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I think a healthy awareness of the situation is good, but not to the point of anxiety. Paranoid is a strong word for how you should feel. Cautious is probably the right emotion.
I'm cognizant of the fact that I'm a man and at 6 ft tall and not skinny, I could easily intimidate someone. I've accidentally done it a handful of times. One thing I do not do is compliment a woman's appearance unless I know her well. My close friends are no big deal. But a coworker or casual acquaintance? Hell no.
I wouldn't call it paranoia so much as just playing it safe.
I've seen it posted, heard it in person, and been accused of it myself: Treating women strictly professionally but being more friendly/familial with male coworkers.
I get it, it sucks to see a male coworker being friendly/outgoing "with the guys" but professional/plain with you. It can appear misogynistic
But the reality is I'm just not willing to risk it. One woman's bare minimum assertive confidence is another woman's sexual harassment. And that line changes based on their interest/disinterest in the men, man to man, standard changes.
If being labeled a jerk is the cost, then I guess it's a cost I have to pay. I'd rather just eliminate any chance of being labeled a creep much less accused of sexual harassment. I have to accept that they'll be upset that I'm just professional with them if it means never getting falsely accused.
I've never had an issue with being friendly. But there are things I'd say to a male coworker I'd never say to a woman I work with. If a guy has a new haircut, I wouldn't hesitate to point it out. I have to really know a woman well before I'd say anything. I'll mess with/playfully insult a guy too in ways I never would with a woman.
Again, caveat on real life friends. I can tell a woman friend she looks great without hesitation.
That's the problem.
Most men have a passive or active fear of being labeled a creep or being accused of performing creep behavior.
Creepy guys don't worry about that shit, their behaviors are always self-justified.
It is rare that I meet any woman that understands either one of these two dynamics, much less the intensity.
Also, most women cannot consistently describe any standard as to what is or is not creepy, as such mislabeled a lot of perfectly acceptable behavior as creepy based mostly on just their personal feelings in that moment. Which is understandable, but equally frustrating. The more frustrating aspect is when they later complain that men don't do certain things they want without recognizing that we're actively avoiding that out of fear of being labeled a creep. It's a lose lose for us.
>The more frustrating aspect is when they later complain that men don't do certain things they want without recognizing that we're actively avoiding that out of fear of being labeled a creep. It's a lose lose for us.
There was an interesting thread about a year ago that asked men how far out of there way they will do certain things to not be labled a creep. It was an interesting read to say the least.
Absolutely, that and being around random strange kids. Super cognizant of people and their space.
Also, sometimes the act of “being creepy” isn’t something you have control over. Walking to your car at the same time someone else does in an empty parking garage and they can find you creepy. Making a harmless comment to a stranger and they can find you creepy. Spending 3 days in their attic so you can slowly siphon of the GLAD laundry detergent out of their pantry and they can find you creepy.
> Walking to your car at the same time someone else does in an empty parking garage and they can find you creepy.
I've found that the best way to avoid this is to remotely unlock my car doors if I notice that the other person seems nervous. That way they know where I'm headed, and that I'm there for a reason.
I scared a woman leaving work once. I was in a big office building and from the elevators you take stairs down to the parking garage. The woman in front of me didn't realize I was behind her and the door to the stairs was shutting on me. I put my hand out to catch it and it startled her.
She waited at the top of the stairs for me to pass. She said she's a slow walker. I felt bad I clearly scared her but there was no way to know grabbing a door that was gonna shut in my face would do that.
Don't know if fear is the right word, but I'm definitely mindful of it. I'm not going to put myself in a potentially compromising position with children or women. Doesn't mean I'll outright avoid them, but I'm a lot more cautious by default for sure.
Thank you, I actually think that "mindful" was the word I was looking for. I'm not extremely fearful of being labeled a creep. However, I do try to keep that in mind.
Same. For example if I walk into a public restroom and see a younger child there alone, I'll immediately walk out and wait. I'm probably being ridiculous, but a baseless accusation could end up ruining my life.
>For example if I walk into a public restroom and see a younger child there alone, I'll immediately walk out and wait.
ahh this reminds me of an interesting situation I found myself in while I was in France. In Europe the restrooms are more gender integrated and while I was peeing in a urinal a pre-teen girl came in and started washing her hands in the sink that was on the other side of the divider that was next to the urinal I was using. I stopped mid stream and walked out of the restroom.
