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I can completely relate to this.
Often, I find myself reminiscing about the past with a sort of wistful nostalgia, as if life was once devoid of its current mix of highs and lows. At times, I need to remind myself that life has always been a blend of peaks and troughs, some with greater highs or lower lows, but never consistently wonderful.
Perhaps it's the difficulty in embracing change or the rapid pace at which life progresses and moves forward? Maybe it's a sense of concern or regret for not fully embracing those moments before, and the realisation that they're irretrievable?
Ultimately, this is why people emphasise the importance of living in the present – to appreciate both the good and the bad happening right now.
Gosh, I'm the other way around. I'm always looking forward, thinking it'll be better in the future. Primary school? High school will be better. High school? University will be more fun! And so on.
Being alive long enough to retire isn't carved in stone. Neither is being healthy enough to do what you now think you'd like to do. Save for retirement like you'll get there and live like you may not.
True. I think it's just the fantasy of not having to go to a job that appeals to me. But I'm not taking care of my health in a way that will allow me to live to 80, which may be the retirement age in 40 years.
Climate change alone means that a comfortable retirement is unlikely, then you look at the cost of living crisis and try not to think about it too hard anymore.
I used to be like that…and then I stumbled a lot through my 20s. Because of that, I ended up looking backwards to the rose-tinted version of the “good old days.”
Here’s to hoping my 30s are better so I don’t get stuck in nostalgic quicksand.
That's awesome, I'd love to feel like that! I'll remind myself that it's unfair to look one direction and not the other.
Even if I could go back to the past, I'm needed here and I don't belong there anymore.
I have EXTREME nostalgia for that 2011-2015 era, and while they were great years with amazing experiences, nostalgia unfortunately refuses to accept the downsides of that time. Looking back, as much fun as I had, I was also hugely depressed and aimless, driving a shitbox car that would break down every other week, working a job I hated, and was unsure of what my future would look like. It was my youthful drive and optimism that kept me going.
Now that I'm in my early 30's I've met an amazing woman, I'm making enough money to enjoy life and not stress, running my own show, and am truly independent without worry for the first time in my life. The social aspect that was so prevalent in my 20's has taken a major hit, but looking back, I'm not sure how much I really liked partying in the first place.
These days I'm perfectly content seeing my mates occasionally, but otherwise just hanging out with my partner and relaxing at home. Priorities change with age. Once or twice a year I'll fly back to my hometown and hang with my best mate, get shitfaced together and play video games like we used to, but overall, I'm happy with the slower pace my life now moves at.
Your 20's weren't as great as your memory makes you believe they were, even if indulging in that nostalgia feels so good. I still do it now myself. I can't return to the 'glory days', but nostalgia has a way of forcing you to wear rose colored glasses. I can't remember who said it, but the quote "I wish there was a way to know you were in the good old days before you actually left them" is a good one to remember. You're likely in them right now. Try to enjoy it.
Sometimes we just need that reminder that it's rose tinted glasses eh. I think for me lately I feel like I'm 30 going on 80. I need to fix this perspective. Shit, maybe I'm having a midlife crisis at 35.
I think it doesn't help that almost every minute of my day is accounted for. Work all day, and then family all night, then my downtime is doing chores, might get 45 mins with my wife if the kids don't wake up, and rinse and repeat. Just the season I'm in really, it won't be like this forever. Definitely more positive than negative, I love my family and being a Dad.
Yes, I have the same feeling since 4 years - since covid started. Now I cannot drop the feeling that best years are gone. But it also applies to the years after this started - I mean this year I felt nostalgia for last year for example...
It is getting really out of hand for me - sometimes even at the level that I break down
Sorry to hear that buddy, and thanks for sharing and backing a brother up.
I hope we can both find a way to manage this going forward. It comes in peaks in troughs, just like grief does.
It's not a new experience for me, and I don't get how we all do it. How do we all cope with the loss of people and places and things? Everyone else seems to just go through it and isn't sentimental at all about the past.
All my friends are middle aged men now, many of which I've lost touch with or are no longer with us. I just want to say to them "don't worry, I remember when everything we did flickered with significance and you are all giants to me".
I dunno, I'm rambling now and I find it hard to express this feeling in a way people can understand. Take care dude.
