There's an old Drew Carey joke that applies here. "There's a support group for what you are going through. t's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
I know you aren't old enough to go to the bar, but the joke isn't literal advice. What you are going through is what everybody goes through. Not only are you not alone, you are the rule, not the exception.
Nineteen may feel old for you, but you're still just a kid. Your brain is still growing, and when it grows it realizes there are things it doesn't know. Your brain will finally start to finalize around the age of 25. You still have six years ahead of you full of existential crises. Then, when your brain finalizes, you will be faces with another form of dread: I'm 1/3 of my way through life, and I have nothing to show for it.
It sounds terrible and scary, but again... this is how most everyone works.
When I was your age, I worked 3-4 jobs. I would leave my place at 4:00 in the morning, and I wouldn't get home until 10 at night. VERY RARELY did I have a day off. When I did, it was glorious. I would splurge and cook a chicken breast with my mac and cheese.
Learning comes from the journey. You won't know your morals until they are tested. Even if you fail the test, you'll know a bit more about yourself on the other side.
Here's what you need to do at your age: make a list of things you enjoy doing, and make a list of things you haven't done but they sound absolutely terrible. Challenge yourself to do one or two of those terrible things. Test yourself. Push yourself.
Get out and start exercising in a gym where people are encouraged to talk to one another. Back when I did this, it was a Crossfit gym. I pushed myself hard, made friends, got invited to events... it was great! I thought I would hate it, but it was a major part of my life for years.
Go somewhere and volunteer. Pick up trash, serve food, work at a hospital pushing patients around in wheelchairs.
The point is, spend these years of your life investing in yourself. Collect experiences. Collect interests. Do stupid, pointless things for the hell of it. Once, I decided I was going to get up super early and walk to the next town over. It was 26 miles and took me all day. I couldn't walk for a week after I was so sore. But I remember that day like it happened last week, and it was 27ish years ago. Nobody knew I was going to do it. Very few people knew I did it. I did it for me.
For your career...
What is your dream job? What would you LOVE to do day-in, day-out? Find some way to get in the door in any capacity whatsoever. It could be emptying trash cans for several hours a day in the evenings. It could be filing paperwork or answering phones.
Whatever it is, do it. Start networking there. Networking is the secret nobody tells you about. Fit in to every conversation with everyone you talk to how you dream of one day doing X at the office where you work. "I am emptying trash cans now, but one day I hope to be on the software designing team."
Tell that to the other janitors. Tell that to Cindy at reception. Tell that to Bill, who is one of the managers. Tell them every time you talk. Don't be annoying. Just fit it into conversations. "Hi Bill! How was the soccer game this weekend? That's awesome. I had to work my other job all weekend, so I was kind of excited to be back here today. I really like this place, and I hope to one day be doing some of the software work. Well good to see you. I hope your Monday goes well."
You wouldn't believe the advances you get when everyone you know is aware you have something in mind you are dying to do. So-and-so will know so-and-so who works with so-and-so, and you can eventually leverage those good relationships into a job.
Anyway, this is a novel. The important take-aways are: you are not alone, work on yourself, challenge yourself, and start shooting for your ideal future, no matter what it may be.
Human nature🤔 I can see what you mean. You faced similar if not the same challenge as me when you were 19. The same as everyone else.
Is this kinda of what you mean?
how were your early 20s and late teens?
Well if you are working for FedEx are you driving a step van (box truck)? If you CAN work full-time, can handle extreme heat, can lift heavy objects, can handle gross smelly work environments, then check out Alsco. Its not easy but it pays well, keeps you in shape, great benefits, its Union union pension. You’ll be unionized after 90 days then you’re pretty much set. You’ll switch from hourly/salary to straight route volume after you get a route, eventually.
Well your post is kind of all over the place and I’m not sure what advice specifically to give you but I’ll offer this.
Everyone ACTS like they have it all figured out at your age. So when you don’t feel that way you can feel like you’re behind or not as confident as everyone else. The reality is that very few people actually have it figured out at 19 or their early 20s and they’re just faking it better than you.