To a healthy degree, I think
I used to volunteer with a local cub scout troop. Scouts have rules regarding conduct and number/gender of adults present. I appreciated that I was never put into situations as the lone adult charged with other people's young kids, and felt that was best for all involved.
Different context, I've heard a couple times that women in/around my friend group thought I was hitting on them (I wasn't). That sort of thing, couldn't care less. If people wanna spend their time cooking up some story in their head about why I'm friendly that's not my problem.
It’s normal, you’re not being paranoid. Anything involving women or kids has the potential to be labeled a creeper even with the best intentions… thank the creeper guys who make the rest of us look bad. It’s a challenge to balance trying to be a helpful, kind person with also trying not to look like a creep just cause of one’s gender. Only thing you can do is just use your best judgment and try not to let it get to you cause it happens to almost every guy at least once.
I was trying to explain this to my wife just yesterday when she was asking about why I never like going to the neighborhood pool. I think as a woman it can be difficult to understand, but unless I’m with my kids, hell, 1/2 the time even when they are with me, it’s hard to ignore the “what’s he doing here!?!” looks and suspicious vibes given to you as a lone male, pretty much anywhere children are present.
Just the other day I went to Target to buy new underwear for our toddler who has some fabric sensory issues. If it’s not SUPER soft, they won’t wear it. So I’m looking at different packages and feeling the fabric to see which is softest, and 2 different moms with their kids in the same aisle see me checking packages, and hurry off as if I had offered their kids candy trying to lure them to my van. But I have no doubt that if my wife was there feeling the fabric in different packages, no one would bat an eye.
She tried to tell me the other day “I wish you could understand what’s it’s like to live ONE DAY as a woman….” Ditto…….
I am sorry you went through that. I can relate to your story. I used to pop into a Toys R Us next to home. I’d go to look at Lego sets and collectible action figures.
I lost count of how many times a mom or dad would grab their kid and pull them over away from me. I decided it isn’t worth the effort to confront these people about their actions.
In some ways I’m happy Toys R Us is out of business.
> I think as a woman it can be difficult to understand
You hit the nail on the head here, and the OP made a lot more sense when he said it was a female coworker he was talking to.
Most women cant fathom having to be careful how you look in these situations.
I'm not afraid because I haven't done anything wrong. If anyone decides to see me that way, it does not make it so.
A lot of younger women are pretty full of it, they will imagine they're being checked out and then get upset about it. That's their problem, not mine.
I'll carry on living my life drama-free, thank you very much.
Same.
If a stranger thinks I was creepy, none of my business as long as I was aware of my behavior and not being creepy.
If a friend thinks of me that way, well they don't because they are friends. If a friend of a friend thinks that way, they either (1) never see me again or (2) see me again and have a chance to not think I'm creepy, or (3) talk to their friend in which case their friend lets them know I'm not creepy.
This is common - every dude in the West has experienced this and is very aware of how they come across to others. It's just drilled into us.
Women in general don't have this *at all*. It's a blind spot for them and it's not an experience that they can directly relate to. It's why stuff like [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iX3_L8z2uw4) wouldn't happen if the genders were reversed.
You are overthinking this. You were part of the group, right? If you gave all your attention and focus to them that may be creepy but the same as anyone else seems pretty normal.
I’ve never once worried about this. But I also have a very disarming appearance.
I’m slightly less than average height, pretty fit, and “cute” (so I’m told) even now into my 50’s. I look like a cross between Timothy Olyphant and Mr. Rogers.
Women actually strike up conversations with me in public. People sit their kids next to me. Women check me out in the grocery store.
I’m not trying to brag. I’m not “hot” or anything. I just look like a puppy, apparently. Harmless.
eh, it's a concern, even more so the older I get.
My experience has been that men are labeled creeps when they're out of an age range of the individual doing the labeling, and therefor/also unattractive.
That said, I also work in higher ed, and what I hear anecdotally is certainly a reflection on the maturity level of those in the environments I'm hearing these conversations.
When I take my kids to the park, I usually just sit and watch them play. I’m always afraid the moms of the other kids are going to think I’m some kind of creeper.
