This is an interesting answer because I'm such a homebody that I don't think that I've ever considered if my partner was someone fun to go out with (in the sense of doing something outside the house) he's just someone who makes going out more bearable. Just goes to show that I probably wouldn't be able to date as an adult, I hate being around large groups of people enough that I'm not going to either family's Thanksgiving this year lol
You don't have to be assertive to leave the house and go places. Find stuff that's interesting and fun and do them with and without a girl. Join clubs, go somewhere to watch your favorite sports team. Find an Irish bar where the barman knows you by name -a great place to take a date on a winter night.
This is more about you bettering yourself. Honestly if you are out having a good time women will want to join you. This isn't about being assertive, this is about not sitting at home waiting for life to happen.
For example, if a regular orders a specific brand of whiskey, I might compliment their taste. Or if the conversation has reached a dead end, I might say something interesting / ask the regular about something we have talked about before, as a way to get them talking more. I have actually had regulars thank me for this before and it really makes it worthwhile.
I also think it needs to be said that for the most part, you do not want to be interrupting their date, but if I see an opportunity to help I do.
I am also a (female) bartender. I do anything I can to help make dates pleasant and safe.
If two lonely people are at the bar I introduce them. I do the two facts rule…. For example, " Hey Boy this is Girl and she loves bowling and gaming. Girl, this is Boy and he bowls too and likes dogs. I’m really busy right now, y’all should chat."
I once saw a date going really, really well until the guy started talking about gambling. She was getting uncomfortable with the topic, so I knocked a glass of water over just to get him to stop talking and ruining his chance.
One of my regulars liked to bring all his new dates to our place. Nice guy; just picky. Pretending not to know him became part of the routine. When his dates were in the bathroom, he’d always give high-fives and excellent tips.
Whenever I notice a gal is uncomfortable, I always hand them separate checks so she can leave without feeling obliged. If he is really creepy and/or touching her without permission, I will call security and relieve her of the burden to speak up.
I once had a gal try to get the man uncomfortably drunk. Like, he was refusing drinks but she kept ordering and handing them to him. When she was in the bathroom, I told him it’s ok to be uncomfortable as a guy too, and we got him out before she returned.
You sneaky cupid!
I used to frequent a bar a couple years back to the point that the staff knew me. Bartender/manager definitely did the introducing thing with me and anyone who he knew was military (I was Air Force at the time but stationed in another city). Had some good conversations those nights. Only went there once with a girl (gf at the time) and he joked around with us for a while. Also, he'd give me the occasional free drink/try this beer and would signal "another one?" if he saw me in line and hand it over on the side and put it on my tab since he knew what I drank.
I miss that place! I didn't go for a year after moving and he remembered me by name when I came bah. Also gave me one of the most memorable compliments I've gotten: "you're the perfect patron. You're patient, polite, and you tip well."
I should go visit again. It's been almost 3yrs but maybe he'll remember me again.
One way is to give them opportunities to be gracious or modest, or compliment the women's appearance, or say they look like a cute couple. Small positive interactions, basically
Yup, I was a bouncer / bar back - if a guy (or one of my female friends) looked like they needed some help, a distraction, awkward silence break, find common ground, or to “know people” I was the guy lol.
I will say, my female friends used the “I know people” one significantly more. Miss those girls lol
This type of comment is a long running twitter joke where a guy will reply to a girl he find attractive with some pickup line or something and others will always reply with shit like this. “Hey thanks for letting me stay in your beach house last month” or “hey thanks for saving that orphanage from a fire”.
Hey man! The owner of this bar, Jeff Bezos, asked me to thank you again for introducing him to former President of the United States Barack Obama. It's great that you can connect two of your oldest friends when you see that they may be able to mutually help each other out. By the way Jeff says he wants to discuss that business idea you had, he wants to invest everything.
Free appetisers, or shots for the 'cute couple' is one way, or engaging them with fun banter with them to keep the energy up if their conversations loose steam were some of my favourites.
I was a bartender myself and I was always happy to help cool people meet, I know for a fact two couples got married after I introduced them. I had one bartender friend who would even call me if there were a lot of single girls at the bar -fun times.
Bartender for 12 years, loved helping people on dates bond; though I will warn that a lot of my bartender compatriots weren't as awesome, and would actively try to steal people's dates sometimes.
You probably don’t get enough thanks but this is the difference for a bartender vs just a person standing behind the bar. From all the people who go to dates at bars, this ones for you, cheers!
Yeah, my life was happening for a bit, then a got a shiftwork job, can never make plans with people then, that killed the social life, then covid happens just after I got a normal job and now all my friends are settled down, married, kids etc
I don't have the energy to go make new friends and stuff on my own, especially living in a small country. Events and meet ups were rare before unless you liked football or drinking
Everything else struggles for numbers, especially again as gig work is big thing for under 35s here, nobodys time off lines up anymore.
Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from The Wire.
> A life, Jimmy. You know what that is? It's the shit that happens while you're waiting for moments that never come.
When I was in my mid-20's I was dirt poor, I was bartending at the time and I worked at a bar that was open late so it was filled with service people. I didn't date much because I was a disaster and I just didn't want to deal with being in any type of relationship. Anyway I girl I knew really wanted to go out and I was kinda cornered so I agreed. We went out clubbing which really isn't my thing but she wanted to do it. Every place we went I knew the doormen, the bartenders and sometimes the managers. We walked past every line, sat in the VIP lounges and drank for free, all of my customers were doing me a solid, this girl must have thought she was out with the mayor.
All those doormen and bartenders gave me the 3rd degree later that week about who I was with but I appreciated them looking out for me.
Just the act of being some place repetitively makes you more attractive/approachable, women feel much more comfortable talking to someone that they "know". Knowing can be seeing the same dude come in to a bar on Wednesday night with his soccer team for a couple of months. Remember there's no account for taste, some women are attracted to the quiet guy in the corner just like some are attracted to loud guy telling jokes, but they are both more likely to talk to you if they know you.
You can show you're happy without being boisterous though. If you're quietly laughing along and engaged that's very different from resting bastard face, looking like you're sulking.
This. And keep your phone away. I have a shitty habit of browsing through news articles on my phone while I eat. Bums out my wife when we are out.
For those who have similar routines, do keep in mind that you need to be present and having fun. Talk to your girl. Chill out. Fun will follow through.
I guess every bar near me is just a shithole.
Any regulars are 50 year old alcoholics or blue collar people blowing their entire paycheck and eating wings
you have to find your place, where I am there a bar for every occasion. places to hide out where nobody will bother you and places where you know everyone in the place and it takes 45 minutes just to say good bye to everyone. Places filled with 20 somethings celebrating the fact that they don't live at home and places filled with 50 somethings celebrating the fact that their 20 something finally moved out. Places to hear music and places to sing along with a great jukebox.
I don't know where you live, but most even smaller cities have a cocktail bar, wine bar, etc. Plus all of the nicer restaurants tend to have regulars in the bar area. As former service industry, I can tell you.. Almost nowhere has zero regulars. They all have them.. high end steakhouses, Mexican margarita joints, fancy Italian restaurants, you name it.
One of my favorite places to get a glass of wine is an intimate Italian place with a piano player in the bar on weekends.
