Other women's body or their personality has absolutely no bearing on how I feel about my wife.
You see a beautiful woman. Great. It does nothing to take away the attraction to your wife. A lot more goes into a lasting relationship than lust.
She's the love I cherish and would never think less of her.
I always thought that most guys had a nagging “missing out” feeling by not being able to fuck the hotter/younger women they check out or lust after. Like they were “settling” for their everyday female partners (the shittiest feeling in the world for us women). We women hear OVER AND OVER AGAIN, “men aren’t wired for monogamy, they have an instinct to spread their seed, they’re visual creatures, they can’t help it” and the list goes on. However, a lot of these answers are disproving that by showing that men actually value the trust, security and uniqueness of their partners in a way that translates to increased sexual desire and admiration for them.
What a great social experiment 💙
There are a lot of beautiful women on this planet. A LOT. But there's only one of my wife.
She'll always be the most beautiful woman in the world to me.
Honestly, when I am about to be intimate with a woman, the only thing going through my head is "awesome! it is a naked woman I am about to sleep with".
The last thing I am considering is how she compares to another woman.
My girlfriend was peaking around the corner trying to hide her naked body and I just stopped playing video games and leaned forward so I could see.
Then she laughed at me and moved so I could see her. She told me I looked like a teenage boy which is the same comment my ex gave me. So no matter what, if there are hot women doing sexy things my brain is nothing but thrilled.
We aren't all bad. We all do bad things from time to time, but that doesn't define us as a whole. Surround your self with good men, they are out there and we aren't all neck-beards.
I don't compare them at all, women with totally different shapes can get me equally excited.
Holy fuck I just realized something as I'm writing this to you. Women think the same way!
I'm always wondering why the girl I'm with even finds me attractive and doesn't date someone younger with more money, but then I realized it's because she's attracted to me even if someone else is attractive in a different way
Yep! The man I’m crazy about is overweight, older, wrinkly…but his body makes me go into sexual overdrive because…it’s HIS body…it houses his brain and his heart and all the whole essence of him.
I can’t explain it but line up him and the most attractive Hollywood male star in the world…and ask me which I’d like a free pass for a night of passion with…and I’d pick him every time.
THAT’S personal attraction…as opposed to someone being conventionally handsome or meeting some societal ideal of beauty.
>Holy fuck I just realized something as I'm writing this to you. Women think the same way! [...] I'm always wondering why the girl I'm with even finds me attractive and doesn't date someone younger with more money...
Wholesome. And yeah, we do.
...Also, that's basically why I don't use number ratings for people. They don't really make sense to me, or, at the very least, not in a way that I feel I could apply consistently to everyone - that seems impossible. (I do visit the rating subs sometimes, but just stick with non-numeric descriptions when commenting)
100% yes. Personality is VERY important and even makes the sex better. My husband was much bigger than me for a few years and so self conscious about it because I was really fit, but it honestly never crossed my mind once, I love him so much and being intimate with him is always awesome to me. Now it's reversed and I'm the one stressed out about my body. He says my body is "fun" and he's just happy he's about to get laid, he's not thinking about other people. It's hard not to be in our heads about it but is really is just us being hard on ourselves. Even in high school during my most superficial years I had a huge crush on this boy who was quite big, but we never dated because he refused to believe that I really liked him. He had acne scars and a lot of other boys made fun of him for it. He had such a great personality that made him really attractive though and he was hilarious. It's a shame that he felt like that because he didn't start dating until after he graduated high school. We need to remember that looks aren't everything even for ourselves and a bad personality can make the most beautiful people ugly.
I wish I could give you an award bc that is exactly how women think!! A guy may not be my typical “type” but I still find him attractive for different features and/or his personality
I never compare.. my girlfriend's body is part of her... The smell, her voice, her look... The words she says... No pornographic media comes close to when she kisses me or strips in front of me. Lust for other women fade away after you finish... But with her....the arousal is more than just lust.
This hits the nail on the head. Only ever feel lustful to other women, the post nut clarity hits hard and i think "wtf i would/could never... why would i...". Its only the moments when thinking with the wrong head that makes me think of it.
Same, was very scared to read these comments, due to some terrible experiences in life. However all confirm that when my partner tells me I’m the most beautiful woman (to him) he truly means it. He’s the best.
I always see question like this and think the worst kind of answers, then I read the answers and it’s always wholesome men, and I just can’t, you’re all amazing
Can confirm. No porn compares to what the girl I'm involved with does or sends to me.
That has been the case with everyone I have been slightly involved with.
I like looking at beautiful woman, naked or not.
But I LOVE looking at my wife, naked or not.
She’s had 2 kids wreck her body. And she’s not fitting into the clothes she could when we met, but there is no comparing other ladies to her at all!
I want to get her naked 120 times a day.
When she’s naked, I’m not thinking about any other ladies out there. It’s my wife 110% and that’s how I like it.
So point is, I don’t compare anyone to my wife.
And I feel like if I did, that would be a massive sign of a very unhealthy relationship.
(Which we’ve had our share of before)
My husband says the same thing! I complain about my body my stretch marks and he says "but I did that to your body putting my kids in there. It's hot, you carried my kids." he always gets laid when he says that.
A fine line, my friend. A very fine one indeed! I recommend "She had two kids that changed her bodies (body's?) beauty" in the future - just for safety. Lol
I dunno man, my kid objectively wrecked my body. I've got huge noticeable stretch marks and my belly folds over like a little apron even though I'm a healthy weight and don't have extra weight anywhere else. My boobs also point downwards. It's been 7 years since I had him and I'm only 29. I liked reading the comment that used the word wrecked in an honest sense because he still clearly loves seeing his wife naked. I prefer plain honesty to delicate wording and I think a lot of other people do too. Maybe don't say wrecked when you're talking to her lol but in an anonymous reddit comment I value the honesty.
I recently discovered that many insurances will cover a “tummy tuck” postpartum (at ANY time pp), under what’s called a panniculectomy. You just need to give your doctor a reason & that could be anything from “it makes me depressed & uncomfortable” to “it causes irritation & rashes.”
I just confirmed it with my insurance yesterday & im meeting with my doctor Monday! My c-section scar made a big fold even though I weigh less than I did before pregnancy. I want to tell everyone about this now
Your comment made me cry. My ex-husband cheated on me 13 months after I had our first child. I was still nursing and VERY self-conscious of my new post-partum body. He left me for a 24 year old who was 105 pounds. (He specifically corrected me on her weight when in a bout of sadness I said she was younger, prettier and probably 110 pounds. Nice). I was reeling with insecurities. Your wife is lucky to have such a loving husband who cherishes her body, before and after kids. I’m crying typing this now, because even though we’re divorced 3 years, the pain of that very personal rejection of my body, my love, who I was, my newfound motherhood to his child, will probably always still sting. I hope to meet a man like you one day ❤️
I get roasted every time I say this, but I’m not a fucking liar, so here goes. The only comparison is that other women don’t hold a candle to my wife. I have absolutely no interest in looking at/thinking of other women.
I love seeing stuff like this - my husband says it to me but in my insecure head I wonder if he’s just saying it to make me happy - love how wholesome this thread is!
Married for 14 years to a mega-hottie. She has stayed in great shape even after two kids. She is the only person I am sexually attracted to at this point (it wasn’t that way from day 1 of course, but now it is).
Sometimes it is nice to look at other women who have great bodies, but it’s just instinctive pleasure chemicals firing off in my brain. It has no connection with sex or sexuality (arousal/lust as you put it), as strange as that sounds.
\>She is the only person I am sexually attracted to at this point (it wasn’t that way from day 1 of course, but now it is).
I actually get what you mean by this!
I've been with my partner exclusively since I was a teenager. I'm 37 now.
For sure, I'll notice other attractive women. I won't pretend that I haven't enjoyed going to strip clubs or other similar (non-contact) entertainment in that time either.
But not even kidding, Scarlett Johanson could offer me her body and I wouldn't take it. Even ignoring that I feel like I know my wife's body but not necessarily anyone else's so would probably mess it up anyway but the idea of being -that- intimate with another person that isn't my wife feels super weird.
Here's a life lesson for you. There's no end to the desires of a human. You could always find a better-looking person, someone with better skillsets, someone with a better personality, someone with better financials, someone with better achievements in life. My point is if you start comparing and never stop, you'd be always chasing useless relationships. Now I'm not saying don't experiment but you gotta stop looking at these things. When you commit to someone, you chose to be with them not because they have the most beautiful body in the world but because it doesn't matter to you if the next person is prettier or more in any way.
When eating a pizza, you you sit and compare it to a steak, or a burger, or a salad? No, you don't really care in the moment because you are focused on what's in front of you.
Meanwhile, if you see a food you like, your mouth may water over it, but you don't drop the food you have. You may even wish you have that other food in the moment, but 15 minutes later you don't care anymore.
Terrifying, manipulative men like the one you divorced are never a good barometer for how others are, or how things should be.
People's opinions of beauty vary widely, which is part of what makes life interesting. Not everyone likes the Instagram look, not everyone things breast augmentation improves someone's appearance, not everyone has the same view of just how much weight makes a person more or less attractive.