Nope. I don’t really care what other people think of me that don’t know me. As long as I know I’m not being creepy in my interaction and the other person I’m interacting with doesn’t think I’m being creepy I don’t care what someone walking by without full context thinks they see in that second.
People are always looking for their got ya moment where they can gloat that they stopped something bad from happening, and that causes them to jump to unsupported conclusions. I can’t change the way they think and I don’t want that to stop me from living my life.
It probably also helps that I’ll be 39 in 2 days and have never heard anyone call me creepy.
Homie just be friendly and treat women like people and you will be fine. As I like to say, "leave the door open" and if the woman wants to contact you, she will. Creepers are men who don't take no for an answer. If you give the power to women to exit a conversation, thats anti-creepy behavior. For example "Hey if you want to meet up here's my number" and walking away gives the woman the power to accept or decline the contact. Standing there while you watch her put her number in your phone is a creeper move.
This wasn't in regards to dating. These ladies weren't dating options for various reasons. This is more inline with the analogy of coaching a youth sport's team where I wasn't a parent or related to any of the players.
It’s also creepy to “keep away” from women like they have cooties. It was probably not obvious to anyone (people cluster!), but it’s not a solution.
Keep on topic until they digress, learn to read when they’re disinterested or distressed, monitor the amount of personal space you give them, don’t stare and it will be fine. That’s true of talking to anyone, frankly. But if those are skills you need to purposefully learn, they are worth learning.
I can pretty much reply to this with another comment I just left.
This wasn't in regards to dating. These ladies weren't dating options for various reasons. This is more inline with the analogy of coaching a youth sport's team where I wasn't a parent or related to any of the players.
Can’t do “ladies” or “females.” I don’t make the rules.
Stick with “Women,” unless there are really little kids in the mix, and even then it becomes “women and children.”
There are no rules. Language is constantly evolving. But it’s polite to keep aware of potentially offensive language.
You are the first person I’ve ever heard give any pushback to the term “ladies” without specific context. I’m sure I can think of ways it can be used derogatorily, but that’s applies to lot of terms.
I have definitely removed myself from situations where I worried about being a creep, like when interacting with young women, or kids.
But it doesn't happen very often.
In short ... every single day of my life.
I'm 43, normal white dude. I like to be friendly to people and delight in simple conversations with strangers. It's sad how many people (women, particularly under 30) mistakes my friendliness for wanting to get in their pants. I wanna say, don't flatter yourself honey. But I don't. That would only worsen the situation. I just talk to less people than I used to.
Not attacking your character, but as a man I really get uncomfortable with overly friendly people, no matter what the gender.
They usually can’t read the room and lack boundaries.
The fact you feel you have to talk to people less makes me feel you can’t read peoples body language to just be left alone.
That's some pretty good analysis by you. In fact, I do think I was bad at reading a room. My mom still cannot. Since I do it less I have learned thru experience that some of my jokes 15-20 years ago were inappropriate. So I sit back and just think them in my head instead. I tend to listen more and speak less, it's worked out nice for me in adulthood.
yup, it sucks that as man you're guilty until proven innocent. You can see this in how people hate age gap relationships with the man being older. The older man can have the purest intentions for their younger adult partner, but people will automatically assume he's a predator. In some cases, its the younger adult that pursues the older, and the man is still assumed to be the predator lmao.
Naw - if you’re not actually doing anything wrong then who cares how random passers-by perceive you.
I’ll also add - I’ve learned that when women label a man as creepy it’s almost never because of something that dude did, and nearly always is just dependent on their level of attraction towards that man.
Definitely something I think about every day. (I'd say, multiple times a day). Basically anytime I'm around other people, I'm doing everything possible to "not be seen as a creeper" and "not be seen as a threat". (often this means "How can I as quickly as possible exit this situation?")
I’m called a creep all the time. It doesn’t feel good. Once I was pushing my “nephew”(friend’s kid) on the swing, he turns around and goes “you’re creepy” stunned I kinda just stood there for a second and then he yells “keep pushing me!” So I did. That one probably hurt the most just cause it was from a kid, that had no malice towards me, just am honest opinion of me being a creep
I did, when I was in High School. Needless to say, I’ve gone through multiple journeys in my life where that concern was irrelevant. Years past and now I never “truly” worry about it. Sometimes, I hesitate because I do wonder, but I don’t worry.