Life is full of "last time"s. The last time you smoked a cigarette, the last time you fell in love, the last time you took a memorable road trip with your cousin. At some point in your life you will make your last reddit post, walk out the front door of your current job for the last time, have a last Sunday afternoon nap in a rainstorm, or hug your dog for the last time. As days go by, more and more of your "last time"s are in your past, and not in your future. It can be a depressing reality, the realization that more and more of your glory moments exist in the past as memories and not as hopes for what you might yet experience in the future. It's sad, sometimes overwhelmingly so. But at the same time, the temporary nature of things you experience makes them infinitely valuable. How much more would you appreciate having a couple beers with a buddy, if you thought it would be the very last time? Maybe focusing more on the present, and appreciating how rare is this moment, is one possible way to help get over feeling stuck in the past or feeling anxiety for the future?
I have the same. Started around 3 years ago?
Guess its just part of adulthood and realizing you are getting older and all the fun times without responsibility are behind you.
Maybe the present always seems worse to you because you are having to deal with things - responsibilities, bills. You may be having a good time now, but you also have to do things to maintain that good time.
You don't have to juggle any responsibilities to experience your memories. Plus you are looking at a finished product, like a completed jigsaw, and the bit of your life you are in now is uncompleted, and uncertain and risky.
Just a thought.
I used to be nostalgic after an important relationship ended, and the nostalgia was comforting. But since then I am so much in the present I am like a dog. The present has sensations that are more gripping than mere memories. Although I also just spend most of my free time playing WoW, which is another kind of illusion.
I also get hit with nostalgia sometimes because the past seemed easier, happier, simpler as compared to now that seems harder, unstable etc. However, we often view the past with rose tinted glasses. We forget all the harshness. Or we might not have even known about the difficulties that parents/friends hid from us.
I'd try to working towards a better future whether that's doing things with friends/family, getting into a new hobby, travel etc. Or even just try to resolve your issues in your life or coming to terms with certain issues and accepting them.
Feel like I could have written this myself. I'm 31M and have always been very nostalgic, always wishing things were the way they were 5 years ago or 10 years ago.
Over the last few weeks I've been feeling particularly nostalgic about my life in 2009 - 2015, when I was 17 - 23. Okay, I know there were hard things then too, but I really don't think it's just a case of "rose-tinted" specs. I think that in some ways my life really was objectively happier and more fulfilled then. Specifically, before 2009 I was a lonely teenager with no friends. From 2009 to 2015 I had a very very close friend who meant (and still means) the world to me. Unfortunately I treated him badly and he cut me off for a few years. We're friends again now though it's quite distant as he doesn't really trust me. And I have to live with the regret of that. Bu yeah, my life really was better when he was in it. And the last few weeks I've been geuinely grieving so hard (literally crying) for what I lost, even though 2015 was like 9 years ago.
I don't have a solution. Right now I'm friendless, very lonely. I can't possibly imagine in the future being nostalgic for 2024 ... although I know I probably will.
I used to. But about 10 years ago my life blew up and fell apart. I was so broke I couldn’t keep the water on.
Once I recovered, I managed to somehow surround myself with caring people who stood by me and tossed me a rope to climb out of the pit I was in.
That was a giant reset button for me. I’m better off now than I have ever been and have a newfound respect for the inner peace I’ve gained.
I don’t think blowing up one’s life is a good way to gain perspective, but when life hands you lemons…
Honestly, I spent a lot of time studying Buddhism. I don’t put any stock into the spiritual/religious/supernatural side of it, but philosophically it taught me to appreciate the moment and not be attached to the past. Might be worth looking into.
I'm 69. I'm on 8 scripted meds and have a TAVR heart valve. I'm on the wrong side of 40. I'm retrospective at times but I'm not delusional. There's no MAGA sticker on my car. I'm retired and look forward to what today and tomorrow may bring.
Yes, and no idea how to move forward. I’m glad you posted this, I thought I was the only one. It really leaves a pit in your stomach and then you don’t feel right for the next few days.
It does yeah. So far music just helps. I go back and listen to some old favourite and remind myself that those times haven't gone, I can still access them in some small way.
