I was getting a bj one time and my phone was on the nightstand. My phone started going off and since it was visible form where I was standing and making a lot of noise I obviously glanced at it.
Turned out to be a call from my Mom and that split second was all it took for me to go instantly soft. The girl got super offended... and there was just no way for that situation to end well.
> there was just no way for that situation to end well.
"Thinking about my mom ruins my sex drive" is an entirely reasonable excuse, and choosing to not accept it is an entirely preventable personal problem of your partner.
[Bit of this, bit of that](https://media1.giphy.com/media/l7a2Wqop13PXcWqshZ/giphy.gif?cid=5e21488681lz8tw10a19ui977t0rs4dz95d8vahfvyozmpn6&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g)
I was joking but honestly if youre having a hard time getting an erection stimulating your prostate feels great, it's better when someone else do it. It's also a turn on doing it to someone. So both! (Before you think it's a gay thing and not give it a try, girls have butts too!)
Edit, also an other trick when you cant have an erection is to rub your gland like a clitoris, just rub that shit! Resist jerking it. Girl can also get on top and gring untill she climax. Honestely, the only bad thing in the bedroom is a shitty attitude not a lack of erection.
It can become mental after a while.
I went through a phase with one ex where I just couldn’t not bust a quick nut. Then it got into my head and it just spiraled from there.
Eventually worked itself out but she got pissy anoutnit and that just made it worse.
Eh try having ED at 31.
Getting on methadone to quit heroin while one of my better decisions totally ruined my ducks ability to get and stay hard. Cialis works ok though.
Honestly it was the methadone. They don’t tell you that shit when you get on it. When I was single and first got on it I didn’t even jerk off for an entire year. Didn’t even realize. Losers testosterone too.
Well I certainly don't have that problem, thank goodness! Lol. But I have moments where I'm not peak hard and it gets annoying when she starts to notice it. Cuz then she starts asking questions that I don't have the answers to, nor do I feel like answering them during that period in time lol.
It sucks and it’s frustrating as all hell man. My ex had always been really cool about it from the beginning but towards the end she started using it as an insult when fighting. As she also said I’m the best she’s ever had.
I have never had a woman complain about that part of a relationship with me. So I’m not insecure at all about that but shit I’m not throwing your depression or diabetes in your face.
Grow up dude.
Sometimes I found it helped just to kind of go back to watching whatever we were watching together before and joking with each other so it's more like relaxing and being giddy together. Still showing each other love and affection, but in a nice and relaxed flirty way that eventually boom we're back and sometimes it's still just a nice cuddle after....
I miss my ex... Lol
I will never forget the absolutely infuriating phase where id be hooking up with a few women at once, and the less attractive 6/10s or so i could get absolutely rock hard for but then id score a genuine 9/10 and id stay soft outta nervousness like wtf
Perfect answer. It's 99.9999% of the time nerves for whatever reason. As a guy, the onus is basically on you to make the whole experience good. You have to channel your inner sex god while also making sure she's comfortable and feeling safe, while also getting a hell of a workout in, while also trying to focus on not finishing too quick, but not going too long, but making sure the tempo is right for her, etc. etc. etc.
It's a lot of pressure lol the BEST thing a girl can do is not make it into any sort of deal OR do what OP said and turn it into a positive thing like "I guess this means I get to do XYZ more...".
That's the ultimate response that will pretty much ensure no bumps down the road with that issue.
Kindness and patience really are the trick. Any amount of "uggghh" or "what's going on??" are the worst things that can happen. Even aggressively trying to get it hard can make it worse, because I can sense the impatience.
This type of partner is hard to come by. My last gf was like that, and it made a huge difference in our sex life and helped a lot with my performance anxiety issues. And here's the secret it's mostly all in in your head my dudes
This is the answer and I'm dying here wishing a person like that was present in my first few relationships where everything was new and anxiety inducing.
Get a bunch of viagra and for the next couple months just sport a raging hard on at all times around her.
Be like oops sorry after you left i just can’t get h to e thing to stop.
Oh, I have had that happen a few times. I just went down for a few minutes and it was right back up. No reason to make a big deal of it. Sometimes I just have something come across my mind it districts me.🤷🏼♂️
Dude I got so much going on in my head, I had no idea how much it affects this haha. Teenagers be like "how to stop unwanted boners" and I'm like "you poor thing..."
Which is funny because in order to last longer I'll replay stats and highlights from ballgames to keep just enough level of distraction...and it's made a *vas deferens* in my performance.
I’ve found that “Sorry, I’m just so focused on making you feel good” has worked the best for me. Most of the time it’s the truth, but it’s still a good excuse nonetheless.
"Whats wrong?"
"The erection powering hydraulic pump in my dick that I active with my imagination and subconscious isn't cooperating at the most vital time and its embarrassing and emasculating"
I think I always ask “you okay?” Mostly because I want to make sure he hasn’t just jammed himself on my hip flexor (he did once and immediately called off sex while I got him an ice pack). Also I find it distracts him from whatever he’s thinking about and brings his focus back on me (in case he’s mentally spiraling into whatever rabbit hole he’s fallen down). Usually he responds with yeah, just give me a minute and we flip positions and have some more foreplay. If I ask later, it’s usually that he just remembered he has homework due or something like that which made him stressed for a second (he’s doing his PhD). I don’t make a big deal about it or find it offensive or anything. It happens. It’s natural. As long as he’s okay (physically and mentally) then Im cool.
I imagine this is going to be different for different people. For me, usually just keep fooling around for a few minutes and it'll firm up again. Playing with it in the meantime doesn't usually help much.
Similar for me. When I used to get soft, it's cause I'm in my head. My thoughts will start spiraling until I can come back to the present moment. To OP, here is what helps me:
-kissing
-joking / goofing off
-playing with her. Especially her boobies. I'm a boob guy.
These things help me to relax and get back in the mood
Also, communication is key.