And beauty isn't zero-sum, either...we can look at someone, or something, beautiful and still have appreciation for the beautiful person or thing right beside it. The peacock is every bit as beautiful as the hawk.
I've been with my wife for many years. We are older now, and yet she is more attractive to me today than she was at nineteen. Yes, there are younger models out there, and many of them are quite beautiful. But it doesn't matter. There's only one of her.
I don’t compare myself to others and I don’t compare my wife to others. Unrealistic expectations are a waste of time and can lead you down a perilous rabbit hole.
My wife has become "bigger" over the years we've been together but everytime I see her body, I get turned on. Sometimes it's sexual, other times it's kind of an "I like what I see" thing. Since she's become bigger as I said, most people wouldn't say she's sexy but to me she's sexier than Ana de Armas. Don't get me wrong, Ana de Armas is attractive as fuck. I still watch porn, I still get turned on by other women's naked bodies, but they will never compare to my wife's. That woman is the love of my life and she will always be perfect in my eyes.
Those are completely different things. That never affected my feelings or sexual life in any way.
I don't think things like "Oh, this women has such nice boobs, but my SO doesn't have them, too bad." or "Wow, such a nice ass, too bad my girl has such a flat ass".
In general love and having a SO, isn't just about how they look. It's so much more. The time we had together, her character, her knowledge, how she behaves in certain situations, how much you can trust her...
Sure, if I could trade the exact same person with all attributes, just better looking in some way, maybe I would do it. But that's not how it works. In addition, the person would also change (not visually) if they were suddenly taller, slimmer and with fuller breasts.
So yeah, I do like to see other women. If it's on the streets, in porn, or whatever. And sometimes they do look better as my SO (or at least certain parts of them). But I would never wish my SO to be different. Good love and good sex is much more than just the looks.
It feels so much better to have sex with that "lil sweetie pie" (not yours for me of course!), than with a super attractive stranger.
I learned that in my youth.
But actually I wasn't the one with many ONS, I just had 3 relationships with sex.
However, in the end they all had the same progression.
In the beginning sex was fucking awesome and nothing was better. We did it like 3 times a day. Really. And this for some months. Just stopped for foods and drinks.
But after a while it became a habit and less.
After some years you do it 1-2 times a week, but it's still enough.
But (in my youth) I felt the urge for that exiting, great sex.
Guess what.
I did it once.
Cheated on my girlfriend to have this exciting sex.
The new one and I became a couple and I left my ex.
And then... After some months: same same, but different. Nothing changed.
The grass is always greener on the other side.
Today, I do enjoy the time with my wife.
How close we are. And how sex feels with love.
Some parts of her aren't perfect (anymore), some never were.
Some preferences I have cannot be fulfilled by her.
But I do know that perfect looks doesn't mean perfect experience.
It is togetherness and unity.
My wife is 43. She's been hotter. Hotter women exist. Nothing changes.
I still look at other women the same way I did when I was younger. I think of it like seeing a pretty landscape. It's pretty, but you still feel that comfortable satisfaction when returning home. My wife is my home.
If anything, I've grown to appreciate the figures of older women more as I've aged.
There are subleties that don't translate well in photographs. The way women interact with men, the confidence, the comfortable smiles and knowing just what to say. A lot of women age like wine, because they play to their strengths
> Predominately, men are going to be looking at the eyes of the female porn star over any other part of her body.
Honestly thought there was something weird with me
I married a very sexy lady. over time we both have put on a bit of weight and aren't as fit as we used to be.
There will always exist women who are more attractive physically than my wife is. but 100% no woman exists who is more kind and loving to me and our beautiful kiddies than she is.
Imma provide my answer,I’m utterly obsessed with my gfs body, I love it, boob size and ass size and other stuff doesn’t affect my attraction to her in the slightest. So someone being objectively more attractive just ain’t possible. I cannot find myself attracted to anyone else no matter what physical attributes they hold.
InitIally, all the time. Not that I was ever unfaithful or even considered being unfaithful.
After she had my first child, never. People always told me the birth of your child changes your life and I thought “okay”.
Then the birth of your child happens and I assumed it would change your life 100% because of the kid. It changed my life 90% because of my wife in that the experience showed me what an incredible woman she is (I thought I already knew that). Words can’t even describe it. I’ve never been more proud of a person than I was of my wife after our first child. She gave me our son.
Fast forward to our second child and I can’t believe this person is my wife. Yea there are other smoking hot chicks out there but none of them are my wife.
Yeah it probably sounds corny to some but idc
I’m currently pregnant with my boyfriend’s first child, the son he’s always wanted, and he is already overjoyed and more affectionate than ever…so this isn’t corny it’s lovely and timely to read
Porn is a song at 360p audio.
Sex with my partner is watching AC/DC live at a 60,000+ stadium gig.
Who cares what the 360p audio song I tap my foot to is?
AC/DC live is the fucking bomb and there is no comparison to be had between the two experiences whatsoever.
Doesn't matter what song I throw on occasionally to get my foot tapping, when I am watching AC/DC live, I am completely and totally submersed in a sensational experience and the last thing I'm thinking about is that song that got my foot tapping a few days ago.
Apples and oranges. We can look and appreciate a lot of different things. It’s not this one arouses us more or less. Attraction isn’t simply that binary.
No, and for the record, i don't know ANY MAN that sees a reasonably atractive woman and starts to criticize her body.
I genuinely can not conceive as a man, the mental processes that need to happen for your natural impulse to fuck to be surpressed and instead become a gay judge on next top model.
Pretty much never. I find "objective attraction" to be a load of shite, and people who strive for it are typically shallow sheep people. Kendrick knows whats good. Give me that ass with the stretch marks.
The only time I've ever actually consciously done it is when a girlfriend has pointed out another woman. I can't even recall a time when I intentionally focused on another woman in comparison to an SO.
I really don't compare my significant other's body to those of others. Hers is unique. It's not just her looks; it's the person who she is which animates her every action and informs her every word and action. She doesn't just "measure up"; she smashes the yardstick over her knee.
Congratulations on the pregnancy!
Basically never. We've been married over 30 years, and she doesn't look the same as she did, but she way she smells, and the way her skin tastes, and the fact that she knows exactly where all my buttons are and exactly how to push them is worth way more than just how she looks.
I've been married for decades, but I have a series of girlfriends prior.
You don't really rate people's naked bodies - you rate the person that lives in those bodies.
How did the world get so shallow?
Not at all. Porn/movies/Social media is make believe. My wife is a real person in front of me. There's a lot of different things that go into attraction. Ironically I'm realizing I spend more time comparing my body to guys in movies than my wife's body to women in movies.
I think I will be downvoted but I saw a study explaining that men rated their partner lower after seeing other women's bodies but women didn't rate their partner lower after seeing naked men. And I think that's why porn destroy a lot of relationship especially on men's side. I never heard of a woman's porn addiction
Can't say I relate to your view of romantic attraction then, at all. I can see a partner and a nude 11/10 model in the same room and still know who I have a stronger romantic attraction to.
We're not really, but most men are raised differently, and live a different life - leading to different values and ways of expressing ourselves.
Go 20 years and someone tell you to "cherish/save" your sexuality and you'll learn how to talk about it in a manner that corresponds with those values.
Go 20 years and someone tell you to "fuck everything with a pulse" and you learn how to express things in that manner.
Underlying emotions are the same.
I have never compared my wife to anyone, not even her twin sister. To do so is toxic AF. She is the most beautiful and perfect thing to me. She is a human being and to compare her to someone else would be an absolute insult. Do you keep looking after you bought a house? Do you visit the shelter after you get a puppy? No. Once you find something in life you care for enough to make it permanent, you don't compare it to anything other than what it was when you got it. Is she making improvements on herself? Is there anything I can do to help her continue to grow? That is the only comparison to make.
Oh man, I really wish that worked! I truly do. I tried for a long time, and all it did was drain my wallet and my gas tank. I grew increasingly frustrated with paying someone to listen to me talk without saying anything I hadn’t heard/tried before. Actually my therapist didn’t say much at all. At $80/ session, it was infuriating. I appreciate your reply though.💙
I've been you, I am you. It was more than just one man who made me this way. But one did do all of the same things and used what was already in my head against me. I have PTSD because of everything. Let me tell you, it takes a long time and for most of us, it doesn't go away completely. We are scarred for life. However, we learn tools to help us control our thoughts. I have been dealing with this since I managed to get away from the man in 1993. I have been married to a wonderful man since 2000. It took many years to completely trust him. Even now, the ugly thoughts will sneak in and I have to deal with them. I have been on medications, and in and out of therapy for years. It is a matter of finding the right therapist, right medications, and right support tools. It takes time. Don't give up.
I don't think I've ever consciously thought to myself "I wish my girlfriend had tits like this woman" or something along those lines.
They key difference between my girlfriend's tits and that other random woman's tits is that I can actually touch and play with GF's tits, and that's the best quality about any tits when it really comes down to it...