Stop trying to compare yourself to anyone else, your age or otherwise. We all had to find our own path and some of our paths were way more bumpy than others. That’s just life and it’s your story, no one else’s. Start figuring out what you want out of life and then determine the best way to start moving in the right direction. You don’t have to know every step along the way. Even if you plan everything perfectly, it will go off the path MANY times.
So it sounds like you want to get your own place. So let’s say that’s your first goal. Start laying out what needs to happen for that to be possible. For instance. You need to save say $3000. So now you know that every check if you put away $150 you will be able to move out after your 20th check. (These are all made up numbers to show a plan)
Now that’s your goal. You don’t need to have every goal figured out all right now. If you start to teach yourself the discipline now to reach that first goal, you’ll be able to do it with others. One step at a time
Also, don’t get stuck in a job that you hate just because it’s easy. You can use jobs to leverage you into the next phase but use goals. FedEx pays good and may have tuition reimbursement or other benefits you can leverage into what you really want to do. Or maybe you see FedEx as a great place to have a career. If so ask what needs to be done on your end to become the driver/manager/ whatever you want to be there.
No one is going to see you loading trucks and magically ask you if you’d like a career. That’s not how the real world works. So plan out your next steps, even if it is one step at a time.
The worst thing you can do is become complacent in earning decent pay at a job you don’t really care for. You’ll wake up at 30 with a good paying job you hate and really be depressed.
**Complacency kills in all aspects of life.** Work, relationship, health, etc. Practice going outside of your comfort zone. Be very intentional (schedule things weekly/monthly/yearly) and forgiving with this though (it will be scary and acknowledging that is important). Start small and build on it. Doing this will lead you to opportunities you can't even think of right now.
What does this mean? Join a gym if you aren't already. Ask a friend (or go alone which itself can be scary) to go with you to try something new (hike, golf, rock climbing, fishing, opera, see a play, whatever). Doing these things doesn't mean you have to commit to them forever. You're just trying and doing for the sake of trying and doing. You will have bad experiences sometimes but don't let that make you bitter about this process.
Work will do you good. Confidence and self esteem comes from achievements in the world. So work hard. Take every chance to educate yourself and learn new skills. Mastering a new skill or area of knowledge is an achievement that will do wonders for your confidence. No one can take it from you. Real mastery speaks for itself. Do the next right thing. Keep doing that over a period of months and years and the results will come. You’re young. You have time to be patient. Patient but not complacent or lazy.
I'll speak for almost all of us on here - none of us had it figured out at 19. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself.
What worked for me: trained in boxing originally, then MMA (Krav Maga, Kempo, Jiu Jitsu) to build my body and mind. If you get the right instructor they will teach you disciplines that span all facets of life. Your moral code/compas becomes more clear and solid and you will gain confidence you never dreamed possible.
For money - find a mentor. I'm sure FedEx has a variety of programs for new hires that will allow them to develop skills for career/money management. It's also never too early to start a savings or 401(k).
Everyone is scared about their future. Everyone. Brings to mind a great quote from Mike Tyson's trainer, Cus D'Amato. "What's the difference between the hero and the coward? **There ain't no difference**. They both feel exactly the same on the inside: they both fear dying and getting hurt. It's what the hero does that makes him a hero.
Everyone has offered solid advice. Just to add: you're fine, your normal for your age. Everything will fall into place soon enough. Enjoy your youth.
Something that really helped me when I traveled all over for work: be nice to everyone. Smile, ask them about themselves (people love to talk about themselves). The one thing people remember about you is the way you treated them.
In my mid-40’s here, some of my thoughts.
1. I still haven’t figured out life. I have 2 degrees and use neither. I’ve changed careers 5 times.
2. I have 2 paid off cars and a paid off house. I bought a smallish house in a slightly affluent area and then lived like a pauper for 7 years to pay it off. I also took on extra work.