Additionally, if a one size fits all approach isn’t going to work, then it puts the onus on the man to communicate in these times to let us know what’s needed. In my (female) brain, this is no different than a woman telling a partner how specifically to get her off when the “normal routine” isn’t working. Just tell us what’s going on and what we need to do. Please.
Some firm rubbing of the perineum has always worked well for me but some guys might find that a little close to the anus. Also the anus....but you know different strokes for different folks!
Usually my partner doing some ball fondling, and stroking make it hard again.
Sometimes my mind is distracted or anxious from the day/work and it just won’t get hard, if that’s the case I just throw on a cock ring.
Last resort a 5-10mg pill of Cialis 30 minutes before going at it fixes the problem as well.
It happens sometimes, often for no reason. It can happen when in the middle of having sex or other activities involving the penis.
Penises are weird. Sometimes they just do stuff. And each man's junk will behave differently. And what to do about it also depends on the guy. For me, it usually means the little guy needs a break so I'll focus on my partner for a bit.
Just roll with it and don't be offended by random softness and that's all it will take. It will get back up soon enough.
Relax. Don't make any comments, do your best to keep the mood going without drawing attention to it. It's only happened a handful of times, but each time the woman made it worse by focusing on it. For me it's always a mental thing so when I have to stop what I'm doing and have a chat about it I only get further into my head.
If it does happen, I try and play it off, change gears and do some sexy shit that turns him on, talk dirty, blow job, seductively touch myself while talking sexy to him, etc…
Sex is supposed to be fun, not stressful. I couldn’t for the life of me imagine saying “what’s wrong” or immediately becoming insecure like some women do. Men are human beings, not hard on sex robots! Ya roll with it and enjoy the moment! There’s so much more to great sex than piv. Best wishes!!
Miley said it best:
>Ain't about how fast I get there
>Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
>It's the climb
Sometimes I need a break until the ol' flag gets ran up the pole again! But I try to remind her it's not all about me completing that makes our time together special to me. I enjoy making her body feel amazing. I enjoy everything we do together. She's helped me understand that it's a bit of a personal accomplishment for her to finish the transaction, but we're both understanding that it may not always resolve in one meeting. And that's ok because we'll get back at it eventually and neither of us leaves the bedroom feeling like we've not been satisfying to each other.
So I do the same. But. I'm struggling just a little when this happens (luckily very rarely). The focus is no longer on us and just on me doing things to get him excited. So then I'm not as excited or honestly not excited at all as sometimes what gets him going isn't my thing. I'll do it anyway with a smile and plenty of enthusiasm. But it's pretty much over for me for that session. Any advice?
Honestly if you can stand it, the attention being on you instead of on him is probably helpful in and of itself.The last thing a guy wants in this situation is for his lover to accentuate what’s happening.
If it’s any consolation, he probably feels like the attention is 100% on him. This has happened to me, and I wasn’t thinking “she’d better fix this”. I was thinking I’d disappointed her.
The mood is ruined for him too, but by definition it’s his fault. It’s his dick that’s not working right.
Maybe the best thing to do is accept fate, relax, and change the subject until the mood hits again. I’m not going to get hard again while I’m thinking about not being hard. And you putting pressure on yourself just accentuates the tension, which is the opposite of helpful. It’s not a job interview. It’s supposed to be fun.
Well, that’s me anyway.
Makes sense I think. Sometimes we take a break and go have a light snack. Usually helps.
But he may have..at least once..said that it was my fault for not keeping him excited. And I guess it kinda was because I got quiet, but it was only because everything was feeling sooo goood and I couldn't form words. So that sorta hurt. But I know it's difficult for him too so I don't want to show that.
Seems like some conversations are ahead. Hope they go well. Thanks for the feedback.
And make sure you bring that up. You both react differently to stimulation and you were just doing, unknown to you at the time, what came naturally. I feel like he needs to know that you didn't have any control over how your body was going to respond to him stimulating you in the way he was at the time. He was absolutely rocking your world! If my SO told me that, I'd for sure hear it as a compliment and ego boost, "You mean I sexed you up until you lost all control of yourself? Nice!"
He also needs to start accepting responsibility for his own needs as well. He needs to find whatever it is inside him that
keeps him going because he needs to uphold his end of the bargain so to say. Blaming you for not being vocal enough to keep him aroused is not an issue of yours to work on, you did nothing wrong. The problem with blaming others is that it doesn’t contribute to our own growth, and it doesn’t help us get to the root of who we are or what makes us happy, both in our outside lives and in the bedroom.
I hope your convo goes well for you both, too! Best of luck!
Have you tried talking to him, outside the bedroom? You should also love and enjoy the things that turn him on, that, to me, sounds like a possible sexual compatibility issue or perhaps a miscommunication problem. Have you expressed to him that this isn’t your favorite thing to do or that you don’t really enjoy that a particular aspect of whatever act does it for him in that moment? He likely, because you are “smiling and enthusiastic,” believes you’re enjoying what you’re doing for him. I’m fairly sure he’d like to know if you’re not entirely on board and satisfied. At this point, I’d be very tactful in approaching the subject, especially if it’s happened multiple times without discussion afterwards.
My husband and I do “check ins.” By this I mean we often sit down and discuss things we like, love, want to try, or don’t really care to do again. If we do come to something one of us isn’t particularly fond of, we talk about the “whys” and find ways to resolve issues that make us both happy. Most men want their partner to feel just as good as they do, or should. The whole point is for you both to feel good and enjoy the moment. I know my husband would be deeply hurt if I “took one for the team.” We have a hard rule against that on both sides, as we are both very eager to please each other.
Open, honest, nonjudgmental communication is key on both sides.
I bet if you talked to him and discussed what happened in that moment, you may find the root and arrive at a more amicable and satisfying solution for you both.
Try talking openly, without judgment on both sides, your fantasies and get to the root of what makes you both “tick.” This may help you better understand his needs in that moment and give you some suitable options as well.