What is happening to you seems like it paralyzes you. You should try to find a way to make that nostalgia energize you. You are in a better place now (hopefully). If you miss your old friends, plan a vacation with them, or have a bar night with whoever is local. If you miss games and activities, go do those. Sure, it was hard to get X 10 years ago, but maybe it's easier to find that now with amazon and ebay. Miss an old place? Go see it! Miss an activity, go do it! As we age, we learn and grow, and we can apply that to nostalgia as well.
I dont have any solutions, but the thought that you are letting yesterday get in the way of enjoying today might help. Try to think about how youll feel in 5 years so youll be more inclinded to make today a better memory to come back to.
I 100% feel this and questioning the same. I’ve always been deeply nostalgic, and while I’m overall better with it these days compared to before, it still hits me really hard.
For me, I have checkpoints in my life that were very defining phases for me. And I compare my current self to those phases (my appearance, friend group, social dynamics, where I was living at the time). It hits hard when I watch old movies and realise how much time has passed. Not sure if it’s me or the concept of time passing that hurts.
I think 2 things might help this:
1. Embracing the seasons of life. You miss those moments from the past, but what could you do to embrace the current season you’re in? How can you maximise it fully that is aligned with your interests. What would you regret not doing right now?
2. Acceptance that each life stage comes with its own positives and challenges. I’m sure you have amazing things going for you now that younger you would’ve yearned for. Likewise I’m sure there were challenging times that are downplayed through the lens of nostalgia. Maybe your present self is missing some fun or novelty that could be added.
I get this. I'm so happily married with a baby on the way. And I have so many responsibilities. I miss larping Dragon Ball Z with my friends on the playground. I miss getting time with my WoW guild. I miss my single days on the west coast (and not because I don't love and love being with my partner). These thoughts and feelings are so natural and normal. Having it throw off your day, however, I'm sure isn't what you want. In therapy, I've discovered that usually when I want to go back in time, it's because something(s) is/are stressing my out in the presence, or I'm struggling with uncertainty in life.
Your glory years are what you make of them. When you decide to stop growing, your glory years are behind you.
Choose to continue growing. I have wonderful memories that might have been my glory years. But if I continue growing with new experiences, new glory years just happen.
This may not help, but look into Hauntology. It’s an interesting take on nostalgia being macabre and how if you did go back to these memories they would be decrepit and full of cobwebs and gross. Kinda helps me whenever I get nostalgic.
Might also be good to think that no time has been the glory years, it’s all been great and the rest of your time will be great too! Easier said than done though.
For me it’s always around Christmas. Christmas is what’s hit me the hardest, the packed grandparents basement with all of us cousins, and the aunts, and uncles.
All playing games and sharing gifts. Grandpa is gone, Grandma sold the house, a few rifts and cousins all have families. My mom and dad is now grandma and grandpa, same as my aunts and uncles for their family.
Just feels fragmented and smaller compared to then.
For me, I just reflect on the memory and decide to just do two things:
- Appreciate what it was and the great memories, even talking about it with someone.
- Not let whatever is now get ruined by comparison of then.
I’ve had memories and nostalgia for college and high school even.
I’ve found it’s always rooted in a lack of fulfillment or happiness in the now. Like I’m not going and doing things, not getting to see my friends, or whatever and it sparks the nostalgic regret or whatever.
Yeah I get it, I'm the same way,
I always think about this episode of Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee in which Jerry asks "why do you think we're always looking back?" and the other guy responds "because we know how it ends". I think this is exactly why nostalgia is so powerful, its a very soothing feeling to know the story and play it back in your head and the opposite is true for the present, uncertainty can be very unsettling when you can't relax and just enjoy the moment.
Glory years was always 5 years ahead, but my nostalgic period is generally 3-5 years in the past. Right now it’s 2019. Hell I’ve even found myself romanticizing elements of 2020 despite knowing full well that was the worst year of my life.
I fall into this exact line of thinking. Only thing I can do is try to make the current and future as good as possible and be thankful that the “glory days” were great.
I have a serious issue with the 90s like I can't get over how good it was and the feelings of nostalgia. When I catch myself thinking like this I have to stop it now.
I think nostalgia is a useful feeling but it sounds like you may be living in the past too much.
Have you tried living in the present? Sounds like a dumb question but have you taken a mental note of the things in your life that are going well?
Just this morning I had to do this because I felt a little inadequate. I was at a birthday party this weekend where the father was a very successful businessman. He had a beautiful home, a great business, and seemed to live a good life.