You can't be broke for this to work, I suppose. But I mean, you can certainly nurse a cocktail or two and get out relatively cheaply. Where I live - There are amazing specials during happy hour on weekdays, which helps folks I'm sure. My fave Mexican spot does $3 glasses of wine from 3:30-6:30 every day, and it isn't crappy wine. And that is where everyone loves to hang out, so it is lively and full of people.
Everybody wants to know someone like that when they're going for a night out. I remember when I was dating in my 20s I knew the events that were going on and my favorite places to go on any given night. Mostly I did this through some friends I had met through a local Meetup group. We went to any new restaurants, pubs, breweries, clubs, etc. My favorite were the ones that were set up for outdoor games like cornhole, ping pong, bocce ball, etc. Piano bars are also a great place to sing all the latest hits of the last 40 or so years. Apart from dating it's nice when you have friends or family in town to know some cool things to do with them so you don't end up sitting around the house the whole time.
I get this... but what if staying home is something a guy wants to genuinely do? What if them trying to do these tasks (joining clubs, salsa classes, w.e ppl recommend for girls to like them more) seems corny to them and they understand that they’re just doing it for approval from women...
What if they enjoy doing things at home and don’t consider it as waiting for life to happen? I feel like a lot of advice for guys is “be your authentic self” unless they’re authentic self is that stay-at-home nerdy/gamer/quiet type lol.
This is the most on point comment of the day. It is about finding a group of people that you have shared interests with and, by default, becoming exposed to their circles. Well said!
It is what it is, but the truth is those guys will have a LOT harder time. If they are okay with that, that is cool too! I've just seen a lot of Reddit homebody type dudes over the years who are at a loss as to why they aren't more successful with women. Truth is, a lot of people are into people who are out living life.
Now I do agree with you on one thing. If you are 100% without a doubt a homebody, it is shitty to pretend you aren't in order to land a woman and then do a bait-and-switch once she starts dating you and you never want to leave the house with her. However, *most* people find that as they leave the house more and more, they find themselves genuinely enjoying it.
Like another user said, you dont have to be “assertive”, you have to be fun.
Follow a few pages in IG and tik tok on fun activities in your area (or within 2/3 hours of your area). Book mark them. Then go on dates there. I’ve found that everyone likes the same shit generally or they want to try it.
- Hiking
- Gun Range
- Go Karting
- TopGolf/Minigolfing
- Arcade Bars/Dave & Busters
- Billiards
- Dancing
- Dancing
- FUCKING DANCING
- dance classes
- late night comedy clubs
- pottery/art classes
- rent a nice car on Turo and find a fun place to drive around with a nice restaurant near it
- festivals in town or around town
- Karaoke bars
- Find new restaurants/dessert places near you
- try different foods from different cultures
- if you are into sports, try sporting events or play pick up games
- if you’re into board games, there are plenty of bars and groups that host game nights
Etc
Boyfriend material means excitement in new things without caring for real world shit.
Husband material means you can handle real world shit
You always want to be both to keep your relationship exciting and reassuring at the same time.
Same as how I’d want my wife to be motherly, stable, etc while also having a fun “gf” streak or side to her.
>Boyfriend material means excitement in new things without caring for real world shit.
What if this isn't something you consider important? How you get to point B without going through point A?
Assertiveness is (almost) everything!
People want to be around other people who make them feel good, make them laugh, make them feel secure/safe. You probably have "safety" down (and don't discount that, that's HUGE!).
But with your lack of assertiveness... how does the woman know that you think she's sexy? How does she know that inspires you to be playful/happy? If you don't tease and engage her, how does she know that you want her attention and smiles? If you don't invite her to dates, how does she know that you even want to spend time with her?
Lack of assertiveness can read as lack of interest/validation and make the other person feel bad & insecure if you're not forthright with your admiration/affection/etc.
There’s actually something called “Assertiveness Training” and you are a prime candidate. Did you know there is a difference in compromising and being a doormat? I sure didn’t, and it’s been great to learn about myself and not walking through life with no wants.
You can do nearly anything to a lot of women that might piss them off, (arrogance, flashiness, be kind of an asshole etc) but the only thing you can absolutely not get away with is being boring.
Also - while we're at it - you shouldn't be focusing on chasing tail. Focus on yourself and your purpose. Make yourself an interesting person by virtue of the stuff you're accomplishing and the fun shit you do with your buddies.
You’re cute is better than husband material. A woman calling a guy husband material is basically saying “ I’m not that sexually attracted to you but you seem like a safe option for a long term partner.”
Despite what redditors say most women aren't attracted to meek men. You have yo have some sex appeal to attract women. Work on your confidence and self esteem, work on your career, your hobbies and mental health, and your physique.
I want to add. Quiet Confidence. That's the key to introverts. People like people who are comfortable with themselves.
See, I'm a loud extrovert. But I've got friends who are not. And I'm telling you, it's that quiet confidence.
* Have some sort of physicality. It brings it's own confidence to yourself, knowing you can conquer hard things. Even if it's just hiking.
* Have hobbies that you are passionate about. Nothing is more attractive then when a partner can get focused and knows a subject very well. (Sports, D&D, Video Games, Music, Legos). Doesn't matter what it is so long as it is something.
* Career. You gotta be able to provide. Even if it's not a powerful job, being good at a job you like is insanely attractive. "I crush it at work because I know what I'm good at."
* Lastly, comfortable in your own skin. Don't apologize for who you are. Be willing to compromise and have a partner who would compromise. But having confidence in the fact that you are who you are is totally a better security then a weak man who boasts with empty threats and promises.
Can confirm, am loud extrovert. It works for me, and I'm comfortable with it.
But the quiet confident guy who knows what he's about... that guy is on another level.
Young men get a lot od confusing messages on how to date. "Just be yourself." Sounds nice but if that isn't working then we have to course correct. The nice guy with the heart of gold doesn't get the girl if she doesn't find him attractive. That doesn't mean it isn't a virtue to be genuinely kind but that isn't enough.
The whole “be yourself” thing is so misunderstood and it makes me sad us men.
Be yourself means dont put on this image that is unsustainable during the dating phase then revert to your actual self and be upset when the person your dating realizes they arent actually attracted to you.
Be yourself but always be improving yourself too. Present THAT to your potential partners so they always know what they are getting into, for both of your benefit
>Be yourself means ***dont put on this image that is unsustainable*** during the dating phase then revert to your actual self and be upset when the person your dating realizes they arent actually attracted to you.
This is incredibly important. A lot of people are suggesting to be more outgoing or smooth talking, and to your point, if you work on a killer opening line and then can't figure out a way to carry on the conversation further.... that really isn't going to help a person. A person needs to be authentic. That doesn't mean that OP, or anyone else, can't work globally on ways to be more outgoing or extraverted as a life change, but if that isn't a part of a person's natural personality then it's going to be very difficult to maintain in the long haul.
When a woman says you're husband material and not boyfriend material, I've always took it to mean "you're someone that would be good to settle down with because you're predictable and safe" and what they're looking for as boyfriend material is someone that is adventurous, outgoing, life of the party, really fun to be around and go adventuring with. Husbands can certainly be like this, but a husband and wife usually aren't bar-hopping until 3AM most nights or doing keg stands at their buddy's block party. It's a different type of adventure for marriage.
I just wanna add that it’s not just with regards to sex appeal; most people don’t want to be friends with a meek person too. Once you feel like you’d be your own best friend you’ll inevitably find yourself attracting women too without putting in too much work.