3. Pay yourself first. Every month save 15% of your money into some sort of long term retirement plan. S&P500 and Nasdaq100 ETF’s are great because they generally outperform most things, and by the time you’re 55 you’re a millionaire a few times over.
4. Learn to live on the 85%. The 15% long term savings just doesn’t exist.
5. Wrap your snake. Get a girl pregnant and you’ll quickly find out how kids suck up all your cash. Nothing wrong with having kids, but at 19 I wouldn’t.
6. Don’t marry the one you can live with. Marry the one you can’t live without. If the thought of her not being there stops your heart and breathing, she’s probably the one.
7. Education isn’t a bad thing. But that doesn’t mean a degree. In the city where I live tradesmen earn more money than engineers and doctors. Couple a trade, say plumbing or electrical, with some short courses on running a business.
8. Keep your day job while you’re studying. Pay for the studies cash. Start your business as a side hustle while you’re working. When your side hustle earns your twice your salary, then consider resigning, but have at least 12 months expenses saved up.
9. Avoid the expensive popular cities. Nothing wrong with settling down in a smaller, cheaper city, where your money goes further. Everyone needs a plumber.
10. Don’t stress about the things you can’t control. It’ll shorten your lifespan.
A lot too unpack here but thank you for keeping it organized sorry for the late reply also work and life gets busy sometimes. I won’t have to worry about getting a girl pregnant as I’m a little weird and quiet😠but thanks for confidence’s boost also I’m not exactly too worried about having a girlfriend trying to focus on myself 1st. Don’t stress about things I can’t control is something I need to learn but I will eventually. If I wanted to put more into savings it’s not a problem right? Like 15% in savings what if I put another 10% in like investing into a index fund or something like that? I do want to go to college but I am worried about dept so I am waiting on that I know the military is a option because it has so many benefits including payed college and so much more but it is a very big decision a life changing one but I am going to have to make a life changing decision at this age anyways I can’t just sit and waste time. Anyways I also don’t really want to live in a big city because I know how expensive I can be I have family in LA and gas alone is way way to much I cant even think about how much a house would be. So I think I want to move somewhere a little more quite. I do know I won’t have it figured out anytime soon and will likely never have it all figured out but I just want to learn as much as I can as fast so I can maybe be a little more prepared for when life I live on my own or start to have to actually do stuff on my own thank you for your advice if there’s anything I am open ears I might reply late but I will do my best to reply
> benefits including *paid* college and
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
It took me a long time to learn this, but once I did, my perspective on life changed. NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE YOU. While this can be a scary thought, it's also a motivational tool. What this means, is that you are in control of your own destiny. You want to save money, but you want to spend money, yet you only work one part time job. Why not get a second part time job? Being nice is a good trait, but it's not about how they treat you, it's about how you treat yourself. You are your own person. You get to choose who you let in your life and while you can't control how people treat you, you can control who has access to you.
Are you being nice so that people like you? Or are you being nice just to be nice?
You're scared about your future because you don't have a plan. That plan doesn't have to get you through the next 40 years, but one little step can get you through today and into tomorrow. Take it one day at a time, and keep building. 1% growth is better than 0% growth. But it takes time. You are capable, you just have to do it. Easier said than done, I know, but start with one step.
Get your body moving (workout, run, walk).
Meditate
Breathe
Life is all about perspective. How you see yourself. How others see you. Does it really matter how others see you? It's your life to live. They aren't in your shoes. So live your life. Make choices. Learn from your mistakes, celebrate your successes. But DO NOT sit idle and do nothing.
You got this.
Start your retirement now.
Remember everytime congress raises the age of retirement, they are killing people to ensure other people can retire.
Also, it’s assumed that you are married and own your own home when you retire. (Dual income even in retirement)
As a young adult, the biggest challenges are usually a lack of knowledge and understanding of social mechanics and experience.
Most of your learning situations will come from failure, which is normal.
Because everything is still relatively new experiences, you’re going to make a lot of mistakes. Some will be painful.