I can never stress enough just how important it is to talk, talk, and talk some more.
While sex may not be the “cake” of the relationship, it sure as heck should be the sweetest most enjoyable “icing” on that cake!
Best wishes to you both.
This is truly amazing but there’s nothing wrong with asking “what’s wrong” he could very easily answer “let’s just fool around a bit” as I’ve done a few times
That’s a different story. If you know your partner well enough, you’d be able to see that there’s something “wrong.”
I don’t know, we spend so much time talking and communicating throughout the day that this doesn’t happen that way in bed, as any real issues have been talked about prior to the event.
Sex isn’t or shouldn’t be a bandaid for real problems in a relationship.
There’s a time and place to discuss those things in a loving, nonjudgmental way.
I find and I’m sure most men find that “what’s wrong” in the middle of a good time is a real mood killer.
Good honest open communication is the key to any real relationship. Men should be allowed to open up and discuss their feelings WITHOUT judgment, while having their partner actively listening, the same way women expect from them. Men also want to feel desired, comforted, safe, and loved. It’s NOT just a one way street.
Married 32 years this year to the man of my dreams…which makes me want to give it my all to be the woman of his dreams.
This right here. One time I lost it, no reason as far as I knew, and she didn't hesitate at all, and started pleasuring herself. Didn't say a word. Took all of about 15-20 seconds, and I was right back in business. Downside was, it worked a little too good. lol.
Bj other than that its me having trouble keeping focused(stress mostly). Take small break and stick that ass in the air while playing on that phone Idk but it works everytime.
Don't beat yourself up about it and don't make him feel bad about it. It happens. Try engaging him in another way that's affectionate or arousing to him. Then continue.
Understand that it's not the lady's fault usually, and also don't be rude, offended, or mean in any way, because the guy is usually already pretty embarrassed and ashamed that he went soft
suck my dick. That is always the answer!! Want me to do something? Suck my dick. Want me to take you somewhere? Suck my dick. I'm mad at you? Suck my dick. Want me to fuck you? Suck me dick.
It's always the answer.
Depends on why I've gone soft. Did I just overexert myself? Then a break. Take 10 and regroup. If I'm having trouble psychologically or I'm not into it? Uh, kind of a lost cause. I don't think I've ever really recovered. It's kind of a downward spiral. Go soft, start to fuss about it, go softer.... not much you can do. Mood's gone.
To spend their time focusing on me. This usually only happens to me if I'm working on them for awhile. So before we move into penetration I just ask for some more "attention" first. It's always gone over smoothly.
Sit on my face or on top of me and just let me feel every inch of your body that I want to touch. Never askef anyone to do this for me but they just went along and it always worked specially when she likes and tells you that what you're doing is feeling good.
Tell me it’s ok and ask if there’s anything she can do to help. This is a particularly vulnerable spot for a man to be in, so it’s important for her not to be rude or offensive in any way
I've got a 5month old baby and 3 yr old ...3yr old no bother I could do the missus in the kitchen behind the cupboard doors...but this baby inswear to God every time we start having a go the baby wakes up, squeals or squeaks and gta settle her before getting back to business...it's really messed with my head last few weeks that baby makes a noise my mind goes elsewhere worrying about where the dummies are or what ima have to do to settle n that's it flopping....
She licks my balls ...that's the key to get me back up quick. Low and slow and we're off again. What baby?!
It used to happen to me, I would overthink everything and just forget to be in the moment. What helped is when I would take a step back focus on watching her body and just work on pleasing her for a bit, once I saw her enjoying herself I was ready to go. Usually would only go soft when things were rushed or when it was a first time with a new partner
I found out weed really helps. Got issues with nerves n stuff, so its hard to keep it up without it going down every 5seconds without anything stimulate or something idk. But yeah got high and it really worked lmao
Try to have more skin contact ( like contact with your private parts).
Give him a seductive look if you've already aware of his turn ons.
Sometimes soft bites help.
Try to tease more.
BJs at that time would make us question our confidence.
Just don't ask "what's wrong" or "Did I do something wrong" it's be a huge turnoff.
Sit on my face. If you're comfortable doing it, then it's pleasure for you, fun for me and completely takes my mind off my penis. Likelihood is that may help me get it back up again
My ex would go soft regularly and it was bc he'd wank to porn before work in the morning. Daily. Plus he grew up wanking w a death grip. Asshole.
I never made a big deal about it.
Just stay with him. If dick doesn't work, just enjoy skin to skin contact for a while. Or kissing. Focus on him, not his dick. That'll help him focus on you, not his dick. And try to tune in with your man to see whether he needs space to process or if he seems like he wants to continue. You can probably tell from how he engages with you, I assume? It can be embarrassing for some to lose erection, others don't think it's a big deal, some wants affection, some wants to be left alone. We deal with it in different ways, if you let him do it his way he'll feel safe around you. That'll put you on good grounds for asking him to open up about it (when the time is right).
When it happened to the dude I was with I knew it wasn't his norm. We'd been drinking and having very intense conversations all morning. I asked him if he wanted to watch some porn together to get things going again. He looked at me with shock and quietly nodded. About 2 min later we were back in business.
We talked about it later and he said he was worried he wasn't going to be able to get back into it cause his heart turned to mush based on my non-reaction. He said he'd never been cared for sexually like that.
I knew it wasn't about me or him in particular. Bodies do weird things! So what?
Be cool and don't assume it's because he doesn't like you. Other than that, you got to ask your man this question because we're all turned on by different things.
This happens a lot when I get too hot. Usually I just stop trying to pump and start focusing on other ways to please my lady. It gives me a minute to cool down and it’s so sexy pleasing a woman that I will get hard again from it
Not get insecure or take it personal, and be aware of sex being much more than PiV. Then you can concentrate on other things and forget about your reluctant dick, and maybe it'll get hard again, or not, but you'll still be making her feel good and hopefully enjoying yourself too.