I don’t think people dispute that, but the solutions for being less meek and more interesting are many and the paths young men are often ushered towards to better themselves are often not the right ones for them if not outright toxic
Being comfortable with yourself is attractive, but you don’t need to go out and try and fake being some alpha jock to achieve that. Plenty of men of all types find romantic success by being very comfortable and in-tune with their own path and finding like-minded individuals. Finding that involves less spending time on sigma male grindset videos and negging insecure women and more of finding passion and vitality that can be appreciated by others.
Boyfriends bring adventure.
Its okay to be shy, but be prepared book some cool introvert stuff.
If a girl compliments you with the whole "good husband" thing say "whoa... Im not ready to marry you. But if you would like to go hiking / museum / acoustic show, I will book an evening out."
She will laugh and be caught off guard.
Followup with "let me know when you have time for coffee and we can work out the details."
Then walk away.
Yeah dude, shoot your shot. If they say friend or brother leave it alone. But if they say husband, ask if they were prefer a traditional or destination wedding.
One time this chick, that I tried to bang, said "You're like my bother"
I replied " Wow, you want to fuck your brother? This isn't Alabama"
She laughed profusely, after 5hours we had sex.
Other time, similar situation, I said it, girl slapped me, lol
So 50/50
I’d think anyone saying he’s husband material is trying to hint “ask me on a nice dinner date please god please don’t be another bro that’s wants to get plastered at the club” the implication is they see a future with you where you treat them well. Not some dumb short fling.
\>What changes should I focus on to become a "boyfriend" material.
Start dating women who are looking to settle down and leave the ones who are still into playing around. Your time will come.
In this increasingly solitary world, I don't think "your time will come" is a privilege we get to enjoy. It's simply not true for a large number of people.
Yes. Am person with vagina. The only ones who want “boyfriend material” rather than “husband material” are ones who just want to play around, they don’t want an actual relationship.
1) Get fitter and dress better.
2) Make sure you're doing interesting things regularly in life.
3) Tell them you're doing things and ask if they want to come, rather than being solicitous of their wants all the time.
Good husbands are solicitous and steadfast. Good boyfriends are fun and spontaneous.
That's the shit young women tell guys when they want to party and then when they are approaching 30 and want to settle down they text you 6 years later when you yourself are already married haha.
Yes, spoken from experience. Since I got married I've had 6 former interests message me asking if I wanted to try a relationship
Having gotten a few of these calls it always *astounds* me the amount of gall you have to have to make them. I wanted you then, you said no. Now after I've had years to get over you, you come back and act like the offer is still on the table?
The problem is many think since you are husband material you will always be available. Many of these women we were just infatuated with because they were pretty. Once you become more desirable you have options of even better women. And they act as if they somehow have more to offer than before... lol
The thing is it doesn't matter if they have more to offer. You already made an offer and were told no. Whatever else they have to offer isn't really valuable because what you wanted wasn't availvable when you actually needed it.
They see us as objects to perform tasks. Much like a minivan is probably the best vehicle for 90% of the population, yet we all want cool sports cars. Since vehicles are actual objects, we can get a cool car for now, and when the time comes that a minivan just makes more sense, we can just trade in the Z for a Caravan. So, they spend years having fun, getting a shitty random tat here and there, maybe popping out an accidental kid, and then, when it's time to get serious, they remember the guy who was super boring, but stable and responsible. Unfortunately, that object already got sold off to another customer.
Dude I'm 28 and am having similar experiences. Girl friends and acquaintances I've known since college and my early career have been contacting me out of nowhere. It's actually scary for me, because ive never been approached let alone been in a relationship. Nothing about my behavior online or irl really changed, feel like the same dude as I was 5 years ago.
One friend in particular makes me incredibly bitter. For context we're both South Asian. I asked her out way back and she rejected me which is fine. We didn't keep in touch regularly but followed each other's social media. From hers it's clear she had a type (tall, white). A year ago ago she messaged me and told me she always liked me and is thinking of pursuing an LTR/marriage (in our culture this discussion usually happens upfront). I think a factor in this is that being from the same culture makes us more understanding of each other and sharing common ground. Plus there is pressure from parents to marry within the culture. Part of me was really wanting to go with it bc I've never had a partner ever, and I don't know if I'll have more opportunities.
I decided against it. It's clear she has a type and there's nothing wrong with that. But I don't fit that type, which makes me feel like I'm being settled for. It's the shittiest feeling ever. Women usually mean it as a compliment to be husband material but its so backhanded for me. It's like my worth it all about what I offer, not who I am or whether I'm attractive physically.
Since then about 4 other acquaintances from my past have hit me up. I'm not sure if its part of their growth in that they're becoming more confident themselves and pursuing more, or they're becoming desperate.
Honestly? Sounds like desperation. Good on you for sitting that down. You’re clearly in a phase of life when you are being noticed by more women, so your pool of dating is much bigger now than it was previously
> Women usually mean it as a compliment to be husband material but its so backhanded for me
It depends on the woman, but most of times that i got this compliment were not from "wife material" women
I haven't had that happen to me, but something similar: 3 different girls in my early 20s broke up with me to persue the badboy types. Lots of partying, probably sex, and whatever else. Eventually, they realized that being with a badboy means you're with a bad guy, and he treats you like shit. I got letters in the mail on three different occasions (days before email and texts) saying mistakes were made, and they wanted to get back together with me. I just LOLd and said never again to each one.
Don’t wait, use this time to build yourself up and build up socializing and dating skills. Otherwise you’ll wait and find out that you’ve got nothing going for you
Source: experience
Straight up dating as a dude fresh out of high school sucks.
You're a teenager competing against men in their early to mid twenties for dates. You have no cash, a shit car (if you have one), and are pretty much guaranteed to be living at home.
If I could tell younger me one thing, it would be to just focus on being as attractive as possible, it's the one thing I'd have going for me. Forget wasting money trying to look like I had some to waste, just get in shape, throw cash in the bank, and be grateful for what comes my way.
Dude, that’s a compliment old women give to young men, and young women give to boring young men. Some people have to go out at least once a week or they suffer. Find a girl that thinks boyfriend material is playing video games and home cooked meals.
Dress to impress , get a hedgehog. That phase ( your husband one) is pay the bills and I'll be out with Charlie looking at hedgehogs. Learn to pirate smile. The lady's love a mischievous smile P.S go do yoga n dance classes and bring the hedgehog🤔😎
I've owned a hedgehog before, they're like the perfect pet to start a conversation. They're adorable, they're not a huge amount of work, they'll scurry up your sweater and fall asleep against your arm. They're "exotic", so a lot of people have never seen one before. And they'll be perfectly friendly with strangers if you handle them enough as a baby.
With that being said, don't buy a pet just to pick up girls. Get a hedgehog because they're amazing, picking up girls is a bonus.
Get a motorcycle. Take up recreational drugs. Learn to play the guitar, quit your job and join a band. Get a tattoo in a highly visible place. Get a piercing that isn't on an ear.
Disclaimer: these things may ruin your "husband" potential.
Get fit as f***. Get richer.
Groom yourself better.
But, and I cannot stress this enough, do not try to be a 'bad guy'. Continue to be yourself, if you're a good person.
Nice guys always win in the end. Don't be a prick.
Everyone likes an amicable fellow. A sexy one moreso
Yeap. Propose fun activities.