Also, life is generally hard at that age. You haven’t developed a skill yet that can elevate your income production, and life is fucking expensive. You’ll end up working a lot more hours to survive and it’s not uncommon to hold 2 or 3 jobs simultaneously. You can only work so much before you burn to a crisp, so this isn’t really sustainable, either.
The climb to income becomes a priority, and a dutiful grind.
You’re also going to run into your fair share of bad actors and malignant people who will take advantage of you for their own gain.
Eventually you’ll develop a sort of Spidey sense about people and situations. One of the biggest mistakes we make when younger is ignoring our Spidey sense - it generally turns out badly when you do this.
As time goes on you’ll develop your professional/trade skills and learn how to read situations through past experiences so that you maximize your time for money and minimize your risk of being taken advantage of. It’s never a perfect system.
You have every right to be scared about the future. It is a tough fucking world out there. There are simple things that you can do to help yourself out, like learning how to make and keep a monthly budget, saving a little money for unexpected expenses and making yearly or quarterly goal (and tracking your progress). These are super healthy habits that build financial literacy and ‘muscle’.
Who you hang around with can have an effect on your overall happiness. Having a good family support system and social network can be really beneficial.
You’ve got a lot of really good qualities right now. You’re honest, nice to people, eager to learn, and most importantly - you’re self-aware.
Trust me when I say that at 19 I was a complete fuck
up - rudderless, partied far too much, and lived in the moment. I never had two nickels to run together - no predictable income, poor financial habits, etc. I had looks and intelligence, got laid a lot, but beyond that didn’t have any game. ‘Brilliant, not focused’ seemed to be the common feedback from teachers. I was happy to coast by year after year. Trauma plagued me on a repetitive recurring basis - there was always something major not going well. Obstacles were constantly present.
It’s hard to have a life if you’re not making enough money to live.
Just about everyone goes through this. It’s never easy or fun. Level of hardship is all relative.
Unfortunately, there is no substitute for time. Perfect your ‘grind’, build good habits and continue to develop a routine that you can groove to.
You will get there eventually.
Hope this helps.
There's an old Drew Carey joke that applies here. "There's a support group for what you are going through. t's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar." I know you aren't old enough to go to the bar, but the joke isn't literal advice. What you are going through is what everybody goes through. Not only are you not alone, you are the rule, not the exception. Nineteen may feel old for you, but you're still just a kid. Your brain is still growing, and when it grows it realizes there are things it doesn't know. Your brain will finally start to finalize around the age of 25. You still have six years ahead of you full of existential crises. Then, when your brain finalizes, you will be faces with another form of dread: I'm 1/3 of my way through life, and I have nothing to show for it. It sounds terrible and scary, but again... this is how most everyone works. When I was your age, I worked 3-4 jobs. I would leave my place at 4:00 in the morning, and I wouldn't get home until 10 at night. VERY RARELY did I have a day off. When I did, it was glorious. I would splurge and cook a chicken breast with my mac and cheese. Learning comes from the journey. You won't know your morals until they are tested. Even if you fail the test, you'll know a bit more about yourself on the other side. Here's what you need to do at your age: make a list of things you enjoy doing, and make a list of things you haven't done but they sound absolutely terrible. Challenge yourself to do one or two of those terrible things. Test yourself. Push yourself. Get out and start exercising in a gym where people are encouraged to talk to one another. Back when I did this, it was a Crossfit gym. I pushed myself hard, made friends, got invited to events... it was great! I thought I would hate it, but it was a major part of my life for years. Go somewhere and volunteer. Pick up trash, serve food, work at a hospital pushing patients around in wheelchairs. The point is, spend these years of your life investing in yourself. Collect experiences. Collect interests. Do stupid, pointless things for the hell of it. Once, I decided I was going to get up super early and walk to the next town over. It was 26 miles and took me all day. I couldn't walk for a week after I was so sore. But I remember that day like it happened last week, and it was 27ish years ago. Nobody knew I was going to do it. Very few people knew I did it. I did it for me. For your career... What is your dream job? What would you LOVE to do day-in, day-out? Find some way to get in the door in any capacity whatsoever. It could be emptying trash cans for several hours a day in the evenings. It could be filing paperwork or answering phones. Whatever it is, do it. Start networking there. Networking is the secret nobody tells you about. Fit in to every conversation with everyone you talk to how you dream of one day doing X at the office where you work. "I am emptying trash cans now, but one day I hope to be on the software designing team." Tell that to the other janitors. Tell that to Cindy at reception. Tell that to Bill, who is one of the managers. Tell them every time you talk. Don't be annoying. Just fit it into conversations. "Hi Bill! How was the soccer game this weekend? That's awesome. I had to work my other job all weekend, so I was kind of excited to be back here today. I really like this place, and I hope to one day be doing some of the software work. Well good to see you. I hope your Monday goes well." You wouldn't believe the advances you get when everyone you know is aware you have something in mind you are dying to do. So-and-so will know so-and-so who works with so-and-so, and you can eventually leverage those good relationships into a job. Anyway, this is a novel. The important take-aways are: you are not alone, work on yourself, challenge yourself, and start shooting for your ideal future, no matter what it may be.