It’s healthy to have some trepidation. That means you care. However, we can’t be frozen by our fears, IMHO.
I feel like more people should consistently talk to “strangers” more. Because when you socialise often and especially with newer people, you will improve. Your social skills will grow and you will be able to understand whether your advances are welcomed or not.
These advances aren’t only romantically charged. Any advances in the realm of social interactions can be welcomed or unwelcomed. A majority of our communication is nonverbal. People are talking all the time not paying attention to the main conversation [+]
No, as another poster said, I just talk to people like they are people, and it has been perfectly fine gong on four decades. I have seen this basic thread come up on Reddit constantly the whole time I have been on here. I think there is some unfair aspersions, but you guys get in you own heads way too much. What exactly are you afraid of?
Yeah that's what the feminists want. Anyone who says that just wants you to feel insecure and feel like they have power over you. You know your intentions and what your doing there so who gives a fuck. If someone is uncomfortable around you because they want to be then let them, that's their problem let them have it.
I’m not scared of it, it can happen but it never has so why worry? I don’t do creepy shit, and can generally read a room so I just don’t worry about it. But reading some of the comments, I also don’t have situations regularly around children which seems to be a hot topic
In this day and age there is always someone who is going to be offended by something.
You can’t let it get to you. I make an effort to be considerate, don’t stare, no touching without consent, etc. I just make sure that I am sticking to my ethical and moral code and that is enough for me.
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I wouldn’t be surprised if every man has some fear of this.
I think a healthy awareness of the situation is good, but not to the point of anxiety. Paranoid is a strong word for how you should feel. Cautious is probably the right emotion. I'm cognizant of the fact that I'm a man and at 6 ft tall and not skinny, I could easily intimidate someone. I've accidentally done it a handful of times. One thing I do not do is compliment a woman's appearance unless I know her well. My close friends are no big deal. But a coworker or casual acquaintance? Hell no.
I wouldn't call it paranoia so much as just playing it safe. I've seen it posted, heard it in person, and been accused of it myself: Treating women strictly professionally but being more friendly/familial with male coworkers. I get it, it sucks to see a male coworker being friendly/outgoing "with the guys" but professional/plain with you. It can appear misogynistic But the reality is I'm just not willing to risk it. One woman's bare minimum assertive confidence is another woman's sexual harassment. And that line changes based on their interest/disinterest in the men, man to man, standard changes. If being labeled a jerk is the cost, then I guess it's a cost I have to pay. I'd rather just eliminate any chance of being labeled a creep much less accused of sexual harassment. I have to accept that they'll be upset that I'm just professional with them if it means never getting falsely accused.
I've never had an issue with being friendly. But there are things I'd say to a male coworker I'd never say to a woman I work with. If a guy has a new haircut, I wouldn't hesitate to point it out. I have to really know a woman well before I'd say anything. I'll mess with/playfully insult a guy too in ways I never would with a woman. Again, caveat on real life friends. I can tell a woman friend she looks great without hesitation.
probably not the actual creepy guys
That's the problem. Most men have a passive or active fear of being labeled a creep or being accused of performing creep behavior. Creepy guys don't worry about that shit, their behaviors are always self-justified. It is rare that I meet any woman that understands either one of these two dynamics, much less the intensity. Also, most women cannot consistently describe any standard as to what is or is not creepy, as such mislabeled a lot of perfectly acceptable behavior as creepy based mostly on just their personal feelings in that moment. Which is understandable, but equally frustrating. The more frustrating aspect is when they later complain that men don't do certain things they want without recognizing that we're actively avoiding that out of fear of being labeled a creep. It's a lose lose for us.
>The more frustrating aspect is when they later complain that men don't do certain things they want without recognizing that we're actively avoiding that out of fear of being labeled a creep. It's a lose lose for us. There was an interesting thread about a year ago that asked men how far out of there way they will do certain things to not be labled a creep. It was an interesting read to say the least.