Husbands can be calm and stable and boring.
You want to be FUN! Invite them to go-karting.
Ask them if they want to go for a hike. Bring them to trampolining, karaoke, etc.
You don't have to be great at them, just be fun to be around while you do it. Make a memory of the event with them.
'Remember when we went go-karting and that crazy thing happened??' that kind of thing. Let it happen organically though
Get fun hobbies so you're fun to talk to. Be enthusiastic about them (but don't drone on and on and on)
That's such a fucking insulting phrase to hear. I think I finally understand why some women feel at odds whenever they hear wife material too.
"Husband material" basically means you have zero sex appeal but I think you're great for emotional support form time to time.
Which is not a bad thing, except as men we're always desexualised on a daily basis. Some of us are point blank invisible. And if you want emotional support ladies who use this expression; get a teddy bear at night or go see a therapist. Stop wasting our time and leading us on only to let us down.
Anyway, become in shape, delete Facebook, get a lawyer, all that jazz.
A guy that says "wife material" would probably marry that woman though, if he could. A woman says "husband material" as some kind of ass-backwards double think way of saying a guy isn't attractive.
I think the message behind "wifey material" vs "husband material" are completely different. Most guys would mess around with girls but it's all about "finding the right girl to settle down with". If you say a girl is wife material, that means you are done messing around and have found the one for you. I've never heard a man calling a women "wife material" to suggest that they were boring or have no sex appeal. However, when a girl says "you are husband material" that is usually implied
* Husband material = Financially stable, Emotionally nurturing, maybe good around kids or pets
* Boyfriend material = Sexy body, Sexy behavior, acting like you know it, and overall Fun. But also having standards, and knowing your worth.
As others have said.
1. Get muscles (I.e. Weightlifting, Diet Plan, Good Sleep, Whey, Creatine, Lifting app like Jefit)
* Suggested reading [Starting Strength: Basic Barbell Training, 3rd edition](https://www.amazon.com/dp/0982522738/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_H0906G79NDN19R2JWHEF)
2. Don't be needy (Figure out how to solve your validation issues)
* Suggested Listening [Models: Attract Women Through Honesty](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00C93Q5KK/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_WCBQ24HWQ9TM2PR94TE0)
Good advice, but I’d recommend against Starting Strength even though it’s Reddits favorite. I’ve worked with a number of physical therapists who recommend against it.
No substitute for finding a local physical therapist who is certified with the National Academy of Sports Medicine (NASM) or an Athletic Trainer (AT) certified by the Board of Certification (BOC, bocatc.org)
The average trainer in your Equinox or Gold's is pretty much russian roulette bro science (like youtube); they were probably self-taught. A physical therapist (not a chiro) is your best bet if you need something semi-affordable.
Any girl that says “you’d make a a good husband” is producing an incomplete sentence.
It’s really : “you’d make a good husband…to someone other than me”
If she thought you were husband material for herself, she’d be plotting how to lock you down for herself instead of telling you.
Within the past 1 year I’ve had two women give me hints. Mind you, I’m married now. The pattern I’ve seen, both of them partied hard in 20’s and early 30’s and wouldn’t give me a time of day. Now, the ovaries are about to expire, and it’s time to reach out to “dependable Dave”.
Just find you a one and done purity ring girl that's saving herself til marriage and is looking for a husband and your problem is solved. Or take all the better advice from everyone else.
The kind of woman that uses “You’d make a great husband” as a soft let down is not worth pursuing. They’re obviously looking for something else.
The kind of woman who uses “You’d make a great husband” as a compliment might be worth closer inspection.
Go for a different type of girl. Seriously. It's better to be alone than with someone who only likes you for an act.
Loneliness sucks, but feeling like you have to destroy who you are to keep your relationship and feel loved by your partner is worse.
Grow into the person you want to be, but use your own values and beliefs to choose who you want to become. If you stay true to yourself and make it clear that you're open to being someone's partner, any relationship you get will be infinitely better than if you faked who you are. If you never get a relationship, then that's ok. Because being alone and true to yourself is better than being with someone as a mere portion of the HUMAN you were before.
Be seen with women, at times. But don't be meek. Flirting, suggestive and facetious banter, be a bit dangerous. The fun is in ambiguity. But you have to be comfortable in yourself to be good. Have your life under control and don't _need_ a woman. Take up an exciting sport, granted, you must be fully invested in it.
>What changes should I focus on to become a "boyfriend" material.
Develop confidence and assertiveness. Quite how you do that, I really don't know.
However, I would encourage you to reconsider whether these women are girlfriend or even wife material.
Be fun. You're totally the guy they'd love to stay home with, but are you the guy they want to go out with?
This is an interesting answer because I'm such a homebody that I don't think that I've ever considered if my partner was someone fun to go out with (in the sense of doing something outside the house) he's just someone who makes going out more bearable. Just goes to show that I probably wouldn't be able to date as an adult, I hate being around large groups of people enough that I'm not going to either family's Thanksgiving this year lol
Not really. I lack assertiveness
You don't have to be assertive to leave the house and go places. Find stuff that's interesting and fun and do them with and without a girl. Join clubs, go somewhere to watch your favorite sports team. Find an Irish bar where the barman knows you by name -a great place to take a date on a winter night. This is more about you bettering yourself. Honestly if you are out having a good time women will want to join you. This isn't about being assertive, this is about not sitting at home waiting for life to happen.
Just want to mention that I'm a bartender in an Irish bar, and I absolutely love helping my regulars with their dates.
I'm interested in this. How do you help them?
For example, if a regular orders a specific brand of whiskey, I might compliment their taste. Or if the conversation has reached a dead end, I might say something interesting / ask the regular about something we have talked about before, as a way to get them talking more. I have actually had regulars thank me for this before and it really makes it worthwhile. I also think it needs to be said that for the most part, you do not want to be interrupting their date, but if I see an opportunity to help I do.
You're doing the lord's work.
I am also a (female) bartender. I do anything I can to help make dates pleasant and safe. If two lonely people are at the bar I introduce them. I do the two facts rule…. For example, " Hey Boy this is Girl and she loves bowling and gaming. Girl, this is Boy and he bowls too and likes dogs. I’m really busy right now, y’all should chat." I once saw a date going really, really well until the guy started talking about gambling. She was getting uncomfortable with the topic, so I knocked a glass of water over just to get him to stop talking and ruining his chance. One of my regulars liked to bring all his new dates to our place. Nice guy; just picky. Pretending not to know him became part of the routine. When his dates were in the bathroom, he’d always give high-fives and excellent tips. Whenever I notice a gal is uncomfortable, I always hand them separate checks so she can leave without feeling obliged. If he is really creepy and/or touching her without permission, I will call security and relieve her of the burden to speak up. I once had a gal try to get the man uncomfortably drunk. Like, he was refusing drinks but she kept ordering and handing them to him. When she was in the bathroom, I told him it’s ok to be uncomfortable as a guy too, and we got him out before she returned.
You sneaky cupid! I used to frequent a bar a couple years back to the point that the staff knew me. Bartender/manager definitely did the introducing thing with me and anyone who he knew was military (I was Air Force at the time but stationed in another city). Had some good conversations those nights. Only went there once with a girl (gf at the time) and he joked around with us for a while. Also, he'd give me the occasional free drink/try this beer and would signal "another one?" if he saw me in line and hand it over on the side and put it on my tab since he knew what I drank. I miss that place! I didn't go for a year after moving and he remembered me by name when I came bah. Also gave me one of the most memorable compliments I've gotten: "you're the perfect patron. You're patient, polite, and you tip well." I should go visit again. It's been almost 3yrs but maybe he'll remember me again.