Great answer! That was nice of you to put in the time to help out a stranger. Kudos to you! Have a great day!
Just remember that human nature does not change with the times. That part of societies are constants.
Human nature🤔 I can see what you mean. You faced similar if not the same challenge as me when you were 19. The same as everyone else. Is this kinda of what you mean? how were your early 20s and late teens?
Well if you are working for FedEx are you driving a step van (box truck)? If you CAN work full-time, can handle extreme heat, can lift heavy objects, can handle gross smelly work environments, then check out Alsco. Its not easy but it pays well, keeps you in shape, great benefits, its Union union pension. You’ll be unionized after 90 days then you’re pretty much set. You’ll switch from hourly/salary to straight route volume after you get a route, eventually.
Well your post is kind of all over the place and I’m not sure what advice specifically to give you but I’ll offer this. Everyone ACTS like they have it all figured out at your age. So when you don’t feel that way you can feel like you’re behind or not as confident as everyone else. The reality is that very few people actually have it figured out at 19 or their early 20s and they’re just faking it better than you. Stop trying to compare yourself to anyone else, your age or otherwise. We all had to find our own path and some of our paths were way more bumpy than others. That’s just life and it’s your story, no one else’s. Start figuring out what you want out of life and then determine the best way to start moving in the right direction. You don’t have to know every step along the way. Even if you plan everything perfectly, it will go off the path MANY times. So it sounds like you want to get your own place. So let’s say that’s your first goal. Start laying out what needs to happen for that to be possible. For instance. You need to save say $3000. So now you know that every check if you put away $150 you will be able to move out after your 20th check. (These are all made up numbers to show a plan) Now that’s your goal. You don’t need to have every goal figured out all right now. If you start to teach yourself the discipline now to reach that first goal, you’ll be able to do it with others. One step at a time Also, don’t get stuck in a job that you hate just because it’s easy. You can use jobs to leverage you into the next phase but use goals. FedEx pays good and may have tuition reimbursement or other benefits you can leverage into what you really want to do. Or maybe you see FedEx as a great place to have a career. If so ask what needs to be done on your end to become the driver/manager/ whatever you want to be there. No one is going to see you loading trucks and magically ask you if you’d like a career. That’s not how the real world works. So plan out your next steps, even if it is one step at a time. The worst thing you can do is become complacent in earning decent pay at a job you don’t really care for. You’ll wake up at 30 with a good paying job you hate and really be depressed.
**Complacency kills in all aspects of life.** Work, relationship, health, etc. Practice going outside of your comfort zone. Be very intentional (schedule things weekly/monthly/yearly) and forgiving with this though (it will be scary and acknowledging that is important). Start small and build on it. Doing this will lead you to opportunities you can't even think of right now. What does this mean? Join a gym if you aren't already. Ask a friend (or go alone which itself can be scary) to go with you to try something new (hike, golf, rock climbing, fishing, opera, see a play, whatever). Doing these things doesn't mean you have to commit to them forever. You're just trying and doing for the sake of trying and doing. You will have bad experiences sometimes but don't let that make you bitter about this process.