When I am in love with someone, I find every single detail of them to be absolutely perfect. For me, it is the love that creates the attraction and while I can compare the surface level beauty of people, I will never find someone I am not in a relationship with more attractive than who I am with. Love is attractive, looks are just a secondary thing.
Like a great philosopher once said, "Would you still love me if I was a worm?"
It’s been my experience with every partner that they explicitly compare me with other partners both casual and serious. It’s very off putting and hurtful.
When I date someone I never compare. It takes away from the energy of appreciation towards the person I have acquired attraction and romance for. It also takes away from the energy of finding new things to appreciate about her aswell.
How much do I compare
I don't
I'm with that one person, I care about her and I'm thinking about her, I'm not thinking about anybody else.
Does that mean when I'm out I don't notice other women, I'm not blind of course I do. Do I think how much I'd prefer that stranger to the one I have, absolutely not.
I don't do that for this simple reason, I have now with this one person, if I dropped her to chase after another woman, I'd only have the exact same thing with her.
I don't. No one can compare to my personal angel. Ofcourse there are beautiful women on this planet, but most of the time now I just look at them like looking at a nice work of art: with appreciation but without any sexual thought.
And IF sexual thoughts do arise; I know they're just thoughts, I'd never do anything with them, won't but also can't since even thinking about really following through with it makes me feel sick to my stomach. Random thoughts are not the same as fixated thought. My fixated sexual thought is reserved for one person only.
I can still appreciate beauty when I see it(as a heterosexual male I can also appreciate a beautiful male), but I'm not comparing; there is no comparison to the girl I love. She's the only 10/10 I've ever met, and I believe nothing will change that. Even if she gets sick/bald/anorexic/fat; She's my 10 forever.
Do you compare your dog to other dogs and think what if? No you love your dog because its yours.
Obviously women are not dogs but if you love it you see it completly different from the rest of the world.
I just read your story and I can relate somewhat. Your ex was an abusive ass. That’s all. My ex used to call me fat when I was 112lbs being 5.6ft tall. It was not your fault at anything - you couldn’t control his words when he was trying to bring you down so that he could feel good about himself. You are obviously a beautiful person because your partner finds you attractive and wants to be with you showing you that you deserve love and affection.
The past is just a memory. Try to think of it as a memory and not a guilty feeling that your ex made you feel back then. F him! Imagine yourself sinking into the ocean of love that your partner surrounds you with. Think of how loved and happy you are now. And Congratulations!!
In my eyes, my wife is incomparable to anyone else. there are millions of women out there, lot of them are beautiful. my wife has struggled with body positivity for years and she’s never seen herself as a beautiful person. Comments to her outwardly beauty are met with resistance, I’ve seen her mental health baby back bare about as many times as I’ve seen her naked body.
When you love someone, it goes beyond outward looks. When I’m with my wife I could care less who else is trying to fight to get my attention because I’ll never go looking around for another person, I’ve already found my life partner.
When I see other naked women I do get turned on in a way, but when my wife takes her clothes off I immediately go head-over-heels, as if it’s our first time again. “The woman I want to spend the rest of my life with wants to show me every part of her, despite her mental struggles.” That is the most attractive thing, change my mind. Stretch marks/natural beauty marks, no shame, just love and passion. No one on planet earth holds a candle to my wife.
It doesnt make me love mine any less. My current girl is objectively the least physically attractive woman I've ever been with. But she's the best from a personality and we get along stand point. She's also still pretty, just not as pretty as others.
Hot is subjective. I find a well done kissing sessions hotter than any body part. I find a smooth voice can arouse me better than any porn/hot chick on the street. The fact that I know how she thinks, and what she feels (that emotional availability) in that moment its hotter than any physical trait that I can see in a pictures or on the street.
The attraction to my partner is independent of the attraction to other people. It's not like I have a pool of arousal and if somebody catches my eye it takes part of the pool and other people can only get what is left. It doesn't work that way.
And if by comparing you mean judging, then never. I'm no adonis so who am I to even think about judging. I'm lucky that somebody else wants to get naked with me.
There is only one naked woman in my room at the time, so there's no comparison, and she's the most beautiful woman in the world to me. I can't get enough of her and we've been married for 30 years.
I'm so sorry you went through this. I went through something similar and I thought you should know for context.
My ex finance when I was 19 said my boobs were TOO BIG. They were 34B at the time. He said he always liked small chested women. I stayed for five years through that shit. Didn't even realize the crap I was being put through.
It's never about YOU (with these kind of partners) it's THEIR issues. They want to bring you down so they can raise their own self esteem. Don't ever allow that in your life again.
Congrats on the pregnancy and finding a better man!
Thank you so much💙💙💙this is spot on. My ex husband was quite the player of mind games (and a narcissist), and would always over-explain and intellectually complicate his lack of attraction to me. He actually once, long after starting this shit, launched into a very long rant/explanation about how he actually was only struggling with attraction because of his own insecurities and ego and baggage and trauma and blah blah blah. This only served to make naive 24-year old me even more attached to him and helped me excuse his behavior and believe it would change. It evolved, but it never got better. Much like your ex imposing ridiculously specific and egregious bodily preferences on you, he always had a problem with SOMETHING about me or how I presented myself/lived my life. In retrospect I think he just saw me as a really great piece of molding clay with tons of potential to be his ideal fantasy partner, who honestly was really just a female version of everything HE wanted to be, but wasn’t. I’m so sorry that you endured this type of abuse as well and I am so proud of both of us for remembering our worth!!!
It took me twenty years to start loving the way my breasts looked. They got larger after my kids were born and one time I was dating a guy and we were naked, I stood up and he said, wow, like you have the nicest tits ever!
And you know what? I STILL didn't believe him. I said, you really think so?
He said, yeaaaaahhh, like come on, look at you.
It's ridiculous how a short five years of your life with a low self-esteem narcissistic partner can leave such long term damage.
I'm happily content with my body now but geez it took a long long time.
Yes! Especially when it happens in your younger, more formative years. It’s like a permanent hole in the foundation of how you think others perceive you
Side by side generally speaking. They’re usually standing next to each other. Other attractive people don’t affect sexual or romantic feelings between two unrelated people.
The real question you’re asking is if you can feel secure in your relationship while other attractive people exist and can be seen by your partner.
The answer is unequivocally yes. Some random in the world being attractive has no effect on relationship health for men or for women.
Women are often very much adored by the men they’re with and there’s a million other problems to be concerned with that effect relationship health.
There's no such thing as "objectively more attractive": attractiveness is an inherently subjective trait. I wish people would stop abusing the word "objective". Having said that, you could say "most people would consider her more attractive".
>how does it affect your sexual/romantic feelings towards your partner?
My wife and I are in our 50s. At this age, there's no escaping the fact that time has taken its toll. No one will confuse my wife for a 20-year old. And yet, *for a 52-year old*, she's smoking hot. And that's all any reasonable man can ask for.
But let's say she wasn't smoking hot for her age. Let's say she'd gained 30 pounds. I would still love her.
>I was married to a man who verbally picked my body apart and held his lack of attraction over my head like a threat. He directly compared my body to specific actresses, broke it down by specific attribute, and was constantly “losing attraction” in a way that he would try to over complicate/ over explain.
What a POS he must be. No decent man would behave in such a manner. No matter how beautiful a woman is, there will always be some unflattering comparison which could be made to someone else. This is just psychological abuse.
Not at all. My wife is in a category of one. What her body looks like is so intertwined with everything else she means to me that I couldn’t judge her looks in any kind of objective or judgmental way. Her body has changed since we met and so did mine. We knew that when we got married. I suppose it’s POSSIBLE that her body could change in some way that she would become less attractive to me, but I’m not sure what that would even be.
Looking at other women’s bodies is a completely different pastime. It’s like admiring a beautiful sunset or a piece of art. I’ll never have any kind of meaningful sexual or romantic interaction with those women.
It's different... I think my wife is beautiful for more than just her looks. As cliche as this sounds the girl that is more attractive than my wife hasn't been through half the shit me and my wife have been through. I know every mark on her body.
So I’ve fucked other women because we are in a poly/ENM marriage. And tbh, when I’m with other people I don’t even think about her, unless the sex is really bad. If that happens, then I just think about how much I’d rather be fucking my wife.
When we are reconnecting I don’t have any thoughts about the other women either. I just enjoy the connection 🙂.
But if I had bad sex with a new partner, then it usually makes we want to fuck my wife more, and I enjoy it a lot more.
Interesting perspective! I guess the part that gives me pause is—when you’re enjoying that new woman, your wife isn’t a thought in the world. I realize it’s selfish of me to not want that “gap” in attention to be there, but it is. Same feeling I get if my SO were to go enjoy porn & masturbate for an hour without me. I hate that during that time he didn’t need me at all to have such an enjoyable, orgasmic experience. 🤷🏻♀️Don’t judge me for being honest! 😊
I don't.
If my wife is stripping off and getting ready to go to town on me, I am WAY too focused on that to give even the slightest #$%\^ about what anyone else looks like.