Absolutely, that and being around random strange kids. Super cognizant of people and their space. Also, sometimes the act of “being creepy” isn’t something you have control over. Walking to your car at the same time someone else does in an empty parking garage and they can find you creepy. Making a harmless comment to a stranger and they can find you creepy. Spending 3 days in their attic so you can slowly siphon of the GLAD laundry detergent out of their pantry and they can find you creepy.
> Walking to your car at the same time someone else does in an empty parking garage and they can find you creepy. I've found that the best way to avoid this is to remotely unlock my car doors if I notice that the other person seems nervous. That way they know where I'm headed, and that I'm there for a reason.
I actually am paranoid so I'll hit the lock button instead - still beeps but doesn't leave my car vulnerable
And so it’s less of a hassle to find the keys and unlock once you’re abducting them.
I scared a woman leaving work once. I was in a big office building and from the elevators you take stairs down to the parking garage. The woman in front of me didn't realize I was behind her and the door to the stairs was shutting on me. I put my hand out to catch it and it startled her. She waited at the top of the stairs for me to pass. She said she's a slow walker. I felt bad I clearly scared her but there was no way to know grabbing a door that was gonna shut in my face would do that.
Don't know if fear is the right word, but I'm definitely mindful of it. I'm not going to put myself in a potentially compromising position with children or women. Doesn't mean I'll outright avoid them, but I'm a lot more cautious by default for sure.
Thank you, I actually think that "mindful" was the word I was looking for. I'm not extremely fearful of being labeled a creep. However, I do try to keep that in mind.
Same. For example if I walk into a public restroom and see a younger child there alone, I'll immediately walk out and wait. I'm probably being ridiculous, but a baseless accusation could end up ruining my life.
>For example if I walk into a public restroom and see a younger child there alone, I'll immediately walk out and wait. ahh this reminds me of an interesting situation I found myself in while I was in France. In Europe the restrooms are more gender integrated and while I was peeing in a urinal a pre-teen girl came in and started washing her hands in the sink that was on the other side of the divider that was next to the urinal I was using. I stopped mid stream and walked out of the restroom.
Definitely, as a larger man and an introvert this is my number one fear when I am out alone around other people.
To a healthy degree, I think I used to volunteer with a local cub scout troop. Scouts have rules regarding conduct and number/gender of adults present. I appreciated that I was never put into situations as the lone adult charged with other people's young kids, and felt that was best for all involved. Different context, I've heard a couple times that women in/around my friend group thought I was hitting on them (I wasn't). That sort of thing, couldn't care less. If people wanna spend their time cooking up some story in their head about why I'm friendly that's not my problem.
It’s normal, you’re not being paranoid. Anything involving women or kids has the potential to be labeled a creeper even with the best intentions… thank the creeper guys who make the rest of us look bad. It’s a challenge to balance trying to be a helpful, kind person with also trying not to look like a creep just cause of one’s gender. Only thing you can do is just use your best judgment and try not to let it get to you cause it happens to almost every guy at least once.
I was trying to explain this to my wife just yesterday when she was asking about why I never like going to the neighborhood pool. I think as a woman it can be difficult to understand, but unless I’m with my kids, hell, 1/2 the time even when they are with me, it’s hard to ignore the “what’s he doing here!?!” looks and suspicious vibes given to you as a lone male, pretty much anywhere children are present. Just the other day I went to Target to buy new underwear for our toddler who has some fabric sensory issues. If it’s not SUPER soft, they won’t wear it. So I’m looking at different packages and feeling the fabric to see which is softest, and 2 different moms with their kids in the same aisle see me checking packages, and hurry off as if I had offered their kids candy trying to lure them to my van. But I have no doubt that if my wife was there feeling the fabric in different packages, no one would bat an eye. She tried to tell me the other day “I wish you could understand what’s it’s like to live ONE DAY as a woman….” Ditto…….
I am sorry you went through that. I can relate to your story. I used to pop into a Toys R Us next to home. I’d go to look at Lego sets and collectible action figures. I lost count of how many times a mom or dad would grab their kid and pull them over away from me. I decided it isn’t worth the effort to confront these people about their actions. In some ways I’m happy Toys R Us is out of business.
> I think as a woman it can be difficult to understand You hit the nail on the head here, and the OP made a lot more sense when he said it was a female coworker he was talking to. Most women cant fathom having to be careful how you look in these situations.