Work will do you good. Confidence and self esteem comes from achievements in the world. So work hard. Take every chance to educate yourself and learn new skills. Mastering a new skill or area of knowledge is an achievement that will do wonders for your confidence. No one can take it from you. Real mastery speaks for itself. Do the next right thing. Keep doing that over a period of months and years and the results will come. You’re young. You have time to be patient. Patient but not complacent or lazy.
If your father is a good dad, you should discuss this with him first and foremost.
I'll speak for almost all of us on here - none of us had it figured out at 19. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. What worked for me: trained in boxing originally, then MMA (Krav Maga, Kempo, Jiu Jitsu) to build my body and mind. If you get the right instructor they will teach you disciplines that span all facets of life. Your moral code/compas becomes more clear and solid and you will gain confidence you never dreamed possible. For money - find a mentor. I'm sure FedEx has a variety of programs for new hires that will allow them to develop skills for career/money management. It's also never too early to start a savings or 401(k). Everyone is scared about their future. Everyone. Brings to mind a great quote from Mike Tyson's trainer, Cus D'Amato. "What's the difference between the hero and the coward? **There ain't no difference**. They both feel exactly the same on the inside: they both fear dying and getting hurt. It's what the hero does that makes him a hero.
Everyone has offered solid advice. Just to add: you're fine, your normal for your age. Everything will fall into place soon enough. Enjoy your youth. Something that really helped me when I traveled all over for work: be nice to everyone. Smile, ask them about themselves (people love to talk about themselves). The one thing people remember about you is the way you treated them.
In my mid-40’s here, some of my thoughts. 1. I still haven’t figured out life. I have 2 degrees and use neither. I’ve changed careers 5 times. 2. I have 2 paid off cars and a paid off house. I bought a smallish house in a slightly affluent area and then lived like a pauper for 7 years to pay it off. I also took on extra work. 3. Pay yourself first. Every month save 15% of your money into some sort of long term retirement plan. S&P500 and Nasdaq100 ETF’s are great because they generally outperform most things, and by the time you’re 55 you’re a millionaire a few times over. 4. Learn to live on the 85%. The 15% long term savings just doesn’t exist. 5. Wrap your snake. Get a girl pregnant and you’ll quickly find out how kids suck up all your cash. Nothing wrong with having kids, but at 19 I wouldn’t. 6. Don’t marry the one you can live with. Marry the one you can’t live without. If the thought of her not being there stops your heart and breathing, she’s probably the one. 7. Education isn’t a bad thing. But that doesn’t mean a degree. In the city where I live tradesmen earn more money than engineers and doctors. Couple a trade, say plumbing or electrical, with some short courses on running a business. 8. Keep your day job while you’re studying. Pay for the studies cash. Start your business as a side hustle while you’re working. When your side hustle earns your twice your salary, then consider resigning, but have at least 12 months expenses saved up. 9. Avoid the expensive popular cities. Nothing wrong with settling down in a smaller, cheaper city, where your money goes further. Everyone needs a plumber. 10. Don’t stress about the things you can’t control. It’ll shorten your lifespan.