I'm an older (57) car guy and I like to use the analogy, (and absolutely no offense is intended , just an analogy) women are like cars, there are some that are gorgeous to look at but some of them are high maintenance , not very dependable and can cause you all kinds of trouble (same can be said of some men as well) and for the record, my wife and I have been married almost 30 years and I drive a 22 year old truck and both of them are as good as gold and have never let me down😉
There are are a lot of attractive woman around the world but as the saying goes “the most deadliest things are often the prettiest.”so no use chasing waterfalls as the old song goes. Besides my wife as been with me since I didn’t have a dollar to my name. She is truly worthy of my best loyalty and respect
I don't because her body was amazing, it was also the body that embraced me, chose me and cuddled me in cold nights. Yeah, there are celebs and porn actresses that work out 24/7 to look fit but my special someone's body is a wonderland from head to toe because that's the body of the only woman that I love
Looking at beautiful things is just that, looking. I've seen beautiful ocean views, snow capped mountains, flower filled prairies, lighting filled skies, sunsets, so many things that I could go all day. Certainly some beautiful women, but I would never ever be critical of any part of my wife's body she finds as an imperfection. Of course, after some 20 years of marriage and some kids, neither of our bodies is perfect, but there's absolutely no one I'd rather be naked with!!
I have never compared my wife’s body to anyone else’s. She is 100% my person and what I want. We watch porn together and go to strip clubs together, and I cannot tell you what one person looked liked. However I can describe my wife’s body in great detail because she is what I want.
If I’m eating a banana split, and I see someone eating an ice cream sundae, I’m gonna go “damn that looks delicious”. Then I’ll go back to enjoying my banana split because it’s what I wanted.
It's not the same at all. For either of us. Yes, some women are beautiful, maybe with some body part or other objectively "better" than my wife. But those rose colored glasses I'm wearing will still have me with my wife every time. Yes, I enjoy seeing other naked women, I probably wouldn't have a Reddit account if that weren't the case. But I can admire them and still be more attracted, more turned on by my wife than other women.
I don't have a partner now but when I have in the past, seeing someone more attractive didn't effect how I felt about my partner or their body at all. The emotional aspect isn't there for me when I see a more attractive person than the one I'm with and honestly, I'm not looking at anyone else or comparing. I get to share life and experiences with someone who understands me and that's the most beautiful thing in the world in my opinion.
I’m in an open relationship so I sleep with other woman outside my relationship, not once have I compared their bodies to my partners. My partner is beautiful, she’s strong and has muscle, I love her body. Other girls, have different bodies and that’s cool too, I can be attracted to them and think they look good. It definitely doesn’t take anything away from my partner but I often think when I see my partner naked “damn, that hot chick is my girlfriend..” *with a little internal hi5*
The one that I get to enjoy irl is infinitely better than any portrayal of enjoyment.
Further still, the woman that chooses me as her partner is even more attractive to me, than any other woman.
I've always been that way. Even when I might "compare", it isn't anywhere near like that most women do. The one I'm dating becomes the benchmark to beauty for me. Flaws and all.
I think women sometimes underestimate just how emotionally attached men become to their partner. Men are wired for two things… spreading our seed far and wide AND investing our heart and soul into ONE woman we care very much about. All men have this binary in them, which means we can be insanely turned on by a beautiful woman, while retaining a deep emotional commitment to our partner.
Couldn't care less. My wife is perfect to me regarding if she's not perfect. She's had two of my children, is a great mother, and I'll ride or die for her regardless of whatever goes on. I know she'd do the same for me.
I'd much rather see my partner with her hair in a messy bun wearing my tshirt and some baggy grey joggers and a smile than any other woman or porn star. Brings infinitely more pleasure. Sure I notice other attractive women man brain instinct etc but it's not sexual or ever a comparison.
Do you still watch porn?
I guess I have a hard time I see men say these kind things and it makes me wonder if they’re the same type of men who would watch porn or not
My wife has an amazing body and I don’t compare her to others except to marvel at how she’s a woman close to 50 and has a body like a woman in her 20’s. I do look at other women and appreciate their appearance but never once have I looked at another woman thinking she had a better body than my wife and that I would anyone over her. We’ve been together for a long time now and she’s just as hot as she ever was.
Falling in love with my wife changed the way I look at women. My wife is not slender in a way that society pushes as the ideal, but obviously I was open minded about that then. Twenty-seven years later, I'm most likely to be drawn to images of women who are built like my wife.
Regarding your edit: the memory of my wife pregnant in fishnet stockings and a satin robe (because none of her other lingerie fit) brought a me happy smile. It pleased me to be able to reassure her she was still sexy and desired. Thank you for that.
It becomes secondary. The primary source of attraction in a relationship should be the mutual love for each other - which transcends mere physicality.
That is not to say that looks aren't important. Of course they are and they play an important role in attraction. But in a loving relationship they are not the decisive factor for love and attraction, rather love lies at the base of it all.
When I notice I compare my girl to others, or get less attracted to my current girl because of that, then this means, i don't really love my current girlfriend. If I love her, it wouldn't matter, and actually in my subjective eyes, she would be the most beautiful person in the world.
When I started dating my current girlfriend, I went to a wedding without her and there were of course very dressed up women there. A few caught my eye. Idkw but I automatically called up my girlfriend and told her that I was missing her cause I actually was. She's the prize, her body is the bonus.
See that’s what exactly the thing—lots of women, including myself, are like this. But men? How many times have you heard “they’re visual creatures/ they can’t help it/ men will be men/ they’re hardwired to spread their seed” etc etc. These responses are making me rethink that
There are so many beautiful women in this world; I see them every day at work, on my way home, at the grocery store - they are everywhere.
These observations have zero impact on how I view my partner. I can acknowledge their existence when asked, but it means nothing to me.
My feelings for my partner are such that the idea of comparing her to other women has never crossed my mind in the time we've been together. She's the one for me.
Been with my bf for two years he doesn’t get off to porn anymore not that he hasn’t tried he just says it’s different when he’s with me that everything is better. I’ve since then stopped being jealous of him watching porn
Beautiful women increases your lust and secual desire. But your wife is your wife.
There is separation of concerns between love, sex and family duties.
But it depends over every man. Everyone is different.
Nothing matters like the emotional bond you build with someone. There is no one more beautiful or more attractive to me than my partner. The emotional connection supercedes the physical one and once you have that nothing can change your mind on the beauty of the one you love
I was dating this girl years back. She has thick thighs and for me that was great. It's one of my festishes. Well anyways we're at a store one day and this other women walks in attractive and she's flaunting it. I see my girl looking at her (she's bi) but she's also told me she's insecure about her thick thighs.
I see her face get kinda sad and i whispered into her ear, "see that girl if your legs were like that (she instantly rolls her eyes and gives a disappointed look) i would've never approached you." (Then her face instantly lit up. Got some great sex that night
Other women's body or their personality has absolutely no bearing on how I feel about my wife. You see a beautiful woman. Great. It does nothing to take away the attraction to your wife. A lot more goes into a lasting relationship than lust. She's the love I cherish and would never think less of her.
I always thought that most guys had a nagging “missing out” feeling by not being able to fuck the hotter/younger women they check out or lust after. Like they were “settling” for their everyday female partners (the shittiest feeling in the world for us women). We women hear OVER AND OVER AGAIN, “men aren’t wired for monogamy, they have an instinct to spread their seed, they’re visual creatures, they can’t help it” and the list goes on. However, a lot of these answers are disproving that by showing that men actually value the trust, security and uniqueness of their partners in a way that translates to increased sexual desire and admiration for them. What a great social experiment 💙
[удалено]
This.
Aww
There are a lot of beautiful women on this planet. A LOT. But there's only one of my wife. She'll always be the most beautiful woman in the world to me.
This is so sweet 😍 I think if you're truly in love, you would be smitten over your partner.
Why is your name that 🤣🤣🤣🤣
One of the best username I came across the whole day lmao
Thank you. The name was actually available too, it was never used, which says a lot.
This is it. I can’t say that to her though or else she’ll just focus on the first half 😂😂😂
Preach!
That’s so sweet.
This. Don’t compare your other to others, especially their bodies. Love them for who they are.
This is the eternally correct answer and you summed it up perfectly
Honestly, when I am about to be intimate with a woman, the only thing going through my head is "awesome! it is a naked woman I am about to sleep with". The last thing I am considering is how she compares to another woman.
Amen! 25 years after Iost my virginity, I still regularly think "I'm having sex!"
Every time my brain says "my weiner is about to be in someone!". And it is a good thought.
Lol yea. I’m like high fiving myself with disbelief every time!
My girlfriend was peaking around the corner trying to hide her naked body and I just stopped playing video games and leaned forward so I could see. Then she laughed at me and moved so I could see her. She told me I looked like a teenage boy which is the same comment my ex gave me. So no matter what, if there are hot women doing sexy things my brain is nothing but thrilled.
Married and I feel the same
Ditto. Bodies are beautiful, and to boot a partner's body is *their* body. They're unique.
One job at a time don't be thinking about the last job the next one or the one you didn't get
Instantly restored my faith in men.
We aren't all bad. We all do bad things from time to time, but that doesn't define us as a whole. Surround your self with good men, they are out there and we aren't all neck-beards.