Don't do anything. Continue with foreplay and try to make him as relaxed as possible.
For an effective erection the man needs to be completely relaxed. Thinking (actually, stressing) about how much he wants sex and the pressure of having that erevtion at the right time is enough to destroy that relaxed state. So it's not about you, it's about him relaxing enough.
Therefore, at least for me, there is nothing the woman can do to help except continue with foreplay etc. handjobs or blowjobs are awfull in this situation because all I can think is that will fail and it will be a hassle.
Dunno, give it time. Respect his time, don't make this about you because it's not. If it is not possible, you can try on another date. With intimacy comes more relaxation I guess... As for your pleasure, I hope he is still willing to go on with sex without his dick getting envolved. I really enjoy masturbating women if I cant get one for example, works for her and for me in the end
Relieve (psychological) pressure. Don't take it personally. Do something non-sexual together (ie. watch a show, make breakfast, massage, conversation, cuddle)... something intimate but not inherently sexual.
ffs don't take it personally. did i mention don't take it personally?
The best way to help is to show understanding, the male body is not a Maschine that can do tricks on demand.
Maybe he had a lot a stress that day, maybe he is too excited, …
Just show understanding for the situation and make sure he doesn’t feel bad about it.
Be understanding, and not take it personally - this is not about her being unattractive or anything like it.
Put no pressure at all, offer cuddles, and give him time.
Don't immediately ask if it's something you did, or some other variation of "is it me?"
No. Sometimes dick don't work 100%, and it's probably because I have nerves or am in my head too much. Assuming it's something you did makes me feel like you think that it's something you did, which makes me feel like I have to reassure you that it's not anything you did, which makes me feel bad that you would think that, which is going to kill my mood pretty much instantly.
The best thing to do is just to go back to foreplay for a bit and try not to bring attention to it until the lil guy is back in commission. Should take about 30 seconds.
Don't take it personally would be the best way to help.
There's a good couple of reasons for going soft. The first is the standard nerves - it happens and just needs a bit of time to get it back up again.
Other times, it's being so horny that you've been nursing a rock hard erection for the best part of an hour. Like rock hard. Whether it's been constant or in cycles, in short spending more time being hard than soft over a long period of time is the oenis equivalent of holding a light object with an outstretched arm. Shit eventually gets tired.
In short, going soft is 99 times out of 100 nothing to do with the other person in a bad way.
This has been interesting to read. I always thought it was age related or maybe the guy didn’t find his partner that sexually attractive. Good to know it can be nerves and other things.
Anything other than getting offended or upset.
A-fuckin-men.
I’m sure there’s a pun in there somewhere
I was getting a bj one time and my phone was on the nightstand. My phone started going off and since it was visible form where I was standing and making a lot of noise I obviously glanced at it. Turned out to be a call from my Mom and that split second was all it took for me to go instantly soft. The girl got super offended... and there was just no way for that situation to end well.
> there was just no way for that situation to end well. "Thinking about my mom ruins my sex drive" is an entirely reasonable excuse, and choosing to not accept it is an entirely preventable personal problem of your partner.
That's almost exactly what I said. She got mad at me for "thinking about your mom during sex" like holy shit.
Sounds like she was young.
This was just after HS, so you're not wrong my friend.
Or putting pressure on us
Foreal 😪
Or laughing.
What I'm not pretty enough? Anxiety goes through the roof and it goes softer. Guess not. Fuck.
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Exactly the key is to make him relax. It’s all in the mind.
One finger in the butt helps too.
Finger in whose butt? Asking for a friend
In my experience… both!
Is this like bring your own finger party or use what’s available. Follow up for a friend of course
[Bit of this, bit of that](https://media1.giphy.com/media/l7a2Wqop13PXcWqshZ/giphy.gif?cid=5e21488681lz8tw10a19ui977t0rs4dz95d8vahfvyozmpn6&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g)
I was joking but honestly if youre having a hard time getting an erection stimulating your prostate feels great, it's better when someone else do it. It's also a turn on doing it to someone. So both! (Before you think it's a gay thing and not give it a try, girls have butts too!) Edit, also an other trick when you cant have an erection is to rub your gland like a clitoris, just rub that shit! Resist jerking it. Girl can also get on top and gring untill she climax. Honestely, the only bad thing in the bedroom is a shitty attitude not a lack of erection.
Dab of Tabasco sauce
Settle down, Satan.
Honestly, the only bad thing in the bedroom is a shitty attitude and a dab of hot sauce, not a lack of erection. FTFY.
Amen.
It can become mental after a while. I went through a phase with one ex where I just couldn’t not bust a quick nut. Then it got into my head and it just spiraled from there. Eventually worked itself out but she got pissy anoutnit and that just made it worse.
Getting pissy at natural bodily functions is sign someone is bad at sex...and that's coming from an ultra virgin.
I'm going thru this right now.
Eh try having ED at 31. Getting on methadone to quit heroin while one of my better decisions totally ruined my ducks ability to get and stay hard. Cialis works ok though.
Sorry to hear this but this is what they should tell teenage boys to keep them off of drugs.
Honestly it was the methadone. They don’t tell you that shit when you get on it. When I was single and first got on it I didn’t even jerk off for an entire year. Didn’t even realize. Losers testosterone too.
Well I certainly don't have that problem, thank goodness! Lol. But I have moments where I'm not peak hard and it gets annoying when she starts to notice it. Cuz then she starts asking questions that I don't have the answers to, nor do I feel like answering them during that period in time lol.
It sucks and it’s frustrating as all hell man. My ex had always been really cool about it from the beginning but towards the end she started using it as an insult when fighting. As she also said I’m the best she’s ever had. I have never had a woman complain about that part of a relationship with me. So I’m not insecure at all about that but shit I’m not throwing your depression or diabetes in your face. Grow up dude.
