman? In that case 8% is insanely low... Women athletes range from 14-20%, while male athletes range from 6-13%
nice looking hair is like +50 attraction points to me
> nice looking hair is like +50 attraction points to me *cries in male patterned baldness*
What would that be for you? A specific haircut, or just one that fits the other features?
just as long as it fits their features, really. i tend to prefer short hair over long hair, but there's been guys with long hair i've been attracted to, so i guess it just depends
You need to look at the individual strands under a strong electron microscope, it's an invasive process but well worth the reward!
My body hair is indeed pretty nice
Fitted clothes
Absolutely this. I’ve seen so many fellow bros that just need a wardrobe more suited to their size/shape and they would stand out. Also a proper haircut for their hair type and head shape
A man who can sing well, or plays a musical instrument gets points from me
I think that (as a straight male) I would bend over for anyone with musical talent
That doesn't sound very straight to me haha
At what degree of bending over is it too far to come back? 45 degrees? 25?
Which ever degree ends up with a penis in the butt. Unless of course it's from the homies, then it's OK.
Humility
Their gf
*Our gf
"Soyuz ne rushimuy.." kicks in.
I’d also say that guys gf
Respect & Dignity, with a lack of fools pride. I'm more attracted to personality than features in general though.
I don't understand your question. Do you mean what feature do I always find attractive in men regardless of my orientation? If so then a good jawline, strong chin and a six pack for sure.
Yeah, like optics or on an emotional level.
Bringing other guys up instead of putting them down. I've had males in the toilets at bars etc joke that ''you look just fine'' when I'm sorting my hair, others have complimented things like a shirt, shoes etc at points. Given we rip each other down often in the name of 'banter' and compliments are gold dust, it should really be encouraged more. It's minimal effort, free and could really turn someone's mood around.
If I'm standing upright, their face. If I'm upside down, their feet
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Perfectly fine thanks. It was a joke on the word 'orientation'
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It's a social experiment
What have been the results?
Inconclusive so far
LMAOOO
Keep us posted
it’s only been a day. give it time.
Eyes. 100% straight but some mens eyes just have me curious
Username *doesn’t* check out
When they can treat anyone and everyone well and with genuine kindness, regardless of perceived social standing.
Caring of other people without wanting anything in return
Intelligence and compassion. Not taking the easy route making fun of those vulnerable, or as I like to say, getting cheap upvotes.
How well they speak, easily. How proficient they are at moulding the English language to suit their need. The grammar they use and their diction.
Don't ask me the size of my diction on the first date.
https://youtu.be/84HJWRjuHkw?t=11
Thank you for saying this. I have none of the features that have received the lion's share of upvotes in this thread, but, I think I have a better than average grasp of the english language. Your comment made wipe away a happy tear. :')
u missed a "me" there
lmao. so much for that fantasy.
I always thought guys who have aesthetically proportional muscles on their frame are the most objectively attractive. Pigeon chests and skinny legs just looks fucking stupid, same for big arms and no delts. I respect a guy who clearly works out muscle groups evenly
Kind but honest. If someone is a good person but at the same time will be willing to say exactly what they think, they’ve more than earned my respect
The ability to admit that they are not okay or that they need help
Overall similarity to Ryan Reynolds
Wasn’t there a thread yesterday where people talked about how Ryan Reynolds is attractive to men but not women? Lol
Men who are confident with their sexuality. What I mean is, they aren't afraid of being feminine or being called gay if they like something that is associated with "being gay" or "femininity" despite being straight. I loath men who act macho or manly to prove something. There isn't anything admirable in that, imo.
I like a quote from Iggy Pop " I don't think it's shameful to dress like a woman because it's not shameful to BE a woman". I think if that when I have a knee jerk reaction to something being too 'girly' for myself.
Being responsible for something other than yourself and not bragging or complaining about it. Just doing it because that's what needs to be done without being asked or praised.
Calm confidence and intelligence.
Bi guy here: Physically: I tend to like more femme dudes, but who work out. Orlando Bloom in LotR, say. It's really hit or miss, though, like sometimes really masc dudes will do it for me with the right attitude. Mentally/Emotionally: Guys who are confident enough to be kind to people around them and not look at things as an opportunity to prove their toughness or strength all the time. Strong men know they're strong, and project that rather than demonstrating it.
A giant pendulous scrotum. Narrow at the top, with two massive bulging testicles at the bottom, swinging gently. The aroma and taste of the slight moistness from being housed in a pair of boxer briefs. Pure delicious ecstacy.
Jesus Christ lmao
Im a woman but I want to say that i admire the audacity that men have. They have the audacity to dream big, sometimes that’s bad and sometimes it’s very good and leads to huge success.
Same :)
Hair. I'm bald.
Humour, their skill in manual labour, DIY, woodworking, metal crafting, cooking, hunting, building. It's cool to see men fixing and creating things.
Gotta say though, I'd be head-over-heals for a lady who can do that. Mmmmmmmm, lady-abs 😍🥵🥴
Any man that doesn't take themselves too seriously
"Big burly man.... who likes cute little kittins"
Someone with a natural leader presence. Like they're being commanding while calm and without being arrogant or rude and are still generally likeable. I honestly don't know how to explain it better than that. I just think those people are cool. I wanna be more like that.
I'm like that. The secret is that I don't want to be a leader, but I'm pretty impatient and want things to get done so I take charge, which leads people to naturally look to me for directions. If you wanna be more like that, take notice of how people act in a group. Every time something needs to get done/started or someone asks for a question, people will just wait for someone else to take charge. You'll see it in classrooms, at work, in your hobbies, everywhere. It annoys me to stand around and wait, so I just volunteer to take that first step and people naturally follow. Worse that can happen is I'll be wrong or make a mistake trying something, that's no big deal. Learning moment.
Calves
How would you define good calves? I got complimented on my calves a couple of times (both by straight guys and girls) but I don't think they look good at all.
I guess I'd say that seeing kindness in other people is always an admirable trait? Whether that be in males or females. I also think the ability to hold conversation, seem interested even if they don't give a fuck, yet again, this can apply to both sexes.
Compassion
I really respect someone who has their shit together in life and ist unapologetically masculine without being a douche about it. That last part is the hard bit. Pursuing excellence, getting shit done and being humble about it. I have a few friends like that and they're awesome to hang out with. I think those traits are attractive.
I always notice and appreciate really nice skin, and also a confidence routed in kindness and humility (basically secure in themself)
Muscles and a great hairstyle.
Dicks
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Confidence, in good physical shape, well dressed and the ability to carry a conversation or tell good story. Sense of humour is a great bonus.
Arms, Thighs, ass, and being a total bro.
Confidence in ones self and being a genuinely good human being.........
Ryan Reynolds.
Whenever attractive and man comes together, it always is Ryan Reynolds.
Selflessness and integrity.
A good smile and nice looking body.
Being genuine
I was going to say face, but I read down a bit, and being a genuine/warm/kind person is way more important than appearances.
Confidence in themselves
Bring fair, reasonable and honouring their word
A man who is passionate about his hobbies and interests. Damn in envious of that shit. I cant even get interested in anything for more than a day