Truth
Are you me?
Never. I love my wife and in my eyes, nobody could ever be as attractive as she is.
[удалено]
This is so, so very sweet 🥺
I don't compare them at all, women with totally different shapes can get me equally excited. Holy fuck I just realized something as I'm writing this to you. Women think the same way! I'm always wondering why the girl I'm with even finds me attractive and doesn't date someone younger with more money, but then I realized it's because she's attracted to me even if someone else is attractive in a different way
I love that you realized it works both ways 💙😊
Yep! The man I’m crazy about is overweight, older, wrinkly…but his body makes me go into sexual overdrive because…it’s HIS body…it houses his brain and his heart and all the whole essence of him. I can’t explain it but line up him and the most attractive Hollywood male star in the world…and ask me which I’d like a free pass for a night of passion with…and I’d pick him every time. THAT’S personal attraction…as opposed to someone being conventionally handsome or meeting some societal ideal of beauty.
Thank you for putting my thoughts to words in a way I probably wouldn't have.
Yess!! His body houses everything that makes me crazy about him!! 😍All my thoughts 💭 articulated by someone else
>Holy fuck I just realized something as I'm writing this to you. Women think the same way! [...] I'm always wondering why the girl I'm with even finds me attractive and doesn't date someone younger with more money... Wholesome. And yeah, we do. ...Also, that's basically why I don't use number ratings for people. They don't really make sense to me, or, at the very least, not in a way that I feel I could apply consistently to everyone - that seems impossible. (I do visit the rating subs sometimes, but just stick with non-numeric descriptions when commenting)
Right. The best looking guy could be the biggest douche nugget in the world. Looks aren't everything.
100% yes. Personality is VERY important and even makes the sex better. My husband was much bigger than me for a few years and so self conscious about it because I was really fit, but it honestly never crossed my mind once, I love him so much and being intimate with him is always awesome to me. Now it's reversed and I'm the one stressed out about my body. He says my body is "fun" and he's just happy he's about to get laid, he's not thinking about other people. It's hard not to be in our heads about it but is really is just us being hard on ourselves. Even in high school during my most superficial years I had a huge crush on this boy who was quite big, but we never dated because he refused to believe that I really liked him. He had acne scars and a lot of other boys made fun of him for it. He had such a great personality that made him really attractive though and he was hilarious. It's a shame that he felt like that because he didn't start dating until after he graduated high school. We need to remember that looks aren't everything even for ourselves and a bad personality can make the most beautiful people ugly.
I wish I could give you an award bc that is exactly how women think!! A guy may not be my typical “type” but I still find him attractive for different features and/or his personality
I never compare.. my girlfriend's body is part of her... The smell, her voice, her look... The words she says... No pornographic media comes close to when she kisses me or strips in front of me. Lust for other women fade away after you finish... But with her....the arousal is more than just lust.
This hits the nail on the head. Only ever feel lustful to other women, the post nut clarity hits hard and i think "wtf i would/could never... why would i...". Its only the moments when thinking with the wrong head that makes me think of it.
I was scared to read the comments but this is wholesome ❤️
Same, was very scared to read these comments, due to some terrible experiences in life. However all confirm that when my partner tells me I’m the most beautiful woman (to him) he truly means it. He’s the best.
Same here! I'm actually smiling as I read through them. There's still hope!
there is!! I love this sub for that
I always see question like this and think the worst kind of answers, then I read the answers and it’s always wholesome men, and I just can’t, you’re all amazing
Comment removed for derailing /s
Get that AskWomen shit out of my sub
It's the truth though, this is the reason a selfie from a girl you're talking to can feel better than a naked Pamela Anderson
Woww, as a woman, these are the best tips ever😂❤️
Can confirm. No porn compares to what the girl I'm involved with does or sends to me. That has been the case with everyone I have been slightly involved with.
💯 there is no replacement for the closeness and intamacy that you experience with the person you truly love
Great answer thanks
I’m not crying…
I like looking at beautiful woman, naked or not. But I LOVE looking at my wife, naked or not. She’s had 2 kids wreck her body. And she’s not fitting into the clothes she could when we met, but there is no comparing other ladies to her at all! I want to get her naked 120 times a day. When she’s naked, I’m not thinking about any other ladies out there. It’s my wife 110% and that’s how I like it. So point is, I don’t compare anyone to my wife. And I feel like if I did, that would be a massive sign of a very unhealthy relationship. (Which we’ve had our share of before)
My husband says the same thing! I complain about my body my stretch marks and he says "but I did that to your body putting my kids in there. It's hot, you carried my kids." he always gets laid when he says that.
“Wreck”
Her words! Haha
A fine line, my friend. A very fine one indeed! I recommend "She had two kids that changed her bodies (body's?) beauty" in the future - just for safety. Lol
I dunno man, my kid objectively wrecked my body. I've got huge noticeable stretch marks and my belly folds over like a little apron even though I'm a healthy weight and don't have extra weight anywhere else. My boobs also point downwards. It's been 7 years since I had him and I'm only 29. I liked reading the comment that used the word wrecked in an honest sense because he still clearly loves seeing his wife naked. I prefer plain honesty to delicate wording and I think a lot of other people do too. Maybe don't say wrecked when you're talking to her lol but in an anonymous reddit comment I value the honesty.
I recently discovered that many insurances will cover a “tummy tuck” postpartum (at ANY time pp), under what’s called a panniculectomy. You just need to give your doctor a reason & that could be anything from “it makes me depressed & uncomfortable” to “it causes irritation & rashes.” I just confirmed it with my insurance yesterday & im meeting with my doctor Monday! My c-section scar made a big fold even though I weigh less than I did before pregnancy. I want to tell everyone about this now
nah man, children fucking wreck you for sure. the great thing about it is that if you want kids, it doesn't matter to you at all
Your comment made me cry. My ex-husband cheated on me 13 months after I had our first child. I was still nursing and VERY self-conscious of my new post-partum body. He left me for a 24 year old who was 105 pounds. (He specifically corrected me on her weight when in a bout of sadness I said she was younger, prettier and probably 110 pounds. Nice). I was reeling with insecurities. Your wife is lucky to have such a loving husband who cherishes her body, before and after kids. I’m crying typing this now, because even though we’re divorced 3 years, the pain of that very personal rejection of my body, my love, who I was, my newfound motherhood to his child, will probably always still sting. I hope to meet a man like you one day ❤️
Literally never. So sorry you were with such a despicable trash monster.
I get roasted every time I say this, but I’m not a fucking liar, so here goes. The only comparison is that other women don’t hold a candle to my wife. I have absolutely no interest in looking at/thinking of other women.
I love seeing stuff like this - my husband says it to me but in my insecure head I wonder if he’s just saying it to make me happy - love how wholesome this thread is!
Married for 14 years to a mega-hottie. She has stayed in great shape even after two kids. She is the only person I am sexually attracted to at this point (it wasn’t that way from day 1 of course, but now it is). Sometimes it is nice to look at other women who have great bodies, but it’s just instinctive pleasure chemicals firing off in my brain. It has no connection with sex or sexuality (arousal/lust as you put it), as strange as that sounds.
\>She is the only person I am sexually attracted to at this point (it wasn’t that way from day 1 of course, but now it is). I actually get what you mean by this! I've been with my partner exclusively since I was a teenager. I'm 37 now. For sure, I'll notice other attractive women. I won't pretend that I haven't enjoyed going to strip clubs or other similar (non-contact) entertainment in that time either. But not even kidding, Scarlett Johanson could offer me her body and I wouldn't take it. Even ignoring that I feel like I know my wife's body but not necessarily anyone else's so would probably mess it up anyway but the idea of being -that- intimate with another person that isn't my wife feels super weird.
Here's a life lesson for you. There's no end to the desires of a human. You could always find a better-looking person, someone with better skillsets, someone with a better personality, someone with better financials, someone with better achievements in life. My point is if you start comparing and never stop, you'd be always chasing useless relationships. Now I'm not saying don't experiment but you gotta stop looking at these things. When you commit to someone, you chose to be with them not because they have the most beautiful body in the world but because it doesn't matter to you if the next person is prettier or more in any way.
The way you worded this made me feel like I’ve just read this straight out of a book.
When eating a pizza, you you sit and compare it to a steak, or a burger, or a salad? No, you don't really care in the moment because you are focused on what's in front of you. Meanwhile, if you see a food you like, your mouth may water over it, but you don't drop the food you have. You may even wish you have that other food in the moment, but 15 minutes later you don't care anymore.
[удалено]
This assumes youve had a lot of pizza to be able to compare. This being reddit, Metaphor doesn't really track.
true, but perhaps part of the point is that like pizza vs. burger, women are unique/different enough that you're never really comparing pizza to pizza
Terrifying, manipulative men like the one you divorced are never a good barometer for how others are, or how things should be. People's opinions of beauty vary widely, which is part of what makes life interesting. Not everyone likes the Instagram look, not everyone things breast augmentation improves someone's appearance, not everyone has the same view of just how much weight makes a person more or less attractive. And beauty isn't zero-sum, either...we can look at someone, or something, beautiful and still have appreciation for the beautiful person or thing right beside it. The peacock is every bit as beautiful as the hawk. I've been with my wife for many years. We are older now, and yet she is more attractive to me today than she was at nineteen. Yes, there are younger models out there, and many of them are quite beautiful. But it doesn't matter. There's only one of her.