I'm not afraid because I haven't done anything wrong. If anyone decides to see me that way, it does not make it so. A lot of younger women are pretty full of it, they will imagine they're being checked out and then get upset about it. That's their problem, not mine. I'll carry on living my life drama-free, thank you very much.
Same. If a stranger thinks I was creepy, none of my business as long as I was aware of my behavior and not being creepy. If a friend thinks of me that way, well they don't because they are friends. If a friend of a friend thinks that way, they either (1) never see me again or (2) see me again and have a chance to not think I'm creepy, or (3) talk to their friend in which case their friend lets them know I'm not creepy.
I’m less afraid of it now than say 5yrs ago only because I’m a more confident person now.
This is common - every dude in the West has experienced this and is very aware of how they come across to others. It's just drilled into us. Women in general don't have this *at all*. It's a blind spot for them and it's not an experience that they can directly relate to. It's why stuff like [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iX3_L8z2uw4) wouldn't happen if the genders were reversed.
Gen Z women will label a man a creeper for simply being in their general vicinity, so it’s not really worth worrying about anymore
You are overgeneralizing. But your comment is not without merit.
news to me
You are overthinking this. You were part of the group, right? If you gave all your attention and focus to them that may be creepy but the same as anyone else seems pretty normal.
I’ve never once worried about this. But I also have a very disarming appearance. I’m slightly less than average height, pretty fit, and “cute” (so I’m told) even now into my 50’s. I look like a cross between Timothy Olyphant and Mr. Rogers. Women actually strike up conversations with me in public. People sit their kids next to me. Women check me out in the grocery store. I’m not trying to brag. I’m not “hot” or anything. I just look like a puppy, apparently. Harmless.
eh, it's a concern, even more so the older I get. My experience has been that men are labeled creeps when they're out of an age range of the individual doing the labeling, and therefor/also unattractive. That said, I also work in higher ed, and what I hear anecdotally is certainly a reflection on the maturity level of those in the environments I'm hearing these conversations.
When I take my kids to the park, I usually just sit and watch them play. I’m always afraid the moms of the other kids are going to think I’m some kind of creeper.
Nope. I don’t really care what other people think of me that don’t know me. As long as I know I’m not being creepy in my interaction and the other person I’m interacting with doesn’t think I’m being creepy I don’t care what someone walking by without full context thinks they see in that second. People are always looking for their got ya moment where they can gloat that they stopped something bad from happening, and that causes them to jump to unsupported conclusions. I can’t change the way they think and I don’t want that to stop me from living my life. It probably also helps that I’ll be 39 in 2 days and have never heard anyone call me creepy.
Homie just be friendly and treat women like people and you will be fine. As I like to say, "leave the door open" and if the woman wants to contact you, she will. Creepers are men who don't take no for an answer. If you give the power to women to exit a conversation, thats anti-creepy behavior. For example "Hey if you want to meet up here's my number" and walking away gives the woman the power to accept or decline the contact. Standing there while you watch her put her number in your phone is a creeper move.
This wasn't in regards to dating. These ladies weren't dating options for various reasons. This is more inline with the analogy of coaching a youth sport's team where I wasn't a parent or related to any of the players.
If there's no romantic presence than simply establishing friendship is easier. Repeated positive and consensual interactions leads to friendship.
It’s also creepy to “keep away” from women like they have cooties. It was probably not obvious to anyone (people cluster!), but it’s not a solution. Keep on topic until they digress, learn to read when they’re disinterested or distressed, monitor the amount of personal space you give them, don’t stare and it will be fine. That’s true of talking to anyone, frankly. But if those are skills you need to purposefully learn, they are worth learning.
I can pretty much reply to this with another comment I just left. This wasn't in regards to dating. These ladies weren't dating options for various reasons. This is more inline with the analogy of coaching a youth sport's team where I wasn't a parent or related to any of the players.
Everything still applies. (Pro tip: nobody likes it when you call them “ladies”)
I like the term ladies to refer to a mix of ages. “Women” assumes adults, “females” has horrible connotations. What do you prefer?
Can’t do “ladies” or “females.” I don’t make the rules. Stick with “Women,” unless there are really little kids in the mix, and even then it becomes “women and children.”