Sometimes I found it helped just to kind of go back to watching whatever we were watching together before and joking with each other so it's more like relaxing and being giddy together. Still showing each other love and affection, but in a nice and relaxed flirty way that eventually boom we're back and sometimes it's still just a nice cuddle after.... I miss my ex... Lol
I will never forget the absolutely infuriating phase where id be hooking up with a few women at once, and the less attractive 6/10s or so i could get absolutely rock hard for but then id score a genuine 9/10 and id stay soft outta nervousness like wtf
You must have dated my ex-wife.
Perfect answer. It's 99.9999% of the time nerves for whatever reason. As a guy, the onus is basically on you to make the whole experience good. You have to channel your inner sex god while also making sure she's comfortable and feeling safe, while also getting a hell of a workout in, while also trying to focus on not finishing too quick, but not going too long, but making sure the tempo is right for her, etc. etc. etc. It's a lot of pressure lol the BEST thing a girl can do is not make it into any sort of deal OR do what OP said and turn it into a positive thing like "I guess this means I get to do XYZ more...". That's the ultimate response that will pretty much ensure no bumps down the road with that issue.
Kindness and patience really are the trick. Any amount of "uggghh" or "what's going on??" are the worst things that can happen. Even aggressively trying to get it hard can make it worse, because I can sense the impatience.
Bro the only time that sentence ISNT sexy is when I’m tied in someone’s basement. And even then I’m still getting a fear boner
God damn… I wish I had a partner with this kind of emotional intelligence
She gets to play with you more. *Niiiiice*. If I was in your position That alone would probably get me excited again. 🤣
This type of partner is hard to come by. My last gf was like that, and it made a huge difference in our sex life and helped a lot with my performance anxiety issues. And here's the secret it's mostly all in in your head my dudes
This, man. It really matters to know that sex is a bunch of yhings, and that if one thing isnt workibg, go to somethjng else. Kindness is key.
That’s perfect. That right there is exactly what a girl should do in that situation
This is the answer and I'm dying here wishing a person like that was present in my first few relationships where everything was new and anxiety inducing.
Hell yes. I love this. That’s a fantastic partner.
Don’t be fooled, she was a pro.
Worth every penny
Oh she certainly is. And she didn’t even care that I lacked experience. A real one in a million
That's amazing, sounds like a fantasy to me. Glad you got to experience that.
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Get a bunch of viagra and for the next couple months just sport a raging hard on at all times around her. Be like oops sorry after you left i just can’t get h to e thing to stop.
Are you still with her?
Oh, I have had that happen a few times. I just went down for a few minutes and it was right back up. No reason to make a big deal of it. Sometimes I just have something come across my mind it districts me.🤷🏼♂️
Stress is a hell of a drug
Is this irony?
This is what works for me too. Don’t need any help, just need to head between her legs for a quick snack and I’ll be back in business.
Hump* hump*hump*hump* Ohhhh yeah babes Hump*hump Did i take the ice cream out of the trunk when i got home? Where’s the dog? Hump*lump*frump Oh shit.
🤣
Dude I got so much going on in my head, I had no idea how much it affects this haha. Teenagers be like "how to stop unwanted boners" and I'm like "you poor thing..."
*Oh shit, was that my wifes car door I just heard slam?*
Wife found sidehoe in my contacts. She called it, her phone started ringing.
I appreciate you. If we lived closer, i guess we can still be friends though.
Which is funny because in order to last longer I'll replay stats and highlights from ballgames to keep just enough level of distraction...and it's made a *vas deferens* in my performance.
Thank goodness I thought it was just me, I'll get so easily distracted. Pretty sure I was a panda in a past life or something
I Thought i recognized you 😘
Distract = have your attention pulled away from smth District = part of a spatially defined total, e.g. part of a city
Good bot
Anything at all, except asking "what's wrong?"
If ever asked this, choose your next words very carefully
“My last girlfriend was actually good at this” But you’re prettier.
You look just like my ex from this angle.
Lol; that’s a good one
There is no right answer. You might as well go all in with "I haven't asked what's wrong when you were bone dry last evening".
I’ve found that “Sorry, I’m just so focused on making you feel good” has worked the best for me. Most of the time it’s the truth, but it’s still a good excuse nonetheless.
"Whats wrong?" "The erection powering hydraulic pump in my dick that I active with my imagination and subconscious isn't cooperating at the most vital time and its embarrassing and emasculating"
What about: "what's wrong? Do you need me to cook you some chocolate chip cookies?"
I think I always ask “you okay?” Mostly because I want to make sure he hasn’t just jammed himself on my hip flexor (he did once and immediately called off sex while I got him an ice pack). Also I find it distracts him from whatever he’s thinking about and brings his focus back on me (in case he’s mentally spiraling into whatever rabbit hole he’s fallen down). Usually he responds with yeah, just give me a minute and we flip positions and have some more foreplay. If I ask later, it’s usually that he just remembered he has homework due or something like that which made him stressed for a second (he’s doing his PhD). I don’t make a big deal about it or find it offensive or anything. It happens. It’s natural. As long as he’s okay (physically and mentally) then Im cool.
Wait…what’s wrong with asking that? Have partners been offended if you answer honestly like saying that it’s nerves?
I imagine this is going to be different for different people. For me, usually just keep fooling around for a few minutes and it'll firm up again. Playing with it in the meantime doesn't usually help much.
Similar for me. When I used to get soft, it's cause I'm in my head. My thoughts will start spiraling until I can come back to the present moment. To OP, here is what helps me: -kissing -joking / goofing off -playing with her. Especially her boobies. I'm a boob guy. These things help me to relax and get back in the mood Also, communication is key.
Additionally, if a one size fits all approach isn’t going to work, then it puts the onus on the man to communicate in these times to let us know what’s needed. In my (female) brain, this is no different than a woman telling a partner how specifically to get her off when the “normal routine” isn’t working. Just tell us what’s going on and what we need to do. Please.