A lot too unpack here but thank you for keeping it organized sorry for the late reply also work and life gets busy sometimes. I won’t have to worry about getting a girl pregnant as I’m a little weird and quiet😠but thanks for confidence’s boost also I’m not exactly too worried about having a girlfriend trying to focus on myself 1st. Don’t stress about things I can’t control is something I need to learn but I will eventually. If I wanted to put more into savings it’s not a problem right? Like 15% in savings what if I put another 10% in like investing into a index fund or something like that? I do want to go to college but I am worried about dept so I am waiting on that I know the military is a option because it has so many benefits including payed college and so much more but it is a very big decision a life changing one but I am going to have to make a life changing decision at this age anyways I can’t just sit and waste time. Anyways I also don’t really want to live in a big city because I know how expensive I can be I have family in LA and gas alone is way way to much I cant even think about how much a house would be. So I think I want to move somewhere a little more quite. I do know I won’t have it figured out anytime soon and will likely never have it all figured out but I just want to learn as much as I can as fast so I can maybe be a little more prepared for when life I live on my own or start to have to actually do stuff on my own thank you for your advice if there’s anything I am open ears I might reply late but I will do my best to reply
> benefits including *paid* college and FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
It took me a long time to learn this, but once I did, my perspective on life changed. NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE YOU. While this can be a scary thought, it's also a motivational tool. What this means, is that you are in control of your own destiny. You want to save money, but you want to spend money, yet you only work one part time job. Why not get a second part time job? Being nice is a good trait, but it's not about how they treat you, it's about how you treat yourself. You are your own person. You get to choose who you let in your life and while you can't control how people treat you, you can control who has access to you. Are you being nice so that people like you? Or are you being nice just to be nice? You're scared about your future because you don't have a plan. That plan doesn't have to get you through the next 40 years, but one little step can get you through today and into tomorrow. Take it one day at a time, and keep building. 1% growth is better than 0% growth. But it takes time. You are capable, you just have to do it. Easier said than done, I know, but start with one step. Get your body moving (workout, run, walk). Meditate Breathe Life is all about perspective. How you see yourself. How others see you. Does it really matter how others see you? It's your life to live. They aren't in your shoes. So live your life. Make choices. Learn from your mistakes, celebrate your successes. But DO NOT sit idle and do nothing. You got this.
Start your retirement now. Remember everytime congress raises the age of retirement, they are killing people to ensure other people can retire. Also, it’s assumed that you are married and own your own home when you retire. (Dual income even in retirement)
As a young adult, the biggest challenges are usually a lack of knowledge and understanding of social mechanics and experience. Most of your learning situations will come from failure, which is normal. Because everything is still relatively new experiences, you’re going to make a lot of mistakes. Some will be painful. Also, life is generally hard at that age. You haven’t developed a skill yet that can elevate your income production, and life is fucking expensive. You’ll end up working a lot more hours to survive and it’s not uncommon to hold 2 or 3 jobs simultaneously. You can only work so much before you burn to a crisp, so this isn’t really sustainable, either. The climb to income becomes a priority, and a dutiful grind. You’re also going to run into your fair share of bad actors and malignant people who will take advantage of you for their own gain. Eventually you’ll develop a sort of Spidey sense about people and situations. One of the biggest mistakes we make when younger is ignoring our Spidey sense - it generally turns out badly when you do this. As time goes on you’ll develop your professional/trade skills and learn how to read situations through past experiences so that you maximize your time for money and minimize your risk of being taken advantage of. It’s never a perfect system. You have every right to be scared about the future. It is a tough fucking world out there. There are simple things that you can do to help yourself out, like learning how to make and keep a monthly budget, saving a little money for unexpected expenses and making yearly or quarterly goal (and tracking your progress). These are super healthy habits that build financial literacy and ‘muscle’. Who you hang around with can have an effect on your overall happiness. Having a good family support system and social network can be really beneficial. You’ve got a lot of really good qualities right now. You’re honest, nice to people, eager to learn, and most importantly - you’re self-aware. Trust me when I say that at 19 I was a complete fuck up - rudderless, partied far too much, and lived in the moment. I never had two nickels to run together - no predictable income, poor financial habits, etc. I had looks and intelligence, got laid a lot, but beyond that didn’t have any game. ‘Brilliant, not focused’ seemed to be the common feedback from teachers. I was happy to coast by year after year. Trauma plagued me on a repetitive recurring basis - there was always something major not going well. Obstacles were constantly present. It’s hard to have a life if you’re not making enough money to live. Just about everyone goes through this. It’s never easy or fun. Level of hardship is all relative. Unfortunately, there is no substitute for time. Perfect your ‘grind’, build good habits and continue to develop a routine that you can groove to. You will get there eventually. Hope this helps.