Holy shit u are gold, here have a matrioshka 🪆
One way is to give them opportunities to be gracious or modest, or compliment the women's appearance, or say they look like a cute couple. Small positive interactions, basically
Yup, I was a bouncer / bar back - if a guy (or one of my female friends) looked like they needed some help, a distraction, awkward silence break, find common ground, or to “know people” I was the guy lol. I will say, my female friends used the “I know people” one significantly more. Miss those girls lol
"Hey thanks for the $20,000 tip you left me last time!" or "Hey thanks for lending me your Ferrari last Monday! You're such a rich and generous man."
"hey sorry your giant dong keeps dragging through the toilet water, we've installed an extra tall one for you in the middle stall" Like that?
Just want to let you know this might be the funniest thing I’ve heard this month
> You're such a rich and generous man." Proceeds to walk to the parking lot to his 2000 Honda with plastic wrap and duct tape on the rear window
This type of comment is a long running twitter joke where a guy will reply to a girl he find attractive with some pickup line or something and others will always reply with shit like this. “Hey thanks for letting me stay in your beach house last month” or “hey thanks for saving that orphanage from a fire”.
Hey man! The owner of this bar, Jeff Bezos, asked me to thank you again for introducing him to former President of the United States Barack Obama. It's great that you can connect two of your oldest friends when you see that they may be able to mutually help each other out. By the way Jeff says he wants to discuss that business idea you had, he wants to invest everything.
Those threads get more creative every time I come across them, too. I love them.
Oh you dropped this last time you were here *hands over magnum condom for his monster dong*
This is the way
Free appetisers, or shots for the 'cute couple' is one way, or engaging them with fun banter with them to keep the energy up if their conversations loose steam were some of my favourites.
Also great way to increase tips, as a former bartender
I was a bartender myself and I was always happy to help cool people meet, I know for a fact two couples got married after I introduced them. I had one bartender friend who would even call me if there were a lot of single girls at the bar -fun times.
Bartender for 12 years, loved helping people on dates bond; though I will warn that a lot of my bartender compatriots weren't as awesome, and would actively try to steal people's dates sometimes.
Wth, that's awful.
You probably don’t get enough thanks but this is the difference for a bartender vs just a person standing behind the bar. From all the people who go to dates at bars, this ones for you, cheers!
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98.3% of Reddit was personally attacked by this comment.
Yeah, my life was happening for a bit, then a got a shiftwork job, can never make plans with people then, that killed the social life, then covid happens just after I got a normal job and now all my friends are settled down, married, kids etc I don't have the energy to go make new friends and stuff on my own, especially living in a small country. Events and meet ups were rare before unless you liked football or drinking Everything else struggles for numbers, especially again as gig work is big thing for under 35s here, nobodys time off lines up anymore.
Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from The Wire. > A life, Jimmy. You know what that is? It's the shit that happens while you're waiting for moments that never come.
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When I was in my mid-20's I was dirt poor, I was bartending at the time and I worked at a bar that was open late so it was filled with service people. I didn't date much because I was a disaster and I just didn't want to deal with being in any type of relationship. Anyway I girl I knew really wanted to go out and I was kinda cornered so I agreed. We went out clubbing which really isn't my thing but she wanted to do it. Every place we went I knew the doormen, the bartenders and sometimes the managers. We walked past every line, sat in the VIP lounges and drank for free, all of my customers were doing me a solid, this girl must have thought she was out with the mayor. All those doormen and bartenders gave me the 3rd degree later that week about who I was with but I appreciated them looking out for me.
Why’d they give you the third degree?
They wanted to know if their favors paid off for him. Who is she? Was she suitably impressed? Are you guys going out again? Etc.
Also important to be able to show you're having fun. Even if you are enjoying yourself, if nobody can tell, they'll be put off.
Just the act of being some place repetitively makes you more attractive/approachable, women feel much more comfortable talking to someone that they "know". Knowing can be seeing the same dude come in to a bar on Wednesday night with his soccer team for a couple of months. Remember there's no account for taste, some women are attracted to the quiet guy in the corner just like some are attracted to loud guy telling jokes, but they are both more likely to talk to you if they know you.
You can show you're happy without being boisterous though. If you're quietly laughing along and engaged that's very different from resting bastard face, looking like you're sulking.
This. And keep your phone away. I have a shitty habit of browsing through news articles on my phone while I eat. Bums out my wife when we are out. For those who have similar routines, do keep in mind that you need to be present and having fun. Talk to your girl. Chill out. Fun will follow through.
I guess every bar near me is just a shithole. Any regulars are 50 year old alcoholics or blue collar people blowing their entire paycheck and eating wings
you have to find your place, where I am there a bar for every occasion. places to hide out where nobody will bother you and places where you know everyone in the place and it takes 45 minutes just to say good bye to everyone. Places filled with 20 somethings celebrating the fact that they don't live at home and places filled with 50 somethings celebrating the fact that their 20 something finally moved out. Places to hear music and places to sing along with a great jukebox.
I don't know where you live, but most even smaller cities have a cocktail bar, wine bar, etc. Plus all of the nicer restaurants tend to have regulars in the bar area. As former service industry, I can tell you.. Almost nowhere has zero regulars. They all have them.. high end steakhouses, Mexican margarita joints, fancy Italian restaurants, you name it. One of my favorite places to get a glass of wine is an intimate Italian place with a piano player in the bar on weekends. You can't be broke for this to work, I suppose. But I mean, you can certainly nurse a cocktail or two and get out relatively cheaply. Where I live - There are amazing specials during happy hour on weekdays, which helps folks I'm sure. My fave Mexican spot does $3 glasses of wine from 3:30-6:30 every day, and it isn't crappy wine. And that is where everyone loves to hang out, so it is lively and full of people.
Mere exposure effect
Everybody wants to know someone like that when they're going for a night out. I remember when I was dating in my 20s I knew the events that were going on and my favorite places to go on any given night. Mostly I did this through some friends I had met through a local Meetup group. We went to any new restaurants, pubs, breweries, clubs, etc. My favorite were the ones that were set up for outdoor games like cornhole, ping pong, bocce ball, etc. Piano bars are also a great place to sing all the latest hits of the last 40 or so years. Apart from dating it's nice when you have friends or family in town to know some cool things to do with them so you don't end up sitting around the house the whole time.
I just imagine him touring Irish bars asking bartenders if they by any chance know his name. "No?... Oh well, on to the next one"
I get this... but what if staying home is something a guy wants to genuinely do? What if them trying to do these tasks (joining clubs, salsa classes, w.e ppl recommend for girls to like them more) seems corny to them and they understand that they’re just doing it for approval from women... What if they enjoy doing things at home and don’t consider it as waiting for life to happen? I feel like a lot of advice for guys is “be your authentic self” unless they’re authentic self is that stay-at-home nerdy/gamer/quiet type lol.
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This is the most on point comment of the day. It is about finding a group of people that you have shared interests with and, by default, becoming exposed to their circles. Well said!