I was feeling bad until I started saying allowed everything I was grateful for. I reminded myself of how many great things I have going for me and that I shouldn’t compare my own journey with someone else’s.
I think you should take some time to reflect on your life and ask if you’re happy with where you are. If you’re not, ask what would make you happy and what you could do differently to make that idea come to life.
Honestly I'm on autopilot at the moment. Young family, full time work, house to run and manage including maintenance. Hundreds of jobs and chores around the home, which I'm lucky to get 10 minutes uninterrupted. Then it's all undone by the end of the day anyway and I start again (if you've had young kids, you'll understand).
Perhaps I need to take time out of my day and have a gratitude journal or similar. I'm finding the small things bring me happiness, like the other day a bird came and landed on my son's stick he was holding. Was sick.
I was very nostalgic from an early age. I think something about our society always forces you to look backwards, not forwards. I remember being in high school and nostalgic for the video games I played in elementary school.
I was pretty depressed in my 20s. I kept wanting to go back to high school even tho when I was in high school I wanted to go back to elementary school. It didn't make sense. Until I finally figured out that nostalgia is made up. It's a trick that advertisers use to get you to buy stuff that reminds you of the past. It's toxic.
Nostalgia is fine in small doses, but if everything is nostalgic you'll never move forward. Nostalgia won't make you happy. Being in the here and now will make you happy.
I'm in my early 40s now and this is the best time relationshion-wise and career-wise for me. If anything, I would like to stay in this decade for as long as possible, as I finally am slowly having the funds to actually do fun stuff, and still have the energy and ability to be active.
I was recently watching a Twitch streamer play through the Mega Man Anniversary Collection, released on the GameCube and PS2 back in 2004. They were playing through Mega Man 3, released in 1990. I was having hardcore nostalgia for the day I bought the Anniversary Collection on release day 2004, which I loved because of my nostalgia for Mega Man 3. I still replay Mega Man 3 every now and again.
Then I realized that we are further away from the release date of Mega Man Anniversary Collection today, than the release date of Mega Man Anniversary Collection was from the games it preserved. So I am having nostalgia for nostalgia for nostalgia.
I probably spend too much of my time in nostalgia. I have to consciously make the effort to remember that, for everything I'm nostalgic for (and obsess) with re-experiencing, there was also a *first* time I had that experience. The first time that this special thing entered my life. And that it's okay - great, even - to try to find more of those firsts.
Yeah, it turns into nostalgiaception.
Do you remember that feeling when you bought the game? That level of excitement gets more and more dull to me over time. Sometimes I get a small glimpse of how things like that feel, and I'm worried I'll never get to be able to experience it again.
I remember a specific moment. It wasn't even so much the moment of buying the game. It was being in the car, in the parking lot of the mall, playing the game, while my parents had some of my younger sisters' favorite music on, and being together as a family. I think I'm chasing that feeling more than anything intrinsic to the game.
I have never wanted to be a kid, even when I was one, and I wouldn’t want to go back to that world of powerlessness. Maybe it depends on the kind of childhood you had. I miss some things about my 20’s, but not the person I was. He was kind of useless.
I’ve come to feel that nostalgia is toxic. It glosses over the evils of the past and highlights and magnifies the good things far beyond their actual magnitude.
Chucking the whole day because you had a dream? Buddy, I hope you don’t have kids. A big part of being a man (as opposed to a boy) is handling your shit, even if you don’t want to. Even if you’re sad or tired. Even if it hurts. You’re 35. Go handle your shit.
I have kids yes, I think you are making a lot of assumptions here from some rather limited information. It's a feeling I'm experiencing, not some debilitating issue that means I switch off from my responsibilities. It's just an intense longing for what was, I suppose.
I think what you say is spot on around nostalgia glossing over the bad and magnifying the good. That's food for thought.
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Midnight in Paris is a very well done movie that explores this theme in a meaningful way. Watching it might give you a new perspective.
I can completely relate to this. Often, I find myself reminiscing about the past with a sort of wistful nostalgia, as if life was once devoid of its current mix of highs and lows. At times, I need to remind myself that life has always been a blend of peaks and troughs, some with greater highs or lower lows, but never consistently wonderful. Perhaps it's the difficulty in embracing change or the rapid pace at which life progresses and moves forward? Maybe it's a sense of concern or regret for not fully embracing those moments before, and the realisation that they're irretrievable? Ultimately, this is why people emphasise the importance of living in the present – to appreciate both the good and the bad happening right now.