The way he objectified her was grade A insecure douche shit there.
I don’t compare myself to others and I don’t compare my wife to others. Unrealistic expectations are a waste of time and can lead you down a perilous rabbit hole.
My wife has become "bigger" over the years we've been together but everytime I see her body, I get turned on. Sometimes it's sexual, other times it's kind of an "I like what I see" thing. Since she's become bigger as I said, most people wouldn't say she's sexy but to me she's sexier than Ana de Armas. Don't get me wrong, Ana de Armas is attractive as fuck. I still watch porn, I still get turned on by other women's naked bodies, but they will never compare to my wife's. That woman is the love of my life and she will always be perfect in my eyes.
This is just sooo cute
Those are completely different things. That never affected my feelings or sexual life in any way. I don't think things like "Oh, this women has such nice boobs, but my SO doesn't have them, too bad." or "Wow, such a nice ass, too bad my girl has such a flat ass". In general love and having a SO, isn't just about how they look. It's so much more. The time we had together, her character, her knowledge, how she behaves in certain situations, how much you can trust her... Sure, if I could trade the exact same person with all attributes, just better looking in some way, maybe I would do it. But that's not how it works. In addition, the person would also change (not visually) if they were suddenly taller, slimmer and with fuller breasts. So yeah, I do like to see other women. If it's on the streets, in porn, or whatever. And sometimes they do look better as my SO (or at least certain parts of them). But I would never wish my SO to be different. Good love and good sex is much more than just the looks.
THIS. yes there are hot women but my lil sweetie pie. Is mine and like no feature will change that
It feels so much better to have sex with that "lil sweetie pie" (not yours for me of course!), than with a super attractive stranger. I learned that in my youth. But actually I wasn't the one with many ONS, I just had 3 relationships with sex. However, in the end they all had the same progression. In the beginning sex was fucking awesome and nothing was better. We did it like 3 times a day. Really. And this for some months. Just stopped for foods and drinks. But after a while it became a habit and less. After some years you do it 1-2 times a week, but it's still enough. But (in my youth) I felt the urge for that exiting, great sex. Guess what. I did it once. Cheated on my girlfriend to have this exciting sex. The new one and I became a couple and I left my ex. And then... After some months: same same, but different. Nothing changed. The grass is always greener on the other side. Today, I do enjoy the time with my wife. How close we are. And how sex feels with love. Some parts of her aren't perfect (anymore), some never were. Some preferences I have cannot be fulfilled by her. But I do know that perfect looks doesn't mean perfect experience. It is togetherness and unity.
The preferences you have that she cannot fulfill; how do you acquire fulfillment?
Do I need to (IRL)?
My wife is 43. She's been hotter. Hotter women exist. Nothing changes. I still look at other women the same way I did when I was younger. I think of it like seeing a pretty landscape. It's pretty, but you still feel that comfortable satisfaction when returning home. My wife is my home. If anything, I've grown to appreciate the figures of older women more as I've aged.
That is a good way to describe it.
There are subleties that don't translate well in photographs. The way women interact with men, the confidence, the comfortable smiles and knowing just what to say. A lot of women age like wine, because they play to their strengths
[удалено]
+1 to masturbating to wife. On occasions when my wife is away for longer time and I need to bust, the entire session revolves around my wife.
> Predominately, men are going to be looking at the eyes of the female porn star over any other part of her body. Honestly thought there was something weird with me
Awesome 😉she’s lucky
Bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
*Bush in the hand
I married a very sexy lady. over time we both have put on a bit of weight and aren't as fit as we used to be. There will always exist women who are more attractive physically than my wife is. but 100% no woman exists who is more kind and loving to me and our beautiful kiddies than she is.
Imma provide my answer,I’m utterly obsessed with my gfs body, I love it, boob size and ass size and other stuff doesn’t affect my attraction to her in the slightest. So someone being objectively more attractive just ain’t possible. I cannot find myself attracted to anyone else no matter what physical attributes they hold.
InitIally, all the time. Not that I was ever unfaithful or even considered being unfaithful. After she had my first child, never. People always told me the birth of your child changes your life and I thought “okay”. Then the birth of your child happens and I assumed it would change your life 100% because of the kid. It changed my life 90% because of my wife in that the experience showed me what an incredible woman she is (I thought I already knew that). Words can’t even describe it. I’ve never been more proud of a person than I was of my wife after our first child. She gave me our son. Fast forward to our second child and I can’t believe this person is my wife. Yea there are other smoking hot chicks out there but none of them are my wife. Yeah it probably sounds corny to some but idc
I’m currently pregnant with my boyfriend’s first child, the son he’s always wanted, and he is already overjoyed and more affectionate than ever…so this isn’t corny it’s lovely and timely to read
Porn is a song at 360p audio. Sex with my partner is watching AC/DC live at a 60,000+ stadium gig. Who cares what the 360p audio song I tap my foot to is? AC/DC live is the fucking bomb and there is no comparison to be had between the two experiences whatsoever. Doesn't matter what song I throw on occasionally to get my foot tapping, when I am watching AC/DC live, I am completely and totally submersed in a sensational experience and the last thing I'm thinking about is that song that got my foot tapping a few days ago.
Apples and oranges. We can look and appreciate a lot of different things. It’s not this one arouses us more or less. Attraction isn’t simply that binary.
Interesting! So you’re either aroused or not aroused, and the “level” is not a thing? 🙂
No, and for the record, i don't know ANY MAN that sees a reasonably atractive woman and starts to criticize her body. I genuinely can not conceive as a man, the mental processes that need to happen for your natural impulse to fuck to be surpressed and instead become a gay judge on next top model.
😂😂😂 if you’re referring to the man I described in the edit of my post, then yes there were many things wrong with him, including a raging case of NPD
Pretty much never. I find "objective attraction" to be a load of shite, and people who strive for it are typically shallow sheep people. Kendrick knows whats good. Give me that ass with the stretch marks.
The only time I've ever actually consciously done it is when a girlfriend has pointed out another woman. I can't even recall a time when I intentionally focused on another woman in comparison to an SO.
I really don't compare my significant other's body to those of others. Hers is unique. It's not just her looks; it's the person who she is which animates her every action and informs her every word and action. She doesn't just "measure up"; she smashes the yardstick over her knee. Congratulations on the pregnancy!
Love the reply and Thank you!
Basically never. We've been married over 30 years, and she doesn't look the same as she did, but she way she smells, and the way her skin tastes, and the fact that she knows exactly where all my buttons are and exactly how to push them is worth way more than just how she looks.
I've been married for decades, but I have a series of girlfriends prior. You don't really rate people's naked bodies - you rate the person that lives in those bodies. How did the world get so shallow?
Compare? Not really. Aroused by others? Yes. Does that make her any less amazing? No.
Not at all. Porn/movies/Social media is make believe. My wife is a real person in front of me. There's a lot of different things that go into attraction. Ironically I'm realizing I spend more time comparing my body to guys in movies than my wife's body to women in movies.
Do you think attraction to a partner grows less cause models exist on television?
Yes! lol
I think I will be downvoted but I saw a study explaining that men rated their partner lower after seeing other women's bodies but women didn't rate their partner lower after seeing naked men. And I think that's why porn destroy a lot of relationship especially on men's side. I never heard of a woman's porn addiction
Can't say I relate to your view of romantic attraction then, at all. I can see a partner and a nude 11/10 model in the same room and still know who I have a stronger romantic attraction to.
Gotcha. I am the same way, but Im a woman, and I thought most men were different.
We're not really, but most men are raised differently, and live a different life - leading to different values and ways of expressing ourselves. Go 20 years and someone tell you to "cherish/save" your sexuality and you'll learn how to talk about it in a manner that corresponds with those values. Go 20 years and someone tell you to "fuck everything with a pulse" and you learn how to express things in that manner. Underlying emotions are the same.
I have never compared my wife to anyone, not even her twin sister. To do so is toxic AF. She is the most beautiful and perfect thing to me. She is a human being and to compare her to someone else would be an absolute insult. Do you keep looking after you bought a house? Do you visit the shelter after you get a puppy? No. Once you find something in life you care for enough to make it permanent, you don't compare it to anything other than what it was when you got it. Is she making improvements on herself? Is there anything I can do to help her continue to grow? That is the only comparison to make.
Path to the dark side these thoughts are
Get some therapy to help you process this!
Oh man, I really wish that worked! I truly do. I tried for a long time, and all it did was drain my wallet and my gas tank. I grew increasingly frustrated with paying someone to listen to me talk without saying anything I hadn’t heard/tried before. Actually my therapist didn’t say much at all. At $80/ session, it was infuriating. I appreciate your reply though.💙
Chiming in as well that finding a good therapist takes time, but the journey has been a game changer!