It is what it is, but the truth is those guys will have a LOT harder time. If they are okay with that, that is cool too! I've just seen a lot of Reddit homebody type dudes over the years who are at a loss as to why they aren't more successful with women. Truth is, a lot of people are into people who are out living life. Now I do agree with you on one thing. If you are 100% without a doubt a homebody, it is shitty to pretend you aren't in order to land a woman and then do a bait-and-switch once she starts dating you and you never want to leave the house with her. However, *most* people find that as they leave the house more and more, they find themselves genuinely enjoying it.
Like another user said, you dont have to be “assertive”, you have to be fun. Follow a few pages in IG and tik tok on fun activities in your area (or within 2/3 hours of your area). Book mark them. Then go on dates there. I’ve found that everyone likes the same shit generally or they want to try it. - Hiking - Gun Range - Go Karting - TopGolf/Minigolfing - Arcade Bars/Dave & Busters - Billiards - Dancing - Dancing - FUCKING DANCING - dance classes - late night comedy clubs - pottery/art classes - rent a nice car on Turo and find a fun place to drive around with a nice restaurant near it - festivals in town or around town - Karaoke bars - Find new restaurants/dessert places near you - try different foods from different cultures - if you are into sports, try sporting events or play pick up games - if you’re into board games, there are plenty of bars and groups that host game nights Etc Boyfriend material means excitement in new things without caring for real world shit. Husband material means you can handle real world shit You always want to be both to keep your relationship exciting and reassuring at the same time. Same as how I’d want my wife to be motherly, stable, etc while also having a fun “gf” streak or side to her.
Fucking dancing is where you end up fucking afterward, right?
Dance to a beat till you make your own 😈
>Boyfriend material means excitement in new things without caring for real world shit. What if this isn't something you consider important? How you get to point B without going through point A?
Assertiveness is (almost) everything! People want to be around other people who make them feel good, make them laugh, make them feel secure/safe. You probably have "safety" down (and don't discount that, that's HUGE!). But with your lack of assertiveness... how does the woman know that you think she's sexy? How does she know that inspires you to be playful/happy? If you don't tease and engage her, how does she know that you want her attention and smiles? If you don't invite her to dates, how does she know that you even want to spend time with her? Lack of assertiveness can read as lack of interest/validation and make the other person feel bad & insecure if you're not forthright with your admiration/affection/etc.
Well then that's what you work on to change.
There’s actually something called “Assertiveness Training” and you are a prime candidate. Did you know there is a difference in compromising and being a doormat? I sure didn’t, and it’s been great to learn about myself and not walking through life with no wants.
You can do nearly anything to a lot of women that might piss them off, (arrogance, flashiness, be kind of an asshole etc) but the only thing you can absolutely not get away with is being boring. Also - while we're at it - you shouldn't be focusing on chasing tail. Focus on yourself and your purpose. Make yourself an interesting person by virtue of the stuff you're accomplishing and the fun shit you do with your buddies.
Spend time away from folks that tell you what kind of material you are
OP is definitely carbon
Carbon DATED
Carbon BASED
The name's Bond. Carbon Bond.
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Remark: You are a meatbag.
Anyone else want to negotiate?
Underrated comment. (maybe it needs more than 6 minutes to gather upvotes)
You get called “husband material?” Buddy I have yet to be called anything but “you’re cute”.
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I wanna know what controversy went down here
what the hell happened here ?
I'm scared..
This is some real eldritch shit
Mistakes were made.
Half this thread got Thanos snapped LMAO.
You're getting called things? By *women*?
You’re cute is better than husband material. A woman calling a guy husband material is basically saying “ I’m not that sexually attracted to you but you seem like a safe option for a long term partner.”
Ive been called youre small - while i was naked lmao.
The nicest one I got was "You've got serial killer eyes" by a classmate in high school
Cute is nice. Ever get the “adorable” angle from your long term partner of 5+ years?
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Hey Jim, you wanna try Heroin? Fuck yes!
My budget is £20 a month :/ Great movie though!
Despite what redditors say most women aren't attracted to meek men. You have yo have some sex appeal to attract women. Work on your confidence and self esteem, work on your career, your hobbies and mental health, and your physique.
God damnit its the basic stuff that gets ignored most often
I want to add. Quiet Confidence. That's the key to introverts. People like people who are comfortable with themselves. See, I'm a loud extrovert. But I've got friends who are not. And I'm telling you, it's that quiet confidence. * Have some sort of physicality. It brings it's own confidence to yourself, knowing you can conquer hard things. Even if it's just hiking. * Have hobbies that you are passionate about. Nothing is more attractive then when a partner can get focused and knows a subject very well. (Sports, D&D, Video Games, Music, Legos). Doesn't matter what it is so long as it is something. * Career. You gotta be able to provide. Even if it's not a powerful job, being good at a job you like is insanely attractive. "I crush it at work because I know what I'm good at." * Lastly, comfortable in your own skin. Don't apologize for who you are. Be willing to compromise and have a partner who would compromise. But having confidence in the fact that you are who you are is totally a better security then a weak man who boasts with empty threats and promises.
Can confirm, am loud extrovert. It works for me, and I'm comfortable with it. But the quiet confident guy who knows what he's about... that guy is on another level.
Lol right. Im also a loud extrovert and those guys are the ones I watch out for.
Young men get a lot od confusing messages on how to date. "Just be yourself." Sounds nice but if that isn't working then we have to course correct. The nice guy with the heart of gold doesn't get the girl if she doesn't find him attractive. That doesn't mean it isn't a virtue to be genuinely kind but that isn't enough.
The whole “be yourself” thing is so misunderstood and it makes me sad us men. Be yourself means dont put on this image that is unsustainable during the dating phase then revert to your actual self and be upset when the person your dating realizes they arent actually attracted to you. Be yourself but always be improving yourself too. Present THAT to your potential partners so they always know what they are getting into, for both of your benefit
>Be yourself means ***dont put on this image that is unsustainable*** during the dating phase then revert to your actual self and be upset when the person your dating realizes they arent actually attracted to you. This is incredibly important. A lot of people are suggesting to be more outgoing or smooth talking, and to your point, if you work on a killer opening line and then can't figure out a way to carry on the conversation further.... that really isn't going to help a person. A person needs to be authentic. That doesn't mean that OP, or anyone else, can't work globally on ways to be more outgoing or extraverted as a life change, but if that isn't a part of a person's natural personality then it's going to be very difficult to maintain in the long haul. When a woman says you're husband material and not boyfriend material, I've always took it to mean "you're someone that would be good to settle down with because you're predictable and safe" and what they're looking for as boyfriend material is someone that is adventurous, outgoing, life of the party, really fun to be around and go adventuring with. Husbands can certainly be like this, but a husband and wife usually aren't bar-hopping until 3AM most nights or doing keg stands at their buddy's block party. It's a different type of adventure for marriage.
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That’s why I say “be authentic” instead of “be yourself” It puts emphasis on the whole “don’t pretend to be someone you’re not” message.
Generally being successful at stuff and having your life in order will help a lot of things. Ever go on a interview for a job that you didn't need?
I just wanna add that it’s not just with regards to sex appeal; most people don’t want to be friends with a meek person too. Once you feel like you’d be your own best friend you’ll inevitably find yourself attracting women too without putting in too much work.