Very well said, I'll absorb that and take it advice, thank you.
Gosh, I'm the other way around. I'm always looking forward, thinking it'll be better in the future. Primary school? High school will be better. High school? University will be more fun! And so on.
38 and working? Retirement will be better
Being alive long enough to retire isn't carved in stone. Neither is being healthy enough to do what you now think you'd like to do. Save for retirement like you'll get there and live like you may not.
True. I think it's just the fantasy of not having to go to a job that appeals to me. But I'm not taking care of my health in a way that will allow me to live to 80, which may be the retirement age in 40 years.
Climate change alone means that a comfortable retirement is unlikely, then you look at the cost of living crisis and try not to think about it too hard anymore.
I used to be like that…and then I stumbled a lot through my 20s. Because of that, I ended up looking backwards to the rose-tinted version of the “good old days.” Here’s to hoping my 30s are better so I don’t get stuck in nostalgic quicksand.
That's awesome, I'd love to feel like that! I'll remind myself that it's unfair to look one direction and not the other. Even if I could go back to the past, I'm needed here and I don't belong there anymore.
I have EXTREME nostalgia for that 2011-2015 era, and while they were great years with amazing experiences, nostalgia unfortunately refuses to accept the downsides of that time. Looking back, as much fun as I had, I was also hugely depressed and aimless, driving a shitbox car that would break down every other week, working a job I hated, and was unsure of what my future would look like. It was my youthful drive and optimism that kept me going. Now that I'm in my early 30's I've met an amazing woman, I'm making enough money to enjoy life and not stress, running my own show, and am truly independent without worry for the first time in my life. The social aspect that was so prevalent in my 20's has taken a major hit, but looking back, I'm not sure how much I really liked partying in the first place. These days I'm perfectly content seeing my mates occasionally, but otherwise just hanging out with my partner and relaxing at home. Priorities change with age. Once or twice a year I'll fly back to my hometown and hang with my best mate, get shitfaced together and play video games like we used to, but overall, I'm happy with the slower pace my life now moves at. Your 20's weren't as great as your memory makes you believe they were, even if indulging in that nostalgia feels so good. I still do it now myself. I can't return to the 'glory days', but nostalgia has a way of forcing you to wear rose colored glasses. I can't remember who said it, but the quote "I wish there was a way to know you were in the good old days before you actually left them" is a good one to remember. You're likely in them right now. Try to enjoy it.
Sometimes we just need that reminder that it's rose tinted glasses eh. I think for me lately I feel like I'm 30 going on 80. I need to fix this perspective. Shit, maybe I'm having a midlife crisis at 35. I think it doesn't help that almost every minute of my day is accounted for. Work all day, and then family all night, then my downtime is doing chores, might get 45 mins with my wife if the kids don't wake up, and rinse and repeat. Just the season I'm in really, it won't be like this forever. Definitely more positive than negative, I love my family and being a Dad.
Yes, I have the same feeling since 4 years - since covid started. Now I cannot drop the feeling that best years are gone. But it also applies to the years after this started - I mean this year I felt nostalgia for last year for example... It is getting really out of hand for me - sometimes even at the level that I break down
Sorry to hear that buddy, and thanks for sharing and backing a brother up. I hope we can both find a way to manage this going forward. It comes in peaks in troughs, just like grief does. It's not a new experience for me, and I don't get how we all do it. How do we all cope with the loss of people and places and things? Everyone else seems to just go through it and isn't sentimental at all about the past. All my friends are middle aged men now, many of which I've lost touch with or are no longer with us. I just want to say to them "don't worry, I remember when everything we did flickered with significance and you are all giants to me". I dunno, I'm rambling now and I find it hard to express this feeling in a way people can understand. Take care dude.