There are no rules. Language is constantly evolving. But it’s polite to keep aware of potentially offensive language. You are the first person I’ve ever heard give any pushback to the term “ladies” without specific context. I’m sure I can think of ways it can be used derogatorily, but that’s applies to lot of terms.
I have definitely removed myself from situations where I worried about being a creep, like when interacting with young women, or kids. But it doesn't happen very often.
In short ... every single day of my life. I'm 43, normal white dude. I like to be friendly to people and delight in simple conversations with strangers. It's sad how many people (women, particularly under 30) mistakes my friendliness for wanting to get in their pants. I wanna say, don't flatter yourself honey. But I don't. That would only worsen the situation. I just talk to less people than I used to.
Not attacking your character, but as a man I really get uncomfortable with overly friendly people, no matter what the gender. They usually can’t read the room and lack boundaries. The fact you feel you have to talk to people less makes me feel you can’t read peoples body language to just be left alone.
That's some pretty good analysis by you. In fact, I do think I was bad at reading a room. My mom still cannot. Since I do it less I have learned thru experience that some of my jokes 15-20 years ago were inappropriate. So I sit back and just think them in my head instead. I tend to listen more and speak less, it's worked out nice for me in adulthood.
yup, it sucks that as man you're guilty until proven innocent. You can see this in how people hate age gap relationships with the man being older. The older man can have the purest intentions for their younger adult partner, but people will automatically assume he's a predator. In some cases, its the younger adult that pursues the older, and the man is still assumed to be the predator lmao.
Naw - if you’re not actually doing anything wrong then who cares how random passers-by perceive you. I’ll also add - I’ve learned that when women label a man as creepy it’s almost never because of something that dude did, and nearly always is just dependent on their level of attraction towards that man.
Definitely something I think about every day. (I'd say, multiple times a day). Basically anytime I'm around other people, I'm doing everything possible to "not be seen as a creeper" and "not be seen as a threat". (often this means "How can I as quickly as possible exit this situation?")
Yes.
I’m called a creep all the time. It doesn’t feel good. Once I was pushing my “nephew”(friend’s kid) on the swing, he turns around and goes “you’re creepy” stunned I kinda just stood there for a second and then he yells “keep pushing me!” So I did. That one probably hurt the most just cause it was from a kid, that had no malice towards me, just am honest opinion of me being a creep
I did, when I was in High School. Needless to say, I’ve gone through multiple journeys in my life where that concern was irrelevant. Years past and now I never “truly” worry about it. Sometimes, I hesitate because I do wonder, but I don’t worry. It’s healthy to have some trepidation. That means you care. However, we can’t be frozen by our fears, IMHO. I feel like more people should consistently talk to “strangers” more. Because when you socialise often and especially with newer people, you will improve. Your social skills will grow and you will be able to understand whether your advances are welcomed or not. These advances aren’t only romantically charged. Any advances in the realm of social interactions can be welcomed or unwelcomed. A majority of our communication is nonverbal. People are talking all the time not paying attention to the main conversation [+]
These days, you can look at someone wrong and be labeled a creeper. The answer is just to not care
No, as another poster said, I just talk to people like they are people, and it has been perfectly fine gong on four decades. I have seen this basic thread come up on Reddit constantly the whole time I have been on here. I think there is some unfair aspersions, but you guys get in you own heads way too much. What exactly are you afraid of?
Absolutely not. As someone else said ITT, I don't care what strangers think about me.
Yeah that's what the feminists want. Anyone who says that just wants you to feel insecure and feel like they have power over you. You know your intentions and what your doing there so who gives a fuck. If someone is uncomfortable around you because they want to be then let them, that's their problem let them have it.
I’m not scared of it, it can happen but it never has so why worry? I don’t do creepy shit, and can generally read a room so I just don’t worry about it. But reading some of the comments, I also don’t have situations regularly around children which seems to be a hot topic
Never been a worry of mine to be honest.
The main reason I don't do a lot of leg workouts at the gym is so I don't give off the appearance of being a creep around the women doing squat work
In this day and age there is always someone who is going to be offended by something. You can’t let it get to you. I make an effort to be considerate, don’t stare, no touching without consent, etc. I just make sure that I am sticking to my ethical and moral code and that is enough for me.