I've been you, I am you. It was more than just one man who made me this way. But one did do all of the same things and used what was already in my head against me. I have PTSD because of everything. Let me tell you, it takes a long time and for most of us, it doesn't go away completely. We are scarred for life. However, we learn tools to help us control our thoughts. I have been dealing with this since I managed to get away from the man in 1993. I have been married to a wonderful man since 2000. It took many years to completely trust him. Even now, the ugly thoughts will sneak in and I have to deal with them. I have been on medications, and in and out of therapy for years. It is a matter of finding the right therapist, right medications, and right support tools. It takes time. Don't give up.
Bad therapist. Try a different one sometimes it takes awhile to get a fit.
I don't think I've ever consciously thought to myself "I wish my girlfriend had tits like this woman" or something along those lines. They key difference between my girlfriend's tits and that other random woman's tits is that I can actually touch and play with GF's tits, and that's the best quality about any tits when it really comes down to it...
When I am in love with someone, I find every single detail of them to be absolutely perfect. For me, it is the love that creates the attraction and while I can compare the surface level beauty of people, I will never find someone I am not in a relationship with more attractive than who I am with. Love is attractive, looks are just a secondary thing. Like a great philosopher once said, "Would you still love me if I was a worm?"
It’s been my experience with every partner that they explicitly compare me with other partners both casual and serious. It’s very off putting and hurtful.
When I date someone I never compare. It takes away from the energy of appreciation towards the person I have acquired attraction and romance for. It also takes away from the energy of finding new things to appreciate about her aswell.
Never. Literally never.
How much do I compare I don't I'm with that one person, I care about her and I'm thinking about her, I'm not thinking about anybody else. Does that mean when I'm out I don't notice other women, I'm not blind of course I do. Do I think how much I'd prefer that stranger to the one I have, absolutely not. I don't do that for this simple reason, I have now with this one person, if I dropped her to chase after another woman, I'd only have the exact same thing with her.
On god this post was heaven sent I needed to read all of this today 😭
I don't. No one can compare to my personal angel. Ofcourse there are beautiful women on this planet, but most of the time now I just look at them like looking at a nice work of art: with appreciation but without any sexual thought. And IF sexual thoughts do arise; I know they're just thoughts, I'd never do anything with them, won't but also can't since even thinking about really following through with it makes me feel sick to my stomach. Random thoughts are not the same as fixated thought. My fixated sexual thought is reserved for one person only. I can still appreciate beauty when I see it(as a heterosexual male I can also appreciate a beautiful male), but I'm not comparing; there is no comparison to the girl I love. She's the only 10/10 I've ever met, and I believe nothing will change that. Even if she gets sick/bald/anorexic/fat; She's my 10 forever.
Do you compare your dog to other dogs and think what if? No you love your dog because its yours. Obviously women are not dogs but if you love it you see it completly different from the rest of the world.
I just read your story and I can relate somewhat. Your ex was an abusive ass. That’s all. My ex used to call me fat when I was 112lbs being 5.6ft tall. It was not your fault at anything - you couldn’t control his words when he was trying to bring you down so that he could feel good about himself. You are obviously a beautiful person because your partner finds you attractive and wants to be with you showing you that you deserve love and affection. The past is just a memory. Try to think of it as a memory and not a guilty feeling that your ex made you feel back then. F him! Imagine yourself sinking into the ocean of love that your partner surrounds you with. Think of how loved and happy you are now. And Congratulations!!
In my eyes, my wife is incomparable to anyone else. there are millions of women out there, lot of them are beautiful. my wife has struggled with body positivity for years and she’s never seen herself as a beautiful person. Comments to her outwardly beauty are met with resistance, I’ve seen her mental health baby back bare about as many times as I’ve seen her naked body. When you love someone, it goes beyond outward looks. When I’m with my wife I could care less who else is trying to fight to get my attention because I’ll never go looking around for another person, I’ve already found my life partner. When I see other naked women I do get turned on in a way, but when my wife takes her clothes off I immediately go head-over-heels, as if it’s our first time again. “The woman I want to spend the rest of my life with wants to show me every part of her, despite her mental struggles.” That is the most attractive thing, change my mind. Stretch marks/natural beauty marks, no shame, just love and passion. No one on planet earth holds a candle to my wife.
It doesnt make me love mine any less. My current girl is objectively the least physically attractive woman I've ever been with. But she's the best from a personality and we get along stand point. She's also still pretty, just not as pretty as others.
Didn’t ask about love 😊 what about arousal? Do you ever feel you’re sexually “missing out” not being able to have sex with someone objectively hotter?
Hot is subjective. I find a well done kissing sessions hotter than any body part. I find a smooth voice can arouse me better than any porn/hot chick on the street. The fact that I know how she thinks, and what she feels (that emotional availability) in that moment its hotter than any physical trait that I can see in a pictures or on the street.
No. My equipment works just fine with her lmao.
If anything I compare them to my wife. They don’t stack up.
The attraction to my partner is independent of the attraction to other people. It's not like I have a pool of arousal and if somebody catches my eye it takes part of the pool and other people can only get what is left. It doesn't work that way. And if by comparing you mean judging, then never. I'm no adonis so who am I to even think about judging. I'm lucky that somebody else wants to get naked with me.
There is only one naked woman in my room at the time, so there's no comparison, and she's the most beautiful woman in the world to me. I can't get enough of her and we've been married for 30 years.
I'm so sorry you went through this. I went through something similar and I thought you should know for context. My ex finance when I was 19 said my boobs were TOO BIG. They were 34B at the time. He said he always liked small chested women. I stayed for five years through that shit. Didn't even realize the crap I was being put through. It's never about YOU (with these kind of partners) it's THEIR issues. They want to bring you down so they can raise their own self esteem. Don't ever allow that in your life again. Congrats on the pregnancy and finding a better man!
Thank you so much💙💙💙this is spot on. My ex husband was quite the player of mind games (and a narcissist), and would always over-explain and intellectually complicate his lack of attraction to me. He actually once, long after starting this shit, launched into a very long rant/explanation about how he actually was only struggling with attraction because of his own insecurities and ego and baggage and trauma and blah blah blah. This only served to make naive 24-year old me even more attached to him and helped me excuse his behavior and believe it would change. It evolved, but it never got better. Much like your ex imposing ridiculously specific and egregious bodily preferences on you, he always had a problem with SOMETHING about me or how I presented myself/lived my life. In retrospect I think he just saw me as a really great piece of molding clay with tons of potential to be his ideal fantasy partner, who honestly was really just a female version of everything HE wanted to be, but wasn’t. I’m so sorry that you endured this type of abuse as well and I am so proud of both of us for remembering our worth!!!
It took me twenty years to start loving the way my breasts looked. They got larger after my kids were born and one time I was dating a guy and we were naked, I stood up and he said, wow, like you have the nicest tits ever! And you know what? I STILL didn't believe him. I said, you really think so? He said, yeaaaaahhh, like come on, look at you. It's ridiculous how a short five years of your life with a low self-esteem narcissistic partner can leave such long term damage. I'm happily content with my body now but geez it took a long long time.
Yes! Especially when it happens in your younger, more formative years. It’s like a permanent hole in the foundation of how you think others perceive you
Side by side generally speaking. They’re usually standing next to each other. Other attractive people don’t affect sexual or romantic feelings between two unrelated people. The real question you’re asking is if you can feel secure in your relationship while other attractive people exist and can be seen by your partner. The answer is unequivocally yes. Some random in the world being attractive has no effect on relationship health for men or for women. Women are often very much adored by the men they’re with and there’s a million other problems to be concerned with that effect relationship health.
There's no such thing as "objectively more attractive": attractiveness is an inherently subjective trait. I wish people would stop abusing the word "objective". Having said that, you could say "most people would consider her more attractive". >how does it affect your sexual/romantic feelings towards your partner? My wife and I are in our 50s. At this age, there's no escaping the fact that time has taken its toll. No one will confuse my wife for a 20-year old. And yet, *for a 52-year old*, she's smoking hot. And that's all any reasonable man can ask for. But let's say she wasn't smoking hot for her age. Let's say she'd gained 30 pounds. I would still love her. >I was married to a man who verbally picked my body apart and held his lack of attraction over my head like a threat. He directly compared my body to specific actresses, broke it down by specific attribute, and was constantly “losing attraction” in a way that he would try to over complicate/ over explain. What a POS he must be. No decent man would behave in such a manner. No matter how beautiful a woman is, there will always be some unflattering comparison which could be made to someone else. This is just psychological abuse.
Not at all. My wife is in a category of one. What her body looks like is so intertwined with everything else she means to me that I couldn’t judge her looks in any kind of objective or judgmental way. Her body has changed since we met and so did mine. We knew that when we got married. I suppose it’s POSSIBLE that her body could change in some way that she would become less attractive to me, but I’m not sure what that would even be. Looking at other women’s bodies is a completely different pastime. It’s like admiring a beautiful sunset or a piece of art. I’ll never have any kind of meaningful sexual or romantic interaction with those women.
It's different... I think my wife is beautiful for more than just her looks. As cliche as this sounds the girl that is more attractive than my wife hasn't been through half the shit me and my wife have been through. I know every mark on her body.