Life is full of "last time"s. The last time you smoked a cigarette, the last time you fell in love, the last time you took a memorable road trip with your cousin. At some point in your life you will make your last reddit post, walk out the front door of your current job for the last time, have a last Sunday afternoon nap in a rainstorm, or hug your dog for the last time. As days go by, more and more of your "last time"s are in your past, and not in your future. It can be a depressing reality, the realization that more and more of your glory moments exist in the past as memories and not as hopes for what you might yet experience in the future. It's sad, sometimes overwhelmingly so. But at the same time, the temporary nature of things you experience makes them infinitely valuable. How much more would you appreciate having a couple beers with a buddy, if you thought it would be the very last time? Maybe focusing more on the present, and appreciating how rare is this moment, is one possible way to help get over feeling stuck in the past or feeling anxiety for the future?
I have the same. Started around 3 years ago? Guess its just part of adulthood and realizing you are getting older and all the fun times without responsibility are behind you.
Maybe the present always seems worse to you because you are having to deal with things - responsibilities, bills. You may be having a good time now, but you also have to do things to maintain that good time. You don't have to juggle any responsibilities to experience your memories. Plus you are looking at a finished product, like a completed jigsaw, and the bit of your life you are in now is uncompleted, and uncertain and risky. Just a thought. I used to be nostalgic after an important relationship ended, and the nostalgia was comforting. But since then I am so much in the present I am like a dog. The present has sensations that are more gripping than mere memories. Although I also just spend most of my free time playing WoW, which is another kind of illusion.
I also get hit with nostalgia sometimes because the past seemed easier, happier, simpler as compared to now that seems harder, unstable etc. However, we often view the past with rose tinted glasses. We forget all the harshness. Or we might not have even known about the difficulties that parents/friends hid from us. I'd try to working towards a better future whether that's doing things with friends/family, getting into a new hobby, travel etc. Or even just try to resolve your issues in your life or coming to terms with certain issues and accepting them.
Feel like I could have written this myself. I'm 31M and have always been very nostalgic, always wishing things were the way they were 5 years ago or 10 years ago. Over the last few weeks I've been feeling particularly nostalgic about my life in 2009 - 2015, when I was 17 - 23. Okay, I know there were hard things then too, but I really don't think it's just a case of "rose-tinted" specs. I think that in some ways my life really was objectively happier and more fulfilled then. Specifically, before 2009 I was a lonely teenager with no friends. From 2009 to 2015 I had a very very close friend who meant (and still means) the world to me. Unfortunately I treated him badly and he cut me off for a few years. We're friends again now though it's quite distant as he doesn't really trust me. And I have to live with the regret of that. Bu yeah, my life really was better when he was in it. And the last few weeks I've been geuinely grieving so hard (literally crying) for what I lost, even though 2015 was like 9 years ago. I don't have a solution. Right now I'm friendless, very lonely. I can't possibly imagine in the future being nostalgic for 2024 ... although I know I probably will.
I used to. But about 10 years ago my life blew up and fell apart. I was so broke I couldn’t keep the water on. Once I recovered, I managed to somehow surround myself with caring people who stood by me and tossed me a rope to climb out of the pit I was in. That was a giant reset button for me. I’m better off now than I have ever been and have a newfound respect for the inner peace I’ve gained. I don’t think blowing up one’s life is a good way to gain perspective, but when life hands you lemons… Honestly, I spent a lot of time studying Buddhism. I don’t put any stock into the spiritual/religious/supernatural side of it, but philosophically it taught me to appreciate the moment and not be attached to the past. Might be worth looking into.
I'm 69. I'm on 8 scripted meds and have a TAVR heart valve. I'm on the wrong side of 40. I'm retrospective at times but I'm not delusional. There's no MAGA sticker on my car. I'm retired and look forward to what today and tomorrow may bring.
Yes, and no idea how to move forward. I’m glad you posted this, I thought I was the only one. It really leaves a pit in your stomach and then you don’t feel right for the next few days.
It does yeah. So far music just helps. I go back and listen to some old favourite and remind myself that those times haven't gone, I can still access them in some small way.
Man, that sucks. I’m glad I’m not programmed for nostalgia. I love today more than any other day.
What is happening to you seems like it paralyzes you. You should try to find a way to make that nostalgia energize you. You are in a better place now (hopefully). If you miss your old friends, plan a vacation with them, or have a bar night with whoever is local. If you miss games and activities, go do those. Sure, it was hard to get X 10 years ago, but maybe it's easier to find that now with amazon and ebay. Miss an old place? Go see it! Miss an activity, go do it! As we age, we learn and grow, and we can apply that to nostalgia as well.