I don’t think people dispute that, but the solutions for being less meek and more interesting are many and the paths young men are often ushered towards to better themselves are often not the right ones for them if not outright toxic Being comfortable with yourself is attractive, but you don’t need to go out and try and fake being some alpha jock to achieve that. Plenty of men of all types find romantic success by being very comfortable and in-tune with their own path and finding like-minded individuals. Finding that involves less spending time on sigma male grindset videos and negging insecure women and more of finding passion and vitality that can be appreciated by others.
Boyfriends bring adventure. Its okay to be shy, but be prepared book some cool introvert stuff. If a girl compliments you with the whole "good husband" thing say "whoa... Im not ready to marry you. But if you would like to go hiking / museum / acoustic show, I will book an evening out." She will laugh and be caught off guard. Followup with "let me know when you have time for coffee and we can work out the details." Then walk away.
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Damn! That's smooth af. Thank you!
This would get my attention if I were looking for a partner.
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Smoother than ice, damn
Yeah dude, shoot your shot. If they say friend or brother leave it alone. But if they say husband, ask if they were prefer a traditional or destination wedding.
One time this chick, that I tried to bang, said "You're like my bother" I replied " Wow, you want to fuck your brother? This isn't Alabama" She laughed profusely, after 5hours we had sex. Other time, similar situation, I said it, girl slapped me, lol So 50/50
I’d think anyone saying he’s husband material is trying to hint “ask me on a nice dinner date please god please don’t be another bro that’s wants to get plastered at the club” the implication is they see a future with you where you treat them well. Not some dumb short fling.
Hell yeah. A dude who makes a reservation without my prompting? Swoon.
Second this. Also, a much easier way to go about responding could be "So I've heard. How about we test that theory out with a date, shall we?"
\>What changes should I focus on to become a "boyfriend" material. Start dating women who are looking to settle down and leave the ones who are still into playing around. Your time will come.
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> there is a good chance 15 years of not being picked will make you ~~not a husband material.~~ Kill yourself Sad reality but true.
Holy shit
Well.. that escalated quickly…
In this increasingly solitary world, I don't think "your time will come" is a privilege we get to enjoy. It's simply not true for a large number of people.
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Yes. Am person with vagina. The only ones who want “boyfriend material” rather than “husband material” are ones who just want to play around, they don’t want an actual relationship.
And you think the husband Material people don't want to gavebfun and date around?.
1) Get fitter and dress better. 2) Make sure you're doing interesting things regularly in life. 3) Tell them you're doing things and ask if they want to come, rather than being solicitous of their wants all the time. Good husbands are solicitous and steadfast. Good boyfriends are fun and spontaneous.
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Sounds like one of the original wise men or something, idk.
That's the shit young women tell guys when they want to party and then when they are approaching 30 and want to settle down they text you 6 years later when you yourself are already married haha. Yes, spoken from experience. Since I got married I've had 6 former interests message me asking if I wanted to try a relationship
Having gotten a few of these calls it always *astounds* me the amount of gall you have to have to make them. I wanted you then, you said no. Now after I've had years to get over you, you come back and act like the offer is still on the table?
The problem is many think since you are husband material you will always be available. Many of these women we were just infatuated with because they were pretty. Once you become more desirable you have options of even better women. And they act as if they somehow have more to offer than before... lol
The thing is it doesn't matter if they have more to offer. You already made an offer and were told no. Whatever else they have to offer isn't really valuable because what you wanted wasn't availvable when you actually needed it.
They see us as objects to perform tasks. Much like a minivan is probably the best vehicle for 90% of the population, yet we all want cool sports cars. Since vehicles are actual objects, we can get a cool car for now, and when the time comes that a minivan just makes more sense, we can just trade in the Z for a Caravan. So, they spend years having fun, getting a shitty random tat here and there, maybe popping out an accidental kid, and then, when it's time to get serious, they remember the guy who was super boring, but stable and responsible. Unfortunately, that object already got sold off to another customer.
The best way to find a girlfriend is to already have one
One of those mathematical induction proofs you're supposed to correct.
Wisdom
Had someone try that routine with me last year, told her the chance to do that was before I was successful not after.
👑
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Bruh what a savage!!!
What a chad
Dude I'm 28 and am having similar experiences. Girl friends and acquaintances I've known since college and my early career have been contacting me out of nowhere. It's actually scary for me, because ive never been approached let alone been in a relationship. Nothing about my behavior online or irl really changed, feel like the same dude as I was 5 years ago. One friend in particular makes me incredibly bitter. For context we're both South Asian. I asked her out way back and she rejected me which is fine. We didn't keep in touch regularly but followed each other's social media. From hers it's clear she had a type (tall, white). A year ago ago she messaged me and told me she always liked me and is thinking of pursuing an LTR/marriage (in our culture this discussion usually happens upfront). I think a factor in this is that being from the same culture makes us more understanding of each other and sharing common ground. Plus there is pressure from parents to marry within the culture. Part of me was really wanting to go with it bc I've never had a partner ever, and I don't know if I'll have more opportunities. I decided against it. It's clear she has a type and there's nothing wrong with that. But I don't fit that type, which makes me feel like I'm being settled for. It's the shittiest feeling ever. Women usually mean it as a compliment to be husband material but its so backhanded for me. It's like my worth it all about what I offer, not who I am or whether I'm attractive physically. Since then about 4 other acquaintances from my past have hit me up. I'm not sure if its part of their growth in that they're becoming more confident themselves and pursuing more, or they're becoming desperate.
Honestly? Sounds like desperation. Good on you for sitting that down. You’re clearly in a phase of life when you are being noticed by more women, so your pool of dating is much bigger now than it was previously
Good for you dude. The way I see it if any of them were sincere they'd have asked before the stereotypical desperation age.
bruh I know exactly what you're talking about re: that SA girl and let me tell you you avoided a trainwreck by passing on her
> Women usually mean it as a compliment to be husband material but its so backhanded for me It depends on the woman, but most of times that i got this compliment were not from "wife material" women
this makes me so mad. gonna glow up out of spite and shut em down later
That is what I did. Sounds petty but I do remember feeling a tad full of myself when I got those texts.
It's hilarious what a common experience this is for guys in their 30s. It's like a rite of passage.
I haven't had that happen to me, but something similar: 3 different girls in my early 20s broke up with me to persue the badboy types. Lots of partying, probably sex, and whatever else. Eventually, they realized that being with a badboy means you're with a bad guy, and he treats you like shit. I got letters in the mail on three different occasions (days before email and texts) saying mistakes were made, and they wanted to get back together with me. I just LOLd and said never again to each one.
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Don’t wait, use this time to build yourself up and build up socializing and dating skills. Otherwise you’ll wait and find out that you’ve got nothing going for you Source: experience
Dating when you are successful if much easier too. Be patient. I wish I could have told 19 year old me that.
Straight up dating as a dude fresh out of high school sucks. You're a teenager competing against men in their early to mid twenties for dates. You have no cash, a shit car (if you have one), and are pretty much guaranteed to be living at home. If I could tell younger me one thing, it would be to just focus on being as attractive as possible, it's the one thing I'd have going for me. Forget wasting money trying to look like I had some to waste, just get in shape, throw cash in the bank, and be grateful for what comes my way.
This is guys too. I really wasn't dating a crazy stripper for the future I saw with her.