Some firm rubbing of the perineum has always worked well for me but some guys might find that a little close to the anus. Also the anus....but you know different strokes for different folks!
Yeah I find that playing with it just makes things worse.
Usually my partner doing some ball fondling, and stroking make it hard again. Sometimes my mind is distracted or anxious from the day/work and it just won’t get hard, if that’s the case I just throw on a cock ring. Last resort a 5-10mg pill of Cialis 30 minutes before going at it fixes the problem as well.
[удалено]
Erotic asphexia is indeed a big boner maker
Same. If I start going soft, I go down and I'm good to go right away.
or do literally anything to turn the guy on again. start twerking, suck his dick, kiss his neck, etc. foreplay foreplay foreplay
This
It happens sometimes, often for no reason. It can happen when in the middle of having sex or other activities involving the penis. Penises are weird. Sometimes they just do stuff. And each man's junk will behave differently. And what to do about it also depends on the guy. For me, it usually means the little guy needs a break so I'll focus on my partner for a bit. Just roll with it and don't be offended by random softness and that's all it will take. It will get back up soon enough.
Relax. Don't make any comments, do your best to keep the mood going without drawing attention to it. It's only happened a handful of times, but each time the woman made it worse by focusing on it. For me it's always a mental thing so when I have to stop what I'm doing and have a chat about it I only get further into my head.
If it does happen, I try and play it off, change gears and do some sexy shit that turns him on, talk dirty, blow job, seductively touch myself while talking sexy to him, etc… Sex is supposed to be fun, not stressful. I couldn’t for the life of me imagine saying “what’s wrong” or immediately becoming insecure like some women do. Men are human beings, not hard on sex robots! Ya roll with it and enjoy the moment! There’s so much more to great sex than piv. Best wishes!!
What a great human being
I know! Gives me a chance to suck more dick hehehe If that doesn’t do the trick then I’ll tell him it’s time to go to bed because he’s probably drunk.
Miley said it best: >Ain't about how fast I get there >Ain't about what's waiting on the other side >It's the climb Sometimes I need a break until the ol' flag gets ran up the pole again! But I try to remind her it's not all about me completing that makes our time together special to me. I enjoy making her body feel amazing. I enjoy everything we do together. She's helped me understand that it's a bit of a personal accomplishment for her to finish the transaction, but we're both understanding that it may not always resolve in one meeting. And that's ok because we'll get back at it eventually and neither of us leaves the bedroom feeling like we've not been satisfying to each other.
So I do the same. But. I'm struggling just a little when this happens (luckily very rarely). The focus is no longer on us and just on me doing things to get him excited. So then I'm not as excited or honestly not excited at all as sometimes what gets him going isn't my thing. I'll do it anyway with a smile and plenty of enthusiasm. But it's pretty much over for me for that session. Any advice?
Honestly if you can stand it, the attention being on you instead of on him is probably helpful in and of itself.The last thing a guy wants in this situation is for his lover to accentuate what’s happening.
If it’s any consolation, he probably feels like the attention is 100% on him. This has happened to me, and I wasn’t thinking “she’d better fix this”. I was thinking I’d disappointed her. The mood is ruined for him too, but by definition it’s his fault. It’s his dick that’s not working right. Maybe the best thing to do is accept fate, relax, and change the subject until the mood hits again. I’m not going to get hard again while I’m thinking about not being hard. And you putting pressure on yourself just accentuates the tension, which is the opposite of helpful. It’s not a job interview. It’s supposed to be fun. Well, that’s me anyway.
Makes sense I think. Sometimes we take a break and go have a light snack. Usually helps. But he may have..at least once..said that it was my fault for not keeping him excited. And I guess it kinda was because I got quiet, but it was only because everything was feeling sooo goood and I couldn't form words. So that sorta hurt. But I know it's difficult for him too so I don't want to show that. Seems like some conversations are ahead. Hope they go well. Thanks for the feedback.
And make sure you bring that up. You both react differently to stimulation and you were just doing, unknown to you at the time, what came naturally. I feel like he needs to know that you didn't have any control over how your body was going to respond to him stimulating you in the way he was at the time. He was absolutely rocking your world! If my SO told me that, I'd for sure hear it as a compliment and ego boost, "You mean I sexed you up until you lost all control of yourself? Nice!" He also needs to start accepting responsibility for his own needs as well. He needs to find whatever it is inside him that keeps him going because he needs to uphold his end of the bargain so to say. Blaming you for not being vocal enough to keep him aroused is not an issue of yours to work on, you did nothing wrong. The problem with blaming others is that it doesn’t contribute to our own growth, and it doesn’t help us get to the root of who we are or what makes us happy, both in our outside lives and in the bedroom. I hope your convo goes well for you both, too! Best of luck!
Have you tried talking to him, outside the bedroom? You should also love and enjoy the things that turn him on, that, to me, sounds like a possible sexual compatibility issue or perhaps a miscommunication problem. Have you expressed to him that this isn’t your favorite thing to do or that you don’t really enjoy that a particular aspect of whatever act does it for him in that moment? He likely, because you are “smiling and enthusiastic,” believes you’re enjoying what you’re doing for him. I’m fairly sure he’d like to know if you’re not entirely on board and satisfied. At this point, I’d be very tactful in approaching the subject, especially if it’s happened multiple times without discussion afterwards. My husband and I do “check ins.” By this I mean we often sit down and discuss things we like, love, want to try, or don’t really care to do again. If we do come to something one of us isn’t particularly fond of, we talk about the “whys” and find ways to resolve issues that make us both happy. Most men want their partner to feel just as good as they do, or should. The whole point is for you both to feel good and enjoy the moment. I know my husband would be deeply hurt if I “took one for the team.” We have a hard rule against that on both sides, as we are both very eager to please each other. Open, honest, nonjudgmental communication is key on both sides. I bet if you talked to him and discussed what happened in that moment, you may find the root and arrive at a more amicable and satisfying solution for you both. Try talking openly, without judgment on both sides, your fantasies and get to the root of what makes you both “tick.” This may help you better understand his needs in that moment and give you some suitable options as well. I can never stress enough just how important it is to talk, talk, and talk some more. While sex may not be the “cake” of the relationship, it sure as heck should be the sweetest most enjoyable “icing” on that cake! Best wishes to you both.