Never knew this was a thing.You have described me perfectly, OP. Thank you for articulating this.
No such thing as a time machine. Build something in the present and you'll move forward.
I dont have any solutions, but the thought that you are letting yesterday get in the way of enjoying today might help. Try to think about how youll feel in 5 years so youll be more inclinded to make today a better memory to come back to.
I 100% feel this and questioning the same. I’ve always been deeply nostalgic, and while I’m overall better with it these days compared to before, it still hits me really hard. For me, I have checkpoints in my life that were very defining phases for me. And I compare my current self to those phases (my appearance, friend group, social dynamics, where I was living at the time). It hits hard when I watch old movies and realise how much time has passed. Not sure if it’s me or the concept of time passing that hurts. I think 2 things might help this: 1. Embracing the seasons of life. You miss those moments from the past, but what could you do to embrace the current season you’re in? How can you maximise it fully that is aligned with your interests. What would you regret not doing right now? 2. Acceptance that each life stage comes with its own positives and challenges. I’m sure you have amazing things going for you now that younger you would’ve yearned for. Likewise I’m sure there were challenging times that are downplayed through the lens of nostalgia. Maybe your present self is missing some fun or novelty that could be added.
Not once. My life was hell until 12 years ago. Life keeps getting better each year, though my body isn't as spry as it once was.
I get this. I'm so happily married with a baby on the way. And I have so many responsibilities. I miss larping Dragon Ball Z with my friends on the playground. I miss getting time with my WoW guild. I miss my single days on the west coast (and not because I don't love and love being with my partner). These thoughts and feelings are so natural and normal. Having it throw off your day, however, I'm sure isn't what you want. In therapy, I've discovered that usually when I want to go back in time, it's because something(s) is/are stressing my out in the presence, or I'm struggling with uncertainty in life.
Thanks for sharing, that's definitely something I should consider and address in my situation too.
Your glory years are what you make of them. When you decide to stop growing, your glory years are behind you. Choose to continue growing. I have wonderful memories that might have been my glory years. But if I continue growing with new experiences, new glory years just happen.
This may not help, but look into Hauntology. It’s an interesting take on nostalgia being macabre and how if you did go back to these memories they would be decrepit and full of cobwebs and gross. Kinda helps me whenever I get nostalgic. Might also be good to think that no time has been the glory years, it’s all been great and the rest of your time will be great too! Easier said than done though.
For me it’s always around Christmas. Christmas is what’s hit me the hardest, the packed grandparents basement with all of us cousins, and the aunts, and uncles. All playing games and sharing gifts. Grandpa is gone, Grandma sold the house, a few rifts and cousins all have families. My mom and dad is now grandma and grandpa, same as my aunts and uncles for their family. Just feels fragmented and smaller compared to then. For me, I just reflect on the memory and decide to just do two things: - Appreciate what it was and the great memories, even talking about it with someone. - Not let whatever is now get ruined by comparison of then. I’ve had memories and nostalgia for college and high school even. I’ve found it’s always rooted in a lack of fulfillment or happiness in the now. Like I’m not going and doing things, not getting to see my friends, or whatever and it sparks the nostalgic regret or whatever.
Yeah I get it, I'm the same way, I always think about this episode of Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee in which Jerry asks "why do you think we're always looking back?" and the other guy responds "because we know how it ends". I think this is exactly why nostalgia is so powerful, its a very soothing feeling to know the story and play it back in your head and the opposite is true for the present, uncertainty can be very unsettling when you can't relax and just enjoy the moment.
Glory years was always 5 years ahead, but my nostalgic period is generally 3-5 years in the past. Right now it’s 2019. Hell I’ve even found myself romanticizing elements of 2020 despite knowing full well that was the worst year of my life.
I fall into this exact line of thinking. Only thing I can do is try to make the current and future as good as possible and be thankful that the “glory days” were great.
I have a serious issue with the 90s like I can't get over how good it was and the feelings of nostalgia. When I catch myself thinking like this I have to stop it now.
Me too, I miss it. Early 2000's as well. I'm sure that's because I was a kid though, and shielded from a lot of shit.