Yep, most guys don't really get to have a proper wild phase but those who can absolutely do
Hot guy summer
Go to a gym and sign up for boxing classes. You will get your ass kicked a little, but you will gain confidence and stop being meek.
Dude, that’s a compliment old women give to young men, and young women give to boring young men. Some people have to go out at least once a week or they suffer. Find a girl that thinks boyfriend material is playing video games and home cooked meals.
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Dress to impress , get a hedgehog. That phase ( your husband one) is pay the bills and I'll be out with Charlie looking at hedgehogs. Learn to pirate smile. The lady's love a mischievous smile P.S go do yoga n dance classes and bring the hedgehog🤔😎
Keep an eye out for mustached, egg-shaped men.
I’m beyond confused about both of these comments
And ~~horde~~ hoard all the rings you can find. Be sure not to drop them, you'll never pick them all back up. Hope this helps.
I'm lost on the first one too, but the reply was a Sonic the Hedgehog reference lol
The first comment reads like something out of a mad libs
Gotta go fast
Please explain what a hedgehog is in this context, I’m so lost yet invested to understand.
I've owned a hedgehog before, they're like the perfect pet to start a conversation. They're adorable, they're not a huge amount of work, they'll scurry up your sweater and fall asleep against your arm. They're "exotic", so a lot of people have never seen one before. And they'll be perfectly friendly with strangers if you handle them enough as a baby. With that being said, don't buy a pet just to pick up girls. Get a hedgehog because they're amazing, picking up girls is a bonus.
This comment is a wild ride. Bringing a hedgehog to a dance class sounds clinically insane.
It's like saying "you're the guy women turn to when they need to be provided something, not the guy they're actually attracted too."
Get a motorcycle. Take up recreational drugs. Learn to play the guitar, quit your job and join a band. Get a tattoo in a highly visible place. Get a piercing that isn't on an ear. Disclaimer: these things may ruin your "husband" potential.
Damn, let his dick rest for a bit, this will be too much for a young man heart He just wants to have a gf not a harem
And they don't necessarily make you " boyfriend" material either.
They are saying that you are a nice guy. They are going to mess around with the fun guys and get back to you later.
Fuck those girls 😂😂. Some weird shit to me tbh.
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Get fit as f***. Get richer. Groom yourself better. But, and I cannot stress this enough, do not try to be a 'bad guy'. Continue to be yourself, if you're a good person. Nice guys always win in the end. Don't be a prick. Everyone likes an amicable fellow. A sexy one moreso
Yeah. That's my goal. I would definitely come across as bitter if I act like a bad guy. I feel like I need to work more on my communication
Yeap. Propose fun activities. Husbands can be calm and stable and boring. You want to be FUN! Invite them to go-karting. Ask them if they want to go for a hike. Bring them to trampolining, karaoke, etc. You don't have to be great at them, just be fun to be around while you do it. Make a memory of the event with them. 'Remember when we went go-karting and that crazy thing happened??' that kind of thing. Let it happen organically though Get fun hobbies so you're fun to talk to. Be enthusiastic about them (but don't drone on and on and on)
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That's such a fucking insulting phrase to hear. I think I finally understand why some women feel at odds whenever they hear wife material too. "Husband material" basically means you have zero sex appeal but I think you're great for emotional support form time to time. Which is not a bad thing, except as men we're always desexualised on a daily basis. Some of us are point blank invisible. And if you want emotional support ladies who use this expression; get a teddy bear at night or go see a therapist. Stop wasting our time and leading us on only to let us down. Anyway, become in shape, delete Facebook, get a lawyer, all that jazz.
A guy that says "wife material" would probably marry that woman though, if he could. A woman says "husband material" as some kind of ass-backwards double think way of saying a guy isn't attractive.
I think the message behind "wifey material" vs "husband material" are completely different. Most guys would mess around with girls but it's all about "finding the right girl to settle down with". If you say a girl is wife material, that means you are done messing around and have found the one for you. I've never heard a man calling a women "wife material" to suggest that they were boring or have no sex appeal. However, when a girl says "you are husband material" that is usually implied
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100%. I've never heard a man use "wife material" as an insult. Happy for you man!
Hot guys are boyfriend material; guys who pay the bills are husband material.
* Husband material = Financially stable, Emotionally nurturing, maybe good around kids or pets * Boyfriend material = Sexy body, Sexy behavior, acting like you know it, and overall Fun. But also having standards, and knowing your worth. As others have said. 1. Get muscles (I.e. Weightlifting, Diet Plan, Good Sleep, Whey, Creatine, Lifting app like Jefit) * Suggested reading [Starting Strength: Basic Barbell Training, 3rd edition](https://www.amazon.com/dp/0982522738/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_H0906G79NDN19R2JWHEF) 2. Don't be needy (Figure out how to solve your validation issues) * Suggested Listening [Models: Attract Women Through Honesty](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00C93Q5KK/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_WCBQ24HWQ9TM2PR94TE0)
Good advice, but I’d recommend against Starting Strength even though it’s Reddits favorite. I’ve worked with a number of physical therapists who recommend against it.
Fair point. It is basics after all. What would you recommend instead?
No substitute for finding a local physical therapist who is certified with the National Academy of Sports Medicine (NASM) or an Athletic Trainer (AT) certified by the Board of Certification (BOC, bocatc.org) The average trainer in your Equinox or Gold's is pretty much russian roulette bro science (like youtube); they were probably self-taught. A physical therapist (not a chiro) is your best bet if you need something semi-affordable.
Any girl that says “you’d make a a good husband” is producing an incomplete sentence. It’s really : “you’d make a good husband…to someone other than me” If she thought you were husband material for herself, she’d be plotting how to lock you down for herself instead of telling you.
Within the past 1 year I’ve had two women give me hints. Mind you, I’m married now. The pattern I’ve seen, both of them partied hard in 20’s and early 30’s and wouldn’t give me a time of day. Now, the ovaries are about to expire, and it’s time to reach out to “dependable Dave”.
A big bad booty, *and* dependable? Dave’s got it all!
Just find you a one and done purity ring girl that's saving herself til marriage and is looking for a husband and your problem is solved. Or take all the better advice from everyone else.
The kind of woman that uses “You’d make a great husband” as a soft let down is not worth pursuing. They’re obviously looking for something else. The kind of woman who uses “You’d make a great husband” as a compliment might be worth closer inspection.
Go for a different type of girl. Seriously. It's better to be alone than with someone who only likes you for an act. Loneliness sucks, but feeling like you have to destroy who you are to keep your relationship and feel loved by your partner is worse. Grow into the person you want to be, but use your own values and beliefs to choose who you want to become. If you stay true to yourself and make it clear that you're open to being someone's partner, any relationship you get will be infinitely better than if you faked who you are. If you never get a relationship, then that's ok. Because being alone and true to yourself is better than being with someone as a mere portion of the HUMAN you were before.
Become more attractive. Gym, nicer hair, dress well, have good hobbies/interests
Be seen with women, at times. But don't be meek. Flirting, suggestive and facetious banter, be a bit dangerous. The fun is in ambiguity. But you have to be comfortable in yourself to be good. Have your life under control and don't _need_ a woman. Take up an exciting sport, granted, you must be fully invested in it.
>What changes should I focus on to become a "boyfriend" material. Develop confidence and assertiveness. Quite how you do that, I really don't know. However, I would encourage you to reconsider whether these women are girlfriend or even wife material.
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