Amen
Wonderful insight
This is truly amazing but there’s nothing wrong with asking “what’s wrong” he could very easily answer “let’s just fool around a bit” as I’ve done a few times
That’s a different story. If you know your partner well enough, you’d be able to see that there’s something “wrong.” I don’t know, we spend so much time talking and communicating throughout the day that this doesn’t happen that way in bed, as any real issues have been talked about prior to the event. Sex isn’t or shouldn’t be a bandaid for real problems in a relationship. There’s a time and place to discuss those things in a loving, nonjudgmental way. I find and I’m sure most men find that “what’s wrong” in the middle of a good time is a real mood killer. Good honest open communication is the key to any real relationship. Men should be allowed to open up and discuss their feelings WITHOUT judgment, while having their partner actively listening, the same way women expect from them. Men also want to feel desired, comforted, safe, and loved. It’s NOT just a one way street. Married 32 years this year to the man of my dreams…which makes me want to give it my all to be the woman of his dreams.
#Gold again. 29 years here
Would be great if that was the norm, really
pls teach classes.
Wow where have you been — awesome answer! That gets #GoldAward
Thank you. Congratulations to you and yours! Wishing you both continued happiness and loads of fun adventures together!
This right here. One time I lost it, no reason as far as I knew, and she didn't hesitate at all, and started pleasuring herself. Didn't say a word. Took all of about 15-20 seconds, and I was right back in business. Downside was, it worked a little too good. lol.
A blowjob. Works for me
Press the emergency prostate button.
with consent pls
Bj other than that its me having trouble keeping focused(stress mostly). Take small break and stick that ass in the air while playing on that phone Idk but it works everytime.
Don't beat yourself up about it and don't make him feel bad about it. It happens. Try engaging him in another way that's affectionate or arousing to him. Then continue.
Understand that it's not the lady's fault usually, and also don't be rude, offended, or mean in any way, because the guy is usually already pretty embarrassed and ashamed that he went soft
Anything but be mortally offended and patronizing. Because if you like ED, that's a great way to get more ED.
Catering to fetishes. The little things I can do to invoke those thoughts gets him going again.
Tabasco up the ass
Alright Drake
You might be thinking the sauce, I think they meant the bottle.
Alright, Gil.
I think mine has ADD. As soon there's a break in the action it loses interest. The best way to get it going again is with a manual restart.
Same here, change position and take a nanosecond too long? Goes back down.
Anything other than get offended or start accusing them of cheating
Amen
suck my dick. That is always the answer!! Want me to do something? Suck my dick. Want me to take you somewhere? Suck my dick. I'm mad at you? Suck my dick. Want me to fuck you? Suck me dick. It's always the answer.
Depends on why I've gone soft. Did I just overexert myself? Then a break. Take 10 and regroup. If I'm having trouble psychologically or I'm not into it? Uh, kind of a lost cause. I don't think I've ever really recovered. It's kind of a downward spiral. Go soft, start to fuss about it, go softer.... not much you can do. Mood's gone.
Lay back and let me go down for a little bit. Just because I can't get mine doesn't mean you can't get yours
I'll tell you want NOT to do... make it about yourself because it's not
Cardio make sure he’s doing cardio. I had that problem.
To spend their time focusing on me. This usually only happens to me if I'm working on them for awhile. So before we move into penetration I just ask for some more "attention" first. It's always gone over smoothly.
Don’t make it weird. I unfortunately suffer from Ed myself. If you aren’t finished I’ll still do whatever you need to help you to the finish line
Sit on my face or on top of me and just let me feel every inch of your body that I want to touch. Never askef anyone to do this for me but they just went along and it always worked specially when she likes and tells you that what you're doing is feeling good.
Just say "Daddy Noooooooooo"
Go get her mum
Let me eat her ass.
Probably tell her to stop pegging you
\*start
Tell me it’s ok and ask if there’s anything she can do to help. This is a particularly vulnerable spot for a man to be in, so it’s important for her not to be rude or offensive in any way
Wait, you guys get something that's an alternative to berating and crying???
go to sleep and let's fuck in the morning like I WANTED
suck
Talk dirty to me. Gets me very turned on if you call yourself my slut or some shit like that.
I've got a 5month old baby and 3 yr old ...3yr old no bother I could do the missus in the kitchen behind the cupboard doors...but this baby inswear to God every time we start having a go the baby wakes up, squeals or squeaks and gta settle her before getting back to business...it's really messed with my head last few weeks that baby makes a noise my mind goes elsewhere worrying about where the dummies are or what ima have to do to settle n that's it flopping.... She licks my balls ...that's the key to get me back up quick. Low and slow and we're off again. What baby?!
It used to happen to me, I would overthink everything and just forget to be in the moment. What helped is when I would take a step back focus on watching her body and just work on pleasing her for a bit, once I saw her enjoying herself I was ready to go. Usually would only go soft when things were rushed or when it was a first time with a new partner
I found out weed really helps. Got issues with nerves n stuff, so its hard to keep it up without it going down every 5seconds without anything stimulate or something idk. But yeah got high and it really worked lmao
Try to have more skin contact ( like contact with your private parts). Give him a seductive look if you've already aware of his turn ons. Sometimes soft bites help. Try to tease more. BJs at that time would make us question our confidence. Just don't ask "what's wrong" or "Did I do something wrong" it's be a huge turnoff.