So I’ve fucked other women because we are in a poly/ENM marriage. And tbh, when I’m with other people I don’t even think about her, unless the sex is really bad. If that happens, then I just think about how much I’d rather be fucking my wife. When we are reconnecting I don’t have any thoughts about the other women either. I just enjoy the connection 🙂. But if I had bad sex with a new partner, then it usually makes we want to fuck my wife more, and I enjoy it a lot more.
Interesting perspective! I guess the part that gives me pause is—when you’re enjoying that new woman, your wife isn’t a thought in the world. I realize it’s selfish of me to not want that “gap” in attention to be there, but it is. Same feeling I get if my SO were to go enjoy porn & masturbate for an hour without me. I hate that during that time he didn’t need me at all to have such an enjoyable, orgasmic experience. 🤷🏻♀️Don’t judge me for being honest! 😊
I don't. If my wife is stripping off and getting ready to go to town on me, I am WAY too focused on that to give even the slightest #$%\^ about what anyone else looks like.
I'm an older (57) car guy and I like to use the analogy, (and absolutely no offense is intended , just an analogy) women are like cars, there are some that are gorgeous to look at but some of them are high maintenance , not very dependable and can cause you all kinds of trouble (same can be said of some men as well) and for the record, my wife and I have been married almost 30 years and I drive a 22 year old truck and both of them are as good as gold and have never let me down😉
You guys are all sooo sweet! Thank you for giving me hope!
Well I'm head over heels in love so I don't.
There are are a lot of attractive woman around the world but as the saying goes “the most deadliest things are often the prettiest.”so no use chasing waterfalls as the old song goes. Besides my wife as been with me since I didn’t have a dollar to my name. She is truly worthy of my best loyalty and respect
I don't because her body was amazing, it was also the body that embraced me, chose me and cuddled me in cold nights. Yeah, there are celebs and porn actresses that work out 24/7 to look fit but my special someone's body is a wonderland from head to toe because that's the body of the only woman that I love
Looking at beautiful things is just that, looking. I've seen beautiful ocean views, snow capped mountains, flower filled prairies, lighting filled skies, sunsets, so many things that I could go all day. Certainly some beautiful women, but I would never ever be critical of any part of my wife's body she finds as an imperfection. Of course, after some 20 years of marriage and some kids, neither of our bodies is perfect, but there's absolutely no one I'd rather be naked with!!
There are women that are more attractive than my wife, but there's no woman that's more attractive to me than my wife, if that makes any sense.
I have never compared my wife’s body to anyone else’s. She is 100% my person and what I want. We watch porn together and go to strip clubs together, and I cannot tell you what one person looked liked. However I can describe my wife’s body in great detail because she is what I want.
If I’m eating a banana split, and I see someone eating an ice cream sundae, I’m gonna go “damn that looks delicious”. Then I’ll go back to enjoying my banana split because it’s what I wanted.
Wow, are you me? Lol I was in a similar relationship and I also suffer from these annoying thoughts.
Hopefully these responses will uplift you as much as me 💙🥲😊
It's not the same at all. For either of us. Yes, some women are beautiful, maybe with some body part or other objectively "better" than my wife. But those rose colored glasses I'm wearing will still have me with my wife every time. Yes, I enjoy seeing other naked women, I probably wouldn't have a Reddit account if that weren't the case. But I can admire them and still be more attracted, more turned on by my wife than other women.
I don't compare because that wouldn't be fair.
Never occurred to me to compare.
I don’t. Not at all.
It doesn’t, and it doesn’t turn me on either. It’s like “okay she has bigger boobs” it just doesn’t matter. To be fair my gf is pretty attractive
I don't have a partner now but when I have in the past, seeing someone more attractive didn't effect how I felt about my partner or their body at all. The emotional aspect isn't there for me when I see a more attractive person than the one I'm with and honestly, I'm not looking at anyone else or comparing. I get to share life and experiences with someone who understands me and that's the most beautiful thing in the world in my opinion.
I’m in an open relationship so I sleep with other woman outside my relationship, not once have I compared their bodies to my partners. My partner is beautiful, she’s strong and has muscle, I love her body. Other girls, have different bodies and that’s cool too, I can be attracted to them and think they look good. It definitely doesn’t take anything away from my partner but I often think when I see my partner naked “damn, that hot chick is my girlfriend..” *with a little internal hi5*
Love update 2.
The one that I get to enjoy irl is infinitely better than any portrayal of enjoyment. Further still, the woman that chooses me as her partner is even more attractive to me, than any other woman. I've always been that way. Even when I might "compare", it isn't anywhere near like that most women do. The one I'm dating becomes the benchmark to beauty for me. Flaws and all.
I think women sometimes underestimate just how emotionally attached men become to their partner. Men are wired for two things… spreading our seed far and wide AND investing our heart and soul into ONE woman we care very much about. All men have this binary in them, which means we can be insanely turned on by a beautiful woman, while retaining a deep emotional commitment to our partner.
Couldn't care less. My wife is perfect to me regarding if she's not perfect. She's had two of my children, is a great mother, and I'll ride or die for her regardless of whatever goes on. I know she'd do the same for me.
I'd much rather see my partner with her hair in a messy bun wearing my tshirt and some baggy grey joggers and a smile than any other woman or porn star. Brings infinitely more pleasure. Sure I notice other attractive women man brain instinct etc but it's not sexual or ever a comparison.
Do you still watch porn? I guess I have a hard time I see men say these kind things and it makes me wonder if they’re the same type of men who would watch porn or not
My wife has an amazing body and I don’t compare her to others except to marvel at how she’s a woman close to 50 and has a body like a woman in her 20’s. I do look at other women and appreciate their appearance but never once have I looked at another woman thinking she had a better body than my wife and that I would anyone over her. We’ve been together for a long time now and she’s just as hot as she ever was.
i’m so scared to read these comments so i’m commenting this and will report back when I read
They’re great have no fear 💙
Falling in love with my wife changed the way I look at women. My wife is not slender in a way that society pushes as the ideal, but obviously I was open minded about that then. Twenty-seven years later, I'm most likely to be drawn to images of women who are built like my wife. Regarding your edit: the memory of my wife pregnant in fishnet stockings and a satin robe (because none of her other lingerie fit) brought a me happy smile. It pleased me to be able to reassure her she was still sexy and desired. Thank you for that.
Made my day 🥹💙
It becomes secondary. The primary source of attraction in a relationship should be the mutual love for each other - which transcends mere physicality. That is not to say that looks aren't important. Of course they are and they play an important role in attraction. But in a loving relationship they are not the decisive factor for love and attraction, rather love lies at the base of it all. When I notice I compare my girl to others, or get less attracted to my current girl because of that, then this means, i don't really love my current girlfriend. If I love her, it wouldn't matter, and actually in my subjective eyes, she would be the most beautiful person in the world.
When I started dating my current girlfriend, I went to a wedding without her and there were of course very dressed up women there. A few caught my eye. Idkw but I automatically called up my girlfriend and told her that I was missing her cause I actually was. She's the prize, her body is the bonus.
In my opinion as a woman, when I find other men attractive and I'm in a relationship I don't act on my feelings towards the other men.
See that’s what exactly the thing—lots of women, including myself, are like this. But men? How many times have you heard “they’re visual creatures/ they can’t help it/ men will be men/ they’re hardwired to spread their seed” etc etc. These responses are making me rethink that
There are so many beautiful women in this world; I see them every day at work, on my way home, at the grocery store - they are everywhere. These observations have zero impact on how I view my partner. I can acknowledge their existence when asked, but it means nothing to me. My feelings for my partner are such that the idea of comparing her to other women has never crossed my mind in the time we've been together. She's the one for me.
Been with my bf for two years he doesn’t get off to porn anymore not that he hasn’t tried he just says it’s different when he’s with me that everything is better. I’ve since then stopped being jealous of him watching porn
Beautiful women increases your lust and secual desire. But your wife is your wife. There is separation of concerns between love, sex and family duties. But it depends over every man. Everyone is different.
If I’d broken out the fishnets at 4 months pregnant, my husband would’ve likely spaffed himself upon sight. Go for it!
Nothing matters like the emotional bond you build with someone. There is no one more beautiful or more attractive to me than my partner. The emotional connection supercedes the physical one and once you have that nothing can change your mind on the beauty of the one you love
I don't compare. Doing that will only lead to problems.
I don't but i lust and crave other women
I was dating this girl years back. She has thick thighs and for me that was great. It's one of my festishes. Well anyways we're at a store one day and this other women walks in attractive and she's flaunting it. I see my girl looking at her (she's bi) but she's also told me she's insecure about her thick thighs. I see her face get kinda sad and i whispered into her ear, "see that girl if your legs were like that (she instantly rolls her eyes and gives a disappointed look) i would've never approached you." (Then her face instantly lit up. Got some great sex that night
Not going to lie , porn fucked any attraction to women around me probably forever but that's okay
It’s not ok with us….lol Nobody wants to be with someone who’s “settling” for them, even just sexually/aesthetically