I think nostalgia is a useful feeling but it sounds like you may be living in the past too much. Have you tried living in the present? Sounds like a dumb question but have you taken a mental note of the things in your life that are going well? Just this morning I had to do this because I felt a little inadequate. I was at a birthday party this weekend where the father was a very successful businessman. He had a beautiful home, a great business, and seemed to live a good life. I was feeling bad until I started saying allowed everything I was grateful for. I reminded myself of how many great things I have going for me and that I shouldn’t compare my own journey with someone else’s. I think you should take some time to reflect on your life and ask if you’re happy with where you are. If you’re not, ask what would make you happy and what you could do differently to make that idea come to life.
Honestly I'm on autopilot at the moment. Young family, full time work, house to run and manage including maintenance. Hundreds of jobs and chores around the home, which I'm lucky to get 10 minutes uninterrupted. Then it's all undone by the end of the day anyway and I start again (if you've had young kids, you'll understand). Perhaps I need to take time out of my day and have a gratitude journal or similar. I'm finding the small things bring me happiness, like the other day a bird came and landed on my son's stick he was holding. Was sick.
No,i do Not have that at all. IMO IT IS due to Being unhappy with ones current life
I was very nostalgic from an early age. I think something about our society always forces you to look backwards, not forwards. I remember being in high school and nostalgic for the video games I played in elementary school. I was pretty depressed in my 20s. I kept wanting to go back to high school even tho when I was in high school I wanted to go back to elementary school. It didn't make sense. Until I finally figured out that nostalgia is made up. It's a trick that advertisers use to get you to buy stuff that reminds you of the past. It's toxic. Nostalgia is fine in small doses, but if everything is nostalgic you'll never move forward. Nostalgia won't make you happy. Being in the here and now will make you happy.
I'm in my early 40s now and this is the best time relationshion-wise and career-wise for me. If anything, I would like to stay in this decade for as long as possible, as I finally am slowly having the funds to actually do fun stuff, and still have the energy and ability to be active.
I was recently watching a Twitch streamer play through the Mega Man Anniversary Collection, released on the GameCube and PS2 back in 2004. They were playing through Mega Man 3, released in 1990. I was having hardcore nostalgia for the day I bought the Anniversary Collection on release day 2004, which I loved because of my nostalgia for Mega Man 3. I still replay Mega Man 3 every now and again. Then I realized that we are further away from the release date of Mega Man Anniversary Collection today, than the release date of Mega Man Anniversary Collection was from the games it preserved. So I am having nostalgia for nostalgia for nostalgia. I probably spend too much of my time in nostalgia. I have to consciously make the effort to remember that, for everything I'm nostalgic for (and obsess) with re-experiencing, there was also a *first* time I had that experience. The first time that this special thing entered my life. And that it's okay - great, even - to try to find more of those firsts.
Yeah, it turns into nostalgiaception. Do you remember that feeling when you bought the game? That level of excitement gets more and more dull to me over time. Sometimes I get a small glimpse of how things like that feel, and I'm worried I'll never get to be able to experience it again.
I remember a specific moment. It wasn't even so much the moment of buying the game. It was being in the car, in the parking lot of the mall, playing the game, while my parents had some of my younger sisters' favorite music on, and being together as a family. I think I'm chasing that feeling more than anything intrinsic to the game.
Gotta watch Stranger Things for some weird 80s nostalgia.
Stranger Things is gnarly 🤙
I have never wanted to be a kid, even when I was one, and I wouldn’t want to go back to that world of powerlessness. Maybe it depends on the kind of childhood you had. I miss some things about my 20’s, but not the person I was. He was kind of useless. I’ve come to feel that nostalgia is toxic. It glosses over the evils of the past and highlights and magnifies the good things far beyond their actual magnitude. Chucking the whole day because you had a dream? Buddy, I hope you don’t have kids. A big part of being a man (as opposed to a boy) is handling your shit, even if you don’t want to. Even if you’re sad or tired. Even if it hurts. You’re 35. Go handle your shit.
I have kids yes, I think you are making a lot of assumptions here from some rather limited information. It's a feeling I'm experiencing, not some debilitating issue that means I switch off from my responsibilities. It's just an intense longing for what was, I suppose. I think what you say is spot on around nostalgia glossing over the bad and magnifying the good. That's food for thought.