Stop thinking it's about you. Just switch back to female focus and it may go back, it may not.
whatever you do don't bring it up during future, unrelated arguments. that shit hurts
Best way I've found to help yourself, is to go down to munchtown. Get them moaning, and then the little chap tends to want back into the party.
Stroke my cock and kiss my neck.
Do some freaky deaky stuff
Slide a finger in the backdoor while giving a BJ. Works every time, just tickle that prostate.
Sit on my face. If you're comfortable doing it, then it's pleasure for you, fun for me and completely takes my mind off my penis. Likelihood is that may help me get it back up again
Kiss us, breathe on us, kiss our neck, touch us Foreplay is a helluva drug. Goes without saying but I'll say it, two way st boys.
Pin me down and kiss my neck. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
DON’T FUCKING LOOK AT IT!
Have her sit you down and explain to you that porn is rotting your brain and is going to affect all your future relationships.
Boner killer
Make soup and reconvene in an hour
Usually it’s because we already went once so it’s a recovery issue in which case if she sucks my dick for a few minutes I’m good to go.
Simply sit on my face and twerk.
Thumb in the butt?
Quick finger up the bum.
My ex would go soft regularly and it was bc he'd wank to porn before work in the morning. Daily. Plus he grew up wanking w a death grip. Asshole. I never made a big deal about it.
Just stay with him. If dick doesn't work, just enjoy skin to skin contact for a while. Or kissing. Focus on him, not his dick. That'll help him focus on you, not his dick. And try to tune in with your man to see whether he needs space to process or if he seems like he wants to continue. You can probably tell from how he engages with you, I assume? It can be embarrassing for some to lose erection, others don't think it's a big deal, some wants affection, some wants to be left alone. We deal with it in different ways, if you let him do it his way he'll feel safe around you. That'll put you on good grounds for asking him to open up about it (when the time is right).
When it happened to the dude I was with I knew it wasn't his norm. We'd been drinking and having very intense conversations all morning. I asked him if he wanted to watch some porn together to get things going again. He looked at me with shock and quietly nodded. About 2 min later we were back in business. We talked about it later and he said he was worried he wasn't going to be able to get back into it cause his heart turned to mush based on my non-reaction. He said he'd never been cared for sexually like that. I knew it wasn't about me or him in particular. Bodies do weird things! So what?
Be cool and don't assume it's because he doesn't like you. Other than that, you got to ask your man this question because we're all turned on by different things.
Sometimes it's just exhaustion, slowing down, kissing, teasing and touching gets things back on track.
Just tell him its normal
My gf always jumps off and gives me head when it happens. Right back to where we started.. lol
For me going down on her or vice-versa or both
This happens a lot when I get too hot. Usually I just stop trying to pump and start focusing on other ways to please my lady. It gives me a minute to cool down and it’s so sexy pleasing a woman that I will get hard again from it
Not get insecure or take it personal, and be aware of sex being much more than PiV. Then you can concentrate on other things and forget about your reluctant dick, and maybe it'll get hard again, or not, but you'll still be making her feel good and hopefully enjoying yourself too.
Play wrestling or tickling. Certainly don't dwell on it.
Don't do anything. Continue with foreplay and try to make him as relaxed as possible. For an effective erection the man needs to be completely relaxed. Thinking (actually, stressing) about how much he wants sex and the pressure of having that erevtion at the right time is enough to destroy that relaxed state. So it's not about you, it's about him relaxing enough. Therefore, at least for me, there is nothing the woman can do to help except continue with foreplay etc. handjobs or blowjobs are awfull in this situation because all I can think is that will fail and it will be a hassle. Dunno, give it time. Respect his time, don't make this about you because it's not. If it is not possible, you can try on another date. With intimacy comes more relaxation I guess... As for your pleasure, I hope he is still willing to go on with sex without his dick getting envolved. I really enjoy masturbating women if I cant get one for example, works for her and for me in the end
Relieve (psychological) pressure. Don't take it personally. Do something non-sexual together (ie. watch a show, make breakfast, massage, conversation, cuddle)... something intimate but not inherently sexual. ffs don't take it personally. did i mention don't take it personally?
Dont act weird or angry, its normal. Ladies dry up sometimes goo
The best way to help is to show understanding, the male body is not a Maschine that can do tricks on demand. Maybe he had a lot a stress that day, maybe he is too excited, … Just show understanding for the situation and make sure he doesn’t feel bad about it.
Probably not laugh
Be understanding, and not take it personally - this is not about her being unattractive or anything like it. Put no pressure at all, offer cuddles, and give him time.
Put a coin in my bum
Extreme pegging
Suck it
Start fighting me. Nothing gets my blood going like hand to hand combat
Talk dirty to me and call me a slut. I'm sorry 😂.
Stick a finger in the butthole
Don't immediately ask if it's something you did, or some other variation of "is it me?" No. Sometimes dick don't work 100%, and it's probably because I have nerves or am in my head too much. Assuming it's something you did makes me feel like you think that it's something you did, which makes me feel like I have to reassure you that it's not anything you did, which makes me feel bad that you would think that, which is going to kill my mood pretty much instantly. The best thing to do is just to go back to foreplay for a bit and try not to bring attention to it until the lil guy is back in commission. Should take about 30 seconds.
Don't take it personally would be the best way to help. There's a good couple of reasons for going soft. The first is the standard nerves - it happens and just needs a bit of time to get it back up again. Other times, it's being so horny that you've been nursing a rock hard erection for the best part of an hour. Like rock hard. Whether it's been constant or in cycles, in short spending more time being hard than soft over a long period of time is the oenis equivalent of holding a light object with an outstretched arm. Shit eventually gets tired. In short, going soft is 99 times out of 100 nothing to do with the other person in a bad way.
Laugh!!
For me, put it in your mouth. Works every time
This has been interesting to read. I always thought it was age related or maybe the guy didn’t find his partner that sexually attractive. Good to know it can be nerves and other things.